Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Paul Virzi Answers Your Questions!

Episode Date: April 22, 2021

KIppy and Foley are back with Paul Virzi to answer your garbage questions! We talk hosting a party, wine, and trashy gifts. Thanks for listening! Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows​ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage​ https://www.BoxOfAwesome.com ​ https://www.Helix.com/GARBAGE​ https://www.GetRoman.com/GARBAGE​ https://www.Lucy.co​ Promo Code: Garbage

Hey gang, welcome to the R U Garbage Comedy Podcast. Make sure you subscribe so you get the videos as they come out. Welcome to another exciting edition of R U Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is R U Garbage, a little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find it as they grow to be classy.

Or it's just a big old piece of trash. Yeah. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Aunt Toody's basement. Haven't seen her in a couple of days. Yeah, she's out and about. A Lincoln town car picked her up a couple of nights ago for a romantic weekend. Down in Atlantic City.

Bobby, you think it's Bobby Lambchop? I think it's Bobby Lambchop. It might have some company moving in upstairs. And if he comes in, he might kick us the fuck out. He might bring Chas around. He might. He might send us to boarding school or something like that. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.

He is the CEO of R U Garbage. He has a brand new Chase corporate card that gets me wet in the underwear. I can tell you that right now. I call him Mr. Ryan. You know him as Kippy. Give it up for Kevin James Ryan, everybody. Hey, King. Hey, money bags.

By the way, a way this weekend with the friends posting some pictures of some fancy IPAs. Yeah. We should have that card in glass somewhere. Breaking case of emergency. Yeah, fully as if he was getting a card to the company bank account. I was like, absolutely not. Then you'd be getting like, well, the Netflix subscription was bouncing. So I had to fucking, I'm like, no way, dude, no way.

Guys, happy to be here. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. And those numbers are what? True to Roof. True to fucking Roof. And then Patreon.com.

Those numbers are fucking cooking. We're almost 10 grand. I don't like to talk money, but we're almost at 10 grand a month. And then you guys can sign up there. You get bonus episodes of AYG, hard feelings, and live streams where we play. You ask us questions. We ask you questions. It's a good fucking time.

One of them coming up soon. Can't wait. And how about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire. He makes us all look good. He's the magic man. He is T-Bone McMuffin to his friends, but the government knows them as Tobias, Martin, Xavier, McMullen, everybody. What up?

That's off T-Bone. No, no, those names are right. Foley blacks out most of the intros, by the way. Dude, I think a couple more Patreon members. Foley's going to finally get that class ring you could never afford. It's not showing that thing. Awesome. We'll say it can 94.

Shout out to the Trojans. But that could not be neither here nor there, gang. We're back with a family episode. We got a hot little company in the house, a little class in the fucking building. A fantastic good friend of ours. This gentleman is a very funny, very successful standup comedian, podcaster, and actor. As you know, he is the host of the Verzi Effect. He is the co-host of anything better with Mr. Bill Burr.

He has an amazing Comedy Central special out right now called All Say This. And this Thursday through Saturday, he's going to be the Addison Improv in Dallas, Texas. If you haven't gotten fucking tickets, make sure you fucking go and see him because he's one of the best guys. He's a killer. And also May 20th through May 23rd. He's going to be at Side Splitters in Tampa Bay, Florida.

Do me a favor. Give me a fucking nice big round of applause for the classiest guy in Westchester, New York. Give it up for Mr. Paul Verzi. Hey, all right. All right. First of all, let me just start off by saying I fucking told you assholes. I told you fucking assholes this show was a hit. Did I not?

I fucking, I was one of the first ones on here. All right. When the beginning of the pandemic, whatever it was, Kevin called me up. Hey, you want to do this thing? Yeah. Of course, I'm going to do it. I love you. I get on and I'm thinking I'm doing a normal podcast.

And this is the truth. This is actually all jokes aside. I think I'm doing a normal podcast. You shoot this show with your friend. You're going to sit down and you go, Hey, yeah, remember that story? Great. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How'd you get started? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'll see you later. Great. Remember that one time we did it. Meanwhile, the whole fucking thing was set up. This is what we're going to talk about. And you guys brought me back to when my parents were divorced.

You brought me back to when we were kind of broke, me, my mom, and my brother, and all this shit. But it was fun, funny. You hit on questions that I didn't think you were going to hit on. And I told you, I go, this fucking show, you got to hit. It's going to be. You got to hit.

Yeah, I wish there was a fucking betting. I wish I could have called it and put fucking money on this in Vegas. Sounds like Paulie wants a nickel at a patriarch. That's a couple of goons out front of the door. I didn't want to come out and say it. But you know, just fucking float me a honey. Did he not say it was going to be it? Did he say it was going to be it?

Float me a honey. Float me a honey. I'm stealing that. Listen, float me a honey. I pay him for parking for this shit today. All right. You cock suckers. At least you could have done was come up to my fucking house

and do this. It's going to cost a good $55 for this fucking hour and a half. Speaking of your house, Paul is an extremely classy gentleman. Humble beginnings as we know, but extremely fucking classy. Does it nice? Does everything nice? Does it nice.

And I can't remember where it was. But you were saying, you were saying something like, if you're at my house and you don't have a drink off a tea in 30 seconds. Yeah. Yeah. When you walk in my front door, this is the truth. This is the truth. And I take pride in this.

If you walked in my front door, like if I said, hey, you know, fully Kevin, I want you to come up to the house Thursday night, whatever. When you showed up to the house 5, 36 o'clock Thursday night, when you walked in, there's a platter of cheese and meat. There's a platter of meats and cheeses. That's out. That's out. Then there's multiple bottles of red that you choose.

OK. You choose. I ain't making you drink nothing. You want to fuck a Pinot Noir or a fucking cab? A Pinot Noir. Oh, did I fucking say sorry? I'm getting excited. I'm sorry.

Coming in a little hot. Come on down to Versys. We got Pinot. We got cab. We got Sauvignon Blanc. Whatever you want. I got Chianti. All the shit.

So yeah, that is a very big part of me being a host. Sure, yeah. It's because I just want you to go fucking. Not only did we go up to the country. We saw a nice scenery. But we fucking, we whined. We dined. We just did it like that's how you got to do it.

Because are you going to remember? That's an experience. He's a big experience. I'm a big. He's a big experience. Yes. I'm about like the memory like so Kevin and Kevin opened for me in Houston. And you know.

I heard Buddy. I like a cigar language. Rave reviews. I like a cigar language after a show. And but we did the cigar thing one night. And then I was like, Kev, do you want to go and get a drink? And he goes, yeah. And I go, you want to go to a wine lounge?

And he was like, what? And I was like, let's go get wine. It's not like a Dave and Busters. He's like, I got a basketball game there. Can you do the quick shot? You got it? I got dibs on the ski ball, huh? Yeah, you were like, yeah.

But then we get there. And it was literally like we were on a date. It was like, it was like dark lighting. It was dark lighting. We were on leather couches and shit. They had matching like cheeses with the wine. Like it was a fucking. That's fantastic.

But then we sat there and they brought us the wine. And they brought us the cheese and the meats. And we just were like, oh my god, this is. You'd be like mid-conversation. Shut up, right there. Grab this piece of meat with this piece of cheese. And go blow your, blow your socks off. It's all about the combo.

Then the sip of the wine does something in the mouth. Opens it up. And the waiter there was telling you like, hey, if you like this wine. Yeah, no, Kevin's right. Your memory's good. Because I go, I go, just eat that real quick. And I'm like, I'm like telling about my family life and shit.

He's like, no, no, no, no, shut up. He's sorry about your dad. Just try the man, try the manchango real quick. I'm just staring at him as he's eating it. And I was just like, right? Fucking right? Psycho. Who do you, Buffalo Bill?

He puts the gorgonzola in his mouth and chews. Oh, that's fantastic. Now, will you guys do that? Because I imagine you and the Mrs, the kids are in bed. It's a Friday night or whatever. If you're home or off the night, you'll do that nice. Just together. She'll put the cheese plate out for the two of yous

on the back deck or something. Yeah, yeah. The thing is with us, and I told my wife, this is very, this was out of the gate. There's no days in a week to the Versey house. Oh, I like it. Do you understand? A Friday to Tuesday.

We'll go out, we'll go out. We'll go out. Tuesday's a Wednesday. Wait, what do you mean out of the gate? First date or like walking down the aisle? Like, when we were married, I just looked at her like, you know who you're dealing with here, right? She knew, but like, and this is true, a Monday night,

we'll get dressed and we'll go to a big sushi dinner on a Monday school night. Like it's a Saturday night. I like that. That is, because you got to live like that. Yeah. You know, if you have the anxiety about it's only Monday, oh, shit, then it's Tuesday.

You're not living. Yeah. You got to fucking live. That's good. You got to live. This guy hipes me up. Yeah, you got to live like, you could be Tuesday and be like, you know what we're going to fucking do?

And your wife's like, what? You're just like, we're going to that restaurant. We're going to that restaurant. You put your nice fucking shit on, because we're going out. I'll buy fucking two bottles of four. Well, even before we started recording, he's like, what do you guys have there? I'll get a steak.

I'll get a steak dinner. I don't care. He's like, I'm going to fucking steak. A $400 bottle. And what's the most you ever dropped on a bottle wine? Do you know? No, I won't go $400. The most I ever dropped on a bottle,

like a bottle of Cabernet or like $200 or less. A little less than $200. You know? You can get 20 bottles for that. I just dropped $100 yesterday from my brother's birthday. It does make you Artemis. Oh, that's good. No, a lot of people talk shit.

They're like, oh, you could get a good $12. It's like, yeah, you can. But you could get a great $150 one too. Yeah, it's like, yeah, I heard this one's like $9.99. It's like, I'm not fishing for the cheapest shit that's OK. OK, how about you drop two fucking honey? And know it's OK. Stop embarrassing me.

You have a good time like someone's challenging you too. Yeah. Fuck, I'm going to die. We're going to fuck you up. I'm not going to spend two bills on a bottle. Tell me I won't. Tell the whole fucking family a steak. What's your mother's address?

I hate to see you at Disney. How much for Epcot? God, give me an old fucking thing. Go ahead. I want the whole roller coaster. I want the whole roller coaster. I don't want nobody on a roller coaster. My wife will fucking give Mickey a handy.

I think I give a fuck. We're getting a whole experience. Sorry, I don't know why I went there. I don't know why I put my wife involved in some sort of fetish thing. Hey, what in Florida? You know what I mean? You got to have a little fun down there.

Wouldn't be the first time for Mickey, would it? No, I doubt it. Oh, my god. Buddy, thank you so much for coming back and sitting with us, gang. This is a family episode, so we're going to be answering your questions from the Patreon, a couple from the Facebook group.

We love you guys. Thank you for all your fucking support, man. This is a wild ride. By the time you hear this, we'll be fucking halfway to Nashville, baby. Yeah, we'll be halfway to Nashville. Maybe. Yeah, it'll be over.

We'll be home when this comes out. What are you talking about? See what a home in security is to say about that. I'll be getting roughed up by a couple of Tennessee good old boys. Seriously, though, this couldn't happen to two better dudes, man. Thank you.

You two, there are certain people when you go out and you see them in the clubs. And we talked about this on the Verzi Effect, but I don't want to sound repetitive. But when I saw you guys in clubs and I would talk to you guys and stuff, and I was like, these are just guys who are hustling. They came from Philly. They have goals.

They're hungry. And good dudes. And then to see you guys get a winner and see that happen, and then you get to pass all those pieces of shit. It is nice. Step it over a couple of bumps. Ain't too shabby. Because what it is, is there's people, don't get me started.

I'll end up burning bridges. You got me. Paulie's got the Zippo out. No, but there's something about when good dudes, for me, because I've been in this game longer than you guys. And I know when you're coming up and nobody wants you, and you're getting this shitty spot. Or, hey, yeah, you could do this tonight.

And you're like, really? Like, all right, I guess I'll do it, because you kind of have to do it. Sure, there's not much going on. Right, it's like, I'm going to take what I could get, what this city is going to give me, what industry thinks I am. I got to at least get that now, because they don't know. But you also, you know what I'm thinking about too, it's like,

you can't blame somebody for not knowing who you are. And I don't mean popularity-wise. I mean, what you're made of. You can't blame somebody. Nobody knows your heart. Nobody knows what you're made of. So when they look at you like that, it's like, oh, that's their shit.

That's not you, right? That's their issue, because they don't know what your makeup is. But when guys like you do this, it's like it's vindication. Because Kev will tell you, like, there's nothing I like more. Then when you fucking go, when somebody's a cunt, like a cocksucker. He's real grease ball when it comes to that.

Oh, yeah, I mean, I got. He's on a list. Never heard cutting cocksucker in the same thing. Yeah, no, I have it. Yeah, leave that out if my mom hears that clip. That's going to be the promo clip. I mean, I have a vendetta. I hold the grudge.

But not in a sick way, but in a way where it's like, I'm never going to forget you treating me like a piece of shit. And then you always remember, because we always remember who's good to us, but you especially remember who's bad, and then when you start to do stuff, they either will get quiet and retreat or fake and be like, oh, I knew. I love you guys.

It's one of the two. And so to watch you guys do what you're doing and to see this thing, I love it, and I'm so happy for you. Thank you, buddy. You love you too so much, and you're one of our idols. You are fucking one of our role models. We want to do it like Paulie does it, 100%. By the way, my wife, when we go, this is my wife's favorite

place on Earth, because when we get a house down the Jersey Shore for one week in August, and every day she's like, Paulie, you got to get me that old coffee from Wildman. That coffee from, let's be honest, so it's not really, it's like a milkshake. It's not great. It's so good. It's already in the machine.

The iced coffee. It's basically a chocolate milkshake. With a little bit of caffeine. But my wife, she's like, I'm on vacation. I don't care. You packed out with ice? Good night. And it's like 64 ounces.

You got to carry it out like a fucking trash can. Oh yeah, there's sandy feet, flip flops. But I'll tell you what, man, as much as I shit on Jersey, the Wawa and LBI where we go is kind of nice. Everybody does give Jersey a lot of shit, man. And now that over the last year or two, I've never seen a beach other than the Jersey Shore. Dude, the Jersey Shore, when you go there,

when you go to any Jersey Shore, it's filled during the day with a bunch of fucking trash. It's like all like roofers and carpenters. And it's a lot of trash, my family included. But when they all leave and it's like, the sun's going down, you're sitting there, the fucking, the sky's orange. There's not like a meth head next to you. You're like, holy shit, this is fucking beautiful.

Yeah, there are certain beaches and certain LBI has beaches where you're like, oh, this is not, it's families. It's not that. But then you get that like wild wood seaside. Yeah, where it's like a slice of peaches this big. It's like a fucking cotton candy machine at the beach. Like that's the little, yeah. I never thought about it that way.

The bigger the slice, the better. Oh, listen, if you get a slice that's two or three slices together, it's a shithole. Come down to, come down to Nicky. Slice the size of your car. Shout out to Lorenzo's on South Street. They give you an actual like large pie box. Yeah, for like two slices.

You're walking, you're walking, if you get, you go to Lorenzo's, you get up, you get a pie. And you walk out with like five boxes. That's how big this is. That's a hood of a Monte Carlo, it's fucking fantastic. Oh, I love it. Is that the, that's the Verzi vacation? One week, August.

So we, we sometimes we'll go to like another one, but one thing that's a definite is one of the later weeks, mid to late weeks in August, we go to the end of LBI kind of. And it's really nice, like the beach, there's one beach that we went to one year, it was almost, it was like five families. Like it's really, and it's like what Kevin was saying, like at night, like when it's just like your time,

we have the house right there, so we could just go and shower. If a couple of people want to go back to the house and hang, other people want to sit there, like sometimes I'll smoke a stick or just start, you know, I'll start drinking Corona's at the beach before dinner. Of course.

That's the move. My family, we do the same, there's a section of my family, there's so many of us that they do late nights at the beach. To the point where like, dude, they bring like, they set up tents, they bring lamps and shit. Oh, they got like dark. Dude, they got like a generator going,

it's a fucking trash. Oh, you mean like dark? Like, no, they don't, like they'll go at like, instead of going at like 10 to like three or whatever, they show up at like two and then stay till like nine. Oh, wow. And it's like, dude, they get like pizzas delivered and they treat it like,

they treat it like they're in a state park, dude. They're like tailgating on the beach. Pizza's delivered, you see some kid out of his car looking around. You sent two families next to the lifeguard. What the fuck? Yeah, he's got fucking sand in his 19th, walking back to his car.

That's fucking eight dollar tip for this, believe it or not. Stending family goes with you, is it just you guys? So we'll get the house for two weeks, but I'm there with my family for one. Sometimes my mother-in-law will take the kids for like the first week. Me and my wife take care of shit at the house, make sure we got the pets and everything done,

they're like, what the fuck? The pets and everything done, then we go down and then it's just us. And then my mom and stepfather will pop down for two nights. We'll all go to dinner one time, my older brother. So it's just kind of a tradition that we do, but it's- He's clueless.

Who gets up the bill when you go out with your mom? You gotta do that now. What? So here's the thing, so they wanted to stay at our house and for like a few nights. Down the shore, they wanted to come and stay there. So I'm like, yeah, come in. You're my mother-in-law.

Of course, you're gonna stay, take a room. It's like, oh, you know, but it costs a month. I'm like, you're not gonna stay at all, tell you're gonna stay with us. So then they would insist to be like, one night we're gonna buy dinner. Okay, yeah. And I'll be like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

We're staying here for a couple nights for free. So like that's their way of, like they wanna do that. Sure, of course. So we're gonna make them still feel nice. That's for them to say face. And it's sad, man, that's really a dying thing. Like I always remember that with my uncles and my dad or like my aunt, same situation.

If like my aunt and her uncle came down from like Wilkes-Berry to stay with like my mom's house in the summer, they had to go out, they were going out to dinner and we're paying for it. Or if we went down to like my uncle's shore house, if they had a shore house for a couple of weeks and we did the same thing, we stayed for a night, they'd be fucking fighting over the check.

Yes. They'd be fighting over it. And now these fucking kids these days, they were too on this, you know what I mean? They're fucking- Well, we didn't eat, we just, we didn't, yeah, it's like you can't, for them, that's almost like my parents' vacation money.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like, even though you don't have to stay, they're like, no, no, no, we have some things that when we go out, we do so, let us do that. Plus it makes them feel good with the kids. Yes, of course. You know, like their grandkids and they're like, no, no, guys, we'll go to this place and we'll do it.

So, and everybody wins. Cause everybody loves being with each other. We hang out, you know, sometimes like me and my stepfather will go golf or something one day, but that's the one week that no matter what's going on, whether there's another, that week happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love it.

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you'll say 15% off your first order of ED treatment. Go to getroman.com slash garbage. It's classy, man. He's a fucking classy guy, I fucking love him. Let's get some cues here from the squad out there. Guys, so as you know, when you join Patreon, we will ask your garbage question. It's just the only way to do it.

We get so many fucking submissions on Facebook, everywhere else, but when you do join the Patreon, we will get to your question. And there is a bit of a backlog. I know you don't like me saying that, but we're fucking working through them. And so far, man. And you don't owe them that.

Well, when they join, they do. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Yes we do, we owe you the pay. They're paying, they're paying, they're paying. Stop the show. Toby, cut that. It's your time.

It's you, I'm kidding, I love Kevin. He's like, you know, that Paul, that's the one with money. Those bozos on Twitter, they don't get shit though. We're talking about these clancy people on Patreon. Yeah, all clancy on Patreon. You guys literally started looking around, like, I don't know, he's joking, right? You start shitting on the regular view,

these bozos on Twitter, that's hilarious. I told you, this guy was a bum. Get it out. So far, the best question ever, we just did it as a clip from last week's episode. Ever been ran over. Which is like, if you get ran over, you're not doing what you should be doing.

You're on a highway. You have to know a couple of kids who grew up with that guy. You know what that reminded me of? Brett Ernst, did you guys have Brett Ernst on? Brett, yeah, we did Brett via Sky Zoo. Dude, Brett's bit. Brett was.

Dude, Brett's bit about that kid that's always outside. It's like even at midnight, he's just hanging on the corner. Like, that's the kid that would get run over. I've never, no dude, I'm trying to think of even if I had a friend that get run over, but that's a trash. Yeah, you're like scape. You're doing something you shouldn't be doing, typically.

It's bad parenting. Dude, if you get, you're a shitty parent if your kid gets hit by a car. If your kid gets hit by a car, you fucked up. Well, just to be clear, it's not hit by a car, it's ran over. It's got to just ran over. Ran over's a little different.

Oh, wait a minute. So it's a specific to being ran over. So you're already on the ground? Wait a minute, you've already. It's open for interpretation, but ran over is different than hit. It is. This is what we're talking about.

I think you have to either go over the entire car or under the car. Yeah, going under the car is a tough one. Going under the car. You can't just get clipped. Yeah, everybody's been nicked by a car here and there in a parking garage. It's two episodes we've talked about this.

That's how funny it is. That's so funny. I saw a kid, I saw a kid. This is true. I'm not saying this now, remind me. I saw kids get dropped off in front of the school and his mother ran over his ankle with the car. Yeah, she's a bad mom.

But it just went over like she thought he was like. Yes, she thought, she just clipped them. And I remember it was almost like shock. He wasn't like, it was like a quick, like a bump, but it was almost like what just happened. And it was, and I remember seeing that as you said that, but I've never seen somebody like laying in the street, full-fledged laying there and then just fucking run over.

Doot, doot, doot, doot. Hear the thump under the car? Yeah. Where's Ronnie? I see his hat. There's his Jordan. There's Jordans in the tree for some reason. Pat in a Walkman, floating in midair.

One shoe is on the fucking mirror. That's a bad sign, man. You're missing a kid, you find one shoe that he's fucking doing. Yeah, that's top. Unless he's limping around somewhere. One shoe's a bad look. What'd you find?

We found one shoe. Yeah, if you're in the search party, you keep that to yourself. I'd rather find his pants. Yeah. Yeah, one shoe is a bad look. Because he's somewhere hemmed up. That's the cover of a poster of a movie of an abduction,

of just the laces. It's just a lace hanging. And you're like, oh, I got to watch this shit. What happened to him? Oh, man. Oh, that's so hard. I'd rather find his pants. I'd rather find semen on a tree.

Semen on a tree. Come mix with bubblegum or something like that. The detective is just holding like a Jordan one. Looking around? Oh, so fun, dude. Oh, my god. My god, this is too much fun. This is just the greatest.

Fuck, holy shit. Oof. Folly almost got a spit thing. Oh, my god, my side spit. We're not even going to get to a question. Those are the best episodes. Oh, holy shit. That was so fun.

We got to smoke a stick after this. It's a Tuesday. I don't care if it's a fucking Friday. I'll put on a fucking suit right now. What kind of one you want? Tell the Patreon people to go away. We got to stick to smoke. Look, see the laugh just goes.

See how scared? Yeah, yeah, I got it. Come on. Fuck, he got to the pony. I'm just going to do it to fuck with him. Like it's a big laugh. And then you say Patreon and then just go right into the shell. None of Mr. Verzi's comments are associated with.

By Tooty LLC. Tooty LLC. Kevin Ryan companies. Oh, man, that's so funny. All right. This one, I feel like we might have touched on it before, but this is from Verena. Is it trash to clap after an airplane touches down

or at the end of a movie? You don't. Oh, we have touched on this. We have, I'm sure, at some point. A bumpy ride, I think. You can clap. If it's like something where people were real, I've been on a couple, because I'm almost

on like 40 flights a year. I've been on a couple. I was on an aborted landing where we were literally. Oh, an aborted landing where you go down and pull back up. No, no, no, I mean, I'm going to tell you this. I'm going to, you know, and Mark Tashara, the Yankee first baseman, he's an announcer now, but he was on the plane.

What? And he was like, yeah, dude, we come. What are you weeding? That comes. I look over. You're like hanging like you're out of bulking, cracking peanuts. What the fuck? You're getting too comfortable.

Look at Mr. Verzi here. He goes like this. A guy comes over with a hot dog. He's like, I hope he's got rappers and shit. I passed the change for the guy. No. Got heartburn. So his headphones are hooked up to a radio.

He's got the Mets game going right now. He's like, it's a 3-2 count. The bass is unplugged. Shout out to Aaron Nola for throwing a shout out. Love you, Phillies. So we're coming down. We're coming down to Westchester. It was windy.

That's a small airport to begin with. See, I don't like that. And where we're flying tomorrow, I'm really worried about that plane from Raleigh to Nashville, man. I'm expecting like a puddle jumper. No, no, no, no. Two bricks of coke in the fucking tail.

I don't like it. Yeah, no, that's not the problem. The problem is when our wheels were here and the ground is where the ground we were. I was five feet off the ground. People were getting ready and just we're about to touch and just you shoot back. I mean, you're almost on the runway.

You shoot back up. And everyone was quiet and nobody said anything. I'm like, dude, I just saw my car. Like, how is it? And nobody said it. Somewhere we work together, I think. It might have been. I think so.

Yeah, I remember you telling me this earlier. And then he circled around. And then he came on. He said, guys, there was a wind shear. It's like, basically what happens is when the wind is going over the wings, as you come down, it can be. He basically saved our lives by doing that.

Because what would have happened was he would have went down. And when he was trying to come down, the wing would have slammed the plane down. Who knows if you died, but it could have messed the plane up. Yeah, why? He's just like, so he did it again. And that was just like, holy shit.

So in a situation like that, maybe a few people clap. The end of a movie, you just don't get out enough. I mean, was that the first movie you ever saw? I mean, what movie could you clap at the end of? I did it once. The first Avengers, everybody clapped. Oh, I took my wife, girlfriend, at the time to see the remake in Manhattan of Scarface.

And since it was such already an iconic thing, people erupted during the scenes that they knew. But it was almost like a celebration of it. Like a celebration of how good it is. Like when he was getting interrogated at the beginning, he goes, my name is Tony Montana. People would just, because it was just, it was such an iconic thing.

So I guess that's kind of different. They reissued Scarface in theaters. They re-released it in theaters for like a week or two weeks. And you were dating your? And me and I said, I was like, oh, there. And she goes, I never saw that movie. And I go, you never saw that movie. She's a klancy.

If a woman shouldn't be going to see Scarface. But man, you know what I mean? If your wife has like a Scarface poster in high school, what's up, girl? That's a real Italian move, though, right there. I mean, if your wife knows Scarface in the 90s, that's her. She sold Coke at some point. She ran Coke for somebody for her previous boyfriend.

Paul, at any point, have you had a Scarface poster? No. Guys all clueless. No, he's clueless. No, no. I would imagine sports would have been a long time ago. Yeah, like I had, like I remember having, I think I had like a Sean Kemp poster.

I've had like, I've had like certain Doug Jordan. Sure. So sports posters. I'm trying to think, but I was never like a movie poster type of guy. There were some movies where we walked out, and instead of clapping, like me and my brother, or we'd be blown away.

Yeah. They'd be like, holy, dude, that was fun. You know, or like. The part that did that to me. Or even a tear. I'll even say this. Maybe you get like choked up by something. Oh, yeah.

But to just like start going like that, I've seen it happen. But I think it's treasured to do that than the playing. It's one of those things like, yeah, of course. Well, your life's on the line. You know what I mean? Yeah, you're 30,000, you know, 37,000 feet in the air. Then you come down, and it was a little rough. I'll give you that.

Right. If you're happy at how something panned out for a guy who doesn't exist on the screen, you can fucking act like you've been there before. You know what I mean? I love that Kevin McAllister, I tell you. Yeah. Every time with him.

Oh, that's good. All right, this one's from sideshow. Bob, when was the last time you've been to a Hooters? Oh. Well, I went to a Hooters because. That's how every answer when Hooters is brought up. Well, actually, yeah. No, so you can't say we go every Wednesday.

You guys know Chris Lamberth? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Comic, right? He lives in Jersey. And Chris and I, we were movie fans, so we'd go to the movies a lot. And one time, we left, and we were like, dude, I'm hungry. And we wanted to watch the UFC fight, too.

And the Hooters was the only place. Sure, that's how they get it. That's how Hooters gets you. So we were just there, and I was like, I'll get some wings of Hooters, and we went there, and then all of a sudden, it wasn't that packed, and the fights are on. And I was like, all right, this is not.

So like, if you plan a Hooters. It's tough. And it's like a, you know, it's like, it's already in the sub, you know what I mean? This weekend, we're hitting Hooters. If it's a premeditated Hooters visit. Plan a Hooters visit? Yeah, it's tough.

Yeah, if you're like, dude, Thursday, I'm picking you up. I made reservations for four. We're fucking there. Reservations at Hooters is straight garbage. Sit in the Leslie section. Make sure we get Leslie's section. That was always the saddest thing, man. You fall in love with a stripper on a Friday,

or something like that, with a couple in you. I understand that. But I knew a couple of guys that like really thought that like the waitress at Hooters. The bartender or whatever at like the, or even like at the local bar. Or if you know what day of the week the soup is. Yeah, that's fucking, if you know like that,

like you're like Wednesday, it's fresh. She told me, you know, that's when you frequent it a lot. It's when the good clams come in. This is actually a perfect person. I had this thought and you're a perfect person to give the judgment on this. Is it trash or classy to have a usual at a spot? You walk into a spot, you say to usual,

is that classy or is that trash? You mean usual meal or usual sit sitting where you sit? I would say usual order. I think that's pretty classy. It depends on the, if you're walking, if Foley's walking in a fucking burger cane, he says give me a usual, I'll take a look. Which there's several locations that I could do that with.

But if you pop into like a bar or like a whatever, that's not like a Hooters, it depends on the place. If it's an okay place, it's pretty classy. Because if my usual is like a certain red wine and like an appetizer, it's all right. But yeah, so I think that depends. I wanna know, what is that? Where's the place?

Obviously you and your wife have a couple places up there that you guys go to a lot. There's an Italian restaurant up there called Raci, which is incredible. But I wouldn't say that I have a regular, I mean, there was a veal dish that blew my dick off. I mean, I couldn't believe what I was biting. It's so classy and so tried.

It blew my dick off. It's fucking veal, blew my dick off. I was biting this thing and every bite, I just kept going, can you believe this? I just, when he's eating and it's good, he gets, oh dude, how about that day? We went out, we might've talked about it on the first one that we did.

We went out and we had like the best meal of my life. The guy came over, he came to the show or whatever. He came in, he's like, oh, what do you guys want to give us some menus? And we're like, what do you recommend? And he just took the menu and just started bringing out food. And every time, dude,

every course he had a different wine to, and he was still going, oh my God, like, dude, he's getting the booth behind him. Like, you should get a load of this crab like. Honestly, there is nothing better though. Going out to a nice fucking restaurant that does it fucking right. Having a couple drinks,

getting like that first alcohol buzz, the appetizer. That's honestly, that's one of the favorite things me and my girlfriend love to do. I know I'm fat and all that stuff. No. But we love to go out to a nice restaurant. We both really appreciate it and enjoy it. It's fucking fantastic.

It really, and I think the older you get the more, because you slow down more. The look on your face when they set the dessert on fire, it was like, I just brought you a puppy. They set the dessert on fire and we took a picture of it and you were just like, Oh, he's got a picture of it. I got a picture of it and you're just like,

I mean, the guy just kept commenting. You've never seen that. You've never been to a restaurant when they set the. My mom's burnt cupcakes before, but not on a fucking purpose. No, he, this guy did it so right. And there was that little bit of like,

is he going to charge, but I was like, what's going to happen when the bill comes? Because it was so like. But now this is great because he's nervous because he doesn't want to look like a fucking jerk off. Right? Right. You don't want to go like,

is the bill going to happen or whatever. So he's nervous because he doesn't want to look like the guy. The GM came over and so you just gave him the menu. So I don't know if we talked about on the show. I'm going to break the whole thing down as quick as possible. I love it. Okay. So when I first got to Houston,

Kevin had not arrived yet. I got there the night before. Okay. And I wanted to see the Nick game. Okay. So I went to this bar and I said, it was busy and like they were really kind of rude and brash, not at this place.

Okay. But I was like, it's a Nick game on. She goes, I'll find out and just left me standing there for 15 minutes didn't say anything. Gotcha. She's like treating me like shit. So I was like, whatever. So I walk and I see.

You dead to me. I see this lit up seafood restaurant. And it's like lit up and nice and car. I think the Valley Park and everything. I walk in there and it's really like, I wasn't even dressed. I just want to see. And this guy walks over,

nice dress suit and I go, yeah, I'm just curious. He goes, let me see. And I was like, I know I'm not dressed for, I was just curious. I was like, they were kind of shitty. He goes, hold on a second. And guy goes out of his way. And I'm like, I mean, out of his way to the point

where it was like walked up to the bar, walked around people dining and I'm trying to figure it out. And ultimately they didn't have the Nick game. So I said, let me tell you something. I called him. So I said, So I said, You look a good shit.

Oh, you know, yeah. I called him over. Let me tell you something. I go, the way you just handled yourself. That effort that you just gave me. Okay. Cannot go, you know, unrecognized. So I said, I'm a comedian.

I'm in town. I'm about to improv. I said, you and however many guests you want. And I keep it to four. But I mean, it's my first, I'm getting bamboozled on these numbers. Yeah. I mean, it's my first week here. So, you know, that would have really sucked if they were like,

Hey, he had a big party. Nobody showed up on a party bus. I would like to invite you and your seller to. I'd appreciate it if it was a one top, but. So, so gang this spring and this summer, it's time to get back out to the app doors and everyone has been cooped up inside for. Oh yeah.

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Yeah, guys. And also, as a disclaimer, we have to read, this product contains nicotine derived from tobacco. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Guys, go to lucy.co and use that promo code Garbage. Now back to the show. This guy, this guy gets my number. I give him my number and he actually texts me

and he says, Paul, this is so-and-so from the restaurant. If it's cool, me plus three, it'll be a party of four. I say, done. So I call up the club. I said, this guy comes in, okay. Me and Kevin go up there, kill. We have a great show. It's a great night.

And the guy goes, you come to the restaurant. I'm the GM and we go. But then it gets to the point where it was like, I was like, if we were paying, which whatever, if I had to. See, I didn't know that you had gotten him. In his mind, you bought him tickets to the show. Him and his whole park.

Yeah, so he's not charged. Right, but it got to the point where I was like, it would have been hundreds. Like, oh, it would have been four bills. The crabs, he had like the stone crab. Like, then he started pairing white wines with the crabs. Then he gave a dessert drink. Then he fucking lit a dessert on fire, okay.

I don't know what that guy's getting paid. I don't, but I mean, the dessert- Yeah, some kind of certification. I mean, the dessert is flaming blue. He had to go to some sort of street. He can't just be a bum off the street with a blow torch. This guy comes out with a torch. This guy, I mean, so by the time we had,

and we had full entrees. So I'm going like, this is- I think we each had steak and lobster. We had steak, we had lobster, stone crabs, desserts, different wines. He starts adding crab cakes. I'd start sweating. And then I looked over at Kev at one point,

I'm like, yo, dude, like, even if this is, I'm going like, I don't care, but if this is 50% off, we're fucked. He's like, he's going. But then he starts doing it. He's like, all right, well, if it is 50% off, then the tip. It's like, there's just a lot of like,

I don't want to look like an ass- Because either way, we're tipping big. We don't know the situation, and you don't want to look like an asshole. You know what I mean? Right, right. So then when the guy walked over and he goes, here's what you got to do with the dessert drink.

Then I knew I'm like, this guy's not going to start putting on expensive stuff to us to do. And it was completely on the arm. I was really hoping Burzy was going to be like, let's split it. No, no, no, no. I'm fucking breaking even on the weekend. I'm fucked here.

Can I give you the rest after tomorrow? You got chicken fingers back there or something? I'll fuck the work here. No, but like, yeah, so, no, I would have never made you, obviously, spend a dime, but I'm going like, and then the guy did it. So we give a great tip, and they were like, hey, can we get pictures?

And we took pictures, and just phenomenal. But back to your point, Foley, when you have an experience like that, it's the memory of years. Because look, I'm so detailed with the memory of it, and this is a few years ago. And when you have a dining experience like that, it's, you just, you remember it as much as a shitty one.

Yeah. You know? Of course, of course. Yeah, that's the fucking best meal of my life. It's a fucking good time. Yeah. It is, it is a great time. You broke that down like a dad talking about

a Muhammad Ali fight. It's all when they were 15. Oh yeah, yeah. It was serious. I get it from my father, because my father is, my father's a whole other animal, man. My father is a whole other, you've never seen, I would love him to do one podcast in history,

because you've never seen anything. My father is a whole other animal, a hundred percent Sicilian, zero apologies, like doesn't, I mean, just, you know, my father fucking like loves Trump to the point. Dude, if Trump was throwing babies off a building, my dad would be like, those babies were poisonous. And he knew it.

He knew it. Donnie T knew it. Why, why, yeah, what did those babies do to him? He knew that those babies would be evil to hurt the country. So he nipped it in the butt, like, but like, not, he's not like, and here's a funny thing though. He's like super, like if Trump did something stupid, he would admit it.

That is just one of those, like, he's an old school, but food for him is, you know, and he can't stand a small portion. We went out to eat once when he seized a portion. He just, you could tell, he just starts looking around. You know, he's just like, I mean, what am I supposed, one time he said, dude, it was really embarrassing, man. We were in Florida and he got this veal dish, right?

And I knew what was coming, and Stacey was like, I was like, Stacey, you gotta understand, my dad could be a little embarrassing. And I saw the fucking Neil Kahn, I saw it get dropped on his plate, and I saw his face. Three ounces. And I swear to God, dude, my daughter's there, my wife and, you know, my stepmother,

and as soon as I saw it, I just grabbed my son, I go, you need to go to the bathroom? And I bailed. Dude, I bailed on my family, I bailed on my family because I, the anxiety, and then I came back, and then I came back and my wife beat red, staring at me, staring at me, and I knew something had happened,

and I just go, she goes, you left me? And then apparently what happened was, my dad said to the guy, excuse me, can you come here? And he said, do me a favor, remind me next time I'm here not to get this, because I'm not a midget, and I'm going, and I go, what? And he goes, I'm not, I'm not a little,

whatever you've got to, whatever's okay to say, but I'm not that. So I can't, and I'm just, and I'm just going like, yeah, that's why I went to the bathroom. Yeah, that's why, he was fucking every man for himself at some point. Fuck you, come on, act like you've been here. That was on you, it was amazing.

My wife was just mortified and everything, and then I just looked at Lucas and I was like, I got you back. Yeah. Ah, that's fucking awesome. So back to the original questions, Hooters is drashy. Is that where it started? Holy shit.

It started at Hooters. No, I'm sorry. No, of course, that's the one. I could, there's no way I would have recalled Hooters. I've only been, honestly, I've only been to a Hooters once, and it was in Atlantic City, and I think it was with you. Oh my God, that's the only thing treasured

in a Hooters is when an AC, an AC hooters. Holy, he's looking for a job application. Oh my God. The muscles were actually really good. Well, I think it was the same thing. We popped into what, we were down there doing shows, and I think there was a fight on, and we were like, oh, I think Hooters will probably have the fight

or the game or it was something. But then they were- It doesn't live up to it. The girls are never that hot. I went once. I went once outside of that. I went to one in Philly, like when my boys are like, let's go to Hooters.

And I remember just being like, what the fuck? What are we doing? Yeah, there are two things that I wanna combine. I'd rather go to fucking McDonald's than the strip club. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't wanna combine hot girls and fucking food. I feel like a fat so enough.

I'm sitting there with fucking wings also in my face just trying to make a fucking move and get some more blue cheese at the same time. That's hilarious. I never liked how they had the open fucking kitchen too. Oh yeah. It's just a bunch of convicts staring at you. What the fuck are we doing here?

You're like them titties, huh? I went to a Hooters once on the way to a Giants game because they wanted wings and beer. So it's like- So it serves its purpose in a moment out of- Not great wings either. No, and the breading of the wings is not good either. So I agree, I think if it's a thing that you plan,

if it's a premeditated Hooters thing, it's trash. If you just go to deal with beer and wings because that's where- Then it'll suffice. Then it's okay, yeah. Ultimate trash, you have the usual at Hooters. I would say would be the ultimate trash thing. You walked in and said I'll take the usual.

Yeah. That's a tough one. Tough look. Next one's from Brian. Have you ever been to a Gallagher show or the blue man group? I mean, I have been to a Gallagher show. I've never been to either of those.

Have you? Yeah. How? I'm sure I've talked- No, I guess I haven't talked about this. How could you have gone to a Gallagher show? You're only- I opened up for him a couple of weeks ago.

I still got some- You guys still doing some good stuff. He's getting old though. He's down to lemons now. He can't pick up the huge hammer. So he uses a little one from Ikea. He punches a tomato now. Oh, man.

No, it was- We were in a fishing tournament in Jersey and he was the entertainment. It was like this big tournament and he was the entertainment. And at one point, I was waiting, I mean, I was like 15. He dude, he was taking bite-sized Snickers

and throwing them in the air and then he just had a tennis racket and he was fucking cracking them out and he fucking just whaling people in the face. I remember being like, what the fuck is this guy doing? He's fucking stupid. What, he got a sign of waiver before you're going? He was just spiking fucking bite-sized Snicker bars.

You can't get carrot top for this or something, Jesus. The blue man group, no. I always thought that was trashy and stomp. Stomp? Well, stomp. People tried to get me to stomp. Did everybody smash in trash cans? Yeah, get out of here. No, I'm not doing it.

I'll be at Miss Saigon like a gentleman. That's not a you. You wouldn't go. No, I went to, when I was in Vegas to one show, I went to, we went to that- Vegas is a little different. That's like what it's based on too. Right.

Like going to those shows. But I would still pick, like I still wouldn't, if I was there and Gallagher was there. And that's no disrespect to blue man group or Gallagher, but I went to that Chris Angel magic show. And dude, it was, I mean, it was like, there's a double. Like, it was like- I'm fucking three to stir it up.

It's like, he's here, then here. I'm like, that's not the same guy. I was like, that guy's six, five. This guy's my height. Like, but yeah, it wasn't like, but no, I mean, I don't know if it's trash to go to either of those. I know Chris Angel's pretty trashy name. I mean, but that's Vegas.

Vegas in itself is kind of trash. Like, Vegas is a tough. It's not, you can, here's it. You can do Vegas very classy. Yes. If you don't do it classy, it's trash. That's, that is the hundred percent. Vegas can be done right.

Yes. But it can- Most of the time it's done wrong by everybody. I agree. I would have to agree with that. But as for us, it's different because if we're performing in Vegas and the club goes, hey, I got tickets to the show.

That's a little true. And you're like, all right, I don't want to drink tonight. I drank last like, I'll go to it and see it like that. But I wouldn't go to, like, I wouldn't seek a blue man group or a Gallagher show. I wouldn't fucking be like, we're driving to Delaware tonight. You're not a front scout looking for a scalper

or something like that. I need two. I need two for, yeah, for up front for Gallagher. I'm not doing that. For the matinee. I did, when we were, another, oh, hold on. This, we can combine two questions here. Another one was, has anybody in your family

ever been married in Vegas? I don't know who that's from. No, not in my family now. I feel like your review of Las Vegas would be like, we're saying just not magic. You know what's magic? The oysters of the Borgata. That's magic.

That's magic. That's magic. What they do, what they do with the cocktail sauce, that's magic. Oh, I did, you know what? I should actually bring this up on your show. I did one thing that was, I don't know if it's trashy, but it's real kind of Ginzo.

Well, that's it. That's the line. Is that, yeah. The Italian's toe line of like, yes! I gotta tell you, calling out a magician at the show was just pretty, that ain't fucking him. What are you talking about?

I know a guy in a Bronx that's been doing that for 30 years. He's called Magic Steve. That's what we call him. That's not a ghost. That's a dog. What are you doing? Come on! No, what I did was, I asked Stacy for Christmas.

I asked for, oh, this is gonna be bad. I can't even get it out. I asked Stacy for Christmas. I said, I want new floor mats for my Lexus. So like, so because, you know, they say like, it'll say like Lexus ES on the thing, but like my car was, you know, a few years old. So it gets worn and with kids and mud and all that.

So I was like, you know what? Let's not just get the typical. So on my Christmas list, I was like, can you get the model car and get the Lexus new floor mats for the car? And she got them. But that, can that go classy too? Yeah.

That's on the line of like, cause when do you ask somebody for floor mats for your car? Yeah, it's a cheap way to upgrade your cars, ultimately what it is. Yeah. But it is only rugs. So I'm not trying to get one over on it. It is only rugs.

You know, it's only like probably whatever. And it's the same. And it's only the two, and it's only the driver's side rug. Cause the ones in the back are small. It's a driver's and the passenger side rugs. Okay. I can't make a rolling.

I don't know. Now, is it the same model? Do you have an ES? Yes. No, I haven't E yet. Well, yeah, I'm not gonna get it. Oh, Maybach fucking floor mats in there. Yeah, I'm not gonna get a fucking.

I'm gonna say he's just 550 and throw it in my Lexus. But no, it's the model of my car. It's from the factory and it may, and my car has always kept clean. And you know, I like to get it detailed and cleaned a lot. So since those were kind of ripped and kind of shitty looking, I was like, let's get new ones, make the car look good. And she got it.

But I feel like that could go either way. I say it's classy. I say the only way it wouldn't be is if, yeah, if you change. I think you did a pretty class, yeah. I guess what's trash you would be if it's a Honda Civic and you put the Lexus thing in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like getting a tailored wife beater. It's like the nicest way to do something. To do, yeah, the nicest way to do it would be to fucking get it through the factory. What would you do with the old ones? You're going to put them in the Jeep. No, if he made it. Welcome to my Jeep Lexus.

That's going to be your parting gift when you come to the house. If he made it like a rug in the garage, that'd be trash. You get two types of red wine. You choose floor mats for the ride home. You want to floor fucking? Both of you take a floor mat. Stacy, find out what cars they have. They're not leaving here without new floor mats for the first one.

I want the exact model. Oh, that's great. Be like, this is a rusty piece of shit, but the inside of this thing is nice. It's beautiful. Look at his floor mat. Oh, god, I'm sweating. Foley had a 91 Saturn, but I'll tell you what, that rug was.

My dad got married in Vegas. Remarried in Vegas, which is tough. Whenever you're in your parents' wedding, it's a tough look. Which they are now divorced. Wait, your father's second marriage? No, my father, yes. So my parents are married, got divorced, and my dad got remarried. In Vegas.

In Vegas, at the Bellagio. Okay. Bellagio. It was not, it was the Bellagio had just opened, but look in back. I remember thinking we were like the kings of Vegas. Looking back, it was a little, it was like next to a gift shop. I know, but he didn't get, it's not like he got married

on one of those. Like you could buy a fucking Bellagio t-shirt right next door. They give you a dice and a deck of cards. Good luck on your marriage. It's got the date on the dice. And then we did see, what was the couple with the lions? I don't know what they were. Oh, a Siegfried and Roy.

Siegfried and Roy. We went to a Siegfried and Roy show. You did? And they showed, I just remember when you said you were talking with an angel. Because you were like, I pointed it out. I was a kid and they, dude, the lights went out. Lights came back on and the one was on our table. I don't know how the fuck he did it.

The guy in the tiger. Wait, what happened? The guy, like the light, one of the things was like he was going to relocate. He was on the stage with the tiger and then he relocated literally to our table. Wow. He was standing. Oh, I didn't hear any fucking silverware banging around. Nothing.

Lights came on. This fucking jerk off in tights is standing on my chicken face. I thought you meant the tiger. Yeah, but see, I think there's like 15 Siegfrieds and 15 Roy. They're just like, one's at the buffet. You're like, dude, did you just kind of work? I'm on break, jerk off. Jesus Christ.

There's no such thing as magic. Give it a break. There's no way these magic guys don't have stunt. Because I remember the last trick Chris Angel did. I didn't really love the show and I don't mean to. I hate shitting on any performance thing because that's what I do. We do performance, but I remember being like, whatever, and you heard reviews and I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt because I watched that show, whatever, sometimes when

it was on A&E and then I remember the last trick he did, did blow us away. It was like he was in one place and then another is like, oh shit, but then you're like, oh, it's too God. Yeah. You have to, when reality sets in. How did that work? There's an answer. It's impossible.

You know what I mean? I wonder what those guys do when they're not, like if you're just like, hey dude, what do you do? And you're like, ah, I'm Chris Angel every Wednesday. I'm a mind free. Oh, what the other guy? No, I'm talking about the other guy. Oh, yeah.

Just like eating lunch. Probably can't tell anybody. Yeah. I'm a plumber. Yeah, I work at the casino. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, I guess he's got to write in a contract.

Yeah, he's got to keep his mouth shut. Yeah, he's got to keep his mouth shut. So you've got to tell your mother. Somebody's got to know. Don't tell nobody. Mom, I need this off. I've been going to therapy. Somebody has to know this.

See, I couldn't tell my mom that she would eventually leak it out. Oh, yeah. You know, Henry's the other Chris Angel. The next thanksgiving picture, you went like a tight slap. Henry, I heard you're Chris Angel night off. Oh, that's great. Fantastic. The married in Vegas question was from Jay.

I don't know if I ever said that song. Thank you, Jay. Shout out to Jay. It's garbage. Yes, of course. Yeah, it is. But again, that's how that's Vegas in general. If you spend the money and do it right, it's probably pretty nice.

I think doing it right would be you had your reception at the Bellagio, and you got married in a fucking church, like a fucking gentleman, or wherever you get married, not at one of the fucking chapels. If you just have your reception at the Bellagio, that's probably nice and clear. I don't even know if there was a reception. Yeah, you can't be like, I do, and then it's like, it was fucking a craps table. Yeah, it was Siegfried and Roy. Yeah, that was the next day.

Yeah. The honeymoon was Siegfried and Roy. I had one of the best steaks in my life at the Mirage, though, and it was like a $600 meal. I'm trying to say it's Siegfried and Roy. It was like four of us. It was like a $600 meal, but the steak was just so, yeah, it's like you said, you got to go.

You got to do it. You got to get the highest room, or one of the high rooms, where the bathroom's gigantic, marble. The shower's huge. Yeah, you don't have a body sleeping in the bathtub or whatever. Yeah, it's like, because the people that look for the deal, like, dude, we got a room in Mandalay for 40 nights, that's like, OK, great. It's on the first floor.

It's connected to the lobby, Jerkel. It's where the bell-hop stays when it's hammered. A couple of janitors sleeping in there. You got to take a shit. I got to get in there. Chef starts in 20 minutes. I hope this is a no to each one of you. This is just funny.

This is from Steve Oh. Have you ever worn any clothing with snow camo on it? Snow camo? Yeah, like the white, gray, and black. Remember the camouflage, but then snow camouflage. That dropped in, like, the late 90s, and it was big with wrappers. And it was like, if you're doing that, you're trying. I actually have, though, like one of the masks during this pandemic was like those,

you know, the ones that aren't masks, they're like the thin, almost like a snow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I have one like that that has that. It's like thin so you could breathe through it in the winter or whatever. Yeah, that's OK. Yeah, that's all right. That's like more of a functional outfit. But you're talking about, like, the camo pants.

Yeah, you're not rolling up to, like, the fucking bar in, like, snow camo. No, like, like, Timberlands and, like, snow camo. Like DMX, yeah, rest in peace. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, rest in peace to DMX. That too was the best. Oh, man.

That one hit hard. This one's from Brian Marshall. Being in the Burbs. Have you ever left your trash... Yeah, from Brian. Have you ever left your trash bin on the side of the road for longer than a day after pickup? I'm assuming you run a pretty tight ship. When the trash guy comes, you're out there to get the cans and bring him in.

Oh, you know what? Where we live and my driveway is gigantically long and all the neighbors just... There's been, like, if it's on the mind, like, it's one of those where, like, it won't be out until the next time. Yeah. But, like, a day or two, you know, depending on my schedule, if I travel, Lord knows my wife's making me do it. Yeah. So, my wife will, so I think it depends, but if we're home and we clearly see it, we'll get it. Okay.

I was always... That's pretty good. I hated it. I hated doing it. My driveway wasn't even that big, but as a kid, that might as well been a fucking 30 miles long going down to get the trash cans. Like, what the fuck? Oh, dude, you could land a Cessna on my fucking driveway. He's got a big, nice piece of property up there.

Yeah, yeah. It's a long walk, and I like it, though, because I use it as exercise and shit, but there's just some times I'm just like, ah, you know, and I got a little bit of an issue with some one of my garbage men. Ow! That's trashy. Because there's some shit that, like, I wanted them to, like, do and take, and, like, they're the type where if it's not perfect... Not to fight the rule. If it's not...

If it's, like, even, like, a little bit not by the perfect rule, like, they'll leave something. And it's like, I'm tipping this kid on Christmas big. Really? Oh, yeah. I tip big. If we leave an envelope, we leave an envelope taped cash on Christmas, and the dude gets cash. So it's like, listen, if there's extra, you know, cardboard that's not perfectly folded in a thing, and there's just a little box out there, it's like you could...

One hand washes the other. And sometimes they do, but other times I could tell if he's in a mood or whatever, like they won't, and that kind of, you know, so... Ah, that would piss me off. Especially when you're wet and a guy's beak. Yeah. A wet beak, you look the other way on everything. I mean, and we give cash. Yeah.

You know, there's no Dunkin' Donut coffee cards. You know, we're not giving this guy a $25 mocha fucking discount. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucked up. Yeah. If you're giving cash, if there's a baby in there that should take him, who gives a... You got the fucking 300, didn't you? Yeah.

Shut up. Keep it fucking open. Don't ask questions. Yeah, no shit. That would piss me off too. I hate that shit. Yeah. All right, this is from Sean D. Do you or have you ever been a nail biter?

Which I do. I bite the nails. Oh my God, religiously. Yeah. That's a tough... That's a tough thing to say trash, because like, you could... I also think it's a nervous tick with people. Sure.

So if it's a mental issue, like, ever see like LeBron at the... Yeah. Like, they're like athletes. I think it's... That's anxiety stuff. I also think it's anxiety OCD thing. Yes. Like, I think it gives people comfort.

Or then sometimes, like, you'll be driving and you'll be like, oh shit, I gotta... And I'll just bite it off and like... Yeah. I agree with you on that. But I have to admit that I... Yes, I have those things. I have OCD. I have anxiety.

But I also... I'm also disgusting. Right. So I do like... Don't tell yourself. Sure. You're very disgusting. I do like to bite a good nail.

And also what I'll do is I'll bite it like three quarters of the way down and then I'll use the nail to clean my teeth. Oh my God. Cut that out. We're gonna lose Patriot members for that. But listen, if it's not toenails, I give a pass. Toe nails is a whole other world. Toe nails is a...

People know, but people... Like, you ever see people clip their toenails and like... Well, that's toenail clipping or anything with toenails at all in public is... Oh, of course. It's a whole other world than fingers. Yes. I'm surprised you're not a manicure guy. Do you go and...

No, no, I bite... Never? You'll never go and get them done? I would never... No, I've never done that. Really? I've never got my... No.

I just, you know, I'm just more of like... You know, like when they get long, you clip them in. But I don't know like... My dad used to do that shit hilarious. Like some guys do it. A lot of... I didn't realize a lot of athletes do it. Like, yeah.

Get their hands... No, I'm not... I just had a pedicure for the first time. I'll go for a nice foot scrubbed. I'll be honest with you. Really? I would never... No, I've never had it, but that's...

Oh, you could. You could get in. I could... Like if... Cause now like it's more like men do it. Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. More acceptable.

So it's like scrubbing the foot must be nice. It's great. And the reason I actually do it is because my dad's feet... I love you, buddy. But it's still like the toenails are like blue point oyster shells. Like a T-Rex. That's bad. Oh, he could run straight up a tree.

It's not good. Open doorknobs with them. Yeah. I love you. You know I love you. Let the girl... He could run straight up a tree. So my girlfriend...

Up until recently she, you know, she'll clip my nails for me. She'll do my toenails. What? Wait, your girlfriend do your toenails? She'll do my toenails. Oh, that's love. Oh, it's real. I think it's more functional to be honest.

You can't get down for a toenail that way. You have trouble putting your shots and shoes on. They get down there with a clipper. Yeah. I would need like a shoehorn. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I couldn't get in there.

It's like you're fucking deep diving. Yeah. Oh, fucking. And I couldn't do it for a long... She wasn't like doing it on the first date or anything like that. It wasn't until like my toenails got really, really long and she was like, why don't you clip your toenails? I'm like, I can't do it.

And she's like, I don't start doing it. So then she noticed that like the cuticles aren't good and I don't want my toes to get fucking bad when I get older. I want to keep my eyes. So I started getting pedis because they do the cuticles and the treatment and they scrub the shit off the bottom of your foot. It's funny. It's funny you said that because that's actually all jokes aside.

They say like keeping your feet in good shape for when you're an old man is a game changer because it's like for circulation and for all that stuff. Plus, do you ever... I mean, one of my all-time favorite things on this earth is a soft pair of fresh socks out of the pack. Out of the pack. So imagine getting a scrub down and then throwing a cushy fucking sock on. It's nice, man.

It's nice. It's not huge. It's into a new sneaker. They put this chemical on it. That's a trifecta. Yeah. Foot scrub. New sock.

New kick. Game over. That's nice. That's floating. That's real nice. That's floating. That's clean living right there. It feels great.

It does because they scrubbed the fucking calluses off the bottom. They put some kind of like chemical on that like almost peels it off and then they scrub the shit out of it. Yeah. Your girl loves you, man. Yeah. No, she doesn't do that. No, no.

But I'm saying for the fact that your girl is willing to even clip the toenails, even if it was a thing where you physically had an issue with it, the fact that she's jumping in. Yes. Dude, at one time I said, I probably shouldn't say this, but I don't know. The fact that she sees me naked doesn't throw up. She fucking loves me. I see you with clothes on and gag a little bit.

No. One time I was like, man, something's wrong with my ass, man. I was like, my ass is like, it hurts like my, you know, I was, I don't know. Like your butthole? Yeah. Like, yeah. Like my ass was like burning. I don't know if I was eating.

And my wife was like, you want me to take a look at it? And I was like, no. The fact that she just was like, she was like, and I'm like, you know, you're not doing, you know, and then I was fine. It was probably just whatever. I was probably just ate fucking Tabasco or something, but I was like, my stomach is messed up. My ass hurts.

Like, and she was like, I'll look at it. I was like, no, no. But that's like, yeah. Where's that? Was that post kids at this point? No. No, no. That was, that was both.

Like she would do both. Like if like right now two kids and anything, if I was like, dude, I got to go get my asshole checked. Yeah. She'd be like, I'll do it before you go to the doctor. Damn. My buddy at Hemorrhoids one time. In case the guy tries to rip you off.

You need new floor mats down here, bud. My buddy at Hemorrhoids one time and he went in and they put him on. He's like, dude, it was like out of a bad comedy movie. He's like, do you mind if like two of our, you know, doctors who are learning like on rounds swatch. And he's like, yeah, I guess what he's like to these two fucking smoke shows walking. And now he's like, I'm laying on a bed that like with, I'm just laying on my stomach. And then the bed, the head and the feet drop down.

So it's like your ass is off. And he's like, dude, my asshole is just bare exposed. And these two fucking smoke shows are there. Doing a solo. Yeah. Fucking belting it out, dude. Oh shit. And he was just like, yeah, you just got to be like, yeah, this is my fucking asshole.

Like. Wait, went to just to get checked for the hemorrhoids. Yeah. They had to like cut off a hemorrhoid or something. Yeah. Fuck. And it was like, they were like porn star hot. Dude, that's like sucks.

Like if you see them at a Starbucks two weeks later. Hey, Paul, how's the hemorrhoid doing now? Fuck. You whore. You could have been more gentle. All right. Let's do one more. And then we got to wrap it up here.

It's been a fucking barn burner. That one. Great, man. So fun, man. So fun. We've talked about this. Like, what do you keep at the house? It was a recurring one.

But this is from Katie Tyson. What brand of water bottle do you pick up at the convenience store? If you're going to get a bottle of water, what do you do? I mean, it also depends on what is available because usually I've noticed that like aquafina places don't have, don't always have the Fiji or the, you know, gun to my head. I'm going Fiji all day. Gun to my head. You go Fiji just because I think there's one of the things that like helps.

One of the things in the, in the, what's in it that other bottle waters don't have. Fiji water is actual spring water. Yeah. And it's like, I think either minerals or something that it has is more healthy and it tastes good. Yeah. So I would always, if I had a choice of like, I will tell you, it's got a cool bottle. It's got a good bottle.

It's different. It's a square bottle. It's a little thicker plastic. I will tell you what, though, an aquafina has got a nice little aftertaste. Wait, does aquafina coke? That's Coca-Cola. That's trash. Yeah, I don't like that.

That's bad news. I don't like aquafina. You're an aquafina guy? No, I like the taste of aquafina, but my go-to, gun to my head, my go-to, I would say, Fiji aquafina, Poland spring. Those are my, those are my, my least favorite, and people say it's also good for you, is the Avion. The aftertaste.

I just can't. I know. I don't do that. That's the real deal. That's the thing. It's like the shit that tastes like that. They're like, oh, you're getting more. Yeah.

Yeah. It has more, what is it called? Alkaline or some shit. Yeah, something like that. But I like a nice Perrier carbonated. Me too. Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Oh, just sparkling? Yeah. Dude, I... Was it Pellegrino? Yeah. Everybody gets these. If you're coming to do the AYG podcast, you get these for a dollar at the corner. Chas got the fucking head.

Chas got the glass. I mean, it's sunny. But he drank it out of a red solo cup, because that's all we have. Yeah, you guys should have got him a nice wine glass. That's what he said. He got some water for one of the nights. Are you, you're Pellegrino at the table, right? When they say, what do you want?

What do you normally drink? Now. But just this year. Really? Just this year. Okay. They used to just be ice water, lemon. I'm big on lemon.

And that's the Greek in me too. I go lemon all day. Okay. But now, now that I've really appreciated like a Perrier, Pellegrino. Pellegrino's worth it. It's worth the money. It's worth it. It's ice cold, no ice crisp.

When they say sparkling or flat, I go just bring the Pellegrino out. Yeah. Yeah. Stop right there. Bring the Pellegrino. 100%. Now, do you have those at the house? If I came up to your house, if we were in the house and I needed a glass of water.

Yeah, that's a question we ask a lot. What do you give me? Well, we have two, we have, we have cases of these. And then we also do the, the new Brita. The kids get the, because the kids are always, kids always need, so there's like a new Brita that we have that like, you know, and it's actually, it actually, the Brita, the new one, it's nice. It really, when you see the filter, you're like, oh, that's what I've been drinking.

Yeah. But yeah, no. So it would be like a bottle like this or that. But I have a refrigerator in an off room downstairs that's just loaded. It's loaded with, it's loaded with seltzers. It's loaded with different flavored seltzers. It's loaded with seltzer. It's loaded with Corona's, Sam Adams.

It's just a fully loaded, you know, anything you want, IPA cans that are ice cold, ice cold, IPA's, new IPA's, I mean, it's the whole fucking deal. He likes a nice IPA. Yeah. When you come to my house, you see the refrigerator, you're going to fucking stay there for three days. My brother blew me away yesterday. We went over to his house for, for, for his birthday.

He had Perrier in the tall cans. I've never seen him in a can. I never saw that. No. Ice cold dude. They were fucking phenomenal. That is the, the game changer is the, is the temperature of the drink. Like, I tell you on ice, I mean painfully cold.

I want my esophagus to tremor. Yes. Like I painfully like I don't, I don't drink beer. Okay. And when I do drink beer, it's got to be ice cold, painfully cold. Like it not, not like, oh, this is a cold one. Like, you know, the way the cores light, the thing turns blue. I want it purple.

I want, they haven't made the can yet for the cold that I want. I got to, I got to wear gloves. I'm going to be a pair of mittens and a sixer. Let's go. This is a hazmat suit. It's like liquid nitrogen. It's like dry ice coming off of it. Oh my God.

Gang, what a fun episode, Paul. Anything you want the folks out there to know, again, you're going to be at the Addison Improv this Thursday through Saturday. Yeah, guys, if you're in Texas, man, Addison Improv, I will be there this Thursday for one show, two Friday, two Saturday. That's April 22nd through the 24th, May 20th through the 23rd. I'll be at Side Splitters in Tampa. I'm doing a bunch of shows.

I think seven shows out there. I'm also going to be in Austin, Texas and Salt Lake City in June. You can go to PaulVersey.com for that. Please subscribe to my YouTube channel. The Versey Effect is doing fantastic. Anything better with Bill Burr is doing great, man. I really appreciate everybody. So check all that stuff out.

I'll be shooting a new special this summer. It should be out later this year. And in the meantime, you could check out my clips from my first special. I'll say this. So thank you. Fantastic. Now, most of you know Paul. If you know us, you know Paul.

But if you was out there that don't, you got to go fucking see him. He's absolutely fantastic. He's a fucking... I've opened up for him for so many weekends and he fucking bodies. Yeah, I appreciate that, man. We love you, buddy. I love you guys too, man. And I'm so happy.

It couldn't be a more fun podcast and it couldn't happen to two better guys. And I truly mean that. Thank you. I appreciate that. I hope you take over all these fucking asses. Believe me. There's a list. Not that I'm thinking about that.

Kippy, what are you going for? I'm trying to be positive over here. These cops are good motherfuckers. Guys, thank you so much. We appreciate all the support. I'm at Cameron Comedy on all social media. And then as you know, please rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube and then patreon.com.

We appreciate all the fucking help. Yes, we do. We love you guys and we'll see you next week. Peace. That was a banger, dude.