Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Ryan Long Returns!

Episode Date: January 27, 2022

Ryan Long returns, its a fun one! Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage  Subscribe on iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/are-you-garbage-comedy-podcast/id1499140700 Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

gang the middle-class famous tour is about to be in full effect come out and see us it's a great way to introduce some new people to the show so grab the homies grab the ladies the birds the bozos everybody and come see us yeah guys we're gonna be in Hartford Albany Syracuse Atlanta Tampa Orlando Pittsburgh Buffalo we ain't done yet Detroit Denver Phoenix Salt Lake City check out go then over there to roseman and that's just the first leg of the tour gonna be coming so get the techies we'll see you there welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts kevin ryan and h foley hey everybody out there and

welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is our you garbage it's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're you're to be classy or just a big old piece of trash i'm your host a trolley coming at you on a beautiful day we're down here at amp to these basement good news starts a brand new job monday okay yep gonna be mullin for a little while my co-host is coming at you from right next to me he is the CEO of are you garbage he's international businessman let me tell you something gang the next time you're reaching for a best pal do yourself a favor make it a kippy because it comes with a bunch of zeros give it up for kj kevin james ryan really hamming me up at the end of the fucking month huh i know

how you i know how you want that patreon process that youtube money's about to hit what do you mean i got my room cleaned and all my chores done what's up gang thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate views subscribe on itunes full video available on youtube as you know those numbers are true to roof cook and baby and then obviously patreon.com the greatest website of all time it's going to go down in history believe it or not uh you can sign up you get bonus content a yg hard feelings live streams the whole nine yards check it the fuck out i have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good we love him you love him t-bone mcmuffin tobey mcmullin what's up dude hey t-bane i'm excited we got the hottest guy in

school i hope he has he is dreaming oh man getting a ride home from this kid yeah but he's he drives it he drives a teatop for sure this fucking kid your mom's hanging up the front window in a low top no shit gang we could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest and i mean incredibly special guest back with us again today family episode we got a little company in the building he's the host of the boys cast podcast you know him you love him give it up for mr ryan long everybody boys in the place also i have been uh recently telling people i'm going by uh kevin james ryan oh is that your name now as long as i get some of those youtube checks i don't mind being ryan kevin james that's what i'm going with why is your middle name kevin

yeah it is now six things up this guy's stealing my identity yeah no i'm trying to do a sociopath real quick yeah i've been chatting with the high school kids no that don't use my name to chat with the high school that all high school thing was accurate it was just recently just a couple of weeks ago i didn't catch him the first round i go back now i go did you guys see my youtube videos standing there with a boom mic or something you got a football in it oh good stuff buddy how are you man boys are in the building yeah we're having i was going to tell you guys that we had a garbage controversy on our podcast last week lay it on us so danie paulus chuck was been going off about how he thinks that after he finished with

condoms you flush him down the toilet which i thought for a while is what you did as well if you're a hit man he's right you flushed him down yeah they jam up the plumbing i've heard this we said he was and he's like saying he's flushing them i mean his are smaller but he's been i don't know give me a close call barely a mouthful no he's he's been flushing his whole life and he's had clogged toilets and we found it this why and everyone in the comments was like this is fucking bullshit and then someone told us that there was this one guy that his he was a plumber and this guy's toilet was so clogged and then they unclogged it with all these condoms and he's like why don't use condoms with my wife oh god damn that's the only guy found out that his

wife yeah that's we had well you wouldn't use condoms with your wife yeah that's crazy that's your that plumber do you still charge the guy what do you do well hey buddy this one's on the house you know that there will be for a couple that's the guy that she was fucking daniel polis chuck close to the boys cast washing them uh hold on high school you're in a pinch if you're at your high school girlfriend or college girlfriend's parents house yeah you don't want to leave that evidence around just out of respect you don't want to throw it in the old man's face it's like yeah well you guys were out christmas shopping i was home on the couch doing shit to your daughter you know no i said you wrap it in a piece of toilet paper and take it because that's because

you can't trust the take it take it i've 100 done that yeah well because what the what are you i've taken them as well i mean you take it up what you know well that's after when you well yeah she goes where is it and then you pull it out of the girl's ear it's a fun got your nose it's a fun bit for the next time you see her uh i've definitely i've taken i've done everything with them i've thrown them off a bridge whatever you need i treat it like a fucking like a gun without the serial but what i'm concrete through the river yeah it got i mean yeah trash can if that's applicable i thought you you wrap it up in a lot of toilet paper and just put it in the trash can i the trash can if you're if you're an adult if you're an adult no but that's the thing like on

the tours and stuff like that you can't always trust the what i mean that's why drake goes but yeah drink you know the thing he puts hot so drake puts hot sauce on the condoms to kill the sperms uh-huh and then if the girl tries to first of all kill the sperms but then also a little extra punishment for if she tries to get it up there that happens it happens this is like not a made-up thing it happened that is a lot of especially in the past basketball players ball players that's not happening to kj and raleigh on a tuesday all right they see those married by the way what are we talking they see those pages i love you babe yeah and i wasn't cheap he paid for this i wasn't i wasn't thinking like that we're not on the fucking wolf tour this is hypothetical yeah totally

hot t-bone zoom in totally hypothetical it really is though this isn't a clip i'm just i'm just blown away listen i'll give it to the kid but the arrogance of you you're taking it isn't it i'm not taking it i'm not taking it because i think she's gonna use it i'm taking to go home the tree kevin's leaving this seven years ago too also i jerked off and she wants half of your Chevy lumina also i jerked off in it do you guys do you guys tie i don't tie it off no that's crazy well no i don't even tie it off because you know who are you guys seriously what do we tie what do we tie what's going on i don't tie this is a setup tie what man what you tie the condom offer for you throw out a real g move as you leave it on you go i go to the bank do whatever you know i run my

i run my errands with it you start getting soft you put an elastic around you go no no no rubber band on there i see you oh man a soft pp in a condom in a used condom that's a tough one yeah yikes i go from saturday night to sunday morning real quick it's bad yeah it's not a party down there um what you've never you've had to flush one before i listen i said if you're it should have been operation the plumber community was having a field that they were not happy yeah no yeah it'll it'll fucking it'll clog you up get stuck in a p-trap shout out to the plumbers local but here's the thing as a you know he hoops it well that's why you tie it up you know you don't want that stuff getting loose i throw it over the telephone wire you go like you're like a pair of

sneaks that's you at the airport getting busted in there go what's in your ass this drugs you go i can explain it there's a girl there's gold diggers out there sir you're trying to trap me officer i have a podcast have you ever heard of patreon we do pretty well over there i don't want one of these whores coming after me anyway it's not going now you gentlemen will excuse me i need some more rubbers i gotta be in st. marish florida in two hours hold on as a discretionary measure in certain situations coming up yes as an adult living a single life you know doing your own thing flushing it is crazy sure yeah tell that to the end either one of you bozos picking it to go

like a fucking doggy bag is crazy and fucking circus gym over here like we collect tying them up is nuts tying them up pretty boncos dude well then you pin it to your wall and write the girl's name over top of it give it to the bearded lady you put that over the beer funnel like our batting gloves it's the world's grossest water balloon that goes on the fucking bud light mantle oh no yeah i've never uh i've never taught i've taken it i i'm i'm assuming i have in the first of all how much length you got in that thing that you can make a full knot i get like halfway through that thing oh i can make a giraffe dog what are you talking about toby's double knot in it i can barely make an earthworm um there's supposed to be extra room at the end right uh

let's see i mean that's for jesus what the fuck leave room for jesus in the condom right that's what that means well yeah exactly um yeah no i i mean i wasn't like i think he stressed out about this now i'm trying to remember i feel like i for sure have taken i just can't recall you might have a kid out there you're just realizing someone else getting cut into this picture on all of a sudden people cut this uh yeah no i'm sure i've taken it at some point to dispose because like i didn't know what to do with i don't want to flush it down the toilet i don't want to you know i don't know maybe there wasn't a trash can or something it just feels like very stealth you go in and out without a trace man yeah it's really weird like is that biggie small so you know yeah you gotta go

it can't trace the semen throwing in a dumpster behind an arby's or something but just any remote chance remote chance something happens to you what was in his pockets they go through your body yeah use condom i mean i that's from two weeks ago sir that's a tough look that's conspiracy theory if you had four use condoms on it it was a long day uh yeah that's tip one in his head how do we start talking about this i saw you guys saw i saw the tweet about it or the flushing of the condom yeah gotta do a public apology but i feel like it was the garbage move so that's why it is like we're bringing up here you shouldn't be doing it i will say this though i know this is gonna sound bad um environmentally but when it comes to stuff like that i'm not worried about that

like you know they say like don't flush the wipes the the butt wipes because they do this or you know don't put bacon grease no that one's true the only i know they're true i give you but i say no no no i'm not saying they're not true i go you know they go don't uh wipe with fucking paper towels or whatever you go okay well i'm gonna do it i say the you know you meet in the middle where you go i'll tell you what i'll rip it in two oh yeah you gotta do it yeah you gotta it gives you more grip it's all right that's how you're meeting in the middle yeah that one can get back to haunt you know that really you used that there's a instant gratification with that where that like affects like two flushes of that and your toilet could be clogged you can be jammed up yeah you don't

want to do that at someone else's as you end up like ben stiller nine nine movies back to back in toilet issues oh god a shit again uh have you ever clogged a public or like somebody else's toilet they had a pretty fucking good one too i said my buddy's uh step uh step parents house and his step sister comes running out the fucking toilet's dripping everywhere there's shit everywhere oh i was there like did everybody know that you were everybody knew it was me and it was very like well hold on her dad her dad uh the dad kind of being like all right uh it's not your fault i would have ran away dude i would have ran out the front door hold on watch that mic too because they're not that strong you gotta lean into it a little bit oh yeah but uh

so you paint me this picture did you not flush or did you flush too much toilet paper that's how it always hold on did you did you clog it and walk away like nothing happened no no no no no did you make an attempt to clean it up i think that i i think i've in this specific scenario i think i've flushed and it you thought everything was cool i didn't know was an issue that's not really his responsibility and then next thing you know there's a you know 14 year old step sister running her pants are wet she's singing a different she's soaked yeah oh man the fact that it's a kid makes it way worse it was it was a rough like i was the it was like an uncle they would have been like yeah i think they could if it was anyone else other than me because if anyone else they could

just yell at them with me it was a very awkward scenario but i bet a few of those were but i don't know i my first defense to the dad would have been yo when i left it all flushed so i don't know what the kids talking about you got fucking shoddy plumbing in here yeah but it's also like i thought if i was me now i would have those kind of cahones to be like i didn't fucking clog shit bitch like you clogged you know what i mean at the time i was coming right here you little bitch i was caught off guard at the time i go what okay what yeah so i yeah okay and plus i thought that you did your business you flushed it it was clogged and you thought i might just dip that yeah that's i made that break for it i probably went home never came back you never see the person

again yeah you gotta yeah you gotta cut all talk that's for a plunger it's me and my god i had a one where me and my body were with two girls at the girls house and the girl took a shit clogged the place pretty bad how and we were fucking basically just like uh i can't remember she had some nickname forever that's basically all that came of it the shith the shith water hits the floor you gotta be real problems we went we went up there was like close the vibe i guess it was like 12 guys and 12 girls we were like in college i think we all went up we rented a house in the Poconos and my my one boy vini with the skinny it was always like you had to dip off because there was only like one or two bathrooms we're up there for like three days fucking drinking yeah partying

for three four days so at some point you know you're it's it's everybody's getting hemmed up and my one body clogged the toilet twice in the weekend and like it was so clearly him because he would disappear for like an hour and a half where's the dog who's shit on the rug yeah and then like he's behind the cooler cuts to him he's in the corner and stuff yeah cloyant yeah once you get once you're in someone else's bathroom working the plunger you're fucking it's like it's like it's like cutting a body in half let me tell you how did i get what happened but let me tell you something about that wrong come having the plunger really solves 90 of the problems it's usually never that clogged thank god there is plungers you know many times i've done that in

a social situation yeah when i'm like this is gonna be so embarrassing and i'm looking around the fucking bathroom well it's also like then you find the plunger in the back of the thing wrapped in a fucking shop right bag oh thank god it's always wrapped in a plastic bag it's all fucking working but it's always like i'm like fucking cloney on e r like come on not tonight not on my watch live god damn live dude i'm going ham i just want to get out of there hitting over the adrenaline knock him again um yeah that's but it's always like you know it only really matters on away games right if you're at someone's house if you clog your own you move yeah and how am i'll leave it there for the weekend how are you not like how are you not taking precautions like how are you not

courtesy flushing how are you not being like all right don't use too much toilet paper like courtesy flush you don't get to see it oh you're all right you're a little weird these can these canucks are a little bonkers i like to take a look at it you know anybody take it out to see the show you know what i mean gotta get the photo for the album send us a trainer it's good stuff so you made a formal apology okay yeah it's good to the community it's good to the plumbers to the never apologize to a plumber it's trying to be a better a plumber wants you to be stupid they want you to mess up they want to come in that's how i get paid they want to come in and find a shoebox full of condoms fucking stuff no they gotta act and dig in the same way that like a guy that

wants to fuck a girl and her boyfriend's being an asshole he goes oh that's so crappy yeah but really you go to jing who was it um it was it's the third house she's done it to she always calls that plumber it was kate from barstool who lived in a house no she lived in a house for four years and put all the condoms behind like just dropped them between her bed and the wall after they were done oh yeah and then her dad came to help her move her out and like pulled the bed back and there was just like four years of her you know being promiscuous and he's like she's like she didn't say he didn't say a word and then we were like we were in the car after like three hours in the pennsylvania turnpike and he just started crying yeah she's like it was

like i've never felt so bad for her she could have just been it was one guy she said she was living a living a little rowdy at the time that it was you know clearly not one guy or something he was losing a lot at the time tossing him behind the bed is nuts yeah that's great for an extended period of time yes of course how the wait well i mean what's an extended period of time i i mean listen i i look at it i look at it the way everybody does on sunday night you make sure that you clean up all evidence of anything you did fucked up that weekend so you're saying like that that's an extension in the heat of the moment you throw it off yay throw it behind there you got it the next day yeah where you put it in a ziplock bag and take it home and bury it

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is it garbage to consider yourself a d1 college athlete if you were the mascot i would say for sure is it garbage or like sleazy it's we uh i guess it depends on how you're claiming it if you're in a barbie like yeah i don't say i don't say sleazy in like a derogatory way yeah let me be like welcome to the party yeah let's take our condoms with us i mean you're obviously who are you saying that to like impress a group of guys you just it's obviously you're trying to impress a chick yeah i don't think you're trying to impress a good another group like football players like i know i know the struggle buddy i was the lion you know what i mean do you ever try to jump through a flaming hoop talking to gronkowski in a bar

yeah i guess you'd be using it you know to pick up a check to pick up a check in a bar of like yeah or maybe you claim to it to the glory days yeah just as a life flex um i say however you want to feel about it he is they are a division one athletes they get scholarships they're fucking highly paid at a professional level the mascots at those big schools they make good money and they get they like work their way up the mascot circuit they do fucking yeah i start out of the open scholarships come on i know you have to yeah let me tell you scholarship if you're a high school kid they're like gymnast i don't i don't know i don't know if this is the way it is now stop if you're uh if you were a high school kid in the 90s and nobody thought of this kid i

went to high school with became the fucking mascot uh for us then went on the fucking college and was the mascot there ended up fucking working for the houston rockets no way it was the rocket for could you believe it for like 20 years something like that killed it there's a whole team behind that stuff yeah but i mean there's only like you know what is their roughly 30 professional jobs i know i'm saying that's why i said if you would have there's like a hundred of those positions i thought they threw like a concession guy in a fucking costume jimmy you're up get the hat will randy's back is acting up yeah i didn't know it's a fanatic see oh yeah that's like they make a big business yeah keep on you guys can you we'll pull up a salary on mascots uh from memory i remember

that benny the bull makes around 250k stop 250 i thought that was a different bull every day like i didn't know does it make a wish kid they shot the old one well they do they do corporate gigs they get paid out the ass are they doing good at the corporate gigs oh yeah well i know somebody if you're having a corporate gig and you don't have to san diego chicken you're fucking losing corporate gigs are so weird for this like because what do you really do you just sort of bop around like i know a guy who's a magician you do corporate gigs and they'd hire him to do hand magic so you kind of just walk up to people that weren't interested and be like oh pick a card and everyone's like it's like hey i'm trying to seal the deal over here brozo which is so strange by the people

that run companies that like why would you want to do this thing that makes it awkward for everybody they think people like i think someone gets put in charge of the committee and they're like i don't know what do you got okay get a fucking magician let's just get this thing over with they think it would be good it's the same as like common have you ever done corporates of course have any of them gone well you're not a really a corporate company less have gone well unless it's like a tattoo shop i went with a body used way no i've done a fair amount you know what the problem is the money hunter whole family loved them the corporates they go fine if uh if it's only like 1015 when it starts pushing 35 40 clean they check out yeah and i i don't have it really the clean

material oh no yeah peanuts are weird my body he was it's this guy jj who we tour with he's like the raunchiest dude and he was doing some he was bombing so it's you know you get to that thing where you go fuck i'm bombing like if i i could do better if i start doing my dirty shit sure but i will be in fucking trouble sure and he decided fuck it i'd rather lose this than bomb because this is very very painful which is a i gotta support i gotta support the decision so that will truly it's i'm done right it's like whatever they're gonna say to me after is not as bad as what's happening right now yes i need a fucking lifeline let me say fuck yeah so he starts doing this joke about how some girl has a clit like a fucking baseball bat and then the guy goes the guy who's running it

just looks at me because i'm fucking open for me he just looks me he goes get him off get him on stage and then uh so i mean he's not pushing it he's and then apparently there's a difference between like dirty and like yeah being a baseball bat and he was doing the octode he goes oh yeah so he's in this guy said he almost got fired up yeah dude some some like marketing guy probably loses his job he's a problem i did a i did a fundraiser one time i had to wear clean i was bombing i mean i sucked at the time i was bombing and like i went to do a joke and i realized it was dirty and i'm like i can't do that when it's dirty or whatever and they were like do it i'm like all right and then that bombed i'm like i'm like all right maybe i'm just not good dirty clean i know you probably

people want well that's the oldest trick in the book is because you always say what do you want and they're they're not they're not gonna be like you were pussies yeah all you and by the way if 80 people say clean and one guy says dirty you go you got it the people have spoken yeah that's very true that's funny it's the oldest trick in the book but yeah no the corporates uh remember you took me to do one i took you to do one um and he was like yeah just do like eight minutes up top i did about 35 seconds of bomb and i'm like you guys ready to get the show started got the fuck out of there magic is sort of the trashiest job like i had the one friend he used to do magic and he would always be trying to do the street tricks he used to walk around with his shoe

untied and then you'd go uh he was like oh your shoes untied and then he would go and it would tie the ship oh my god and then people would be like all right get this guy out of here he's just like he's non-stop i know how he did it too if you want to know no i kind of do he goes no he goes i can't be trusted he's floating on top of the cane i can kind of do that but they don't want to win chris angel whoever showed you how to do it well chris angels uh tricks to these days like all those new guys like even david blaine their tricks are just like i'm gonna have a guy punch me in the face 500 times i'm gonna freeze my balls off their tricks he just holds his breath buddy get a coat this isn't a trick and you're like what's the trick he's like

you go you want to put a sword through my fucking arm you go what's the trick he's like it just hurts a lot you just take the pain i'm seeing david playing just some pretty cool shit oh yeah of course there's top magic he's got the hell of those people in the dr wherever he was but the new the new school like magic thing is like it's like it's like yeah it's more like yeah i'm gonna fucking he goes i'm gonna go stand on the roof for three days that's literally what it is it's like a weird shit have you ever been to a show magic show yeah i've seen a couple yeah this one guy it's a buddy of mine i went to his thing wow talk about they do jokes they're all like kind of half comedians to be honest how big was the audience i've seen a few times but one with like 500 people

really and they kill too like they get they do because they don't have to be funny and they end up being funny and they also don't have to be their jokes yeah exactly they're just like street jokes street jokes essentially they're smashing dude i saw uh a lot of extreme jokes i would tell you this you saw sigfried and roy yeah back in the day i'm sure uh in vegas uh it was they i don't know how they did it they were in the stage and then they ended up one of them was on our table like the lights went out and the lights came on and he was standing over my chicken fingers and we were like how the fuck did he get here that quick i still don't know how he did it was like lights went off for five seconds and he was 500 yards away and then he ended up standing on our

table nude that was a tiger but still his dick's out straight in front of a little i mean hey there you go hey you want the lights back on he goes what were you saying yeah prove it couldn't get tickets for carot top though that's trash the top david copperfield he called him the top you're here to see the top david copperfield was classy he was the last classy i think when magician he was a gentleman yeah sigfried and roy was pretty classy so the bloodbath i mean well i never even like even as like a sat a copperfield like i'm going to make the empire state building disappear and as like i said i'm like no you're not all you're not all you're doing is taking night writer off for a week you're fucking killing me yeah i'm going to make the

Statue of Liberty disappear i'm like you i don't know anything but you are not doing that on the tv magicians are even crazier because theirs was like okay now i'm gonna be on the top of statue and you're like i know that you cut like this wasn't a whole shot it's not live on one shot like how stupid do you think i am i'm gonna teleport i'm gonna teleport in a split second right after these words and now i'm black and white i had a buddy who dead serious believed that chris angel walked on water in like the belagio fountain i'm like no he didn't man he's a good explain it i'm like i don't fuck him glass i don't know everybody got swept up in that shit in the early 2000s free everybody hook line and sinker yeah all that shit that's fucking well it's good if you

do it like once or twice but then when you have a weekly show it's like all right i'm starting to see the seams in this you know what i mean the one he just makes pizza yeah then the caterer is out that fucking bag at those vagas clubs are pretty fed up with his nonsense probably right now yeah when he disappears and he's sitting on the cook or he goes yeah just four minutes till i'm in the kitchen i need someone to wait we're still doing the lights out there so his head pops up out of the salad bar oh fucked it up he messed it up uh anyways that's pretty crazy the mascots are fucking that is yeah that is how we got there i mean i would think that i would think that like anybody who's not you know half an asshole

wouldn't be going around saying um you know yeah there was one athlete you know what i mean saying shit like that if somebody asked or whatever it's like oh you were the mascot at michigan that's pretty cool yeah but pimping using that language you're kind of an asshole but on paper definitely they are division one athlete the question it really is did it work like did it did any girls have you ever smashed because of the mascot i think you i think you it would be cooler if you were if all you have to say instead of saying division one athlete you're like yeah i was the fucking boiler maker at purdue or whatever you know what i mean why is that i don't get that boiler maker the the guy i don't know what purdue is that oh they make a hell of a chicken i know

that much boiler no it's a college i know it's a college football team i'm saying you wouldn't have to say division one athlete it'd be better to lead with the mascot sure i got it i yeah sure does that make sense oh of course i'm just saying hey i was i'm yeah yeah i guess uh i would assume it's just probably come up and drunk fucking arguments of like you don't know i was a d1 athlete and you're like i don't know about that well yeah that's probably where it's coming off that i would give it to well there's also part of i've had a whole article about uh college mascots should be part of the theater district or something you know a hundred percent not athletes in the theater it's pretty good uh part of it is they have to maintain a secret identity

yeah they can't wait what what come on yeah get kidnapped by the other team or something face i don't kidnap you it's a plot of those five bulldogs before we realize that you don't know what purdue is they're the boiler makers i didn't know boiler maker jesus it's a shot in the beer the two of you yeah that's how i know a boil maker shot i gotta be honest i don't want a mascot is i'm just trying to rip here i'm canadian you know they were legal in canada they're trying to keep up they're government employees up there they work nine to four every day and that's it uh that's great i had a buddy who uh used to say he was in there he was the kicker in the arena football league and there was like out of the bar there's no real

way to prove that wrong he was like yeah i'm the kicker on the philly soul and they were like are you's again he was like build enough they were like all right i guess so that's pretty awesome we were the bass player in maroon five just you could pull that off just picking weird bands just playing with a pick like flipping it in your fingers i just love underselling like you're not you don't even pick like the coolest guy just did a studio session with michael stipe you know yeah i was the third guitar player in arcade for us so yeah uh all right this one's in the same vein of the magic have you ever been to a this is from dan have you ever gone to a free concert that like a radio show put on yeah one of those big festival type things like the governor's ball governor's

balls isn't free though that's expensive uh like 101 pelusa they do like you know yeah like radio stations or whoever will put on like shitty festivals or like a fucking fairground or something yeah i think i mean i i played in bands for like 10 years so i was like what were you the guitarist not drums but i sang in that band but i probably done a million a drummer singer yeah but then we had a drum really what are you don henley you're singing you're singing from behind the kid i was doing drummer that was always a tough look i hate to bring it to you well that's why we got the drummer it was a tough look dude when one of the members that they got rid of that shit mtv real early but for a little while there was a couple of dudes hanging on there was don henley they had

phil Collins back Collins did it but it's like somebody had to be someone's gotta be moving around give me a mascot or something they knocked this off with the drummer singing they had a big win sars was happening they had a thing in tronicle sars stock oh my god these fucking canadians are nuts come on out the sars stock you know it'll be a real hood wear your mask so they welcome back to heart disease of palupa everybody here's even better the biggest bit i'll tell you what sars second but the biggest uh band in canna's tragically hip they're called right it's the hugest band in canna like basically like every cottage fire you know anthem right and the second biggest band is a cover band called the practically hip that does like almost as big as numbers

they're bigger than the actual band that's weird practically it does numbers but the sars stock was apparently i think there was like a stage issue and a bunch of people died and they were trying to raise money for sars and the rolling stones played that's pretty good and the blues brothers the biggest the biggest concert that ever came to tronzo sort of but then come in next covid fest day and just in timberlake what was there there's a big festival at sars fest yeah was it was that 98 or 2001 which one was it 2003 i was at the original one way better and also rush this is the programing is all over the place i'm telling you it's the biggest festival security by the hell's angels they legitimately that's not untrue they did have

security by hell's angels which was a part of the controversy when all this stuff was happening they didn't have like the right union guys because there was stage issues and all this stuff the hell's angels are still around in 2003 oh dude they're still around and in canada you think they disappeared i don't know the cobeck they're all french what it sounds like pagan shit apparently the hell's angels are all in cobeck and a lot of them got locked up there's a lot of them they just had they used to have uh by pagans did you mean the other biker gang yeah i'm a hell's now i'm kidding uh i they used to have in the east village they used to have a huge fucking like uh brown stone i don't know they're still working security in venues oh they're low i don't know the patched

members oh yeah they're probably prospects but i know it's one of the you know every italian guy's kind of like a in the mall like a bit connected every you know every biker is like you know i'm my boys boys kind of i just watched a video where these like three dudes like kind of started their own gang like they had like a patch on that's a big thing i studied gang as an adult well yeah they were just kind of like hey we ride together yeah we'll start doing stick-up see they're like hey we ride together you know maybe meth who knows yeah just friends just friends are like yeah but like they were like living into like the sun's anarchy like you know and they had the pat they had came up with their own patches or whatever so they were losers and they some they've they're

at a gas station filling up and like these fucking six you know real fucking gangsters rolled up fucking pulled their number Ron Perlman pulled up on a thing had a hog started cleaning house uh my dad like take that fucking patch off they're like who let oh they yeah and it's all videotaped like all right man we were just hanging out we're like middle-aged guys or whatever yeah really what if it's their own patch why can't they have it that means that well then it's like i think in like the gang think it's on site like you're you're flying colors we're flying colors like are you about that life type thing they don't have to always fight they can't pass each other while they're grabbing while they're filling up and getting

the snack i'm not the mayor of these fucking gangs i don't know i'm just telling you they bitched them out in the fucking gas station and the video was pretty like the bloods in the crepes yeah exactly of like you know you're you're claiming you're in a motorcycle club it's the hell's angels and terry's disciples the dad's a organ like your dad's unite my dad actually terry's disciples and gutter cleaning and the one guy's like all right boy is he thinking what i'm thinking rob a bank get ice cream no start cooking meth oh i just i got a little carried away with the whole gang thing guys all right we're thinking about driving down a spring training

i've been lonely since charo left uh it's looking to start a gang yeah it's fucking kill someone you're like what the fuck john hey i haven't talked in a while how you doing so i was thinking what do you think about starting a gang we murder a couple of guys hey get a little street cred oh that's pretty good then i'll finally get charo back at two time and bitch you'll know what's up oh hi charo oh there's just me and my gang this all right this one is from shower your pud uh never had a question read did your mom used to write your last name on all your stuff in case it was lost or stolen for example sports

equipment school supplies tags on your clothes etc i never did that we never had our name on anything really i feel like you probably had mr long i'll go to you first uh yeah i think first name though right like this is ryan yeah my cocky first name like that yeah inside your glove or whatever okay yeah that makes sense yes i had henry foley written in perfect penmanship in sharpie pen on thousands of pairs of tidy weighty underwear it's sort of a rich guy move is that please return to three three three mainstream when you can't handle after that he's real fit and hard to shop for please bring him back sure it kills the move with your high school girlfriend when you take your little fucking skivvies all dude and your names on

them oh shit these are my brothers god damn it they're women's panties write your name on your underwear what kind of life are you living where your full name's on your tidy white i know it's fucked up i there was a moment where it had gone on too long i do remember i do remember about to hook up with somebody and i remember taking my pants down and just i caught my eye it said foley right over the right over just your family they all share them your mom your dad everybody's wearing the same undies is an apostrophe yes foley's your family crest is on them what's the fear they get lost at the uh it was yeah like where is your underwear off that much as a kid that's crazy unless you're going to sex parties or

something oh that's someone you go you go to someone you act him all right who's are these makes it easier after the orgy you know that's real weird you know it was your underwear shouldn't come off as a kid anywhere it's weird if you leave the house and then come home without underwear on as a kid god damn it henry again that's fucking strange you know what the priest places their time trying to redress you know what i mean it's a business they're running um no that's you can't be doing that no it was left over from like maybe in like 10th grade or 11th grade i went to like lacrosse camp or something like that so when there's like a bunch of underwear involved you know it was just not making a great case for yourself maybe ninth or ninth grade

not junior year still like listen when you're at college graduation things get things just get a little wacky i do feel like she did that for my college underwear too to be honest would you when you hand them down do you cross it out and put the other name on property is steve yeah no that's tough i mean i think we might have had it with like hockey glove or a baseball glove or something like sure maybe um i remember like socks and underwear being in t-shirts i remember having hand-me-downs equipment with fucking the name joel a lot of joel's no no this is a family friend just some guys really it might there's some guy that my dad used to steal from my dad was a bit of a klepto you know joel was always walking around the

rink looking for his stuff we just told him what it is we used to have uh i don't know if you ever did this but especially for hockey equipment we i played hockey it was so expensive somebody sweat i know that's it was tough but we had played against sports where you would go and buy used equipment yeah we had that like you but like and i remember being like like putting like old like ice hockey pants on us because some kid who's probably pissing himself you know what i mean just wearing the fucking dirty sweaty smelly equipment it sucked yeah especially when you're getting everything handed down like the jock it's like there's a there's a few things the jock you'll take you'll take uh i don't i think i work hard like mom has sprung for a first jock

when i used to play lacrosse i stopped wearing a jock and i look back and i'm like that was crazy but at the time i was just like you never get hit there i just fucking couldn't run properly yeah it was always it was always in the way and i'm like get this thing the fuck out of here you're the cop the cop the jock was okay it's actually pretty comfortable but the cop killed well what's the point of the job yeah with no cup it's just a fucking but you want to feel sexy at work i don't know just a banana hammock at that point the garter belt yeah what the fuck those never those never added up to me anyway what the jock they were there was always something sexual about that there's no need for that that design it's a little what with the strap yeah

i never got it that wasn't that wasn't just for baseball i can tell you that that they should have had to said that the jock strap it's not just for basketball ever been to a key party yeah that's weird man no that's uh i remember when i was in they came out with shorts yeah i was on the shorts where it's like short like little like kind of booty shorts or boxers that makes a little more booty shorts ladies so juicy on the back he made it say it was having way less creepy than way more creepy all right son here's your booty shorts says princess on the back kevin you coach us here get your booty shorts on well you said you didn't want the jock uh uh yeah i never fucked with it really um all right let's see this is from kyle uh did you

and your family ever stand in the splash zone of the log flume you know what i like uh you know what the like yeah yeah you like stand over the bridge that was real that was real dirtbag family that's all that's that is that is such a home run yeah that's real dirtbag shit you're standing there and he says bonus points if you wore a poncho because it was in the beginning of uh step by step is right i you wouldn't know i think is a few yeah i know exactly what you're talking about that scene's been done yeah that's hack shit yeah that was real fucking real cool if you got soaked is it is are you answering yes i'm waiting for you to answer my family not my family as a kid you were probably like yeah you know let's go get splat i did that for sure i don't think my

i don't think fucking denise was standing there with her purse we all did it that was a part of i remember a specific time going to great adventure with our families okay with our cousins and stuff and that was we that was a part of the ride as far as i was concerned you went first and stood there everybody got splashed maybe somebody took a picture and then you went and got in line and got on the ride and then stole the picture instead of paying the five yeah they want to get ready to top your grade the camera you get a bit of a scheme together were you a picture family would they buy the picture at the log flume yeah i don't think we're buying the pictures i think they're probably snapping some photos personally but of course we used to have a photographer that traveled

with us we had a toby that followed us sir we had we had a we had a producer Amy Liebowitz followed us around for a little while um went to the park i've done the splash camp didn't wear the poncho okay yeah poncho is a tough look i've never got any sense of the way i've never gotten a picture from a roller coaster i think we might have bought it we would look at them we would look at them but i don't think they were ever springing for the picture really no in the frame that's real trash do you see the the desk like the attendant gets mad if you try to take a picture of your with your cell phone cutting into the profits yeah they get pissed i still just put that down you like the buddy it's like bringing your own you're not you're not getting

the money shut the fuck up it's bringing your own popcorn into the movie which do you do you not my own popcorn no one can make popcorn it'd be a piece of shit yeah i don't sneak your snacks in i bring my sandwiches in a couple of burritos i go hit you guys have a micro from my microwave hey you might pop in this Jamaican patty in there for a second hey we throw some air fryer real quick more of a bring the booze into the theater guy okay i don't mind i've done that a couple of times i've got to sell booze they don't sell booze uh i've gotten really drunk and going to the movies but then like that hangover kicks in around the second act and your mind kicks in around the second movie because i'm a double feature guy what do you mean you're a double

feature movie hop and we just talked about you pay a ticket and you don't leave till they kick you out we just talked about this on patreon actually because t-bone sound like catherine hitburn t-bone got i'm a double feature man t-bone got caught will you time it out all right there's an 1115 that finishes at one and then the next movie i want to see you start i have time it out yeah is that always your plan do you is do you usually well no because i you know i don't once in a while you go with people that want to do that so a lot of times you're it's a hard to sell for the people that just sat there a two hour movie you're like well what are we doing next and i was like what there's an 815 of uh happy p3 weekend mate it started 10 minutes ago i was like

what are you talking about this was the event dude yeah yeah aunt marsha i'm like guys let's never let this night end to talk about a guy who doesn't know when to wrap it up aunt marsha go hit that exit door real quick all right we're doing it third place you know you know in our old uh this is when i was like 14 or whatever right we used to go to the this is the movie scam so if like six of us were there and there was so you buy the ticket and then you walk down the stairs and then there's an escalator up right okay or no so oh yeah so that's what it was yeah so then we buy uh two tickets or one or one ticket oh there's two different scams now i got it one ticket the guy goes through and sends the one ticket up on the escalator to the next just on the escalator that's pretty good

it's pretty smart and if all those logistics work out or you do it two tickets where one person keeps coming out and giving the other ticket but that depends on the theater you know so they don't have escalators but if it's in a perfect scenario the escalator you wrap it in something send it up the escalator and then it comes down sends it up none of this is recent behavior obviously right this is my like late 20s yeah late 20s fucking two three years ago prepentemic at least no this is uh this is 14 13 yeah now obviously the girl pays i don't really have any of this because i i i might have mentioned this before but i could never figure out why i remember one time we went to a drive through or drive in again with my whole both both of

our families are like three families and we have like 20 people right to drive through in the 80s it was probably a dollar to get in my one aunt they had my one aunt tucked down and we put a blanket over i mean a grown woman can't be doing the bills going to be 40 dollars anyway what what i don't know why we did it i think we did it just don't just to feel alive or whatever the fuck they would do for the rush but i remember i remember questioning that like what what are we doing that's that's also cray i mean also that she's the one that you know the oldest lady yeah why don't you put two kids under the floorboard or something you make some fucking some old lady with a hunch back creep down getting the glove compartment yeah nana get the wheel well hold your breath you dumb

she's hanging on the bottom like fucking bob the hero yeah i don't know why that's a double feature man oh it's definitely we said there we used to have a joke where we go has anyone ever done a triple feature i one guy didn't live to tell the tale i mean dude that's six hours in there came out couldn't close his eyes i tell you what you go into a movie you can't get back you can't re-enter the real world too close to the sun you're institutionalized i'm in 60 man i'm freaking out every time you wave to me it's the deck whoa you're walking around mcdonald's asking for a refill on popcorn

that's some good stuff i remember one time we were smoking weed and we went to the movies and we got we were like all right movie starts in 15 minutes and we it was like when you just started smoking weed so we like you ran outside smoked weed in someone's car and then we got too high and missed that movie so we went in we're like oh well the next one starts in a half hour let's go out we smoked more weed and then missed that we missed like four fucking movies from getting too high in the backseat and like an automobile missed the whole run of english patience first two weeks gone all right i just remember like china like i like you lose i was like you lost all concept of time like did we do this how long have we been here what the fuck's happening i could never really

do that casually smoke weed no we did it we weren't able to do the thing it sucked it was so worry kids today you'll never know how panicked it was back then you were panicked yeah especially man i felt like the it was the feds that were going to be closing in on us smoke yeah then there was always the couple kids that were like yeah i just fucking smoked a big blunt went to school yeah yeah yeah who is this guy's even human right now this guy's a cop yeah here terry was smoking this morning like what the fuck yeah i would have a massive panic attack yeah pills hit when we were in high school and i mean dude there was dudes fucking talking about dropping inhibitions oh my god i remember that i think i might have said this i heard one of my buddies took 10 uppers and 10

downers at the same time just to see if they would cancel out he got carted out before lunch time that fucking kid on a show but got 1600 and it's not a 24 though very good all right let's see this one's from lee i would assume you have done this for sure fully no way in hell ever play on a trampoline with a skateboard deck that didn't have trucks or wheels on it come on yeah you know already know what it is that's a good fucking time that was the fucking shit dude that didn't have trucks or so just the deck and what are you doing you're still doing your little tricks on it tricks yeah you're running out of tricks but how can i mean if you call a kick if you call 360 flip into a nose little trick apparently oh 720 i guess ollie and possibles are little buddy i'm bringing

bmx bikes with no wheels on the tramp that was always there was one kid in the town that store that you heard about that with no wheels wouldn't you puncture it no people would do that they would like put some sort of like you know like a skateboard deck on the fork so it was like flat and then you could do like tail whips and shit let me ask you this in that situation doesn't it throw off the weight of the skateboard like how can you do you little no no no you're thinking it's more about the tricks it's more about the like grab tricks you know what i mean think of it more like snowboarding almost so you can do kickflips and stuff but it's more like do a backflip and fucking you're holding the board the whole time i got you okay turn yourself into sean white up there the flying tomato

i'm just gonna say the big tomato that's me you here comes the big tomato lighter skateboard now you're doing quad kickflips like a damn bolt exactly yeah we did all that shit we used to do it with the wheels before we realized you could just use the deck and sometimes you would land and fucking this thing would shoot dude my body got shot off broke his arm three places off a trampoline like a bone popping out arm you were a trampoline kid huh yeah a little bit of a trampoline kid well when they hit a trampoline you gotta you gotta written all over you jack we had to take trampoline at like school in his apartment when you're gonna take trampoline at school we had to dude we had a trampoline like class are you a russian gymnast what the who the fuck takes

trampoline i'm not kidding yeah it was like part of jim doing trampoline yeah like an ocean's 12 school all right i gotta hide in this box you know we had that and then we had bomb diffusion after lunch i learned how to handle plutonium you know ah missing drone class god damn it that's crazy what do you mean as a part of jim yeah then you have to you know then if there have you got the tension you're holding your breath class and then she didn't know the key what was the class though like just you know jim like it was dead but like that was an aspect but a big aspect that's crazy like a month of jim and then that

class man yeah this is out this is like elementary school not high school we had i did this is how we grew up in the suburbs it was like developing outside of this city and we had we had uh not line dancing but some country dancing country dancing square dancing square dancing we had square dancing classes that was like on an all day it was like now press stop in jim like dosey dough and stuff it was a tough look i remember us getting caught up as a fat little kid us getting caught up with a huge parachute for way too long a year parachute what was that about when they broke that thing out and you they will pop it up and then play under it that was a heavy human as well but another dimension that was good fucking taking molly

fucking sandstorm starts playing once you got under that parachute too anything goes you know it's good for the local pervert of the town there's just a grown guy in there all right everyone in the bird yeah he goes in there he goes oh don't don't forget your underwear this time Henry was it free for all of them as you went up it's like hungry hungry hippo for pedos this is too rapid yeah just keep grabbing them up as they come out that'd be fucked up that was a good time though we're gonna add someone to the parachute this year kids we're gonna put four known pedophiles good luck just to prove this game is safe um do you ever jump off a trampoline into a pool

uh no never had a pool near the tramp any jack assie type stunts because i could say that was my whole fucking thing when i was young is doing not less jack assie and more what's the most powerful fireworks that's ever been taped to you yeah we're but again i would it was way stunty yeah we would still do that stuff and we had a couple bodies like you know i had one body that would used to be able to chug a full thing of fucking uh like like a 26 or of uh whiskey or whatever then he'd break a skateboard over his head that was a trick that used to come out a lot oh my god a lot of people jumping off high places all that sort of shit whatever but the main thing was way more about like going getting kicked out of all the places and all that sort of stuff

film and like to steal in the parent's car and then doing his who could do the most point turn in front of a city bus just like fucking doing the awesome powers thing yeah the mr bean awesome that's pretty good i'll give you that that's pretty good that's a good time that's pretty good hijinks right there that's not hurting anybody that's good so you're a little late for work give the kids some credit a little canadian mayhem huh yeah fuck i would love to have get out of the way a hoser i gotta get the trampoline class let's go steal pens from the bank i'm gonna take two lollipops i said suri but i didn't mean it wouldn't be a hood if we signed up for dancing lessons then did them we'll show those bozos let's pay with cash when we actually had the card

no i don't have exactly sorry sorry you're gonna have to break that five oh god damn it that's a fucking hoot right now we did kill a guy though he had it coming i'm ryan long welcome to funny things we do when we film it welcome to acting like a horse we invited we invited johnny over to play mini sticks and he doesn't know that we already played earlier we're gonna film the whole thing and get him they were gonna murder my mother's bird you take the curve of the mini stick and just fucking widen it out a little bit

we flattened out the curve on his uh he's got a flat stick you know we replaced all the scissors in the house with lefties welcome back to knuckleheads today we're gonna fix my step dad that's had to be a fucking show knuckleheads wait till i redo the interior of my mom's house we're gonna update it she'll look on her face all right let's do one or two more fun stuff we gotta get that this is gonna replace my mom's uh old plaid shirt with a brand new plaid shirt she deserves it she works hard you know she really she really her single mom that was kind of scottish i wanted to oh you always go to scottish whenever you do canadian yeah i mean i think i can only do scottish because you you're doing the classic canadian like oh yeah

like that like you're doing the island canadian if you want to do the island everyone actually does you do the more like fucking right eh just fucking ripping darts darts buddy yeah like the pavone the pavone's a mix of italian and canadian yeah smoking darts buddy yeah this guy's got a nice head of lettuce on him yeah you're right because he does say the same things but it's a little more he just a little more he gets his hands involved because it's right the canadian's like body and the pavone's like body body body if you get the italian influence in the canadian but that old one like that that's way more of the islands the island oh yeah that's the yeah these go yeah yeah the real the fucking real like small town fucking boys it's more about this fucking

smoking darts is good too darts are all right darts is a good time darts is good i'll give you darts is a great name darts is good i'm a bernie's man but just fucking north of the border i'm smoking darts you better believe it bellman that's the big dart there dart bellman bellman bellman bellman that's like no that's the same they're not marbles and shit up there no they don't no marbles but they do have other things you gotta you gotta you gotta get marbles from a guy really gotta talk you gotta know i gotta talk to an american guy he used to be a big thing someone go on the trip to america and then have to take the orders for people come back with a good dart you know doing that across state lines is fucking trash now i love it in your go through customs

that's where the real trash is the res rockets so my body used to go to his rocket what's the res guy smoking res rackets go to the native reserves they don't pay taxes you get a fucking plastic bag full of cigarettes just and you're using somebody else's it hey let me know when you're done with that packy filling up your zigs in a pack yeah we used to guy that used to tour with us that just have a big plastic ziplock bag full of i feel like you've told me this or i knew this that's that maybe he's done the show no one thing where do they get where do we like talking about darts where do they get this why are they lucies you go to them because i mean you buy them from the reserve and it's not a big company it's some guy that rolled them oh really he just said

that three seconds i thought i thought they just sold them on there i thought they were major companies that just sold them no i don't think you pay taxes is the idea like yeah i thought they got like the like the leftovers or that didn't fit it might be a lady j max for bernie that's what i thought that's what i thought we get out of your regulars the ones with the stains at them a couple of res rackets you know i mean this one's extra long but it's pretty good lipstick on it yeah that's what i fucking thought i didn't know what some dude rolling a fucking ziplock bag of cigarettes they're already smoked you know you're not supposed to do lucies the place by my house like sells people lose cigarettes and they have a lighter that's taped to a string i thought that

that's that's when you know a bad neighborhood you know you know a shittier neighborhood will sell you lucies in a really bad neighborhood you can smoke inside inside the bodega or at least light and but hold on you know what the thing you know that's not funny i guess it's that weird for you for me i was like this is crazy also too i like the i like finding a place the place of my uh neighborhood has the ten dollar sticks where they come from a different state they shift them up from like where they're only ten claims yeah virginia i bought a pack i bought a packet fucking seven eleven or something the other day they charged me seventeen dollars for a pack of cigarettes you believe these kids and they're getting up there need a couple of res rockets uh all right screeching

halt uh table i'm hanging for the Purdue thing i drift on the chickens with Purdue fair enough um all right this one's from cousin jeffrey ever been to a ripply's believe it or not i have in canada i believe or at niagara falls i don't know what side it was niagara falls is a big yeah i've been to all that stuff what is inside there get his book of world records type shit right like the story is behind it but the the thing is and and a lot of uh wax sculptures of you know a guy so it's like madden two souls they're like connected i think it's the same guy who like takes those they're always next to each other yeah if you've ever noticed at any like shitty strip mall or what they're not strip mall you mean the guy that did the show what was his name those things

are a fun rip though to go on a date you know i mean you go with your chick and you get drunk and rip around see the bearded lady i've never know i've i've no i just walked by the madden two souls on 42nd street the other day and there's they have a jimmy fallon out front that like looks nothing like jimmy fallon it looks like they fished them out of the east river it does not look like him that's on the display yeah that's like the first thing and i'm like there are people waiting on jimmy fallon what are you talking about get in line all right we gotta wrap it up gang we love you been a hot one we love you love thank you for coming in uh anything you want the folks out there to know you got coming up what's the scoop yeah the main thing is check out the

podcast i do every friday points cast and patreon.com slash the boys cast news and i do sketches every monday and i'm releasing a stand-up special next month actually nice brothers awesome where'd you film it at the stand very nice very almost done i'm editing it nice gang check that out kippy you got anything for him uh check out our special live shows the whole fucking nine yards uh i'm too special by the way i appreciate it thank you very much uh yeah guys at camera and comedy on all social media real quick t-bone with the weather that's it guys have a good night peace