Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Private School Trash w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: July 13, 2023

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW TOUR DATES: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Trade Coffee: https://www.drinktrade.com/ayg This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp, Better Help: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hey, Kippie, them tickets for the live show are flying off the shelf. You ain't lying. Gang, we just dropped a bunch of new cities. Stand up comedy, plus we played a little AYG with the crowd. It's a good, good time. Yeah, gang, we're coming to Phoenix, Denver, Salt Lake City, Los Angeles, San Diego, Washington, DC, Pittsburgh, Buffalo, Toronto, Pontiac, Michigan. Then we're going to Chicago, Illinois, we're going to Minneapolis, we're going to Madison, Milwaukee, Sacramento, San Francisco, San Jose.

And then the boys are coming back to Philly. The chickens are coming home to roast Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, in December. Get those tickets we love you. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Gobbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast.

This is our you garbage. Oh yeah. So at little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that have to go to be classy. Yeah. Or to just a big old piece of trash. Shush, host, Dave. Trolley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tuddy's and the new edition. She's out scouting a couple of fillies tickets. Okay. Trying to get a little cash. Uh-huh. That's all I got this week.

My co-host is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of R U garbage. He is the king of the flat breads, the king of the boards, and the prince and a personal pan pizza. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan. Shout out to him. You had one today. What? A flatbread? Yeah. No, I had a green juice for breakfast. You did? Uh-huh. Look at you. Yeah. Man. Put it in it up. Uh, shout out. Uh, first of all, thanks for listening. You got me all flustered. I know. Let's go. Shout out first of all, thanks for listening. You got me all flustered, I don't know what's going on.

Jesus, I know, I think you did have a flatbread. To be quick, I've got barbecue flatbread on the bread. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you're rated, if you subscribe on iTunes, full video available. And YouTube, as you know, those numbers are over 150,000, baby. And obviously, the greatest gosh darn website all the time. www.patreon.com

Okay, are you garbage you go over there? Okay, you get about two three billion Gajillion hours of bonus content over there you get episodes you get videos you get road vlogs and get The crib's videos the all everything's on there to lock on over there on that website I'll tell you that more than you think make sure you check that out And have a nice quick shout out to our producer extra order near the magic man makes us all look good works the ones the two's crosses the Tees and that's the eyes. He's wearing wet jeans right now Toby wet ass Fucking mud butt over here

Give it up for T-bone McScruffuffins, Toby McMollan, everybody. What up, dudes? What up, dog? My laundromat was like Penn station today. I've never seen more than one other person. There were 95 people in there. Driors are all jammed up. We gotta get in here. I got what pants?

There's no worse feeling. There's no worse feeling. As a kid, that would happen. You get jammed up sometimes. Like if I was doing my laundry or whatever, and I would forget to switch it, and they'd be like, you know, you'd go in and just, did you do your laundry as a child?

Yes, single mom. You did. Yeah, she wasn't doing it. No kidding. At a very early age, I mean, you gotta figure, my sister was probably 15, my brother's 13. Would they help you out?

I'm eight. Eight. Yeah. You're doing laundry at eight. She hung up on post to a breaker boy. Yeah, crazy, you're doing your own laundry. Your mom up on post to break her boy. That's crazy. You're doing your own. Your mom still does your laundry and she does it well.

Yeah, and you scream at her when she fucking she better not. She doesn't fold you on these. Um, there was a she got like a piece of poster board and wrote like this is how you do colors, whites, dry this that that it was I mean, it lived there. It lived there until I was through college. Geez. Yeah, so it was like, you were... Your sister wouldn't do it for you?

What? No. Eight years old. You weren't doing laundry at eight? Where are you? No, shot. I barely do it now. I got damn pants on.

That's true. Dude, damn pants will make you question every decision you've ever made in your life. I like it. They're a little looser, plus it cools you off in the summer. Now your money gets wet and stuff. It's the pockets. The pockets are always the last thing to drive.

I wet money's a tough look. You ain't trying to hand it to a cashier for a pack of heaters. They're a lot. They're ride ballin' ya. Huh. Nothing worse than a wet five. Mm-hmm. Yikes.

Ice cream man, looking at you funny. Where were you with this? Yeah, it's bam Jesus Christmas and then I hated it and I felt like I would go to school with it and Everybody would know you know, I mean, I'm like they all know I got wet pay I be checking the seat to make sure there wasn't like Fucking make sure I wasn't leaving a mark Kevin got his period Would you make your own lunch? No, we bought. I mean, yeah, I bought, it was a peanut butter sandwich and a coke most days, probably a bag full of Doritos or sourdough nibblers.

I would do. Did your own laundry? Yeah, man. It's crazy. At eight, listen, 15, I understand. I would do it, but I get it. But at eight, that's a hard-nosed kid. I wonder why you started smoking at seven.

Dude, my mom, you have to think about where she came. She was one and nine and a two better. They grew up in a shoe. I get it. They were fucking working. Sure. Her brothers were dropping out of school to fucking, to be like a tin knocker.

She's hanging drywall. Yeah, it's like, she's like, yeah, you fat little bastard. I keep you flush with the fucking, with the peanut butter sandwiches and aliens pizza. You can do your own fucking laundry. Man, would you do it? Like, would you have a day where you did it? No, no, I didn't have a- You do that in the bills?

No, I mean, she did, she did my laundry. I got to, got the shoe box with all the fucking, all the past, dude, up man. Yeah, she had a blue, it was either a Kedser Reebok but a blue box with just his do bills. Sure. Envelopes rip. Patty had the accordion thing.

Oh, she still does it every Sunday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That thing was out. You did not ask for like a new pair of shoes or, hey, can I get a new skateboard or anything? It was fucking Patty's checkbook, man, every single line is I still would, I would have no idea how to bound how to figure out something like that. That's why you are not in charge of the book. Of course they tried to teach us I think in accounting or something like that. But that was already that was junior year. I just got to know what the hell was going on. It's like little seven up going in here. You got to go to approach your checkbook here in the Hurt Locker. There's four other guys standing around. He's a

psychodude. This guy's nuts. That's all jammed up. Yeah man. No. I wouldn't... She did my laundry but if I needed something done, if I will... you know, So she did do your laundry. Yeah, I mean, I was, I put, not exclusively. It wasn't like, mom, I need my laundry done. Type thing. If I needed something done. What about like soccer uniforms? That I'm patting on a rotation. Yeah.

Fresh gear. And look where it got you. She still. I was a star athlete. I needed a support system. Star athlete. For a minute, you were a role player at best You tell it you tell it again. Yeah, you came off the bench pretty well. I'll give you that you gave me good He's good for eight minutes couple of fumbles. I'll wait to you guys get up

Get ahead about 50 points. I don't come in in a while. I really come in and stun him. I was had about 50 points. I don't come in and wow. I'll really come in and stun him. Show them how it's done. I was load manager. What is it load management? What are you doing as far as laundry detergent? Are you getting it there? You using the powder, aren't you? No. Sugar free red bull.

My shirts came to play, dog. I got the fastest closet in the game. Drives in two seconds. It's just in there vaping. I always buy the little bangers they sell like a game or whatever. That's good. Yeah, that's good. So you did laundry this morning.

Oh yeah. High heat. What are you rocking in the dryer? Ice cold. Really? You go no heat. All my sliders shit's not dry, dude. Shit.

No, no, no, no. I do no heat to oh cold water of course yeah can't do hot can't gamble on a show you found that out the hard way fatty what doing your own laundry oh I'm a master of it fucking washing your unbeez on hot no I'm cold dude I'm cold I'm cold band-aid down there I'm like I'm like a baker dude I got that you pur purve. I fucking pull it out of the dryer before it starts really tightening up. Some of those fabrics, they fucking.

What a buttons get out. Oh man, man. Fucking torching your little pew bone. Man, button fly jeans really jam me up. I don't add herpes for a week. It's just a second degree burn. Something's cooking down there. You know what I saw the other day

I wanted to ask you guys. A few of the households in our family had these and I think it's probably fleas. The ultimate trash. Like you know how the people had like the Pope and John F. Kennedy and Lou Holtz or whatever, the different pictures. The ultimate trash. Lou Holtz or whatever, the pictures, the ultimate trash.

Lou Holtz. Yeah. The guy from CSI. Head coach and Notre Dame football national championship in 1988. You have a picture of Lou Holtz in your house? No. Right. Kami, that okay?

What? Fair enough. Um, is the mix of different mob movie actors in one painting. Oh, like the final supper or whatever. The last supper were Tony sopranos. Tony soprano, Al Pacino, Tom Seismore, no sitting around playing cards. Tom Seismore's here.

Hey, he's the plug, you know what I mean? Shout out to Tom Seismore, bro. Come on, just watch, heat the other day. Oh, damn, is that good. Yeah, no, he, uh, those are very trashy and like it was so funny because when I first wanted to decorate my dorm room or my apartment, that was like the coolest thing for me. It was like get a scar face poster, get some pictures of some hot broads, some TNA or something. You know what I mean? It was like, Carmen Electra.

some hot broads, some TNA or something, you know what I mean, it was like, Carmen Electra. I liked her. She was a little early for me, I think, was like a little too early. Who were you into? I mean, obviously Britney Spears was hot. Did you have a Britney Spears poster on your wall?

Yeah, I might be. We talked about this in my dad's house, yeah. Uh huh. My mom wouldn't go for that, obviously. Who was doing a laundry at your own mans? My stepmom or me. Yeah, okay. Well, what age? I guess we're in that house to probably 10. Yeah, so my stepmom or me I would take clothes back and forth. I got fucking as riding the rails man looking back

That she was depressing a little hobo bag packing a bag for two nights go over your dad's house Fucking goldfish and drink while I Steala heater Keeping your money in a lunch week bag fucking Keep it all my all my personal possessions under my ball sack. No one can get it Yeah, no, I man. Yeah, that was that just fucking rock me think about packing a bag Little kid packing a fucking bag or sometimes I wouldn't even have about just like cap

Just bring over like a like a t-shirt and underwear or whatever and Cuz I didn't have two wardrobe so it was like sure Most of the stuff I was based I was you know, I was based out of my mom Got the whites going at your dad's the colors going at your mom. I was all over the place They got a guy in an affair. Yeah, no, for sure. Yeah, I was switching phone batteries and stuff. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha whatever. In junior higher high school, I would, I would do it. Junior high in high school, I was definitely doing it for sure.

I was going to do my own stuff. Not me, man. Never. She didn't want us touching it. You didn't want us down there fucking that up. Yeah, I think that leads to your arrest of development. Sure. For sure.

She coddles you. She still does. She's got to cut the goddamn cord. Yeah. Too late now. What's she going to be 90 doing your laundry. She just do my laundry now. Yeah, she does We've had arguments about it. If I go home and I have some stuff And now we got to draw washer and dryer in the unit so I do it in there I Actually haven't done it a long time

Hey, Kate puts I know you smell like a fucking hockey bag over here I can get a little fabric soft near it's on so I spilled coffee on the shirt that I wore today So I had to go to my locker shirt. Yeah, keep that in there lucky if I keep it up all stuffy in there. We got lockers Yeah, no, I would always do it. Yeah, but then like a lot of time I always I was such a bad procrastinator that if I needed something done I wouldn't do it and then I'd be like I was very a bad procrastinator that if I needed something done, I wouldn't do it. And then I'd be like, I was very good at fluffing something up for the day. Of course, I can do that.

I can work. No, but I mean, like, I mean, this shirt could be at the bottom of the bottom of the bottom. I remember having a system of like, can I give you my, as I can, can I get the, please go ahead. No, please, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, please. No, no, no, no, do go on. Please couple sprays a cologne a wet washcloth in the dryer. Yeah, that was mine. That's every dirtbag that had a fucking make a sweaty shirt smell nice. So you know, fucking chicks don't wait. In fact,

yeah, I was every fat kid's fucking go to couple of spritzes of eternity, but not right on it. You had to like, yeah, get the molecules out of the atmosphere. Maybe go under the pits. Oh, yeah, and also heavy on the dryer sheets. Oh, heavy dryer sheets. Not too much, because then we'll leave a white residue on it. How many dryer sheets are you supposed to use? Because I know what I do. Stuff them in a tube and blow your weed smoke through them. Shout out to it. They were great to throw Denise off the center of me catching heaters too. Keep one or two at em in a car, fucking. Come in, smell like fucking Sunday laundry, baby.

Yeah, dryer sheets for you. Do you wash your hand if you had a dryer sheet at 14 you weren't getting caught with heaters? No. They were all right, but I do four in the dryer. Four dryer sheets. I think that's excessive. Is it?

I think it should be. It's more than one. It's probably two. Two. I've done three, three, just, I don't like it. I mean, you feel that fucking film. Get that film on it. Yeah.

It's just like, and I can't be good for you. No, they say it's fucking horrible. It's got forever chemicals right now. Yeah, that's, that's changing your DNA. You're having fucking bounce right now. You're three percent bounce right now. You're three percent bounce big guy. One sheet for small to average size loads and two sheets. That's recommended for average to large loads. So I imagine you're low about eight. You're gonna want to run. I just have a whole box in there. Nine sheets for a real fatties. What you

want to get in there. Is he a real fat pig? Put about 10 in there. Are you watching any button down boat tarps? Getting any fucking spare tire covers. That was always a jam up to. The different clothes would dry differently. The hoodie would take forever. The button down shirts all wrinkled.

The jeans are all jammed up. And I never had heard that any adhered to any white colors in any depots. I still don't. I dropped my stuff off now that goes separate. I go, what? Separate. Everything I own is black or dark gray.

So it's not a real emo. Yeah, I go, it's all going in there together, buddy. But I don't take stuff to them. Sit there right in your poem book. Because I still air dry stuff as a fucking, as a chubster. There's certain shirts where I'm like, I'm not giving ease out because if they're not, they're coming back petite. Coming back, they're coming back an extra.

I have the laundry mat, yeah. Yeah, even at home. I'll wash it and then I air dry. I got a rack, air dry it. Now when you do, when you throw the rack up, I have a whole system. I got an oscillating fan. I put on my, I put on a table to like blast it.

Are you just letting it free, free ball it. I'm just free ball I don't need it done that quit. Yeah, you're it seems like you're fucking building the bridge as as your cross and a type thing I'm moving. Yeah, I have you're waiting on the oscillating fan the dryer shit. He's microwaving his pants It's like two days. Yeah, that Really Yeah, it's like two days. Yeah Really 545 if the humidity's low man. Yeah, now that's no good damp Danny over here. Yeah turn the jeans inside out Dude, I don't that's why you always looking a rain a little bit Just looking you came out of the everglades you caught a storm

He's a little doey. Were you in the butterfly cage for 20 minutes? Dude, using a communal thing, I hate, you just have to do it. You live in New York, it's very rare. I mean, fucking money, daddy Warbuck's over here has one in his fucking apartment, living like the goddamn king. I've maybe, I've maybe used it 10 times in the few months.

Is there one of the smaller ones up and like the top? Like it stacked? Yeah, but it ain't small. It's nice. Yeah smaller ones up and like the top, like it stacked? Yeah. But it ain't small. It's nice. Yeah, nice. Whirlpool, I think it is. One socket at a time.

Whirlpool. Yeah, Whirlpool. Yeah. You have is it a, is it one of like the sensing things you put it in and then it does the math and runs an algorithm, it doesn't just start. They just like my mom has one that like sets like, no, my mom has that. And it's like just fucking start It's taking 20 minutes to fucking yeah CPU to boot up you think you broke it. It's like yeah

It's like weighing it. It's figuring it out buddy Just get the pizza stains out of my black t-shirt. Let's go. I like the old school ones There was one in the Airbnb. I think in Indie where real old school no Digital just dial. Then you pull it. That was the one I had growing up. Pop it. We had a white, like not white, they were like tan.

Off white, whirlpool, these things fucking, you get sent to space. And you would just go, you crank it like an old rotary phone and then pull the I'm baby right at my agra falls into that starts gushing ice cold water out the fucking foam starts Go and then you know you're getting clean clean drawer and I would keep that you keep the door open Let it pour out to get some water in there. Yeah, then you hit it with the then you hit it with the flavor You go in there with the fucking sauce It's like dropping a bullion Cuban. I think what you then you dropped that thing down and you hear that in this that Indistinctable gajun the way it closes locks up on you. Yeah, all right. I think the proper way to do it I remember reading this as a kid

My OCD kicked in I was like I got to find out the best way to make the best way to better homes and gardens at eight I was a fucking wacko Looking back I can't picture you on a Sunday with the owners manual in the sea My you heard about this pin cycle You got zucchini bread in the oven Shout out to zucchini bread by the way, um, I I think the proper way Shout out to Zuki right by the way. Um, I, I think the proper way, but used to be with the liquid detergent is you fill it

completely, add the detergent, let that completely. Sure. So that, that becomes completely one and then put the clothes in. I never did that until I would get jammed up. I would put, I find out in the morning as a kid, I put on my clothes and like my jeans or like whatever and then just dump the stuff right on air and sometimes It don't always come out like that stains it

And you come out with soap stains on your thing looking like it look like you fucking peed a little bit when you went to the bedroom I'm trying to score. Okay, let's talk about trade coffee. Yeah, I've got that trade Let's talk about that lukewarm crap that you get over there at the drive-through. What do you do? Will what you want is you want trade coffee. You want a delicious cup of coffee. They're matching algorithm. We'll tell you exactly what you like and what you want.

They got over 450 coffees to choose from. What are we doing here? Yeah, you'll definitely find your favorite. We've been using it for the past couple of weeks here. The Lich. It's fantastic. It's so loud, baby. It's so loud, baby. You got to be able to boom. Oh, air out the door, two seconds flat. I'm like The list. It's fantastic. It's so wide, baby. It's so wide, baby.

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Mm-hmm. Let me tell you something. What's that? Signed up. Yeah. I've been screwballs. I've been driving myself nuts. You've been driving me nuts.

I've been telling you for two three years, son. I've been driving myself nuts. I couldn't find a therapist around here that I liked. It was this, it was that. It was, it was just a nightmare, man. Better help you. Boom, you're talking all lights and therapists. Two seconds, you could do text, you could do video,

you could do just over the phone. And here's the turkey. You don't have a specialist in your area. They got you covered, man. Better helps. All right, listen, I'm crazy. Do yourself a favor, talk it out with better help. I'm crazy do yourself a favor talk it out with better I'm crazy listen to me you're looking at what you're dealing

with choices about your career relationship or family and I'm gonna be that deep it's better helps online therapy helps you stay connected to what you really want out of life getting started is easy just fill out a quick questionnaire get matched with a license therapist, switch therapists at any time. No additional charge, no questions asked. Get into therapy, helps you move forward and make decisions with confidence, baby. It's a big tool. I've always said it. Let therapy be your map with better help. Visit betterhelp.com slash garbage today and get 10% off your first month. That's better help. HLP.com slash garbage, better help HLP dot com slash garbage better help dot com slash garbage Do it back to the show back to the show. I don't trust those little pods either. I love them people throw them right in there

You supposed to put them in the in the detergent bin. I don't do I throw them right in there. I'm right in there I'm I suppose throw them right in the water. Yeah, I don't think they'll go through the detergent thing the water's got to dissolve that They take two three minutes of dissolve. I could see what kids eat them They do they do have like a Harry bow type vibe to them. You want to pop it because it's not poppable. You want to pot you want to I get jamed up with the ones in a dishwasher. I can't touch them too much. Yeah. Did you ever turn anything pink? I was I was gonna be a myth. No, my wife just didn't recently. There was real yeah, there was something That was gonna be a myth. No, my wife just did it recently.

There was something, I think it was like a rag. And I think it was partly my fault. I was supposed to- It's gotta be brand new. Yeah, I think it was a brand new sweater or brand new sweatshirt or something like that. And I had something got linked up in it. I pretty sure was my fault.

And I was like, oh yeah, that's good. And she just went through it, like didn't't double check went through it and something came out paying I was like jeans or something something got jammed up. I think jeans. Yeah, I'm wearing them the dinner today I can saw she's Sauntering around But gang we got a goddamn family episode. Let's get some fucking Patreon. Yes, we do All right, let's see here Yes, we do.

All right, let's see here. This one's from Mr. and Mrs. Whitenbush, like it shout out to the Whitenbushes. Is it garbage to wash your family's dog in the above ground pool? Yes. That I blew me away when when Bert explained the shout, the pool shower to us. I I understand jumping into pool and taking a quick dip. Oh, Randall, sure.

But you're using soap in the pool is insane. That seems like it ruins the pool for everybody out, dude. And also washing a dog is the dirty it like it's that dog soap. I can smell that. Dude, we do it. We do it in the bathroom. And like, we'll do it before we clean it like, all right, we gotta clean the bathroom or whatever. Like, let's clean in the bathroom and like we'll dope before we clean like all right We got to clean the bathroom or whatever like let's clean him because it's like once you do that

It's fucking what you might see him popping around these days. Yeah dog is he said toadies dog is floating around Just took a dump and a living room coming into check on his fucking investment Um toadieos in the big It's dude. It's like it's change. It's not like someone else is bathing in your- it's a fucking- it's another species. The fucking shit in the hair, the hair's everywhere. It's- The bottle. Oh god, it's horrible. So to do that in your pool, then mix open shit in that- like, we gotta skim it after that, right?

Ugh. There's got- it looks like the fucking X-Ton Valdez on top of that water then. Yeah, that's a tough look. the fuck wants to do this if you invited me over your house And I get there for like a nice fun in the sun bar. You got two three land sharks in you got a hot dog Hey, Kippy want you to hop in and take a dip and I look at a looks like a goddamn grease trap in there or you get in there And they say yeah, we just washed the dog in here. I would fucking burn your house down That is for sure. If you fucking set me up to jump in a dog bath pool, no, not

happening. I feel like you're ruined the pool for everybody. Even like what Bert does. I wouldn't want to, I then it makes it seem then you're, you're, you're swimming in their bathwater. Mm-hmm. Oh, especially on a above ground pool. Those filters ain't the best.

That's a stupbo bubble pump. Yeah. Um. Trish. Yeah, very, very trash. Uh, let's see his renoumen. Are you garbage, you have any vehicles on the street of the driveway that lives in a car cover?

This can go either good or bad. There's no real middle ground. Car cover man. There's no real middle ground. Car cover, man. There's never, there's never a good nine times at a 10. It's a T-top thunderbird with a blown transmission. Yeah, there's never a working vehicle underneath it. Or it's a fucking super high end Porsche, like which is the good? No one's putting, if it's a super high end Porsche,

it's in a garage under one of those things. Yeah, it's not out next to the garage on the grass Again behind the shed. Yeah again. That is fucking B city That's Hornetville right there. That's how you get jammed up you roll out there in a nice May afternoon I'm gonna take the car out, and you whipped that thing off, and all of a sudden, dude, you're getting dive bombed. Yeah. No. Tough look.

I've never seen that with a working vehicle. Does that say that's what saves the paint, right? From the sun and the rain? I guess. And from like sap from trees is big. I gotcha. But is that like, nah dude, I parked under a tree fucking last week.

My car, Jesus Christ. Looks like it was that burning man, dude. It's fucking, it's covered in just fucking bird shit. Does pollen bees, coming out of this country, it is down. Bees, pollen. Yeah, it's fucking the trees. I was under there for fucking four or five days.

I'm in the garage. It looks like it's a fucking disabled vehicle. Looks like I'm waiting on fucking triple eight to come pick me up. Yeah, that's bad. At least get it running. And she got to show the neighbors that it runs too. Otherwise, because they're talking about you.

Why do people, I guess if you're a car guy, but why do you keep cars that don't work? That just happens, right? Yes. I think it's like when an anero uncle moves in, it just kind of happened. I think it's, yes, it's a short term thing. I'll get it going. And I think guys, I think there's really, I look at it as the same way shit was never finished at my house is because my stepdad was a construction worker.

And it's like, the roofer always has the worst roof in the neighborhood. The landscaper has the worst yard because they do it all the time. They come back, you never have the time to do it yourself. Sure. Think you think you have, you think you're gonna wake up Sunday morning,

I'm gonna go tinker, have a beer with the boys. That shit never comes before which, if it does, sure, but it's like that's like the 1%. I wonder if guys still do that. The guys still get together and like meet up and work on cars and stuff like that. I think if they're car guys, yeah. I think like man real men.

Yeah, that's a real man. You know what I always wanted to do. Could you change your oil if you had to? Yeah, I could, I could, well, I don't know how to. What's that you? I thought of YouTube tutorial. No, no, YouTube tutorial. I'll be all over that thing.

Like fucking take that engine right up. I got the gun with the, the fucking drill with the hose on it. Yeah, no, I couldn't. I feel like I'm, I mean, like, I think actual, that's like pretty dummy proof if you know what you're doing. I feel like I'm, I mean, like, I think actual, that's like pretty dummy proof if you know what you're doing. You know what I mean? It's made for the common person to be able to do is.

I just don't know where the order will go. You know, like redo the calibrator, the carburetor. I don't recalibrate the carburetor. I drive a Kia. There's no carburetor in the Kia. Catalina converter, there's no more. Not anymore, they took them. Fuck your whole man deeds. Fuckin' my neighborhood.

Well, you gotta talk about it. I keep forgetting, we gotta talk about a hard feeling to her two tree things about it. My neighborhood's going, they shit. Really? Wic. No kidding. My plate's got stolen, which we've done has been documented.

Sure. Um, and then they just put put my wife just sent me a picture from the Facebook group who's a fucking corollary. It's like a nicer sedan, but not like a luxury car, but like a nicer looks good sedan. Fucking propped up on milk crates. Fucking all four tires. Go on.

Man, go on overnight. It's a powerful milk crates. I do. No, they were collapsing. They were really fucking. Must have been chocolate. Also, do you remember the milk crate challenge? I went down a rabbit. Oh, dude, I saw one day I was fucking dying.

The tall skinny girl that goes up there. That's making a resurgence, man. Oh, it is. No, the videos are just coming back, but they're the old bit dude. That should have been a goddamn TV show That should be on Netflix. I was the high to the pandemic motherfucker just going back outside for the first time and start Shit dude. Oh my god. It was genius though. Oh

Proper genius so funny so that should be in stadiums So funny. So that should be in stadiums. Dude, why don't that you let's pitch that TV show? That should be the show. No, kid. That should be in the Olympics. Dude, you do that in Madison Square Garden. People would just get like feet like a tough mother type thing. Get a bunch of contestants. Dude, you get some older guy with a couple of drinks in them

trying to show off in front of the young kids. Then they get to like the second or third highest one and then it's over And I assume people had to be getting Severely it's you people are getting fucked up, dude. You fall heat your spleen on one of those things Now people are getting real jammed up real bad. Yeah, like serious. Yeah, yeah When they fold in half the other way or the side Man, why is it funny when people get hurt? I mean that was jackass. That was so much shit It's so what is in the human condition the yellow obscene mother fucker each shit. I

Don't know it's great. I got a little joy. Are you saying the neighborhood was going bad? I know you then I don't know why? Yeah, just and there was something else that we have to wait for hard feelings They're taking these Converters left and right now the fuck any dough with them then I'm getting I drive a key I'm getting things left and right if I got to take it in to get the fucking security system because they're stealing so many of them I just want to fucking turn that thing in because now there's one bad street not not bad. What, why don't you lease up on that thing? I think I have another year. Another year.

That doesn't make sense. I think you got it in 2020. I got it in March of 2021. Did you? Okay. So I think I have until next March. So yeah, whatever. Like a 10 a.m.

Yep. If you try to get rid of that thing early, 10 months or whatever. But there's, so there's an un. I can steal it for you. By, by the, there there's an unsteal it for you by, by the, there's a park I'm in a neighborhood by the park. There's one street that's there's no houses on it. Just that's up to the back of a church and a part like a school.

And then it, there's no houses. It's the park on one side, then a school in a church. So they, there's no one there at night. So the cars that are on that block, that's just where they're just where they're going like I have at least eight minutes to do whatever I need to you know, no one's gonna come out or walk in home or whatever sure So I can't even park on that thing anymore because I'm afraid it's a fucking kid are gonna they're gonna steal it So now it's tougher to park let me see this what you know This is off the record hypothetically would that be the worst case scenario?

What the foe trying to jam me up? If that thing disappears, how long do you know? Listen, we're dirt bags. We're sitting here talking to you We'll talk about this on air right now. I know. I'm just saying if by chance now you put it out there I'm jam my car gets stolen. I'm gonna be jammed up this fucking guy It's setting you up all week. No, you're probably gonna steal my car then fucking call the fuzz and hit me off. We'll leave a couple flatbreads at the scene. Yeah, it looks like Kicking a flatbread. It's like Kippy.

It's a Mr. Neptune trophy. Oh, look at a bit. Body surfing champ like in 2002. Bottle the road game of crime scene. Mr. Neptune trophy is definitely a flex and hold in the fish. Yeah With a tried it in the other hand. He's got a fucking cheese steak for main LP Fuck what do we get to oh to cut the go back on that change now what I always wanted as a kid Coming from a family of construction workers was the the hangout of

from a family of construction workers was the hangout of in home improvement, how their hang was the hardware store and also the garage. But they go in, they get a coffee, they hang out, they shoot the shit, what are you working on, I got this. That's all I want. What that was, what that was, he pulling down on that show. He did all right. Tim to tell me.

Taylor. Wait, Tim to tell me in Taylor. Wait, in the Tim to tell me in Taylor, Tim Allen. No, I know Tim Allen was caked up. Tim to tell me in Taylor was doing pretty good for a local celebrity. Oh, yeah, Benford. I'm sure. I guess so. That was a fucking. Because he had the nice garage with all the tools and all the stuff. He was a, he was a local celebrity when that was money. What do you think Tim Allen made per rep of Home Improvement? $800,000.

Stop. Does it say what season? Or just what it says? That's a high. I'm gonna say, I want to say 1.2. But I feel like when friends started making a million, that was the big thing. That was the big story. I got to go 800 hmm

but I don't know is this as like a fear he was probably co-creator like they were just million dollar he created I know I'm saying they were like million dollar based on his standup I know that so I'm saying I don't know if that's factored into what he was making as a creator as a producer as a This is on it, this is a talent fee. Maybe. Just guess. 750. You had it on the nose, dude.

1.25 million. Get the fuck outta here. 23 episodes of season two. Caked up. Man. Two. Remember when we did them as stickers treat? Yeah.

Yeah. Man. I tanked. Ha ha ha ha ha. I was Tim Allen. He was Al Borland. And we had to go out and do a minute of comedy for a Halloween show. It was a famous, I think they still do it.

I think Norman started. It was Norman and Matt Ruby show. Yeah. They did sticker treat where you go out as famous comedians or actors or whatever and do a minute and we went out as Tim and Al Borland Yeah, swing them as not well received. That was pretty good mixed review. It was pretty good Sure, we were 1.2 million in episode now shout out to them Yikes, oh god damn holy shit. All right old an age of television Yeah, that's when fucking TV money was fucking

Just once from Brad 10 dollar home and ever how one red is a trash if you and your mom have matching Tram stamps. I'm a dude by the way Yeah, what I mean trans stamps for a guy were cool in some circles for like an hour Like I think people were like yeah, this is cool because more dudes Have them then should on the back in the in the lower back The tram stamp didn't get a it's name until a bunch of who has got it. Yes. So it was just a, I'm not saying a cool place, but it was a place for a tattoo. Right.

And I think, they were like, I think people were like, oh cool, you can get a lower back tattoo. And then like a thousand guys did it and 15 million girls did it. And it was like, oh, where I'm jammed up here. A mom getting a tattoo, if your mom wanted to get a tattoo, depends what it was. Huh. Pop-I. I'm mom getting a tattoo if your mom wanted to get a tattoo Depends what it was huh

Pop by No, no, I wouldn't I mean I would let her get her if she want to get like you pose like that She want to get her mom's initials or something sure yeah, yeah, that I mean I she wouldn't you know I mean if I can discrepancy But yeah, no that would be tough. If my mom came home, I was like, oh, hey, I just got some fresh ink. A couple of tear drops. I fucking had put her in a home right away.

She can't be trusted. Disprose their mind. You're honor. She got it. That too. This case is closed. Um, yeah, that's not good. You're in your mom having Matt. I mean,

I Don't know I never had that relationship with my mom where we get matching tattoos. You know, we were never Some some I think some kids grow up like friends with their mom. Yeah, I didn't have that now like Dude's grow up where they're like oh, yeah, it's like a very open relationship about smoking, drinking, sex, all that kind of stuff. It's like the roommates kind of. A lot of the time when the dad's not around, I feel that's the case.

Sure. And she like works nights as a nurse at the fucking, at the hospital. It's like, he's like independent. He gets independent quick. Yeah. And then they become like boys. Yeah, no patty was a tyrant We're cool now, but at the time bad news. She ran with an iron fist

Yeah, my mom was always I Know how to tow the line to not get in too much I had watched my brother blow the fucking doors off the place I was like as long as I mind my p'ses and cues a little bit more than he did, I was flying out of the radar. Yeah, I had a pretty good system. It's mostly lion. Ha ha ha.

Wow. You were at sleep-boy school or over the fuck you were. Oh yeah. Which I was trying to pin down. Your parents are learned people. Correct. Your father's a smart man, professor, author, your mother worked credible financial institutions correct what was the angle of sending you

Like was the school you went to a good school. Yes, sleep-boy school What you want to live with him when he was a teenager? I want to ship him away now most days with him when he was a teenager. I want to ship him away now most days. You're imagine him as a teenager, dude. Did you have that hair back then too? Yeah, I love Scott. Oh, dude, I think about how much he sucked.

It's a pleasure wearing the French foreign Legion. Y'all on it as mom, you're not my mom. I'm on the v-tune. Yeah, but what was the, so that was a good school? Yeah for what like Literature or Yeah, it wasn't an athletic school. No, they played Quidditch Didn't you Last but first me dude you definitely had a lot of horse people at that school

Kids I thought they were horses running around. No, the horse kids do a heroin though. How's every school? What did you say? The worst of kids do is some heroin. Well, horse. Yeah, sure. Of course.

Yeah, man. I was thinking about that the other day for some reason. Like what was the, like the path they wanted you to go on? Was it like disciplinary of like like I can't take this anymore Or they're like this is better you're drinking and not a total Togged total opposite it was that the school system and Lincoln to North Carolina tiny town right I get that dog shit full of math no good. I didn't go to middle school and they were just like I was backpacking through Europe

I was backpacking through Europe. We got to get this. An opportunity. So they're like, we're going to take all of the money they had saved up for my college. And we're going to gamble it on high school, thinking that I get a full ride. Bad fucking bad. What did you get? What were the addicted discraturers? Who does that?

What do they think you were going to get a full ride in? I don't know. Attitude. Basket weaving. Being the most creative little guy. Wow. Oh, look at you now. Yeah.

The workout. That's, I mean, that's crazy. I would never forgive my parents if they shipped me away like that. I wanted to go, I wanted to do a prep year. I wanted to go to Mercer's Burger Academy. After college, after high school, after high school, because I had a couple of options.

I had your drink on. What are you? I had one. And my smoke going. Go home with some to roll on. I had one or two options playing around. I could go play. I could become a drug addict.

You're I could become a drug addict there. I could go play Division 3 football at the couple schools. Or if you prepped the year, they had a program there become a dry. Like there. I could go play division three football at the couple schools. Um, or if you prepped the year, they had a program there where I would, I would, I would get to continue to play high school football in my prep year and play other prep schools, which seemed last chance you. It seemed like double with a bunch of complex. It's, it's no, I think it was nice. Give Mercer's burger academy a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, a, Give me one more year. You're nuts. Get me out of here. Where the fucking where the sigs are flowing. Like the, like the savanna capis tranna.

You're nuts. Get me down to temple with no one's looking. Yeah, get me to North Philly where I'm not a problem. Let's go. What are we talking about? You want to go back? I can still play high school ball. Think they heat up.

I don't know. It seemed nice. Yeah. It's $72,000 a year. Better be. Damn. Yeah. Your mom didn't even send the application out. Yeah, it's $72,000 a year. Better be. Damn. Yeah, your mom didn't even send the application out. She just told you you didn't get it.

Fat bastard. Not more than just in the house for this fucking idiot. 72 G-Hot. I have for you to go bully some sophomore. What's up, loser? I'm so cool. I'm back in high school. What's up, I'm 19.

You fight. Man, they ain't that far off, I'll be honest. Yeah, no, I know. But it's so funny. I used to think that that all the time. And they weren't even over and you're like, how can I really squeeze every last drop of cool out of here? I mean, well, I just kind of started to be good at it. So I think it one more year as kids in college were tough. They beat a shit out of me Yeah, you should learn your Fuck teach a life lesson Be beat you know, you're gonna be fucking hands

We had a bunch of kids that was nice to be a division one But didn't didn't make the grades and they were down there fucking They was like fucking fighting the Avengers every fucking gladiators And they were down there fucking they was like fucking fighting the Avengers every fucking gladiators Fucking some guy running me over. Yeah holy shit Man, that's what 72. I thought my whole life would have been different if I could have gotten there Different you would have dropped out. No, but he would have lived in a condom. Yeah, you're you They're living with me on campus Who's that guy who's got his parents in his dorm?

We're a tight knit group. Someone's got to do my laundry. He came in looking at his lips, that ain't good. Yeah, you're haunzy. It's so funny because you can only see his tails and a little telescope. 72 grain the year of Periscope. I wanted to go to that's a good school I wanted to go to the agriculture school. I thought that would have been so cool in Roxboro. I was out off Henry

Have a major in cow shit Yeah, it was that you'd be like you become a farmer or whatever it was like teaches you agriculture What were you gonna farm what where we Where were you gonna start growing my own weed, dude? Uh, no, I don't know. It just was different. And high school fucking was mad corny. I wanted to do something cool. Agriculture.

I mean that was corny, yeah. Where were you gonna farm? I don't think it was farm. I think it was like, I mean, T-bone, look that up. Like fill it off the agricultural school, rock spiral, T-bone, look that up. Like Philadelphia Agricultural School, Roxbarrow. He wanted a genetically engineered thicker milk. Give me something, give me a bigger forehead.

What's more than a hole? It's a guy who invented double hole milk. Do you hear about this fucking loser in Philly? Chocolate half and a half. Uh, yeah, I don't know why I wanted to do it though so bad. I always wanted to go to this isn't this isn't school. I just didn't want to be in school. I'm like if I can catch heaters and ride a couple of steeds.

The Walter Bittles Saul high school of agricultural sciences. What town is it in? Philadelphia. Yeah, it's got to be it. Sol high school of agricultural sciences. What town is it in? Philadelphia. Yeah, it's gotta be it You're gonna go to an agriculture school in the city of Philadelphia Got a grow cocoa place How to turn an eighth into a fucking half what are we talking? Yeah, we're down there growing longhots on a roof. No, my oh my two of my friends had a little bit of geesh a little bit a little bit of green some geese what I was a kid. Oh, ge old school a little bit of geese. A little bit of

shirt. Where's the geese? Yeah, shout out to it. But they when I started hanging out with them, they had been going to this camp called Camp De Cumpsa in New Hampshire, which sounded like fucking heaven. And I wanted to go. And Patty had this guy come in and pitch it. And he was in there for like an hour. She had the cake out and the coffee. And think it was like 15 grand or something. Yeah. Nope. Get out. If I could through the guy out. Midway through his bad cake. I remember I wanted to play paintball in the polka nose for like 150 bucks for a weekend. My mom was like get the fuck out of it. You got laundry to do. Ha ha ha ha. High scrubs ain't gonna clean themselves. I get your fat ass in the laundry room.

He cleaned and blood out of our ER scrubs. Jesus Christ. Yeah. I wanted to, it was called skirmish in the polka nose and it was fucking, I wanted to, it was like a war game. You would go for like a weekend. It was like D day or something or not. It was like based on a war. I wanted nothing more to go. She was like no fucking way

Thought someone's gonna try to molest me. I said I got a paintball gone. I'll shoot his wiener up What are you talking? Oh, you think I'm gonna let some dude grab my junk? Good luck finding it. It's cold out there in the woods Mercer's burger academy so that never would have happened. She probably didn't send it in. You got to figure if it's 70 grand now, what was it in 1994? No, but that those kind of things exploded now like Those private school shit that shit at night. That shit crazy exploded. It was obviously expensive in the 90s But nice you live there. That's not it didn't scale up Fucking dogs all over the place

Get a Hansi put a GoPro on him That'd be pretty good got to the Rollin' it All right, let's see here. This one's from dirt $ $10 homie. Oh, it's like Madonna, just dirt. $10 homie never have one red. How about jeans and a kayak? That's not, that ain't a good. I'm petrified at kayaks.

Really? Like, canoes. Yeah, kayaks. Yeah, now, never. They spin. They spin and you can't get out. No, that's canoe. No, that's a river kayak or something. What's ocean kayaks are like exposed?

There are two types of kayaks. There's the open top kayak. The big plastic johns. And then there's the ones that you sit in the sun. Yeah, like your white water rafting types, you know, never get one. I mean, never. I have to. I wouldn't fit.

Have NASA make you one. They do that on the East River They have little can I a kayaking can I hacking kayaking classes? Yeah, I mean I I've been kayaking in the Hudson No, what if you spin? What if you find you're not closed in I'd be more worried about finding a body like the opening of a law in order episode Dude, I want to have been crushing on order the past since fucking 18's been going crushing it. Really? Good program.

Are you watching that peacock? Are you getting me a little upset? You just watching TNT and rolling the dice. Yeah, no, it's open. You got a brisco. It's, oh, there you go. Heavy briskeys. They give it, um, it's on like pop or we TV or city was wide open back then.

Think about that. Briscoe running around straightening everybody to fuck out. Who is his boy? Or we TV your city was wide open back then think about that brisco run around Straighten everybody to fuck out who is his boy mr. Big from Sex in the city Lenny brisco and ah it's gonna drive me crazy God damn it What's this in Christopher North? No, North. Yeah God damn it. What's his name, Christopher North? No, North?

Yeah. Get in here, Hansi. That was your problem. Christopher North, law and order, his name was Mike Logan. Logan! Logan and Brisco get on it. That was a team.

They'd get you eventually Brisco and nothing gets past him. He's no one punk Plus he was on the sauce. It was off the sauce sure, but he had you know, he did go back on it that one episode Yeah, because of that bar. He had a put on he had to like do something it was this moral something and he was like, you know what? Yeah, two three shooters. Sure. I was no mixed drink. I'll tell you that. Ah, give me four. Four cuties and a tall boy. I'd say you go. Bombay be gone. Yeah, bitches love the cheddar.

Cheese. Cheese. I fucking love that movie. That's good. All right, let's see. He dey boys. We talked about this kind of Matt. This is from Matt. Is it garbage to go bowling while on vacation?

Is it garbage to go bowling while on vacation? I think bowling is trashy in general. Not saying it's not fun. It's a good time. I think it's fun for two throws and then I'm out. Bowling on vacation is a no go. Yeah. Horrible activity.

I do love there was nothing better than getting a, you know, going there having about 15, 18 beers playing half a game and, you know, I like the idea of bowling. I hate to say this. I like the idea of it. Yeah. But after fucking four rounds, you're like, all right, I like the idea of it. Yeah, but after fucking Four four rounds are like all right. I don't give a shit. Mm-hmm. And on vacation You should be having something better to do all the you can't get it

It's like lights up bowling and you got the kids and I like that kind of stuff I like going to the movies on vacation. You shouldn't do anything on vacation that you can do at home Yeah, unless it's a very you says that me and Kippy just. Yeah, unless it's a very, he says that, me and Kippy just now. Yeah, unless it's a very unique experience. So you don't go to dinner on vacation? Yeah, but you don't go to bed on vacation. I don't go to McDonald's on vacation. Yeah, you're going, that's crazy.

You're going to McDonald's for vacation. It's been a weekend there. Six days seven night. How come there's no McDonald's cruise? You would think they would have tapped into that by now. I think would sink. Budger fucking heifers. Did you imagine that if it was a McDonald's cruise six days.

Big Mac. There's not enough rascals in the world. Man, if they had a big map of a fair or something. If they had a McDonald's buffet on a cruise where you can just go ham. McDonald's breakfast buffet. You build your own sandwiches, build your own big breakfast. That'd be pretty good. I bet you a lot more people than you think would sign up for that.

I don't know how they do the booze though. How did they get around the booze? Is there a McDonald's cruise? All right. There's a Bayville McDonald's cruise night in Atlantic City where guys show up with their cars at the McDonald's and they go for a cruise. I think that's about as close you're going to get. Yeah, it stinks.

Yeah. They do have that crazy one along islands in a mansion like the White House or something It's like a fucking Mickey D's in a mansion out there any If you had a McDonald's cruise have the whole thing look like a playland, you know like dirt, but Who's that really catering because you wouldn't go you would want to go But you wouldn't go are there people who are that I'm not saying obviously there's people that eat it three times a day every day Whatever the fall. I'm not saying obviously there's people that eat it three times a day every day, whatever the fall. I'm not saying it's not consumed.

It's obviously consumed, but like, I don't think people make that their lives. It's like who would want to be like? You can get a thousand people on that thing. Do a low boat. Yeah, I don't know. I don't, I mean. You do let the idea of the McDonald's buffet though, right?

No, I don't need McDonald's that much. All right. You have a love affair with, like you're obsessed with it. I wouldn't say I'm obsessed. I enjoy the product. You came up with a McDonald's cruise. And what do you mean? Tread I did. That's trademark. T 12 band band. So anybody with a re-croc organization wants to play ball, give me a call. All rights reserved. Yeah. Uh, this one's. Try jamming up. This one's just funny. This is from Kyle $50 Bozo here. Never have one red. Is it garbage alive?

Is it garbage alive? About your Patreon tier. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. My man, I respect it. Yeah. They could tell you make it. Pushing people in line. Go away.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Uh, all right. This one's from Sergeant Hang's Low. Uh, is it garbage? Have your braces repode because your dad didn't make the payments because he couldn't shake the lotto cards. Did they do that? I guess.

My mom always made it feel like we were behind on orthodontist payments. And they always, they were never warm and friendly when I went in there. And I had them on for about three years because I was so bad with them. I didn't get to take it off until my senior year. I was so fucking bad with my braces. That's all you wanted in extra year.

High school fucking flaunted chompers around. Sure. Are they turning those little baked bean meows? Sure. Sure. Sure. Fucking meth mouth over here. Yeah, I was terrible with braces. I hate it the whole thing of it. Yeah

I never had done my head like I've said I had the appliance like the medieval fucking Jol expander palette expander expansion or whatever that fucking I run it for a guy who only eats chicken tender. Yeah still woofing him down Huh what? Palette extender. Oh, I I eat more stuff than you do. I just really like chicken. You don't like seafood. That's true.

I don't eat one third of food. Yeah, this guy. That is weird. You always say this, you throw shade at me. I'll try anything. You don't like seafood? No, it's just I find it to be repulsive. Really?

But I thought about that hippy-dippy school. Yeah, no kidding. Don't eat crustaceans, man. I was vegetarian all four years, man. Yeah, feeding you. Oh, yeah. You were what? Vegetarian all four years of high school.

Wow, so you really sucked. Like just as a person, you sucked. Listen in the sky, I'm probably, listen, I love vegetarianism, but you were probably really opinionated about it. Opposite. Sure. No, it's the, it's the it's the The two most the most opinionated man in the world. Yeah, no no no there are two the two most uncool people are

vegans and vegetarians won't shut up about it and sober people who won't shut up about it So it's like my goal in life was to be like a chill vegetarian and then now like the coolest sober guy you know I'll give you that you're in a very normal sober dude. Oh yeah, yeah. You don't even know your sober. Now you go to a bar, you don't make a big deal about it. No, I'm not a dickhead. Yeah.

We eat a lot of tofu. We eat a big tofu guy. Huns. Huns that I love tofu. That's the stuff that looks like feta, no? Yeah. Just eat feta. What are we doing in it?

Tofu is all right, man. You go to a good Korean barbecue joint. They give me that was a little bit of that bean sauce on it No, no, no, no, no, it's satan is fire too. I can't do that stuff. I don't know when I first got I would call it an insult of a shoe What is it? It's some something made out of soy Kick rocks with that. What are we talking about? Give me a fucking roto and let's call it a goddamn day. Oh dude, this description is awful. Satan is a mildly flavored high protein meat substitute made a wheat gluten.

Sounds like a festival band. He's opening up for him. Satan. Alright. Brutal. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. Uh-uh. You put enough soy sauce and shit on that stuff. It's still good.

Oh, yeah. Down a little broccoli, whatever. It's all right. Little fried tofu and a Caesar app. Come on. Yeah. I actually now that, uh, and you have the balls to talk about my palate. I went to a vegetarian dinner party. One time I think in my late 20s, early 30s. Can I imagine the bad jokes you made? Um, it was tough. It was a, it was a, it was a vegetarian potluck at somebody's parents house.

Why would you even do that? I don't know. My friends were going. Yeah, I know we had they somebody made Satan and I had to pretend, oh, this is great. Fuck outta here. Get me on that McDonald's cruise. All aboard. Later. All right. This one's from Dan is a garbage if your in-laws bread chicken with crushed up Doritos and call it Mexican chicken Listen, I like a heavy crust on a Piece of meat. I do That wouldn't be bad. That's probably pretty good and you know what breading for frying I thought they were feeding Doritos to the chickens to try to infuse them with flavor

Working on the inside out baby. That's all right. I will respect that. See these porks here give them nothing but funnions. Now I respect, I mean, well you know what's something that was, that was very popular in the 80s and 90s. Patty didn't fuck with it. Maybe every once in a while she put it on top

of a casserole would be cornflakes. I've had chicken fingers that were done in cornflakes and they were awesome. What the fucking course? Delicious breakfast and dinner at the same time. Yeah, not bad. Yeah, I would do like a heavy heavy, so that would be great, because I figured that would fucking really,

really harden up. You know, doesn't do it. A nice bark. You know, doesn't do it that well, and I hate to say it, but Taco Bell, they're Doritos collabs. It just, it ain't, it's, yeah, no good, no bueno. They're like soggy, and they don't really taste like Doritos.

Everything Taco Bell is soggy. I've never had like a decent, no bueno. They're like soggy and they don't really taste like the redose. Everything Taco Bell is sog. I've never had like a decent, I understand. I'm that this is blasphemous to both of you. I'm just giving you my personal experience. I've raised up on you. Back in the 90s, forget about it. Now it's like, dude, everything, it's like,

it's like slop at least at Burger King Wendy's Chick-fil-A, Mickey D's, the presentation is all right sure It's not bad. It's not bad. It's not bad But the presentation there looks like you know the guy shit in a rapper gave it it stinks Fucking over here eating bean paste or something no way do I will go to bat for the case orito every day of the God. The real stuff. It's the best food on our looks like shit. The present. I'm not saying it's not good. And you don't like it. The present. It is the worst in presentation out of all of it. You got to lay it. Give you a

hand job every time you order God damn. You got to go there for sure. I talk about you got to order it there and sit and eat it there. I will eat in your memories. because if you open that up it looks horrible. Ooh, that's a good name for my memoir eating my memories. The new book by H. Foley eating my memories. Available on Joe's down gang. In the cereal aisle. Yeah.

That's all right. All right. Let's do one more then we got a rep that up there. You can this one's from, $10 homie. Is it garbage if your city is known for three things? And he doesn't ask the city. So let's see if we can guess it. Okay.

All right. Is it garbage if your city is known for three things? And they are. It is the Slurpy Capital of the world, murder capital of the world, murder capital of the world and home of crown royal. All three pretty good things. Slurpy, I guess, there's he doesn't say it to bottom. No, I mean, we're gonna have to Google this. Yeah. Don't do it. Give it a goog. I want to guess. Okay.

I'm gonna go Midwest somewhere, but what's the murder cap of the world? Is that per capita? Is that numbers you never know? I think I have it. I feel like if it was murder, you gotta go Chicago-ish, maybe Detroit, but if it was Chicago,

I'd tell you what, no, at least I was a slurpy capitol. I'm gonna say, St. Louis. That's how I was kind of leaning that. I don't know why I'm going Midwest with Slurpy, but I'm gonna say St. Louis. I was kinda leaning that. I don't know why I'm going Midwest with Slurpy, but I'm going Midwest. Crown Royal, is that,

I mean, it's not the Northeast. It's not manufactured there. I think just that it's very popular. Crown Royal is very popular. This is the home of Crown Royal. The home of Crown Royal. Huh. Uh, I think St. Louis.

I was going, I was leaning Midwest. But we were in St. Louis. I don't remember. Nobody gave me a bottle of crown. No one shot me. Give me a bottle of crown. They do call it murder city. Okay.

I think it's one, it's either St. Louis or one of those cities like that that we're just not thinking about. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. One of those Midwest cities that we're missing. I'm well, I think my, either St. Louis or one of those cities like that that were just not thinking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, one of those Midwest cities that were missing. I think my initial gut reaction was something. It's definitely not West Coast. And it's definitely not Northeast. I don't think it's the South.

What kind of liquor is crown oil? The dark brown whiskey whiskey. It's whiskey. Hmm. Is it Canadian? I think it's, I thought it was Canadian. Or is that Canadian club? V.O. is Canadian.

Nobody gets murdered in Canada. Not that it would be the murder capital, but it could. It's the Slurpy Capital World. Slurpy's is an American fucking institution. I think Canadian. Yeah, they call them squudges or something. Give me a squidgy. I'm gonna say St. Louis or Phoenix.

Okay, yeah, I'm going mid, I don't know, but I'm going mid west. St. Louis sounds right to me. Get it. I guess you just do home of the Slurpee. Slurpee capital of the world, see what comes up. Or just do where crown royals made. That's what I did, but it's saying.

No, if it is the, Yeah, it's, it's, it's saying Canada. What? The Slurpee? Yeah. Whoa. No, no, no the yeah, it's it's It's saying Canada what the Slurpee yeah, whoa no, no the crown royal Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think it might be manufactured there, but it might be What city drinks the most crown royal give that exit win a peg whoa? It's fucking Canadian Jesus as it turns out Winnipeg drinks the most slurpees each year of any city not just in Canada, but the entire world What the fuck and you're saying crown royals made in Canada? Yeah They got that many murders up there. I guess

Murder's in Winnipeg. Well Tijuana is the mortal capital the world, but that's that's but still Burgers and Winnipeg. Well, Tijuana is the mortal capital of the world, but that's the, that's the, but still, Jesus Christ. It might be the murder capital of Canada. We had two guys scrapping one of them hit their head. One of them died of a heart attack. Jesus.

He was sick for a long time though. So he could have been the gout that got him. Holy shit. Man, you learned something new every day here on a program I'll tell you this right now. I do love can I love the Canadian homies and bozes. I ain't never having another god damn Slurpy I'm an icy man from here really can't be given Wait, it's not a Canadian they just drink them. I like yours. Let's tell that I'll tell you with a Slurpy neck them up Yeah, okay, shout out the. I'm support local homegrown.

I like it. Some places gotta be the Slurpee Capital World. I'm glad that it's Winnipeg. I'm glad that it's... Just your address. We got it. We Google it. All right, let's quit screwing around gang.

We love you to death. Yep. And we'll see you next time. Peace. Please.