Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Ridin' Dirty w/ Mark Normand!

Episode Date: April 10, 2025

Are You Garbage presents comedian and podcast host Mark Normand! We're talkin' new fathers, hot tubs and hiding drugs! You know Mark Normand from stand up comedy, the Joe Rogan Experience, We Might be Drunk Podcast, Kill Tony Podcast, Protect our Parks, Tuesdays with Stories, This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von, First Date w/ Lauren Compton and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Do You Wanna See AYG Perform Live in Your City? Click Here: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1nIJgvAZNftO_J655NLbu_phPt-HvzDj-tfzBt_uWyjI/viewform Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: BILT Rewards: Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood BenefitsTM by going to https://joinbilt.com/garbage MUD/WTR: Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @MUDWTR with code GARBAGE at http://mudwtr.com/garbage Liquid I.V: Get ready for summer with extraordinary hydration from Liquid I.V. Get 20% off your first order of Liquid I.V. when you go to https://LIQUIDIV.com and use code GARBAGE at checkout Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey gang, check out this short clip from the Route 66 tour on our YouTube page. I'm not even lying, I just shit my pants. What happened at the garage? Hey, how are you? You guys have a bathroom? You saw that, huh? I'm curious as to what do you want to get out in front of this thing. These are dangerous places. Are those the shorts you were wearing?

Unfortunately, they are. Dude, that's fucking disgusting. Hang on. Unless you were wearing plastic underwear, which I do not think you were. It didn't go through. No, dude, that's insane. I'm telling you, it did not get to the outer layer. What you may know is the upper atmosphere. It stayed within the molten core of the budging. The underwear on the other hand, didn't make it. Thank you. You're welcome. I appreciate your hospitality. I've seen you go to the bathroom a lot. I've never seen you walk out with evidence. I've never seen you walk out with evidence. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage?

The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage. Oh yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that to be classy. They're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in a new edition. She's down at the mall.

OK. She's doing an Easter bunny this year. Oh, she OK. Yeah, free picks if you want them. Said we'd come by. Fair enough. Mike Hose is coming at you from right next to me. Unamused this week.

He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman. Not a Fanny Easter, I guess. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan. What up, gang? Shout out to you Thanks for tuning in as always Please make sure you review subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube also full video available on Spotify

Over there doing big things Patreon.com slash are you garbage check it out? Yes, sir We couldn't be more excited ever incredibly and I mean incredibly special guests back with us again today the kids family at this I know he's a family man. You know him. You love him. Give it up for Mr. Mark Norman everybody. Look at him. There he is. Old Papa. Good to be back. I love it here. Sorry. I'm a little banged up from the the Nashville weekend, but we're having a good time. When you

say you did an all-nighter, you were up 24 hours, didn't sleep. Yeah. Well, they got these after parties with the free drinks and they just keep coming and you see a guy who's at the show, he gives you a shot, you high five him. So what night is this theoretically? That was Saturday night. So it's Saturday night so you don't sleep Saturday. Sunday, what do you do?

I get up and go on a flight and go home. And then you gotta go home and hug a baby. And you gotta beep, you gotta fake it. I'm at the airport, puking my guts out, I'm eating a sandwich, going, all right, come on, I'm gonna pet dog. You're proper hungover. Hungover, no sleep, you know, the whole thing.

Diarrhea, puking, gay. You can't walk in and be like, hey, I don't feel well, or something like that. No, you gotta be on, baby. It's battle stations when you get home. That's the hard part about a kid. Hey everybody, who wants to laugh? Do a crowd work because you got to think she's been with the kid all weekend

So she's like he's really yeah, and you come in smelling like a hooker Puking up cigar butts and semen and Hands you the baby when you walk in and you're like who's this? and she hands you the baby when you walk in and you're like, who's this? You know? And she's covered in stains. It looks like Monica Lewinsky. It's tough.

And then when does she get to sleep on Sunday night? Sunday night? Well, I said, you know what? I'm going to put the baby to bed early. You know? It's noon. I've got to get some baby seat sick. I've got to get some baby time.

You're going around pulling the shades down? Yeah. Yeah. What's his name again? And yeah, so I went to bed at like, you know, 1030. I watched White Lotus. I rubbed one out and that was it. Where do you rub one out? You know, the crib's here. I'm in the bed. We're good.

The sound machine's on. Have you ever yanked it when you're in when when the missus in bed with you yeah that's really got a nut shake you know you got to keep it still it's like I did a what do you call it up that's a posture PDA that's a slow jerk yeah love to yourself they dropped a bowling ball yeah just standing there wailing on yourself yeah exactly I've always wondered whatever would happen if I cuz I that that's my move And if I ever got busted doing that that's your move here good thing. You don't have a waterbed, dude

Oh, God, that's Katrina all over Taking out the coast of Japan Cat runs into the living room. I would assume that would be, just knowing my wife, that would probably be like an emotional, that would be a bad thing. Right, dude, I'm right here! You're both in bed and you're just fucking, cause you do it odd too, I don't know, he plays the fiddle. He's doing a money sign. Woo, devil went down to Georgia.

He's looking for his co-host. Yeah, he just does a little pinch and roll. Weird. Pinch and roll. What are you telling my move for? I've never heard of this. You can't be doing that, Norman. You can do it out of state if you want.

The knuckle. I don't know how to find finding good mechanic. Sometimes I'll do the old back. Right. Right. The old Elliot page. Flip it around. You know, the old Mackenroe. I said there's all the Andre Agassi in my house. There's a great comic instead of it was an open my car. Forget who it was. who it was a great joke you hear that you never hear Again, the guy was like, you know some people you sit on your hand the strange jerk off if you it feels like someone else Is jerking? I sit on my dick till it goes numb feels like I'm jerking off a completely different

I mentioned I mentioned Easter I get excited for Easter. Yes any candy themed Holiday he starts chubbin up to be fair. You're looking for candy on Tuesday Break this fast I found out that they eat at night man, that's easy. Dude that's standing on my head. I thought they had to go 40 days with nothing. Who are they Moses? Oh is that right? Yeah no they eat at night, they're just not allowed to eat during the day. They had big parties at night, the mosque down the street for me, it's like fucking Studio 54.

Club Med. I didn't know that, I was with you, I thought that's why they were so angry. No tits, no bacon. Come on. Get a grief bar or something. Will you get it? Nah, they do a nice spread at night. Looks pretty good too. Wow. A little yogurt, a little tzatziki. Sure. Hummus, pita, grape leaf. How you doing? Love all that stuff. Are you doing anything for Easter with the baby? Now you're a family man. Goddamn Mark Norman family man. The baby's what? He's not even a year, right? He's like a few months

yeah I don't know what's going on. I don't know his birthday but uh. Eat his candy. I don't I you gotta realize babies make holidays Christmas with like eight old people is the saddest thing on the planet your grandmother's smoking you know you're hungover you're like what are we doing here I got socks you a baby makes it. So Easter, I'm going out to Walmart. I'm getting the bunny. I'm getting the green fake bullshit grass. I'm getting the basket. Couple of peeps. Yeah. Cad berries. I'm going all in. I like it. That's the way to go. You're going to start that trend.

Was it like that when you were growing up? Did you guys go big on that stuff? We did. Yeah. My parents, we did a crawfish boil every Easter at the car Just like Jesus would have wanted Cousins ran around and we found those eggs don't have none of them Jews in there. I'll tell you that right now. Holy cow Keep the shellfish keep my weight You do a crawfish boy something what's the carport? Well my grandparents had this big carport. Oh I got it.

That's a southern thing. Yeah. Oh yeah. We don't really have them up here. It's a very trashy garage for the folks out there. It's the blockage from the sun, like the weather. Yeah. It's like the sun and the weather.

Yeah, it's not, we don't really have them. Those things get hot as shit in the summer. They got tools down there, a saw horse, a kegerator. Yeah, they were pretty, I mean it it's open. There's no wall. Yeah, it's just the roof. It's a big tent, essentially. It's a tent, yeah. Yeah, it's a mosque.

It's a hillbilly mosque. That's really good. All right, I like it. I think, do you guys have any plans with the, you gotta get the baby baptized or anything like that? We did the circumcision, that was hell. In the hospital. I did it myself, it wasn't easy.

Yeah, I just got a teeth in there. They saved 50 bucks. Yeah, like a Snickers, I just it myself. It wasn't easy. I just got a teeth in there. They saved 50 bucks. Yeah, like a Snickers. I just ripped it. But yeah, yeah, that was tough because that fucking dong is all mangled for a while. But he looks good now. Good, good piece. That's got to sting. Proud of the piece? Proud of the piece. That's good. Ball bag's even better.

Good ball bag. That is a drum, I would assume. Oh, well, you get the... I bathe them every night in the hot tub and that thing gets like an old taffy. In the hot tub? Well that's what I call it. It's a warm bath. I'm not fucking Matthew Perrying this kid over here. Cut him out with the Jacuzzi. You know that's a guy by the way. Who? his name John Jacuzzi get the fuck pull that up No shit might have the first name wrong, but that's Tony Jacuzzi. Is it something like that? That's I think I remember this now That's what it's named after that guy no, but then you would bump into other Jacuzzi's I feel like somebody

But I would have let you see fail when I went to school with the Jacuzzi's that's true No, is that too many Z's too in a last name. I'm telling you, I think it's a guy. Uh oh. I thought it was an Italian word for hot bath. No. Oh. The founder was Gio Cando Jacuzzi.

Oh! Gio Cando, huh? Gio Cando. Huge ball back. Yeah. You know you invented that just to get pussy. Oh, dude, 100%. I'm going to make a big soup

None of these broads want to take a bath with me. Yeah You put your butthole I read the next event it can also it can also go Asian to jacuzzi It almost sounds like yeah, how very good that's not bad. Yeah, they say before they stabbed themselves, right? We had a jacuzzi growing up that was we were we were semi semi new money My dad did well that my parents build a house and when we moved out of the city into the suburbs I was very what you had a jacuzzi at the house that your mom's house. Yeah, no shit When that get taken down last year no kidding. Yeah, I mean never seeing that we blew the motor out So that was like in her bathroom

in that. We blew the motor out. So that was like in her bathroom. Her bathroom, there was a big jacuzzi. Wait, in the tub? Yeah. Oh, but it was big. I mean, it was like it was a big. I thought you meant outside. No, that's the jacuzzi is inside. I see no one in the bedroom.

Yes. A hot tub's outside. A jacuzzi, I thought was like a like an indoor tub. No, that's interchangeable. So, yeah, OK. Right. I don't think so. It is a hot tub though Jacuzzi is a hot tub. I am jacuzzi can be outside Yeah, jacuzzi is the name brand. Yes, whose is name brand? Yes, do they also make outdoor ones? I'm not saying they die. Do you think Giacchino junk could choose? He's not fucking doing currently they do currently they do

I've never seen an indoor. I thought that was a whirlpool. Oh, maybe it's a whirlpool. I don't know. We called it a jacuzzi. And either way, we'd have like 14 neighborhood kids in there wrestling and shit. It was a scene. It wasn't as classy as it was supposed to be. A whirlpool is when you have an above ground pool and everybody runs around in a circle. Oh yeah, we used to do that. We'd throw ice cubes in it too. Wooo! It's getting cold! We didn't have a lot of things. But Jacuzzi, the saddest thing about a Jacuzzi was when you let one just rot out for a while and you come over and it's just algae and mold.

They always hop salt out. There's like leaves on top of the cover and shit. Yes, exactly. We used to have one in college. We bought me and like five guys renting this big house. Such a good idea on paper for the first week 100% and we'd get you know Hook up with girls in it. That was like a big selling point like hey, I got a jacuzzi College that's like you might as well be Hugh Fner forget about it So I bring girls over and it would be late at night so you'd flop that big big mat You know that big like eight hundred pounds. Yes. Yes spiders running everywhere And the steam would come out and we'd hook up and all that.

But then you look at that thing in the morning, and you're like, thank god it was nighttime. Because this is like, Flintwater. There's fish in there. Yeah, it was brown and green. Roommates at the bottom of it. Yeah. It's like the city of Atlantis down there.

Who's paying Lenny's rent this month, huh? He ain't going to make it. I wonder if Jacuzzi was trying to hang out with Ferrari and Lamborghini. Like, hey, I'm one of you guys like get out Yeah, he was new money. Yeah new hooker money Lamborghini he got he got elbowed by Ferrari. That's why he started the company. That's right. It's not through his nose at him He was a tractor guy tractor guy went and told Ferrari. Hey, this is what you got to do

You got to do this that the other thing for I was like Fucking go back to the fucking potato farm right right both the Lamborghini Thinking about getting one Jacuzzi they still make Lamborghini Ferrari's still cook. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, I got in one and that thing is a you got you've been in one on my I've met a guy I did his podcast in LA and he's like I have a Lamborghini in the garage. You're talking about Matt? Farah? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Smoking tires. Shout out to him. Good buddy of ours.

Great guy. Great dude. Sent us watches. Sent us watches? Yeah. Very nice guy. I was wearing it this weekend. Holy shit, I didn't get a watch, Matt. But you got to be riding a fucking Ferrari. Well, now I'm going to come clean.

That Ferrari was a hunk of junk. That thing was rickety and rockety. He's pissed he didn't get the watch. I think that far Ferrari started the fire So the Lamborghini I think he knocked it into a tree and it just lit up like a pinto Lot of times those cars aren't that great though when you get in them you know, he's fucking uncomfortable I couldn't fit in it. No the console is this big you're squinched up and they Wheel wells up your ass like a little navigator. Yeah Here here, I'm a Chevy Lumina man myself. Oh, I like a Nissan Altima. All right, let's do some cues Got mr. Norman here get the business as you as you guys know when you sign up on the old patreon over there

As you as you guys know when you sign up on the old patreon over there Www.patreon.com such are you garbage you get to answer you get to ask your garbage question with either With sometimes a huge star so good Norman everybody This guy's been in a Ferrari before what is the next page the stage commanders that are already out Was fantastic I wanted to do that every I got more work done that night than fucking for the last six months. So much fun. Well your real comics you had ideas. I've done those before where guys like uh what's couch and a sofa? What's up with that? You know and you're like come on man. That's actually pretty good. That's not bad. Uh

make me do your leader. That was daffogant. But uh yeah no you guys killed it. We did it we did a premiere of Page of Stage and Village East Cinemas and you guys and Sal Vulcano did a fun little joke writing session at the end. And that was a that was a hot treat. It was a home run. Great job on the Sal. Thank you. This was fantastic. Doing it look great. Killed it. Yeah. The next. That's on Punch Up Live. Now the next one I think is Michelle Wolf. We're gonna try to mix it

up and do other comics. Oh, there you go. Yeah, that's great. Your producer hat on there. I'm trying up and do other comics. Oh, there you go. Yeah, that's great your producer hat on there I'm trying trying to do a show. It's one of these shows on my house is not around. It's it's a it's right there It's a layup your producer Bart Gorman. I like the sound of that trying baby. Where do you park the Beamer? By the way, do you have a garage at the house? I got a nice garage at the Atlantic Terminal in Brooklyn red block away from my house It got broken into two the first week, and it's a fucking.

In the garage? In the garage. And I asked the guy for the footage, he goes, oh, we don't do that. And I was like, all right, cool. And then the second way, I got it fixed. It's hard to get a fucking 50-year-old German window. Sure.

So I had to send it to Jersey, and towing out there was a nightmare. Got it back, got a boot on it Jesus yeah, is that the only car? Your only car and saying you don't have like a 2022 Toyota I should do a zipping around you get them for like it's like 80 bucks a month you can get one really I mean you can get a huge. Yeah for sure sweet. Let's say it's just kidding. Let's get Norma to car Let's buy Norma to car today. Yeah We'll pay for it. It's a write-off. You got a house it let out the thing. Let's buy Norm in the car today. Yeah. We'll pay for it. It's a write off.

You got to house it. Let's the thing. Let's say it's a Sunday. You get home, whatever. She's like, hey, I want to run the target. I don't know. Fucking in Queens. Yeah. What are you doing? Uber. That's it. Well, you subway there, you Uber back. What if you got to take the baby? You leave him in the car.

He's got to watch the car. Yeah. I don't want to get booted again. Have you been in a store or out in public with the baby? Oh, yeah. Every day. I do a big walk every day with the little guy. OK, yeah, we bond. Grab a coffee. Coffee. I put one earbud with me, one earbud with him, and we're listening to the Cat Williams special. You know, put an earbud in it.

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Keep your energy natural and refreshing all year long with mud, water, because life's too short for anything less than clean, delicious energy doing. That can you look what can we get mr. norman in today he likes Nissan Altima's I got a ten thousand dollar murder out Nissan Altima 150 a month 150 a month the problem is which we learned is you have to you got a in New York they get stolen they get fucking fucked up yeah cars been stolen I had to go to a garage but we bought a conversion van we spent a lot of money on a convert it's pretty fucking sick things is that like a team yeah it's more like it is but

it's like carpeted there's like it's very that's what we use so we use it as like a tour bus at the captain chairs big too big can all leather around around to the back The back goes into a bed. It's fucking sick. It's nice It's very sick, but we bought it and it had five leaks in the roof and like don't when it rains Water comes in sure and then we can't we found out there's nowhere to park it because it's too high to fit in any garage So there's no we got turned away from like 15 fucking parking lots. What? She got a nice minivan though for the family. Yeah. The wife doesn't have a car. No, she can't drive. She's a woman. But no. Sharia Long. She's

actually a horrible driver. Like no joke. She had a Jetta and she wrecked it like four times. That's a hot girl car. Yeah. Jetta. That is a hot girl car. That's so true. Big time. And a Mitsubishi. Mitsubishi. Yeah, Mitsubishi Mitsubishi Eclipse oh That was a hot car. It was like my stripper car. Yeah, really no get a green eclipse Good girl well champagne coming to the store older like you are she from the 90s that was she from like that what I don't want to say but she's probably your idea

she's a couple years old to me I know we're probably 42 all right those gals they they missed the only fans train isn't that sad I mean I don't you don't want your sister on only you're gonna do Berg if she has a hard week she could just pop on there oh clean up, they don't have to you know Do yeah, it's true. They don't have to start responding to Craigslist ads. Exactly Hot chicks in college in the 90s were oh, yeah They were hot it in I don't ever get no I remember getting the sports illustrated or no was it Have you seen these broads recently? Have you been on Instagram?

What are you talking about? They're built different now. Was it Playboy that would go around and do the college? Yes, yes. Oh yeah, even fucking Jenny from Forrest Gump got in one of those. Remember that? That was a scene. She got in some trouble with her college sweater.

Yes, that was the AIDS issue. HIV monthly? Hahaha. Yeah, she got in some trouble with her college sweater. Yes, that was the AIDS issue, but HIV monthly Shout out to Jenny. Oh, yeah. All right. Let's get serious here for a sec I remember cooking my dad being like what the hell's a black panther party? Ask your mother Goddamn Jacuzzi That's why they took it out He's like, easy. Everybody's getting it. All right. Let's see. This one's from Project Pat.

Ten dollar homie. Never have one read. Is it garbage to say you work for a business instead of at a business to sound classier? For example, I work for Exxon when you actually work at Exxon. That's a good move. That's really fucking good. Because now we're picturing Enron or some shit. Like you're in the office. You're in a shirt and tie. You're yelling.

There's a graph. You're, you know, you got more responsibility. Yeah. Also, I work with. I work with them. Instead of, I wear, he's my boss. I work with them. Yeah, they're a client of mine.

Yeah. Oh yeah, client of mine. Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. I know. What are you talking about? I remember one time I used to work at a law firm and we were on the, I was on the call Yeah, they're a client of mine. Yeah, oh yeah, client of mine. Get the fuck out of here with that bullshit. What are you talking about? I remember one time I used to work at a law firm and I was on the call, the partner was like, I was in his office and I was doing all the grunt work

and then he was like, I'm here with my colleague, Kevin, on a conference call. And I gotta tell you, I was, dude, it was even like he was leaning back and he's like, I'm here with my colleague, Kevin's on the call too. Wow. Dude, you couldn't have told me mom in dirty underwear Colleague is big. I would have asked for a raise as soon as that phone on hold one quick for a minute

Damn partner right that's crazy Damn partner right that's crazy Good associates good to associate of mine. That's not that's like that's Down-talking yeah, he's an associate of mine. Yes. Oh you buy coke because I got an associate's degree. That's the shitty What I have to hear what this is a bachelor of mine. Do you have an associate's I got I got the bachelor online There you go finished it later to dry, baby Phoenix I think we play I think we played you. Did you ever graduate from the film school that you went to? Was it New York Film School? I did but you could do tiers. I did the two year program. Okay. Yeah. You could do the

four, you could do a six. I did the two. I got in, got out. Six. Sucker. Yeah. Easy. Oh man. Alright, let's see. This might be, this is from Slappy. $10 discipline of trash. Yeah, ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha You're actually gay for a good time. I mean, that was that was it. See that sometimes now like a seedy dive bar. You'll be like, this guy sucks. No, you're an asshole. Yeah. I love that. I used to see it all the time when I was waiting tables and I could never figure out who the fuck was in here with the pencil marker like that. And they would like tag it up with like bad like gang things.

There's a lot. It's a bear burger. What the fuck? You're claiming your turf over here. Well, now you have the phone. So you're not even looking at the wall. Yeah. You had nothing. Yeah, nothing to look at. I used to hate that shit I hated that and I also hated this is going back but the kids at the arcade They would take a lighter and they would burn the arcade machine What just to get like a like a burn streak in it? Yeah, I remember that worst. I never saw that Yeah, so I knew worst. I never saw that yes, I was in a new year in a bad spot

Part of them. I know one time. I was pissing at a year-long wands flying burrito. I was shitface this must have been Where's that at it's in New Orleans? Okay on magazine Street? It must have been that 2001 and I saw a guy wrote the hottest girl in the world some guys tired of fucking her and I was like It was like fucking Confucius or some shit. I was I don't know. I think he did say that. Yeah. Yeah. I was 19. That blew my mind because I was like, I couldn't get laid.

I was a nerd. I couldn't find pussy. And then that guy like made me feel a lot better. Sure. That there's an old street joke of a guy strapped on a desert island with Cindy Crawford and they have sex for like two years. It's awesome. And then finally finally at like the end of two years she's like you know we've done everything what do you want me to do now and he goes hey put this mustache on she puts the mustache on he goes guess who I'm fucking we saw Cindy Crawford you guys use that oh yeah we saw ruined

her dinner ruined her we ruined her dinner in LA would fully eat it Skinny broad you're not gonna fit Got my name on it What happened I mean she was the one and you know, what's so funny? I'm such an idiot and we had been drinking We were like day drinking and we went out to dinner Luke's Luke's a cool young guy picked a cool young Frankie and Johnny's Marvin's Marvin's out there and uh la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Butler so her husband also owns Casa Migos I did not know that her yeah her son her daughter is also a famous supermodel hi a Gerber Pete Davidson yeah

really they were they had a little fling man at trust love them oh yeah I want to smell that hug I love them yeah I got it I got a thing with Gerber too he's hot he doesn't like them This is just my this my room we would get a table at Marvin's ever again. What talking shit? What's right you you prefer burger? Randy burger Wait, what's up with you and Gerber? Nothing. I don't even know that he just doesn't like the advertisements and he doesn't like that.'s that close to George Clooney. Yeah. He wants to be friends with Clooney. We all do. Because the Casamigos got started, they were so rich and so cool that it turns that they bought vacation homes in Mexico and they kept saying they couldn't find a smooth tequila in Mexico.

What are we talking about? That's hilarious. That's like not being able to find fucking coke in Colombia What are you lying? You got a bad hookup Is he the guy on the motorcycle? He's the other guy I always wonder who the fuck that was He's a huge restaurateur He's a hunk too

He kicked the shit out of me too But they came up with Casamigos just for their friends Wow For friends But they they came up with Casamigos just for their friends. Wow. And then we're friends. And then they house. Yeah. The story is that they made a big order and the order was so big that they had to like get a license if they were making that big of an order in bottles like they ordered like a thousand bottles. So they were like, oh, let's just sell to the public.

It's fucking billion dollars. They sold it for a billion. I heard he gave 14 friends a million each. Yeah That's not too shabby not too shabby Wow get any ideas what? Oso's man Just gentlemen We but I saw Cindy I walked back from the bathroom pretty fucked up and like I see her and I literally in my head I went that's a good-looking older broad. That's all she read at one point. I was like in love with her She was the hottest girl in the world and that literally in my head. I went, that's a good looking older broad. That's all she read at one point. I was like in love

with her. She was the hottest girl in the world and that's how stupid I was. He's a pretty good looking older broad. That's what she registered. She's gorgeous. Still looking good. Hang in there. Really good. Yeah, we ruined their

dinner. **** laughing, talking. Oh, I have one other bottle. It's like, you know, it was a, I will say, Cosby goes not the best tequila. If I feel weird taste to it it weird to get the vanilla taste and the hangover is brutal and everybody uses it That's the fucking that's the go-to now. They got in as the tequila. Yeah, somehow Crazy. Yeah, I like a Don Julio fucking for 1942 1942. I'm over Deggad Catman myself. Just saying, we got it on the shelf back there. Hey! Oh, you got the old bottle. That's a vintage. Well, give me a new one.

Ship it! I'll send it right over. Charge me for it. Oh, shit. Yeah. I thought that was understood. Shipping and handling. How are you going to start? How are you going to start the car? Wholesale prices. Alright, let's see here. This is from Ethan, $10 contributor to the big man's 401K. Thank you. Never have one read. You guys ever have to throw drugs away at the airport? Oh, yeah, I'm not.

I'm not a narcotics man, but I picture he you don't throw out. You don't throw my way there on the way. Nothing. Yeah, he rides dirty but whole. What do you do? Will you throw it away or will you keep it? I fucked up. I was hungover. I had a ton of shrooms in my bag. As a comic, you get handed stuff.

All the time. I take it. Some guys are like, I'm going to take shit from a stranger. I'm like, I'd prefer it from a stranger. Bring it on. Put it right in my ass. I had a bunch of shrooms in my bag, an Adderall, and some other stuff. Fucking Dr. Feelgood over here.

And I forgot. And I just, you know, I was hungover. I just sent it through the belt. And it went through. And I realized like two days later, I opened the bag, you know, I get some shit out of there. And I'm like, oh my God, I had the shrooms. And then I never cared again.

Once I got through. But what fucked me was the border, Canadian border. They got me. Oh yeah. They got you? They got me on a weed dust stem seed from 1988 at a fucking rat concert. No shit. And they found that shit.

Round and round. They found it with the dog, the dog got it. And what did they say? I had to be detained for six hours and they were like, it's so little, we'll let you go. I was doing just for laughs. But another crazy story, I had a bunch of weed gummies a bunch of trumes in my bag and I did a gig in Buffalo and I had a Buffalo Friday

Montreal Saturday and this kid goes I'll drive you up it's like a two-hour drive fuck flying but you got to get rid of the drugs and I said no problem so right didn't do that right before the border we went to a guy's backyard and we made a little hole we found like a secret area and we buried all the drugs And I go let's come back tomorrow and we'll get him and he goes you got go. Yeah, this is my deal Norman, so we go over the border the kid opens for me. He bombs I drive He drops me off or whatever I do the gig and then he goes, I'm going to fly back. And I go, no, I'm going to fly back. You drive back.

And he went back and took all the drugs. There you go. So he got them. There you go. I think of shrooms, weed, whatever. Coke, you're in trouble. Oh, yeah. Don't be that guy.

Be fucked. Yeah. I had friends take Coke to Columbia one time. What? Yeah. Sand to a beach. They land and he's like, yeah, but like, what if we couldn't that guy be fucked yeah I had friends take coke to Columbia one time what yeah sand or beach they land and he's like yeah but like what if we couldn't get it in that first couple hours I'm like that's a pretty good it's insane but like gays to Fire Island what are you doing got it come correct yeah well I guess if it was like all the numbers we got it and whatever it was he had you

know listen everybody that was there was like, you fucking idiot, and then was like, all right, let's have some. Not me, I don't partake, I wasn't even there. They keep saying Columbia's gonna legalize cocaine. A possession it is. You're allowed to have like a certain, you know, like it's decriminalized,

you're allowed to have like a gram on here. I would love to just try it down there. I know, it's so pure. It's gotta be. Yeah, let's go. It's gotta be awesome. I know, I bet it is you have you probably had some good stuff Oh hundred percent, but not fucking from the Garden of Eden

Always eating with this guy Let's see here This is from Brian is it garbage if your go-to pizza takeout place happens to be from the local laser tag place Wow If your go-to pizza takeout place happens to be from the local laser tag place Wow That's you're in a bad neighborhood if that's the case Wow getting takeout from a fucking laser tag spot could be good though Yeah, but if you're if you're a laser tag guy at this age, you're just practicing shooting Isn't that coming back a little bit aren't laser tag places kind of popular now I don't think so like paintball was Right I remember when laser tag first came out. I remember the actual product lazy. It sucked Yeah, what do you get at the house and all your rich kids had it?

They all got it for Christmas one year fucking it was janky because you go I fucking hit you man I did light up if you were more than eight feet away or yeah, it wasn't like a commercial the gun was cool as shit though That's true. Yeah, we had to place the ultra zone. I mean, you must have been like eight years old is when it hit. And I was by the mall. And I mean, it blew our fucking it was like you were in space. Yeah, it was like Neon Game Master. And like, it was fucking it was awesome.

And then you got to see your score at the end. Remember that? I shot you 10 times. Whatever it was. Yeah, that was like that was it. You know, you went as well. That was that was like my my Vietnam was this guy from this laser tag pizza. I don't know Check it out What's up? You're on? Probably good probably like bowling alley. I do like bad pizza, so you too. You know it could be a bad pizza Oh, yeah, Chuck E cheese all that shit CC. You guys have CCs had CC's once. I was real fucked up at Penn State

That's the only time I've ever seen it though. Oh, it's good never been bucks All you can eat never been to a CC's there was all this pizza buffet and like a little Salad thing that no one touched sure they're also the inventor of the dessert pizza. That's right. Yeah, right Everybody started copying it. That's your Elon Musk You got a photo of him at the house framed. The churros pizza. This is Giacchino Sisi. He was a great man.

Papa John's wouldn't let him change the recipe. So he said fuck you and went out and started his own thing. You know who else is a real guy? Benny Hanna. That's a real Asian dude. Of course, yeah. That's Steve Aoki's dad. That's right But she vowed to like never I don't know apparently he was a bit of an asshole Oh, really, honey, I was I could see that he was he got caught insider trading. Oh Yeah, he fucked up Wolf of Wall Street. Yeah was Essentially because at the end of it, I believe that's a true story

And he did go to jail or whatever he got in trouble at the end of it He goes, I don't I'm never going to a Benny Han I don't care whose birthday it is because think about when Benny Hannah hit if you're a rich guy in New York or LA I was probably the coolest fucking things for everybody. They're flipping shrimp around. Oh, yeah, I can't do it I don't like eating and around other people communal tables. No good. I'm with you. I don't like sharing. I hate tapas I hate family style cuz I just want it all family style. I like with you. I don't like sharing. I hate tapas. I hate family style cuz I just want it all family style I like with people that I know yeah but there I mean my wife walked out of a I made her walk out of a Chinese place down in Chinatown because

Maybe it's a young leaves or something like that. Hmm. It's not all mallies, but I can't remember what the name it was Did we get in there and they're like, yeah, you're sitting here. It's like a long picnic table It's like fucking some family from Idaho I was like fuck that You sit down the other side Yeah, I'm not sitting around other people yeah the whole thing yes, I hate that in New York It's just so close. I went out to fucking brunch yesterday with my wife, and it's like you're just I know I'm like I'd rather sit outside and eat over a mailbox The same this is like cuz you I can't talk I can't like I'm like

My wife would be like asking me some like intimate quite not into but like something I'm like fuck up put my business out there right and out my dirty laundry. We're comedians. We want to say fucked up shit I know my wife keeps doing the thing very loudly and this is my fault. This is my fight I'm admitting this is my fault screaming when you jerk it We go in and it's like are you gonna be okay here? Are you gonna be alright? Are you gonna be comfortable here? Do you want to move to the bigger table? Saying it loud. That's awkward. Fucking chicks in here. Right? Wait, what do you hurt dead Nana? Like, you're going to be OK here, Grandpa?

Well, she knows how fat I am. It's more of a more of a seating situation. I see. I had I had them do that to me at a sushi place two weekends ago where they moved me. Oh, they were like, don't you think you'd be more comfortable over there because, you know, you're kind of blocking the thing here for the we don't want the servers bumping in. I got the fire marshal all over my back. You're going to have to eat in the basement.

Yeah, they move me over to a corner table. I picked you walking. It's like Godzilla. They're like, you're stepping on buildings and cars. The water is shaking in the glass. Yeah. Fucking bastard. Ah, gang, this show is sponsored by Liquid IV. Say it again.

This show is sponsored by Liquid IV. And so time this show is sponsored by liquid IV say it again this show is sponsored by liquid IV Time this show is sponsored with liquid IV and so is every hangover I've ever had sure in the last six seven months man. I think that's couple of years We're talking about uh-huh. I got damn. Oh jeez at this point You are love our liquid IV over here gang we tell it all the time now listen is it great for working out yes Does it hydrate you three times faster than water yes But what are we really using it for when you're hungover when you're sicky when you're sick you used to be Cranberry juice when you were a kid that's 1950s shit

I might as well be drinking that crap that they had up on the moon now It's all about liquid IV when you're not feeling well, just put that in your Yeti or whatever you got. Chugging that. How you doing? I like the golden cherry. I had some this weekend. That new berry fleet, dude. I'm telling you, one of them berries and a bacon, egg and cheese. I'm ready to fight my landlord. Get out of the way. I am starting to eat with it. That's bad. I love it. Guys, get ready for summer with extraordinary hydration from Liquid IV. Get 20 percent off your first order of Liquid IV when you go to liquid IV dot com. Use the code garbage at checkout. You know it. That's 20 percent off your first order with code garbage at liquid IV dot com.

What are we doing? Go get your liquid IV. Stay hydrated. We love you. Back to the show. Now streaming on Paramount+. Name's Conrad Harrigan, family man. And if you cross my family, well, you'd better pray. From the underworld of Guy Ritchie. We shake the right hands, break the wrong ones. Comes the next great crime series.

And when someone forgets their place, I've got a man for that. For themselves. Starring Tom Hardy, Pierce Brosnan, and Helen Mirren. We've got everyone where we want them. Mob Lad, new series now streaming on Paramount+. Yeah, that's, I just hate, I hate that shit. That's a tough one.

It's like corporate steakhouse. Oh, do you have Benihana? Big seats. Big leather seats. Love that. Love it, the big red vinyl Started by rocky aoki rocky. It's based off the his parents Tea shop in Japan Benny Hanna

Pretty good. Okay, so not a Benny Hanna. No, you're what you're what you're one for two You got 50% on you think the guy's name was Benny like his first name was Benny his last name was Hanna 100% oh really yeah They'd get jammed up for insider trading 1999 I gotta say we were talking about resorts I went to a resort with my family maybe like six months ago and we went to the hibachi like there's like an Italian place a steak place a hibachi but you go to each place each night and Man the hibachi this guy fucking killed it, and it's not for Us it's for show. It's for show. It's for kids. It's for grandparent And I mean like this guy fucking put on a goddamn show really it was impressive you agree some they did yeah

I was okay. My brother took care of it. I'm a cash on me. You know what I mean You know it's another tough one is hot pot. You ever do that? Love hot pot. I don't know. I can't get into it. Really? Well, it's a giant cauldron of boiling oil and you put a fucking squid head in

there and a one of their daughters, you know, sounds like a racist term. Yeah. I love hot pot. You get the spicy one and you get soup. It's not oil. Oh, it's not. no, it's so greasy I don't know something about it. I I don't know you take it out. It's a hazard this shit flying everywhere There's water coming at you. Do you do a Korean barbecue where you go flip-flop? I'll do that all day

I'll do that all day. Yeah, that's all right Korean bar. Love it. Love it the best Walkout smelling like a line cook. You do You can't like run into like a comedy club after that Yeah, but it's just fun. Do you feel like hunter Biden? You just free base in that shit. Oh, that's great I think I'm like really good at it, right? I'm like we're in the weeds and I'm like fucking you know, I'm telling other people how to do it Totally chopping it up with the scissors. Oh, yeah that all the stuff. I've been first time I went I was like all this shits free. I know they just keep it coming. They keep it coming

I went to a place in Jersey Fort Lee Which is other it's very Asian in Fort Lee and we went with my butt my Korean buddy to a place that we're like They don't speaking like they didn't even look at us. That's the they just went to him and he was just like hit us with it It was fucking fantastic. Hell hell yeah is Lee the guy that was Robert E Lee turns out it's young Lee there's a lot of Asians in Fort Lee yes that's what I said very much so happy coincidence I guess what Lee Lee's an Asian name that was the bit well they have a they have a the term Ford over, the term for it over there that's relatively derogatory, I would say.

Ooh, I can't wait. Fair enough. Hit me later. Sure, I'll text you. Over a little hot pot. Yeah. Yeah. This is from Hemmy.

Is it garbage if you can see three different McDonald's signs from your house? Ah, wow. That's either, that's gotta, who do you live at the airport? That's crazy. I know, right? That's a tough neighborhood. it. What do you live at the airport? That's great. I know right. That's a that's a tough neighborhood or paradise Does exist the only way that's not trash is if you're in some crazy high-rise you can see the whole city

Yeah, or yeah, if you're like a penthouse right? Which I think that is in in New York to have the floor-to-ceiling window is like something I would love that's big you get the hobo right up on it Not on the first floor Something I would love. Oh, that's big you get the hobo right up on a jerk At least on the second floor anytime that the fast foods that close to your house you're in trouble Yeah, McDonald or a big Michael Jackson had a McDonald's in his mansion. Is that true? That's true. Give it a go Norman facts over I'll tell ya, you know, that's named after a guy. Who? McDonald's. Of course. The McDonald Brothers. See how many they can do. It was Gary McDonald.

Carl's Jr. Not a real guy by the way. He wasn't his son. He said Jack in the Box real name is Randy. He wasn't his son. They were friends that was it. Yeah exactly. Bit of a wives tale. There's no evidence to back up that claims You gotta be people working there. You got trucks coming in and out Again I already forgot The McDonald's and Michael Jackson's house that wasn't real no evidence of it. Maybe I'm thinking a Richie Rich that was Which man that was a great movie I was the same age as that guy I'm sick man I think yeah there was a claim though he was like the original

mr. beast you know you just make shit happen yeah him and blank check but now I just saw something did the broad and blank check who was a cop who was like 30 yeah didn't she make out with him at the end of blank check who's blank check I just saw something, the broad in Blankchek, who was a cop who was like 30, didn't she make out with him at the end of Blankchek? Who's Blankchek? I saw that. Blankchek, Gary Blankchek. Yeah.

Who's that? Gary Blankchek. He owns a hot pot place in Portland. Gary Blankchek Jr. Yeah. Who's Blankchek? So Blankchek was this kid, he was pretty savvy at computers.

He got hit in a parking lot on his bike by... Wait, you know this guy? No, it's a movie. Oh, okay. In the 90s. He got hit on his bike by this guy who the cops were, he was trying to get away from the cops, this bad actor, bad character.

Giamatti was it? No, it was that guy who he... That's Big Fat Liar. I think it's a... He smoked cigarettes like crazy. He had such a 90s sig Michael learner That no, it looks like Don DeVito Michael learner don't you have the IMDB? That's what I'm looking at. This is a we're going

Guy that's not that that's the guy that was another guy. He ran the the agency that James Kahn worked in another guy. He ran the the agency that James Khan worked in Elf. Oh, shit. Here's the boss. And now this guy, Michael Miguel. Oh, that guy's great. Robo cop. Yes, Robo cop. Um, man, Robo cop was vicious. That was dark. I had a hard time getting into that 70s show, which I loved because of Chinese restaurant. Oh, yeah, because the dad was dude. He was so good I had a hard time getting into that 70s show, which I loved because of Chinese restaurant Oh, yeah, because the dad was dude. He was so good in Robo. Cop. It's so mean and that's yeah that that movie was

Just twisted fucking blow his head off. They got some like Swedish guy dish to direct it He was like a gore nut Maybe not sweet German or something forgot the guy's name, but he was like we're going all in they're like the studio Like what are you crazy? You're cutting a guy's head off. You're cutting the guy's name, but he was like we're going all in they're like the studio What are you crazy? You're cutting a guy's head off you're cutting the guy's balls off And he's like we're doing it and it worked so good Paul Verhoeven Paul Verhoeven Dutch filmmaker Dutch. Okay. Thank you co-owner at Benihana only a couple locations yeah Sorry, we're going full. Oh, it's all good. We time here

I'm done a boy. That was a fine. We went down down a blank check fucking were these are all recent films. Thank God All right, let's see here Hmm this is from muscles marinara Have you or anyone you know ever said I'd rather be judged by 12 than carried by six that is a dirt bag Early to that was a rapper thing a lot of her Lloyd Bang a lot of people would say that I'd rather be judged by 12 They carried by six. That's why to keep the heater on them. You mean I'd rather be in court than be dead then carry Yeah, I'd rather be judged by 12 by a jury for shooting you then you carry that my funeral by six That's very time is money, you know, type dirt bag, get Richard Dyche.

That was very early 2000s. Right, no sleep or whatever, I'll sleep when I'm dead. Yes, you could have walked a mile in these shoes type thing. Another day short of a millionaire, another dollar short of whatever that was. I had a buddy, this kid, he was like four years older than us. He had a time is money shirt with an actual dollar bill in it Time is money, and I remember we were down the shore those guys always had no money Always it's like whenever girls referred herself as a queen. I'm like you have no accomplishments. Yeah, you're a dumb bitch

And he was like he wore to a bar in wild and we were down the shore and I remember being like dude you just you are going to get ridiculed the second you yes he like didn't get that you were down the short it was like a little like he was still dressing a thug I'm like no one's dressing like thugs down here yeah it was very like we're at the beach and he's fitted hat on Jane and a time is money t-shirt yeah I don't in the water. I don't want to mess up my Jordans. He's on the beach in sneaks. Remember Jabod?

They had a bunch of clothes. Marcus J. Jabod, whatever. I'd never, I can never get them. Real guy. But he had a fucking, like a license plate plaque on the back of the shirt. And that was big shit back in the day. I don't remember that.

I remember those jeans. Oh, I remember that. Yeah. The broads or whatever They had the jeans had the straps on the front. That's right. They were big big jeans early 2000s I was a lot of white kids trying to be black. Yeah the wraparound sunglasses We're in those shiny shirts the button-down the frosted tips. Yeah, dark time. I felt that at Hardy t-shirt. Oh Never that oh, yeah, hi tech t-zone you would get t-shirts from like express

We that's where we'd go we were like dressing up You'd get like bootcut jeans and an express t-shirt and thought we were like boot cut jeans Got my apple bottom jeans. What was that belt buckle remember buckle that store no why you don't know about buckle Johnny buckle. Yeah, it was an Amish store But no there was a store called buckle that was like hot shit It was all jeans and belts and straps were those big like a leather straps a guy would wear to snaps on Yes, I never understood that thing That was like very that was like very von Dutch error where was yes Accessories became really big yes

I'm such hats and girls wearing the fedoras right right Lot of a lot of black roots back then on a blonde lady sure and on this night ship Not do word I like I liked it Alright, this one's from tody slam piece at what age what at what age did you make your first craigslist transaction? My dad would drive me to buy things off craigslist when I was in grade school that seems young dangerous But for the longest time craigs I mean obviously not now But we moved to New York I mean like roommates were found on Craigslist 100% there was no like apartments.com or zill like none of that shit existed So it was you would go to Craigslist go apartment or room shared

Yeah, looking in whatever barrel you wanted and go from there I did a I did Craigslist once or twice never again because I was just trying to get rid of shit I'd be like coffee table $4 office chair bucks, and guys would come over and eyeball it. They'd go, let me see it. All right, can I sit in it? Yeah. And he goes, I'll think about it. I'm like, it's $2.

Think about it. I'll get back to you. Let me noodle on it. I'm a guy on the street, lady. I was more of a men-seeking-men type of guy. Sure, that was out there. Woo-wee! Missed Connections.

Oh, those were hot. Women-seeking-women. Hell yeah. Missed Connections was big. men type of guy sure that was out there Miss connections oh women seeking women hell yeah Miss connections was big mm-hmm that was steaming that was a real lady Miss connection I don't know her look her up the original franchisee man I used to college that always got to I always got to a point every couple of years in my life when it was like, I had a pretty good job so I would buy some stuff. I remember I had like a pretty expensive snowboard, not expensive, but like a couple hundred dollars where I'm like, oh, I don't snowboard anymore. Mm-hmm.

I could get a couple hundred bucks for this. Totally. I would go and be like, that'll get me through this month. And then I start selling like whatever electronic I had, real like crackhead type shit. Sure. Really, you would? I would, I remember selling my snowboard to a guy South Philly any duty pulls up I was with my boy. I'm like you just come with me

I don't think anything's gonna go bad for the by what yeah the by and I get out and Just like fucking I don't know if he was in them I wanted to be in the mot like a young he'll be be an enforcer for the Sopranos like Sopranos was hot, too. A shaved head, cut-off fucking thing. He pulls up in an Escalade, parks in like two spots, hops out, he's like, uh, listen, I know I said three, but I can only do two.

Yeah, of course. It was like him and his boys were going snowboarding that weekend, and I'm like, ah, man, I don't know, like 250, and he's like, it's two. And I'm like looking at my buddy, and my buddy's like, just like looking at the ground, I'm like, all right, man buddy's like just like looking at the ground. I'm like Just give it to him

Anyway, you said to work he was working on that the whole drive Pussy pulled up left the door open music plant like that's a guy who's gonna he was at least showing like I'm a guy Who will fight you in this parking lot? Come on could have hit him with the board He should have said no dude. I said three yeah, you go back to South Philly and tell your fucking goons They try any rough stuff. I ain't no bandleader. Yeah Your rag is olive oil voice. I don't do too Yeah You could just walk back inside yeah, no, I we met him in the parking lot Oh, I would have had to then put the board back in the zip it up in the bank You did the money for dinner you probably were in front of a diner or something like that. I already ordered man

They're gonna take my potatoes back if I'm not in there Lucky I have another deal percolating inside Listen I'm not proud. I'm a bozo. What do you want for me that guy probably told all his boys? I know this fat kid from temple What do this guy would have fucked me up I Pushed back. It's not like I let him take it for first look at 200 bucks on a deal jokes on him Yeah, I mean, so yeah, what do this guy would have fucked me up? I push back It's not like I let him take you for first look at 200 bucks on a deal jokes on him. It was worth a Slippery Guinea

Alright, okay easy does it I this was from David $10 jams up homey is it garbage to take sand from the park and use it in your kids sandbox? Wow I don't That was your red butts and shit like that It depends what park New York City parks are bad like there's just needles and see but it's just hobo shits It's like a litter box for a homeless. Yeah, it's tough Even beaches like even like like, you know the nicest

Area where it's like the beach is supposed to be nice. It's been so many years of cigarette butts and cams. They're all gross Oh, yeah dead birds dead birds What do you say? Dead bird dead bird Yeah, that's I mean it's resourceful I guess but you don't be that guy we were always big we always needed I don't know why but a lot of times in our life we needed sand and we were never ones to buy it Like you could go to the Home Depot and get those we needed sand and we were never ones to buy it. You could go to the Home Depot and get those bags of sand and we'd be like, nah there's sand down and we would go somewhere to get sand.

Oh, 100%. We built a half pipe in my backyard, the whole thing was stolen. All the plywood, all the coping, we'd just deal off construction sites. Dude, that was, same thing, we biked a lot and skated and all that stuff and there was they were building up these You know like these cookie cutter McMansions in our like in our area and we would just go and Two by fours galore they didn't care that the guys work in the job site I mean it was like a now it's like a huge now. It was told brothers It's a huge fucking corporation, so they were just like we don't give a fuck right take it yeah plywood

We would take the tools? Oh wow? Anything yeah, we just leave it. We were just going and ransacked grab bag. Uh-huh until some kid fell into the unfinished basement Shout out to Chris broke his fucking hips and pelvis. That was a rough That one of my favorite things ever we took a Oh, man. That one of my favorite things ever, we took a we found a box of caulk and just took it and smashed it all over the walls. And it's just caulking things to the wall of the basement. Oh, the funnest thing.

That's 12 year old kid. That's a good time. Just throwing so just stick in it. Pre Internet, man. We had to get creative. Yeah. Imagine that contractor showing up Monday and one like fuck off. Oh yeah true. Dude at one point we found the keys for the backhoe like the little fuck cat. I mean it was like, cause at four o'clock they left and we would sit up in the ridge like we were Indians.

Yeah. Like waiting for the cowboys to leave. We'd sit up on top of this hill all on our bikes and they'd all get in their trucks and leave and we'd just fucking descend up on the dam. Oh that's the best. And just fucking do whatever the fuck we want. You had to make fun like you would find a an old shopping cart on a Saturday morning and you're like this is our day. That was four hours.

Yeah. That was four hours. Down a hill. End up in a bush. Laughing the whole way. We found a Christmas tree one time. Dude, somebody had taken their Christmas tree and pulled it into the woods to like get rid of it and It had like the end of it had sat in water So it like sustained kind of and we found it we were like we pulled it out of the water

We're like, let's let this thing dry out for a couple of days because we are going to set it on Let it dry out My boy Pat and flip found it on like Monday They came in with like they told us all around the lunch table they got a score the way we got a Christmas tree We're gonna let it dry out for it on Friday everybody come over. This is your loose Honda But he said it was still good, I think we're gonna like put it up and decorate Sitting around start doing a white elephant Hope I was good this year. What are you Jewish friends? We're burning this fucking thing

I mean you're looking for stuff to do yeah dry Christmas tree that thing goes up. Oh Insane it's a wick that we would steal all the PVC once that you started doing the plumbing We'd steal the PVC and make three foot bongs with it. Yeah, it's all caulk it up make the bongs you ever set a fire in the woods and it gets a little too you know like a second you're like oh god you really find out what you're made of yeah and I do my fight-or-flight response ain't good no no take off that shooting stuff with a BB gun you find out what you're made of yeah that fucking red breast is getting It's like Luigi probably felt

All right, let's see we got time for one more here This was some chase Lee first time long time ten dollar homie is it garbs or bring a frozen margarita machine to your mother's wake? That's a good party though true I come from a's wake. Wow, that's a hell of a sentence. That's a good party though. True. I come from a boozing family, so that kind, like we're drinking before, after, like we're, listen. So what you would have wanted, I'm sure. Right, I know, but you just hear somebody

in the living room making like a poetic speech, just, vroom. Vroom. I'll tell you, he's getting one of those as Clooney when he dies right in there run it up I'm putting his ashes in there and drinking it live forever me yeah but that's it we got to wrap it up gang what a fun one always

great always great to have uncle mark in the house you ain't lying to be back we got anything coming out hit him hey. Hey! This is coming out this week, so oh great. Fresh! I'm going to the UK! I'm going all over the limey, foggy London town. I'm going to Belfast and Glasgow and all that and London and Cardiff and then I'm going to Australia later in the year just trying to get away

from this child. Sure. And yeah, so come on out. MarkNormanComedy.com all kinds of dates coming all over the US too. Love have it Tuesday stories We might be drunk praise Allah. You're the best buddy. We love having a kippy. What do you got for? Uh guys we are on the road next week. There's just few tickets left for Cleveland That's it the second show out of there, then we are announcing our fall dates coming up very soon got a big one coming gang Yes, there's a link in the description of this episode click that let us know if you live in Any of the cities watch route 66 on the YouTube. Yeah

Grab some some cards of the new card games out. Yeah. Yeah, and that's it. We love you. You love you. Hell. Yeah, please