Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Secret Fast Food Order! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: March 12, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Lucy Goods: http://lucy.co/garbage Promo Code: GARBAGE Helix Sleep: Go to https://helixsleep.com/garbage for 27% Off Sitewide. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Merch alert, baby. Merch alert, merch alert, merch alert, and the quality is going through the roof, as they say. Hooking. Gang, do yourself a favor. Get over to RUGarbage.com. We got hats, we got shirts, got mugs, we got key chains. We got, we got wall art.

We got paintings you can buy. Go check it out. Are you Garbage.com limited supply list. Do it. Yeah. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU. Garbage. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians

and we found that at the group to be classy. Yeah. They're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, It's fully coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Toadie's in a new addition. She just hit a deer with the car. That's pretty good.

I didn't see it coming. Nor did she. It's in the living room. My co-s is coming out from across the table. The daily double down. This is what we call the family episode, just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. Just the way we like it. Give it up for Kevin, James, Ryan.

Hey, shout out to you, Mother Effers. First of all, thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate view, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube. Also, full video available over there on Spotify, and the boys got the ladder out and they're climbing a rigging charts. We're climbing a charts, baby. Top podcasts. The country. Hot as guys.

Top comedy. We're in there. Top 100. Uh-huh. Something. Billboard. Is that all the podcasts in the world or just in the United States? United States.

Eastern Regional. The lower half of Pennsylvania. The lower 48. Which I like that. I like that term, the lower 48. The lower 48? That's what's called. Lower 48 states.

Why the lower 48? That's what the kids call it. I'm not accusing you. I'm just asking. Yeah, I don't know. Okay. Ask Kai Sinette, one of them kids. High show speed.

At Tate McCray. I don't know. Kids are doing it. Check out. And then obviously the greatest website of all time. www. www. patreon.com. Oh, yeah.

You go over there. Get all that bonus content. And I cannot stress enough. The shows are selling out. If you want to come see the boys on the road, we're doing some club weekends, four, five, six shows in some markets. We're adding some stuff.

We're shooting some stuff. Get your tickets because we can't add shows everywhere. The lower 48 actually is a term from Alaskans. Oh. To describe the lower 48 states. But shouldn't it be the lower 49? No. How many states are?

Hawaii is by itself. Okay, but it's still lower than Alaska. It's not a part of the 48. It's not in a glum. It's out there in a goddamn ocean. The lower 48 doesn't imply that they're connected at all. I think it does. They're grouped together.

I get that, but I'm just saying Hawaii is also lower. Well, talk to them. Okay. I don't know what to tell you. Sure. You go over there and straighten it out. Mm-hmm. They're not going to take too kindly to you.

Where? Hawaii? Yeah. Been there, done that, not going back. You're a Howie. No, Samoan guys. Fuck to fucking tune you up. What are you?

I'm a howley. Okay. I respect local customs, though. I like a Zippies. Thank you bet. I like that Maxout to do over there. I'm sorry. Speaking of which, I got something I wanted to run by you.

You have lady frames? What glasses are both? That's fucking insane, dude. They make me look smarter. Or more... A lady-like. They make me look... Fucking Ruth Bader.

More artistic. Ruth Bader Ginsburg over it. To go with my brute physique and face. Okay. So soften me up a little bit. They're very Andrew Zimmerman. They're very aunt-clawed. Weird eats.

What's it called? Strange eats? You tell me. He ate bugs. What was it? I show to you. What are you talking about? I don't know.

Listen. You're in charge of food and food shows. That's your department. Why are you asking me? Bizarre foods with Andrew Zimmerman. I'd love to have him on. Bizarre moods with H. Foley. Who are you going to get today?

I wouldn't mind having Zimmerman on. He'd be fun. I like that guy. He's not a couple of things that I would eat. Not that fucking fermented shark they have in Norway, though. A lot of ketchup for that. Speaking of food. I wanted to ask you, get your opinion on this.

We were together. They're not going to respect that, but sure. We were together at a show. What do you know? We were together at a show recently. And we didn't talk about this. But I either have a secret admirer or somebody's trying to set me the fuck up. I don't know what you're talking about

Got to a show last night We're coming down the steps The manager goes Foley your food's here This is crazy Sure Yeah He goes Foley your food's here

And I'm like It says it in front I'm like my food I didn't order anything Dude he We were running around the city all day It looked like he got caught With his weiner out

The vibes on him You know me 15 years I don't order food At a fucking comedy club I don't eat in front of of people. It was a lightly attended show. Sold out. It wasn't our show, but it was sold out.

Yes. Can I, yes. I mean, what do you want for me? You're going to push back on anything I say, and I get, I would do the same thing. I would defend myself to the death. Rightfully so, as a dirtbag should do. It was about $150 worth of Cane's Chicken.

It was Cane's chicken. If it was a Cobb salad, I got it. He got the wrong guy. It's a set-off. I saw the delivery guy. It said H-4. Foley on it and I'm looking through my Uber Eats. I'm like, I didn't fucking order any chicken. You didn't, I said, let me. I just, you know.

I showed you. There was nothing in my recent activity. Could have been DoorDash though or one of the other scandalous apps you have on your phone. You got the Raising Cains app? I'm using a VPN if I can order chicken. Yeah, I don't know. There's a lot of chicken. There's a lot of chicken.

Every day, they were they hand to, they handed him a bag of chicken and you would have thought that it was, he knew they were undercover cops handing him blow. He was, oh, no. I never seen you. I don't touch the stuff. I don't like chicken. I'm a vegetarian. Get that shit out of here. You guys are cops.

You got to tell me. Yeah, it was very. If you're an Uber Eats guy, you got to tell me. I didn't order it. I believe you. I know you do. Pardon me. What do you think that was?

I think it could have been a couple of things. My immediate thought process is that you were guilty. I think that I think that's fair. I think that's based on me knowing you for 15 years, your ability, your, your, your, your, your, your, your, your inclination to lie, your inclination to eat some chicken, are all in... Now I know the Nuremberg guys felt. Jesus Christ. I told I was being given a fair trial.

Fucking kangaroo court you got going on you. I'm just saying, right? Like, if someone goes, hey, I got a bag of chicken for full. You go, that's not me. I got to... He's like, I saw your name on it. I got to lean towards... First of all, I don't fuck with Keynes.

Not that I don't fuck with it. I never had it. Okay? Until last time. And I don't make a habit of showing up at, that shows in eating. I would never do that. You know me.

I get that. But we were here. So this is my immediate. I was with you all day, motherfucker. Probably your chicken. Fucking set me up. I've been planning this all week, Jake. Yeah, maybe it was you.

I didn't know you got wet. You ran out to see the three Wiseman. Diesel, new guy, Luke, I marked the shark. I immediately thought you got a, okay. Hadn't we just eaten? Yeah. We did. But you've been eating here.

Hold on. Listen, you're just, do you want my, can I give you what I thought? Yeah. You ate pretty good all day. Yeah. So typically when we eat good all day, I think you might go home and have what I would like to call a feeding session sometimes. I do sometimes. I think everybody does.

I'll admit that. I'll admit that. That's not, this is a very hard feeling. That's not, you know, late at night. Acquisition. Yeah. Yes. Yes.

Yes. You know I like the daily doubles for McDonald's. I admitted to getting a double whopper with no cheese, Jr. Oh, no cheese? Junior. I'm fucking Mr. Universe over here. Mr. the size of the universe. I just like the taste of it sometimes.

Yeah, that's what he's talking about? No, no, no, I mean, sometimes like just like a hamburger, believe it or not. Sure. Okay. Yeah, no, we can, hey, Trav hit me? We can believe it. Oh, I guess Luke hit me? Luke does these.

Sometimes. Or Mark the shark hit me. I'll hit you. With a bag of chicken. With that cane's finger. Licking sauce. Raising can't sell chicken around here. So here's my immediate thought was, because you did leave for a little while.

We were separated for a couple of hours. I went up to do a spot. Were we not separated for some time? Yeah. Did you then come in and not talk to me, really? I came in and worked on something on the computer. Okay, but answer my question. Did you come in and not speak to me for a while?

Man, this is really stacking up. I'm just saying, were you furiously on your computer? And I said, what are you working on? And you said, quote unquote, shut your mouth. Well, I didn't want to tell you because I wanted to read you this. I wanted to read you the little story I wrote. I know, I'm just sharing. This is about me sneaking away to get Cain's chicken.

I'm just saying this is the information I'm processing in real time. Yeah. Right? I'm a detective. Call me Columbo. First of all, you're nothing. Because I hope because we had the door locked. I opened the door.

He's fucking peeking around the corner. That was a bit. Like he's Shelly Duvall. I was watching porn. I was ordered. Tough guy over here. I know it was you. Yeah, right.

I could have went through you like butter. First of all, you had a problem open in the door. So let's all step back. You weren't serving a no-knock warrant, okay? All right. So I see that you do, and I get, right, bigger guy, someone hands you a bag of chicken in public. You go, no, no, no, you're a little flustered a little bit.

I'll admit this. If I did it. It was my chicken. If I did order it, let's say we didn't know. Like, I knew that show was sold out. There's no way that I would have done that. But if I would have, let's say I would have ordered that chicken, that is way too much chicken for me to want.

It was like $150 worth of chicken fingers. So either somebody was trying to fuck with me or somebody was being, you know, being, you know, whatever. Like, you know. No, I don't know. Secret admirer or something. You know? Sure.

What are the changes? Since you have a secret of my or send you $150 worth of chicken or you got called order at $150 worth of chicken. That's what sucks. I know. I get it. So here's my... But I'm...

Listen, what I'm telling you? I'm saying... This is all the behavior of very guilty conscience. It's all I'm saying. You're not letting me get my theory. I would have denied it. I would have denied it. If I would have ordered it and would have walked in there and saw, oh, fuck, there's a bunch of people.

There are a bunch of chickens and shit like that. I can't be eating chicken. And this guy calls me out saying, follow your chickens here. Uh-huh. What the fuck are you talking about? So here... So my immediate thought. went to he ate pretty good all day.

He did disappear for a while. He was frantically on his computer trying to figure something out. I thought maybe it was a misfire. You put in the wrong location. Maybe you were going to send it home, get it delivered to the house for when you got. I didn't know what you were doing. I thought you misfired the location and it got sent, which would be a you thing, do the wrong drop off point.

I did do that the other night. See? On the way home. I'm good. I know my big man. order it on the way home i don't believe you ordered it but that's immediately i genuinely believed in the moment you didn't order it but 50% of me was like this for short could have happened and i wasn't going to throw you under the bus in front of strangers you wait till

now in front of you brought it up you brought it up 250 000 well you could have you could have been like yeah it's crazy who do you think it was this wasn't more of a i'm looking for an investigation on me i was looking to help i was looking for you to help me. I want the guy who ordered his chicken to get his chicken. I was looking for, I was looking for you to help me to solve the, the, the, the, uh, mystery of who do you think ordered it? Well, listen, there was a lot of, uh, it wasn't our show, but there was a lot of, uh, you know, we were built on the show, so there's a lot of homies and bozos there. Maybe someone was like, the big dog likes chicken. I'll, I'm not, but you're not even known to like chicken.

You know who's known to like chicken? Kevin Ryan. Yeah, send me some chickies. And sometimes people come up and see us and they'll say to me, oh, hey, Kevin. So maybe they thought. But if you know. Did you order chicken? Did I order chicken?

No. I think we were talking on an episode about us not having Raising Cains before, which might be a reason why a secret admirer. But then I think a DM would have came in. Hey, I sent you chicken. Who sending chicken? Let me a couple of bucks. Yeah, I don't know. But that's a tough look.

and tough look and it wouldn't go away it was just sitting there I kept hearing the manager all night yeah it was I thought it was came in for Foley Hey Foley says it's not hit dude You heard the end all the servers

are picking out of like they were pigeons You were getting a reel on me That's my chicken Tough It's the life and times of a fat man I get it I felt like a dead whale floating And all the seagulls were picking at me

You explode when they take you through town Do you ever see that? There's a thing about whales explode You blow them up on the beach That's what you do. That's the move. That's how I'd do it. I do it.

I don't fucking bring it through the town with the gases expand. You blow them up on the beach. A little TNT. A little candy, as they used to call it back in the day. A little candy. It's from the Irishman. I didn't think you lived the life where you were playing with candy. You ever hold dynamite before?

Now, a couple of quarter sticks that people used to. Somebody was making. My stepdad. My stepdad. Did you hang out with Doc Brown? Yeah, my stepdad was into, not weird shit, but they were like hillbilly folk where like, they had that kind of stuff was around.

They were the kind of guys of like, I don't use dynamite a lot, but I might need it, and I ain't paying market price for it. I know a guy, three finger ready, get you a couple of sticks. What about nitro? You ever mess with that? What's nitro.

Nitro glycerin. Do I ever mess with nitro glycerin? It's liquid. It's very unstable. I saw in an episode, I think, Little house on the prairie or something like that. They weren't banging with nitroglycerin. It was an old show like that.

Maybe it was the 18. That makes sense. I don't know. That was also one of the things back in the day where you go, it's nitro glycerin. Yeah. You don't know nothing. Just got a shit out of you. What do you got, Luke?

Extremely unstable, unstable, highly sensitive liquid explosive. Sounds like me. All right. We got to get it. Guys, we got a guy's on a family episode on her hand. As you know. If you said to chicken, hit us up. Is that more?

No, don't be sending. Everywhere we go, there's going to be fucking chicken showing up. Sure. Which might not be the worst thing. No. Did that like 24-ounce soda cup of the cane sauce cup? Yeah, man. It was a fucking huge bag.

There was like four styrofoam things in there. The bag looked so, the plastic bag looked so greasy. It was crazy. It had the perfect knot on top. If all of your chickens here, it's like people were still seating. There's a bunch of chicks out there. Brutal. Mm-hmm.

What if I was like? Oh, yeah, thanks. That's what I would have to house it. Yeah, I mean, listen, but that it wouldn't be... I think you'd be fries and a piece of bread, too. That wouldn't be crazy. You think that I would be able to sit in a room for people? No, I'm just saying...

In the corner. Who are you going to the showroom? That'd be a little rude. You know, I can't eat in front of people like that? I know, but I'm saying, like, if somebody saw you eating chicken strips at the end of the day, nobody would be like, what? Holy shit. A fat guy sitting in the corner eating chicken strips? Come on.

No one thing. you don't eat. I understand what you're saying, but at the same time, no one's going, what in the heck? This is madness. Here's a fat guy

eating a chicken string. Who eats chicken strips? Fat guys. Athletes aren't eating chicken strips like that. Natural. People are natural. I've had the Japanese stuff from next door once in there,

but that was when the show was going on and I was sitting there. And I split it with Tommy. It was like a scalyon pancake or something like that. They stopped making them. The Japanese pizza. I love that guy. The owner that, whatever, we're getting deep in the woods.

Yeah. A little Japanese spot. Like I tried to say, all that's neither here nor there. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands. Tell me what's going on with you. I will. Can you? Talk to me.

As you know, when you join the old Patreon, we will read your question on the air. And let's friggin get into it. This one's a home run. This is from Olympic gold medalist. $10, homie. Ever catch a heater with your college professional? before you both walk into class. Ooh.

Dirtbag for sure. I would probably, but you know you're getting the benefit of the doubt with a guy you share a heater with. If you're on the fence of a D to C, a couple of points here and there, he's got to read your essay. You're getting a cushion.

You're getting the heater, the heater boy cushion. That's the first thing they give spies. What? Pack of heaters and gum. Pack of heaters and gum get you halfway through fucking Eastern Europe. That's a good point. You know what I mean?

It's a real good point. Smoke and smoke. Cops, too, say, smoke, smoke, mo. Yeah. That's how you get somebody. It's how I got you, unfortunately. You didn't have Cigs. First cigarette.

I gave you one, though. No way. Yeah. Dude, never in the history of us. I gave you that and some chocolate bars. No. After that, he was mine. I told the story.

I gave you a re-asked for a ride home. It was like eight blind. My car was 10 blocks the other way, and you complained the whole. What a hump this is. Jesus, you could have told me you parked over here. This is, I would have walked home. Newsflash, no, you wouldn't have. Bombing my heaters, stealing my lighter.

I should have made you go pick the car up and come back and get me. Show a little respect. Going through my cup holder, stealing my change. I haven't seen easy pissing any. Kim, let's talk about Lucy. Lucy, Lucy, Lucy. Talking about Lucy Breakers, baby. We're talking about always 100% tobacco-free, pure nicotine.

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They always go missing, don't they? And what I got to be honest, when they show up, the. The rats come out of the woodwork. Anybody that's ever seen us on the shot. Everybody, hey, can I grab these? I want these. I feel like I'm getting rated every time. Luke brings an extra bag.

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Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Kim, let's talk about Helix. Helix. Helix. You don't like Helix, do you? Oh, I friggin' love Helix. I got a Helix. I masturbated on a helix today.

That's so funny. So did I. Helix's been with us since the Jump Street, gang. So do us a favor. Go over there and support Helix. You're talking about the best mattress you ever going to have. You don't got to go to the store. You take a two-minute quiz.

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Make sure you entered our show name after checkout and let them know that he let Helix know that the boy sent you one more time. Helixleaf.com slash garbage. Do it. Yeah. Man, I know that professor. Yeah. I never really had one.

There was one. He was like an English teacher. And he would not, I always, my thing was I got right by, not right by the door, but to the building, park bench, whatever, crank a heater. This is college. It'd be weird if I was doing it after college. It's all, dude. I'm kippy.

What's a talent like? You're on. No, high school, man. Go Rams. What? High school. Can't smoke at high school. What the fuck you're talking about?

I know. Teachers used to, they wouldn't even admit that they did smoke. Who? We had this one guy that always smelled like mint gum and deep heaters. He must have been fucking hotboxing them quick in between classes. But they wouldn't even admit it. Never saw a teacher smoke. The teacher that rips heaters is an R.A. teacher.

Also, we, 10 years difference from when I was in high school to you were, it was very, I mean, at that point, the country had shifted on heaters. but we had one guy, I forget his name. Smoking dirt football practice. This guy loved the heater. My social studies, Mr. Evans or something. I mean, dude, that fucking, that catcher's mid face, the deep wrinkled face. You know what I mean? Like real deep heater-lined face.

Always a mint in to cover up the heater smell. Clacking it through his teeth, yellow baked bean teeth. And now we shall commence. This guy likes a marb red. I can look at someone's weathered face and tell if it's menthol or non-menthal. Oh, for sure. He was a menthol guy, for sure. I just look at a good.

Menthol profiler. Yeah, you're smoking. You're smoking menthol. That ain't clean tobacco. Salem's, maybe. Oh, dude, somebody who smokes salemes, I can clock it from three. Salem's are cools back in the day. My aunt smoked cools for a little while.

Sure. Friends of the show, a friend of mine's father. Father listens to the show. Smoked cools and we would have, we'd be in a pincher, you know, steal and empty. Those things are minty. You're having, you're late, you know, you're at the bar late or whatever. You're at the house. You run out of heaters.

Because me and my boy would smoke heaters the same kind. So if I ran out, he's got you. If he ran out, I got. You and Marble Lake Girls. Yeah. And we got each other. You know what I mean? So it's like, if I got six, he's got, we'll get you through tonight.

We'll get the last But if you didn't You had to go to his dad Fucking dude Doing a fuck You go ask him for one Yeah Doing a menthol

Sig Or he used to hide him In the garage We knew where to hit him I mean he wasn't Hiding him from us But you don't have to go up to him And say

Hey Mr. So and so Can I grab a Can I get a heater? Yeah yeah He would do it Yeah He'd come over

And he'd sneak one Let me get one Or he'd be like Let me get a pole On that Oh From a dad Get the fuck

Out of here He's the show You fucking Great Nuts Breath Also, I don't know if I told you, he was wearing, I don't know if I told you this. I used to work at the Newtown Acme. I was a cart guy.

I don't work my way out to a cashier and info, though. That's funny. You never told us that. But he was there and he was wearing an Aunt Hoodie's hoodie or something. My friend's dad was. And the cart guy walked up and was like, I fucking love that show. Huh. I was that guy at some point.

Wow. How crazy is that? Look at you. I wonder if it too bad that he didn't know that you worked as a car kid. He started out the same way. way. Now he's bald. Does well, though.

Uh-huh. You have active herpes sort on your face and you try to, you throw like, I can't not throw that back in your face. I thought we're going to have a gentleman show here, not take shots. It's a cold sword, dickhead. What do you think? Yeah.

I remember the one time he tried to tell me he got punched. I said, what by a herpy? What are you talking about? You go 12, we go 12 rounds when was this back in the day i've been punched meanwhile i spent like fucking every waking hour with you tell me you got punched in the three hours i didn't see you

i was running my mouth of marty grott you suckered uh you see something else i tell you she um but yeah good point if you can smoke a heater i'll tell this to don't start smoking no but

smoking's over Kids aren't smoking now They got the vapes and all that stuff Get off of that shit too you kids I'm just saying If you're a current smoker And you're a comedian That is where a lot of

Career Alliances or you know Relationships are made over heaters Sure Because especially if you're like At every level Because we've been to like festivals And like a heater

Bigger comics or like Managers and agents who don't always smoke And we I mean because we were known As the heater guys. So we'd be somewhere and, you know, some big we'd be like, drink, you're having some, oh, let me get one of them. Because we were always just fucking, like, broods.

Post it up, cranky. Yeah. A heater goes a long way. Heater goes a long way. Heaters and gum, Luke. Heaters and gum. That's what won the war. Cold War.

You know what I'm saying? Brought down that wall, baby. Brought down the wall. The cool. The war of Philip Morris. All right, this one's from Patty's massage therapist. $10 homie, never had one read. you's got any ants with a walking boot on.

Oh, dude. What a, there's something about the boot. I got plenty in with knee braces. I think everybody's, I got a couple uncle, blue collar uncle worked a very, you know, hard construction years who were a little, you know, rougher body, legs, knees, hips, that kind of stuff. Sure.

Nobody in a boot, no one on the scooter, like the knee scooter. No one in a walker. None of that really. Everybody's kind of, you know, duct tape together. I don't mind a walker. Mm-hmm. I could do a walk. With the tennis balls in the bottom.

Sure. Cruising. We don't have a better technology than the tennis balls? That's crazy to me. I think it's just one of those things. I know, but there's got to be like, you don't think the guy who makes the walker looks and goes, hey, everybody that buys my product cuts open a tennis ball and puts it on here.

We got to solve this somehow? I mean, they should just make their own. But I think it's the fabric on the tennis ball. It just works so well. Yeah, I would argue that's probably not. You can make that fabric or buy that fabric. Or maybe it has something to do with like they know. It might be a sensory thing where the person walking can,

they're like reflectors. So they can see where it touches the ground. I understand. I'm not, obviously there's a use for it. I'm saying, I think the Walker company can go. Make our own tennis balls. Something. Or what do you got?

This seems like this company has moved to now Walker skis. Ooh. So that's the modern technology. It's a little ski that goes instead of the tennis ball. Are you using skis? Yeah, it's just like kind of like a doorstop, it looks like. Rad, dude. That makes sense.

Yeah. Just a little more stable or something. I got it. I would do it. I don't know. Better than crutches. Crutchy. I mean, you know, well, no,

you're on crutches temporarily. If you're doing, they're like, hey, crutches till you go, that's a, that's a tough diagnosis. Yeah. Yeah, wheelchair. Regular crutches are the ones that have the clips on here.

I think those are, that's for more genetic disorders. That's more. Hey, fuck somebody up with them. Whip that around. Regular crutches suck. Uh-huh. Uh, yeah.

Although there was a, at my age, there was a big jump between, we probably thought the wooden crutch and the metal crutch. If you had wooden crutches, you might as well been on the fucking Civil War. The metal crutches, you come out looking like T, too. Wooden crutches, like a pointy. We always had a pair in the basement of wooden crutches. So did we. Yeah, so did. That's how, that's how you first learn about a wing nut,

a set of crutches. Love a wing nut. You learn how to work a wing nut on a wooden crutch. You don't need a tool for the wing nut. I know. Everything should be wing nuts. You know how much tools we cut down on? Phillips said out, flat heads out.

Yeah, big tool would never allow that. Wing nut it. Wing nut. All wing nuts. Yeah, but they're not like sleek. They don't fit in shit. Not very sturdy either. I know.

Fucking two little fucking tweak, you know, a little bit of tension. You know, it's funny in New York, they have those on the scaffolding. You can just like fucking undo those things. Some of them. Sure. You could also fucking knock down a building if you want to. No. I get the permits for that. Need some candy.

How about my app, I said the other day? Your app about Kevin had an app for to tell you where all the scaffoldings are in New York City so you can plan your walk in case it's raining. I'm picking up a vibe of it. You're not a fan. I'm out. Okay. I'll give you 15 grand for 75%. Okay. I got it.

Hey, what? You got to say, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B, B. What? What? It's a little flawed. I'm sorry. I've been wearing that shirt for three days, and there's guacamole on it.

Yeah, but you can't tell where. Talk about floor. I forgot that in the beginning of the show. I was going to see, if you can spot the guacamole stain, you'll win two free tickets to a show in your area. Pat and pending. You can't tell what a guacamole stain is on here. I give you hints in this quadrant.

It's in this quadrant here You can't tell Kevin only Kevin knows I do know because I watched it And I spotted it Yes You couldn't find it because it was in a fold Also I don't know

No it's because Luke hit him Luke hit him He's got a little bit of a seaman stain Right here No I don't Hit it in post Oh it's because of mine

No It was just a I don't I have spit on my face I said semen I've semen on my face You tell me Or are you doing at the gym

All right, let's see here This one is from I Wasn't Fat back then Great name Love it. Long time, never have one read. Is this garbage or slick? Putting two of those air fresheners The clip onto the AC vent in your car Put them on the ceiling fan instead.

Hmm. You can't see it and now you have that new apartment smell. Not bad. There's, I think there's a, I've never thought about this. There's a staunch difference between a car smell and an apartment smell. Okay.

Right? But I'll push back a little bit. I don't think, you know, Fabriz doesn't have a black ice. No, no, he's not saying, he's not talking about hanging trees on there. I know, but that's a car smell. Yeah, I like it.

I don't want to walk in your house. It smells like a fucking Mitsubishi where a guy smokes. You know what I mean? Detailing cars. But I like that. I was like someone just hotboxed it with a fucking blunt. Have you ever seen one of those trees in somebody's house? I've seen them in the bathroom.

I've seen them in closets. Yeah. That was like, I mean, back in the day, you know, whatever, that was just like you threw it up. We used to have... My mom was all mothballs. Well, you were never a big mothball. Oh, dude, she put them in our fucking coat closet. We'd walk out smelling like fucking mothballs.

I don't know why she did them. I'd never seen a moth in my house of my life. Because you don't have mothballs. Wait, what are we in the fucking dustball? Are moths still eating clothes like that? They wear, they ate my stepdad's blazer. And he was down at a men's warehouse. What?

And he was like getting it tailored and there was holes in it. And the guy Taylor in him, you know, was more from the inner city. And my stepdad was more of a hillbilly. And the guy was saying, Man, you got moths. Because those are motholes. And my stepdad's going, what the hell is a mothole? And my mom's trying to give him like

It's a mortal And he's going, yeah, that's a mawful And my stepdad's going, I don't know what a mawful Mawful, he thought it was one word Yeah, so he had like a tweed blazer That he, you know Is that like Puerto Rican? That he would wear

Yeah, he's, but so we had him then I don't know how Jesus But that was when he was like dating my mom I'm like a single guy So like it was just like he probably had clothes left over from the 70s. You know how bad a coat that smells like mothball smells in a car with a bunch of teenagers?

It's brutal. I don't know that we wearing formaldehyde. You were wearing that shit in high school? No wonder were you wearing it any pussy. My mom put mothballs in the vacuum cleaner, like in the... This brought bonkers. Patty, what are you doing? And she put them in the front closet.

I feel up my asshole twice a year. Yeah. Yeah. We had, I think it was like, the 90s got real wonky for like plastic technology and like innovating shit that didn't need to get innovated. Played plug-ins, dog. Not the plug-ins, changer. This might have even been 80s then. I remember being in the hall closet where we kept the towels.

It was a. Upstairs hall closet. Yeah. Love that closet. My favorite closet in the house is the upstairs closet with the linens and the extra toothpaste and all that stuff. Favorite closet. With the Q-tips and shit like that. Paddies is nice

because she gets a bunch of shit from the dentist office when she goes because her friends, a hygienist. Michelle, hygienist. She was my hygienist as a kid. Dine piece back in the day. Still a beautiful woman.

But. I love that closet. It smells like soap. That closet always smelled like soap. We didn't have that. All of ours was under the sink. Broken home, sure. You hear that?

You hear that? You probably had your go bags in there You were trashing my wife On an episode What? Like auto plate on my computer No You were saying some sexual stuff about it

That's not true I've never say anything about your wife It was 100% true The foreign investor We're best pals I seen her the other day She was trying on the clothes that I got The kid

The clothes that I got for the baby Whatever I'm just saying Watch your tone She hears from time to time What was I saying? Not nice things Did you seem interested? No she did not

She is not a fan of you. That's not true. She loves me. I'm Uncle Hank, God damn it. Kid likes me, too. Now, back to this hall closet of yours. Yeah, whatever. Stop talking about your dental hygiene. I am trying to, this should have been

four seconds 20 minutes ago. There was like a thing on the wall that it was like a circle. A circle air freshener. Stickums. Stickums. Yeah, dog. Stickums. We had them and it was like, whoa, but then we never replaced.

They were the king of that shit. They lasted forever. I know, but then we just had stickums on the wall without the recharge, without the refill. That's like, to me, that's like the Brita filter. You get the Brita and then never refill it. Man, that was like, that was also too, like, tidy bowl. You know what I mean? I like the stick.

That was too chemical. Stickums were all right. Stick one of those next to the turlet on the, on the vanity next to the turlet. You know what was trashy that I don't think we ever talked about that we had once? Roach motels. No. Ant traps. Ant traps.

Like, we're always gross. My mom always has ants now. Always. It was a sack of potatoes I didn't see. You know, she'll go down the shore for a week and, you know. Can I be honest with you about something? I don't mind ants. Ants I'm going to long as they fire ants.

Get you when you're sleeping. Those days they move as a team. They bite you. I remember the first time I was in Texas to see my cousins in Dallas. And they had fire ants. Mm-hmm. And I was walking around outside of my bare feet and couple got me. My uncle Jack was like,

Is that why you're all swollen? Huh. Huh. Huh. Huh. Is that what we're going to do? Let's put the guns down. My guns are down.

We had the toilet paper holder that had an air freshener in the middle. With the crystals inside. Yeah. Whoa. Talk about a flash from the past. I used to try to eat them all the time. What are you, an ant? I don't know.

There was just something. You're just crawling behind a line of ants, eating whatever. They're eating, carrying stuff back to the nest. I'm trying to get them out. They just looked real good. Yeah, they had that they were lined. I don't remember. I just remember being blue and I remember being like,

this feels like I'm at a sit-go. Oh, it was bad. You probably shouldn't have touched it. Yeah, no, it felt so chemicals. Wow. We had it once. That's great. I haven't thought about one of those.

But then we used it for the next seven years. Yeah. Like emptied. What do you mean emptied? They didn't evaporate, I don't think. No, whatever? I don't know what you're talking about. The one we had.

evaporated. It was like one of those like the gels that just kind of the cones. I'm talking about the Chris. We have crystals. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know about that. But then we just use an empty air freshener as the toilet paper roll. That's good. Crystal's got very big in the 90s. Crystal this, crystal that. You know. Scrubbing

bubbles. Scrubbing bubbles. Sure. It was stuff on like a molecular level. That's when it grew up, whoa. It's the, you know. Deep clean. Yeah. Getting the shag. Good stuff. Gang, we got a brand new merch alert and we've kicked it up a notch baby.

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Is it garbage to order dessert at a restaurant and order a glass of milk with it? It's never on the menu, but they got it back there. Yeah, you do. Problem with that. Hit me. I've done it. I like to move. Nine times out of ten, you're getting whole milk.

You're getting good. You're getting Cisco delivered, like, restaurant quality milk. Mm-hmm. Only problem is it depends what refrigerator it's in. It's not always super cold. Yeah. Sometimes, like, just under room temp. You're giving you the fucking, the milk they're using to make cappuccino.

That shit's out all the time. That shit's out all the time. Yeah, they're not drinking it. It's not like they're not making a cold, Whatever they're doing is getting heated. Yes. So I don't care. I thought you were going to say it's always cold.

And any time I've experienced it, it's always been like room temp. Stinks. Place I worked out on the Upper East Side, shout out to Martels. We had one of those silver. You weren't the Martels? Yeah, we had one of those. Pretty good. We had one of those silver milk dispensers.

It was like 31 degrees. Freezing. You know, the bag you loaded in. I got a cafeteria. Yeah, I didn't push back on it at all. Fantastic. I don't know why we had that, but it was fucking unbelievable. But, yeah, you catch that lukewarm shit at the restaurant.

Yeah, that's what I would say. And also, too, like, I never want, if I'm at a restaurant where I'm ordering dinner, I'm having a cocktail or two, I don't want milk then. No, I get it. You know, if I'm at the house, I'm doing cookies. Yeah, I'm like, I'm never in a world where milk out is mixing with whatever I just did. That's what I'm going to say. But I respect a move.

A nice espresso at the end of the meeting. Sure. If you're on a date, you're getting milk. You got a bigger dick than me. I'll tell you that. First of all, everyone does. Confidence. All right, let's see.

This one I've never thought about it. It's a cardigan. Thanks for noticing. Are you garbage if you didn't change the shower head when you bought your house? Are you supposed to? What? I've never thought of that. I just did because we had a leak and I had to redo the fucking bathroom.

So we did new shower heads, but. Has the pressure. It's great. We did the big, John. Now that stuff's more affordable than it was back in the day of like. It's all plastic now. Use metal? Yeah.

Good for you. You got soft water? I don't know. I got a problem with my water. I got to figure it out. I got to call somebody on that. You have a mortgage? Mm-hmm.

Pay cash. Renton? What are you got? Yeah, I got dirty showerheads. Yeah, I never thought I mean. I like that though. I get it.

It makes sense. But I've never, I moved into all these apartments I've lived in have just had like a showerhead from the 1930s. There's a lot of times that I've moved into a place where. Oh yeah, we're going to clean. And it's just,

you're kind of just using somebody else's stuff. And it just becomes yours. We used the shower curtain for, I used the shower curtain for too long, I will say. From people before? From the house I bought. What? Uh, I will say I will, hold on, everybody relax, everybody chill.

Using the guy's toothbrush. Holy shit, man. Is your underwear? Um, the shower curtain. Hold on. I'm not finished explaining my... It's how COVID started. That started at a wet market.

Everyone knows that. There's a Hampton Inn in Wuhan. Um, let's see. What the fuck? I'm stunned by that. And you know, hold on. Hold on. Can I explain myself?

Yeah. Can you? There's a little bit of movement. I have a little bit of, I have a little bit of, I got a card I can play. Sure. Because I have something that I want to remind you of. That still sometimes, like, wakes me up in the middle of night, and I still can't believe that you did it. Shared your soup.

Yeah, you shared my soup. You took a bite of my soup. Can't take a bite of soup. Whatever. Even worse. I was fucked up. That's like, that's like in the glorious bastardsers, the guy going, dry glazerza. I think something something you gave yourself away there slurping my suit.

I believe it's Taza. I was sick too. I might add a cold. He'll still do that. I might add a coldsword end too. Cold sword end too. Juicy one. I was so fucked up, whatever was in me.

You were fucked up. That was one of my favorite drunks. Having my soup? No, just being at that bar. We're all huddled around that high top. We were ordering just good food. We were so drunk. We're like on the back end of 14 hours.

You've been Ireland. You love that brown bread. Man, we were just... And everything was good. Everybody's going, try that. We were just fucked up. Good old-fashioned. No one's sick.

No one causing a scene. Just warm, cozy. Sigs going. Fuck. Do you think about having my soup? Never. Huh. I've done worse shit fucked up.

Ew. Bet you have. Yeah, everyone has. These files are sealed. What was I saying? Oh, the chef. The shower. The shower, at some, early on, I replaced the liner.

Oh, that's a what? And just had the. Oh, well, you say something. But that wasn't right away. That was like, I got to change. That's fine. Yeah. You could have kept that.

I kept it way too long. That's fine. It's the liner. Yeah, I changed the line. Oh, come on. I apologize, sir. Are you kidding me? It did just feel not.

Like, the stain, their hand stains were. Yeah, that's bad. He's probably jerking off in there and shit. Yeah, of course. So was I. Ew. Ew. Stop trying to kiss me.

What? That's what I've been saying to him. You guys fucking taste of my soup. You wish I tasted more. You wanted me to baby birded to you. Fucking sick bastard. Snowball me. Goddamn family restaurant.

Also, there was a band, like an Irish singer-songwriter going. Foley was jealous. There was a whole thing. He wasn't jealous. You know, let me get up there rock. I don't do that Gaelic shit. I love it, but I don't do it. Wolf tones and all that.

You guys rock. Pogs. Let's go get fucked up. Now, I don't do that shit no more. Tomorrow night. Let's do it. Tomorrow night, we'll go to, yeah, tomorrow night we'll go to shade. Hmm.

We're done kind of early. Yeah. Not me. I got the baby sleeping through tonight. I'll probably go to. Me, you and the right guy. I'll go up to the gym after the show. Is that a new bar on the Upper East Side?

Gym's place. We don't have a restaurant. No questions. Knock three times. Grab a private booth at gyms. This is a good one. This is from the lazy gardener. Short time listener, hardcore binge watcher.

Is it garbage to say, how much is this going to set me back or how much is this going to run me? That's a guy who barely has it. That's not. That's great. I've never identified that as an indicator of the amount of money you have. Dude, three things. One, the lazy gardener is a fucking home. Run. Home run. Give them their own show on fucking the Food Network or something. That's great. Two.

Man. That's just going to cost me. It's just going to run me. Set me back. Set me back means you're just about to get your head above water and someone comes along and steps on your head. What's just going to set me back? Fuck, one of these dickheads needs braces. What's just going to set me back? And then also, whatever you say that's, then when you're, for you. sure complaining about whatever a situation is, two-year friends, loved ones, whoever, co-workers, you're going, this set me back, whatever the number is, you're fluffing it.

If it's 28,000, this set me back three grand. Yeah. By the end of the week, this set me back 3,500. I'm out four grand. I hit Luke with that every once in a while. What's this going to cost me? Not once in a while. Anytime we have to mention a dollar,

he's like, fucking Alicia is Stoverstone. Who? Alicia is Silverstone Alicia Silverstone I had a thing for her Well not really I missed her I was a little too young Oh

I get it Talk about setting me back Hey don't Talk about turning me on I'd love to know what you think I buy You buy all kinds of shit For the business You're not buying baseball cards

You could You can give whatever you want I don't even know I know I know them with top of care I know That's what I say. What?

It's like, yeah, we got to run a business in New York City. We're not selling fucking, you know, cattle feed in Oklahoma. We got fucking bills to pay. We could be. You blew that deal. We got fucking nine guys on sale. This is a full-blown production. You're like, we need a tripod?

What is going to cause us? Sure. Did we need the van? Probably not. What that said us? What's that going to cost me? Shout at the beans. Home run of a question.

Great question. Great indicator. Also, too, I was thinking one of the trashiest ways to talk about money is bones. About 50 bones. 50 bones. Clams. That's like funner, though, but yeah. All right, let's see here.

This one's from Kirk. Ten dollar man here. Is it garbage to eat mainly off tin foil? You don't have to clean a plate. It's also more versatile because you can form a bowl or a saucer if you have some food that has more liquidity. I don't hate it. It's bad for you, but I don't hate it.

I'm usually... What's the tinfoil bad for you? Yeah, they say it's bad for you. It soaks up something. I don't know. What the fuck? All that kitchen shit since the 50s has been bad for us. Oh, whatever.

Yeah, it gives a fuck. What the fuck? Hey, stop telling us that shit. Just shut up. Mm-hmm. We all got Teflon in us The Teflon Don Tinfoil

You're supposed to use wax paper What fucking wax paper What am I a fucking cheesemaker And fucking France Use wax paper Get no fucking out of here Wax paper sucks There's no cling to it

I ain't cling Okay You know what I'm saying Or a parchment guy Parchman paper What's that They're like construction paper Like I fucking killed you

You kicked your dog in the head What's parchment? I think parchment paper is wax paper No Parchment paper is less, that's like the, it dries out when you keep it in the oven, you'll burn it sometimes. Remember tracing paper in school? Oh, that shit was cool.

You know what I did the other day? What'd you do? Tracing paper. That didn't hide any mistakes, though. That was real. You couldn't erase on that stuff. You had to start over. Bad.

I used my broiler. I made a shepherd's pie a couple of weeks back. Good. And I finished it in the broil. I had to lay on the ground to get in there and get eyes on that thing. That does not, I've never used it. That did not seem, I got my head under the stove on the ground. Look, it goes right to the floor, too.

There's open flames and then three inches and then there's linoleo. It's crazy. It's wild. Yeah. That's all mouse shit down there, too. Oh, buddy. Those ain't sprinkles, oh, me. Talk about fire ants.

Yikes. You know what I just found out they eat in Sweden or Norway? They do sprinkle sandwich. What is doing research on Norway? I saw it on Instagram. What do you think? I got a fucking research. I think I got a think I got a think tank?

Huh? Think you got a spank, bank. They do sprinkle one of those countries, Switzerland, Sweden, whatever. That's going to be a great story. Some place I ain't never been on an Instagram where I saw six weeks ago ate something goofy. And I might want to try something. No, not goofy. They make sprinkle sandwiches.

They take chocolate sprinkles and butter. It made sprinkling sandwich. Chocolate sprinkles. butter on white bread. Netherlands. Ah, the Netherlands. Yes, of course. Also known as?

Denmark. Mm-hmm. No. Something's rotten in the state of... Belgium. No. Schmampster. No.

God damn it! No, Amsterdam's the city. No. Yes, it is. Amsterdam? Yes. Amsterdam is a city in the Netherlands. Also, the Dutch is the other name. The Dutch are the Netherlands.

Dutchland. No, Deutsche Land would be Germany. Heinzsche. that I and they do this to clap real wild vibes at the dinner park. Gotta be in a beer hole. Knock it on doors? Yikes. Are you boys left that behind?

Continue. You act like I have my own agenda here. I hate when you do that. Yeah, get back to whatever you were doing. Thanks for having me, Kevin. Driving the show. All right, let's see. This was from Foley's bastard son.

Oh, no. 10, 10 bone homie. I wish I had a son out there. You abandon him. What you mean? I wish I had a guy. I wish I had a son that I fucking... I wouldn't have known about him, obviously.

But if I did and he showed up... My boy. He's four years older than he? It's like Tracy Jordan. So good. That really was his son. He turned out to be a good guy. What?

30 Rock. He wasn't his son. They both knew. Yeah, they both knew. Tracy knew. He's like, yeah, he was actually a good guy. He wasn't ripping him off. He was, but he wasn't.

I like that. More at 11. He was, he wasn't. Somewhere in Europe, they eat fat guy sandwiches. I'm right about the sprinkle sandwiches, though, right? On point. And not with the location. No one doubted you.

Listen, if you're telling me they eat sprinkle sandwiches, I believe you've seen this either in an ayahuasca trip or on Instagram. Can I tell you something? What? I ordered that chicken. No, you did. Yeah, I did. You did?

Yeah. No way. No. Netherlands What? Huh? I felt you were dipping your toes in the water See what you could get away with.

It's the second time chicken strips have come back to fucking bite me in the ass, though. We were over there on a Patreon. It was a conspiracy that I had Two Waters of Chicken Fingers at a Eagles NFC championship game. Maybe someone's out there fucking with me. Maybe you just like chicken.

No. No. No. I mean, well, I do declare it. I like a strip much as much as an ex feller. Uh-huh. All right, this one's some Foley Bastard. Ten dollar bone, homie.

Never have one read. Is it garbage when you step off your front step? It's directly into grass. No path or walkway straight yard. That's wild. That's wild. That's hometown living, bitch. That's.

You need a little bit of curb appeal if that's the case. You got to fucking, you got to get your shit together and get on Zillow. You got a lot of onions in that yard. Pull. A lot of dog shit, probably. Probably too. I can see the fucking dandy lines in that lawn. Wow, that's a great, great question.

For a long time, like in my hometown, they developed a lot of land, like I guess through the 90s, Toll Brothers did. And they always put the basic two by four wooden steps out the side entrance or the garage. So like that was a lot. That you would see that a lot. Yeah. Hey. And I think it was like a like a lot.

lot of times just to get in for the construction workers to get in and out back around the side i'm cool yeah for sure but and also sometimes you would see a lot of those houses were like built on hills that had like walk out backyards i never got that i think it was the basements or something they yeah they're like they would like put dirt up there's a lot of houses like that in bluebell they put dirt up against the backyard i mean i don't know like hold the foundation or something like that i don't i don't know nothing about nothing. But a lot of these houses, you could walk out the basement.

You would see in these like new Toll Brother, which like, dude, now they make, fuck, they're doing everything. Toll Brothers is crazy. How many units they're moving. But people would get, so now like their first floor, their kitchen floor,

their living room floor was like higher. You know what I mean? Yeah. Like you could walk out the basement. So the first, like you walked in the back. It was higher in the front. Higher in the, yes. Yes.

So they would have... Lower in the front. Lower, whatever, yes. Ground level... This is the front and this is the back. Uh-huh. Where the sprinkles at. People would spring for...

Yeah, I want the sliding doors out to my patio that would be elevated. You know what I mean? But they wouldn't put the deck in. So people for like... Time, like, they would move in and not spring for the deck or have other people do the deck. But for a long period of time,

they would just have the sliding door to a fucking 15-foot drop-off. No, that's not what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about, baby. Yeah. What is fucking Dr. Evil? That's nuts. We would drive by these house and people would be, you see the lights on there and they're

eating. I go, that's a fucking, you can fuck someone up. You have a, you have someone comes over for a dinner party. He has a couple glasses of wine. You got a fucking lawsuit on your hands. Step it outside to rip a cool. Yeah. Fucking get kills on my heater.

They're fucking breaking their pelvis. Oh, man, dude. The piece plan. No shit. I was like, there was a lot, because if I remember me and my dad, we'd be in the car, be like, there was enough where we would point them out. And I guess it was like, Toll brothers would be like, hey, we could do it for, I don't know, 18 grand and people like, get the fuck out of here.

My cousin could build a deck and then never get there. Yeah. That's pretty sweet, though. A little fun. If you were like a teenager or something, that'd be fun. You've got a rope or something. Yeah. Hang yourself.

Get a slide. But it'd be cool just to have that door open. while you're eating dinner. The fresh air coming in, rice errone cooking. Maybe some of those nors, some noodles, some vermicelli noodles. Vermicelli? Vermicelli. Maybe a little hamburger helper.

I went to school with Stevie Vermicelli. Some crystal light iced tea on the table. Back when everything was good, huh? Yeah, nothing but screen doors and time. The suburban fantasy. Did you ever wonder if it maybe wasn't good? You just view it as good? Oh, yeah.

Okay. We don't have to go down that road. I was just curious. Yeah, for sure. I mean, I know I have like broad strokes of it all, and it sounds like you got a couple of rose-colored out and John glasses on looking through that lens. You know what I mean, dog?

Fafa, fatty in the jets. Maybe, Kevin, maybe. That's all I'm saying, dog. A little corner of time. You do you. All right, let's see here. This was from Ben, $13.80 Canadian bozo. Never had one red.

The old man used to be an independent contractor. He worked in legal services on every invoice he would charge mileage, but he only worked from his home office. Now we're talking. Hey, man. Get while it getting's good. It's not even that. That's a part of the gig.

Yeah. You know? Mm-hmm. Also, when I, my, I worked at a couple of law firms as like a paralegal bozo. Trying to everything. That's when I learned. how they run up hours. And for a guy like me who never dealt,

like nobody in my family ever dealt with a lawyer, unless you got a DUI and you call up, you know, fucking shout out to Joe Kelly the Pitbull. You know what I mean? I think that was his name. See if he is Joe Kelly the Pitbull. He got everybody out of DUIs. Was it your fault? I think that was his name.

They would advertise like a urinals, you know, fucking bigheads bar and grilling. Trying to get you with an over-served. Joseph K. Kelly, a Philadelphia-based attorney, who is described as a pit bull in the courtroom. There you go. I like that, my brother has been like, that guy's a pit bull. Like, for sure, you know. For his aggressive defense and DUI and vehicular offense cases. Yeah.

I like a good Philly lawyer. Sure. They're great. But that's all, those are the only lawyers I knew. So then I started working for this high end. And that's when I saw it a racket. I got, fuck. I, you know, it was like I blinked and then blinked again.

I saw how everybody's getting ripped off. Phone call, three-minute phone call? That's an hour. 15-minute. Of course. 50-minute intervals. Yeah. What the fuck, man?

How are you going to charge somebody three minutes? Dude, one guy for like the, you know, the month turned in like 13,000 hours. I go, buddy, there ain't even 13,000 hours in a year. Fuck you doing. Who you've been talking to? Yeah, what the fuck? Talk about burning the candle at both ends. But that's when I saw, and then, like, they were billing people for my time and stuff.

Of course. I ain't seen I ain't wet my beak on it Of course you're not What the fuck You're fucking spoke on the wheel You're a mutt I know Smoking heaters outside

Drinking orange juice out of the snack Snack room Yeah God knows what you were having for lunch I was drinking so much coffee And orange juice Like throughout the day My teeth felt really weird

Do you ever get You ever do so much As something You start feeling unhealthy In an odd way And you go This ain't great I felt like I felt like I had

Horse teeth Like I felt like there was Big gaps in between them if that makes sense. Yeah, I mean, I'm lost with a shoelace. I ate a whole box of them outshine bars one time. My teeth hurt for like four days, dude. It's a lot of like fucking, you know, vitamin B or something.

You don't know. You're one of those level spikes. And you feel in a weird way. All that guar gum in you. All right, let's see here. This one's from Noah Jackson. This one kind of blew my hair back. Is it garbage to go to Subway for a bacon, egg, and cheese?

I got to be. I'm not a subway guy. You guys have items that you like at Subway more than I do. I get that. It's never been my cup of tea. They did do a chicken parm for a while. I would go and get that. Or a meatball.

Too dense. My thing is, I didn't even know they were doing a bacon egg and cheese. Is it like a Starbucks bacon egg and cheese with like the... It's more of a rap, it looks like. Or you can do it on their traditional hoagie rolls. I always had one in the last 30 days if I had to guess. It's got to be, I'm assuming it's more pre-made. Please, the floor is.

Gentlemen, until you mentioned the meatball hero at Subway, I was going to say, I've never had a cooked lunch, a hot lunch at Subway. I never believed in the toasting the sandwich. We've gone to this argument with the Quiznos, or your big quiz nose guy? For a couple of months. I wouldn't call me a big quiznos guy. I dabbled with the carbon oil.

You had merch. But mushrooms. Keep you don't like mushrooms. Tell them I'm allergic. I don't even know if you can be allergic to mushrooms, but that's what they get. I got a severe mushy allergy. I also don't like uncooked tomatoes, but they're icky. You were saying.

Keep you don't like the icky's. Man, mushrooms, cooked mushrooms to a kid. Might have been trout. eyeballs those things fucking slime how did it get slime here my dad used to hit us with a bowl of button mushrooms for for dinner on a Sunday like you know it's a side

dish get the what you eat you eat slugs dude wild they like sweat I love them now but man a fucking bowl of mushrooms it looks like they're in Vaseline or so I don't I don't F with it you fucking take these out of the

dog's ass one time I was throwing them on a burr It's like night crawlers on there. Hey, buddy. I ordered mine without bait, okay? Hey, the first time I had a pork a slice portabella mushroom. I was eating a caterpillar, man. He's fighting back trying to get out of your mouth.

Get out of you. Oh, I think I've seen this. It's like the long, the square flatbread folded over on itself. Yes, I don't think I've, I, but I, sometimes I get to meatball hero confused with the one at Wawa. But I feel like I've talked about the subway meatball hero. So that would be the only hot thing I ever had.

I've never had anything else hot at a subway. But I don't do it. This is the best version of it. This is what they're putting forward. Let's take a look. I don't hate that. That's a nice looking flatbread. That's not what you're getting, though.

I would argue it's probably in the realm of the Dunkin' Donuts breakfast that has like the already kind of cooked chicken, the cooked egg that they throw in the heater and get it out of it. Well, well, well, now hold on a second there. It stinks. No, no, if you get the maple bacon croissant at Dunkies, it's delicious. Okay, one good thing. They are a breakfast restaurant, fast food restaurant.

They have one good thing. I don't mind their little bangers. They do little bacon egg and cheese wraps that are pretty good. I don't know what they're called. They're fine. They're called like, uh, get out of you. Half skillets or something. They have some junior.

wraps or yeah quick ones you got a 48 of them oh the wake up rap wake up yeah the wake up i'm a fucking asleep 10 minutes after i eat one of not enough to get me out of bed wrap that's what they should be called all right we got to wrap it up we got a wrap we got to we got wake up and wrap it up gang you hang in there we love you to death and we'll see you next week put you