Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Ryan Sickler!

Episode Date: April 17, 2023

Kippy and Foley are with the hilarious Ryan Sickler! It's a fun one. Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Lucy: https://lucy.co Promo Code: Garbage Mint Mobile: https://www.MintMobile.com/GARBAGE This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp Better Help: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Check your six gang, the state trashy tour is rolling along, we're coming to a city near you, little AYG with the Grab Plus, a nice stand-up comedy show, grab the squad and come out and see us. Yeah, next stop is Tampa, Florida, second show added, low ticket alert there, get them baby, then we're going to Danny Beach, Florida, Raleigh, North Carolina, Louisville, Kentucky, Cleveland, Ohio, then rounding out in Columbus, Ohio, we're out in more cities, get those techies. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast, this is

Are You Garbage. Oh yeah, it's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're good to be classy, which are just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day, we're out back here at Tooties and the new addition baby, the rise of Tootie continues, just bought a pickleball team. Gonna have them throwing some games this summer. I respect, respect. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me, he is the CEO of Are You Garbage, he is an international businessman and he's my best pal in the whole wide world, just got back from doing a little consulting for the Saudis so the kids doing all right. Talk about oil money baby. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan. What's up gang, thanks for tuning

in as always please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are. Truder out. Cookin' and obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash Are You Garbage, check it out gang, it's a party over there. Yeah having a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire, the magic man makes us all look good, works to ones, works to twos, works to threes and to fours now, crosses them T's and dots them I's. Now you can get a little sneak peek at them ladies on the old Toby Cam, there he is, T-Bone Mcscruffins, Toby Mcmullin everybody. Hey what up dudes. What up T-Bone. I'm stoked, we got the LA homey and came in smelling like the stickiest of the icky. Holy shit gang,

the long hair ain't lying. We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guest back with us again today. Of course he is the host of the Honeydew podcast and he has a brand new special out right now on his YouTube page. Lefty son, do me a favor give it up for Ryan Sickler everybody. There he is. Right guys. There he is. Listen first of all thank you for having me back. Of course thank you for coming back. I appreciate the first one, it was pandemic. We were on the weeds at that point. And y'all have the nicest fucking studio. Thank you. Listen good for you mother fucker. Thanks man. I mean dead up to my husband. I know these free podcasts aren't fucking free. You know what I'm saying? These free podcasts everybody's out like

y'all have too many ads. Do we? Do we? I got six employees to pull this shit off. Yo it's two bucks for the Fiji water by the way. I'll send you an invoice at the end of the month. No problem. You guys are doing it. You went to the bathroom twice too by the way. Yeah well I'll tell you what I'm gonna be honest with you about that bathroom. For a guy that's gotta fucked up back that's a hell of a step down. You should have some emergency tape on the floor and give somebody a heads up. Watch your step. You're gonna get a lawsuit. I made sure my policy, my premium was paid when you went back in there. Someone's suing you guys two months into this shit. You're gonna be right back on a couch. Yeah it's gonna be me. I'll tell you that. Foley why are you suing me?

Oh that's trash. You're suing yourself. I'm suing my own insurance company motherfucker. I'm making the payment. This guy's an idiot. He's negligent. Buddy congrats on the special man. It's cooking out there. Thank you so much. It's doing good. I'm very happy. I'm pleasantly surprised. I never think anything's gonna do well. Thank you. Look this is something I did. I directed it. I produced it. I did all that shit myself. I found the shout out to the, is this me right here? The Dynasty typewriter in LA, great theater, shot there, Jamie Flam and his crew and my buddy Sam Vaughn helped me pull it off, my producer Kirsten. You know how it is. There's so many fucking people that help you do this stuff that

then you're putting out a free special and it's like, you know, Ari told me too. You got it and then you got to go travel. Yeah. You know you're going to Austin to do promotion. You come to New York. You don't just make it. You don't knock them all out in one fell swoop. You got to come a couple times and it's important to do this part of it now. So working baby. I appreciate you guys having me here and congrats on all your fucking success. Thank you. I fucking love you. We're so excited to have you here. You know, doing it over the zoom, you know, we were doing what we had to do, but all we talked about since you were on that first time is, oh man, can't wait to get him in. You were one of the guys when we made the show. We'd like sickler. Yes. You would,

I feel like I'm a cousin. It's built for you. It's built for you. This guy's a real ham and egg. Your moms and dads know my mom's exactly. It's family. He came in right away. Someone's going to get sued in there. I was like, Dave, what's up? What's up? I'm gonna go right. That's a hell of a step right there. God damn it. Just had spinal decompression surgery almost killed me. Oh, it is. I think it is that mid Atlantic, you know, Philly, Baltimore. It's that blue collar. It's that white shoulder. It's, you know, angry, but comedy is very valued. It was like, you know, it's like, who can you fight and what kind of jokes you can tell? That's right. 100%. 100%. All right. Let's get into a little, because it's been a while.

Yeah. And I don't, if I repeat anything, I'm sorry. I don't remember the shit I talked about last time, but I'm ready. It was a million years ago. It was. It was quite a bit ago. We want to just do a little recap, find out a little more. Something I thought of, any like baseball picks when you were a kid. You play, you played little league, right? Yeah. Ever end up on a Wheaties box or anything? The fake stuff. Like, you know, the fake sports illustrated. Did you get, did your parents bring for that? See, look, I'm 50. So back then, man, you just got down on one knee and put your arm on. That's the classic pose. That's what we do. I did the classic little league pose. It wasn't until like my younger brother's about four years younger than us. That's when they started getting

all-starred, have little stars and shit on there. So that was 40. But not me, man. We were just, we were just posed. And if somebody had a dog, we put them in there in the team picture. Get Lucy in here. Get Lucy in here. Get her in here. She's the mascot. It's like, oh, is that your mascot? No, she's just there that day. That's Ryan's dog. So you remember drinking out of those huge yellow coolers? Oh, yeah. The yellow juggles. The eggplant. The hepatitis jugs? Yeah, I remember those. Yeah, I remember those. That's what we all used to drink out of. Everybody's got herpes. Everyone's scooping their dirty ass head in there and drinking it. There was always a couple of grass clippings in this thing. Yeah, always, bro. Gave it a little flavor, though.

Gave it a little flavor. It was all right. I remember leaning over and just smelling that, and you could just smell the chlorine and the fucking pine tar in there. Pine tar. I'll tell you, one of my, the worst little league pictures I've ever fucking had, this is just humiliating because I have a twin brother. We looked nothing like fraternal twins, and we were both very good. I was just, I'm the smallest, my mom's six foot. I'm the shortest person in my fucking family. So this one season, they didn't want both of us on the All-Star Team, so they just chose him. But, you know, we're twins, and my dad's like, you're fucking coming. You got to come. And they were like, how about you be the bat boy? And I was like, how about you all go fuck yourself?

Yeah, fuck you. I'm better than any one of these motherfuckers out on the field. I ain't pulling a bat. I respect that. Fuck that. But it's a picture, and I have it somewhere. It's, it's like a purple maroon. It was Taylor, Taylor'sville, Winfield, Athletic, it's like T-W-L-A-A, All-Stars, you know, but I'm talking, listen, also, we didn't have the Orioles uniforms and the white, like they have now. We have, we were the Braves, but it was a t-shirt that had iron-on letters. It said Braves. You know, it wasn't much different. You were the purple team. It wasn't much different than this, to be honest. I have it elevated. There was no embroidery on those stuff. No, no, there was no number on name on the back. It was just like, maybe he said like John's towing on the

back. Listen, every stem supply, was it? That's when I was getting asked, who was the sponsor? It was a hundred percent. Stems? Stems hardware, yeah. Stems supply company. Shout out Stems. For all your local hardware needs. But we had, I didn't make the team, but then my dad's like, come on, I want to take a picture. I'm like, I'm not taking a picture. He's like, you're going to put this shirt on and rep your brother. And then I had those. It was, it was white shorts with blue piping around them. Oh, yeah. What I mean. Oh, I know what you're talking about. You said it. Nut huggers on me. Yeah. T-shirt on. I've got my socks all the way up. And I'm just mad dog at this. Just fuck every one of these kids out here. And it's humiliating. I hate that picture.

Are you old enough to remember when, when, when guys were wearing half-shirts? Yeah, I wore one. You wore a half-shirt. I didn't, not in high school or anything. I wore, I have a picture of me too in a Seattle Seahawks half-shirt. Got named Seattle Seahawks. We lost the Baltimore Colts. So I had to, I started liking different teams and I found Seattle out there with Steve Largent and Dave Craig. And I got a, I got a white mesh Seattle Seahawks XXL or whatever across the middle. Athletic department. Oh, bro, you just made me think of this. Here you go. This is fucking trash. The athletic department was great. That was real bad. Yeah. They were throwing X's on everything back in the day too. No, I got one for you right here. All right.

Ocean City, Maryland. All righty trash. It's where trash blows to. It's not even where it was. It collects down there. The first place of gonorrhea. Shout out to Secrets. Secrets. Everybody's just peeing and drinking. Yeah, you got the water just pissing. But I wouldn't, and I'm looking back at this now like I can't believe my parents let us do this. I would never let my kids, but every year it was a big deal. There were two shirts we wanted to get. There was always, there was a place called BB Bombers. It was a surf store and they had a buckwheat shirt. Okay. And every year it was some different buckwheat from the Little Rascals shirt they would design every year. So that was a big deal to get it and come back to school because if you

had that shirt, you're a flex. Oh, shit. He's got that three bucks in a row. And they went all the way to Ocean City for that. They took the buzz. And then the other one was we could go in and we could get any shirt we wanted with a fresh iron on. Oh, yeah. Back when they would take the whole thing and pssss. Can't tell me nothing with a fresh iron on. And then you get that smell like something. Some felons doing it for you. For sure. And it's a wall of, you know, concert, music. They still have all that. A van with a rainbow going over or something like that. They could have sucked itself or something like that. Shout out to Wildwood Boardwalk, baby. I'll see you this weekend. For sure. There's an ass, grass, gas. Nobody rides for

you. I get that, mom. No, you're not getting that. I remember being naive. I'm like, suck what, mom? Shut up. But I end up getting no fucking lie. A moosehead beer fucking logo on a black half shirt. I remember it vividly now that you asked me that. And I'm 10. I'm walking around fucking half shirt on my child. I'm like, what? Like if I had, if my daughter was walking around right now with a Budweiser t shirt on, I would say, who the fuck put that on? I didn't do that. Get that shit off. You're eight. But yeah, it was all about that iron on those t shirts back in the day. For some reason, like a t shirt, like the, like the buck we want that you're talking about are like, um, uh, I grew up in PA. So like we big in the cross. And if you got a hold of a

Garden City, Long Island, La Crosse t shirt had Bart Simpson on the back. You maybe your brother or an older cousin had it. They wore it for like three summers. It was worn in perfectly. That man living man. Yeah. So sweet. Those t shirts, they just got, they maybe have a little rip or whatever, but they still look cool. Yeah. In the nineties, I remember wanting, uh, absolute. Remember the absolute shirt? Oh yeah. Absolute shirt was, my mom was like, get the, it was like absolute spring break with a big pair of jugs. My mom's like, you're not wearing at the school. I had one one time. I used to wear shirts all the time. I went on stage early on in my career. I wore a fuck New York t shirt. I almost got beat up at the fucking Hollywood Bowl for that t

shirt too. But it was an Oriole shirt. It was a black shirt with orange. It was an Oriole shirt. But also, um, I wore this one one. I went to, y'all ever go to King's Dominion? The amusement park in Richmond, Virginia. I know. It's a, it's a, it's Paramount's Paramount's King's Dominion. We just drove by it. I knew I, yeah, we were just in rich, we just did Richmond, but it used to be Hannah Barbera. Shout out to Hannah Barbera. So yeah. So we used to park, you park in like the fucking hair bear lot or yogi barrier. Remember where you parked, you know, that kind of shit. That's all right. But I remember one time being in high school and, um, I have no parents at this point. I'm 17 and I go to King's Dominion. I've, I mean,

I'm a punk. I've got this fucking shirt on. It's got two dogs, dog, having doggy style sex on it. I don't remember what it said, but I remember trying to get on the Rebel Yale roller coaster and they fucking told me I had to turn it inside out or I had to leave the park. Oh, and I fought it. But then I, but I really wanted to ride the Grizzly and the white, we hadn't hit the white water canyon or whatever. Remember that? Remember that? Yo, this dude is all time, bro. I love him. I love him. I want to give it up to that rifle tower over there, man. They got a couple of them, man. You know, they do the Rebel Yale backwards now. That was my favorite. All these other roller coasters are coming in and making the old school would look bad and they were like, well, you know,

how can we jazz this thing up? And they were like, we're going to run this bitch backwards. Reverse it, Tammy. It was a whole new ride, dude. It was a whole new ride. Like, oh, shit. Oh, shit. Okay. I love it. I love this t-shirt, but I do love coasters. I love roller coasters. That's when you're torn. I think they were just trying to get me to buy a King's Dominion shirt, really. That was ups and all. Trying to move some merch. But back then I looked good. I would have walked around. I would have walked around with it tied around my neck, you know. I looked good. I didn't have titties then. I don't think I'd never not had titties. I was like a four-year-old. I was a pudgy little kid. Would you rock the cutoff jean shorts? Never. Really? No. I tried them one time,

but I was like, yeah, even John Cena doesn't make it look cool for me. He can't do it. It's a bad look. It's not a good look. I had buddies that had it and I was like, nah, John Cena don't even look jean shorts in a braided belt. It was all about that braided belt. You had to have an extra long part of it. Twist it down in the middle. Yeah. Our styles were weird. Our guy's socks were hot for a minute. Penny loafers were hot for a minute. Folding the jeans. Cuffing your pants. Yeah. Cuffing your pants. Light roll or something. They used to call. I remember my brother and sister used to do it all the time. Timberlands were big too, but not the nicer Timberlands. Like the darker loafer. Yeah. The maroon one. With that. Okay, you guys, do you remember? Are

you old enough to remember jams? Of course. Shorts, jean shorts. Okay. That caused, I was in like seventh and eighth grade. It caused the riot in Bluebell, Pennsylvania. People were nuts for them. I had to close them all down. They went nuts for them. They went nuts for these. What are they? They're just like our shorts. Life's the beach hats. Do you remember those jams? Yeah. Man. Yeah. If you can't hang with the big dogs, get off the porch. That's when OP was big. OP, was all right. Yeah. I never wore those shorts either. They were always too short. Yeah, dude. They were sweet. They were so hot for a second in the 80s. So again, being trash, my mother's like, it's that whole shit. We got McDonald's at home. I'm like, no, we fucking don't. And my mom makes

us jams. Bro. Out of what? Just fashion down. Just went to Joanne Fabrics. Shout out to Joanne, though. Shout out to Joanne. Every drug dealer got their dine bags. I never walked in. I walked in. I'm like, yeah, my mom did a lot of buttons at the house. What the joy of fabric just bought some bullshit flower fucking patterns. And I mean, the thinnest fucking shit, it ripped right away. You know, it was embarrassing and it doesn't say jams on it. So that was the whole thing. And I went to school too before Target existed and had Tony Hawk's clothes and shit. So if you went to Kmart and you got their brand of shoes, which I've had, they're called, look them up. They're called McGregor's.

Oh, I know McGregor. Shout out to them. Bro, you would get your ass beat if you brought some McGregors at the wrong party. Kind of pair of McGregor cleats. The spikes would pop out like bad teeth. Chewing a bad piece of meat. Fucking getting fucked up, cruising around sagging. Why you down on the ground? Like what cleats? Three of my cleats fell out. They were like dress shoes. There was no panic. They were like old school golf shoes that like bagger vans would wear. And then I remember this pair of shoes too were called, I think they were called Olympia or Olympian. And they were similar to that, but they had this fold over tongue and that fold over tongue was fake. Yeah, it was dope. Big back then.

That was rich English guy shit to me. Like he's got his tongue fold though. It's out, Anno. Uh-huh. You remember Wildcats? I do remember Wildcats. Are kangaroos, are you too young for kangaroos, Kippy? Zips. A little pocket on the side. Put your lunch money in there. That's where those little punks will put their little loose change lunch money in that shoe for sure. Kangaroos. You know who was a big supporter of kangaroos? Walter Peyton. Yeah. Walter Peyton used to have roos on his shit. He was a kangaroos guy. Zips. I remember zips when they would do the Z in the dirt with the shoe zips. They could make a Z in the dirt. Oh yeah. Man, I have not remembered Wildcats until Wildcat. That's why

they're long gone. They hit you with the growl at the end. I'm going to have to go to therapy. Or hit a Kmart to get your hands on. Realize where I've come from. Go cop some fresh gear after this. I need a half shirt and a pair of jams. Isn't that that bullshit my mom made? Get my braggers now. We're getting the fuck out of here. That's good stuff. Okay. All right. Have you ever washed shoes in a washing machine or dishwasher? Yeah. That's a bad look. Yeah. Not a dishwasher. I've also never done a ball cap in a dishwasher. I've seen that before too. They used to sell the, I don't know if they still do it. They sell the crate you put it in. Yeah. Never worked. It always fucked up the hat. And fucking up the shoes, man. I was,

here's what I used. So yeah, we used to wash our shoes. But then, and I also used to say wash, by the way. Wash. His family says that a little bit. And it wasn't until I moved to California, like it wasn't until my 30s, someone said to me, what are you saying over there? I go, what? I'm putting it in the washer. Yeah. Wash my clothes. And he's like, spell wash. And I go, W-A-S-H. He goes, where's the R? And I went, Oh my God. Where is the R? Ain't no R in there, baby. And it made me, it made, I worked on that one. We used to say hamburger instead of hamburger. Really? We're gonna have some hamburger. How about vehicle? Yeah. Vehicle. Vehicle. Like a state trooper.

What were the tags on a vehicle? I got too close to the car one time. My mom was pulling the driveway and she screamed up the side window, get away from this vehicle. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What the fuck is that? Yeah. Why is that? That used to say karaoke for karaoke. That's a good one. All right, go get the karaoke machine. We used to also, it took me a while to learn how to properly say, because we used to say ambulance, not ambulance. Ambulance. My one buddy used to say like Chris Cotton, God rest his soul, he used to say ambulance. How about umbrella? He used to hit umbrella. Yeah, umbrella.

Umbrella. Say it again. Umbrella. It's umbrella. Yes. How about the color orange? How do you say that? Orange. Yeah. My daughter's on me. She's like, it's orange, dad. I'm like, it's orange. It's A-R-N-G-E. Tang right there. That's orange. Yeah. And there's an Oriole shirt that's out right now that says orange and black and it's spelled like that. And I sent it to her. I go, there you go. I might buy it just to wear it around the house. That's on her a little bit. On this same thing, how do you pronounce the product that Crayola makes? Ben, I'm going to tell you something right now. Because it ain't right.

If one of y'all motherfuckers calls it a crayon, I'm going to fucking start swinging in here, because it's a crayon. It's a crayon. I say crown. Crown. How the fuck do you get there? Crayons better than crayons. I don't know. My dad was dumb. There's three different pronunciations. That's same thing at this one table. Pack of crayons, baby. Crayons. We're from like 200 miles away. I don't care what they're called. But if you got that 64 pack with the sharpener, it could tell me not. The sharper that would ruin the fucking crayon. Oh, right away. Okay, let's talk about Lucy. Lucy, Lucy, Lucy.

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and use promo code Garbage to get 20% off your first order. Shipping is always free. That's lucy.co. Promo code Garbage to receive 20% off and always free shipping. Here comes the fine print, guys. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, and every order is age verified. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Oh, yeah. Yeah, getting out of the house is theotherapist can be sometimes a challenge. It ain't always easy to get up and get moving. And let me tell you something from experience. Finding a right therapist is a little bit of a pain in the ass. You end up sitting there. You're just talking to somebody. You don't even

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way to start living a better life. If you need a different therapist, you can switch at any time. Discover your potential with BetterHelp. Visit BetterHelp.com slash garbage to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash garbage. Do you own enough to remember NFL pencils? With the sports? They would just have the team. You could collect all of them and sit there with colored pencils and stuff. Yeah. Sweet. That was all right. I hated school. Trapper keepers. Trapper key. I hated you. You were high on the hog. We had aluminum lunchboxes. Like you could fuck somebody up with aluminum. Like a miner? Yeah, man. Like a goddamn tin knock around. I had an NFL metal lunchbox and that was before it was like all the teams were

there. I had a Fall Guy one, a Dukes of Hazard one, and you just open that bitch up. You could fuck somebody. Nice thermos inside there. That thermos inside, man. You feel good. You were all right. Kool-Aid. I caught the tail end of metal, but my older cousins had it. When we had the metal ones, there would be like pencils and shit in there, like a storage. But let me tell you something. The Fall Guy, that's something I always, that would be such a... The Fall Guy. The Fall Guy was a TV show with Lee Majors, who was the $6 million man. He played a stuntman in Hollywood that also worked as a private investigator. That's such an 80s show. That's crazy. Dude. So good, bro. Volunteer fire. It was him, his goofy buddy named Howie. That's right.

And an absolute fucking dinepiece that ran by the name of Heather Thomas. Amen, brother. Let me tell you. And Marky Post. Marky Post from Night Court. That's right. God, she just passed away. She did. Yeah, she passed. She was the... Fucking IMDB over here. She was the lady that organized all the jobs for him. She was there, what, Bosley or whatever. Yeah, they had sexual attention to it. It was such a good show. And every show in the 80s had a sick vehicle. 18-van night rider and fucking Lee Majors used to ride around in his Bronco that was fucking stacked out. You remember that? Well, I think it was... There's one thing I'm gonna correct. Right. It was... I think it was a GMC pickup. Okay, yeah. I think. It was something...

Pretty short. And it was bad as two-tone brown, fat tires with the lights on top. And he sang the few songs. Oh, yeah. That thing's mean. Dude, that was always jumping. Oh, such a song. Damn, that thing would rip today, dude. That would be such a sick... 1984 Chevy K-10. We make that show. Chevy K-10. Okay, I was... I just looked for a t-shirt for it the other day because Heather Thomas, all right... Man, you're not lying about a dyin' piece. She was so fucking hot and I would go into Spencer. Remember to store Spencer in the mall? And if you go to the back... I was there a couple weeks ago. You go to the back, they had those posters. Oh, she's all right, huh?

And there's this iconic one right there of her and a pink bikini. And I would just go back into Spencer and just drool over that fucking poster. I'm like, I ain't buying this. In the intro to the show, she would pop through a cowboy door just in a tiny bikini. It's fucking like seven o'clock on a tour of every night. They gotta sell the goods, you know what I mean? Bro, let me tell you something. This is how... This is... You want to talk about trash and how far back I go. I used to set... I learned how to set a VCR to record because I used to jerk off the knots landing. I did the same thing with Designing Women.

Had Delta Burke, they did for me. Wait, Designing Women? What year was that on? 227. I used to jerk off the 227. Jack A. coming down. Jack A. and the old lady up in the window. Knot's Landing. Back in the day of my day... And I'm like middle school. This is after I figured out masturbation. I first learned how to jerk off before I figured out a program of VCR.

Going order. Excuse me. Knot's Landing was... Back in the day, it was big for evening soaps. So you had the Dynasty... Sure. Falcon crash. Falcon crash. They were evening soaps. And somehow, I caught wind of Knot's Landing and Donna Mills was on there. And Nicolette Sheridan, when she was probably in her 20s, is on there. Okay.

There are so many... Joan Van Arc. There were so many of these beautiful women. There was a Brunette, I forget. And man, I used to record that. And this shit was on like 9 or 10 maybe. Okay. So I'm supposed to be going to bed, so I would set the VCR and I'd peek out to make sure those two red lights were on. I'm like, all right, we got some jerks hit tomorrow. Spank banking. And when nobody around, I'd put that in there.

Just watch Donna Mills and drive at little topless Mercedes. I'm like, yeah, you go, Donna Mills. Some hospital scene, you're pulling it. That's when I was early jerk stuff. Hey, that shit was awesome back then. I can just go to fisting.com. I like that the other way. It's my home page.

People don't realize... Young people don't realize... It's my search engine. Dallas was a huge... Oh, who shot JR as a whole thing? Huge. Huge. Damn, I missed that shit.

I feel like I'm sitting with my grandparents. We're only 10 years apart. I told you when we were driving through Dallas, I was like, that building's around here somewhere. That was like a week ago. Not where JFK got shot. But where JR worked, god damn it. God damn oil tight. We're doing a Dallas tour down here.

What book depository? What are you talking about, man? We're here to see who shot JR, man. JR used to get laid in that bar right there. Pull some trim out of there. In the last 365 days, have you ran over a squirrel or hit a deer? You know what? No, because I live in LA.

If I still lived in Maryland, man, hell yeah, I'm sure I would have. Clipping something. I did one time run over a squirrel on my bike and it made me wreck and it fucked me up. Because the squirrel got confused. I was hawing ass down the hill. And it did one of these numbers and I went right and it went right and I went left and it went left and then it froze and I ran it over and I crashed and I was like, ah, it fucked me up. How was the squirrel?

It just ran away. I have no idea. That motherfucker ran away. They're like crackheads, dude. You all ever try to catch any wild animals? Catch them. Not kill them. Just catch them.

No, not really. I don't think so. Unintentionally, we had skunks in our house one summer. We're paying rent out to a victim. We had skunks one summer and my dad hired this bozo of an exterminator to come. He set like six traps in our front yard. Put like different kinds of peanut butter and all this bad stuff. Come out the morning, you're in it.

I got the fat one again. You're hanging upside down from the trip. Upside down. Your foot's in, your foot's in a rope. We came out in the morning. There was a possum in one, a squirrel in the other, a fox in one. Bet in a cycle. God damn.

I swear to God. It was every other kind of animal. I had the middleman too. Skunks were just peeking at it. You dumb motherfuckers. Laughing at the fox. Like, ha ha ha ha, you stupid son of a bitch. My kids are allergic to peanut butter.

My kids got a peanut out. Can't touch this stuff. Can't even be around it. We, we used to, so we used to sit my grandmother's row home in Baltimore. And my brothers and I used to, she had a little tiny narrow backyard and she would always throw stale bread out in the back. And like 30 birds would come in and grab some. We were one day, we were like, we're gonna fucking, let's catch a bird.

And my grandmother was like, you're not catching a bird. And we old school bugs Bunny took a cardboard box and we took two old school clothespins, wooden ones, and just propped that box up and tied a fucking string to it. Right up the, into her dining room window. Me and my two brothers would sit there quiet. That was a stake out for you right now. And we're just pulling it and trying to pull it and catch these birds.

And my grandmother would sit and talk to her. One of her, she had a bunch of sisters, but she talked to my aunt Helen all the time. She'd sit in a rocking chair. She's like, this is the quietest they've ever been. I love it. They think they're gonna catch a bird. They think they're gonna catch a bird.

And this one fucking crow got too far under it. And we caught that motherfucker. We caught it. Seven years of bad luck catching a crow. It might be. And then we took it and we put it in. We had a big dog kennel, like thing in the back. For a dog we used to have, but we hadn't for like 15 years.

I didn't want to ask, but yeah. I knew it wasn't up to code. Didn't want to get rid of the kennel, just the case, you know. So we put it in there just to watch it, you know, and check it out and this fucking black birds in there. And then we let it go. And my grandma was like, oh my God, they caught one. I said, we got one.

And then we started getting good at it. We called a fucking blue J. Prettiest goddamn bird I've ever seen up close. We called a goddamn blue J. Those are slippery. And then, and this is when I learned that rabbits kind of scream. I didn't know this, but a baby bunny just shot across

and we were like, oh, and we pulled it and it fell. It's a light cardboard. It's nothing. It hit it like halfway on its back and sort of trapped it for a second. That motherfucker started going, we were like, what the fuck? And then it hauled ass. Yeah, it's brutal.

We got good at that shit. We had a bad experience. My buddy, my cousin got a BB gun. And we were sixth, seventh grade wanting to be tough guys. We went out. There was a bunny. There was a rabbit in the backyard.

And I took a shot at it and I caught it in the back. And this thing started screaming, man. Screaming. And then we had to go over and fucking stop it from screaming. Do what we had to do. Dude, we went from bad ass to the three of us. Him, me, and my brother are both balling crying. I didn't want to know what you're doing.

And plus, we didn't do the execution well. I went up first, missed, caught him in like an ear. And then my cousin went up and just do it already. Yes. Serious. You're such a bitch. I see you's in hell. Dude, then we took it.

We buried it in front of the shed and put a little cross in there and set a prayer. And dude, if every time I don't go over there, I don't look out by that shed. It's still there. And think about it. Yeah. No animal dug it up?

No. Still there. I'm going to come get you one day. Yeah, that shit's coming. That's pet cemetery right there. I mean, maybe it got dug up in my mind. It scared the shit out of me. Pet cemetery ruined me for about 10 years.

I saw that at seven years old. Never felt worse in my life. Right after we had to put Rusty down. Yikes. We had a Daisy 880 BB gun. So it was pellet and BB. That was the hybrid. The pellet gun.

We used to play BB tag with him. Yeah, we did that shit. Supposed to be like, oh, you can only pump it twice. And then pearls hit. We would put cookie sheets on our front and back. We took like bacon sheets. You guys are in the penitentiary. At least that was, you know what I mean?

Nothing on our face, by the way. He put cookie sheets. Just our chest and back. Nothing to protect our face at all. You're creating mom screaming about the cookie sheets? But my brother, we had this woodpecker that was living behind us. Not the Tom Segura woodpecker.

He killed a woody woodpecker. This was just a little guy. But he's out there. Ka-ka-ka-ka-ka-ka. And my brother just posts up in the window, and boom, he hits this fucking woodpecker. And he's like, I got it. And we go out and this woodpecker is just,

this poor little woodpecker is just dead on the ground. And my brother picks it up and that little head's flopping. And then all of a sudden, it pops up and goes, ka-ka-ka-ka. Hey, man, it fucking lit his hand up. And he threw it on the ground, took his BB gun, he fucking murdered that motherfucker. And then, just because he was pissed, he takes his fucking hoodie string out,

ties the fucking thing around this woodpecker's neck, hangs it from a fucking tree. And I'm telling you, we come back the next day, and it's gone. And there's little fox prints under it. And I say this all the time, somewhere, there's a fox out there going, I'm telling you, it was hanging from a tree.

Can't make this shit up, Gary. I'm telling you, I'm just walking, it's hanging from a tree. Ronnie, you're drunk, no one believes that story. Sitting at some fox bar. There's some fox out there that got a free woodpecker the easy way, bro. That's awesome.

God. You know, he walks by every tree still. Like, what the fuck, you gotta check. Always look. It's like finding a 20 in an APM, you gotta check. I never know you're checking a loose change in the phone. He's somewhere in Virginia. Tell him, we gotta get back to Baltimore, man.

They got woodpeckers hanging from the tree. Man, we got so many animals. We used to have, we had chameleons, two iguanas. Which one? My brother was really. It sounds like the goddamn Galapagos. He was big in the snakes. I'm not a snake fan.

That's trash, man. That's big in the snakes. Any lizard, bird, or snakes. We never had birds. I always felt cruel having a bird. I just was like, that thing can fly. Some people do loose birds in the house, which is the biggest no-no.

My favorite is when I see these in LA. Like, my bird's missing. I'm like, my bird's gone, bro. That bird just birded. What the fuck are you talking about? He just remembered he was a bird. He's nowhere near here. But one, it was, God, this is, I'm in high school.

I'm probably 15. And it's my turn to cut the grass. And we had a riding mower. And it was the same snapper that was Patrick Dempsey rode in Can't Find Me Love. Shout out to it. Great fucking movie. Great bag catcher on the back.

Like, that was a big deal. We had a bag catcher. We didn't have that. Court McCown's in that movie. That's right. He sure is. He's in that and Team Wolf. Do you know that?

He's on the basketball team. Oh, is he? Yeah, he sure is. Couple of hits right there, kids. Yeah, big time. Throw yourself a favor. Pick up Can't Find Me Love. And all he's done is just become better and better looking,

too. That's not a big deal. Dude, crazy. Good looking. Yeah, I only met him once at New York Comedy Club. He was cool as shit. He's a great dude. But I see a neighbor lived a few houses up,

and I'm in our backyard. And I'm looking at all the house's backyards. And I can see my brother and him. They got a trash can, and they've got a broom, and they're hitting a pine tree. And I'm like, oh, they're definitely getting a snake. And whatever, time goes by. I don't think anything of it.

And as I come around, I'm in shape then. It's summer. My shirt's off. And I look up on our deck, and my brother's got like this six foot black snake. And I'm like, don't do it, dude. Don't fucking throw it on me. So I'm listening to music.

I've got the yellow Sony Walkman. Shout out to him. Some Ozzy Osbourne cassette in there, and you've got to listen to every song or fast forward. And I'm going around, and the next time or two, I come by, and I just feel something slap across the back of my fucking neck. And I look to my right, and there's this fucking snake

face right here. And I said, I grabbed that motherfucker, and I threw it on the ground, and I fucking put that blade down. He's like, don't do it. And I rode that motherfucker. Gah, gah, gah, gah. Jesus.

Chopped that bitch up and dumped it out of that bag. And I said, there's your fucking snake. My brother was crazy with snakes. I'm picking up on that. My brother, when we would go to the pet store. I don't think you're what we call normal either. It turns a snake to mulch. It turns a snake to a lung.

I did mulch that motherfucker. Fucking work for the Lucchese family, or something like that. Fuck snakes. He would go to the pet store and buy the baby mice. They sell feeder mice for people who have snakes. Wait, he was buying them without a snake? No, no.

He would catch a wild snake, and then we'd go get the baby mice. And I'm just fascinated by it. That's the craziest part. Going to a pet store and getting a snake is one thing. Catching one and keeping it. That's an outdoor snake. And he puts it in a fucking aquarium with lids on it,

and rocks on top of it, and shit, and then put the baby mice in there, and watch the snake do its thing. This one time, snakes won't eat anything that's dead. It's got to be moving. So this snake had hit this fucking little mouse so much that damn intestines are coming out of it. And my brother, it was our little league money.

And he was like, I'm not wasting that mouse. Hey, what the fuck are you going to do? He ties fish and string to the tail, and he dances. He dances it until the fucking snake hits it. Then he reaches in, and this is when I knew he was crazy. That snake bit him right on the fucking hand. Dude, I would have screamed. Freaked out.

I would have gone to the fucking first aid, whatever. This motherfucker just didn't even look at his hand. He just looked at the fucking snake, and he's like, all right, you son of a bitch. And I was like, you're not the fuck. Jesus. Then my mom takes our younger brother to the pediatrician, and we have to go because we just have to fucking go.

And we have a Volkswagen Beetle at the time. Oh, man, you talk about trash though. Don't let me forget to tell you what we did with that Beetle. A Beetle. So we burned it for insurance money at this point. Nope. We'll get to those, though. But we're sitting in the car.

We're like, we're not going in. We're just going to chill out here in the car. And my brother reaches in his fucking jacket and pulls out a goddamn snake. I think they're, are they garter or gardener snake? Garter snake. I always mess it up, little garter snake. And it's just going around his hand.

I'm like, what the fuck? Where'd you get that? He's like, I was in a bush when we walked outside. I'm like, what? You're fucking mental, bro. You're fucking mental. There was that many fucking snakes around? Yeah.

Loose snakes. Well, Maryland's full of copperheads and water moccasins. Those are real. I didn't know that. Oh, yeah. I guess it's more like lowland. It's a lot of water, a lot of moisture. When you're fishing, you'll see a water moccasin.

Their poisonous is fucking. Copperheads are big. They're really poisonous, too. Wait, what? Can't but talk about Mint Mobile. Mint Mobile, Mint Mobile, Mint Mobile, Mint Mobile. Yeah. How about that Ryan Reynolds, huh?

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Now back to that gosh darn show. Back to the show. Yeah, LA's got all the rattlesnakes, man. I've seen tons of those motherfuckers out. They scared. That's our biggest fear, dude. And they're dark and black, big and thick, and they're right across the trail when you're hiking.

I was pissed. I'm an idiot. I stepped off the trail to take a piss, because I'm just very worried about any kids coming by, and my dick's out. Like, I have a thing about that. So I'm behind this bush. That's not a thing.

That's the law, which I respect. He called me old fashioned. Jesus Christ. Now, I might be a weirdo, but I don't like showing my dick to kids. But also, I've been told, if you're pissing in public, you can go on our petto register, because your dick's out. You don't need that shit.

I just don't want to do that. So I'm way in these bushes, and I see a hole, and I'm like, I'm just going to piss in this hole, and I'm not thinking at all. And I'm pissing in this hole. And there's a hole fucking behind me, and this rattlesnake comes out, and I promise you, it slithers right next to my right foot.

And I'm terrified. I just stay still, and it just goes right on fucking by, and then I just put my dick in my pants and leapt out of that fucking thing. I was like, good God. That's the scariest part, because you have to remain calm in those situations. Otherwise, for sure, he's going to get you.

And the other thing, too, is the first thing you're going to want to do is you're up on a hill or something. You're going to want to run to get help, and then your blood starts pumping hard. So you're in trouble. You're in trouble. I would have freaked. I would have fucking full-blown panic.

Yeah, I'm not a fan of fucking snakes. I hated the reptile guy that would come to school. Do you remember the reptile guy? Oh, fuck him. That guy would show up in a van. He'd be like, here's a big tortoise. I'm like, where are you getting these? Yeah, where the fuck are you getting these in at your house?

Showing up in a van? This thing's 100 years old. It's a U-Haul. It's just fucking in the back of your van? Like, what are you talking about? You definitely live in your mom's basement. I don't know what you're keeping these things. I want to tell you what we did with this Volkswagen bow,

because this is trash. We're talking an old school. VW Beetle from the 70s. This is the mid. Engine in the back. What color are we talking? Trunk in the front. Exactly, 100%.

It's red. It's red, but it's older, and it's rusty from all the salt on the roads over the years and shit. And the yellow pages, remember the yellow pages, let your fingers do the walk. And was there an ad then? They were doing a special, where they would paint your car, whatever color, and then you had to put their decals

on your car. And I think you did it for six months to a year. And then after they pull the decals off, and you have a free paint job. So my parents decided to do this, and we get a blue Beetle now. It was still so small. We called it the pants pocket.

This motherfucker was small as shit. Let's go hop in a pocket. And there's four or five of us in there, you know? It was my parents and three of us before they split. And then they peeled the decals off. You could clearly see the fucking outline. So our paint job was shit. It was shit.

It was shit. Man. It was terrible. Yeah, we fooled them sicklers down there. I love you guys. OK, do you remember Hunter, the show Hunter? Of course. OK, Fred Dreyer, I think his name was.

He was an ex-football player. OK. And Didi. I think for the Chargers, Didi was his girl. And she drove this Dodge Chrysler laser. It was called a Chrysler laser. OK. Big deal back then.

It was a hot car, right? Was it a convertible? No, I want you to look this up if you don't mind. Yeah, give it a bear at it. Because in Baltimore at the time, there was a country station called 93 WPOC. Oh, that's all right. Praise it.

Country. Yeah, I remember that. That car. They're giving this car away. OK, WPOC, the radio station, is giving this car away. They're 93 WPOC, and 93 people are going to get a chance to win this brand new Chrysler laser. OK.

Damn, that thing's sweet, though. It was sweet. That's the epitome of an 80s car right there. Thank you. And remember what we have. So we're dying to get something like this. So they do this at the Inner Harbor. They park the car at the Inner Harbor,

and they roll a window down. And the contest, I think it might have been, I don't know how far the distance was. It was 93 contestants. Maybe it was 93 feet. I don't know what it was. But you had to fucking throw a football in this window, and you win a car, OK?

My mother has three boys who are very fucking athletic, doesn't ask us anything. She's asking these clowns where she worked at this. My mom worked at this convenience store called Little George's. There were four of them in Maryland. I mean, like four of them. Not quite a chain.

Not a chain. George has some good years, some bad years. George is doing all right. Kids were going to college, but he wasn't a fucking. He didn't have a lot of little George's. He had a little, little George's. He didn't have the ambition of a wallop. No, exactly.

And so she's asking clowns at her work, and she doesn't even practice at all. She does nothing. So it comes to the night. We all go down, and she might be like 85th. She's in deep in there. And if everyone misses, they go again. OK.

Right? Respect. Everyone has missed up to my mom. And we're like, here we fucking go. My mother's going to laser this. Johnny and Nugget says, mother fucking right through that goddamn window. And she fucking throws that ball.

And that dead duck fucking floats up at about a quarter of the way there. It hits the dirt, our concrete just skids off to the side. And we're like, fuck. This is our, that's a microcosm of our whole fucking life right here right now. And there's this fucking guy who's been throwing the whole time.

He's like three behind my mom. He's been throwing the whole time. Throwing only one. Throwing the whole time with his buddy. And he fucking right in that goddamn window. Lasers it. So now everyone before him's done. And only anybody behind him can imagine.

Hand full of people can imagine. And what does he do? He's a pro. He goes right off to the side, continues to throw. Because I might have to throw again. Holy shit. And he won that goddamn Chrysler laser. Nobody fucking did anything.

Tom Brady, you should stay on. We were down there just for heartbreak. I'm a militant. Got back in the yellow pages beetle. Got to fuck. Got back in the yellow pages beetle with a WPOC t-shirt and bumper sticker. Got the fuck out of there.

He got the Tito. Got some fresh gear, dude. Damn. Oh my god, secular. That's funny. Fuck it. What were your cars? Growing up, we had the Woody Van in the early 90s.

That was when I first remember like the Maroon Woody Van. And then she moved to a Ford Taurus, I believe. I remember the Taurus was a good car. And you couldn't tell us shit at that time. That was it. Rolled down windows the whole nine. Then she moved to a, my brother convinced her to get a used red Sebring convertible.

And she bought it in February, which didn't make any sense. We were riding around with the top down. Fucking just flexing. Yeah, we were like, what the fuck is this? She left the top down a bunch. Fuck that thing up. Then it pervaded. Yeah, just a bunch of mismatched cars.

Used cars. Always used cars. You're right. Always used. She just got her first new car, probably about five years ago. And it's because she had the grandkids. And my brother and sister were like, you got to get a better fucking car.

You know what I mean? You got to get a safe car. Safe, reliable. We kicked it off with a late 70s Ford Matador. That was my grandmother's. I haven't heard that one in forever. That we rolled in until maybe 85, 86. And then we got a Pontiac 600, I want to say.

It looked like the Grand Prix, but it was a little bigger. Still a two door. Doors were about 40 feet long. Yeah, those doors were heavy. Yeah, those big bike doors, dude. But I remember crying when we pulled out of the car dealership, because we were leaving the Matador behind. And I didn't understand what was going on.

And I was, you know, my grandmother's car, all that kind of stuff, fucking killed me. And then we had that until the 90s. And then we had a real big misstep on a GMC Jimmy that my dad fucking hated. And then the Nissan was really popping. So they started leasing. He bought a Nissan truck, which was awesome.

And my mom leased Maximus for a good run of the 90s. And they were fucking all right. Yeah, but always a bad, a bad lease didn't get anything out of sight. They just turned that fucking thing right back in. It's fucking ripping heaters in it, fucking kept it moving. Dude, smoking in a lease is a tough. They don't give a shit.

What was your first car with power windows? Great question, Jesus. Well, I had my first car was a 1980 Toyota. People don't believe me when I say this, but I've had to prove it. And I have. It was actually back then, it was a Corolla Tercel. It was both.

Then they broke them up. I remember the Tercel. Yeah, they were kind of like boxy a little bit. They had the hatchback. They didn't have a hatchback. I remember the old Tercel. They did, but I had the trunk. But it also wasn't even a, it was a matte finish.

It wasn't even, you didn't even get a gloss paint on that motherfucker. It was dull, it was blue. That was house paint, dude. And when I, dude. Got that down to the depots. No doubt. And when I bought it, my buddy and I,

we drive at the Ocean City right when we get it. And I'm like, what, this is a lot of gas smell coming in here. By the time we get to Ocean City, I pop the hood. The fuel filters busted. It's spitting wet gas into the car. Everybody's like, you ready to go out? We're like, man, we're tired. We're sweet, we're like, we're tired of shit, man.

We're not going anywhere. I'm ready to go to sleep, man. Till we just suck gas for two and a half fucking hours. Huffing fucking gas. I'd save you on beers, you know what I mean? And then I had a 1990 Honda Civic with original rims. That's nice.

I drove that. I bought that from a junkyard that I worked in, which is where the cars come in, the stolen cars. Gotcha. But I worked there and bought that. And I drove that motherfucker. So to answer your question, it wasn't well into. I drove that.

I had that for 300,000 miles. So Jesus Christ. Late in my 30s, I bought from an ex-girlfriend, actually. I bought a Jeep Cherokee. And that was the first power windows. But it wasn't because that one actually, that particular one, ended up being the lemon law. And when I'm driving on the freeway, it would just go boo.

And it would shut down. Talk about bad luck. Look at the lemon. And then you had to stop on the freeway, put it in park, and then turn to start it again. And that started to get less and less. Like, the brakes would go out. I'd be going down to Canyon roads,

and I would have no power steering, no brakes. I would float in the gas stations. Man, I was like, this car is fucking deadly. Damn. That does make you be in a dirtbag with a dirtbag car, which I've learned. You really learn how to think on your feet when shit goes down.

The years and hours. You really learn, like, all right, I'm going down hell. There's a gas station. I can clock it in there. My fucking transmission dropped out of my Honda Civic one night, and I was driving to my job at UPS. Shout out to UPS Baltimore Hub Primary 1, Joe Avenue. Shout out.

You have the trashiest shout-outs in the history of this show. And shout out to that Eiffel Tower, Kingsman. And don't forget about Stem's Hardware, everybody. Stem's Supply, y'all. And I worked probably from when I'm living at my grandmother's place to, because I did live with my grandma for a while,

and I'm driving to UPS. And it's probably, I don't know, two miles. And I only had first gear. And I drove up, motherfucker, hur, hur, hur, hur, all the way to work. I called my buddy, Shannon, he owns a junkyard. It was his dad's, and he's the only guy, like, I don't know how many people have

a friend who owns a rollback. But he had a rollback. We had one growing up. Yeah. And I'm like, were you the neighborhood toe, as well, for everybody? Not really, because he was a bit of a prickly guy. So nobody wanted to ask him for favors, yeah, yeah.

But we call our buddy, and I'd be like, dude, my car is out, transmission shot. It's sitting in the lot at UPS. Will you come and fucking tow it? And just take it to my apartment, and then I'll fucking have Triple A or whatever, tow it from there. And he would go do that shit for us.

Damn. It's all right. It's a good time. That is all right. Dude, being in a roll, yeah. There's a certain emotion of being in a fucking roll-off truck, where you're like, it's fun, because you're like, ah, this is going to cost me $500.

Yeah. It's going to cost me $1,000 or something, yeah. I had a Honda Accord hatchback that every time I got gas, I'd have to go in there like a dirt bag and get a fucking thing of oil and fucking buy it every time. Yeah. And dude, at the end of this car, I drove from my parents' house to my girlfriend's house in Westchester, PA, drove back.

And it sounded real weird. I swear to God, I opened the hood, and the engine or the transmission was glowing red. Dude, it was that high. It was probably seconds from exploding. And my dad came out. He was like, what the fuck? He was like, well, you're done with this.

Yeah. You get an appreciation. You can't even work on a car anymore. You can't. There's 20. The guy's like, there's 27 computers on this car. I'm like, what the fuck? I know.

I remember I used to, my car would overheat all the time. And I used to take this powder and put it in. Also, I used to say radiator. I still say radiator. Over by the radiator. I would say radiator. People shamed me on that one, too, like, the what? It's radiator.

That's a radiator. But I grew up with radiator. Those things, those radiators over there? Yeah, that's a radiator. That's a radiator. We were taught, you're going to get burned on the radiator. Yeah, the radiator. Sounds like a surfer stick name.

So I'm Kevin, AKA the radiator. Well, dude, I knew kids that were playing with it. You don't go by that now, bro. You better have a lot of t-shirts coming out tomorrow, bro. The radiator. But I knew kids that would get sprayed by them. They'll bring their face.

You don't open it up. Man, you ever have a kid show up to school in, like, third, fourth grade with fucking burns all over? Like, what the fuck happened to you? Got damn radiator. I told you, stay away from the radiator, Stephen. I was laying there watching a fall guy, and the radiator got me sprayed all over me, motherfucker.

Boiling hot. But you learn shit like these old mechanics. They lean on the radiator, and then it causes a hairline fucking fracture, and then next thing you know, your shit's overeating. So I used to put this powder in, and this powder would harden inside there. Gotcha. And fill the crack.

And you'd get maybe 10,000 miles, and it's happening again. You just have to keep doing it. One time, this mechanic put this poxy on it for me, and I go, is that really going to hold? This is always like a, people always say this shit is a test. Like, they put this on the space show. You know? This is nasty.

Which one? The one that blew up, which there's two of them we've had trouble with, motherfucker. They put this on. Me, the one that's on fire lashes right now? It's going all over the beach right now. Is that the one they're running on? Because I don't need that shit.

Well, let me tell you something. If they told you that. They need a headache, will you? If they told you that before 86, you'd be like, you shit me. Yeah, you would. Right. You'd spell it on everything. Yes, I don't get the fuck out of here.

Yeah. Did you guys ever have kerosene heaters growing up? No. Wow. We had two. In the car. I can't even get the beetle warm. They were so dangerous.

That's like a pipe bomb. We had one that had to base, and it was a tower. And you know, my brothers and I, we'd always be fucking with it. We'd spit on it all the time, put food on it. But then grilled snakes. And I'd grab your hand and try to get you on there, rookie. God damn it.

Quit playing, right? It's so fucking hot. And I look back at it now. We're in sixth grade, and we've got a fucking jug, a blue jug of kerosene in the house. And we're children, and we've got the thing on it. We're pouring it in ourselves, but I would never let my mother. Imagine your daughter.

Yeah, it's crazy. Fuck that. I can't even believe we're alive. Yeah. We had a coal stove for a long time. We had one of those. We used to get the coal. Not coal wood.

Sorry, God. Yeah, well, we had coal, and the coal would get delivered. And it would get dumped into the fucking driveway. Me and my brother were at the fucking shoveled into a bin. Uh-uh. I swear to God, this was in the 90s. We had this thing. What heat exists, dude?

It's in the 90s. It's in 2004. But I'll tell you what, man, that kept your real warm and toast to each night. Woo! We had a wood one. It smelled like a bonfire on Jordan. And it was too hot.

A wood stove that would that enclose. It was like the, it was like it sat on your fireplace mantle. The black one. Yeah, black. And it had like a circle lid, and you picked the handle up, and you just spun it this way, and you threw whatever in. Basically a dumpster. And you just set a dumpster fire in the fucking house.

Yeah, contained dumpster fire. Would you go to school smelling like wood a little bit? Oh, smoke, everything. Like, yeah, oof. My buddies that lived down the street, shout out to Steve Pyle, they had a regular fireplace that they would use to heat the house. And he would show up smelling like fucking Franklin's

barbecue every fucking, every morning. He'd be camping a gun, man. Yeah, we camp a lot. Yeah, trout biting again. I remember my mom in the morning would go to want to heat the house, so she would open this, just turn a stove on, and open the stove. Just to heat the kitchen while she's making breakfast.

Just to gas? Yeah, just to get me light-headed before fucking, before a big vocab test. Made it real cozy, though. They made you not want to leave the kitchen. Happy and fucking content in there. Nice and warm. All right, well, we got to get to some fucking Patreon

queues here, gang. As you know, when you join a Patreon, we will answer your Patreon, your garbage Patreon questions. On the air, it's just the best way to do it. Patreon gets the first crack at it, because, like I said, it's the greatest website of all time. This was from Garrett, Canadian homie here. Never have one read.

Is it garbage to test drive a truck to help a buddy move a freezer? That's hacking the system, man. That's brilliant is what that is. That's fainting. We can't fuck that truck off, though. No. What do you tell the sales guy to make a quick stop?

I assume he's not with you. Yeah, they don't go with you now. At least in LA, they don't. Wait, really? Yeah, last time I tested your car, you leave your license with him, your driver's license with him, and then you go out on your own for real. Yeah, yeah, they don't care anymore.

Sweet. Yeah. My buddy's dad, I'll never forget, my buddy's dad owned a body shop, and he was selling a motor, like his motorcycle or something. So this guy showed up, pulled his car in, and he was like, yeah, man, leave your car here, and you can go test drive the truck,

but just leave your car here with the keys. He's like, yeah, yeah, of course, man. So the guy on the bike hops on the bike, drives away. This is Vinny with the skinny's dad, drives away. And he's not whatever. He's just working on a truck in the garage. The guy who pulled up in the car had a guy laying in the back seat with a second set of keys.

He hopped in, drove the car off, and made away with the bike, and the car completely gone. Hell yeah. Whoa. He was like, I just got it. He's like, I kind of fucking respect the move, because I never even fucking thought of it. That's fucking crazy.

Geez, some guy hopped in and just peeled out. It's a bit later. That is smart. All right, let's see here. This is from Paige Docherty. Anyone in your family ever smoke cigs in bed? Sure. We smoked in the house, but never in bed, I don't think.

You grew up in a smoking family? Only my grandma, DeVito. And because we had this nice house that my parents couldn't afford, you look back on it, she lived with us for a while. I was like, oh, grandma's kicking in on this house. But she had her own dining room area and her own bedroom, and that's where she would smoke. She would rip her heaters.

She was Italian. Her diet was pretty much Marlboro lights, peanuts, and Diet Coke, or Diet Pepsi. That's how I'm living right now, to be honest. That's pretty much it, bro. And lottery tickets. Shout out to Nana DeVito. He's doing it right out there.

Living on lottery tickets. That's all right. Oh, man. I just want to say, Bill, anyone in your family ever use the club on the steering wheel of your car? Yeah, myself. You? Oh, man.

Not now. On my, no, not now. On my IG story, any time I see a club, I throw it up with Ice Cubes Club. And yeah, I've got a whole thing going. I used to, I mean, I had it laid right up the other day I did one. It was back to back clubs on this car.

And this car, I was like, back to back clubbed up, y'all. I have a whole bit about it in my album, because what it always said was, it didn't say, like, I'm protecting this car. It was more of a message like, this is everything I fucking have, you know what I'm saying? Oh, that's great. That's what it's all about.

Hey, buddy, I need this. This is all I got, bro. Like a car payment's going to put me under right now, OK? Fuck me up. It's going to fuck me up. So please move on. Who ordered that? And it's just more of a deterrent,

like, eh, it's going to take me five minutes longer than this one over here. But yeah, I clubbed it up forever, for years and years on that Honda Civic. Was it also like, do you have a thing? It's a weapon, too, if you ever get one. Oh yeah, and two pieces. That's everybody's thought.

Two pieces, breaking that bitch out of two pieces. I always liked a little more on better. I like a little more on better. I mean I was good at it till I was like, fruttttttt. You know what I had? It's like a Ninja Turtles. Like a set of nunchucks.

I'd lock the wheel real quick. Like a brisk brisk brisk. I'd be out of there. I also used one on my motorcycle. I had a motorcycle for a second. I've never really enjoyed it. I was never comfortable on it. I felt vulnerable and weak on that fucking thing.

But I had a back one, you know, lock the back tire, club thing. And someone tried to come steal it. The club saved my car. So they ended up just busting the windows out. These motherfuckers took the carpet out of the hatchback. That's how much they stole. That's how much they stole.

They wanted it all. They took the carpet off the back of my seat. It's like, crrrrrrr. Like ripped it all out. Because of course, back then, I had a box. I had two 10s in the back that little, shout out to the Subwoofer. And an Alpine pullout, detachable face, which is why they didn't get that.

You know what I'm saying? They didn't get that. But it saved the car from being stolen. And then the motorcycle, someone tried to steal, but they couldn't get it off. So they just fucking dumped it over on its side and fucked it up. Fuck that, dickheads. Did you guys never clubbed it up?

Never. That was already, by the time I started to drive, you know, by the time I got my license, it was 2003 or whatever. That was already kind of out the door, I guess. My brother had it. I remember in his Jeep, he had a Jeep Cherokee. He had that same thing. Car alarm.

Did you ever have the Viper car alarm? When you had the second clicker, like the, that was funny. You had your own clicker. That guy showed up to a party. He was flashing it. He wore his keys on his belt. Let you know. Oh, you mean that's Michael Prupper?

Had the face of the stereo in his pocket. Like a sunglass case? Yeah. Yeah, the sunglass, you're right. All right, let's see here. This one's from Romeo, a long time, $10 homie. Is it garbage to use a semi truck casually? One time, my cousin's, their car was dead,

so we took my uncle's semi truck to church. Casually. Casually, rolling up the church. Those without the trailer, they look sweet, though. They do. They were tight. I didn't even think without the trailer. You remember the flat, one of the flat face ones in the 80s?

They, you remember, and smoke in the band, that they would race them. They would have tractor races, but it was just a tractor on that fucking thing. It was all right. No, I think that's a boss move. But I'm trash. I'm full control.

That's great on a curve with it. Can you do that? Is that legal? Can I just get a tractor trailer from? Yeah, I think as long as the plates are, yeah, you can. There was this truck. You can't put a regular set of tags on it. No, I got you.

You got to have a CDL for that, motherfucker. Oh, but if I got a CDL, I could roll around. I was supposed to have a CDL for that, motherfucker. You got to have a CDL for that. You got to pass that vision test. You got to pass the vision and piss test. Yeah, you're going to need clean paper back to win. That's commercial, bro.

That's commercial. We ain't talking recreational, baby. I guess that ain't happening, then. My eyesight stinks and I ain't making it on a picnic. What if you just set that as your goal? You should do it, bro. Go get your CDL, man. That's great, dude.

What are you talking about? It's a great goal, yeah. Double clutching. And then go drive an 18-wheeler for your fans. Oh, god, I tune in to watch the whole process. Baby, we got to wrap it up, though, gang. This has been fucking fantastic. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Ryan Sickler

has an amazing special out right now called Lefty Son. It's on his YouTube page. You have to check it out. Of course, the host of the Honeydew podcast. Thank you, guys. Buddy, we can't thank you enough. We love you. Love you.

Anything you want the folks out there to know? Hit them. Yeah, subscribe to the Honeydew. Watch my special. This is something I put as a labor of love myself. Like we say, these free podcasts and specials are definitely not free to bring to y'all. And everything's on RyanSickler.com.

My tour dates, all of it's there. Go check it out. Buddy, we love you. We can't thank you. Such a great fucking time. Congratulations on everything. You're fucking killing it. We're so happy for you.

Thank you. Kippy, what do you got for him? Guys, we're all over the road. Tickets are on sale. We're adding second shows in some places. Get those tickets before they're gone. Thanks for everything. We love you.

Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.