Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Running Up the Tab! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: February 19, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Factor: Head to https://factormeals.com/garbage50off and use code garbage50off to get 50 percent off and free breakfast for a year. Hollow Socks: For a limited time Hollow Socks is having a Buy 3, Get 3 Free Sale. Head to https://Hollowsocks.com today to check it out. HexClad: Find your forever cookware @hexclad and get 10% off at https://hexclad.com/garbage! Cash App: Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/li0uni5h Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement. Cash App Green, overdraft coverage, borrow, cash back offers and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit http://cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. Hey, yeah. It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedian and we find. Not today. Fucking Michelin Star Dickhead over here. We find that if they grew up to be happy, not yet. If they grew up to be classy, just a big old piece of trash like my co-host.

Real garbage man. I'm your host stage slowly coming at you on a beautiful day We're out back here with Tony's in the new addition She is up to something If I was prepared I would know the joke She's got a lot going on Yeah, so do you apparently

She does She's working in a kitchen now Uh huh yeah What's with all the kitchen content The Michelin Star She's in the TV I've been watching that Marco Pierre White Making him sardines

sandwiches. Uh-huh. Butter. Life without butter. I can try watching an elliptical, will you? My coach is coming at you from across the table. I'm ignoring that. He is the CEO of RU Garbage.

He is an international businessman and unfortunately my best friend in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What up, gang? Shout out to you. As always, he's making shit. Stop cut me off. You're all kiss ass. They're all kiss asses over here, by the way, everybody.

All of them. They'll suck up on Kippy's teats, hairy nipples. I don't get, but some people find a drag. Hey, stop telling us your fantasy's creep. I'm trying to do a comedy show. These guys. Let me get the fucking plugs out of the way. Shut out to.

Let me thank the. Tickets to move. Let me thank the goddamn people for tuning in. Shout out to. No, stop it. Shout out to you for tuning in. As always, please make sure you, right if you subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, full video available over there on Spotify.

And I got to tell you, those numbers are cooked. Yeah, they're pretty good this week. They're doing great. I like you say that and people People start tracking it and think that there's problems. I call balls and strikes. Uh-huh.

Some days we're down. Sometimes they're good. We're killing it right now, though. It all depends on what day you release. Yeah, it's all algorithm. It's all political. These people are bought and paid for. Sure.

Not us, baby. Old school, renegades. But we could be bought. Yeah. Somebody make it off. Somebody open up to fucking check. Yeah. We're not the guy.

We're not the guys you kill. Where the guys you pay off? Michael Clayton. Bobby Slate. Bobby Slate. The pitball is the comedy. And obviously the greatest website of all the www. www.

Patreon.com slash y' garbage. You go over there. You get all that bonus content gang. And them numbers are knocking on the door. 16,000 strong, baby. That's right. Army, your garbage. You're going to have a good month.

I'm feeling it. Going to be down there in Austin. You're going to be down there in Tampa. Yeah, listen. Tampa is, I mean, there might be like 30,000. 40 tickets total left for Tampa because we're going to be doing all filming down there so get them tickets

then Austin's moving too little O.F. Uh-huh. Only fan. Yeah, no, I got you. What are you doing? Huh? What are you doing?

What are you doing? Putting fucking action figures in your belly button? What are you going to do? Is there a market for that? I don't know. Is there a market for that? I just assume you're good at it. I did that in the bathtub when I was younger.

Make your G.I. Joe guys go splunkin? Or splunkin? Anywho. It's a. family episode Kevin okay we're pivoting quick yeah with your sultry conversation disgusting sure you're the one who brought up my nipples early on no I was saying everybody sucks on your teats they all kiss up to you it's a whole office bunch of kiss asses I'm the fucking renegator I give a shit what this guy says you know it's nuts is party you thinks that

I've been missing deadlines left and right around here party taking the heat and keep it moving Yeah. Everybody else, man, I say something in that group chat. It's like a ghost town. You chime in with the worst crap ever. Some meme. You disappear. Guy Fierre.

I don't know. No, your thing is you disappear. I don't disappear. I have a stomach bug. All day. All day. All weekend. At one point, I had accused you of having another job.

That's how absent you've been. I remember yawning. Do you have another fucking job I don't know about? Because you're going He's guy It's like I say you know You're like the fucking FedEx delivery guy If we don't get you

You ain't fucking coming Two to five I'll be around You leave a slip to say You fucked up Yeah The great Sebastian Yes Sebastian Manus Kelco

Hit him up Tell him to do the show Call me No you call me Okay I will It's a family episode gang Uh huh Just the boys

The bozos And the homies I thought you said you had something To start off Just the way I'm lying Just the way you like it She, big man shooting from the hip.

In the kitchen. Right. What? You don't have anything. I was sick. I just, you know, and you don't like when I talk about that stuff. I got something, nobody died. I got something.

I was ill. Okay, easy. Neuro virus. Something. Bad. They can use their wildest imagination. What? Wild.

It was like an action. It was like an action park lawsuit. Ikes. Multiple people named. A lot of skinnies. I got a little bit of a confession to make. Not proud of this. Yes.

Not proud. Yes. Very not proud. You stinking I'm awesome? Finally, I'm glad you came around. No, I'm going to run the group chat. Yeah. Well, if you were, like I say, if you're in there for more than once a fucking, you know.

Listen, I am in there. No, you're not. Yes, I am. You decide business hours. All of a sudden, you text. Our business hour. Everybody gets nervous. No, they're business hours.

They're working business hours. And I get back to you. And my daughter's hours, which are every third Thursday. The pizza place only gives me a 15-minute break. They say no phones behind the counter. Yeah, what can I do? It's the middle of February right now. Yeah?

Uh-huh. What? You missed the summer. It's too cold. What? The snow's getting. to you. No, why would that be embarrassing?

The heat's off. They shut the heat off. No. You gambled the money away. My water bill's nuts. Really? Again. No kidding.

Couple hundred bucks. In the fall in the winter, my electric bill is nothing. We don't even have to use our heat because we're up high. Uh-huh. In summer that east. All that blumber. In the summer. I eat a lot of salmon.

You're inside a tree in the living room. I just found out You know those bears They don't eat the whole salmon They just eat the skin That don't sound right I'm not saying you're wrong When they get ready for the winner

Because the skin has the most fat in it So they just ripped this They just fucking Ripped the skin off and throw it out That's good salmon Split that Uh huh Me and my mom could split that as a fucking

They got another meal Which I know I'm getting older Because that's starting to become a thing How many meals I can get get out of one meal. That's two meals. I wrap it up. Denise loves wrapping.

I hand that we did take out this weekend. Denise moved out of my childhood home that we were in for 30, whatever years. Yeah. Did you do a sentimental walk through? We're not done. I mean, I didn't kick her out.

It's not like they were waiting at the fucking driveway with their shit. There's a couple of, they got to settle first. What the fuck? Fucking squatter. Hold back to my admission of guilt. Yes. Middle of February.

This is bad. I let it ride through January. Kitchy. Outside Christmas lights still on the house and still on a timer. They're on every night. Are they white lights? Yeah. I got to be honest with you.

Because the rest of the house, I don't have a lot of outside light to begin with. I need a little bit of what they call on the business. curb appeal because at night it looks like a crack house yeah you do need a little curb appeal man you don't know what's going on in there it's a nice home on the inside with love and family i don't like the fact that you've been stewing on this about my house it's a little yeah from the outside it's just at night you could be making bombs or cooking meth or something well so i had no a lot of i had a leak the leak ruined the switch there was like a dial timer for the front lights

that got ruined. Rooned. It ruined. Now that don't work. So I got to get that fit. Whatever. So the Christmas lights are still on. On a timer.

No, I paid a guy who just go. He's gone. I ain't ever heard. He might have died. He might have died because those guys I don't think are like living the best life. He's bartending down at Fort Lauder. You got to catch him next season when he comes back up. I just leave him up.

He runs out of money. I don't think you'll be able to see it. You can't see them during the day. I can just let them run until next year, right? I don't know, man. White lights. You know? It looks good.

Is it around the house? Yeah, it's like rich, trimmed. It's not on the trees. What are you, Boathouse Row? I don't know if you can get away with that. It does. It's very boathouse rowy. Trim, clean, crisp, precision line.

Whatever. It's still up, and now I'm real subconscious about it. It looks through January. I give you to snowstorm, whatever. I mean, middle of bed. Does anybody else in the neighborhood? No. No.

It's bad. We're jammed up. Yeah. It is not, listen, I've said this a couple of times, not here, but on another program I do. Some people I know in a group chat. You know, I would leave the Christmas lights up. Listen, it's class. Everywhere.

It's classy. It looks not. It's just, I. Do you know the William Penn in? No. You don't know the William Penn in? No. All right.

Wait. The Billy Penn Inn. So the William Penn Inn On Skipback Pike or 202. You say that's so trash. Skip back Pike, 202. Dude, every dirt bag from out where you're from always says that. Lime Kiln Pike.

There's so many bikes out there. Hey, we're on Trooper Road. Trooper Road. They got a wall out there that'll fucking blow your eyebrow. That? What's out? East Norton? Norton?

East Norton. East Norton. Yeah, how you live up there, East Norton? Okay. Why don't you brush your? dude i don't know anything about it i used to work these home shows and east norton's nice that's where fucking uh corpolis is shout out to him over there in east norton which i told you you could buy that whole shopping center

i could buy it yes four million bucks first of all i i can't buy that's what my mom told me the whole they're selling the whole your mom told you i could buy the shopping center no will she recommend to you. She said that they're selling the whole shopping center that it's in. Okay. You got a wine store, Chinese place, a beer distributor, and you got corpora. This sounds like you got in over your head in a conversation at a dinner party, and now we're on the hook for a fucking strip mall and he's Norton.

I'm telling you. All right, go get the money. What? I don't have that. What do you think I'm doing? I'm bringing it to your tape publicly Finders feet of me

I peek on a couple of egg rolls I have one of those black cards The Chinese joint What was I saying? The William Pan In Has trees in their parking lot Nuisance They have trees in their parking lot

Okay What's this have to do with anything? They have lights in the tree all year long. And establishment, I think, is a little different. Yeah, that sets the mood. I like the mood. Listen, mine are still up.

I like it. Remember Christmas lights in college in the dorms? Oh, fucking nice. Two years you spent there, and then six more you spent hanging out. What's up? Remember me? We're closing deals. You know what I mean?

Uh-huh. Yeah, the cafeteria. So I don't know. Let me get a swipe. I'd have to get eyes on it. What? I mean, if you did a little something with the yard and spree, bruised it up a little bit.

Got that hunk of shit out of the driveway. Maybe it would blend in a little bit. You know? You're a colored light. You'd be fucked yet. Now, get out of here. I don't, and then, I haven't heard from this guy. I might just, I ain't getting...

Like, really wanka lives there. Fucking windows are all spiraling and shit. Yeah, I'm jammed up. I got to put a little TLC into the house. You do. Not the parts that you're judging. That's what I don't like. Go over to Patty's fucking place looks immaculate.

That place stinks. Hey, that house stinks. That's crazy. That's crazy you think my house stinks and that house doesn't stink. That's wild. She keeps it sharp. That's wild. Keeps it sharp.

Her fucking Christmas lights ain't up. Matter of fact, it never went up. Problem solved. Case closed. Quiet Christmas this year. Who circled in the wagon. I got to get her out of there. Uh-huh.

What are you going to do? I'm thinking about taking over that mortgage. Muscling her out. What do you mean take over the mortgage? Start paying the mortgage. Take over the house. Like on Pals. He signed the deed over there?

This is a reverse mortgage. This is something. Sam Waltherson or something's in on that. And then immediately refite ends. Yeah, right. That thing is fucking. That thing's a cash cow. Dude, that is on a razor-thin margin at the moment.

13% You can turn it Get it And turn into a flop house Put a bunch of fake walls up Fucking moving a bunch of factory workers Start making some money In that dump

Uh huh Now she keeps it tight She keeps the yard good She keeps the fucking place good My place is good I just the Christmas lights her up You can't tell if anybody lives there or not Yeah there can

Yeah what are you casing a joint The fuck's your problem I've been there I know you've been there You fucking And you run your mouth every time You get out and say something So fucking bitchy

No I say nice things when I'm in there Nah I say how nice it is A beautiful it is A beautiful mother-in-law Nice stuff Nice dog Beautiful family

Nice kid Good kid A little guy You are I don't talk shit I save it I might buy Patty's house Really?

Knock it down. That's what I fucking knock it down. That's what I would do. That thing's a tear down to begin with. Got bad bone. That thing's got bad juju and it. She's got mice. She's got bad mice.

Yikes. Can't get them out. Fuck a guy who's supposed to seal the gross space. Sounds like there's one coming up your esophagus right now. Coming out for a little bit of cheese. Supposed to seal the, uh, crawl space. Mm-hmm. I might have to take that to the street

My cousin was telling me that I should be using my Public persona to flex on him a little bit Saying what You know Get this straightened out Or I go to the army of garbage That's gonna what? I'm asking what are the consequences What are you what do you fuck them up

I'm just short to his house Put mice in his bed See how he likes it Make Patty live there for a couple of weeks I'll be begging me to take it. I better break his balls. I don't know. But, you know, we do have a platform here.

So you're going to trash a small business? The guy who's behind the fucking eight ball doesn't want to do work for your fucking, your fucking ball breaking mother? I used to do that all the shit all the time on the news. Shut out, Tom Pollock. What? I mean, it's not a scam. Did you pay him? Huh?

He's probably owed from last year. Your job ain't done. Fucking pay him. can bounce the check. That's why you can't get a whole. You got to call him from a private number. Catch him at the Wawa on Trooper Road. Yo,

Yo, Jerkel, if I see you there. Taking shit out of his truck. I tell you, my sister did that. What? There was an issue with, I don't want to get into specifics, but there was some hard, you know, so they were redoing the deck or something, the patio or something.

Hired a guy. It wasn't great. Thing happened. Right. He pulled up and tried like, she fired him or whatever. It was bad. Those things get ugly. So she was just like, get your, you know, get out of here.

You're not coming back or something. And she's like, I'm coming to, he's like, I'm coming to get the tools and the material. She said the, but she's not one you cross. She's like, the fuck you are. She took it and locked it in the house, locked it in the garage. I was like, get the fuck out. You are not coming anywhere near here. Barracaded, like, the driveway and shit.

Didn't you guys end up selling that shit? Yeah, then they turned around and they turned around and sold it to another company. Dude, we operate. So you're the scumbag. What do you mean? Not, he was overpaid. Not, he was overpaid. He was the guy who told you he asked for like 200 bucks.

They were like, what the fuck? I just needed like 150 to get out of it. Get through the day. He would, I, you know. That'd be me. I'd be a super lunch money and shit. Straighten me out. You got a 20 on?

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You can support this show and tell them the boy sent you. Yeah, it's tough. Listen, it's tough to find, you know, that's a big thing. We have a lot of blue-collar workers, obviously. Finding a good guys, mechanics, roofers, plumbers, anybody. It's tough. And at some point you go, I'm willing to pay a little extra just for, like, the good, if you know you get the good service.

When you don't want the cheapest guy, cheapest guy is going to fucking. Say you got me. Yeah. He got stuck with me When you find one of those guys And you see how they operate And like see the work that they do And stuff like that

You realize you're not that guy Like I don't do I've known a couple My Christmas like just too I'm not that guy pal I've known a couple of those guys Like the kitchen contractor That I worked for

This guy was meticulous I don't take care of anything like that No Nothing what Everything was spotless His house was spotless. He looked spotless. But there is a thing that, like, the, you know,

the construction worker's house is always the shittiest house. Nah, this guy was shocked. Because they don't want to get home and do it. That was the case with us. I mean, we were missing outlet covers in our kitchen. Dude. My brother put in some sink that was like a commercial sink. He put it in my mom's house.

Because it was like left over at the shop. Yeah. It was like a three bins. Three compartments. She's fucking washing playing glasses and shit. They've been sanitized and rinsing. No, it wasn't that, but it was like,

it was a sink from a job that didn't fit. Commercial dishwasher. Yeah. That would be sick. I know. I'd be washing dishes all the time. It did like, uh,

like, 90 seconds steaming. I've had my, I washed dishes for so long. Dude, I remember that was, I was, thinking about that this weekend when I was doing dishes.

But I remember my brother got a job at the same pizza. My first job me and my brother each had was four or five years apart, but at the same place. Old place called Santo Palato, Holland, strip mall pizza place. And he was a dishwasher or something. I don't know if he was a dishwasher. I was a busboy. But we worked five years apart.

But he came home from working in a kitchen. And I was probably, he was probably 13. I was eight or whatever. He came home. and started using really hot water to clean, like that's what he had learned. And man, I thought he, I was like, you're like a dad, dude, this is,

you know this kind of stuff? Like, dude, my, I still, how water for one? To clean the dishes, like really hot. He's like, you gotta get it steaming. And I might, my skin was too supple to touch it. And I was like, God damn, this motherfucker, he'd be out there working, dog.

Put in a full day. He came home He was like a different man It was like he went to jail and came back I was like Oh you're no longer one of us You got you're like You're locked into the workforce

He's got a rag over his shoulders He's looking at Kip Can't call it That's school going Huh? Good? Yeah you're all right Anybody bobbling you over there?

Yeah Ah man But all that's neither here nor there gang We got a gosh darned A business think Family episode on her hand talking about your fucked up house jee

you're up here talking uh yeah there's some here's a few things i'm just not that handy there's not let it come down get the landscaper out there for the spring it's gonna be a good spring see now you're breaking my body just had them out there we did a full cleanup did a full mulch

and we did the whole thing it's in the winter yeah you haven't first of all yeah a mulch mulch the front yard and a backyard and then i shouldn't have done the backyard and then the dog gets into it he comes in. All mulched up. Yeah, all my, you gotta wipe him down.

I used to hate doing that shit. Suck. Fucking mulch dumped in the middle of the driveway. God, damn, that sucked. I ever tell you, my dad got... I was ruining my Sunday. My dad got it up his ass. Belly full eggs in me, dude.

Dropped all that. He got redstone. He wanted the whole front and backyard gardens to be that redstone. I remember using a snow shovel to fucking... Put it in a week. It's like you're in Shawshay. And like, dude, it's one of those things you take a shovel and you go, okay, but then it settles down so you don't even see the progress. You're just, it's like, it's like you're digging to China.

Papillon. Suck. But listen, let's get into it here. Speaking of, this is very bad at blue collar homeowner stuff. This is from your mama stinks. Longtime homie, never have one red. You ever use a pair of scissors as a knife or a screwdriver? Fuck yeah.

Dude, get, if you can get, if it. It's the right screw to get in there. That was something else. Good turn, good handle. You ever see when somebody, even when it's on wrapping paper, when they do the scissors and they open them up and get some good coverage on that? Man. Yeah.

Fucking throat slitter. Love that shit. Yeah. And then, ah, yeah, I'm not. I don't have, I don't have good touch with any of that kind of stuff. I was more of a butter knife guy when it came to a screwdriver. Oh, yeah. Get a nice flathead.

You're in there. that and um you know it was always great when you couldn't find i could get the bathroom door open pretty pretty easily you know i had like the the little circle and usually the the little poker was up up on top of the thing that was another thing when i with danny they all the locks to all the doors were up on top of that because it was a new house and we moved in 35 years ago you're in there cranking your root dude and i remember being you're in there weeding i remember how the fuck you get in here and he like he likes opening a door And I remember, you know, I'm, what the hell?

And I was too short and fat to jump up and get the thing, so he would put it back up there. Man, I thought he was like the fuck. He was like the warden, dude. He was walking up and down all the way. What are you doing in there? Whatever. A little bit of private time. What the fuck?

Yeah. Who's Wallace? My mom was at work. He was running this. He was the man of the house. But you could take a cue tip and get it in there. Pop that open. We were a Bobby pin once we realized.

Oh, love the Bobby pin. Bobby pin, paperclip. Fucking, man. Take over a country. That shit. Fucking sneak in. Real McGiver. Yeah.

All right, let's see here. This one's from Sticky Vicky. Is Scotch Guard in your shoes so they don't get stained a classy or trashy move? I don't 100% understand or no. Right there with you. What Scotch Guard is? I think I've seen. seen one, I think it's like a clear spray.

That's what I have in my head. I know 3M does it, right? It's like scotch tape, I thought. No. Like scotch, no? No, I realize it's the same, no, I realize it's... No, I know, but scotch. Oh, yeah, scotch tape is clear tape.

Scotch spray is clear spray made by the same company. Scotch. Scotch. Yeah. Well, yeah, what am I saying? Nothing. What? I'm not sad.

You lay off the fucking... I'm been huffing a little scotch. What do you got on scotch? What do you got on scotch? Guard. 3M branded aerosol spray that repels water, oil, and stains from furniture, clothing, rugs, and outdoor gear. No shit.

It says it doesn't affect the fabrics of breathability. Get not. Do here's the thing. They always try to come out with a new shoe cleaner and shoe protective thing that they're always trying to push on you at a fucking foot locker. Specifically, late 90s, early 2000s. With the brush on the cap. Yeah.

Dude, nothing ever fucking worked. And they'd be like, do you spray it like this? and then they go, like, dump it in water and look at it. I remember getting her new pair of shoes. I got home. They sold me on that. It's just $7.99. Out of, to pretreat before?

It fucked my shit up. And then that's all I had. I only had to, then I had a fucked up pair of white Nikes. I had to, you know. Had no give to them at all. Dude, it's like walking with, you know, walking in wooden shoes, dude. Yeah, fucking sucked. Getting dunked on.

So I was just like, the cleaner never fucking wore. And then it had, like, the plastic bristles. and that would scratch you. I know that would scratch them up. Nothing. It's so hard to clean shoes. Toothpaste worked really well with a toothpart, whitening toothpaste. Get your Air Force one's real clean.

What they use now to kids is the fucking Mr. Clean magic shit. Yeah. That stuff. I'll get rid of a body. The magic, you know, it's just sandpaper, essentially. Yeah, it makes it all go away. Fine grit. I know, but when that fucking, that stuff reaches a thing

when it starts breaking apart and rolling up, it makes my fucking blood run cold. dude I can feel that in my bones that's like cotton balls I can't touch cotton balls fucking skeve me out I don't know what I feel it's like you know how like a dog hears frequencies that's how I that's what I feel with that stuff it's like chalk that's I used to get that with drywall touching drywall oh yeah I don't have it with drywall bug me out bug me I can't work I don't touch the stuff too You go check out the fucking lunch cart

Yeah, I mean, listen, I've never seen anything that didn't Fuck my shoes up I feel like anytime they, I never found any cleaner or protective thing That really truly worked No When I really cared it now, I don't fucking care about But 3M, that's big That big company

I mean, people with Scotch Guard like furniture and stuff I feel Right? Like, yeah, you get spray Scotch Guard to couch You would always see it. Scotch guard, do you breathe in that shit? I don't think we never did that But that's like how I, you know, like that would be like the joke. Ah, you go over to fucking Antotty. She scotch guards the chair and stuff like that.

I feel like families, the way it broke down is you had your cleaning products and then the rest of the world had theirs. Great. Well put. We did. My mom did Windex. Sure. She did pine saw heavy. The spray?

No, pledge I'm thinking. We were pledged. Oh, she was a big pledge girl. She liked pledged. And she liked a Murphy's oil soap. Yeah, we had all that. Yeah. You know what?

I saw disinfectant spray. Oh, the OG. Yeah. That stuff. I get you. We have some in here. That's, oh, man. You know what we were huge on?

Which made fucking doing the dishes pretty nice. Box of SOS pads. Love them. A fresh one? A fresh SOS. Dude. You couldn't tell me shit. What?

The second use on those? It's like you're on U-5-7-1. This thing's rusty. Yeah. That's bad. That's real bad. That can't be good for you. I don't know.

That's so that like powder, that was like sprayed on soap. That stuff would get anything out. Get that all lathered up. Your hands would smell like metal. Well, like now, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now with like the baby, it's like, you go, oh, what's in this or what's this? And it's like, I mean, obviously it's like kind of a trope at this point. But like, we were pro-chemicals and pro-plastic in the 90s.

To the point we're like, you go, I don't know. It works. There's chemicals in it That was Scrubbing bubbles Added chemicals, baby Get the one with the heavy By chemis

Yeah And now you're like You're using fucking seven generation shit And I'm like my fucking I still have tomatoes sauce on my fork When it comes out of a goddamn dishwasher Like a fucking Patty's all about that fucking

Dawn power wash Woo Man you gotta love A good marketer That's stuff How do we phone this stuff? Small battery, little mechanism. Fucking 70-year-old housewives be slipping out of her feet.

That stuff. She makes her own little concoction with that apple cider vinegar. Smid your crack. To get stains out. She hangs him in the sun. He's good. And you produce a lot of stains. I produce a lot of stains, man.

I produce a lot of stains. You know, I get maybe like a month out of T-shirts. Like I'll buy a bunch of T-shirts. Five, six, seven t-shirts. Never seen it, but okay. Dude, I bought all them, I got all them true classics. I might happen one time, I'll give you that. I had like 15 of them.

I had 15. Number just doubled. Listen, I'm going to tell you, I'll tell you the truth. Thanks. I had 15 true classics that I bought, okay? They sat in my closet because I couldn't fit in them. They were too big? They were too big.

I lost a little, a little bit of weight, got into a 4x-L, been rocking. You've seen them been rocking them. They're all stained up. I've got a little something on there. And it's not the stain. Let me tell you folks something. It's not the stain itself. It's you throw it in that wash without getting the stain out the first shot. It's over.

Because once that shit dries, sets in the fibers. And you're fucked. And you can't get it out. I sat in something in my jeans, like oil or something. oil or something. Looks like I shit my pants. I thought I've listened. But I didn't.

If I got 20. I mean, the shit in your pants doesn't stain it. It's like stained like oil. Like I sat in olive oil. Weird. I had a fucking. Are you around olive oil presses a lot? No.

Or do you shit your pants more than you're around an olive oil canning factory? Unless I drank a bottle of olive oil, there's no way it would stain like this. Okay. Okay. So. Mm-hmm. Sure. Kids remember that

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All right. There's one great name, the Kensington Cruiser. Shout out to you. You know what the Kensington Cruiser is? A pair of white Reebok classics. Oh, no way to get drugs. My cousin Brendan,

I showed up wearing them thinking I was the fucking shit. And he hit me with a cool pair of Kensington Cruisers or something. I was devastated. He came in from the suburbs? Yeah, but like they were brand new. I got them for like Christmas or so. So I was like, felt really good. And I get there.

And he's like, fucking. Snipe me, rat bastard. Kensington Cruiser. There's a world where we could have went the other way where we could both be wearing jean shorts, white socks. What do you mean? I don't know. Could have been pill heads together.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, no. I mean, there's, you know, if you look at my friends, there's a 90, it's insane that I made it out without really getting into drugs. I never thought about that, but if you were into drugs. Yeah, we would have never met each other. No, okay. If I was into drugs, half the amount I'm into boo.

I'm saying when we met, we did meet, let's say we met. If you were into drugs, man, we would have been a lot. We would have never got here. We would have been in a lot of, we'd still be into Titan House in Philly. I think we would be on a lease together still. If we and you were our main concern was just doing drugs, get the fuck out of here. Imagine if Kippie was about getting gear. We'd be all fucking squared away.

Pimp you out a little bit. Turn you out. It can't be my bottom, bitch Um, yeah, it's, it's a good thing. You're just an alcoholic. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Well, at least it's socially acceptable. Of course.

I learned the problem with drugs that I would have had with drugs I think is like you can do some pills or weed and not like, you know, and go to work. Yeah. Yeah. I can't have like a six pack and then show up and wait tables. Yeah. You smell. You fucking you're drawing. You're drag.

That's somebody. I don't give a, I'm sending at the bar having a cocktail. My tables are waiting for their check. Do a little perka doodle way to call it. That's what I mean, that's when, you know,

that's, uh, it's bad news. That's bad news. Yeah. Looks like you got a stain going there, guy. I just a little sweat.

Okay. It's fucking hot as shit in here, man. Chill little, turn a heat up a little. You can't. Um, I, Let's see.

Speaking of the Kensington Cruiser, is it garbage to wash one dish out of a sink full of dishes only for what you need in that moment? I respect it. It's a dirtbag move. I mean, everybody's had to do it. Every single person. So lazy when it comes to that stuff. I'm big on the, if the dishwasher, I think I asked, I might ask somebody this recently. Dishwashers clean, but I got a dirty dish.

I'm throwing that dirty dish into the clean thing and just washing it again. all for one dish. Yeah. That's crazy. I mean, yeah, I understand it. But in my head, it's like, well, you're double washing the dishes. Yeah, I'm sure you're ahead. You'll spin it any way possible.

Yeah, that's like, I've done it. I've definitely done it. I did it this weekend, actually, where you're like. It did. Yeah. Well, yeah. The thing, some stuff was spotty. I'll play dumb all the day.

It gets, fuck. I didn't know if it was clean or dirty. Well, Nadine was like, I, there was a little. miscommunication between both of us. She's like, it's clean. I'm looking at it. It doesn't look. There's not a hundred percent conclusive evidence. Your honor.

You turn it out general manager in Spain. So yeah, I ran it again. Nice. But I got fucked on that one time at Paddy's not that long ago. But if there's stuff still on it, it'll like double. That's like a twice baked potato. It really stays on there. That's the problem. Oh, yeah. You got to take it

out of hand wash because that, that heat Let that talk about a stained sitting. Woo-wee. Uh-huh. I got fucked the patties. Oh, is his name? Be a nice guy, unloaded a dishwasher. Oh, yeah, that's you.

Yeah. I unloaded a dirty dishwasher. Dude, how? I never understood that. I would lose it. How does it how far? How do you make it that far? Because she rinsed it.

Still. She runs a rinse cycle. The fuck, I don't know. The shit was beeping. So I unloaded it. That's all. Then you can't tell what's what whole place is contaminated. I'd have to move, dude.

My brain couldn't. I'd have to watch everything. I'd have to. I just my brain couldn't. That's what she'd be. You got to check for a little water like on top of stuff. Yeah, in the indent of like a fucking moron?

Seems like it. She ran a rinse cycle. So the thing was beep and it was done. Yeah, you didn't check it. Check what? You didn't check the, I mean, she clearly didn't check the plates as you're putting.

them away. They were clean theoretically. It was just rinsed, though. Who runs just a rinse cycle, by the way? I don't know. You should get on his watermark. I have to applaud you on bucking all responsibility from fucking up. I do got to say that is a big man move right there. I'm suing the dishwasher company right now.

KitchenAid and all of its affiliates. You're dead. Jenkins Plumming who installed the dishwasher. Yeah. All right. Let's see here. This one's from Hot Dog Jesus. When was the last time you sat in the back of a two-door car?

It's one of my biggest fears. It's never going to happen anymore. I mean, hopefully it happens again, but it hasn't happened since I've known you. No. Who do we know is a two-door? I don't know any private eyes. A two-door? Not hanging out of their Saturn dealership.

That weird seatbelt that comes up and gets you? My buddy Liam had that. I didn't trust that. They always, you want to sit in shotgun? Absolutely not. Didn't you have to click your own? Dude, I didn't get it. You had to click your own waist, I think.

It was just that thing. I didn't trust it. Slip right out of that. I thought it was, I didn't think of that. I thought it was going to fucking strangle me. Fat ass up in the front seat. Fucking start panicking. Look, look.

Let's school you girls go do it. Uh-huh. Now, not for me. But I used to always think if I was high in the back seat of a car, like that and you can like look up and look look through the back window oh you're too far back dude you feel like a fucking Russian astronaut yeah fuck that they'd never get you out of there they'd never get you out of there you're fuck joll's a like they'd have to get the jaws of life to get you out that's a denise that is a denise you're gonna need the freaking joll's of life

to get you i heard about the jaws of life for about 15 years before i actually saw them i was like that's it yeah i thought it A little slow moving. It's a fucking set of, it's a big set of tensenibs where I come from. It's nothing. That's it. Mnatic. It don't move quick.

Hydraulics. Yeah. It gets you out, though. Of course. I'd rather have one of those big circular saws that the firemen have. Those things are sick. Yeah, they don't fly. Cut me out with that.

Live on the edge. Get me a fuck out of here. I'd freak out. It sparks up. It sparks up. Yeah, it's a problem. Oh, the cut in the car goes. Why don't we all go?

There you go Take out a bunch of fucking heroes with you Fucking rat One less jam up Ruined seven families Let's spray some water on it Like you do with a wetsaw Keep the sparks down

Throw some sand on it or something I'm not waiting for the fucking jaws of life Yeah No Don't like riding in the back seat That was the the jaws of life And getting in the 90s Getting impaled and staying alive

Was always a big Was always a big fear That happened in Merchantville. I remember my Merchantville, New Jersey. And we got through. Thrown through the windshield was big, too. Oh, fuck that. And it ended up through the windshield.

Went right to the windshield. And it was always, it was never feet. It was always in yard. 200 yards through right to the windshield. 200 yards. Quarter mile. What an Aaron Rogers throw him? What are we talking about?

200 yards. That's a launch, a big pass. There you go and face. You get for speed without your seatbelt. Yeah, getting impaled in like a raw, I remember a wrought iron fence. Those things are dangerous. What the fuck do they ever have them for? Keep people out of castles?

I don't get it. That shit stunk. And they were impaled. Then they came and read him. He was either they came and read him his last rights while he was on the fence. I remember being like, what do you say to a guy when you're waiting for the priest? I'd be like, I'd be like fake check. in the cars.

Who are you going? That, and they had to cut the fence out and he went to the hospital with the fence in them. That was always... I'm getting nervous over it. I've never seen you panic

like that. I'm nervous. Yeah, that was always the big one. That's how they get you. Ours was falling over a balcony. Fall over the balcony. Or the balcony breaking. Sure.

That happened to my cousin, Sean. He's a listener. that day. He fell off a deck collapsed or something. It was one of those, like, stories that you hear about. He was down the shore. 30, 40 people on a deck. Fucking, went down or he went off the back.

Something happened. I forget. Wasn't paying attention. Is he cool now? Yeah, he's chilling. I know him? I'm sure you've met him, yeah. Comes to a bunch of shows.

Got fucked up. Yeah. Doing pretty well. What's up, Shawnee? It's up, Sean. Hey, now, Sean. Go, birds. Uh, go birds indeed.

Um, let's see here. This one's from George Johnson, never had one red lads. Uh-oh, is it garbage to take advantage of an open tab at a bar, knowing the person whose tab it is went home hammered? Then you live like a king for the rest of the night. A friend? A hundred percent a friend. Yeah.

If you have that relationship with them. Yeah. A hundred percent. That was, I mean, that was Pat for me. here's my thing. If you get thrown out or if you're causing a scene for the rest of, that's, you know,

you're at your duty to the group. You stay and close out there tab, though, like a gentleman. I'll close out his tab. Put it on that card, I'll close it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that was, you know, or yeah, so-and-so got bound. You'd get a tag, they threw me out or whatever.

And you guys, I don't know, I'm looking in the back and can't find you. Meanwhile, I got 15 fucking, yeah, your bob. Yeah, that's only fair. I remember my boy, Deli, he got kicked out of the Borgata, and I had to go back and get them. We were going to, we were down there for a bachelor party. We were going to a titty joint. And we had all left.

The gentleman's club. We didn't, everybody got, tried to separate him. And we were, you know, and then I got a call from the Borgata pull of somebody. He was like, you got to come get them. So I'm like, and I was like pretty so. I was sober enough. You know what I mean? Like, so I went back and they were like.

Either you can I was like, fuck him, let him, you know. I'm not coming to get him. So you have any cash on him? They were like, is either that or he's your, you know, he's going to jail. And you're like, all right. So I'm like, I got to go back and get him. So I go back and get him. I'm like, well, you're now funding the rest of my night.

I mean, he, I had to, like, pull of you as. I mean, it was like a glass of water. I'd throw him in the back of him. He just take that credit card, a couple of dubskies out of the wallet. Let it ride it over that thing. We hit Wawa. Got an Uber. But I always have the fear of open up a tab,

leave it open, and then people coming up and saying, oh, yeah, put it on that guy's tab. The fear, though? What are they going to get two Michelobotras out of you? Sounds a bit too. What? Like, it's not like someone's going to be like, you know, give me the rib eye and the seafood tower.

You know, it's like they're going to get like a couple of, around the shots. Yeah, fair enough. You're not going to know anyway. That would be like, hey, it's $42 or, $61. They're not going to go, what that? Be all fucked up.

Hey, I'm all fucking doing shooters. Yeah, that's, I think, definitely acceptable. I wonder, bartenders comment are right in. What is like the courtesy? Because like sometime, back in the day when opening up a tab was big, now it's like, it's so common at this point. But before it was, I mean, back when I was banging, especially in college, it was mostly cash.

Not that many people were opening tabs. Now it's like a fucking general story of the 50s. Not to keep it open. They're like, they're like, no, I want to keep it open. They're like,

oh. People close it. Oh, really? Yeah, people close it out, like constantly. Oh, I always keep it open.

I don't want to do all that paperwork. I don't run. Yeah. Seafood towers I keep hearing about it. The chef recommends. Some for the boys. Yeah. So it's like,

I would just let But there used to be like I would just say I was putting it on Pat's tab Like hey can you go put it on Pat And he'd be like If they didn't know you were together You know and you'd have to give some sort of like Allude of like a hand up

Or can you put it on his tab over there Like you had to establish that you were together Mm-hmm I wonder what it's like now Like what a bartender's like Oh I just put it on any tag like you know Could I want could you be like Hey you're sitting next to me put it on Foley

I hear you say that And then I just go I put it on Foley I wonder how If there's any checks and balances On a bartender I think they usually You know

They know who's with who The recognized faces Oh that's a crowded bar I mean yeah sure What the fuck are we are crowded bars I'm not saying you specific I'm saying bartenders In general

Like a club Like red oak or something Yeah What's it called One Oak Is that still banging? I think so Really

You got to get down there Find out what it's hold down No like our bartender Is there any sort of due diligence to check Or they just go I don't feel you said a name I don't care I would err on you said a name I don't care Great, you're having fun with this Okay thanks for

Trying to answer you Sure Of course As a former server You were never a bartender Day bartender Clean a barter Yeah

That's amazing mostly waiter. No, we would flip-flop, me and this kid from Romania. First time I ever had garlic and eggs. You'd make garlic eggs and a little bit of spinach. Pretty good. Got a big fight one day because he went behind the bar when I was part then. You didn't like that. No, I didn't. Challenge my authority. I was also crashing pretty hard. Hey, man, either give me some more of that garlic or a couple of pain killers. All right, let's see here. This one, I mean, I don't live in this. I mean, I don't live in this. world, but this is from Chili Willie.

When you're ordering something for store pickup. Right? Right. Like, I guess from like a grocery store, a Walmart. It says more than a handful of bags. Okay. Do you get out of the car and help them load it in? And also, do you tip these people?

I'm not super familiar with this process. I've done it once or twice during COVID. Curbside pickup? Curbside pickup. Like a Walmart. Walmart. Never done it. Never done it.

I would assume. Tipping's probably in the checkout process. Do you want to add a $2 or $3 tip or whatever it would be? You'd throw them a $10, something like that. Something like that. The only thing, the only experience I have with it, I don't have experiences, but it caught my attention when it started doing it. When Chili's or TGI Friday started doing that shit.

That was early. Picking it up outside. Yeah. Curbs. I remember getting pissed because they were taking up all to good spots at my local Applebee's. fucking a whole front row. Got a bad back over here. God damn veterans.

Yeah, all took all the, I'm like, who do fuck? Yeah. Because to me, Applebee's obviously not good food, but it's in the mood. I mean, that to me was a little bit of the start of the decline of. Well, when they started doing that shit? Not even of them, more of society a bit in the sense of like, you're eating that shitty food. Go to Burger Kit. have establishments, fast food establishments for this.

Okay. You know what I mean? But what do you want a big potato with sour cream and stuff like that, the Jack Daniel steak? You go, if you want that, there used to have to be a, you go in. I'm going to go. I want this. There's some sort of barrier to entry to that.

You don't get to eat a fucking steak and potatoes in your car. That's a job, right? That's a little, you put on a fucking pair of pants of pairs of shoes, and you go in any order. You put it that way. There's like a little bit. We, we, the barrier to entry to get that good, you know, better prepared food. I'd kill for a big potato right now.

Some chives. You like some chives? I told you I made a shepherd's pie last week. Oh yeah, how was that? It's pretty good. Nice. I froze it. Came home, had it last night.

Really? Like a wedding cake. Happy anniversary, baby. Two little fat guys on the top. Yeah, which I did. I reheated it. Now, how, okay. Why'd you freeze it?

Because I was leaving, I mean, I was going to the burbs for a couple of days. And I didn't want to, it wouldn't hold in the, you want to roll the dice. That's juicy down there. It's a lot of liquid bit. I've been rolling the dice lately. That's like, that's like swamp water. Man, I've been pushing expiration dates. So here's my thing.

Bad. One, how would you go about reheating a proper frozen, like pundra frozen shepherds pie? it out of the freezer, take the thin foil off. What's your mood? There's two ways you could do it. Hit me. Because the one, and let's just put it, put it, let's set this, you're really hungry. Ah, fuck.

I don't have. Well, you got two options. I don't have two hours to bring this to temp. In an oven. No way. In an oven. So one, you eat it frozen. I, dude, I nibbled on some of the peas and carrot.

You got to put it in a microwave. I don't have a microwave. Where? In New York. No shit. Man. The broad don't like it. And I don't have it.

I don't. You're fucked. Order a pizza, dog. What'd you do? I had some hard pasta. No. Pasta? The shepherd's pie?

No, I was joking like I was eating. I had a box. What you could do is you get a little bit of water in a sauce pan. Water. Uh-huh. That stuff takes so long, dude. You got no microwave, dude. You're fucked.

Air fryer. Ah. The air fryer. Here's my thing. This was like a dirtbag revelation I had. But then you can't, the bottom, the frozen bottom of a shepherd's pie isn't really conducive to maintaining shape and stature in an air friar.

Right. Specific as the bottom of the air friar. It's a great. Exactly. And every, it's just, you've lost everything. Yeah. You know what I did. Put some tin foil down.

I was, first thought. Put some bread down. Soap it up. Like a big hot, Sammy. What are you thinking? Inverted. No, what that was pretty, I didn't even think of that. Ooh.

I still don't think it would hold. Upside down, shepherd's pie, pineapple cake? Well, also, I had to carve this thing out of ice, which I felt like I was making a fucking ice sculpture for a wedding. Dude, I had a fucking hammer and a fucking steak. Tap it into the ice wall down in Antarctica. Holy shit, dude. I got a got pretty good at cutting chunk squares out and you leverage it you know what I mean

dude my steak life was wobbling that the fucking rivets on that thing were screaming man um put it in a bowl in the air fryer okay was great so nothing at all stays in and I would nah I don't how long do you have to put in the air friar for you man 20 minutes at

new oh shit's no good dog I had to put it at 980 You need gamarais. I know. Fucking the Manhattan Project. 15 minutes maybe. It was just enough before I started losing it. I was losing it. I know there was a couple of cold spots of that thing, wasn't there, Kim?

Buddy, you know me well. But you mash it. That's when you start mashing it. Use the heat from the other parts of the pie to infiltrate the rest of the pie. Even everybody. Who, get everybody on the same. Every now and then you catch a. cube like a

oh been there dog some of the fucking piece of lasagna some of those carrots are cut a little too thick I was in a rush

uh huh that's all right though yeah that was a big thing of you can put a bowl in the air fryer blew my fucking blew my brains off didn't know you could do that

great um but to go back to you tip the guy I would listen I would tip the guy I'm assuming in the carry out. Throw them a five.

A couple of, there's got to be a... The kids outside? There's got to be a choice of like, can you add two or three bucks to this? You know what I mean? Hit them with whatever the suggested thing is. I would do that. If not, you get out and grease them, I guess.

I don't know. You got to get out in grease them, I think. I don't know if you help them, though. Do you, they... Yeah, I could see that. I can see both ways. Yeah, you help them and you throw them a five. Yeah, I don't know.

That's a lot of bad. That's a lot of... fucking Jack Daniel shrimp, I'll tell you that. But also, like, if you're like an able-body person, just go to the, I don't know. People are on time crunches. They got fucking appointments. They got kids. Soccer practice.

This goes back to the stake in the fucking car then. Go when you have the time. You don't get someone to bring you stuff just because you don't have the time. We're cutting out. We're cutting out. There used to be, you got to go to the store. I got to go to the store. I single mom.

Got the kid in the car. Hey, I don't want to load the kid in. You have them come out through that. Pregnant, you have them come out through that. Disabled, mobility issues, have them come out to that. If our fat asses are sitting there and some kids put up. I got low mobility issues. And low-tee issues, too, from what I hear?

And you bring, you got some fucking kid putting shit in your car? What are we doing? I don't know. That sounds very kippy Rooney. What? Your take on this. What's the deal with curbside pickup? I don't like it.

Does it not make sense? I can't leave my Christmas lights up all year, but you can pick up a gallon of milk at a Walmart. It hasn't been all year. It's been a month and a half. It'll be up all year. This guy don't resurface. Yeah, I ain't getting on that goddamn roof.

Buddy, that guy's fucking down in Margaritaville. Step on pie pops, whatever it's called. I thought he was pushing daisies if I was being honest with you. Oh, yeah? I don't know. Older gentleman? I've never met him. Huh?

You weren't there when he did it? Look at you. Well, what's the deal with that? You got a guy come over and do it. Hold the ladder for him? I don't know. Yeah, you don't need to be there if he's doing outdoor service work. What's the deal with that for tort?

Well, I could pick up my English muffins at fucking Walmart and the curb. You got a guy bringing out just English muffins. That is the fattest shit I've ever. Just one bag of English hands it to you through the window. There you go, man. You got a toaster going on the dash? That's wild Oh fuck me

All right Let's see We got time for one more This is from Gunner Talk to me Ever bring your own sheets to a hotel Growing up My parents couldn't afford anything

Besides the cheapest hotels And they didn't trust the cleanliness So we had travel sheets When we would get to the hotel We'd strip the beding off Throw them in the corner And remake the bed with our home sheets Only took about three minutes

I don't hate I don't hit it at all. I bet it was probably so much more cozier. You know the sheet. It smells like your fabric softener from the house. It's like, and it's like new sheets. It's like new sheets on your bed at home. I used to love that.

Every couple of weeks, Patty Grohlum with fresh sheets. We're only changing the sheets every couple of weeks. Whatever she did, I don't know. I was paying a lot. So ours were, we were burning and turning. We were like an apple piece of happy hour dog. Burn and turn. Um, that's pretty good.

That's not bad. Especially at those seedy, seedy ones. Yeah. You go like, I don't fucking... That's doing trash you right, too. Yes. To your parents. Yes.

Because it don't cost anything more. Keeping a little bit of class. It doesn't cost anything more. Just a little bit more effort on your case. You got to get up and go in and get the steak and the potatoes. Go get your groceries. You change the sheet. Hey, just saying, I can't afford a Gallagher's steakhouse.

So I go to Applebee's, but I put my slacks on my shoes. I, tuck my shirt in, and I get my steak. Hmm. That's all I'm saying. Think about it. Making a little bit of sense. Mm-hmm.

Plus, when you go in, you get the bread basket. You get the bread basket. You have a cocktail. You fucking, everything's vibe in. Like, that's the thing they're selling is that fun in there. They always fuck you on the bread basket on to go stuff. You never get to. Because you're never going to, you're not tipping them.

I still love that about New York, New York diners when you got the, when you got an entree. You always get an entree. It's soup, salad, two sides of veg. And they'd hit you with the fucking breadbasket to go. Take it. All right. All right. We got to wrap it up, though.

Gang, we love you to death. Grab tickets and come see the boys on the road. What else? See you next week. Peace.