Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Paul Virzi - Buying a Horse

Episode Date: June 23, 2022

Kippy and Foley are back with old pal Paul Virzi! Its a hot one. Check out his new special on Netflix NOW! Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Subscribe on iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/are-you-garbage-comedy-podcast/id1499140700\ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Okay, let's talk about that middle-class famous tour, baby. Those sweet, sweet live shows? Woo! About to be kicking in a high gear. It's a stand-up comedy show with a little AYG that we play with the crowd. Great way to introduce new people to the show. So grab the squad.

Grab the homies. Grab the bozos. Grab your best girl. Grab your best guy. And come out and see us. Yeah, guys. First date is going to be Red Bank, New Jersey. That, it will sell out.

Let's go. Get those tickets. And we're in Seattle, Portland, Kansas City, Springfield, St. Louis, Nashville. Come on. Then up there to Indy, get your tickets. Like Big Man said, it's a great time. These live shows are bonkers.

You've seen Eclipse. Link in the description. Do it. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.

Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh, yeah. Little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're good to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of trash.

I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Anthony's basement. She is disappeared on the lam. Okay. The last thing she said to me is anybody from Fandall shows up at the house. You don't know me. My co-host is coming at you right next to me.

I got him, technically. He's the CEO of Are You Garbage. Bit of an international businessman. He is the Prince of Park Avenue, but always. It's a king of the boardwalk. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan. What's up, gang?

I got the giggles early. Thanks for tuning in, everybody. Make sure you're ready to subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. As you know, those numbers are true to roof. Cookin' and then obviously patreon.com, the greatest goddamn website of all time. Check it, the fuck out, people.

Yes, sir. You don't know what you're missing. You don't. You're missing millions upon millions of hours of content over there and that hard feelings, too. We really let the hair go down. But how about a nice quick shout out to our producer, Extraordinaire, the Magic Man.

Makes us all look good. We love him. You love him. Give it up for Toby McMullen, everybody. What's up, dudes? What's cookin', T-Bone? Oh, lovin' the frames, buddy. Thanks, pal.

I got my new glacis. You're the only guy who looks dumber with glasses. Try to take my SATs again. Gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I fucking mean incredibly special guest back with us again today. He's family at this point. He's always been.

We love him fucking. Absolutely amazing. And here's the fucking turkey right now. He has got a brand new Netflix special out right now called Nocturnal Admissions. Do us a favor and give it up for one of the most classiest guys to ever sit at fucking bars. Sure, of course.

Mr. Paul Versey. Yeah, cousin Paulie in a build. Dude, what? This is like my third. He did this. That's real fucking funny shit, too. That's three times I've been here. Yeah, fuck Steph Curry doing this.

This is my third time. My third fucking week. Are you? Yeah, dude, the SNL hosts, right? They get a jacket for five times. There you go. So when I come five, I want an RU garbage, one of your fucking Coors like jackets.

Get a monogram, so it's cousin Paulie on it. Parapholes, old sneakers. Well, since you brought that out, we actually have a little gift for you. Yes. All right, we know you're a classy guy. Listen, this is a fucking big deal. Paulie's got a special out on Netflix.

It is literally the fucking talk of the town. Everybody's saying how fucking amazing it is. Second major special, by the way. Second major special on Netflix. Anybody can do one. They're giving them out. Anybody can do one. Anybody can do it on YouTube, whatever.

If you want to see my first one, if you want to see my first one, you got to hunt down a Comedy Central executive. Showing it. He's got it under the bed somewhere. You got to go to a theater in Mary Uphold and take a look at that. Yikes.

But buddy, everybody's saying this is, you know, they're specials, then there's something that's special. And the word on the street, this is truly special. And we wanted to give you this as a token of our gratitude. A bottle of wine. Ooh. Nice bottle of cake bread for you. And you guys know I know my rich.

I know you know your rich. You choose. Okay. Oh, dude, thank you so much. Buddy, of course. I appreciate it. I figure you could take that home when the time's right. You got a couple of steaks on the grill.

Take it home. I'm sipping that in a car ride tonight. Stuck in traffic on the bell. I'm out of Sicily. I'll be sipping this like a 40 in, like, 96. He's got his straw in it. Driving down the street with a crazy straw and a bottle of cake bread.

What would the person next to me be like about the other stuff? Like, I think he's, they rolled to him. They're like, I think he's Italian. They just let it go. It's all right. It's what they did. Well, Dean Martin playing would be all right. Oh, thank you, dude.

That's awesome, man. Yeah, I'm really excited. Congratulations. I worked real hard on the hour and then pandemic hit. And it actually allowed me to kind of work on some jokes even more. Okay. So it came together.

Everybody who saw people that I really love and respect are saying some nice things. You're still always like, hey, man, when it comes out, but I know that this is the best work I've done as far as anything that the public is going to see. So yeah, I'm just going to, you know, leave it to everybody that watches it and hope for the best. It's fair.

I was there. I was at the taping. I opened up, struggled a little bit up for I'm not going to lie. Isn't that nuts how comics remember that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's going to do it. Congratulations. Here's wine, dude.

My second joke. My second joke was flat, dude. I tried ripping. I wasn't there. You know what I mean? How many jokes can you make, you know? He fucking remembered the waitress was loud at that second table. She dropped the glass.

I'll never forget it. Hand to God. Hand to God. I'll never forget. What's that guy in the back eating the pasta? It's like, are you crazy, too? We're so nuts. We remember fucking everything.

It's actually sick. I know. I know. But you fucking murdered. Like it was one of those where like, because you're, you know, I'm nervous watching you because I'm like, oh, shit, this is a big. They're so fine.

It's a production. Yeah, yeah. It's a proper fucking production. Directed by Pete Davidson. I mean, you got the fucking cray. It's crazy. Yeah. It's like a fucking movie.

It is nuts like the night you do it and you just start seeing the biggest agents and, you know, and Pete Davidson reached out to me and we were like, hey, man, I'd love to direct this thing. So he was there and he's so cool. He's just do whatever. He's, yeah. I was smoking sticks with Pete Davidson in a locker room. That's real fucking cool.

He's the best. He's the most misunderstood. Like he's the fucking chillest dude. So he was there. But everybody's there, my wife and all these people. And I'm like, just get the wheels in. I'm in the back. Like just get the wheels in the air.

Like start cooking. He starts murdering. I was like, oh, all right. And they did. I said, you know, my wife was like, you guys will love this shit because we're on argue garbage. And I'm, you know, I'm clearly not. Don't you forget that out there.

I don't know how many episodes I got to be on before you guys could just erase the. Let's just give you a fucking nice. There's a diet bottle of Snapple behind that bottle like cake right now. Yeah. There's a real big contrast here. It's got dip spit in it. No, but I said to my, I said to my wife's like, should we get some champagne out here for after the show?

And I said, yeah, I said, get the bottle of Dom, you know, and then I go, I go two bottles. I go, I did two specials. I want two bottles of Dom. So I was holding them like two trophies. And I said to her, I go, but if you get this, he was there. He's got the goggles on like he wanted to. He's got the green room was all tart now.

I'm dumping it on my wife's head. I got the makeup lady in a headlock of squirt in her face. Those are all smoking cigars. No. And I said to my wife, I go, listen, here's the deal. If you get the bottles of Dom on ice, which I knew she would, I said, we're going strawberries. And she goes, I go, I need strawberries with it.

And I get off stage, I come in and there's just two bottles of Dom on ice and just a vat of strawberries. He likes his fresh fruits, that Mr. You take a little bite of it and you dump the rest in the. I mean, yeah, it was, it was, it was a, it was, it was. He's crazy. Yeah. No, there's something like as there's literally something.

Well, Kevin, Kevin knows because here's the thing. I travel. I've, yeah, we've traveled. I opened up for you for, you know, for a long time. I'm known as a, and I think you could have tested this. I'm a very easygoing laidback dude. Of course. But there are certain things where you're just like, oh, he's got to, he's, I mean,

he like, is demanding strawberries. You're particularly, you're classy. I'm particularly. You like things done right. But I'll never shit on the people. Like if they don't do it. No. You know, I'll quietly.

I'll hold a grudge for 20, 25 years, but I ain't gonna shit on them. If you're drinking a bottle of middle of high life with a Laffy cat, I'm not going to say nothing in your face. But I'm going to trash you in the car. Yeah. Well, what would happen is if they were like, Paul, we couldn't get the strawberries. I'd be like, it's fine.

Then I'd call Kevin. What the fuck was that about you? Don't fuck with my age. Don't tell my age. I'm never fucking coming back again. Come over here and get a little bit of an asshole. Quite frankly, I don't like the bathroom in the hotel. I don't fucking, what the fuck is it?

You know, there was a hair on that. And then he would hear it. And then we would go out and eat and forget about it. Are you a move the room guy? Have you ever moved the room at the hotel here? I don't like this set me up with something else. No, I'm not, I'm not a move the room guy, but I'm a, I'm a, if it's like, if I could see that it's like three stars, like lie to me.

If it's three stars, just spruce it up. So I think it's a close to four, but don't show me it's three. Like I already know I'm in a shit hole. So let's lie. I got to sleep here for two nights. Make sure the remote has a back to it. Even, man, you got a duct tape fucking remote. Dude, dumb things.

Like make the towel an animal makes me better. Yeah. Yeah. You know, make a fucking flower out of it. Yeah. You like to total the paper with a little folder? I do. The fold in the sticker, even though it's like almost gone,

like the roll is like half empty. Just fold it and put a sticker on it. Make me feel nice. I agree with Paul. You know, when I do it, when I first get down, I go, you guys got movie. This is my way to, I go, you guys got movies in the room? And then they go, what do you mean?

Like move. And then when I say that and they already say no, I mean the movies you could purchase. Yeah. Yeah. But you know, sometimes they just got like HBO. Sure. So I always go, hey, you guys got movie in the room to order.

And they go, no, and I just, that's when I know it's. That's when you're in for only Adam and Eve. Now, will you send them a couple of hustlers? And if they just have showtime, it's a problem. You cock suckers couldn't get HBO in here. I mean, when you got a family plan, what are you doing? I put in my own Netflix password like an asshole. That's bad too.

To stay somewhere, you're like, you're texting your wife what the login is for fucking Netflix. How many times have you been talking? You were just doing that. You were screaming at your girlfriend. What's the login? That's a bad look. Will you, how do you feel if you get back,

will you dabble in like the little, a lot of the things don't have mini bars now. They have like the little section in the lobby where you can get like some water. No, no, no. You don't mess with like a little convenience store. Down, you know, down, oh, you mean the downstairs. Downstairs, yeah.

I'll go and get something like. You think you're talking about the vending machine? I thought you meant like the vending machine. No, I'm no stranger. Yeah. You're getting ice, it's an impulse buy. No, nothing's worse than seeing the guy barefoot with a bucket of ice at two in the morning.

It's like, you fucking alcoholic, go to bed, dude. Go to bed, yeah, we're at a fucking holiday and express next to the airport. Shut it, guys. Gotta put his last two cores in a bucket to 30 in the morning. Um, no, I'll go down there. I'll get a water for the next day.

I'll get like a breakfast bar or something, something if I'm hungry. Um, I don't like when they don't have a restaurant in the place. That's a tough look. That's crazy. You know, because you like to come in after a show, let's say it's 11, hey, can I get wings?

Oh, no, but we have lifesavers. It's like, yeah, you like tic-tac? Like, fuck. Upstairs eating toothpaste, dude. I did one. You know, the one that they have the, it's a tuna. It's a can of tuna with the crackers and the thing to scoop. What?

Yeah, I had to. Yeah, I know. You're jammed up. I was almost thinking about you guys when I was doing it. What part of Siberia were you in? Oh, damn it. Shit. Who books Siberia?

Dude, the spoon for it was this big. I felt like it was like one of those ice cream tasters. We tried a rocky road. I felt like the biggest piece of shit. I'm sitting at the desk with this baby thing and I'm trying to get, I'm trying to equal it on the cracker. No mayo? Is there mayo in there?

No, no, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's like pre-mixed. Just dried tuna? No, it's, it's bumblebee mixed tuna. But in the can sealed, then you unseal it, then you come with a scooper and you put it on the crackers that it comes with. But when you're jammed up and hungry, Yeah, trust me, I know, man.

I can't get a steak. I can't get a burger. I got something. I'm not eating beef jerky for dinner. They got a porterhouse and a can. Little fork and knife. I assume, since you mentioned the barefoot thing, say you're at a hotel, they got the pool,

whatever you go down before the show. Will you do the pool? Will you do a dip? If it's a, if it's a five star. Really? Yeah. If it's a, if it's, if I'll do the pool, if it's got a steam room and a sauna.

We were at a Hampton Inn. Oh man, we were just. Somewhere. I thought I was at Disney. Oh my God. It looked like we were at Cancun, dude. We were fucking doing chicken fights. Oh, dude.

But will you walk around a hotel barefoot? No. I didn't even listen to the question. I didn't even listen. As soon as you said walk around, it's like my feet are wrapped up in Nike leather. That's what it is. And it's 90% going to be white.

A 12 year old made these shoes. Sitting in a, sitting in a steam room with Jordan's on. That is chains on. Oh, the chains fucking, I keep the chains on even though they get hot. I got a fucking branding. I got a branding around the neck, but they stay on. Do you keep them on when you shower?

Yes. You do. So they never come off. This is part of me, dude. Really? Dude, this is part of me. This is like, if you took this away, my powers will go away. That's how I feel.

I start bombing. You're bombing, Dr. Kirsten. You're bombing. You're bombing? I'm like Christopher Reeve when he lost his powers in Superman. Dude, I don't know what Netflix paid you, but it wasn't enough.

You fucking kid. Paulie's all right, gang. Paulie's the best. Gotta love that verse, man. Dude, you guys are the best, man. I love, I literally, there's a, and I mean this. I mean this, dude. And this is actually a serious thing.

I was thinking about this the other night. There's a few things in comedy that really have brought me joy. And your guy's success and the success of this show is one of those things. When I think about it, because I know where you guys came from and what you guys do, and it kind of reminds me of, because nobody gave a fuck about me for 14 years. So for this to be like this, it's one of those things

where I look up and I just smile, and I want you guys to have the fucking world, which you're going to have. Thank you, man. That means so much coming from you, honestly. We love you. And did I get that bottle of Jameson? You're swapping it out.

Fuck this fucking wing. I'm leaving with Mountain Dew and easy cheese. Hey, take the dude. Don't touch the cheese. I'm making a charcuterie board later. Vacations, hotels, all that kind of stuff, traveling around. Yeah. As things get bigger for you, which, you know,

you're on a fucking rocket ship, where do you see, what would be like a, like a dream? Yeah, like a dream vacation. Dream vacation, dream destination. Do you want to stay in the house? Do you want to get a bigger house? Do you want to move back to the city? What do you want to do?

Oh, you guys are asking really good questions. Yeah, I assume you've been thinking about it. You know, I'm working on that. Here's what I'm doing. OK, so I live up. I live like 800 feet up. He's out in the country. I'm out in the country.

I'm out in the country. I'm high up. I got the view of the mountains, but we want to up. We want to, so the land we have, the house is nice and new looking, but it's. You didn't build that, right? That was there. No, no, we didn't build it.

OK, and the property in the lot is crazy. The property is proper bananas. Right. We have this. Yeah. And like my wife's got this amazing garden. So, but we wanted to move and level up a little bit. So we, after a long time, long story short,

we're like, let's just fuck. Let's just throw another house on this house. Let's just fuck. And I don't give a fuck what it costs. Well, no matter how. And she was like, well, let's not say you don't care what it costs. Yeah.

What'd you do? Because she's screaming at her six months later. I go, I go, I'll throw a fucking million and a half. And she's like, then we could get another house. I go, no, we're fucking turning this house. And then she goes, we're getting a pool, too. But I'm doing the new fiberglass pool. You heard about this?

No. Oh, yeah, I think I do know. It's fucked. Yeah. So what they do is they just dig the hole. And you plop it in. And a fucking truck comes and just puts it in. OK.

It needs no maintenance, really. It's incredible. It's incredibly done. And then you build around it. So I think we're going to do that. And I think. You can do the stones or whatever you want to around it. Yeah, there's a couple of Italian guys that do the stones.

Italians love stone, dude. Why is that? Because we're all masons, right? All the Italians are all masons. Indians, doctors, when it comes to roofs and stones, you need an Italian. Italians love hardscaping. Yeah, Italians love.

You watch an Italian just marvel at a piece of rock or marble and they just talk about it. Fucking born with a wet saw in there. Nothing like cutting with a wet saw. I'll tell you, that's a good feeling. Oh, yeah. No, so but I wanted to do Greece and Sicily because I'm Greek and Sicilian.

So let's take. But how have you been? No, I've been to Italy twice. OK. But I'd never been like actually went to Sicily and Greece, especially in the towns that I'm from. So I wanted to do it. But Vladimir Putin fucked it up.

Because when that shit happened, well, I got it. The blame's got to go somewhere. You hear that? You BDI piece of shit. Yeah, I know. I think your shit up and gone. Only a pride.

Kevin, only a prideful grudge. A guy like me just has to go. It's Putin's fault. That's why I'm not eating fucking perjute in Venice right now. I'm blaming Putin on problems with my girlfriend. I don't know you're talking. I'm throwing his name around everywhere. No, so and I made the mistake.

We made a mistake. Stacy's like, should we maybe not go? Because it was right when they invaded Ukraine. Sure. And it was like right when that was like. I don't know what the fuck's going to happen, of course. We don't know what's going to happen if there's, you know, you know, what is it called on the top of the newspaper

is World War III coming. And then you hear another headline. World War III maybe. And they start saying like Americans don't travel. So I said to Stacy. I just booked a Perillo tour. So what are we doing? How are you getting that deposit back?

So I said to Stacy, I go, what's Italy doing with that? You know, and she was like. He's like, let me see a map. How close is Poland? How close is fucking? What do you think they're joining the Russians? Yeah. And I love how I asked my wife, like,

she's in touch with the fucking Pentagon. Like she, she, she picks up a red phone. Hold on, let me see. She's hardwired in. What's Biden saying? So, so she's like, I don't know if we should take the kids. And if this thing gets hairy, so I'm like, you know what, let's think about it.

And then we decided we're just going to hold off maybe next year. But now I see everybody posting their vacations in Italy. Everybody's in Italy. And I saw a guy in a gondola. Fuck it. They were eating. And I just looked at my wife. I go, we fucked up, but. Better safe than sorry.

Better safe. Especially with the kids. Right. So that's, so that's the next movie. You're going to go to, what's the town in Greece? Where your family's from? Where are you going to go? So we want to, we want to actually do like all because I've never been.

I've never, we're going to, I want to go. That shit looks so nice. Fuck yeah. So nice. I want to go everywhere. And yeah, I think that my grandfather was outside, outside of Athens a little bit. And then my grandmother was from a place called Teramina in Sicily, which is supposed to be some of the nicest beaches in the world.

So we were going to do that, man. And you know, Putin, so. Tommy Bastards. When in doubt, blame Russia. I mean, yeah, Russia or China. 100%. No, so, so those are things I want to do. I'm thinking a page out of my parents book.

But the, the, you know, the pool, the pool is going to happen. She said no to the horse. And she said no. Oh, she's on a horse. Wait, there's horses up there. He just posted a video the other day and fucking. It was like the goddamn Kentucky Derby going. He fucking straight.

You can't just say that. She said no to the horse. You never mentioned a horse. You want to get a horse? Oh, so I want to get a horse. And a racer. No, I just want to chill. Just a horse to chill.

Like just to have a fucking horse, you know, just, you know. He's fucking nuts, Folly. What do you need to chill to watch the game with you? What are you talking about? Just hang out, sit on it, have the kids go for a ride. I'll have fucking neighbors sit on it. The kids just get a horse up there and start riding around. Sure.

Well, Yannis's neighbor has a horse. And she's got less land than me. She's got a stable one horse. She walks around the house. Like she walks down the street like a dog. She's walking this thing like a fucking dog. I'm walking. Actually, I walk past her with my dog.

I walk past her and she's got, she's got fucking, you know, seed biscuit. Franklin B. Yeah. Better clean that shit up. I'll tell you right now. Oh, no, the things just shit like, like elephant shit all over the streets and nobody.

Brutal. So Stacy says no, you know. I talk about it in a special a little bit. And then I tried to get a great down, a great day without her blessing. And she, that's like a fucking horse. That's a mini horse. Well, she said no to the horse.

I want to get the next best thing. So she goes. Bobcat. Got a cougar. She's got me down to a fucking squirrel at this point. I'm here to deliver a mule to a Mr. Paul Versey. What do you want? What do you want these donkeys?

There's something that I will say. If I do get to a level of success, I want an animal nobody's got. Dude, I'll have a fucking giraffe lean over. Like Donnie Brass go all over. Imagine if you're sitting up on my deck. You imagine we're sitting up on my deck. Good giraffe.

I just hit you to draft an apple. Get out of here. I got friends over. Go play. I can scream. Go lay down. Go lay down. Go lay down.

Dude, what the fuck? Wait, when you say try to get a great day without her blessing, you almost made a move on it. Yeah. So how would that have happened? I do the podcast, right? I do two podcasts. Versey effect and the one with Burr.

We were just talking about it. And somebody reached out. And somebody goes, hey, I heard you want a great day. And I'm a breeder in Missouri. And I love your stuff. And I hook you up. Nice. And I was like, would it?

He's like, hook me up with a dain. And I was like, all right. So I tell the kids that that's who's wearing wrong. I go, kids, we're getting a puppy. And I go, what? And I go, we're getting a great day. And Lucas goes, what about mom? I go, don't worry about it.

Don't worry about it. I got it. And then he already knows. Oh, he knows. Yeah, he knows. She calls the shots. He probably didn't even get that upset because he probably knew right away.

She's the bootman of the household. Oh, big time. My wife is no sweetheart, but no games. Right. So then the kids go, mommy's not going to go for it. I go, trust me, it's going to happen on Christmas. She's not going to be able to say no. She's not going to be able to say no.

You know, it's crumbling. Here. Hey, Merry Christmas. There's a tree. She's not going to ruin Christmas. Here's a puppy. The thing's got blue eyes. I hear it.

To her, it's over. There's a code you've got to play by. So I had a good year financially. So I go, who knows? Like an asshole, I'm downstairs. I go, who knows what's happening this year? We might get anything for Christmas, right? Just being some stupid.

And my wife goes, that's great. Just as long as it's not another live animal. And both of my kids just go. Yeah. Dead to right. She knows you. And then I go, don't worry. Don't worry.

And then then we had to have a talk. And she goes, oh, you bring that fucking thing in the house? She goes, we're getting divorced. Jesus. And I go, what? She goes, well, I would. She goes, I had a dream we did. My wife had a dream that I against her will

got a great day. And we got divorced. So I go, oh, you know what? I'm going to. Yeah. Maybe that premonition. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, when your wife's having dreams about ending it. She's 15 steps. What is she? The Scarlet Witch? Oh, dude. She's my wife's. Dude, my wife's got my son. When he was eight, she knew where he was going to college.

I mean, she's one of those, dude. I had a dream. She goes, I had a dream. You got this dog. And we just fought and fought and got divorced. And I'm not saying. And I was just like, you know what, kids? That's because that's like achievable.

You know what I mean? That's not like then we went to Mars or whatever. And that means that her stress of it is so much that she's fucking sleeping. You have the one dog now, right? Yeah. OK. So she just doesn't want another one.

She doesn't want another one. Puppies are a lot. Puppies are a lot. Puppies are a lot. Your dog is the shit. Thank you. But puppies are a lot. I mean, I didn't realize what the fuck we were getting into.

Get it in like a year or something. Well, the thing is. You want the puppy because he's cute. And you want it to be yours from a baby and grow older and stuff. I don't want to inherit someone else's fucking problems either. Yeah. But 18 months, they get better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But see, the thing is my wife was like, we're getting rid of them. I'd be in a hotel in Detroit or Chicago. And she'd go, you're calling a friend. We've got to get rid of this dog. He's jumping. He's biting. And I'm just going. I just help.

And then all of a sudden, 18 months, he just changed. Nice. We got he just turned into, settled down. And that's it. But you know, she and she's like, oh, he loves me. And I go, yeah, he doesn't know you're a rat. Because you would have got rid of him. Yeah.

He doesn't. You would have got fucking. You would have got rid of him. He doesn't know. When do I put the tapes for him? Pussy wasn't fucking getting whacked. Yeah. Morty's wigs never come back.

I was wearing the wire. You don't want to hear. Yeah. Because she was like, get rid of him. Get rid of him. And now she loves him now. Oh my god. There you go.

So you know. So you'll just do the pool? Or will you put a new house on this property? No. We're going to do a remodel of the house and redo the house on this property. And we're going to get a pool. So additions you're going to add on?

We're going to add additions. We're talking to contract. I already had a contractor come to the house. He looked. We had two contractors come. And one goes, I think we should go up. And the other one goes, I think we should go back. And I go, can we do both?

Double it. And they go, yeah. You actually could do anything you want. So we're going to do that. And eventually, I think once she gets the house, once the house gets to where I think I'm going to get another dog in there. There you go.

I'll figure it out. Keep them in a West Wing. You know what I mean? Oh, listen. If I'm making a certain amount of money, that's when the general takes. That's when I'm the general now. OK?

You know what? They're calling the fucking shots again. What's something in the remodel that you definitely want to have in the house? You want to have like a bar? Or a jacuzzi ton? No. In the hot tub, we'll be with the pool.

Oh, you're doing that? Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. He just thought he was going to eat. What do you think? I'm going to have a fucking inflatable? Yeah, give me $100,000 pool.

I'm going to go to Walmart and get one of those bathtubs. They put, who's got the extension cord? And it's slip inside. It'll look real good right next to the fucking marble pool. Now I'm in the bathroom. Do you already have that now? No. So we're going to do a master bat.

We want to do a big, big. We want to go up and do a big master bedroom with the master bath up there. Nice. To the two sinks, the whole nine yards. Yep. I want, I have a lot of sneakers. And it's because it's like overflowing.

It's a problem in the house. Right. You know, I got Jordans all over the joint. I'm not joking. We're going to do a room, walk-in closet. What do you think? I want to do a walk-in closet with all the sneakers and then all my stuff.

That's my stuff and do that. And then we want a game room with some video games and a pool table. That's fucking nice. That's great. That's what additions and expansions of a house should entail. That's nice.

Yeah. That's great. Yeah, yeah. I'm nice. So we got to, you know, that's what I'm looking to do. And I think once we're able to do it, you know, she's got to pipe down. Yeah, you don't want a dog.

Yeah. Well, here's fucking 100 grand for last night. So I got two of them. I'm sorry. Were you adding shows in Cleveland? I had to spite you by a whole sled dog team. Hey, I just got a movie deal. There's a fucking horse in a backyard.

Now, I would never use stuff like that against her, but I would, like, threaten her. You would think it. Yeah. Stop giving me shit and go feed the llama, will you? Bustin' my balls. What'd you do for Father's Day? Oh, happy Father's Day.

Especially happy Father's Day. Father's Day was incredible, man. We, well, I played golf in the morning early. Nice. Great. You played up there? How'd you hit him? I played him good.

You know, I hit him good. I don't get to play as much as I want to play, but as long as I'm shooting like mid-90s or, you know, if I could shoot mid-90s or get high 80s without, but without playing a lot. Sure. So we did that early, though, 7.30, done by noon. You got your old clubs?

Who went out? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I've been here. In the golf world, you're a real hand job if you show up at a ranked club. They're piecing them together, dude. It's bad.

I just said that to piss them off. Oh, that's hilarious. You got, like, a mini golf putter and shit. Yeah. They give you a blue ball. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you bring them in a hockey bag. You get the wrong fucking shit you're putting them in.

Do any of the, I don't know what they're called, like, socks that go on top of the- Head covers, yeah. Head covers. Do you have any monogram head covers? No. Oh, I can see you doing that real nice. No, no, no.

If I played a lot more than I do now, maybe a little Paul T. Versey on the back. Sure. There you go. Oh, who's back? Oh, that's Paul T. Versey. Because let's be honest. When you just go with the Paul T. is class.

Yeah. You know, that's on the credit card. Paul T. Yeah, yeah. P.T. Versey? Yeah, yeah. My dad, my dad is whole, you know, my dad, you guys know. You'll see the special.

My dad is, I mean, off the check. My dad's license plate was TJV. Always. You know, just everything embroidered. His slippers with his, my dad has slippers with his fucking initials on it. That's awesome. You know, he's going to his fucking bedroom

to the bathroom. Kids got slippers with golden initials. Yeah, gotta have custom slippers. Oh, that's fucking cool. Yeah, yeah. So this is in me from him. Sure. But my mom's-

A lot of most Italians have it. But my mom's Greek watered it. Sure. It like, Yanis always says that, like, because if he was like, yeah, dude, if you were falsely and you go criminal, I don't know about that, but I get it. Because you'd be an associate.

Yeah, yeah, because I did shit that was bad. You know, I would fucking, like, as a kid, steal and shit. And like, have no fucking, you know, not like, I would, but I would steal dumb shit, you know. Did I tell this story about- That would be weird if you were stealing cars and shit. No, but I told you. No, but we broke into cars.

We would like break into cars. I'd steal dumb shit, like, banks and fucks. Maserati. But dealership was asking for it. We broke into a couple of houses, couple of jewelry boxes, kid stuff. Smashing grave job. You know, I put a gun to the-

That's what we did back then. I put a gun to this old lady's head for a goof. It was a goof. Yeah, she gave me the social security check, but still, we were having fun. Yeah, kidnap through a duct tape for a few hours. It was a joke. You know, kid stuff.

No, but I told the story about the provolone. Did I tell you that? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I stole provolone. I would steal gummy bears a lot. I would always put, like, I would get drunk and we would go into stop and shop and I would just unload shit in my pants.

I would just take handfuls of candy, dump them in my pants, you know, 40s, beers, and looking back, I'm like, dude, where did that come from? Because my kids did any shit like that. Yeah, freak out. I'd be devastated. Freak out, freak out, of course.

And my mom is like, you know, but my dad just is kind of like, you know- It's different now though, too. It's different now though, too. It is different. Let's do that now. You know, there's no, hey, you know, I know your grandmother, you know,

go home, knock this off, or whatever, fucking did. They put them, they had them, they'd bring them out in cuffs. Yeah, and it's different now, too, because like me and my friends, we got hammered one time and we also want to see, like,

who could punch themself in the face, the hardest. And we were fucked up in my friend's thing. She's going, boo! Whaling on, yeah. And then I got like a big thing, you know, and we're watching, we're smoking weed, watching. Then it's the dumbest thing. But now, if you told people, you'd be like,

what the fuck, these meatheads, you know? I know, yeah, yeah, yeah. Or they go to a Trump rally before they started punching them. Well, imagine your son getting so fucked up, you're like, I want to start punching myself. What the fuck are you doing? Like, and you get that phone call.

You get that fucking phone call from a mother, like, yeah, you know, I just want to let you know Lucas and them were punching themselves in the face. They were beating the shit out of each of you, punching themselves. Down in the basement with black guys and MAGA hats on. What are you doing?

Well, come get this, kid. Dude, you want to hear something? I took my boy and four of his friends. I took five 13-year-old boys to Yankee Stadium. All right. There we go. And these fuckers didn't stop eating, dude. Really?

I mean. Probably cost you about 400. Can I get off? Yeah, I wish. I wish, dude. Your parents didn't give you any money? Nothing. I dropped almost a stack.

Really? Dude, dude, this kid, you're like, and I don't mind, you know me. Of course. As a matter of fact, I'll drop a stack. I showed you. I'll get hot dogs for everybody fucking in here. I told these fucking kids, M&M's,

whatever you want, you tell me. And their moms gave them money. That's another thing I don't do. Okay, you know, you give the, oh, my mom gave me 40 bucks to tell your mother to stop assaulting. Here, give her an extra 20 bucks. Give her 60 bucks.

I'll fucking double your mother's money. What's your mortgage? I'll fucking send a check to your fucking house. Get a running number. I'm going to send it right to the E-Caron. What's her car payment? What's she driving? Mr. Versey, Kia just called and said you took care of it.

Said you took care to balance it at least. That's for you. Enjoy the sorento, will you? So, you know, one of the kids was like, can we get M&M's? So, and they got their big bags, M&M's, you know? Like, yes, get whatever you want. But then I was like, hey, man,

we can crack a Jackson popcorn. Yeah, and I just kept going up to the thing. But it was, and I just have to, like even when I talk to my wife, it's not about the money. I was like, I couldn't watch the game because these kids wouldn't stop you. Sure, sure, sure.

I'm like, it's a fucking three, two count. This kid's asking for a fucking Twizzler. I'm like, we got second and third here. Okay. Hey, kid, I got a parlay going here, okay? You don't need your fucking pretzel bites. Can you hold off that tapeworm for another half an inning? You're fucking...

Now, is there any part of you where you're looking at them to like exercise a little bit of, you know, tact of being like, hey, you're kind of pushing it at this point? You know what I mean of like, because that was instilled in us. Like, if somebody's going somewhere and someone's paying the bill, you're not fucking...

I always had massive anxiety. You're keeping your fucking head down and like, get it. Hey, I'll take this and this and then I'm good. Like, as far as what I give them? As far as like, one of the kids asking, hey, can I do this and this and this at some point, you're like, Jesus fucking Christ.

They're always, I'll be honest, there's one kid. There's one. I mean, if we're going to talk real, you know, there's one. Yeah, dude. Kill the cameras. It's a... Lower the lights, people. How much time you guys got?

No, there's one that it's like this thing where it's like, get, you know, because some of these kids come in the house and you hear them whisper. Like, hey, where are you? You guys got snacks? Where is it? And then I'll hear my son or daughter go,

yeah, we got a snack. Oh, you got those too? Can we get those? Now me, my wife can't handle it. My wife is... What's the rule on that? If I'm one of your son's friends... Foli just wants to come over and get some snacks.

You got Dunkaroos, Verzi? Let me know right now. Hey, listen, dude, the podcast is doing well. What do you want to hear? Catch me breaking in. I got a ski mask on. I'm knee deep in Dunkaroos. Man, there's a jewelry box right there.

Is it trailing goldfish into Foli's car? Give me the pretzel rod. What's the rule on that? So what do you tell the kids? Hey, when your friends come over, if you guys want a snack, you ask me, your mommy, or just go in the pantry, get whatever you want. How do you guys play that?

Stacey's along with the rule. And Stacey's like, look, you take one bag. She wants to meet and write. She's like, yeah, of course, like, take one bag. Like, you know, if we know the kids ate lunch and they're full, you know, you take one bag of snacks, everybody gets to go outside and play. And that's it.

But then you get the kids who go harder. Who are like, hey, man, I saw that you also had... Let me get a candy ball. And then my kids are like me. They don't want to ever be like, no. Sure, that's a good kid. Yeah, they don't want it. So they're like, all right, hold on.

And then Stacey will see extra rappers and go, what the fuck happened? And my kids are like, you know, so-and-so. I'll just use a name. And you're like, oh, Joey just... And my wife's like, I don't give it. And then that's the thing. So when you go to a game, you could see what that kids do.

Of course. Yeah. You know. Why do you think they're not getting that at home? And this is a... There's something. And there's something. I also think it comes from the parents a little.

It does. Your kid wouldn't go, I'm like, I'll now do the scoop. I'll use cream, and let me get two IPAs, and I'll fucking whatever I need. Your kid would be like, I'll do it with a slice of pizza and a soda, and we'll call it a day. Yeah, I had a fucking 12-year-old with fucking shrimp cocktails. This kid's getting sushi from the fucking Section 118.

I love the tuna tartare. The fuck you will. Get it, you goddamn mind? Give him the twizzlers, will you? Yeah. And here's what I did. Here's what I did walking in. And this is all true.

This is all fucking true. He's fucking nuts. I don't say shit like this just to say it. Mm-hmm. We walked into that fucking ballpark, and there was everybody. Real steak, real... Not chop steak.

Not like where you guys come from, the cheese steak. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Chop. No, no. There was steaks that they put on sandwiches on heroes. So these kids were getting sirloins on steaks, and then they put whatever they want. I made sure every kid got a big steak sandwich

with whatever they wanted on it before... It's about probably 18 bucks a clip. It was. Before we sat down. And they all had drinks. Before we sat down. So they got a steak sandwich, drinks, not to mention on the ride from upstate to Yankee Stadium.

The cars just littered with snacks. Okay. Okay, so, yeah. It was like... Not to mention a parking down there, either. Yeah. Yeah. That ain't cheap.

Yeah, that ain't free. So these kids got steak in their bellies. They got food. They got snacks. Everything's sit down. And then I just... But you could tell the ones where I'm just like, as they kept asking, I was just like,

dude, your parents suck. Yeah, exactly. It comes from them. Yeah, it comes. You're all men work. What's going on over there? Is he laid off or something, furlough him? He's just great.

He's still collecting. What's happening? These kids asking me for a new book bag. What the fuck? It's something that you know is a problem because the kids come from money or have money. And it's like a take thing. And it was actually...

I use it as an example to tell my kids. Like, you say, my kids know, listen, if you're hungry, somebody gives you pizza, you have a couple slices to you, you get full, you have a drink, you're done. Don't ask for a fucking tupperware to take at home. I get a slice wrapped up. Yeah, a kid comes with a half a box of something.

I'm like, you asked for this? It's funny because those are the ones that are greedier and not even greed's the right word maybe, but like the kids that, you know, might be a little bit less off than the Verzies. They're usually the nicer, more polite, more, oh my God, thank you so much. Yeah.

It's these fucking rich kids you gotta watch out for. Yeah. And there's always a... Like, see, this is the one thing I know about having a 10-year-old and a 13-year-old is, you're responsible when you're on the clock with them, you're responsible for that kid's life. I know.

And this, you know, they'll come in and be like, oh my God, thank you for taking Joe. Here's his medicine. I'm like, medicine. Fuck your medicine. I was like, what the fuck are you handing me here? Jesus. And I'll text my wife and be like, I'm not giving this kid.

You're certified in CPR, right, Mr. Verzi? What the fuck? Yeah. You don't get squeamish at needles, do you? No, but go to see the Avengers when we're talking about it. Yeah, and you'll get like, you ziploc bags of medicine and shit, and you just, oh, he's never gonna need it.

That's why he'll never need it. He'll never need it. But if he does, there's a scalpel in there. You gotta cut his leg off. You know how to do an emergency trick, right? You gotta take his leg before the blood flows there. Okay, yeah. You say go for a bag of peanuts,

you're diving over to fucking shit. No. I remember we had that. My boy going to lacrosse camp. My boy going to lacrosse camp. We get on the bus and his mom fucking hands my buddy, Eric, his EpiPen. Oh, shit.

EpiPens, I felt like they, they got invented in like 2020. You know, they're new. Oh, listen, he's allergic to life. Yeah. Listen, you don't have air in the house, do you? There's not water in that pool. Is there, Verzi?

You guys don't have porcelain toilets, do you? You guys got a horse's bag of chance over there? He's allergic to equestrians. Yeah, so those are things that I'm, but I am, I really do love it, man. Bless you, buddy. I love it. I love, you know, I'm a kid, man.

So I love taking them to the arcade. I love taking them to games. You're having fun with it. Yeah, like when I'm not doing shows, man, I just want to be with my kids doing that. And like, I'm not just saying that, like, I just, hey, man, let's sit down. Let's watch the game together.

Let's do something. I just love being with my family, man. So, um... Good guy. Verzi, classy guy. We've talked about this privately. You know, dudes like you, Yanni, the things that you're doing, that's, you know, where we, you know, that's, that's, that's the,

you know, you guys have the secret. You know what I mean? You have the best of both worlds. You have the life. You're not, you know, it's not, you have like 14 roommates and you're, you know, you're stabbing someone in the back to get a spot, a check spot somewhere.

You know what I mean? You're a nice piece of property. The family. What happens is, and you're going to find, you're going to find this, I'm sorry, you're going to find this is that, um, it's the thing, and I always told Kevin this when we would work together, um...

Because we're surrounded by children. Don't let anybody, don't let anybody know. He's like, we're in an industry full of kids. Don't let anybody tell you not to get married. Right away, 20 minutes off the bat. Yeah, don't, don't tell anybody that you can't have a real life in this and have family and kids. And what you think matters and is important doesn't.

We're running around these fucking assholes. Are these fucking... Love game. Dummy. Mr. Fursy worked out. These fucking dummies. We still talking about that kid, Joe. Jesus Christ, Paul.

Take it, he's a bad guy with ms. No, but they're running around for $25 spots to a booker or an owner that's never lived in our shoes. I was, before pandemic, I said to my wife, I go, I can't, I would leave my dinner table on a fucking Tuesday at six o'clock. My kid's going, where you going? Oh, I got to go down and fucking do a $25 spot.

But I didn't realize the hamster wheel that I was on. Sure. And the more successful you get to, you're going to run, you don't, you pick and, you fucking. You choose. You hear that out there? You choose. You pick and choose when, and it's right for you

and what makes you feel good. Because at the end of the day, dude, when you're fucking sitting there, God forbid, in a hospital going, I fucking left my babies. I left my fucking family to go do a fucking bar show in fucking Long Island City on a Wednesday for fucking food,

for a fucking chicken nugget and a drink ticket. What the fuck? I know. That's the hell. That's hell. That's not living. You know, and, and it's also somebody that we're trying to impress a stranger.

How crazy are you trying to impress a fucking stranger? You just left all your loved ones to, if that booker got smacked by a fucking bus and explode, died miserably, the next day there'll be another one. Oh, what's his name? Oh, Greg, does he like my type of comment? That's a sickness.

So I just got to the point where I was like, listen, I got to trust the process, know that, believe in myself, getting better, knowing that, and doing it on my terms my way. And that made everything fall into place because when you show people that, when you show people like,

look, look, I know you have a whole little system. You go, no, I'm not. I'm not playing that game. No, I'm not playing that game. No, you know, I said, you know, I haven't told this story many times on a podcast and I don't care if anybody thinks about it. I don't give a fuck.

Let's go. You know, with the comedy seller, you know, years ago, I got an audition at the comedy seller. This is like 10, 11 years ago. And I did well, but they were just like playing the game. Like, oh, we don't know.

We'll see. We'll see. You know, I saw him very late. Maybe I'll see him early. Like 11, 12 years ago. And I said, okay, so I'm not going to play the game anymore because I thought I did well. And this is nothing against them.

They've been great to me now. But years go by and I go, I'm not going to go back down until they call me. And they go, what? I go, I'm not going to do the comedy seller until they hear about me enough to where they call me and they say, we want you to work here. I'm not auditioning.

And I did the stand and I did New York Comedy Club and I did all these places. And I come home one day and I put that out there to the world and I look at my phone and I got a text from Esty the Booker. And she goes, hey, you know, we have a club in Vegas that's opening at the Rio

and comics are saying that you should do it. And I heard from Bobby Kelly that you should do it. We'd love to have you do it. And I said, great. And she goes, in the meantime, if you want to do any of our New York rooms, give me your avails. And I gave my avails and they loaded me up with shows.

And I've been there for years. It's like that. I'm not doing nothing. Listen to me. I'm not fucking doing anything. I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for me and my family. That's it.

That's it. Of course. Yeah. And I sleep good. I'm buying things. I don't know why I just got... Porter, how's it going? How the fuck do you think I'm coming down here?

Yeah. And I realized that it's almost like the abuse you take. Well, that's what we're realizing now is we, you know, we gain some success. At least I am. And it's like, you're beholden to every single person, even from an open when you can get on stage to doing a check spot, to doing a guest spot,

to doing a regular spot, to opening up for something. Everything is decided by someone else in the industry. A booker, a club manager, whatever. To the point now where I'm like, oh, I don't need... We've made all of this outside of anything. You know what I mean? Like, this is all just based on the fucking fans listening.

Yeah. So we need the bozos in the home. Yeah, I'm like, everybody can fucking suck a dick. And there's nothing... I have what we need. Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with like... What I said is nothing against the seller or any comedy club that I want to work with.

Of course, no, yeah. Now it's just like, oh, I got to a point where it's like, okay, people are talking about me and I'm kind of past everywhere else. For me to go and audition for six minutes when I remember once it just didn't make sense and then her hearing about it, and I give SD credit because she goes,

who's this Paul Verzi I hear about? And then she actually fucking booked me. So it was like, so it was actually... And that'll happen other places. You know, when you say no in this business, like people, everything that I ever thought, everything I ever dreamed of has happened with things where it's like people are like,

hey, man, I'd love to have you come and do my show. Back in the day, you're like, I need work. Yeah, of course. I need fucking, I'll do anything. I'll stand on a fucking beer crate and tell jokes in some bar. Now all of a sudden, but it's just putting the work in and doing it and getting better.

I mean, then you have to be, you know, immensely talented. And good looking. Don't let that slip away. I mean, you have to be fucking hilarious. But I mean... No, of course, but you always did that. That was always shocking to me.

You always held yourself. Tell your ground. You held your ground, which I've learned a lot from. Having the confidence to say no, having the confidence to step off the hamster wheel and just go like... And when you do that, even things even get better. I mean, when the pandemic was happening

and like all these shows were happening here and there and like all outdoor kind of stuff. And he was like, we went down to the stress factor and open for you with the stretch factor. You had like this big tent and everything. He goes, I'll do this. He goes, I'll do this. You ain't going to find me standing on the back

of a fucking pickup truck at a fucking vineyard. He's like, I'm not doing that. I'm not going to be standing in Central Park next to a fucking batting machine. Swatting squirrels away in a minute and set up. I'm going like, I was in the thing of like, you got to get on stage. You got to fucking go tell jokes in a park.

You got to do this. You got to do that. I was doing the ICU. What are you talking about? He's going, I'm not fucking... I'm doing nine shows already. These kids were standing there with fucking Radio Shack Karaoke machines in Central Park.

I mean, he's going, do I have to fucking... He goes, I still got to go. You ain't going to find me on the back of a fucking pickup truck. I go, yeah, that's it. You got to be more, you know, whatever, divisive. Yeah. The mentality of it is, the mentality of it is wild, man.

Where's the wisdom? Where's the fucking wisdom? And L.A.C. Smart Guide after. L.A.C. Smart Guide. Dude, you could write a book called Doing It Right, The Paul Versey Way to Live In. Yeah. Dude, let's do it.

What do you want? 10%? Fuck it. Call my lawyer. By Paul Versey Forward by Paul Versey. Published by Paul Versey Publishing. But you know what? I will...

And Danilo Pool Contracts. You got the Ashley Pools. What would you name the horse? Oh, that's... And would you wear Nike's while you're roting? Yes. Oh, really? Old pair of Nike's.

I would be in Jordan 3's on that motherfucker for sure. I'd put fucking... Put in like little Nas X up there. I'd put Jordan horseshoes on the fucking horse. That would be a Jordan logo on the horseshoe. I would call Jordan's company and be like, can we do that? All right.

I'd make a pair of Air Max's for a Philly. The Air C biscuits? Listen, I'm trying to give this kid a stroll today. You got any fucking gold Jordan shoes? They come out for a trot. Where it slides around the barn. But I will say this though. As much as I sit here and I'm like,

hey, I want to do things my way and I'm not going to do things that I feel like, you know, will hurt my worth or what I feel I'm worth, you know, is, you know, followers. Because there are things that I don't do, you know, like my social media thing. And it wasn't like, it wasn't too cool for that. It wasn't that.

But it was like, I really was having a hard time doing certain things that TikTok made TikTok go. Sure. You know, like I'm, oh, these guys... And I'm not knocking. That's the other thing. I'm never going to knock somebody that caught something or they're cooking or they're doing something

or doing man on the street stuff. But for me, it was like, look, I just want to put good stand up out, you know, maybe do some acting, do some good clips. And yeah, I'll do some funny stuff here or there. But I wasn't the, I wanted fame and money to be a byproduct of being great at what you do. Sure.

As opposed to, right. And then, yeah. So it's like, oh, I love that hour. I love that stand up. Oh, I love that acting that they did. Hey, I wanted it to build that way. We live in a time now where attention span is fucking really... Sure.

That's why baseball, speaking of baseball, that's why baseball's not doing good. Baseball's not doing good because the kid looks at a TikTok for 14 seconds and he's, you know, and that's it. Now they're going to watch, you know, they're going to watch bullpen changes and do this and that. They don't have that.

Which is wild. The older I get, the more I fucking love baseball. Dude, me too. I'll just sit in there for a couple hours. So you don't want to do like the, you know, comedian with impeccable beard and beautiful gold chain destroys Heckler. Those aren't the kind of videos you want to be doing.

Yeah. And how many times did that guy destroy that? That's the funny thing. How many Hecklers are coming to your show? You got a fucking YouTube channel at Heckler. You got the worst luck in America. Some other fuckers got the worst luck in America. Hey, it was in Memphis last night.

Somebody puked on stage. Then he was in Cincinnati. A guy shit his pants. Well, something's wrong with this guy. This guy's got the worst luck in the world. Or he's got fucking plants. What's happening here? This is like a good piece of music.

A toby's face. A toby's lump in here. You're literally one of the funniest people alive. Yeah. This guy's fucking brand new special up there on the Netflix. Check it out. Check it the fuck out, gang.

It's out right now. Dude, I was at fucking Tennessee. A horse hit the stage. I don't know why. Check out my YouTube channel and see if I lived. Comedian destroys grizzly bear that runs in the showroom. I had a heart attack. It's on Patreon.

It's on Patreon. It's not a bad idea. See if I survived. I'm in the ICU. We're taking an idea and cutting it. Shout out to Sam Yam and Jack Cotty. We love you. Don't listen to this guy's bonkos.

I mean, some of these guys will do fucking quadruple bypass surgeries on their YouTube channel. Yeah. I'm in room 232, Mount Sinai. It's on my Patreon. I love it, which we will be doing. You hear about Foley's new show? No, he's in a hospital bed.

I swear to God. Cole and Oscar be on the street. All right. Let's do a couple of cues here. Couple of cues. Couple of cues for Mr. This is one that we just talked about recent. This was on our last episode.

It was actually the clip we did. I would love to get your take on it. Would you ever sleep in the bed that someone died in? No, never. No, I can't fuck with that. If it was like, yeah. I won't go into a house where I... No, when it comes to...

Listen, when it comes to demonic... Listen to me. When it comes to demonic spiritual shit, any kind of other realm shit, I don't fuck with. It's not close busters. No, no, any kind of other realm shit. I don't even want to tempt.

I don't want to tempt any fucking... Any kind of spirits. That's what I said. I'm... No, no. Listen, I'm not real superstitious heebie-jeebies, but that takes a different kind of guy to lay in a dead man's bed.

Dude, if a guy got his arm cut off in a Ferrari and they detailed the Ferrari and we'll give it to him, I wouldn't take it. No, I just can't. That was like the... Who was it? The James Dean? James Dean.

He killed like nine people. And they kept redoing the car and it just kept fucking murdering him. Yeah. Yeah, I don't like any of that shit. So, no, I would definitely not. You would never do like a haunted house tour. Oh, fuck that dude.

Fuck that, dude. You kidding me, dude? I would fuck... I would... Me and Bobby, Kelly got into an argument about that. He said, we had a thing. Would you rather... You know when I used to do gun to your head?

Mm-hmm. Would you rather be out in the woods one night, darkness? You have like... You have enough to live. So, you got a couple of fucking granola bars, a couple of waters. You'll get through the 24 hours as far as nutrition and meals.

Sure. Nice bottle of wine. But you have to get... You have to sleep. You have to figure out to sleep. If it rains at night... You're just out there, yeah. You're out there.

So, you're in the wilderness... To survive arrest. You're... Yeah, but you still... But you have clothes. You have stuff. You have stuff. But you're out there for 24 hours.

Pitch black in the woods. You got to make it through 24 hours in that. Or stay in a legitimate... And I said, a legitimate haunted house. And I said, I would absolutely go in the woods. And Bobby was like... I think I agree. Bobby was like, fuck that.

I go, dude, you're gonna see a little... Rocking... A girl rocking on a horse or whatever. He goes, yeah, I saw that. I'll fucking close my eyes. He said he would not... He said he would stand... That's crazy.

Dude, if I saw a fucking rocking horse with a little girl in a... A rocking chair, yeah. Rocking... You know, yeah. Yeah, I got you. Anything rocking that's not there. Anything moving, yeah.

Hi, Paulie. Yeah. Yeah, fuck that. But I get scared of the woods. I would try to give her something though. I'd be like, dude, here's a chain. Comedian nickel bike ghost. Dude, how...

That's the last time you're in a Yankee game, honey. I got a little boy about your age. Jack, come on, we're all dope. I give her... I try to give her nikes. I'm like, here. No, I can't... That shit like that, I can't do.

I get scared of the woods too, supernaturally. For some reason, when I'm standing in the woods looking out, I swear I see something like move or something. But would you rather go in the woods for 24 hours and have to fend for yourself, or would you go in the haunted house that you knew you was here or something? I would be...

I would be... I would be more scared of supernatural things getting me in the woods than a bear or something. There is no way on Earth... He's a different kind of creature. There's no way on Earth... Oh, you're taking it to a whole other. There's no way on Earth I would ever stay in a haunted house.

There's no... Just like... No, on a house. I'm not fucking with that. We did it, supposedly. The... Oh, enough. In Allentown or wherever.

Yeah, but there was nine of us in a room and Cotton was snoring so loud that no goes for getting through that. Yeah. I'll tell you that right now. Suck him right up his nose. Fucking sleep apnea force field. Oh, shit.

Oh, geez. Yeah, no. I... No. I mean, I'm superstitious, but I don't like, you know... I'm not one of those people that walk in a room and say, oh, I feel an energy here.

Not that at all. I'm not... My force senses aren't strong. I don't know. I definitely walked into rooms and been like, I don't like this. Well, we just did that. Like, if it's cold or something's up,

I go, this don't feel... Yeah. This ain't kosher. Something's off. Yeah, something's off. Yeah, something's not right. The hotel we went into, the hotel we stayed in, in Detroit,

I walked into the room and it was just something. The AC wasn't working. It was warm. It had like a funny smell, but there was like an energy in there. I was like, I'm out of here. I think that happens at a hotel sometimes when like, there hasn't been enough time

since the person left. You're like, I still feel the other guy in here. Or some hooker got killed in there or something. And I think that premonitions like that are real. Yeah, if I ever felt like... If I was ever somewhere where the room all of a sudden got cold, I would freak out and fucking immediately run to a Catholic church. Well, I'll tell you guys...

Bait in Hollywood. I'll tell you guys a story that really happened. My mom, it freaked my mom out. And we talk about it sometimes, but it was a really weird thing. When I was in... I might have told this a long, long time ago, so... But your listeners probably...

I'm sure somebody experiences when it comes to premonition. I was in 10th grade and I would smoke cigarettes. I was smoking on those marble mediums and shit. And I said to my mom, it was around 10 o'clock. I said, I'm gonna go outside. That's when you had like, the Discman. Or the, you know...

So I'm gonna go outside, listen to music and smoke. So you were 16. You would go outside and smoke with the Discman on? I would go outside. The yellow one? And I was... Yeah, maybe it might have been the yellow one. No, I think my...

No, mine was a blue Sony one. It was a blue Sony one. I went outside, just told my mom. My mom would just say, you gotta stop smoking. I would go out, smoke, and I'm sitting there. And this is upstate... This is upstate New York, further than Westchester. This is in Dutchess County, not far from Poughkeepsie.

And I'm sitting there. This is all real, dude. And I fucked my family up. So I'm sitting there. And my mother said before I left, she goes, I don't want you to have any friends here. I don't want any friends. Don't...

Are you... Are you going... Like, she did the thing. Are you going out to smoke a cigarette because your friend's gonna pull up and you guys are gonna bullshit stuff? Or your friend in the neighborhood? I go, I go, I'm smoking a cigarette.

I'm gonna listen to music. I'll be in in 20 minutes. I'm sitting there, dude. And I looked over and there was an issue with the other house with the spirit. There was an issue with the other house with the spirit. I'm out. And my brother saw...

My older brother saw something when nobody was home moving. Paulie, thanks for coming by. Again, this special... So... Stop throwing holy water. So anyway, but I don't know if... I don't know if it had anything to do with the house. Your brother said you saw...

But your brother said you saw something. My brother saw something. The mother-in-law of the people, the mother of the woman that lived there, said somebody was sitting on her lap that wasn't... Like, she felt the pressure of someone sitting on her lap that wasn't. And it was something...

It was an ongoing thing. We helped them move and a door slammed and they were like, oh, is it that chick again? Like, it was like that. I'm out. I'll get the pizza. So, but I don't know if my premonition of what I'm about to tell you is related to that, but that was a situation.

And we think that that's why a lot of things happen weird in the house, even with the marriage. They moved and stuff. Anyway, I'm sitting now. I'm smoking a cigarette and I'm just looking out and it's dark and I just get this horrible, horrible fucking feeling from the right. And then I don't know if it's like when you're...

You know you're running and you start running fast because you're maybe... I don't know if it's that, but I'm just sitting there and I look over. It's just dark bushes, black bushes. And I'm just like, you know, bugging. Dude, stop it. You know, then I start doing the thing.

Stop being a pussy. Okay, you're feeling 10th grade. You know what I mean? You're in high school. And I'm looking and there's just something. So I look down to, should I just grab my stuff and go? Right? I had that feeling.

And that's when I said, I go, fuck this, man, stop it. And dude, I swear to God, I got my shit together. I started smoking the cigarette. And then all of a sudden an overwhelming feeling said, you got to get the fuck up and you got to get out right now. And I look down to grab my shit and the fucking door pops open and it's my mother. And she goes, I told you not to have any friends here.

And I go, what? And she said, and we told, she goes, I just saw your friend in the white hat, run to the side of the house. And dude, I fucking shit. Dude, I go, what? And she goes, I go, stuff. I almost was like, are you?

Dude, I ran inside. I told her my stuff. I'm getting the chills right now. I told her and the stepfather my stepfather's story. And to this day, I was actually eating with my mother. This is that long ago. And I'm eating with my mother. Not long ago, my mother said, do you remember?

Do you remember when she goes, she said to me recently, she goes, I saw somebody run past her. And I had just looked and it was black, dude. My insides told me to get the fuck out. You knew you felt it. And for that reason, so when your listeners write that in, it's like, I'm not fucking with anything that I want new. Give me a new bed, a new fucking house.

Nobody even sat on it. I don't even like if somebody I like, I don't want to be nuts. But I don't want somebody to try the shoes on at Foot Locker before I do. I don't like that either. That gives me the heebie jeez. I'm like, how many people are trying out tens? How do I know this guy's still alive?

Dude, you know what's real? Should have hit my bust walking out there. Got me wearing dead man shoes, by the way. My headphones cut out right before you said to think about the guy in the white hat. I'm officially freaked out right now. Yeah, but that's a true story, man. And that really, that was something because I saw nothing.

I saw nothing. And my mother said, that's what really did it, dude. So anyway, I'll let you get to that. No, no, jeez, that shit fucks me up. My sister had it at her house. The guy died in the house. Like it was an old couple. Yeah.

The guy died in the house. And then he was talking to the kids because apparently kids have a more connected whatever to that universe or that whatever. What? And yeah, he was talking to all the kids and they had a party. And he was talking to kids. To the kids.

And this kid with this girl was playing by herself downstairs. She was like four or something. Something's a little fucked up with the kids all too, no? No, because she was like, why aren't you playing upstairs with all the other kids? And they were like. I'm playing Nintendo, you little weirdo. Fuck, it's upstairs now of me.

Fucking six cents kids sitting here. Stop rolling your eyes in the back of your head, dude. They're playing for Robes. Yeah, they're playing Pin the Talent donkey. What the fuck are you doing here talking to this guy? Rest his soul. Let's see. I got to say rest his soul.

That's the giddy in them. Rest his soul? All right, so what happened to the kid? No, so the kid was just downstairs playing by herself and the other kids were upstairs or so. And she's like, yeah, the man told me to go down. The man told me no kids downstairs. I never would have went back to that house again.

Yeah. That would be. And so then. What was he making eggs? Like what was it? No, he was upstairs. Like in the bedroom was where he passed or whatever. So then my, the girl goes to my sister and she's like,

what man they go up and my sister's like, all right. So like we have had instances with a guy upstairs. If I went to somebody's house. So they had to have like a fucking seance and like burn sage and like you ask them to leave and all that stuff. I would want to know that. I would want to know before I went to the house. I don't fucking sleep there.

I get out of there before fucking sun goes down on Christmas. I'm gone. Dude, I had something happen. I even see, I feel weird saying this. That's how nuts it is that I feel weird. Don't fucking say it. No, no, talking about it. I had a kid.

Put that evil on us. He goes, I was into, I was out in LA. The fucking move. And my buddy goes, dude, you come out to LA. You come out to LA. You sleep in my room. I sleep on the couch anyway, you know. And I was like, yeah, that's really nice.

And he goes, yeah, my bedroom's a couch. He's a big baseball guy who would watch baseball all the time. So I decline and we fucking go to his house and we're playing poker. And everyone at the poker table goes, dude, why is your bedroom the living room? How come you don't go in the bedroom? He goes, ah, dude, I think it's haunted.

I go, you fucking invited me? What the fuck? What the fuck? What am I? I never would have talked to him again. What am I, bait? Jesus Christ. Yeah, I'm going to see if Verzi makes it out.

If I go into the bedroom and Paulie's sticking to the ceiling, I'm going to cancel the lease. What the fuck? If he fucking elevates and twists like stranger things, did you see stranger things or nothing? Yeah, I'm watching the new one. Did you like the new one? The new season?

Yeah. I like the old season a little bit better, but I'm a big, what's his name? The sheriff guy. Oh, Hopper. There wasn't enough of Hopper for me. I like Hopper in that down and out situation. Yeah, yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I like him a couple of drinks. That snubbed those 38 fucking hitting guys. Oh, yeah, you're an old school guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was our hopper's all right. All right, we got to wrap up here.

We got a couple minutes left. Let's just do two. Yeah, get us off at his Goocher. I know. This is bad. Something nice. Puppies or something. This is from Braxton.

Have you ever been to a wax museum? What the fuck? And have you taken a picture with one of them? I have. I have never been to a wax museum. Pull Verzi in the rock. You making your Facebook picture? He's great guy.

My arm around Kevin Hart. You met Warren Beatty? Fuck. I have never been to a wax museum. Nor do I have any interest. It is the trashiest of trash. I went as a kid. And I even, I was like seven.

I was looking at my dad. I'm like, we don't belong. Yeah, they do. This is for other kind of people. It's funny when you go to something like that, like a Renaissance fair or some shit. Or guys with swords and shit taking it seriously. And that's a different dude.

That's a different dude. Different kind of guy. Because these people were lined up to watch a real joust. And I'm like, dude, that guy works a fucking Mavis when he's not here. He's not doing it. When he's not a fucking. Funny is that guy takes off his armor.

He changes my oil. Guy takes off his armor next thing you day. He's like, fucking. Pills are fixed on customer service. Can we speed up the joust? I got to get to the night shift. I got an install in 20 minutes. I got to get back to the mall.

I like a nice Renaissance fair. That's different than a wax museum. A little bit. No, it's a little better. You get a kid a shield and shit. Then you get out of there. You get a turkey leg and a shield. Then you get the fuck on.

If you're eating a big turkey leg at a wax museum, you're fucking trash. I'll tell you that right now. A turkey leg anywhere is trash. What are you talking about? Ordering the body part of an animal. I'm holding a turkey leg in one hand. The other arms are on whoopee Goldbergs.

Fuck. All right, let's wrap it up. That's it. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Pope. Check out this special on Netflix, god damn it. Buddy, we fucking love you. Thank you so much for coming. June 23rd, man.

June 23rd, man. My special on Netflix, Nocturnal Admissions. It's 64 minutes. And I'm really happy with it. It's fucking killer. Go check it out. Check it out and check out the Verzi Effect podcast and anything better.

Yeah, please. It's out right now, because this comes out on Thursday. It's out right now. This'll come out Wednesday night on YouTube. So if you're on the East Coast, if you're on the East Coast, 3 o'clock in the morning. Yeah, there you go. Set the alarm.

Do the reminder. Subscribe whenever you've got to do it. I can't thank you guys enough, man. I know your podcast is dope. And the fact that you guys let me come on is amazing. I've been trying to get you back for a month. You're like, yeah, when a special come, we kept kicking me down.

I was like, god damn it, Paul. No, you guys are the best, man. Keep rolling. Thank you, buddy. Kip, what do you got for him? Guys, our live show dates are on sale. The link's in the description. We've got t-shirts, the Patreon.

Check everything the fuck out. Thank you so much. Redback to Jersey. Come see us first, August 11th. We love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.