Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Rory Scovel!

Episode Date: September 18, 2025

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Rory Scovel! You know Rory Scovel from stand up comedy, Conan, Don't Tell Comedy, Mike Birbiglia's Working It Out Podcast, Bertcast, This is Not Happening, HoneyDew Podcast, TigerBelly, Dr. Phil Live! and much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Mando: Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @shop.mando and get 20% off + free shipping with promo code GARBAGE at https://shopmando.com Quince: Go to https://quince.com/garbage for free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. Helix Sleep: Go to https://helixsleep.com/garbage for 25% Off Sitewide. Cash App: Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/li0uni5h #CashAppPod. As a Cash App partner, I may earn a commission when you sign up for a Cash App account. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. Visit cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Calling Seattle, Portland, San Fran, Braia, California. The boys are coming west, baby. We're taking the Oregon Trail out to the left coast, and we're coming to see you. Grab the squad and come on out. Yeah, if you're a dirtbag, we need you there, baby. All tickets available at are you garbage.com. See you there. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage,

the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. That little show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that after your group to be classy. Yeah.

Or they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tootie's in a new edition. She was just telling me quite the story about a moment she had with Mr. Frank. Stallone at the original Rambo premiere. Wow. Tasty tale.

Okay. All right. Mike Coase is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world, and I love him. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What up, gang?

Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, make sure you rate view, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify as well. And a boys are climbing to charts over there. Yes, sir. And obviously the greatest website of all time. Take your little phone, your laptop out, www.

www. patreon.com slash RU Garbage. You get all that bonus content, gang, we could be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today. He is a very funny, very successful, stand-up comedian, actor, and writer, and you might have seen him in, but not limited to. You got the

Eric Andre's show. You have Inside Amy Schumer. You have modern family, corporate. I feel pretty. Black Monday. Superstore, the movie show, live at Gotham, Craig Ferguson. Not Safe with Nikki Glazer. At midnight, WTF, Tiger Belly, Queens, Conan, Jimmy Kimmel, Seth

Myers. He has multiple stand-up specials out, including 2024's phenomenal religion sex and a few other things in between. Do me a favor. Give it up for the one, the only Mr. Roy Skull. Oh, Jesus Christ. Two mistakes in that. Two mistakes. I messed up the title of the special

and I almost flubbed it. Oh, I noticed. Damn it. That's it. He's walking. I literally, as you read that, I go, I got to shut up about never doing anything. I was like, wow, fuck. That's pretty good. Got them? We are so happy to have you here. I was able to get in.

We are so happy to have you here. We are huge fans. We love you. We think you're one of the absolute best. Oh, man. Can I say this right now? Yes. You're looking very movie star.

I, uh... You're cleaned up. I appreciate that. A little color, tight, haircut. I had a, I had a beard last night and in my hotel after a few drinks, I just shaved it. It looks great. I just shaved it in the hotel. I was like, this is better.

This is younger. You look great. Yeah. You look really good. Thank you. You're glowing. Glowing. You are glowing.

Thanks. Also, getting drunk in hotel room and shaving your beard, dirtbag move, I respect it. That's one of those things where, like, I've gone too far. And I feel like every time I do that, I feel like I've murdered somebody. And I'm like, there's no turning back. Fugitive. Yeah, I'm committed, yeah. I literally looked in the mirror.

I was about to do it. And I was like, is this stupid? And then I go, if I just do it quick, I have to do it. And I just quickly. Yeah. The one thing I think the hotel is really good with if you're drunk is to stare at yourself in the mirror in the bathroom mirror. Yeah. There's something about that light where you can really do a.

Yeah. I'm like, do that thing, I'm like, really look at yourself. Yeah, you know? I love it when they put the full, buddy. I love when they put the full-length mirror on the back of the bathroom door so that when you shit and take it. You're just sitting, shitting, you could just see right down the barrel. You're like, hi.

You're drunk and you're turning around and think someone's coming in. Buddy, give us the back story. Give us the origin story. South Carolina, boy. Is that right? Yeah, South Carolina, Greenville, South Carolina, born in the 80s, child of the 80s. child of the 80s. My mother passed away on my first birthday.

Damn. My aunt came in, moved into our house, kind of helped take care of me and my older sister. So the two of us, my aunt and my dad, my dad worked at the post office and around the age of, it's weird, I don't know this. I think around six or seven. I was in second grade.

He remarried. And then they had five kids. So I have five half siblings. So I'm one of seven. Damn. Went to, I don't mean, You tell me how much to throw out. This is perfect.

I went to my private Catholic school from kindergarten to eighth grade, then went to a private Episcopalian high school. Switching it up. Switching it up. You know, hey, let's see. My fan what they're down. See how the other side. Yeah, let's see what these sinners are going to be doing.

Then, uh, failed. You're throwing holy water on everybody in my always? Yeah. Lodge of Heathen's. Failed the 10th grade, English by one point. Since it was a private school, you couldn't just like, go to summer school. You had to go to a boarding school for the summer to get a credit that they thought was equivalent to their education. My dad was like, you're not doing that. So I had to repeat the grade, just that one class, but made me repeat the 10th grade at the school that wasn't like a massive school. So everybody knew. Like one of the things in my head that I remember so specifically was the first day they had the different assemblies. So they were like, seniors are meeting here, juniors. And so as I'm walking up with the sophomores, almost.

All of them are like, oh, no, Roy juniors are in the theater, and I had to, like, to everybody be like, no, I'm with you guys and everybody. You got to graduate a year later. I had graduated a year later. That was my dream. But after that, I went. As a guy who peaked in high school.

That's the fucking dream. Keep me here. You'd still be there. Ben Affleck from Daisy confused. You had all the sophomore chicks again. That's right. Yeah, yeah. You're a really silver lining's kind of guy, you know.

But I went from that school to a public school after that. And they diagnosed me ADHD, got on some riddlin, fucked with my stomach. Then they switched me to Adderall, fucking high honors student immediately. Oh, really? Instantly was getting my homework done, like couldn't stop working. And went off to college. I played soccer my whole life, so I played soccer in college. Scholarship?

Not a scholarship. I ended up getting a little bit of money after I was there. I went to the University of Central Florida for one semester, played there, realized that I had so many siblings and this out-of-state tuition was going to mean they never go to college. So I went back to in-state, played D-2,

and basically was on that team for three years. Kind of got a little bit of money. University of South Carolina, Spartanburg, it's now called Upstate. And now they're Division I. You got them there, buddy. That's what I say. That's a Scoval Bump.

Any alumni, I'm like, you're welcome. My cousin just went off to the University of South Carolina. Yeah, it's great. I love great school. This was like a branch of that. graduated, got into working at like a news station doing camera for the news

at like all the different fucking hours the local news comes on. Like in studio? In the home tank? Jumping out of the vein. And then on Friday nights they would team up people to try to go get as many clips of high school football

as you could because Friday 11 p.m., all they did was show highlights of the football games. And then I tried stand up somewhere in there after hearing a David Cross album and then I moved to D.C. to fucking dive into doing this back in 2004. It was very succinct.

There's probably more in there. We're going to go back. We'll unpeal it for sure. Yeah, we'll unpeal it for sure. Huh. All right. Okay. All right.

So your mom passes away. Your aunt moves in. What's the house that you guys are in at that time? We are in a two, three bedroom. Okay. Three bedroom house that's probably, I don't know, I bet my dad bought it for 150,000 in the 70s, late 70s. It seems expensive.

It's got that look. It's got that vibe. It's got that vibe. And it's one of those houses where it's like, you know, in the neighborhood where the houses don't all look the same, but you're like, all of these houses cost the exact same amount of money. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah. I got you. All right.

All right. And did you guys stay in that house when the stepmom came in? That house is still the house. That's still the house. That's still the house. And it is, it's falling apart. It's like falling apart Yeah, yeah

All of those kids Through that house And I mean Then they decided Oh we should like Try to put some bedrooms In like the basement We should make it a finish basement

And we sort of did that Had a guy Sort of is not great Sort of you know like You get the contractor And like I don't know That he knows how to connect These two pieces of wood

But it did turn into Kind of two more bedrooms Which was a My older sister And I got to like be down there That was the dream As a kid You're a little remote

It's like your own apartment You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. And you said they had five kids? Five kids. So there's seven of us total. So how many kids are in the house when you're like, let's say, in high school since you guys were older? So I think high school was maybe five of us and then towards the end of it six.

I mean, my youngest brother, the youngest of everybody, was the seventh kid, was born right before I went off to college. There's a picture of me like holding him in my dorm like it's my kid. Damn. I have something. I have a 16-year-old brother. who's 16 years younger than me. Yeah. That's a drastic change.

Yeah. What was the grocery store you guys went to growing up? I think it was B-L-L-O. I don't know that. And we're pretty. B-I-L-O. Is that what it is? Yeah, B-I-L-O.

B-I-A-L-O. There was that, there was, I don't think we went to Piggly-Wigley-Wigley, but there was Piggly-Wigley. Why wouldn't you go to Piggly-Wigley? I think we, I don't know. Looks pretty nice. Did your dad do well? No, I mean, this is post office. Right.

And what's your step-mom do? Nothing. So this is private school education. So the reason that even happened is because my mother, before she passed away, one of her like dying request to my dad, she had cancer, was I want Natalie and Roy to get the best education you can get. So he was like locked in to be like private school, I'm going to make it happen. He also had gone to a private school as a kid. So I actually don't really know how he pulled it off, but this man refereed basketball games on the side. high school church league

he and then he was working nonstop he would take every overtime shift all the time you know all the times you kind of complain as like a shitty kid then you become an adult and you look back and like oh fuck this guy was this guy did everything he possibly did it wasn't perfect but fuck I could have I could have probably had

a little more grace uh huh for sure dude huh okay all right you played soccer or any pets growing up no we always wanted a dog my dad was allergic My dad had really bad asthma shit Like as a kid that was like a big part of his youth And my grandmother taking care of him

No fish tanks anything like that? Hermit crabs We always did the goldfish you win at the fucking fall festival That died a week later We had that nonstop There was one dog we had that my aunt kept That didn't really stay at our house That I kind of grown up

I was like oh that was kind of like the dog I remember that in fifth grade I went off to a basketball camp It might be the first and only time I went to like a sleepaway camp and it was to do basketball at Ferman University and when I came back I was like

where's Ralph? He was like in our backyard before I left and they were like oh your dad got rid of him and I mean this dog was like it isn't like oh we just got rid of the dog it's like the dog that has been a part of our lives for so long and not like hey we're going to get rid of the dog there was no conversation

psychologically you should say goodbye prepare yourself like oh yeah we got rid of the dog What's the big deal? It's like they picked up the trash or something. It literally was bizarre. Yeah, yeah. I think about that all the time. I'm like, never do that.

Yeah, that is. As long as you don't do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't be that guy. Don't be that guy. That's wild. I will give you that. Okay, what were the vacations like as a kid?

Would you guys get away anywhere? Did you do anything? It was one week at Myrtle Beach all the time. My dad loved Myrtle Beach. So we always went to Myrtle Beach. That's not a good one. As a kid, I fucking, you know, you, you know what you know. And so you kind of fucking love it.

Like, when I went to the beach, we always knew one night, we would go to the pavilion, which was like, you know, the small little, like, amusement park thing. And then one night we'd do this and that. And, like, I kind of loved it. And then, like, you kind of get older and you look back and you're like, fucking, this place is kind of shitty. But I didn't see it before. But then you become, like, even further into an adult.

And you're like, oh, but it was. You're like, you're like, and we're all, like, in just, you know, in the tiniest fucking, you know, you rent a condo or something for a week that's beachfront and you put everybody into like a one bedroom. A care mattress, fold out, bed in the living room. Yeah.

He's falling right in line here. I like that. This is stacking up. Welcome to the show. How about the family car growing up? Family car, at one point, I can remember a station wagon, like the tourist station wagon

that like they thought, I think they thought this looked sleek. bubbled it out at one point they really rounded the edges it was like spaceship kind of insect spaceship kind of vibe to it and I remember uh very many many minivans I mean we must have had four or five that we like cycled through something like that we had the old school fucking caravan minivan with like the wood panel down the side the woodies yeah crazy gets trash and what I was speaking of what was your first car your first personal car um so This is interesting because that school that we went to the Episcopalian one, I mean, this was like money.

And so we got to go there, because I think you maybe asked this. We were able to pull this off because I think they had a program that was like, hey, there are certain slots we offer to people that are of a lower income. If you have a wood panel, you can come to the school. You're in. You're in sight unseen. You're in. You got that insect torres. Come on by.

Reforming Catholics. I went to a school where, you know, people drove all kinds of cars. But it was also the kind of school where some kids on their 16th birthday rolled up in a. fucking brand new rangeover so there was that element of like money but my sister and I drove our grandfather gave us a 1981 Buicklessaber and I mean metal like a tank a fucking tank and I mean a boat and I remember being there was something I really and maybe you do this we don't have money I like took so much pride in the fact that we had a shitty car my dad had a shit I think my dad kind of loved shitty cars he had like this old fucking toy two-door toyota carola like just

shit brown and so tiny when you drove it it felt legitimate like one step above a go-car but like right before a car yeah yeah but i will say it was super fun to drive yeah all right that's pretty good man i like that the laissezre they were head i got it like a car hit me and it destroyed The car hit me, it was their fault, destroyed their car, kind of fucked up, one of my lights. Just pure metal ripping into tinfoil. That's awesome. That's great. What was the first job growing up?

I feel like the first, other than like trying to make a little money doing like yard work here and there, if anybody was paying, was I think at a restaurant in Panama City Beach, my aunt lived in Panama City Beach. She was a basketball coach at a community college there So good that as of last year She was inducted into the women's basketball hall Oh, all right And so I went and stayed with her In the summer In the summer and I worked as a busboy at this place

Called Crazy Marlins That's pretty sweet. Right on the water I didn't realize how actually That fucking awesome that really was Like I did enjoy the fact that I was like Oh I got a job I'm making little money My grandparents helped me open like a savings account To put the money into

but also I was hanging out with like college kids who were just making money and like just kind of being near them which felt it kind of felt bizarre where's Panama City in relation to Myrtle Beach? So far away. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah. But like so I, so my grandparents moved from Greenville to Niceville, Florida and my aunt lived in Panama City Beach, Florida. Gotcha. So our vacations went from, hey, we're either going to Myrtle Beach or we're going down there to see family in Florida. So the start of the summer, how many summer is you get to do this just one or two to go and do that job i think i did it once and that was what i

stayed like local for and you were like what 16 yeah yeah yeah damn you got to go down 15 or 16 that's pretty sweet i loved it now granted i like got there and worked for like a month and a half and you know a restaurant was like no thanks that's awesome that you're working for a month and a half um but i also didn't understand that so i was like yeah cool and it was great it was uh it was fun i mean it was literally just you know i had nothing wrong with washing dishes busing tables It was like it was fucking easy. I thought it was like right down from Myrtle Beach or something like that. I don't know they shipped it down to Florida for the summer.

That's pretty sweet. Vibe-wise, it is right down the street for Myrtle Bay. Just bang a left at the Margaritaville. They are fraternal twins. I like how you both looked at me like I was an idiot when I said that. And then when there was that moment. You asked it with such confidence that I thought I was like, maybe I don't know where Panama is. Yeah.

Maybe I don't know. In the moment, I was like, wait, is he talking about actual Panama? What is Florida? Can't be going to talking about Amanda. Oh, shout out to that man, though, dog. Of course, I'm talking about the all-over body deodorant. Which you needed. Isn't it crazy people just doing the pits for all this time?

That's one of those, like, antiquated things where you look, we're going to look back in 50 years and be like, what the hell are we doing? You do the whole body, my whole body sweats. I got nooks and crannies. Uh-huh. Behind the ears getting a little funk. Like a muffin. I don't know what it is, dude.

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Okay. What was the first concert you went to? New kids on the block. Pretty good. We're at. I want to say fifth grade, but that might be older than that. It might have been like 11 years old. At Furman University in their football stadium.

Who'd you go there with? You get dropped off by your dad? No. So my mother who passed away, her oldest sister and her two kids, me and my sister. And then from there, it really gets spotty. There were like, I think, some other extended cousins or something. All I can remember is that we went to that concert and I had never been to a concert. But I wanted to go because my sister got to go see Millie Vanilly.

And I was like, why can't I go? I didn't even want to go. I was like, why can't I go? So when this came up, I was like, yeah, I'm going. We're going. And I remember we all stayed at my aunt's house after that, which is why I can remember that that's how it went, but I can't remember all family that's a pretty sweet experience. But it was a pretty, it was like maybe eight people.

I hate that. That's all right. That's a good first concert. I don't mind it. Yeah. When your stepmom got to the house, was she doing the cooking? Like you guys having dinner? Yeah, I would not say that's the best cooking.

We did a lot of takeout as a kid. We were the family where she was. would cook something we would eat it a lot of times it was beef stroganoff uh you know hamburger helper which the first time you're like oh right you get to a hundred you're like i can't fucking do this anymore my dad we would have dinner and my dad would then you know tell my stuff and he's like we go get me burger king so she would like go get burger and we were always like why can't we fucking have really yeah yeah wait would he eat dinner with you guys so no we would I mean, sometimes, but like our dinner was we had a kitchen counter with a tiny TV, and we sat at the kitchen counter.

And because there's always a baby, one of the spots, you know, was like the chair that kind of hooks onto. Yeah, the hook on eye chair. So it was always like two seats, that, another seat. And then on the other side of the counter was another seat that faced the TV. And my dad would grab a plate and, like, eat in the living room doing, like, his own thing. And literally, we honestly, we were, we would just always be like, why does he get to do? We had a dining room table this size That would actually fit this large family

Never used it And never used it And I gotta say it's it has made me the person That's like turn the fuck turn everything off But good music We're sitting here and chatting and like talk It turned me into that person Because we didn't do that growing up

You know That's good That's pretty good man gonna give me Burger King That's a classy thing though music now To enjoy like background like Of course I'm like I'm like creating the scene where I'm like

Oh we used to sit and like And I don't, I love it. I loved it then, like, sitting and, like, fucking throwing on whatever the fuck we were watching as kids and, like, sitting there watching and fucking shoveling food in our face. And there's so many kids that if you wanted seconds, you were like, get back over, get seconds, come back. Would you guys have milk with dinner? Sometimes. Okay. Yeah.

Which I, uh, I didn't know that was strange for a long, I didn't know it for a long time. I didn't know it until I met him. I used to also just drink milk with ice cream, like not to, not a milk shit. I'll do milk to waste. And I'm almost certain I'm lactose intolerant. Like, I think I've come to learn that. And even then, I'd be like, why does my, why don't I have to shit all the time? What is this?

Were you guys allowed to eat in your room? Not meals, but like snacks. I don't remember ever doing that. Probably we could have. Were there chores, that kind of stuff? Yeah, so me and my sister, we would, on weekends, Saturday, we would, like, get all the sheets off the bed to wash them. We would dust the rooms. We would wash all the dishes.

We would vacuum the house and like wind decks and shit. That's the huts, all the cleaning. It was all of the cleaning. Wait, you had to wash the sheets. And I remember my older sister and I, you know, because it's got a very, like, stepchild kind of like, you will clean the house. And we were like, oh, okay, my younger siblings, I don't think they were really forced into doing that. But I will say, as much as I was like, what the fuck is this? Like, I take care of my, like, house now.

Like, I literally am like, you're on top. No, no, fucking let's clean it. Let's, like, keep it clean. So as much as I kind of wish maybe we did that less And we could hang out more on the weekends And it wasn't like that was our whole lives But it does make me like reflect and go I am kind of happy that I don't live like a piece of shit

Like I clean up Still good values in you. Yeah, so you used to take the sheets off the bed You'd wash them? Really stuck on the sheets on the bed I don't think we would wash them Because I'm almost certain I didn't learn How to do laundry till like college

So yeah All right That's not too bad You stripped the sheets on it I mean there was no pay I didn't say that No one paid us I just want to make that clear

I just want to make it clear I wasn't like putting money away Would there Would there ever be a night out Where you guys went and had dinner together And where would that be There was one place called Caprize Italian Which I loved

But now that I've had actual Italian And you're like Oh fuck what the fuck was that But I loved it Because I loved the fact that our whole family Even like grandparents and everybody We would do like birthdays and stuff there That's great

And it was also like one of those Italian restaurants I was old school It was like fucking dark with your candles in like your old school like paper or whatever paper shit and like bread on the table and it was like I don't know there was something about it I think I have very charming I have a nostalgia for it because there's so much

family and community involved in it but like Applebee's was kind of a big deal red lobster red lobster that was a big deal I didn't the idea of like a restaurant that isn't a chain was not something I was really aware of

I didn't know the chains for a while in my life I also didn't know that people thought they're trash. I also didn't know that people didn't think the food was good. Also, I had not really had other food to compare it to that. So before you know, it's almost like red pill, blueberry. Before you know, though, you are like,

this is fucking great. Even when I graduated college and had a job, we would go, like, at lunch, it was like, Applebee's, Chili's, like, that whole run of, you know, they were great fucking restaurants. Casual dining establishment. If you don't like a Friday, hate them.

I know. I know. If you don't like a Friday, sampler i don't know i don't know who you are yeah i remember people like it was just like on my head it was like the the fact that there were so many i was like oh they're killing it yeah exactly you know what i mean it was like walmart i'm like i'm like i remember my buddy like oh we go here and i'm like they don't even have commercials yeah you know what i mean like well that place has to suck when a new restaurant would open like when like buffalo wild wings first opened that's why people are like here we fucking go a new place yeah and you don't really know you're like no this is what

the world is or the country is it's just going to be these You do see that when you travel for comedy. You're like, oh, these shopping centers are all just all over. They're the same. Well, there was going to Myrtle Beach every summer. There was, and this kind of goes against the fact that we're at a beach where you would get seafood. But we would go to this one restaurant one night of the week that was like Lee's Inlet. And that was like, we always treated it so special.

And I also felt that way because I knew this was not a chain. Like it was only here. And then we'd also go to Damon's. Do you remember Damon's, like ribs? No. There was the demons. My dad loved the ribs, and because of his affinity for it, we always treated it like, oh, this is, this is a big deal. Serious business.

And that would be one of the other night. That would be the other, like, night of it. There you go. And back then, I thought, this is ribs. This is what you do. This is how you live it. That's pretty good. Yeah.

Gotta get eyes on that place. Not too shabby here. Growing up, it could have been like a local celebrity or anybody who was the newscaster, who was the most famous person. You met? Yeah, I probably the newscasters, maybe, because I did work at the news, which I got to say it was like kind of bizarre. It is weird, even now, news broadcasters locally have such a local celebrity because you see them all the time.

It's weird to see them in person. Yes, it's weird to see them in person. Who is your guy? Who was the head anchor down there? Tom, when I was working, I think it was Tom Crabtree. This is Tom Crabtree. And also my friend, who I still keep in touch with Amy Wood, was one of the, the broadcast. one of the anchors and Pete Yannity who later became the voice of the Clemson Tigers

and while still working as the sports broadcaster he was great like I've I've chatted with him we've maybe fallen on a touch now but he was a guy who like when I was moving on to do stand-up he like kind of had that look in his eyes like I get it yeah yeah you you should go do this that's great that's awesome I was crabtree tea was he nice I don't think we never really would he call you a kid and stuff like that maybe I do remember there was one time when they rebuilt the set and it was such a big deal and the director at the end of the broadcast wanted one of the cameras to back up because he thought it was cool for during credits to reveal it's a set it's not a thing and it did look good but they always wanted someone

to walk out to the broadcasters with a piece of paper to like have notes so they could have a conversation and I asked if I could do it and they were like great because they it didn't matter who did it just so it looks like a producer you missed the credit man that was all first credit i walked i walked out there and i would write shit on a piece of paper to get them to fucking and they would see it and i've written like fucking nice job dick yeah and they would have to look at it like oh right yeah good good note and then uh yeah at some point they were like roy you're not allowed to they're not allowed to go out there anymore get this punk out of here crab trees losing it yeah oh that's funny uh that was a good job that was fun as a kid sorry no

no i was going to say it's a good introduction of the show business right there yeah yeah i like it as a kid would you sneak snacks into a movie theater i would yeah oh we would for sure as a family like as a family yeah yeah stop and we didn't like overdo it but i mean even then when you know by comparison now that feels like going to the movies for free but even then we were like oh it's fucking expensive yeah of course snacks are expensive sugar cereal as a kid we guys allowed to have so much no shit we had we had everything you can fucking think of they were eating dinner at the kitchen counter on the tv my dad was getting fucking bK broiler on the side.

Of course they're doing sugar syrup. Frosted flakes. We had Captain Crunch. There was always fruity pebbles. Damn. We were doing, I don't think we ever really got too deep into cookie crisp.

It was so funny. We would have all this shit and then there'd just be grape nuts. And you were like, who the fuck? Who's putting in the request for grape nuts? I like a great nuts.

Damn, that's awesome. What was the soda? Toaster struddle. We had a lot of toaster struddle. I was addicted. Family? Toaster strudel. Over pop tarts.

We had both. We would have pop tarts too. Literally anything where the kids could just make their own fucking thing. Damn. That's a good point. Yeah. It was not good. I mean, I was already ADHD, but we would all go to school like fucking fried.

Tweaking on show wild. And then 10 a.m. You're crashing and I can't do shit. Huh. What was the soda situation? Soda. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Soda. Lots of soda. What was it? I was addicted to doctor. Pepper, so I always had that, but I feel like we always had Coke. Are you doing two liters, cans?

Two liters. But then we also did have to get, Mike, it's so funny to me, like, my dad was, like, very conscious of certain things in the sense that we went to cans and I wondered why, and my dad was like, because we're recycling. Like, if you didn't recycle, my dad would go, literally, you would throw something away and my dad go, what are you doing?

And you're like, what? And you're like, what? And he goes, you can recycle that. And I look back. and I go, I feel like he was a little ahead of the curb on like, kind of being like, because like an environmentalist is not his thing at all, but yet when he realized what you could recycle, he just like, he was like, this is the best idea ever, and everyone should be doing it. Smart guy. So I think we kind of went from using, I mean, they still were using plastic, but it was like,

hey, these cans, we can smush them up and it's a little easier, yeah. Do you guys ever cross over into the three-liter? No. Three-liter, no. Heavy bite. I don't, I mean, maybe I might have been out of the house by then. Keep in mind when I was out of the house There was still so many years of kids in the house

Yeah, little kids in the house Yeah, that's crazy Hmm Okay Any, uh, I mean, Sam, I gotta ask Any big mouth Billy Bass at the house? No, no, okay, no We had one in college,

I mean, you know you have it Because it's a fucking, you're like, press the button Right now It's a fish that sings That was That was when the world was right and just When all you need it was that

And you're like, is this not genius? And everyone agreed No one was like, it's stupid Everyone's like, it's great. You could show anybody in the least, it would be like you could show like the best comic in the world. Yeah. And there you go, oh, that's, okay, it's singing. And then he'd come off the wall and look at you.

It's great. Any Chinese stars, numchucks, anything like that as a kid? No, no. I mean, I wanted all that stuff. I wanted all the ninja anything kind of thing. Any karate classes as a kid? No. I did.

I played soccer, basketball, tennis. My dad was such a big tennis fan. Really? Volleyball. My dad would play anything. My dad loves sports. softball, he would play. Yeah, we do like volleyball on Sundays at the church sometimes.

Really? Okay. Very nice. How old were you when you got your passport? Oh, man. 24? Really? Pretty late and like. Honestly, the thing I just told you about Canada, that's the first time I left the country.

And that was 25, 26. It's funny to say that that's the first time I left the country and I went to Canada. Yeah, yeah, yeah. First time I was an explorer. Yeah. What was the first time he had Nutella? Do you remember that? Probably early 20s.

Probably when I moved to D.C. And became an international traveler and went to Canada. And probably thought this was the wildest thing I'd ever. Like, what? Now what? Now what is hazelnut? I still don't know. You're telling me this ain't peanut butter?

So it's not. Oh, God. This is too good. Were you a P.B. and J. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, you remember what your peanut butter was in the house? No. Chunky, creamy? I think we did both I think it was around the time I mean there's so many kids I think this was around the time when Chunky kind of was getting started

Like early days I think it was the early days of Chunky Back when they were bay, look at this You're in the bottom floor of Chunky I remember it not being Jiff Because I always wanted Jiff Because those commercials were playing I'm like look how good

This fucking Peter Butter looks But I don't remember it might have been I first was there a Peter Pan Yes there was I think it might have been Peter Pan Which I feel is it got a little lower budget little like a smidge yeah it's not a complete trade but also you're like

how is it able to be called Peter Pan yeah they're paying for it's licensing what was the jelly was it grape or was it strawberry smucker's uh grape really I she has a strawberry family grape yeah well they got all the sugar syria Concord Concord grape Of course yeah an aristocrat

Yes of course Huh all right it's not all just shit We had Concord grape jelly The butter was it kept on The counter and the refrigerator. Fridge. Yeah, yeah. Okay.

What about now? I didn't even know people did that. I didn't know people left butter on the counter. We have both now, but like the butter on the counter, you're like, you can just spread it. It's not fucking. Makes so much more sense. It makes the most sense. One kid we found out in eighth grade did it.

We went over his house and we made fun of him for like for years. And you're certain it's going to be fucking green. You're like, how can it keep? I think the childhood is sufficiently trashy. Let's try to edge it a little bit into now. Do you remember what you did with the first big check you? got in comedy we all first of all and it couldn't even it didn't even

have to be huge it was just like 1500 bucks and you spent 900 on something anything any bad purchase what was the first big thing that you booked um I in terms of like big pay big booking was probably acting right like 2013 I mean I did some commercials that paid

but like getting to do the show ground floor in 2013 was the first time I was like here we fucking go and I remember blowing a check. Pretty much a full check to take me and my wife

girlfriend at the time and some of our friends to Hawaii and got like a fucking MTV crib style house for like a week which was the whole paycheck and I remember that's such a dirtbag move but a good guy being there and being

like looking at my wife and being like I don't know if that was I don't know if I should have a fucking No, of course you shouldn't. Put any more checks coming. And my wife, and I got so lucky during that trip, I think is when I was texted that we were getting to do another season. And I was like, okay, we got to get out of jail free.

Let's never forget this. That's awesome. Never forget it. But I'm pretty sure I went and bought some diesel jeans when I got like a, for you. I was like, I'm going to go drop. And at the time, it was like $150, which to me was absurd for, jeans, a guy who wore $25 jeans his whole life, but it was like, I'm going to go buy these, I like them, and I'm going to get them, and like, you know, splurged a little bit on clothing,

but never, to this day, I couldn't tell you if I had fashion, but I know then I definitely did not have, like, any fashion sense. Dude, Diesel jeans hit this scene. Oh, it was, Dane was wearing them. They were big, and so you were like, I'm going to wear this, I'm going to wear this. I'm going to wear a hoodie. Yeah. Shout out the diesel.

Man, Hawaii vacation for you and your friends. that's pretty good yeah it was a great story it in that house was truly so so great there's so many things i wish i i was so antsy all the time that i wish i could go back and and do that again but yeah tell myself hey just fucking calm the fuck down and enjoy this because this industry and this job you're just as soon as you do something good you're like okay great well i got to worry that i do another good thing and so you never fucking enjoy you never celebrate anything you're just always too many steps ahead. Yeah, it sucks.

That hit both of us pretty hard in the moment. It's how we are. It's like you were listening to the conversation before you got here. Funny guy, huh? Yikes, killing me. Bringing up old shit. I never cried on the episodes before. We're crying?

You're just sitting there drinking your water real slow. Let me know when you two pussies are done. Let me know when you want to know more about my garbage life. Oh, that's all right. Ken, what about that helix? Got out the helix gang. Slepping one last night. I slept in one last day, too.

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Listen, if you've been watching the show for a while, you've seen me and fully mature into somewhat stable adults from whatever. Worse than ever. This was my first adult mattress that I wasn't given from like, you know, that Nana died in, hey, your cousin Charlie's moving. You get his mattress. This was the first mattress I bought that I was, oh my God, I've been sleeping wrong my whole life. I have to, it's the right way to do it.

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use our exclusive code to earn more additional cash for real. Just download cash app. Use our exclusive referral code cash app 10 in your profile and uh send $5 to a friend within 14 days and you'll get $10 dropped right in your account it's true i did it shout out to them terms apply that's money that's cash app cash app is a financial service platform not a bank banking services provided by cash apps bank partners prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton bank member fdic discounts provided by cash app a block ink brand visit cash dot app slash legal slash podcast for full disclosures do it What is the, what's the car now? Now I lease a Hyundai Ionic 5.

Okay. My wife, it's grace. Great. It's, um, it's, um, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, fucking, I had, looking, they're sleek looking. They're sleek. I had a Tesla, uh, model three, and I absolutely loved it. It's probably I, I, it's the first time I've bought a brand new car. Really?

It was, uh, in 20, night, late 2019, um, I told my wife, I was like, I was like, I was like, I, I've got the money I'm gonna go online I really want one of these fucking cars and I went online did the whole thing easiest car to buy Yeah it's like it's like you're buying

You had to put $100 down You can pick out exactly the car Two weeks later they called me And they said they had it Which was a little bit ahead of schedule But I think they were trying to get it in Before 2020 The last day of 2019

Literally New Year's Eve I went and got the car And drove it home Had it for five years Sold the car To Car Max Didn't get what I want Shout out CarMax

sold to CarMax and of all the test driving I did the Hyundai Ionic 5 is kind of the closest to the funness of the Tesla so I was like oh I kind of like this and also I really love that I'm now leasing it and it's so much

cheaper yeah right good for you in three years give a new one my wife has a Rivian that she leases and I'm not the biggest fan really where you guys hang in your head you out in L.A.? We're in Denver we moved to Denver a year ago Good for you.

Loving it. Getting out of the rat race. Got out of it. Got out of it. You guys have kids? We have one child, a 10-year-old daughter, and it's been great for all three of us. Yeah, that's great. I've wanted to move for a while, didn't know where to go.

Denver kind of came to us. Are you guys in the city or in the burbs? We're in the burbs. It's the most suburban of it. We're renting right now. It's the most suburban I've ever lived in my life, and I thought I would hate it. But I think at 45, I'm like, I get it now. I get that people just want car.

like no cars and just quiet a little bit of quiet fully understand exactly when i think my dog and a walk not even a leash i'm not worried about anyone yeah it's great i dig it all right look at all right yeah i'm shabby that's it packed the bags we're going to dump yeah i like it good city um let's talk about the house now a little bit uh you're renting renting uh it's going to the bedroom how you got you guys have a king size bed king size bed king size bed yeah and how this house is uh so much bigger than we need this is a five bedroom house. Let's go. For three of us.

Let's go. It's doing all right. I like to hear it. Well, what's funny is like it's, you go and you rent that house and you go, oh, this is the same as a two bedroom. Of course. Yeah. What is the plan with renting?

You guys? So we were there for a year and now we're kind of month a month. And so we're looking to buy. Now we're like kind of just waiting to see if these interest rates shift at all. And if so, we kind of know a neighborhood. We want to like try to get a spot in. That's not even that far from where we are. Okay.

Yeah. How do you sleep? Do you sleep on your side and your back? Mostly side, not well. On your side, not well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sleep happening you? I don't think so. I think I just, I don't fall into it. I think health, I don't think I do enough working out, which would be good for sleeping. Okay.

And I think the nature of this job, I'm in my head. So as soon as I wake up with anything, I almost start in on some kind of rant, you know, it's like, you can't turn it off to be like, oh, go write that down and then I don't even write it down I lose sleep and then I don't even write the thing down that maybe could have become a product okay yeah pillow between are you holding the pillow no pillow between your legs no I should for my hips but I don't okay my wife does no but my wife is like this is good for you it like levels things down I'm like I know but I'm never gonna do it TV in the bedroom no no TV no I I'm not like a big TV guy like we don't even have a TV in the living room I like we have like a TV thing downstairs

and then there's like a T because there's so many rooms. There's a T. So many floors, guys. On the eighth floor. There might be one somewhere. We have it in like certain spots for like streaming, but I just don't really watch anything. Are you a reader? Do you read?

I am as of this year. I started legit reading. I have never. Just learned. It does honestly feel like that. Before January, I had maybe read 15 books in my entire life. Damn, that's a lot. Some that I was like, oh, I kind of like these books.

but I have now read since January, 28 books this year. I'm so addicted. Jezelnick recommends books at the end of every year. He's a crazy reader. And he always recommends books. And I would go buy some of those books as gifts for people at the holidays. And then for whatever reason this year, I was like, why don't I fucking buy one and read it? Bought the book martyr fucking loved it.

And I was like, oh, my God, I'm actually paying attention. I'm not drifting away. My ADHD isn't kicking in. I understand this writing. I really love it. I think I've matured into being able to do it. The moment I finished it, I just went and bought another one and started reading it. And that's just been the whole year.

There's more. Do you still take ADHD medication? Can I ask you that? No. No, I stopped in, I stopped before college because it was making me, this wasn't a conversation I had with people in high school, but it was making me wildly depressed. I would finish my work so fast and sit in my room, no music, nothing, quiet. If you guys aren't even here, I would sit like this and my brain, just like trying to sleep at night, would drift off into. all kinds of questions, things.

I think it was maybe the first start of like, this is how you become analytical and opinionated. But I remember really my instinct was, this is not good news. And before college, I was like, I'm going to get off this and do college on whatever my brain is, and I don't want to do this anymore.

And so I stopped. And it shocks me to this day that a kid who thought he was dumb his whole life gets on a drug that makes him in high honor student and somehow convinces himself not to keep that going into college I, that's the kind of thing

where I'm like, that's the universe being like this will be better for you long term if you stop. Did you do good in college? I did, I did, yeah. I mean, I was average student. Your brain's not rewired from the, from taking that, right? So you still kind of have the I don't think so, but I look now and I'm just like, man, some of these pills that we just

give kids to fix a thing, we don't fully understand. It really bothers me. I'm like, oh, there might be elements of me that are still long-term fucked up from taking this drug. I mean, there's no way to say. I don't really know. I'm also very happy with how things are, but yeah,

it's, it was a strange choice. I'm shocked. I made that decision. Because they want to put me on ADHD medication. You're good. You don't need it. You sure? Yeah. I'm pretty dumb. I might have to push back on that a smidge their roar. I think he should be shooting it up.

Not pills You've known a guy for 44 minutes You're good Good shape too Keep it going Faddy All right Okay How much cash do you have on you right now

I think I have $60 Because of the travel And I Pretty good I got a little nervous about it They're all 20s? They're all 20s Kind of plastic you throw it on these days

You got an Amex? I got an Amex I mean for doing stand-up You want to have all those cards. So I've got the Marriott Bonvoy Visa to try to earn points at the hotels. You got to do it. You got to, like, have the cards. Because if you're staying at hotels, like, for instance, with my tours, I pay for my room, my tour manager's room.

Anyone opening, I get their room. You're like elite status. Yeah, elite status instantly because you're like, oh, I just earned it. And I will say at the end of that tour, I took my wife and daughter and I went on a ski vacation. and it paid for, like, the whole fucking thing. I'd earned so many points on that card. Amex, Delta, and, like, a business card for, like, oh, when you travel, these are your business expensive, put it on this master card.

That kind of thing. Very good. I just want to take a step back. Giving a book is a present that you haven't read? That's trash. Very durping. I like that. I love it.

I love it. I used to recommend books to people. I didn't read. I know what I love. You're like, guys, mystery. You like mysteries? It changed my life. have you ever taken a picture pose for a picture with a cigar yes do you have a favorite frozen pizza

i also feel not good about it um i think de journos uh gentlemen i but i will say daniel van kirk uh turned me on to he's a another comic we had a pizza together well he turned me on to the not only the tombstone pizza but at his cabin in wisconsin he has the tombstone pizza oven. Booker. That feels very like marlboro marble miles. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But also when we cooked it in there, I was like, oh my God, it makes perfect. It does cook it perfectly. I got to get eyes on that. I like it. I love to do. You can find that for sure. Yeah.

It's out there. In the shower, are you, you peeing in the shower? Pee in the shower. Press your teeth in there? No. No. You guys use a bar? You have a body wash.

We have a bar. I don't use a lufa. Bar to body? I try not to use the body wash. Someone said it's not as good for your skin. I have bad eczema, and someone's like, use a bar, don't use the soaps. But I got to say, you get like some old spice, you're like, but this makes me smell better. You smell so good.

My wife is very, like, waste conscious of all that stuff. So she gets, like, bars that are the shampoo and bars that are conditioner that you just kind of get some frothiness going. I kind of like that. I got to say, it's great. Cut out the middle, man. What are we doing here? And you don't have this, like, giant plastic bottle. So, like, just in terms of aesthetic, it looks better in the shower where there's no.

bottles it's like just these bars I'm with you looks good all right and I think it it might be cheaper actually it's pretty good yeah what is the what is the bar do you know the name brand of it that you would know no something nice not at all it's nice it smells good what about the toothpaste what are you rocking with um we were I'll do Tom's Tom's toothpaste Jason's there's one we're doing now that I do not strictly I know all those organic ones I go to their garages and they whip up a little little spaced they whip up a little paste gotta bring my own tube they fill it up I don't know what's in it do you floss every day I need to no do you use an electric toothbrush or regular

toothbrush regular toothbrush regular toothbrush have you had a tick on you in the last 365 days no but I now I mean we were in Vermont for six weeks this past summer and all anyone talked about was ticks and they're out you're gonna get Lyme disease I was like now I'm like like fuck how do you know how do you fucking know you can't feel it I know they're like it's so small you can't even see them yeah do you own any turquoise jewelry no i own binoculars no okay well you look through someone else's medicine cabinet if you're at their house no really i don't i think because i don't know what most things are and i'm not looking for anything i'm not saying to look just out of curiosity not to not to like lift something if some if it was on display i would take a peek take a gang yeah yeah i wouldn't

open a cabinet to try to find respect are you a cologne guy yes what are you using uh i have a steves i have Jason's toothpaste rub I have Hugo Boss And I have I have I think I have polo The like

The blue one Ralph Lauren I don't know It's not blue The old school green one Old school green one They did like a re-release And it smells

It's weird to say this But it smells modern It doesn't have that old grandfather smell It's like something else Yeah that old green bottle They just were like Let's get a different

scent in there Sweet man I think that's why I bought it. I was, like, so attracted to it. Sure. Yeah. But I, uh, I don't like smelling bad. And I think I overdo it because I live in fear that I do.

And I think a lot of times my wife was like, in your natural state, you're fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you overdo it a little bit. No, when you put the clone on, where does it go? A little, where is it? I do a little spray, so it kind of falls on me because if I spray directly, I'll overdo it. After you get dressed? After you get dressed. So you get dressed and it's, I'll do like a little spray and walk into it.

Okay. All right. So me, my ex. My ex. girlfriend from college told me she was like, get a little of a clone your hair, it stays in there longer. Does the smell. We could find out that that's, that attracts

ticks. We don't know. We don't really know. I got lines. Great. Thanks a lot. How do you feel about the rotisserie chicken? I've been a fan. Okay. Yeah. Do you own an air fryer? No. Are those are they healthy? Are they good? I know there's a craze about it. I think they, I mean, I think

it is. Yeah. It's better than you know. I'm a little shocked we don't have one, actually. Well, I think it makes, I think the healthiness of it is like, you're not frying it, and that's, you know, it's just convection oven or whatever. And it's like, it lets you eat healthier quicker. Yeah, rather than, like, preparing

a whole meal with multiple, like, the oven and everything, it's kind of all in it. What's the, uh, the, the, like, suave or whatever when it's like, yeah, that just takes forever. No, that's water. Water, yeah. And you're, like, um, put in a plastic bag and boil it. I don't get it. I'm kind of surprised we've never did that either. I like a seer. I don't just like that. Well, you reverse

see it. Yeah, you want to see it. Yeah. You're you're supposed to reverse sear it after you're done. Then you throw it on the griddle How much time you got You said that you keep the butter on the counter And some in the fridge now Yeah, okay What about the mayonnaise?

Are you mayonnaise family? Do you have Helmonds? Do you have Miracle Whip? Okay, growing up we had both of those I was a big miracle whip kid I didn't fully understand I didn't understand that Because I was like, it's great

I didn't understand that people were grossed out by it But I also, it was Helmins But yeah, now we're my wife This is my wife who's great to be like, we got this avocado oil, organic sort of thing. It's great. Gotcha. But it is funny how now how I feel about Miracle Whip is just like, I can't do this.

But, I mean, as a kid, I was like, why would you not pick fucking Miracle Whip? It's got some sugar in it. Where are you guys shopping? I shop Whole Foods people, I'd imagine. We, no, we do, in our neighborhood, the closest is sprouts. Okay. So we become big sprouts. Gotcha.

Yeah. I will say, though, if there was an accessible, it blows my mind that in Denver, in the neighborhood we're in. There's not an accessible Trader Joe's or Whole Foods. Really? But we are like Sprouts, Whole Foods, Trader Joe's. And there is a store called King Supers. S-O-O-P-E-R-S.

I went in our neighborhood and I came back and I told my wife, I go, it's the biggest grocery store I've ever been in. It has a directory to like quickly just go cereal. Oh, I'll 4, like your basics. We're on a giant board so that you don't wander around. And I've never

seen that in a store in my life. It was a insane. I like that. But I like, I've liked Sprout so far. Did you ever shop at Arawan when you were in L.A.? No, I mean, I have gotten stuff from heroin, but it's, it's so comically ridiculous to me. The strawberry, that's 20 bucks?

You know about that? I've heard. Yeah. I've heard. Yeah. I've never been. Well, you take leftovers home from a restaurant. Oh yeah, every time. Are there any milk crates in your house right now? No. No. You have a record collection? Peggy for a record guy. I have a record collection. I had a broken turntable. I had a broken

turntable so I have no receiver and no record player and I just have vinals and I'm not gonna like vinals that if my wife was going to get rid of these I would she would be surprised that I passionately care about them she'd be like you don't even know what you have

I know yeah yeah yeah if you go out to eat with another couple you guys split in the check or you's one person picking it up get the next one I like to try to pick it up if I can I always feel like it's nice people have done it for me it always feels like a thing that in the end of your life if you went back did the math. It probably all evened out

anyways. But I just like it and I just hate the, hey, can we split it four ways? I mean, definitely when I'm on the road with other comics and you're like on a budget and you're already paying for flights and pay in hotels, I'm easily like, we're all splitting. I'm not paying anything

else. But going out with friends, you know, sometimes you've got a buddy that beat you to the punch. Sometimes you want to do it, but it all evens out. The amount of time someone's hooked me up, it's, you know, sure. We got you. We got you. Okay.

Talk it up to the universe. Ever subscribed to Maxo Magazine? No, but man, in college, it was like, get your hand on one of them. This is accessible porn. FHM, there was like a three-year period where they all hit and all like the famous stars. They were all in the, it was just like such a. Well, that's when, like, Axe Body Spray got lumped in with the culture of if you like Maximum on Axe Body Spray.

When I was always like, I think Axe Body Spray is kind of fucking great, as a guy who's worried about smelling. I was like, this is kind of. a great product, but it immediately became like douchey because of Maxim magazines. You flying up front most of the time? Try to. Yeah, yeah. I have so many Delta miles that I'll buy the back

because I'm like, oh, they're going to push me up to the front. That's smart. I don't like rolling the dice. I'll do both. It depends, yeah. You bring food on the plane with you? I don't usually, but I actually kind of wish I did. I think I'd eat better because some of these flights where it's four hours, I will say Delta does

serve pretty good food. If you're in first class it can be good food um if you're not it's these you know the boxes you buy and i don't think they're that great and i i i'm trying to be better about bringing like protein bars and stuff just okay all right protein never like a tuna sandwich or anything like that i i i would but i'd feel bad i mean no moment you crack that open everyone's like go fuck yourself you put the seat back i don't i don't most of the time good man i i if i'm in first class i put the seat backs i'm like we're all doing great up here with if i'm in like delta comfort and i'm right in front of the main cabin i'm like well no that's the worst fucking move for that that's the worst row um but i think about it all the time

i i'm like some of these seats go a little too far back i don't disagree with you there uh hmm do you know how you good with chopsticks i am yeah yeah you open your eyes under water no that's a great fucking question that you could have honestly done this show It has to only that and probably get a good read on someone's garbage or not. Anybody in the family ever been killed by a mudslide or a stampede? No. Okay. No.

Just got to ask. I know. It does sound like just the basics cops have to ask me if it's an interrogation. Speaking of, is anybody in your family ever represented themselves in court? No. Okay. I ever seen a bobcat? No.

It'd be pretty cool. I don't think so. You guys got one? We illegally have a bobcat. There's Patreon money right there. We got a bobcat. Any injuries as a kid? You ever break your arm, your wrist?

I broke my collarbone in high school playing soccer. Went up for a header, goalkeeper came out and punched it, and he was like the kid who'd gone through puberty the most. He was a beast. It's like get hit by a dude. Yes, and he like punched it away. I get knocked down, and I was fine, but all of his weight crashed on me, and I was like this, and it was like, snap.

Yeah. That was my major injury. And then aside from that, in soccer, it was always spraining my fucking ankle, tearing ligaments, and then being out for two to three weeks. Man, an ankle sprained. I did it. I still play soccer. I did it like two or three months ago. And I was like, what am I doing at this age?

I hate it. Anybody, any one of my friends or relatives who's like, I just got an over 30, it's usually soccer, whatever league, flag football. I'm like, you're going to get hurt. I know. And then six weeks later, you see them in a leg, a brace. Like, I had to have my meniscus repaired. That's all I think. All I think is I've played crazy sports and never had a severe knee injury,

and I'm going to do it now when there's nothing to even play for. Nothing to gain, yeah. Yes. Have you ever, I'm sorry? Please. Have you ever had a fake voicemail where you're like, hello? Hello? I don't think so.

Never mind. I'm not against those, but I know. You seem like a silly guy. I love it. When someone's got a good voicemail, I'm like, good for you. That's a hard one to do. What is the Christmas light situation at the Scolville House these days? Growing, oh, these days?

Yeah. These days it's probably a little more mature. White lights? My wife likes the white lights. Me and the kid like the multicol. So we have the pre-lit Christmas tree that you put, the artificial tree that you put together where you can hit the thing and it can go all white, blinking all white, all multicolor, blinking multicolored, both kind of. I actually think it's the greatest invention of all time. Artificial tree.

Artificial tree. growing up always artificial tree my dad's asthma we didn't even bring in a real tree because of it always was in the artificial tree my wife and I did a real tree one Christmas and there was a time period where I was like this is great

but then I was also like I don't fucking care about this it was hard to keep it alive I don't know that it made it to Christmas and then like just getting rid of it when I was like I'll just go spend 70 bucks and just keep this tree for 10 years and they just open right up And it's ready.

It's great. I switched this year. I was so anti-fake tree and now I'm like, game changer. It's so much easier. Game changer. Do you say goodbye to places as a family? Like if you're leaving like a hotel room or like an Airbnb or something like that,

you say, buy house or whatever? When we moved, I definitely felt that. I felt that way every time I've moved. Okay. But never like in short term like hotel Airbnb stuff. Okay. But I do feel like I am sentimental. I do think I,

you might have just malplanted the seed of me now doing that. Bye, studios. Guys, I know we're done taping. You guys care if I have a minute in here? Just sit in here. Touch some of the objects I didn't interact with. Do you have a go to karaoke song? No.

I would say I love singing. I think I'm okay at singing. And every time I go to karaoke, I'm like, why don't I know what I want to sing? But I maybe have gone to karaoke five times my whole life. Which is probably why. but that wanting to know what my song is is the same as in my youth of going out for drinks

and still not knowing what cocktail I like so always just getting a beer when I'm like oh I don't do I like vodka do I like whiskey? I don't know in college everything was like whiskey and coke so now after college I'm like well I know I don't want that anymore but I don't even know what the options are

now I'm like addicted to old fashions and paper planes paper planes are great such a good drink for the first time last year year so good fantastic i'm a easy breezy man man myself when you have a beard of the mustache do you ever you ever you ever bite the hairs on the side pull them out i've thought about it no i do it all the time it bugs me if it kind of is curling under and i catch any of it and then i immediately got to get the like zip it up zip it up zippy on it well you buy the floor model of an appliance or a tv i would yeah i'll save a couple of bucks i'll save your nails clip your nails bite them

And I hardcore bite them, toilet, flush it. Really? Yeah. That's pretty nice. I'm not going to lie. I think I do a pretty fucking good job. What the fuck? That's great. I love it.

Jesus. I love it for you. And so when people say, oh, you buy your nails, and they show them, and you don't buy your nails, I go, I fucking buy my nails. That's how good I am. I got this is tied. Uh-huh. I don't know. I mean.

Oh, I got him dead to rights. What are you talking about? He's trash. He's below trash Call me to Earth He's just got a couple good things Where I'm like He just showed me the nails

How many suits do you have at the house? I have two suits Any colors One is green That I got from This is why I have these suits Is because of any press events Where someone dressed me

And then I'm always like Can I keep this? And they're like Yeah, all right Yeah No shit So I have like a fashionable green suit that I think at the time was cool

I don't know that I can wear it again because I never wear a suit so if I put it on now people may be like let's throwback three buttons yeah yeah exactly shoulder pads and the other one is like sort of purplish but like this classy purple that

I get compliments all the time because people will go what color is that suit because there's like kind of these small lines in it and I'm like it's purple and they're like that's a great suit and I'm like I know and I love the Joker growing up

which is why I I kind of love that it's purple. I mean, this kid's a dirt bagger through and through. This is my favorite suit because the Joker. And they're like, you're an adult with a child. All trash, baby. Yeah, 100% trash Mr. Rory Scoville. No, I knew it before I got it.

Man, what a tale, though. That's fantastic. We couldn't be happier for you, like I said. You are one of our absolute favorites. Oh, yeah, thank you. The most talented guy out there, man, honestly. I appreciate that. We love you.

Thank you. What do you got coming up? You want the folks out there to know? Plug days, plug website, whatever you got. I don't know when this drops. But starting in mid-October, I am starting a big U.S. tour, and I'm hitting up so many cities. So, Roycecoville.com has all of that information. But, yeah, if you're interested in coming out, please do.

I really love this new hour. Truly one of the best. Thank you, buddy. Kipi, what do you got for them? We're also on tour starting back in a few weeks out west. Get your tickets. Are you garbage.com. We love you, buddy.

Thanks for coming in. Thanks. We love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.