Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Sean Patton Returns!

Episode Date: January 20, 2022

Watch the special: https://youtu.be/jStGYCXXHXA Kippy and Foley are joined by Sean Patton! Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage  Subscribe on iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/are-you-garbage-comedy-podcast/id1499140700 Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

gang just want to remind you that the r u garbage comedy special is on our youtube page right now it is it is our favorite moments from last year's tour and speaking of tours we're here to announce 2022 the middle class famous tour baby new cities new trash new money yeah gang we're coming to hardford albany syracuse atlanta tampa orlando pittsburgh buffalo detroit denver phoenix salt lake city chicago rosemont and this is just part one plenty of cities coming after that it's live stand-up live a yg it's a good time get your tickets now we'll see you there welcome to another exciting edition of r u garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts kevin ryan and h foley hey everybody out there

and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is r u garbage it is it's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they go to be classy or to just a big old piece of trash i'm your hostage fully coming at you on a beautiful day down here at anthony's basement she's outside just set up a lemonade stand just lean but still she's trying selling scissors my co-host is coming at you from right next to me he's the ceo of r u garbage she's an international man of business and mystery sexuality yes we like it give it up for kj kippy kevin james ryan hey gang thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes full video available on youtube and as you know those numbers are

thank you and then obviously the greatest website of all time patreon.com slash r u garbage sweet lord we're about a hundred and so patrons away from our next goal which is taking the big man to disney world for me to cut yeah i want a big lolly and some mickey ears drinking around the world so check it out how about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man the brains behind the r u garbage special uh-huh it's on youtube right now you got to check it out give it up pretty bone mcmuffin toby mcmuffin what's up dudes hey t-bone i wouldn't say i'm the full brains we got a big headed man sitting at that table who also contributed quite a bit i had a hundred and four fever at the time so i don't know i didn't even know if you

were on the other line of the phone gang we could not and i mean could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest back with us again today if you haven't seen this episode you got to go back and check it out one of the funniest stand-up comedians out there right now he has a brand new album out right now called king scorpio and he's going to be filming his first official special february third down there in orleans all in atypatinas doing two shows a seven and a nine real classy you can get some ticks at me shanpatin dot com do me a favor give me a nice put down what you have in front of you put the kids that aside for a second stop making dinner and give me a nice big round of applause for mr shanpatin everybody come on he's one of the best

personal faves personal fave of ours you know what i want i want there to be i want to can i thank you thank you guys for having me back by the way of course first and foremost and nice to meet you toby i don't think i think you were i think you were uh last time i was on it was not toby it wasn't it wasn't toby wasn't born yet it was toby was not alive yet toby toby was still in the test to you on musk was making them somewhere right right but figure out his battery the there should be a patreon uh tier where if you guys get to it you guys will read any bedtime story okay good because the two of you together oh yeah yeah reading any bedtime story listen kids all right listen what you want to do is you want to go down there the problem with the dwarves there were seven

but only four of was union i didn't understand so hey come in they got this fucking broad sleeping in their bed they're out of work all day they come back she didn't make dinner or nothing and she's got her grandmoms come looking forward the fucking horses are coming not her coming with fucking axes and pitchforks for us yeah anyway and but they got the security system right ad and that cost an arm and a freaking leg there i can't i can't do the fuck i feel like i have to fill the accent for like one sentence and then it just i lose it to yeah it's not you have you don't actually you don't yeah i don't think you'll ever lose it i don't think uh oh no you're like yeah you're like jordan with a jump shot yeah i always go wakey up in the dead dead

sleeping in a three i'm sorry i'm sorry alan iverson yes with the crossover yes i mean remember who i'm talking to there talking to talking to yeah this uh it's i that's good to it's good to be back good here because i like uh i like this podcast because i like it what you guys did after the last time i did it was it made me really examine my life we get that a lot yeah you look inward a lot you want you look inward and you're like wait a second though what and then you start to flip it around and be like wait a second is garbage just what we're told by the fucking one percent by the power identity they do it too they say this is a bad thing to be when in reality it's we're the beautiful everyone's got blood on our heads yes we are the beautiful yeah the garbage

is the beautiful with that without a doubt now there's lines that slip and they fall and they cross and it gets a little dicey and stuff like that but for the most part it's good to be garbage you can't have garbage without a good time yes it's a good fucking time yeah good garbage nice box of wine bad garbage leaving your cigarette out in front of the 711 when you go in to get a taquito right right then come out and rip it good garbage you know some empty condom wrappers you know it's a good time maybe even if you're by yourself that's a dress right right you know what i mean uh you know bad time uh a bad garbage you know aborted fetus fetus in the trash can yeah yeah i don't you guys did you guys my first experience with a condom definitely wasn't with

a woman no i definitely tried there was definitely there was definitely some dress rehearsals yeah i don't trust i don't trust anyone who's first time with a condom was with a woman how would you know what the yeah you had to figure it out on your own when i was a kid i would talk about it like little league about condoms and rubbers i thought it was like herstein rubbers is it yeah back then yeah i think doctors i think doctors call them rubbers hey kid you got rubbers on you i think they actually were originally trademarked as rubbers yeah no that's rubbers is tough rubbers is not a that makes me weird you got your rubbers on you yeah you got a rubbers right wait what was another rubbers uh uh jimmy jimmy jimmy jimmy's is bad too jimmy's was

a i mean i can tell you right now the first my first ever it's this will i don't if i didn't say this on the last podcast this was in a store no i mean sorry you have to buy those one of the first things i ever stole was a box of condoms really right and i and i masturbated me each and every one of them it was like it was like a it was an eight day trial period of just like doing it again you returned them didn't like it i fell asleep right after this uh you know i was 14 i was very lubricating though when you put it on for the first time oh wait a minute wait it's almost i don't need the broad yeah it's almost like i'm saving moving my life sure yeah rivet for my pleasure yeah it was oh the moment you put it on you're just like wait this is just

the protection uh yeah well it's this is gonna be awesome i know it's the first what's it protecting me from for being more awesome yeah well it's the first time you have like a new sensation as like a whatever a 14 year old or whatever you know what i mean instead of just like some lube or conditioner in the shower that's a good tip as well you ever make the mistake and go shampoo sure yeah sure yeah catch a stinger i did dishwasher so palm olive and then left it on there like an idiot and my skin peeled like i was fucking as bad i was like Hiroshima down there it was tough i do that i'm screaming in the streets i remember using a fucking you ever you remember when i mean i don't think this is an eight specific thing but it happened a lot more

when you're younger when you just go on a masturbation tear yeah like specifically the first time you ever saw internet porn you're like this is just free oh and unlimited and thumbnails yeah i remember being 20 years old just going on a fucking tear but i was using prel right shampoo well you know that's the tough stuff the hard stuff yeah wait trying to get the curls out i just wasn't i just hadn't put two and two together that were you in the shower no you outside of the shower using shampoo because it was just a bad place by his own rules bad move but it ruined it ruined my unit for like three or four three to five days it was just a it was you know what i mean it was like i was a burn victim you know and uh and i and it was the only time i've

ever missed great bounce though i'll tell you that oh yeah oh yeah what a what a lot of volume smelled smelled like springtime but i actually missed a chance to actually hook up with a woman because it was all banged up yeah irony right there yeah yeah wounds at soldier treat yourself like an amusement park i think that was a charles that was charles dickens example of irony itself or or or activity and consequence on a fortnight i was masturbating with pro that's dude to masturbate on a couch or a computer chair computer chair with shampoo that's crazy that's crazy to me it was it was the one it's gotta get everywhere there was no lotion in the house there was no lotion uh i had used the conditioner was done and in my head i was just like well

the conditioner and i broke up the week before yeah let me just say this i bought the conditioner was done and never once did i use it in my hair uh but yeah like i was like whatever same thing same difference the conditioner is the hardest you go yeah don't you don't go shampoo yeah you gotta go don't go soap especially in the not some herbal essence or something back in the 90s early 2000s herbal essence is the lightest you would want to go but yeah i mean as far if you did shampoo herbal essence shampoo was very very organic very clean oh yeah dude the go for years was pam just pam just cooking spray dude i'm not i'm not fucking with you for a second you would use pam cooking spray on your unit buddy we're gonna benihana yeah that's crazy they're just it's one

spray and the lubrication factors just it's you know because the heat it's the heat it's built for heat it's built to withstand heat plus the eggs don't stick exactly slipping all over the place exactly why why would they give it a lady's name if they do when we talk about it it's not called p you know what i mean seductive pam there you go holy shit pat oh yeah pam now you bringing that into the room and hold on is this as a kid i mean so you're operating behind enemy lines you're not sneaking down on the pantry in the middle of the night and then running back up well my my my like best friend growing up had like a garage room with a foosball table in it and a couch so we would all you know we had three cases of pam for well well pam to lube up the uh the the foosball rods

uh okay and one of these nights when we were drunk hammered and i was you know and everybody people had gone into the house and i was i'm like i'm just gonna crash in here on the couch and there were there were nudie mags and i was like i made it a fucking it lubes up the foosball rods i get it in theory it does make sense that's pretty close to using wd 40 you don't think that right it is it is it is you're real close to jerking off with caulk yeah you got the gun give me a minute give me a minute jerking off with window caulk like a scumbag there you go bro ouch i'm serious no i mean dude pam is and it's and it's it's like olive oil base you know olive oil is all right olive oil is good and a pinch olive oil is all right when you want to feel

Mediterranean it's not yeah yeah yeah when you want to feel when you want to feel exotic yeah but no dude yeah pam i i highly recommend it for the for the kids listening she don't do that yeah just a little spray on the hand don't bring it in your bedroom because what's gonna happen is your mom's gonna find it yeah in your bedroom that's a tough one yeah that's a tough one to talk yourself out of party of all i remember trying yeah i love i love chef ramsey or whatever like what the fuck are you gonna say one time my mom my mom found a kid she was like why was this by the computer desk and i said pam yeah because i was like because i had to lube up the chair i was like the chair was not bad and she and i got away it was like one of those like okay that was the one that was the one time

i get away with that you know yeah yeah you flew too close to this all of a sudden you're mr fix it around the house the door is squeaky right mom well god damn screen door dude my sister got grounded and had to clean the entire fucking house for a week once and she found it in my bathroom and was like why was this in your bathroom and i did the same thing with the toilet seat i was like the toilet seat was squeaking and it worked with her so your mom wasn't around my mom wasn't around because she'd been like oh wait a second yeah why are you sitting all these squeaky seats Sean like because i jerk off at him oh sorry oh she was like my little Sean's very handy very handy i mean i imagine that's gotta be a moment every father goes through with their son

where you realize all the moments that they're just jerking off whaling on this i think i was pretty good i got away pretty clean i don't think i ever really got caught there might have been some suspicion there was something with like the browser history on the family computer some questionable charges yeah that got caught that got brought in front of you know a jury of my peers but yeah nothing that could be turned into no no no no no i witnessed testimony no all hearsay it's it's lube it's lubricant extraordinary i was i was i did a lot of dry work myself you know i wasn't lubin all the time god yeah naturalist you just got a natural oily a natural sheen that's a superpower it's a creature in the sand it's real dry it's real dry

Jesus that would be like a bricklayer like the rough stuff huh somebody yanked all in my own hair somebody grabbing at you i love the idea of just the awful version of spider-man because you just you get bit by a radioactive stripper and you can squirt you can squirt lube out of your hands bit by pervert i'll be right back everybody runs off comes back five minutes later dude that's that's wild yeah i mean i but i mean like you guys have kids no that's what that's what i'm wondering about father's just having to be like well he's taking another shower huh yeah 45 minute shower you gotta know at some point you you know they they you have to i there's no way a guy i feel there's no way a guy could masturbate in my house and me not know i think i think well i think

challenge accepted what are you doing later i'm not sure shan's uh religious background but as a catholic we were always taught that we were operating behind enemy lines anyway yeah i always there was an eye in the sky it's like a casino yeah so i was never like it wasn't like a discovery thing like oh fuck i could do this i knew it was always under wraps in the in the wee hours of the evening so the cover of darkness i would say i was like okay you raised catholic were you raised were your parents like hardcore catholic or more like social catholic uh a little bit of both i was going to hell if i was jerking off without you okay i was on the fast train we were more just like social because all the good schools in louisiana are our catholic schools for the fucking money

and resources are and so all the good teachers eventually get pulled so we all everybody went to catholic school when i was coming up and uh my parents were not religious but they were very like you obey the god and then they'd go smoke weed and be there you know be deviant as well but lent lent two years two years in a row i gave up jerking off for lent what really but i remember under lent anybody that i don't believe in god that much well under lent under lent rules sunday was all sunday was on sunday's fair game sunday you could do whatever you want the thing you gave up you could do only on sunday's well we didn't have that no it was 40 days straight through oh no dude we had no i couldn't just think a kid cat on a sunday oh bro it was no

meet on friday and and yeah it was a lie he were locked in with it was the worst 40 days ever because i never completed it now he's feeling an asshole all my cousins would cousins would knock it out it would give up this that like five things i never played that i never even attempted they're like what do you give it in like ccd but they ask you that in school like sure what are you gonna give it out you didn't tell some none i'm gonna give up slapping the ham you say chocolate or something no of course yeah of course i said video games shit like that but in my head it was like i'm just not gonna whack off and on sunday's you'd be like i'm only because all i'm doing my parents must have thought i was meditating you know that's shown laws religion he's just he's in

there you know connecting to his to the lord yeah dude i mean every time they open the door you got a rosary in your hand neil next to your bed it's like is that a real oh no that's just his exhausted yanked all of the spirit out of it oh my god buddy thank you so much for coming in and sitting with us so that was just the intro yeah i'm just the appetizer uh you guys know this is your son for patreon we'll ask your questions on the air um and we're gonna do that right now are you garbage if there weren't from these sponsors uh this podcast is sponsored by better help yes folks are you hanging on by a thin thread out there are you losing it sure we all are i am right now certain bald guy that's my trigger right there i hit the sauce more than usual sure

what of it better help can help you if you have something that's standing the way from your happiness you have something that you're dragging around talk to somebody get it out i started therapy it's fantastic better help can help especially if you're in the areas where you can't find your specialist they have specialists on call that can help you yes guys it's not a crisis line it's not a self-help line it's professional therapy done securely online everybody's talking to someone you gotta talk to someone it's not taboo anymore it's not weird you're not talking about the feds either keep your mouth shut yeah when it comes to that mom's the word but talk to a therapist if you need it everybody can find you know the benefits of talking to a therapist uh special offer for

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ownership of your health and pick up the ultimate daily nutritional insurance do it this is in the first this is in the the realm and i thought this one was a little harsh but we're in here this is from brice um haven't had one read yet have you ever used anything besides a condom as a condom wow whoa no i mean i no i know i wrap no i think people do that yes i think it's more common than we would think i mean i guess by that rationale i've used the atmosphere as a condom because i've definitely pulled out and i mean i don't know boy but i'll tell you what i've told i've rolled dice a couple of times oh yeah that's a trap i should i should have tried something i mean i guess if we're going if we're going deep i mean i have i did have sexual a couple barren women so

i usually they were their own condoms i flew close to the sun a couple of times i feel like i have in some depraved moment at some point there was an attempt i don't know if it ever followed block bag or something i remember i remember definitely sizing something a little peter in the corner there was a rummaging through the kitchen through the cabinets or something i mean someone had to at some point i think i think the first condom i think it's common practice in a lot of places yeah like i think the first ever condom ever like the first ever condom it was like beer or a sandwich it was an accident yeah the first condom was a condom yeah it was like lamb it was like a lamb wreck oh that's right yeah it was lamb intestines yeah that's what they used

yeah still have those lambskin i don't think that's real lamb skin well maybe not now it was like a well sheathen who banged the sheep yeah and then we pulled out didn't realize that it popped the fucking the anal vestige off with him and then went home and made love to his wife and then pulled i was like holy holy shit it's fucking still here it's it captured it i should share this with the scientists in the village this is a terror what the fucking accident i can't do accents really i feel it started going to scottish for a second it's a scott i say i'm living in wales i'm from it in bidder originally but i don't live in wales where they got the good ship that's not bad that's good that's good but that's just accusing all uh that's a big hack comedian thing in england

is like oh you're from wales how many sheep do you fuck sure yeah it's like a constant like the rednecks here right right like even like as a non-welsh person whenever i've been in england and a comedian goes and i'm like lay off the welsh give him a break will you it's carnips a good city what's wrong with the sheep yeah and what are they doing why are you judging the sheep have you kevin no oh no never no have you ever used two what are those little wrappers they put like little buttons in well her she kissed wrapper no that and they always said don't use two condoms because in theory i've used two condoms before they say that's worse because it creates friction and easier to pop keeps you in the game longer though hate to tell you sometimes i needed that i should use four

five man yeah i'm still undefeated well they have that they have that you could that you could run the cream numbing like numbing cream that rain so i just read just what they do just read raid from the numbing put a little ambisol on your noodle no just the bug spray just put a little bug spray on there it burns can't feel anything yeah a little wasp played me up real quick all right let's say this one's from uh matthew ever substitute water for windshield washer fluid yeah dude yeah all the time i mean i mean i actually that question's phrase wrong have ever use windshield water fluid yeah instead of water yeah well for us because it freezes that was so that was the big thing you couldn't you we you had to use water but the water had to be out of there

by fucking October a little bit yeah mix it wait wait fuck wait here's a bit ask me that question again here's what i should have said you ever substitute water for windshield washer fluid every time i think about killing myself i just hydrate instead yeah instead of drinking too dark that stuff looks like fucking tight rush gator right now looks like it tastes pretty good dude i've thought dude and he frees notes too it looks like it would kill you what what movie am i thinking of where he drew where they drink windex by accents like an alien that drinks windex by accident i don't know but that's you're not supposed to be doing that and it sounds very alphish yeah and he burps like a bubble ah fuck but it does look good i can see it right now index with

some crushed ice be all right i mean windex looks all right yeah that's why there's the spanish fabuloso they had to switch up their packaging i remember i saw that in bodega one time i almost got that in a pack of combos i would have fucking killed myself i'm fucking 23rd street yeah it is kind of been like delicious it's in like a beverage it used to be like a beverage like a 20 ounce beverage package what are you selling it in the six pack for you fucking asshole trying to kill it why does it come with a straw why does it come with a straw it's in a juice box bottle i mean that's i've definitely done that for i don't hundred percent hundred percent i've done it with water i believe i've done it with water and for antifreeze yes antifreeze a hundred

percent you just put water in the tank so they used to pee in the tank back in the day when the when the coppers are chasing you you pee in the tank you can pee in your it just needs fluid it didn't have to be antifreeze antifreezes if you live in a cold wall like i call you get back to the hideout if you gotta bust the radio yeah you're jammed up yeah it's like putting a donut on yeah you pee pee into the radiator and fucking keep it moving get somebody on the tommy gun hanging on the back that makes sense what was your first car 1987 lincoln continental my aunt my body how many girls were in the stable at the time that thing that thing with the stinking lincoln baby that thing was bad ass um but it was uh like i mean they only came in this one like group like a gray blue yes

yeah double double tone two tone calm that shit was bad i mean it was in 1997 so like 10 years old it was like a decade old it was my aunt's car that she just didn't drive anymore so like we've got we bought it from her for cheap as fuck but that thing i mean power everything really like seats but it was like i also i was also the driver power drive there wasn't ashtray for sure in the backseat too yeah on the doors yeah talking about that and livery old livery cabs having the ashtrays on the doors you ever get on a plane that still has yeah man and you're going how fucking old is it yeah like should i be on this fucking old but they're like it's a flight to boston it's a short flight on the way back from france there was an ashtray in the bathroom

there was a clean metal ashtray in the bathroom like on the door have you wait no one in this room is old enough to have ever been on a flight when smoking no that's what i'm saying yeah i think i might have been but were you like super were you like a kid uh could you smoke on airplanes in 1989 that was the first time i took an airplane i definitely i think it was up until the late i think it was up until this century there was a smoking section i think there's a smoking plane up until i mean 89 toby no way smoking was banned on planes in 1988 yeah what that early yeah fuck dude i remember okay because i remember smoking sections at restaurants oh that's it smoking or not we were a smoking section that was still like 99 yeah yeah that you think 99

round there i remember new york about that time it was maybe 99 2001 2002 well new york had some i remember new york being like because when i moved here 2007 and new york was already deep into like no smoking inside and for a time in the in the aughts it was no smoking right outside the entry yeah yeah like you would get in trouble yeah or shout it out if you some doorman comes out starts busting your balls i remember and philly heard that new york did that like you can't even smoke on his street i'm like you believe that i'm never gonna live there that commie fucking city dude i did i did a show in philly once and i i can't remember where it was because we got they got us so hammered before the show but it was like this theater it was this act it was this

like thespian bar yes yeah pen and pencil no no that's a that's a that's a writer's bar it was called like the player's theater make something like that but like the bar afterwards they were just like light them up dude yeah there's like a social club type 2006 i know what you're talking about was all the way at the top floor yeah the bar was yeah i know exactly but new in new warlands you could smoke in bars still up until maybe three not like 2017 ish man so like that was when i quit smoking in 2016 but like going back in like back when i was like a hardcore smoker going home and just being like in the smoking in the bar was fucking heaven i don't give a shit it was heaven yeah it was the best you just ripped through a pack and a half of american spirit

pack and the lighter sitting on the ball oh it's a tough look yeah in a i miss it i haven't smoked a cigarette in five years and i never will again because i like i i don't know if you got do you guys ever smoke at least yeah we were smoking when you walked up outside oh shit you're still smokers i quit for five and a half years but i'm okay when you quit though did you quit as like i should quit or like a i should quit it was like i wanted to yeah it was like 15 years in or whatever when i quit okay i had been smoking for 15 years i gotta give okay so but i but i got you have a freak out freak out yeah i i got to a point where every time i smoked a cigarette i i my heart would get my heart would beat crazy really i kind of got that going on every morning

i would cough like insane amounts of just smoke or gook and my that was what i was paying for yeah but yeah like i my body was basically like we're about to go on strike yeah i was kind of there i was kind of there what i wanted to say is i know it's from being around smokers when i was a kid yeah but there was a certain situation where you were like the right amount of hungry the certain kind of hungry the place served the certain kind of food maybe like some mozzarella sticks a burger those kind of things and it was like a bar restaurant where not sitting in the smoking session but sitting in the non-smoking section but you got a little bit of the yeah yeah really really filled out the meal yeah yeah really really dead dude we would if we cherry coke in front of

your surely temple if they didn't have smoking section we would go somewhere else my dad be like ah now we're not going like he couldn't land hindsight you couldn't make it 90 minutes without smoking oh yeah proper fucking smoking section when i think about when i think like i started smoking because my grandma bait like we would like for years it was like we'd go to her house after school from when i was in like pre-kindergarten to maybe sixth grade yeah and she would just be ripping down palm malls indoors and she would have to i would get there first and then she would have to go i'd be alone at her house for like 45 minutes and i would just rip down a palm mall and she'd have no clue really i was like you know 12 13 just fucking suck it why i also remember for maybe like

the first five or six cigarettes i ever smoked was just like puffing but i remember the first time i inhaled oh yeah it was like it's a game changer oh yeah i'm in the dark side johnny do you think this is trash i know kevin feels about this when you were smoking yeah do you think it's garbage and if you're going out to like a nice meal you got a few people you're going out you're gonna do appetizers you're gonna do dessert you're gonna do the whole nine yards do you think it's trashy that like after a couple drinks in the apps before dinner gets there you sneak out and have a burning and come back not even sneak out like i'm gonna go out and have a cigarette and come back no you think that's trash no no like that i think i think like i think it's classy as shit it's not not

classy class it's i mean it's not classy yeah i mean if it's gotta be if i got if it can only be categorized as class or trash if there's no middle ground yes i do lean a little bit more towards class there you go gentlemen get him out of here this guy's just just southern gentleman over here something like yeah like there's something about just like i guess the way i grew up looking at smoking it's always looked cool it's up there too it's stopping by the when you have a table stopping by the bar on the way back in and doing a shot or having a drink with your boy whoever you're out to dinner with shots no that's trash that's classy too oh my god let's grab a drink you go you go to bathroom you bang a vein just you know what i mean yeah just keeps going

it's like find a vein between your toes you know get out of here it you know on the on the ride home you stop over whack a guy you know he was giving out information you know a nice dinner yeah wait i mean i don't know dude like i guess it depends on how you're you know what he thinks it's garbage if you you're in a place an establishment if you're in a restaurant it's ignorant or rude to leave and then come back in he thinks no well listen we would go out like we would this is what happened we'll go to a diner right and a diner i get the rules at a new york city diner very you know loosey goosey yeah sure sure you got post up for three days if you want to get people do people pay rent that's what you're supposed to do but he if me and him go out we have lunch

and then he wants both of us to go outside and smoke us leave the table go outside smoke a cigarette and then come back in and sit like we're already done eating that to me i go the bus to smoke we'll be right back to me i go you've left the table that then that then ends the affair you might come back in you might never gonna have some coffee no hang out see the dessert menu this is interesting because i because that i lack a guy i see that i i gotta say i still lean class see i still leave this is a fucking setup or something about you buttons you tell it kippy is so right you guys are psychos thank you if more people would be doing it when you go up and go at the dinner not everybody's getting up they're fucking sitting at their table you're

gonna leave your nice meal to stand on the sidewalk hold on classic you're telling me all right maybe we're over at Gallagher's maybe we're having a nice time maybe we're having a couple of drinks for relaxing we just had some fucking appetizers some crab cakes we're waiting on the stakes they're clearing off you want to go out and bust a smoke real quick yeah let's go that doesn't sound nice i see you smiling from ear to ear you know i'm smiling because of the laughing no yeah then you come in smelling like an astray in the table next to you it's it's it's animalistic that's the worst yes three dudes all went out and smoked maybe okay maybe i was a little off on i thought it meant you meant like after like because before the meal that's bordering

after the meal i'm with you i'm saying in between at the table you're going back to the table to finish dinner i think it would have to be after dinner between post post between drinks and dessert that i can make i think you gotta eat you gotta do the meal first thank you wow yeah and then you have a little espresso yeah a little shot of espresso he's like maybe he's gonna have a smoke and you're gonna be classy about it gonna have a smoke he's gonna have an old-fashioned i'm gonna have a vuqueray you know they'll be waiting for you when you get back you come you go outside and you gotta be and you gotta be classy smoking not hot boxing yeah you gotta be out there you can't have like your head out the door like i'll be right back no no you gotta be out there and

fucking you gotta you gotta you gotta get a cigarette holder sitting in a carriage yeah you have a trench coat or something you know a nice pea coat something all right i'll be telling the door guy a story hey mo how you doing yeah 20 years i've been coming here you believe that exactly that's pretty good that's pretty good but i think it also depends where you are if you go to like a very nice fucking steak smith and melinsky or whatever i think that's okay but if you're doing it in an apple bees or something that's a bad look that just shows that well some people apple bees is smith and the winskies happen to be one of them yeah no i'm a big apple bees man myself i like to stretch it out at the dinner if i gotta go if i gotta go uh if i gotta

go chain if i gotta go if i gotta go time square restaurant which is the capitol restaurant where you going i gotta go tgi fridays oh yeah of course i'm a tgi friday guys in that regard they've i got i gotta i lean more towards you do have a vibe that you would walk into a fridays and the staff would be stoked and it would be on on tuesday i feel like shon can order off menu at a tgi friday you're wearing one of their old uniforms have you ever got can you say with certainty that you've ever 100 gotten hammered at a chain spot like that yeah dude where was benign it's ah is that a breakfast place benign but no benign that's a furniture story but all right benign's dude actually i can i can fucking tell you when it was the year 2000 it was january 2008

right i'm in a car with i can't really kenny zimling house do you guys know that guy no it's comedian he was on xm radio for a while we were doing a shit we're doing shows down in south carolina we're driving back we're somewhere in north carolina and the giants were playing the green bay packers for the nfc championship that year right and in the car with us was this dude named tom mccaffrey who was like a massive giants fan so he made us pull over at the first place we could for benign's to watch this game i respect it yeah and i got like i got unexpected you know when you like oh oh yeah i did get fucked up those are bass that we're like oh i'm shitfaced did all you have to do is get back in the car and sit there and drive five more hours yeah that's awesome yeah

yeah but i didn't have to drive luckily but of course but pee a lot if there was a radiator hose just into the back seat that i could be like i got you guys that i would have been heaven no any freeze issues kip let's talk about black buffalo black buffalo folks you ever find yourself out there on the prairie or the range and you're out of chal at a sniff at a dip uh-huh reach for a little black buffalo i'm telling you it's a nicotine dip alternative that's absolutely fantastic yeah we got a lot of people who dip out there too long cuts pouches switch over switch over if you're 21 or over and you dip or chew tobacco pouches are long cut you have to try this alternative black buffalo black buffalo is everything you love about dipping including the nicotine just

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getting into the sofa game it's quick it's easy they're comfortable they're durable they're reliable and it's called all for all for him baby you can customize your couch the sofa loves each this is true this is true buddy they were bunkos like we said the good folks over there all form slash helix uh sent us a couch it's right over there t-bone sitting on it lunching it no big deal feet on the couch by the way um and your room clean gonna take away your playstation yeah get upstairs and get your homework done uh they sent it to us i put it together stop looking at your sister i put it together myself it's easy peasy everything snaps in screws in you can create the different whatever pillows you want color fabric it's comfy man finishes the whole nine yards so

it's good couch check it out all uh all form uh has an eve they offer a forever warranty which is literally forever financing flexible payment plan so a sofa is never far away to find the perfect sofa go to all form dot com slash garbage and they're offering 20 off orders for our listeners at all form dot com slash garbage 20 talk of five percent 10 percent 15 20 percent off all orders for our listeners all form dot com slash garbage not back to the show yeah but yeah i would love this too to set aside like a proper thursday yeah all right go hit a nice tg at fridays applebees something like that at happy hour what about a red lobster uh it's not really a cool bar scene at the red lobster all right good point maybe we'll maybe we'll go there for dinner

filled with fishermen yeah but go to like a like a like a like a suburbant town and go to like a classic have a classic fridays happy hour experience get all the appetite yeah we should do all the fun signature drinks yeah get hammered on like my ties of blue wines yeah i'm gonna trim dude when i was when i was like in in like the year 2000 i worked at nothing is sadder than a wannabe chain restaurant oh you know what i mean they're just trying to they're like just like you know yeah picking and choosing like they got they got the t-shirts you could buy the goofy hats they got the crazy fucking the wacky fucking like the greeting when you walk in yeah um they weren't suspenders and shit i worked at i'm not gonna say the name out the place but the name of

the place was portobello's it's gonna fucking i'm just gonna say it was portobello's same breath i'm not gonna say the name of the place is portobello's on third street portobello's baton rouge louisiana and guess what in the portobello's the apostrophe in portobello's because it was possessive not plural right sure was a portobello that's pretty good get the fuck out of here you know the last name yeah no portobello's like the it was a portobello mushroom and the mushroom is the apostrophe which is very huge i fried it's very i don't know i like it that fucking that that graphic designer must have been a descendant of leonardo did he it was like wait till i see this but it had i remember the big thing that used to drive me fucking crazy was that happy hour every day that every it was

a margarita special it was like but this is an italian it's supposed to be italian joint happy hour all bets are off yeah but it's margarita we're like in italy it's like the mexico of uh europe you're like that's not no one's ever said that did they have non-italian dishes like did they have like a crab dip no it was all it was all but it was all like italian it was like a prosciutto poppers and shit like that you know i don't have to have it shone i want to be on your side because you're a guest but his place is checking out but i'm a portobello's man they fucking went hard into paint but there's only one location well yeah that's yeah that's a lot of branding for one location just one you know franchise is available um i do love i grew like i

said i've said a bunch of i've grew up on the applebee's the fridays and there is just something couple of samplers and some coronas let's go um i was at college basketball on they got 15 tvs in there yeah yeah i was in the middle of like minnesota on a on the road and we stopped at a tgi or we stopped at an applebee's and i don't think it was like by like corporate didn't sign off on this oh it's like a rogue it was like 50 cent margaritas on a wednesday and i'm like well i am blacking out and applebee's dude it was crazy i mean what else what what would you say is the rushmore is it applebee's it would be tgi fridays applebee's tgi fridays fuck i respect what you're both saying but i can tell you the correct answer okay here we go

it's all of them at different times they all rise and they fall they all have peak five years peak six years remembered how hot chilies was with the baby back ribs that's when they were killing it so this is like they weren't killing it they were right telling you like they're telling me chilies came any comes anywhere close to tgi fridays at a certain time they did they had the hot end they had the hot end i like i like 15 minutes of fame do you understand what i'm saying i like how you're pitching this like season of ending of law or like finale of lost version of like they were all at different times on their mount rushmore they were they all had their moments just like dominoes had their moment pizza had their moment little season at their mom but i'm talking specific

okay but i that's crazy that you're so against chilies because i would put chilies i don't on the rush here chilies as fuck come on you're that's a classy operation over there you're crazy i mean i feel like i'm not saying i don't need pepper they got the pepper they got the nice brand thing i don't i don't the baby once again the baby back ribs i want my baby every best i mean come on everybody was singing that yeah man singing it yeah no one's parole officers and judges were singing that court but who i mean who but who what else was there i can't tgi fridays had a fucking huge run tgi fridays applebee's chilies but what's the fourth outback steakhouse out back that's where there you go there it is thank you i'm sorry i've been a bone fish grill

now it's real popular but that's fine that's fine that's not a legacy that's fine and you talk to my mother that's fine dining okay my mom 100 they have tilapia there i'm talking about places that are at the at and every in every like slide down louisiana and every like major suburb 30 minutes outside of a major city what big four and you nailed it yeah out back chilies tgi fridays i would lose chilies and put pizza hut up there as a dining establishment you can't go this guy well i really ate some some chilies chilies are you here in this corporate you can't get a drink at pizza hut yeah you used to be able to what in the fuck could you get a cocktail you get to get a get beers for sure from get it one from the truck driver who's got a six pack waiting on his

but he got the file cabinet downstairs you couldn't get a beer at pizza hut that my pizza you for sure could get there was a draft beer thing yes really 100 percent i think that was off i think that was not sanctioned either i think that was a road pizza huts with a t pizza pizza yeah you ever you ever see some spellings of some restaurants where you're like i wish they would have consulted a better english speaker oh yeah i see it in where i live in a story i see you know you walk to the store whatever and you look and you think not to be a dick but you look and you're like you thought that was gonna work whatever it was something like that like what what were you thinking dude you sunk everything you had into this dude i okay burritos what are you nuts dude i

a story of january i love Astoria queens because it's like an it's just like an open mic for first time business i mean that's so true that is so good there is just a hope and a prayer man they're just going you want to try to nail salon you got 15 minutes on pedicures get over here a nail salon slash rock climbing studio yeah it's so we're in Astoria on my block there's a taco slash pizza place yeah that's big that's easy we are our nail salon that my girl gets like you know hermanes and pedis it's connected to a juice bar that they put in recently yeah they just cut a little corner out and stuck a juice bar that's big in new york where like nails and shit yeah you can rent the juice bar in a place it's like you're in there those are like juice bar for rent and

you're like what get out of here yeah so you remember a laser tag i mean i'm sorry i forgive me for asking such redundant questions such rhetorical fucking questions personal attack so you guys don't know nightriders laser tag kind of i was in the service on yeah i mean laser tag was fun as fuck but it's sort of faded but you know what the new like have you been to an escape room yet there's one there's one across the street or next door i can't i have such a i have such a a pre the judgment on it it feels very um uh jim and pam to me very very very workplace going out and doing something team building well it's also like it's also like it's no if you if you can't figure your way out just ride the clock out and you're gonna come get you there's no state there's another group coming in

there for like if there were if there was actual he's done it yeah yeah i did with a new orleans like if you actually had to sign a waiver just so you're stuck in there listen if you don't get out here in 60 minutes there will be poison gas filling the mausoleums spice up a thursday like really put some fucking pressure for sure or like that's the thing i think it's so stupid counting got a spear to the neck he signed out he signed off on it but it's like you're in like the mausoleum or the crypt or like the it's like if i actually stumbled upon a dungeon i would be like this is kind of interesting let's hang out like see like i want to come back you got a black light and a tv in there give me some like real work like my like thanksgiving with your sister's

in-laws yeah you gotta navigate that get out of that situation the hands the uncle yeah a really complicated escape room that would be pretty cool like one where it's actual shit you wanted to not be involved in almost like tony and tina's wedding meets an escape room i guarantee i guarantee in a story right now is an escape room wedding chapel if you could get through these life situations dollar slice place that's perfect no very good all right we got more questions yeah of course of course of course um let's see this is from stanley ever put cold cuts in a taco shell every single day of my life no not in a while but fuck you really you've done that and i want to emphasize the shell part the the hard shell oh fuck yeah dude roast beef in a hard shell i've never thought of it

but it sounds fantastic can i say this about them yeah all right i don't know if it was my mom put them in the oven too long or whatever i never really had a good home kit shell taco shell you're taking that they never i would just rather have that shit in a bowl with some fucking tortilla chips on it some fresh tostitos i'd rather have the taco salad well taco salad is is superior in a yes but i okay so growing up stressing uh i i'm kind of spoiled on cold cuts because my dad as catering uh business remember yep right so like all my life we never had like oscremire or anything he would just like he would just carve it but i mean it was you know and bring it home and bring it home so like not boar's head but whatever the equivalent of boar's you have your

access to own to your own belly counter pretty much i mean my dad would just bring shit home whenever grocery time pretty good yeah but i'm it also meant you were eating a lot of like hey so we're gonna eat shrimp shrimp pasta for the next three days yeah it came yeah it came in like a five gallon joe well because well because you know the hibernia bank grand opening expected 250 and they only got 180 so you know we got two pans there's a lot of meatballs and mashed potatoes dude a lot of swedish meatballs growing up ain't nothing wrong with it nothing wrong i mean dude if there is if there is the best way to make something seem classy that's not classy at all swedish meatball yeah yeah it's like 100 yeah 100 but god do i fucking love him give me the two

i'll i need one toothpick i'll make it last let's go yeah i mean yeah for sure everybody gets their own color color coded toothpick all that stuff is fantastic we were talking about that yesterday we were shitting on kfc because he makes sometimes at home he just makes little pigs in a blanket little pigs in a but he home makes them for dinner he home makes them for dinner he'll get like the who that kind of clancy over at barstool guy at barstool yeah he makes his own little little crescent hotdog jones dude gets the crescent rolls and then the hotdog but like which i wish i do respect it but as a whole i need a pot paris i need to have that with the swedish meatballs with the spinach balls with the little slices of uh this that and the other thing i'd like to have

all the orders for dinner you're like a jackson pollock of hors d'oeuvres just sprouting smattered everywhere and just observe those little puffs be inspired i love those little puffs those little puffs are all right but you get uh you get a you get a roast beef in a pan you put a little at roast beef gravy get that shit real hot your microwave the ortega bam hot roast beef tacos come on what are you putting on top of nothing really all dog in it i like that i like that i mean i i'm not gonna i'm not gonna be i'm not gonna pull punches here on anybody like myself included like that sort of eating is my favorite sort of food it's pretty good i didn't know what you call it like assassin style or yeah makeshift homeless single dad yeah single dad

single dad we're just like i gotta get creative here what do i got i am switching back more to finding the joys of the grocery store oh yeah because we've been i've we've been ordering way too much and all that stuff i am i am finding the the it is a different kind of joy a fresh loaf of bread some fucking lunch meat a fresh thing of mayo a couple nice slices of tomato a fresh bag of chips new pickles i mean dude it doesn't get much better than that dude you know what there should be a aren't you on a diet what are we doing we're just talking about described to 4 000 calorie i'm on a financial diet i'm saving money here you get what i'm saying there should be a gruel restaurant what's gruel like a gruel it's just a word for just like a like if you mix

like beans oh yeah like hot dogs and crush up some Doritos in there you know but like that dude a gruel you just walk in you're like yeah give me the hangover and it's just you know just dope a eggs mix with you know this chili yeah you know this dirtbag bowls yeah dude oh my god i'd live at this place that would be pretty good this is perfect this is from Paco uh have you ever been to a small fast food chain in your city and been able to order mac and cheese with chopped up hot dogs in it there's a place in uh Tucson called eg's that has craft macaroni and cheese with chopped up hot dogs in it which i feel like i would order just you know you're in the neighborhood you gotta try it i'm stopping by i don't know what to tell you there's a there's a novel i know i've

shown my fat really bad over the last couple of minutes but this question wasn't the one that was going to redeem me no drop a pin in that on google maps i feel like i feel like there's um i think there's a spot there's like a new Orleans has a couple of like here you'd call them bodegas but there they're just like stores you know but they're just a little fucking there exactly thinking what about daggers if you don't know what a bit bodega is just take like a 711 but it's look it's there's only one of them we are the lights yeah yeah and they may make a cigarette throw a couple of cats in there and they have an exactly and they have a lot of beer and they have a deli counter right there's a there's a place in New Orleans called verti mark in the lower

french quarter that's amazing i'm pretty sure they used to do a macaroni and cheese with spam that sounds awesome and that's they also this is kind of a not a plug but an advertisement in a way like they do a sandwich air called an all that jazz which is you know uh po boy bread uh turkey ham hot all this hot turkey ham bacon shrimp three types of cheeses and like a like a thousand island-esque dressing and tomatoes and what are you doing to me blows your fucking dick in half like a rock heart over here but like i was home over the holidays and i was out with you know friends and family and everybody went home before me and that's my problem when i drink i just want to fucking stay out all goddamn night sure so i was out by myself for a little bit and i stumbled

to verti mark and i this is such a new Orleans experience i was like uh let me get in all that jazz it's like 3 30 in the morning you know can i get all that jazz and the one behind the counter goes baby i ain't got the energy to make that for you tonight i'm sorry i'll make you anything else half off what you want and i like laugh i'm like it's fine i'm like what's easy she's like i can make you a chicken cut the po boy i'm like that's great that's great so she's working on that and i'm i'm grabbing like a bag of chips and i'm going to the counter and uh this fucking old ass dude walks in grabs like a 24 ounce cores puts it on and they're like mickey you know you can't pay for that mickey you know you ain't got no money that's the woman the other one behind

the counter it's like mickey you know you ain't got no money you can't pay for that and he's talking basic drunk gibberish and these there's guys like that everywhere there's old drunks and i was like what is it what's what's i got it and i paid for his and he like gibberish thank you know like you know happy you know merry christmas whatever and he leaves and i'm paying for my stuff and then the woman comes over with my sandwich like i made you i made you one anyway because you took care of mickey i was like what man that's heartwarming yeah like that is she made me one anyway but then i was like that didn't seem like it took that long yeah exactly you made it the same amount of time yeah but whatever thank you um miracle yeah dude you gotta always buy

the drunk guy a drink that's that's like a motto i live by like if you got an extra dollar 20 and a guy wants to fucking sometimes they get mad at you though because they don't want the guy coming around sometimes yeah i guess that's a good if he's a problem it's like don't be giving him that because then he's gonna come hanging out looking for you again yeah i know i know that's like what i'm about to say dry it's like it sounds like i'm trying to like sound like a good person but i have a soft spot where i always give i try and always fucking give especially like guys in my neighborhood who i see sure i try and always break them off some but like my my girlfriend has a point she's like half those dudes aren't even actually homeless yeah because you see them

they're wearing fresh nikes and it's funny you mentioned that because there's one lady that collects change right by the uh the queen's bar bridge that i just want to open the door every time i drive by her because i know she's doing that she does she's not homeless yeah she's just doing it as a hustle there's a dude who does the windows that way i always break off when i see him not even for a window just give him a buck or whatever from stop to the red light but you know this lady you know this lady's face i see her i just go boom because you know she just what's making it which if she's brutal she just like just really sad like like pathetic face but i know she's hustling everybody but there's also you're walking around regular between a new york drunk

and a new world and strong oh yeah it's like totally because they're like culturally wet brain down there and it's like wet brain culturally well they're like a fallen obstacles betting on turtle races dude chicken drops dude what's a chicken chicken drop chicken drop i mean this happens more in like north of this like people forget that like new orleans is here and then 30 40 miles north is mississippi right so in between there's bars that do chicken drops which is it's a bar you walk in there on the floor is a grid drawn into the floor with numbers all over it uh everybody places numbers on the bets on the numbers and they put out a chicken and whichever number of the chicken shits on that person wins the kitty all the money the chicken drop baby they serve food

in there too oh they serve everything in there dude yikes we used to do uh bet on the gumball that would come out it was like the you'd be at the bar get all boozed up and you're looking for some action you know everybody bars a gumball machine in it uh also i like i like how it's like oh yeah gumball chicken turds yeah with a gumball we used to play a little game in polo i would love that dude if i walked into a bar and you're betting on where a chicken shits fucking sign me up chicken drop i would buy shares in the place i'm talking about gumballs here we're talking about feces god damn it yeah i'm saying i like the action i want it i like the action come on i mean we should they should do that with a human at this point just a block just blindfold the guy

i feed him a bunch of x-lax and just run out there just all right spin him around wherever he fucking blasts that'd be awesome like why wasn't that in squid games you know i'm like a fucked up hunger games that would be great just for entertainment yeah whoops a daisy that was coffee belch but yeah wet brain that's such a that's such a that was such a great way to say it dude yeah there's i mean every city i get what you're saying but like yeah but like you know guys who like probably a lot of them came back from nom and shit and just started drinking and never stopped yeah or like you know maybe not even that but like yeah those guys who you're like oh man you haven't been sober in 35 years yeah you need this little nip yeah till i keep going straighten that

guy out yeah yeah yeah and you got your sandwich and i got to dull that jazz baby i highly recommend if you're ever in the city verti mark all that jazz you talk about garbage gone right good stuff see good garbage that's garbage hold the wall place to get a really good sandwich at 3 30 in the morning and hop on homeless guy good garbage hot notch murdering the homeless guy out front because you didn't get the sandwich bad garbage with the sandwich you got instead beaten him to he got beat to death with a chicken i got a fucking colored for you let's do a couple more then we got a rapper up um it's been a food heavy one uh this one team that ever put uh ever put shredded cheese on a sandwich like you had you didn't have the

slice fucking slice of american cheese or cheddar cheese or swiss cheese yeah all you have is like the yeah the three blend mexican shredded cheese the taco mix yeah dude what's this guy what's this guy with his softballs here you coming with this pussy there's nothing more better of a value than shredded cheese what's this guy what's his name tj tj that stand for training wheels jackson this fucking guy with these questions you're playing with the big boys now tj have i ever put shredded cheese on a sandwich i ran out of craft singles what do you want from me you got hungry kids here i feel like you were about to launch into a recipe you came up with yeah you were you had something on the in the hopper

just now what you were like the shredded cheese you put it you were like you're getting oh you're getting poetic here you don't you don't get a better value than the shredded there's always so much cheese left over after you make tacos or you use the bag of shredded cheese of course it's there for weeks yeah you gotta use it i tend to i tend to if that is if i'm cooking and that's my only option is the shredded cheese i tend to try to make something where i melt it you know what i mean you melt some eggs melt it wouldn't you blacksmith i'm a smelter i grill it right to my teeth i suck on it for hours i like to grill a steak on an anvil and you pound the fucking thing you pound it's gotta be tender yeah of course yeah yeah shredded cheese and eggs it

melts in there like butter oh man it's great you only have to put a lid on it or nothing but they don't make american shredded cheese and that's the problem with the country but i tell you it's not cheddar it's this it's that you can't do american because it sticks together i've never seen it they know i think they for sure i don't think they do i want to i'm gonna flip i'm gonna flip this question on a couple guys from philadelphia dude all right because fuck shredded cheese you ever put you ever put whiz on a sandwich dude oh yeah of course yeah i used to fucking take cheese cheese whiz in the jar heated as a fat kid heated up and just dip like pretzels and crackers like just fucking drink you're talking about it looks like a little mustard jar was called cheese whiz cheese whiz it was like

orange and yellow i'm talking about the shit that they put on uh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah cheese whiz yeah we eat my house we used to keep a jar of it in the house dude can i tell you my how excited the first time i ever went to philadelphia and i didn't know going in but the first time they were like you want whiz or whiz yeah the first time i the the the the i i knew that i was an obese person in my past life because i was like the level of excitement of like you're gonna put fucking cheese whiz on a sandwich love it love it give it to me isn't that a legal man what are you doing i don't want to get in trouble man welcome to philadelphia can we do this is this allowed i don't even care did you have from the catering company did you guys have like would you have like huge things of ice cream and

this and that i'd imagine you would my whole fucking life dude my dad like all every growth like was all just somebody's wedding cake on your birthday so much congratulations julia yeah i like i can cook really well but only for like 50 to 100 people you know i mean go gerry stiller i like it yeah dude it's like fucking that's so funny you grow up you grow up just what i was you got a communion party you need i got you well dude like i used to split time after school between my grandma's house and my dad's actual go to the actual business which was just the house that he grew up in they turned it into the actual business right so the it depended on which like half the week i go to my grandma's half the week i go there and if i was in trouble i had to go there because i couldn't

hang out with friends and shit but i used to go i used to fucking go into the walking cooler and i would just spoon feed myself caviar i didn't realize what caviar caviar i love that shit damn but i would just because i would just go in there when i was hungry and just be like i don't whatever you know celery and uh did we get caught you're down if somebody talking about black caviar like the expenses yes when he caught me spoon feeding caviar i was like what the fuck are you doing three green right there i'm like what they're like it's just it's just salty dip because it's so i love caviar still to this fuck about a kid with a fucking high profile palette over here i wouldn't go near that when i was a kid now i fucking crave it why i didn't know what it was

i just was like trying it i like i think i actually dipped a frito in it oh shit it was like cooked and it's like weeks just this one jar i would just hide behind all the rest and fucking your dad's going over the books at the end of the month we're losing money i can't believe it i used to spoon feed myself cold caviar and then drink warm diet or warm coax from the stock room man that's all right there's a bite to a warm coke that you can't find anywhere else on this planet every once in a while it's really good a warm coke yeah that's what i'm saying yeah yeah it's an acquired taste i i still maintain when i when i used to smoke with when i was a hardcore stoner as a kid but still a cold can of coke went high

okay oh yeah simple pleasure it's the manna it's manna in your mouth and not man manna but if you're in demand in your mouth it's that as well it's just as good it's good shit ladies and gentlemen this is Sean Patton as we said brand new album out oh yeah kinkscorpio filming a brand new special tipatina is down there in norlands February 3rd doing two shows you want to go see him he's absolutely fantastic i know you guys know that but i'm telling you anyway go to me seanpatten.com get yourself some tics do yourself a fucking favor what else you got coming up you're out on the road i'm out on the road dates are all there on the site uh i'm not you know i'm trying not to think too much past the third because i just want to you know it's the

first official special and i've been doing this quite a while so it's like it's exciting it's going to be a hot one thank you yeah um but you know i'm always on the road i'm always just check the site me seanpatten.com follow me on instagram at mr. seanpatten and yeah fucking you know i'm out there let's do it love it buddy love it love you all back keep it what you got for him uh our our tour dates are on sale now they'll be in the description check me out at camera and comedy on all social media and see you around thank you spread the word gang we love you t-bone love you buddy we'll see you next week peace