Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Robby Hoffman!

Episode Date: December 22, 2025

Are You Garbage presents comedian and podcast host Robby Hoffman! You know Robby Hoffman from stand up comedy, Long Winded w/ Gabby Windey, The Adam Friedland Show Podcast, Bein' Ian with Jordan Jensen, Good For You, Don't Tell Comedy, Steph Tolev's Steph Infection, Why Won't You Date Me? w/ Nicole Byer, and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Factor: Eat smart at https://FactorMeals.com/garbage50off and use code garbage50off to get 50% off your first box, plus Free Breakfast for 1 Year. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. Oh, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that I think it's a good one to be classy. Yeah. but you're just a big old piece of trash. Shash, trash, trash.

I'm your host, Ate's Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootty's in a new addition. She has a new pumping dump scam. Okay. She wants to run by us at dinner. Fair enough. Make us all fat and juicy. I'm in.

Hoffman, you get into this if you want. Let me know. A little off your money. What, is this another crypto scam? Probably. Probably not as an advance. Crypto for those listening, don't, crypto is the male version of astrology.

Is that correct? It's a lot to do with the minerals and numerals. and numerology. I've lost just as much money as my wife has as well. Yeah, yeah, definitely makes sense. My co-os is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage? He is an international businessman of my best pal in the whole wide world,

and I love him. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What up, gang, shout out to you. Make sure you, review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available over there on Spotify. The boys are crushing it over there on Spotify. And obviously the greatest website of all time, www. www.p.p.com slash RU.Garriog.

You go over there. And baby, love that money. Yes, sir. Gang, we could be more excited to have her incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest, here with this today for the first time. She is a very funny, very successful stand-up comedian, writer, and actor, and you might have seen her in, but not limited to. You got the Chris Getherd show. You have dying for sex. Oh, you're going way, yeah, yeah, that's good.

That was a sexual role, so, so, you know, PG-13. By the way, my first part has to be doing, being sexual, being flirtatious, being intimate with Michelle Williams, who, by the way, was a doll. And I thought I was coming off the plane. I had coffee. There was no gum on set. I don't want to be a diva. I don't want to be a diva my first acting that I'm like,

hey, anybody have gum. But I got to be this close to Michelle Williams after the coffee. I heard people respect that because they think you're not really trying to make a move. Well, that's true. Okay. So maybe, yeah, no, I wasn't. I mean, I was making a move. But it was my job to make a move on her.

That was the whole part. It was a sexual part. I'm going to have to check it out. The all female remack. The all-female remake of Brokeback Mountain because she was in that, too. But now she gets her gay. Is that what it was? Well, in a way.

Same universe, multi-universe. We also have after midnight to today's show, everybody, everybody's live with John Mullaney. Yes. Okay. She's got an upcoming part on a Steve Carell project, and you're also developing your own show for HBO. It's not nothing. And we got a brand new Netflix special out right now. Wake up.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Emmy nominated. it. Robbie Hoffman. Wait the fuck up. Thank you for having me. Check the fuck in, everybody. Congrats on the spesh. Thank you so much.

Well deserved. We've been following you from afar. We are huge fans. Thank you. Thank you. I wish I could say the same about you folks, but you know what? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because I like you now.

It doesn't matter when people come. It's like if people go, I don't know who Robbie Hoffman is. Well, you know her now. Welcome. Get on the bus. It's leaving. It's fantastic. Where's it going?

It's going. It's going up, up, up. I've never been on a bus. It's been fantastic. I have to say. This is the only one. This is the first flying bus. It's fantastic, otherwise known as a rocket.

Let's get into it. Give us the backstory. Where'd you grow up, mom's, dad's, brothers, sisters? Originally from New York, then grew up in Montreal. I have five brothers and four sisters. Whoa. Yes. My parents had 10 kids by the age of 30.

Jesus. Just, yeah, my mother has an enormous vagina. No, it's where I get mine from. I'm very blessed. Thank you. I know I'm doing very well. Thank you. That's where you keep the bus.

And my father is not in the picture, was in the picture early on. But as I grow up, I realize he's a lot more in the picture than I realize in the way that said he lives inside of me. Sure. Ten kids and he dips? Well, we dipped. Yeah, away from him. We dipped to get away from him. So he got to stay, actually, which is nice.

Gotcha. It's nice, you know. I thought they never leave. Yeah, no, exactly. Exactly. She took 10 kids up to Montreal? Yeah, I know. Damn, shout out to your mom.

Shout out to my. She doesn't know how to work a podcast. Shout out to you. What age were you when you moved from? Well, I really developed in Montreal. I mean, I started stand up in Montreal for about a year and a half. Okay. Because I heard about it there because they actually, when we moved there, they had the Montreal.

Comedy Festival. So I thought, why don't I just go do that? I didn't realize. But Canadians could kind of do that. Not really, no. I mean, I showed. I thought it was like an open. I never heard, I wasn't like that familiar with stand-up comedy that it's like craft and everything.

So I thought when I heard about it, I thought that sounds like something I could do, which by the way, nine or ten times, if you have that thought, it's a no. I got lucky. Sure. It worked out. Uh-huh. But most people were sitting there at home going, oh, that's what I thought. No. No, no, no, no, no.

It's likely, it's very unusual that that is the case. In my case, it was the case. And then I moved to Toronto, which is like the big city if you're living in Canada. Of course. Put ketchup on your potato chips Yeah, of course Great, de-lish Yeah, they're fantastic

Delish, all dressed De-lish, yes Just get it all on there We have to pick and choose I'm with you It's the everything bagel of the chip I was literally just going to say that Wow, see, great minds think alike

We're melding And Toronto is really where I Like honed, you know Being a stand-up And it's just a great stand-up city Shoutout to Toronto I didn't know that I started up in Canada

Yeah and then and then I came back to the U.S. I did the got show and um well i started in canada on other shows but i did the gettered show and then i started getting my own projects and i started acting and uh yeah i i i've uh so far whatever i've touched has done pretty good well i'm excited to have you can i say that i don't want to be out of line here i don't want to be out of line here we're here to promote my comedy special wake up on Netflix right now. And it happens to be, and correct me if it happens to be one of the greatest stand-up specials recorded in recent times. I have that right here. I'm not trying to be at a lot.

I'm trying. By the way, if I was in something bad, I would tell you I've done plays where I go, don't go see that play. It's not good. This, I just like to be honest. Whichever way it goes. Whichever way it goes, I want to be honest. We love it. Take me back, though. How old are you when you move to Montreal? I grew up from New York. I grew up in Montreal, which by the way, growing up in Montreal and shout out to Montreal. Montreal is like the greatest, it's such a great city to visit, but it's also now that I, when you're dating and you, you know, when I first brought my wife Gabby back to my hometown, it's like it's such an amazing hometown to have as your hometown. Like because it's like different. It's interesting. It's very unique. It's like she's from nothing

wrong with Denver. By the way, don't come at me, Denver. I love your city, but it's no Montreal. You know what I mean? It's like, we go back. I can't breathe. I got the oxygen can. The altitude. You know what I mean? It's like, I like how she's on defense. I know, I know, because they're going to be people of Denver. And I'm saying, and I love all the crackheads there. And shout out to everybody in Denver, but I'm saying, Montreal is a cool city. Can you speak French?

Yes. Wich, yes, it's the law la law there. It's the law to speak French, though. It is. So you learned that in school all growing up. Yes, they forced you to do French when you moved. And what did your mom do for work when you guys were up there? My mother was on welfare.

She was a housewife. Wow. And she tried, she tried to, well, she tried to. Well, she taught guitar, but she always tried to get... Could she play guitar? Amazing. Really? My mother is an incredible guitarist and musician just overall.

And she always tried to get a proper... Yeah, she always tried to get a proper teaching job. She's also a whizening. My mother is maybe the smartest person I've ever met. I mean, English, culture, literature, all this stuff. I mean, we had the type of, you know, our house was already... We were so poor and there was no space. And further to that, we had books.

lining every fucking wall you know so that was the house that I grew up in my mother always tried to get jobs and I feel bad now I had such a shame about being poor which of course it is it feels very shameful when you're a kid and they make it's you know

they you know we were I went to a rich school when I went to Montreal I got into this my mother was able to get us on subsidy to a rich school and she thought it was a great opportunity and I you know I still had my big mouth and all that when I was a kid

so she would say could you just shut up and be good. This is a good opportunity for you. You don't know what this I would imagine what she was saying. I would protest the pop quiz. I mean, this is criminal. This is preposterous, you know? I mean, what's even the point of the pop quiz? Surprise. Like, what is it's just, it's not testing anything, but

I don't know what it is. It's like an alarm clock for test. It just doesn't make sense. Let me prepare. Let me prepare. What's wrong with a little preparation? So, but my mother I felt that. I remember at one point she was going to apply to the coffee shop Tim Hortons, which is like, you know, shout out to Timmy. Shout out to Timmy. Double double. Um, which is

like the Dunkin' Donuts of Canada. And I remember being so embarrassed. I was like, Ma, you can't work. Was it the local one? It was the one right outside the bus stop from my school. So everybody's getting out from the bus. Everybody's getting out the bus. Everybody goes to the Timmy host to get an ice cap. My mother's going to be there. And by the way, she's not good with all that. I don't even

I think she would have gotten the job. Now, I'm thinking back, what she's good at, what she's good at and what she's not. All those drink orders, forget it. They were going to get whatever the hell she handed them. So I shouldn't feel too bad. I think she would have been fired. And I maybe, I saved her that. Sure.

That shame. Was their family up there? Or were you guys up there? Yes, my mother's from Montreal. That's how we ended up in Montreal. My mother is born and raised in Montreal. My grandparents, may they rest in peace. Of course.

My great uncle Eddie, may he rest in peace. He even said that sarcastically. Uncle Eddie? Uncle Eddie took us in, took an 11 people on a moment's notice. Are you kidding me? My parents, they split up under terrible circumstances, which we won't get into. But my great Uncle Eddie, my grandfather's brother, had a little duplex, a two or three bedroom. I mean, we made everything a bedroom once we moved in.

So it's tough to say the hallway was my brother's room. So it is what it is. But, yeah, my great Uncle Eddie. Moments not took an 11 people supposed to be temporary. He died in that house. My mother was still in that house. No kidding. We just never.

He was relegated to the basement of his own. He was in the garage practically. Now, that's family right there. Yeah, no, they don't make men like that anymore. They really don't. And no offense to you guys are your producer here. I got 12 people living in my house. No, I'm just telling you.

I'm just telling you. I mean. And shout to Uncleetti, not a pervert. Which a lot of Unclelley's are. You have an uncle with a lot of kids, and I was a cutie. I'll say this. If he wanted, he could have. And I respect.

We have to shout out to the people who aren't when they could. Because that is an important positive reinforcement that we don't do. Positive for you. If you are a man near a child and you have access and you don't do that sort of thing, good for you. Gold star. I don't think that's the way it works. We're really keeping the bar low for different men. No, we're keeping the bar low, but it's important with all these stories coming up between Diddy and Epstein.

It's important to keep the bar low. and keep some positive reinforcement going. I agree. Hey, get some Ws on the board. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. Thank you. You said you were a QSXA you were walking around

and tempting him or something like that. I was a cutie. Hey, Eddie. And if you wanted boys, I had five brothers, they were cute too. Athletic individuals, some of them. My brother Schnare was excellent at basketball. I've never heard that Schnair was great at basketball.

He was a great. No, my brother Schneer was the fastest runner at the school. He was small and fast. He reminds me almost like a like a, What's it like, no, no, no, like, You know, he's like a porcupine. Like, who's the guy with Ben Affleck and Mark? Matt Damon.

Matt Damon. Like, he's one of those, like, powerful small guys. Okay. Man, I would have never got that reference. I don't know where you were going with that. You know, famed basketball player, Matt Damon. He was excellent at basketball and he was excellent at running, even though he was small. I always thought that, imagine how fast he was.

What? Because he's got smaller legs. I know. They move quick. It's insane. Like, I thought he was fast as a kid, and it was always fun when other neighborhood kids or people after school would say, you know, want to race him. And I said, if they're racing my brother's share, it's over for them, right?

And I would watch the race, and my brother would win, right? But then as I go up, I go, wow, he really was fast because he was also smaller. That's unbelievable. The leg. If he was normal size. The reach, it's like two boxers. Maybe that's way. When one is taller, their reach, the reach has, it makes a difference.

Advantage. Maybe that's why Eddie never made a movie. He knew he couldn't catch him. There we go. Wow. Was there any pets in this house or probably not? Yes. So, no, no, no, there was pets in the house.

Besides the mice that came free, obviously, and the cockroaches, which we had thousands of. Really? My mother could never get ahead of the pest infestations. Let's think about the crums. Pest control was just, no, it's just because the house was so old. and you had holes and the winter had a way of like

if there was a little hole like like you it was just yeah the giraffiness I remember my great uncle Eddie taping saran wrap on the windows

to keep the heat in we can never keep the heat in and we can never keep the roaches out like it was one of these things that my mother would have an exterminator every two three years if it got really bad

and we had two three months of wow wow it's quiet in here not a lot of right and you're all probably busy because of the chemicals. But then they would come back in the winter because it's so cold out that they would

find like a little crack. I'm glad he'll take anybody yet. Yeah, no, it was, it was crazy. So we had we had a cat. Okay. Actually, we went, my great Uncle Eddie, shout out to Uncle Eddie. I mean, he rest in peace. One of the greatest men I've ever known. But he took us,

we would go, we were really poor. So the activities that we did, you know, they're not activity. Like, my mother, my mother, You could go to any, if you have kids and you're poor and they're interested, you know, you've got to get them out of the house. You can go to a fire station. It's free. Take them. Yeah, and you can sit a fire truck and they give you the hat.

If you're not too young, I remember my baby sister, if you're under like five or something, it's too heavy. It's a heavy hat. It's a heavy hat. They don't want to break the neck. You're already there for free. They don't need a liability. Okay. But we went way too often to that fire station.

We went like, my mother would like send us in and we could go on the truck. Like, sometimes they would get a call. and then it's like we're there and we're like watching and they're like it's actually not good to have all these kids here now we're putting out to fire

the same was with the SBCA you can go no no you go to the SBCA just to see animals we used to go pet the cats I know but you're not seeing the animals in a happy

a happy yes it's like a zoo my great uncle Eddie would take us to say who wants to see well we were petrified of the dogs I was terrified of the dogs who wants to see euthanasia anybody no so we would go see the cats

and sometimes you put your little hand in the in the right we were so we ended up getting a cat my mother was hearing impaired on top of this so my mother wore hearing aids she was a guitar teacher well that's why she's hearing impaired right because she knows she she's plugged into an amp she does electric too and she doesn't death metal she is she is as a matter of fact she's playing everything off a road she's unbelievable I should show you a video after I'll pull it up and where did she play and you can put it up here did she play it like she played it yeah no she played it at open mic every Monday the wheel club it was a country club not the country club of a golf it was a

country music club uh it was kind of this over a hundred years old place in montreal that my mother started going to later on um as we really settled in she's found this music night it's an open mic and she played the guitar there and she sang songs they only did songs shout out to the wheel club i think it closed i mean i'd be shocked have you have you have haven't closed, guys, please. Think about it. Come on. But the Wheel Club, it was so much fun. And she, they only allowed music before 1965.

And my mother, my mother is, you know, you know how I'm like, I'm in my 30s, but I'm almost like, you don't know if I'm seven or you don't know if I'm 73. My mother's 104. Like, I feel like, you know how a trans person once they get, like I feel like trans age, like once a trans person gets all their surgeries. They get everything. They take their hormones and they finally feel like their body is matching who they are inside.

I feel like I'm going to turn 73, look in the mirror, and I'll finally be home in my body. And my program is on in the other room and everything makes sense. That's how my mother is. So my mother played music once a week there. Would you guys go?

We went sometimes and it was really fun. No, a bunch of us. And my sister Chaya was great at singing too. Chaya. Nice. Would you sing a song again? I mean, she's got a beautiful. beautiful voice.

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Visit Ancestry.com. and get started with an Ancestry DNA kit today. Very talented family. No, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, a really, really talented family. But, yeah, but all for fun. You know what I mean? It's like my mother, yeah, so she would take her hearing aids off

when she came home and she said, please don't burn the house down. I'm going to bed. That's actually a very good feature for somebody who has 10 kids to go to sleep. Check out. Yeah. We're teenagers. My brothers are smoking hookah downstairs.

She doesn't care what the hell is going on. Don't burn the house down. Yeah, hookah. I mean, duby. No, hookah. No kidding. What are they called? Huka.

Now I got you. Okay. She can do it all. What were the vacations like when you were young? Did you guys do anything? No vacation. Vacations. Vacations?

Yeah, vacations was if we had a storm, like a really crazy storm. Snowstorm? Snowstorm, yeah. And there was ice and snow on the steps in the front. We'd take the sled down there. Down the steps into the street. There you go. Pretty much right into the street.

What was your first job? I had a few first jobs. My first job really was McDonald's. No way. Yes. What age? 14, 15? No, I was probably 17, 18.

Okay. Yeah, probably 18. Are you a McDonald's fan? Huge. Love it. It's the greatest restaurant in the world. I mean, that's why there's so many. I knew I was going to love you.

Right? Taste-wise, taste-wise, you cannot deny that McDonald's is the best restaurant on the world. I'm not talking on, be honest, I'm not talking what you're bringing with your cocktail mixers and these bar-tenders. Okay, fine. Taste-wise alone. Hoffman, you're hired.

You can't beat it, right? I got to push back. Kevin, James Ryan, listen, I like it. We have a guest here. Just as much as the next guy. Taste-wise, it's the best. That's why there's so many. They're consistent.

Right. I grew up kosher. I wasn't able to have McDonald's. And all I wanted was a nugget. Well, your palettes all whacked out. That's the problem. All I wanted was a nugget. If I could get, because they had these happy meals and everything these kids had in a box and happy, I said, I want to be, I can't be happy.

Cossure. Everybody was kosher of Montreal. Yeah, we were kosher. We were religious. We were a very religious Orthodox family still. No McNuggets. No, McDonald's. And I said, if I could get a nugget with a little bit of honey, it sounded weird to me at first, but the more I thought of it.

No. The more I thought of it, the more I was like, it's got to be the honey. As a kid, that was what they gave you automatically. That's amazing. With the McNuggets was honey for the kids. So now, now I'm at the house. I'm not kosher anymore. Okay.

I can work at McDonald's and I get the food. I get the food half off. Are you out of the house at 18? Yeah. Where'd you go? Out of the house. No, I lived, I had a couple places. I lived with my sister, Chaya.

First shout out to Chaya. Thank you for letting me. live with you and her boyfriend at the time. It's probably great a good support system with that many siblings. Yes, we all kind of our first stop out the house was my sister Chias. She really had to take it. Yeah. And it's so funny because she must have been, maybe she's 24.

Mm-hmm. And I'm like, yeah. Yeah. Like, and I think she's like, she's working full-time in sales. She maybe took a night course too, trying to continue her studies. She's got this boyfriend useless on the couch, whatever. Seems Jewish? Seems like you're over.

No, no, no, no. Everybody in my family is not with a Jew. We are enough Jewish for anyone who will like. Like we don't, we guys got to cut that, you know what I mean? We need to diversify. Like somebody asked me when I'm gay, they're like, oh, do you care about, you know, now that you're lesbian is Jewish important? You're like, no, it's, what are we doing? We're not even procreating.

Like, well, why would it be important for me? Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. And so your sister or not with, didn't marry that guy? That was a temper. No, thank God. Okay. By the grace of God, because they take advantage. Yeah, but she would, I would get home from school and she would be getting home from work with her badge and everything in the apartment.

She a cop? No, just like a fob to get in, you know, a lot of real jobs, they have a fob. I've heard of this thing and it's a tax at a belt. Yeah, and it goes like this. I had a professional to me. Yeah. It's very professional to me. I always wanted one of those.

When it slings back, I go, whoa, this is a professional. It's my big sister. Yes. And so I would go to her house and she had. groceries you think he would help to bring in the groceries no he doesn't he doesn't he's on a couch I don't know what he did okay back then nobody worked from home it didn't make sense what was he doing tax machine it didn't make sense nobody it wasn't it wasn't a a structure I assume you had some opinions on this guy wouldn't you what he was there we did I give him a couple looks

meanwhile I talk about a draft the apartment meanwhile he's the kind of guy who lets his girlfriend sister just move in and then her brother and then whatever we all stopped Do you remember where she met him? We all lived there for like a year. No idea. Anyway, and I remember like now, like in my head, she must have been like 30s, like 40s, you know. But she's like maybe 22, 23, maybe, you know, and I would get home like, oh, what are we eating, you know, what's for dinner? And she'd be like, Chile and C-Bass, sit the fuck down.

And she'd be like printed out a recipe. No kidding. Online. Very mature. Made it, cooked every, you know. And it's like, this is. At 20... Adults, yeah, it's crazy.

Yeah, and now she's living her dream life and she deserves everything. Chaya. And Bruno, my brother-in-law, who I love, by the grace of God, and I bring up the ex a lot. I say, by the grace of God, he goes, well, you stop bringing this guy, uh? It was 20 years ago.

We've been married, now you're thrilled. But I'm so traumatized that she almost ended up with this guy. Instead of Bruno. Thank God. Shout out to Bruno. Shout out to Bruno. I'll go Eddie Bruno. Were you all very...

self-motivated and yes it seems that way yeah well you have to be it's like a necessity like we were my mother always said sink or swim and it was clear that we would have to swim or say like there was no option not everybody swims though I think people sink yeah I think accidentally so my mother was exactly the parent we needed she would have been spread thin which she was she knew she wouldn't be involved she knew financially she couldn't be supportive she just in a way very subtly led by example. For instance, my mother

went back to school at night. She took to get away from the kids one night a week. When we went to sleep, my mother took one night class a week. When you guys went to sleep? Yeah, we knew it was Wednesday. Maybe we were asleep 8 o'clock. Like, we're winding now. My mother would

go, okay, good night, whatever. We would, you know, we would watch you, babysit each other, whatever. And my mother went to school one day a week and then like years and years go by and now I'm graduating university which is a big accomplishment in my family thank you you're doing this now no no no this is no when I graduated I went to McGill the Harvard of Canada thank you very much because it was a Montreal school that if I got in you could go for free really thank you're welcome so I'm graduating this school and so is my mother not what but suddenly my mother is graduating

We're like, what? What was more impressive than any of us getting a college degree was the fact that my mother, 12 years later. 12 years. Class by class, once a week for 12 years through the summers. Jesus. Somehow, I don't know enough credits, the bitch was graduating. We couldn't, like, but she never spoke of it.

She never anything. It was just something that we, I think, soaked up. Sure. Slow and steady. wins the race. Hard work, perseverance, betterment. Also, in terms of, obviously my mother, you know, when we, you know, now we give anyone they have, you know, they have a kid in three nannies and we call them a stay-at-home mom.

But my mother, having the 10 kids cooking every day, doing nine loads of laundry a day, all of it, you know, through that, another benefit was my mother was always home. Like, you know, when these, like, actually, there was some stability, even though we had a really unstable life like looking back I got to move from new you know there's a lot and the father there was something really like we knew where this bitch was you never had to question where my mother

was she's in the kid there she is she's in the kitchen there she where is she she's in the kitchen is everybody really just was always there ever present was every is everybody an adult now yes can you rattle off what everybody kind of does I can my oldest brother's in real estate

real estate my sister Chaya she's still in Texas He's an executive baby in Arizona killing it and I'm proud of you and she's made winter circles and had free trips and you name it. Shout out to Bruno. Shout out to Bruno, who also himself is quite an accomplished executive. Keep going. My gosh, Grace. I want to hear him. We have my brother who works in security.

Security. Yes, he works in security. Then my brother who worked in construction for many, many years and then now is in construction. and sales. Love it. Great. And just doing amazing. I mean, just unbelievable, owns his house.

Then we have me and I... Entertainer, thank you. What do they say about you? One of the greatest living stand-up comedians. I mean, what else is there to say? No one's arguing. What else is there to say? Then we have my little brother who's an accountant.

There you go. Excuse me. There you go. Excuse me. Is that a profession? How about that, Luke? Is that a profession? That's pretty good.

Then we have my little sister who's a motherfucker fucking social worker. Come on. Giving back. Risking her life. Because we had social workers checking on us at the house growing up because when you moved to Canada, we moved kind of in a refugee type of states. All these like feral, religious, Amish-looking kids show up.

We're thrown into these French schools. You know, it's just, it was, we were on welfare. My mother comes a loan. She doesn't have her a license. She doesn't get to have her own money where the way we were coming from. So you're starting like that. she was Canadian by the way let me ask you this no no no what we would ask it again because it was something it was just the list of oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so the social workers

would come over because oh yes because you know we lived kind of like it's not my sister always reminds it's not it's not a crime to be poor no but they do have a circumstance for instance my sister has seen some kids that are when she goes into families that the there's a nine-year-old boy sleeping on a treadmill a old treadmill they found outside and they put a towel on top that's not an acceptable you know they will work to get that kid a bit obviously very nice okay so my sister will do that and say no it's not a crime to be poor like they always it's very hard for the parents because it's like am i losing my kid i'm no no like she's not the police she's not there's no we're just i'm going to go shopping with you

i have a budget she's able to get that money and she's able to like bring some dignity back to some of these families but when we were kids we had those types of but checkups where my mother would be like the social work get up get up get up get dressed everybody better look good that's clean clean clean you're trying to hide cockroaches or whatever and you sit on the couch a lady comes rich lady from god knows where and looking and it's embarrassing because your mother is embarrassed and she's there kind of the shame how we're living and this whole thing and see if it's adequate so my sister has that kind of know-how now when she goes to her family like it's just a little more like she probably like she right away walks in like hey we're in this

together what you know like you don't have a laundry machine here you're wasting your sunday you're going to do laundry would it help would it help if we tried to work on getting you literally like like she's doing like the amount of like work and paperwork to fill out to get $1,000 to get a laundry machine to a mother of three it's just nuts so she was very inspired and now she's doing the Lord's work and coming from from an understanding place because a lot of times we had these rich ladies come and we kind of knew to do an act because it's like this lady

you know her husband's a lawyer or something it's like she doesn't she's a social worker she patting herself she doesn't understand it but it's nice when when it kind of like when you want the police force to reflect the community to have the social workers and a lot of them do a lot of them do by the way but my sister is one of them which is wonderful

and then my other little sister speaking of housewives my other little sister has a baby muzzle tub and it's just an incredible mom it's the kind of thing that we didn't even know what my sister would do because she was the kind of no she was the kind of girl who was like I didn't really think you know like um she just was was somebody into so many things that I didn't know and mom is like her thing she makes the baby food herself she's very involved yeah she's like really in her element so

it's been amazing look at you guys look at humble beginnings look where you came from my brother Schmilly says it best from nothing to something to everything he always tells me that could have been written in 1918 my brother Schmeli says it best he's always telling me he's yelling at me he facetime milani directed my special so i had him on face time milani was in the room and he goes from nothing to something to evidence i said you're yelling he's already helping us is everybody as you know i mean the term we say is like you call balls and strikes you're very honest you're very up front you're very you're not holding any punches is everybody in the Yes, I come, that's why people ask me, like, what's my influence?

What's this? It's like, nobody's funnier than my family. I come from the same thing. You know what I mean? Everybody was funny. The whole neighborhood was, everybody was funny. My neighbors were funny. We were funny people.

I'm the 14th funniest person in my family. Yeah. Like my sister, Chaya, I mean, just even the way she speaks, her phraseology. My wife, Gabby loves to hear her talk on the phone. She'd be like, well, Nickle loved it. Like, stuff I haven't heard, well, he's a crook. Like, just. She probably gets thrown around a lot.

Crook is great. Crook is, we're bringing, that's stealing that. Crook is a great insult. I got to say crook, I just lifted from Jess Solomon, who said it to me yesterday. Shout out to Jess. Shout out to Jess for saying that, but remind you about my sister does speak like that all the time. Stuff like that. Yeah, funny word.

But I have to give credit where creditors do. Jess brought back crook. That's great. What a story. What a tale. See, I couldn't even just go over that. It's, I had to give, crook. I had to shout out.

You know what I mean? Because I'm like, because I can't even think, like, she'll go like a bushel. Like, I don't even know the phrases, but a bushel on the hand, a two and a bird. Like, it's just a crazy stuff. Right? Yes. You hop the bus, you end up on a train. This is, he's higher.

That's from an old bit that he did. Oh, okay. So now I throw it to the old bit. It worked in the early 2000. It still works today. All right. Let's talk about now a little bit. We know humble beginnings and unbelievable story.

And I'm sure they are all ecstatic about your success. They're really supportive. They really, really are. I'm bringing my brother, I'll get to do. What do they say when you're like, hey, I got nominated for an Emmy Award. What do they say? I mean, it's crazy because we already thought, we already think we win it. Like, the arrogance is also crazy because it's like, I was, I brought my sister.

It's about time. Yeah. My sister comes. I invited Chaiar to come to the Emmys with me. And so we go to the Emmys. And the whole morning we wake up, we're like, it's a shoe in. Like, we'll wake up like we already won. Like, she's getting her hair done.

done right I got my we got this practice your face practice your face I'm like ironing my outfit I'm like this is unbelievable like we're already planning what we're going to eat after like we have the whole day so funny we get into the Emmys we get into the Emmys and they by the way she's like I don't even know who else they would give it to I mean I'm looking at this category is nobody here by the way my category was Olivia Coleman soie cravitz like literally she's like who would I had six lines And she's like, I don't even see how they give it to anybody else. And we get there. Let's just get it and get out of here.

That's what I'm saying. Excuse me. Can we speed this up? We ended up being the first award of the night. We were supposed to be like later in the show. But then they said, actually, we're going to do the actors up front. So I was the very first award of the night. So we're sitting.

We get there. We had some free champagne, which we had to beg for. She said, there's no open bar. We were, okay, we had to beg for. Well, you think it's, I mean, everything's gold. I agree with you. Wait, there's no open, wait, what do you?

There's no open bar? It is a cash bar. Hollywood. This is why you're tanking. You're telling me John Ham's walking up and getting a Mickelow boulter and paying. That's what I'm telling you. What?

This is the big sham. I'm telling you. What's a beer? What's a drink go for? It's a glass of shirt. $9. What are we doing? What are we doing?

I said I didn't even bring money. I thought you were going to give me. I thought you were going to give me. I thought you were rolling out the red carpet quite literally. I haven't. yet but I'm gonna win I should get free drink in bigger than John Ham we walk in my sister's like we're walking in she's like this with Ron Howard right like literally my sister won an Emmy yeah and then we're the first award so we have a little champagne we sit

I lose it happens like that it happens like in three seconds like it's like a bad horse race we walk in and it's over it's like over before you even it's like it's like so I I I immediately we sit down we lose and she goes we don't need this shit she rips me out we're out we're out did you guys leave yeah she goes coming all the way from Arizona this is just I don't need this shit so we walk out we're sitting in the front they have us like all the actors in the front so we leave we leave immediately and they're like no no Robbie you're still presenting right like you have an award to present I said no I said no I don't think I want to do that anymore are you have to well you have to I'm the being I am I wallow shit I'll tell you this you lose lose really feel the loss you win

celebrate did you dip it not present I said my circumstance has changed my circumstance I've ever heard of my life change they didn't let me they said calm down they said calm down my manager's like no no you like this is like you can't just switch last minute they can't find a I respect you trying. That's the coolest thing I've ever heard. So finally two hours later, we're like calming down. Chaya and Ron Howard are like, and he's like, I know it's criminal. And she's like, it's criminal.

You know, like your sister's complaining to Ron Howard? Yes. And he's, he's, by the way, shout out to him. He's, he's agreeing. He's giving her everything she needs. He's giving her every. He's going, I know it's sick. It's a sick business.

She goes, it's so crazy. She goes, do you know how much my top was? He said, I can only imagine. She said, I sent 340. for this tap. Can you imagine? No, this is her the whole time she goes, and it's a two piece. It looks like a one piece. It's a two piece. I bought them separately. She's horrified. I've made her buy an outfit in any event.

Not to mention the $9 champion. Yeah. So she, they have me go to the, they have me go to the prompter to figure out what I'm, they want me to say something to introduce these awards. And I go, I already know I'm not saying nothing in the prompter. I'm going with the motions, going with the motions. I got up there at the end of the night. everybody is I was the last award presented and I said it's over I lost there's nothing to say the room falls apart it was actually a huge I didn't know we hadn't been watching that the room had been lulling about all night they said it actually we ended up actually being the silver

lining because I was like I was like this is sick the fact that they even brought me out here to present after experiencing such a loss is criminal your sister's up there okay no that my sister's sitting in the audience I said you know what hiya's here why doesn't she presented them hi do you want to present at the Emmys security's looking that I'm like what you're going to let will Smith walk up whenever he wants but my sister who's come all this way she gets up there come all this way she's like she was invited she's like severance I'm like severance your sister you're lying to us no I have the pictures you're This is all true?

This is all true. She did amazing. You're going to own a studio in a couple of weeks. I would be surprised if they don't ask her back. She's hosting next year. This is. Dude, Hoffman, that's crazy, man. Look, this is us presenting.

That's great. Who's with you? That's my sister. You're supposed to be presenting with, originally. That is a nice top, I have to say. Just standing there. That's crazy the shit I don't see. Did you go out with anybody, or was it just you?

Just me and my sister look at her This is when we lost It's probably got some champagne It's in a place to come by the way Also dress like Richard Lewis Yeah so my sister Presented She was really on stage and she did a great job

And then after at the party We were the talk of the town Of course We turned that frown upside down It ended up being a great night But let me lose when I lose I can't right away be a not sore loser Let me 10 minutes of a sore loser

And then I'll come back man trying to walk out on the Emmys you are trash this is awesome that's the coolest thing I've ever heard in my life you can't just sit there on your loss like I'm not ready for that like if the camera went to us we were like because we were in shock she's mouth into the camera nine dollars like literally we were in a shock that I lost for three lines that's so funny when we're up against Olivia Coleman Julian Nicholson like just the greatest to ever do it I don't know how we walk in it. I've seen the clips.

You should have had it. Thank you. You're great in the... See, that's the attitude. Thank you. And the sexy show with Michelle Williams. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Fantastic actor.

Shocked, I wasn't nominated for that as well. I'll say that. I'll say that. I will say that. All right, let's talk about now. What kind of car you got now? Yeah. Oh, I have the greatest car.

I have a feeling it's not going to be. I got a Porsche 9-11. No, you're not. I'm not joking who are you yeah who are you you want to hear my car history that's a better history yeah run that I don't want to ask we usually ask what your first car is that's what I assumed it was being the the poverty upbringing I've assumed it was hold a second you my first car let's just go through it okay real quick though you can cut whatever you want you can cut anything and we are not telling you Robbie just let me recap this

is the journey Robbie let me recap this yes you got four episodes of hacks you get nominated for a guest star for an Emmy. You'll lose in two seconds and you want to dip. You're driving a Porsche 9-11 around Hollywood. You better believe. You bring your sister up to present. You better believe. You better believe.

You might save that down. Exactly. Okay. Burn it all down. Either way, you're making history. We're making history. And you know what? You're going to see the car.

So my first car, I didn't grow up with cars. That's what I thought. Because I got my license late in my 20s because like any East Coaster, New York it was the subway, Montreal had transit and we were poor. My mother didn't have a license. So we were all on the bus with my mother. My mother

was having us run to the bus. Tell them to wait. Tell them wait. I was like, my mother's coming. She's got grocery bags, please. You know, and we would all file onto the bus. But when I moved to L.A. How old are you at this point?

I moved to L.A. maybe like 10-ish years ago, maybe nine or eight years ago, something like that. Never had a car. But L.A. is a car city. Car city. Of course. Okay. Now, my budget for the car was maybe $5,000.

Solid budget. But it's really, yeah. In L.A. that is good. You're a saver, right? You saved your money? Yeah, well, it was, yeah. I was just, like, yes, I do save my money. But also for a car, it was like,

The thing like with insurance, like, I was like $5,000 kind of in for the year. Okay. But also the thing was I was coming from Canada all my adult life before that. So I never built credit in the U.S. because I was a kid in the U.S. So then when you come back, you start on a starter card, if you get a credit card, it's like $300. I can't lease a car. I don't have credit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have to buy a car cash. So that's why the budget is like, I can't. was leasing maybe my budget would be for a bigger car because I could do maybe 300 a month or something like this sure but now I have to lose it all in one chunk I have to lose it all in one chunk 5,000 is a lot I really wanted 3,000 but I said I'll go to five if it's like whatever if it's to die full not a penny more okay oh I just found it and now I have to go back already because I I talk too long in between you are going to be 73 leave you hit the phone out I know you should see your text it's like huge no it's not

Okay, so this was the car. I bought a 1983 Toyota Corolla. 10 years ago? 83? Yeah, 1983. That was five grand? You got taken. It was $3,600.

They saw you coming from Parano. That's crazy. Okay, so I bought this car. Nothing, 120, which for a 35-year-old car. That's not nothing. 120,000? Yes, but I'm just saying for that car of that age, and I'll tell you, I go to look at all cars. Okay, so maybe I.

I bought this car 10 years ago because I drove it for seven years. Every mechanic I went to for the oil, I was diligent as I'd take care of all of my things because I thought I'm running this car for it. Like, I do have to have this car for 10 years. Your lifeline, yeah. I'm spending, okay? They said the car's going to go to a million miles. They said this car, I, every no, every sound I bring it, I'd say, Carlos, what's happening?

It's good, it's good, it's good, it's good to come back in a year. But I'd say, what's happening here? Okay, the car $3,600. He was selling it for $5,500 off Craigslist. Now, I had been doing all my research about cars. I learned what to look for a little bit. But I also, and this is my tip to anybody buying a used car. This is big.

There are other websites that do this. At the time, I used the website called My Mechanic.com. It was $100. You bring somebody for a pre-sale car inspection. They will look at everything for you. If you don't know anything about cars, do not go to a lot alone. Higher. They'll kidnap you.

Yes, it's $100. $100 and you know I really was like I could pay for this three times I'll see three cars so make sure it's a car you really want to say and that $100 could save you $5,000 I'm just saying definitely spend that extra 100 and get a mechanic my mechanic.com was like Uber for mechanics like when they're not working at their shop they also do like side stuff yeah I did that I found this car pretty much was clean I brought this guy Okay. He won a 5,500. All I showed up with was 3,600. That's the other trick. Our friend Sam Rubinoff did that. You show up cash if they say cash, okay? Not with DeVenmo, not with anything. You go to the bank. You run because you have cash on you. I look like I have cash on me when I have cash on me. Like, I'm the most easily robberable person because I'm so nervous to have cash on me that you could tell. Is it an envelope?

It's in an envelope. It's crisp. It's excellent. I go from. the bank then I get there and I go I got to be honest with I have 36 this is it's something psychological the guy is desperate he's very true okay there's something it's cash in the hand who's going to buy this car I drove for seven years my friend Sophie who's another dyke like me who knows cars she finds a buyer for it so then I start doing well in stand-up I have to actually the car is great for L.A. I drove it every single day last day but now I'm like maybe sometimes driving to San Diego or I'm driving to Brea or I'm doing gigs all over. I'm going, it's a little, you know, because I've got to have the hazards on sometimes on the freeway.

It's a 1983 car. Because it doesn't go that fast as fast as cars go now. So I'm like this. Fastest cars go now. No, I've never been in the left lane in that car. Sure. So, and it took me twice as long to get anywhere because if you really pushed it, it would shake. That was its one thing.

But it drove good if you drove it in a normal speed, i.e., not the highway. So I avoided the highway where I could, but in LA, it's difficult. It's taken me two hours to get down the block, you know what I mean? So finally, my COVID happens. Uh-huh. My car becomes vintage. It turns 30. Okay.

Something like that. It became like a collecting. Hot. People loved the car. She found a buyer for $9,000. I'm not making a- She found a buyer. He had the one, he had the same car, the Toyota lineup from 1983, but they made that in brown and baby blue like I had it.

Beautiful color, baby blue. I wish it would come back. And he, he, he, he bought the car. When everything was set and done with the shipping and everything was $6,000, for a car that I bought for $3,600, I made money on the car. That's not it. I took that money and I found, I always wanted Porsche. Why did I always want Porsche? It's not going to be my question.

Your poor kid. Here's the whole thing. You saw one and dropped past you at some point. What's the only thing I ever heard of was Porsche because of my father. My father always wanted a Porsche. And I don't have a relationship with my father. He's not in her life. But there's something I always, people do assume that I'm like a car person.

I know everything about cars. I really only know Porsche because my father, one of the good memories I have is like, he always wanted this car and he would take a picture in front of a Porsche or a picture in a Porsche, you know, and that sort of thing. And I just, it just, when I'm driving that car and I look in the rear view and I see my eyes, I see his eyes. It's a way to have, as I get older, I realize, yes, I don't get to have like a physical relationship, not in that way with my father. But I do get to have a relationship with him in the ways that I am like him. or the ways that I find the joy of him, which is liking this car.

Obviously, it's not ideal, but it's not nothing. And it's just always, it's always, I just feel a connection. But it's not like I knew of other cars. The only reason I got that Toyota little one because it was two door like a Porsche. I was always trying to get up to that. So then I said any Porsche I take,

but of course I can't, it's not like a Toyota where it's like, if something goes on, it would be as expensive as something. So I waited, wait, I had this car for seven years, but I found, but I always was scout, you know, always scouting Craig's List and use lots for maybe a fixer up or Porsche that didn't have like, I didn't care if it had cosmetic issues, but like just the engine and, and I found a Cayman, which is a base, base model, Porsche. I could not do the box drive. I find that an abomination. I needed the head back.

Good for you. I felt like we have to just either get to be able. came in people would agree with would also say is an abomination but the fact that it's trying to look like the thing that we want as at least better for me let's give an effort and I got that one for 13,000 minus six that's pretty good right it's amazing how many miles on that when you bought it not a lot 88 but that had a tremendous amount everything was aftermarket the stripes this guy before me he put drive stickers on the Porsche the fading was the whole thing to the point that it looked like almost like oh it's actually cool that it's like patina but it was like not can i ask you this is it an

automatic or a stick everything's automatic again i don't know Porsche had it like i'm not like a car i got i just want a Porsche because that's what i grew up if you were driving a stick my head would yeah i would assume you're daddy my my wife knows how to drive stick it's awesome she's a badass yeah Yeah. And the Kaman, then I came in, then I had some, so I drove the Kaman for only a couple years because then I found my grail a black 9-11, 10 interior, give it up for all the Californication fans. Yeah. And it was, I got 18,000 for my Kaman.

Jesus Christ, you're stepping in shit. If you buy stuff, you can't lose. If you buy things that appreciate that hold their value, what am I going to spend 30 grand on a Kia that's worth two grand next year? I got to take shots of my friend. I kind of did that. Buy an old Porsche that could sell for nothing. For scrap, they'll buy it.

Right? There are people who fix these up. It's a whole market. I sold it for 18K. This one was 28,000. I got it for 10,000. I have no car payment. Are you doing well at this point when you buy this?

Yes, but I still only got the car for $10,000. And this is my final grail car. Like this is... What year is it? 2001. How many miles were on it? Like 86. Okay.

Look at you. It's great. It's great. That's awesome. Do you refer to it as the Porsche? Like, I'm going to take the Porsche? No. What's the wife drive?

Alexis SUV. Nice. Yeah. She does well as well. Yeah, but she doesn't, you know, it's not like we care about cars. I only care to have a Porsche, and she doesn't care at all. Gotcha. Where is living now?

I mean, I'm the kind of person that when she gets back, I make sure I get her car detailed. I like to keep it washed. I like to keep it. She doesn't even. I said, baby, you notice you had a full tank of gas. I have to tell her because it's not noticeable to her that she was on empty. I don't know house. It's insane.

Over to my house. What I'm doing. What I'm doing. Where is living now? You got the house. You got an apartment? No, we rent. You rent.

You rent. Yeah. House? We rent an apartment. Rent an apartment. I feel safer in an apartment. You feel safe for an apartment? What?

I'm on the street. It's the street. It's my door. What? A house? A house? It's the street. Here's my door.

You're living in a hallway. No, no, no, exactly. I can't, I got to be, there's got to be steps. There's got to be a door. There's got to be your fucked up elevator. That doesn't work. Oh. You can't get up if you want.

First, the key and now our elevator? That's it. It's an 88. That you went for me. It's crazy. He said, close the door, close the door. Make sure you're something. It's like there's no handle on it.

I got to be honest, that is a... Who gave me that advice? That was me. That was a, that's a this week problem. How'd you turn on us? What'd we do? So the door to the elevator is a flapper door like this, okay? There's no handle.

It's as if it's a push door into a kitchen or something. You're putting our business out there. No, there's no, he goes, just make sure you slam it shut when you get in the elevator. But there's nowhere to pull the door shut. I'm like in the crack and then it self stops itself a little bit. You're not wrong. These are all valid, valid complaints. I'm surprised it took you 55 minutes to bring it up.

You knew that you gave me faulty advice. We could have talked about this off air. No, what you could do is you could come all the way down the stairs and ride it up with me. That wouldn't be advice. No, but say, I'll come and get you. We were sending someone down. No, they didn't tell me. I was already nine flights up.

I was fucking reliving 9-11 up there. You wouldn't on 11? No, but the fly-fighter said to go up with all their gear. How many flights of stairs? I know, but it gives me, I have another respect for them when I do something like that. I go, wow, look at me. Oh, did you take the stairs up? Yes.

Oh, I didn't know. I apologized. I took the stairs up. All of this is deserved. I apologize. I took six flights of stairs up. We apologize. We gave you the green tea.

It's delicious. It's $9, by the way. Did we cover some ground today or what? Buddy, it's crazy. Just a few, I got a few. We just know a little quick ones here. It's whatever you want. I'm here for you.

I consider you fam now. I really have enjoyed this. I'm telling you right now, you're like one of my favorite people. You're one of my favorite people. It takes nothing for me. I know right away. No, I know right away.

If I don't or if I do. Love it. Good gauge of character. Yeah. Any dumb, while we're on purchases, any purchases you look back, you said you're good with money, but any purchase you look back,

you like, nah, I didn't, shouldn't have done that. When you got like your first big check, it didn't have to be big. No, because you know what? I talked about this at length. And my brother, lady, has always given advice like this when you get a, like my first big check was $65,000 for a show that I sold

two years ago, but I hadn't been paid ever. Of course. You know what I mean? So I'm thinking, okay, we'll put it aside. Maybe we'll open like a 401k and, you know, get something like put $3,000 here, put $3,000. I don't know. And he said, you better

take a little bit off the top. You just take a little bit. Yes, everything to your plan. But you have to treat yourself a little bit off the house. And I bought a watch also used. We were talking about watches before also used 1991 it had to be 1991 the year my sister was born because I feel like the family is complete your youngest sister yeah and I got the watch and I wear it every day for like

I've been wearing it for since I got it can we ask you what it is yes it's a 1991 base base okay so under people who know watches it's a Rolex air king which I got again for $3,600 why $3,600 every double I'm also paranoid and superstitious with numbers 18 is a very lucky number 36 is double 18 if I could offer 18 I would but I normally then do multiple yeah yeah so so you are a fucking boss yeah but but then it's one I have one of everything like people go oh is this your do you have another no I have one car I have one watch I have I don't have a lot of things but the things that I have I do a tremendous amount of research calculated and it could take years I mean watches I've been looking at since I'm a kid it could take years i mean i had a watch yeah i had a watch when i was maybe five years old beauty and the beast watch or something where the bought it for 20 bucks sold it for seven yeah yeah yeah oh or bell the the the the princess's head opened and it was a digital watch with the time i remember those i would say ma ask me what time it is ma ask me the time it is well i just told you you know but i just nobody was asking me the time and i

this watch going on. I'm working out material here. Yeah, I still love what somebody asked me the time because I go, as a matter of fact. But yeah, so, but I've had stupid purchases. The thing, the dumbest purchase is like, I think the hardest thing for me is clothes. Because I wear men's clothes and I need them to be small.

So my size is all, it's just, it's just tough that I think I measured it properly. And I buy everything used, as you know. So that includes my clothes. All my clothes. You do? All my clothes is pre-owned. Is it like designer clothes in your buying?

No, this is $7. This is from the Goodwill, which their price is $7 at the Goodwill is expensive. And I'm sick about that. But anyway, because some people really need. But no, everything. What is it? What is it? What is it?

Is it like L.L. Bean? Because you're sharp. What is it? Oh, my God. No, it's like an old sweater. Jansen? It's an old sweater. I thought it was like an LLBien or J. Crew or something.

No, no, no, no, no. Everything is. Like, I buy all, you know, clothing, I'll have. Fix her tag for it. I'll have it. Thank you. I don't want to Uncle Eddie here. Yeah, he, exactly.

Uncle Eddie would never. My Uncle Eddie, I'm talking about my Uncle Eddie. Uncle Eddie would never. No, but like a designer jacket or something, like I'll buy on Graled or I'll buy on Deepop or all, if I really want. Are these reusable sites? I don't know. Yeah, these are, these are pre-owned. I normally buy a lot of, everything I own is pre-owned and holds value.

A sweater is a sweater. When I bring this back to Goodwill or whatever, I'll donate it obviously, but they'll be able to sell it again and they'll make a profit, okay? Let me ask you this. But clothing, sometimes I've ordered something online and you can't return on the pre-owned site. So that is the problem.

A lot of it is final sale. And it's even though I measured with the measuring tape, it's not the right size. Oh, we are different. What about the misses? She spends money on clothes. We don't count each other's stuff at all. No kidding.

You know what? I introduced her to the whole pre-owned. Really? She didn't, she was at Zara and all these fast fashion sites. And it's funny. This is a really good story that a lot of people don't know. One of our first sleepovers. Why should she leave in the clothes she came the night before?

It's unbecoming, right? Uh-huh. So I gave her a sweater. Uh-huh. Okay. One of yours? Yeah. Okay.

I said, go home and take a sweater, you know, and she came over, you know, not wearing a sweater. So we'll leave it up that. You know, we had a nice dinner, and she was in her, you know, whatever. And then. Leaving like a flusy. You know what I mean? Tighten it up. In the morning, you're cold suddenly.

We're adults. But did you not want her to leave? Like, you don't want her to have, like, make the walk of, the walk of shame, as they say. Yeah, just to her car. Why should she be freezing and put back on her dress or whatever? Just here's some sweats and here's a sweater. Here's a tanset sweater. That's a class move, though.

Yeah. Why should she like, you know what I mean? So I gave her a sweater. And then I went to her house. the next time that we hung out and I noticed my sweater it's just on the floor it's it's it's totally disregarded not the way that I carry my everything I have is I may only have four sweaters but they're folded I take care of my sweaters yeah I don't have a lot of like I buy everything like if I if I if I need like I'll be like okay I have black pens goes back to the watch yeah I have

the things I have are are like good or I wanted them or they you know or they they make me happy or what I want to wear like they're specific you know you're so thought through yeah everything is so interesting everything is very thoughtful exactly I I I I that's great I acquire things very slow and steady just like my career slow and steady wins the race baby and um and I've been slow and steady before you know it after 10 years you have four nice sweaters instead of 30 that's real slow by the way instead of 30 what do you have 30 30 uh 30 under all This, that, the other. Do I pick as an underarmor guy?

No, I'm also, I was this, I get that. I was the same, and I found just high or quality. I buy a lot of them. I find one thing I like and I'll buy, I buy 10 of the same high quality t-shirt. Oh my God, 10 is crazy. But you know what? It's actually like 30. I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to brag.

People have too much stuff. Guys, you've got to clean up. Okay. So I left, so I see the sweater on the floor. And I'm a very long-winded individual. speaking but anyway my my wife's podcast is actually called long winded check it out my podcast too far is patreon only as we don't accept any corporate dollars because they won't give them to us so we are on is that right i didn't know you got a bottom sorry far on patreon too far too far and we're

going to be doing the uh too far one k the not too far um we are starting a one k race not too far yes because how far is that i don't know but further than i've ever gone It's not five. Okay, one, okay. Well, let's let us start. Let us start somewhere. I think that's less than a mile. Yes, I could do that.

But it's more than a half a mile. But imagine running half a mile? No. I came up six steps. I'm like, forget it. Let me start somewhere. 0.6.2 miles. You know, so anyway.

Also, we have a little Patreon. Go check out the show. Of course. I'm on tour. By the time this comes out, maybe it'll be sold out. Maybe it won't. You'll get lucky. I don't know.

The sweater is on the floor Disgrace I take it I go Oh it's too I was You don't like the sweater I was gonna let you keep the sweater

Okay Very good sweater I was gonna let you keep it Because I actually I don't wear it anymore Or I was gonna resell it And she goes now I don't mean I go

It's a shame It's a Prada sweater She goes Ah Her whole demeanor change It doesn't say Prada everywhere It says nothing It's a Prada sweater

It's a great artigan And it has just a little tag Prada And I bought it pre-owned For a good price And it'll sell for a good price For a good price Okay And she wears that sweater to this day

Oh shit Isn't that adorable But isn't that crazy how that So yes But now she's all about pre-owned I said baby you can have Whatever you want Listen if you're a little patient

And you like the hunt and you like to look through stuff, then, okay, look through stuff. And you can find something. If you do have a particular brand that you're into or whatever, I just, there's so much clothes. The landfills are, they don't need the,

and by the way, don't need any clothes. They have too much clothes. Yeah, it's very true. Money, not clothes. We need, you know what I mean? It's like there's too much clothes. You're hoarding clothes. It's really sick.

I wear them, though. He just gave clothes to a friend of ours. Lost a couple of pounds. Didn't compliment me. No big deal. Shifting all. Looking good. To one of our friends.

That sounded sarcastic. Looking good. Cut it with a knife. Yeah, looking good. But I mean, I mean, this is a wild story. Will you come back? Will you come back and hang out with this? By the way, I can't wait.

Yeah. By the way, I can't wait. You got to come back. I can't wait. This is the new fan. This is unreal. Maybe I'll be the third. We don't know.

We don't know. She buys it out from under us. I don't even realize it. Bobby Hoffman, follow me on Instagram. I'll be on tour in some cities near you. Great. Not all of them. I got to relax.

I got this one day I'm gearing up for it. My special wake-up is live on Netflix. Yes, check it out, gang. So much so fun. Live on Netflix. You got projects coming out. One of the funniest, one of the most unique, fascinating guests we've ever had. Wow.

But are you ready? Well, yeah, no, I'm ready. You're garbage. Yeah, no, I am. Yeah. For sure. No, somebody called me. But the good, a nice kind.

The best kind. Jewish trash. He said he never met anyone. I couldn't. I can't say that. Who said this? Bruno? No, they said,

Stavi was saying, you know, that Stavi. Yeah, Stavie was saying that. He's seen white trash, but he's never heard of Jewish trash. And I take that as a compliment. You must have been blowing his mind. I take that as a compliment, I guess. You should. Of course.

But for this show, I'm Jewish garbage. Yes. Jewish garbage. Welcome to the park. Welcome to the family. Thank you. Robbie Hoffin, ladies and gentlemen. Check out, wake up on Netflix.

Check out her podcast on Patreon. Robbie, we love you. Keep you what he's got for him. Guys, our 2026 tour is on sale right now. A bunch of cities. We're adding more. Tickets are going fast. Get them.

We'll see you out there. We love you. Love you, buddy. Love you. I love you guys. Thank you. See you next week. Thanks.