Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Popping Bottles w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: June 19, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. We're talking sneaking booze, vintage wine and calling your mom, it's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Harrys: Get Harry’s right now for just $6 at https://harrys.com/AYG Brunt: Get $10 Off @BRUNT with code GARBAGE at https://bruntworkwear.com/GARBAGE Chubbies: Your summer wardrobe awaits! Get 20% off @chubbies with the code garbage at https://www.chubbiesshorts.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gang, do you have a garbage question that the boys have to hear? Do you like stand-up comedy? Do you like having a night out with the boys, having a couple of pops? Come see an RU Garbage live show! Yeah, we got a second show out in San Francisco, then Portland, Seattle, Braya, California, Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts, low ticket alert, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania,

at the Met, Rochester, New York, and Toronto. Get your tickets now at rugarbage.com and we'll see you on the road. Back on the block. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage.

Amen. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy. Yeah. But they're just a big old piece of trash. Orby. I'm your host, a truly coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition.

She's over in Pakistan. OK, seeing the sights. I didn't know she had a passport. It does. Just got it. She hightailed her over there. She's got a husband on the line. Catfish, some kid over there poor basic never saw it coming moving it was in a couple of weeks sure my co-host is

coming at you from across the table this is what we call a family episode here at Tooties just the boys the bozos and the homies he is the CEO of are you garbage he's international businessman and he's wasting away over here how many pounds are you down about 22 twenty two, maybe, maybe twenty. Big inspiration. And getting back into pizza a little bit. Have you? What? I'm going back on the needle.

I don't know if I told you. Sure. Getting back in there. Scooping it in. Ice cream? Rocky Road? They should make that stuff like the way Atkins does it What there should be like ozempic bars ozempic salad dressing, you know ozempic dark chocolate cookies Okay, is that dark chocolate? It's good for you. That's how you sure I think it's good for like marathon runners Hey, why good for you dark chocolate or me? No, it's got flavonoids in it. Listen flavonoids are not your problem

It's well documented. Okay, if anything you got too many flavonoids if I had to cut you open right now I don't fall out of you. I've been trying to show you introduce me Kevin Ryan. I said it Hey, what's up everybody? You didn't hear me say jerk. Oh And whatever Fred worst What's up everybody? You didn't hear me say Jerkoff? And whatever, Fred Worst. Uh, you done. Fred Brotworst.

Uh, guys, first of all, thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Yes. Full video available on Spotify over there. Cooking! We're in the goddamn charts over there. I keep saying it.

Yes, sir. You won 40-something on all podcasts in the United States and the top 50 in the in comedy top 50 Dog take that number number two take that one through 49 number two in fat podcast And then the back on the block tour our fall and winter dates are announced shows are selling out There's low ticket alerts don't snooze cuz you're gonna lose we can't add shows in all these markets So get a water hot and if you're in the tri-state area catch a little preview and add it down there in Atlantic City, Atlantic City We're doing one little well July. Yeah, July at the Borgata That's my aunt Colleen was alive. She'd loved that. She'd also get free tickets

Where at the Borgata? Hell? No, I put it I put it I put a Knicks on it That was I was that was a big contractual beef we had. What do you mean? There's no comps? I think they got it. They wanted the comp like most of them. I said, yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. I got people on the hook down there. What? I already made some promises. No, we have comps.

Just so you know, I made some promises. I'm fucking sure. I've been trying to clean up some city spots. I miss hey next time we're in town. I got you come back me kippy Oh, yeah, you be you what you do you do be doing that yeah. Hey, what's up? This is Gary We got two fans that are coming backstage to meet us okay at the Borgata great yeah, And you're doing their christening. And they're going to need a hundred bucks cash walking around when you play the tables. Listen. What? I was in the store the other day.

Radio shack. Are they still around? I don't think so. That's sin. Not really. Yeah, I guess. I mean, that's where I always have the shittiest RC cars. That's where you got. Yeah, they were. It was more. Yeah, I guess I mean, that's where I always have the shittiest RC cars. That's where you got. Yeah They were it was more. Yeah, that's where I bought my metal detector 129 bucks that workout for you never worked never worked. Hmm. That's sand. You got a piece of gold sitting over here kid

Huh? All your troubles are solved. Okay, it's your wagon of my imploding star wagging to my. Imploding star. Anywho, I was in the grocery store and I was looking at some yogurt. All right. OK. Popular yogurt brand. Uh huh.

I said, hey, why don't we get this to the bird? She's like, that's not how you pronounce. Ah, yeah. Been there, my friend. Our assistant, yeah. Been there, my friend. Sure. Our assistant, Luke. My little Vanna White over there. You should be wearing a dress. Show me yogurt.

Oh. How do you pronounce that right there? Because you're never going to get it. Listen, I am guessing guessing I am proper guessing Which when it comes to yogurt, that's that that's where you go at the Cadillac. I'm not a yogurt man I'm a Chobani man. I don't think I'm gonna go girl It's Chobani. I think you never got gogurt's now. I don't like the texture and temperature, but that was rich kid shit That and the string cheese was rich kid shit.

We didn't we didn't mess with both. But they were good frozen. I know you got all that big gogurt household. Really? That once you learn to throw them in the freezer game over. Delicious. Did you get that on? You probably got that on the way to school.

It was in fashion by the time I was around. Yeah. Also, you're jealous of a kid 25 years younger than you. You got go-gurt! Pussy. How do you pronounce that? I'm gonna go out, listen, it's not how I think it is. I would say...

Phage. Like, is how my brain... That's how, like if I'm, I know that's not right, I'm not saying that's not... What are you, getting a haircut uptown? That's not my answer. Give me a phage. No, I would just go... Number one on the side. Well, the page is P-A-G. That's not right. I'm not saying that. What are you getting a haircut uptown? That's not my answer. Give me a phage. No, I would just go.

Well, the page is P-A-G. That's European. I'm aware. Let me work through my process. Go ahead. It's not phage, but that's what. So. Phage out, Kippy. That could be a new cool word like cap.

Phage out, dog. Phage out Yeah, that means move but move thickly That's what you do four percent Good in a jar of peanut butter Never saw that Dude is getting arrested. They're in jail reading the transcript and he goes Did you say she was thicker than a bowl of peanut butter Or somebody went

Never seen that You know what I'm talking about go ahead um might not be peanut butter, but something like that um F for the for the audio it's f a g e uh-huh That's gotta be a soft G them Europeans like a soft G. Love a lot of soft G ah I have one too. That's gonna blow your brains. I would say Fage Nope You ready?

Fie. Well Yes, it is. Oh, yes. It is. Oh, it's it's fine I don't that far ye yogurt haha clean it up if you do that doesn't feel right it is I always thought it's fine a fine yay yeah fucking bring Kanye into this it might be fine yay makes more sense say it again fine yeah yogurt fine yeahh-yogh-er. Fah-yeh-yogh-er. Fah-yeh. I think it's Fah-yeh. No, you said Fah-yeh. Fah-yeh. No, you said Fah-yeh.

Fah-yeh sounds Asian, which I don't think it's that. Is it Greek? The Asians don't fuck with cheese, really, do they? I ain't never been there. What? What? It's never like an option on my general sales. It's not, right?

No cheese in Asia They got a have something. I would be such a big continent. I would assume they got all they got a little pecorino There's no cheese at a Chinese restaurant or or Korean or Filipino or Thai Why are you looking at me? You got the Google is oh, I thought I pulled it up for you guys No, I'm talking about this. Oh, yeah fire Yeah, fire. No, I'm talking a fire Yeah, fire. Yeah, that says fa-y Play it on YouTube. It says how to pronounce how to

on the right I Tried to get the checkout girl to settle it. She made me look like an idiot. They don't know. Yeah, they do They're in the business. What are you running commercials for French TV? Yeah once Off yogurt we are looking at how to pronounce who's this fucking guy? Yay, fire. Yeah fire. Yeah, you're right. Yes What about BMW you're never gonna get this what what do? What do you mean for what? How to pronounce it?

Yeah. In, like, what it stands for? No, pronounce BMW. BMW. Whoa. I'm married to a German, you bozo. Whoa. That's an English car. BMW.

It's not? No, it's German. BMW. W is vague. What about the thing where weapons are stored? A cache. Damn! I thought it was cache. I got a little bit of cache.

That's not the same word? I think it is. If I have cache, do I have cache? I mean, you know weapons cache from video games. Oh, cache. Yeah, a cache of weapons. That's where I learned it. I. A cache of weapons. A weapon like, oh, you go to... That's where I learned it.

I thought I was really gonna get you. No. You didn't think I'd... I mean, of all people that you know, I would know BMW. That's crazy. All right, what about Karako? Karako? Karucho.

How to pronounce Karucho? I would say Karucho. Caruso. Oh, Caruso. Curacao. Curacao? Yeah. The director? What?

Were you talking about the country? Oh, that's a country. An island. Which I didn't know until my boy went down there one time with some, like, with some scavats for a weekend. He goes, I'm going to Curacao. What the hell is he doing? You know where I want to go? Antigua. Antigual.

Antigual. You know what I'm talking about? Uh. You know what I'm talking about? Antigua. You know where I want to take you? Down at Kokomo. We can get there fast and then take it slow. Man, I remember when that shit hit. I was hard hearing that song. That was all about Bowdoin. That's when Stamos started playing with them. I didn't like that hit I was hard to hear in that song that was all about both That's when stamos started playing with them. I didn't like that. That was uncle Jesse

You don't go double-dipping. He's like he's like an honorary fucking Beach Boy. He's got a lot of cash, too I didn't realize that it's got like 11 million dollar place out there in Hollywood Yeah, I mean do something that was 1990 syndicated television. That was the biggest show in America. He's probably making, I mean, network. Yeah, he's got tens of millions of dollars. Still a looker, too. Uh-huh. Stamos.

All right, I got one more. Okay. Treadmill. Treadmeal? Meals? I like meals. How do you pronounce the stuff that would come on instead of rice? You get. But. What to begin with?

What do you mean instead of rice, you get vegetables? No. Where? What store? It would be a health food store, a healthy meal instead of rice. Couscous. No.cous no fuck with that shit I love couscous the first time I had it was at my buddy's house his dad was divorced and he was he was he was a spiritual guy I was gonna say that's an odd divorce dad my listen my dad was divorced dad multiple times in his life he ain't never thrown out a pan it Goose Goose. That was the first time I had swordfish. That's wild.

What is this guy? What is he, a swinger? Couscous and swordfish is a crazy divorced dad meal. I remember I went home and told my mom, she almost took me to the hospital to get my stomach pumped. Swordfish? Too much mercury! It tasted like chicken. Swordfish. You never had swordfish?

I've had it, but not from a divorced dad as a kid Yeah, it was a picnic. He had we couscous and swordfish and a picnic. That's not a picnic That is that might you might as well be fucking the Stanley Ducci program Kenwah Yes, yeah, that's I mean dude come on. We live in, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, Well, this is what's kind of what no it's keen walk. That's not how I have it He's got it. He don't know what he's doing Keen wah How do you know you stupid robot Robot jug show them now dump them out for the boys. I don't like those AI ladies.

Oh, this is the glass one. Can you pronounce this one? What? It's H-U-A-W-E-I, this is a documentary. What is this? This is an auto glass manufacturer. No, it's a Chinese tech company. Oh, I was way off.

Got some money in that, don't you? Either way, I'm good. I'm not gonna disrespect our overlord. This guy's trying to the grid. Oh, yeah, are you fucking crazy? Um? This is they own something big right? Yeah, they're huge We should know I mean as big as they are like what? Flavor you know that's international saying the jingles the same in Germany Jaffa boon boom jumbo boom do I heard that when I was taking a shit one day What the hell?

He got safe flight repair over here I don't understand that at all What? That there's enough people getting their windshield broken that you need an on-site company That's international That's crazy That's a lot of broken fucking windows

I've had a couple broken windows Little crack Yeah, but that's what they fix the crack. You let it go till it starts running in the winter. Yeah, but then it doesn't pass inspection. I had that. My dad made it sound like that would shatter in all of our eyes. Spider. Hawaii. Hawaii. I have no idea. I wouldn't even know how to start. Huawei. Huawei. Whoa. Whoa

Yeah, but the Asian language is completely different than what I know yeah, that's like I Could maybe figure out like actually I don't know is that a sus yeah, it's a popular computer brand Asus What country or country of origin a Asus. I believe America. Asus. Asus. Asus. Asus is pretty good. Asus. Look at, look at, uh, Audi. It's Odi. Odi. Odi. Shit is Odi, son. Shit is Odi. Uh, yeah, I, a lot of the Bur Bur Bur Rhee The fucking I know some of the Luxury branch just from rap songs sure I didn't realize Christian Lou baton and Lou baton That's in that right what there's Lou baton Lou baton and Louis batonon, but isn't that insane? There's two high-end things Louboutin if I was Louie who came first

One of them has to be Louie. I would assume I'd be like if I was like I'm going by H. Schmoley now I bet yeah, son of a bitch. Hey Sam Baggins rat-bastard Louie Vuitton is a person he was a designer Him in East sale a roll Yes, which you wouldn't know how to say that yeah, I learned when I was in there I bought my wife a purse when I was in Hawaii you did yeah, remember I walked I went in with Ryan drunk Oh, yeah, it's for the cheapest thing they had Yeah, all right, we're stupid in multiple

Um... Yeah. Alright, we're stupid in multiple languages. As Mr. Paul Rudd said. Christian Louboutin didn't start until 1992. That seems like a bit of a rip-off. Yeah, who's that guy? Also, if you've never seen Russell Peters' bit on how Indian guys pronounce Louis Vuitton. I got it.

I'm about to have Luke patch it in right now. It's as if they go, Lose is loose. Okay, lose is loose. He's so good. Shout out to that Russell Peters. Yeah, I love him. Kip, let's talk if they go, loses lose. Okay, loses lose. It's so good. Shout out to that Russell Peters. Yeah, I love him. Okay, let's talk about Harry's. Shout out to Harry's. Let's talk about Harry. You wanna hear a funny joke? What's that? What they're charging for razors? Uh huh. At these other

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That's awesome. That's insane at harrys.com slash A-Y-G. They got other self care products that meet the same quality standards as the razors. They got richly lathering skin, softening body wash, incense like Redwood, Wildlands and Stone. I'm a stone man myself. Extra strength, high quality amazing smelling deodorant for just five bucks.

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and tell them the boy sent you thanks. But gang that's either here nor there. Our stupidity aside, we're here for a little. Yeah. Let's get to the educational part of the program. Today's episode is brought to you by Wally Glassware. Wally's all shot out to the fucking bacon cheddar cheese dog. Do you guys have any backer at crystal at your house? Backer at Baccarat? No, we are water for you get water.

Really? You get I think I think my mom got water for crystal when they got met when she got married to my dad. No shit. They might as well bury that in the backyard because that was like fucking they might as well put that in Fort Knox. Probably got shattered. That's the water for crystal. And the way they the way she says water for water for her shoulders. The waterford crystals.

It's funny because I remember when we were, I think, at our poorest. I don't think you guys are killing it now, but sure. But when I was a kid in Wilkes-Barre, we had like a whole separate, like we had a china cabinet with nice. Well, that's what people did back then. That meant that was like still... Somebody was coming over. Yeah.

We had a dining room. Get to good china. We went to a dining room since 1984. It was the last time we had a dining room. Bunch of couch eaters. Company over? Bunch of standers. Yeah.

What if, do you know the test to see if it's real crystal. This is a real dirtbag move you bite it Hello fuck, but I know that you take to know if it's crystal or glass You put the glass on the table all right you have some water in there wine beer slits I'm listening the place a couple of Mar of maraschino cherries. Sure. Then you wet your finger. Does it make the noise or something? Yeah.

And if it makes a harmonic, that means it's real crystal. That happens a lot. You do that a lot where you're dining. Yeah, just to test to see if it's real crystal. Mm hmm. Chipotle doesn't use it. That was your paper. I've come to.

I thought they were glazed. Just a moan to the lady in the back asking me asking for an extra portion of that honey barbecue chicken. I think I got a I think I got I got a piece of we got a piece of crystal or they were crystal champagne glasses like two champagne flutes and my mom got us for that was my cuz my wedding present You know which like We got married in two weeks later pandemic hit and I was hard up

I was but it was before though the world it was you know before the rise and sure the rise of a YG And man if you didn't think the first thing I looked upon was that fucking those two crystal things Type that in whatever the brand was on water first. You didn't spring for the water. This was like target level. There's another name that I can't remember. That's crystal, too. But I looked and I was I could get like twenty two dollars for really to the point where I was like, split that with.

Swarovski, Swarovski's's big they do like the duck or something got like a swan Yeah, they would they have that I like fucking that was all right. What's it called Earl's dry cleaner? No? Where does it where do you go Earl's no he went to he went to Jared? Oh? He goes to Jared Jared. That's like mall at this point swark off scats I mean, that's where I don't sit I mean not like I'm going to Bloomy's and checking that out that you see that at the actual would you ever buy jewelry at the mall? Those are all ripoffs right because I remember I was trying to buy some earrings for the broad and this guy was trying to Sell me two different kind of earrings for marked off and one was cracked

He's like yeah, we just put a couple of diamonds was it a kiosk Now is it one of the corner John's that the kids are always robbing the smashing grabs I don't know. I mean, there's like a zales the jet like the big chains are in that which I would assume that's fine I don't think they're ripping. I don't think they're you know. I mean you can't be going to like The kiosks those guys are Shifty check but that that when you said the you got champagne glasses for your wedding,

I probably shouldn't be saying this, but somebody gave us matching. Not going to make the joke. What did you think I was going to say? I don't know. Matching butt plugs or something. Dildos, something rude. You got both of them going. Hey. does something rude. You got both of them going. Hey, somebody gave us a bottle of

Don Dom Perignon. Really? Yeah. Whoa. Well, here's the thing. Apple cider. The bird went away at some point. And I got into it. Are you fucking kidding me? What year? Is it old or new? To 2021. But I had to order another one. How much is that?

You're doing me. What are you coming off a bender? You're doing you're popping a bottle of champagne. That's insane. That's like drinking cooking wine, dude. You're nuts. bottle of champagne. That's insane. That's like drinking cooking wine, dude. You're you're nuts. Oh, fuck. The ball. So like you don't have like Uber Eats

will delivery of beers. They delivered that to me. Uber eats delivered a bottle of Dom Perignon for three hundred and fifty dollars. I mean, you are a fucking dirt bag. I had to make sure it was the same year. Kept the same box. I was real smooth with it

Well now she knows my my stepdad This is my stepdad had a bottle of Dom Perignon from like 1980 something get a number on that he bought it when he was driving race cars when he was you know They were like he has his own independent amateur, you know weekend car driver, he has his own independent, amateur, you know, weekend, right, our driver, there's his helmet and. He bought that when they were going to win a race and then they never want to race.

You're still open. That's when you need it. So me and Vinnie with the skinny found it. Oh, my God. And we were taking pictures. This is when Dom Perry, I mean mean like it was in every rap song this why do that was might have well been kryptonite You know what I mean? We ain't never seen nothing like that and we were looking through my my parents So this is a really good time for us to steal liquor from

my house My my mom would only drink wine right? That's all she drank nicey wine Sutter home to pink Sutter sure That then switched to cavit now. She does cash does the the pinot grigio can only comes in the magnums You know it I'm assuming. I'm not a wine guy, but when you can buy it chilled at the store No, that doesn't mean it's bad. I don't think it means it's good. No, it does. I mean, it's not good wine. Yeah, it is. Cavit? No, Cavit's bad wine. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. But there's other wines that you can get at the store chilled. Like you get Santa Margarita

Pinot Grigio, which is about 20, $30 a bottle. Okay. I don't know anything. I just know when I'm walking into like a nice place and 99% of the inventory is not cold and I'm going over to the one thing they get it cold They got it cold in the back of the frozen burritos. I'm going on a walk-in but so There was a bunch of stuff left over from when my dad left Right or just like stuff. They had pants dusty ass like bottles of sham board And you know that kind like stuff that you would take the pain off the car Like you you don't even make it anymore a lot of Beefeater. Oh

Just like shit from the fucking 80s Beefeater fuck you um and we We we fucking so there was all that stuff that no one could touch you weren't I mean that way you would end up in The hospital if you drank that is a 15 year old so we didn't touch that Then some stuff would accumulate as we had a party a bottle of kettle would be left over My stepdad was just drinking beers at that point. He couldn't touch them. He had a fucking hard count on those so but then he moved in and he moved all his stuff, like

his just liquor cabinet. All also like there was no way to track what was there and what wasn't sure was the combining of two homes lost in the shuffle. Me and Vinnie with this pull out in Afghanistan. Yeah, we're sitting there in a home. the camouflage on V drinking down very We would be up there like what could you touch and I found this bottle of Dom Perri and we were fucking you're taking pictures What year was it? 80 so it's probably still there if it's 82 hold on hold on hold on did you drink it? No no no no you fucking pussy Okay, have you ever met my stepdad? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm not sure if you've ever thought about it. 1982. 82 and 85 are the big years. Really? Vintage years. Yeah. So, if you

had a bottle from those two. Is that still there? Yeah. What's how much you looking? Hold on. 1982 is five hundred. 650. Whoa. The 85 is about a thousand. Damn. Now, Should I call Denise? Let's see if it's I'm going to call it. Should I Crystal too. I'm at Mary Paul's. Can I call you back?

Where's she at? She always answers the phone like honched. Let me call you right back. She's somewhere. The hell you doing? Hello? Hey. Hey, how are you? Good. You're you're we're recording the show. I have a question real quick. Hey, Denise. OK.

Henry says hello. Hi, Henry. How are you? Good. How are you? I'm good, thank you. He's down 20 pounds. I'm lying, he's not.

What's the name of the crystal that you have? Waterford. Waterford. Waterford. Okay, and do you still have it? Yeah, yes. How much do you think that's cost? Oh, nobody wants it. You can't give it away.

That's not true. That's full, you'll take it. And then do you know if Joe's bottle of Dom Perignon is still at the house? It is. I was going to just throw it away. What are you nuts? You crazy goat.

We'll bring it up here. I'll put it on set. Wait, I got two. But it's so old and dusty. That's all right. That's good drinking. Not like that swill you drink. Denise, do you know what years are on it? I'm not going to be that That's alright. That's good drinking. That's not like that

swill you drink. Denise, do you know what years are on it? Um it's in the 80s. If it's an 85, we're rich because me and me and Vinny were going to drink it one night. I don't think he would appreciate that. 1980 1980. 1980.

I thought it was and it's not yeah 1980. I don't hear police sirens Don't that shit out we ain't touching it Don Quixote Denise that Dom Perignon's 500 bucks. Hang on to that. Oh my God. I'm cleaning out the closet because I'm getting ready to move and I just didn't know how to pop the cork to empty it. You're going to empty it.

Don't empty it. That's good, dude. I'm going to save it. I'm going to take it. Well then come get it because I have all this stuff. All right. Okay. Here stuff alright ok here we go here we go I got so much shit I gotta get through

listen we'll pop it when we hit a million youtube subscribers how about that you can come up 2045 I have 88 proof of something that has a pear in it the glass bottle with a pear in it there's a lot of wacky shit they got down there.

It's like you got the aftershock. It's like King Koon the way they party. All right. All right. I got to go. I love you. I'll call you when I call you on my way home. I love you. Bye. Bye. Uh, do we have a sweet as we got to get it up on set. It's great. We had a similar thing with my dad.

My dad had some special bottle of Captain Morgan's It was like Captain Morgan spiced vintage Legendary something that we drank. He was so mad. Do we went to a Captain Morgan for like two weeks? We had so my brother went to that private school, right? And he was friends with this Korean kid, right? Great, great kid. Still friends. Shout out, uh, shout out, Jin. And they, his parents came over my parents' house for dinner, which was like a meeting of...

Holy shit. I left the house. I was like, I cannot. I will throw up just out of anxiety watching my mom and stepdad hang out with a Korean couple. You ever seen Vietnam? So they start getting so he brought a bottle of soju. Oh my God. So they get all fucked up. But he gave him a but he left the bottle like, you

know, as like a gift to my stepdad and anybody that even stepped on our Property my stepdad go got that for my Korean buddy. Soju straight Me I was wrong. It was from the liquor store He's talking like it's like it was like hand like they brought it over here on a cargo ship got it in the far east Yeah, what I was spending my time over there So funny dude the first time I had soju was at a Korean barbecue place And it was like soju and fucking what are those little? white things

Fuck what are they called like it in no Luke the little fruits Pairs no the look they look like berries Let like she With leach II think whatever it was I had a headache for two Don't swell up Was the captain Morgan either the Jamaican rum yes, that's 300 bucks a bottle Morgan either the Jamaican rum. Yes, that's 300 bucks a bottle. Whoa. Yeah. Now I know I was so that cut that. Did they have in the 80s? Yeah. 1980 Jamaican bottle.

Wow. So it would have been maybe like 90, 91 that that we got into that. OK, you drinking me and Johnny Mitzel, brother. We got into that. Yeah, taste. You have a taste for the fine stuff. I'm a big guy. I mean, you're the only guy who go between that and turpentine. Switching back and forth that in Canadian Club Vio I couldn't go near it that was yeah my parents went so my parents went to New Hope or something like that for the day

I thought they were gonna be gone forever, and we got all fucked up on a Sunday And man my brother came home, and I was throwing up in the sink And he just started punching me in the stomach your dad or your brother my brother because I was all fucked up and I throw it out man Can't go near that shit You ever been violently ill and getting fucking beat up at the same time. He's what the fuck you do and fucking brighten my kidneys hitting me Good times you're ruining my buzz, man These hitting me good times you're ruining my buzz man

What you think what you make yourself useful start cutting some limes When you have a drink take the edge off, you're a little wound a little so man I don't know why fuck his problem was plenty for everybody I puff pastries in the oven too I puff pastries in the oven too Passport derbs in a minute you fucking hold your britches fucking chicks dude. Hey your panties in a bunch I'm trying to entertain over here All right, let's get like I get to some goddamn questions. I don't even know how we got down that friggin road right there

Warford Waterford um all right this is pretty funny this is from this is from paper or plastic you ever hosted an event and the first thing you hit the crowd with is a good morning Vietnam thinking it's gonna kill that's why you're out like a fundraiser for the elementary school good morning, Vietnam Alrighty then I respect this way that do not go in there How to alienate everybody. Somebody's awake. Kip, it's Chubby season. Oh, Chubby Chubby.

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are picking the Chubbies. You ain't lying. The good folks over at Chubbies just re-upped us on some hot gear. New guy Luke was waiting by the front door like a puppy dog waiting for the mailman. He started, this is my side, this is your side. Yeah, take it easy on the Chubbies hat, by the way. He gets all over, guys. It's fantastic. And I got to tell you, with summer coming up, we're in it. And listen, I'm going to be down there in my Chubbies. I got the short shorts for going out at night and I got the swim trunks for on a day when I'm swimming with my shirt on. How you doing? It's comfy, casual, they got it all. So don't wait for a very limited time.

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and when the survey asks and get ready to turn some heads with Chubby's. Summer's here dress like it in Chubby's. Do it. Mm-hmm. Kip what do you know about Cigars International? Ooh I'm all about International cigars. You know I like a cigar every once in a while sit back and enjoy myself and if you're into smoking cigars cigar international is the go-to Retailer for all things cigars with the biggest selection of premium handmade cigars available

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All right, this one's some peaches when you watch a movie and there is an underwater swimming scene Are you holding your breath to see if it's believable? I bet I mean I definitely go into that right away But I don't I got about nine seconds. That's all I got. I don't like it Drowning is one of my biggest fears. That and catching on fire. Those are two pretty big fears. I just found out yesterday Thresher sharks don't bite. OK, because they saw one up in Nantucket. It was like an eight foot Thresher sharks at the long tail.

They don't bite, though. The two most aggressive sharks are great whites and tigers. Sure. Which I have a kins. They don't bite though. The two most aggressive sharks are Great Whites and Tigers. Sure. Which I have a kinship with the Tiger Shark. Because of Hawaii. Yeah, obviously. I feel like someday I'll have to battle a Tiger Shark. Well with that attitude, I think, you know, yeah, you send that out in the universe. As long as I'm in clear water and I can get down, I think I'm...

I'd be able to control them. Probably yourself. You'd kill them. That's what I would do to you shit in the water I can fog it up the fight and that evil playing field buddy. It kept them working by any chance I love the tiger shark though the way it looks Tiger that's my shark. Yeah, it's pretty sweet. Yeah, very aggressive. That's your shark. That's my shark You're 15 you're going that's my shark tiger sharks my sweet. Yeah, very aggressive. That's your shark. That's my shark. You're 50 and you're going that's my shark Tiger sharks my shark. Okay, just checking Feel like a priorities if I could line if I could be face to face with a tiger shark and survive I feel like that I'd be that I'm being accepted into the universe in some way. I

See that going down at some point when I'm over there. Mm-hmm I was that's gonna happen at the fucking Chili's Island bar that you hang out at dukes. Yeah You know dukes, you know, I yelled at me I think I picked up the tab at Duke's no Maybe probably uh You had your underwear on your head after a couple of beers. What are you talking about fighting a tiger shark? I think I could though. Yeah, I think you think you can do a lot of things is what I think that you think. I don't think I could fight it and win.

No, you're not crazy. No. Yeah, but I think I could look it in the eye and put my hand on its nozzle and move it away. Nozzle? Noz. Nozzle. Nas nose. His chin. Fuck it. Stick up. Okay, pussy. All right. This one's from Honey Nut Scooter.

Is it garbage to inherit 400 issues of Playboy from your dead uncle? I've got every issue from 1980 to 2007 all in pristine condition. He kept them in a climate-controlled storage unit until he died in 2007. The man stays subscribed until the very end. He always thought they'd be worth something one day. Turns out not so much.

Hit me up if you want the Jerry Seinfeld October 93 issue. Ooh. That's a pretty good one. You know what's probably, dude, you're gonna sound like I'm lying. Don't put that on the set. A Playboy? Yeah, why not? My parents would be mad. You know, it's probably you're going to sound like I'm lying. Put that on the set. A playboy?

Yeah, why not? My parents would be mad. You got porn up there. No. Oh, somebody gave me porn. I got porn up there. X-Nay on the orange Super Bowl 72. Sure. I'm talking about. Um I bet you the articles are good in those. They'd be fun to read. Oh, an old school one. That was the penthouse. That was the

penthouse. The right end. Yeah. No, I mean, like, Playboy did like actual articles. Like they do like a thing on Burt Reynolds or something like that. Did they point that? Do you ever have a heart on? That's good literature back then. They'd be fun to sit and read. We should get some mags for the bathroom. No. Why? Why? Right? Shouldn't we? No, dude. Listen, you have grotified those bathrooms enough already. I am NOT touching anything here. You spend too much time in there. I don't know what you're doing. I'd be reading nice good articles. It's like a goddamn slip-and-slide. I'd be reading articles from the 70s. Like a good op-ed piece on buddy hack it you got that on your phone I'm sure you can subscribe to playboys not the same

Does the feel I hear you in there listening to your AI voice videos? Okay about the tiger shark and their nozzles Hi this wasn't $10 homie Jr I this one $10 homie Jr Ten dollar home never have one read is it garbage if your 65 year old dad got lost at the ballpark He's been going to for 15 plus years He was on the sauce and took a walk to the smoking section to hit his e-cig He bummed a couple hits off a funky sig that a fellow patron of the smoking section had and couldn't find his way back to our seat my Brother ended up finding him on the opposite end of the ballpark top deck sit on the stairs Dude, we've talked about this before gave up. We've talked about this before but there is nothing better than getting an older dude

Who's got a couple in him? Fucking on some moon rocks that he's that he thinks he's smoking like he's at Kent State I'm like taking a heavy bike. Oh, I do that with you. Yeah, that is that happens all the time with you Every time especially in LA and you Ted and I'll literally go hey man. Be careful that you look I got it You start coughing like a maniac and then freak out ensues Hey good pickings at a wedding you start coughing like a maniac and then freak out in sues. Hey, good pickings at a wedding. Get someone. He's

turns green. **** ants screaming at you. What's in that? Is that PCP? Now, they're probably all on it. Now, a lot of them are doing the Eddie's and stuff. A lot of them. They can't hang with that shit. I mean more than they could in the 80s. True. You know what I mean? They're a little more savvy. I wonder if all the drugs are stronger now. I'd imagine the white stuff is probably not as good as it was back then. Coming in straight down Miami. I don't know. I think it's probably a supply and demand issue. I had that. Yes. the right thing. Coming in

Let's see here, this is a Foley Erec $10 homie, had two or three red. Ever put wet swim trunks back on? Nightmare, nightmare. I'm always a couple beers deep when I have to do that. Nightmare. And it sucks, my wiener gets all tight. Nightmare. It's just bad.

Cause you're kinda cold already, it's just never good. You gotta get in that water real quick and loosen everything back up. Also, having to use the bathroom when you're kind of cold already. It's just never good. You got to get in that water real quick and loosen everything back up. Also, having to use the bathroom when you're swimming is awful. Yeah, that's a nightmare. I might as well go home. I don't disagree. Nightmare, dude. Nightmare. You're getting back in the pool. Like about tiger shark.

Ain't no fight Matt. I just was from Dr. Peter Venkman $10 investor never had one read is a buster is a garbage to wake up a few times a night in rip heaters. I'm jammed up over here. Every time I stare in the night, I have to smoke one before I go back to bed. That's That's fucking up your sleep pattern I think there's your waking there's bigger things fucking up your sleep I had nicotine which draws waking you up. Yeah, I don't know that you're fighting bigger demons You know like say heater in the middle of the night patty. Oh

Really? Yeah If something's stirring or she comes if I'm home and she comes down, what are you doing in the fridge? She'll come down. Like a bear? Got all the food wrapped up in a bear bag hanging from the, hanging, hanging from the railing. Keeps thinking I don't open the lock. Yeah, she'd come down, have a heater. But that's like normal waking hours. No, this is like I'm saying if you're eating in the middle of the night That's what that's that's what I'm deducing if she's you know, the dog start barking or something like that

She comes that she's having a heater, but you're up. I'm up I hit me Haven't done in so long to be honest with you what I haven't been down there like that I haven't like stayed over like that and hung out with her. You should do that. I know there's something different about it I don't know what it is Like the fact that I'm almost 50. I feel weird sleeping in my old bed. I Try to get her up here get a hotel or something like that. She don't want you got the dog. She don't want to leave Come up here fucking get something to eat hang out. Okay

Maybe you go down there Your elderly mom with two dogs help her out. I do help her out I knew you were gonna yell at me exactly though. I do do that paying the mortgage Don't even think you're paying your rent I Yeah, okay. All right. Let's see here. What if he's having those heaters in bed? Oh, that's what I wanted to say.

I grew up with heavy smokers. Yeah. Mom, not so much. At a point going through the divorce, she met Joe. He was smoking. She was cool girl. So really, I called her a couple of parties. Cool girl.

Marble light smoking. She was a dead. She's tight girl, but mid thirties is fucking I see pictures. I'm like, you were a fucking talk about that. He's the piece. I brought, you know, she's doing aerobics and stuff. Uh, she, uh, she'd be catching a heater. That time master was no joke.

I used to try that, too. Couldn't get it. My legs were never my legs. Where was your hands? I would snap back at you. Did you ever have one of those those things? They were big in the 80s. Yeah. From Goonies. Yeah. My dad was always just get a racquetball racquet racquetball do it. That's true. Do it jail.

I think that's where he learned it. They my buddy's mom, we slept over his house religiously. She'd wait, she would wake up and we would track her because that was a house where we could do whatever not. They didn't know we were doing whatever, but we knew the, you know, if we were inmates, we knew the motions of the guards. Yeah, so we knew all that stuff. We could sneak out, have our heaters,

steal some beers, sneak beers in, whatever, you know, download porn, whatever the hell we were doing. And she would come down, man, just sit at the table. whatever, you know download porn whatever to whatever the hell we were doing and She would come down man. Just sit at the table would be two three four in the morning Just cranking them in screen side at the kitchen table Just and you would all the lights would be she wouldn't turn the lights on and she was tiny little girl What the fuck dude so we'd be I'd be like I'd wait sometimes if I was just peeing I'd wake up to take a piss And you just see the fucking cherry light up Like a sniper is about to go looking for something tubby

I'm already going through the pantry Yeah fucked up just like I mean my mom my dad never my stepdad never my stepmom never But that woman would get up Hundo's marbling hundo's Jesus dinner for 45 minutes This one's from Foley toward $10 Consigliere, is it garbage if your elementary school didn't have a cafeteria so you just ate lunch in the classroom. Pretty tough to listen to some

old bat teach algebra when it smells like salami and chocolate milk. We had snack time, fourth, fourth, fifth grade. I think fourth grade was the last time we had snack time. That sounds about third or fourth was for us. Yeah, maybe fourth. We had it. What was that all about? Need your brain food think so Yeah, I think you probably just broke it. Yeah, give you a little something break it up Yeah, let the teachers fucking lean out the window catch a heater. Yeah

There is nothing. I remember miss Cooper called me out for something one time You know the people snacks. What were were you doing I was eating for a while hostess had these pies and they were they look like an emp a big empanada and it was vanilla pudding in the middle and chocolate on the outside and I broke one of those out at snack time and I remember her in front of everybody. She's like that's not a snack. That's a lunch She said to me I had her fired the next day shit my pants and could teachers smoke in the classroom I Think probably when you were a kid in the break room they could the teachers lounge everybody gather around and have your asbestos

were a kid in the break room they could the teachers lounge. Everybody gather around and have your asbestos. Now in the lounge teachers or that was if I don't remember that but I remember people like your like people older than me going you would walk by you could smell it. Yeah, our teachers are our teachers 8 in middle school was off the cafeteria so like when you walked up to the line of the cafeteria to the right was their room and

I remember getting up you'd walk by me like guy dude. It was like I was like a bar in there Fucking people just sitting in there. It's always fascinating to look in there and see him in there getting loose I always remember to be like weird seeing like mr. Jenkins talking to mrs. Roman or whatever What the fuck they was to know each other god damn. I better fucking I better fly straight Just been going on. It's door and fucking away. Yeah husband and kids at home fucking ain't cahoots talking shit fucking setting me up His ass really smells His ass really smells Motherfucker That's a tough look man

Eating eating the luncheon dude not being able to go anywhere you get to walk down to the cafeteria the bullshit and all that stuff Stuck in class yeah fuck that Fucked I would have lost it. I need my cafeteria I get nauseous thinking about it and it was the it was the gym was in the same one man, man The dishwasher you would eat right now. You know how that commercial dishwasher just starts. It's sitting green beans It's all mush stuff at the bottom. What the hell kind of operation was that in the back? Would you have an open kitchen? Thomas Keller whatever his name is. That is named Thomas Keller. Guy Fieri. Talking about rolling in the flavor town beer can chicken for lunch. Thomas Keller, Thomas Keller, famous chef and

restaurateur. Yes, I believe he owned that vegan place. That was a cross-street from New York Comedy Club on 4th Street the place I closed eight years ago that place that I couldn't believe was vegan when I called The restaurant I can't believe it. I came lobster ravioli Fuck you putting in there I've said this before you're gonna say that it's that that yeah, that's that I'm fat But two things I've been very lucky with in my life the coaches that I've had like extremely lucky Oh my my coaches were always awesome and fucking your best friend cafeteria

I've never had I never missed st. Nicholas st. Mary's and Wilkes-Barre was fucking probably the best I know but listen, I'm I you do this with every restaurant We go as the best meal and you throw your napkin down. How many times has he had his bet? I know I saying you go. I know I say every time you're emotionally connecting the two it was They were I'm not saying they weren't good st. Nicholas st. Mary's they had a macaroni and cheese and stewed tomatoes It was connected that to your mother's love Which I never received. That's not true.

But I will have in macaroni. That, the ones at Wissahickin were always good. Home runs. And Widener was fucking unbelievable. It was like a diner. It was so good. I believe it. It was perfect size.

Yeah, I got you. Had everything. I always got lucky with that Even a lacrosse luckiest man. I've ever luckiest man. I've ever met I got that go good eggs and solid grilled cheeses. I assumed yours up in Connecticut was probably nice. It was a mate. I mean now they're all new schools, so it's crazy fucking fight you had new schools, too Yeah, they were fine. I had one new school the other schools I went to were from the fucking 40s and black and white when you walk in there they were fucking old as shit they stunk hella bad fucking I'd be doing gym class

to be making sloppy Joes or something fucking I think they were inmates working in there too. They were all work release programmers. It was fucked. That shit stunk. I love it. Yeah, not that. I get that you love it. It wasn't good. I remember they had a slushy machine for a little while. Really? Margarita?

It's for salt on the rim. Trying to tie a load on before I go back to Mr. Benetton. Put a little rock candy on the rim, but Trying to tie a load on before I go back to mr. Bennett's little rock candy on a rim of that Yeah, um hold on a second fuck that made me think of something. Oh the sloppy Joe is A lost of you fan. I love Kip. Yeah fine. Yeah, yeah, I don't get them. I don't know what you mean. Yeah We caught him wimpy's and Wilkes-Barre. Uh-huh. Mary Catherine would make them bangers. Yeah, they're great.

Yeah, I haven't had one in a very long time. They're not really around. They've gone out of fashion. Yeah. It'd be nice if they came back. I think we're doing all right. I'm not saying, you know, I don't think it'd be great if they were introduced back into your life at the moment.

I know, I understand that. Yeah, so I'm leaning on the edge of a football. But I wonder if, because we've got a lot of people that have families and stuff like that. I wonder if anybody's still making- What are you, running for Congress? I want to talk to my constituents, these homemakers. I just want to know if anybody out there

is still making sloppy joes. I'm sure people are banging. Manwich. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure. Think so? Yeah, I mean, I was doing them as my parents were doing them. That's a quick, easy meal.

Feeds the whole family. Yeah. Gotta doing them as my parents were doing them. That's a quick easy meal feeds the whole family Yeah, I do them in hot dog buns though. I don't like when they probably What do you mean never done that but that makes sense that was one thing I never liked a mess I was like I'm fucking did you clean it up your fork? I'm digging in the mud use your chips Use your chips to scoop that up gotcha Let me know sound Sound off in the comments. If not, I'll bring them back this November. With your help.

Run for governor. This is from mathematician 1738. Not a question, but in high school, I got in a car accident with the town pillhead. I had to stop eating my local pizza place because he worked there and the place had caller ID I was scared he'd see my last name and mess with my pizza three years later They sued me because the because of the crash caused them emotional distress They settled my insurance company my car insurance is still through the roof man if that's not pill that behavior. I don't know what is Having to read out of cash. I'd be more devastated about losing my go-to pizza place then fucking

I would too that's oh yeah, you're done. I'd be wearing like a fake beard in there going to pick it up and stuff You're done because I'd be wearing like a fake beard in there going to pick it up and stuff Hey, that is so over a phone. That is so so well written. I was great. What a fucking story There's no statute of limitations on it Statute I guess if you I don't know I mean I you know those that think they just want to settle to like you don't want to go to they go I just fucking that guy pillhead Listen, I don't know this pillhead, but I've known a lot and still know a lot of currently using pellets You cut them a check for 1800 or something. It's like yeah look the other way 20% of the way they give you an arm sure

We have time for one or two more here, this is from Tommy two spoons They give you an arm sure I Got time for one or two more here. This is from Tommy two spoons My family has a running record of how many times I've choked on mozzarella sticks The first time happened when I was seven and my mom had to pull it out of my throat I still finished it of course since then I've choked nine times on a motz stick I'm 35 and I eat like someone's trying to take them away Can't stop won't stop Brother whoo man you take a bite of a mozzarella stick and you hit it with a scream of cold coke that shit fucking

That shit hard and coagulates It's like salt on a slug It's like salt on a slug. Fuck you up. That's tough. Yeah. Man. I get that. Keep it a dude. What a dirtbag family too. See them sitting around Thanksgiving. Is it eight and nine times for you Tommy Two Spoons?

That's nine times, Pop Pop. You're just like your father. He couldn't chew either. Choke it out of my throat. Alright, we gotta wrap it up. Ah, gang, we love you to death. Gaps for taking to the Back on the Block Tour, and we'll see you next week.

Peace!