Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Sam Morril's Guide to NYC!

Episode Date: September 28, 2026

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Sam Morril! You know Sam Morril from stand up comedy, We Might Be Drunk, The Joe Rogan Experience, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, Stavvy's World, Bein' Ian with Jordan Podcast, Chrissy Chaos, Fly on the Wall with Dana Carvey and David Spade, That's My Time with David Letterman and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Watch AMERICAN GARBAGE: https://youtu.be/77zGwlLffWk?si=6E9dBr63JY7HgP9t AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Butcher Box: Go to https://ButcherBox.com/GARBAGE to get $20 off your first box, plus your choice of free ribeye, new york strip, or filet mignon in every box for a year — with free shipping always. Promo Code: GARBAGE Fabletics: Shop now at https://Fabletics.com/GARBAGE to get 70–80% off everything when you sign up as a new VIP. Take a quick style quiz and be sure to select GARBAGE when prompted to unlock this offer. Wayfair: Join Wayfair Rewards today and get five percent back on every purchase. Head to https://Wayfair.com or shop the Wayfair app for all things home. Square: Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at https://square.com/go/garbage! Promo Code: GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Stop the Presses, gang. The American Garbage Special is out on YouTube right now. Numbers are cooking. We thank everybody for their support. Keep sharing it. Keep telling everybody about it. We love you. Yeah, and if you like what you saw, we are on tour right now,

we're going to be in Appleton, Wisconsin, San Jose, San Diego, Tacoma, Atlanta, Philly, Springfield, Fort Wayne, Connecticut, Phoenix, Arizona, Phoenix, Arizona, Timonial Maryland, Milwaukee, Chicago, Cincinnati, Columbus, all tickets available at RUGarBage.com. If you got a garbage question, come out and see the boy. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.

This is R.U. Garbage. Oh, yeah. It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out. I have to be classy. Yeah. To just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash. I'm your host, age Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.

We're out back here with Toadies in a new edition. She's in the garage doing some chin-ups. Okay. Not the pull-ups like last time, but the chin-ups. She's really getting it in there. Okay. Okay, Kevin. I got repurposed it.

Got me on that one. Mike Coe's coming in here from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He's an international businessman and thank God, my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. Hey, buddy. What's up, pal?

How are you? You really know how to lay it all thick there, Hank. Guys, first of all, thanks for tuning in. As always, make sure your reviews, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. Now, boys are climbing to freaking charts. Top 20, five.

We're in there somewhere. We're in a mix. You know, then obviously the greatest website of all the time. We're top ten on that. www. www.p.org.org. You go over there. You get all that bonus content, gang. Yes, sir.

And, gang, we couldn't be more excited of our incredible. and I mean incredibly special guests. Back with it again today. He's basically family at this point. You know what I mean? We do his pods. He does our pods. We hang out.

We talk. We talk comedy. He's one of the best. One of the best standard comedians working today. You can hear him every week on his amazing podcast. We might be drunk. He has a brand new Netflix special out this Tuesday entitled Incorrect. Truly.

One of the best joke writers out there. Give it up for Sam Rale. Everybody. How about that, Sammy? Holy shit. Huh? And you nailed every point of that with him. that was heavy out of the gate.

It's beautiful. Coming in, baby. That's about it. He then throws it in cruise control for a little while. We just replace him with AI for the rest of the show. It's just me and you. Are you worried about AI? No.

Not at all? Well, first of all, he's got bigger problems. He's got fucking disaffernoom problems. Unless he's going to start doing Coke and getting escorts, I have no trouble with the gentleman at all. You're worried about HF. No, AI, man. I'm fucking, I'm getting there. What do you mean?

Like wiping us out? That's what they're saying. Well, yeah, it's going to wipe us out. Well, they said 10% chance of wipe out. One guy said that. A few people said 10%. I heard he was junior man on the account. And then we're going to cut, let's cut to an ad break here.

Anthropic. This is brought to you by Claude. By flock cameras. No, 10% is fucking high, though, dude. And it's like, you know, like if you told me had a 10% chance of banging Sidney, I'd be like, all right. That's pretty good. I'd bet the house on that there.

So if you tell me 10% chance of extinction, I don't love it. Yeah, that's a good point. How does it make us extinction? Think? Huh? What's you going to do? They band together. I think they... Quote through the servers and get us?

Nukes, probably. Set the nukes off? Did you see that one? They were interviewing it? It was like a, you know, it was just like a woman, and then midway through speaking English and midway through it switched to Chinese. Wait, it was an AI? Yeah, it was like a robot or whatever doing it. I've had that happen with my friends who were drunk.

So, um, pal. Yeah, midway through and started speaking Chinese. That could also be AI. I don't know. Or it could be a glitch. Something. Yeah, but I don't want it switching to Mandarin. That's fucking, that ain't good for, I ain't good for the boys in the fucking 48.

What they all say is like right now AI needs us, but it's going to be a point where it's like super intelligence and we're in trouble. But it's still just a little computer grid. How's it going to get out? Listen, no one's asking you to defend it. He always does that. He's like, wow. The helicopter lands. Mr. Foley were from the Pentagon.

We need you right away. I'll be right there. We need you to fuck this thing up. Hey, go talk to AI and have it kill itself after an hour. I got chopped on the way Is that okay? Can't bring my buddy Ryan D? We had a good run.

But I heard too a lot of this and this could all be spin. We're going to be in the spin zone right now. This is political as we get by the way. I'm already out of my element. I heard it's all to drum up buzz so they can pass strict legislation.

That'd be great. And then Obama or somebody came out and said that. Again, I'm making this out. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking. That's what he did. He made something nice. so next. God damn mandami. I do blame Mandami for most of

us. That rents too, goddamn I. Gosh. Yeah, that's the last thing I got to worry about. But I see what you're saying. But I always say if we're all going to go, we'll all go together. And maybe we become cool

with China over this shit. We all have to worry about, you know. What, us fighting an AI war, us and China fighting an AI war against AI together. Maybe this is like Avengers endgame and it's like when Loki had to work with everyone else. But who would he be shooting at? If we went to war with AI.

These things got to go. What are you going at? Would they make their own robots to hunt us down like Skynet? I don't know. I don't think so. You're asking him like he's actually got the answer. No, I heard a couple of pods. Yeah, I was, I was, I loved it, dude. Copenhagen. Copenhagen, oh, Stockholm. Copenhagen's beautiful. I did a bunch of

bits there, dude. I did a joke about making fun of pedophiles and it got like zero and I come off stage I see the promoter I was like what the hell was that and he goes the age of consent here is 15

so and I was like that's fucking insane he goes yeah and they're trying to make it younger who's they who are these people one guy Billy over here what are these meetings

someone's showing up like we can't wait till ninth grade dude this is crazy shit no Copenhagen beautiful place though and Lex and Lex as hell yeah hey what happens in Copenhagen

Two tickets to Copenhagen, please. That's the day you're leaving. You're like, what the fuck? You're telling us now? I can't change my flight. Yeah, no, great city. Stockholm, great city. Man, I was all over Europe.

It was awesome, man. Does this thing. Very good. New spesh? Netflix, incorrect. I'm working on it. Yeah, working on the new, man. You know the grind.

Guys constantly, you're one of those guys like you'll bump into it to cell or and you're like, you're in like, you're in like, Seinfeld always kind of says it. You're in like you're going to work with your fucking tool. bot like you're like you're not just like what's up having it you're like I'm sure at the end and after everything but you're like you can you see you're in a real committee set mode you got to you got to build you got to build the new act you got to have something to take on the road you know I only feel good if I leave with a new bit so I need some and it's like it's like laying

bricks man just like one at a time you finally you got your thing but I love it I love it I still I still get really excited when a new joke works that's the it's the drug that keeps you coming back baby yeah I can't remember the only drug fully No more drugs. I'm with you, Sammy. She's like a guy from Stockingagen. What's their go policy there? Speaking of tour, what's on the rider?

What's on the current rider? I don't have a good rider because Gary Veter opens for me and he really helps with the rider. Because he's the one who's like got the, he's got the palette where he's like, we have to hit this place. We have to go to this restaurant. So it's a lot of stuff I don't like, actually. It's just stuff Gary's taken home. I need pamper. for the kids, some baby lives.

Coup tips. Three pacifiers. It's like mixed nuts and dried mangoes, which I don't like because you get on stage it's like in your teeth. Yeah. So I don't like it. You're talking about the mango in the mix dried in? No, no. The separate licks. Like the vacuum

seal. I do like those a lot. They make you gassy, though. What? Dried mangoes. Yeah, I know exactly what you're talking about. They're from Trader Joe's has them. I love the sugar ones. The chili ones, dude. The chili ones rule. Uh, yes. So those are in there. It's got my whiskey in there.

I got my own whiskey in there. I got vermouth. I got the cherries and some bitters to make a Manhattan after the show. Very nice. Do you always do it or will you pass on some? This weekend I didn't really do it. But if I'm doing like a long tour, yeah, first few days you're good. And then you're just like, you're like, let's start drinking.

You know, it goes from like one to two. And then by the end, you're like, I'm fucking, I'm hammered. Shout out to a Manhattan. It builds. Yeah. I remember you told me your fam. That was your thing. That's it.

It's why we have two saying, they call them loudmouth soup. And, uh, two, two. Punching your cousin. Tad. Punching your cousin. Two's not enough and three's too many. And there's never been such a specific. Oh, yeah.

What's we say about martinis? They're like tits. You know? One's not enough. Three's too many. Yeah. But I love, uh, yeah, I love them in hand. So there's that in there.

And then it's just like, salters and shit. It's pretty boring. Okay. I'm trying to think what else. Oh, I think Veter threw a fruit plate in there. So there's some fruit. Oh, guys getting after it on the road. Yeah, it's boring.

The fall's coming up. Anything fally that you like that you're into? The fall. I mean, yeah, New York and the fall is fucking incredible. I'm not talking about strolling through our writers row. I'm talking about eating the caramel dip with a spoon out of the... Ooh, like things to do when you're in the fall? No, like trashy fall flavors.

Ooh, I mean, pumpkins. Are you a pumpkin spice guy? No, a coffee shop, God, no. I love a pumpkin. That's a way to defense. That's a, what? No. I don't touch you.

She said she was 16. I don't know. I experimented in college a couple of times. No, I don't like sweet coffee drinks. I think sweetening your coffee is weird. Are you? I judge, I think a coffee drinker who's sweet. Like, milk is fine, but once you're putting sugar in there, I'm like, what the fuck are you doing?

Really? Great. I like this. Damn. I think black or a little bit of milk in coffee, sweetening it. You don't like coffee. Get a fucking you who. You know?

Like, what are you doing? I agree. I agree. Okay, so what's the, do you, are you making it at home? If so, how you making it? You're buying it out? You're buying it local? What's the...

I'll make it. I like the ritual of making your own coffee. But yeah, I'll grab a coffee on the street, too. You got a French press or you got a curing? What are you doing at the house? I got like a... It's like a quezon art thing. It's like grinding brew, so it just slides in.

It's not that expensive. It's pretty good. Are you in the same spot you've been for a while? Yeah. You moved somewhat recently, didn't you? I moved in my building just on a higher floor. Yeah. Mateo Lane's in the old one.

So he's in my neighbor's in the... He's my bottom. Shout out Mateo. My gay naib, dude. Okay. One bedroom, two bedroom? It's three. Ooh.

It's weirdly shaped, though. So it's not like a real three, but it's like it's nice, a good spot. You own your so you're in New York. I own it. You do. That's a nice. Good for you. He owns a piece of the rock.

Yeah. The Manhattan kid. I love where I live. That's great. Three bedroom. Yeah. That's a very New York. If you grow up in New York, you're like, I love that.

As a New Yorker, you have to love where you live. Like, when you find. a place that you love, you're like, this is, it's your whole identity because it's so hard to find a place you love in New York. I'm obsessed. That was like the main thing. I'm like, that's the thing I care about is like having a place and not having no, because you know, you're on the road so much that when you're, like, I just want a place I can like enjoy when I'm home. But then, you know, some people you see fall in the trap, they like their home too much that they're like, I feel like I worked the hardest when I hated where I live. Sure. Sure.

You have roommates you don't like, and you're just like, oh, I don't want to go there. So you're just getting hammered at the cellar to like 4 a.m. And you're like, I guess I'll go home now. But yeah, when you like home, it makes you, I remember Ali Wong, like, way back in the day, said to me, I was a super young comic, and she said, don't get a girlfriend. And I was like, what do you mean?

She's like, you're going to be tempted to do like Netflix and sweatpants. You know, and I get it. I get that, you know. And then she got divorced, I guess. I don't know. Yeah. But she's a machine. She's always putting out new stuff, you know.

So you're going to be there for a while. Yeah, I don't see moving anytime soon, no. Very nice. Do your coffee? at the house. What's in the, on the kitchen? What appliances are out on? What appliances live on the counter?

Toaster, for sure. Got to make a good sandwich. Do you do toaster oven or proper toaster? Like the pop out, the old school one. You got a two or four? The two. Two. Can you hear that Netflix?

You pop out a little bit, okay. Two. What else? What's the countertop, by the way? What's on it? No, what is it? What's it made of? I actually don't even know.

Is it granite? I don't know. I don't know what it's made. I can't pay it. picture it right now. Is that weird? No. It's a little... Maybe it is. Maybe it's grand. I don't know. Okay, granite. It's not for my case. Is it? It's not wood.

It's not wood. No, no. Yeah, I guess it's granite. It's... It's an earthly stone. It's a stone. Yeah, if I crack my head in it, it'd be trouble. It'd be bad. That's where he goes. So, yeah, I'm sure anything what else is on there. I got a coffee maker. Mm-hmm. What else? That might be it. That might be it. Coffee maker, toaster. Air bones. Okay. You have underlighting underneath the cabinets. It's like that shine on the counter? I think there's a little, yeah.

This means a little under light. A recess lighting. Very nice. You guys know my place better than I do, I think. Why don't we go do the podcast there? Yeah. Huh. Okay.

You got a pepper grinder or a regular pepper shaker? Yeah, just a regular. Nothing automatic. Nah. What's the ice situation in the house? I have like the whiskey cubes. I put those in like anything, Seltzer.

I respect it. Just do a big cube. Yeah. Although, you know what I really like? It's trashy. I like those. I like the little cubes. I like the crunchy ones.

Like the ones you get like like not quite a slushy but like right. I love to figure that out at some point. You can. Oh no. That Sonic does it. You can get the Sonic ice as like a who was it? Heather McMahon has the standalone. That's so funny.

She said she DMed us afterwards. She's like of all the pods and appearances and things I've done, I've never received more DMs or comments or messages about my ice maker that sits on the camera. Yeah, I just do the whiskey. It's like a couple hundred bucks I think you get on Amazon. on them. Yeah. Even the little tiny balls that you can get.

There's all different kinds of ice trees. But the balls never come out right. Nah. There's always a little like not quite a shape. Yeah, I never did it right. When I was a kid, I got a, like it was, wasn't a Spencer's, but it was something like that, where you got an ice tray that was little footballs. That's pretty fun and cool.

It's fucking awesome. I do like that. It was so cool. Damn. Are you, you're, I mean, I was in Nashville. We can do the fucking birds travel. Oh, the birds. Yeah.

They travel like I've never seen. Dude, I watched it. It's so funny you bring that up. I saw a video of a dad talking to his son. He's like, well, we're not going to be home for the game on Saturday. I can time for son. He's like, yeah, I know. And the kid was like, you know, upset.

And he's like, because we're going to be in Nashville. And the kids are like, you want? I'm like, you're going to fucking, you're crying over a regular season game in Tennessee. It's crazy, dude. He's a little kid. I know. I talked to the city goes, the only people that travel as well as the Eagles fans are the, Packers fans.

But this is how well the Eagles fans travel. I have a joke where I say, I was about to sleep with the girl. She takes her top off and there's an eagle tattooed in her chest. And I say, oh boy. And she said, what? You slept with my mom? But I said, oh boy.

And she said, what? I was like, I didn't know I was going to fuck Connor McGregor tonight. That's a joke. But I do that joke in Nashville and someone yells out in the middle. Go birds. I'm like, all right. It happened like three shows. I'm like, you don't expect that shit to happen in Nashville.

Yeah, three for three. Yeah. Yeah, that's... But they, yeah, no, they travel, man. There's a very dirtbag thing of, you know, you say it happens even like if I'm in the city here and I'm like, I'm from Philly or something, like on stage, someone...

Gaybirds. Or like, they try to G-check. You're like, where from? What street? And you're like, I do we can do this afterwards, you know? Huh. Sammy, you watch TV with the closed captionings on. Sometimes.

If it's a, if it's like a... If it's a British show or an Irish show, you better believe I do. Okay. You got to. I can't, like, I'm not. going to watch peeky blinders without that shit on and i'll be honest with you is that classy or trashy i don't know kevin i don't know you're asking the question i never i got to be honest

you guys do the captions i sometimes i don't do it if i'm trying to go to bed because then you're too engaged yeah i think it's well i think it's the the looking at the screen reading yeah it's like yeah too much uh it stays on my my wife english is their second language so it stays on mail order you got a tv in the bedroom i do nice big have like a big guy not that's not too crazy king size bed Yeah Yeah Very nice Hmm

Okay Sammy's doing all right How many bathrooms Are in this joint Two Two and a half Two and a half Yeah

Is there a tub And a shower Yeah Very nice But my But my shower thing sucks It's like a shitty

A shit Curtain that Like keeps coming Unhooked I don't like it Yeah Are you ever gonna fix That

That's an easy fix I'm just I'm just gonna complain about it Yeah Of course That's what you do Got you

Have you ever Go ahead Have you ever gone to A high school Reunion No Would you? No.

What'd you come to mine? I told people I know. I'll go and I'll hold hands with you, dude. I'm doing. Apparently Foley's dating same. Just so long around. Worked out for me, I guys. Three bedroom.

What was the last time you were on a boat? Oh, that's a good question. I did a ferry, I think. Whoa, okay. I did a private and Corfu. Where's Corfu? Corfu. What, dude?

I don't even know what the fuck. It's in an island in Greece. Whoa. You was a private? Yeah, I bombed so hard. They flew you out there. It was crazy. Yeah, they flew me out there.

This was, whoa, a lush green Greek island in the Lonean sea. I've never flown so far to do so badly on stage in my life. I was bombing so hard at this guy's private event that I brought my girlfriend with me and she's at the bar. Like she's panicking, seeing how hard I'm bombing. So she starts, she starts going, ha, ha, ha. She's laughing and like fake laughing to try to give me momentum, but she's not giving momentum. They're just looking at her like,

who the fuck is this crazy lady laughing? But yeah, I bombed so hard. But yeah, while I was there the next day, after I'm bombing, I'm thinking like we got to do something to get the stench of that set off me. So, yeah, I rented like a little boat, and it was dirt cheap to run, and you just drove it, just drove it around. Nice. You drove?

Yeah, yeah. How many people are at something like that? How many people were in the audience? 60. I'd say three cracked a smile. So 60 people. Yeah. So this guy, what was it?

Probably a little NBA. A guy's 60, six-year-old birthday party, his kids were fans, not him. Gotcha. So they booked me. And the kids were dying during my set, the three kids. But everyone else was like, what the fuck is this? And I'm doing, and I'm like, I had to be like at a certain point, like, I'm aware this isn't going. I had all these jokes in my head, like, ready to roast the guy.

And I had to just not do any of those because it was going so bad. Like, you've got to have some goodwill to roast. Uh-huh. Were they American and vacationing there? Russian. They were like interesting Russians where it was like They were like not allowed back in Russia

I don't think I know I grew up with a couple of those guys Like they they You know criticize the government So yeah No kidding It was a weird gig Wow

So that was the last time I was on a boat Oh Jesus Christ And I'm trying to think of any Yeah I'm not a huge boat guy But yeah if you're in a fucking place like that You gotta give it a ticket for a space It's like going to Copenhagen and not No

Never mind I have sexed I'm like nuts What's last year I had a trivia night? Trivia night I can't I mean maybe like college or something

Very good I have no idea Well you do karaoke What's your social I mean obviously You're very Caryoki Like a night off

I'm a bad If I do karaoke Last time I did karaoke Was at a funeral I did uh In Lisbon I did I did a

Russian oligar I did I did everybody knows By Leonard Cohn I'm like this is what I can hit This is my vocal range Jesus Christ Okay

I was hammered Everybody knows that the deal is rotten. I can't do it. Yeah, no, it's a easy. Pretty bad. I got you. Wow. Okay.

Yeah, trivia. I can't even. I have no idea. Cabot's talking about butcher box. Butchia bags. Man, yeah, I love butcher box. Who do you all love butcher box? You ever stand there?

You look inside the refrigerator when I had a refrigerator. You look inside the refrigerator is nothing. Uh-huh. You know what you could do? Butcher box. You're talking about 100% grass-fed beef, talking about organic chicken, wild. caught seafood and a lot more.

You get it chipped over. You can curate your box. You can let them pick it. Throw it in the freezer. Keep it fresh. Cook it throughout the week. What are you doing? Yeah. You're going to the grocery store. You're getting that. Whatever they got over there. Who knows? That mystery meat. Do it right. Do butcher bucks.

Holidays are coming up. Falls coming up. You want to get the freezer stock. You never know what's going to happen. You don't want to be eating chicken that does creatine or whatever. I'm talking organic chickies. Let's go. Listen, Butcher Box is nice enough to let the boys wet their beak on a subscription. And I got to be honest with you.

Me and my wife, I mean, my wife's, my wife loves it. She's the main cook of the house. I don't know what I'm doing. But she goes, it brings us together. It's going to me, we got the wife, we got the little guy in there. The dogs waiting for the scraps. It brings us together. I don't do porkloin with diet.

But the ground beef, I got to be honest with you. Top-notch ground beef. That's the first time I ever saw, like, classy ground beef. Yeah. naming those square packages. Butcher box. I'm telling you. Makes you feel like it makes you feel like the guy you're not.

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Again, that's fabletics.com slash garbage for 70, 80% off of everything as a new VIP. Do it. What is it night off for you, Kevin was asking? Yeah, night off and a movie. A movie or a game, like watching the game or watching a movie. Watching a movie at the house going out to a movie. Either. I like watching a movie at home, but yeah, I'll go out.

But like the old-timey theaters, like popping into like an IFC or a film form. See it. If they're throwing like, you know, IFC just had thief playing fucking badass James Con movie. Of course. If there's something like that up there, I'll give it a, I'll take that. It's a very New York experience. But yeah, like I'll watch the game, you know,

baseball, basketball, football, usually the ones I like. What, uh, is this something you would do by yourself or with somebody? Either. Either. I don't mind watching a movie alone. Huh. I love it. I feel like I can just zone.

I like things where I can get rid of the phone. Like put the phone down and just be engaged in something. And if it's good, you're going to, you know, you get lost for a couple hours. I like escaping. I think about that time. This is years ago. I think we were in the green room at New York Comedy Club. This money has been pre-pandet.

Like, pre-A-Y-G. And I was talking to you and you're like, yeah, I started swimming. I'm like, oh, wow, yeah. You're like, got to put the phone down. I can't be on the phone in the pool. And I was like, wow, this is. I went to the rec center for years. Rec Center is one of the best deals you can do.

It's like $150 for the whole year. It's crazy. And you got an old medicine ball, a pool. It's amazing. It's really a great. why everyone doesn't do it. I'm glad they don't, because I would do it on tour. Like I'll pop into a rec center and just play pickup ball

with the randos there or just swim glass. Like a YMCA, you mean? Yeah, yeah, I love them. Huh. You can get a day pass. Okay. It's like nine dollars. I get a lot of emails.

I get a lot of emails. You have to give me your email. So I'm like, oh my gosh, Toronto again. What the hell? But yeah, I love a, some of these are like nicer than the fucking equinox. You're just like, this is free? It's all city run stuff. It's great.

Yeah. We belong to Equinox. and we stopped going. We belong to the one around the corner. We call me all the time. Dominique, the fucking trainer. Ryan Hamilton had the great joke. I've had easier times walking off the gangs.

Street gangs and getting out of an equinox. It's true. Yeah. It's crazy. Okay. So you're out at a restaurant. Also, do you have one restaurant recommendation in New York? Ooh, okay, I have a few.

But I love Arturo's on Howlston the Pizza Place. Sure. That's a great spot. I just like the vibe of it. I just like that it's, It's like Dougal in Houston or right off? Yeah, it's right by there. And it's like really good pizza and really like a nice vibe.

Like the people who run it are really cool. And it's like old New York and it looks old. And they'll make it. And they'll make you a good cocktail. I went there with Mateo Lane once. And he just, I don't know how, but he somehow takes it. They have a piano player or something like. He just starts singing fly me to the moon.

And to the point that he's getting applause from people. I'm like, we can't go to a normal dinner. Broadway star. It was great. Great man. Yeah, he's amazing. And then I love Arturo's. I love, it's an Italian spot I love called Lartuzi. Lartuzzi? Where's that? It's a, God, it's like West 11th or something. It's really good. And I love Strip House. If it's like a special occasion, like a good steak. Very nice. Those are probably, those are three I'll throw you. Very good. Well, you point at the menu when you're ordering and what you do like, I'll do the clams casino. I've done that for sure. Yeah. If it's a, if it's like a.

If it's a Chinese place or something, I'm like, if it's hard to pronounce, yeah, I'll do a little point. How do you feel about people at the table ordering the same thing? Why not? Order what you feel like. Okay. I think sometimes it's just like, this looks like the thing. We'll split something else. But I like splitting the thing.

Okay. I like giving it, have them try new things. I was watching something the other day. It was in New York, I believe. The chef was like, I don't like, he goes, this thing where we order seven different things and everybody splits. I hate. Why? He's like, who's his dick it?

That's crazy He goes That's not how the meal is intended You're not supposed to stop on your podcast I don't like people taking control And trying to curate your experience I'm a fan My only critique of that is

I do eat too much When you do the family style thing But it's you know So when you're on tour And you know sometimes you want to have a good night Like you want to have a like I've been fortunate to open for people Who really take care of you

Ed Shearing People No sometimes you go on tour with people Cut that The ones you open for people and they really, like, oh, this is a good morale. I remember I've been out with Adam Sandler a bunch, and the way he takes everyone out is, like, you know, obviously certain people can afford to do it differently than others, like Adam, but he's so generous, and it's like a steakhouse every night, and it's like a bunch of sides, and it's like a good vibe.

And you see how it just lifts everyone on the tour to have that nice thing. So, yeah, I think meals are important to me on the road. So you try to do, so I'll have, like, a crew usually with me, and we try to have a nice. Yeah, we do the same thing. It's important. When you can get a later red. Well, like, you know, let's see what if you don't have a late show or whatever. Like, what's the latest res we can get at a solid enough spot where you can get something good going?

And it's just good, man. We focus on work so much. It's good to just like, all right, let's have like a real proper sit down. A couple of gentlemen. There's too many good things on the menu these days to fucking only get one thing. It's crazy. You're still hung up on this and I'm with you. I'm with you.

I want to try stuff. I do understand. I get that, but I understand that like, you know, this goes back to like the kind of, I guess, like the quefy cooking aspect of it. It's like the chef makes something the dish to be intended that way. It'd be like, oh, I'm going to watch the first 15 minutes of your set then go watch something out.

Like your set is, here's my set. Here is the show. They're going the fucking whatever. This dish is the show. If it's a place I've been new before and I just like love the entree, then I'll just maybe get that. But if it's, you know, if you're with. Oh, I like dabbling, of course.

Yeah, I want to dabble and I like to split some stuff. It's fun. Yeah, yeah. I'm in a splitting, Sammy, let me hop back into the apartment for a second. Sure. Any exercise equipment in the home? A pull-up bar.

A pull-up bar. But it's like a piece of shit thing that I just throw up and down. Okay, you take it on and off. Stav was over once and he goes, I bet you don't even use that thing. And I was like, I'll show you some pull-ups. I don't like when someone challenged me on it. How many can you do?

Couple? I, like, 10. And what is it hanging in between? Which door, which bedroom? The one I never used, because I don't use it. Okay. And what is in the other two bedrooms? One's an office, I assume?

Yeah. And then a guest bedroom? No, I just have like a couch in there that people could sleep on if they come by. But yeah, I don't, what do I have? Okay. The other ones, like it barely, it's very small. It's a sauna. Nice.

Yeah, it's like an infrared sauna. It's very, it's a very small room. It couldn't really fit much more. Really? Okay. Not bad. So that's why I say it's not a real three bedroom. But I got the sauna in there.

I respect that. Use that every day? I use it a lot. Okay. I like a sauna, man. Yeah, it's good. Good for you. Do you have an ironing, iron and ironing board in your house?

I don't. Do you know how to do that? Yeah. You know how to iron? Actually, I do, I do have an ironing board. I've just never used it. I use a steamer usually. Okay.

Steers. Do you do, you're a New York guy. How are you doing the lawn? First of all, do you have washer dryer in unit? No, it's in the building. In the building? What? Do you do that or do you drop the fluff and fold?

I usually drop it off, because I'm just not here enough. Of course. But if I have a day, I'll do it. I don't mind. I like a task where you shut your brain off. You throw on an audiobook or a podcast and you just do shit like that. So I don't mind that. I get that.

There's nothing better than the drop off. If I, like, you know, say we're going on the road on Thursday, I'll drop off Tuesday, pick up Wednesday night. And to have all of my, I'll drop off every, like, almost all my clothes. To have all this stuff ready, perfectly packaged. I love it. Then to put right perfectly into a suitcase. It's like, my OCD, I'm like, I'm showing up every.

Everything's done perfect correctly. I get the cheese. Not even OCD. It's just you're a busy man, dude. He gets me. You're busy man. I get it. I've been doing that a little trashier.

I bring my luggage to the, to the laundry man. Fully is moving different. Fully is moving different. I'll bring my luggage there with all dirty clothes. I'll wash it and put them in the luggage and I'm packed ready to go. I like that. Yeah. You stink.

Thank you. That's just nice. to be recognized. Everybody? Let's see. Well, you swim in a hotel pool. I love it. Yeah.

Anytime. I'll swim in any fucking pool. I love some laps, man. That's a great way to kill a hangover to you. Just get in there. You belt out a few laps. You're like, all right, I'm good and ready to go. I remember.

I think when we did the Route 66, we stayed at, in Las, my favorite pool day was Vegas. It was outside, the outdoor pool. It was trashy hotel because we had to put up 15 of us because we had the documentary crew, too. It's like spring break. It was like a, yeah, and dude, we were just like keaters in the pool. A lot of leg tattoos. Yeah, it was a great time. I love, yeah, dude.

It was like a barbecue vibe going on. I used to, oh, man. I mean, I swim in a rec center. I'll swim in a fucking anyway, dude. Good for you. Do you have to make an appointment to swim at the rec center? Like, if the ladies are doing yoga or anything in there? Oh, yeah, you might have to look at the schedule, yeah.

Yeah, it's kiddie time or something. Yeah. I got you. She's just guy to kids. What the fact? Well, no, they have like the kids play time. I got 15 in yogurt. Well, you send food back at a restaurant at it.

I can't do it. No, it's weird. I'd rather just take my L. Respect it. I've seen people do it and they just look shitty when they do it. I know. Unless they bring you like the wrong thing. It's tough.

But if it's like, my friend did it the other day, but he also, I don't respect anything about his ordering. We're like, we laid on us. Boy, we got stakes and he gets his fucking like medium well, which already, you've, He's got Gary Vee and all over it. It's not Gary. Okay. Gary's a man of taste.

He goes medium rare like I do. Gentlemen? But yeah, I think anything beyond medium rare. That's crazy. It's a little weird, you know, and he got medium well, and he was like, it's fucking, it's too under. So we sent it back to be cooked more. So I was like, geez. He sent it back to be cooked more?

Yeah, yeah. Were you paying for dinner? I think I was. I don't know. I don't remember. Yeah, I think so. You got to jump on, even if, you know. Yeah.

I didn't love it. Yeah. But he, you know. If it's him and not me, I'm like, yeah, that's him. How many, will you apologize for like, oh, yeah, sorry about that? Will you throw in a sorry to the guy? Yeah.

Yeah. I don't like to be difficult in any way. I like to, I don't want to be noticed. Not the same way. I don't want in any way for someone to notice me being a part of anything annoying. I think we were talking about this recently. Like if you're getting an order, what, how many? chain and I get that it's how you want it the whole thing I get that but like how many I guess how

many alterations are you okay with on a dish I mean substitution I don't yeah if it's like if it's like a build your own omelet then whatever but if it's like but if it's like I want this sandwich but with none of this you just set a different sandwich and yeah I feel annoying doing that I don't really do that okay he's a gentleman he is I don't I don't but then I also get annoyed when places are I won't do but I also get annoyed when they're like, the chef doesn't make substitutions. I'm like, all right, don't take yourself so fucking seriously. So both annoy me.

Change is annoy me, but no change is also annoying me. You got a shrimp back there? I want the option. I want to be invited to the wedding, even if I don't want to go to your wedding. Sure. Yeah. I love that.

That can click in you. We're like, don't tell me I can have substance. I also still want, I might want them. It feels pretentious. I agree with that. But then to ask for all these changes feels an note. But if it's a diet, I don't really have any, I don't have any allergic things. Oh, a dieter you can go.

Give me the meatball. No, I meant like a dietary thing. Oh, got it. If it's like you're allergic to some shit, then I, you know. Nobody ever is, though. It's all lie. They're all lying. Yeah, I agree.

I get to get a little annoyed when someone's allergic to stuff. We can't take risks. I hate, I hate to even asking any dietary thing you should know about. It's like, I'm swelling up right now. Is that a peanut over there? Yeah, it just seems very, I will say this. It only happens at the pretentious places that I go to. I mean, you go to fucking Orion Diner.

They're not going anything I need to be worried about. And there's everything. They got everything in that kitchen, by the way. Yeah. Do you tell them you're allergic to appleskins or whatever you're allergic to? You're allergic to appleskins? I'm allergic to, uh, yes, the skin. We just went over this.

The skin of an apple. The skin of, uh, produce, uh, some produce. If it's vaporized. Only if it's vaporized. It's so funny. He was giving me shit the other. So one guy DM me. He's like, hey man.

a real condition, okay? He's like, nobody respects me either. He was, he was, uh, scraping carrots or something like that. What's the call? No one's ever going to care because no one's going to make this a cause. So no one's ever going to care about this. No one's going to be like, we need more representation. Yeah, this isn't a hill I've ever died on.

I just didn't know if you told them when you went in a restaurant. If anybody's vaporizing carrots or apples back there, might be an issue. Yeah. You can blow it all up right now. Okay. I'm kidding. Luke hit the button. No, yes, they have to be cooked.

Yeah, all right. It's weird. You have to cook. This is a thing that's a lot. I feel like, I feel like, some of the things are I'm trying to explain myself. And it sounds even gayer. No, if you cook the carrots, it's okay. Yeah, there's a girl I'm seeing.

She's got a son and he's getting bullied by a kid with a peanut allergy. And I was like, this motherfucker. Do you know how easy we could wipe this fuck off the planet? And he's bullying? Uh-huh. One Reese's pieces. His kid's done. One, yeah.

He better bring his fucking EpiPen. He's being bullied by a kid? Yeah, he's only five years old. What's he doing it in a kid? I think it went. It was at like a day camp thing, so I think it's over. But yeah, for a minute, I was kind of like, dude, we could fucking put a P.B. And Jay in his zip lock.

He can lift up his shirt like it's a gun on the sopranos. We could wipe him out. It's got to be brutal hearing that one of the kids. I didn't like that. I didn't like hearing it. Yeah. We never told anybody. We were getting bullied me.

That was our, that was our. She pulled it out of him. He didn't want to say anything. Yeah, and then he got mad. And then he got mad. He pulled like a little tantrum because she stood it in front of me and he wants to be cool in front of me.

So I was like, don't fucking dig. He doesn't want to tell you. He'll figure it out. He's a young boy. He'll figure it out. Say me to dad over here. You tell him it was okay? Yeah, I gave him a gun to take to school.

I'm sure they'll sort it out, you know? After that we'll go to Copenhagen. Kim, this is Wayfair. Wayfare. It's big. Wayfair been a part of my household for a long time. I don't have the household anymore. But when I did, couches, cabinets, everything we got from Wayfar.

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Get started today. Do it. What is one thing you do? It could be something you buy, something you use that makes you feel classy. And it doesn't even need to be expensive or it could just be like, oh, I got this nice mug I use. could be the, like, for me, it's like valet. Whenever I valet somewhere, I'm like, this makes me feel more important or nicer than I

deserve. Like a gentleman, classy. I mean, I think like a good cocktail. Yeah, I knew he was going to say it. Or like a, if I get like a cappuccino. Those are like the two things. I'm like, I don't. It's a cappuccino.

Because I'm not making a cappuccino. Mateo will make them. Really? He has like an amazing system there. But I don't, yeah, I don't make those. So when I go out and get one, I'm like, oh, this feels nice. I feel like a, I feel like a proper. I feel like a proper adult.

Will you order a cappuccino after dinner? No. Where are you ordering a cappuccino in the morning? Afternoon usually. I like an afternoon cab. Go out by yourself just for a cappuccino? I love it. Really?

Yeah, I like a cappuccino's nice. Okay. Oh, kicking the pants. I get that. I want some caffeine. I get that. I do a black coffee all the time, but like my wife will get, you know, a cortado or whatever. She'll do so.

I like those too. Dude, you have a sip of it. And I go, this is, why am I denying myself this? It's so sweet. Oh, you think it's real? Cortado's aren't sweet. There's no sugar in it. But it's sweeter than black coffee.

Like the steamed milk. It's like it's so much more of a treat. Why am I not doing this every day? I love the taste of black coffee, but I have to limit it now because I've just fucked my stomach up beyond repair. Like I've had all these stomach lining issues. I've had multiple ulcers. So you kind of have to. Hey, you'll figure out the bit.

Relax. So I'm just kind of like, I'm like, oh God, I got it. So it's like it's almost like a treat now. Sure. I get that. I get that. Well, you make a sandwich at the home. Yeah, I love making sandwiches.

Yeah, you go out, you get the cold cuts, all that stuff? Yeah, I love, yeah, I love like a turkey Swiss. Yeah, it's like probably my favorite. Is there groceries in the house right now? If we came over, would we be all right? Probably not because I haven't been home and forever. But yeah, I had a friend stay at my place while I was gone. And, yeah, there was stuff in there.

Okay. Yeah. I love a lot of Greek yogurt, make eggs a lot. How many eggs are you doing? Three. Four? Do four eggs. I like four eggs.

I expect that. I'm a four egg man myself. Just eggs? Yeah, I put some soy. salt and pepper on there and then maybe make a couple of things a couple slices of toast really two at a time he makes them yeah two at a time yeah like i'm a big egg scrambled i don't care much about lunch but breakfast and dinner i fucking love so okay i can't remember if you were classy or trashy when we had when we had your originally but i tell you're really coming into your own thank

you appreciate it really he's like i had toast we're like whoa what is the toast yeah what kind of toast. I'll mix it up, man. I mean, sourdough is my favorite. Sourdough's hot right now. Sourdose, great rye. I like rye. I'm semi-simple-man.

Jewish guy from Manhattan. You got to love a nice rye. Are you getting that rye from the grocery store? Are you one of those guys that'll go to, like, the neighborhood place and get this and get that. Either way. If I pass, there's a farmer's market line, Union Square, and if I pass it, I'll pick up whatever they go. Get a marble rye. You're not going up to Zabars or anything like that for.

No, fuck that. I mean, I love Zabars. It's just a short of the way up town. It's great. An institution. Hey, Mr. Zaybar, I apologize for my own Bounce out of my bad friend. Oh, Mr. Morel, good to see you again.

Those upper west side spots. Like, we don't play, Barney Greengrass. Of course. The best. You guys do this on, what you might call it on? We might be drunk. But product why, if you could recommend one product, it could be like a luggage, something for travel, something for the house.

For travel, I got a great one for you. Packing cubes. Whoa. They're like 20 bucks on Amazon. And I just, I have like one for my own. one for my shirts, one for my pants. So it's just, there's order. Yeah.

We live in disorder. I want some order. So you have it here, you have it there. And by the way, I can pack so much more. Like I looked at how my fucking girlfriend packs. It's all there's stuff. I'm like, what do you? This is chaos.

This is chaos. And then- That's a good one. It's, dude, they're $20. I know. And you get like seven cubes. You get your socks, you get your, everything. It's great. Good.

It's a great wreck. Yeah, I'm so, this is how stupid I'm just, This is how stupid I am. I bought a new bag and it came with like a pack, like a packing, one packing. No, I've been using it. And I'm like, this is great. And I'm like, I can use fucking four more of these. Dude, they're great.

I just stop at the one. I couldn't get past. I gifted them to people and they're like, that's amazing. That's it. It's a game change. If you travel every week, you have to have some order. It's the digging. I'll give you another thing I use for travel, sleeping mask.

Like a one that's decent. Everyone's face is different. But for whatever reason, that blue temperedic one just mushes. Dude, I can sleep because I was in Nashville over the weekend and I'm on fucking, the only, it was like the birds were in town and its parents weekend for the colleges so there's no hotels available. The only place I could get was this like second floor on Broadway. Dude, talk about sirens all night. I'm like, dude, thank I bought, I put headphones in, put the fan on, sleeping mask, I slept like a baby. Hey, what fan? The white noise app. You, okay. I got a fan on the white noise app. It's like a, great. It's all great travel. stuff. If you don't travel, this is probably the most boring shape you've ever heard, but if you travel or talking pecky cubes.

It's a game changer. No, you're not wrong. You're not wrong. I'm picturing myself on the other queen bed in the room, like digging through my stuff and being like, cubes, it's all got to be cubes. You're not a robe guy, are you? Now, robes are weird. I mean, I have one, I got one during COVID, and I was like, what if I become? You know, I don't like it. Sure. So, yeah, I think a robe can be nice. I like a waffle robe if we're going to do it. Really? What's a waffle

It's the fabric. Yeah, well, it's like you dry up a little more quickly. Oh, I know what you're talking about. Seizchy shit. I would never throw on like a hotel robe. I think it's weird. Huh. What about pajamas?

Nah. Never? I could see you in like a nice pair of pajamas. Yeah, I think it's just another thing to wash. True? I just want like a, just give me some underwear. I'm fine. You got slippers?

Yeah, I like slippers. What kind? They're ugs. I got him like 10 years ago on Fallon as a gift. And I've had them ever since And they're great Valny gave you slippers Yeah it was like in the gift bag

But I I uh I gifted that to a bunch of people I love a good pair of slippers Goes a long way Gentlemen It says I'm home And I'm here to stay a little while You don't wear them

Are you wearing them like in the house Or if you're wearing Well you run down and get the paper Or something like that with them Yeah Why not No but I don't know Just anything in the house

I don't know I'm bare foot in the house I don't like I like a little fuzzy Slippers Or some socks Here's another great Breck Get some fucking Marino wool socks. We were just talking about socks.

The winter's coming, baby. Get those wool socks. I have bad circulation. I feel great in those. I'll sleep in those. I like a wool sock, too. I love a wool sock. I love a heavy sock.

I like a wool sock and a sneaker. I don't know why. Me too, man. Yeah, I feel like an old man. It feels comfortable. I love a thick sock. Yeah, holy shit. Foley was living a different life a few months ago.

Now I'm like, you know what's nice? A sock. Only one. Please, I'm driving. I mean, keep my edge. How do you feel about the Savannah bananas? I think they're fun. Okay, there you go.

I like, look, I like regular baseball, but also like, it's like an and one but for baseball. It's fun, man. That's a great way to put it. I think, I think N1 was a little more dangerous. They're not doing a Savannah banana game at the Rucker Park. But you know what? They should. Yeah, I get to her head.

You lose the game. You don't catch this flip catch. You get fucking killed. Try shaking your ass out there. I like, uh, Yeah, I like it. I think it's fun, and it's like, I got to do batting practice at one of those things. Really?

Yeah, very nice. I'm Bert's tour, they did a thing there, and it was so fun, man. Yeah, it was great. So, uh, love it. But I love, I love regular baseball, too. Will you sleep on the couch overnight? I have, if I say the wrong thing. Eat going.

But, yeah, no, I'll sleep on the couch. I'll doze off. You'll not out and stay overnight? I wouldn't like to. It's always an accident, but yeah. Eventually you'll get up and go to bed? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Huh.

I like bed. You like bed. Bed's great. But I only use the bed for bed. I don't understand these people that just are like in bed all day. The bed's not special if you're using it all day. Wait, really? You won't lay in bed all day?

No. You'll go to the couch. He might not lay all day. You can't live in a world where someone's not laying around all day. There's people who just use their bed as like an office, too. They're just like laying in bed. Like, all right. All right with my friend Mike Lawrence, we work on his show.

and Mike will just be in bed writing with me. Like on Zoom? Yeah. Then he comes over to your house. Mike gets in your bed under the covers. But he's like, I like to work in bed. I'm like, whatever, but I can't do that. I'm there with you.

I like to sleep in a bed. Yeah, it's either you're laying and then I'm like, I'm like laying lane or it's like you're like propped up and that's not comfortable. It's not special. Yeah. It's not special. So you never just took a day and like been in and out of bed. Well, if I'm sick, yeah, I'll like lay in bed.

But yeah. No, not sick. No, not sick. Really? If I'm at full strength, I feel like a vegetable. Yeah, it makes me crazy. Wow. I want to be doing stuff.

I wish I had a little bit of that. I wish you had a little bit of a lot of stuff. Do you watch Shark Tank? And do you have a favorite shark? I've never really seen it. Okay. Probably Cuban. Probably Cuban.

Yeah, basketball guy. I like when you used to start some shit as the Mavs owner. So, yeah, probably Cuban. But, yeah, I never really got in. I never was never my thing. Gotcha. I mentioned it earlier, someone asked, do you have a favorite old school British sitcom? I mean, too.

Hit me. I would say the British office for sure. Okay. That's old school. Uh-huh. And peep show is brilliant. I think peep show is one of the best shows ever made. That's like my comfort show.

I think those guys are phenomenal. It's created by New Guy Luke's girlfriend's dad. I think it's incredible. Yes. It's like, it just, I can rewatch that show. It's like, you know when you're on the road and you just need something familiar? It's like either peep show, old Simpsons, or the Sopranos. That's like my, that's like my comfort zone.

I like that. I go first 48. Really? Yeah, I don't know why. I need someone dying. Not my comfort zone. I need some, and it's like, it's weird. Sopranos is crazy violent.

Like you watch a guy take a golf club to the face. You're like, I'm going to go to bed now, I guess. But a lot of times we're in the city or we're just in the city that they shoot first 48 in because it's never like, they're not doing them in New York. Triple homicide in Jacksonville. Yeah. It's a lot of Oklahoma City. A lot of Tulsa, a lot of Miami.

Wow, yeah. I feel connected to it, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Those are, yeah, peep show is unreal. Bacon or sausage? It's changed for his apartment right now. Bacon or so? I go bacon.

Okay. But I like sausage, too, but bacon takes that. We all know bacon takes. What's the, what's the, like, if you're doing like a breakfast sandwich bagel order somewhere, what is it? Honestly, egg, cheddar, avocado on a wrap, probably. or I like just like a bagel with cream cheese,

scaly and cream cheese, everything bagel. Okay. When's the last time you shit your pants? Kindergarten. Really? I was on the bus. Kindergarten. That's crazy.

No, actually I take it back. It was first grade. Wow. I was on the bus. That doesn't change much. We were looking for like March or whatever. I was on the bus and we were stuck in Midtown traffic. Sam.

That's crazy to be on a bus. And I couldn't make it. I just couldn't make it. And I went, oh. And I said, I shit my pants. And someone said, no way. And then someone else patted my butt. And he goes, he ain't faking.

That's where you're going to a city bus or school bus? A school bus. Yeah. Not a city bus. No, no, no. A school bus. It would have been the third guy that day to shit himself on a city bus. Yeah, yeah.

School bus is tough to bounce back from. Cont this picture was like some electrician that patty on the ass. Like, yeah, he lied. And then I had a play day at a kid's plate. and he had like his parents work so his he had like a nanny there and she had to clean me and I just remember her cleaning me and like cursing me like as she's cleaning me she goes dirty dirty boy very dirty boy and I was like ah sorry I felt horrible I felt so much shame Jesus I just picture you with that voice sorry about that I felt horrible you know what's

funny about shit and your pink got five minutes on it that's wild it was it was bad Did you have to walk in there and tell her how you shit my pants? Yeah. Heads up real quick. Well, she smelled it, for sure. But yeah. Yeah, yeah. I had to break the news.

Sammy, what's wrong with you? I felt so bad. Damn. Yeah, a lot of shame. You still made the play date. That's crazy. Oh, what are you going to do? Go home.

There were no phones. I had to kind of go where it was going. Oh, yeah. And also, who has a cell phone in first grade. I mean, they probably have them now, yeah. Jesus. I tell you, first grade. Man, that's really good.

Yeah. Samarrell. didn't feel good. Who's cutting your hair? You just go to a barber here? I just went to a guy in the West Village. Caring? Salon or Barber?

There's a barber. West Village Barber is going to be pricey, though. This place isn't that bad, but yeah, I mean, for the area, but oh, I hate this haircut, dude. I don't like it when they go this short in the sides. I fucking hate, I have to do it. I'm making a movie, and I have one scene left to shoot. Let's go. And for continuity, I need this.

I need this look. So I got a shitty haircut once, and then I need to get the same haircut for like a year and a half. Can you make music? I kept changing. And so I, oh, I fucking hate when they, when they do this, it's like, I used to do a joke, beware whatever music they're playing in the barbershop. That's the haircut you're going to get.

That's great. Armenian hip-hop. But, no, I mean, it's- They're lighting your hair on fire? I hate when they go, like, super in. I like when it's a little more. You just look like a balanced. I look like a piece of cauliflower.

I hate it. Gotcha. It looks good. I think. It's not good. I understand what you say. I hate it. You don't like a lot of definite.

I hate it, but I had to get it this way because of the movie, so. Okay. Anyone in your family ever renew their vows? No. I didn't think so. I don't think we've really ran into anybody that has done that. It's a weird thing to do. It's weird.

To me, it only happens in movies, you know what I mean? Yeah, I think you either leave or you stay. Anybody in your family of her a lope. I don't you hear they ran away and got married? No. Huh. Do you have a nice big? bathing suit.

No. No. I like one. What are you using now? Just something you got? Or is it like basketball shorts? No, I have a bathing suit. It's not good.

It's not a good quality bathing suit. Like board shorts? You know what I don't like? There's no like, there's no like, I like the fuzzy stuff in the middle that kind of cups. The netting? You do? You like the netting. That's crazy.

I like it's separate. Like, what if I want to pop into the gym real quick? Then it's like your balls are basically hanging out. I hate it. I can't see nothing. Go pop it at a gym. Really? You pop into the gym when you're supposed to.

He flew in a bathing suit the other day. Don't think any advice. I like a bathing suit though, yeah. I should get, you know what? I'm going to get one. I'm going to treat myself to a nice. Do they? Yeah.

They make nice shit, don't they? They do. Have you ever been to the reading of a will? No. Do you know the acronym Bogo? Bogo? Yeah. Is this like MAG?

Is this MAGA for the left? I don't know. What does Bogo? Buy one, get one. Oh, that makes sense. Yeah. I was thinking like Bolo, be on the look. out you ever heard that and like cop stuff you went way cooler than a lot put out a bolo on this guy

are there any um powdered drink mixes in your house yeah of course like what electrolytes but not like iced tea or lemonade no but i used to love ice tea glow in i used to love powdered ice too sure sure sure huh love i mean dude who's gonna not love an arnold palmer too i mean Fuck. Yeah, there's something about me that that's even classy. Really? Because it's like a golfer. It's a mix of two things.

We were like a very one. You either get your iced tea or you get you fucking lemonade. Yeah. I mean, I love both, honestly, but I never, I don't drink them that much. Well, you order iced tea when you go out. Like, I'll do the unsweetened iced tea. I've done it before, but it's like so, yeah, it's usually coffee or like, salter or something. You'll do that sometimes now.

I get you unsweetened iced tea. They never do it right. That was always, you might as well been from another planet ordering an unsweetened. sweetened iced tea. It tastes good, though. I know. I'll make it sometimes. I like to make it.

You get some, get some hibiscus packets. Really? Yeah, you make it hot, then you put all the bags in, and then you got yourself a nice little ice tea. It's nice. Your fridge open like this?

You have two doors that open like that? One door. Really? Is the freezer on the bottom like that? Very nice. Is it? Yes. Well.

Big fridge? I wish it was a little bigger. Okay. You have a dishwasher at the house? I do. And no washer and dryer in the unit? No, it's an old building. Oh.

They don't allow it. Yeah, no, they don't allow. Insurance costs. I would love it. I would love one. I used to work for like a property management and that was the number one thing. What? Buildings hated.

A washer dryer. And this is for like really, really super wealthy people. Wash or dryer always leaked and then it leaks into five different units. That makes sense. It's just insurance companies fighting each other. Oh, no. Old buildings in New York or, you know, a lot of cities just have old-ass buildings. It's not just the water.

It's fucked up. It's like the air conditioning is all like one thing. So like they're like, we're only letting out a little air today. And I'm like, it's a fucking heat wave. But they're like, yeah, but if we let out too much air, the air goes down completely. So, you know. Really? Yeah.

You got a throttle to put a governor on it. They're hitting you with that kind of shit in your building? It's annoying, yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. Damn. Yeah. Shit.

I'm fucking losing. Hey, you know, man. I just want to blend it. I want to make noise. Occasionally I'll make noise. If it's really, I'm fucking noise. really hot. I'm like, come on. But yeah, I had to have a little, you're like a crack it. I was in. I was in a window unit in. I was like, come on. I put two in. Yeah. Very good.

Very nice. Did you do it or did you have someone do it? Yay. I'm not doing that. Because I did it once myself way back in the day and it was janky and I lived in a five thing. I was just, I was so scared it was going to fall out and kill somebody. I was so scared. It was like, I also put like cardboard to finish the end of it. So I was like, this is janky as hell. If this kills somebody. someone I'm I'd be on you. Yeah, I mean, of course.

Who else could you possibly blame? Who put this in? Me? Who's air conditioner? Me? We're going to blame it on that guy over there. I think the building's got to take the rap bar. You can take a little rap court.

The building takes it because it's on them. I didn't know from out of town. I didn't know this guy. Copenhagen, you don't know what's going on. I was always very, I always faced the back of the building so I didn't care.

So I did it all myself. Now I face the front of the building and it's like, I just need someone to. can take out a dog you know that would be brutal yeah a dog that's your biggest fear well the person had it coming it's probably a dickhead if i'm being honest with you on the road you all do any fast food right i've done it but it's not like it's not my choice i wouldn't i wouldn't love it but yeah look like we all have a soft spot for like McDonald's and shit like there's times you want it but

when's the last time you were in a drive-thru hmm uh McDonald's recently it was probably a couple years ago. A couple years ago. Yeah, we had a flight delay. We landed in the wrong city and we just ended up having to be, fuck this connection. We just rented a car and drove back and we, yeah, we picked the McDonald's on the way. Maybe it was like a year and a half. It wasn't that long ago.

That's when it below, that is like the proper usage of that. Yeah. I love, I mean, you know, as a kid, I was one of those fucking McDonald's and Monopoly kids. I thought I was going to win that cool mill. I never did. Shit my pants whenever I want. Yeah. They really had.

I mean, I got fat. thinking I was going to make the money. Sure. I became a chubby kid being like if I only get boardwalk, dude. I got five park places. Come on. I think I just got one more. You're a pretty good guy when it comes to decorum.

When someone else you're out at dinner, someone else is paying, you know, how much of a, are you sure about that? Or do you just go, oh, great, thank you. And humbly. Depends on who it is. And in what sense? If the same was us, we're out And we're, you know, we just get like burgers or something I'm, I got it

Are you doing like, nah, come on? I'm not gonna fight someone. I think if someone's aggressive about it, you're insulting them. It's a little weird, yeah. Yeah, like, I don't like when there's like a weird back and forth, but like I'll just get the next one or you know what? Yeah, I like to try to pay usually.

But if someone beats me to it, I'm like, all right, whatever, you know? I don't like it turned into a thing. I agree. I think it's weird when there's like a fucking standoff over, over a taco. It's like, it is oddly in a sense of, like, what do you think I can't pick this up?

Like someone's going, I feel offended that you don't think I have $40 or whatever. If someone tries to be aggressive with me about it, I just say, you'll get the next one. That's my quick out of it. And they're always like, okay. No one ever really fights on that. Let's say this.

Now, not somebody like Sandler, because, you know, it's just an endless supply of money, but like you're out with somebody who, somebody. So you just pick Adam Sandler. Well, you just said, he just said he had to do. I was just saying it's fun. I never know.

Has that actually been the case. But like, somebody an older statesman to comedy a little older than you does does better than you right you know he's you're he's paying picking up to check yeah will you monitor what they order and order a little less or are you not thinking about that at all do you know what i'm saying if i know they're going to try to pay you know that maybe maybe i'll get a little less okay if i know they're not going to let me me, yeah. Right. Like, there's certain guys who like, yeah, I just...

You're not going, let me get three appetizers. I want to try the bang bang shrimp or whatever. If I know, they're not going to let me pay you. I tell you, Samarrel, this kid, just class. Classy guy. Smooth, class. Keeps to himself, not a flashy haircut. I'm fucking, I'm so bummed about this haircut.

I feel like a poodle. What was it again? You're a Canadian pedophile? What was it? Four eggs. He likes the sourdough toast. I love it. I mean, come on.

You got the two-banger when it comes to the toast. Sharp operator, Sammy. I'll tell you that right now. Gang, the new special, incorrect, is out on Netflix this Tuesday. Do yourself a favor. Make sure you check it out. Check them out on We Might Be Drunk and his tour. Sammy, what he got coming up?

San Diego. I got Phoenix. I got shit. Can you pull on my website? I don't know what the fuck. Yeah, yeah, I got you. San Diego. Pulling up the website?

That's a first. I like it. I got you right here. Let me plug Sammy's dates. I don't know what the fuck I'm going to be. We got Manchester, Connecticut at the funny boat. No, that's way down the line. That's what's populated because I'm here.

All right, we got the Hollywood Improv. We got San Diego. We got Phoenix, Arizona, November. We got Pittsburgh at the Pittsburgh Improv. Great Club. Got Cleveland, Ohio. Shout out to hilarities coming up in December. Comedy on State in December as well.

That's a good weekend to get, my friend. Magoobie's in Timonium, Maryland. You might know it is. West Palm, Miami, all that stuff. Yeah, it's on my website. Yeah, go check it out. I'll be all over the road, building back up new material. So, yeah, I'll see you out there.

It's getting, it's coming there. There you go. We love it. I love he's not even over sewn. Say it's hot, baby. It's good. It's great. Congrats on a new special, Sam.

Thank you, man. We love you. We love you. We love you, guys. I love you, yeah. Gang, we're on tour as well. Check out the Army of Garbage Tour over at our are you Garbage. com.

And check out the spash. Yes. American Garbage on our YouTube page. Kippe, you got anything else for him? Love you, gang. Don't you wish you could just hit skip on the worst parts of your life? You know the same way you can skip an ad? I get it.

I'm Siaia and I live in Ice Cove. I've made some questionable decisions that didn't end up the way I planned. And today I'm still figuring it out. Somehow things usually get worse before they get better. Apparently, that's how I roll. So bundle up and come along for the bumpy ride. Stream a new episode of North of North Tuesdays on CBC Gem. Thank you.