Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Road Trips w/ Kippy & Foley!

Episode Date: February 24, 2025

Watch the AYG Route 66 Tour Special this Tuesday 2/25 on the AYG YouTube Channel! Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Tour Tickets: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp Better Help: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Can't be you see this we got this Route 66 special dropping. You ain't lying big man we got the live shows from every city on the tour plus the boys on the bus seeing this great country of ours it's dropping February 25th on our YouTube page. Make sure you tune into the live premiere. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage. The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. Hey yeah! It's that little show where We sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that it's a good to be classy.

Yeah. Just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, Trolley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in the new edition. Unfortunately, we are not going to see her for a little bit. Oh, god. She's going on a trip with the girls.

Ah. Going down to Cancun. Relax. She's fine. OK. She wants to stretch her wings a little bit. She wants to go down there get nailed I don't know what she does down there. So what you're doing can't good I'm gonna be doing spring breaks right around that quarter My co's is coming at you from across the table

This is what we call a family episode here until he's just the boys the bozos and the homies He is the CEO of are you garbage? He is an international businessman, and I believe he just got shot down for a car loan Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan everybody. It's still pending, but it ain't looking great. It ain't bad credit It's not enough credit. What I've not been what I've gang shout out to you Thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate view subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube and now Spotify Obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash rugarbage. But even more important, www.youtube slash rugarbage.

You go over there for the Route 66 Tour special that is drop it if you're listening to today. Tomorrow, February 25th, live premiere YouTube. Get in there, we're gonna be in the chat. Red carpet, whole nine yards. Cracking there. We're going to be in the chat. red carpet, whole nine yards. Cracking away. We get the red carpet here. Sure. Couple of being a couple of sandwich

trays to a stain carpet. I got that ready to go. This carpet, this carpet is bad news. We couldn't be more excited for this gang. We are so proud of the Route 66 tour. As you know, we started in Chicago. We went all the way to Los Angeles.

Eleven days, nine shows, eight cities, the boys on the bus, all the behind the scenes stuff. Yeah. Stopping along the way. Just getting a sense of what we call America. Little Americana, man. It's a little slice of the forgotten highway. Jesus Christ.

I ain't bad. The forgotten highway. Walt Whitman over here. You gonna charge me a toll? That's the only poet I know. That and like, you know, Gary Frost or something? Robert Frost. More time. We'll be back with that. Stopping by the woods on a snowy evening. Is that when you're doing blow by yourself in the backyard? The woods on a snowy evening stopping by the pizza joint after a couple of beers is more like it. Whoo You know like a slice late-night fatty

Mr. Vodka slice over here even talk. No, listen my my my trains Gresham's at a pizza parlor neither here nor there We're there to we're here to talk about goddamn road trips and the Route 66 special. Yes, sir. Which, gang, one of the, we've mentioned it before, but we kind of started out this whole RU garbage was just to fucking have fun. We're really bad with money. We put a lot of money into this thing. What?

We're not fucking trying to sell. We're not doing anything. A lot of people didn't even return the calls. Maybe we would have entertained it. This is going right out to the fucking, right out to you guys. We need you guys to, as you always have, help us fucking share this thing, catapult this thing,

be in the live chat, tell your friends, share it. It's a lot of, it's a fucking slice of America, as the big man was saying. It's like we did Chicago, which is a big city. You know, you see dirtbags from Chicago. You got St. Louis, and we go to Cuba, Missouri, which is Cuba, Missouri, which is like. Missouri, man. That's a bad part of that.

Another week on that bus, you'd have been talking like a hillbilly. We go to Cuba, Missouri, which is like, you know, a town of like 500 people, we met a bunch of people there, hung out with them, did no show, just hanging. There's a lot of people there, hung out with them, did no show, just hanging. There's a lot of cool aspects of America, which I hadn't seen up until that point. You know what I mean? Cruising through the desert like that. They never see the sun come up over the Hoover Dam.

Yeah, Vegas. There's the desert trash, there's midwest trash, and everything in between. There is this fiber that connects us all in a corny way, but it was very cool to see that throughout, you know, from start to finish. We've done other tours where it's been like, we fly here for a couple of days, be Bob's cap, but this was like this fucking, we were in it, baby.

This big journey through the middle of the country and it was really cool and you know, shout out to everybody that came out to the shows. Hopefully you see yourself all in there because we play AYG with the crowd. Oh yeah. And you see the floor. So it we play AYG with the crowd. Oh yeah. So it's footage from every show. It was really cool.

A lot of bozos and homies making cameos in this thing. Yeah. You ain't lying. Also we've had- All rights reserved. All rights reserved. You all signed releases. We also had someone else write in and go,

hey, can you not include that? Oh yeah. I was not on my best behavior. Which big guy, you were included up until that moment. Yeah, good thing we saw that. Because we were watching her like, we got to include this guy. And then like 15 minutes later, he hit us. I'd be like, dude, do not put that in the-

But as we always say here, Toadies, you protect the innocent. Always protect the innocent. Of course. For sure. Very excited for everybody to see it. We really are. Yes. Couldn't be more proud of it.

Yeah. You guys are going to love it. Game changer. Yes. Tuesday, if you're listening to February 25th, we're going to be in the live chat mixing it up. Me, big man, new guy Luke, we're all going to be watching the premiere together. You know, join in there. We'd like to really get as much. Let's put the fucking garbage thrusters behind this

thing. Let's fucking light the goddamn candle. Show these pussies. Also, because we've been so jazzed on road trips, as you know, we started thinking about getting a conversion van, which we're very close. I filled out a credit application last night. Right, so the business is buying it, but I gotta. Why didn't you put me on there? You said you had to put your name,

you should put the kid on there. What do you mean? Why do I have to do this for you? I'm just saying, you wanna put You put the kid on there. What do you mean? Why do I have to do this for you? I'm just saying you want to put a little star power on it. My credit just went up 17 points. I just

got a notice from my credit mission. Does it cut tie to your cholesterol? Uh no. So, I listen. I like credits. It's good. It's considered good. What are you sitting at? My credit? Yeah, that's seven. About seven. Seven. Seven oh four, seven oh five. What about you, Twinkle Toes? Like seven fifty. What credit do you have though?

AMX, baby. I think that's our card. So I had to apply. Talked to the guy out there. Should we do a plug? You get on the phone with somebody? Got on the phone with a closer. Oh, let's see if he makes it happen old-school closer Freddie beans shout out to Fred beans at Doyle's town a Bucks County guy I get chopping it up with him This is right should be 10% off the ARP whatever it is. Yeah something Freddy Call me but You could shut down. I'll do it. You know, it's kind of fun. If I get I got Patty to you got Patty in the pie.

I shouldn't get shot down. I mean, I'm a fucking your eyebrows. I'm pushing 40. I should be able to get a car. I don't think I'll be that's crazy. If I get tonight a car. I mean, I did get denied that Lincoln not too long ago. That was about a year.

Yeah, it was about 14. I did get the night of Lincoln. Damn. That was dude. I had to walk out of there because I didn't even have a car. I had to walk down the street and wait for an Uber. Still trying to play hardball?

That was a bad look. Okay, now thinking about it, I might not get this car. We'll see what happens. We'll see what happens. You got tooties behind it. I should be able to get a car loan. Whatever, we'll see. Put the Buck Hunter up.

Don't tell them it's broken. Don't tell them it's broken. We got the cooler fixed. Uh Yeah, a lot of improvements were doing around here. Um, but uh So that that should be landing nice guy great get on the phone I go listen buddy, and then he's like, you know, what do you do? Oh my god? What are you gonna use? Why is it always like also? I didn't know none of these none of you can't get a loan People don't get caught people don't give car loans to conversion vans

Yeah, because the chassis I was like why is that I love chopping it up with a guy who knows who knows the beats Oh, yeah, why is that? I was told my credit union told me I couldn't get one and he's like cuz the chassis is like considered like a work van But the it's not like a passenger car or whatever six they run the VIN it doesn't come back because the conversion man no hit it comes back as like an eco-line or whatever so when a cop pulls you over you're driving like a different car than it's right I don't know this guy might have been huffing I don't know what was going on but he's getting us straightened out I should get

I should find out any minute if we're sick I'm a little upset I if I was approved I think I would have I found out this morning and it's like what it's one o'clock now and I haven't found out there's a big difference those congratulations and unfortunately these those emails unfortunately at this time we are not a yes get a lot of that we are not able to it's like in the night from college all over again you know what I didn't want to go to Drexel to begin with my mom told me I couldn't what I was dipping to get denied from college all over again. You know what? I didn't want to go to Drexel. I began with my mom told me I couldn't. What I was dipping into the that happened to me in college.

I got shot down. King's College shot me down. I wanted to go there. All my cousins went there. Like, nah, didn't make it. Widener, no problem. Open me. Welcome me with open arms.

Till you burn that bridge in the head. I escort you off premises. They also asked me to leave very quickly. But and I escort you off premises. They also asked me to leave very quickly. Uh but when I was dipping into uh Navy Federal because for a minute, I was all over Navy Federal. Two grand here, three

grand. They're doing the loans you were taking. They didn't ask any questions. We're taking out a little payday loans. Not even payday loans. They're straight up. They're not long term. They're called personal personal no collateral loans AKA a dirt a dirt bag central. Buddy,

I'm not knocking you, but if you're taking out two, three G's here and there sporadically, that's a guy who's jammed up. But when you got approved, it was right on the phone. Yeah, it's all good. If you weren't approved, which more often than not, that was the case. It was, all right, it's processing. Give us a few hours. You fucking few hours. I know I'm screwed. Yeah, I know I'm screwed. I know I'm screwed. Tell me now lady Let me let me go to something. Let me go burn another bridge

He called the coke guy you guys are jamming me up sure then look at you an asshole Uh, but yeah, so the boy the van is should be happening any dice should be hearing back any day now We're gonna have it in Pontiac We're gonna have it for the first run of the back on the block tour tickets are tickets are selling on that thing So don't see if you snooze, you lose, baby. Sure. Also, little bit of news this summer. There's going to be a little baby Kippy. Oh, running around.

Well, I take orders in this fucking day now. There's now a prince to the garbage throne. That's right. There's a bloodline. You better get cracking so that we can have them fight. I guess it all for the rightful heir of the throne. It all goes to the garbage throne. That's right. There's a bloodline. You better get cracking so that we can have them fight. I guess it all for the rightful heir of the throne. It all goes to the kid, huh? Yeah, he's going to get it. I mean, you who's who's getting your half?

I don't know. You got to give it to the kid. Luke, I guess put it over to the kid. He's going to take my sweat equity. Right. Once he fights, if he's anything like is that you're going to find out and there's going to be a power struggle when he turns for Congratulations. Thank you very much. Yeah, this is uh, so we're very excited not nervous at all. Totally chillin not not Verging on you know the side of panic attack every two minutes sure that kind of thing

I've got a conversion man to maybe look forward to let's also that's yeah, so we're talking road trips, and that made me think like I Don't know about you guys, so you know I? Packing up the kids in the car so any parents out there give me some advice cuz get kid Yeah, I didn't necessarily have a father figure. I'm gonna be I'm gonna be figuring the whole this out on my own Yeah, throw a baseball around or something Was it was when he asked you when he asked you to teach him? I don't think you can play catch with a newborn I'm just saying I don't think he's got the hands for it. It's got a left on them. Look out

Congratulations, thank you. We're very excited Pack up the car take to take him and the wife down to Florida the couple years Well, that was about screaming at him in the car. Sure that scar them life. Get down there. We're not getting that. That's how they get you. That's how most of the traumatic experiences I've had with father specifically was car. You know, the reaching back the of course, the fucking we get the famous screaming, the yelling the we did the famous Foley trip from Mountaintop, Pennsylvania all the way down to Dallas, Texas to see our cousins. Did you get time on that? Mountaintop, Pennsylvania. To Dallas, Texas in a Dotson, in a hatchback

Dotson, they dropped the seats in the back. Everything was pushed to the back of the car. We had sleeping blankets. We had, I remember a big bottle of high sea snacks all that stuff Left in the middle of the night for some reason probably traffic any traffic Went all the way down there drove Not straight through I think we stopped once stayed at some motel. What's the time on that about 25 hours and 47? And went by like it was five 1500 miles

My dad is like route 66. No very similar car broke down Gotta get the car fixed. I man. I remember my mom We got there there was a lot of crying there was a lot of her apologizing. I'm sorry I mean we were just we were like two gremlins in the back seat shit. I'm sure yeah Remember she grabbed me and I had her nails in my arm She had to like clean me up when I got there. Thank you. That's why she's crying She you know assaulted her young boy. Hey, I had it coming baby sure It's all good, baby. This guy's a glutton for punishment.

What are you gonna do? Choose the wrench? Spit my mouth. You gotta build around you're pulling it. Yeah that was the first big road trip which it was awesome. You know what I mean? You're leaving, you're in the sleeping bag with your brother, all that kind of stuff. You know it was fun. I don't remember the drive back at all. They made a knock just to fuck out. Coro. Yeah. Uh huh. That makes we never did a proper road trip as a family. I mean, a divorced family. Nisi, I got to be honest with you. I don't drive at night.

Once you don't drive at night, everybody knows that about Denise. Who? I don't think she's ever driven further than North Wildwood. I don't think she's ever gone straight to Cape May. Like, I think the furthest she's, she's never driven to like, DC or Virginia. No? She's never driven. Patty's nice with it.

I don't think my mom's ever driven to New York. Really? Well, my mom isn't driving to New York. I'm not driving up there. No, I'll park at Princeton. A girl from Philadelphia is petrified of what, I think they think it's how we saw like the Jetsons like flying cars and stuff. They're like, ah Like mom, I live right. It's just 90 taking that you take that you've been on a highway You can drive the Pennsylvania turnpike you drive the New Jersey

But yeah, she ain't she don't you don't drive I'll take the train I'll meet you in Midtown But so we never really had a lot of short trips a lot of two three hour trips to the shore Traffic the whole nine playing the the big thing were you a I spy I spy was big sure Punch buggy punch buggy. What do you remember the lingo to yours like it was punch buggy blue Punching at some point think in the mid 90s, they added no punch backs. Yeah, that's how fights started me and my brother dude, because he would just cold cock me out of nowhere. That's when I first learned that you can feel like a Nissan. He would just hit me.

My brother would punch me with the middle finger out and like the guy. Oh, dude, man. I got right to a six year old's bone sure because of how fat I was, you know, as bad outside the car to a dead leg a dead leg to from the knee to the thigh to the ground Fucking uno dos tres out killing it Another big one, which I played in my adult years, which was kind of the most probably the most sober fun I ever had. Is she blowing him? I'm going to a picnic. That was a big I'm going to a picnic. That was a big. I'm going to a picnic. Do you know that one? Oh Really? I'm going to a picnic and I'm bringing apples then he's then Luke's got to go to a picnic

He's gonna bring apples and bananas and you have to memorize it and it goes with I'm going to picnic I'm bringing apples bananas and cards sure really I'm going to pick out and I'm bringing apples bananas cards and dildos Whatever it is too intellectual for us, dude We were straight punch buggy and you're doing this thing to get the fucking long hunker going Yeah, we were allowed to do that my yeah my it was like when we were in the car. My mom was relatively lawless She because she's so nervous about driving. Anyway, she's got she she can't come back and get you she's ten and two She's holding on for for for dear for death Oh, my dad was driving you couldn't put the light on in the car because the car would explode sure and you couldn't put the visor down

like to Block the Sun he would freak out and stood I do it now because the wife dude I lose What are you doing? I think that's just a control thing. That's not that's you going can't see you Can't say see if I'm making a right listen you you can I'm not saying you can If you wouldn't be able to see they wouldn't just have that capability Somebody be like people are dying left and right and you know what I mean? I remember I was in the car with my aunt one time and she took it and pulled it over to the window I'm like she's gonna fucking kill us. Why isn't's gonna flip. What the fuck are you doing? My uncle

like went to look like what the fuck? I can't you're in my blind spot. All right, let's get into the cues here. Yes, reached out to the homies road trip stories. Let's see what we got. Yeah. All right. So this one is trash and 71 $10 shareholder. My grandfather bought a police scanner from a family friend before our road trip to New Hampshire. Hampshire, we got pulled over 30 minutes into the drive. That grandfather was furious. Let me tell you something. I don't know if you're too young to remember those police scanners. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. My uncle Red would sit in the kitchen with a couple of beers just listening to what's going on. Mm-hmm man and the radar detectors those things never worked Everybody thought they were hot shit with them those things suck sure

We had a We had a police scanner. It's like the big fucking it's just probably like a 90s model I got for the car for the house right we had like a handheld one probably like a 90s model. My step for the car for the house, right? We had like a handheld one that like a fire department guy would have. Like they use in like the town, like like a scrambler. Not as a I don't know. No, it's like a now we like one to look like a radio. Damn, yeah. Yeah. I'm talking the 90s.

I'm saying we probably got mine in like 93. You're talking the 80s. You got mine in, you know, when there's had that big, big antenna already out on it. kind of like a Zack Morris phone gang the show is sponsored by better help Yeah, call it all you screwballs out there get yourself together. I'm all banged up. I'm crazier than a $2 bill I got into talk therapy You're having issues do yourself a favor get over that a BetterHelp because they can help and they just might have a specialist that you don't have in your area and you can do it from the privacy of your own home.

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one more time 20% off your first order at mood.com slash garbage promo code garbage. Do it. Yeah, we do it. If we get the van, we're getting the van. We have to get CB. CB. How much is a new CB radio? Like six bucks. I know. Let's get each get them. We need a CB. We need a scrambler. We need a 400 for a CB radio. I'm not gonna get approved for that No way that's happening a scrambler a radar detector and a police scanner. Okay. I think we're fucking Think we're gonna go fucking blow something up not happening. We get not we can get a fine one for a hundred There you go. You know, it'd be sick to? We get a dish on the top of this thing.

I think it's got wifi. So what? I want a dish. It's got something. It's got blue rain DVD, that's what they told me. Which by the way, get your DVDs, gang. Yeah, we had that, we had a, I remember my stepdad had a dust,

remember like, I don't know if it was a 90s thing, but like, electronics used to be dusty as shit back in the day. Oh, and we had a dusty to do to a dusty It's for dust off caught on sure, but I got my hands on. Yeah I mean I nobody I knew was using my my dad's secretary had that that's it That's the only person I knew it had it and she got mad at us cuz me and my brother were freezing each other's fingers With it anytime I saw one of those and like somebody's office or something like that Are we gonna get out of here? Sure.

Have to go huff this away. Woo wee. It was. Bad news kids. It was too tempting to not have fun with as a toy. Like to be like, I'm going to shoot cold air at you. Like, what are we talking about here? But my stepdad had a, he was a lot of,

he liked the gadgets, right? So a single guy at the time, like before he met my mom, single guy, pretty decent income, pocket knife and a scrambler, pocket knife, scrant to the end of he had everything all the antennas, the whole CB radio nine yards. So that was like anytime we were in the car with him, that was like a treat because you're like, I can play with all this shit. Sit in my mom's car fucking stunk. But that was like he felt like because you're like, I can play with all this shit. I sat in my mom's car, fucking stunk. But that was like, it felt like you were in the, you know, the enterprise, you felt like

you were in the fucking Star Trek. Be cool if we did like, like an FBI training, like how to like do like the, like the spin-outs and stuff like that. Oh, like tactical drive. Oh, in the van? Yeah. I'm not, I'm not rolling that thing. Well, that's what we're gonna, we gotta get approved for.

That's what we're gonna be in. What? We'll be in that. You gotta train on the thing you're in. Like, so you can do the, eee, and peel out.'re gonna we gotta get approved. That's we're gonna be in what we'll be in that you got a train on the Thing you're in. I see you can do the You're not driving this thing. I didn't say I was sure What are we fucking knocking over banks? We're gonna be cruising slowly to Cleveland and Pittsburgh in April second shows out of both cities You get jammed up. You want to be able to make a move

2000 for an invasive driving course. All right. I'm not we're not doing that. We're not doing that. We'll do it We're going to know the point of the van was not to do a bank. Yeah to do jewelry heist It was to nice family talking about those smashing graham jobs You see on tik-tok talking about something elegant coming in the middle of the night. You got the thing You knock out the wall, you go in, bing bang boom. Thomas Crown Affair style. Yeah, you know, oh, forget about it. Put a nice tux on, steal the Mona Lisa. I get stuck under the door. It was five fat guys in a

conversion van. They stopped by Mickey D's on the way out. We'd be busted. Also, I don't think any eating in a car for the first trip or two. No, you're a lot of snacks. Snacks. No wet foods. No lettuce. Like no, you can eat. Oh, no. Hold on. You can eat all the lettuce. You want to get a hoagie lettuce. Is that where your brain goes when you think lettuce?

What are you on a sandwich? When you say wet shredded shred, shredded wet. I didn't say shredded wet. I just said no wet foods. All right. You immediately, okay, no vegetables. No mayo on that. No sandwiches, mostly stuff. Well, we normally, you're stopping to whatever.

Snacks. Snacks and get at a gas station. No fast food or not. I'm gonna be rolling this thing when I, I'm gonna be like my dad. I'm gonna be turning around. Okay. I'm gonna be turning around hitting his,

your mother car. Okay, okay. Speaking of, this is perfect. This is from Drew. Did anyone's dad actually turn the car around if you didn't, OK. Speaking of this is perfect. This is from Drew. Did anyone's dad actually turn the car around if you didn't knock it off? Yeah, I know. That's not I don't think that's ever happened to me. Yeah, it happened to us at a Fourth of July party.

We were acting up in the back seat and we were driving to my buddy dad's my buddy, my buddy, dad, my dad's buddy's scows place. What a name. Yeah, that's the right. We were driving there. That was like the party house. We were driving over there fourth of July My brother and I both had lice at the time. I Mean you are a born dirtbag, dude It was like this why you go to a party you got fucking lice I was like kind of like coming to the end of it. You got theory dude you're feral you got to stay home at that point you

can't be bringing like kids have lice back then but we didn't make it because we started screwing around in the backseat and that was like my mom was like should we go or should we not go and we were driving over there and we started trouble so I had to get my mom brought us back to the house brought me up to the bathroom and started doing that comb, that lice comb, and she was not being tented. Sure. And I heard the fireworks going off outside. Sucked. Dude, imagine the balls of being a fat little kid riddled with lice and being like acting like an asshole. Like no, no self-aware, no like, you know what, maybe I should just keep my mouth shut. I'm covered in bugs right now.

I'm infested with bugs. Maybe I shouldn't break my parents stones. Maybe that I had crabs My fault I was closing it cracking dingers at the little league park, you know what I mean brought in the snack shop wanted a piece of the kid, uh-huh. Oh Jesus I turned it around but usually that was all bullshit You know if you got far enough away, that's when you start. Hey, you go turn around dickhead. He turned around Well the good thing about the divorced parents is they never Unionized you know what I mean like they never discussed like there was never a situation where one of you did something and they had the fucking Or was it just like ping-pong? What do you mean? Let's say Danny did something

Would he get yelled at by your mom and then yelled at by your dad? They never came together Yeah, but they were we're in the car together to where we're causing a scene and they can both go you know what? We should have never done this. We should have never had them. I mean, you know, it's gotta be no so it was I mean, oh Big day and got called in for them the head she stopped trying at some point it was like was there ever a point after the divorce where you came home and he was there cuz I would shit my pants no it was even more so they threw you out buddy I thought you two were on the house I brought you back together dude I would man no it was the worst because it was the weight You had a wait for him to come pick you up

Man two weekends from now. You're fucking dead. He'd get caught now. He'd get called it like you know Noon or whatever and he's not picking us up till after work at 6 6 16 cold wait He was he was constantly on. It was constantly on like, I forget the name of the road, like I'm on fucking fifth Ave or whatever. And it was just like ten blocks away, stuck in traffic. Yeah. And we were the big joke was like, how long is Fifth Street?

It's like you've been on it. You've been on it for three hours. You call me three hours. You gamed up. But yeah, that way, that was, that way that was the bad. That was the bad. As a dad has a little more whatever. But as a as a as a recently divorced mom, you're speaking from experience with with you two in the back seat.

I mean, dude, that probably there was probably moments where she felt helpless. Just like we also get out of my sister. She was in those spring chicken either her and Danny would fist fight. She is a little bigger as a kid. She would, her and Danny would fucking go at it. She, dude, those Sullivan girls, they don't play. Goes right through his earring. A lot of times, Denise would try to split us up. I'll drop you off at Patty's. Put you on a bus. The boys can drive down with Aunt Patty, or I'll drop you off at Aunt Karen's. The boys can drive down with Aunt Karen.

I'll take the girls. I had to put you on a bus. I usually had to roll with the broads when I was too young. That's fun though. I used to love hanging out with the broads when I was a kid. I didn't know what they were talking about.

Ooh, my Aunt Mary Catherine would take me over to Bingo on a Wednesday night. All the Werthers and Salem 100ss I can get my sister, huh? All right, let's see this one's from waffle fries Is it garbage that on a family trip to Florida my whole family flew except me because we couldn't afford another ticket So I drove the 20-hour drive by myself. I was 16 years old. What the fuck that's crazy nuts What'd you spend on gas?

Gas had to be at least a hundred Yeah, but you gotta figure this might be mid 90s or so late 90s gas was 99 cents a gallon you got a drive So that means he had to leave either he left and day is early Yeah, or he missed a couple of days Man if my whole family was at Disney World and we left at the same time. I'd be hot-footing it down there I fucking missed the Magic Kingdom or something like that like an asshole talking about jammed that Also the two longest drives ever did I guess it was three times went to and from Myrtle Beach spring break and my mom's like

97 bravada remember she's like I'm gonna she got an oil change beforehand. She's like I don't I didn't have a car Maybe I had to loom and she's like you're not taking the loom like no way the looms making it Maybe I didn't have a car. I forget this might have been between loom and Montego now I was driving the boys down and she's like dude This is how insane the crew I was rolling with the best car anybody could get their hands off the teego No was a 97 brava 99 bravada and it was like Yeah, everybody that could call in favors to get a and it was like, yeah, everybody that could call in favors to get a car,

it was that. It's always a bad look when you have to not use your car to sort of, it's not gonna make it. It's okay if I take the. Mine would have made it to Dover, Delaware. We were leaving Temple, we were leaving Philly. Think it was freshman year maybe or sophomore year, spring break.

I think our second longest was this was a Going in a caravan is even crazier. My cousin graduated from school in North Carolina Who were all driving that there for the graduation? I had gotten in is my junior of high school. I had gotten in Serious trouble towards the end the wrestling season. Like almost got kicked out of school like it was a problem and They put me in the car just me with my uncle Frank Who I? Honestly gave brutal I get it was just me and him in a Lincoln in a Lincoln town car All right about running out of stuff to say I've done

He was like the enforcer of the family very quite very funny, but very quiet, but we were kids it was very You know he was like an ex-teacher. He was a teacher and all that kind of stuff So you couldn't get away with any of the bullshit you get with get away with the other parents and man They said I didn't know they were doing it. I was like ah here. We go. I'm dude. I'm dude I'm I got my gummy bears guys. We're gonna swear to share cassettes right. I'm jammed up at school I think it kind of blows over and then I see this black Lincoln pull up and I'm like, oh, what's uncle Frank doing here? And my dad's like his wife got out of the car got in my mom's car came in and he's like you're gonna drive down with Your uncle Frank dude. I felt like lefty. I took my rings off

You know, I love you, right? You're kissing everybody on a cheek. I gave myself a 50-50 chance of getting back. I thought we were gonna pull off. I was gonna give me the Adriana special. He didn't say a word till after DC. And then it was like. you shit your pants, kid. It was like, so what happened at school? And man, I got the I got the scary riot act all the way down there. Sure. Man, I was hanging on to my mom's hips when I got there. I'm never gonna do it. Six minutes later, fist fighting

some bitch fist fighting the neighbor. That just reminded me. I didn't remember. We took, we drove, my dad, my stepmom, my younger brother, and Danny drove from Philadelphia to like outside of Quebec for a soccer tournament in my dad's's buddies conversion van that thing was fucking sweet Remember at a table in it remember that see like that like an octagon table. That's the exact situation What your dad's didn't take his own car took his buddies was the buddy with his no as buddy Sam To try to get a quite a bit mule and I don't get across the border our license and registration Trying to get across the border of license and registration Here's the thing it's not registered to me I don't think they hate what license they hate you with just ID don't ask for registration of the car asking whose car it is

I Don't think so that's tough to explain since registration No, I don't think they asked that I don't think they they're more worried about the guy coming in than the car Sure, you know it could have been very we are the Millers or whatever and fucking I could have had fun I could add a couple of balloons up my ass. I don't know He did ask me to swallow some bags if I remember but yeah that was like dude I remember we did it no man remember so we're up there and Like all didn't pre internet you got no real just going off

So we're up there with a soccer team and we're talking The guy was also my fourth grade teacher. My dad notoriously got lost every trip I remember that we we tried to go to Niagara Falls from Quebec Which I mean I think it was one of those things of like you're up here like halfway across the country. It was far, dude It was driving the other. It was far. Drive it back the other way. That's a 10 hour drive.

Yeah, and we added it on. And I remember being like, I remember just driving from what seemed like day. I don't think. As a kid, dude, two hours could have been six weeks. And we didn't stay at any hotel. I think we fucking raw dogged it up. Like he just fucking heaters and coffee,

probably a couple of beviesies probably couple mix road Saudis And Then we tagged that on and I remember in his brain. He's like we're in Canada Can't be that sure you know what he means like just throw it on there, and we tagged it on and I mean There's no way thought I felt like we were going, like we were Moses going through the desert, dude. Mr. Week of school. It was so long and so hot.

I remember an overheating factor. Gonna hold you back a year, you missed the finals. I'm in third grade with a full beard. My trip was long. Yeah. Is that Moses? I don't know. That was just an old guy voice. It was a long...I just remember being like

That was so out of the...so out of the...one, we didn't go anywhere. We only went Philadelphia to Wildwood. That's the only places we ever went. Remember my dad would go to South Carolina with his boys in the van. And they'd go like hunting. That's a good time. And he'd bring back fireworks.

And to me that was like, I would go to school and be like, my dad drove to South Carolina, like he went to the Amazon. That was like the most, that was. Machu Picchu. That was the most exotic place anybody I knew went. Couple of cherry bombs for the kids. Hey, got Sam's pizza down there, dad?

There were those road trips that I didn't understand. Like I remember being like why the fuck Are we going here some flea market somewhere some state fair some shit like that? That sucked sure like what are you doing man? Yeah, that's your goddamn goonies is out Catch the 1230 a large popcorn catch a matinee Catch the 1230. You're getting a large popcorn. Catch a matinee, something. What are we doing here, dog? Alright, let's see here.

This is a famous move by our previous boy, Rest In Pieces, from E.B. McBurnies. Taking an alternate route to avoid tolls even if it's way out of the way. Man, that is a... I remember that would be on Garmin's. Shout out to Cotton,

our old pilot for a long time. Yeah. Our old road dog. He did all the driving in the Jeep. Uh-huh. And he used to talk about the Garmin like it was a guy. Yeah. I thought they got Garmin.

I got the Garmin. I got the Garmin. He throw it in there, avoid all tolls. That was the first time going from Philly to New York that I drove. I think it was Route 1. He would take Route 1 to like to the bridge. A lot of times you take Route 1 for traffic purposes and you hop on the turnpike. It seemed like hours. It was lights every five minutes.

Get on the goddamn highway. It's crazy. It's the middle of the night. What are we doing here? Sure. That was, uh, he was also the king of, uh of uh didn't wanna put too much gas in the car. Mm hmm. Cuz you know dudes I remember one time we drove out to Lancaster or something to do a show. There's somewhere out

in the middle of the state and we stopped for gas like I'm not even joking like three or four times. Yeah. And it's like a three hour drive. We could have filled up and then got there. They get six on bump two. Just enough to get, they might need that cash. That was all of our capital at the time. Sure. So we did have a little bribe money.

Uh-huh. In case the local sheriff. He was also the guy. Smashed the tail. It was me, him and Reggie. We were going on a road trip. Same thing out that way. When we started and got like, you know, relatively proficient at comedy,

you could get those gigs in like just those weird small towns in Pennsylvania. Yeah, 300 bucks. Yeah, three, I mean, that's, they still got that going on. I'll do it. I'll have a little headline, you feature, he'll host, yeah. Yeah, you bring it, you can do it, I mean, sometimes you'd go out and you just weren't getting,

I was a low man on the totem pole, so you're not getting paid. I can give you 30 bucks or whatever out of his bank. Sure. But we went to rent a car, and he didn't have a license or insurance, and he's like, you believe they're not giving me a car? I'm like, what dude? Yeah.

So we had to drive, because the Jeep was on the fence of making it so long. We were, no, we pulled up in the Jeep to rent the car. And then, or maybe, dude, I think he was going to have someone else rent it. And then there was like an issue with a license, a credit card, and insurance. Credibility. And he came to, he was in there for like, you know, if you're in a, if you're in a place like that. Half hour, you're done. Anything over 15 minutes, it's a coin flip whether or not you're in a if you're in a place like that half hour you're done anything over 15 minutes It's a coin flip whether or not you're getting that service

Uh-huh, and he was in there for an hour and me and Reggie were in the car and I'm like there ain't no That's how we first started to tour we couldn't do it because we only had debit cards. We didn't have credit cards Yeah We had to rent on toro which for all the dirtbags out there great way to get around the major to get around because enterprise won't rent your car if you don't have a credit card or return ticket from that airport. I've learned even if you go hey, just take the $500 hold they don't do it. So Toro will do it. So shout out Toro helping

the he got a roadie coming up with the boys. Yeah, helping dirtbags get get on the road. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, neighborhood and you're like just looking for somebody and it's you're just like this ain't great they just get some beat-up fucking car whoo warning I've got this condition where I don't feel pain you're a superhero this is how intense Nova Cane's sound imagine how it looks yeah big time no mornin'? Yeah, big time. Nova K. Pullman Theaters, March 14th. Want to own part of the airline you flew with on your last vacation?

Or part of the company that makes your favorite triple shot latte with extra foam? What about owning part of a company that one day could send you on a tour of outer space? Now you can. With partial shares from TD Direct Investing, you can own part of your favorite companies. Just pick a stock and decide how much to spend on the share. It's a piece of cake. Learn more at td.com slash partial shares. TD ready for you. All right, let's see. This one's from Fran. I once made it all the way from Arkansas to Galveston, Texas and back with no money.

Wow. We stole from Walmart and returned it for cards which we could use for gas and food. Damn. When we needed cash for hotels and weed, we would steal video games and then take them to GameStop. That's... Listen, I don't condone that behavior. That's off the grid.

But talk about making it work. What's that distance? Arkansas to Galveston? That's gotta be... I mean, sometimes you get into Texas. Four hours? No, that's gotta be eight, ten hours. You gotta map out the Game Stops, you gotta map out the Walmarts. Man, that's a road trip right there. Eight hours, twenty minutes.

Holy shit! That's pretty good. Multiple scams. That's multiple tanks of gas. That's at least one set of hotel rooms and a bag of weed. The bag of weed's great. But you only get like 75 cents on those games. Maybe back then the new ones?

I don't know. Say they went to Circuit City or whatever was banging at the time, stole an NBA 2K5, whatever, like the newest one. 20, 30 bucks or something. Yeah, went and sold it, which was going, I mean, what they used to go for like, they always were, I don't know what they are anymore, but they were like 50 bucks.

You get 17 bucks for it. Also, you never know, you get some nerd behind the counter at the GameStop. I'll take it. Here's a kind of a famous racket, though. GameStop, where they were notoriously paid you like a yes. But I mean, if you got no cash and someone's going to give you four bucks, you go, hey, I got five games, 20 bucks.

That's a fucking that's the dying bags where I come from. But bum a joke's on him. Sonic's in there later. Get out. Yeah, damn, that's a paper. Joke's on him. Sonic's in there. Later. Dip out. Yeah. Damn, that's uh, dude, that's like, uh, that's like, that's like New Frontier type shit. That's like Forge in West. Playing life on hard. Yeah. Me and my boy Tommy Dufresne in college drove down to uh, San Juan, Tanejo. Drove down to Virginia

in his citation. I don't even know what that is. Ford. Yes. A Ford citation. Maybe Chevy citation. Rough. Oh, yeah. To meet these girls. And we went down, man. It did not go well. I'm taking a look at the car. We had a bag of weed and we had maybe like 20 bucks on us. And on the way back, we had spent all of our money.

So we just got to the tolls and we're like hey we have no money they made us fill out some form. They take your driver's license. Never heard of it. Yeah. Wherever that got mailed to I don't know. Yeah that was a thing. That was a thing back in the day before easy pass or whatever it was like.

How do I get you coming? How do you get away with anything? I get people texting. They're texting my wife. Oh, my God. That just happened. Hey, you owe us a debt. It's about to go into collection. She forwards it to me. It's six dollars. I go out. You figure it out. I got easy pass. It ain't on me.

No, that's a scam. That's a scam. It's a scam. Yeah. Yeah. She didn't follow that link, did she? I might have. You're fucked. They get that. They get you. Yeah. It's a scam. Yeah, yeah. She didn't follow that link, did she? I might have. You're fucked. They get that. They get you. Yeah. So they get. Oh, man. They they probably got a fuck. Who the fuck's texting? They probably got my baby. I don't know.

This is Kathy Hokel. What do you think the governor is calling you? I don't know. I thought because I was on her account. What? And you want a conversion? No easy pass. We're going off the grid. Oh, really? Stop it. Throw the change in. Be pretty fun. That was it. Yeah.

I think you can do that anymore. No, some places you throw the change in. Now, I think it's just they're all attendance. Yeah, because nothing's change. They used to be 30 cents or whatever. Now it's like. I mean, you can't pay a $11 toll with nickels. I wanted to do that one summer in college and I was taking a lot of acid I was gonna get a job as a toll booth Toll booth operator overnight take acid every time and write write a book about it. I

Just like whatever happened just Keeps took the ass could it couldn't pass the drug test to join the Union The Union job. I'm sure. Around here? Pretty good. I would imagine that's some sort of teamster. That's got a lot of money. That's a government job. That's good pennies, good pension. That's got to fall under.

Someone's wetting their beak on it. We were somewhere. I remember. What do you got, Luke? They're toll booth operators represented in Union, yeah. OK. I knew it. I also remember, I don't know if this was all over though all over the this great country of ours

Which you can see explored on Route 66 There was a Used to be no pennies The one on the ones on the turn or the ones on like they going down a shore where no pennies no pennies no pennies No pennies and my uncle who was a cop I was like they take the pennies a guy's legal ten So we heard that somebody pulls out that legal tender argument. That's legal tender Uh-huh every time we drove by blockbuster guard Every time we drove by it

I drove by a toll and I saw a sign that said no pennies if you think I wasn't dropping now I never even did it. I was just dropping knowledge on whoever's in a car You know, my uncle's a cop on in the 15th They take pennies that was always a stressful. So there's no tolls in his district that was always a stressful transaction pulling up to the Between my mom and my dad like if the exact change give me the quarter and where's the ticket losing that ticket? I thought our whole family was gonna get arrested and fucking putting shackles. I don't take it Where's the tag? It's freaking out. That was a big that was a big thing on long car rides for us was

Was getting the toll change ready out of the cup holder. Of course. That was like I felt like a banker me Dude me and Danny he'd be in the front seat I'd be in the back leaning up on the center console and we were we thought we were in a floor, dude. I'm like, I got a nickel, you got 75 cents, you got this, you got that, you got that, you get this. 30 miles out, we were getting ready. You got cars behind you. They wanted that transaction to be smooth. They start beeping at you. Lose your job. That might well, we always, a lot of time, oh, my dad always wanted a receipt for tax write-off purposes. So we were big on receipts.

I guarantee you he never looked at those things again. No, he did. He would turn them in. Yeah. Dude, they would be in a stack. I remember one time laughing and counting. Dude, this is when I was working the books. So this is like 2011.

Before he had easy pass, he was still. He was also, we had easy pass, he would still get a receipt. I'm going to get a receipt. That's crazy. But they'd be in a stack right here like right in the visor And he'd let the let them get like he turned them in at the end every month drop that thing they go everywhere fuck You gotta think it's probably a minimum couple hundred bucks a month as much as driving Yeah, my dad saved all his gas for see I but I don't think I don't know if he ever turned him in

They were just in the center console that some M&M's and shit. Can I get a receipt for that? I used to do when we started comedy. I was like, I want to write this. I need a receipt for that. Meanwhile, two weeks later, I'm blowing my nose in it. Wiping ketchup on it or something. Special sauce. Yeah.

All right. Let's see here. This is from Jeremy. Anytime we went on a road trip with my grandfather, no matter the distance, he would buy a CD at the beginning of the trip and listen to it on a continuous loop from start to finish. One show from southeastern Pennsylvania to Indianapolis listening to a Kenny Rogers CD for 12 hours straight. I like the move. I mean, that's

psychotic, but yeah, if you listen to a whole album, something maybe you haven't heard in a while, but afterwards, like I am. Listen, I've mentioned this before. It's not your fault. I know where you're going. You're making it seem like my fault. I can't fucking listen to his playlist one more fucking time. Then put on... anytime you've ever said it.

Listen, I'm driving. If I hear that Tyler Childress song one more time, I'm going to blow my brains out. Fantastic artist. Great song. They say something you why don't why do you sit there and stew and then and then boil it over and carry it. I'll just go. Hey, I'm going to put on somebody go. Okay, great. You know the playlist

I'm talking about. I love the playlist. I don't want to hear Oreo whatever. All right, Oreo. I think you're referring to Oreo Speedway or some sticks. I know that's not sticks. I'll come up with a how about we all come up with the playlist for the next road trip buddy. Listen download Spotify. You got Napster.

So like you're you're you're this is I love you, but you've been carrying this like you carry this this pain around in this aggravation on my playlist, which put on what... I've never said, no don't change it. I plug it in, I got a co-pilot, six souls on board here. I'm driving, I've got to make sure everybody gets in a gig, safe sound and we get the check. I ain't worried about that. That's in the background. Put on whatever you want. Texas was driving me crazy. Dude, we were in the car for like, see you've been holding on to it for three years. This is the problem. Then I don't even know. Then I put it on and you're like, yeah, it's fucking song. You're in a

bad mood. I stood over you in the middle of the night. I'm debating, slitting your throat. It literally just goes on and hits plug. You pull out plug in your phone and it hits. I'm not searching. We're in an Airbnb. You wake up and I'm standing over top of you. What's your first move? You're swinging probably kill myself. Let me suffocate it under your huge ball bag. I'm standing next to you.

Not on the bed balls out. You're standing next to me quietly. I'm just standing there. I don't even sound like he can't be wake up. You wake up. I'm just standing there. I don't know. like he can't be wake up you wake up. I'm just standing there. I Don't know. I mean I go what the fuck are you doing? Are you holding anything? Got a pair of my undies

In your mouth do it just do a little sniffing. Yeah, I would be would be weird I don't know I have a lot of questions is I know you guys look in a me on me in the middle tonight What I know you look yes, you do you hold your door? Oh, I know open so like yeah, and I listen you leave your door open your that's for vampires And you're and you're hooked up to a generator. I'm gonna peer in there. I hear a noise cooking It's like what's this like? I'm first of all we're not looking at you It's not the middle of the night you sleep later than everybody else so we wake up We go down and make our scrambled eggs like goddamn gentlemen, proper gentlemen, maybe green juice, and- I always know when the doors close and I wake up and, well, one of those fuck- it probably took a picture of me.

I bet you Cassidy probably has fucking like ten pictures of me sleeping. It's not attractive. Yeah, you sleep with the door open. Wild move. In a room full of bros. I get scared in there by myself. To see the light on iPhone full volume I can hear all Star Wars. Buddy, hold on. So back to back to our upcoming road trip. You have full control. I want I want nothing but full control. You have full control. I want nothing but full control. You have full control over the radio, right? OK.

You got to get Spotify. Uh huh. Right. You can build your own playlist. Uh huh. My phone's going to be, Luke can't help you. You got to build your own playlist. OK.

And then you can share that playlist with whoever's phone is plugged in. It's like you're selling Spotify right now Yeah, it's a pretty good service. Now. What about we got full video on there? What about this old rule of not eating in the car? I think it's time to change that Not even a new car. It's got nine miles on it That's how many miles he got on it nine miles who the fuck drove at nine miles I've we just been scooting around test drive here 2024 2024 it's how they see yeah, the 2025 are available He got on a nine-mile night who the fuck drove at nine miles. I've just been scooting around test drive here 2024

2024 it's how they see yeah, the 2025 are available are they but they upcharge I said, what's the difference you got to be honest with you? Not really anything Wow you talked to this guy talk to him Yesterday good guy you talked to Fred beans himself. Did you know I talked to Gary beans. You're lying Yeah, I am but also it's like I come from such dirtbag I start sending out my feelers to all my group text. Mm-hmm. I say hey cuz I'm calling I'm not getting ever so I didn't get a response. So I go hey we know anybody over there at beansies and I thought we did Are we gonna hold me?

Did but I lost the message or the comment or wherever well, I't know where that went. I can't go back and find that now Long was the internet a lot business a busy place that was weeks ago But I reached out and everybody's like I mean right away pats like yo talk to my that shut out mr. Mr. S. He was like talk to my dad and then by that time I had heard back already nice so but you gotta you gotta you gotta go in with a Somebody but that is guy ended up. I enter I grew up right not not that far from him like Nice. But you gotta go in with somebody. But then this guy ended up, I grew up not that far from him. Like three minutes away.

He's like, where are you from? I'm like, Fox. I'm at Fox now, you know, chopping it up. Remember Patty Embarrassed. He also wants to come to his show. Who? The guy we're working with. Let's see what the fucking deal looks like.

I mean, that's what I said. I said, hey, buddy, you make right on a deal. I'll throw a couple two three take it your way Hey, maybe a t-shirt signed charge you for some charge you for the order great Patty did that fucking well, we wanted to get one of the cars She the guy knew a friend of ours or something like that and we were in there It was like the guy that owned the place was like The one handle on us because it was a favor to the person that we knew but then his wife showed up and My mom like introduced like oh, we've known whatever and the guys like well. We just met but

Banged over to head for this It comes the undercoating Spray it right in my mouth. Also we do we want any kind of I'm gonna get banged over the head for this. Here comes the undercoating. Spray it right in my mouth. Um also we do we want any kind of uh this is in the road trip world. Do we want any kind of uh. Tint it out.

Murder it out. Gunmetal black. Bumper stickers. I feel the garbage mobiles gotta have something if you see the van rocking come knocking like it weird This one is I got pegged at the Cracker Barrel. That's pretty good. I Want like proper offensive ones nobody ride for free gas grant grass ass gas or grass This one's pretty good, I love sucking dicks with my butthole we might have to get that that might have to we might have to get that one wow that's amazing dude oh yes, we got to

get a windshield thing too. At the top of the a banner. Yeah. Okay, what do you know what I mean? Yeah, like Tootie's ride or whatever. Or like, what was the one in Kill Bill the Shaggen wagon or whatever? I can't remember the pussy wagon. This is a YG after dark now. That's good shit. Hold on, let's see if there's any other solid... I got a BBL at AutoZone.

What's a BBL? Brazilian butt lift. That's pretty good. We gotta get some, Luke, come up with a couple of them. Spread Cheeks Not Hate, also pretty good. Why are these, dude, who would ride, these are for sale, who would ride around with these? Gonna send in those nuts and put them on the back too.

Truck nuts? That's a little too on the nose. What about some of those? We do got a hitch. We do? Yeah, it's a goddamn conversion van. You could put me in a little suite in the back. Just put you in a put you in a put you in a lazy boy.

No kidding. What about those? This one says, please be patient. I'm nine years old. What about the Yosemite Sands? Mud flaps. Oh, whoa. We can mud flap it up. Mud flap it up. Get some chains on it. Mm hmm. Some snow chains. I don't think you need snow. I mean Fuck it

Let the city worry about that Going through like a panzer tank We also have to stock it up with some stuff for the car gotta have some extra antifreeze Gotta have a little armor all I think all that stuff I mean like I don't think we need extra antifreeze with it It's got nine miles on it. You never know when she'll white per fluid I should all be that should all get you for you know Peninis ha ha ha penini press I go eat the panini's Yeah, we got to come up with something for the windshield, and then we got to get a guy that can do that

Who's fucking something like they're like they you know? Something something good suck my dick bitch Who's fucking? Something like that, you know Something good Suck my dick bitch Jesus Christ, God damn family program Is that too much? Dude, I love fucking dicks with my butt That's hysterical That's a home run

Oh, also some magnets Oh, we should put some bullet holes on it We gotta make it You know couple of chromies nice set of chromies mmm kids steal them now. It's all right They're a nickel somebody got me stole my tub cap really yeah all of them gone Might have been a kid at pet boys game a little lip about this 168 you do mean I owe you one How about this one? 68, you do me and I owe you one. That's all right. Do you do me and I owe you one.

These are all like Larry the Cable Guy lines. This is awesome. That's a home run. That's all right. Damn. All right. We got to trick this thing out with, uh, let us know what trashy things we need on it. I say chromies, good mud flaps, maybe a bullet hole sticker, nothing crazy. I don't want to, I don't want it to look like we were in, you know, Sicario or nothing. Yeah. You know what I mean? Uh, and then we needed some sort of, uh, uh, what

are they called? The windshield slogans. Okay. I don't know if slogans is the right word, but you can catch me. How about a couple of sponsors? For the van? Yeah, make it look like a fucking NASCAR car. Whoa.

Bang this thing out. Like what? I don't know, STP, Getty Oil. They're not gonna give us any money. Whoever wants to play ball. I think you're gonna sit in a parking garage most of the time Take this thing that the Daytona sure show them. What's up?

All right, let's see this one's from big titted animal great name Raise your hand if you used to ride in the bed of the truck That had a truck cover shell on it during road trips from Oregon to Southern, California Love it. God damn. I had a lot of pillows and blankets back there. Handheld games like poker, blackjack and had a CD player and cassette plate cassette player with me. As a young kid. That's like a fort.

You got pillows, you got blankets, those those blackjack and poker games, those those windows on those things that opened up, man, those would that those took many of fingers Those things they closed hard Yeah, cuz they would lose the shot like the shit the piston would lose the shot or whatever back in the back of the pickup We did pretty regularly when I was a kid my one buddy who was older was a kid. My one buddy who was older, Johnny Mitt had a truck sure and he was on the wrestling team. So he would drive us and would be him some other senior or whatever in the front and me

and his brother in the back like middle winner freezing sure but we took my uncle had a truck with the cover on it. Yeah from Lake Tahoe, Torino, Nevada Can you give me how far that is? Lukey Lake Tahoe is actually serene Lakes, California Torino, Nevada is when we went to that buffet Me and my cousins rode in the back and my brother of a pickup truck

1989 serene Lakes Tahoe to Reno, Nevada. Yeah. 48 minutes. That's it. I know. Longest day of my life. Arduous journey. I felt like the Donner Pass. That said 48. You are such a bozo. We were on the highway. That's like three stop signs, dude dude you got to be doing it wrong

It's in Tahoe National Forest and then it gets your right to Reno man not tout do serene lakes, California in serene 38 You have Reno's right over the border man Like three days. Lost a lot of good people on that trip. Oh man. I stink. 48 minutes. Bastard. Could have juiced it up for the program.

He probably might have 44 minutes. 42 is fast as root. What? You're avoiding tolls. I probably did. I drive around the lake. Dirt ball. That's too good.

All right. Let's see here. This is from Maddie Mack. Family drove the Dodge Intrepid great car from Nova Scotia to Orlando to go to Disney World. Dude, Nova Scotia is at the top of the East Coast of fucking. That ain't 48 minutes.

I'll tell you that. With a stop in Myrtle Beach. I'm gonna say that's 40 hours. It's gotta be, 36. 30. Whoa. I mean that's crazy. I mean, so figure you, it's 30 hours,

figure you drive, you got a family, probably eight a day. Eight a day is crazy. That's a long day. That's crazy. So eight a day. Eight a day is crazy. That's a long day. That's crazy. So eight a day, what's that? That's... Five, yeah, oh no, it's like four days. He said they only stopped in Myrtle Beach.

That's correct, can't be right. So that's fucking 15 hours, oh my God. That was my first introduction to people from Canada was a lot of people did while did the Jersey Shore. Yeah, because it's like they would drive down because it's out of there. I guess the weather is probably a little nicer because like you got to figure like just stop on Rhode Island. Forget about the great without water. That water is not that that's free. I mean, it don't get to like South Jersey level. Plus, they got killers in those waters.

Oh, that's you couldn't get me in the fucking Bay in Rhode Island. I remember seeing I remember seeing cars like from there were all minivans from Kua Bac or Montreal in wildwood and being like, you're from another planet. Why was it what? And listen, Disneyworld is unbelievable? But why was it always driving there? They're driving down probably so I think so expensive I know I know you're like if I can save You know 1500 bucks two grand

Dude, it's always Disneyworld it's always Disney World. Think of how many families have gotten into fights and arguments. Most. Most families in the country. Think of how many divorces have occurred on trips like that. This is it. I gotta be honest with you, if you're driving from Nova Scotia to Florida, you're probably getting divorced at some point. You guys haven't made the best life decisions at that, you know, thus far. Things are on the rocks, anywho. Yeah, you're, decisions at that you know thus far things are on the rocks any yeah You're you're you're you know you're playing with a half stash That's all I'm saying not throwing to any shade, but sure you can go to Canada's Wonderland

That's their Disney theme park is it an actual Disney no Misny yikes All right, this was from Shy Link. We drove to Texas from Chicago. There was too much luggage that I never had a seat. I had laid on a lot of flat surfaces for about 16 some hours. That's so dangerous, man. That's brutal. You would be catapulted.

Luke had to do that for a very long road trip. He was all right back there. Dude, I don't feel bad for many people that I'm paying, but I did feel bad. That was his first real trip with us. He was all the way in the back. We had... It's like 112 pounds. I know, but dude, that third row and some of those SUVs That's why we want minivan the minivans always better the third row in the SUV the floor is higher

So your knees are in your fucking Adam's apple and I mean he had pelicans and hard shit dude Those pelicans would have squashed your brain. I remember looking back at some point being like I can't see Luke That's how bad it was I had to do a little editing back there. Yeah, he's back there on a computer editing. That all worked out. You're on a goddamn tour bus. 2,500 miles. All worked out, baby. I got Route 66. Kids turning into a... kids turning into an old Mike Pro.

He's doing plugs and a few things that he's saying. That's pretty good where I come from. Already sold the windshield on the van. Uh, alright. Let's see here This one I'd like to get your take on this. This is just from dad I think my grandpa pissed in a bottle on a road trip No biggie

But then this dude dumped it while driving on the highway and piss just came across the whole side of the van We were never a pee in the car kind of I mean now we weren't on the run from anybody Maybe once or twice with my dad if it was like, we were younger and it was like. Side of the road. Side of the road for sure. Dude, all on the AC Expressway, or if we were like, hey, we can't get over.

And I'm like, I'm gonna pee myself. My dad's like, all right, find a water, you know. You must have sucked. Maybe, yeah. It's bad, I remember one time I was shitting myself on the way back from an Eagles game. I think I wore a pair of my mom's jeans I'm not even laughing because I think They were comfortable and they fit all right It was so cold that I had to wear like I wore someone's jeans I had to wear leggings under like sweat like it cuz if do this weird went to a game in thermals

But we do we like a lot of layers It might have been my mom's like aerobics, you know Alpha-phrodos feeling a woman hot whoo up there doing the hip thrust and one and two and three and four And I remember my pants being so tight and we were at by Barry in Busselton and I was ready to shit my pants like proper. It serves you right. Six hot, six fucking soft pretzels. Soft pretzels, I was probably mulching diesels, chicken nuggies, french fry, whatever.

And I remember everybody was in the car and my dad's like, I'll do you a bit. And I was doing that thing where you're like, I was young. So I was not sitting. I would get, I'd push my feet on the ground and my shoulders on the back of the thing. So I was like straight because my stomach hurts so bad, like sitting at a 90 degree angle that I needed some, I needed some move. Like I was breaking off the. I mean, I lose up to large intestine. Yes. I needed some move like I was breaking off the Loosen up the large intestine. Yes, and I was I remember dude. I remember

My dad just being like let me know if you're gonna go and I was like The first time I like sweating really concentrating on not you know, but All was fine. We made it home or made it somewhere we could stop But stop another friend's house. Hey, the fat one's got to dump one out. Had to be rough. But I never painted a bottle rare like for sure happened for sure, for sure, for sure. I don't got the dick for it.

First of all. Now, I didn't like that because there's also other kids in a car. So you're like older kids, you know, or my sister's friends. I don't got to dig for it now That's what I'm saying back then. Maybe I get away with it. I was six I would just end up peeing in my face like a baby Being in your nose. I got my dad bad one time recently But I was like eight you peed on him. Yeah, I was I remember me and my brother peeing money or something all the time in a bottle

Yeah, we did it enough. Yeah, we did it enough Yeah, we did it so much. I just weirdly remember that and then you get scared when it gets to the top Yeah, that's that panic dude Need a 32-ounce or for that. I can't do that. They can I mean we were lucky enough We had enough Wawa iced tea bottle sort around they had a pretty big head for a young boy You know what I mean? Kids fill up a half a gallon. A couple Gatorade bottles floating around.

A couple of wide mouth boys. Quick at it. Kippy's computer died and Uncle Hank needed a hot chocolate chai latte. It's a green tea. Also guys, we're doing my computer die because we're doing a longer episode today since we are dropping the special this week That's making up for the the second episode that typically comes out on Thursday. Yeah, so

Come Thursday Wednesday night. You're looking for an episode go watch the special Let that puppy run and share with your friend, but it's been it could be a 10 million views I don't know if I could be the next mr. Beast I By that point, it could be at 10 million views. I don't know. We could be the next Mr. Beast. I could be building my own production company in North Carolina or something. I could be feeding, putting electricity in Africa or whatever that guy's doing. Give him a look at million dollars for keeping his hands on the conversion van for three days. That's pretty good. We could do that with the homies. Do what?

I don't know. Some of contest Give them ten bucks All right, let's let's get back into it. This is what we haven't talked about This is from mr. Gambini shout out to the game beanies and a whole game beanie crime family Of course three hour car ride and you stop at wah-wah with 20 bucks. What's the lineup? Whoa wait, we all have 20 bucks to split sure or you're you have your I'm not getting it on my 20 You're what you're getting. I'm asking dollars. Yes That's easy. Have we eaten? We're hungry it's up to you. What do you want in this? I'm getting a classic length

Turkey hoagie with Swiss mayo lettuce tomato salt pepper oregano lettuce tomato onion, I'm getting a bag of length turkey hoagie with Swiss mayo, lettuce, tomato, salt, pepper, oregano, lettuce, tomato, onion. I'm getting a bag of if we're in a fantasy here, I'm getting a bag of hers barbecue corn chips, which I don't think they make

anymore, but they were my favorite. If you want them, you gotta find them in the party mix, but you gotta dig through because they got pretzels and **** That's what I'm getting. You're going off things that don't exist. We're going to dig through because they got pretzels and **** It's what I'm getting. You're going off things that don't exist. We're going to, I mean, let's

really keep this rooted in reality. You're going to what are you getting now? Like things that are. They still exist. Do they sell them at? I don't think they sell them at Wawa. I can get them on Instacart. Yeah, listen. I'm going to go to the

factory. Make a pit stop and hand over. Sure. Alright, fine. What do you mean? A bag of munchos? Fair enough because I like that combo. They will cut your mouth up that they are sodium big orange Gatorade Okay, and a bag of Snyder's Chocolate cover pretzels you're probably right around y'all give you that you're probably right at If I ever take a but I have a little left over maybe some of them candies at the I'll put that my acorns Hey round up

If I have a little left over a bag of wild berry skittles Okay Then I'll probably sleep for the rest of the children complain about the radio station Put me to sugarcone that would be my move. Mm-hmm Put me to sugarcone. That would be my move. I'm probably driving so I can't really eat. So I'm going mostly snack based. I ain't never seen a guy drive as good as you with a bag of combos in your hand. With kids clack-a-lackin'. Like Days of Thunder.

I don't know how you do this. You got six hands. Listen, I'm very, my OCD, I'm very methodic, and I'm very, like, everything has its space, and I won't take off, I won't start moving, I won't back up unless everything can take a nice jostle and not spill, you know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Got the drift, all right, so typically I'm gonna go,

I'm gonna go Coke Zero between the legs. That's between the legs. That's about $2.50, $2.50. I got $17.50 left over. I'm definitely going original Cheez-Its. Boxer bag. The little grab bag, okay. Well, the bigger bag, not the little 50 cent bag.

Are you pre-opening that before you get on the road? Oh yeah. Okay. So the Cheez-Its go first. Cause I'm not doing it for you. Grab and go bag. The grab and go bag, thank you. A lot of times at Wawa and other places,

they only have like the Parmesan or the Snapped. Isn't that crazy? What are we doing? Get rid of the white cheddar, get rid of the extra toasted. Stop! You don't need all that shit. You made the best thing possible.

I'll extra toast it, I'll give you. But it's like- The big ones are just fun. The parmesan ones or whatever you're dry. I got 10 of 2 here. I got fucking parmesan dust all over me. Ah, those white cheddars. That shit goes everywhere. It's like fake snow. Creating a water slick. I'm fucking whoop whoop. I'm bee bopping and scatting. So I'm going to do the Cheez-Its. I'm going to do whoop. I'm bebopping and scatting. So I'm gonna do the Cheez-Its. I'm gonna do the combos. I'm gonna do the gummy bears. I'm gonna do a big thing of water.

Maybe a pack of gum. And at the time I was on the eaters, eaters, but no eaters. So that's about it. You're not getting that for all that for 20. Where you gonna get $10? What are we in the middle of nowhere? Where you gonna get $10? Cigarettes, 12-12 bucks.

You need a foot long hoagie. It's 13 inches. So, I mean, yeah. What do you mean? You can pull that off if you're in the right state, for sure. Contour, a small bag of cotton down. You got Jersey, Philly or you got a small bag of combos is like three dollars. OK, I got all I got like four things for three bucks. I'm probably under $15.

All right. No heaters. But I don for three bucks. I'm probably under $15. All right No heaters, but I'll invest that give me a call Around that you put this in a big man's fucking stomach acorns. I used to I don't like eating in the car I don't like eating while driving. It's just not the same. I like to get there. Let's sit down and eat It's one of my favorite things I've told you walking and eating is one of my favorite things, but eating in the car, having like a bunch of stuff in the bag, and just. Picking up on something here, just saying.

That's a pattern for me. This is another one, this is from Pierce. What's an appropriate amount of gas money to give to the driver for longer road trips? I'm talking five plus hours You gotta start with a 20 I would I think you gotta set us uh terms of You know

Hey, we're gonna go one for one on the gas You can't be a dirtball and do that shit fucking. Oh, we'll get you when we get back That's got to be upfront cash and they shouldn't have to ask be a goddamn gentleman This isn't a free ride. You got your fucking boy. You got weird terror in his car. He's probably jammed up. All right He'll probably show up filled once you hit him right away Listen, here's 20 for gas to get there if there's two for you. That's 60 bucks that should cover it To get there. I agree on the way back. You do the same thing I also think that the guy driving unless he kind of demanded to drive

You know shouldn't pay for a gas. Yeah, there should be some like 60 bucks in a full tank He's getting sweat equity out of this. It's like hey listen, I'll You guys feel you fill up every you go It's like two for one or something like that or I'll get your hotel when we like there's gotta be some so he's gotta be making up a little bit on it. He put no air and tear on his car. Get in the hotel pay for it. We'll pay for the gas and the tolls you drive. That's what it is. You're not you're not moving. What are

you? The hotel's got nothing to do with it. That's a separate business altogether. Okay. Guy who doesn't want to help his buddy out clearly. What the hell pay for the hotel I'm just saying whatever it comes to of like hey, you're driving for six hours and it's your car Also, these two bozos might not have a fucking car So it's like you're making this guy's making a whole trip split the room will stay in a room together something something You just gotta you gotta let him wet his beak. That's all I'm saying whether that's my snacks. I got give them combos I don't care what you I got you on this man. I don't care what you do. I got you on the snacks. Cause you ain't touching my Harry-Bos.

I'm showing up with snacks. Big box of Cheez-Its. Two foot long hoogies. I never liked that. Oh, that, whoa. Man, this is a fucking, I haven't thought about this in a long fucking time. What? Climbing in the back to get the food food that we food shop to take to the shore.

Dude, climbing over the back. The stuff that wasn't for the car ride, but for the house when you get there. Yeah. You fat fuck. You can't wait fucking two hours. Who are you calling a fat fuck? That's crazy. That's rude. That's uncalled for. But she'd be like, yeah, dude I mean Dan it seemed like you were crawling

Into a into a cave like a VC tunnel. Well my mom's The Taurus I think or whatever car at the time Maybe the sea bring long trying to get back there, but that the the the seat would drop down So we we dropped the back seat down you could pull that lever that back seat would drop down. You would crawl into the trunk. Oh, this isn't a wagon. This is a we'd be blind reaching in the dark. You had to get past the luggage because the food was always the last thing in there. You put the big bags in the back. So we'd be like, yeah, it's like a tunnel rat. Yeah. So he'd be like holding my feet or whatever. I'm back there just pulling out whatever I can pull up

And then we're also gathering Intel on whoever packed the car typically Danny He's going it goes mom's bag your bag then the bag of me and you're doing that for memory for roller bag fill on your Head you're freaking out Yeah, just blind just reaching my mom had She'd be like, oh, whatever. Again, she's that tenant too. Because she didn't want to stop. No, she stopped a lot, but also, I mean, she's also going.

It's a thing of chips ahoy back there. She's like, she's going split the barbecue chips or the goldfish, a lot of times you open up a fresh bag or like the proper house bag of goldfish in a car. Woo-wee! Good to tell you. Take the long way, baby. Yeah, I don't care, yeah. I'll take 55 all the way down. I got nothing but time. I'm like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh That was, man, I haven't thought of that in a long time. Going back there and getting the food that was for the trip when you got there. We do that up the mountains. Up the mountains used to seem so much further. Going into that trunk, it was either real cold or real hot in there and you felt a difference. It always smelled good in there though. That was usually the cleanest the car was. The new car smell stayed in the trunk for longer than nobody sweating in there

You're not farting in there. Yeah, I used to kind of like it like the carpet sure a little bit rougher Yeah cheapo, you know, you know, one's like sitting on it. Whatever. You just got to cover it with something Yeah, being tied up in it. It was probably not fun Yeah, I'm drunk Did you ever do the thing where you put a guy in the trunk and he pulls the to make sure to see if the thing works? Yeah. Montego was the first car I had that had the

emergency pulls. The first car any of me and my friends had that had the emergency pull and we were tailgating somewhere for something and my trunk was open with the beers. Mm hmm. Some kids like my boy Javon's like, you got one of them? I'm

like, yeah. He's like, let's try it out. Shoved him in there, closed it, left him in there to the third quarter. He jumped right out I was also big on if we pulled in if me and the boys pulled into wah-wah or something like that and like one of The other crews was there or whatever like one of the other Another friend another dance crew or whatever you guys are gonna fucking be Whoa? That sounded like fucking fun. I thought the building was going down whoa

Dude I Don't know if they heard that I don't I'll throw some camera audio Shaking of the camera that was earthquake level vibes, but I was big on When they got out if they left their doors unlocked I would go in go in the back seat crawl into the thing and keep the thing and keep the seat halfway up So when they came in I would scare the shit out Jesus Christ fucking scream type shit

That I was big on it. I Did the ice man? Did the Frank Rosallo one time. Shit his pants. Shout out to Frank. I just was a Caitlin $10 investor never had one read going up. We road tripped a lot because my brother had a severe fear of flying, which like, nice parents, because like not gonna happen in the Foley house. What? If you're afraid of flying, was pet when we the only time we flew when I was a kid was from Pennsylvania to

To northern to San Francisco. I was petrified Yeah, I guess you're gonna be petrified yeah, I remember we do we flew that's crazy we flew down to Florida That's a life lesson you're doing you got you got to put a stop to that It's also the same thing but it's like you're you know, fuck that. I don't know man. I remember my brother wanted to fly home from Florida. Or he wanted to he wanted to he didn't want to fly home from Florida and he was like, let's rent a car and my stepdad and mom were like you

can go fuck yourself. We'll leave. I can't work on Monday. Like we're not driving home shit. Cause he was scared? Yeah, well we had the plane, so. Ah, alright, that's different. No, we took a. He jammed up on the way down here. No, not us, and he heard, so it was East Wind Airlines.

They had two planes, that's it. Two or three planes. And the other plane had to do an emergency landing for like oxygen or something not nothing like the wing didn't fall off like something whatever they had to do something they so we were waiting to fly back with people who were on that flight we were already checked in we're at the gate and this I remember this fat kid was like yeah he was like 20 probably he's sitting there and he's

like yeah we had to do this on the way down and that on the way out blah blah blah and my brother's like, you know I'm not getting on these goddamn machines and he called my day went to a payphone and called my dad I was like you have to come get me come get me because my mom and stepdad were like get on the fucking plane Do we're checked in so he know what your dad did that? No, he he was like I think relatively entertaining it really But also was like what the fuck was he gonna stay for the 20 hours. It took him to get down there to your brother I don't mean that he didn't think it through he didn't get accommodations yet Also that meant like my mom or stepdad had to stay with him. I mean, he's probably

13 Just leave him in the terminal 13? I just leave him in the terminal. For 20 bucks? So, what are you gonna get? I think my dad finally like calmed, you know, was like, hey Dan, it's okay, whatever. And my stepdad was like, sit next to me, which like he wasn't, you know, he wasn't the guy he sat next to. But I remember him going, look, but you can bounce and what I remember being like, you ain't scared of this shit, it's nuts. I mean, yeah, it was tough.

I told you this, but not that long ago, good friend of our family, they live in Costa Rica. They were flying, I think they were in Miami or something like that, they got like over the water, or they were coming from Philly, and they were like about to get over the water, like the engine went. Okay, why are we talking about that?

And then they fucking, they turned around, they landed, the next day, I think they got on the same plane. fixed it got on the same plane of blue out. Uh-huh Yeah, sure But this is back to Caitlin's question growing up road trip because a lot my brother had a severe fear of flying My family would load in our 1990 Chevy G 20 van That my dad had bungee corded a TV to the floor of the van and we would watch the entire Lord of the Rings

trilogy on the way to on the way from Idaho to Florida snacks for days and not a seatbelt in sight. That's clear. Tell me Lord of the Rings. What's a Chevy G 20 look like? Let me see here. Chevy G 20. Oh man, that's rough. That's all I think.

Good dad right there. That's all I think. That's a good dad right there. That's a conversion van. How, listen, fear of, how scared would you have to be? Like, what type of signs would you have to be? Like, I, the kid would have to be hysterically crying the first time that we tried to do that. Like, they would have, like, listen, I'll do it, but you're gonna have to freak out to show me that

you're really really scared. I know. You're not just saying I don't want to fly. I'm scared. I get it. Listen, I'm gonna need you to have a tantrum, freak out. You're gonna need medicine, the whole nine yards. But I don't know. I'm no parent yet, but I would assume that there is some sort of like that thing of like hey you gotta get through this you gotta face this there's up to a point I face the fear you gotta face the adversity you gotta face the fear you gotta do this you're gonna your life's

gonna be you gotta get on the goddamn plane I gotta work in two days your fucking ass on that's what my dad that's what my mom would get on the plane right now it's 90 minutes I got his candy. I didn't pay $3,000 to come down here and for you to not want to go home get on the plane. I got his candy Everything she ever bought you All right, let's see this is what a a brand. Don't allow. OK. It's also just funny. You really see the dirt bag places due to the questions. Also, a lot of dirt bag, a lot of guys and gals that listen to the show.

A lot of road trips. Yeah. It's all northeast to Florida and like Midwest to Texas. It's like those are like the four. Those are the four. But there are a lot of people listening. Yeah. Is it garbage to road trip from Texas to New Jersey every year during the holidays to incentivize your family to give us more

gifts? Hey, we're driving and not flying. You can fit a whole lot more in a car than you can your carry on. They also feel bad. We're coming a long way. How you doing? I mean, that is once is one thing. Every year. I hope that any Thanksgiving, that's a quick weekend. What? Oh, no, that's Chris. That's gotta be Chris. And you're staying

for two weeks at least. There's a week that that's I don't know. Jersey to Texas is probably four, five, four days. That's so long. That's crazy. What are Jersey is probably four five four days You gotta wait till the kids are out of school You're chewing up half the vacation not to mention the fucking drive back. I know but hold on There's eight days right there, but I think we're looking at this wrong It's very I'm not trying to do the plug, but it's very route 66. The journey is the thing You're with your once every maybe they maybe they bond on it and they get a lot of good company Hey, listen, we we come from you put us in cars. It's Ellen the cell Maybe these kids were like, you know, we like stopping here. We go to this same

You know, I'm just saying for a lot of people that could be The enjoyable part and they hate getting down there talking to their family, but they're like, Hey, our family together gets to go and experience this. Pulling maybe that's it. No, I don't know. Goddamn. That's a God love you. God love your father for doing sure that's a

that is a that's a tough one. I feel made with the present. Might be a pile you can see from the goddamn drive. Don't be giving me socks or no shit. I You're not jamming up my every transformer available at Toys R Us, please Shopping early. All right, let's run through a couple more. This is from Chuck Chuck City Road trip from DMV to visit uncle outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico. What's DMV? DC. What is it? DC, Maryland, Virginia. Oh, okay.

DMV, I believe. Is that right? Get eyes on that. DC to Albuquerque. That's gotta be. That's long as shit. That's coast to coast. Almost. Almost coast to coast. That's pretty good. What do you got Lucas? 27 hours. Dude.

That's like four or five days. Road trip from DMV to visit uncle. That must have been a really good uncle. Outside of Albuquerque, New Mexico driving straight Wait, hold on driving straight for 30 hours with my buddy Drove two tanks of gatch gas each shift staying awake with a carton of marbred one on those for driving time and left-handed cigs for sleepy time Whoa, that had to be an uncle you thought was gonna leave you money in the will

Yeah, you're going to check to check in your dirtbag buddy for Listen, maybe at a ranch or something. This uncle probably ain't great. They're probably you know He's probably a cooker or something out there in the desert get their hands on some fucking blue magic Wait hold on let me say they drove two tanks of gas each shift So one guy would you know figure to a tank of gas get you four hours or something like that. Right? So you're driving four or five. So you're driving like ten hours straight yourself. Cranking heaters. That's nuts.

And then switching over. That guy's doing that. Probably on the highway. I'd be ner- Still driving. Yeah. Throw it highway. I'd be driving. Yeah Throw it in cruise control fucking I'd be mad nervous about The other guy while I'm sleeping. I wouldn't be able to sleep. I'm sleeping comfortably

No, I couldn't do it. I couldn't. Unless okay, so they were sleeping for 10 hours then you'd I don't know you'd have to really make sure somebody's awake It's nighttime. Those lines. That's like hypnotists. Next thing you know, you're't know. You'd have to really make sure somebody's awake. But dude, it's nighttime, those lines, that's like hypnotists. Next thing you know, you're taking your pants off in front of a crowd or something. Or whatever they do. What? What happened?

I've never seen a hypnotist. Have you ever seen one? In person? No, on TV? Yeah, in person. I don't think so. Yeah, I remember they did it at my school like a few years before us,

and it got a little freaky naughty I'm for my brother's grade and they stopped it after that some I think some broad took her shirt off for like He even got a lap dancer And they were like no no no now my one buddy's mom in high school You know she was she would date one free loser another you know I guys that were like real like Holistic and into this. And there was one guy was trying to get us to come out with them to shroom in a yurt

to like have like, it sounds like the worst experience ever. We didn't do it. No, no shit. But she dated a hypnotist and we were over at his place. And he maybe he hypnotized one of my buddies or something like that. I don't I don't really buy that shit. Sure. Catholic. All right, let's see. We got two more here.

This was from Ian. Not a garbage question, but what's the minimum? And I've gone over this. What's the minimum amount of time you need to be on the road before you stop for a bathroom break? We're typically a one hour crew. Listen, I've said this before.

I was stunned to find out your leniency with that. Cause growing paint me a bad guy. Just saying growing up, it would have to be a minimum of five hours, pay before you leave. My dad never wanted to stop. You're pretty willy nilly with it. I was worried when we were first doing car trips. I can't really.

He's great. He's the sweetest guy. I am a sweet guy. I turn on being a dickhead for camera and clicks You fat pussy Now suck my dick with your ass get you hungry what? Stopping I'm saying it gets me hungry if I know you're hungry I can know I could get a stop at you cuz you want your comb. I stop every hour, dude

I'm an hour guy and if someone goes Hey at 37 minutes from the last stop if someone goes I'm looking for a stop. I pop out. What's the rush? I like you heat first of all we got about six typically six guys in a van right excuse me at six different Six different wieners six different digestive tracts a lot of stuff going on. We're not, it also like, you know, we're not eating rice and chicken here. The boys are doing- You like your honey roasted peanuts, don't you? DC.

Sure, it's also, so I stop, we heaters stop, pee stops, all I got tiny little bladder. I got pee a lot of times. But no heaters. No heaters, now, no heaters, we're doing six hours. Put a turtle in that conversion van. But I think if you're driving with a lot of times. The no heaters. No heaters. Now, now the no heaters. We're doing six hours. Put a turtle in that conversion van. But I think if you're driving with a lot of people, you gotta get on board. If you if you're like, I want

to stop every five hours, the other guy wants to stop every two hours, you gotta meet in the middle. You're a team here. You know what I mean? Yeah. Um alright, let's see. This is gonna be the last one. This is from Ricky Ticky Bobbin Wobbin. Uh uh once a while back, me and a few buddies were driving This will be the last one. This is from Ricky Ticky Bobbin Wobbin. Once a while back, me and a few buddies were driving from Minnesota to Las Vegas. One of them shit their pants and had to stop at a self-service car wash to hose him off.

The only thing opened that late in the middle of nowhere. That's great, man. While in the middle of spraying the mud off the door between the stalls opened and it was an Asian man frozen in shock to see a butt naked guy getting sprayed by another guy with a hose. We ran out there he threw his pants away and had to do the last 12 hours wrapped in a t-shirt from the waist down. Also who only brings one pair of pants to Vegas? Clean as a whistle.

That's crazy. Dude, I would like that once a week. Just like a nice, you're going to jail power walk. The Rambo scrub? Just de-loush it, hit you with the powder. Get in the butthole. I would just let me scrub out that butthole. That'd be great.

Sure. Man, that is a fucking great road trip and that's a good friend right there. Dude, you gotta spray me down. Also, that's gotta hurt me. You gotta you gotta you gotta trust that guy with your **** with your jewels, dude. Really trust that friend not to not to open up your ball bag with a power washer. Just think of how bad that car smelled. They wouldn't do **** in his pants. Grown man.

All right, we gotta wrap it up. When I say stop, you better pull over. Sure. What a fun one, gang. Route 66 Tour is going to be dropping February 25th. If you're watching this on Sunday or Monday, it comes out tomorrow. Get, watch, go click the link. The link should be up. Go click the link to the reminder share with your friends if you're if you're an audio listener subscribe to the YouTube channel we need. You gotta watch it baby.

All hands on deck this is one of the proudest the most proudest thing we've ever made this is the you know we've put the most time and effort and resources into making this as cool as we possibly could for the for the the homies and the bozos We're so stoked with it. We can't wait to share it with you go watch it Please and we also can't thank you enough to letting us be able to do this It's that it means the world to us and if you guys continue supporting us, we'll continue, you know making fucking Content we think you guys like see you out on Route 66 gang. Peace. Peace