Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Robert Kelly Returns to Answer Your Questions!

Episode Date: March 18, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with the great Robert Kelly! Bobby talks fighting in Boston, best way to eat a bagel, and St. Paddys day parades! Its a fun one! Thanks for listening, youse guys are the best.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.sheathunderwear.com https://Stereo.com/kevinryan https://www.Stamps.com Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test.   Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage it's a show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they grew up classy or if they're absolute trash I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day we're down here aunt to these basement she just made a while while run and I know she's on her way back because I just got a Venmo request

for 225 for a pack of crimp it's oh boy my co-host is coming at you from right next to me that's all we had on that one this week light news and put it yeah okay he is the CEO of are you garbage you put the whole thing together he's the mastermind ladies and gentlemen give it up for Kevin James Ryan hey gang thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube and as you know those numbers are true the roof true to fucking roof and then patreon.com you can sign up you can get bonus episodes a YG you can get episodes of hard feelings which are just me and

Foley fucking shooting the shit him calling me bald me calling him fat it's a good fucking time oh yeah the breakaway hit a 2021 by the way everybody loves it and then we'll play with our top tier patrons we play a YG with you guys once or twice a month you ask us questions we ask you questions and then in even bigger news oh tell them tell them we're hitting the road jack fucking road April 20th Raleigh good nights down here in North Carolina April 21st Zaini Nashville get your fucking tickets now it's gonna sell out I'm telling you yeah guys Chicago we just got word Chicago's almost sold out so Chicago's in June get

those tickets now also Indy is moving as well all the tickets are moving baby the boys are hitting the road check it out we got the link tree up links in the description check it out here we go and of course speaking of Chicago shout out to the pride of Chicago comedy scene he is a two golden brown English muffins slice of American cheese and a big old sausage give it up for T bone McMuffin Toby McMullen everybody what a big piece he's got a big piece and needs a haircut by the way he's got a mop top on him and all those tickets we sold in Chicago are people who I owe money and look at her Toby over there I said he was gonna

be on a show but gang that's either here nor there we cannot be more excited to have our incredibly incredibly special guest back with us again today it's a family episode we got some company we got some real company we actually cleaned the place up a little bit I took out the trash before I got the trash I did as OG as it gets you know them you love them ladies and gentlemen give it up for Mr. Robert Kelly yeah it a fucking noise the fucking just synergy you two fucking what do you mean I mean that was flawless that was like a fucking if I was gonna do a movie hey give it up for playing there clean clean clean in a

batch and mama's mom's coming back and come see you and don't forget big dick tell me I owe money the kids got chemistry baby I mean not one fucking misstep it was one point where you were talking there was a little gap and he jumped in I knew we were pissing him off with that long it was the fucking polish this of you guys are fucking I mean we're over here we're not some bums they found in the village what do you mean we've been doing this for a while I'm doing it for 15 I was the first one to have a podcast I still flubble when I fucking mush mouth I am you two cocksuckers

it's a magic he was great he normally he's usually good for a flub in the Internet wow we got in here at noon and started practicing I mean that was whoa now does he got a big dick got a big piece uncut big hog on him I'm gonna say this unconfirmed I always thought that I'll find out in Raleigh I just tasted pickles I don't know why that fuck I thought of you snicking into his room and fucking pulling his tidy white he's down cuz you know he was he's a sheath guy I love having fun folks what's up guys buddy we're happy to have I'd like to he just keeps getting better and better he

looks amazing you look you're like time traveler your skin is fantastic yeah I am fine I have the skin of a Filipino dude you look better now than you did in the prior year I'm not shitting on you I have great skin I don't know what it is the whole look the jacket the glasses the glasses are nice you should have got the big ones Bobby 91223 I don't know his name I know I wasn't gonna get out I knew you're talking about you're talking about Elliot Gould yes or you could have went crazy to rob a casino oh green I was banging cheerleaders two at a time that's not the quote but okay 17 I don't find I'm not one of those I

hate fucking stat people and quote people stat people can hit the fucking bricks I had that one time ago what guy who was it J more walked up to me hey will you Red Sox fan yeah I love the Red Sox from Boston yeah who's you sent a fielder I don't I hate that shit yeah I don't give a fuck I hate that the guy with the guy that looks fucking Spanish and white yeah I hate that too man if like you don't know enough about the team that you're not a true fan I don't know who to fuck played I just say I'm lying back for the Eagles in 78 but you know yeah still enjoy the story the squad yes I do I love a team I love the

past I love all why is it that we have to love it's very culty that you have to love your teams from your town I kind of like it though I don't like when people like other teams from other towns but when we're when we're when we're when America does something like the Olympics or we all fucking yeah you got oh yeah yeah that's first then beat those Chinese come on yeah I think they got our number moving forward they just bought Africa they just signed the deal they own a lot of shit they owns the shit you're doing this on they own oh yeah yeah pull our plug right now oh no show we shut down all podcasts the lights

just go out oh my god Bobby thank you for coming back folks if you haven't seen Bobby's episode please go back and check it out it's absolutely fucking amazing real Boston trash yeah right that's the thing I was wondering was I trash I forget you weren't classy I know that I have to say you know when the caviar award do you have caviar award no dude if you don't do an award show at the end of your fucking year you're an asshole you don't have caviar award that's pretty good you just come up with that I gotta give you a raise I came up with no I think he did he said caviar word I said make it a show show I want

to get an executive producer credit take it easy I feel like I'm in a game of hungry hungry hippos right now Jesus you get an award for most original fat Joe that was fucking great you get you get a fucking Cinnabon award for that extra sauce oh my god you know what I was thinking about with boss food oh sorry what's for lunch now you got me all jacked up I'm dying for some marbles hungry hungry I'm thinking it's a pastry that I don't know about for Philly I'm like I gotta get down there do you gotta try marbles fucking Gladys is down on fucking South Street

oh shit ah the thing about Boston is so Philly's trash inside the city yes okay I mean there's some nice sections but as far as like Boston proper it's a lot of money it's nice so you really have to go to the whatever the fuck why is it so all right not not any more though what do you mean because when I was growing up Boston proper yes Newbury Street all that shit calm have it's all talking like Beacon Hill the North End all yeah the back bay that was all well the North End was all Italian it was the fucking mob so right it was nice because they you know they take care of the neighbors yeah but right around it was real quick

just I would say I had a lobster roll at in the North End a couple years ago at this place on whatever that main strip is yeah it's fucking unbelievable yeah North End is fun this is why I love that it's fucking they did not let anybody take it over it's still a lobster claw what's it called tail still fucking all Italian people over there yeah I mean they let people sneak in here in there yeah but it's still what it was when I left yes nice except better but around Boston South Boston Charlestown some of all that was you fucking I got mugged when I was eight in Charlestown really the guy took 85 cents big week for him

I was going to the mall with me my friend 85 cents what were you gonna get I was just going to the mall that's what you did back then I mean I just went to the mall I was a thing you know you went to the park of the mall that's it you walked around the mall maybe fucking tried to squeeze an orange Julius out of somebody you sat at the fountain and tried to fucking you know look at some albums that are coming out but he took it I remember can I get 10 cents back to call my mom and he threw me 10 cents and I call my mom I go you're gonna pick me up she's like where are you guys got mugged at the some of old Charlestown

area and she was again take a bus home I go I don't I got my yeah I don't walk home so but now it's fucking Charlestown you can't it's nice all rich really all rich all the two knees some of all yeah dude it's all all that all that I stayed in some of all some of all that where I stayed was nice like it's all right when I was growing up I can't tell you how many times I got the shit kicked I mean shit for nothing other than coming from Medford really like they be like where you from Medford and I would wake up like that's such a dirtbag city thing like what neighborhood like I hear I go home to

I bet the world be at the bar like drink with my knucklehead cousins and they look over see like a group of kids making noise like I bet the Mayfair kids you know I bet the Kenzie like it's all you're all bozos you're all dirt balls you're all sitting at the same shitty bar we had parks when I was growing up so you had a park that was your whatever park yeah like oh that was your turf Italians with Tufts Park what is the 50s it's like grease with bad music from Somerville it was the 80s we know so the Irish kid at North Park car park the the black kids had Duggar Park and then there was the mix that was at Place Dead

Park and the parks used to fight each other so the parks used to fight each other and the park I hung out with all the Italian kids they were fucking a maniacs but some of us right next door so we would always bop over to their park and fight them and I remember I remember once and I hated it I hated it so bad because I just like to have fun you know and we went over there one day and we saw these three kids from Somerville in this little parking lot behind these stores and my friends like here we go fucking fight that how old are we talking I was I had to be 13 okay so we were all my friends at 18 though 17 18 fucking

animals I mean violent people I hung out with and so but they were like hey you playing with football let us play so all of a sudden we all stopped playing together and we were all there was like three kids with us and three kids with them and kind of the same age so the kid my age they were like hey you two go get drinks or something at the store so we're like alright so me and this kid went from some we went and got drinks we got snacks so we're coming we're talking we're laughing we're having like me and this kid he hated it all like I was planning to trip to the mall next week I did I love this kid and we're walking

back with snacks we're eating like fucking Susie Q's we got some drink and we walked back and I just see a kids radio flying in the flying in the air and it's just fucking boom hits the camera and I'm like here we go drop the shit we just that's like when the two goalies in a hockey they have no animosity well I would fuck my team's rolling I gotta go I was so sad I started out with a nice day some wiffle ball some Susie Q really liked you Sean but here we go I was got 15 cents in a length of chain you'd fight the parks would fight each other parks would yeah that's a thing to where you can sense the fight coming you're

like this is we're like if you're so I was somewhere like hanging out with comics who aren't fighters but I was also hanging out with my dirt bag friends right like we're at a bar and I looked at the I could just sense it like we was gone like you guys I told the company you guys got to get the fuck out of here because shit's gonna go south quick oh I can send two seconds after they left it just like fucking broke out I hung out the kids that at my park I think the older kids like 35 and I'll do huge was in this park you guys really like swing sense it was a park there in the day and then at night we took it over and if

that's where we drank and did drugs and fucking fought people cops didn't fuck with cops did fuck with us but we would fuck with them so you know we'd have to switch sides of the park you know what I mean they would come down all the time and fuck with us I remember I was such I was in trouble and I was with the older kids were quite fucking crazy Mikey Catalano Lonnie Hilson these guys are great names Mikey Catalano will tune you up Jake Jake Gags Joey Gags Joey any good these guys doctors in a bunch a lot of pipe fitters are you Dr. Joey Gags yeah they were all 85 cents get on a table yeah Mikey oh love the names

oh they were they were so tough and they would I remember one night my three uncles were their age too they came down looking for me and I was like over here I felt so bad because my uncles came down where's Bobby they were like who are you where his uncles he's he's doing all right why don't you take off he'll be home a little later Jesus and they were like all right I tell your uncles bitch up wow listen dude they were like come home I was like yeah I'll be home a little while I was a fucking piece of shit back then piece of shit yeah yeah garbage you're so sweet now oh bad kid back then but I didn't I

don't think I didn't want to be mugging people I did you did later in life yeah I took a moped I took not even a felony I don't think what's a moped second back couple of bucks a moped back there were hard to come by I was I'm talking about a moped when mopeds came out damn you know I mean there was that it's like still in a Bugatti yeah exactly this kid got a moped and we were like this fuck him and his pen I we took it for a day we weren't assholes we give it back we just leave it on your street somewhere sure sure but I I mean years later I got sober my life is going good I went I went to back to high school I graduated

I got a scholarship to a bunker Hill Community College for art I'm in English class and my life is great and all of a sudden we're going around the room and they're like you know hey I'm blah blah blah and I looked at the kid next to me I go hey I'm Robert he goes I know who you are and I went oh shit it was a kid I took the moped from my English class he was still mad yeah I'd be fucking pissed too I got all the kids wheels yeah we go to back you got a bag of little dented up who you are could have sold it who you he's got a picture you at his house I apologize we made up we're good man I had a moped

grown up pretty sweet ride moped's a great yeah I don't care what they say moped's a fucking great good time yeah it's a fantastic I had a go-kart what do you do as far as with max would you let max get a go-kart or a moped or anything like that you know that's funny in the future he's still pretty young right what is he I would I just got him a segue like a legitimate segue with the big wheels was it's in your legs it comes up in between your legs oh yeah but it's big wheels it's not the little one little shit ones people are dying on that a lot of fire it's from segue it's like big wheels and the only reason I

got it we're at somebody's house who had it and he jumped on it just started flying around I'm like fuck it kids got it how old is how old is he now he's uh he's going on eight seven going on eight right now but yeah I'd get him a I get him a moped fuck yeah what about like a mini bike to ride around in the backyard we went up the main right and I'm sitting there talking to these people because we're trying to we're trying to we're trying to get this tiny home right love a tiny love a fucking my wife once once so tiny homes of Maine I know I've done buddy I've been on this yes I'm well aware you gotta talk to those they

make the best anyways I need something you can't fit in every rude but what are you doing Bobby customize it the thing is if it's under a certain square foot in a lot of places you don't have to pay real estate tax exactly and they're fucking I mean this great they're cool looking to we went up there to get you know I went way up to Maine they run like near the Canadian border and we're sitting down in the home we're talking to this couple they're the best couple ever and young couple and I'm talking about I'm trying to give my you know fire while I let Max do what he I don't want to be afraid I let him do what he

wants to do and you know let him you know venture out and be venturous and stuff like that and I look at he max who's seven at the fucking time is on a fuck ATV by himself flies by the window and I went max is on there he goes I thought you wanted to be fearless I was just like yeah okay and I just had to eat my words and let the kid fucking zip around an apple orchard on a fucking ATV I meant like watch horror movies that's such a city guy fear maybe put it get on a roof I don't know I mean I used to go on roofs all dude that's what I was I wanted to ask you like cuz you you were wild at a young age I mean I was

pretty bananas I look back like I wouldn't want a 20-year-old doing the shit that we used to do no rules we I mean we just like like fire we just did crazy shit all the time oh on the train tracks we would fuck around with train like we would bother you was in this is it's a little different we're talking you're talking about the suburbs in the early 90s 80s what's you know for him in the early 80s in the city in Boston stabbing I know I'm not saying I'm just saying the shit you used to do compared to the shit I'm gonna let my kid we didn't fucking stab anybody you threw a couple eggs at the mailman this

guy was living grease 3 over here you're a tasty case I didn't say I'm just saying we wrote I mean dude we wrote quads we jumped off bridges jump off a bridge we don't say we were on roofs we just go fucking construction sites we tried steal on their back oh we did everything he was race riding what do you know I'm not I'm not saying I'm not not in Boston we didn't have to deal with that we were like goodwill hunting over here I'm just fucking saying I wrote a quad once boss it was very segregated back then I I remember one time me and Chris Bracha who was my best friend at the time we got you know the palettes

or okay they have a palette they used to make styrofoam ones for Pepsi yeah it was a styrofoam big pal we got one of those and put it in the Mystic River and we took that fucks the mist there's a real river called the Mystic River there's a Mystic River and method that goes all the way into go another sounds like Narnia was a mystic river Sean Penn miss exactly that was bacon KC Affleck we got in that and took it all the way out into the farm was the ocean yeah we were little kids yeah you don't know any better we got sticks and we got this little boat and we were just in it and I remember this how you called it a

price it's a piece of styrofoam yeah we got a boat ma he paid for name on the side I got a sale the SS tiny home or something Bobby's crabbing over there in the harbor got a new boat taking the whole family out this week and he's doing good stay on those crap pots you know that spills likelihood I caught you some Susie cues ma hold on a second there gang let's real quick talk about our favorite sponsor here on the podcast sheath underwear ladies and gentlemen fantastic product keeps everything nice and cozy and in its place yeah guys if you're not familiar it's a two-pouch system they got going they got a pouch

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plus free postage and a digital scale and buddy no long-term commitment at all fantastic just go to stamps dot-com click on the microphone at the top of the homepage and type in our code garbage at stamps dot-com never go to the post office again. Finally getting real quick we want to talk to you about the good time Uncle Hank and Aunt Kippy you're having over there on the stereo app usually every Thursdays at 9 o'clock we're chopping it up and we're taking your questions. Yeah guys it's a super cool app we it's like a live stream you get to ask us are your garbage questions you get to record them live we play them

live we answer it I have a couple of beers it's a fun time it's like a little bit of an after-party so use the link in the description www.stereo.com slash Kevin Ryan or slash H Foley sure we get to wet our beaks a little bit right up it's a good time we'll see you there. Back to the show Jesus Christ yeah back to the ocean dude we almost went to the ocean this boat drove by and went you the fuck are you doing and I remember they told us back they didn't even let us get in their boat they threw a rope out we were just holding it me and Chris and water was coming up into the thing and we were fucking getting scared dude we did

a lot of shit we used to climb the roofs of the churches and oh yeah we go on like school roofs and stuff yeah yeah it was fucking you have nothing to do especially in the suburbs and there's no one around you just and your parents never never were around I was the last generation I think that would like leave the house I was born in 86 and I would leave the house in the summer right for like you know fucking 18 hours and then just come back and my mom would be like call at 6 to check in yeah call form whatever pay phone or wherever house I was here I wonder what I mean kids were getting fucking murdered and taken back

then yeah like crazy like there's I was just thinking that like it's gonna be tougher there'll be like a real serial killer or like abduction ring going on now back in the 80s 70s 80 that should happen all the time but but it happened all the time but there was no it was local news so he really didn't find out about it just they used to give like 48 hours for a kid and then that was it like well Timmy didn't come home and yeah that was it you gotta have another kid repainting that's why they had like eight kids yeah one of them is gonna die I remember Adam was the big one you ever that kid that's when they switched

everything up and they started doing milk cartons yeah that's that was the first Twitter that was like you'll never see a missing kid on a carton of oat milk no yeah you see a fat guy on the side missing kid missing friends that's how you got milk they got all kinds of milk they got out yeah you didn't know that where are they getting how do you get milk from an oat I don't know you soak it in water or something like that water water soak it in water do you water dude get a tail but Adam is when that was when I was real young we all had to go and get fingerprinted do you remember that you you're too young I got

fingerprinted rich and no I sound like a narc to me who goes and who goes and cooperates at a young age I we all had to go get fingerprinted at the Sears because they were don't do fingerprints and they do mom tell them my mom will back me up on this that kid John Walsh's son got kidnapped and they found them yeah all right be edit good if I'm part of them in the other part later yeah poor bad poor kid but then that caused like a nation-wide wave of you know of kids getting kidnapped right so they had us all go get fingerprinted in case in case you got kidnapped right I don't remember that it was the 90s I got a chip in or

something dude I don't remember I mean fingerprinting I got fingerprinted when I was yeah they already had yours it comes Bobby Kelly again I was set it up I was right there and he stepped right on it with a better one three deco minute best hang on I gotta suck on my tongue I guess some moisture here have some my coffee oh my god I turn his mountain do right behind you I'm not gonna drink mountain fucking do who drinks Mountain Dew what about that you can add that soda up there so does from my when I was a kid he stole that I'm not fucking touch of that what you saw for me some of that fucking Skippy shout out to the fan that

sent that in Skippy by the way it's kippy Bobby look kippy oh that's my nickname kippy I know I know okay I'm sure no I totally got it I just didn't laugh oh but I did get it before we get to the patreon questions yes I have to know what I don't understand what's what's the tiny house what are we talking about tiny house is this okay I own a home I own a I own my home right Westchester right well for himself as well right I'm very modest I have a nice little ranch whatever but then I bought land in the Hampshire very true yes okay and then we were gonna build trying to subdivide I got a couple of bucks now you have a

little how many little tiny house come you a lot of people doing that yeah to a two and a half acres no I can't swing on anything you and the two girls and Bobby sleeping up in a loft no the two and a half acres but behind it is 600 acres of forest damn so it's you know that but it's up in the white mountains of New Hampshire mm-hmm so which we've all we go to every year for 30 years we've been going up there so I was like let's just buy the land and see what happens you know and then we got all of a sudden I was on was it Instagram and I saw the tiny homes of man I was like this is

great yeah because you know some of these little things you know you buy a prefab house it's a shit house mm-hmm she's garbage I didn't want to get we were thinking about getting a trailer I was like that's too yeah nobody wants that and they're cool they're cool looking at what do you want to be like now Clint Eastwood any which way but loose right turn Clyde fucking loser I haven't seen that I don't know you never saw black and white no I didn't know what the fuck he was talking about but it was a funny name so I ran with any which way any which way but loose with the money you never saw the fucking

vehicle for Clint Eastwood any which way but loose with a orangutan sounds like a blockbuster hit though it was and that was the one where you know that blonde girl he had in all his movies for a little bit do you know Clint Eastwood at all no I know I know I'm forgiven come on what am I an asshole that came out my senior high school I just don't know that I don't know that stuff the offbeat stuff I know I planes drifter I know pale rider I know dirty happy in between in between there was there was this moment in time where in between the spaghetti Westerns and like the dirty Harry and later on what we know as him

there was this silly fucking I believe was in between the silly fun Clint Eastwood Eastwood was doing comedies good hilarious comedies really let's back up not a fucking orangutan not smoking in the band but it couldn't be top-notch dude I told him any which way but loose and any which way you can I believe is like Ernest goes to camp goes to school he took he took the fucking orangutan in the zoo to get laid you know in the middle of the night he would just break into a zoo so he gets a pussy it's got a 37% on rotten tomatoes the critics consensus is the inexplicable pairing of Clint Eastwood with an orangutan is the

least of any which way but loose is problem yeah okay but go to the other one what's the other one any which way you can I believe that's a good one now that that was a little better than a two-in-one game before they tweaked a script oh it's so and everybody's in it too it's like a cannonball run okay the cannonball run I know great movie love great movie cannonball run one and two correct it's in that time when those movies those kinds of movies sure that that movie was like I'm hanging out with my uncles I got this one's even worse it's got a 20% the first one was better I can't catch magic in a bottle twice now

where do you see a movie like that a young kid Bobby Kelly out what is 25 year old friends you guys you guys go to the movies during the day you sneak in no we didn't stab the ticket guy what happens going to the movies back in the day was an event it wasn't like a thing you just went to like now people go to the movies are I mean before this shit you just went to the movies you wouldn't go to the movies during the day no because you didn't know I was doing fucking drugs and shit you're drinking we were we were trying to hang out you didn't go to the you went to the movies with your family you went to the movies

on vacation you know you didn't go to fight in the Pollux or Medford during the day we can't fucking go you're gonna go catch here's another you got another thing coming or whatever it is hang on let me suck on my tongue you have a puddle I could see we forgot to I'm gonna mail you a case of water yeah I don't need you to me I just need one now I don't I got a house I got a fucking fountain I mean Jesus Christ I mean I take a little piss in a cup what do you do up in this plate what do you do up in you go camping up there for less 30 years my uncle back around 30 years

ago bought a piece of land up where I bought land on the same street up on Squan Lake we're on Golden Palm do you know on Golden Palm the movie is that too much for you yes I don't want you never saw on Golden Palm down I don't know what to say he's a young kid Bobby I'm 34 that's not young that's middle age what's what year did this movie come out it came out when when you were alive when I don't know it was Henry Fonda Henry Fonda and his daughter Jane Fonda Jane Fonda I mean she's old to me I definitely don't know her dad well that's why I wouldn't I know the movie but I didn't see it anyway family was not

big fans of Jane Fonda of course no one is they have they have what's his name Hank no what's the guy Calvin Alvin peeing on Jane Fonda on their house on the house on the house I've never seen a house with a bumper sticker it's the tragiest thing I've ever seen in my life they have it on the patio door they don't play around yeah listen well anyways it's up there we've been going up there for years my uncle's three uncles bought land up there years ago they would camp on it then they built a little house on it okay then they made a nicer house and then my uncle bought the other two out because they stopped going and built a

fucking beautiful mansion nice I mean I mean chipping green golf course and archery range a guest house he's got enough it means just why don't you just get in on that one well I want to do his own thing well I was I was a guest there for a long time he has a guest house and we would always go up there right and me and I was like you know what let we need to stop being guests I don't want my kid to be a guest yeah it's tough I want to look with kids I feel like I want my kid I can't go and do what he did like I don't have the money to buy a house but we can buy a little piece of land and we can make sure there's land behind it

which gives us more land than we actually paid for you know technically you can fucking whap back there and crank one out in the woods or right and and then we found this thing it's like tiny homes is not that expensive no 79 thousand dollars for a house yeah and they wheel it on and you plug it in and you're good to go I'm is a little more than that but I'm a big fan of it man yeah you can go totally off grid to though you literally can plug these in you have water delivered to a thing and thank you and you can be totally off grid on these things it has a compost toilet you're shitting it and change out the thing

every and throw it in the woods every three weeks or whatever like that so my wife won't do that she's she'll she won't shit anything but a toilet so we have to get like real plumbing but how are you gonna do that we don't do it the guys who do it do it but you just like a septic tank septic tank okay yeah you gotta get when you get a when you buy land if you build you gotta get a well to get water and you have to get a septic tank in a leech field which we found out well water we thought was trashy we didn't grow up with well water it's not though they say it's the best because it's like naturally filtered through

limestone or something coming out of the fucking it's literally I don't know the ground you're getting something that's been in a pipe for 200 years yeah you got in Philly that I shit I run it through the Brita the what the Brita the the Brita Brita doesn't have that you've taken the filter out probably three years ago and never played you don't have to really replace that looks like a fish tag a little scuba guy in it yeah well treasure chest yeah sorry so that's that's what it is I'm a big fan go for and you want this to be this you wanted to be your primary residence you guys are looking at a

vacation home no but no way can I just say you know being in this business it's always been in this business for like three months but as a comic in your head there's always that we can just go look like a tiny over eight bucks a month yeah I'll fucking do shows in a deli I'll panhandle on the fucking fly fishing spot and make money you know what I mean there's always that little thing got you yeah gotta get away got you plus when the race was happened a couple weeks ago the cities are getting dicey oh it's getting dicey I just I literally bought this net it's fucking nuts up there yeah why a knife though are you

really gonna stab somebody I think if he needs to he will yes Bobby is a little fucking but do you think you'll be it's guys bonkers if somebody was gonna hurt if someone's coming at him yeah it's like a punch I wouldn't want to do it I mean you say I wouldn't I would never even want to but if somebody was gonna hurt me yeah you're gonna slash you're gonna stab I'm gonna slash I'm not you poke Michael Jackson video you fucking get him put it right in his thigh I'm gonna go down to the ground and cut his Attila Achilles he's gonna come chase me and he can't yeah I had a friend of mine a comic I'm gonna get a 10 second

head start this happened in LA this was fucking terrible he was coming out of a 7-eleven Wayne Previty fucking great guy passed away last year but he's coming out of a 7-eleven this homeless guy LA you know they're so aggressive out there started getting his face and he finds like listen get the fuck out of my face I'm gonna beat the shit out of you this guy fuck you still in his face so he starts beating the shit out of this homeless guy okay and all of a sudden he goes to kick him and he breaks his ankle and he can't move he's in so much pain he's just lying on the ground screaming and he goes then all of a

sudden I just felt something climbing up my body it was the homeless guy he climbed up all the way to his face nose-to-nose went I got you now that's gonna haunt my breath on yeah I would have passed out so you never fucking know I mean he was he was fucking killing it and then he broke his dumb ankle I gotta get out while you're ahead I need some milk or something I yeah holy shit all right let's get into some fucking patreon questions we got Bobby here Bobby thank you so much for coming out hot up so hot up great up love having Bobby yeah so guys when you sign up for patreon we will ask your

garbage question it's the best way to do it we just get so many requests otherwise that so when you join we will answer your garbage questions this isn't even a garbage question this came up this is a jumping off point this came up last episode and was very fucking divisive in the comments you're in New York right like you've been in New York for what like 20 years or something at this point long time 25 25 years 25 25 years New Yorker I was considered myself in New York and you're you're a you know you liked it this you're a food guy you like your food a certain way not this is not this I get you see

what you have you have I appreciate yes I appreciate you pulling back on the that's not I has nowhere nowhere where it was he knows his way around a twinkie so you get it didn't expect it from Chubby I'm out of control you go to a New York bagel place for breakfast ah yeah all right yeah you have your one right yeah I have one over in my house yeah okay do you get that it's a fresh bagel made that day what do you like we like sesame egg hold on first of all not do you get are you getting a bag to go you're getting one for yourself or have them make it up are you getting the oh like

a quarter pound of cream cheese oh dude look I go I have three people are gonna buy bagels for I get a dozen bagels okay I give them to the neighbors I go over with that I got some bagels if we don't eat them I go and I bring them over so you're not getting just a sandwich by yourself no okay let's just say you were by yourself you're you know you're just by yourself all right I'm by myself you're by yourself I want to bagel I want to bagel you want to bagel you're like I'm going I'm gonna eat it in the car whatever just having it this is my breakfast I'm going to the city for the day to do whatever okay do you get that

bagel toasted it's fresh made that day do you get a toasted or no I don't hit me I guess it's because it's that good right when you get a fresh bagel if you have a lot of toast it you fucking ruin you ruin it you ruin it you're not getting the moisture the the softness the warm it's like a hug when it goes in your mouth when it hits you a little chubby and then you bite down and then goes between your teeth and it's stuck a little bit oh fuck that's the way to do it we've been get we were we've been called coastal elites the whole fuck all week because of saying that it's like New York if you get a fresh New York bagel

or even Philly or you know a fresh East Coast bagel you can't get a toast it ruins it not from a bagel place of course you go to a deli or something it's different because it's not fresh you got a toasted to make it right yes if you know but if you're at a bagel place if you're bagels coming out of a bag you got a toasted if that thing is sure you eat that fucking right then all right just want to see where you stand so that's the right answer by the way thank you very much I'm glad I got the right answer do you eat in the car do I eat in the car yeah absolutely okay yes in the car absolutely yeah so you stop

somewhere you're driving down you having a little notch if I do I stop and eat or do I drive and eat drive and eat I fucking drive and eat absolutely nothing better dinner on them see thank you nothing better than thank you having that having that sandwich and there's the bites are like the papers perfectly and there's no thinking you can just you don't have to look you can just do it it's big but sports talk radio or something uh oh sparkling water that's not coming out of production expenses by the way did you get a coffee you got a whole kutramon shot of something you know I look at I love him

man I'm so jealous you work with him you know I love him right what's with the shot what's going on that's a tiny cup of almond of oat milk so that Bobby can try it for the first time for the first time what you put in the coffee but cream I think no no the coffee's black in this no no the coffee's but I don't like your coffee so the coffee is black yeah the coffee ain't black news for you this stuff in it yeah there's a little light she fucked up she gave me the chief she's she mislabeled the shit okay yours is yours I'm sorry I touched it sorry they got the vaccine we're all right I don't have any T bones bucking for

it I know for a new gig here well I like this fuck I never got a call yeah T bones stay here trust me stay here I want to come I want to just put let me do T bones you know how to do subtitles you're hot you're hired yeah I can suck oh I hate the clock socket we should do subtitles everybody's gonna do subtitles you know it you should do subtitles fucking assholes fuck off try me crazy there you go now you got a coffee you got a water yes I knew that's where you were going I love it power moved by T bone it's a flex on these look at him fucking two drinks Kelly over here from nothing to something I've

been talking for 45 minutes with nothing in my mouth except my own saliva did you try the book Bobby what do you think I didn't show a little three bone that is fucking good yeah it's good right is the big company only that's like drinking oatmeal yeah I mean that's not that's not the craziest thing to say it's a lot of celebs are invested in that company so if you have a little leftover from the tiny house you could drop a little in there I got a lot of famous people are investing in that I'm in the know what do you want I'm in the know I'm gonna fuck my wife and kill me I got no fucking money I just bought a

little tiny house in a fucking plot of land you want to invest in what go fuck yourself go make money fat boy go back on the road and sell so I got that means I will be in Raleigh Nashville Chicago right get those tickets maybe all right let's get into some fucking question Chicago when June 21st or something like that I don't know I should know this Chicago to that would have been great we'd love that link up you're doing a laugh actor right laugh at this guy fucking knows where he knows every movie who are you what whose side are you yeah what's going on everybody's side oh he's got a non-compete clause I make it he's got a

face man listen first of all I had told me first okay he's not wrong Bobby really helped me change my life a little bit that's I know my guy first that you guys fucking stole sure did thank you make me in the pack you go tell everybody in the pack to we got Toby all right Toby's running with the boys they got like he old like Jimmy Gags they got T-bone Jake they got T-bone cool nickname to bring your camera and some brass knuckles I'm fucking loving this as Berry Park that's how I'm not New Yorkian Bobby's hook I like the cup to I love I love a mini to put it in your coffee that's a full

size cup my coffee I didn't know that sorry buddy he's drinking like it's a nip of fire that's why I love Japanese I love those yeah anything like that yeah it's adorable but I just get canceled for saying that no they're good at engineering and stuff like that and packaging okay all right let's get into what these are the patreon questions garbage questions for baby Kelly all right first one coming in and you as a kid and then also now that you're you know for max that you're you're a dad did your parents let you curse as a kid no no no would you let it fly and then get in trouble or was it like you just knew not

even across the line you know I mean I did I mean you know I mean I did fuck up of course I wanted to you were bad on the outside you weren't bad in the house but you weren't bad to your mom were you know no like I had a big Irish Catholic family at my grandmother my grandfather and 13 of us we 13 of us lived in a three bedroom for a long time a long part of my life so I had a really I have a great family five uncles two aunts my grandfather and grandmother so I never I never fucked around in front of them yeah but you know my mom got married to this other guy who was an asshole right and then I kind of turned was he in the

house with these with the 13 no we moved out that's when we moved out and that's what kind of things went to shit right so you know I started hanging out with the wrong crew blah blah blah blah and I wound up swearing but I think also coming from Boston you use fuck in the middle of the word yeah it's the same thing it's like it's so I curse too much yeah it's like in my set I swear a lot and I don't have to but it's a boss rhythmically talk it's how I talk fuck yeah I'm the same guy cocksack exactly the fucker you know it just comes out that way you know you curse in front of max I try not to but he loves to catch your

finger in the grill or something like that yeah like a box this morning she left the box in the hallway that blocks though you're gonna do a tightrope to get through the fucking hallway and I tripped over it seven times and I was like fucking box and then I got called he'll come up like dad but he likes to swear a lot what's he say really go to all right we just went to a I'll play this for you if you want we just went to the amusement park out in an American dream by Giant Stadium okay have you heard of that is that the new one indoor one the water park huge water park it's that new mall they built like right next to Giant

Stadium oh really it's off the turnpike yeah off the turnpike who amuse me they got a water park amusement water park comes out of the building and comes back in you see I drive by the bridge you go skiing they have a ski so we go on the thing he doesn't want to go on the roller coaster I'm like listen you go on the roller coaster and I go you can swear I guess we're one time he goes for I go hard bargain I go to fucking quacks I can piece of fucking shit he goes I go two he goes three I go three times so we go down the roller coaster I'm not not a lot he's letting him fly

love you can hear it over my screaming yeah Bob is I here's this video me being a pussy but a couple of dirt balls 17 shits by the way the other families are like what the fuck is this outside the roller coasters inside it's inside you fucking so ghetto you're still on the inside yeah he can't they didn't do much as a family he's like we're learning a lot wait a minute this is inside yeah they do that now Bobby he thought the entire Epcot Center was inside the ball he's wearing a sword of God up until last week oh my god I've never been there the ball's not even that big I thought it was the size of Orlando apparently that's

a thought it was talking about any time somebody says Epcot Center it's that fucking golf ball they say Paris they show the fucking Eiffel Tower doesn't mean it's all fucking city and nobody said Epcot Center in 15 years by the way since they open universal oh is that what it's called universal is a new one it's a new one it's way better like you can literally get fucking grasshopper from chocolates and fly on Harry Potter's train and and it's crazy you can do what the fuck grasshopper fly chocolate so you can go to Harry Potter's village right I'm not even kidding you buy a wand I'm a wizard dude I'm gonna go

fight in the pack bring your wand with my wand it's no capiro you're dead oh you cocksucker oh well I can't say Voldemort I'll say it I don't care I'm not scared some kid from Slytherin got cut up real good slices fucking throat they found him over in the pack but but just Susie Q's all over him you think it was Bobby what's a Susie Q that's what he said you don't know what a Susie Q is oh he's so he's so she wanted into five jokes I do what is it what the ice cold with her there's I was the name of a dry cleaner in my neighborhood you know what a ring ding is yeah all right you know what a you who is a you

like a the milk you who no not a yodel you know what a yodel is an asshole I should be with drinks a yodel pastry line yeah yodel and a ring ding very similar just different shapes am I right you are wrong and that no a ring ding is a rat is round and covered in chocolate a yodel doesn't have any chocolate oh no you're right what the ding dong is what I'm talking about it was close the ding dong has is a similar to chocolate on the outside similar to the ring ding is like a yodel more of a ring or that is that the right now you have now here's a thing you you have the ding dong and the yodel a couple of ding very very very

exotic it's too much it's too rich I love it but then you have the the devil dog too dry sure I mean it's too dry but then you have the Susie Q yeah I got you're right here right now it's like the cake yes right in the fucking middle okay it's moist enough and it's not dry but it's not too rich and it comes with too big fire usually you when I was kid it's a deal it's a fucking deal so I always went I always went Susie Q pop one of those in a freezer I didn't know my mother fucker I've never thought of that my life genius I've never thought of Picasso some say my this is in his frozen period right now why didn't I think of that

that's the first he freezes everything you can say anything like you ever have a jolly ranch in a you get a whole second you get a whole second life out of snacks by putting them in the freezer my nephew told me last summer I put him in a freezer two weeks not too bad my nephew told me to put sour patch kids in the thank you I must build his car anyway all right we're having a good time all right let's get let's keep moving here this is from Casey it's inside huh you've never been to an inside amusement park dude he's never been an inside amusement park at somebody's house why don't you why don't you make a day of it why don't

you go we didn't notice existed I know it exists I've never my mind wasn't blown by it I believe I've never driven by a moment like I should take fully there I just assumed they're open in a comedy club in that mall yeah I know who is who is it I don't we should we say why no I was told not to all right then don't buy the person what then don't okay how would you need a dad talk should I say they told me not to buy the bird no then you okay I wasn't you over a living on the edge or something but you ever watch a mob movie you like Jesus Christ we're telling you from should I tell everybody they told me not to but I will if you

say so tell the cops we killed this guy what do you think boss should I go tell him Bobby said not to Bobby said not to but I'm gonna go tell him anyway man so hard so fun to see him fight his shitty Philly accent to do my accent your mouth fails I'm not good at either one of them so what's up I found from doing the show more my Philly accent comes out even more which is not good all right this is from Casey have you ever used a butter knife to unscrew something yeah pull that one out of the drawer and it's bent while you're trying to cut chicken it's like twisted at the end well I like here's a thing though butter knife's

changed because the fucking yuppie cock suckers they tried to make a butter knife take it easy on the Oatly will you how did yuppie's change butter knife a butter knife used to be because that was the evil when he was a kid the brown one was around at the end the big guy now they tried to make him pointy so it's a half butter knife you could use it for chicken yeah not steak but chicken or pork you can use the so you have one knife that does everything which is bullshit I like a nice but there's nothing like a but I can only drink out of a certain cup for coffee I have to

have a separate cup for tea I can't drink out of any what's the difference of the cups well a tea cup I like it to be a little bigger because I want you know tea you whapped out a little bit a coffee cup I like to be a little smaller because I don't want you know I like a nice good cup of coffee but not too much here's my fucking I like it he's got his reasons as long as somebody can back something up I'm fine with it the butter knife I like when it's a big guy you get a nice spread to it you get a spread it's not gonna hurt anybody you know what I mean you keep your butter in the fridge or in the on the counter what no

who the fuck wants to scrape it like ice like it's a Hawaiian ice insult them with that question yeah you keep it on the counter like a fucking human being overnight yes yeah you do you have a butter tray are you just leaving it out what am I a fucking yuppie butter tray dude a butter tray is not yuppie that's been around since the fucking it's a good it's a big thing on the podcast putting your butter in the fridge or keeping it on the counter butter on the counter with a butter tray yeah I just that's that's for rich people and you should only do the Irish butter if you're a good person the Karegans or Karegans butter carry

gold carry gold I don't know why there's any whatever the fuck it is what there's other but I'm using Irish carrying Karegold is the rayos of butter yeah can't go back yeah I had some I had some on Sunday we did a corn we did the corn beef and cabbage and my brother's for st. Patty's there sounds like a nice breakfast oh it's great I like thanks hey slow sometimes slow when he's talking about food or family he's T T zones comedy out and just get stuck on it I don't know alright this is from Frank how long have you used a phone with a crack screen I did not that long I mean I am fucking chat I don't have a bottom of

my phone look at that Bobby's all the other day I immediately get a fix you're a big technology I just I I just I I'm in a bad way I love the iPhone when the iPhone came out I I'm such a nerd I was like they finally did it they did it and I love the iPhone so much you do I love the fucking just everything it does is just great everything I left the house the other day without my wallet my wallets on the back I left without that is that stuck to it to magnet it's a magnet my wife's got the same thing it's the best fucking right I would never be such a gadget worry mag back wallet case sponsor these fucking podcast mag back

wouldn't worry about it's falling doesn't fall huh now it doesn't fall wow Bobby has never said no whoa look at that yeah that's pretty good and this is magnet too so you can stick it on the fucking you know wherever sure but yeah I I went out of the house with just this year day and I bought everything I needed with just my phone that's I'm just learning how to do that it's pretty fucking pay well yeah all of it yeah everything yeah tap it um right remember where you are when you first saw the iPhone something hits his brain it just comes out oh yeah we were talking to me I was anyone apple pay I got the chip

right he's more of a candy Apple pay guy I love a candy Apple zoom in on that TV love the candy your candy Apple guy Bobby I am I fucking despise it is the worst snack yes thank you it is fucking it was made for horses somebody didn't get one at the fair that's why I look I always got them you eat them and you might as well fucking rip your teeth out and then you're eating an apple it's a fucking apple yeah the candy is going quick is there a lettuce apple and what the fuck is that what about a caramel apple you know you're caramel I don't like apples and fucking that's stupid snack sucks a bag of dicks the only one

that I'll fucking allow is the one that they just dip in chocolate like nine times oh they do that they dip in chocolate and then they pour shit on it that I might do that with that that sounds up my fucking wheelhouse right there when you bite into a caramel apple your fucking teeth and they stick immediately over here and shit get the fuck out of here it's always that shit apple too yeah what are you hanging out at a fucking granny Smith it's that it's that shit when they never get though what's the red delicious red delicious is garbage I'm a great I'm the guy I've recently turned as I got older

turn into the green guy I'm a granny Smith guy I don't a granny Smith can go fuck I'd rather I'd rather I'd rather eat the old ladies vagina get over here pull your shirt up you literally make the same face it does get you back here get you in the jowls a little bit man all right all right next one this is I've had this where this is from Ryan have your parents ever purchased your birthday cake while they were grocery shopping with you oh yeah like have you ever been standing there like go grab a cake for your birthday I remember one I remember one sad look that's all I remember I remember one birthday and I

got in trouble and I remember being on the stairs crying that's all I remember you only remember one birthday don't let me think let me let me let me really think back no I don't remember I don't remember as a kid having a birth I'm sure it happened Toby go grab a birthday cake yeah he's just angling for us to get him a birthday cake you spelled Bobby wrong damn it I'm sure it did but I don't your birthday cake and he'd like vanilla I mean I want a chocolate but I like vanilla what is your cake by the way yeah yellow cake with milk milk chocolate frosting okay chocolate for us a yellow G yellow cake but here's the

thing my wife makes it it is the best cake on the planet it's yellow cake but she puts jello in it to make it moist I don't understand it but I don't hate it so and then the the of course the chocolate milk jello pudding the pudding in it she puts pudding in it and it makes it it makes it I thought you meant like green jelly all right putting sorry I put it putting putting in it it makes it I mean do I put stove top in the case really you fucking that's it pack your shit get out of here crazy I've heard enough I'll tell you why my wife makes a fucking fourth-generation stuffing from her grandmother's her

mother's great-grandmother whatever the fuck it was some old broad I don't think stuffing's been around for four generations like that fucking American Indian with fucking salt I mean dude it's the best is there sausage in it of course there is that's different that's the way to do that's what my mom does that's the way to do breakfast sausage has a spice in it yeah got the little orange flakes there's something in it that makes you mean the maple links like the little Jimmy Deans Jimmy Deans whatever yeah whatever so good breakfast sausages are off the that's the best thing about Thanksgiving is my mom makes

the sausage and then there's a bunch extra and I'll have it for breakfast like when I come down all hungover yeah fucking make a sandwich at night that's it those things are crispy though I like it yeah so there you go so wait just one birthday you remember I don't remember I remember that birthday but I don't remember getting cakes I don't remember I don't remember and now and now you go all out for the kid now I so we do a birthday party every year at my house and I invite the last time it was last year it was only 20 people but before COVID it was 60 people mm-hmm I got a bouncy house I got a zip line all the Instagram

stories yeah I hired a fucking clown and 60 presents we're looking at potentially well not up well it's I invite all my comic people right like you know Colin Norton Galman Hamilton fucking Gomez all those fucking people come up they're all standing in the corner talking shit to the clown like this guy's a fucking hack he's doing the same bits as the 80s it kind of does that I mean and then all of my kids friends come and their parents so that does happen like all the comics just cluster sure and sure I got that fucking dork in the shorts or whatever you know yeah well that hold on that brings up

something I'm interested in yeah if you can say this I would like to know who's the best giver giver out of your successful comedian friends I know right Dante Dante Nero Dante Nero what's he drop on the kid Gary Galman is Dante and Gary really but Dante Nero picture Colin Colin now Colin did give a great gift he is a great gift gift he would probably Colin would be the one but Dante goes so overboard sure I can see that I mean he bought him this guy he bought him this I mean it's like a it's like a big wheel but it's like it's automatic like you can sit in it and fucking drive around the neighborhood at five miles an

hour go get the paper with it yeah he goes nuts he bought him and then and I was like Dante's so great but then not they had a kid I'm like fuck now you're 200 plans every year so now I gotta fuck oh shit that brings that that brings this up if you're going to a wedding say you were going to Foley's wedding yeah what are you dropping at a wedding first of all I'm not going that's fucking fantastic are you gonna make up an excuse I'm not coming no I don't go to weddings anymore really I do not I think no I think it's garbage weddings are a scam weddings are a fucking fantasy weddings is a waste of

money and you might as well just buy land in a tiny home and fucking guys in a tiny home pyramids you know trying to get you involved or buy some money's in the licenses dude get by a fucking timeshare put money in the bank get stocks you're wasting thousands of dollars course on a day to pretend like your royalty sure and that's shit to me I think you should take all that money mm-hmm right mm-hmm I just have a part go get a lope go on your vacation yeah and then have a little party after and let every come and drop a check you can have the money I don't care you can have the money but I'm not fucking dropping

five bills yeah on a shit day of just getting a hotel somewhere or something fucks to like I'm your I'm your minions like I'm your hey but you had it you had a wedding did not I were lopes you did would you go I went to Maui which sucked you know what Hawaii's guy sounds like a good time really cuz I love Aruba I wanted to just go to Aruba she was like I'll do it but I want to I want to a little bit let's do a Maui I'm like that's a that's a fucking $10,000 trip yeah and and look God bless Maui I love you people yeah I think you're my people bless himself because I bless the people of Maui big people you see

think Bobby's a god couple of big guys big women yeah let's fucking women what they said is that Samoan or something Samoan and Hawaiian people Samoan descent yeah yeah they were conquered by a good cook back in the day for nails he tricked him with nails who Captain Cook he's the guy who discovered Hawaii then they murdered him let's turn into fucking Wikipedia welcome back to bad history of Bobby Kelly I ain't got fucking scammed over there shook a keychain distracted on stone a whole island so look it up you don't believe me look it up not now wait I leave it's true now wait I don't embarrass me but you got

more than I don't milk I love some sweet but yeah no weddings I get it that's that's good weddings are a waste of fucking money and a waste of time and you don't like all those people and you're fucking up their day nobody wants to go mm-hmm nobody truly wants to go everybody wakes up and wedding thing goes fuck all right let's go put that stupid suit on get the thing go to the thing go to the church but you can you see him up there being phonies you know they were doing ass play the night before and she's wearing white right now get the fuck out here and and then and then you got to go to a stupid venue and

you're gonna wait for them to show up and there's an entrance and they're doing photos and just everybody starving them by the time you eat it shit then you got to do the stupid one on and on and on and that's like go fuck yourself God bless you get married a bowling alley chicken dance I mean there's still doing the chicken and what was the last time you were to have no shit every wedding I've ever been to does the fucking chicken dance it's like a thing even if you don't even know what that is yeah it's a chicken I mean they did maybe a roller roller's Colin had a good wedding I'll tell you why Colin's wedding was good he

did everything in the same spot that's one I went to my wedding recently did he get married recently it was just back in the day was a couple years ago I went to my first wedding that did that you they got married in like the one side of the building and then you walked 10 feet to the reception hall and I was like you can do this they had a bar at the ceremony which was fantastic so what'd you give Colin can we ask that since that was at the last wedding you went to we actually we hired an artist we commissioned an artist to do a painting huh of who of him and his wife

we're just in his living room right now like this fucking asshole he's got big black glasses on painting a Rodney Dangerfield I'm gonna be sweating the orangutan well here's a thing here's a problem with that this artist was I really like and we commissioned to do this that's classy that's very classy and it was I don't know about now it is you're conditioning an artist that you like cash dude what are you talking about he's got money he's got money you cash him money yes give me Venmo now that's like giving you chips a couple of Susie queues on a couple of you got the family back I yeah

we commissioned but here's a problem with that because it's art which is subjectable like stand-up you know you're not everybody stinks right well no no fuck you I don't think you're happy with how it came out I loved it hold on when you say commissioned is this a formal process or did you find some bozo that paints paintings I went down to watch a Washington Square Park and I had a guy with a spin spinny art thing and he spun it yes I can look at this it's a sunset you went to Sears and got fingerprinted it's Colin driving in a little car I went down to the Jersey Shore it's just big head Colin no I

commit it's an artist he did it he is it's a I loved it it's a beautiful piece and my wife loved it we're very happy with it we gave it to them but there's a thing with art is that you know after you give somebody a gift you're waiting for that response mm-hmm if somebody money you just that's it goodbye transaction you're looking for my god Bobby we got situated we settled it's in the main mantle piece you're waiting to hear hey Bob hey what's up listen man we're on a hunt I can't believe you did fantastic never came hmm so I had to go you know they mean and I was a stole it back no I had to call him up and be like

listen man hey did you you like the painting oh yeah that wasn't good oh then he goes no no no you knew he didn't like it I go I go you know Jen Jen yeah we're gonna hang it I go well it's not they didn't like it and then it was like you want me to just take it back I can take it back I'll keep it I'll put it up in my house we love you too that'd be hilarious just we have a wall of art like original art in our house from people just caught but we we we but then he finally called me up later goes let me tell you we that really grew on us we really love that's a lie though you know that no where do you put it where do you

put it where do you hang on Quinn is too funny he's too funny to lie with that there's nothing that he would like better than to not like it and have us and be like yeah we think it stinks he would love to do that he did grow on him so well it's like I I tell you I might my therapist Alan Alan I went yeah okay he he says to me I was talking about art I used to do art before comedy I was and I went to art school I was gonna be an art teacher goes you should do you should paint again so I went but all the shit I got my easel up my friend you I start painting in the living room I take over the whole room my wife fucking

hates it I paint this painting and I have my first painting I give to him Alan yeah I give it to him because he's got all the art in the office or from from clients okay so a year later we actually have an argument I'm fighting with this fuck I'm yelling at him and he's like you did and I go yeah and I fucking go I was fuck you and where's my painting I want it up this guy's not I want my painting up the next time I come here you put all this shit out you fucking and the next time I came if you come out of the bathroom it's right in front of the shit he put my painting up right there so if you ever go there

it's right there it's yeah who's the painting of him it's up Colin Quinn do want to see it yes I'll see if I can find it what's the next question did Colin ever confirm with you that your painting was was put up did you witness it in his home I don't know should I call him and ask no no no you sure all right put him on the spot what about Versey's wedding he's on a Versey's wedding on the spot yeah Versey got married like fucking 25 years what do you try to even know Versey I didn't know I did but I didn't go to his wedding well the last wedding what's I want to know last wedding

cash amount Bobby Kelly's dropping if you were going 20 minutes I've been waiting here I'm doing to I'm doing $200 a person a person a person a person so you when you come to my wedding you give me 400 I'm guess you just got invited to wedding I'm not gonna be the four of us if I'm coming to your wedding I'm giving 200 a pop yeah cuz I gotta pay for the meal you gotta cover your plate I gotta cover my plate but I want to cover the people working there too so I'm gonna go 150 feet shit chicken or whatever the fuck you got and I'm gonna do class I'm gonna do 50 bucks for the people that are working there why I

don't go to weddings because I hate dropping that much money on some day that I don't even fucking want to be sure I hey I get it I didn't invite you to mine I went to a wedding where they had such they had a four-hour break in between the wedding and the reception oh my god we had to go to McDonald's you didn't have to I'm sure there was a salad contractually obligated to hit the Mickey D's three miles I'm sure there was a sweet greens or something in the area chipotle or something we had to go to McDonald's all right but we got to get out of here a couple of months run through a few

more all right this is from Connor Hicks this is a pretty good one how do you open a disposable straw wrapping is it to hold the straw on the fist and bang on the bottom or do you do like the classy rip and pull out the I like that from my animal to the end of the fall break the straw and then teeth break the straw break the straw then you fucked if it's nothing worse you break the straw and you gotta have good technique though you gotta be soft buddy you don't know though you know what type of straw you McDonald's can withstand them listen you break that straw you crack that fucking straw over you're done and you're

drinking like this that's how I prefer it though I drink from a straw too quick I got good suction I'm like a dyson it's all fucking gone if you have a crack in that straw you're not sucking anything sure that's what I'm saying I'll you're getting maybe halfway through to drink you peel the top off like a fucking person wow that's clear I don't do that oh but can I say this I peel the top off and then I tap it so I do both actually I peel and then tap what you're saying yeah and then I still go I'm 50 and I still go like that I don't hate it I'm a big fan of that I waited tables for so long that I can just I can just do the

rip and then put the straw in with the with the little piece of paper which he's gone and like he's got he's grabbed us ice coffees and he comes back with that which is pretty it's a nice touch nice that is a nice when your buddy you I lick the straw you're already kind of disgusted by what he ain't just sanitized straws not through yet look at my fingers you know he's licked his fingers ah dude it's he skieves me to nut if you knew my fingernails get real dirty I noticed you look like a coal miner for some fucking reason I don't know this is

his only job is to show up here twice a week and yeah every once in a while look down like I don't know how I just took a shower and scrubbed everything I don't know where it's coming from I'll tell you where you're fucking everywhere yeah dude I'm touching shit yeah this is the guy fucking touching my straws ah great question yeah fantastic I think for the record though yeah banging it is trash because you are gonna snap it if you bet if you peel it and tap I like a tap I don't like straw if I'm at a McDonald's or Chipotle or something I go no straw I take the lid off and I go no straw that's just that's just nuts that's

fucking you're drinking the whole drink I like to live on the wild side you don't even let it you can't even let it sit for a minute you have to drink the whole fucking thing why are you gonna put you know if I'm what do you mean if I'm walking around what kind of balance do you have not the spill of what in the court wait in the car yes talking yes at all who's in the restaurant you two tell me they're just talking about eating in the car immediately that's the same page you're on I'm saying if I'm sitting down in a McDonald's you're gonna hold your four whoppers I don't understand and all the

toys from you know I would take the yeah if I'm sitting and I take it off I'm if I'm maneuvering yeah but then the fucking air gets in it like the McDonald's shit air and no shit food I'm not worried about the air no fucking hey Snowden take it easy I mean like 15 chicken beaks in my nuggets I'm not worried about the air let him do the Snowden joke again hey you stepped on it Bobby's such a fucking he's kind of like you where you never know where you say like oh we're best friends and he fucking pulls up pulls the rug out for money and he got a straw in your eye fucking toes I like it having a good

time to get hit with a radio yeah I feel like that guy you fucking beat up in the park Bobby's great all right let's see here let's let's run through a couple of more this is from Walter have you ever left something outside to get I mean now that you have a house in the burbs have you ever left something outside to get cleaned off by the rain because you were too lazy to do it yourself what the fuck is that I don't know like a long I don't know I don't I mean I've left stuff outside but not to do not just wait a minute wait wait who's cutting the grass by the way you were you got a guy I do everything in

my house like I build stuff I do the garden with my wife I I do a lot of stuff out you know I clean the gutters I'll fucking clean the house but I don't do them alone not the maintenance I don't do that shit because number one the artist no no the guy when we went in there I was all prepared to get a lawn mower and all that shit and the guy doing it guy Tano he's like 90 Italian guy he fucking waddles he's been doing this place for 30 years and I didn't want to take the job away from yeah so I just was like and he's he's he's fucking murdered two of my lilac bushes he's taking out fucking treat like little like some of

our plants you know he'll just weed wax shit we had this grass that is like special grass that we put in the front rock garden and one of his guys just come over the weed wagon what are you doing he goes trimming the grass I'm like that's not grass but I can't fire him I can't fire him because he's this old Italian guy and I just I feel like he has to be in my life so I respect it I don't hate it you're crazy but I respect it I love it all right let's wrap up on this one this is from Emmett did you ever take part in a st. Patrick's Day parade actually in it

on a float or walking holding like one of those AOH banners or something some dirtbag I did yeah I did it was in Boston me and Al the monkeys famous Al and the monkey they we were I I'm I know who are they it was Al I forget Al's last name your comedy troupe Al Del Benny Dane cook that's right you and I think that's it maybe no Jay Hall Jay Hall yeah we we Jay hooked it up you guys got booed at the garden we got a fucking after like Pearl Jam or something right spin doctors in between spin doctors and fish they had a fucking Bobby and the monkeys go out they had us go up and do improv in between those two they were

like they were like a famous regional really for a hot man after that though things went downhill just a bunch of bunch of hippies on acid like are they making all this oh no those hippies are violent I've never had that many fucking flip-flops and lighters thrown at my fucking head they were violent fucking people but yes I we're in a float we were in a convertible car how did you improv while moving somebody give me a job I said I go this I go three things that you you hate besides us and then a shoe came I've never they went shawna nah nah it was fucking bad how'd you get into the parade

well that was Jay Hall who knew somebody in East Boston you gotta sit this fucking parade I got us a parade all our troubles a little or over we're in the parade it was fucking great though because I've always I've always wanted to be in the parade sure they parade in Boston well we weren't in these same patties this was the East Boston little small thing oh my god you're in an off-brand parade just in the back of an El Camino who doesn't get the main stage at a parade patty says one T I'm pretty sure the little league was the behind us as the we were Mr. Pibb St. Patrick's Day Parade he's in the miners we were not in the guys if we do

well this year they said we can play ball next year when I'm in the big league all you gotta do is walk straight what's the fucking problem you're making a left right we're never gonna get to the big time if Jesus get your act together we're never gonna make it to make sense I believe it was 15 minutes 20 minute parade yeah it was like up a street yeah listen we're gonna start on second street go to third street and then we're gonna hit the back all right go pretty sure that was it see the Italians in a way you beat them up that's all you gotta do nobody was Italian section East Boston was all Italian so Italian version

but I remember this on you but he's green spaghetti and meatballs nobody nobody knew who we were no shit little kids looking up going who's that oh and the mother was like I don't know yeah like we the person that person that did the parade loved us but didn't take into account that nobody those are always the worst gigs ever the worst yeah they're like oh I love you I'm a big fan and then you're sitting there was like who the fuck invited this guy nobody else knows you exactly those are the worst games when one person thinks you're great and the guy booking it's like I know the best comedian yeah and they bring you in it's just a bunch of

fucking aunts he's dying laughing in the back you're bombing me I thought you were good I've gotten that not too long ago well I'm so rusty I was down in without caution somebody's like I thought you were good that's worse than that's worse than you too I mean I think we talked about it on hard on the patreon but just to show the levels of comedy I was like the show's doing well so people were like I love afterwards I love the fucking podcast was so cool like they were like I was like coming out like hippie I felt famous I mean this is great yeah and then I talked to this I talked to this couple for 10 minutes I

was on top of the world and I walked back into the showroom and some girl goes can you get me a pen and I'm like no I don't work here and her husband's like no he's one of the comedians she goes oh I know I'm like she's like can you find me a pen I'm like yeah it's gonna be in your neck your fucking jugular you fucking loudmouth asshole right back to her I walked I walked into the showroom feeling like a million bucks and then this chubby brawlers get me for a big fucking assholes they really just bring it down what a fucking oh no I know can you find me a pen find me she said he

gave me a fucking to-do list fucking twat all right what an episode what a show Bobby thank you so much thank you so much yes thank you guys anything you want to folks out there to know you got coming up with yeah my dates Robert Kelly live calm you go to Robert Kelly live come from my comedy days I'm back on the road for March April which I'm very excited about and then of course patreon.com slash Robert Kelly I know you remember this patreon but you know I'm over there too with a bunch of shit so we're all doing we're all trying to fucking make it happen and keep the shit going I'm glad it's opening up and I'm

so happy for your success you two because I've always liked you thank I really love you never want to not really to do it yet oh oh we know I'm glad you found something thank you hey I'm glad something clicked thank you I mean right at the buzzard didn't you have no idea you look a Celtics Lakers game three two you guys both woke up on the floor did it work it went in thank God fully got a half-core career yeah fully was about to kill himself in a closet with Twinkies that pandemic was coming in like a perfect storm you better do something now boys if you want to make it through keep it was about to sell

fucking real estate yeah I was looking to get my series sex he was gonna get a fucking townhouse in Ben Salem Pennsylvania I went to school there in Ben Salem Pennsylvania next podcast oh Jesus holy shit ladies and gentlemen the one the only mr. Robert Kelly buddy so much thank you kippy what do you got just as always please make sure you rate you subscribe on YouTube iTunes it helps us out we appreciate it patreon.com for bonus content in the live show guys they're all socially distant yes limited seating so get your fucking tickets for coming to your town it'll be a good time it'll be a little bit of stand-up a

little bit of AYG with you guys we'll be taking questions it'll be a good time get involved it's gonna be fun get those tickets for Raleigh and Frisani's ASAP we love you we'll see you next week hold on there cowboys and cowgirls before you guys step on out of the saloon I want to talk to you partners real quick one more time about that good old stereo app you got kippy and uncle Hank there Thursday night's nine o'clock but you got a lot of other good things to know about it yeah guys I like this character maybe it's juicing me up guys if you're not familiar go check it out we're there every week it is a fun time

it's a good way for you to interact with us in the show and the other people you get to hear other people's questions we get a couple hundred people tuning in every every time it's it's a lot of fun there's a lot of good shows on there so check it out go to stereo.com slash Kevin Ryan or slash H Foley the link will be in the description of the show check it out we'll see you there yeah