Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Sam Morril!

Episode Date: September 8, 2022

Kippy and Foley are joined by Sam Morril! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Butcher Box: https://www.ButcherBox.com/AYG Promo Code: AYG Go Factor: https://go.factor75.com/Garbage130 Promo Code: Garbage130 Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans

Yeah, but let's talk about them live shows, baby. That middle-class famous tour. That's a good, good time, that middle-class famous tour. We're coming to a city near you to stand up comedy show. Then we play a little AYG with the crowd. Fantastic way to introduce new people to the show. Grab your best guy, grab your best gal. Grab your girlfriends, grab your guy friends.

Bring the whole squad and come see us. Yeah, gang, next week, September 13th, we're gonna be in Kansas City. Then September 14th, we're gonna be in Springfield. All right. Then in September 15th, we're gonna be in St. Louis. Then in October, coming to Nashville. We're going to Indy in November.

We're going to Philly's second show out of there. That's almost sold out. Get those tickets. Don't sleep on that. Then we're coming to Providence, Rhode Island, and Boston in December. Those shows are sold out at the moment, but we're adding tickets.

Be on the lookout. Yeah! Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts. Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there,

and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage. Take two! A little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they're good to be classy. After this, the big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.

We're down here in Antutti's basement. She's upstairs making a nice big breakfast. Okay. Four o'clock in the afternoon. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. Unamused this week. Big strikeout on that one. I mean, we did a second take for that.

He's the CEO of Are You Garbage. He's an international businessman. He's not to be trifled with in the boardroom or the bedroom. Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan. Hey, gang. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.

Full video available on YouTube. As you know, those numbers are... Shredder of! Cook it. Almost at 100,000 over there on YouTube. Let's go! And then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, go to www.patreon.com.shareyugarbage.

Check it, though. Fuck out, gang. Sweet Lord. And have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire. He wrote that toody this week. Didn't want me to tell you. Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin. Toby McMullen.

What's up, dudes? No, I fucking didn't. Get a great distance between anybody and that joke. I thought it's sweating. That's stuck so bad. But that's neither here nor there. God damn it. We could not be more excited to have our incredibly,

and I mean incredibly special guests. Back with us again today. He is a very funny standup comedian and podcaster. Just one of the truest standup comedians working a true headliner. It's yours it gets. I'll fuck and murder her. You can hear him every week on We Might Be Drunk

with Mr. Mark Norman, who they both also have, Bodega Cat Straight Rye Whiskey. Machi Machi. Goin' old school. I like it. Couple of bootleggers. They're not doin' flavored vodka and they're like, that's a goin' straight rye.

Wouldn't that be great if we did? If we're like, it's like skinny lemon margaritas or something. It's whipped cream vodka. Everybody loves that. That is beautiful. I'll tell ya, I have gotten drunk on whipped cream vodka. Did you throw a little orange juice in that? Oh yeah.

It's a fuckin' creamsicle. Creamsicle, baby. Dude, when Pinnacle hit, we were all about it. Pinnacle, goodnight. Cotton candy. Wow. They were gettin' wacky with it. We came out of the gate, garbage,

I mean, this week. You know what's pretty good? Gang, he also has a new podcast with Mr. Julian Edelman called Games With Names That You Gotta Check Out, but the reason that he's here, what's the reason that he's here, he's got a little special over there on Netflix. Am I talkin' about one of them freebies they give away?

We're talkin' about Netflix, baby. We're talkin' front page Netflix. I looked at it today. It's called Same Time Tomorrow. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Sam Merrell. Look at that. Oh my god, that was incredible. That roll you just got on there.

Thank you. Yeah, no, I'm pumped. I'm pumped, gettin' nice feet. I went viral on Trans Twitter. I'll take it. There you go. Trans Twitter's lovin' me right now. It'll turn.

I know you look familiar. I'll take it for now. Buddy, congrats, man. It's fuckin' awesome. Yeah, it's fantastic. We love to see it. As you said, as pure of a New York standup you can be. Thank you.

One of the best joke writers in the country, arguably the world. I'm so pumped that this podcast is blown up. Thank you, buddy. Thank you. Thank you. I love to watch you sit back, fuckin' you hang back and you just fuckin' murder.

It looks effortless. It's a lot of work. I know. And the special is fuckin' fantastic. And like we said, it's fuckin' tearing up the charts over there. I guess. They don't tell you.

It's like serious where they're like, are you doing well? Is it good? I don't know. Did anybody see it? They don't release numbers. But I'm like, I feel like, yeah, I'm getting nice feed. I think when it gets to front page

and stranding and stuff like that, you know it's doing some numbies. I was flying from Texas to Burlington, Vermont. Not good routing, obviously. Whoa. For a weekend in Vermont. And it's like that. You know when you're on the runway

and you're like, I'm not gonna make the connection. I'm connected in your home, Philly. I'm like, two hour delay, the flight attendant's like, I think you're gonna make it. I don't think I'm gonna make it. But she's really building me up. She's like, I think they're gonna hold the plane. I was like, they don't hold planes.

That's not a thing they do for one dude. Anyway, then I land. We got Morel coming up from Houston. Throw a brakes on. Dude, I land and she just goes, run. I think you can make it. So I'm running and it's like, we land in B2. And I'm like, please be close.

Fucking F32. Oh. I'm dead. I'm dead in the water. I don't understand why they do that, man. It's crazy. It kills me. So I'm sprinting.

They close the door right as I'm getting. I'm like, please don't close it. And she goes, sorry. Closes it. What the fuck? And she goes, I can't open it. It's closed. I'm like, but you fucking, you closed it.

You could have just slowed it down. That's a real fucking slow-made move. It killed me. So then I had to go from, there's a day it came out and I go, what the fuck? As I'm doing, I go, what the fuck? I'm yelling. Phones are coming up and I'm like,

I'm gonna go viral the day my special comes out for not my special. Yeah. I'm going, what the fuck? Why would you do that? And I know I'm gonna miss the gig that night. So I'm just furious. And then she goes, I can get you on a flight to Chicago.

So I'm going back to Chicago, to Burlington. And I was like, what do I do? And she goes, they're boarding in seven. And like, it's boarding now. You got seven minutes to get there. I said, where is it? I said, you're not before. Oh.

I'm fucked. That's all right. I sprinted, I made up. It just took me nine minutes to get here. Dude, I hate a long airport. I know I'm a fat pig. I hate a long airport. I hate when I see multiple of those flat escalators.

I know I'm in trouble. Oh, dude. I'm in a cinema. I'm down in the distance. You can barely make out the sign. That shit sucks. People look up, you're zipping around people, and they're looking up on their phone.

And we've all seen that person. You're like, that person's not making their flight. Yeah. They're never making their flight. They're out to learn the wrong terminal. They should be at LaGuardia, probably. Let me ask you this. Do a little recap.

Do a little check up on you here. These flights, you flying up front? What's going on here? Depends. You gotta be, no? Some of these flights now, dude. They're pricing. Yeah, I just spent $1,500 on a main cabin round trip ticket

to Louisville. Whoa. It's never the place you want to go. Won't you lose a bet? What the fuck? Hey, zone two. Take it easy, will you? Jesus Christ.

I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, a flight to Paris is probably 800. Yeah. Louisville is 1,500 now. What the hell? That's, dude, it's nuts. Yeah, if it's not insane, I'll sometimes I'll go up front. But yeah, I mean, also you fly every week, you get the status.

Sure. I think east coast to west coast sometimes, I will. But I mean, dude, every once in a while, you're like, and also if I'm going to like Burlington normally, that's what a two hour, an hour flight, you're like, what am I gonna pay an extra $200 for like this much extra? Yeah, but that's when you get the cheap,

that's when you get the cheap upgrade. You look cool on the plane. 45 minute flight cup, 1,500 bucks or something like that. I'm so bad with money. I use it in both ways. I'm like, well, I'm flying across country. I gotta spend the extra 1,500 bucks. And I go, I'm flying to Vermont.

It's 40 minutes, it's a couple bucks, whatever. You get like a slightly better kind bar. That's it. That's it. That's all I got in first class. Get the multigrain cheezes. I was telling him, dude, we flew to South Carolina, me and my girl just to chill out for a couple of days.

We're in South Carolina. We went to Charleston. Oh, that's beautiful. Dad, it was awesome. I was like, if you said Myrtle Beach, I was gonna go garbage. Scream break, baby. We both went topless.

We got tattoos, arresting, she's pregnant. No, we went to Charleston, but we were on a jet blue flight and there was no first class. And that made me nervous. I don't like it. I feel like those can crash easier and nobody would really care.

Because you feel like no one important. Yeah, nobody important. I give me a CFO or something or like, you know, some athlete trying to make the team and the Redskins or something. Important people die on flight. Kobe died in a helicopter. True, that's true.

Important people do die. Yeah, that's true. John Denver, right? I mean, there's- They was flying himself though. That's true. They was looking for it. I was gonna mention another Yankee

who also flew himself. Who? Fucking, no, goddamn, the catcher. Thurmond Munson. Oh yeah, Thurmond Munson. Same with Roy Holiday, right? He was flying, yeah. Dude, that was crazy.

That jet was wild. He was flying too. Damn. That guy, that was like one of the best pitchers ever. That was insane. Awesome. You never get into that stuff later in life. You get like dirt bikes.

You gotta do that when you're a kid. You don't pick those things up. The flying the helicopters and stuff like that, get out of here. Have you ever been in those tiny like helicopters ever? They're terrifying. I just, I can't fit. No, we tried.

So what, the fact that we're making- I know the little ones you're talking about. And if I was four pounds, I still wouldn't get in that fucking thing. Dude, so for like a stunt, I was like, you know what, we were doing a show in Philly this last year. I was like, let's get a fucking,

let's get a helicopter and fly down there. In the sense of like, we're gonna spend all the money we're making just to get there. And then we're gonna take the bus back as like a bit. And- Content. Dude, so I start calling around. I'm like, yeah, I need a helicopter

from New York to feel like, no problem. They're like, how many people you got? And they're like, I'm like, what's, and they go, how big are the, nobody over 300 pounds. I was like, ah, that's gonna be a problem. I'm like, I gotta hold a one guys. Yeah, we'll do it.

I'm like, I don't wanna fly with you. Wow. Seven people said no. And some guys like, yeah, who gives a fuck? I'm like- Wild Bill's chopper service. I'll get that fat bastard down here. Yeah, we'll do it airlines.

That's not what you, that's not what you wanna be on. We'll do it airlines. Damn, that is, so you, so you wouldn't get on. I wouldn't, I know, I was at that point, like seven people had told me no. And I was like, let me just try this one last year. I can't believe you made it to seven. After like three said no to me,

I'd be like, no, we're not. Hey, we love the fans. I wanna get the content out there. It is a good bit. The Coast Guard is gonna have to take them down. They're gonna have to drown them in the Hudson. They were gonna save them and take them to Penn. Are you an, are you a lounge guy at the airport?

We do the American Express Cards? No, I do the Delta lounge. You're a Delta guy. But that's from just flying every week. Yeah. What kind of, do you, if you don't mind, what kind of status do you, cause you fly a lot.

Diamond, I'm diamond. Whoa. Really? So you have an American Express card with sky miles. Yeah, yeah. And you're diamond. Yeah.

Holy shit. It's just from flying actually. I'm trying to get the wood. Ha ha ha. You're not the danger. I love that lounge, dude. That lounge is, The Delta lounge is good.

There's something about getting either in the air or lounge drunk. There's something kind of special about it. Dude. In an airport, it's lawless. I just start drinking. But the problem is like, then you start to look at your road schedule

and you're like, I'm on the road. I can't just do this regularly cause I'm gone every week. That's when your friends come out to see you at first and they're like, let's get fucked up. And you have that different set of group coming out. And you're like, no, this is every night. I can't just get fucked up.

Or I'm gonna be in rehab. That's gonna end horribly. So you do have to kind of budget, but every once in a while, like I had that bad airport day on Thursday and I was like, I'm getting fucked up on the flight. Oh yeah. I landed late in Vermont, the shows were canceled.

Oh, that's a gimme. It was a gimme. But I was kind of relieved that we moved to Sunday and then Gary Veter and I just hit. We just got fucking hammered at like a nice restaurant. It was great. Oh, that's a good time. It was a good time.

Yeah. Ain't nothing better than it. Will you take your shoes off when you fly? Absolutely not. No. Oh, he's a bit of a gentleman. You know what? Actually, that's not true.

The one condition, if you do get the upgrade and you get those lay flat ones. That you got to. I'm six three. I gotta do it. I start doing laundry up there. Are you kidding me? Dude, we got that once.

I was like, game changer. It's crazy. I could have done another lap. Let's fucking go. We landed. I was refreshed. I was sitting behind Molly Shannon on one of those ones. And I love Molly Shannon.

It took all my strength not to be like, I love you, Molly Shannon. I nearly root. I did that once to. Can you name my shoe, please? I did it once to, you know, that actress Catherine Keener. Of course, love her. Love her.

She's never, never not great. You know, like Capote and John Malkovich and. Started out in the Indies. Killed it in the Indies. Killed it. I was like, cool movies, but yeah, I opened the door at the bathroom on a flight and she's standing there and I just went,

I love you. And she went, ah, I was like, sorry. And then she goes, thank you. She goes, thank you. But that's a horrible way to open the door. I just panicked. I saw her. I was like, oh, she's in get out too.

I just remember she's in so many good movies. That's funny. Will you bring food on the plane? From like, from the lounge or from like. Like anyway, if you stop. Wait, hold back it up a second. Wait a minute, wait a minute. He's for sure stealing.

You're taking from the lounge? I take little things sometimes. It's meant for it. They have like a travel, but like the bars. Oh, sure are. But you're not taking like a fucking egg ball out of there. Anything like that. An omelet or something.

Even if it's breakfast, I'll throw a couple of hard boiled eggs in a little thing and I'll take them on the flight. Ooh, that was my. Hard boiled eggs on the plane. That's on the list. Have you ever eaten a hard boiled egg in public? Ew, really dude?

In public, they're at the bar. What do you mean? They're meant to be, what am I supposed to go in the bathroom with the egg? That's creepier. See, Kathleen Keener. I love you. Get me salt.

The hard boiled egg in public is a tough look. It's a bad look. It is, look, I'm not going to act like it's a classy move, but I like a hard boiled egg. You throw a little salt in hot sauce. I don't know, in public. That's a very New York thing. That in a salt syrup all the day.

That in an egg cream. I remember I saw Tim Dillon once saw me leave a podcast with a protein bar. He goes, oh, you're such a New Yorker with your protein bar. It's like such an eye. I didn't realize it's like an on the go thing, but you just, you know. You're not shaking, baby.

That's good. But you won't bring like a sandwich on there. I've done it, yeah. I'll give you a garbage one. I brought a tuna sub on it. On a flight once. That's a tuna sub? I know, and it smells bad.

First class or main cabin? I think I was main cabin. That's main cabin shit. That's main cabin too. You're not a head of the wing on that. I've definitely done the seaweed snacks too, which is as low as it gets. Cause that dude just suck in the minute

and they're just like, oh, they smell. They smell bad. And that's a growth. It smells like low tide. Yeah. They smell real bad. Tuna's a tough look though. Tuna's a bad look.

That's wild. I like tuna. Tuna on the plane is crazy. I won't do it again. There's a reason they don't serve tuna fish sandwiches on the plane. I swear to God, the first thing I thought. I like a tuna hooky though.

I respect that. I love it. It was at Jersey Mike's. It was the LAX. And I remember eating it and everyone's looking at me and first I was like, they're jealous that I have a sandwich. I'm talking about being disconnected. They're jealous that I remembered a sandwich.

And then it hit me. I'm like, oh, it smells horrible. It's like a tuna is like a cigar of the food world. It's great for you. It's bad for everyone else. No shit. You're rolling in a couple of days. God damn.

That's funny, dude. Are you still in the same place? Are you still living in the same place you were when we saw you last? I am, yeah. Very nice. OK. Let me say you're making dinner at the house.

Never. Maybe never. I'm never home. I rarely have groceries. Also, New Yorkers don't make that. Theoretically. My fridge looks so sad. Is it?

I mean, it's like all on the go shit. It's like canned iced coffee. Devil's egg. Devil's egg. Devil's egg. Just a tray of devil's eggs. I wish. Shout out to the devil's egg.

Yeah, like a few protein shakes, seltzer. It's like all like I'm leaving with this shit. Sure. On the go again, yeah. But let's say hypothetically. Let's say, OK, so for some reason, you and Gary are at the house. All right, you and Gary are at the house.

You're making dinner. All right. You're going to make pasta. I love making pasta. You love making pasta. During the pandemic, when we did this the first time, I was cooking a ton. OK.

Because we all were, right? Sure, you had to. So if you make pasta, are you using one whole box of pasta and one jar of sauce? Or are you splitting that up? Are you putting the jar of sauce back in the fridge and not using it all completely? I used all the sauce, I think.

Thank you. I'm a bit. I like sauce. I mean, it depends what kind of pasta we're making. If it's like a red sauce, I'm using all the sauce. Nice, for sure. All right. I love.

All right. I love a good, I mean, shit, man. Kids on Netflix, what do you mean it's class right there? What about, uh, God, what's it called? The Rayo's, that marinara? That's some of the best jar of sauce in history. Best jar of sauce, yeah, best you can get for sure. That's a great.

It's worth the money. I feel like they blew up in the pandemic, too. They're big. They really topped off. A couple of stores, you could get them in now. They have like half the aisle on my grocery store. Oh, dude, when you were in that grocery store, and people were fighting for those last jars,

and you're like, fuck, I'm left with like zesty garlic or something. I want that sensitive marinara, dude. Or regular. Good luck with your ragu alfredo. Oh, yeah, no, I love. I love all kinds. I'll do any kind of pasta, though.

I mean, I'll do like a fucking white wine sauce, a little pesto. I'll do any of that shit. All right. Pasta. A lot of good pesto. Pasta's underrated. I love getting wine drunk with Italian food.

It's hard to top that. It's just so hardy, especially in the winter. If it's a cold New York winter and you just duck into like a little tiny, there was a great place called Via della Pace that closed down in the East Village. I used to do comedy in their basement. I know exactly what you're talking about. And it was inexpensive.

Yeah. And it was great. And I'd see like, I remember Danilo Gallinari from the Knicks would eat there all the time, so that it scored extra points when he played it. And then it'd be like a $14 pasta for New York. That's fucking amazing. And you eat well.

Double glass of red wine. Yeah. John's on 12th Street's good for that, too. That's a great. Duck in there in a cold night. Woo! Get the red dough. I had a bartender once say to me, once he goes,

my dad used to say, there's nothing better than the moment you hit your shit face, you open New York, like the bar door in the cold winter, and the wind just hits your face. Love it. That is kind of epic. It's something because then the beer starts fighting the cold a little bit.

It's great, man. The same bartender, like we talked for a while, and he's like, what do you do? And I avoid saying comic, but he pulled it out of me. And he goes, man, I know this hilarious guy. I used to watch him to go real big name. I was like, oh, who? He goes, Mark Normand.

I was like, shout out to him. So I was like, I literally do a podcast with that guy. And he was like, you know, Mark Normand? No, he owes me 20 bucks. Shout out to Mark. I so badly want to just show up with Mark next time. I got a guy, you know what was his corn of bistro in the East Village.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Bourdain used to, he made it popular that place. But it's a great burger spot, great beer spot. When you're counting on your fingers, do you start it in your thumb or your pinky? You do. Pinky, who starts with a pinky? I do, one, two, three, four, five.

Ooh, that's weird. That's real weird. It's commie shit, dude. That's home school shit. What are you talking about? Starting with your pinky. Maybe he's not that close. What are you, a real turd in Panama?

What the hell? What the hell is that? Start with your pinky. It's easier to do Bumps of Coke with. Good thing, long nail. Yeah, that's wild. Okay. Have you ever subscribed to Max on Magazine?

No, no, but you know, back in the day. He dabbled. Yeah, but pre-Internet porn days, these kids don't know how lucky they have. They have no idea. Jerking at the FHM, Max, whatever we could find. Yeah. That was all right.

Will you have magazines in the bathroom at the house though? I don't really, occasionally, like I'll get magazines at the airport sometimes. Okay. Yeah. You read the newspaper at all? Like the actual paper? No, not really.

On my phone or computer. Okay. But I do like a newspaper. I like a magazine. You strike me as a guy that could read at times. Have you ever subscribed to The New Yorker at any point in your life? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love The New Yorker. Really? Yeah, it's a great magazine. I like it too. New York Magazine also I like. I like the post. I just like like. The post is a good time.

You just love New York. I love New York. I love the subway. Yeah. And then there's some all by that I just buy to like as like I'm dumb. So I should buy this. And then like I'm like, I'm like,

I just bought the Economist. I'm like, I read like half an article. I don't even understand anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, what am I doing? Popular mechanic. I don't understand a goddamn thing they're talking about.

It's upside down. Kip, let's talk about the good people over there at better help. Are you mean the people out there saving the goddamn world? Yes, they 100% are. Let me talk to you guys about something. I've had issues in my life where I get stuck

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how much easier would that make accomplishing my goals? Which I am just learning. Yes. Talk therapy has helped me a lot in the past and I just decided this week. We're a couple of screwballs over here. I'm signing up for better help, baby. I'm doing it this week.

I can't wait to get back in the therapy pool and figure it out. I'm dealing with a lot of shit over here. I gotta figure, you need someone to clear out the weeds so you can see clearly. And it doesn't have to be a catastrophic event in your life. It just could be something that you need some help with. Big or small, it doesn't matter.

Better help can help. Also, it's good if things are going well. Talk to someone and talk about how well it's going and how great it is. Hey, I feel fortunate I have this going and that. It's fantastic. Talk therapy can change your life in such a positive way. It's fantastic.

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across six boxes. That's code Garbage 130 at go.factor75.com slash Garbage 130 for $130 off do it. You gotta swiffer at the house, at the apartment. I think I do, but I don't. It's one of the things I bought that I don't think I've ever used. Do you have a cleaning person?

Just cleaning. But they come rarely, so the place is not. I'm never home, so I'm like, it doesn't get that bad usually. Like that, that's very New York of you. Yeah. Where you doing the laundry? You doing it at the house,

so you're dropping it off? I do it. You do it? Really? It feels weird not to, I feel like dropping it off somewhere is almost like more work. Huh.

I see what you're saying. If there's not somewhere conveniently like across the street or something, yeah. Yeah, I do it myself, but yeah, I tell people that and they're weirded out by that sometimes. You strike me as a drop it off, a fluff and fold guy. No.

That's like the quintessential It's like, I like to make a day of it, like I'll have a movie on and I'll just be, you know, folding. Really? Yeah, I like it. All right. I've never hated anything more

than having to do laundry in my apartment. I don't know, yeah. I like when somebody else does it. Like when, like, my mom or somebody would do it. That makes it very cozy at home. He saw his mom do his laundry. And he fights me on it. It's the most insane shit I've ever heard about.

It's the same exact process that he's talking about, like it's a movie on, the basket's around, it's being done. Yeah, your mom's doing it, what are you talking about? Basketball season, if I take a night off, I get a Knicks game going. I'm just folding them.

Yeah, I like that. You're chilling? All right. It takes me forever because I get mad during the game, so. I ripped three T-shirts. What kind of laundry detergent are you using? Do you know what's at the top of your head or is it whatever?

The pods. The pods. Really? Is that weird to use? That's good. Pied pods. Expensive. Are they?

More expensive, I think. Oh, that's true, I guess. Then like a five gallon thing. Pied pods, ray-o, tuna subs, it's all right, it's kids all right. My first New York apartment had a washer and dryer in it. Oh, that's big. And I had no idea how good I had it

because I'm like, yeah, an apartment in Philadelphia. I had a dream. And then every one I was looking at after that didn't have, I'm like, what the fuck? Was it both in one or was it like on top? Was it washer and dryer? Yeah, it was next to the refrigerator. It went refrigerator, washer, dryer, stove.

I had that one apartment and it was all the way uptown and it was. This was uptown, yeah. Yeah, it was a washer, dryer in one. Whoa. Yeah, so, holy shit, dude. It would take like 13 hours to dry. You think you're getting a good deal

and you're like, it's just like shaking. Yeah, so it's like, you press like, you press wide and then you press dry. So it's like, dude, I swear to God, it would be shaking for like 11 hours sometimes. And my roommate would be like, dude, can you not do laundry? I gotta sleep tonight, you know.

Holy shit. How's the credit score, Sam? It's pretty good. Yeah? Yeah, I actually don't know, but it's solid. Speaking of what, have you ever washed your shoes in a washing machine? I think once, yeah, I did one,

because I get stinky sometimes. Are you a sneaker guy? How many pairs of shoes would you say you have? A good amount, but I'm not like, I go into some of these stores now and they're like, it's Nike dunks for $480. Yeah, you're not a sneaker head. And you're like, yeah, those were like 80 bucks growing up.

I don't know why, so I don't, I'm kind of like, fuck that, no. I mean, I like cool sneakers, but I'm not, that's not why I want to spend my money. Well, you fart in an Uber. That's a good one. Is it on the way to the airport and to the windows down then maybe?

Okay. Because there's a lot of air coming in. Okay. My airport, because you're on a highway then, you mean? Yeah, you're on a highway, you're going quickly, the wind is like a tunnel that's taking you out. But if we're just farting and close the window, I think that's...

That's rude, because you're in a guy's car at the end of the day. So if it has one of those plastic things. Oh, in a cab? Yeah, if it's not making through, absolutely. I mean, also you have to, a taxi cab, no question. In a world with no ratings, I mean, madness will come over.

But if we're talking an Uber where it could reflect poorly on a score, then you're like, yeah, I want to behave. Yeah, I guess a cab is, yeah. A cab is the wild west. You can get blown in a cab. I have. We were talking about DeRosa before,

that's easy, the back of the cab, international waters. Damn. That's a joke, yeah, it's a good strategy. I feel like a Motel 6, maybe. Shout out to DeRosa. Have you ever been kicked out of a sporting event? No, but we got someone kicked out recently, my brother and I, because my brother and I,

it was literally getting to the point it was gonna be a fight in the next game. A guy dumped a beer in my brother's head and my brother pushed him and I was like, fuck. What the fuck is with that? What the fuck is wrong with people? He was drunk and we got in his face and I was like, you fucking idiot.

And it was getting heated. And I started Instagram, storing the guy. And there were people in the section who followed me and they started chanting, don't kick out Sam. He's got a special coming. And we, and the guy, and the security saw it and they're like, what's happening? I'm like, this piece of shit poured a beer in my brother

and it got to where it was gonna be a fight. And I was like, thank fucking God, me and my brother are the toughest dudes in the world. But it's a bad combo, we're like willing, we're ready to go. I think we could have taken these dudes, but also I'm like, we're not leaving. You're just saying it like, I'll get my ass kicked. I'm like, if it comes to it, I could take a beating, dude,

don't, it's like that episode. You're gonna fuck me up. It's like that episode of the Simpsons were homer, just like lets people get tired beating the shit out of them. Because he has to push in, yeah. Dude, yeah, so the guy, he got tossed. No, have I ever been tossed? No, thank God, no.

Have you ever tried to start the wave at a sporting event? No, but I've gotten with the wave. I don't like starting the wave. You gotta go with it. It comes in, it's just polite. It can't be a fucking asshole. You gotta go with the wave.

I don't, I don't love the wave. I'll partake if you have to. But no, have you guys been thrown out of a sporting event? No. No, I don't think so. A lot of bars. My brother's friend got arrested at the vet and went to the vet jail.

We were at an affiliates game. We were kids. My parents had to go get him out in here. Wow, like the Nero and Silver Linings? Yeah. Hell yeah. 100%. That's the sporting events, for the same reason

I don't behave super badly, I like. That shit's gotten wild, man. Well yeah, I don't like that shit. And also. Some dude getting punched in front of his kid, the kid's balling his eyes out. I hate that. Dude.

I was drunk one time they gave me floor seats for the Knicks and I was shit-faced. Nice. And the front row was like a pre-season game. That's where I get floor seats too. They're like, no one else wants these. You can have them. I fought the Bronx.

King of the G-League. It was Knicks Wizards and John Wall was like just off like a one year injury or whatever and he gained a lot of weight and I was shit-faced. And my trolling was like, you've gotten much heavier, John. And he's looking at me, he's here and he's just like shaking his head. I'm like, oh shit, I'm that guy.

You put on a couple of pounds, John. I was like, John Wall fucking hates me. And yeah, that was like, ooh, I don't wanna do that again. But I was hammered. Yeah, it happens. That booze gets the best of you sometime. I wanna know, was the guy you and your brother were beefing with, was he a Knick fan too?

I couldn't, he wasn't in any Knicks gear and we were, so I mean, your security, who you can decide with. It's true. Gotta support the team. There you go. My brother was in a Ewing jersey from the 90s, so. Will you wear, if you go, say you go to a Knick game, but not here, if you go to an away game,

will you wear your Knicks jersey? I would, yeah. Yeah? Yeah, why not? All right. I mean, Knicks won, Yankees is harder than Knicks because people have really hated it. Everybody hates the Yankees.

Everybody that's not a Yankees fan hates the Yankees. The Knicks aren't winning enough for people to really want it. They're not threatening. They're like, oh, that's cute. You saw me, you saw me wearing that, that's good. I feel bad for people who show up to Eagles games wearing like a Minnesota Vikings. It's dude, it's just like, what are you doing, man?

Yeah, it's gotten better than what it was. Do they have any good teams? I mean, if the twins are always ready to leave, like a fucking battered woman, they're always like, we're going to be gone soon, really. All right, good. Yeah, and then who else? The T-wolves, the T-wolves are kind of good now.

The Minnesota Wild had a run for a second, the hockey team. Oh, that's right, I think they did. All right. Oh, yeah, but I mean, they're not a sports hub. Is there baking soda in your fridge? No. No.

Is that good or bad on your sport? It's trashy. It's got a little baking soda. Yeah, it depends. To me, it's trashy. Definitely in the freezer. What's in the freezer, by the way? Geez, I got some frozen berries.

That'll be butcher box meats, if you had me. I'll go through smoothie phases. I got you. A lot of the good smoothie phase. I'm turning it all around. Yeah, and it never lasts. So the berries are. That can mix fruit or whatever.

But you can do a lot of stuff. That frozen fruit's all right. If you put that in a blender with some vanilla ice cream. Ooh, it's not really the smoothie, I think. I'm just saying, even acai, you got an acai fucking milkshake? They're not bad. Have you ever looked at the nutritional facts for an acai bowl?

They're not good. You think you're being healthy. You're like 78 grams of sugar in a bowl. This, like, how is that? You may as well just have Haagen Dazs at that point. Those acai bowls are good. Throw a little peanut butter and granola on there. Some chocolate chips.

Fucking good. Nah. You just described a Sunday, right? They really, it's brilliant. It is, it is. You're eating dessert for breakfast, yeah. But I don't even think they're marketing as healthy. I think we just see it.

We could go, this is a new word I learned recently. It's gotta be healthy. That's a great point. It's not, no one's going, this is the most healthy thing. We just look at it and we see that the tropical name, we go, that's pretty good. Well, it's like, it's like when Subway had a run and they were like, we're fucking healthy, dude.

And you're like, we used to think Subway was healthy. Because they got us with the sun chips. The sun chips were really sold. No, it was that fucking pedophile he was trotting around for 20 years, dude. I knew he wasn't gonna be trusted when they told us that was real avocado. I knew they were keeping some shit from us.

It's just deeper than I thought. It's fucking nerds' life though. That bread too is like, you know. They got it with the yoga mats. But I like a good tuna hoagie from Subway. They're all right. Sometimes I'll do some downward dog on my Italian.

On my eight green bread. You got a checkbook? Not anymore, I do, but I don't know where it is. Everything's digital now. Electronic, baby. Pretty good, I like that. What was your high school mascot? A panther.

That's all right, that's normal. Is it? Yeah, it was all right. You grew up in the city. So this is a little bit skewed in your favor, but what was the name of your Chinese spot and your pizza place growing up? Geez, I mean, there wasn't A pizza place

because it's New York. I didn't have A pizza, yeah, it was just pizza, but the first one was Chinese. Chinese, where'd you go? Where'd we go? The place called Chef Ho, that was really good. That's not there anymore. I love them.

I was trying to think, what else? Damn, I mean, Chinese was kind of similar. And everyone says like New York is like the best pizza, like New Yorkers. And I'm like, I never, I never believed that. I think we're like 300 hitters. I think we're just like gonna get on base every time. There's more average pizza,

but there's also a lot of bad pizza. That's what I knew. They started opening up to all those places. The pizza in pasta, the pizza in falafel. Dude, it stinks. It's a lot. Well, New York, but New York, even a bad slice in New York is better than most places,

but New Haven, Connecticut is where the best pizza is. Woo, shout out Sally's. Yeah. Best pizza ever. Frank Pepe's, I mean, they have all the spots, but then same with New York, like LA has got fucking good Chinese. I hate to give it to them,

but they're Chinese is fucking good. I hate to give LA credit for anything. That's how New York is. Yeah, but no, they have great Chinese. New York's got good Chinese, but SF has great Chinese too. Yeah. Damn good dim sum there.

Yeah, we always just say, we didn't get to eat there for like three hours. Oh, I'm gonna give you some spots. Chinese spot in New York though. God damn it, nothing better than that. I like the ones that are like Szechuan that will give you like fish and a chili sauce or something. Yeah.

And they'll do like scrambled eggs and shrimp. They'll do like really Chinese dishes where you're like, I didn't even know this existed. This is like a weird- So it's Steve had it, it's just like whoever likes it. What's your go-to pizza, what's your favorite pizza place in New York? Ooh, that's tough.

Slice spot. I mean, slice, I go to Joe's because it's late night. Love Joe's. I mean, Joe's in the West Village is where I just end up craving pizza, especially on the Wednesday. Yeah. I like that. I mean, John's for a pie is phenomenal.

John's on Bleecker. John's is so good. Surely, everything they do when they're as good too, all the Italian food's fantastic. That's a classic. I love John's, I love Joe's. Joe's is great because a lot of the places you see a long line and you're like, I'm fucked,

but Joe's, they keep it moving. Yeah, it moves real quick. Then you go to like Bleecker street pizza and it's like three people, but it takes you 40 fucking minutes. Every time I go over there. They go over the top of all the different toppings and all that shit, the salad pizza,

this pizza to that pizza, it's wild. Gotta keep it tight. Dude, Joe's literally is like, unless there's 400 people in line, I'm like, I'm gonna wait. Because it just goes that quick. It's great. Yeah, Joe's pizzas is consistent.

They were slipping for a minute, but I think they're back on track. It also depends on what time you go a little bit as well and how drunk you are. That's the thing. They think you won't notice a burnt slice at 3 a.m. and yeah, maybe I won't, but don't get cocky on it. Yeah, but you're in the air.

Okay, don't test me. I'm holding the right moment out either. Don't test me. Don't break my trust. Of course. Do you have a bar at the house? Do you have a little bar area set up? I don't have a bar set up,

but I have like a closet full of shitload of booze. Okay. I have a lot of alcohol in there. Yeah, I have a lot of whiskeys and a lot of, problem is like when you have a drinking podcast, people just start gifting you alcohol. And I'm like, yeah, I'm trying to like weed off. So like I need some like health in my life.

That's the other thing. People like, well, you know, they'll be like, send them a shot on stage. I'm like, do I have to always be drunk now? Yeah, yeah. I'd like to be sober sometimes. But yeah, I got a lot of whiskey, wine, some gin, you know, mixers.

I'll do like a martini or like, if I'm making a drink at home, martini, Negroni, Manhattan. You'll have a cocktail at the house. I'll make a good cocktail. Oh man, I was just at like a chain restaurant where they list the nutritional facts in Manhattan. I was like, I had no idea it had that many calories.

I'll pound like four or five of those like that. And then I'm just like, well, that's really unhealthy. All right. Just ruined my week. Thanks. Those brandy cherries add up. I love those cherries. Man, I crush those things.

A dark, I mean, dude, anything that you're bringing from a Sunday over into the drinking world, that's a win. I like all, like places that I worked at, the bar fruit, big fan, little olive, get a little salty, have an orange slice, couple of cherries. Nothing wrong with it. Olive, yeah, getting martini drunk is classic.

Big fan. Dirty martini is huge fan. You can't do that? I can't do the martinis, yeah. I'm just starting to stumble into the blue cheese olives, too. I never really liked them. It's like an appetizer with your drink.

It's fantastic. You ever go to a place and they're like, that's amazing. The jalapeno olives are great. Yeah. And then you ever go to a place where they, sometimes they get a little carried away with the Bloody Mary.

You get like a, I'm like, Oh, there's like a pig ear in there or something. You're like, what the fuck dude? I want to back. Piece of shrimp. Bacon. Jesus Christ. With that stuff, you know that stuff isn't fresh though.

That's just sitting in the cooler. That was leftover from brunch. Yeah. I don't care. Kimmy, my favorite butcher box. Oh. What a butcher box. My favorite.

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Do you have a dive bar? Like a go-to dive bar you like? Not really in the city. I mean, cause I don't have like that many bars I just go to. Sure. Drink after spots or whatever. Yeah. I'll have a drink at the cellar usually

or like the olive tree or the, what do you call it? The fat black pussy. That's a good bar. Yeah. I was trying to think like, is there a dive? Geez. I mean, there's a place growing up. I love called the subway and I think they move locations

where they still exist. It was such a shithole. Everyone in there looked like they just got laid off. It was amazing. Everyone was just nursing the saddest looking drink. The booths had like duct tape on them. Wow. That was good.

I love a good dive bar. They were, everything was sticky. You could tell like they just never cleaned the bar. Never wiped the menu down or anything. It was great. I remember the bartender just like grabbed my friend and planted a big kiss on his mouth. I was like, this is a fucking dive, dude.

This is the real dive. Yeah, my friend was like, what the fuck? And I was like, dude, it's a dive. You gotta let him sexually assault you. That's what it is, dude. You two are legally married now, just so you know. Will you sleep with your socks on? In the winter, sometimes I'll do the really heavy,

like the marina wool. Yeah, if it gets too cold. What are you sleeping in normally? I have poor circulation, just underwear usually, but I'll throw the socks. I look ridiculous, I know. Wait a minute, hold on. In the winter, you're still sleeping in the boxers?

Yeah, I have bad circulation, so I- You need them. No more medicinal. I'm doing the weighted blanket now, dude, I have a fucked up neck, so I got a Tempur-Pedic pillow. I lay on my back, I have the weighted blanket, and I'm not healthy, so I do like the,

I do like six cups of coffee a day, I drink alcohol. I'll wake up with cramps in my leg in the middle of the night, and then I just wake up under the blanket. I look like I'm an insane asylum. I'm just waking up like, ah, it's brutal. I feel like you have headphones on when you tell that. No, no, no. I'm breathing through my stomach.

You're setting your mumps. I think you're just like that. Anytime you need, you should never need more than like two things to go to sleep. Anything more than that's fine. Oh, I have a sleeping mask on too. Really? I like a nice sleeping mask though. Well, because it never, there's always light getting in.

Well, you rocked out on the plane if you're taking it, if you're going snoozy time? Of course, really. Who cares, who cares how silly you look on a flight? You're never gonna see these people again. Yeah, I'm with you on that. But I will, yeah, with the sleeping, I will do the, do you guys do socks when you sleep or not?

No, no. If I have a mom when I go, I take them off. That's like, that gets me night, night time. I'll take them off with my feet. To me, it's like the end of the day. It's like, all the stress is gone. Like the, you know, the tightness of a sock, it's off. Interesting.

Well, you get a baggy sock. You got, those socks are, they're a little more baggy. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, I just don't like anything on my toes. All right, let's do a couple from Patreon. This is from Thicc and Penebra. What is the best day drinking holiday? Jeez, that's a great question.

Cause I think the hack answer is, is St. Paddy's. Yeah. That's a terrible day drinking holiday. Oh. St. Paddy's day stinks. It's a nightmare. It sucks. It's amateur night.

I always lean, for me, this is gonna sound weird from a Jew, but I think Christmas. Sure. Yeah, that's a great- It's one of my favorite drinking days for sure. When you were growing up, did you do, would you guys do Christmas or would you do the Jewish move, the Chinese food and the movie?

That was our move. So jealous of that. Really? Oh my God. I always think Greg Rogel used to have a bit about it. I would Jews on, you know, on Christmas day, we own this city. Yeah.

It's all ours. Get out of the way. But if I could get the presents and still get a little Chinese and see a new movie in an empty theater, I'd be all right. I love that. Yeah, and now it's just basketball all day. So I'm like, oh, I'm just ordering in Chinese food

and watching eight hours of basketball and getting drunk. It's amazing. But that's a big one. I also say obviously Thanksgiving is a great day drinking holiday. Sure. For sure. How about you guys?

I would say Christmas and it's because we do, we start with the Manhattan's kind of early as a family, like all my uncles and stuff. And they're always bringing new fucking, you know, new liquor or new chair. Oh, I got this chair. It's whatever. So it's like everybody really brings their A game.

Then we just get fucking sloshed off fucking Manhattan's. My uncle has the best line. He says, two's not enough and three's too many. I was like, that's perfect. That's great. Well, that's the thing about, it's like tits, right? That's what they say about martinis. Oh, yeah.

They say one is not enough. Two is perfect. Three is too many. Four's a party. Yeah, four's all right. I put down six the other night at peasant. Oh, dude, we went out for my birthday. Day drinking on Christmas is awesome also

because we talk about the weather, but I take cold day drinking over a warm day drink. 100%. Yeah, there's like a struggle of like the booze and staying warm. Keep your sand bar on the river. I want a nice fucking snowstorm. I love it.

I love it. Yeah, I guess I, honorable mention Thanksgiving, but Christmas is where it's at. It's the cake, baby. I'll give it to you. I like it. Fourth of July. You're all wrong.

Yeah. You're sweating now. I don't know. You're sweating. Usually you get screwed where you, you have to go back to work the next day. Christmas, you might have the next day off or something like that.

I don't know. Where's the danger? I'm over it. I need a thrill. I like Toby's passion right here. I mean, I hear you on that. I think this year I was coming back from a road gig that day. So I think it already went to like the back of my mind.

Yeah. But it probably is, it's a good family. It is a good drinking day. I agree. Yeah. I'm not a big St. Patty's guy. I'm not a big New Year's Eve guy either. New Year's Eve is horrible.

Amateur night. It's amateur and it's like. The expectation of it as well of like, are you going to go here? You got to do what? It's like, get the fuck out of here. It's also the sadness if you're alone where like there's that countdown

and you're like, fuck, I'm alone. You know? I think New Year's Eve is just sad in general because like that year's over. It's the beginning of the year. It's fucking January and fucking it's dark out. It's cold. It sucks.

It stinks. Yeah. No, it's a terrible, terrible night. And then you have those people who post those tone deaf posts like things they accomplish this year. And you're like, apparently not self-awareness because you're a fucking. Yeah.

This is how great I am. Yeah, you fucking idiot. 20, 23 is going to be my year. You hope that guy gets run over by a bus in January first. Right before midnight. Yeah, you only made it to live 59, huh? Big shot. This one's from TJ.

Have you ever had an overweight bag at the airport and had to take loose clothes out of your luggage in front of everybody? Yeah. Oh, it's brutal. You know, even worse. That's so embarrassing. You know what happened to me once at an airport?

I was doing a long trip. So I had a cheap ass, like $50, maybe a rolly bag. They never last, dude. I deserve this. One thing, spring for luggage. Even if you're going to lose a wheel, the handle's going to break. Something's going to.

And you could miss a flight. I mean, what happened was I just, for some reason it just comes undone. As I'm going down in escalators, I'm like, fuck, there's clothes, a toothbrush. Oh. A toothbrush falls out. I just watched on the escalator.

I'm like, that's just a gross sight. That's a wrap. So I had to just carry everything and I go to a luggage store and it's like 6 a.m. They're like, we're not open yet. I'm like, come on, grab all this shit to another luggage store.

And they go, oh, this will work. And I'm like, all right, cool. And then I look at the price tag. It's like $550. And I'm like, oh, look at that. I looked at it and I'm like, it is a cool bag. And I still use it. It's a great bag.

But holy shit, they had me. They have you hosted. You got to do it. Oh, yeah. But you see what, you see where that money goes. You're like, this is a damn fine piece of luggage. I know. I sprung for my first nice carrier, like roller bag.

And it's like a fucking game changer from, I used to use a duffel. Duffel is terrible. Especially when you're traveling as much as we do now, it's like. Yeah, you're just going to jerk your neck out. I know, yeah. And also, you notice the cheap rolly bags.

You're like, jerking it. I'm like, fucking up. It doesn't come with you. It's like a grocery store cart. It is. The wheels are wobbling and shit. And then you do the actual one, you're like, I'm gliding. Dude, if you have one, which like most of the good ones

are push, like vert, like you don't have to tow it. You know what I mean? It just cooks right next to you. What are we talking about? A toomey? A toomey. I got a nice Herschel that I like. I was walking recently and some guy goes,

that's nice luggage to his body and pointed at me. Really? I felt like a million bucks. He hit his body and goes, that's nice. Holy shit. Could have tell me shit the rest of the day. That's a nice feeling. Yeah, that's good.

I've never gotten that. Dude, I remember yours recently. We were coming home from Texas and he's duct taping it. I dropped it with a lint roller. He's a lint roller. He and Gene Genius, he took the lint roller and used it as tape to tape his luggage up. Oh my God.

But then the handle wouldn't go down so he couldn't get it. It was just a fucking man. It's getting bitched out. I'm trying to get it in the overhead. Whenever it's like a designer or something that's not known for luggage. I had like a Kenneth Cole.

I'm like, that's not what he's known for. I saw him with jackets and sport coats. It's like, you see a guy with one of those bags and you're like, Puma, what the fuck? Yeah, I saw somebody go to Charleston and had an Adidas Roll-Op. I was like, what the fuck is that? It's not their specialty.

Everyone, they tried to pimp out Cologne and stuff like that too. Everybody had. He started rocking that. Michael Jordan Cologne. Yeah. You smell like a gambling probably. Smells like the over.

Jordan put his name on everything. He had the Steakhouse. He had the... Michael Jordan Steakhouse. Is it still open? The Steakhouse. Oh, it's open. I stayed in a hotel right next to it

and I almost went there as a goof and then I texted him and he's like, dude, it's the worst place you've ever been. And it's insanely expensive. I was so glad we didn't go. Who did you say you texted? A guy from Chicago, James Webb who directed my special. But as like, dude, should Gary and I go

and he goes, don't go there, dude, trust me. I thought you texted Jordan. You're like, I texted him and I'm like, he said, don't go. Like, what the fuck? You're just dropping this shit on me now? I was like, yo, jump man, what's happening? What's going to play, huh?

We text like crazy. Finish it off with a three-pointer Sunday. It looks fucking horrible that place, but Chicago's got such good food, you know? Someone's going right around the corner. On the flu game special, is that possible? Somebody, some athlete has one around the corner from here. I forget who it is.

Dude, they used to have some real trashy ones here. Frasier or somebody. Oh yeah, Walt Frasier, yeah, yeah. New York royalty, that guy is the coolest. He is one of my favorite athletes of all. You see, I interviewed him once for when I had a sports show on MSG and he's the nicest guy.

And I could tell he was like, ugh, I have to get interviewed. So I'm like, I'm going to ask him really good questions. So he's really pumped. And I was doing stuff like, you guys used to be roommates in hotels on the road. You know, and he was shocked. I knew that I was like, you and Phil Jackson were roommates.

And he's like, yeah, he was like, and we had this great conversation. And then they poked me. They were like, ask him like about his interviewing and like how he commentates games. And I was like, how do you like commentating games? And he was like, it's all right. And that's all they used.

I had this like amazing moment with him. I was like, that'll work. That's fine. We had those like, I felt meaningful connection just down the toilet. He's the man though. I mean, he's a New York legend. I had my birthday there one year.

Really? My family was like, this is not good food. Yeah, I mean, he's not again. That's like, you know, getting Puma luggage. He's known for dunking, not to rib-eye. My mom was like, this is not good. I can picture your parents very refined Manhattanites. Yes, absolutely.

My mom especially very proper, like hates my humor. And that doesn't hate it, but I'm like, when you have a mom behaving like that, like of course, that's where your humor comes from. That's where it comes from. Cause her being like Sam and I'd be like, that's a joke. That's a reaction right there. So she would get upset and I'm like, well, that's the joke.

And man, I'd see her face in the crowd sometimes. Like she'll come support the show, but I can tell that she hates a lot of the jokes. So she's like in the crowd and I just see, I'm in the middle of a set. I see her in the crowd like, what the fuck? That's not helping mom. She just don't come.

No, she's very supportive. You're not going to Derek Jeter's with me afterwards. I can tell you that. Kiss that gift bag goodbye. No, she's like, she's supportive, but there's certain jokes that like they, you know, bothers her. Sure, sure, sure. This is from Ben.

Is it garbage to share custody of a pet with an ex? That garbage, it's insane. That's why, I don't know why you would, you gotta go fucking band-aid right off, separate it. What is this, Kramer versus Kramer? Give her the fucking cat, dude. Let it go. Share custody.

So what, like you get the dog. On the weekends, I don't know. Doesn't make sense to me. That is also, how do you explain that to your next partner? Yeah. I love this dog. I have to give it back to Sheila on Monday. So get your cuddles in today.

Whose room is this? I mean, this is a terrible, I had a friend have this recently and his girl asked for their cat back and I said, no. And he said, why? I was like, she broke up with you. You get the cat. And he said, yeah.

I respect that. I got a little bit of backbone. And then I think he gave her the cat. I was like, I don't want to be in this family anymore. Yeah. You know what I mean? So you're not getting the cat, I'm taking the cat. What are you, nuts?

She's Meryl Streep, you're Dustin Hoffman. You stepped up, dude. Yeah. No, I agree with that, fuck that. But also at the same time. Put the cat through college, do all that stuff, huh? I think that's madness. Yeah.

I can never do it. But also, this is like the people that invest in a pet too early in the relationship sometimes. And you're like, three months in, maybe don't get a cat. Yeah. Don't commit 18 years to something, however. My ex and I thought about it. We all thought about it during COVID.

We're like, we're home all day, let's get a little cat. Perfect. And then you're like, no, because then you're... They're gonna get a vaccine at some point. We're gonna get out of this goddamn apartment. Yeah. But we all thought about it during COVID. A lot of people did, a lot of people gave them back.

That's fucked up. That's real fucked up. That's evil. You gave it a taste of the good life. Yeah. See how things could be? Now, back to the fucking shelter. Two weeks in a relationship, you get a sea turtle together.

What the fuck? It's been those 150 years. Those people get the points to that. How about the people that have pet birds? Wild. That's big on the show? No, no, it's big on the show, especially loose birds. If you have loose birds in the house,

which we have had a good amount of guests that have had loose birds. Guys walking through like Washington Square Park with like a toucan on their shoulder. I used to tutor a kid and there were just birds flying everywhere. I'm like, I have ADD already. You think I can fucking focus

if I'm like just looking at this? The fucking word. Also, there's a barber shop by me and I go there and they have birds. What? I don't like it. I don't have a choice to do that. I fucking hate that.

Yeah, it is my favorite. They're just in there flying around? No, they're in the cage, but it still bugs me. I don't know why. Yeah, I don't like it. Our neighbor has birds. We hear them all the time. An annoying pet.

Yeah. An annoying pet. I love birds, but keeping them and having them flying around the house. No. We should rehabilitate them, obviously. Yeah, I was just in a park and there was like a proper, I don't even know what it was,

a parakeet, like a domestic bird, just chilling on a tree. And I was like, that's somebody's fucking, they just let it go. And like, you can tell- It's like a Pixar movie right there. You can tell it was domesticated because we walked up to it just fucking,

it was like for meat, like for meat of the fucking cup. A foot away, just sat there staring at us. I'm like, this is singing, this is screaming to fuck out. That does sound like a movie right there. The domesticated bird. I just went from Robert, $10 homie here, like a gentleman. Is it garbage to have,

is it garbage to have to borrow gym clothes for gym class in middle or high school? Garbage? Yeah, I've gone to the bin before. The lost and found, that's tough. It's tough. It's gross. The lost and found in gym class

is different than the regular, that is a fucking bucket of sweat and fucking dirt. It's disgusting, yeah. It's garbage. We used to, I don't know- It's not your proudest moment if you have to do it. You guys might be too young for this, but umbrows were big when I was a kid.

Shout out to the umbrow, yeah. And you could steal those out of lockers real easily because they were so thin. Pull through the grate? Oh yeah. If you got hemmed up, yank one of those out. Dude, those little grates, holy shit. Oh yeah.

Damn. Get a fucking hanger in there. Fresh pair of humbies, good night. Gym class was the shit. Who's doing shorts heists? Yeah. Well, I'm not wearing jeans to play kick ball like a loser. We would get-

Try to win the game here. We would get in trouble if we did, like you would get like- Oh yeah, you would get in trouble. You know, you would drop whatever percent, like 5% or whatever. Or make you start running and fucking dress shoes or something like that.

Get the fuck out of here with that. Yeah. Now, I'm stealing. Push, you see how it's me or him. Push comes to shove. I don't know what, I've had a couple of umbrows taken too. It's like umbrellas at the front of a diner. You take them and you leave them.

Yeah, that bend is a risk. I- Yeah, you can't leave them in the bend. No. Put them under the table. It's like when people put the jacket on the hook, I'm like, you're gonna lose a jacket. Oh, I've lost so in a bar or whatever.

I've lost so many jackets that way. Leaving it somewhere or whatever. Somebody else, or someone else just takes it. I don't even think another, you're just filled, you're there with a bar full of drunk people who were like, oh, this black pico, this one's mine. Yeah, that's the least that they've done that night. Of course, yeah, exactly.

They probably groped a woman at the bar. He's gonna take your umbrella. I had another comic in a club one time do that. They took my, I had a black jean jacket. They took mine. Who was it? Dude, he was like 120 pounds. I'm like, you didn't realize-

Sure, it wasn't Bruce Bruce. It's the only other comic they could do it. Earthquake sold my hoodie. Earthquake's actually in chief. I know. But he sounds like he shouldn't be. I know, he's got a great special. That's what that special was so good.

You shouldn't be a thin comic named Earthquake, or a normal- He was bigger back in the day, which is the Earthquake I was referring to. Okay, all right, fair enough. Fucking fact checker Frank over here. Take it easy anyway. Well, I was gonna go with Earthquake,

and then I realized he was smaller, and I went with Bruce Bruce. I picked the low fruit. Yeah, this kid was like 120. I'm like, you didn't realize that you were wearing a 5X? Yeah. Halfway out the fucking door? Wild.

Did you really, how big a size of you? The jean jacket, the jean jacket in question was a 5X. Are you serious? Yeah, I'm down to four now. It's a 4X T-shirt. That's good. Yeah, we're getting there. That's fucking huge.

Huge. I was like, oh, that's good. Jesus Christ. It's huge, but it's weird. When I look at like a 2X, I'm like, God, that looks so small. It's crazy. What size is that?

Is that an X, a large or a large? That's a large? Man, I couldn't get my toes in there. All right, let's do a couple more here. This one's from Leon. First time, long time. Have you ever been on the receiving end of a T-shirt, Canon, and a sporting event?

Yeah. Really? Yeah, I caught one once, yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah. Was it that Yankee shirt? It was a shirt. It was a Yankee shirt, has a chase logo right now.

That's always where they get like its free T-shirt, Daniel. Yeah, they fuck you. Yeah, I'm gonna wear the Wells Fargo Yankee shirt. That's what I wanna wear. It's that city bike coming back with the name of the player's supposed to be. That sucks. Oh, cool, an American Airlines Metshirt.

That's what I always wanted. But yeah, I caught a shirt once. It's like a shitty shirt, but I have it still. It's a Nick shirt. Have you ever been on the Jumbotron? No, oh, wait, have I? Have you made it on the Jumbotron when you were on the Newportside as a celebrity?

I was with Michelle Wolfe who was on it once, and I saw it was next to her on it, but no, I'm never, I'm glad they have it. It would be the saddest response. It'd be how many thousand people just like, huh? Yeah, I'll tell you. I'll be a Nick's gear, so they'll at least be like, all right, he's a Nick's fan, but they'd be like,

but we don't. One guy at the top of the city, I'm like, oh, no shit. That's what's going on. Sammy! Gets real quiet, this is the one guy yelling, Sammy! If they don't know me at a Nick's game, they don't fucking know me.

That's true. That's like where you're like, oh shit, I just got humbled. I think it happened to Krista Stefano when they put him on after Phil Collins. And Phil Collins was like, it's okay, man. And he's like, yeah, no, it's, no one cheered. Yeah.

Shout out to Chrissy D. Dude, the roof came down for Phil. Yeah, dude. They cut to him and they were like, who, what? You're making Chrissy D follow the guy who did Sosudio? Come on. Brutal. This guy was in Genesis.

What are we doing here? But Chrissy's a New York guy. Christie's a New York, a New York royalty. Shout out to Chrissy D. What about home run foul balls? You ever shag one of those? I've never gotten one. Although I was at a game once and it went off a thing

and hit my friend in the head and he had to go to the hospital. And I was like, I gotta leave a fucking Yankees game. Michael Lowell hit it when he played for the Yankees briefly. Remember Michael Lowell? That's all right. Did they do anything for him? I don't remember.

I was like fucking pissed. I was like, maybe we miss the Yankees game. You usually get a bat or something out of that, really? You have to hit you in the head. I got excited he got. Damn. Yeah, you get a little something, something. Let me ask you this.

As an adult, as a kid is different. As an adult, have you ever brought your glove to the game? Not as an adult. It's just too, it's ridiculous. Maybe if I had like a son at the game with me, it'd be like a father or something. Of course. But like, but yeah.

You and Veter can't roll up to a Giants game and fucking SF. You look like Make-A-Wish kids. No, I would never do that as an adult. And also you're just like an adult with a glove. You look ridiculous. Yeah, it's a tough look. Yeah.

Although, but then you see a ball does come at you though and you're like, I wish I had a glove. I wish I had a glove. Yeah. You got to go barehanded. You got to take the paint. I know you got to take it though. You're going to get a, at the best case,

you get a jammed thumb. Maybe worse. Yeah. You got to use the hat. Sometimes you see people use the hat and you're like, pretty slick. I've seen dudes holding babies. Yeah.

They had, there was one just went viral. Dude just fucking calmed it like that. Was it kind of wasn't even looking up just like. He just holds up the wrong hand. The baby gets hit. He's like, shit. Hey, you get a free back. Kid took one for the team.

All right, do you know, do you or anyone you know have a third nipple, which I didn't realize we already talked about three nipples. No, not that I know. Anybody kids grew up with had weird, anything. Not that I, I don't know about the third nipple. That's like, did you guys know a third nipple guy? We had a web.

Theoretically, I do. You have a third nipple? Theoretically. Yeah. Damn dude. There's a split in the middle. Is the boob as big as the other two? Theoretically, I have three nipples.

Wait, your nipples split? It's split down the middle. Yeah. Is it an injury or you were born that way? I got, it got sliced. If you're a woman, you'd have to do a three XL bra on triple cups. That's crazy that you, you have a third nipple.

Is that theoretically? I mean, if you're, it's one nipple. You were born with one nip. I was born with one, but it's like a salamander when like two tails will grow. Right, enough. The clinical term for it is accessory nipples, which is like it's a purse.

Aftermarket, yeah. Like it's a civic and you put rims on it. Accessory, oh my God. That's tough. All right, let's see, let's do one more here and then we can wrap her up. This is from Mulp. Anyone you know referred to as going to bed

is hitting the sack or any other idiom for that matter. I feel like a lot of parents typically have. Hitting the sack? I've said it. Yeah. Hitting the sack. We had grown up with, as my dad would say, up the wooden hill. Let's go up the wooden hill.

I don't know. I've never heard that. Sound Amish. The shower we called the rain locker. What? Really? I'm getting a rain locker. That sounds like where you sit after you got molested.

I got to go to the rain locker. Go rinse off in the rain locker. Tell Uncle Charles you saw him. Watch the shame of me in the rain locker. A lot of crying in the rain locker. I would say hit the sack. Get some sleep. I don't like when people get some Z's.

I'm like shut up. Catch some Z's is tough. That's tough. That's like when people say LOL in real life. Dude, that's not just text that if you need to. Do you have any, I'm sorry. No, no, go ahead. Do you have anything you like saying for money?

That's a big one we say. Like bucks or do you have like bozzles or anything? Dough, cash, cash, cash, money, get paid. Couple of bones. Bones is fun. Bones is an old school one. Bones is all right. I like when rappers would say cheddar and shit back.

Cheddar is great. Guap is good too, some guap. Or it's like anything that you like, it can just be money. Because everyone likes cheddar. We've been saying turkey a lot in the arteries. Well, turkey. Sort of, yeah. Turkey's great.

Now let's get to the turkey. Turkey's the most underrated meat. Really? There's divisiveness. You open up a whole can of turkey. Yeah, what are you talking about? Here's why turkey sandwich always good. Love that, I'll give you that.

Turkey lunch meat you're talking about. I love sliced turkey. Of course, but actual turkey. No, I'll get fresh turkey on a sandwich is very nice. No, no, no. I agree. That's what I'm saying. I'm not talking about actual Thanksgiving turkey.

I would rather do Chinese, I'm fucking nice. Chinese a couple of stiff drinks, yeah. But no, but actually a sliced turkey. Because I love pastrami, but you feel like shit after you eat that. I can feel the nitrates fucking coming out of my neck. Turkey, you never feel that bad. It's almost feel good.

You almost feel good. It's light, that's why it's a good sandwich. Folo cheddar, avocado, mayo. That's a good sandwich. It's like a protein shake. You know what I'm saying? Throw some vanilla ice cream on there. Wonderful.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Sam Merrell, brand new Netflix special out right now called Sam Time Tomorrow. Do yourselves a favor and check it out. Like we said in the beginning, we mean this, a true standard comedian, a true headliner, a true New Yorker, Sammy. Thank you so much for sitting down with us.

Anything else you want the folks out there to know? Plug dates or whatever. When does this come out? Two days. Yeah. Daniel Beach, Florida this weekend, Louisville, a really expensive round trip ticket. Come out and buy a t-shirt.

Irvine, Omaha, Phoenix, sammerrell.com slash shows, Lexington, Kentucky, I'm all over. Kids working. Games with names. We might be drunk. Other specials on YouTube and Bodega cat whiskey. I'm shucking a ton of shit here. Love it, baby.

Kids working. Yeah. Life is good, man. It's good to be working. Thank you, buddy. Congratulations. We love you. Kippy, what do you got for him?

Guys, our second show we added in Philly is almost sold out. So get those tickets. If they're not already gone by the time this is out, we're going to be adding a second show in Boston and Rhode Island, I believe, as those are fucking sold out. Next week we'll be in Springfield, St. Louis, and Kansas City. Yeah, coming through Missouri.

So get those tickets. Springfield Blue Room. Yes. Oh, nice. Pleasure. Looking forward to it. Which I think could use some help, so get some. Oh, yeah.

Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.