Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Rachel Wolfson: Las Vegas Kid

Episode Date: March 3, 2022

Kippy and Foley welcome stand up and star of Jackass Forever Rachel Wolfson. Its a fun one! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys! Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.BoxOfAwesome.com Promo Code: GARBAGE https://www.HelixSleep.com/Garbage https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE https://www.athleticgreens.com/GARBAGE  

Stop the presses gang got a special announcement the middle-class famous tour is in full effect Get your tickies me the bald one the long hair. We're coming to a city near you Bring the squad out. It's a great way to introduce people to the show. You get to see some stand-up You get to play a little a yg with me in the gui-parino. It's a good time. Hit me up Guys are gonna be in Atlanta Tampa Orlando Pittsburgh Buffalo Detroit Denver Phoenix Salt Lake City Chicago Rose man guys. It's a great time Can't wait to see out there get your tickies now. Yeah Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or

Absolute trash now. Here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is our you garbage Mm-hmm. So little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find it up They grew up to be classy or it's a just a big old piece of trash I'm your host age Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Anthony's basement. She is extremely Excited for our guest. I was upstairs. She has a baby pulled out in the backyard and she's on the roof with a football Okay, my co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of are you garbage? She wears many two-pays in the organization

He's an international businessman. We love him giving up for KJ Kevin James Ryan everybody. Hey gang Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate you subscribe on iTunes full video available and you too But as you know those numbers are true to roof just hit 40,000 subscribers And then obviously the greatest website of all time WWW dot patreon.com slash are you garbage sign up get a bunch of content? It's fucking nice check it out very nice and have a nice quick shout out to our producer Extraordinaire the target audience look at him T-Bone Mcscruffins Toby Mcbuttons everybody. Let's fuck go dude I'm finally got someone rad down here

Toby was out front a shopping cart. Yeah, he's been chugging code red since last night Because gang we could not be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today We got a little star power in the building She is one of the stars of the juggernaut hit jackass forever. She is a very funny stand-up comedian and actor But the big question, but he's mine today. Is she garbage? She's the only person I ever met that was bitten by a scorpion So we're gonna go from there. Give it up a Rachel Wolfson everybody. Thank you guys. Thank you for having me Thank you, buddy. Thank you for coming in. We know you're running around. You're busy. We appreciate it Yeah, I'm happy to be here. Nice fill us in on the scoop. I've heard a couple of things. I've heard Las Vegas. Yes

Yeah, born and raised in Las Vegas, which is you know, some would say that that could be a trash city. I think everybody There's a lot of people People people go there to get trashed, you know, and so yeah, I born and raised there But not in the city city, right? Um, well, you weren't going to high school at the Bellagio No, I mean We I'm we ended up as I got older moving to the suburbs of Las Vegas, but you started out You guys are you were in the city? I mean my zip code is Las Vegas like Las Vegas is more than just the strip Yeah, you know, there's uh, there's you know

Surrounding areas and whatnot and then like as I got older and my parents started doing well They moved us to the suburbs. Were you in an apartment when you when you were first born when I first bought I don't remember if I was in an apartment or like it was like in the bridal suite Yeah, I'm like did Caesar's Palace have a basement. I can't remember But yeah, it was uh, you know, they were just starting off in their career when I was born So, um, I mean it it as as I got older the the living quarters got better That's the first time I ever heard of refer to as living quarters So that's pretty good because what I picture is either somebody lives like near the strip like

Like William H. Macy in the cooler or you live out in the kind of burbs like where yeah the narrow lived in casino, right? That's what I'm picture. Yeah, that's that you're you're you're what you're picturing is accurate. Okay. Um, so yeah I was born and born and raised there and When I was 17 my parents sent me to a lockdown in Provo, Utah for a year. What's a lockdown? It's a it's like a it's like a therapy the term is technically a therapeutic boarding school It's like a school for troubled youth essentially like steely in the middle of the night. Yeah, I didn't I didn't get I didn't get escorted But like a bunch of people did yeah, my parents like dropped me off some pay some Some some parents would lie to their kids and be like we're going on a ski trip to Utah

Jesus like the dog at the vet right like so fucked up. So holy shit my parents at least like I knew where I was going But I didn't realize like what it was like when I got there So I was there for my senior year of high school. Were you looking forward to it at all? No, what was going on? I mean honestly, okay So I got caught singing out of the house and I was having like I was just having issues at home And I wasn't a good student. I was in my senior year and my parents were concerned about my future. Okay And so I think in their mind. They thought this would be a good place for me to have some structure and discipline and

Yeah, it was it was Sucked yeah Just saw her go back there. I'm gonna get out of here I mean, yeah, it was yeah, so um, but I you know, I don't regret it I think it it made it built my character. Was it not was it a nice facility? No, it was in an abandoned church that they What they transformed into like a school for troubled kids. Oh, it's not like the X-Men school We're not talking. Oh, no, it's not like Hogwarts, right? It's um, yeah, so

Yeah, that was I was there for for 13 months and then I I Graduated with my high school diploma there. Okay, and then I ended up going to college In Vermont for two years. Okay at a school for kids who have learning differences. Okay, is what the is what we call it now Nice to play she's a media I have When I was growing up people thought I was disabled it just turns out I was different We got rebranded So yeah, so with yeah, so I was there for two years

And I honestly that's where I learned how to like write a paper because I missed out I was just bad at school I want to okay my most of my high school and a middle school was in a religious school setting all kinds of religions like growing up pre-k Through eighth grade. I went to a Jewish school my freshman year of high school. I was at a Catholic school Yeah, and then that I was there for your parents. What are your parents are Jewish? We're not religious. Okay. Yeah, so like So then but there was no Jewish high schools at the time and the Catholic school was like down near where they work So it was like convenient for them. It was just not convenient for me as a Jew

Did you have to pretend you were Italian walking around? No, they like knew I'm gonna see you buddy They knew I was they knew like they could they could smell me like Something feels off in the church Holy water at her every day lock the doors no one leaves. They're like as soon as I like got blamed for Jesus's death I was like It was Rachel. Yeah I'm like, I think I should transfer to a fucking six. I know and so I ended up leaving there and Going to a Lutheran school, which is way was there no public schools. What's happening out there?

See the public school in Vegas probably dicey. Um, it's not well. It's just a grip. They're massive, dude They're they're like small. I mean, it's like any other city. They're like 5,000 kids I I would have gotten lost in the system I know I also had like, you know school was really difficult for me. Sure. Yeah, so So that so my mom was like, well, we'll send you to this Lutheran school And I was there for like two and a half years and then that's when I got sent to the lockdown. So So I ended up going to college in Vermont for two years. Is that what they call it is the lockdown It's a locked it

I call it a lockdown because you're not allowed to leave you weren't allowed to leave No, no, no, you you had to earn like you had to go through a program You weren't even allowed shoes when you first got there because they were afraid you're gonna run Yeah, it's like kid prison, but I don't want to insult actual people who've gone to prison But it's it's it's like, you know, the the idea is to rehabilitate and Holy I imagine the cafeteria sucked. Oh my god there would they serve this one meal. They called steak But it was just like this gray piece of meat that you could I and like there was always cats in the kitchen So I'm just like, I don't know what I don't know

Mr. Sprinkle, I don't know. I just I don't know. I don't know what I was ever really eating I had a bunch of homies who went to similar programs. They make you sleep on the ground outside So there a lot of these programs are associated with wilderness programs and my parents They didn't send me to a wilderness program, which I was always curious about how that would have turned out for me Because they send these kids to a program like that in the middle of winter to like march around all day and set up tents And like fuck make their own food because it's like they're they're they're doing like the moray method, you know They're like trying to scare you straight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like Jim class and a little kickball. Yeah, no none of that and and so like kids would like get sick or

Have frostbite and would have to end up going to like being filtered into these Facilities because they're indoor like one girl. I remember she came to us from a wilderness program and she showed up with Giardia Do you know what that is? You get it from drinking dirty water So she was like drinking from the rivers and the creeks not thinking Maybe I should be doing that and she ended up getting like I think it's like a virus or a disease or something You have it forever. You have it forever. Yeah, she I think she has it I think you have it forever. I don't know but anyways, so I so I was there for so I left there I graduated I got out and then I was in Vermont for two years

I graduated from there and then I transferred to American DC in Washington University. That's a great school It's a great school, but I was definitely the dumbest person in all my classes And like I don't know. I just I thought maybe I would go into either Like TV news reporting because I was in the school of communications Which to me is like such a joke when you tell people you're a communication major and then I was there for about a year and I realized like the Becoming a TV news reporter is not how it seems on TV like when you they make you cut your hair

You have to move to Kentucky and report on animals. He's like weird mark. Yeah, it's just like I I just was like no I don't really want to do that. Yeah, you have to like start out working like the B-class You're not in LA you're not New York. You're in fucking Alabama and You're not walking in a 30 rock. You're doing doing doing the weather in Minneapolis I was a weatherman He had to start out like in some you know like Omaha or some bumble fuck city in the middle of nowhere and like work Is way up the ranks. Yeah, and and so um and so I I was there for like a year And then I remember looking on social media and seeing a bunch of my classmates who I'd gone to school with in Vermont

Move down to Florida to finish up their schooling and they were on like yachts and boats And I'm fucking freezing my ass in DC and hadn't seen the Sun in three weeks So I like I told my parents. I was like listen like I think I need to I think I need to like take my talents elsewhere Like she's a little brawn to South Florida I'm going to Miami. I need to go to South Florida. I'm dad. I'm gonna become a free agent next year Yeah, and so I moved down to Florida where I was like literally the smartest person in all my classes I imagine this is what the story is gonna take a little bit of a left Down there in FLA so I was there. I finished up school. I got my master's I started working in the restaurants

Jesus you got your masters. Oh, yeah, so you got your bachelor's from American University I got my bachelor's from Lynn University in Florida I took my the whatever credits I managed to get in DC and transferred them okay to Florida Got my bachelor's got my master's pretty good. Yeah was working in and out the restaurants during college I mean, I worked in and out the hospitality industry since I was 15 my mom made sure as soon as I could work I would start working. Okay. Um, that was in Vegas. Yeah, one of my first job was the pool attendant at the Venetian Really, I would give people towels What's the tip situation I remember like my first big tip was when my dad surprised me at work and just gave me 20 bucks

I thought you're gonna say some Japanese high roller was grease me like so I ran for a bottle of Pellegrino. Yeah Dad showed up and gave me that's great. He was yeah, I think you know, he felt bad But um, yeah, so so I when I was in college when I was finishing up my master's I was working as a hostess at a restaurant in downtown Boca Raton and the owner of that restaurant hired me to come Work for his other company was which was an organic pizza corporation. Okay, and I was to be the social media manager Which first donor is like, okay dream job. Yeah Now tweeting all day. Yeah, just like tweeting pizza And so I worked there for a while and then at a certain point I just like realized that

Like I had reached kind of like where I was gonna be in Florida like no one around me worked No one has to work. I don't get that down there. Oh, yeah, I mean Yeah, when you're hanging out with rich kids Oh, I mean like I'm hanging out with kids who either have like family companies They can work at if they if they got their shit together or just kids who didn't have to work And I just didn't share that I just don't come from that was that what a lot of the people at the Vermont school was It was more it was more of a rich kid's school Vermont not necessarily Vermont was a lot of kids who who had learning differences Got you who that was but school but Lynn University is like very much

Yeah, it's like you're going around you're you're going to school I mean, there's a range always because you have kids from all different backgrounds But the majority like it has a reputation for having like significantly wealthy children going okay So far this sounds pretty classy. Yeah, little bit of hiccup with you with the outward bound. Yeah Yeah, so um, so yeah, then um, I told my boss and I was like I just I want to move out to LA This was in 2013 And my boss was very cool and let me work remotely as I transitioned to LA So at least I came to LA with a job. There you go, you know, and then I just like took every job

I could in Los Angeles while I was doing that. I I mean, I did all kinds of things not like anything weird, but The way you were setting it up sound like you were Like all the duck like in in retrospect. I'm like wow that was like such a like what was that? You know what I mean? I worked in and out of the restaurants. I did social media marketing for clients and things like that Yeah, I mean I did what I could to to to make money and Kind of networked myself out in LA. Great. She's pretty classy I have a sister. She is a lawyer. She's five years younger than me. Okay followed in the parents footsteps What does your mom and dad do exactly? So my mom is so my mom is a mediator

She used to be a judge. Okay used to be she was a judge that put OJ Simpson in prison for the robbery case In Las Vegas, all right, here we go. Yeah, and then that's also like the you know It's that's kind of a trashy crying to be known for though for sure. You know what I mean? What are you talking about? She's judging Vegas She's the guy who put OJ in jail. Yeah, great line. So um, so there's so this is my dad Oh by the way, yeah, and then my dad is currently the district attorney of Las Vegas. Yeah Yeah, holy shit So we get hemmed up in Vegas, we got a friend get get us out

I I don't know if I'm gonna be able to do that Like if I got in trouble in Vegas, my parents would be like, we don't know you I'm like Must be from out of town we never seen it before Alright, so that that paints a picture a little bit more. Well, they were pretty persistent about that It seems like it worked out everything you got your fucking master's the good work Education yeah good Yeah, and then I started Comedy in 2016 so three years after I got to LA was your so that's your only your sister, right?

You said you only had one sister one younger sister Was that your family out there like cousins and shit or was it just you guys out there in Vegas? Oh, no, my well, I have my aunt my grandpa is out there So your whole family's out there Part of part of parts of my family and were they there that your your mom and dad grow up there They just my mom is my mom is born in New York went When she was 12 she moved to Georgia and my dad is from Los Angeles. So I have LA and New York. Okay. Yeah, okay

Pretty classy so far. I got I don't know if you can see the finger tattoos They look like they look like she got it at the lockup No, this one I got they are one of these I got not the lockdown, but did you get it? Oh wait go ahead? Oh There we go. Yeah, that's in case anyone's wondering my trash level. Yeah, you didn't get that in Boca Raton. Oh, I got it in Vegas Is that the Vegas area code on your wrist? It is Do you have any does anybody gamble in your family does everybody like to gamble? No, no nothing like that Nobody working security at that harris or anything?

No, no, no, okay. Did you get any trouble when you were in the lockup any riots or anything like that? Making your own booze or I did um shank anybody. No, but I did kiss a boy Which was a huge no gross am I right? No, no, I'm listening no no because they tried to keep us separate It was a co-ed school But they very much did not want us to like really interact with each other and like getting co-ed privilege It like that was something that was rare and we had to earn is like supervised visits with the others with the opposite sex

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Checking my voicemail because a lot of my friends didn't know what happened to me I just was like whoa take like they were like And so She caught me checking my voicemail and because she was younger and she was like under you know my parents You know, I don't want to say spell but influence. She told on me and I had to stay there longer And I got and I got I got so like in lockdown if you get in trouble they give you consequences That's what they're called and consequences don't sound good are a half hour of either working out intense working out homework or

Cleaning the tampon boxes in the bathroom Damn, yeah, they were put you in the hole. They have a hole there. They did they had a They had a whole 30 days in a hole They had a cool hand Luke. Oh, it's called ISU isolation unit intense supervision intense supervision unit so ISU I went there once because when I was there I was They so I was diagnosed when I was 12 with being bipolar, but I actually was misdiagnosed and Miscated for it. So I was I was on medication at the time that in retrospect

I didn't need to be on okay So they they started to take me off the medication But it really wasn't the best environment for me to be doing that sure and so something triggered me While I was like going off in this process at school I think I was working on English and the teacher wanted me to work on math, which I'm like, I'm not working on math, bro like sorry um and then we got into it and I had a fucking meltdown and they put me in the ISU for probably a couple hours, but there would there would be people they would have to tranquilize Kids yeah, oh shit

Yeah, that's where the day because the way you make it sound like it's in the church There's cats running around but you get these people have access to tranquilizers Well, they have they have like doc. They had doctors Well, I mean like a lot of the students there are on medication So they had to have got you people around because we you know We all have behavioral problems and everyone treats those differently. So I think there's a lot of it like this happened a lot like the Nine like it's coming out now that these places were like not fantastic. Oh, yeah, they were like they're like absolutely horrible And for profit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So like Paris Hilton went to one down the road for me

I think years before I went to but it's in the same town because in this town of Provo, Utah They haven't they have a ton of these schools for whatever reason I think Idaho has some and like they even have some like in Mexico like like I don't know Yes, what out of the country. Yeah, dude. That's like Guantanamo. That's horrible. See I a black site horrible Like all over I mean, there's there's so many because these these are money makers. I mean like yeah I want to send parents all like government contracts and shit you get right and some kids are court ordered there So I'm wondering if like judges maybe get kickbacks for those and then like obviously some people their parents and family send them there. So So yeah, it was um, it was a intense place and that's serious business the whole

I used to get my parents you get pissed off if I got detention Yeah, you don't how good you got it fatty What the ice cold Shawshank Jesus That's crazy, dude, there was some there was some crazy shit like that that happened there For sure can't do your heart is nailed Unbelievable that is crazy, but let's get there some more you garbage questions here. Oh, yeah. All right, let's run down a couple of things The parents don't live in the same street that you grew up on right you guys What was the name of the first street where you were born your first house Carly drive? That's pretty good

Not that was in an apartment or a house. I I want I think it was a house I don't remember in Vegas. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, well gross your story with your mom go to out there probably like Vons or Albertson's or just needed the buffet every day. I mean, I Don't know what the yeah, I don't know. Would you guys ever go to the casinos for like and a family dinner? Oh, yeah, for sure We actually had to live in a in one of the hotels up by us Not like one on the strip because our house got mold in it

Okay, like black mold because when they built my parents shower They just did it incorrectly and so like water like it they kept having a leak We would be sitting down in the kitchen. You just see this like leak Occurring in the ceiling so they would try they would try to like repair it, but they didn't realize they had to go deeper So at one day they like cut open the shower and it was just a wall of ants Everybody get out of ants dude. They were just like feasting on like whatever rotted. It was just like disgusting So we had to move out of the house They have they had to like dry clean like the it wasn't their fault

It was the builders fault so the builders had to like come in redo it pay for all of everything to get like did you have one Of those tents over your house. Oh, yeah, what? Yeah, dude, it was on the end. They did it all on the inside They covered everything cuz like you have to get every article of clothing like cleaned too. Yikes. It's like bedbugs It's horrible Vegas bedbugs. So like my that was my junior year of high school And so we stayed up at the Sun Coast Hotel, which is a local casino And like I just smelled I just smelled like smoke every day Sorry is at the tables all morning. What do you want for me?

Holy shit That's pretty trashy like going to school you're 17 you smell like cigarettes Yeah, you're leaving a casino to go to high school. That's a bad luck Yeah, didn't have your homies in high school sneaking like play underage and win any like a substantial amount of cash No, dude, that's like they like Even if you look young, there's people checking like you don't even like walk They'll make sure you're not like Doing that anywhere near the yeah, if you even look young

They'll come right up to you and check your ID because they could get fucked Do you have any of your friends parents get jammed up at the casinos of the tables? Um, I don't you know anybody's blacklisted or anything. Yeah, I don't know if I if I like off the top of my head I don't but I know my parents for sure do I mean, you know people come there and they they like spend their kids save Yeah, they're safe. You know, it's a real. There's a dark aspect. Oh, yeah hundred percent You ever see anybody pulling or anything or anything like that see anyone what pawing anything? Oh pawing Do you know the guys from Paul? Oh, do you know my dad's do my dad's my dad does? No, they're like homies they're homies got to me on a DUI

They're always in my pocket. They're homies. Tell me likes the meth. I think Yeah, no, they're my dad. Definitely. No, he knows. Uh, he knows that Rick Harrison. Is that the dad? Who ever the dad is? Yeah, yeah, well, the old man. Yeah, he passed away Or probably yeah, the main guy is Rick Rick the best I can you know, it's valued at 14 million the best I can do is 20 bucks Damn Wow, that's pretty your family knows the people from Paul and stars No, did you ever see Siegfried and Roy when you were a kid? Oh, yeah, really my who's one of my birthdays My my parents took me they got backstage. I got to meet them. I got a stuffed tiger. Oh, yeah

That's pretty good. Yeah, do you know anybody that was at the performance where we got mauled? Um, I don't know anyone who is there. Okay, but I do remember that happening That was sad. Yeah, you ever watch like implosions of buildings. Oh, yeah, I want to go I think it was the stardust or yeah, I saw it live It was me and a boyfriend at the time it was like it was that not it was it was insane I only pretty sick date. Yeah, it was cool. Go to Dave and Buster's and go watch them blow up this building. Yeah That's pretty sweet. Hmm. Wow. Good pull kippy. That's great. I love those growing up Would your parents keep the batteries in the refrigerator?

No, okay, I don't think so anybody in your family call it a banana or a turlet No, they're normal. Okay. Have you ever bought or sold anything on Craigslist? I have definitely bought something off Craigslist a chair Recently no, okay before the pandemic and it was such a hassle because so like I'm too cheap to buy anything from Z gallery because it's so expensive. So I'll buy shit from Z gallery off Craigslist like, you know And I bought this couch or it was it's a chair I still have it, but it was it was so difficult to get like no one I knew in LA had a car that could like fit it

And and then like moving it into the building because it's so oddly shit. It was it's the worst purchase At all or you just play it will you pay face about or do you haggle? No, no I think yeah, I didn't buy it for like what she bought it for but I I am you got it a discounted rate. Yeah, okay When you when you buy stuff at the grocery store, will you reach for the item behind the first one or will you take the first one? It depends on what the item is. Let's lay it on me So if it's something like a milk based or something that I feel like could give me food poisoning I'll probably go or you know, I'll probably I want the freshest one oldest one Yeah, or the cold. Yeah, especially in a gas station. I'm like, oh the first water is not cold

So I'm gonna go I'm gonna reach all the way back. Yeah, you know smart. Very good. You gotta stay on top of these. Yeah Hmm, you think it's okay to use tissues as napkins. Listen when in doubt Sometimes if you don't you know, so I will use tissues as toilet paper Not because I want to but because sometimes you run out of option. Yeah, you're jammed up I would tear right through that. That would be not a good look. No, that's what you use a handful I'll use a paper towel. Oh god. That's the chafage. See at least the I like the car I like the comfort issues has some like lotion on it. There's some lubrication. Yeah, one of the ones with vixen a could be Yeah, you're right. You're right

Hmm, if we went to your house right now, what kind of water could you offer us bottled? What do you what do you do? What are you working with? So I just got a updated Pure like, you know those little skinny ones that give out purified That they're filtered water. So I hooked up to the faucet. It is. Yeah. Yeah, so I have that That's all that's good. So so when I because it broke and when the guy came to fix it He was like, yeah, you're supposed to change the filter every six months like the filter of it was really was black Yeah, I might as well have been drinking tap water. At that point. It's the healthier option

Yeah, all right. Let me ask you this. You have you have the option of one of these What are you taking a regular cone a sugar cone a waffle cone or a pretzel cone? Oh There is a right answer Although I don't disagree with it so you know, it's non-partial I've never even heard of a pretzel cone. So I would probably go with that just because I've never even heard of it Okay, I'm willing to try anything. Okay pretzel cones pretty good correct answer regular cone. Okay, ladies and gentlemen I don't agree with that. I don't agree with that. The gentleman We'll have to talk at the next door to the regular cone. Yeah pretzel cone. You live a little. Yeah, you go pretzel cone. Yeah

It's got the soul. It's nice. Toby Never heard of a pretzel cone. I'd probably go sugar cone. It's a gentleman's move to doing a show with fucking bozos He's a scratch any beekeepers in the family beekeeper. No, no beekeepers. Hmm Hmm, let's see. Have you ever ridden a mechanical bull? I Don't think I have okay, I've attended a rodeo I've attended a rodeo. I can't remember if I don't think I have NASCAR event No, no, no NASCAR air show No air show boat show regatta

I've been to a car show Okay, any monster truck rallies in there? Uh, I believe in lockdown. They took us to one of those. Yeah I got to see a monster great bigger in the hole baby. Let's do it. Yeah They've ever been to a live magic show. Yeah, of course. I'm from Vegas. Yeah, Lance Burton probably got sold in half Have you ever met Chris Angel? And or carrot top and fortunately, I have not met those two Vegas legends But there I'm hoping there's still time for me. What about Wayne Newton yours cover go see Wayne Newton. No No, Wayne Newton. You have a strong arm a blackjack deal or to play

Nope, not good. I I when it comes to that. I'm so bad at math And like she's hitting on 30 I wouldn't even yeah, I yeah numbers not good for me What were the family vacations like? Oh, those are dope. Okay, lay it on us. So like international as a kid Oh, yeah, your parents were done in the beginning. They started out so they okay So my mom when she met my dad was a TV news reporter. Okay, and my dad in Vegas local So she started off in radio and then moved out to Vegas and started working in radio and TV Whoa, so she was like a local celebrity like Yuki Washington. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, I think she um, I

Don't know how popular she I wasn't even alive then so she was reporting on stories in the courthouse And my dad was a prosecutor like a young new Lloyd prosecutor and he would pass her movie This is steamy in the hallways and he would he would say I'm gonna marry that girl I'm already thinking about casting. I like a young Andy Garcia hilarious hilarious So what was it? What was the question? I don't I forget I'm all steamed up over here. So they yeah, so like, you know, they were doing well as I was growing up I started taking us on vacations and

Sometimes they would bring a babysitter so they could like So they could like, you know enjoy their vacation just don't bring us, you know what I mean But the there's a coldness but the babysitter they would so you're thinking like an au pair the people They would hire to watch us were criminals like literally trash We had this one baby from the Vegas. I don't even want to call her nanny She's a straight-up babysitter as soon as she got to the hotel. She rated the mini bar because she thought those were for free She had never You know, so my dad goes down and this is the night. Where are you guys at?

I think we're in Mexico. Okay, and so all inclusive resort. I don't remember Um, I I don't know if it was or not But she took everything out of the mini bar and my dad goes downstairs and he's like, why do I have a $400 charge in the In the girls room for for alcohol and so I think he made her put it back But like in the 90s $400 for is like, yeah, yeah, it's insane. It's a lot of money So you guys would have two rooms they would have their room and then you and your sister would be in with the nanny Yeah, with the babysitter nanny Classy this woman chain smoked and fucking

Fucking like she okay, so you want to hear Here's what so growing up Sherry is her name and she was the worst So my parents my parents would go, you know have date night or something and Sherry would drive us to go Well, she would drive us to her friend's house leave us in the car while she would go play poker Like that is not a nanny. Didn't you guys tell your parents this one? I would try to like I was so young that I don't even think I could like articulate like You didn't know what just happened. You know, she's in there playing fucking

And so and so but I did try to communicate to them like hey some of the people you're hiring are not like They're not like they're not like qualified to watch children like they have my mom at one point got so desperate She hired a guy named Scott to watch that's not good That is not good. I don't have kids, but that's a no go the worst dude Like he is not a fucking babysitter. It's his name Scott. Yeah No, there's no, I'll take a Sherry any day that we I hear Scott's coming over. I'm under the bed Hey, you kids would learn how to make long-distance calls for free Like rich kids like they hire nannies to teach their kids like Spanish and Italian like okay

Nanny's also nanny a nanny also implies like a longer duration of hire Right, that was my nanny all through my childhood a babysitter's like nannies wear uniform come and go right Yeah, like Scott has a leather jacket, right and delivers pizza Yeah, like exactly Scott wears shorts. Yeah cut off one cut off George. Not how old was Scott? Probably at that time. He's got he probably was in his like 30s. That's so fucking weird. It's weird dude It's fucking weird Scott was the word no Scott was like he was like he was like the boyfriend of a mom's like That's not even weird. Yeah, my mom's friend. So, um

Oh, you know Scott Moonlights is a babysitter. What the fuck? He's a manny Man, but um, yeah, Jesus That's that's see the money doesn't guarantee it. Look at that right there This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp online therapy ladies and gentlemen if you have something in your life That's holding you back. All right, whether it's a relationship Whether it's trouble at work, whatever you need better help can help because you got to remember something the most important relationship You have in your life is with yourself. Yes You got to take care of yourself and better help can't help they got your back better help is online therapy that offers video phone and even live chat

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Supporting vitamin D and five free travel packs with your first purchase. All you have to do is go to athletic greens comm slash garbage again One more time. That's athletic greens comm slash garbage to take ownership of your health today do it get Crazy Sorry, you're staying in a lot of hotels lately or traveling around a little bit Am I staying in a lot of hotels swinging a miss phone? I did I understand you're getting older I got I took a shot. What do you want like two two days on this trip? I got put up via for the press. Do you drink the coffee in the rooms?

Yeah, use that machine. Oh, no. Oh, no. No, no, no, I order coffee from room service Yeah, that's what I was getting if I if I was paying for it. I was paying for it I drink the coffee really I would now I don't fucking touch that. No, I I would definitely I would definitely probably order down stairs So hold on so Mexico just to go backwards Mexico would be a trip to that you went on as a kid. Where else would you guys go? We went to Jamaica. Okay. Mm-hmm What age we talking like 10 11 12 16 I was young enough. I Was I was young

I was like definitely under 16 because there was a point where we just misbehaved so bad on vacation that they were like We're not bringing you kids anymore. Yeah Like my sister and I would fight or it was just it's a lot I got you like a vacation is supposed to be relaxing me and my brother ruined so many Yeah, so many like I literally like I just hear it in in my mind. I'm threatening like no more vacations Yeah, like we're not doing that anymore But yeah, I think Jamaica, Mexico Yeah, that's so you got your passport at a young age. Yeah, I had a passport. Okay. It's pretty classy

If you went to a restaurant And you didn't like the table you got will you ask for a different table? Yeah Sometimes I mean my dad my parents like my dad is 6 5 and hit it so and and so for him He doesn't like to sit with his back towards the door. He likes to you know, he likes to be comfortable too Italians don't sit with their back His head can end up in that plate of pasta real quick no shit But I mean it depends like if there is like if there's a table they give us and it's like the whole Restaurant is empty and it's a shit or it's like, you know, I'll be like, hey, can we just go to that one? Sure

I just started doing that a little bit. Yeah, I mean if it's a busy if it's busy No, I'm whatever because I worked in restaurants and I know like, you know like Sometimes they're reserving sometimes. They just But I mean if you just it's all it's all about asking in the situation as well. Yeah I'm Irish. They could put me in like next to the dumpster. Yes. Fine. Thank you. Is this a grease trap? All right. Thanks. I love it pay extra The pee in the shower. Yeah. Oh hell. Yeah brush your teeth in the shower. He does my boyfriend does which I I'm always like why is the toothpaste in the shower? Do you keep the toothbrush in there? Yes? Oh

That's a bad look He's sitting like Scott the babysitter He's got real Scott Vines, dude. That's what I picture Scott looking like. Oh, you would be that you would be a great Scott No, the other day. I I realized halfway through that I was using his toothbrush. Oh How do you feel about that? Stop? You're okay with it same germs, right? How do you're fine with it? Yeah, no me too. I'm cool with it. Uh-huh. You can't use your wife's toothbrush. I could I would Yeah, I'd be feel weird for a couple of days. I felt weird for a second, but I was like, no, I mean Once that second's over. It's already too late. He's into it. He's into it. That's how he gets his rocks. It's our it's our tooth. Oh

I like that What kind of toothpaste we working with? Uh Whatever's fucking cheap or free. I don't know crest or are we a crest family? Yeah Would you say you're frugal when it comes to cash? um It depends no, I mean I I'm a spender like if it comes to weed I buy the best weed Yeah, your boyfriend almost had a spit take

I'm not frugal away from the computers. Well, yeah, I don't think I'm frugal. I don't think I'm frugal I don't think I'm frugal. Was there any responsible purses with your first big check? Uh With my first big check, we're any no, um jet skis anything like that. I just spent the 20 your dad gave you I spent that on some weed. No, I didn't even smoke weed back then probably like I don't even know Yeah, okay Do you travel first class fly first class? Okay, you're buying. No, no, but on the way out here I got hooked up and now I got it. I got a little taste of the Delta And I was like, I can't fly I've been ruined like I I can't I can't sing

I'm I'm just like emotionally trying to prepare myself for having to like go back to the coach, you know So I got my I've never flown first class until this trip and I'm like wow How much better is the food up there? Oh my god, I had a charcuterie in the air They should be on two different planes. I don't even understand. I'm like, how is this? Yeah I mean, I was sleeping on a plane. I was laying like flat Yeah, I'm spoiled. I also went I also they like You know jackass took us to our first well to my first UFC fight And we had the best seats in the house like literally the only people sitting in front of us was Joe Rogan

Nice like and who's that exactly? No But I mean, I could see his head, you know, I could like see the shine and I was very very close So now I'm ruined for that forever. Like how am I supposed to go back? Yeah. Yeah, no kidding. Hmm. Are you TSA pre-check? I'm what is that clear clear? I just got clear because with with comedy and traveling So I I opened for my friend Felipe as bars. I was really really great comedian and he's the one who showed me clear clear What's the credit score like I Don't even have a credit card really You don't have a credit. I just do debit. It scares the fuck out of me. Wow. Have you never had a credit card? No

Holy shit I think my parents gave me like a small just like for emergencies because I was on the East Coast and they were they were scared It had like a limit on it, but um, it's they took that shit away years ago. You don't got an AMX capital one nothing I got visa, baby. Okay. Well, I hope one day I'll be like in a good place where I could have it, you know, okay? Why do you think you would you would recklessly spend on it? I don't think so, but it's just the fact that I have it there to knowing like oh, I can that thing that I want to do I could probably do it right now. Oh shit. I know if I yeah, if I want to hop on a first-class flight

You know what I'm saying, so I don't know if the temptation is good for me That's good, that's good you discipline enough not to do it. I'm the other way I got it sitting burning a hole in my pocket. Yeah ready to make a move Anyone in your family on a convertible if so what kind? so They my dad at one point purchased a old-school Volkswagon, okay? Because it was like always his dream I think he had one as a kid and like he wanted, you know, he was going through something

So he was like I'm gonna purchase an old-school one and it was literally the worst purchase I mean he bought it in California drove it back to Las Vegas, and it broke down on the way Right after he purchased it. So we had that sitting in the Like on the driveway for for many years. That's a tough look for a DA. Yeah, it wasn't on the grass, right? Were the tires awful or was there flat tires no flat tires Is there a cover over it or half over I'm no The convertible part has that like black So yeah, that's bacon in the Vegas Sun for a couple years my our ping-pong table had a cover over it though

Outside No, it was in the garage. You had a ping-pong table in the garage Could you park a car in the garage or no the pink you could park a car in the garage see the two-car garage I bet you guys have a pool we had a pool in ground. Yep. What was your mom and dad whipping around and when you were a kid? What did they draw? Well, I think my dad so my mom had one of those vans that had the wood on the side of it Yeah, she did she's a little woody. Yeah, my mom my mom drove many vans for a while as a judge She's she was a lawyer so like when she okay

so when my mom and dad met my mom was a TV news reporter and my dad was a prosecutor and then my mom ended up going to law school Okay, and then she became a lawyer and then when I am and then my dad and her got married and they opened up a law firm together Damn, so these are smart learning people. Yeah, so then Like as we got older the cars got better right like yeah, she the wood panel We had that like we had that like maroon one with the panel That's I think there was red tints on it too. I'm not lying. Anybody ever drive a Lexus. Yeah They were they had a Lexus early 2000s. We're talking

Yeah with yeah, and then probably recently I feel like they have one nice. I like that Yeah Hmm Interesting you're right. Yeah, go back and forth. It's like a crazy. I know the education is ridiculous I'm like classy trashy. It's like it. There's a there's a version of like classy trashy, which I think is like Vegas. Yeah, what was your first concert? new kids on the black baby outside outside

It was outside my aunt took me. It was I just remember there being hey I don't know why there was hey, how much older than you with your aunt. How much older is your aunt than you? I Don't know like like was she an adult and you were a kid. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, okay Do you use scented trash bags? Reluctantly because like I'm more of a I don't like scented Like anything like any like I don't like my trash to smell like something else like scented trash What about scented candles? You like scented candles?

My dad does I think they like make me kind of nauseous Okay, and also I have cats three cats because I'm unwell and And I'm worried that that to leave an open flame near them. Did you have pets growing up? Yes, what'd you have dogs? Okay, and we had a bird we had some birds my mom went through a phase Were that were that were any of them loose birds? No loose birds, but she had a bird die in her hand And I remember that day that was It had like a heart attack It's a tough day when the birds when the bird go any of the birds talk. Yes one said pretty bird

And it would whistle. It was a parakeet You know when you go to Petco you can get one for like five bucks You know sure you can buy all that well you could buy all their brothers and sisters Any fish tanks at the house growing up. Mm-hmm my dad my dad that was like his flex like when he like he was like I get shocked in there I had a fish tank like eventually like my dad got a big one and he would have saltwater fish Oh, man, you know like that was a flex for him like that was like. Oh, he's doing good, you know Well your parents waterbed people by any chance. Haha. I don't think we had waterbeds now

Okay, I wanted one as a kid, but I never got one any bunk beds as a kid. No bunk beds. No bunk beds. Hmm What about injuries as a kid? Oh, yeah, what'd you break in basketball? I broke my My ankle I popped a tendon and tore ligament. Okay, and then I Broke my wrist in basketball And then I broke my wrist in college a boxer's fracture Okay, what were you doing? I punched something. Yeah That's when you put you when you punch something incorrectly, so I am so when I it's funny because like I didn't tell my parents the truth I I told him my phone here. I know. Yeah, I told him I slipped up the stairs

Which they knew like when I got diagnosed with a boxer's fracture like yeah, that's That doesn't that doesn't add up the evidence. You were tuned in somebody up that in a cab door got me. Yeah Hmm, huh, do you know any of the lyrics to the rap battles from eight mile? To the rap battles pop a dock. Isn't that what that guy's name and wrap white rabbit or whatever I'll be right be rabbit. Maybe he threw it on I could start I would start spitting I just wasn't sure some people have them like tattooed in their brain. Oh, that's hilarious Not saying me or anything You sleep with your mouth open if I'm so tired

Like I remember on the plane the other day I woke myself up snoring So my mouth was open for sure. Thanks sleep with a fan on you I sleep with the air at like 69 degrees no matter if it's winter or summer really like that nice like it freezing Yeah, how many pillows multiple pillows. I have so I I have so many pillows on the bed right now What between your leg do you hold one on the side? I have a body pillow that goes Against like the headboard. I'm just stoked. I recently got like within the last year a headboard Like to me that's my that's a fish. That is that's that's that's been Was the mattress in the box spring usually on the floor? Um, I had so I I had a mattress on a platform

Um, I didn't and when I when we moved into our new place I didn't realize like your bed is supposed to have a platform Mm-hmm, and then I got one and I was like, oh, wow, this bed is actually really comfortable Talking shit about the bed for so long, but then I realized like I didn't I just didn't have a complete bed Yeah, thanks. I only I have yeah, so I got my first headboard since since since I think like Since I had a headboard and call in the dorm room. Yeah, gotcha calling a box spring a platform. Yeah hilarious Yeah

Anyone your family own a standalone hot tub? See the thing in Vegas is Everyone yeah, it's so hot there. You you can't survive without one like And they're all built in the ground. Yeah, okay, imagine the AC in your house was probably pretty spectacular Yeah, yeah My dad's also a big door open windows open kind of person Favorite candy bar oh Um gosh, I haven't had like I feel like I haven't had a candy bar in so long

Like Snickers classy, but right up the middle cold Yeah, of course yeah, it's way better fantastic It's pretty classy. I'm telling you right now How old were you one of the when the last time you went to the pediatrician? Were you one of those weirdos that went till they were like 22? Yeah, really Yeah, I still remember going to a pediatrician in like I feel like high school Yeah, that's a tough girl scouts

Yeah, but I got kicked out Yeah, that are the girls yeah I mean also my mom was the one who was really selling like she was the one who is my dealer You know like dealing the cookies and stuff really take the orders to her her work Which is all like, you know successful people and probably cleaned up. Yeah, um, what'd you get kicked out for? I just I just was like a trouble. I just wasn't gotcha. Yeah, I the trouble-making thing Yeah, I just like it. I was not very good two boxes of tag-a-longs because tickets disappear I was just not good at a girl scouting

Will you buy clothes where they've been to return them? No, I usually I usually wear them. Okay. Yeah, hmm Do you put your feet on the coffee table at the house? Yeah, I'm sick like I'll put my feet Like on the table in other people's houses. Whoa. Yeah, but I don't realize I don't even realize Like I was at one of the clubs last night. I put my feet up on a chair and I was like, oh, I should yeah Like I caught myself doing that And then I realized like when I put my feet up like at home on the coffee table. That's exactly the same place I also eat

Keep your shoes on in the house No, we take our shoes we try to take our shoes off at the entrance. Okay. Do you guys have a kitchen table at the house? Yeah, but it was from the previous owner like the previous people who live there Do you eat most of your meals on the couch at the coffee table? It depends on the meal. Okay. Yeah And it also depends on like am I what yeah, it depends on the meal and do we cook? Sometimes lately I've been because of my schedule. I've been ordering in a lot, but we try to we try to cook sometimes Okay. Yeah Okay, what grocery store do you go to out there?

When I'm ballin, it's definitely Irwan But I had to work myself out I had to work myself up to that because like when you go into Irwan, it's not just a regular grocery store It's a fucking runway. There are no ugly people allowed like it's only hot people and And like everyone is a celebrity. That's like where they you know, so if you want to network go to Irwan You want to make it in LA you want to make it in LA just stand by the juice the $15 juice Like literally they sell these immunity shots, which I think are probably six dollars and it's like there That's my entire paycheck literally right here. So that's awesome

You believe with the charges for grapefruit, but also can I just say that Trader Joe's is fucking amazing. Yeah, literally Buy Three weeks worth of food for $40. It's crazy and the snacks are so lit snacks are awesome The stuff that they put together. Yeah, is really good. Yeah, I love Trader Joe. I don't know how they're making any money Um, I don't know because everything comes from Monrovia, California Which when you look like if you look at like I'm like, what is happening in this town? What's happening everybody walking around in Hawaiian shirts? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Hmm. Have you ever owned a chia pet?

I don't think I've owned a chia pet pet, but my mom one time for Valentine's Day got my sister and I Furby's That was big back in the day It was but like it wouldn't it wouldn't like it just wouldn't stop talking So I threw it off threw it off the hat like I threw it out. I threw it off the house. Yeah, you murdered it And yeah car ran over it And it's still Do you like popping other people's pimples? I make him pop mine though. Okay. Yeah, I always yeah, I yeah

Well, that stuff grosses me out. Okay. That's good. Yeah, I can't believe there's entire television shows like celebrities There's so yeah, I'm hooked on it. Yeah, I love it. There's people who got famous from popping multiple. Yeah, ever swim in a river Yeah How do you feel about quail eggs? I won't eat those I don't there's something weird like the size of them. Yeah, they're strange. Yeah, I don't know when was the last time you were in a wave pool Okay, so in Vegas, they had this this water park called Wet and Wild Nice, they had a wave pool and I almost drowned there Yeah, it pulls take a lot of people out of here to find almost drown lifeguards came in and got you

I didn't it wasn't the wave pool that I almost there's one that just like it was like it would go in a circle and It was it had like a current and I think I got like dragged down and someone had to like pull me up and Save me essentially. Hmm. Yeah, any lifeguards are about to save you in the ocean No lifeguards had to save me in the ocean. No, thank God any shark bites in your family. Haha. No. No, no, no Hmm, do you sleep with some sort of weapon near you? Um, I feel like anything can be a weapon if you want it to be I was that was that's an answer of old girl who's done time. Yeah, I feel like you know I because I think about that

I'm like, you know, if if someone were to break into my place like what would I what would I go for and I'm just a Savage like I would I would just pick up anything heavy if it's like a lamp or or like even a remote, you know Yeah, I'll find anything Those heavy remotes they could cause I'll take my myself. I mean one of those universal Apple cord and tie him up like anything anything can be a weapon anybody in your family with a birthday on a holiday No, but my best friend growing up was born on 9-eleven. Whoa. Yeah, never forget. Yeah And I always remember her birthday, so Obviously, have you ever written your name in wet cement cement?

Wet cement No, I've well I've chalk I've like chalk I've done chalk on this cement or That's good clean fun. Yeah, that's okay. It's called being a kid. All right That's a feel bad for that. Yeah, I've ever gone ghost hunting Ghost hunting. I mean, no, I don't think I've specifically gone hunting for ghosts. Okay. Okay. That would be ghost Anyone in your family smoke a pipe I smoke a pipe a weed pipe. Yeah. Yeah, okay. I mean, I'm not a pipe. Oh Haha, no, no, I don't think so. I was trying to think if my grandpa like smoked a like out of a pipe or something. Yeah, I

Think I mean it's clean man. Yeah, I want to tell you You own your own bowling ball No, I don't I don't but I do enjoy bowling. Do you have name brand luggage? Recently I got away other ways away. Yeah. Yeah recently This is all this classy stuff is like new I just want your followers to know like I'm newly classy Yeah, I've been trash, you know Have you ever been involved in a class action lawsuit? No, but I get those things in the mail where it's like you may be entitled to compensation

If you took this birth control during the years, you know Hmm, what kind of card do you have now recently after Jack asked I got a BMW I I I never had a BMW. So this is great. Oh, that's awesome. Lisa. You bought it. We bought it. Yeah, kids. All right What kind of air freshener are you kicking around in there weed, bro? Beat it old man. Yeah, keep magazines in the bathroom No, not currently. No, no, no anybody received mail at your house that doesn't live there, but not by accident Um You got a friend anybody using your address? I have had a friend send stuff to my address for sure

Nice So the associates might not be as classy. Oh, no, I don't discriminate the buzz the flight attendant Um, I I know I didn't know I don't I mean they walk by and I'll wave them any wind chimes on your porch Yeah, my dad is obsessed with like that's a little weird Um Yeah, I mean growing up my grandparents in LA they had Wind chimes so that was like on their porch and stuff. That was something that um, also really she's not gonna fold to our questioning She grew up with a fucking judge. Yeah, she's used to this art these art interrogations

You're gonna have to waterboard this one to get anything out of her. I'm ready. Let's do it Think she's pretty classy man. Yeah, not super. I she walks in both worlds here You know what I mean? Yeah, I that's the thing about me is like I do feel like I Can acclimate and but I can do as well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you're on a drone My dad owns a drone. He's become a drone. This guy sounds like he fucking rocks So so Matt and him will just they just that's their they just drone together. Yeah Yeah Yeah

Yeah, you know karate so my mom put me in karate class Jesus because so like I think they were training you to be an assassin Well, they like the black widow. They were trying to like figure out like what to do with me I think and I was a tomboy. So I did enjoy Sports and and and not like your typical girl. Like I was always playing soccer or I did taekwondo And I got to what orange belt And then I felt we're doing the fake hi-yas. It felt like I was like appropriating a culture or something

and So yeah, I think I got to like a the second level orange belt and I was like, okay, my career is You fall asleep with the TV on Sometimes sometimes I will mayonnaise helmings or Miracle Whip If I had to choose it would be helmets. Good. Good. Good. You ever pull a fire alarm? No, I don't want to find eat an egg with two yolks in it. Yeah. Yeah, okay favorite salad dressing I like

Is it is it is it French the bright the bright red one? That's like basically ketchup with like sugary Yeah, it's yeah French dressing. Yikes. Yeah, I'm talking about a big step back right there. I I'm proud of it, dude It's fucking oh my dad's not Catalina Catalina is that okay? Which one is the creamy one like I like the bright red one French. That's Catalina. Okay, then I'm a sicko I'm a real wack. Yeah, I got nothing else man. Yeah, I mean 50-50 walks in both words 50-50 walks in bros. Well, but I'm pushing for class And let me tell you something that stuff that you overcame as a kid. That's pretty fucking awesome. Oh, thank you The family also knows the pond stars. So that's like

We typically asked have you watched it she knows them. Yeah, that's pretty cool Well, I don't know them but my dad my dad Hold of them if you needed to Ladies and gentlemen Rachel Wolfson Rachel you want to think what the folks out there to know? Oh First off, thank you. Thank you guys for having me. Yeah Just follow me on social media at Rachel Wolfson on Instagram at Wolfie comedy on Twitter That's where I post show dates and Matt and I will be doing a show if any if any of your listeners are out in LA were March 11th at the

Virgil Fantastic, and there's tickets online. You can purchase so come out fantastic. Thank you so much. Congratulations on the movie Yeah, we're so happy for you. It's so fucking cool. Kippy. What do you got for him? We're all over the road We're announcing more dates this week On the west coast so get those tickets. Yeah, we love you and we'll see you next week