Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Ryan Shaner Small Town Garbage

Episode Date: June 29, 2020

Comedian, podcaster, and old pal Ryan Shaner joins us to talk about being from a small town, eating deer off the side of the road, and growing up next to a power plant. You know Ryan from the Ya F#cked It podcast. Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Forman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hey there gang, it's your old pals Uncle Hank and Kippy. We got some big news folks. RU Garbage is coming to the Gas Digital Network. That is correct. Me and old Kippy are joining the Gas Digital family baby and we could not be more excited. Yeah guys, this is fucking awesome and but don't worry, not much is changing. If you listen to the podcast, it's still available free wherever you listen. The most 15, the most recent 15 episodes are available free on iTunes, on YouTube, wherever you listen to podcasts, but the catalog of RU Garbage will be available on GasDigitalNetwork.com. But don't you worry, you're a little garbage hearts, ladies and gentlemen, because if you go to GasDigitalNetwork.com and use promo code AYG,

you know what I get? I know what I get, you big man. Talk to me. I get you a 14-day free trial and you'll save $1.50 a month as long as you're signed up. It's gonna be a hoot. You'd be crazy not to sign up for that. That's savings right there and in this economy, we can all use to save a couple of bucks. So spend it wisely, folks. Not only do you get the catalog of AYG, you also get the past catalog of Legion of Skanks, of Real Ass Podcasts, of Believe You Me, with Michael Bisping. Irish Goodbye. Irish Goodbye. You get all the shows on the network. It's gonna be fucking worth it. Guys, sign up, use promo code AYG. Don't be a piece of trash. And gang, don't forget to check out the live stream every Tuesdays and Fridays at GasDigitalNetwork.com. If you want to watch it in HD,

high quality, sign up for the network. You will not regret it. Those live streams will be out three days before everybody else gets to see them. So you're the first one to smell the garbage, baby. Sign up today. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage? The show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they grew up classy or if they're absolute trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful Sunday evening here in Bluebell, Pennsylvania. Got some baby back ribs on the

smoker. Looking forward to a nice evening. My co-host is recently back in New York City. He's back holding down the heights, letting them know. Let me tell you something, gang. Next time you're reaching for a best pal, make it a kippy. All right. He's a good kid. We all love him. Give it up for Kevin James Ryan, everybody. Hey, gang. Happy to be here. Thanks for listening back in New York City. We got in about six minutes ago. I tried hanging my air conditioner and it fell out my four-storey window. Things are going good. Oh, that's awesome. Is that true? No, I almost did lose it a couple of times though. It's a little wobbly. Does duct tape hold it in air conditioner? Who knows? Guys, if you haven't already, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes,

full of video available on YouTube. Check it out. Yes, sir. And, gang, I can't tell you how excited we are to have our very special guest here today. If there was ever a very special episode of RU Garbage, I would have to say this would be it because this might get a little sad. This might pull on the heartstrings a little bit. Okay, gang, you know, I'm from the you-fuck-it podcast. He's a Philadelphia original. I'm talking Raven Lounge, 16th in Samson, going back to when Moses wore short pants. We had a couple of beers in our day, me and this kid. Ladies and gentlemen, give us a nice big round of applause and give it the fuck up for Mr. Ryan Schaener, everybody. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.

Ooh, I'll be the lady. Is that painting in blood behind you? Yeah, you know, dude. That's dog's blood. The blood of the father, dude. When did you move into the hotel from the shining? After I corrected my family, that's what I did. Exactly. For the listener, okay, if you're not watching the video of this, Schaener has a lamp behind him that has two sockets, but there's only one bulb and one socket, and that right there is garbage. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, there's two bulbs. One's a blue bulb. One's a black light for when I get down on my fucking couch, dude. Oh, you have a black light? Yeah. Who are you? You're a lagmire? What are you when you're, are you in your living room

or bedroom? Oh my God. This guy's got a fucking tarantula going. No, dude. This is a, this is my living room. He tells his roommate when the blue light's on, wait a couple of minutes. Calm down, dude. Get the blue light special, dude. It looks like you live in an aquarium with that thing on. He's starting, yeah, starting crickets. That's actually how I keep warm in the winter time. I just lay underneath it like, ah, shit. Schaener got out again. God damn it. I laid eggs in the basket. I'm a laundry basket. Now, when you said don't come down, tell me you live in the basement. No, no, no, no. I've been here for like almost a decade. Whoa. Really? Yeah. Yeah. So basically this, like my roommate, I mean, I've had

four roommates, I think in the last decade. That's not too bad. You're on the lease? It's your apartment? Yeah, it's, it's, it's my place. Yeah, definitely. It's a house. It's a three, it's a three bedroom house in South Philly. This guy, on the up and up, making a name for himself. That's what I'm trying to do. I try to keep that light on so all the bitches know when they come in. Sure. That it's already, that's already a crime scene. You don't got to worry about the stains because you see them in here. We fuck. Okay. So how it goes. Buddy, we're so happy to have you on the pod. We're so happy to see you. Tell us the story, the origin story of Ryan Schaener. You grew up on like a power plant or something, didn't you?

You did. I know you did. For the listener, me and Schaener were fucking tight back in the day. There was a lot of beers. So a lot of weirdness rolling around. Yeah. I grew up, I grew up five miles outside of a nuclear power plant in Spring City, Pennsylvania. Oh, Spring City. That sounds made up. That's like a town and stranger. Yeah. Don't, don't let it, they're like, there's a lot of springs here. Apparently Spring City, again, I learned this in the, in the 1800s. It was supposed to be like a destination spot for Philadelphia socialites to go there. So there's a lot of big houses in the main street of Spring City, but like they just got turned into stupid apartments. It's like no one wants to come there. It was a fucking below the water table and then there were

natural springs everywhere in the city. So every place they built got fucked up within like a month of them building it. So now the crazy thing is now because of the nuclear power plant though, every building that has a occupancy of above 90 has to be made into a fallout shelter. Jesus Christ. What the fuck's a water table, dude? This is like Chernobyl, dude. What's going on here? Oh man, it's going to be. It's, it's, it's crazy. I remember that was a, that was the craziest part too. Like when 9-11 happened and the plane crashed in Shanksville. Everyone was like, oh my god, everyone got worried because, you know, Shanksville is pretty far away from Spring City, but in a jumbo jet going like 500 fucking miles an hour, it's not that far away from where the

power plant is. So everyone started getting worried that they were actually aiming for the power plant. Like get the fuck over yourself. Like Spring City is like, that's the target. Yeah, they're just going to kill a bunch of shaders. They just, that's Osama bin Laden's plan. I got to get them. Those shaders come bags out there and Spring City living high on the hug. We'll get them all. We'll get them all at once. Every time you saw Osama bin Laden in the cave, like doing a like a video fucking message to America, my dad's in the background and I'll poster with a knife in his head. They've been playing all day. Yeah, they, what was the name of the nuclear power plant? It's the Limerick, excellent generating station. It's in Limerick,

Pennsylvania, which is like, I mean, Limerick, Roy's, Ford and Spring City are all the same fucking thing. Now, did they pay and sponsor for everything in your town because they knew they were fucking slowly nuking you? Dude, when we got there, the first house we moved into actually had those mannequins in when they blow up the testing thing. Do they really? In Nevada. No. I don't know. Well, dude, literally. So if you're not from the Pennsylvania area, like if you do, once you get like an hour outside of Philadelphia, things get squirrelly quick. So when they built that power plant, that was, I think, either a year before or a year after the Three Mile Island incident happened. So when that happened, everyone was like, is that going to happen here? I was

like, no, no, no, there's only two reactors, not three. You dumb shit. We got flex seal around the whole thing. It's going to be fine. It's one guy with that reflective like metallic tape. Like you see how I put it on the side. That's fine, man. Holy shit. You don't get it. And I don't even know. Do you have brothers and sisters? Yeah, I have. So my mom has been married four times her first marriage. That's going in the file. Yikes. Four times, baby. Where is she? Liz Claiborne? No, she just likes to bang, dude. So the first marriage is my older half brother and sister. My dad is myself and my younger brother, the third marriage. No, my mom, I think my mom got her tube side and the fourth one, she's just not doing it. So, you know, I only got three siblings

totals. So who'd you actually grow up with? Me and my younger, I mean, I grew up with all of them. I mean, they were all in the same house. My mom was like the one who just took care of everybody. But I mean, me and my younger brother were a year apart. So we spent a lot of time together and just ended up growing this huge, almost nuclear hatred for one another growing up. He was so mad about the amount of times I almost killed that kid. It is so crazy. For the listeners, Shaynor is a bit of a fucking wild card. Like he plays it fast and loose. I've calmed down a lot in the later years. Yeah, you're in your like mid 30s, you should. It's not like you're 19 running a muck. He's not above a sucker punch. I can tell you.

I try to look everybody in the eye. Yeah, that's true. He's not. He's not. He's not above a sucker in the face. Yeah, I'll give you that. I'll look right at you and hit you in the face. And then maybe I'll shake your hand afterwards. I'm a very handshake type of guy. I remember you almost blew my knee out one time with the Raven wrestling with you. Yeah, you fucking idiot. You came up to me. You're like, I played lacrosse. For the listener, Foley got housed. Dude, I thought you guys were wrestling and then like Shaynor clearly, you fully went on the defensive quick and was trying. He was pushing you back towards the stairs and dude, it was going to be a wrecking ball. Big, big time going down those stairs. Those stairs are dangerous to walk down

after a couple of city wides. You know what I mean? Those stairs were death traps, dude. And it's like this fucking Lomax is coming at me like I just got wrestled a couple of times and just like puts on a fucking singlet. He's got the old school singlet in the headgear. Dude, Foley came up to me like fucking curly. He was like, let's go. Pokes you in the eye. Seriously. I definitely was. I feel like that that was at the end of the night. I definitely had a couple of red bull and lockies in me. Yeah. I guess you can call it Red Bull. I guess you can call that Red Bull. Foley was the only guy with a Red Bull dealer if you know what I'm saying. His name was Hector and he was from nice town. Yeah. I was going to say he's the only person I ever saw have Red Bull in

a baggy. That's so crazy. Springfield nosebears. Am I right? Spring city. Did you go out there, the limerick power company? I'll straighten your right up. Two rods, two rods, two rods, hook it up, two rods. Foley would be fucking snorting plutonium if he lived out in New Spring City or whatever the food. He's parachuting topes in his ass. He's like, I got those isotopes. Trying to get back to the future, man. Trying to wreck my mom in 1955, man. I would have made the move on fucking Mrs. McFly. I'll say that. Oh, dude, fucking Leah Thompson. Get out of here. Hey, my mom was as hot as Leah Thompson. Get out. So I'm assuming your childhood was like small tests, small suburban, like, you know,

fucking blowing up frogs and fucking jumping bikes and knocking over banks or shit. What were you doing? I always said, you know, growing up there, everyone asks, because, you know, you, if you try to explain Spring City to people and they're like confused because they're like, well, that's not like any town I've ever heard of. I'm like, yeah, it's not. It's in the break room of a fucking nuclear power plant. And that's also the other thing is like, you know, I grew up in a very blood-rooted town. Like all my relatives still live there. My brother lives two doors down for my mom. My sister lives a block away from my mom. My older brother lives one town over. All of my aunts and uncles all live in the same area. This is a question. Do any of you currently,

and we'll get into the questions in a minute, but this, this sparked, does do any of your family members property lines touch? Very close. Very close. Very close. That's always when it's like an aunt and uncle living next to a grandmother. So it's always bad news. Let's put it this way. My brother, my younger brother can like, he can look out his window and see my mom's house. That's a little too close. It's right there for a hot meal. I mean, that's a perk because Kyle don't cook for shit. His house is, his house honestly looks like the Bates Motel house with like every, like everything's just in one room. He never unpacked. He's been there for about like three years. And every time you go over them, like, Kyle, why don't you do anything? He's like,

what are you not going to do now? And what are your, what are they, what do your siblings do? My older brother, he's, see, that's the thing. My older brother is a very smart and astute person. He does, he does consulting for a green energy company. Okay. So he does that. And my sister-in-law, his wife is a kindergarten teacher. Okay. My sister is a major consultant for a thing called Planco in San Otoga. And her husband, my brother-in-law, works with, I think he's like a physical therapist. I think. Okay. These are good jobs. I was thinking like Squirrel Trapper and fucking, you know, no, no, no. That's the only reserve for Kyle and I. These are all, these are all meth fronts.

What are you talking about? Kyle's a green energy company. Kyle, Kyle owns his own pest control company, but he's got a sledgehammer and that's all he does. He just goes over. He's like, those raccoons got to go, but he doesn't say just brains them. I brought my rake. Don't worry. Don't worry. And you're all tall of cocktails to get these cockroaches out. Your mom is remarried now. Yeah. Yeah. So growing up, was there sports? Was there? I mean, the only was the life like growing up in Spring City. Well, I mean, like I said, what does a kid do on a fucking? What does a kid do on a Saturday night in Spring City? 1213. So what would you say when you're 13? Oh, when you're 13, you break into the old asylum,

Pennhurst and you go in there, you drink, you find anybody whose parents basement or garage you can get into where they have like a refrigerator or a cooler in the garage. You just steal ship from there. And then the other thing is sitting outside of a liquor store, just sitting and waiting for anybody for to make like hard eye contact with you. And you just hold up money. And you don't say anything. Yeah. You don't say it's the Wild West out there, man. These kids are fucking hill buildings. This is, these ain't city folk. All right. You're married, settled down. Dude, I know. First off, I know three guys right now who met their wives when they were in ninth grade. No shit. Jesus. No shit. So it's like when you're, when you grow up out there, you got two

options. You can either be bored or you can be in trouble. And the whole thing is never to be bored. You just fuck around super hard. And, you know, you break into places that like, you know, you could definitely tell in Spring City and Royce Ford and Limerick, that was a place where like they thought they were going to ride the coattails of Pittsburgh with steel. They were like, Oh, we're going to get some of this. And they built all these fucking buildings. And then nothing fucking happened. Yeah. You just go in and you break shit a lot. You steal from the asylum. You find like weird artifacts like crazy people and stuff. Take them. Well, I mean, in the asylum shut down in 1980. Oh, so when that shut down in 1980, they took a lot of the people who were

like too far gone and they put them in Norristown State Hospital. And then the rest of the people, they just let out in Spring City as the words of the state. So they would just walk around the town. And there was a guy named Eddie who would eat anything for a dollar. I got a guy like that. His name's Foley. We would make Eddie eat shit all the time. 50 cents. I'll do it right now. Somebody give me somebody give me a shoe. I think it's a hot sauce. Dude, I watched that guy Eddie honestly eat an entire bowl full of dirt for a buck. You sound like a really good kid. Real fucking Boy Scout over here. So growing up, your mom was remarried. It wasn't your dad, but there was a dad in the house, right? Your stepdad

and the three kids. Well, my older brother Mark got kicked out when he was 13. Kids getting kicked out of the house. 13. Yeah, 13. Yeah, around 13, 14. Where was he supposed to go? Oh, to live with his dad. Okay. Okay, that's different. That was because my brother, I think he got busted for smoking pot. And then my stepdad wasn't having it. And my older brother was like, fuck you, I'm leaving. And he just like left one day. I was like, holy shit. And then he went down some real Rambo shit right there. Hey, he's like, I'm not coming back. He's gonna go up into the woods. Oh, no, you just like got busted. And that was another thing is like,

that was the first time I ever like, he was smoking pot, but I'd never wanted to do like smoke pot at all. But like, I remember like other kids, we like, we would huff shit like idiots all the time. Yeah, we have stuff to do. We have gas once or twice, but you know, was big was dust off. Well, that was like later that would that came in high school. But it's crazy though. This is true as shit. When I was in, I think like fifth, fourth or fifth grade, this kid named Mike Bieber in my hometown died because he was huffing butane in his shed. And then he was so disoriented and he tried to light a cigarette and he burnt himself from the inside out and he died. Now his parents were so distraught by this and they didn't know what

like about huffing or anything like that. So they decided to have an open casket funeral for him to try to scare kids straight. And my sister went and she to this day says it's the most horrific thing she's ever seen in her fucking life. Dude, new city, what spring city is something else? Yikes. Let's go to a sponsor real quick. I gotta have a cigarette and a cup of coffee. That's the other thing too, man, is like I grew up in a town where like you talk about like, what was it a year ago? Like I'll go there every now and again just to see what's going on. I mean, the last time I was there was from my fucking dumb dad's funeral. But before that, I went back at like on Thanksgiving. I was like, Hey, what's been going on with the town because this is new

and this is new. And my mom was like, Oh, nothing's been really going on. Oh, except that like a week we had two crazy suicides. And I was like, what are crazy suicides? And one of them was that a pregnant 21 year old threw herself in front of a freight train at the main crossing in Roarsford and like just died immediately. And then Oh, really? She didn't bounce back from that one. No, no, no, she got up. I thought it was going to be touch and go for a couple of days. Of course, she was like put a bazooka or blow her head off. People are very resilient out there, man. I got the plutonium in their blood. My dad lost his foot when he was 14 on it's that same moving train, I think. And you just fucking you just keep going. You don't have any other fucking choice.

But anyway, Christ, I think a week, what's new? Well, what's new is, Hey, we got a Panera bread. Yeah, not a double suicide. But is everything mom and pop out there? Or is there some of some of it isn't some of it? Like, that's the whole thing is that was so po dunk that like, when we got an outback steakhouse, people we made it, we fucking made it now. Like that was like, dude, that outback had to have made like 100 grand that first weekend, 800 bucks. Everybody was there. Even came, I think we were using wooden nickels from the fire club. Like here you go, dude. I bring my own ketchup. I don't know if you guys know there's no trials in the bathroom to piss in. Where the fuck is that? I don't want nobody looking at my dick while I take a leak. It's

bullshit. Dude, that's also another thing. There's a couple of places I've been to where they have the the troughs to piss in instead of like urinals or whatever. Oh, yeah. That's someone has dude, but someone, but some, this is dude. I was like, who is so homophobic? Someone glued particle board in between the parts just so no one can look at each other's dicks. It like, what was happening in this bathroom? A lot of peaky peaky. Yeah. That's what the bathroom is for. A little peaky peaky. Check out the competition. See what's going on. You see who's swinging the meat bat harder, dude. Back in there, dude. That's what you separate the men from the boys. Those open troughs. I'll tell you that. But honestly, that's, that's how you figure out who the radiation

affected more. Like you think I was five dicks in a bathroom. Took off the whole trough, dude. I couldn't even take a leak. Yeah. I Santa Togo. What's up with that face? Got an eye. I swear to God. It looked at me. I went to Home Depot this morning with my mother and I got to thinking about this. Now, when you mentioned the outback steakhouse that triggered my mind, it seems to me like nowadays a lot of shitty towns, what happens is, is they put a highway through it, right? You know what I'm talking about? Where there's those big stretch of like serious highway, like two lanes on one side, there's a medium and all that shit. We got all medium, what did I say? Medium. And buddy, you haven't been a medium.

You should, that word should be taken out of your vocabulary. Okay. But when they put the like, you know, they put the Walmart, they put the outback, they put the jet filet, they put like all these huge corporate places all along that. When you drive through a town like that, you're like, yeah, this is fucking garbage. That's all they have out there is it's the biggest thing that they keep building is like strip malls and cemeteries. That's that's their bread and butter is like, you know, let's put another coals here and then adjacent to that, there will be a necropolis. It's fucking crazy because nobody leaves there. Nobody leaves. They just like keep breeding and then they die.

And there is like, well, where can we go? Like that TJ max is on fire right now. It's where you go. I just found the new brand at Walmart, which I'm sure it with you guys because you're two skinny minis, but it's the brand called George at Walmart. I ain't wearing anything called George, buddy. I just dropped 160 bucks at Walmart. George with a J or George with a G. That would be classy with a J, but no, I thought it was George with a J with an oom loud over the O like George, George, George, George Foreman's clothing line. Jorge. Now, man, it's fucking awesome. I love all that stuff. I know that's garbage, but I love like that time. Can't be me and you talk about it all the time. We were in Altoona

doing shows and we went to that fucking TGI Fridays together. That's TGI Fridays. I've been living out of Pennsylvania. I don't know what they were putting in the fucking, fucking Jack Daniels sauce that day, but it blew my fucking air back. You want, you want to talk about some trash? It's funny you talk about clothing. I remember when I was in high school and two of my friends died in a car accident and everyone, everyone had to go to this guy. You're like the fucking grim reaper, dude. Everybody around you dies tragically. What do you Christine the car? Don't even get me started, dude. So when they died, I remember like everyone was like devastated and like, I remember I was going to go to the funeral,

but I have anything to wear and I went to the Ross that was in my hometown. Oh my God. So many of my friends were there like buying buying shirts. Yeah. Funerals and court appearances. That's how Ross stayed in business in spring city. That's how it goes. Small claims court, fucking child custody, dude. That's how you get there, dude. Yeah. Get me. Have you ever heard of not going to a funeral because you had nothing to wear? I want to pay my respect, but I don't have a pair of slacks to borrow. That's another thing, man. When my dad died, my father was like, if you do that, if they're as a man that you should be able, if there's a wedding or a funeral tomorrow, you should be able to get into a suit and go. I was the only

person at my dad's funeral that was dressed like they were going to a funeral. Everybody else was there for a fucking Super Bowl party. It was like he worked there. That's dude. They were tipping them dude. I remember I was standing there. Let me get to up front by the body. Okay. What's that? What is that over there? Is that Tommy? Holy shit. Oh man. That's correct. I'll never understand people that wear like sports. Now you're two nice. My younger brother and it's crazy. My younger brother, my younger brother, his father's funeral. I shit you not showed up with just the front of a shirt tucked in a chain wallet and skate shoes and jeans with a rip in the knee. This is for his dad's funeral. That's crazy. Now, what do you think goes through their head? Is it like, look at all

these other suckers dressed like adults or like, or does he think he fits in? That's what I don't get. I know he was just like, man, you know, I got to get dressed up for some this, this shirt. That's dressed up. That's dressed up. That's dressed up. So that's where that's where the disconnect is. They think it's a nice piece of clothing. My brother's like, you know, dad wouldn't care. I'm like, it's not even about that. You look like a bus boy. You look like you should be like, naughty. You should look like you shouldn't even be allowed in here. You understand? Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. That was everything. The phone, the morning of the funeral. He was like, yo, what are we wearing? That's a big one. What are you wearing?

That's a big one. That's a big one, dude. A fucking suit. My brother's like, what are we wearing? I'm like, what are you fucking talking about? Dressed like you're going to a dress like you're going to your father's funeral, Kyle. Maybe he wanted to match. He's like, look, Rai, if you got green Zuba stripes, you know, I'm wearing a fucking black ones. Come on, dude, don't wear, don't wear a chain. Well, cause you know, I want, I just got a new one and I wanted to wear it. It's my thing. Okay. Did you go to Ross, Rai? They got you in the morning. I'm on my way to Ross. I'll pick you up. We got to get close. I was thinking, I was thinking more like you both show up in tuxedos like in stepbrothers. That would be preferred. Honestly, to tell you the truth,

if Kyle showed up in a fucking tuxedo, no, everyone would be like, look at Kyle. He cleans up well. He cleans up well. They would think he's the governor or something. They would be like, that's the mayor of Spring City. Who did Mr. Shayna know? Hello. Dude, I should have worn a monocle at my dad's fucking funeral. I don't know. I'm like, who's that? Yeah, that would have made you mayor of Spring City. It would have been a charge of the power plant. I don't think Spring City has a mayor. I think it's just all policed by it's, yeah, I don't even think they have. It's that guy Dennis that eats the dirt or whatever his name is. What was it? Randy? Oh, Eddie? Eddie. Dude, Randy is a, Randy is a fucking Spring City name. There's

a couple of Randy's out there. Oh, dude, Randy and you grew up with a Randy. You better not still be friends with him. I tell you that three, three Randes, one Rudy, and there was a couple of Rudy Rudy's are tough. Rudy. I never met a Rudy at life. And Rudy was a gigantic fucking ginger kid who just like was notorious. Like he was on a wrestling team of mine. He was notorious for shitting his pants too. Like that was like his thing. Told you. Never met a Rudy. I liked was bad. Well, listen, gang, I think out there, we have a picture painted of what we're, of what we're, what we're about to get into. Or where do you think his answers, what side of the fence they might fall on? Well, but let's get into some are you garbage questions with a good pal

from the you fucked it podcast with our good pal, Brian six, Mr. Ryan Schaener here. What was I going to say? Do you? Okay. Now just for, just for the court records, do you think you're garbage? No, I think. Wow. I think. That was with Schaener. What? That's horrible. With Rudy and Randy and the chain wallets. What? All right. What? No, I think it's garbage comes with a level of ignorance. I understand what's going on. I'll give you that. I think, I think if you're, if you're true garbage, if you're true legitimate garbage, you like my younger brother prime example. Yeah. He didn't, he called me the day of my father's funeral to ask what to wear to a funeral for his father. He doesn't get it. You get our, I'll give you that. Okay. And also I think, I think

some of, we just had this with, we had Florentine, Jim Florentine on and he was actually, he's like, you know, kind of like a known, I don't want to say scumbag, but like he's rough around the edges and his behavior was trashy, but his upbringing was kind of classy. Like he, he's brought up by good stock. He's got good, you know, don't get me wrong. There are things, there are things I do that I'm like in the middle of them, like there ain't nothing wrong with us. And then later, someone will be like, you know, that's fucking wrong. I'm like, you know, you're right. You know, you're right. All right. Wrong on that. But I do it because like, I know that if I were to do it in my family setting, nothing would be, no of that not. Of course. That's what I mean is like, I,

but then again, it's like, I also understand how the fucking world works. Sure. Yeah. There are certain, there are certain parts of me that are just so bullshit and grained that I can't get. Like I just would do it. If no one was saying nothing. So I would say we're about to give them right now. So basically what you're saying is that you came from garbage, but now you're not garbage. Now you also just expose yourself because you said there's some things that you can't avoid. We're going to try to find those things together right now. Let's do it. Kevin, let's start some of the basics. What was the name of the grocery store you guys went to? Giannardi's. See, that's a little bit of a class, baby. Yeah. Giannardi's that was also

employed by some of those people who are let out of an asylum. So, you know, we, it doesn't matter. It's got the name on it and passes the test. You don't need a doctor to push the carts around. You know what I mean? Let's keep a smile on your face. But there was also another place we used to go to called cobs, which is still in operation cobs, which was a farmer. You should have stayed at the Giannardi's and kept it moving. Oh shit, man. Cobbs. So, cobs. Still to this day has the best scrapple I think I've ever eaten in my entire life. Wait, the grocery store that made their own scrapple? It was a farmer's market that had a slaughterhouse on site. Oh, okay. It's a little different. That's a little different.

Okay. This onion we're peeling here. It was good. All right. Okay. I got to go. No, you go. Quick. I want to throw this curveball at you just, you know, from the from garbage to not garbage, et cetera, et cetera. So, it's kind of a two-part question growing up and now. Yeah. When you open a loaf of bread, okay. Do you put the twist tie back on it or do you tie the bread bag in a knot? What's your either or do you do the fold? You do the fold. That's the way you fucking do it. What? You fold. You don't do anything. You just fold the bag over and put it down. It's a trash move. It's a trash, lazy garbage. What? The bugs could get in it. The bugs.

Well, what are you bugs? Why are bugs in your house? What kind of trash move it is? It's a lazy move. It's a lazy move. Wow. I would say that I recycle the twist ties and let my cat play with them. You know, that's, there you go. Hey, he's an animal lover. I'm a green thinking son of a bitch here. So, so you're telling me you did that growing up and you do that now. That's the same move. Yeah. Yeah. Actually, you know, my mom would bitch about not using twist ties, but I would just do it anyway. That's class. That's class. That's class. That's class. I miss you. Well, she was also like a bitch. You know, she was also like a very, she was also a fucking no-nonsense asshole. So it was like, well, I mean, she's buying this bread. She wants it fresh. You know what I mean?

She's like, if it, Ryan, if it came this way, that's the way it fucking ends up. That's the way it came. I respect it. You put it back on. Here's the second part of the question. Okay. I guess I could go to both of you. Did you ever keep bread in the freezer? Yeah. Oh yeah. I do that now. Oh, that's what most scientists would call trash. Who are these scientists? It's really me and Foley. Okay. It's just us in a kitchen with a magnifying glass. Are you talking about Beekman from Beekman's world? Is that what you're talking about? Foley? Jesus. You get me Albert Einstein on the phone. He wasn't putting his bread in the freezer. I could tell you that. Hey man, you want to talk about trash though? This is, this blew my fucking mind.

I had a roommate who lived here who would put, and I shit you not. I'd be like, this is the dumbest thing I've ever heard in my life. She would put garbage in the freezer in the summertime so bugs wouldn't come in because if you left it out in the house, flies would come in, but she would put garbage like empty containers of plastic with food that had food in it in the freezer. That's crazy. And then all of my fucking shit in the freezer would end up tasting like fucking garbage. All my fucking, dude, even the pop tarts I put in the fucking freezer would just like end up tasting. Why are you putting pop tarts in the freezer? This guy's coming at me from all directions. I don't know what's going on.

Why am I, why do you put pop tarts in the freezer? Yeah. What are you talking about? Let me ask you a question. When you went to slobs or whatever it was called, when you went to cops, were the pop tarts in the freezer section or were they out on a counter? No, no, no, no, no. First of all, they're in a box wrapped in tinfoil in a vacuum sealed bag. What the fuck's the freezer going to do? Anyway, anyway, this is why you put pop tarts in a freezer. One, learn me. They're the batteries company. No, no, no. One, it's a, it's a delicious frozen treat when you eat it. It's very refreshing and good. Two, a lot of people don't know if you take s'mores pop tarts and put them in the fucking freezer,

then take them out, microwave them for three seconds, put some fucking chunky Peter butter on the back. You got yourself in a class fucking dessert. This guy might be class. I don't know what's going on. Three, three, three, you fucking, you fucking dipshits. You get them, you freeze them up, you break them up, put them in a bowl of fucking with some milk and eat some fucking pop tart cereal. And it is fucking delightful. Huh? Because I've heard of key week. We used to keep the cupcakes in the fridge. Yeah. I can't do any treat colder is good. I'll give you that. I didn't think of pop tart. That's a curveball. I'm telling you, you might be showing us something here. Anybody listening to this or anybody watching this, I swear to fucking Christ, buy s'mores

pop tarts, put them in the freezer, take them out, put peanut butter on the back of it, microwave it for three fucking seconds and blow your I swear to fucking God. I swear to God. Wow. All right. You had me up until I mean, if you're making cereal out of fucking pop tarts, you slipped up somewhere. That ain't a good move. You get your go get a thing of cocoa crispies or fruit loops or something. That's good, man. I'll give you the first two. You might have got him. That's classy. You're making a snack better. Hey, I'm definitely going to take a look into that. I'm telling you right now. I'm telling you right now. You're going to put my best man on it. I swear to I swear to shit, dude, you're going to you're going to send me a text

message in a week or whatever. You're going to be like, I don't know what the fuck I've been doing. I swear to God, a week where you're going to be at nine o'clock tonight. If you think he's not going to fucking currently throw his fucking toaster strudels in there, you're nuts. All right, holy shit. Dude, that threw me through a fucking loop. What in the fuck? Okay. Were you a bagel bites or a pizza rolls family? Oh man. Uh, so it's funny. Anytime we wanted to have like bagel bites, my mom thought it was stupid. She's like, I don't understand why the fuck you would buy bagel bites. However, my mom, and this is again, another thing that my mom would do, she would take, she would buy everything bagels or like a poppy seed or like a plain

and then she would make her own pizzas with them in the oven and we'd have those for like bagel pizza night. Buddy, that's class. That's a class move. If you're home making a meal that you would typically buy frozen, that's a home run. Yeah, we'd have those. We'd have those a bunch. I've only come across this once in my life and let me tell you something. I've done sleepovers with the best of them. I specifically remember this. Robbie Hutchinson's mom, one day breaking out some bagel bites. She said, you guys want bagel bites and we were like, yeah. And when I walk into that kitchen, bitch, let's go get them. I walked into that kitchen and smelled that toaster oven going. I was like, that can't be fucking no and fresh ones. Fucking made them

fresh dude. There was one time my mom made those bagel pizzas and like we, that was like a thing too. She was like, she was like, what do you guys want? Pepperoni blah, blah, blah, blah. We're like, yeah, do it. She was doing pep. This broad's doing supreme. Hold on. Hold on. Fuck. She's like, she's like, you want pepper. We didn't have pepperoni. My mom used fucking venison on the fucking bagel pizzas. You know, damn it, Shayner. What the fuck, man? I don't know what's going on here, dude. This guy just keeps going right up to the line and crossing over it. Fucking road kill bites. Come on, man. I got dinner in 20 minutes. Oh, that was another thing too. That was another thing too. Hold on. Hold on. You were on the line of class and then you dropped a cereal

with the pop darts and then venison fucking pizza bagel. Listen, listen here. There was one time my dad, so my fucking dad was a, he was a trophy pirate. I don't know if you guys know what that is. Sounds like something they do with the Y though. I'll tell you that. Yeah. He's got a major, he's got, he's got major Pee Wee hockey trophies. And I was like, I did this. No, uh, we would drive around. If we were ever driving by some of them, we saw like a deer on the side of the road that had like certain points on the antlers. He would go and saw the heads off for the antlers off of the deer on the side of the road. But every now and again, there would be like a fresh kill. And what like, I remember there was a time the dough that we saw wasn't, it wasn't

huge. It wasn't like a gigantic animal, but he brought it in the van. We drove it back. He dropped it off at a friend's house and then left and we didn't see it. And then like a month or two later, I remember my dad gave us both beef, like jerky in like a fucking plastic bag. And it was like seasoned with all this fucking weird, like McCormick's rub and shit. And it was amazing. He's like, yeah, remember that dough we found on the side of the road? That's the jerky from that dough. I mean, what kind of life are you living? No, that's, that's super common. And venison, venison by itself is great. Wait, venison is amazing. Wait, venison is amazing. Everybody shut up. That is not fucking comments. And second of all, you come from a life where your mom makes homemade

fucking pizza bagels and your dad's picking up roadkill. That's fucking crazy, dude. Talk about Romeo and Juliet. I'm Jesus. Jesus. No, I don't even know what to do anymore. Do you like venison kippy? Oh, I would daddy. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not like the I don't like it off the side of the road. I'll fucking tell you that much if it's a if it's a fresh, if it's a fresh, holy water where we got to talk about this show moving forward. I didn't know you were roadkill eating people. Kevin, if you check a deer's asshole on the side of the road and there's no flies or maggots in it, that's like a fucking less than an hour. Buddy, I don't care if he fucking died in a ladybug. That's good luck. Yeah. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's

something else. Wow. I mean, but then again, you have homemade like jerky. I'm not opposed to a home. I'm saying you're finding it on the side of the road. Yeah. Yeah. So that's the definition of clean living, dude. That's from the earth. Who came up with clean living? That ain't clean living. Okay. Wow. Oh man. It's gonna be a hot one. Tomato, tomato, dude. This is nuts. Hey, listen, if you want venison, first of all, you live in the fucking sticks. It ain't hard to get your hands on some venison. You don't need to be picking it up off the side of the road. What I'm saying is what I'm saying is sometimes you see a fucking like say you're driving the bowling alley as we were that day. I'm not even with you, but sure. Okay. We're going the limerick bowl. Sure.

And then my dad's like, holy shit. He's like, holy shit. And I remember us stopping and my younger brother's like, what are we doing? He's like, God damn it. I remember him going out there and like pulling it by its hind legs. He's like, ah, and he's like picking up the tail, looking at its ass. So I was like, God, they're not on this. I mean, put it in the fucking band. That's insane. That's crazy to me for a good two to three miles out of our way to get from the bowling alley to stop at his buddy Shepherd's house to draw at that point. I would hope so. I wouldn't hope you left it in the car with the in the family. You were bowling a wicked game. Yeah. I got a turkey going on in the dead deer in the back. Let's go. I mean, I'm on a hot streak turn on the

AC in the car. Yeah. Ice that puppy down in the trunk. Let's do it. You stop at a fucking wall on getting that igloo ice and just dump it on top of it. I do it. I got a turkey. I got a turkey going. Oh, you know what a turkey is, right? Yes. Three strikes. Yeah. Oh man. All right, fully. What do you got? This is this is a fucking wacky episode. I know it, baby. I know it. I'm dude. I don't even know where to go on my question. I'm like, I'm over here flipping through papers. I don't know what's going on. Here's something. All right. It's an every man question right here. You go out to the store. You get beer. You bring it back. You put it in the fridge. Do you leave it in the six pack or the case or do you take them out and stack them up individually?

This is big. This is big. So the six pack I have here, I just, I, I, I just throw the six pack in there. I don't fucking take it. I told you yourself, you get a six pack. You're looking to get fucking hammered alone. Think about some shit. Wonder where it all went wrong. Listen to some fucking Pink Floyd fucking take the only time. The only time I'll take the only time I'll take beer out of like a case or a six pack or anything of that. If I know I'm going to have chicks over other than that, I don't give a shit. Have chicks over. What are you? What are you? McConaughey relax. Who are you? The Fonz with the who says has if I know I'm gonna have chicks over. If I know I'm going to have chicks over,

I'll take it out and make it look like I might, you know, be a little bit classier. Dude, you want to, you want to hear trash? I went down to my mom. I could just see them getting into a fight the next morning as she's walking out the door. I took the beer out of the six pack for you. What more do you want, you fucking bitch? Of you. I'm sorry, Kippy. Go ahead. I went down to my mom's shore house this weekend and I reached, I opened up the fridge and I see a 12 packet twisted tea can. So I reach in for one and there's only one left in the box and the box is still in there. It's like, you're like reaching a right. You're reaching the back. I'm like, did any, did any of you ever have the fucking dick?

And my dad was like notorious for this. I was like, why do you, and I don't, to this day, none of it made sense. And he never really gave me an explanation, but he would do it all the time. Were you or anybody, you know, if you drank a six pack of like, especially cans in a case, after you were done, you'd put the can back in, in the case itself. So you could throw the whole case out, but you'd still do it while it was in, in the fridge. That's weird. That's weird. I've never done that. It's pretty classy, though. No, it's not. You got, you got like half stank beer in the fucking seems like the fucking mind of a man that does that. I think that's like borderline insane.

But when I brought that up to him and I told that to somebody else, like, yeah, my dad does that same fuck. Like someone was very on board with that same type of like, well, there was another spring city in or was it? Of course it was. Of course it was someone from in town. I don't know. I think I think that's pretty trash, but I get it. What? I don't get it. Explain it to me. I don't know. It's like, you know, I mean, I do this. That's why I'm saying I get it. I leave the cracked eggs in the in the cart and put them back. Oh, you are a fucking. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Wait, hold on. What the fuck is this? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Wait a minute, hippie. Cracked eggs all day in there.

Are you kidding me? Really? The tables have been turned. You are a fucking pile of shit. Wow. Cracked eggs. Yeah. Do you use them later? No, you just don't want to dribble it. You don't want to dribble it all over the counter. So you crack it right there and put it right back. It also depends on where it depends on where the trash can is. For me, it's far. So you drip it on the floor every time and I'm I'm cranking through a dozen eggs in like four days. Okay. You dumb shit. Do you have the styrofoam or the cardboard case? It depends. Typically styrofoam. Okay. So when there's how many eggs are the like you ever like switch them around into the egg math for like fucking, you know, even weight distribution in the fucking carton?

A little bit. You got. Okay. So if you do that, you can rip it in half and throw the whole fucking thing away. You fucking dumbass. Sure. I'll give you that. I'm not saying it's right. I'm not trying to push my views on you. I'm just saying this is what I do. We're not trying to recruit you. I worked in a grocery store for seven years. I worked in Bluebell where fucking Foley's from. So Jesus, I know what the fuck's going on. Dude, working in a grocery store. That's that's a that's a blemish in the file. Wait, what? What? Yeah, I worked at one too. What department? Oh, produce. Produce can go either way. Well, the whole thing is produce guys are all right. If you worked in the meat, if you worked in the meat or the deli, those dudes were deli deli. They would buy you.

They would they could get you coke for sure. No, actually, the worst fucking department, honestly, in the entire fucking one was the bakery, the bakery fucking bitches who worked in there were fucking total cons all the fucking time. But when they read it, so I worked for Super Fresh. So when they they fired a bunch of people and then they redid the union. So the whole store became the same union for a little bit, the seafood guys, the meat guys and the bakery people were all the set like all different unions. So you couldn't work in their department. So once they consolidated everything, you could work in every department just to save time because they were laying off. So yeah, I got you. So I worked in the fucking meat department for a little bit.

So a guy cut his fucking finger off on the fucking meat. So which was fucking course you did. You're the grim reaper. It's amazing. You're like, you're like final destination. You know what? I might be from town right now. I'm going through a bad time. Yeah. I'm gonna do it. My cat has cancer. I just found out like two days ago. Congratulations. Jesus, shame. And that's terrible. I know. It's not good. Well, start to go fund me. Get it going. They told me it was they told me it was a non negotiable. I don't think you negotiate with cancer. Listen, this cancer is present a high number. No, if you get out of here, I'll have fucking, you know, crazy Eddie eat something of yours. That's terrible. I'm sorry that your

cat has cancer. It's a bummer. It's a bummer. But let's switch. Let's switch. Anyway, yeah, you have a slip and slide growing up. Yeah, we did. We also we also made we had a homemade one made out of a couple of tarps. Because what age did you do that though? Wait, yeah, hold on, man, you're all over the place. Yeah, you had the slip and slide. You should have stopped at the slip and slide. Now I find that you use the construction materials. Yeah. So you had the proper branded up branded like a slide. We had a do you remember? Do you remember in the like, Kevin, you're around the same age as me. Do you remember in the night? Do you remember Death Alley Rally? Do you remember that at all? What was that? That was the Wiley Coyote like fucking Warner Brothers like slip and

slide. It was like it had all the things on it, right? It had shit. But like when you went when you went through the end, there was like a big splash tube at the like a big pool at the end. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're dumb shit. It was like it was like a tricked out. Yeah. Yeah. So we had that. No, no, no, a neighbor had one of those. So like we would use that. I was going to say case closed if you got the fucking tricked out name brand slip and slide. No. This put it this way. If Kyle and I ever got anything name brand for like our birthday or anything like that. I mean, a mom, she worked at a geriatric home was making some pretty good money. But my dad, if he ever gave us anything that was like name brand, we like later on my mom was like, you know where he got that

from. He stole it or something. Stole it all. Yeah, or had a guy with some sticky fingers. I like it all the fucking time. There was like my dad at one point in time was living on like, I'm going to say maybe $30 a week. He was he was in bad shape, bad shape. But like every Christmas, we would have the newest gaming console. I'm like, how the fuck? Yeah, you afford dude. That's a good right there. Dude, that's not garbage. You got to get it done. There was one time the PlayStation we got. Kyle and I got a place like the first PlayStation in 1990 fucking six. We got a PlayStation, but it wasn't in a box. It was wrapped in a T. Some kid's blood on it. Dude, it said property of Rudy.

He's like, you know, Eddie will do anything for a dollar. I picked up his fucking shit there. They'll go over to market. Uh, yeah, no, we, uh, when we were, so a kid down the street from us had that. And then I remember like we were bitching that we didn't have anything like that. Now our front yard was this shitty. It wasn't a shitty patch of fucking land, but it was like definitely there were rocks in it all over the fucking place. Sure. So we were like, well, we can't do it here. But behind us behind my house was an abandoned factory. So like on the other side of that factory was a gigantic hill. And like we were talking about like, ah, man, we should like try and find some. And then in the fact we were breaking into the factory all the time, we found these fucking like

big tarps and we were like, Oh, these are perfect. And we put them on the side of the hill. And then like we didn't have any water. So kids fucking do. So this kid went home and like we did like a bucket line all the way down from buckets of water on these fucking tarps, just so one after the other could do it. And then as other kids like, you know, if you use soap, you don't have to really fucking do anything with the water. So then we, dude, this was like a weak operation, like like a week, all the spring city shut down to get this fucking dirt bag, slip and slide. We built this slip and slide. And then we saved up money to go to the hardware store to get like a big like industrial, like big thing of like Juergens or like whatever, like soft soap, anything. And we

just put it all over it. And we were doing that for a while. And like kids were getting super fucked up. One kid broke his leg. Yeah, kids get fucked up on that kind of stuff. Jesus Christ. Wow. This is some kind of episode. This guy's all over the map. Have you ever microwave bacon? Yes. And then the kid died. No, I've microwaved. I I like my microwave eggs a lot too. Oh, you do. What? Wait, I'm sorry. What? You do even eggs. So Let me back up. Let me back up. How about this? Listen up here. I'm going to tell you this right now. Listen up. Listen up. So what do you do?

You know, you can't church this up, dude. There's no reason you should be microwaving. I can. I can. I can start with a little time. All right, little basil, little rosemary, unless you're feeding them to your dog. That's what you do. What you do is like when you get Uncle Ben's Minut rice, listen, when you get Uncle Ben's Minut rice, you microwave that for the 90 seconds that goes in there. Then you take an egg and you beat that up in a like ceramic bowl. You put that in there. You microwave that for about 90. You dump the rice in there. You beat it up. There you have like fucking basically like fried rice with egg in it. That's fucking dope. Cut up a couple of hot dogs. Throw that in there. Microwave that for a little bit.

Folks, welcome back to cooking with garbage. Right. I'm telling you right now, dude, I'm telling you, there's no circumstance you should be microwaving an egg. It takes 90 seconds to make on the pan. 90 seconds. Sometimes your gas is shut off. Sometimes your gas is shut off, Kevin. Fair enough. Gentlemen's point. Sometimes your gas is shut off, Kevin. I'll give you the rice. I'll give that to you. I'm going to give you that one. All right. My mom's like just put straight eggs in the thing. And she's dynamite, but for herself, she has a little contraption. I just threw it in the microwave. It's fine. Yeah. Yeah. But if you put, if you take, if you take the rice, mix it in with it. I see what I see. The rice is a little different because then it's an

ingredient to it. I understand that. It's not, you're not just microwaving the fucking six pack of eggs and, you know, no, that's insane. People do that. Holy garbage mom does it, apparently. One at a time, maybe two. Mama. All right. You got one? I just got one more. I got one more. I got two or three more, maybe. Have you ever owned a lizard or a snake? Oh, yeah, definitely. You sold them. You've had to have. So you seem like a reptile kind of guy. Yeah. We weren't allowed to have any. My mom was like really against that. She was all about like taking in strays, though. She's all about taking in strays a lot. And I remember I found this fucking snake in my backyard and I like put it in a big jar and like I poked holes in this, in the top of the

fucking thing for the snake and I put some grass and shit in there and it wasn't like it was about maybe like a foot and a half long. But like I put it, I didn't want my mom to find it. So I put it, there was a hole in my wall in my bedroom. So I put the snake in there and every now and again, I would like try and feed it mice, but like it was a gardener snake. Yeah, bugs or whatever. Yeah. So I didn't know. And then I forgot about it. Give it some venison. No, no, I forgot about the snake in the jar in the hole in my... How do you forget about a snake in a jar that you put in your wall? That's insane to me. What hole in the wall where you keep things? What dude, what bigger did you have going on in your life that you forgot about the snake in the wall?

I mean, there was... We were like, I forgot. I got the bear and I got the bear in the attic. That was the thing. I tell you about the slip and slide. Did I tell you about that? Shut up, Kevin. What happened to the snake? Well, I forgot about it. And then... I didn't smell that. Oh, man. A couple of months went by and I was like, what the fuck smells in my room? And my mom came in, she's like, what is that? What is that? And then later, I remember it just started to go away. It just didn't smell anymore. That's all I forgot about. It wasn't until we were moving out. And then the same wall that I was putting magazines of porno in, it was the same hole in my wall, I was just putting the

porn on top of the fucking... Like I started pulling that. I'm like, oh my God, look at all these fucking hustlers. And then I was like, what the fuck is this? And I pulled up, there was a liquefied snake in a Hellman's jar in my fucking wall that had been there for like, who the fuck knows how long? At least it was a miracle whip. You're a Hellman's family. That's good. Thanks for class right there, baby. Hellman's is big on the show. I thought Miracle Whip was the class one. No, Miracle Whip's trash. I thought Miracle Whip was like salad dressing. My older brother loved Miracle Whip. He's a whip dude. I think I got two more.

He's a whip dude. He's a whip dude. He's a whip dude. Anyone in your family have leg tattoos? Yeah, my younger brother does. What is it? It's a skeleton ripping out of the back of his calf. All right, sounds like it's got an artistic flair to it. Oh, we ain't saying that. No, no, he got that when he was... You want to be a doctor? Is that what it is? What? Oh, no, he got that. I think he got that like a week after he came back from Afghanistan. He was like... Oh, OK, that makes sense.

Older brother, younger brother. Younger brother. You've got the guy you've been shitting on the whole time. You tell us at the end he's a goddamn veteran. No, he's not a veteran. Listen. He was just in Afghanistan. You're joking. Listen, listen. So what a lot of people don't know is that when Obama pulled all the troops out of like no boots on the ground in Afghanistan, what a lot of people don't know is that when he pulls all the troops out because of the contingency that happened in the first Persian Gulf War, we don't leave any installations there because they will be used against us.

Because the Persian Gulf War, the second round in Afghanistan, Iraq, Pakistan, Oman, all that shit was so unpopular. Everyone hated that we had US forces over there because of that rising death toll. So he pulled all the troops out of the fucking goddamn desert. Now, if he pulls all the troops out of the fucking desert, who is going to break down all those installations? I'll tell you who. No. Well, yeah, Kyle Demily, because he was a national guardsman. So what they did is they held a lottery. This is never talked about.

They held a lottery and certain National Guard troops were then flown the fuck over to a goddamn sandbox for over a year to break down installations and send them back. That's still a veteran, man. He was in fucking harm's way. Debatable. No, that's shout out to Kyle. Shout out to Kyle. Yeah, shit. He was in the shit. You're hippie brothers over here shitting on you.

Drinking fucking, keeping the six pack in the beer in the six pack. Look, I'm proud to be an American where at least I know I'm free and I won't forget my snake in your wall. Yeah, I got that. All right. I think I just got one more and then fully you can wrap it up. Have you ever been to a red lobster? That was my first date. Really?

Yeah. How old are you? First major date. I was in 11th. I was in 11th grade. Pay yourself? No, no. Yeah, I was like, uh, no, I did I pay myself? No, I borrowed money from my mom.

I borrowed $40 from my mom and she was like 40 bucks. So I don't know what I think my mom was like lobster. That's expensive. And she just gave me money. Take $16 went to the I don't think there was an app. I don't think there was an appetizer at that date. No, because what people don't know is they fuck it.

Red lobster that played that joint ain't cheap. Jesus. Okay. How many cheesy biscuits you give me? He got balls. No, it was an appetizer. We went to, uh, I think it was like not the shrimp fest, but like the lobster. It was some sort of like how is this how is this how is the seafood in spring city? Good. They got a good, I mean, they got, they got a good wharf.

Eddie just pulled it out of the water. Yeah. The school, the school river runs right through there. Ah, so you get some of the worst cat fit, which I've also eaten out of the spring. Out of the school. So, but the way you get around that, who wants to get around that? No one's trying to get around that. You leave it in your wall for a couple of months.

You just put it in naturally for men. Yeah. It just becomes booze and you drink that up and get fucking wasted. Oh, that's what you live in. Shana, I love you, buddy. This makes me realize how much I fucking miss hanging out with you, man. We got to have a pop just not in spring city. I say we go.

Convince all those hillbillies to give us their land. Honestly, if you show up with a developer, let me fall in all over it. If you go up there with a snap kitchen franchise, they'll give you anything. What? It'll be like no country or no, it'll be like there will be blood. Oh, dude, I'm a snap kitchen man. I'm a snap kitchen man.

This is my buddy, HW Foley. He's also a snap kitchen man. Are you trying to tell me how handsome my fat friend looks? The police, Jeff. My last question here is my friend is fat. He'll drink your milkshake. He'll drink it up. And then then following I have a following out like you're nothing but a fat ass in a basket.

Fat ass in a basket. Don't have a friend kippy with his flap, flap, flap, flap, flap. I'll take him to the limerick, limerick Bologram and beat him with a bowling pin. Hey, you're going to pay for that. I want to hear that KFC is a fault profit. You tell me Abbey's is better than Wendy's now. Okay, last one. I feel like drainage.

I drank your milkshake. It's like I already drank it. Nobody can drink my milkshake. Last question here before we get out of here is, uh, did you suck your or did you where anybody in your family suck? Sorry, came out. That was the wrong point. Did you like, did you or any member of your family sucked their thumb?

Oh man. All right. Here's the cherry on top. It always fucks people's teeth up too. You can tell you can tell a kid that sucks the thumb too much. So Kyle sucked his thumb a lot, like a lot. However, I would suck these two fingers like a shit ton. That's it.

You're fine. Oh my God. You're, you're not garbage. You're a lunatic. Wow. These two fingers, two fingers. Wow. That's real.

I did it for a while that I had two like weird teeth marks in my knuckle. Yeah. That's real poor kid on the poor shit. Yeah. Who should have been in bed an hour ago. That's a kid who's got a dirt ring around his neck for sure. Oh man. For usable diapers, dude.

I can't imagine, dude. The one time Kyle and I, like the word, the, the dirtiest I think Kyle and I ever got, we came home covered in tar one day because we were building. Fell in the tar pits. No, no. We were building a tree house and we found buckets of tar in that abandoned factory and we were like, oh, we're going to waterproof the roof. Yeah.

You need a good rubber roof. You know what I mean? I get it. But then we came home covered in it, like all over the fucking place. And then my mom had to use paint thinner and Ajax to get it. So I get it off of us. That was, oh my God, this poor woman. I've never met her, but I mean, it was crazy.

And then Kyle had to get rabies shots, which was fucking crazy. Cause he got bit by a groundhog that we cornered and tried to like make the fucking. Dude, you little guy. Yeah. Oh, Ryan shader, man, you are the fucking best. You are 100% garbage. You had me fooled at first. I'm like, is he going to be like,

did you hear him? Did you hear me? I was then again, that's how you know Kevin is garbage. Cause I had him fooled with pop tarts in a freezer. He was like, dude, that is a classy move though. Oh, we're not saying we're not. We know you. Listen, you know, we listen.

We don't need to tell any tales out of school. You know, we're trash. You know, I don't understand how Shanner keeps getting these beers. It doesn't get up, but there's a new beer every couple of minutes. I have the six back with me. I took it out of the fucking bath. I thought they were, they were highlights. They're karate art.

No, that's just a Corona six pack. Oh my God, folks. Just when you thought it couldn't get any worse, he bought six loose beers and they put them in a six pack. Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow. Gang, that is our you garbage. You guys are absolutely amazing. Shanners or anything you want the folks out there to know

that they might not already know anything to check out. I mean, just check out your fucking podcast. And I'll be at punchline July 12th, apparently giving, you know, we don't die from all this roll in the dice. I like it. Punchline Philadelphia, July 12th. Mr. Ryan Shanner, Kippy, you got anything for him? Just make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes

and subscribe on YouTube. Even if you don't watch it, just go subscribe, you know, juice those numbers a bit. And listen, from the bottom of our heart, we want to say we love you guys very much. Thank you for supporting us. Thank you for supporting the podcast. We have big things coming down the road.

We want everybody to stay with us. We love you guys. This is our you garbage. That's Ryan Shanner, your fucking podcast. Kippy, Kevin, James, Ryan, good night. And we love you.