Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Ray Kump: Catholic School Garbage

Episode Date: September 24, 2020

Kippy and Foley are back for a truly insane episode with comedian and podcaster Ray Kump. This one is like no other. Ray talks working in a morgue, growin up in Long Island, and a whole bunch of other wild stuff. You just need to listen. Support our Sponsors: https:/www.sheathunderwear.com and use the code: Garbage Originally Aired on www.GasdigitalNetwork.com on September 22, 2020 LIVE SHOW: https://www.punchlinephilly.com/EventDetail?tmeventid=vv17FZp3GkIExeeF&offerid=129205 Sign up for Gas Digital: www.GasdigitalNetwork.com - Promo code: AYG Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Gang, quick reminder, Thursday, September 24th at 7 p.m., we're going to be doing a live show, R U Garbage at the Punchline in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Come and check us out. Yeah, guys. It's going to be a good show. We're going to do a live stand-up and a live podcast with special guest Mike Rainey from Dad Me podcast. So check it out.

Get your tickets now. Yes, sir. Hey, gang. It's your old pals, Uncle Hank and Kippy. Just want to thank you for tuning in to R U Garbage. Yeah, guys. Make sure you subscribe. That way, you get the episode as they come out and you can also go to gasdigitalnetwork.com,

use promo code AYG to get bonus content and get the episodes before they come out and HD streaming. Do it. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of R U Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.

This is R U Garbage, the show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they grew up classy or if they're absolute trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on yet another beautiful fall day here in New York City. As I say all the time, alive and well kicking here in the big studio at Gas Digital Studios my co-hosts, all right, the hymns are working. Yeah, Daniel. Get this guy on fucking Rogaine Weekly because he's got the miracle cure, gang, you know

the drill. The next time you reach it for a best pal, do yourself a fucking favor and you'll make it a kippy. Give it up for Kevin James Ryan, everybody. Now with extra follicles. Hey, gang, what's up? Thanks so much for tuning in, everybody. That hairline is fucking fighting.

Like a young Bruce Willis. It's like a fucking fighter that really turns it on in the eighth. You know what I mean? You know I was doing the rope a dope the whole fucking time. Guys, thanks so much for listening. Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube, subscribe there as well. Also, Gas Digital Network, you can sign up if you want to get all the perks from the

fucking network. You can sign up, use code AYG. We get to wet our beaks a little bit, which is pretty big around here, you know? Like to make a couple of bucks. You save a couple of bucks. It's a fucking win-win. You know what I mean? Who doesn't like money?

We all do. So do that. And also, tonight, if you're listening to this, the day it comes out and you're in the Philadelphia, Jersey, Delaware, New York, fucking Maryland air, wherever the fuck you are. If you're within 700 miles of fucking the punchline in Philadelphia, get your fucking tickies and come out to the live pod. We got fucking special guest Shane Gillis popping in.

And from the DadMeat podcast, Mr. Mike Fucking Rain. Yeah. So it's going to be a fucking hot one. We're going to be doing a little bit of stand-up and then a live pod. It's going to be fucking dope. So go get those fucking tickets, everybody. Not too late, gang. Make a fucking move.

Let's do it. You only live once and you never know when it's going to end. So come out to the fucking punchline and have a good time. But that is neither here nor there. Nope, it ain't. Because we could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest here with us today. One of the most requested.

Yeah. Yes. This guy's got to be real derpy because he came pouring in for him. Ladies and gentlemen, you know him from former co-host of the Tim Dillon's Going to Hell. And of course, he is the host of the amazing podcast, Kump. Ladies and gentlemen, do me a favor. Give me a nice big round of applause for the one, the only Ray Kump, everybody. Yeah.

Hello. Thank you for having me. Yes, sir. Thanks for doing it, man. Great to see. We look like fucking brothers. We could do a fucking brother comedy. Yeah.

Yeah, we're probably, yeah. My dad probably did your mom's house. Yeah, she got around a little bit. I can't get a lie. You could definitely be in, like, you're both truckers or something doing a long haul. A buddy, buddy cop film. Yeah, taking turns. But buddy, thank you so much for coming on the show.

Thank you for doing the show. Like I said. Thanks for having me. Everybody has wanted on here and we're so glad that we got you here. And we're both very curious because you're a little bit of a mystery to me. What's the origin story of Ray Kump? What's the backstory? Well, you know, there's different ways we can go down this.

I mean, I don't know where you start. Do you want the easy road? You want the hard road? I was a fat kid. I don't know if that helps explaining. No way. I guess, you know, if we're going to track down my history, it seems to be a lot of I'm a shy kid.

But then when people go after me, like, I don't know, is high school too late? Are we trying to go back to, like, when I was five? Like, whatever. Like, where are you from? Yeah, start with that. Yeah, where you're from. Not the high school bullies. I'm from Rhode Island, Deer Park.

I actually was born in Queens, but we moved out because I guess my parents started people were selling crack in the neighborhood. I think they're just, you know, just white flight, probably. OK. You know, I grew up. I went to a Catholic school. Didn't really have any friends in my neighborhood. So all like the weird, you know, the weird thing where like there's two

different white trash families, there's me and like this other family on the block. And we always start day with trash. It was like, like, we're like competing. The best. Yeah. Well, you're like, we're not as bad as the fucking Johnson's down there. What was their last name? I don't know if I should go into that. I think one of them died in Iraq.

So it'd be kind of a Jesus. You know, well, OK, I mean, like it's a war prophet. Who cares? But, you know, I like the Star Trek and Ghostbusters. And my dad was an accountant without, you know, brothers and sisters. I have one brother. He used to always, I don't know, we didn't get along that well. I like him now, but he's cool.

But like there's really nothing I don't have some back story where like grew up in West Virginia and like fucking was sucking cold dick. I don't know where that was. You're standing like suburban upbringing for the most I should be a normal person. That's my block. I don't know. I don't know when it's which dick. What's what's your brother do now, if you don't mind me asking? He's a computer guy. Who the fuck knows what that means?

He's like he probably just like, you know, self child porn to sex, you know, brothers. No, he's not. But I mean, who know? Everyone says they're a web developer. Who knows what they're doing all day? That's true. I don't fucking know. What a black web just telling people ketamine. But yeah, I don't know.

I don't really have an identity or much memory before I was like, you know, 15, I guess that's when they were weird. Yeah. I know I at some point I started I was getting picked on in high school. I just started like selectively acting out like they were like getting my face in the locker room. And I was just like, I would start screaming and I'm like, I'm going to come to your house and I'm going to shoot myself on your front lawn. That'll turn it on.

Yeah, really. That was a curveball. Yeah. It's just that that's the thing. I learned early on just to be be something they can't have an answer for. Sure. Like the joke. Exactly. It doesn't mean you have a nice life. But, you know, it's like they they don't win either. Right. And that's been my whole strategy. Every everybody loses.

If everybody loses, we're fine. Did you play any sports in high school or anything like that? I played lacrosse for like a half a semester of an academic probation. My family wanted me to play. I think they wanted me to just like not be just like disgusting, fat, her just like smelling up the house all day. So I tried to go and I don't know. I it wasn't my they sent me to fucking lacrosse camp

at some because my brother wanted to go. And it was just like it was four days of me. Just I know the first day I fucking randomly just like scooped the ball came near me and I just scooped it behind my back. And this guy starts screaming at me like, what are you doing? You fat idiot. And it just happened to land in some guys stick. So it's like it looks like I've made some amazing play.

And then every other moment after that was just like he realized I was that was blind luck. That was. Yeah, I don't know. These aren't like stories I tend to tell. Yes, that's sports. I don't have any. Yeah, no, no, it's fine. We're just trying to get it. We're trying to get a picture of the child trying to get a feel on you.

Yeah. Sure. Sure. I mean, I worked as a morgue for a while. That seems to be a formative thing. Yeah, that's pretty. How old were you when you started at the moment? What'd you do there? I was a photographer. I was 26, I guess.

I was a photographer, a photograph of the autopsies. Yeah, you know, X-rays and all that kind of fingerprinting them a little bit, seeing all those dead bodies. No, it was great. It was fun as hell. I'm not like I didn't grow up with my dad fucking killing Deer in front of me. But like, I think that's why. Because I'm like, oh, this would be cool.

I'm too disconnected from debt. I need to have some debt in my life. You know, kind of, I don't know. It just seemed like you don't feel like you wish you'd start being killed in front of you when you were a kid. It would be nice. Well, I don't know. I saw it as a society and I didn't want to see any more death.

I'll tell you that. Yeah, I cried at the shining. I'm not going to die with a morgue. Yeah, I don't want some guy from the fucking 1800s to have anything on me. You know, like, oh, you don't know what it smells like when a fucking, you know, de-combed corpse shits itself. And yeah, I do. I fuck, you know, whatever.

I took part in the autopsies, even though I wasn't really supposed to. Doing some, some after hours work. Yeah, well, they have like old women. It's the county. So they have these old women who had been there for 40 years, like, moving bodies for me onto the X-ray table off. And she's like, I think she's a bastard. Just like a spot is fucking 800 pound guys are gonna fall on her.

No, the other photographers are just like, what happened? I'm like, fuck it. So I fucking just start, you know, I start moving the bodies, cleaning them, wiping their asses, whatever it takes. You know, it's a whole team player. I like it. Yeah. How long did you do that for? Like three or four years.

Damn. It's a lot of fun. I mean, I don't know. It's just you get to see shit. You get to see, like, a lot of suicides, a lot of murders, serial killers. People get hit by trains. You like picking people up and like, here's your leg. And it's just like, it's like playing connect, not connect for.

What's this? Mr. Potato Head. Yeah. But like, by some fucking, you know, some guy who's like wife left him. So he jumped in front of her. I don't know. I'm not making life a suicide here. I'm not a doctor. Sure. Yeah. I'm just taking pictures.

I'm not a doctor. He is all over the place. This guy's playing it fast and loose. I love it. Meanwhile, I'm going to ask you, what kind of fucking frozen pizza? Yeah. What? OK, did your did your the house you grew up in? Was it like a apartment, townhouse, condo?

Give it to me. I don't think it was normal. It was like a normal, basic house. Everything about me is just basic. It's just like, you know, it's fine. No, it wasn't nice, but it was kind of it was a little small. It was had those like fucking weird wood paneling on the floor. I don't, you know, I just you make you make your own life.

You don't find you grow up in a fucking middle class bland existence. Go fucking, you know, go think of a body and see what you feel. You don't have to like people get a little hung up about where you come from. Like, what did you fucking, you know, do you have a rough upbringing? Just make it rough. Just fucking get, you know, I don't know. I'm insecure about the fact that there's nothing to say here about my childhood. No, no, no. Listen, we love there's nothing better than boring, suburban life.

That's what the show is based on. Yeah, it's not we're not looking for you like, ah, my fucking uncle touched me. We're not looking for any insane fucking stories here. Oh, I was a boy scout. Oh, I'm an Eagle Scout. I forgot about that. Yeah, I feel like those kids were always a little weird, though. Yeah, a little out there.

Yeah, I didn't really want to do it. But like my scout master like pleaded with me because they convinced me that like, look, you're going to look back in 15 years if we don't do this and you're going to regret it, open doors for you. No, it has done nothing to open doors. Yeah, his bedroom, right? They always they they they sell you like they're in a fucking pyramid scheme. They're like, hey, look, here's the way it works.

If you fucking if it's your resume and you're matched up, you know, you both from the same colleges, not but you thought and then the separated thing is that you're an Eagle Scout and he's not going to hire you. Now, first of all, I don't nothing. I have nothing on my resume. It's just, you know, a morgue and, you know, threats of suicide. And so it's never going to be decided in fact, doesn't tell you like the astronauts for all the Apollo astronauts,

or Eagle Scouts, as if like my fat, you know, every one of my troopers is a dirtbag, none of us are astronauts. Nobody's going to Mars or comes Eagle Scouts, dude. And for the for the audio listener, he is swinging a two liter of Dr. Diet, Dr. Pepper, I apologize. By any chance, that's not a cherry, Dr. Pepper, is it? No, I prefer the regular. The cherry is just the go ahead.

I recently had a cherry vanilla, Dr. Pepper, and it fucking blew my doors off. I think it was fantastic. You know, it's a it's a classy drink. It's a hour out of the wedding or, you know, a funeral. What wedding are you going to that they have died? I don't know. The kid died so they like they don't get the force and got remarried. Some chick like that, you know. Yeah. All right. Well, let's get in a little are you garbage here?

All right, brother, we're going to ask you a series of questions. We just want you to answer them open and honestly if they, you know, stimulate any any stories or anything, please feel free to elaborate. You ready to rock and roll? Sure. Let's do it. We'll start out with some of the basics that people want to know about you. What was the name of the street that you grew up on? Kingston Street.

That doesn't seem too bad. That sounds all right. That would be like in a movie like down there on Kingston Street. You know what I mean? Because it's only like stuff to steal my identity. What's your mother's name? We're going to copy your fingerprints, too. Name your first great teacher.

Like what was it? Your first pet name. OK, all right. What was the name of the grocery store your parents went to growing up? It was called Finest, which I think became a stop and shop. But yeah, it was called Finest. That's not too bad. You guys ever had that and where were you from?

From outside of Philadelphia. No, no stop and shop. So it's a big thing now. But yeah, Finest was not Finest. It was a it was far from it. It was a you know, the meat was fine, mostly. Just OK. That's what they wanted to call it. Really cook it a little gray. But you know, you're not going to get sick most of the time.

All right. OK, fair enough. Now, you said you grew up in a single family home, correct? So yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There was our garage involved. We had a garage. Yeah, it was a big oil spot in the middle. Was there was there a second refrigerator in that garage? Not in the garage.

We have one in the basement after a while because we got a new fridge and then they just put the other one in like next to the oil burner. Yeah, that's exactly how we do. And what was in that fridge downstairs? Was it sodas, ice pops, all that kind of stuff? Most of the time, just rotting vegetables. Like I remember honestly, I forgot about I haven't done this in years. But yeah, I would go down there and you open it up and like my mom would

just stick things in there and forget about it. And it was just like stalks of celery and fucking cauliflower. Just like that soup, you know, soup that forms in the bag. Yeah, a lot of water, a lot of moisture. Yeah, so that was fun. Holy shit. What did you put in your? Well, the question, it revolves around having a second refrigerator

in the garage that's usually for beers and ice pops and stuff like that. Oh, really? So much rotting, rotting cucumbers. And it is a garbage. It's a garbage thing because you don't want to like you're in your family. Your parents can't get rid of that fridge for some reason because they think it's there's still a lot of value. So they just put it in another room.

So it's. Oh, yeah. You're just like, yeah, you're just like, get the blue book value on the fucking Kenmore in the basement with the with the carrots in it. What do you got, kid? All right, this is this is a big one. Will you will you brush your teeth in the shower? I haven't brushed my teeth in like six months. Wow, OK, where my teeth fall out?

I mean, I had I had two teeth that had to get pulled like six months ago. And and they convinced me to like get implants for like it was like they end up spending six grand because they gave me a credit card. And I'm like, I'm pretty sure they were wrong. Because one time I like I fucking broke a tooth off eating a bean burrito from Taco Bell to get the crunchy. What's going on? No, it's the soft way.

That's how rotten the tooth was. It's like that, like I'm just eating a bean burrito. Maybe it was a seven layer, but definitely wasn't a fucking gordita. And I'm just chewing on it. And all of a sudden, what is what's this bean burrito? And really my tooth's fallen into the beans. But not the whole thing. Half of it broke off.

So I fucking sort of like pointy and fucking just jamming. So I do I do work. I was working in the graveyard shift in the potato bread warehouse at the time and. Graveyard shift at a potato bread. Was it was a Myers potato bread? No, it was Martin's. Martin's, I'm sorry.

Yeah, that's a pretty classy fucking operation. That's the fucking top of the heat when it comes to potato. Sure. And yeah. And also, like weirdly religious, you go into the warehouse and it's just always like biblical quotes in the walls. And then some guy like, you know, doing taking a heroin shit in the bathroom. You know, the drivers aren't exactly the fucking

you're not the king of England. You know, they're kind of they're blue collar guys, whatever. Yeah. No, so I go to work and all night is fucking like pointed to just jamming into my tongue and I could barely talk. So I fucking I end up going on to my friend's bread route after I got out and we're like in the supermarket. And I just go fuck this.

I grab a metal nail file. I start like I go was like fucking, you know, a big window you have in the truck, the side window. Yeah, I just thought fucking filing my tooth down like in the fucking window. And that was fine. And like a few years later, when I got to the morgue, I finally got removed. But like that, my point is I don't think I think they screwed me

and made me get six thousand dollar implants. Sure. Somebody gives you a credit card. That's not in your best interest. That's not in your best interest. No, sure. But even so, that happened. And they I brushed like two times since. So I don't know what's wrong with me. It's I think it's a psychological thing.

You don't you're telling us you don't brush your teeth at all. Uh, if I if I eat like ribs, I'll I'll like, you know, I'll try to jam this stuff over. Yeah. But no, I don't like as a there was a time when they did. I don't know what happened to me. That's how you garbage first, man. Wow. Holy shit. Now I know why everybody wanted you on.

Yeah. Jesus Christ. That's fucking that bad. But yeah, what do you mean? You're brushing teeth in six months. You're breaking your teeth on fucking burritos. That's no good. Yeah. I have my flaws. I could see if he was like,

I went off there, you know, a piece of corn on the cob and my tooth got stuck or something, but a fucking bean burrito. No, it's not. It's not what you would. They weren't they weren't structurally sound at that point. The softest burrito doesn't get any softer. Yeah. Get L and I to take a look at that thing. Damn. OK. Oh, shit.

That is fucking something else. Let's go back to the house. Yeah. Take take me up at your parents' house. Did you guys have a in the bathroom? Did you have a door for the shower or a curtain for the shower? Yeah, I was one of those sliding things. We'd never curtain.

What did what's your mom's for a living? Did you tell us? My mom, you know, she did stuff for my dad. So your dad did pretty good as an accountant. I would have to assume, right? I did fine. He like, I mean, he may he got one of those 15 year mortgages. I think so was like, you know, everything was like by the time I moved out,

he was finally like doing OK. But like he has a weirdly sense of Catholic school. They ended up getting kicked out anyway, but that was a lot of money. So it never felt like we had money. I'm sure, you know, it's like he kind of just like front loaded his life. And he would yell at me, would scream at me sometimes. Like, I want my life back because I was like, I don't know. I fucking like got chocolate on his guitar or some shit.

Oh, I mean, he's fine. I was not expecting a guitar to come out after the chocolate. Wow. What was the the vacation situation growing up? Do you guys go away? We went to Lancaster a few times. Did you go to Hershey Lancaster? Yeah. Did you go to Dutch Wonderland? I have no memory of it, but I'm pretty sure I did once.

But I don't remember going to the theme park there, right? Yeah, it's real garbage. It's tough. Yeah. Maybe we didn't go that way. We went to Hershey. Hershey's right. That's the thing. Hershey's right there. So why would you go to the Dutch? It's like kind of like we had a venture land in Long Island. And it wasn't that bad. They actually did, you know, that movie, the Safty Brothers movie

with the fucking you said, Robert Patterson. Well, before the time that it was it's that's the fucking place. Yeah. Yeah. And. Well, yeah, because to go to Jersey, the fucking go great venture before ours. But like, you know, but it was a it was a relatively shitty park. But Hershey was nice. Hershey's all right. Hershey's bad. Yeah.

Because we never went anywhere else that we went there. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I imagine you go anywhere for like, would you go down the shore at all? I guess if you're all Long Island, the beach is kind of close or the Cumps, not real beach. You weren't a Hampton family. I assume we were. No, no, we did go to the Gilgo Beach, the place where the holds prostitutes were murdered.

Um, every analogy or simile or whatever, always turns back to murder. It was it was like 10 years ago. It was a serial killer. I was actually, you know, part of the case. I don't know if I can talk about the details. You know, I should have been a part of the case. I was taking pictures. Ah, the morgue.

Yeah. That makes sense. OK. All right. Yeah. It wasn't me relaxed. But point there is that I was actually part of the case where I got I got counsel. I was an adventure lander at the time. What are you talking about? Holy shit.

We would go to the Gilgo Beach. You know, it was a nice beach back then. It got eroded over time. But I would go boogie boarding. But I don't really know how. So it would just be some like, you know, I got my mom got me like a bright pink boogie board because it was cheaper. And which is fine.

Nowadays, that's fine. But like that back then, there were still people would question your manhood. Yeah. Oh, for sure. For sure. I used to hate that. We always got the shitty fucking sleds. We got the shitty boogie boards, the shitty fucking everything. It was there was never it was there.

We never got the boogie board that had like the plastic on the bottom with the surf wax. The hard bottom was fucking nice. Yeah. I had one. My cousins had one, the fucking cock. People fucking talk about like, oh, my parents were poor or they fucking, you know, my dad did heroin. Yeah. And that's that's rough.

But it's also like I I had to get the fucking LA gear pump sneakers, not the Reebok ones. And that like, you know, it's all relative. It's all it's unless you're a rich kid. But, you know, it's like my struggle is just as sincere as anyone else's. Sure. Yeah. It was bad for you. So that's all you know. Yeah, for sure. Wasn't it was LA gear hot for a minute or am I nuts for like a

probably probably the LA lights were all right. Yeah. That was part of the LA gear. So when the lights hit, that was big. But then they didn't really do much after that. I don't think both pumps were garbage. You remember like the Nike pump had a little bit of a basketball. And the other ones just like and just looking inside of a vagina. The LA gear one was like a fucking weird V.

Terrible. And I know. Why fees the kids? I couldn't wear Nike's orthopedic shoes. So he's going to be three. He's going to be three two liters down by the end. How many of those do you drink a day? I don't know, two or three, two or three.

Holy shit. It's not going to be that. It won't be the Dr. Pepper that kills me. What's it going to be? Probably me, my own worst enemy. Say T's. And if so, what did you get on? Yeah, this is the original. I had the original score.

I don't keep changing them. But the proper. Yeah, 1600. Yeah, I'm going to guess I'm going to say it was high. OK. Yeah, I would say I would say. Yeah. Yeah. All right, so I'm 80. Woo, that's not great. Again, that's that's above the curve.

No, it's solid. But like it's a story of my life because it's like if you get 1,400 and people treat you like you're like, but like 1280, you're just kind of a dumb, smart guy. You know, it's just like no one no one's going to let you into their school. I never did any work. So no one's going to like it's like it was an episode of Save by the Bell where Zach gets like a 1,500 for some reason and only schools want it,

which is like, you know, I don't know why I reference that. But the point is no one's going to be coming to like recruit me because of my 1280 and like, it's just your sea, your sea average. You know, one's coming right out the door. I'm a I'm a sea average, you know, gap to wide footed fucking. Yeah, dead people shooting. Did you end up going to college?

Did you go to school? Yeah, I went. I was doing I was trying to do filmmaking at the time. So I went to like Hofstra for a year, but like I think Japanese and failed. I failed some other stuff. I didn't go to class at the time. And I would just go like this weird little film lab they had, which is like. It was like a VH like, you know, it's combo VHS machines that really have the dirt and they had those and a bunch of like old VHS tapes.

And I would just not go to like Japanese class or history class and just watch, you know, better, better Lucci movies or whatever, which I could have done at home. So my point is like, I guess, I guess I was like a member of college. But yeah, didn't really. That was a paralegal student for a while. But the whole time I felt like I was I didn't need this because I was, you know, trying to make this movie about a pizza place and these foam sword kids. And I spent like I was like a feature length film.

I had like always people doing it and like it didn't end up like falling apart like three quarters of the way through by the plot. Exactly. I mean, the foam sword kids, they call them buffer swords, these foam swords. And like they were like fucking. I don't. It was like what being kind of you're talking about or no. Yeah. But it was like it was like before larping became a thing, I think I just happened to see people doing it. So I wrote a script about like this guy tried to save a piece of place for some

reason. So those other kids try to hit like I don't I'll kill myself. I try to remember the details. I'm saying I'm really I'm remembering how fucking dumb and convoluted. Like I'm so embarrassed. I like wasted people's time. That would be silly. No, it was terrible. Oh, yeah. I mean, you know, what did some people kill kids?

What did they kick you out of Catholic school for? I told this girl I was going to blow up her mother's uterus. And they took it totally out of context. Like I need a couple of coffee in here. I need a couple of cigs. It wasn't like a threat. I wasn't like fucking like trying to rape this girl or anything. It was like fucking normal.

She was this girl who my friend knew who helped me with the filmmaking stuff. And he said that she was to be able to get us guns because her dad's a cop, which I don't even like the crazy. You know, I think about it now. We're like, why would that mean like a cop is the last person to like let her friends, kids take his gun or whatever. But like, you know, so I was talking to her about it in class one day, and she fucking starts going, I'm like, oh, what kind of guns do you have?

And she's like, oh, I think he has like a block of bread. I'm like, oh, my dad's got an anti aircraft gun, a fucking Abrams. Like this dumbest. Like I was just trying to be funny. Yeah. And like so basically, I forget what happened. Her boyfriend thought I was like being weird to her. So he started giving me shit. And I just started yelling at him and thought, well, I'm gonna do it.

I'll fucking blow me out of here. And I'm like, so it was a commotion. But then it was also combined with the fact that I was right after Columbine. So they felt like they peep someone in that class took my claim of having an Abrams tank in my backyard, like seriously. So they made me like this made me leave. I had to go like, it was my senior year, like this last semester. So last semester of my senior year, I had to go to public school,

which was so much better. It was just weird. People are like, why are you here now? Like, whatever. So your parents kind of forced you to go to Catholic school? Yes, basically, they kept, you know, they kind of pressurized. They kept losing a threat. Like if you don't fucking shape up, we're going to send you to a much better

school. Like I went to, again, the Catholic school I went to wasn't a good school. It was like a really, everything was dilapidated. Like, because I'm with the same, I don't know if anyone knows. I don't know. I went to St. John's. St. Anthony's was a much nicer school. I think I got into it, but like whatever my friends are going in. But like everything was just for the teachers or idiots.

The fucking the science labs are from the 60s. It was just all nonsense. I can't learn like this. Because the other school was like, you know, it was like in Dix Hills or whatever. Like, well, he's like rich, you know, like just players live the fuck. And like, you know, they just give endowments to the school. Like, you know, I don't know. So I'm just, I didn't grow.

The money was spent poorly, I guess is the point. My dad, my dad tried to give me a good education. You know, he fumbled it in the pro, you know, you should have sent me to like some, you know, if you're going to spend the money. Make sure you do a little research is what you're saying. How pissed were they when he got kicked out of Catholic school? They bad. Hey, I think at that point, just turn into Rodney Dangerfield.

Yeah, at that point, they were kind of like, it was just every step of the way. You know, there was just like, why can't you just pack it on person? And so when that like, when that happened, it's like, oh, maybe we'll shape up, maybe we'll shape up. And then like that happens. It's kind of like, I think my dad actually like hugged me for the first time in my life. Just because I think, I think he thought I was just going to like end up becoming a like a suicidal bum.

Like, I think he kind of gave up on me. I don't know if we're that far off, to be honest with you. Sure. You know, it's kind of thing when it's so dumb and bad. They like, oh, this kid's not a normal person. He's never going to work in a bank. He's like, you know, this is fine. As long as he's not like killing women, he's fine.

That's not not normal. You are a normal person, buddy. What are you talking about? You're absolutely fucking fantastic. Oh, I know, I love myself. I'm just, yeah, well, that's right. Switches like that. It's like, Jekyll and Hyde over here.

I fucking love it, man. All right, let's get back to some questions here. What do we got? Have you ever bought a product that was as seen on TV? We had the romp appeal fucking pasta maker thing. No, the rotisserie chicken. Oh, this guy's got fucking kids. You got Ronco money.

What are you talking about? You're showing yourself short. Yeah. Well, I think I think my mom was just like, because I think it's a source of a lot of conflict because you just buy stuff over the home shopping network all the time. And we didn't have the money.

It would be I hear screaming in the night. Another vegetable peeler. Diane and my grandma did the same thing. My grandma, like why is she she died? She woke up one day and just shit like her bed. And it's always goes back to that with this guy. He's like the grim reaper. What's going on?

They found out that she had just been holding in her ship for two weeks. Well, that's how it's explained to me. I don't know. Like, it seems weird to say that, but like, oh, my God, I almost said she wouldn't go to the doctor. So she she had sepsis. We got to do a nine part fucking are you garbage with you?

Dude, this is insane. You was killed fully. So she had she had fucking sepsis, which is when like she gets in your blood, which is like a thing that happens. Like into your blood. So she died like whatever, you know, a few days later. But they found out like when I started looking at the fight, she had been like my grandma had run like a small company

that was like kind of you know, it's kind of thing where I had enough to like live for 20 years without like, you know, being a pauper. They wasn't like rich, you know, but like, you know, probably like, you know, a couple of two thousand or whatever. And she has spent it all on like like shopping bag. What do you call those things? Handbags and like, like you see and shit like that.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like, and just kind of flee. So I don't know. It's a lot of debt in my. But you're talking about much merchandise, like a fucking Gucci handbag or no, nothing you could sell. Like something was like a lion on it or something. You know, like some weird embroidered or fucking, you know,

act now, only 10 left. I gotta say the handbag or some shit. Yeah. Yeah. The Suzanne Summers fucking leggings or some shit. I got to say, the fucking dude to have the fucking the set it and forget it. Dude, that's huge. That's nice, man.

I've never used it. Did you guys actually use it? Did it make good? We used it like two or three times. It came out good. But we did. We shared the fucking. She'd buy the gimmicky thing.

She'd buy the fucking the tiles for the pizza in the oven. And she made the pizza of wands or twice. It was good. But you know, I don't think she's like me. She was like, you know, get really into something like the Morgue. And then like, you know, really last for a little bit of time. And then you fucking, you know, I got I'm I'm mercurial as well as my point. OK, I got from her.

And now would you say now that you're a rotisserie chicken guy? Like, would you have a roto now? I mean, I thought about it. I just want an air fryer, which is pretty dope. All things coming up. Shines and clouds coming through. Guys got a little bit of cash on the Morgue clouds are part in here. Yeah, no, it's things of things have taken a turn for the better.

Like you make it makes you wouldn't think it makes steak, but it makes steak pretty damn well, too. That's medium out of coating and the pink and the metal is whatever. I mean, it's great. Air fryer to a whole turkey. Yeah, it's all the way. You're I got to say, I don't we've met, I think, once or twice in person, but you're a little bonkers.

I said what's up outside of a show. But you're fucking you're cut from another cloth. This guy's nuts. Great comp. Just fucking let him go. Get out of his way. This is something else. My favorite thing about you is when you talk and then you you disagree

with the statement you just said, the disagree with that. You like it's fucking yeah, it's it's a beautiful thing. That's just that's just a constant battle. Yeah, which is pure comedy, which is great. What'd you have for lunch? That's what I wanted you. What was the last meal you had today, Mr. Kump? Did I eat today?

I'm trying to remember. Come on, buddy. We're all friends here, right? What are we talking about? No, I had some I had some keto peanut butter. I'm doing a keto diet. So I'm I don't usually buy these keto gimmick things. I just eat the meat and like, you know, and some spinach, maybe.

But like, I decided this time to like, you know, maybe I'll treat myself and get some of these, you know, amenities that, you know, whatever. Have you seen any progress? Have you lost any LBs? Yeah, you know, a little bit, a little bit, you know, it's still in the early stage. So I'm out of the beginning phases. Well, I think a week and a half. So I mean, you have to get into ketosis.

So I'm not a doctor again. But, you know, it's like the whole thing. I did it for I did it for for a couple of months in in in the summer. And I was just fucking eating like a pound of turkey and fucking a half a pound of cheese every day. Yeah. It's a fine job to. Oh, Jesus Christ. Fucking fucking salad.

I fucking made chicken yesterday. Drinking drumsticks. And then you probably heard of the pork rind thing. I did it for the first time when you like coat the chicken in pork rinds, which should be the most like this is how you like that should be the only thing you tell people are you garbage? And like, it's the most despicable thing. I remember someone tell me about years ago and even I was like, you sound like a

slob, but like that sounds terrible, dude. Yeah, using pork rinds is a coating. But it's the most common thing on every classy fucking San Francisco chef, whatever the fuck, you know, my molecular dish on me, they're all doing it. And it's just like, how is this how am I bad? But this is fucking fine. I mean, it was great, though. You kind of seem like a guy who would deep fry his turkey on Thanksgiving.

You a guy who deep fries a turkey? No, because we love hair. It's really over weirdly overprotective. So I've never done stuff like that. It would always be this part of the problem because it would always just be like putting the feet like just kind of. What are you like brow beating me about? Like, don't ever like they would say to me when I was like, 10, don't ever fry a turkey.

It'll blow up, it'll burn your face off. Yeah, I don't cook eggs. Why are you even telling me this? Are they in shape people or are they? No, I'm a fat people. My dad used to like having big jars of pretzels. I can picture your dad. I can one hundred.

I've never seen him, but I could probably I could probably sketch him. It's basically me, but just a more disappointed look in his face. More beaten down, man. Yeah, like, oh, look at what my kids become. What was what was that brand of pretzels you were talking about? You said he had a big, big jug of pretzels. Whether they sell a price club, it was probably Snyder's or who knows? It's just the lunch of the peanut butter in them.

A little nut. No, that that wasn't a common thing in my house. We just my dad loved just hard pretzels, just hard, crunchy. Just like, you know, he loves carbs. He loved he watched Jackie Chan movies on a small TV in the kitchen and pretzels. There's a small TV in the kitchen, the trash movie. You've got to have that little nine incher in there. Oh, yeah. Trashy, yeah. When you guys would have dinner growing up,

would you got would there be like a set dinner time and that you guys would eat together as a family? It wasn't that put together, but we definitely ate dinner most nights together. But now I remember, they bring out a memory. And I think, again, I felt this is a betrayal because I fucking we used to have a TV, right? And like, we have to pull the TV to table out. And I said, I was the one who had to sit

like where the TV was facing the other way. So I couldn't see the TV every night in the fucking. Again, this is like, this is a problem of childhood. Like I it makes me want the homicidal to think about that. But it's not really a great story. I'm talking about killing yourself and killing people. Homicidal, not suicidal. But yeah, so we had a TV.

Got the question TV. Yeah. Did you watch? Did you watch TV? Yeah, I watched TV. No, did you watch TV while you were eating dinner? I won't. That's my point. Is the rest of the family did. But his back was to it.

This is going to look like a fucking there's going to be red strings all over it. I don't know the fucking episode notes to this. Oh, man, the fucking mind of Ray Kump is fucking something else. Hey, gang, today's episode is brought to you by sheath underwear. Sheath makes the softest, most most comfortable boxer briefs I have ever worn. I literally have them on right now. If you're sick of boxers that are too loose or briefs that are too tight,

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That's sheathunderwear.com. Use the code Garbage for 20% off. Now back to the show. This is fucking boncos. What about this guy's boncos? What was that? What was the how? Dude, him taking this.

First of all, that two liter looks like a fucking 20 ounce in your hand. You said he's got a two liter and I saw it and I go, no, that's a 20. That's 20 ounce. And then, yeah. What about the holidays? What were the holidays like at the Gump household? And do you have do you have cousins and shit like that in the area? No, I mean, I only have two cousins and they were both like a lot younger than me growing up.

So we never, and we never, they, they lived in like the city, Queens or whatever. So we never got bonded. I mean, I would see him once a year and I didn't like him very much at the time. Well, I didn't like him. What am I going to say? You know, when you're 15 or 20, what are you going to say as a six year old? Yeah, you're a creep. So it's like, you know, how's school going?

Shut the fuck up. Like, yeah, Mrs. Davis. Yeah. Um, man, I probably should have taken him to a movie or something. Well, you know, I'm a bad uncle or cousin. We'll get fine. But yeah, I don't know. So you're a legit lunatic.

I love you. Like, this is what's a failure. They were fine. I mean, my grandpa was in the Wehrmacht. What's the Wehrmacht? Uh, the German army in World War Two. Jesus Christ. So he's a prank caller.

He wasn't a Nazi. Uh, he wasn't a member of the Nazi party. But you know, he spent seven years in the gulag. Uh, oh, really? So yeah, they told me for years he was in a British POW camp. But then like after he died or right before you were like, Oh, we actually found out that it wasn't it was actually a Russian prison. I'm like, what?

Which is just a lot worse. I mean, oh my God, I can't imagine. Yeah, he didn't talk about it. He worked for Boer's head. He was fine. He wasn't like he didn't talk. He was Boer's head. Nice.

Wow. He was in the German army during World War Two, but somehow ended up living over here in America. Yeah. I mean, look, look, first of all, I don't know why you're surprised because it's like if that's the like the CIA brought over like all the top Nazis. So like, you know, to run the country, not just in the Apollo missions, like everything, fucking finance, whatever.

Alan Dell was the whole fucking thing. You know, my grandpa was just some schmuck who drove a truck and, you know, fucking ended up cutting beef for a living. You know, this is not the fucking, this is not some fucking Nazi hunter shit. He's not Werner von Braun or whoever the guy was and started NASA. You know, he was, I don't know. We didn't talk about it much. I know my grandma was mad just because like,

I think her family had some money before the war. And then like she, and then afterwards, you know, because the whole, the place got bombed to shit. So all the money was gone. And so she, she hated Hitler for that reason, at least. Well, that's good. Because, you know, they weren't rich. You know, it's dark.

I don't know. He's fine. He's dead. He's dead now. I can't kill my grandpa now. He's dead. I don't want you to kill your grandpa. I feel like I'm an accessory to something.

I'm not sure what it is yet, but I feel like I'm an accessory to something. If I see somebody with their hands tied running behind you in the fucking video, we're cutting the feed. What about, okay. So what about the holidays? Did I ask this? I don't know.

I don't know where we got. I don't know. What was it? What was a rake? Wait, what was a, what was a comp family Christmas like? We'd make Britkin, which was a, it was basically. A cake made out of dead people. And a little borscht.

That's some borscht. We had open, it was an open-faced sandwich that had mayonnaise and butter and then crack hour, which is kind of like a spicy bologna Polish, I think. And then a little bit of ham and then a pickle and a slice of egg. And they told me, and they told me it was some kind of tradition, but when I grew up, I realized it was just some,

just like, it was just cold cuts on them. It's tasty though. It was a good combination. But like, they love to like make up these fake traditions and tell me like, oh, this just goes back to, but no, I've talked to many German people. No one's ever heard of this stuff. Yeah, my wife's German and I've never heard of that ever.

I think we need to talk to Mr. and Mrs. Komp to be honest. We gotta get them in here for some questioning. Yeah, some hard questions. What, did you guys do a real Christmas tree or a fake Christmas tree? Oh, we also had a fake one. But I took it, my mom was really into it. She had a lot of those little toy ornaments and stuff.

And like, it was a whole three or four day process to make the tree up, you know, it was like, it wasn't just these dumb balls of people up there, which is what I would do. I would just fucking, you know, I would just shove like, I would just spray cheese on it, easy cheese. And do you have any of that in your household currently? You know, I never actually never bought it.

I mean, I should. I mean, it's great. It's fantastic. I'm not sure of a keto. Is a keto friendly? It's not cheese. So it's, you know, I think, yeah, I think you're, I think you'd be all right.

Would your mom do decorations outside, like on the lawn and stuff like that? We weren't big like that. We have like one weirdly pathetic, like plastic Santa. And she was really religious. So she put the angels up. She loved having those fucking angels or some dumb nativity scene.

You had an activity. I always thought Nativity scene was so creepy when I would. Yeah, weird. Yeah. And when it was five ones, like, what the fuck? I remember I was a kid. They tried to make me be like, I was like a bait, like a toddler or something.

They tried to make me be Jesus in the live nativity. And I'm like, yeah, I remember at that point, I'm like, dude, I don't like the way this is shaping up. How was the audition? No. My agent got me the thing. Got you the gig. Ray, let me ask you this.

What was your first car, my friend? It was a 1979 Mercedes. What? It was, it was, I don't know how I got roped into this. Your dad got his grandpa drove it over. Well, my dad got into this kick of like buying like old Mercedes because it's not that expensive. Was it an diesel?

Was it an old diesel? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The old diesel. Wow. Those are great. And like, yeah, well, the handle, well, like it's kind of,

everything about the car was nicer than like later on, they had like a Sentra, right? Nissan, whatever, which had crashed into someone. But like, I'm saying it's like turning radio. You crashed into who? Someone, federal agents. It's fine. I don't know.

What? Was it really federal agents? Yeah. It was like two federal agents on their way to like, it was like 2 a.m. And they were on their way to the airport. And I don't know. I wasn't drunk.

It's fine. It's not a great story. I always thought it was kind of shifty because like, they, I feel like they were on their way to do something weird because they were like very much like just, we're going to go, the cops will be here soon. But it was my fault, the accident. I fell asleep, you know, for a moment while I was driving.

There wasn't a point in the story. The point is like, the car wasn't as nice. Sure. Yeah. Of course. You know, but that being said, the problem is the, the fucking thing is like, had no pickup.

These merges, the turbo diesels did, but mine, so I'd have to learn to drive by like, it would take me like literally 20 seconds to like get to 60. So merging with a, a bit of a problem. Sounded like an old boat trying to throw it over. I know. Yeah. They ran forever though, man.

Those fucking diesels were so good. No, they were, they were nice. I mean, when I, when I got to Central, I put a new, it was a dumb move. I kind of wanted to have a new car for once. And like everything about, you miss, you miss like a turning radius and just the fucking, the handling.

And it's just like, if you can, you know, get an older one, like, you know, there's something, I won't get a Jaguar maybe, but I don't drive anymore. I would love to see you driving that fucking old Mercedes diesel. Holy shit. That must be a sight. You, were you in high school with that car?

No, I, I, like the summer for, we call it college. I got it. Yeah. So I never drove in high school because of a little bitch boy. I was too busy trying to make this pizza movie. Wait, you were in high school trying to get that pizza movie made? Yeah.

Yeah. But like, I should have fucking been trying to, you know, get laid or something, you know, get some drugs. But no, in hindsight, I'm saying the time I was very ambitious. Are you in a relationship now, right? Oh yeah. Lucy Steiner, she's a comedian. We live together.

She's great. All over. We have, we have, you know, a podcast for everyone too. You can listen to that sometime. Yeah. Plug it. What is it? Plug it up.

Our love, our love is disgusting. Okay. Nice. Yeah. All right. Let's get back. I got one here for you. Uh, let's see.

I'm shaken by the way. I don't know if it's coming to cry. I'm literally shaken. He's got, you got me on my toes. I don't know what the fuck's going on to be honest with you. This is a story. Let's see. Let's see.

What's this one? Have you ever, um, have you ever been cosmic bowling? What the fuck is that? Like midnight bowling? Are they like lock in and it's all black lights? No? Just me?

No, I was part of, I was part of a bowling league for a little bit. But uh, no, no, it was like a Saturday morning thing. Yeah. I think you were trying to get nailed by the fucking on the bowling alley. No, it was like, yeah, there was no cosmic bowling. It was like midnight bowling. You would go and like,

it was a place you got to cheat your wife or something. You were like, what? I was cosmic bowling. It was midnight bowling. It was a lock in. They locked you in. Yeah. It was like you from like 12 to six or something.

It was like, you just like fucking bold all night. I don't fucking know. I thought six hours. I thought goo, I thought it was something. I thought comp was weird. What the fuck? You're midnight bowling. I mentioned it was who ran your, who ran your pastor?

What the fuck? Yeah, my, my eagle scout fucking captain. The only rule was no bottoms. You guys have never done bottomless bowling. Wait, you've never bowled naked. Holy shit. Were you a packed lunch kid in high school or did you buy your lunch? I think half the time it was kind of inconsistent.

But yeah, I remember as a kid, I remember distinctly remember getting ham sandwiches. They were toast. This was my first grade though. They were toasted and mustard and that was nice. And then one time we got like a, one time I got a fucking the school lunch. It was like, it was this hamburger that was like,

it was probably just white American cheese, but I didn't expect it. I looked down at the ham cheese burgers I'm eating it, and it was all white. And for some reason, it really creeped me out. And I vomited all over the lunchroom table. So I don't know. Is that your question?

I guess. Dude, you're fucking crazy. All right, I got one. This is, let's say you're at a public restroom and you have to take a, you have to take a shit. How do you clean the public restroom? Do you put toilet paper down? Do you wipe it or do you just go bare ass?

I don't care. And we're having at it. Well, here's that. I never used to like shit in public at all ever. Like, you know, I went to camp one week a year every year. And the first year I went in Rhode Island, I didn't shit for the whole week. I literally held shit in.

It's crazy. It's like, because he had like, you know, get it from your grandma, I guess, huh? Yeah, I was impressed. It runs in the family. Exactly. Or it doesn't run. That being said, I can shit anywhere now.

I'm pretty, I'm kind of proud of the fact that like, I don't like, we gotta wipe the shit. Like, who cares? You're shitting out. Who cares if someone shitted on it? We're gonna catch like a disease from shit. Maybe I agree with the 100% big guy. I'm, I'm, I'll maybe if there's,

if I see like a little droplet of pee, I'll take, I'll pull a little toilet paper out. I'll flush the toilet once. I'll dab a little bit of toilet paper in the water and, and, and wipe it off and then maybe dry it off and then sit and do my thing. I don't do the fucking toilet paper on the seat or anything like that.

No, I think it's in your ass and it's just fucking. I'm always afraid it's going to be stuck to my ass when I get up. Yeah. Plus I need this. I need the plastic of the seat to stretch my butt cheeks out so I can open up the, open up the valve, drop the Bombay doors. You know what I mean? Absolutely.

20 seconds over Tokyo. Welcome, welcome to the name. Oh God. Holy shit. Have you, have you ever worked or been involved with a local, a local parade? Oh, I'm trying to think about parades. I don't think so.

I know, I know one time I went to, to some amusement park with a bunch of blind kids, but they were blind like adults or handicapped adults, but it wasn't a parade. Why'd you go away? My dad was in the Lions club, which is like one of those like things like the, you know, the Elk Lodge or whatever, with some eye doctor who like, you know, as a pro bono would,

but I didn't know what they were. So he did these random blind people all around me when I was a kid. And I just don't explain to me that it's like, oh, he's, they're gold. He's the guy's name was Goldie. And they would explain like, you know, no one explained it to me that he was like an optometrist. And like, it was just like, here's all his blind friends.

And like, I don't know, I would try, I would try to talk to my parents and my parents would be like, don't talk to him. But I think they were just blind. I don't think they were handicapped. So like, and if they were, I can't talk to handicapped people. He seems weird. Who's the confusing member?

His name Goldie. What kind of doctor? Probably gold, goldblomb or something, right? Gold. Yeah, probably. Yeah. Come on down to Goldie's eye doctor. Take your eyes out of your head.

It's probably some anti-Semitic thing that just, but you know, but it meant well. But it was a, it was a bonding thing. Okay. Are you a bagel bites guy or are you a pizza roll guy? I peg you for a pizza roll. I'd prefer a pizza roll right now. I think I've, I think I've eaten more bagel bites,

but I, those pizza rolls are satisfying. How did, all right, now I got to follow up. How did you make the bagel bites? Do you do a toaster oven, the oven, or do you microwave them? I mean, I don't endorse this, but I think I, it was a kid I would have microwaved them because I was just a greedy little pig who like had to have it now.

Yeah, I was the same little fat kid. Couldn't wait. Dude, the thought of turning on the toaster or even worse, the oven, to warm up, to make Elio's pizza or something, get the five. I was like, microwave it. I don't give a fuck.

100%. So yeah. So, but the pizza rolls are, they're pretty classy. What is your? No, they are in fact garbage, but sure. What is your go-to, big franchise pizza delivery? Are you a Domino's? Are you a Pizza Hut?

Popping John's? Little Caesars? What do you think? Here's the problem. If I said Pizza Hut, it would sound like, oh, Pizza Hut's great, but when I was a kid, it was fantastic. Yeah, we remember it, babe.

Big Pizza Hut heads. Yeah, huge. But it's garbage now, right, from my experience. So like, I don't. Well, they don't run to the restaurants. It's more like the express, you know what I mean? Just like the thing, yeah, that's no good. So, I guess Domino's, I mean, Popping John's is pretty,

I mean, I've gotten pretty sick. I remember I got sick. I ate one of those little Caesars, those things that was ready to go pizzas, but like, you know, they're not fresh and ready. They're like, they've been sitting around for six hours or whatever. I could see that. I could see it was like, this doesn't seem like a pizza,

but I took it anyway, and I ate the whole thing. And then like, I, it felt like I had cardboard inside me for the entire day. He probably ate the cardboard bottom. He probably ate the box, dude. It's possible, yes, stuck to it. I feel like I had cardboard in me for all day. I'll answer your questions sincerely though.

I feel it's a barrage, but a. Subbarrage. Oh, nice. There we go. You're fucking jealous. I love a good slice at a mall food court. Yeah, it's like, you know, I mean, it was nice as a mall.

They weren't even in the food court, at least in my mall. It was like a, it was next to the Macy's or something. So it felt like a spot always had like the fucking corner real estate right before whatever the two bookend big department stores were. I just get the spinach and broccoli stuffed slice, which is not, it's not healthy. Sure.

I mean, it's like, oh, it's a little healthy. I can have it with mom. No, but it was so good. Yeah. Then just, you know, shit for an hour and like the fucking Macy's. Jesus. Holy shit. Ray Cump, man, you fucking blew our doors off.

What else you got for him, Kip? Let's see here. Have you ever had a pet bird, a lizard, a snake, and a guana? What were the pets like at that house? Don't, don't, don't go down this road. Well, I had two tempsters, one was like five, but they only lasted a year or two.

Bonkers and Broomerang. But then we got fish at one point. And then I want to. Like goldfish or like a proper aquarium? Well, so I basically, I was at one of these, like town, these festival things and like, you do the thing with the ball. We throw the ball into the fish.

And I won. We won. Me and my brother broke one fishes. So like we, we, and we got a tank into the store and everyone's telling you that these things are dying a week. And I don't know where that's, they lasted for like two years, but we also started adding more gold.

But we didn't buy like fucking tetra or whatever the fuck. We bought like, you know. The peanut fish or whatever. Five dollar fish or $10 fish, whatever we throw them in there. We had a few. One of them was a handicapped blind guy. It was, it was a bubble.

Those big bubble eye things, you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. It was bubble fish. So it was one of those, but like one of them was deflated and he used to swim around in circles. We called him Gomez because, you know, for like Am's family, it doesn't matter.

Point is he was a, but he died. But I remember my mom and brother crying about it. And I mean, I have empathy. I'm not some fucking sight sociopath, but I felt weird. Like we're, this is just a dumb fish, but they seemed to really, I mean, they had, we had, I don't know, they were fine.

They were fine fish. We buried them though, which is weird for goldfish. I've buried them before. Yeah. Gorgeous aquarium. We, it's just like the flower bay in the backyard and like we put like a wood tombstone on top of it. I don't know.

And then we had these cats. Well, I wasn't allowed to have a cat because my dad was allergic supposedly. But then I'm like, you know, so I'm ready to move out. I'm like, you know, years later, I'm like, you know, they're, they're fucking, and fucking around with these neighborhood cats. They're like feeding them and shit.

Like these cats come by and you start leaving food out. And there was this one like cat that was like, oh, fucking, you know, whatever the fuck. It was like, oh, farewell and shit. And they called us medley and they got to come live with them. And then like my dad's all of a sudden, like fucking petting cats and loving it. And I want, it's enraging,

but they ended up getting murdered by our neighbors. Like cause my mom would just feed these cats. Your parents chopped them up. The cats, they would feed these cats and like the neighbors next door would get pissed cause she says the neighbor would like sit in the grass and just like pick weeds out of the grass. I don't think it was bizarre.

But like the cats would shit in the grass. And she'd be like, hey, can you not feed the cats cause they're shooting all of my grass. And my mom's like cats only shit and when they can bury it, you're wrong. Which is not true. It's like, if you give them a litter box or shit in a litter box,

but they'll absolutely just shit anywhere if you live like they don't have a litter box. So they got like, you know, cause basically what happened was these cats started having like getting all, you know, uh, murked up and get fucking, like, how do you explain the symptoms? They were like woozy.

They were like, oh, I can bleach or something. Anti-freeze. Cats love anti-freeze. You pour some anti-freeze and he's sweet to them. So just drink it up. So I know, and so like, uh, I would take you to, I took one to the morgue once and the doctor almost autopsy dipped

and she's like, ah, these won't be binding results cause I'm not technically equipped at what they call, is a different kind of autopsy doctor. Um, but she was really into cats. So she almost autopsyed the cat, but let me do that. But, uh, but no, they were like, they murdered four of the cats. Jesus Christ. Good Lord.

Gotta let that one go a little bit. Mr. Varian cat for a while. I had to give it away from, I named it after an economist. What's the name Murray? Why'd you give it away? Uh, I was moving to the city. I mean, I gave it to him.

I got, you know, so it's a nice home. Someone wanted the cat. I'm like, I really can't afford to play. Wasn't a neighbor, was it? No. Yeah. You got any extra anti-freeze on her? I got, I got one final one.

Do you currently have any posters in your apartment right now? No, I have some pictures I painted, but no. Okay. I think you can see it. That's one, that's the picture of the morgue. If you can see in the background. I had a little bit.

Of, uh, yeah, don't worry about it. It's a, I, I, I, I started painting with the morgue, just, you know, weird. Like the, you know, the bloody, the bloody clothes or like fucking some decomp. Whatever. I mean, it's fine. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not Picasso.

No, no one's claiming it. It might be closer to Van Gogh. Why people have posters now? Is that the whole thing? No, I was just trying to, I don't know. Buddy, we've done, we've sat here with about fucking 40 people so far. I can't get a read on you.

I don't, I don't, I have no idea. I'm taking a shower after this. Oh my God, Ray. Thank you so much for sitting down with us, buddy. Is there anything you want the folks out there to know where they can find you, uh, the podcast, all that stuff? Plug away.

Yeah, you can follow me, you can follow me on Twitter and Instagram at RayCump, K-U-M-P. Like podcast is called Kump. You can get it on YouTube or anywhere you get podcasts and if you like this, it's more, it's just a lot of, uh, just kind of stream of consciousness and just kind of chaotic.

I just fight with myself the whole time. It's fun. I mean, it works somehow. Well, I gotta be honest with you, I don't know how you could not fucking like this because this, I'm telling you right now, this is the most interesting episode that we've ever seen through.

You are a fucking wild dude. You are fucking stupid. You are a gem, my friend. 100% funny through and through. I'm not even gonna say that you're garbage or, or that you're, you're classy. I, yeah. You're an enigma wrapped in a riddle,

drinking diet, Dr. Pepper. That's all I can fucking say. It's great. I love it. You guys are cool too. I like you guys. Oh, thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ray Cump.

Ray, thank you so much, buddy. You'd be safe out there and, uh, we love you, man. That was fucking something. That was great. Thank you. Thank you. Kippy, what do you got for him?

Uh, just make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube and subscribe there as well. And also Philly, Jersey, Delaware, New York, wherever the fuck you are. Get your tickets for the punchline tonight in Philadelphia Thursday. It's the only night it's happening.

So get them while they're hot. We'll see you next time. Peace.