Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Pulling Pizza Scams w/ Ryan Sickler

Episode Date: October 30, 2025

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Ryan Sickler! You know Ryan Sickler from The Honey Dew Podcast, Your Mom's House w/ Tom Segura, 2 Bears 1 Cave, Bad Friends, Stavvy's World, History Hyenas, The Way Back and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Uncommon Goods: To get 15% off your next gift, go to https://UNCOMMONGOODS.com/ayg Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hang on there, Kippie. Before we get the show started, I want to talk to Atlanta and Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The boys are coming for the AYG live show as a part of that back on the block door. So round up the squad, grab some tickies, and come out and hang. Yeah, it's a great way to introduce people to the show. It's stand up, plus we play AYG with the crowd. You know it, you've seen it. Grab your tickets, RUGarbage.com.

We'll see you there. I love you. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of RUGarbage. The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.

This is R.U. Garbage. Oh, yeah. It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that after you're up to be classy. Yeah. But they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash. I'm your host, A H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toadie's in the new edition.

Unfortunately, she just failed her Coast Guard test. Okay. So she's going to be on dry land for a little while. I didn't even know she was going out for it. She was trying. She wanted to do a swimmer. She saw the guardian the other night. She wanted to get involved.

She likes that ass to Kucher. I don't know what to tell you. Okay. My coals is coming out here from right next to me. He is the CEO of All You Garbage. He is international businessman. And he's my best pal in the whole wide world. I love him.

Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan. Luke got this. What's up, everybody. Shout out to you as always. Please make sure you rate with you, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing a goddamn charts over there. Just the middle part of the charts, not the top.

Not the coming off. Middle part. And then obviously the greatest website of all time, www. www. www. www. R.U.Garbage.

You go over there to get all that bonus content, gang. Yes, sir. And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I'm an incredibly special guest. Back with us again today. He's a fixture. He's a staple over here. On my face.

He's on the Mount Rushmore of RU Garbage. You know him. You love him. He's got not one but two amazing podcasts, the honey-dew in the way back, and he's got a brand new special out on his YouTube page right now, live and alive on YouTube. Give it up for Mr. Ryan Sickler, everybody. Look at us.

It's an honor to be back with you guys. On a 36-hour junket, flies in New York, knocks out some pods, he's back to La La Lalee. Single dad budget, bro. You're out here to fuck around. He's staying out of the airport, too. I'm at the airport so I can leave tonight. I'm on a flight tonight.

Do you order it to Grove and say, I'll be right back. And you come back in the ambulance ready to go. This guy's Hollywood. I haven't been to the grove in years. I have no idea where it is. You know, it's really nice, actually. I haven't been in years. I should try it sometimes.

The TWA Hotel. Look at you. TWA Hotel. Look, I enjoy. You get first dibs in the lost and found over there. Well, you know what they told me? This is the kind of trash. I hate it.

I love it. You hated it. I can understand why you would, but I enjoyed it because. I was kindly, you're an asshole, but let me say. Now, did you go see that? So I worked out when I was there. Are you trying to embarrass me in the first minute to fucking got the show? I'm going to show you a video.

What are you, wait, you throw Samsonites, throw him baggage? That's their kid. Part of all this health thing after go watch my special live and live. Of course. Congratulations. They almost killed me. It's been getting back into health. And more than anything, I want to tell anybody out there struggling, more than drugs, more than

anything physical therapy PT has helped me immensely that's okay anytime i'm in pain these days i can go work out i work at the the guy i work out with his name's aaron he's a doctor and this dude knows what he's fucking doctor yes and i'll be like hey this is what's happening today he's like all right and the exercises we do i'm down to a level two pain when we're done not stretching it out moving it i'm walking now cardio is the thing i could never get to because i was always in pain after 30 minutes. Me too. So last night, I was like, well, let me go down to this gym and look at this gym.

And it is the nicest. Really? It's nicer than any gym I've ever belonged to. It's insane. It's insane. Really? I'm going to show you a video. It's ridiculous.

Okay. It is massive. It's bigger than this. I'm not kidding. It is. I mean, all the way you've got to take shots at us. Not just this room. This is a large area.

That's what I'm saying. This is a big space. We're in an airplane hanged. And it's enough. It fells it all up. The, did you go up to the pool? I didn't. Bro.

There's a pool at the airport? It's an infinity pool that's heated like hot tub water. And it overlooks the airport. You can watch Planesland and just take a dip. It's a phenomenal. That's jet fuel you're smelling. There's a bar over there and everything. Really?

That's pretty sick. I didn't know there was a pool up there. This motherfucker saw 10%. I was like, I hated it. I would even say 10%. That's like going to McDonald's and be like, I had a rat. It wasn't for me.

They're chicken wraps. Stinks. I got into a beef with the guy at the food counter. I don't know if did you go over that. They're all different little stalls. And I like grabbed a water from the, I didn't know they were all different. I grabbed the water from the one.

And then we're looking over like the fucking gummy bears at another. And he's like, hey, where are you going? I'm like, I'm looking at what you got here. He's like, you got to pay for that. I'm like, I will. I'm not done shopping. I'm not done shopping yet. He's like, these are all.

different stores. I'm like, it's the same fucking counter. Do you have this in a large? I got snowed in there one night. Beautiful night. Did you go to the pool? No, it was in the middle of December. It's a hot pool.

That's no way that's open at night in December. Is that trash then, the hot tub in the winter? I don't know. You're calling it a hot pool. Doesn't sound classy. It's hot. I mean, I say that because a warm, they're like, what's a heated? It's a hot pool.

It's more than heated. It's a hot pool. Did you go swimming? No. All this. He didn't even go on today. I didn't bring my job. I got my jorts with me, bro.

You think I'm not going with the jams, my mom homemade jams? You swam in basketball. Did you have jams growing up? I did have jams. No, no, no, no. I'm 49. Jams were huge. Life is a beach hat were huge.

Remember them? Yeah, of course. Spuds McKenzie. Come on, what do you mean? He's a superintendent of our high school. My mom went to Joanne Fabrics and basically was like, we got jams at home. That's so funny you said that. We made them.

We made them in home-et class. In 7th or 8th grade, we all had to make jams. It sucked. My legs came out of the pockets. It was embarrassing. I was not good at textiles. Is that what that's called? Yeah, I was terrible.

So you got snowed in. You got snowed in there to TWA Hotel. It was right around a pandemic. It was real quiet. Snow was falling down outside. Got a great night's sleep. I got up. Dude, I was, there's a door.

Like, we were flying out of that terminal. There's a door at the bottom of that hotel. you're right in TSA Yeah Walking at a cockpit I know but that was another thing They let you out at like Terminal 5 I had to get to Terminal 1

So I had to like get on the shuttle You didn't fly Jet Blue I didn't fly Jet Blue Yeah well stop flying Ugandan Air I'm a Delta I'm flying out American And they said it's a 20 minute walk To get to the tram and then over to the thing

That's all But see I like it a little nostalgic for me because my father Was an airline guy My dad worked at what's Ronald Reagan now National Airport He did a little stint of That's that from Reagan?

Dulles. It used to be Dulles. Or no, wait. No, it was national air. Dulles is a little farther out in Virginia. There was national airport, which is now Ronald Reagan, they call it. And then EWI is Baltimore Washington. Is it still Ronald Reagan?

Yeah, still. It was national when he worked there. Gotcha. Gotcha. You think they took it from Reagan? They gave it to Ronnie. I thought they took it. Took the wall down.

And he was National Airlines is what we worked for. Or he worked for. What did he do? He was a crew chief, ran all the shit out there. And then they got. bought out by Pan Am. So I still have my dad's old school Pan Am work shirts and a jacket and shit. I wore it a lot.

On my first late night appearance, I wore his shirt. My dad died when I was 16. So I wore it like, hey, we fucking. He's there with you. And then immediately because the industry is stupid, they're like, oh, he's a blue collar guy. I'm like, it's just a shirt. I am.

I mean, yeah, you're not an orthodontist. I could be. God damn, UPS. I could be. Damn, your teeth are fucked up. He's like, they try to label me. They try to label me a blue-collar guy. What the fuck else are they going to do?

I guess I'm a blue-collar comedy tour Southern Redneck is what I should have been cleared. I got you. I was like, I didn't know you were doing so hot, such highbrowl. What are you fucking Dimitri Martin? I have my dad's, uh, there's goddamn sickler. You guys didn't know, and I shifted. I'm like, didn't we spent

45 minutes talking about Domino's last time you were here? Nathan Fielder over here. Did I miss the boat? Is that we talked about the pizza hacks, how you tell them there's hair in it and they'll bring it out? Is that what you do? We didn't, we talk about this? No. This is one I just told Stavi too. I haven't paid for a pizza since 1986.

You can only do this once, unless you move. Okay, once to an address and once to each place. In the 80s at least, Domino's was known. I don't know if they still are for fantastic customer service. Yeah, they still are. Okay.

They were known for that. I might push back on that, but go ahead. Back then they would do it, you know, like they all do a pizza deal, whether it was three for 15 or buy two, get one free, whatever. Five, five, five. And one night, we actually had hair on a pizza. So we called and they were like, we're so fucking sorry. We're going to bring new pizza out, right?

We told them the other two are good, just the one has hair. Well, they brought out what we paid for. He said he brought out three pizzas. These pizzas. Dirt bag lottery. Look like they could go in a commercial. Okay? They gave us magnets.

Aw. You know what I'm saying? Make it right. And we're like, hmm. So then we called Papa Johns one night. Like, got hair on this pizza. We got the two for one. They're like, we'll send somebody out.

Boom. Two pizzas. No shit. Oh, shit. So we keep doing it. I mean, we also moved a ton. So we're doing it. I'm now at this point, I'm homeless.

I'm living with my grandmom's sister, my aunt Marguerite. I'm working at UPS. Shout out to UPS, Baltimore Hut, Primary One, Joe Avenue. I'm just basically sleeping on her couch. I'm working UPS, and I'm also going to school full-time, going to Towson and UPS. So I'm there for about four hours a night to sleep. And a weekend comes, and she's going out with my uncle Ed to do something,

and she's like, I'm going to buy you guys pizzas. I'm going to get you four of them. I go, just buy two. I'll get us to four. And she's like, what are you talking about? I said, just trust me on this Aunt Marguerite. I'm going to call, tell him there's hair on one. They're going to send two more out.

She's like, they're not going to do that. I was like, they're going to fucking do that. Where are your scissors? P.S, have you ever done that here? Have you ever called it? She's like, no. I got a few questions. I got to ask you, Marguerite.

I got a scan. I got a screen. I don't want to end up any shit when he shows up. He lives a normal life, blending into his community, but people had no idea. So we get the two for call back right away. We got hair all over this pizza. It's all over. We're so fucking sorry.

Sir, it's not even delivered yet. Two more come out. My Aunt Marguerite can't get over it. She's like, that is fucking ridiculous. It's a one and done, though. It's a one and done. You've got sicklers all over the country pulling this scam. We used to do it all the time.

All the time. We get excited to move. I'm like, guess what we're getting tonight? Pizza that's what we're getting for the next two weeks. Free pizzas. Hitting everybody. Hitting everybody up. Where would you say your allegiance lied growing up?

chain pizza wise were you a domino obviously wherever you could get the deal what did you prefer i'll tell you it wasn't a chain back then we had a local spot called american pizza and again dad's dead my mom left our family before that so from 16 on i have a twin brother fraternal twin he's 16 obviously and my younger brother the time is 13 so the three of us are just living by ourselves in this house that's a lot of pizza and we would order american pizza to the point where they would be like okay Kevin we'll see you in about 15 yeah they're like god damn

that's my poor caller ID too yes it's what they know your voice they give you the address like all right Ryan we'll see you in 10 I love that my god so we went there if there was a chain Papa John's didn't exist in the 80s at least where we were wasn't around

but we had and Domino's got to be newer that's when they had the Noid remember the Lloyd came out of course shout out to the Noid but Pizza Hut was the spot and that was back then to sit down we're going out to the restaurant

it's an event yes family dining and if you got a 3.0 or higher on your report card you were considered honor roll and you got a free personal pan so if you did go on your report card

a big night out was pizza hut and you park in the parking lot you go sit down and someone comes over and takes your order now you walk up to a fucking window and you pick it up So you went around to all the nerds in your high school, beat them up, took their report card. I know, your boy was smart. You were?

3.0. I was not showing all of. I was it. Listen, hold on. Here's the stats, though. 3-1, you get a two-topping. I'm in all the honor classes. I'm in all the gifted and talented classes, but math is my weakness.

Did I know? Oh, your weakness. Math is my D plus C-minus. And I make sure I get a C in math every year because I know I'm getting to A in gym. A will even, yeah. And my A cancels out. that C and I'm being the rest of everything and that's a 3.0 brother who brags about an a in jim i love a lot of people didn't get it you had to dress every day i got your shorts i had my

that's right bro i had my uniform every day i was prepared you was not fucking that a up yeah i imagine you took kickball way too seriously you're throwing curveballs that was the best you want to be on your teeth he's going to out too out i'm fucking listen you want to cheat on me and jim and i'm getting you in math you know what i'm saying i'm like slide that little test to the side what's six times is 8 48 is that right yeah well you look at you had you have to look at a guy i'm very good at basic math i'm very good at the you know also had a problem for a while where i i got a little uh what you call when you get you know OCD I started counting by threes I would just run my thumb on the remote you do that I just I would sort of like run my thumb

on the road three six nine 12 15 I can count by threes like a motherfucker huh Tuesdays that's dude that's it's a good that's it's a good you there quicker. All right. I'm gonna get you there. I'll get you there twice as quick. I mean, dude, what a dirt bag thing. I've never, I've heard a lot of dirt bag flexes.

I've never heard someone go. I can count by threes like a sum of a bitch. I'll fucking take your lights out counting by threes. Three times nine. That's 27. Uh, three times nine? Yeah, it is. Bro.

What's pie? What you eat for breakfast? That's three. Lunch and dinner. That's three point one four, I believe. These are basic. That's just got a hair in it. Once you start, I'm getting two pies, bro.

That's six. 6.28. That's a 2. 6.28. Repeat up until every address you get you. I can see you at the pizza hug. You see that A in the gym, huh? See this?

Right here, girl. Also, a 3.0 got you because, again, my dad's dead at 16, so I'm on my own insurance policy. And it's incredibly expensive for a 16-year-old. Wait, you had to get insurance at 16? Oh, car insurance. Yeah, car insurance. I didn't even help insurance. No.

I was like, how do you even find it? I didn't know if we had that. I don't even think we had that. How do you get? I'm not going to a doctor. Go to the broker's office. I get my physical for the school sports once a year. And I'm never seeing the doctor after that.

But we had a health insurance or a car insurance. And if you got a 3.0, we also helped you. So I made sure. That's smart. I cheated off the right people. And I got B's. B's and an A and gym. Because once they put letters, X's and A's and Bs, that's when I was done.

My daughter's in that already in fifth grade. I told her you got to ask your mom. I'm going to fuck your shit up. Algebra, I was about out. Done. I'll get you counting by threes. I got you counting by threes, girl. You'll see 36, 9, 12, 15, 18, 21, 24, 27, 30.

And then it just goes from there. You know, just keep repeating your threes once you hit that multiple 10, but you get it. What did it go? Went algebra, right? Geometry. Biology. What was this? Biology.

Man, what's the one after? It went for us. I think it was algebra. Calculus. Geometry. It was trigonology. We had an intro to calculus and then a calculus. I don't remember any of that.

And my argument was like, look, just because I'm in these gifted and talented classes and I do well and all the other ones, can you just put me in the remedial math? Like, I got to go all these or none? And it was like, all or none. I'm the guy bringing the curve down in your math class. Sure. That was the shitty part. I got put in, I got put in like the really slow math class one year.

And I noticed. And I was like, I'm just keeping my fucking mouse. This is a easy A. That's what I'm saying. I'm like, I'm just going to fucking ride this out. Okay, I'm hurting myself. So what I'm. I have two teachers.

You know what I mean? It don't matter. I'm fucking chilling. Let me get this, eh? Get my mom off my back. We had started like bumping heads. And fucking this bitch was back to school night and came home and was like, it's you and all mentally challenged people in the math. And I'm crushing.

I'm fucking, I'm helping a teacher. I'm up there doing a work. I'm leading by example for Christ. It lasted for like two months. I don't want to. I want seven up three days in a row. They didn't know where the hell I was. I'm cheating.

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Don't miss out on this limited time offer, Uncommon Goods. We're all out of ordinary. Do it. I don't know if I ever told you this story, but this is a math story. This is actually a fucking very interesting, wild, deep story that gets stupid. But I, as I said, sucked at math. I told it three. Math was mine.

Uh-huh. So we had this quiz, and it was on a, you know, whatever, intro to calculus. And I failed it. And the teacher said, you had to go get it. signed by your parents. So I forged it. Sure. And I turn it in. Well, my brother and I being twins were intentionally separated from classes. We were, we never had a class together except for one in all our fucking 12 years of school. Is your dad passed at this point? Yep. So who would have signed it? Well, you know what? He wasn't. Okay. He wasn't. It's, but this ties into it.

At that day, he said we need to get it signed. Well, he also didn't know my mom one with our family either. We just needed to show a parent that we fucked up And have them acknowledge I signed it And I didn't tell anybody My mom wasn't there to tell My dad's, you know, work And this guy's doing doubles

He's a single dad with three kids busting his ass I'm not gonna tell him I failed this This pop kid's got enough problems Got enough fucking problems You need me making noise Right, not only to make this shit worse So My brother and I never communicated

About the trouble we would cause Because we shared a car And if he fucked up I'm telling, because I get the car on his weekends. So now I get the car three weeks in a row. If I fuck up, he's ratting me out, and then he gets it. So we're ruthless with this shit. So we come to class.

This is a Friday. I'll never forget it. Mr. Mangold was his name. And he said, Sickler Brothers. This is the only class we ever take together. He goes, you guys have two different dads? I know. And right away, I look at my brother.

I'm like, you fucking piece of shit. This is mine. This was mine to fail. You had all the other ones. This was mine. This was mine. You took your bad subject. This was mine.

He was good at this. He dogged it. This was mine. Damn. And I just look at him and right away, the whole class is laughing. He was a very nerdy teacher. He wore the pocket protector, the tie, buttoned down yellow, brown pants, you know, that look, short sleeve. The white shrewd.

Glasses, hair, you know, fingered over. Uh-huh. And, um, he, He goes, we were like, no. He's like, did you guys show this to your dad? I'm like, yeah, I showed mine to my dad. He goes, you showed yours too? My brother's like, yeah.

He holds it up in front of everybody. He's like, you got two different signatures here. And he goes, you definitely told your dad. And I'm like, we're laughing. They're like, told our dad, man. He goes, all right. Well, tonight, this is another pizza place we loved called Papp Papps, a local one. It's Friday night.

He says, this is vivid as it comes. He says, and he was right. It's two for one pepperoni pizza tonight at Pat Papps. I'm like, yeah. He goes, I'm going to take the family there in my van with the kids. We're going to pick those pizzas up. I'm going to swing by your house. See if your dad really knows you guys sign these papers.

And we're all laughing. Like, you ain't fucking coming. You ain't fucking coming. You ain't fucking coming. He's like, I'm coming. I'm bringing the family to your house. I'm going to get your address at the office. We're coming.

So we'll give you our address. Here it is. You ain't coming. Get home. That night is my night with the car, that weekend, that Friday, Saturday, Sunday. So I go out immediately. I'm hoping. Fuck all up.

I got the car. Sticking around. 16 years old. That just dust settle. I don't even remember it. I forget all about it. When I come back home that night, my dad and my brother are there. My dad's like, Mr. Mangold came by.

I'm like, bull shit. I'd forgotten. And my brother's just sitting there with his head. Like I go, nah, ah. He goes, he fucking did. And he knew you wouldn't believe it. So we took a photo. Now back then, we got a wave.

a while for that photo. I mean, we got 10 more on the roll. You know what I'm saying? That might be two years when we burned out. We're not going to go in and just get rid of, why are we wasting 10 shots? Talk about the long game. You see what I'm saying? So they take a photo and then my dad dies, like within days.

Oh, right? Within days. And we, it's a big deal at our school. We were very popular. like we played all the sports. There's two of us. So it was an excused absence. Anyone could come.

It was very nice. It was very nice. And then when we go back to school and it's, you know, we took a, I don't know, a week or two off or something. We go back to school. I go to class and Mr. Mangold pulls me aside and he's like, I got to ask, is that one of the last photos ever taken to your father? And I said, oh my God, it's the last photo ever taken of our dad.

And I don't know what photo I would have had prior to that. But I still have that photo framed in my home of those two shaking fucking hands. And I start thinking as a dad now, especially like, if we're not twins, if we both don't cheat, if we both don't forge, if we both don't shut up all the way around, we don't get that picture of our fucking dad. Is that wild? That's wild. So to this day, I got my dad's picture framed.

I cut Mr. Mangled out of one of them. And then I got him in the other one. I got him in the other one. That's great. That's in my home. That's awesome. It worked out pretty well for, I'm trying to unscrew a cap. Damn.

That's fantastic. So sometimes it's all right to cheat, kids. Sometimes it's all right to lie. You know what I'm saying? Sometimes it's all right to lie and cheat and tell your teacher's bullshit. I remember we got called cheating in, like, chemistry in freshman year of college, fucking roomful. How do you cheat in? How do you doing it?

It was a lecture hall, like 500 kids. So I'm row, you know, 72, and we just have our books out. In college? Yeah. Took chemistry in college? You had to take, like, yeah. What are you, a doctor? What?

What? A doctor. Nuh. Chemistry. You have to. You have to take, like, an intro to science. It was like intro, it was a chemistry 101 or whatever. Whoa.

What school? Temple University. Oh, shit. Yeah. T you. Fight, fight, fight for the cherry in a white. Uh, you send it Bill Cosby. Hey, hey, hey, hey, don't talk about it.

Putting pops for delicious. Yeah. She goes, ah, guys. I see. with your books out. Put them away in a couple of minutes. And everybody was like, a couple of minutes. She knew what she knew nobody would do what the fuck was going on.

Put them away in a couple of minutes. Give you a half an hour. Everybody's just flipping pages. My good friend to this day is my oldest friend. We met before kindergarten. This dude's name is Matt Schilling. He is the smartest guy I know. He ended up going to Princeton

playing tight end for them. like and he was like my friend and one of us a fuck up and then he goes back to teach at our school and i'm like you see any of the old teachers he's like yep i go what's it feel like i go hey are any of them ivy league graduates he goes nope i go what's it feel like to be like one of us as a fuck up and go back and then be more credited yeah yeah be the best one there people who ever taught us anything he's like it's pretty fun cool so this dude's super smart but also one of us sure fucks around, you know, all of it. And his name's Matt Schilling.

One, two, three. So I alphabetically am assigned often to sit right behind Matt Schilling. And this is my brother. And Matt Schilling would zip through those tests. And Matt Schilling would do a little slide to the side. Ryan Sickler do a little lean. Ryan Sickler wasn't going to get a perfect. I was going to hit you about 82, 83.

That's all I need. California Achievement Test. Did you guys have those? Pennsylvania State Assessments, yeah. They made us take California achievement test in Maryland. I was going to say, what the fuck? That's what it was called. And we're just scantroning, and he would just slide it like this over here.

And to this day, I call him, I'm like, fucking thank you so much for those pizzas and that cheaper insurance, bro. You have no idea. I took an intro to hamburgers in college. No, you didn't. Yeah, it was like. That's a class? It was a, because I had a local McDonald's. I had a transfer into from English to hotel and restaurant manager because I was failing English and I wouldn't have been eligible for football the following year.

So I had to change my major and all those classes got wiped away. And one of the classes was an intro to McDonald's about Ray Kroc. Oh, I see. Yeah. Now, I think that might have been my science class. I actually, at my community college, we had one for McDowls. No, you didn't. Yeah, the McDonald's.

They got the Big Mac. We got the Big Mac. they got the golden arches they had the golden i thought that was jean it was i have a t-shirt at home it's a macdow that's great it's the best you know what i'm really pissed off because i don't keep up with pop culture enough but i know they do these pop-up things i've seen a peach pit yeah they do what they do mose they did a mcdowls they did a god-dammed macs in l.a and i missed it where you could go in and get a big mick and all that shit god damn it oh man damn it's a good one i love mcdowls it was on queens

Boulevard. 8507. Queens Boulevard. That's the reason my friends and I all started saying seven like that. I get my daughter says it like seven. Seven. Because he says 8507. Queens Boulevard.

Eric LaSalle was such a dick. Yeah, he was a great dick. Everyone's in that thing. Louis Anderson, Samuel Jackson's in there. Eddie doing his characters, Arsenio, Eric LaSalle. Eddie's in that thing about Samuel times. So many. All right.

Let's get into some cues. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Some questions for Mr. Sickler. Not that we don't know, he's 100%. Well, documented. Garbage with a hair on it. I got one for you. You're traveling.

This has been big in our world the past few weeks here. Do you eat at the airport when you get to the airport? What's the standard? I saw this clip. And I have no idea what you're talking about. 100% mentally it. What? Listen.

You're staying at the airport. Yeah, and you went to that fucking restaurant over there. So, yes, I do eat at the airport, but not like that. I, I time my shit. Like, I'm going to be there 30 minutes ahead of time. That's all I need. I got clear. I got TSA pre-checked.

Do you arrive 30 minutes before the flight? Before boarding. Before the flight. Okay. Not before the flight. That's crazy. Because that's about 30 minutes boarding. Yeah, yeah.

I get in, I get through security. I take my, I'll, you know, I fly with weeds. So I always give myself a little more time. case I'm pulled to the side. And then I take my piss and then I go look for something to eat. But it's something that I can... Is that like a bag of pistachy?

Like, what do you do? No, I'll go look for a sandwich or a wrap or these days I'm just eating a lot of protein. So I will seriously buy a $15 sandwich and they eat the fucking turkey and cheese off the son of a bitch. And where are you eating that? Are you sitting down at the gate? Well, if there's enough time,

if there's like 20 minutes till boarding, I'll sit at the area if there's space. If not, I go to the gate. Now, I got two things I do if I don't fly first class, and I only do that if it's responsible. Uh-huh. But I, since the back surgery, I just go up.

And I don't lie. But what I say is I had back surgery. I don't say recently. I don't give a descriptor. Man, you are a dirtbag. I have a back surgery. You're operating like you may have to testify in front of court. Like, Your Honor, I never said when I factually stated.

Everything's on camera these days, bro. I'm Ryan Sickler and I work for Pan American Airlines. My uniform right here Three six nine They went under That's when times got hard When Pan Am went under That's what time got hard

In the cyclopause But I go up and I just say I'm super nice always Excuse me I had back surgery And I'm traveling alone And here's where I'm sitting today Could I just get on with the pre-board

So I can just get my stuff up Respectable Out of everybody's way And they say yeah And then I just go on Because the other thing is All these motherfuckers get on these days And take all the overhead bin space

and I'm not checking a motherfucking bag I don't check bag I got weed in here I haven't checked the bag in years I checked one to go to Baltimore as I took camera equipment recently I haven't checked the bag in years I don't I will sit on that

I'll have my daughter sit on it and then we zip the shit out of that and then it's it we check about five bags and we get in and we have a nice lunch do you travel with equipment we travel with it yeah we take like two you know there's six of us when we travel

okay he's got two big pelicans six yeah we're bad with money Where the fuck are you eating at the airport? The palm? There's the palm restaurant in JFK, the palm. Yeah, JFK is a, we're hitting that palm. It's not even, it's not even debated. We know we're getting it.

Where in JFK? What term? I got to go back there. It's terminal four. It's next to it. It's right there at the right. Ask for Andrea. I swear to God.

Tell me the AI, give me the AIG discount. God damn. No shit. Then if you're in LaGuardia? I've never gotten to an airport to be like, yeah, I need to eat in that restaurant. We love it. The whole team knows we like an airport wrecky. Is it good, though?

No, not really. You're just like the tradition. We just like getting there, you hang in, your vibe is there. It's not bad. It's not for, it you grade it on a curve, but it's also like, you know, we're all, it's like we're all getting ready to go on the road for a week, whatever. So it's like the vibes are high. We all get there, whatever, hang, I don't know, make fun of each other. Get away from our dumb wives or whatever.

I wondered of what you want to get away from home. Like three hours. And then you would have. happens when you're delayed. I'm delayed all the time. We've honestly never been delayed. Stay for a lot of shit the fuck out of here. Of all of our traveling, I think we got jammed. That we just fucked us. Yeah. Non-stop. Once. We've, we've, we've never been jammed up. I flew fucking took me 24 hours to get

the Phoenix and back one time. I missed the only, only weekend, excuse me, I've ever missed in my career was that weekend too. And I couldn't, I was like, what are we doing? We're just stuck in Phoenix. Yeah. No, we've been very, very fortunate. but yeah okay can i tell you something else i'll do please i'm not above it i like a good cheese steak hey from your mouth to god's ears and i like i do love warm food but i like a cold fucking cheese so do i i love it purposely wrap it up in foil it hits different put it in my it's like harder to eat in a good way and i eat it the next day and you put it in the fridge yeah i'd love them foil too not their white paper i'm with oil keeps it a little cooler yeah and

And I will absolutely take that fucking cheese steak and throw that in my backpack somewhere over fucking Kansas. I'm busting that bitch out and eating it. Yeah. You're allowed to bring food from home. It ain't a stadium. That's your legal right. It ain't a stadium, you know what I mean? I got a clear bag with my sandwich.

Yeah. I'll bust out a cold cheese steak. You know how fucking good that feels? See, I would be. That's comfortable. Got on the plane first. Cheese steak. That's the other thing.

set all my shit up and I'm ready to roll. You in here? No problem. I'll get out. I'm buying my shit set. You got bags up. Salt and pepper shaker and ketchup on it. And if it ain't packed, maybe my backpack's up there.

I got caught this guy. A guy that said, sir, made me throw it under my feet or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I respect that. I know. You've never, like, taking a slice of pizza from home or put it in your backpack for the... I have a rule. I can't put food through the x-ray machine.

What's your rule on that? It's just weird to me, dude. I'm fat. I can't do that. You're close. clothes are going through the shit you're putting on you. I know, but it's just such a fat guy thing to me as to be like

Oh, that they see it. Yeah, I can't pull an I see. I thought you were worried about it putting cancer in the food. I might, the shit I'm getting that fucking the palms gone through security. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's all irradiated. They got to do everything. I can't pull an old slice of pizza out of my CPAP bag. Yeah, that's true. Chicks on the plane. You don't have your CPAP travel?

No, what, a little baby one? Yeah. You have the little tiny one. My aunt has it. Your aunt's got a C-PAT machine. Piece of shit, insurance won't cover the travel. You got to pay out of pocket for it. He hates everybody. $1,100. I know.

Everybody's out of getting you. That's the truth. They're not out to get you. They just got their fucking scams. My Blue Shield Silver Insurance, which I talk about my new special, go watch it Trevinaw on my YouTube live and live, is they will cover a CPAP machine if you use it 70% of the time. Then it's covered. And you're hooked up, you know, it's just connect.

connected to a little app but the travel one you don't need it they won't pay for it you know you can just use that as your regular one yeah but then you have to you don't have to take the travel one out and also got to go get fucking distilled water if I want to put water in the fucking thing so do you use the water every time I do my friend just stopped using it we got we're getting old bro we got competitions I'll send them my 99s and 100 sleep scores I stopped too I kind of stopped you did it didn't fuck the machine up no here's the thing though I'm worried because the metal plate on the bottom still heats up yeah so i think i'm breathing that's what i wondered to you should chat gpt i think i'm breathing hot metal how many humans have died just for that kind of shit we're like i had no idea

i'm just getting fucking straight radium in my sister fucking huff and boring but look the travel one doesn't need water so why the fuck's the big one how does that be one i don't know that's what i'm saying it seems like a scam so if i got i got a bus i need gas, but I figured a Volkswagen bug, no gas. Why? Why? You're asking a right question. I'll give you that. Take this whole thing down. I wanted to ask you, just going back a little bit, did you ever have a rat tail? Oh, did I? Yeah, I had a rat tail. Um, mullets. I had a mullet galore too. They're online. I, my senior year, a bunch of us agreed to grow a mullet to see who could get the longest one. And like halfway through, they all cut them.

And I said, nah. See this at the end. And it was this short up here. And I mean, I mean, I could take my thumb back here and touch it, just at my waist. And I would take care of it, too. I would shower and I'd get out and I'd lay it all flat. I'd lay it on my back. I'd lay down and watch TV so it would get nice and flat. That was my flat iron. And I would take care of that fucking thing.

And then when we went to cut the mullet, I left the rat tail. You know, it's a stage. Have fun with it, yeah. A little fun with it. You twist it, you'd braid it? I would let, like, girls braid it and stuff, but I had no dudes were braced. Tony, get over here Nope

I've never been hanging out of a party Where someone was like Sick, let me braid your rat tail The girls were like, can I play With that? I'm like, yeah, you can play Nintendo We're gonna play with it French brand a girl

That's not back there Uh huh Well you So we talked about the hotel and the pool Will you swim at a pool Like if you're on the road And you're at like a Marriott Or a fucking days in

And they got the pool next to the lobby Will you jump in there? Here's the thing I love it Yes I will do it And I will also hot tub to an extent. I was a lifeguard. I was a lifeguard. I got my, I was a certified

lifeguard. I got my, got my, um, I can't not think of you saying all these things to the person at the gate for some reason. Yeah. I was a lifeguard. This is my port. This is what my daughter hears. I was a lifeguard and I got my, um, you know, certification at the Y. And then I went and got a a job where I was just a lifeguard because I'm working Monday to Friday. Saturday and Sunday is lifeguard at this place called the Forest Motel. It's in Baltimore off Route 40. And it was a vintage motel that they tried to, you know, make look hip and chic again. And the pool was the shape of a tree, a pine tree, but not pointed cross.

That sounds awesome. So this is my place. But at the time I'm there, it's 90 whatever. One, two, three It's not awesome It's fucking drugs It's just shit The maids are bringing their kids

I got a fucking lifeguard them at the pool It's shit That's rough What I learned though You know they can't swim They couldn't swim What I learned is That I learned how to do pH and all that stuff

And then I started picking up a buddy shift when Bally's Total Fitness used to be called Holiday Spa. If y'all don't know. Share was a spokesperson. What's up, Cher? And I was a lifeguard there. Now, when you have a gym and you have that many people using the hot tub, a lot of times you'll see foam on top.

Is that bad? When you become a lifeguard, they teach you what that is. And what that is is when hundreds literally of people get in this fucking hot tub, you know a layer of just regular skin falls off well that's what that is collecting on top of the water it's everyone's you know juice whatever epidermis flakes psoriasis whatever the fuck people have he don't kill that i thought it was club soda so they would give me a solution and people would always say there's a lot of bubbles and you don't say anything you just go over you squirt this fucking solution and all it does is make it dissipated it ain't going it no it just pops the bubbles

So then they tell me like, really, you should be draining that hot tub and scrubbing it clean quite often. And I was like, oh, gyms don't. I don't know if I've ever seen my gym. So then I start going to hot tubs. And you'll see if you look in a hot tub, there'll be a green layer of what you think looks like algae. If I see that, you're out. We're not getting in at all because that's all what that shit is. But I'm definitely swimming in the pools.

Yeah, man. Look, when we went to Disneyland one time, my buddy and I took our daughters, and we had a great time at Disneyland. We go back to the pool, and they're jumping across the beds, and they're having the best time. And we looked at each other as like, next time, let's just rent a hotel room. Yeah. What are we doing? They don't give a fuck about, you know, the goddamn teacups. They're having the best time of their life right now.

And we're pushing them farther apart. And then our rule is, once you all start crying, it's over. And we know it's coming. We keep pushing them farther apart. And one hits. And they'll look at us with tears in their eyes because they don't want to cry. I was like, you keep going. You keep going.

So, yeah, I'll definitely do that. I work out at the fitness rooms as well. I do that. You like an airport breakfast or hotel breakfast or no, you don't. I'm not a breakfast guy, really. I never cut out of an heart thing. Listen, if you're going to go and sit there, then I'll get it. But as my day to day, no.

I usually eat sometime afternoon. What about on the weekends? You and the kid. You make her as little scrambies or something? Some eggs? She makes me now. She's 11. She makes killer eggs.

Really? She made me a crab. What? Crab, Canadian bacon. I gave her all these ingredients and she made me a whole fucking omelet. It was killer. That's my Sundays. Salt either if she makes it.

You know what I mean? I'm not going to let her down. Plus, it's fucking good. I don't have to lie. But now my Monday to Friday, I would say I get up, drop my daughter off at school. I go for like an hour walk and then it's podcast and everything else. And I won't eat till after that. He's a worker, man.

I work. I'm hungry. But also here's the other thing. When I wake up, I also eat late. Now, I shouldn't. So when I wake up, rarely, I bet you five times a year I wake up and I go, man, I'm fucking hungry right now. Usually I'm not hungry.

Gotcha. You know? And then it hits me around 11, but I push through it with a bunch of Diet Coke. I know. Me tell. That's it. Yeah. That's it.

That's it. Shout out to a D.C. You are one of one, my friend. It's my breakfast this morning at 8.30 when we were, I was, I called him. I thought I'm texting Kevin Clancy. He's texting me. I'm getting all my times. I got you at 10.30.

I said, 10.30. I called him just because I was, like, jumping around. And I'm like, oh, Jesus great. He goes, wait, who am I talking to right now? Shut up the K. I just woke up. Let me, who am I talking to? I was out front of the TWA hotel sitting on a bench in the sun having a joint in the Diet Coke for breakfast,

waiting on. my Uber to go an hour and a half for 12 miles. It's illegal here, you know. I looked up the rules. I'm outside the airport. And it's also, it says... I'm off the property. This ain't federal law. I wasn't off the property. What your law says, and I

look them all up. Your law says that recreational cannabis is legal to smoke anywhere. Tobacco is legal to smoke. And that was the smoking section where they say smoking is allowed here. So I went over the smoker section. I'm just cooler. I'd hate to pull you over. They're dying.

You'll still see me over there in my 70s. That rest of that smoker section is thinned out by then. You know what I'm saying? You ever have a radio in the shower? Not in the shower, no. I've had a speaker maybe on the counter so I could hear it in the shower. But these days, so, you know, I tell my daughter, like, we're new money. You know what I'm saying?

We're new at this. I got a couple of bucks, but I'm not. rich by any means but um i really love football and i've got the tv in the living room i've got one in my bedroom uh-huh and i put one in the bathroom no way i put one where's it out in the bathroom so it's exactly where you could see it from taking a shit or the shower that's where it is it's if i'm sitting up in the corner if i'm sitting on my toilet right here my shower's right here in front of me it's a glass shower tvs right here above the sinks They can also be pulled out and maneuvered.

You got the elbow on it. Of course I got an elbow on it. I want to see it from all angles. So these days I don't need the radio anymore. I will watch. And I'm fucking I'm fucking wiping the fogged up. The fog. And I'm like, that's a score.

Is that 3-2 or 8-2? You know, I'm not cool with the number of shit. Holy shit. Yeah, so no. TV in the bathroom. But TV these days, bro, for sure. Whoa. I've got the Sunday ticket on in the toilet.

MLB package. A Sunday ticket is worth every penny. It's all I need. Yeah. It's worth every penny. Well, I used to go to the sports bars. I used to go to them. I'm California since the 90s, so I would go to, there was a place called Bob's Classy

Lady. It was a strip club. But right next to it, touching it, like he owned both of them, was a sports bar. And back then they had the early stream. And no one gave a fuck about the Ravens. You know what I mean? They're two years old when I get here. And they would give us a, uh, uh, a, uh,

the size of that guest cam up in that motherfucking corner and I would go sit there and I'd spend a hundred and some dollars happy if we won, a hundred and some dollars bummed if we lost and I was like well there's two weeks of $300 Sunday ticket so now it's just a home experience.

I was trying to think about this yesterday and I didn't look it up though how quick did the Ravens hit when they started. 96 came in 2000 on the Super Bowl. Yeah, four years right? Who was the coach, the tall, like. Brian Billick won the first one. Trent Dilfer quarterback.

Right. But we went. Ray Lewis was on that team. Yeah. Ray Lewis. I mean, that defense is the greatest defense in the history of football. Yeah, they kind of, they came in. They let up one touchdown in the entire playoffs.

One. That's great. One. And it was a, it was the Titans. There was a touchdown. We were, no one's ever had a shutout in the Super Bowl, which blew me away. And we were right there. And we let a kickoff or turn go.

So it wasn't against the D. He was against the special teams. But we had... Legally, I know my rights. I just want you to know. But I want to tell you this funny story. This is great because we had Tony Saragusa. Shout to the goose.

We love the goose. All right. Everybody loved the goose. Last of his kind. You don't see much of these people anymore. Great Sopranos, too. What, he loved twisted teas or something? He was he always drinking twisted teas?

He drank something, yeah. He did home. He did man cave shows. He was fucking great. And he tells this funny story because that 30 for 30 came out about the 2000 Ravens defense. And we're in the AFC championship game. We're playing the Raiders.

And he's accused of leaving his feet and driving all his weight on Rich Gannon. It hits his shoulder. Shoulders fucked up. He's out of the game. We end up beat. They scored three points. And he, Rich Gannon goes on TV and's bitching about it, complaining that he was dirty or whatever. Tony Saragusa's wife says to Tony Saragusa, who he later says this on the media.

She goes, what is he complaining about? I take that weight twice a week. Shout out to do it. The goose is loose. This is Sarah Goose. Twice a week. So he said that on me. What are you complaining about?

My wife takes that twice a week. And they were like, you get fucked. That's great. That's great. What a comeback. So I'm saying, you don't hear guys like that anymore. The character's gone. I mean, he was one of one. Maybe they shut them up these days too, but the character's gone.

When you're in the bathroom and you're doing your business, do you leave the toilet paper on the roll or do you take it and hold it? Or are you a point? You mean when I'm wiping? Yes. Or do I leave it on the counter regularly, you mean? Do you leave it on the counter regularly? No, I got it on a roll. You got a roll.

Yeah. So when you're doing your thing, do you take it off the roll and hold the roll? All right, here we go. I used to be paper, toilet paper under because you can roll it easier. Right. But now these days I'm paper over. I don't know why I switch, but I just was like, let's. I go either way.

I'm counting threes. Let's switch up our OCDs. You know what I'm saying? But you leave it on the roll. You don't take it off. I go, and then I take it off. What do you mean? No, he's saying like, you know, yours, yours might, how do you wipe your ass?

Wait. I said a police system in a couple of mirrors. I was at Hamburg University. What do you ask me? No, he takes a, like his, I'm assuming, is on a hook where like you can, you can easily remove it. Oh, you're removing the roll. So he removes the whole roll. No, no, no, no, I'm gentlemen.

Okay. I'm getting it. Very good. But here's the other thing. New money. He's got a TV. Here's the other thing. It's just a, it's not.

It's not. The old school little plastic piece. that you had to push in. Yeah. That was fucking rock solid. That's what I got. It's a lot of shit we don't need to change. I got this apartment.

He got a new dishwasher takes an hour and a half. I'm like, what the fuck? It doesn't dry the dishes. He used to do it in 20 minutes. No, wrong my old whirlpool. Not wrong my old world. World Pool Kitchen ain't, great company. I used to take that roller apart with the spring inside.

It was like, I put a bomb together. I loved it. Oh, that's a good idea. Ours was broken. My whole pile. Oh, that sucks. I remember the one time. That spring went, you were fucked.

He goes, it was shooting the toilet sometimes. Like, fuck. I got to reach in there and get that. My brother taped it with electrical tape, and he brought everybody in, he goes, I fix this. You know what I mean? Like this is, it's fucking done. I mean, through college, through college it stayed that way.

There are times I get one, I feel. I get a little zesty, and I'll rip it quick, and it shoots off because it's just a, just a little thing. God damn it, and then I got to reel it in. But these days also, I don't, I've, I've taken my toilet to the next level. You got the smart guy? Oh, got the full bidet, heated seat, plugged in, all of it. Good for you. There's two things I want to do when I go in my home.

I feel like those are watching me anytime. Sleep, sleep comfortably and do everything I need to do in that bathroom. Comfortable. Sure. You're watching a whole football game. Listen, my daughter, I hate this reminder, but from the hospital when they almost kill me, watch my special lifestyle. She made me keep the fuck.

fucking shower chair that I had to have when I first got out and I was like I don't want to keep it it's a reminder I don't like she's like

we're keeping it so she keeps it in her shower but every now and then I go get that motherfucker yeah

and I sit it under my rain shower and I just sit there and I just watch fucking football oh my god I'm saying I'm a home body

dude I don't want to be anywhere I leave the bathroom if I don't I don't hang out at the clubs unless I have a spot I'm not at the clubs

I don't enjoy going to bars or anything that shit anymore. I feel like our lives. Yeah, we're out moving enough. We're out there among those people that I, you know, and yes, we're the center of attention that night, but I'm around the people drinking and smoking and laughing and have a good time. I don't feel like when I get home, I need to go do more of that. I really enjoy home and shutting it down. You want to sit in a shower in a hospital chair. I want to sit in a hot, fucking hot shower

in a hospital chair. If you fucking smoke weed in there, I'd figure it out, but they haven't made that yet. Speaking of the I just heard you say I had my Bainzoole. Basketball shorts. If you're at a public restroom, you're at the urinal, will you put your hand on the wall?

Are you like that kind of guy? It depends. I mean, I'm not above that for sure. I will absolutely do that if it's depending on the place. Also, how long I got to piss. If I'm piss and I'm going. You know what I mean? I put my hand on the wall. Here's one. Here's one for you. saw this yesterday at the airport.

A grown-ass man with gray hair. Pants all the way down to his knees. I just saw that all the way back from Boston. What the fuck are we doing, dude? A Chinese guy, ass out. Down to his knees. It's crazy. What are you fucking doing, dude?

One time my buddy Eric Snyder, this is fucking terrible and funny. We're at the Ravens game. We're, you know, he's paranoid. He's a big dude. We're in that cattle call just moving through the crowd. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. and he just looks at me and he goes oh my god i'm standing on a child and the crowd parts

and i look at him and he's like come on and i said get the fuck i respect that i'm standing on a child he said and it parted and then he proceeds to get shit-faced and we go to the bathroom and on purpose he drops them to his ankles his ankles you know it's six people deep behind every one of those they are laughing their ass off of it and there's nothing funnier and he he's not even breaking and i'm like this fucking but this real dude did it you know what i mean he was doing it i'm like what what are we doing bro there's a there's a great line from jackass the guy he pulls he's at a bar he drops his pants to his ankles looks at the guy next he goes can't get any fucking chicks out here it's like i was like 11 when i saw it's the funniest thing

nothing's going to be funnier than that ever you get somebody else's mail at your house you throw it out do you agree strongly agree disagree or strongly disagree this is a tough one for me because something happened to me so 100% I'm throwing your mail away I mean I'm not even returning you to sender I'm not even telling the mailman if I know I'm like to you don't live here anymore it's just track yeah but something happened to me that should change my view but it hasn't but it should have I used to live at this old apartment I'm going to say it was like three addresses prior when I get this phone call or excuse me an email and it's a lady that says I live in your old apartment you were a quick Google search I've got a check here for you for $2,500 from an insurance company overpayment whoa and it says you have 30 days to cash it or you don't get it and she left her number so I called to a great lady right away and I said ma'am first First of all, thank you so much.

I said, second of all, these motherfuckers haven't had one problem sending me my bills. Yeah, I haven't got my bill. My bills are going to my current address. Why is this payment going to two addresses? He's got to get into it with her. Sounds fishy. I got to be honest.

I'm not getting into it. I'm just asking. And I go, how long have you had it? And she's like a few days. And I'm like, okay, when's it said I need to cash? And she says, you know, whatever. And I go, listen to me. I can't thank you enough.

This is found money. I'd like to split it with you. Whoa. And she's like, no. And I go, I'm not taking no for an answer. If you don't want it, I'm happy to donate to a charity of your choice. But this is money that I would have never had. I wouldn't even had any of it if it's not for you.

Like, if Ryan Sickler lived there, he threw your checkout. I didn't even open it and look at it. This lady looked at it. She said, I thought it was for me an insurance thing. And I was like, you really know. She's like, what's your address? This lady fucking straight up mailed it to me. I let her know when I got it.

Like, she was so fucking kind. That's awesome. She said the fact that you. wanted to offer me money or even give it to a charity is more than enough for me i'm good you just pay care i was like thank you so fucking much good guy good guy man good guy but also fuck the insurance that's a scam that is a scam that is a scam oh we sent it to you oh yeah where oh uh to one of your maryland addresses oh you mean from the 90s oh thanks uh huh uh huh Have you ever taken a picture in front of a car that wasn't yours?

Oh, no shit. Well, that one wasn't mine. Okay. So let's talk about this thing, technically. You mean, like, as a flex? Yeah, just like, oh, here's a nice Lamborgine. Not even flexing that it's yours. Just like, I might never seen a car this nice thing.

I've taken pictures of nice cars before, but not me in it. Okay. You know, like what was the planning to do with that picture? I went to a car show and just took something that I liked or had my daughter get in front of it. And then I frame them around the house. That's cute. I got like a little tile thing going on in the house that we can remove them as we update and shit. Very nice.

I like that. So this picture right here. So I want to tell you about this. So this is my 1990 Honda Civic with original rims. I grew up working in a junkyard. I think I've told you guys that. I bought this car from my friend Shannon's dad. Had 10,744 miles on it at the time.

It's 1991 when I'm buying it, but it's a 90. owned by a Japanese dude whose daughter wrecked it. And, I mean, I'm saying Japanese's name was on the fucking thing, and he sold it to us because you hit the front. Once you fuck with the motor, it never runs right. But I didn't need a perfect car. So his dad got this fixed up and gave it to me, and I drove this motherfucker literally to the wheels fell out.

300,000 miles. It's up to Maine down in New Orleans, across and back three times across the country. through the rocky mountains through the snows never get stuck it's a badass little lawnmower it's a fucking four speed and i moved to california and when i'm living at this dump in north hollywood um i have these and you may know these i didn't know i wasn't this trashy and i got there but it's their glass windows and they're slats and you crank it with the handle and they go up like this and they're floor to ceiling

and they're just glass slats. You know what I'm talking about? For your house? For my apartment. There's no screen on them or anything. And you crank these glass windows and you just slowly come out like this. Like car windows?

Like a series of them. Oh, yeah, yeah. It's almost like vertical or horizontal blinds but they're big in glass. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's down like a shorehouse would happen kind of. Great, yes. One of those breaks, you're fucked.

So I live in this North Hollywood apartment. No AC. The thing freezes over because it's a wall unit. so I've got the windows open. It's 100 and some degrees and I'm in the shower and every time I get out I see these fucking cats

running through my apartment. I'm like, what the fuck? In the apartment? In my apartment. So I end up finding the lady in our building. Now the building was very much just like Melrose's place.

If you remember that, it was a pool in the center and it's a two-story and everybody's around that. And I find the lady and I can smell her apartment before I get to it. And I just knock on her door.

I'm like, please keep your cats out of my apartment and she doesn't say anything like just keep them out to keep every day I come home like there's a different cat in my apartment so I'm sitting there and I keep my front door open because I'm trash

and she's walking there I did it's so hot dude she's walking by every day every day she comes one day it's a chinchilla one day it's a fucking iguana one day it's a this and one day she comes by with a snake around her neck and I'm like

lady what the fuck do you do and she's drunk she's a fucking drunk hardcore alcoholic and she's i've tell this she's like parties she's hiccup and everything she goes i'm hugh heffner's number two zookeeper and i said bullshit and she goes i am i go you are not hughner's number two zookeeper how many zookeepers this guy got by the way also we'll get to that i go no you're not she goes yes i am i can prove it and i go how she goes i'll give you a tour i go bullshit she goes i will when do you want to go i said tomorrow she goes here's the address pull up here i was like if you're fucking bullshit in me lady we're gonna have problems because i'm your neighbor she's like bring your camera what are you gotta do over okay

i'm gonna fuck with that little chinchilla or something you know what i mean little little chinchilla hospital's crazy you know what i'm saying like i don't know where it's at i take care of it i don't know where it's at i take care store it so i pull pull up to the Playboy mansion, the, like, workers' entrance, and she tells me to hit the keypad. I hit the keypad. Hey, it's Ryan Sickler. I'm here.

I'm not going to say her name. We'll call her Diane. I'm here for Diane. Number two zookeeper. And that gate ain't going anywhere. No shit. I put it in reverse, and that gate starts open. Oh, shit.

Get the fuck out of here right now. And I pulled this Honda Civic right in front of Hugh. Oh, that is? No, shit. Listen, you don't get the drug. I've been to the Playboy Mansion again another time for a party, and you take shuttles from the Mondrian over. You don't drive to Hugh Hefner's house and pulling them up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's letting me pull in the driveway. So I pull this in there, and she goes, she said, and I cut her out. She's actually right here in the picture. I haven't cut people out of fucking out of amazing pictures. I didn't put her back in this one. And she's like, take a picture. You don't get to park in the driveway at the Playboy Mansion.

so boom i take a picture no shit that's the honda civic at the playboy mansion right there y'all so i made a hoodie out of that's fucking amazing and so then she takes me on a tour she's his number two zoo kis and i start laughing because i'm like this bitch probably said she was hugh having her zookeeper number one said hey bitch you're number two like why would you ever say number two it has been beat into her head like bitch you're so they got a whole reptilian place in there i didn't know about they've got peacocks albino peacocks i'm going in the grotto they've got a monkey cage and i've got a video prop vhsc somewhere remember vhscs of uh me in the cage and she's like go in there and i'm like i'm not i'm not the animal guy like i've told this before like my i've seen my brother

like take his kids a gator world and they're all on gators backs and shit with the and i'm like the whole line's white people not even a tan in the line it's all white people and i'm like i don't want to get in there and she's like get in there and she gives me these little green grapes and i stand in there and i'm telling you like 50 these motherfuckers descend on me oh i just made my blood run and they're all over me and it's creepy because they have little tiny hands pauls but it's like a flesh pad on it and they're touching it just feels like this little flesh thing you know like and then she takes me through like the game room in this room like the head of i don't know it's a fuck floor or something was like this thick padding you walk on and she's just showing me

Can't go upstairs, just like Graceland, can't go up there, can't go up there. But I'm getting all downstairs in the entire fucking property. And this lady legitimately was. That's crazy. So she worked for him during the day and kept it together and then came home and got blitzed at night with all his hands. That's a lot of pressure number two. I'm like, Hugh, you know, she's got the chill out in North Hollywood, bro. She's got all the shit.

Bringing it home. She's taking her work home, Hugh. Oh, man. What a fucking Jesus Christ. I mean, that's fucking. fucking crazy this i have this picture that's amazing and in this is the car i drove to start all this is the reason i'm here on your show and i framed it so when you walk into my place the first picture on the left when you walk in is this and my daughter's like why i said because

that's where it all started that's how it got us fucking here rode that to the fucking wheels fell it's also up at the honeydew studio too i got one in there too no you got it 10 000 miles 300 000 some 144 miles. You put 300,000 on it. Probably a little over it. You know what killed it? It would have kept going. This is funny.

You'll like this. Because I do like me some conspiracies. But the canyons killed that thing. Up and down, driving those canyons killed that little motor. But I ended up selling it. And this dude wanted to like trick it out, I guess, you know, a little civic for a race car thing or whatever. And so he comes over and he buys it from me. And I like I'm, I kept the original key.

I'm petting it. Goodbye. I'm having an emotional moment with this car, but he's coming to get it now, so I don't even really get to say goodbye. He don't care. And this guy takes it. I'm not bullshit, you guys.

Two weeks later, I'm driving with a friend of mine, and we see it sitting on the side of the road, and it's cleaned up, it's got plastic hubs. Remember when you had the plastic on it? It's all cleaned up, and it's got a for sale sign on it. I said, let's call this motherfucker, see what he's asking for it. I know the history of this car. Let's see if it's ever had any accidents or anything,

because it has, trust me. call the guy and we're like what do you ask him for and he's like it's way too much money we're like how many miles on it lies about the miles any any incidents accidents no clean record everything i was like huh he's why are you asking so many questions because i asked the shit like all of them i'm telling my cassettes in there i'm like you got that by my orioles cooler in the back i just keep my cassettes and a little vinyl oriels cooler in the back and um i said well i'm buying it for my son and it's this first car. I just want to make sure everything's raising. Oh, okay, okay. And I saw it sit on the road for a while. So it kept going. That's crazy. That's amazing. I mean, what a fucking perfect way

to put a button on it. God damn. An emotional, an emotional story about a 1990 Civic. You are proper crazy. In such a great way. Well, you asked me when I walked in, if I had a hundred million, what car would I buy? I said, probably an F-150. Probably would. Probably would. I'd get a couple four-wheelers and shit. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ryan says, Nickler, the special is live and alive on his YouTube page. One of the absolute best. I favorite. Do yourself a favor.

Get over there and check that out. Of course, listen to the honeydew and the way back. Watch their episodes on both shows. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Live and alive on YouTube. Congratulations. Thank you, we love you, thank you so much. Kipi, what do you got for him?

Guys, we're on the road. Philly, we're playing the Met, December 13th. The boys are coming home. Biggests venue we've ever played 3,000 people. Get them fucking tickets. We love you. We love you, buddy. Love you guys.

Congrats. Grats of you as well. And we love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.