Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Rone: Barstool Battle Rapper

Episode Date: January 7, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with Rone! Rone is a Barstool personality, battle rapper, and more importantly; a Philly dirtbag. They talk getting arrested at a Phillies game, becoming a battle rapper and much more!  Bonus Episodes: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage T-Shirts: https://www.PodcastMerch.com Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? You're Trash.

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage to show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they grew up classy or if they're absolute trash I'm your hostage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day down here at Aunt Toody's basement feeling good new year knew her she's out she's walking she's doing her thing she's meal prepping so he got a group back

the whole nine yards I'm telling you look out for her down this short of summer my co-host is coming at you from right next to me he's my best pal we're going to the new year together let me tell you something gang the next time you're reaching for a best pal you go ahead and make it a kippy is what he told me I had to say we got to move merchandise to introduce them we got it on a t-shirt give it up for Kevin James Ryan everybody hey gang what's up everybody thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate review subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube and also you know the

moneymaker patreon.com slash are you garbage and get bonus episodes of are you garbage we'll do a live stream at the end of every month with you guys where you get to ask us questions we ask you questions it's a good fucking time get help us pay the bills that's it we love it and of course a nice shout out to our producer extraordinaire who's getting real cozy over there yeah and the command he's hanging up his own fucking Chicago Bears fucking wild card I'm looking for a career like Matt Nagy dude I want to suck ass and keep my job we didn't talk about that in a staff meeting that thing's got to come down

now fuck that it's so much bigger than I thought it was gonna be online and I'm about it dude ladies and gentlemen the pride of the Chicago comedy scene our good pal give it up for the magic man T-Bone Toby McMullin and T-Bone oh yeah bear down and gang we could not be more excited to have her incredibly talented incredibly special guest here with us today this gentleman got to start as a battle rapper off the streets of Philadelphia he is the former king of the dot champion his battles have over 18 million views online he is going on to do incredible things that's right he's a major personality over there at Barstool

Sports but the big question but it's mine today is he garbage I got a fucking Delessandro's cheesesteak in a Berkshire he tells me 100% he is this kid's got latchkey kid written all over both his parents were working do me a favor gang give us a nice big round of applause and I say this genuinely for the one the only Roan everybody thank you guys thank you guys so much for having me this is the first time I've ever been called a comedian I'm sweating from my armpits because of it that's a lot of pressure to put on somebody but I'm happy to be out here he drops into it quick hey dude I can code switch okay like the best of them

you probably got two accent fitting you tell me this because I'm not that familiar I'm older than you guys you're young you're cool that's very generous of you and we were saying he's 52 I'll be 45 in February really 45 I'll be 45 in February time for a prostate exam one at the doctors this time not to do at home kids shove your thumb up your body if it's brown it's doing it wrong oh my god but no this is uh this is uh I feel like a little bit of time coming this is uh you've gone through a couple barstool people but none of that I mean you you had Kate in here Kate's Philly trash

she has that same type of uh disgusting delco trash it's in the right in your blood man about it there's something disgusting about it but I saw you having all these other trash bags on and I knew about the Philly background so I was like it's a matter of time it's a matter of time circling around the toilet bowl about the flush through just sitting here listening to you sitting here listening to you've definitely bought or sold weed in an acne parking lot oh my god big just lie to you it's a gram it's like a 0.8 believe baby 0.8 I fluffed up weed in a p with I bought the worst weed in college off a fucking brick and we used to put it in or we put orange peels in with it to fluff it up it'd be like no it's good it's a

citric flame right to land jambalaya oh shit that's what we did we we did that dude every terrible really good bud you would put some orange peel in there to make it like special yeah fluffed up I don't know how there's some kind of fucking magic properties well they thought like the liquid would go into it and make it denser on the scale was actually 0.8 but it read as a gram it's a fucking garbage answer I don't know what it is some magical properties it's moisture banana peels it went into the wheat it rehydrated it rehydrates that's what it is this wasn't at the University of Pennsylvania I think it was West Philly I'll tell you I'm like Penn State Abbington I went to main campus that was a feather in my hat that I was up in main

campus like you made the whole family proud if you went straight to me you were gonna be a doctor or something everybody gets into every campus but I wore it around like I was going to the universe like it was Wharton or something awesome it was big it was big for sure but I love it Penn State Abbington that's fucking fantastic yeah that's that's I had a I do have my my cousin shout out to my cousin who listens he's from the northeast he lived in the northeast and went to Abbington and lives there like he it was like 12 minutes from when he went to Penn State Abbington and got like I was like dude what are you doing calling his mom what time is it there yeah I miss you guys you coming home for the haul it like no I'm not gonna I'm gonna stay up okay

except they ain't running can't make it all my northeast boys went to holy family holy family holy family's the was that d3 or something like that they would all get like a scholarship to holy family it's like you got free meals I'm pretty sure you got like a dining card was your scholars you just swiped in the holy family that's like I did that at Widener University they do Chester yeah and then when I you know I played football there but I told people I got a scholarship which it really was exactly what you're saying I got you fucking liar super 80 episodes he's been bragging about his skies I got I got some money to play ball well rock it called it out you got chicken fingers at me what are you talking about you have your fucking jersey frame there's a

background like you did some shit that's my high school jersey that was about that looks like a chicken fingers I had a full scholarship there um my a kid who listens that was going to Widener now hit me up and was like ask me what the scene was like back then it's like two buildings what are you talking about I said the cafeteria was awesome back then what's it like what's it like now and this is how trashy of my school is he's like yeah once a semester they do a crab feast I would not only give one ticket out per student so nobody doubles down oh my god man that's a trash dude if you're playing hard defense at the crab feast at your college I don't know you know parking lot I thought crab feast where like you lay out like a piece of paper and everyone sits around a table

or something you're just walking up to the parking lot and getting your your like little styrofoam plate and set at the back of a van oh my god that's not dude if you're eating cavatieri it cooked crab that's not something you roll the dice with that's they're already bottom feeders like one of the cavatieri ones how cheap are those yeah these are from last year crabs from the bad neighborhoods laying around all right so give me the full backstory because like I said I'm a little older uh these guys are all huge fans of you where did you start out where did you grow up give me the deeds so Delaware County okay Delco but it's like uh to be completely honest it's like more the Villanova side than the Havartown side which is points against me on this

no that's what you mean the Villanova side that's the main line that's what I'm saying that's classy that's points against me on the side if I was like in Havartown the fucking uh uh Drexel Hill area or whatever there would be no question about my trash credentials I went to st. Joe's prep also doesn't help me no shit prep school you know that was a big my family's a big st. Joe they all like taught there yeah it is like people who go to st. Joe's prep really love to fucking tell you that they went to st. Joe's prep it's always there's a lot of that that's always a thing there's a lot of great private schools in the field of public schools suck you gotta do something there's no good public schools at all there's none at all either charter schools charter schools there's a ton of

fucking charter schools where people are just getting the education fucking robbed from them but uh I don't trust the charters I don't get political here on R you go I thought that's what this was goddamn Cuomo what the fuck fucking Kenny but uh I went to uh went to st. Joe's prep uh then I went up to Penn State main campus had no discernible talents whatsoever but then I started uh battle rapping I got into the battle rap world in college in college some uh famous guy came to college and it was like I ran into him and pretty much like after his show and like the backstage area was like I heard you rap and uh we had like a rap battle it made it on world star hip hop like 10 years ago so that definitely plays into my garbage

who's the famous guy this guy Charles Hamilton remember Charles how he had a song called Brooklyn Girls it was like one he had one good song and then he battle-wrapped me lost nothing but a Brooklyn girl you kind of did you like ruin his career kind of and you also got punched in the face by a girl or something like that and it's like he had a bad like 09 or something never go to Penn State again it was a terrible 09 for this dude well also as uh as a white dude from you know the surrounding Philadelphia suburbs to we like your video went viral in our scene they were like did you see the dude at Penn State who battled Charles Hamilton oh so that's how you battle wrapped him right there after a show after a show and beat him yeah and I didn't know is even being

filmed pops up on world star the next day and then over the next like couple months I start getting calls from these battle rap leads that are like come battle rap with us and I didn't really have illusions of doing it on like a professional scale I mean you barely can do it because you don't get paid shit like comedy yeah yes it is calm it's like you're getting but you can like say like more homophobic slurs like the only difference here to be a little bit more homophobic and so I wound up like kind of building up and I got to travel all over the world like going to like Sweden and like fucking battling dudes from like the Philippines and shit like that and like Australia and shit like that and kind of ascended through the battle rap world like won

some championships and that was enough accolades to get me some writing jobs and to get my foot in the door bar stool and so now I'm in a bar stool and you know I guess that's that's the history that's the truncated version say yeah right dude it is a lot of internet celebrity dude he did dude you did a solid for white dudes and from suburban Philadelphia back in the day we were like yo this dude sir exact but everyone who knew me was like this dude's a pussy like he's fooling everybody like I know you're a bitch like I saw you get punched in the mouth at a frat party and not do anything about it like stop trying to tell these dudes you're gonna like fucking shoot them or something at a fucking rap battle you're lying oh that's great you're lying to us so what's the

family history so you're going did you go to private school the entire time what'd your mom dad do brother sisters all that stuff so my mom's from Chicago she's a bearish one of eight from Chicago and my dad is from uh New York up here she's uh he's he grew up in the in the projects up in New York up here at uh 104th and Columbus and like uh like a little bit shittier at the time now it's like basically just uptown it's like yeah sure west side it's nice but uh like near columbia yeah right yeah kind of around there it was uh Frederick Douglas house was the name of his projects he'll come up and uh hang out with my grandma she lived there till she died so uh born poor died poor you know what I mean but I didn't know it was the projects at the time I just thought

like all of New York smelled like piss it does but I just had no idea that there was any kind of income related to it uh so what'd your dad do he he became a physicist okay and uh he smart dude yeah smart dude starts out in the projects in New York City and became he went to Manhattan College and uh then he went to Princeton for graduate school so little foofoo smart dude all right I mean how can we get his grandma out of the out of the projects because I think I don't think there's like any cash in physics like I think you have to like come up with your Elon Musk you're broke for the most part you got to be Robert Oppenheimer and come up with a nuke to make any kind of cash like you got to be selling nukes imagine that the Oppenheimer got his mom out of the fucking

mom you're not going to believe what I put together had to do some things but uh we're going to get you out of your bag I had to go some Japanese but uh you're good mom got your house along that do you read the papers today it's your boy it's your boy I did that it's your boy you're proudy son but uh and then my mom was uh my mom's a nurse uh yeah my mom registered nurse registered nurse yeah all right so they settled in the Philadelphia area they they moved into the Philadelphia area they had I've an older sister also a physicist she married a physicist Jesus so you could tell that I'm like you're the black sheet yeah well fucking idiot of the family I'm like all the physicists are sitting around with like beakers and they're like what's Ron doing

is oh he's wrapping some guy uh I swear to god dude that really like they'll give me gifts for for my like for like Christmas that I can't figure out like it's like four games and shit like I like I don't know what to do with any of this I am the gross Tyson fucking rocket set like what the fuck I'm by far the dumbest person in my family but uh it manifested itself through me just being able to curl insults at people uh in the battle rap world like that's all I have worked out though deep self-loathing that I externalize towards other people that's most that's most performers of some kind you know what I mean yeah I like you have to hate yourself so I would have to imagine with a household of physicists uh and and and nurses that you have to grow up somewhat classy

as far as the structure of the household what do you mean the structure of the household as far as like I imagine your mom ran a tight house the place was clean what was it a single family home yeah it's like uh yeah well what is a single family home like it was like was that inactive to other home is it a row home row talking about a row home yeah we didn't have but yeah we had neighbors one of it no we weren't leaning up on other houses we stood on our own too but uh we uh yeah it was a single family house I like how we took that as an insult what do you exactly mean by that bro a single family at home like was there another family living in the house on the snow so many dumb comedians that we have on think that that's what we mean they're like no it's just us

just wasn't anyone like a regular house not a row home not a connector yeah it was a regular relatively uh relatively uh tight ship that they ran around the house there you go I don't know if I was I wasn't really making my bed but I went to a phase in my life where my parents started making me call them ma'am and sir because I was getting too fucking mouthy I was being too flippant that's like movie shit I like they ma'am and sird my ass and I'll still catch myself calling my dad sir it's like I feel like I'm in the fucking military holy shit that's the first time we ever had that a ma'am and a sir they were just because I think my mom's fucking mom was like the strictest woman of all time so she a little bit of that must have trickled down where she was like you're an

asshole like fucking start calling me ma'am and fucking saluting on the way girl me sir god damn that's awesome what age you about this was when you started probably about 10 years old or something like that a little rambunctious feeling yourself yeah and now I'm just a sir guy like I'll just throw around sir to like whomever I'm talking to you just dropped whom ever as well I don't know if you picked up on that that's pretty classy I'm I honestly came into this with a complex that I wouldn't be garbage like I was worried that because I want to be I want to be garbage I want to be accepted by you guys well you did come in and threw his jacket on the ground right under the fucking coat racks that was a pretty garbage he walked in like we were in his fucking dressing room he dropped

his jacket on I was like where do I sit Jim Carrey threw it down shot a three throw where's my close up you're the first person to come in here and be like I points against me I want to be garbage everyone's like I'm not fucking trash you're like yeah the only the only thing we really seek here is the truth you know what I mean like you're like garbage not garbage you're accepted a hundred percent I know there's obviously going to be elements of garbage yes and it's all but it's very interesting to see the dichotomy of like where people come from and where they end up or where they you know or vice versa that you know you could come from trash you could end up being classy you could come from garbage and then you know the whole the whole nine yards because I wind up

almost branding myself as Philly garbage like it's almost like it's helpful for people to contextualize when they meet me sure and so imagine them finding out that I use the word whom yeah exactly fucking this guy's fucked bro it's a fraud you heard it here first he made it through nine years of battle and then gets caught on this he's like Hilaria Baldwin he's got a Spanish accent he's got a chauffeur outside what's the American word for water but there's something there's people there's something from for most people from Philadelphia that it it is just ingrained there's a trashiness ingrained and the money doesn't matter it doesn't matter what the parents do yes it's there's just a trashiness ingrained in people from Philadelphia the Philadelphia area that you can't shake something

about the sweatpants a lot of yeah a lot of pajamas at home depot and stuff yeah big time big time and the whole world has kind of accepted sweatpants over like the last like five years they've made a heavy run I'm in mainstream or whatever but I've been wearing that shit for five a fifth of my yearly budget goes to sweatpants got my gray rustles on what were the grades like uh they got into main campus but like it was like I think I didn't I was like a 3-1 my uh my freshman year of high school and then I got that Adderall prescription and that shit skyrocketed and I was fucking 3-9 I think I got a 4-0 one semester because there's the garbage right there's the middle class suburban garbage dude I was on the pill bottle started showing up it was an off-brand Adderall called

Stratara Stratara was big back in the day bro they had me on 80 milligrams a day I knew the fucking answers before the test was like administered bro I fucking had everything and they were like you need more time on the test because of this this ADD and my grades started going up but I was getting the extra time I would take the test in class and then I would clean the entire classroom yeah I had a fucking toothbrush on the floor no I would get the answers from everybody else that I took the test with and then at the end of the day I would finish the test but I had the answers from everybody so I was just like you were in a workshop to test I cheated the it was cheating and taking Adderall so the grades got substantially better through no fault

of my own that's awesome well fake it till you make it man yeah grades got better I graduated with like a 3-0 from Penn State where I graduated in journalism and theater that's not bad 3-0 but those are the fakest majors of all time though journalism and theater you're kind of using both of them I mean you perform I'm the only one that's either of those nobody who gets a journalism degree is like writing for a fucking newspaper nobody wants a reunion yeah I'm alone standing in a room what was the SAT score high school SAT was it was a 14 30 16 yeah it was good start calling you sir so who is making sir yeah 14 30 and I just got out of there I think that's how you spin on stuff out right there it has to be it has to be something but the the rap isn't

it's not freestyle rap okay I'm right I did some like freestyle rapping and like that's okay but like I write the shit out beforehand and memorize it it's like a fucking set it's like a fucking having a tight ass vibe but I say it only one time and I have to get it perfect the first time it's not like I can recycle any of the material but it's just planning it out knowing where the punch lines are going to be working on the timing of it by myself or whatever it's not like it's just this extemporaneous like connecting word shit that uh I'm doing quickly like in my mind or anything it's just memorization I didn't even get that one word yeah yeah yeah he's on my head I'm trying too hard my head almost fell off right there when you said keep it simple for the big

man he got an 870 by the way what's up that's why he got paid in chicken figures yeah the board was like we can't give this guy money to come here he got a fucking 870 just to be clear it is a scholarship but like ron said they just refer to it as grants in division three I didn't have to pay the money back you didn't have to pay the money back he wasn't going to even if he did by the way no loans no no I had a couple loans a couple loans lugging them around I kept it like I only I only made it two years and I was out oh fuck yeah get out of there you don't want to waste your time in there got my associates and left oh you should go back in because you should for the patreon you should go back and get your college degree that'll really we'll be making

a hundred grand a month for the if I go to like Penn State or something like that I'll get into Abington my cousins I'll say it right now at 1000 patreon subscribers we will enroll fully in DeVry yeah let's do it okay let's get it I need a small workload for him he's just taking lunch stack me with credits okay just slowly but surely I'm gonna I'm I'm subscribing for that then there you go we got one in patreon slash what what am I are you garbage are you garbage don't turn on 800 we'll take the sat yeah oh dude let's get a copy of an old sat and see if you've improved at all there's no chance there's no chance there's no chance it's critical give me an sat question if you guys remember one ballpark it wasn't like if a train leaves Chicago Chicago

if a train leaves Chicago at 11 a.m. and it's traveling that fast isn't that it's all critical who's paying for the ticket hey it's a fan I don't know he got a 1430 what are you looking at I don't know I wasn't smoking weed at the time was my thing like I hadn't begun to smoke weed at at that time so it just I think it zapped everything out of me I think that whatever point in your life you start smoking weed you just stop growing at that point I think that your mind regresses back to whenever you started smoking weed that's a that's a pretty solid theory once you really get heavy into it uh you just remind me why well I had the mind of a 12 year old nine years I was 15 and that's so fucking acting yeah it regressed past that you can't at all um

my buddies I just just remember my buddy to take the sat he'd never taken Adderall before so my buddy's like god just take Adderall you're really fucking focused and he had never taken I forget how much he told whatever and dude he came out panicked he just got like stuck on one question for like an hour and a half and he's like dude I only I only got through three questions because he was like super focused on the fucking three questions in two packs of six they tried to put me on it for a half a minute my sophomore year of college and try to save my college experience because I was I was fucking we're doing acid at the point this is a terror ain't gonna stop you but it didn't take me and my boys crushed the whole bottle one weekend new year's eve at

Penn State Main Campus oh really the frat houses yeah I brought it up there it was fucking going by the time we came home oh my god that's it so it wasn't the time release it wasn't like that you could crush it up it wasn't like you didn't have to like take off some kind of sleeve to be able to snort you could you could and we did I have it on good authority that you can snort the time release those are the little balls right the beach and that's real trashy that you know about this sleeve I'm so don't worry yeah that's it my oxy 80 friends oh got a bunch shout out the Vinnie the skinny my buddy had a prescription for five milligram Adderall that were blue and when it would be test night you would know who was on fucking who was all sped up

because their fucking nose would be blue just taking a smurf up there it just glows like an avatar blue two dot com slash are you garbage promo code garbage blue two dot com holy shit but for the most part going up a good kid uh I was like uh yeah a little class clownish I don't think I would uh and no teacher ever liked me uh like I got like I remember like a babysitter like slam me up against the wall like I was like a dickhead female or male a male a male a male babysitter what the fuck they run it down there at the barone house right it was frustrated problems babysitter I could slam but we're probably fucking making fun of them with your life anyway go get me showed it get me a diet cake but uh yeah I was always uh

yeah against uh I had a problem with authority I could I think uh between 17 and 18 I got arrested five times why it was like a hot streak here we go all right mostly for like underage drinking and stuff like that and my mom at the time thought that those were the only five times I had underage drink like it was really bad luck she's like Adam has the worst luck yeah this is what this is busted at a party in high school busted at a party or I'm in a car with people who are drinking or we're at a Phillies game and we get arrested it was it was five times in six months so it would happen again we did the state troopers were doing it they were running up they were dressing up undercover and they would at fdr yeah they would pull up in Phillies gear yes they'd get out

they'd be like yo you know go Phil's and they're like yeah all right and they're like the one dude they rolled up on us and they're like oh they're like hey go go Phillies like yeah yeah like you got id we're like hey fuck that you know what I mean like you're fucking pussy whatever and he's like no I'm serious like like training day style yeah exactly state troopers they troopers it was dollar dog night too yeah it was dollar dog jammed you up it was they get you it's like a stinger it's bait car it was they had fucking bait 40s out there some hurricanes that I fucking scooped up dude it was entrapment they knew because a bunch of under us a bunch of underage kids come in from the suburbs like yo it's dollar dog nights get a case of beers we'll go in and eat 19 hot dogs

best it's the fucking it was shot out of dollar dog night the link so you've been arrested at sporting events yeah yeah that's definitely a couple in a row but I will say this I used to love when the cops would come to a high school party and everybody would run the scat dude that adrenaline of scatter yes dude kids in the jumping fences will never have that feeling yeah that is the best suburban feeling ever you're in some nice house nobody gives a fuck the cops it's like three cops and what is what are they gonna do fucking 20 kids bail out the screen door in the back one person's getting caught yeah it's the best down the shore it happened a couple times we had to hop in the bay one time and weighed up we waited what we waited up to like the next house so we like let the

current take us to a house over as we leave or like worried about Princeton and St. Joe's prep you're diving into the bay to fucking avoid the heat it was and uh we also were like amateur was it like lie yeah it was like tie we were fine we just walked down got three crabs too pulled them up they're serving a bit wider this weekend dude it's a buyback but uh but uh we would also like act like we knew our rights the cops would come to the like the parties down the shore and we would just like lock the doors and be like they can't come in like you have a warrant that was that was when jz said you need a warrant to check the glove box of the trunk everybody right away that's a generational thing we were we were still at the point where

the cops said anything you were you you you listen to them nah we got you we got yeah we got a little we definitely thought we that like if a cop didn't have his lights on when you drove by him he couldn't pull you over that kind of shit it was all these myths yeah that's what I did up here I thought like I came to visit Fordham and uh they were like dude if you drink like your beer out of a brown paper bag like you should be fine and I was like strolling through the subway with my beer in a brown paper bag and the undercover came up to me and just ripped the bag and was like you're under arrest like you're fucking dumb it just like fucking well that with Philly people that's dip it's just different man dude Philly's still a place you can smoke on the subway platform

like last time I was home we were just it was like fucking 4 p.m. we were just smoking on the subway platform no one says shit they don't care it's literally Philly's a fucking rough spot man I do not care at all wait I want to hear the Bay story you're running from the cut what's your point did you go growing up by the way I didn't go to the shore growing up we would go out to Chicago to hang out with my grandma or whatever but then in high school we started going to I went to Ocean City for summer we had like a little summer house and then this party was in like Stone Harbor I think like up at the end of Avalon some beautiful houses out there a lot of quiche down there Oprah had that was that was that was a Philly scumbag fact of Stone Harbor

Oprah's got a house down here she does she did she did she sold it I would have fucking I only knew about like the Lays guy like they got no odd shit like oh that's the odds man yeah the odds man that's the pretzel man shit they got shit money dude who knows why was got a house down here my boy Bobby Buds runs a what do you double-decker tours in Chicago and he was of course he was just a plot from the breakup what are you talking about I was Vince Vaughn you're talking about Vince Vaughn and that other wacko yeah yeah and he would play a game with himself when he would be he would get drunk on the tours obviously and then he would see how many places he could say Oprah owned before it started being like what the fucking this is the fucking place you said Oprah that's pretty

good Steve Harvey lives there and there and there man shout out to Steve Harvey that would be a big selling point on me for a shore house I don't Steve Harvey could be 20 miles off the coast Steve Harvey lives here though I saw Steve Harvey hanging outside of Trump Tower in Chicago like what one time in 2015 I'd be like fucking double take it was like the most Chicago thing that dude yeah he's just it dude the saddest thing was that hair was fake that whole time I couldn't believe it that was shocking that was jarring that was like dude used to go be like yo give me the Steve Harvey lineup you know what I mean like they want unattainable he had that unattainable fucking what about the mustache

though is the mustache fake too that kind of man that adhesive would no way it's all perfect but it had the same sheen though it had the same glow to it though yeah man he's got a lot of cash to spend I don't know what to believe I don't know what to believe at the end of the day with Harvey shout out to Harvey man shout out to Harvey you're in the bay I was in the bay and I just drifted down it was night it was night the fucking cops like rushed in from every every angle also no stone harbor cops jumping in the water oh no I would never they didn't even know we just drifted down fucking hopped out of the water and fucking we're on our way we I think I went to another party I've escaped the cops more than I've been arrested by the cops that's pretty good he said he was

going to seaweed on it looking like seal team six showed up had the ghillie suit on it out with the fucking no who's got the cuffs yeah he got a right cuffs for five bucks full scuba shit they got shots up in the bedroom if you want them on my belly that's beautiful I love it that's fucking great that's a fucking that's a childhood story you can't fucking yeah true dirt bag I love that they chase they would chase more in stone harbor we ran from the cops one time there's like a big field outside of like there's a couple bars that are like face of field and stone harbor and cops started chasing us through the field one time and my buddy like kind of gave a little head fake to a cop and it was like a movie the cop

fell into a a net a soccer net and got caught in it like a fish he like shook the fucking cop and that guy was just in a fucking soccer net they did they want to catch my friend that's the situation they got him though they arrested his ass yeah and they don't they don't like that they didn't like humiliate yeah you gotta get away from yes exactly we got so lucky we almost gave ourselves up we were like maybe 12 or 13 we were staying in in stone harbor at like somebody's house and we met these girls I'm like the playground at stone harbor when I go we're gonna meet here fucking at like midnight tonight we had to go through those avalon dunes and the beaches in avalon just so people don't know it's like Normandy they're like fucking yeah

long yards long man so we're running through the dunes girls never show up we're walking back defeated at like fucking two o'clock in the morning because it was like at least a half an hour to get there we're all sweaty all the sun behind us fucking tits the lights we just fucking take off through this neighborhood and it was literally he was doing like parallels we were jumping over fences and fucking hiding and then you're on the next street and dude it started to get real serious like all sudden there was like two of them we could feel the spotlights like it felt like we were in fucking boys in the hood and we were starting me iron stone harbor though richest zip code on the east but I thought of myself like that like once I ran from the cops once I was

like man I have something to rap about now like I'm like I'm hardened I'm gonna give this rapping thing a try I was in like fucking Lacoste I was like I'm fucking hardened now uh dude we were you had a crustable waiting for you at home we were in avalon one night at the princeton all right that's the big bar down in avalon and we got I got in a fight and I'm all full we're all banged up was when rough vodka red bulls hit big that time it was like vodka red bulls and you guys were like at a perfect gauge for that it was Yeager bombs and vodka red bulls like that was every round that was Seth Rogen you guys couldn't get enough of it I enjoyed that man he was an everyman hero you know what I mean so super bad man we get in a fight I get thrown out

cops are like they like receive me as I get tossed down we're like ah we're leaving you know what I mean it was whatever shirts all ripped I'm like fucking you know got punched in the mouth I'm like bloody we were so we're walking home it's me my brother and my buddy and my buddy and my buddy falls in a sinkhole as we're walking home it's in the middle of the street it was like a one foot by one foot and he stepped in and like towards meniscus he had to get surgery like that so he goes he goes to the he's like I'm gonna file a report with the city because like he didn't have health insurance or something so he's gonna file a report with the city they're gonna have to pay for this it was a it was a city road so he goes he goes I need a I need a witness so he's just like

you're gonna have to come with me I'm like all right I was so banged up the night before I didn't really remember I'm like yeah man let's go we walk into the fucking police station like you're the guy who got thrown out of the bar like three hours ago we know you like dude get out of here I'm here to file a clean yes it's pretty bad when I'm your star witness dude it ain't good hey my buddy fell in for the Oprah's house we'd like to sue her it might have been a house yeah the cops like which one yeah I'll take my settlement in chips please all right let's get into a little game called are you garbage this is a hot one baby yes Ron we're gonna ask you a series of questions answer them open and honestly um I was thinking I want to know what your life's like now where you're

at class wise now I'm interested in that you have your own place you have roommates I live with my fiance a little french word for you that means broad that's my name that means number one girl for everybody out there in Bristol my old lady but uh yeah yeah I'm in uh in vinegar hill so uh Brooklyn uh okay nice coasted coasted Dumbo little so that's kind of nice it's kind of sounds nice but she moved up from Philly so is like uh she's like wasn't trying she wasn't gonna move up unless she was like happy with where she was living so she was like right we gotta she'd be able to feel like comfortable in her neighborhood what does she do she's in medical sales medical device sales so so she does okay she does okay she does well for herself all right all right um so yeah

we're out we're out in uh in Dumbo uh yeah so that again like I feel like that's another strike against me that's all right I'm almost like reticent to admit the truth about myself I got one we got dirt on you yeah I mean the bay uh stop uh how much tuna tartare you ran from the cops and dumped in the bay uh at a family gathering will your family serve buffalo chicken dip oh I don't even think my family knows about buffalo chicken they're not like wise to jump buffalo chicken but like uh I have begun to demand buffalo chicken I've grown to love buffalo chicken dip but like buffalo chicken dip was like came after rebel and vacas in my consciousness like I didn't start learning about it was it part of your whole lives no no it was about a decade ago it hit a decade

new post 9 11 I suppose it's a way after 9 oh that's how we coped yeah I need some started making everything into a dip right um yeah the family's gonna be tough the family's gonna be tough but we'll get to the bottom of one of them being a fucking so some of them have to be do you ever take the pop quiz that they have on pawn stars right before the commercial dude uh yeah I think I vote that's a deep cut it's a deep cut Jesus what channel is pawn stars on I've watched a little bit of discovery I'm more of a TLC guy I'm more of a like a little people big world guy I mean and uh 600 pound life guy like I'm kind of those are those are like my guilty pleasures that thousand pound sisters is solid too I don't know if you've seen that see I feel like

the garbage on TLC is a little bit classier than A&A no no TLC is horrible do you think so uh do they have a thing better than storage wars they have I think a thousand pound sisters I know but they do in a kind of an educational sense but it is Barnum and Bailey though like TLC is just like these are the tallest bitches in the world get a load of these boys Barnum and Bailey it really is like it's like oh this woman has a beard like this and it's called the learning channel too that's what it stands for but it really took a left somewhere cultural oddity tonight people check out the weirdos yeah you feel good about yourself because it says TLC but you're just looking at like the the most depraved and like fucking sickest people you can find like

the weirdest I did see a commercial for the one that you were talking about the two sisters I've said it twice in the past minute thousand pound sisters yeah that's did you think I was talking about another show without fat sisters but I think that they have like six six like fat shows on uh they're good at the spin offs you know what I mean they just crank they find the formula and start cranking them out and they have a couple little people shows too they have little people big world but then they have little family too different whole different set of little people don't they have one with little people in pit bulls do they I know what you're talking about he ran a he ran he ran like a pit bull rescue it was just one guy he was a little guy oh and that

guy's little I want to watch the show if I knew he was little he dresses like a biker he's got like the fedora and the chains and stuff like that that's pit bulls and parolees maybe or something like that I don't know that might be and I think he does higher what we're figuring out is TLC's wheelhouse is fat people and digits yeah it really is or little people it really is no we have a guy that or yeah I'm not sure exactly what the specific nomenclature but our our guys who works with us he's he prefers the term midget okay yeah I don't know I'm trying I would love to be as sensitive as anyone wants me to be but you know what I mean I think you want it I think they go little people yeah as a whole when you know I got it fair enough what's the furthest you've ever drone for a

drove for a family vacation oh we drove to Iowa oh shit loaded everybody up do you lose a bet I think we were like my like aunt was like adopting somebody and we like just drove like straight from Philly to Iowa we stopped at an A and W route this is the only thing I remember there was like an A and W and they had fucking beach buckets of root beer it was a it was a bucket it was a pail of root beer and that's all I really remember about the trip except for fields of corn and this fucking huge bucket of root beer that we just sucked on the entire time buddy I got news for you that's trash that is very trash real fucking trash dude the family trip when you do they had one of them in the shabbany mall that wasn't in the fucking food court it was like over by the wall

or whatever like it's going on here at A and W because I don't think that they still even have I don't even know what they were selling was it only root beer no they were like big on corn dogs I think they're big in Canada I think we've had Canadian guests on that say A and W is like a thing there I've seen one or two in the Philadelphia area but they were just hit the fast food chain that just didn't creep in or catch on I don't know what but it's probably like we're seeing through that A and W don't fuck out it's a beverage like there's not like there's not seven eleven or seven up fucking I'll be over at the King's I'll be over at the King with a couple of burger buddies let's go so we were talking about we had a checkers by uh St. Joe's prep that we would

fucking hit up not too shabby yeah checkers are brought in uh Gerard yeah brought in Gerard I went to temple okay so you know all about that checkers the fucking the greasiest of all fast foods yeah there was a world star thing that went live from that went big that popped at that place there was like a fight in it or something the crazy that happened every day I think they had it daily it part of the special yeah that part of Philly is pretty banana pretty bananas it really is they were like pipe promoters out there is Bob Aaron the baking classic and a felony thank you the five the number five yeah the five for five deal the five and a pound deal um growing up would you guys go to outlet stores oh my uh outlet stores but mostly

thrift shopping dude which really I fucking hated and to this day wow hate the smell of like thrift shops wait you weren't going there because when I was in high school that was a grunge was big so we all bought our shit at thrift stores you're telling me your mom honestly when she was going in there just like honestly trying to buy his clothes like she was like I think that as like I found out like way after the fact that we were like that there were like we had some poor ass years and my family just like hid it from me they just didn't let me know but uh that store was a dead giveaway yeah I was like oh what the fuck my mom got really in a macklemore yeah but uh like I I still like there was no irony to it there was no like uh uh like trying to

find some like classic old shit it was just like this is the best we could do was go into a thrift shop and like it still like bothers me to the day like the smell inside of a thrift store so you keep it all fresh oh I like I have to like just because I would hate my I hate that smell and libraries just the smell of a library dude an elementary school library is tough yeah just a disgusting ass sleepy ass book cracking a book open and just fucking an old ass book disgusting no one's ever read this book I'm terrible but uh I think we will go down to like the outlets in like like Perryville we're driving like fucking Maryland to go to like the outlets here dude everything's a regular kind of it never fit right the lunch was always the big selling point on

those journeys oh yeah yeah well we're gonna stop at Cracklebarrow for lunch you like that right we're gonna hit a Cinnabon but uh yo Cinnabon I think I could I would have done anything for a Cinnabon from like fucking 80 85 to fucking 95 yes I could have killed somebody what fuck with them I never met somebody who didn't fuck with a Cinnabon I never met somebody why no no we just never we were in Annie Ann's family I don't know what he was tell me a fucking brown sugar yeah good fucking night yeah that's a big fucking screaming cold coke you're a lemonade family that's a wrap I revisited the outlets though like a couple years at like maybe like five or six years ago or actually it was before my car got stolen uh in Philly but uh

I got my my my car my tires got slashed at the outlets and uh I don't know why the fuck someone will go to the outlets and then slash somebody's because they're angry people it's not good they're angry and they like saving someone's home but like that was the only time I've ever got my what out my tires I think it was like it was the Perryville ones in but I think it was like the Nike I don't even know but it would stop at a specific outlet I used to go to the fucking I used to like make it a couple times you had to go to the pool I thought I was like hot shit I go to the polo outlet get a couple hundred bucks go to the polo outlet yes and buy a bunch of fucking shitty polos where at AC in Atlantic City no the AC ones are they're kind of nice ACA tube and we've done

shows down there and I went and just got clothes at the fucking at their outlets but these were in like Flemington, New Jersey or something or uh Franklin Mills had a polo outlet as well you're taking your life in your hands at Franklin Mills Mall oh yeah that's dangerous that place was fucking not great Franklin Mills or else I was a big form in Mills are you a big form in Mills guy stretching those bills that in Burlington oh man we never Burlington Code Factory yes big we never slummed it that bad outlets would be but do Burlington Code Factory I don't think I've ever been in one no I have they go on for it yeah there you get lost and there's a little kid you hang on tight you get lost in a fucking windbreaker aisle like you'll never see again fucking frightening

yeah it is just terrifying I gotta I gotta I got one for the whole table it's it's kind of holiday current times gotcha when you get a card from a family member be it like happy Christmas happy Hanukkah whatever how long do you keep it are you putting it on the counter let that real nice or you're straight into the front I trash it right away right away yeah I left mine I have like a stack on the counter I was like I said a week was what I was like let me just leave these out for a week to I don't know I don't even know what I wanted to accomplish by it these are Christmas cards if their pictures are on it it I'll keep it yeah for like whatever the kids are something for a little but like if somebody gives me up like my aunt every year gives me a fucking

like the money holder with a hundred with a fucking bean or how you're gonna keep a money holder your trash yeah I trash that up on the fridge oh yeah I put the hundo in the pocket and toss it out the window on the boulevard good night but as a youth you guys never kept cards you never because like those that was a joy keeping a card and then going through the stack of cards being like did I leave I forget a 20 in here that was any money dude really hoping to find a 20 in there once or twice I would find old money I don't know why I did that at my parents in our coat in our coat closet in the front every every like few months like clockwork like I'm like you know when I got home from school and when no one was home I just go through the

coats and find to find something I do I do that in their pill cabinet so does he he doesn't do it here he doesn't discriminate I lost a hundred dollar bill in 2012 in my mom's house and I haven't stopped looking for it yeah I go home and I'm like these cocksuckers I knew I left it you got pins in a couch trying to get it okay any of your family cars ever have wood paddling ooh no no they did it we never were lucky enough to have uh like any uh the woody's you would have the minivan we had a minivan we had a couple minivans we had the mercury voyager and then we upgraded to a Honda Odyssey we also had like a rose gray Toyota Corolla from like 92 or something I was a very trash con yeah absolutely I'm in the Camry but they last forever they last forever

ever yeah and then the Camry I wound up with the Camry after that and that's the one I had from high school until it got stolen it just got stolen in Philly I just like parked it wherever I lived and how long ago was this it's probably about uh a year before I moved so about five years kept it pretty long yeah I kept it for a long ass time what are you zipping around in now no car no car no sir got subway ubers subway yeah subway and ubers nice exclusively very cool I'm a lift man myself you know to each their own kicked off uber who just someone's got a low rate sir see bro I told you it's like uh it's a bad reflex it's like I'm Pavlovianly trained it's like see you can grow full beard you're sir

anybody asking him a question he tightens up oh yes sir I apologize have you ever called anybody mate or have you ever said cheers instead of thank you when someone handed you something oh as an American no bartender had hands you a glass of beer thanks or cheers mate oh well no right I don't think I have but I think at some time I've like admired people doing that where I'm like oh I I should add that to my bucket that's when the when the I remember a guy did that to you I just I know where the origin of this question came from and it bothered him for weeks cheers guys we went to some bar cheers mate some bar in the east village to get fucking we actually recorded an episode of hard feelings at that bar yeah and and uh it was like you know

one of those like mixology kind of bars in the east village and kind of like suspenders and clearly American though and he hits us with the mates and the cheers and mate yeah that's overkill yeah that's you do that in a fucking bar in Philly you're getting fucking beat up oh big time somebody hands you your citywide special cheers mate cheers uh the cheers mate what are we in I like doing it over there I've been over there and he makes you feel like you're part of the gang you know what I mean I had cheers I do it um but I can't do it you can't do it here that's trash yeah it is big time that'd be like a going over there in a British you'd hit you with a howdy yeah what the fuck are you doing dude the culture is not at cost you say

you don't say that somebody's saying John in Germany the fuck is these jobs John in a British I'll take two of those jobs ah the johns are lovely this time of year aren't they a couple of per tens for the fans they knew about that they would probably take that it's a great word man it really is and like when I go back I don't even realize I say it it just like slips back in yeah someone asked me one time it's like you're from Philly do you say John and I never I never even thought about I don't like consciously say it like I'll say it if it's the situation warrants it's not like it's part of my

insulted you're like how dare you say it well sometimes you're not going to be like oh I'm going to say John now it's just like when you're there and you hear it it just slips out Whom's John's with this John drawn is another Philly word drawing our buddy Reggie's drawing drawing and drawing drawing yeah this dude is drawing yeah we tried to get to the bottom of it dude I man I have all these Philly spots that I probably did rap shows at that I don't know if you guys ever did oh by the way we got to talk about we did a show together the three of us have done a show together that's what I'm trying to figure out what refresh my memory mad river maniac oh fuck and what was there was probably about seven people in the total and I wrapped it had to be something

special our buddy Tom Cassidy oh yeah a comic and friend of ours ran a show out there at mad river and there was something this is how I found out about these he's like yeah I got Ron he's in a command he's going to do it and I'm like all right and it had to be sometime around Christmas I feel like it was an office Christmas party that we got booked to do and you were the headliner probably and that poor fucking Christmas party dude imagine me in the fucking head there was probably five bad comedians before you we didn't warm them up at all man we thought we were a hot shit back then so did I and we all did yes the hunk oh dude but that same maniac probably the same year I hosted a Miss New Booty competition with Bubba Sparks it was me

and Bubba Sparks hosting the host in the Miss New Booty competition that's pretty big and it was like I probably got paid more for the Miss New Booty than for the fucking sponsored by Booty contest with Bubba Sparks pure class yeah it was it was a high class shit mad river didn't make it I think they closed down over the pandemic I think that Barstool Sports is saving that mad river I knew because there was a big I don't know you guys I know I don't know it was Dave or somebody I would just see like mad mad river man young dope and I was like that's crazy I didn't even know it was open I might have just let the cat out of the bag early on that I'm not sure but I think that whether he has or is planning on it I think that there's like he has some kind of plan to well

you guys I remember that he would be doing stuff there over you know when you guys went to Philly when you guys are doing with that is pretty fucking amazing it's pretty crazy shout out to the fucking Barstool fun that's unreal and I think Tim Dillon posted a tweet about he's like the fact that this isn't being covered on the news is insane yeah which it is fucking completely insane literally directly helping people like right there on the fucking spot and they don't want to they don't want to talk about that and like Beyonce gave out like ten five like five thousand dollar grants and it's like CNN like breaking news or something like that but I mean it is what it is like there's people who have made up their mind that they're not gonna like something no matter

what good it does where it's like crazy gonna waste your energy on those people you know what I mean that's a good outlook it's like 17 mil right now 18 it was over 18 mil it's fucking ridiculous and he said pen just did but donated a million yeah it's over 18 send my tape in right the drone around the heart you garbage I gotta pay Toby yeah I got a hot dog card on street road fucking house I need is like 12 bucks I'll be cool dude I have had a lot of like my friends from home like can you help me out with this it's like dude you're you fucking like run a fucking pierogi business that hasn't been open for eight years like you're not doing anything with your fucking life you're not just gonna get the money like they're gonna rebuild the vet what's

up and they don't put up that jail up in a bottle of that by the way I have a piece of the vet that I want to I forgot I want to bring in real price position still in my garage the video is fully crying he's like I'm finally gonna get a jacket that fits yeah what's up Alprez I need to get close for my friend he can't afford to shop at DXL because it's too expensive and he says the guys aren't really fat guys have worked there and they intimidate them and there's always a hot chick so you know if I could get a couple of bucks to get him some t-shirts that fit that'd be dope man it's just Dave on a FaceTime you know Cole you got his number crying yeah Dave's crying I just gotta get this fat guy some clothes oh that would be great I love it keep on shooting if there's enough

they get enough money in that we're all gonna they're gonna run out of fucking needy businesses eventually I love the fact that your derelict boys have hit you up like yeah dude ring you know prez it's like I was thinking dude so many of them it's like fucked up how many of them are like that's handouts so I didn't realize you're giving out handouts I was up there I got a monster what's up you know I'm on disability rune I can't even work how am I gonna make the pierogi you gotta put it my mom's name though that's the weird thing of course yeah some of them are trying to like blackmail me with it too they're like yo we gave this money like now can you like set up like some kind of like meeting with me and Dave's like are you gonna bribe me through charity what is going on

I don't know if you saw my eight bucks I did at the Barstool Fund but it's not enough let me talk to the main guy at least let me get a hoodie or something it's not enough that's beautiful but what what you guys are doing over there is absolutely unbelievable no it's good it's nice to have like a good PR story come out about Barstool it's fantastic man for once in a while but we did it but to go back to our crossovers though we have had a lot of crossovers Chris Cotton was a big crossover yeah that was Cotton yeah man he was shout out to Cotton we used to do he used to like host some shows that I was doing at like yeah like the fire or whatever like the most the shitty is fucking venues on on like 4th and Gerard some shit like that oh yeah I know that place yeah

and then I was in like the fucking improv scene in in Philly for a while garbage garbage oh my god why is it garbage no I know why it's garbage why were you involved in it because I was like let's go there were more people we have more people on stage than in the audience like every single time as a stand-up comedian that's happened to me yeah I remember looking at what guy being like dude just go home nobody wants to go home it was like my family members that were coming like we have to wait so you just started doing improv we were doing yeah we like joined a team called like it was I took like a class at like the adrian or some shit like that was this post is this after the rap battle this is like I was doing rap battles and I was like keeping it from the

improv team or and like the my like coach that called me over he's like is this is this you like are you doing this because like I was embarrassed about the improv for the rap scene I was in a basement in the Bronx yeah that's like that's like a weird like room like something like it would see on netflix he tried to hide his yeah I was like syrup I was like sneaky about it and like neither one helped the other but it was mostly so we could just like I had like a new group of friends to drink with we were like called like we wanted to be called like fart daddy or something like that and then like sweet so it was like just a terrible in problem the worst the worst names I've never heard and we change it to the sardines because we just would do it at American

sardine bar in like wherever the fuck that is in Philly so I did it for like three years and it was like I'd like break up with the team to move to New York it was I was not good at it I'll be honest with you I was I was bad at it and it's a tough scene but that's a trash story yeah I had to break up with my improv have you heard the break up with your improv team because they were like they were like dude this guy's not showing up I was getting like passive aggressive texts from my improv team I was like you're not living it man yeah really dude there is no form of comedy lower than an improv it was so bad it makes my skin crawl to just like think about fucking improv as like an art for me I guess I don't I don't even know when it's done when it's done real I've seen it done really

well and it's fantastic it's like as a comedian with a comedian brain I'm like holy shit this is like next level comedy the way they're thinking and then they're joining everything but when it's bad I gets with any not an amber show at a bar in Philly when it's bad it's fucking horrible it was not good it was but I even go back and watch whose line is in anyway and I'm like oh man like I used to love it and I don't want to go back and ruin it because to me they were the dude they were in styles was the funniest guy in the world and now that I know how comedy works I don't want to write exactly because you learn something about how it works and then you look back and it's like and it also like to me improv kind of like got me off of comedy or like kind of threw my scent off a little bit

because like I would get scolded for like going blue and they're like we don't do that here and I would like have like a off-color joke or something and they were like I don't know if it's just pushing me to be better which I resented but like I would try I wanted to tell some dirty jokes and they ushered me away from that that's not that's not their vibe at all at all and all the corny s5 our buddy our buddy Reggie was at UC our buddy Reggie Conquest was at UCB and we went to his graduation show and he fucking killed like murdered and we were like holy shit and then afterwards they were yelling at him like you can't just go for laughs all the time we're like that's what comedy is you're fucking talking about yeah like you have to build the scene I'm like Reggie

you fucking beat it with these nerds dude after my first show I got like called over by my team for doing like an Indian accent and they sat me down but there was an Indian couple in the crowd like an older couple and they were dying that was like the funniest thing to them but I got like sat down because I guess I'm uh that's what I love you boys never tried improv we did what when we first I never did when the first year pussy the first year I was up here I would do the open mics just for just just for like you can't get stage time when you move up here the exercise of it yeah similar similar situation I saw some great ones like at the at the UCB used to do an open mic yeah and like an open mic improv but they would have some team like close it out or whatever

most of them were trash but they had this one from LA and they fucking they were like just in perfect sync just killing they were great yeah you know it's like lacrosse you watch fucking shitty you know lacrosse you're like hockey or something like that when it's done well it's unbelievable but like watching pee wee hockey is like probably no unwatchable yeah especially when it's some 25 year old girl from Ithaca fucking giving you shit no one's ever told her that no one's ever told her you stink no kidding Ithaca was the perfect town I can't do shadowing in prop glass what are you telling you can't say that god parents paying for everything I'm on like one hour sleep have you ever taken a shit on an airplane uh yeah definitely yeah Kevin you too

yeah I got no problem with that hmm yeah I don't prefer it but you know a long flight over two hours three hours and you get jammed up you have to do what you gotta do I used to have poop foot like stage fright of like even being in like the same like houses a bunch of people pooping but then I lived down the shore for an entire summer with 12 people in one bathroom and like eight of them were girls so I was like I'm gonna have to just poop in front of these people I have to come to grips with it that's as a fat guy there's nothing worse yeah there's all yeah you're a fat guy that pooping on the plane you're saying oh yeah pooping oh I would never poop I would never shit on a plane why at the size I am because it's just that's not I've already asked for the seat belt extender

you know what I mean you have a bathroom extender you have a double wide bathroom can we knock this wall down between these two or you're the only guy I know that could clog an airplane door yeah I would not be scared plus I don't know if I'd be able to get back there and take care of business without tight it is yeah yeah it's better for everybody on the plane that you don't you don't even I hold out I can't my buddy glennie balls has a theory that like uh fat guys are unfairly like people will attach a smell to a fat guy unfairly and it's just like they assume that the fat guy farted they assume that the fat guy or like if the bathroom stinks after someone pooped in the last half hour they're like why did you do this a hundred percent I understand

where it's coming from do you think that's unfairly do you think that yeah I think it's discriminatory because sometimes it wasn't me sometimes but you know a number of times it is do people yeah does everybody emit smell I think everyone emits smell that the same way I think even a skinny ass dude faster metabolism they're probably cooking up stinkier that's what you do is always happen I had this one good looking buddy shout out to my buddy Nate Brubaker thought he was gonna say Kevin Ryan in college real good looking dude in shape he it was always his thing to when it was a crowded party he would he would rip a fart and like just die laughing about it and anytime he would do it next to me I would like it mad at him like what the fuck dude like he's

going to come back to me you weren't eating a meatball parm at the time what the fuck not to put away my parm holsters the parm it's got too bad I'll save these for later a reheat of parm is a reheat of parms terrible okay uh growing up where you was I got a two-part question were you shoes on it on or off in the household on there was never I've never even uh shoes on in the household I never even until like the last I think it was like in I was in like Toronto for something when I even was introduced to the concept of taking shoes off in the household we were fucking that's a dirtbag thing right I

like we gotta go to another country to find out people do you guys do this because we were going to be a Canadian wait I'm surprised no friends moms on the main line would make you take your shoes off I'm trying to remember a couple of Jewish moms in there somewhere I don't know we definitely didn't know what to do with friends no I went to a Catholic grade school so I honestly didn't have until I went went to like college I didn't have like a lot of Jewish friends that uh that that would have any kind of rules like that I'm trying to remember I don't know maybe I was just like we did it if we had new we got new carpet like once or twice growing up for like so for a week in the 80s for a couple I made that joke already like 20 episodes ago um

and then would you put your feet on the coffee table if you're watching tv feed up on the table yeah we just had to actually get a new coffee table because like the lean yeah like my dad's house the lean it was like too creaky yeah like people were putting their shit off that's a that's a trash move I was doing that this weekend I was like oh I'm garbage yeah put the feet up on the in and the new the new coffee table is beautiful the structural integrity is gonna take us years 15 years left that thing that was where the line drew for us we were allowed to have our shoes on the house but you couldn't put your shoes on the coffee table but no shoes on would you put your feet up on the coffee table oh yeah yeah you do that now have at it oh yeah what do you mean yeah

put my nuts on the coffee I got told by the conductor on the metro north borough way to take my shoes off the seat today yeah that's trash shut up that's trashy and then you like fake put them down and then they went past you put them back up yeah of course fucking renegade then wrote a song about it yeah skater died dude I spray painted his face man I ran I floated away from the cops jumped in the Hudson can you say with a hundred percent certainty that every member of your nuclear family mom dad sister has had eggs benedict before oh no my my my uh like my mom and sister like don't eat vegetables they're like children they like I can't I can't pay the family down on this that's what I mean that's a bad look as there are no vegetables involved in

that's pretty fucking trashy right there I think he was my soft pretzel eating friend no no we don't take vitamins no benedict what's a benedict that's it growl yeah hey no no fucking french eggs do you fucking call me fuck you call me fat but no it was more to uh illustrate that they have the the pallets of children like they're not going to try some new or different shit uh have you had eggs benedict I have had a different types of benedicts have you uh have you ever had an egg benedict on you right now yeah I bought a a duffel um I've never had can you say I've ever had caviar no never had caviar you of course where are you getting caviar I just saw because somebody posted in the Facebook group that they

sold at walmart apparently oh really like 499 you can get caviar that was the illusion that's the caviar car security system you're thinking of and if our listeners are fucking post multiple for guys like oh I love that shit so it's gotta be cheap I'm sure all listeners are dirt balls I'm sure you have had caviar do you eat sushi oh yeah I guess so the little orange ones that would count as caviar I guess so yeah I don't like that I never had the black I had that's not caviar I had the black ones once at nobu which I went recently as a very very special occasion uh what the fuck are you doing at nobu it was a birthday it's been in that patreon money we're still broke it was a once in a lifetime experience this guy's going to Hawaii he's got

nobu now he was picking up a ship as bus on table I was pretending to be a waiter to get some leftovers Uber Eats folks done with that uh I had it there it's awesome how old were you the first time you had lobster uh like fucking 28 yeah I had it like I think two years ago 10 state main and yeah yeah and I did not like I was disgusted by it really I got I think that I think lobster's like lobster is a trash thing to eat like I don't know how because of the bottom feeder thing that and like what other food do you put like as you're eating something you put it on the carcass of it like you bite off some of the lobster and then you put it down to rest on its own carcass like imagine that with like a chicken like the whole dead chicken body you like rip off the breast and

then like rest the rest of the breast on top with a couple of his friends watching in a tank down the down the hallway yeah that's fucking that's yeah I get it um how old were you when you got your passport uh I think I had a passport as as a youth okay yeah I went to belgium one time when uh as a youth ah it's not bad grandmother I have some all right belgium family okay it's pretty good what grocery store did your parents go to growing up acme nice and genardies genardies a couple of hometowns philly faves right there you can't go wrong with either of those yeah acme was like for whatever and then genardies you get all of the things like if you really need or bj's we're a bj family we belong to the club bj's yes sir which what's the ruling on that I feel

that's pretty trashy oh big time right big time anytime you're buying like any yeah 85 gatorade yeah you're buying 90 gallons of pickles any good what makes those trashy and has the stigma of being trashy is the fact that only one or two people you knew had a membership so what would happen was is that you would have other family members like like listen aunt rose going over to bj's she's got the card so we're gonna go with her to get some stuff yeah there's nine different there's nine different families going yeah a palette of apple sauce or my parents would tell me not to eat beforehand because we're gonna have samples we're gonna go around fucking trash six six different samples um did you drink milk with dinner growing up uh yeah I think I think I had a lot of milk as a

youth I think my parents were pumping milk to me that's just fucking weird skim milk family too we were skim that's trash yeah that's trash wow I think we're really fucking getting to it here it's like a wheat wheat bread skim milk family like my family the strawman's wheat I think so yeah my parents like sounds like a fun household yeah they thought it was a fucking wheat bread and skim milk jeez I was like throwing out my lunch when I got to school I would just not eat lunch because it was like disgusting an old ass fucking wheat peanut butter and jelly it wasn't great but my parents thought it was healthy I guess I don't know it was a nine it was the eighties and nineties and it was wide open man yeah it really was uh do you put chips on a sandwich yeah I think what I might have

saw that on twitter now that I say that out loud that I was putting chips on a sandwich yeah I think that's how somebody tagged us in it yeah yeah yeah that's a must dude must I put dude I'll put anything on a fucking sandwich I'll put goldfish crackers on a sandwich pretzels but I'm about to open your eyes to some shit lay it on me uh Reese's puffs on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich pour the Reese's puffs on the peanut butter it sticks and then you have a little crunch to your peanut butter and jelly sandwich but it's already a peanut buttery flavor that's pretty good I do that with pretzels already we put pretzels on a pretzel that's not bad on an amoroso roll I do the inverse of that any cereal I'm eating I do a little scoop of peanut butter on the side

really yeah dude game changer try it it's unbelievable like a dirtbag acai ball holy shit oh my god big man throwing heat this week folks oh it can't be stopped that's trashy he's gonna crash how do you he looked at me I saw the glint of the cipher smoke all these red dots end up on Kobe's head how does it even work do you like uh nurse the peanut butter or like fat scoop of peanut butter on the side you know grab a little little scoop of peanut butter little scoop of cereal it's fucking tasty treat we're a little back and forth elevates I don't know about that all right very nice sounds bananas um I also like throwing some bananas in there with the peanut butter oh I love bananas in my cereal come on get out of here not

for me not for me I'm not trying to have any type of fruit in my cereal really nan is it honey not Cheerios oh that was a full classic right you're not only doing dumbo eating fruity pebbles I know I can see you telling it to some cocktail party head down in dumbo with your girl we gotta do what you gotta do is you get that Reese's cops the guy's like cheers how do you live now you got who does the shopping at your place are you guys doing like Trader Joe's Whole Foods yeah there's like uh yeah something close that something like that something real fancy I'm like uh if I shop I'm buying like I can make like two things I can like boil like a butoney uh ravioli or like I'll make corn beef hash a butoney ravioli yeah we think we're real

classy with those fresh ravioli yeah like oh I'm gonna cook tonight yeah meanwhile they've been sitting on the shelf for like 15 oh we get those things we're fucking hey how you doing we're fucking living it up right and that and uh corn beef hash which I guess the Irish side of me yeah corn beef out of a can a can of hash yeah I was gonna say we make that with eggs right yes sir yes sir yeah shit on a shingle isn't that what it is is that what it is no no that's cream chippy oh corn yeah corn you know that yeah chippy yeah right right what's beef what's a wek though what's beef on a wek I feel like that might be some buffalo shit sounds like a beef on wek is it always wrap with your own Jesus Christ if I had to guess uh yo mtv wraps

classics episode beef on wek that's the vh1 spinoff of the show yo mtv wraps I don't know what that is you guys going to the rap battle bro beef on wek he's going to fire I heard rings playing quoting buffalo cuisine that's that's more of a Cleveland dish I gotta we got a couple from the patreon because as you know when you join the patreon we will ask all your we'll ask one of your questions because so many people submit fucking questions that we just can't there's too many we can't get enough of them so when you get to when you join patreon we'll read your question this is from uh Brady which I'm assuming for sure do you know anybody that got a DUI before the age of 21 I know someone I guess I guess we

all know him he's a great guy he's okay the uh first offenders program has uh gone through its 10 years and that's actually been scrubbed from his record so good for him he's uh he's he's good to go yeah good for good good for that gentleman excellent yes um you no DUI you know anybody that had one anybody in your family have them no you got a couple of derelict immediate family no but yeah well somebody in our extended family might have might have might have caught a couple deweys I've been on the yeah I've been in the driver's seat for one I've been in the passenger seat for somebody else's cop for the other yeah but no but pull it over the sir thing is a cheat code for DUIs like I've got uh we've gotten out of shit because of like

good sir etiquette oh taking the fucking keys out of the ignition put him on the thing put your hands on just like respect to the point of disrespect and then they'll let your ass go that's all they want shout out to the philly pd we were going down it was something I was actually something don't hear often it was a wrap it was a wrap event or something it was I was in college maybe we were driving down we were on Gerard avenue and we're drinking in the car I got a case of beer and I might have told this and the cop catches me drink I didn't see him I looked left I looked right I don't see him you know I'm in the back seat not driving driver was totally not drinking either they're going to go on record there and uh so I like bottoms up to finish the bottle

and the cop goes I caught you and I'm like I drop it between my feet and I like hold my hands up like I just hanging out you know like no bottles of beer here he's like I caught you man I'm like fuck he goes just dump it out and I'm like oh thank you I'm like it's empty man I swear to god it's empty and then he goes uh because I'm just fucking with you I keep drinking it I'm like hi man see you and then he blew the red light I was like later he sent you on your way yeah he goes the driver's not drinking is he and we're like no and he's like I'll take your word for it have a good night Jesus I had a bigger fist to fry yeah especially like like third in Gerard a similar thing happened in uh it was like Plymouth white marsh area but we were smoking dope in the car we

were smoking a blunt in the car and the cop pulled us over and he like he saw us he was starting to arrest us but the dude in the back seat was like like I drink with you it was like we know each other like I've been at the same party as you and the guy like threw the ticket out and just like had us on our way like it was like the suburbs they were going to not only like write us up they were gonna arrest us in a wheel but since he the guy knew the knew the cop a little bit personally god damn yeah it was drinking with cops this guy's got it coming and going uh all right just from Cameron Harris I think we've talked about this will you talk uh you speakerphone in public oh god oh it's fucking do you depends not like in front of people but

you do talk to text which is fucking trashy it's the worst are you no are you and you're just yelling at your phone are you talking to me my mom does that shit too and she'll do it in like the middle of like an important conversation it's like text messaging is meant to be discreet yeah of course like you would do it easily with your thumb and she'll like just start talking dead into her phone while we're having like we're talking about something serious and she'll just completely hear Tommy's cheating on Nancy you're like yo what the fuck why are you bringing this up that's improv chops right there folks face timing in public is also animalistic what if you're okay what if you're away from people if you walk away from people

I think that there's something if you're taking that's a courtesy it's a courtesy acknowledgement of like hey what I'm about to do is in you know socially because on vacation we went we saw the sunrise every morning and we'd always FaceTime with our parents now there was people like in the general area but I mean I wasn't like screaming like I'm on the bus or anything I think if you have something to show I think that it's okay but if you just want to look at somebody's face never see people walking on the street FaceTiming on speakerphone and not even looking at like no one's making eye contact yeah I'm not doing that I'm not a fucking asshole it's gotta be like smokers rules like 15 feet from the door sure take a step off the curb get away from the general

population excuse yourself yeah you gotta excuse yourself um all right we gotta wrap up we wouldn't go even push into here um all right this is from Chris one more um is it trashy to have magnets from destinations that you've personally never been to like if someone that's a home run of a question dude if someone went to Paris and brings you back a magnet yeah dude that is fucking try yeah at least gotta put on the side of the fridge so you're not misrepresenting yourself like you're a world traveler you've been to Disney World uh well not exactly I just have the snow globe I have like shot glasses from Cancun I've never been to fucking Cancun

Marty girl beads and shit oh that's great yeah that's trash that's trash my last thing that I'll submit for me being uh trash for me being garbage closing arguments is that uh recently I was walking back to my house and uh I saw a guy selling out of the back of his convertible uh a sleeve of deodorants uh uh travel deodorants and uh they were women's deodorants but I stopped and I bought a sleeve from this guy and uh he he after I bought them he said it was secret exactly and I don't like secret he said are you on your way to the halfway house too and uh I was like this makes me feel pretty garbage and so I was like rifling through before I came on and I was like that's my most garbage thing if I want to bring something to the table buying sleeves of travel women's

deodorant while getting mistaken for being on my way to the halfway house that's how I want to be seen by you guys you cut me in for 20 I could be in my way anywhere what kind of convertible like I think it was like a Mazda or something like that nothing nice he's in a Miata well I got news for you um after careful deliberation I think uh you can rest easy you know my friend that you are 100% got a badge yeah that's pretty trash you are in trash thank you so much that that means the most with a nice education and some good test scores that's about it yeah let's put lipstick on a pig dude yeah I'm with the main that's okay the 1430 you know but I thought the family would would save you but the coffee table story the drive to Iowa uh the skim milk the eggs benedict the wheat

bread yeah and you on your own I mean that would be the only thing that would pull you out of the fire is your your father's Princeton diploma yeah but I need to put a I need a plaque from you guys that I could put next to that diploma from him sitting on the wall you guys need to be giving out certificates that you are going to have fun we will get those certificates that is a fire idea certified garbage buddy thank you so much thank you guys you want the folks out there to know hit them with it no sir just for them to get on your guys patreon and keep on supporting what you guys are doing because I love it I'm a fan of what you guys are doing thank you buddy we're keep it up keep it up for sure we're a big fan of yours kippy what do you also for the listener fully really did

send me a text of get the ground turkey instead of the ground baby I commit to a bit they don't teach you that at the ardent today huh guys thank you so much for listening as always please make sure you rate review subscribe on itunes we're in the top 200 we fucking appreciate that we were number 28 at one point fell a little bit a big deal also check out one ninety nine and a half right now by the skin of our bowls um full video available on youtube you can subscribe there as well those numbers are fucking through the roof we appreciate that and then patreon.com sign up for bonus content help us keep the fucking lights on thank you so much peace peace