Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Shane Gillis!

Episode Date: April 10, 2023

Kippy and Foley are joined by old pal Shane Gillis! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Lucy: https://lucy.co Promo Code: Garbage Displate: https://www.displate.com Promo Code: Garbage Adam & Eve: https://www.adamandeve.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hold the pickles gang, little tour update, Vermont and Connecticut, we added second shows in both of those cities, come out and see the boys! Yeah, get the tickets before they're sold out, we got Connecticut, Vermont, and then we're going down to Florida baby, Tampa, second show added, limited tickets left on that, then we're in Dania Beach, Florida, we're going to Raleigh, North Carolina, Louisville, Kentucky, Cleveland, Ohio, Columbus, Ohio, more cities coming soon, get those tickets gang, let's party! Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast, this is Are You Garbage. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they're good to be classy or just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day, we're out back here at Tooties and the new edition baby living high on the hog, having a good time. You ain't lying baby. She's down at the VFW trying to land herself a man with some bannies as she says, my co-host is coming at me, coming at me, coming at you from right next to me, he is the CEO of Are You Garbage, he's an international businessman, let me tell you something right now, I don't care who knows her, he's my best god damn pal in the whole wide world and I love him, give it up for KJ, Kevin J. What up gang, thanks for tuning in as always, please make sure you rate, subscribe and itunes full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are.

Trigger up. Cooking. Oh no. He hates this dude. What the fuck are you guys doing? Yeah. When do we get to you dickhead? I got a monologue.

Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com, check it the fuck out gang, it's a party over there. Yeah and have a nice quick shout out to our producer, Extraordinaire, the magic man makes us all look good, works the ones, works the twos, the threes and the fours, crosses the T's and dots the I's, now you can get a little peek at him ladies. Give it up for T-Bone Mcscruff and Stubby McMullen. What up dudes? What up T-Bone? Yo, listen, there are dudes and then there are all time dudes. Yeah. And the guy we got in here is a fucking all time dude, man.

Gang, the long hair ain't fucking lying. We got some real talent in the fucking building right now. How you guys doing this on purpose? No. This is what we do. I'm not a fan of the program, are you? Gang, I don't know what to say about this young man. You can see him just about fucking everywhere.

He is a fucking force of nature. Of course he is the co-host of Matt and Shane's secret podcast and you can see him just about everywhere else. If you're trying to get tickets for his show, good fucking luck because the kid sells out. Yeah. Give it up for Shane Gillis. Hey. Look at you.

All right. Oh man, he's got to hit with a two by four. He don't know what happens. What? Fucking in one shorts in a Philly's hat. This kid's all right. No one can make you feel like a bigger dork than Shane Gillis. And just a cold stare over your shoulder.

I can feel the wedgie creeping up my ass. Fucking. Now, you guys, that's great. You guys are good at that. I can't do that. That's why I make fun of it. You know when you suck at something and you're like, man, that sucks. That's fucking good.

Fucking dorks, yeah. How do you feel about guys that dance at weddings? I don't know if I hate anyone more. Dude, does that seriously dance? Discussion. Do you wish you could dance though? No, I'm fucking nice. Will you dance at a wedding?

Oh yeah. You will. Sober? You've got to have a couple in you. It's got to be at the end. Yeah. Guys mop it up. I wake up and go, did I fucking dance like a fucking lady?

It's a girl thing. There's got to be enough people on the floor to blend in. Yeah. Be honest. Do you know any dances? Could you do the Macarena? I mean, I could do, yeah, I think. Can you do the electric slide?

Yeah, I could do the Macarena. Yeah. Little hip wiggle, man. The hips again. Oh man. That's about it. Your dad just sitting in the corner staring at you. Just pissed.

Fuck. Fucking shit. Sissy. Bad enough he ordered the fish. Have you ever seen your dad dance? Yeah. Fast dance or slow dance? He doesn't move too much.

It's more of that. It's a white guy dance. It's arms. I don't know if we asked this. Have you ever seen your pop tune in anybody up? No. I've never seen him fight. Never.

No. I've seen him try to fight. Yeah. A lot. I saw him. He got, he got in a fight at a high school game. Sure. Yeah.

Yours? Yeah. Football game. In the stands. I saw him and my other friend, my friend Jamal's dad got into a fight. With each other. Shamoken. No.

They teamed up. They joined forces. They joined forces to fight. Fuck, at least the weapon style. Cold region trash. Yeah. They tried to do, yeah, it was fully the weapon. Yeah.

I'm too old for this shit. Yeah. I imagine those games were pretty intense. Atch-a-mokin was. Yeah. Yeah. Were you the only one in your class that got D1 offers? No.

You probably had some hitters. Yeah. He played quarterback. He was nice. Really? Yeah. He went to Millersville. He ended up setting like every receiving record.

Pretty funny. Yeah, that's all right. Yeah. That's good stuff. Yeah. Shout out Jamal Smith. Yeah. You know him.

You love him. All right. Listen, it's been a while since you've been here. Thank you for coming and sitting down with us. And sincerely, buddy, you know how much we love you. I love you. Congratulations. Everything that you're doing, it's unbelievable.

I wish we'd go back to the World Series, dude. That was, we were just briefly talking about it. Dude. That was the wildest week. That was so fun. That was fucking insane. We ended up in a VIP area with Freddie Mitchell. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. And Freddie goes, who's paying for this? I go, what are you talking about? He's like, I want you guys, no, I got that bucket of beers for you guys. So he's free. How much paying for this? Why are you doing that? He was with the people.

He was with the color guards. He was with the color guards, dude. Yeah, he had like ROTC people dancing on him. Couple Coast Guard chicks fucking hanging out with him. Thick. Yeah, it was on. Yeah, man. Freddie was going for the one.

That was nice. It was a good time. I don't know if he's married or not. I respect him. Yeah, he wasn't going out. There's no twerking involved. No. I was also one of my favorite things.

You turn to Foley and go, I'll give you 100 bucks if you get on the mechanical bull. Dude, I would have given you so much, dude. Why didn't you do it? What do you have? You have 100 bucks? Yeah, true. True. I don't think I had insurance at the time.

I blow my knee out at fucking Comcast Live or whatever. I'm fucking jammed up. What are you a girl, dude? And you're like, dude, you can't even get. Imagine him going, we're trying to walk on that balloon to get to the thing. I saw La Mer do it once in Nashville, La Merly, and he fucking fell. He tried to jump, so the guy had to help him to get up. Oh, yeah.

Fuck that. The guy who was running it was on the other side of the bull, and he tried to pull him up over it. He pulled him too hard. La Mer went over and just smashed him and just landed right on him. It was wonderful. O'Connor did it that night. O'Connor loves the mechanical bull.

And didn't break eye contact with us the whole time. He's got the hip moves, man. He loves that. That's something there. Dirty dancing already. Yeah, he loves getting on. He was getting into it. I've seen him get on so many mechanical bulls.

He was going to get over to Yard. I saw him at Mohegan Sun Comcast. That's a big one. Yeah, that's like the lobby of the... It was right after I got fired from SNL. Everyone was like, you're going to be fine, dude. You're watching O'Connor on a mechanical bull. There was like 20 people in a casino in Connecticut.

I bombed and then got drunk and watched O'Connor and Beezer on a fucking mechanical bull. That was a rough week. Fuck, dude. I think Eddie Murphy was on that night. I was like, God damn it. Oh, God. It could have been at the after party with Zoey Deschanel. It could have been so awesome.

Yeah, that sucks. With O'Connor watching O'Connor. He's shimmying on the fucking... He's good at it. I'm just sitting there like, oh, fuck. He is unironically good at riding a mechanical bull. They try to toss him and he just like gyrates with it. Jesus.

Anyway, congrats. Thanks. You're fucking killing it. But we haven't had you on in a while. So we want to do a little recap. You know, obviously things are a little bit different. I want to do a little recap on you here. All right.

Couple of things. Who's cutting your hair? Tommy. You fucking... What are you... That's Amish it, dude. Get the fuck out. Tommy, I go downstairs.

He cuts my hair. You are fucking... You are meat and potatoes, man. Do you tip them? No. Nothing. No. Just say, come down and give me a trim on it.

Yeah, I say I need an haircut. I don't even know what to hold up. Even though he's downstairs. I come downstairs just doing nothing. I'm like, dude, help. Because I have nowhere to go in my neighborhood. I tried it once. I got a fucking Dominican...

That's been a thing for me. I live in a Dominican neighborhood. There's nothing. They tape you up. You look like the world's worst undercover cop. It's crazy. They oiled my hair. When I got done, the guy oiled it straight down.

It was the day before I filmed that special. And I had like a weird panic attack. I was like, I need a haircut. He's walking out of Caesar. I couldn't believe it. I didn't need a haircut either. I was just nervous. I was so nervous.

I was like, I should get a haircut. The guy shaved my head and then flattened the front with oil. I got down. I was like, holy fuck. Put a wave cap on you. What have I done? Dude, a bad haircut will fucking ruin your week. I just rolled a dice in Virginia Beach.

I just needed one. We were on the road and I got like... Looks nice. Thank you. It was this like 88-year-old woman. Just fucking shaking with the scissors. Fucking scared the shit out of me. Are you treating yourself at all?

I know you're an old-school guy. I know you got... Take Ubers. I don't take the train. Grubhub. Grubhub Consulate. You should be taking a helicopter. What are we talking about again?

I take Uber pools after spots. Thank God they did away with those. Dude, I almost got beat up in one of those. That was rough. I didn't realize I was just hitting on this hot Dominican kid's girlfriend. And he's turning and I was like, I don't want you to shut the fuck up, fatty.

So I was like, all right, I'll do that. Dude, I get a piece of my pizza, man. 48 more minutes. That was an awkward ride back to the neighborhood. What about like a nice dinner or something like that? You and the boys on the road? Yeah, sometimes. Yeah?

Yeah. What's that, looking like a steakhouse or something? Sometimes. Yeah. And you pick up the bill, I presume. Yes. Where would you go growing up? Where would your pop take you guys to like a family dinner?

You get a Friday? Hosses? Hosses. You guys know Hosses? No. Is that a chain or a... It's good, dude. Jesus, dude.

Hosses. It's like a... Yeah, it's not great. There's goats out back. You get the best bedding goats out back. And there's a... Does that have a Michelin star? What are we talking about?

It's so bad. When I was a kid, I thought it was the nicest shit. Goats is a kid. What war do you need? Got a Ronnie Beard Award. Ghost rules. And then we would have... There's mints on the way out.

We would all get handfuls and throw them at each other on the way. Yeah. It was a tradition. Mint fight in the parking lot on the way out. That's a good time, dude. Those are... Yeah, those are the best memories. That is a good time.

You are a PA, boy. Are you hot dog people? I'm not. You're not? Yeah. The family? Shocking. Felt my dad will fucking destroy hot dogs.

Crush some dogs? Unbelievable. Put down some diesels. All right. We'll be like, all right, we're gonna... You know, there's... I've nieces and nephews, so they come over and he like grills burgers and dogs. Okay.

He makes 30 fucking hot dogs. And eats them all, dude. We just had this fucking insane... Dude, I ate about 18 hot dogs on Saturday. Really? You guys are hot dog guys. Huge. Yeah.

You're a PA guy. You're not a hot... Fucking... I've always hated hot dogs. Really? Really? Yeah. Coney Island dogs and Scranton...

I know. I know. I was just... Abes and Wilkesbury, nothing? Nothing. Oh, shit. No, I was a burger guy. Okay.

Not that there's... You know, it's one of those arguments. What? Yeah. Yeah. It would be the hamburger. It doesn't have to be one. It would be the burger.

But I'm trash. I love a good hot dog. I got one. If you go out to eat, you get a burger, right? And you take a bite. Do you put it back down straight or do you flip it over? I'm gonna have to start flipping it. I've been eating soggy burgers for a decade.

Exactly. Get your fucking game straight. And do you cut it? Yeah. No. No? I'm not gonna hit you right now. Cut your burger like a lady?

Fuck out of here, dude. Yeah. I just ate two slices of pizza out on the street. It did, you know. The dollar slice pizza. Delicious. I love dollar slice pizza, dude. I love it.

I love the shit out of it. The fucking best in New York, man. Fucking love a good dollar slice. Huh. How often are you washing the hair? How often do I... Like, actually putting shampoo. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Every day. And what's kind of soap are you using? There's some dove soap in there. Bar? That's nice. Man, you are old school. I tell you that. Why?

You should be using something fancy. Something nice. Yeah. Little keels or something. I was using hand soap for a while. So I'm living high on the hog now, dude. I didn't buy any soap and I just took it off the sink in the bathroom. That's crazy.

Yeah. Well, fuck it. It works. Fucking shower with a tide pod. Yeah, it's good, dude. I think that's normal. No, it's not. All right.

What, the dial pump you're in there? Yeah. Yeah. I got one. Have you used soap on your past your dick? Past my dick. On the way down? I'll, like, what do you mean on your...

Typically gravity does most of the work. Nothing's touching my legs. Yeah. You don't wash your legs? Barely. I'm kind of in that world as well, for sure. Every now and then I'll get a pass. I've been getting my ass a lot, dude.

The older you get. I got to. You just hand straight hand to it? I'll do it. Yeah, I'll get in there. I got to go in there. It's like sweeping a village in Vietnam. I got to fucking go in there.

All on the watchtower starts playing. Captain says, torch this place. I got to go in a clean house, man. What about a vacation? I don't know if you've ever taken a vacation. Yeah. I went to Florida two years ago. Okay.

Strictly vacation. No shows. No shows. That was it. That's pretty good. We're in Florida. It was on the Gulf. It was like outside of Panama.

Is that it? Panama City? Is that on the? I don't know. I don't know on the Gulf. I forget where it's called. I know Tampa's on the Gulf. It was up by Alabama.

It was on the... Not even that nice. It's so nice. It's so nice. It's so nice. It's the best. What about like Europe? You don't want to take a trip to...

I've been there. I lived in Spain for like six months. Fuck. That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Really? What the fuck was that? You were a student. You were a teacher.

Yeah. I taught. I was selling cars in Mechanicsburg. And I was like... I really like... What kind of cars? Hondas. Had you had a degree?

Did you? Yeah. Not in Spain. No. It was just a history degree. But what did you get? What did you end up getting your degree from? Westchester.

You went to Westchester. Westchester. That's where you went for four years. Yeah. You lived there. Yeah. At Westchester. I lived there for like six years.

And then I went and taught in Spain. Yeah. For like six months. It was great. Where in Spain? Madrid. Okay. North of the city.

It was great. Yes. It was up in some shitty village called El Vión. El Vión. How's your Spanish? Yeah. Terrible now. Parible.

Oh, alright. Wait. Was it good at the time? Yeah. Really? Especially you get drunk. There's no inhibition. You start using the accent.

It's fun. It's fun. I was... Morvado. I was just talking about this last night with someone. I went there thinking like, alright, I'll be cultured. You know what I mean? I literally, I went to the same bar every day.

Oh, dude, yeah. Got shit-faced every day in the same bar. I didn't see anything. Yeah. I didn't go anywhere. We did that in Dublin. Went over to see my buddies. We were living over there for school.

And we didn't do... Didn't see a fucking thing. Went to the same casino every day. I met them there at five o'clock every day. It's crazy. And then just we just got blind drunk. Yeah. It's fucking straight up the middle.

I fucking love it. But it's like, that's what you like doing. Why don't you just do what that's what I'm saying? I know. It's like, you know, what it is. But occasionally I'll do something. And I'll be like, oh, this is nice. Oh, that is worth it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is nice. I went to some museums. I went to some museums that I was sick. There you go. Yeah. You are cultured a little bit. He is.

That's the crazy thing. Yeah. You think you want to spend a couple of weeks in Italy up in fucking... I think I am. Yeah. Puscating or something like that. I want to see the Vatican.

Yeah. That would be fucking sick. Fucking shout-out though. They just got in a little trouble, actually. No, like today. Oh, what'd they do? Oh, god damn it. Bootlegged movies?

Yeah, this isn't really a... Yeah, it was a little worse than that. There was 600 bootleg accusers came forward. They bootleg 600 new movies. These fucking lying kids. Why do they keep lying? Bootleg. Bootleg.

That's where it goes. Keep lying about my kids. Trying to go to the Sistine Chapel over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those protestors outside. Have you ever been to a free concert? Like a radio still? No.

Okay. Like a WMGK? No. All right, okay. You haven't thrown out the first pitch anywhere yet, have you? No. All right. We're working on dropping the puck at the AHL game.

That'd be awesome. You got to throw out the first pitch. Phantoms? No. Who? Bears? Yeah. The Bears?

You motherfuckers. That's my hometown. You guys stay to the Phantoms. Don't fucking... You're not welcome in the Giant Center. Stay to the Phantoms. The friendly confines of the Giant Center. How do you feel about the rotisserie chicken chain?

And when was the last time you had one? I was speaking your language. Shout out to the roto game. I don't know when the last time I had one was. Okay. Recent. Yeah. Within the last two months.

You doing the whole thing? What's that? Eating the whole thing? Yeah. Crushing it? Yeah. Saved one's tough. Yeah.

Once you put it in the fridge, it's gone. Oh, forget about that. Yeah, of course. No, there's a place right by my house. Grocery store. Yeah. Rotisserie. I don't know exactly what you're talking about.

No sides. Yeah. Hot sauce. And a diet coke. No utensils. Just... Are you in the living room? Are you eating at the coffee table?

Or do you eat in the kitchen area? I have a table. Right. Yeah. I sit at the table. You do? I mix it up. You'll sit at that table.

Yeah. I can watch TV. You watch TV from the dining room? Fox News. That's dad shit, dude. Fox News. You're sitting at the table watching TV. I have sons of bitches.

Look at them. They're trying to arrest him. It's a witch hunt, dude. I was talking to my mom yesterday. I'm like, what are you watching? He's like, I'm watching The Five. Oh, The Five's brutal. Oh, The Five's brutal.

The Five's stinks. It's crazy. It's all about it. He loves it. The Five's tough. Yeah. Watching The Five. Yeah, I watched The Five.

Man. She was wrapped up in that. That whole thing. I was. I was watching it. I watched him fly in. Really? I was watching the plane.

I saw the takeoff. Yeah. That plane. It's a pretty dope plane. The plane's all right. It is sick. It looks like a joke. How cool it is.

Yeah. He landed in a Trump plane and then shut down the city, drove through in a giant motorcade. It's like, come on, man. That's my president, y'all. Quick mug shot. Some prints. Back to fucking Miami. If that mug shot gets released.

I don't think they took it, right? I thought it said no mug shot. Yeah, no. They didn't. Dude, how much power you got to skirt a mug shot? They get everybody. Not him. Fucking Nick Noltees is a tough look.

Nick Noltees. But I think how nice a Trump fucking mug shot t-shirt would be. Probably. He probably would have made millions of those. He would have made so much money. Man, that's pretty good. Missed opportunity on the merch. Yeah.

Do you have a mug shot? He is a merch king. No, I don't. I don't. No? No. Do you have one? No.

Yeah, I mean, neither. But we got free tear agents. Yeah. Right. That's right. They don't mug shot. They don't. Yeah.

We got busted. They didn't even arrest me. Yeah, they didn't arrest us either. We got busted at a party drinking and they just made our parents come get us. Yeah. That was it. So scary. So scary.

Yeah. You think you were getting sent to fucking federal prison. You're a senior in high school crying. Your girlfriend's there. My fucking dad's gonna kill me. That's a big deal. My dad's gonna be drunk. He's gonna beat my ass.

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Huh. How do you feel about the double leg? I've come around. Yeah. When I was a young man, I thought they were disgusting. Really? Yeah. I was a big fan.

Yeah. Yeah, I was. Are you a picky eater now, do you think? No. Not really. Although, I don't like mushrooms and onions. Not a mushroom and onions. There's a lot of stuff I don't like.

I don't like mushrooms, onions, tomatoes. Hold the fuck on. You don't like onions? You don't like mushrooms? What? No. I like carrots. That's a fun joke.

I don't like carrots. Not. Psych. Yeah. What about sushi? Would you eat sushi? Love sushi. Really?

I don't like the wild shit. I don't like the eel. Sure. But you'll do raw tuna. You'll do raw salmon. Yeah. All right. Yeah.

How about raw oysters? No, I don't like oysters. How do you get the steak cooked? Medium rare. Gentlemen. All right. Not bad. Not bad.

What do you order when you do go to a steakhouse? Do you have a cut that you like? I like the filet mignon. You go filet nowadays. Nowadays. That's a European and I'm right there. Nowadays. Little filet mignon.

Okay. I also don't know what anything else is. I don't know any other way. I don't know any other way. I learned porterhouse. Tim Dillon schooled me on porterhouse, but that's all I know. I don't know one. Yeah.

Porterhouse is filet in the strip. You should start doing the porterhouse. Okay. With the squad. I don't know any of them. Yeah. Tim, however many people are you going, I'll have the porterhouse for four or whatever it is.

And that's the filet in the strip. I don't even know what the other side is. You taking anything home with you from the restaurant? No. Taking leftovers? No. Never. Never.

Hmm. Yeah. That's clean. Yeah. I can't take it home. No. I feel like a poor person, even though I'm typically poor when I was doing it, but yeah. No, I just eat it.

Yeah. If I don't like it, then I'm going. I'm not going to take this whole thing. Exactly. I'm 100 percent. It's one thing. If I'm at a table, it's I'm finishing the plate. A hundred.

Really? Yeah. Almost every single time. You getting dessert? No. Never. Never. I cannot see you.

Something for the table? Get the fawn or something. I've never got dessert, dude. It actually bothers me when someone does order dessert. It is. I bet you O'Conny likes a little strawberry shortcake and something. Of course he does. Sissy.

Shout out to O'Conny and his triple chocolate cake little bite. Then you take a bite. You go, I don't want it. And then someone goes here to try it. It's fucking good. Yeah. It's all right. Yeah.

You ever listen to the Sopranos theme in the car? Definitely. I've no doubt. I've done that several times. Bumpin'. That's a good time. That's all right. Now we're getting to it.

Yeah. Never even thought about it. Just unironically bumpin' it. A montage of me just. Getting the ticket at the toll booth. That was a goddamn hit. I don't know what to tell you. Have you ever owned a copy of the Boondock Saints?

Definitely. Yeah. Do you have any DVDs now? No. Nothing. You have your PlayStation or Xbox? Yeah. Do you have actual games or do you do it all online?

I'll just download them now. Boondock Saints, though. I remember that was big in my family. I remember the Christmas party. My uncles were talking about it. It's an incredible movie. I dressed up like them for Halloween one year. No.

Both of them. Yeah. It was not my finest hour. Did anybody get it? No. It's a cult classic. I was like selling it. That movie did not age well.

You see it lately? No. It's bad. I saw it a handful of years ago. It wasn't great. Yeah. Any crystal light in the house growing up? No.

What would you have for dinner? Milk. Milk. Milk. Yeah. Every time. I was home. Fucking D1F.

I was there. Pussies. Fucking drinkin' iced tea. One season. Didn't touch the fields. Got dominated every day. I was home like two weeks ago. My dad for lunch was eating a tuna wrap with milk.

That's crazy. In the middle of the day. I was like Jesus Christ. Tuna and dairy? Tuna and milk. Dude, I don't know what it is. Dads have some kind of... That's what a cat would have for lunch.

That's crazy. It is, dude. I'll say this, man. Dads know how to make tuna salad. Like a fucking Michelin star chef. They just do it fucking nice. Right amount of salt and pepper. How many dads?

How many dads have you seen do this? Two, including yours. I assume it was a decent sandwich. I assume he threw down, yeah. My dad used to hook up tuna salad. Put a little relish in it. Fucking be so jealous. Little black pepper.

Make it nice. My dad would eat cottage cheese. Love it. Is that normal? I don't know. It's fucking disgusting. I love it. Do you eat cottage cheese at all?

I love it. He just would spoon cottage cheese. Put black pepper in there? Or sometimes a little bit of honey? I don't think anything. Just raw dog in it? Yeah, he'd be watching sports drinking. I'd turn around and he'd be in the kitchen.

Watching the game still. Scoop it down a lump of bread stones. That's awesome. Anyone in your family ever own a PT Cruiser? No. Any ATVs out there? No. At the Killis household?

No, no, no. Mini bikes? No, nice suburban neighborhood. Okay. You have a BB gun as a kid? No. I have one now, though. Really?

At my parents' house, yeah. What kind are we talking about? Rep. Did you go and buy it? It's a regular shitty rifle. Handgun or rifle? Yeah, it's nice. Did you go and buy it?

I don't know how we got it. I have no idea how it showed up. He stole it from a neighbor again. It's there and it's very exciting. He's walking into a wall. Little kids, the little kids love it. Might as well be a bazooka to a little kid. Yeah.

Do you ever have a paintball gun? No. Okay. Super soaker? Yes. Yeah. Fucking hot shit. Super soakers are awesome.

The best. Yeah. All right. All right. He's towing in both worlds. Yeah, a little bit. Shock me with this. Any as seen on TV products in the household growing up or now?

No. You never had a clapper? A snuggie? Cheapet? Shamwell? Snuggie, yes. No Shamwell. Yeah.

Okay. I had an eagle snuggie. I had a fucking snuggie. I might have told it here. Let me stop me if I did. Dude, after I quit West Point, I quit and they were playing. The Army Navy was in Philly. I was at Westchester.

I used to go to every one of those games. I was at Westchester. My sister was having a snuggie bar crawl. So I'm in a fucking Ninja Turtles snuggie. The team goes to the bar that I'm at after the game. The kids that watched me cry and quit were at the bar drinking after their Army Navy game. I was in a fucking Ninja Turtles snuggie. What?

And they were like, yo, it's Gillis. Dude, what are you doing here? I was like, hey, what's up guys? They were like, how are you doing? I was like, pretty good. I was doing the combine. Not doing great. Things are going well.

You definitely didn't tell us that. That hurts. That one's a tough memory. You didn't leave? I would have ran away again. And I was just with like 10 lesbians. They all look like you. For real.

Oh God. Gillies. Damn, that hurts. Damn. Yeah. I might have had a foe hawk. Dude, around that time I also had a foe hawk. For sure.

Fuck. Oh man. Who won that game? They were kind of cool at that point. I think Navy won. So fuck those pussies. Fuck those Army losers. Anyway, those guys probably all into Iraq.

Yeah. Yeah. Guys are a bunch of heroes. Those fucking heroes? Those fucking losers? They're my Ninja Turtles, Nugget. Are there any carnival games you think you're good at? The ring toss, the basketball.

No, I think I suck at all of them. I think I suck at all of them. I feel like I thought you would have been like prideful about like, you fucking, you want to see me? No, no. Yeah. Okay. I'm terrible.

Who babysat is a kid? Neighborhood people. Okay. Yeah. But I had older sisters. They were six and seven years old. Sure. So they were always.

So they were watching it. That's not bad. That's respectable. Do you know how to tie a tie, I presume? No. I mean, I can. I can. It's just very bad.

I wore a clip on in high school. Huh. Gentlemen. A lot of clip-ons. And how many suits do you own now? One. And does it fit? Yeah.

It fits now. Good suit. Sharp suit. Good suit. It's from my sister's wedding. Okay. Name brand? It's gray.

I don't know what brand. You got it like today's man or something? It's like Jose Bank or something. Jose Bank. Yeah. It's good. It's a fucking Steve Harvey suit. It really is.

And now I got to wear it. I wear it to funerals. I wear it everywhere. Yeah. It's the only one I got. Shoulder pants. It's gray. What's the deal with girls today anyway?

I got a big mustache on. I can't do them. Bits. Last time you had a massage? Recent. Good. Yeah. Tell us.

It's nice on the road. Yes. I was in, I don't, I don't remember where, but yes, the whole time I was like, yeah. Was it like an appointment one or you pop in? No. It was a spa in the hotel. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. I thought I was going to get whacked off the whole time. Man, that's too classy. Every time. I'm just like, am I going to get jerked off? Uh-huh. And I'm nervous the whole time.

Yeah. Every massage I get, I laugh the entire fucking time. And I had to tell her, I was like, is this normal? And she was like, you're the only person I've ever done this. Yeah. It hurts. Hmm. It hurts your body.

Massages? Yeah. Yeah, they get in there. Fuck dude. When's the last time you got one? A few weeks ago. Couple's massage. Ew.

Me and him. I did him first. He did me. I like to see that. I like to see you treating yourself, man. I'm not going to get a hand job. What are you talking about? I'm not treating yourself.

Starts off on his back. Yeah. He puts a towel over his face. Don't get naked. I don't get naked. I leave my boxer. Yeah. I go kind of almost weekly at this.

I got a bad back. I leave the boxers all at the time. Really? You go weekly. I try to. The road and shit, the flights. Yeah. I try to.

Loosen up a little bit. It's good. I like it. I also, it's an old Asian one. She's like old and fat. So it's like not even on the table. Yeah. Was there any show as a kid that you watched as a family?

Like would you sit down and watch Jeopardy? No. Never. Don't think anything. You have a TV in your room as a kid? No. Were you allowed to eat in your room? No.

Really? No. Okay. I wasn't allowed to eat in the living room. Really? Yeah. That's strict. Yeah.

Were they strict about everything or just that like in the house? Just that. Yeah. Okay. Shoes off in the household? No. No. Can't eat in the living room but you're walking around your fucking dirty shoes off?

I didn't know that was such a thing. We get mad every episode of our podcast where we're wearing shoes in my apartment. A lot of comments are like take your fucking shoes off. Really? New York's a little, suburbs are different. New York is disgusting. New York's disgusting. Sure.

Especially if you're taking the subway and you're walking around and shit. Yeah. Yeah. Huh. Anyway. Would you ever go to karaoke song? Werewolves of London. That's not bad.

Yeah. It's an easy one. That's pretty good. How about you? Um, I couldn't say I would go too. I'd probably do an original. It's got a guitar for the kid. I'd pull out the tape.

You can sing, can you? A little bit. Yeah, I bet he can. He's good. He's a good musician. A little bit. I'd probably do Joe Cocker or something like that. Yeah?

Yeah. I don't know what that is. Um, goodbye with a little help from my friends. Oh, nice. Yeah, I'd probably hit that. That's fun. Yeah. Something low, something nice.

Werewolves of London's all right though. Thanks man. I've never done it and I never will. Let me ask you this. Never. It's pretty fun. It's like dancing at a wedding. You scream whatever you want.

You don't have to sing. No, I just can't do it. I can't bring myself to do it. Yeah. Let's say you're at a restaurant. Table next to you, it's their birthday. The waiters come out and they're singing happy birthday. Will you start singing along?

No. Will you ever tell anybody? Uh, if I'm fucked up, yeah. If I'm buzzed. How many beers I got in me? Yeah. You gotta slice it, I can't. This is crazy.

Yeah. Will you tell people it's someone's birthday at the table? Like will you tell the waiter so they come over? I have done that in the past. As a bit? As a young man. As a bit. Okay.

I'll respect the bit. It's a fun bit. Yeah. Huh. Hmm. Have you or anyone in your family ever skied in jeans? Spring Mountain? Jack Frost?

Probably have winter. I didn't have. Of course. Of course. Yeah. That's a PA Jersey dirtbag move, man. Jeans, dude. Up a big boulder for it all over.

Pair of dungarees on you? Yeah. Okay. Is it a drug store or a pharmacy? I think drug store. Okay. What do you call a drug store? It's trash.

Is it? Yeah. What do you need? A pharmacy. I don't call the drug store. We only had one. We called it CVS. I was the right guy.

I was the right guy. Yeah. Huh. Will you fart in Uber? Yeah. You will. Will you roll the window down? No.

That's a dead giveaway. You gotta roll the window down first. Hey, man. Can you roll the windows down? Are all your bills on auto pay? Yes. Yeah, they are. Smart.

There you go. For a while they weren't. For about 10 years they were just never paid. Yeah, I'm just starting. I think I now have everything on you. Yeah. Oh, my cell phone. Still get you.

My mom pays my cell phone bill. You're on a family plan, dude? You're still on my mom's family bill. Shout out to it. Yeah. Yeah. Very nice. Will you send her the money for it?

I forget always. I don't even send her money. I should send her some money. Send her some cash. Yeah. You're doing all right. Yeah. What was I going to say?

Will you use the Venmo instant transfer? Someone Venmo's you 100 bucks or whatever. Do you instantly transfer it? No. Or do you take it to two to three days? Yeah. Really? You getting cash back?

If you make a purchase? Or you get some money from the register? I just got a credit card. First credit card ever? Yeah. Really? Yes. Yeah, we talked about it at the fucking thing.

Yeah, I just got it. Oh, yeah. It's an AMEX? No. Yeah. We just got it. Oh, we convinced them to get the AMEX. It's a credit card.

It's a capital one. It's a debit card. It's a 600 dollar fucking limit. We're like fucking screaming at him at the bar. What are you doing, you idiot? Yeah, I have all my money in my debit card. Yeah. I didn't know.

Well, dude, you got to fucking split that. Oh, yeah, that's right. Jesus Christ. What are you having your checking account? You told us we were like, you can move that, man. Fucking nuts. I don't know. I don't know money.

Oh, man. I don't know money at all. I'm sorry. On that same tip, will you send a Venmo request to somebody? Like if I owed you 50 bucks. No, never. Classy gentleman. But 10 years ago, four years ago.

Sure. Yes. Yeah, of course. Looking for that. I did it. Yeah, no money. It's my money and I need it now, baby. It's zero, dude.

Yeah. Trying to drink. When you stack plates at a restaurant, like when you're done with them, will you put the plates together? No. No? Okay. Fuck.

Dude, I thought he just got mad at me. Who does that? I do. I'm not a fucking buzz boy. You do that? Yeah. Plates make it easier for me. You know what?

Yeah, like an appetizer plate. A basket or something. I'll give you plates. Yeah. Full meal plates from somebody else that's done? Yeah. That's crazy. That's very weird.

Okay. It's coming up. I would say, what are you doing? At the table. I'm still eating that. What are you doing? What's the key situation? How many keys you got?

Three. That's it. Yeah. The only one is, I only use one. What's the other two for? I have no idea what they're for. They're just on the link. I don't know what they are.

Do you check your mail? No, not really. You probably have a slot, don't you? Yeah. Yeah. All right. Give you something else to eat. Anyone in your family still have an AOL email address?

Yeah, probably. Probably some uncles still. Yeah. Banging with an AOL. Old man forward email chains. Forward to FWD, FWD, FWD. Michelle Obama's a man. Thank you.

Kip, you know what this is. Adam and Eve.com. Wee! Knock, knock. Who's there? Bonerville. Let's go. You ordered a butt plugs?

Yes, I did. Right this way. Beep, beep. Truck bags. Adam and Eve's a good time. I'll tell you that. Whether you're with a friend or you're by yourself, it doesn't matter.

Do yourself a favor. Get over to Adam and Eve. Pick yourself up something. What could you get? Get a little lube, you get a tickler, a whip, a cock ring, nipple clamps. Bump busters. Whatever you want, baby.

It's a good time. You're saving money. You're taking something brought out to dinner. Just get something home and shove it up you. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. What am I doing here? Put your something in something or put something in you.

That's the motto over here, baby. Send the kids to grandma's and spice up their sex life. Go to AdamandEve.com, the number one adult toy super store. Yeah. And don't forget the condoms because we play it safe around here.

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Use Code Garbage to check out. Use Code Garbage at AdamandEve.com to save 50% off your first item doing a back to the show. Back to the show. Do you appreciate a lumberjack breakfast? What exactly is that? That would be like eggs, bacon, sausage, comes with pancakes or waffle.

I don't like the pancakes and waffle part. Really? Yeah, I did just have it at Waffle House and it was pretty good. Waffle House is all right. It's a good waffle. You're not that much of a waffle or pancake guy. No.

French toast guy? It's delicious, but yeah. You're just not into it. Yeah, I don't like to start in the day with... I could eat 10 pancakes. Sure. Are you a sweets guy? Not really.

Hmm. Yeah. This is just alcohol and meat. Hey, ain't nothing wrong with it, baby. Gout. Shout out to it. Do you have gout? No.

I'm afraid to get checked for it. Sure, it has to come. Yeah. How do you take your eggs? Over easy. My man. Yeah. Respectable.

Bacon crispy? Big Eggs Benedict guy, too. Whoa! Don't tell your parents. God damn. Whoa! Don't be Sonya. Benedict.

Yeah. Look at you. You guys are making me feel all right. You're a classy guy. Yeah. Yeah. Would you ever get that when you were a kid? No.

When did this start up? That's new money shit. No, I've been having that. When he moved up there... When he moved up there to New York. Actually, yeah, probably. It was a ham and cheese omelet forever. Shout out to him.

Ham and cheese omelet. I didn't have... One of my favorites. My first thing is Benedict was... Yeah, probably six years ago. Yeah. It was the first time I had one. And I wasn't really sure what it was.

I didn't know either. Yeah. And now they're all right. Took a chance. You, when you're getting in the shower, get in through the front of the shower or the back of the shower. Really? Yeah.

And enter the water. He gets in the water, dude. He's fucking psycho, man. Well, you're entering the middle. You're entering the entire shower. Wait, you get in the water? Dude, he'll sneak by. I get in the water, yeah.

He'll sneak by the toilet. You know, like a lot of times. Yeah, yeah. He crams into the toilet and gets in the front. I stick my hand in and feel the water and I get in. I don't want to, I don't want to creep in. You got to creep in. You got to let the feet do the testing.

Legs do the testing. And then you go, that's too hot. Put a hand in there. Figure it out. All right. I'm aware that that's the class of your move. I'm going to give that to you. Do you put your pants on and then socks or socks than pants?

Pants and socks, probably. Yeah. Shirt first. Oh, of course. The fat guy? The fat guy? It goes underwear, shirt, immediately. The last thing I want to see is me in the mirror naked, bending down to put fucking

socks on. So it goes undies? Shirt. Undies, shirt. Pants, socks. Yeah. Okay. Respect it.

Occasionally, I'll accidentally do undies, pants. Then you just walk around in like jeans. Ah, I don't have. Your fat fucking hips hanging over. I don't even have that confidence in front of my wife. Yeah, it's terrible. No way. I closed the door to get changed.

Yeah, I still hide my flaccid penis from my woman. I don't hate that. You have to. I've broken that. Don't look. I walk out of the back. I walk out of the fucking backwards. Yeah.

No, I've broken that. Really? Oh, yeah. It is what it is. A couple of acorns and a little bush. That's it. That's tough. I'll fucking do it.

Can you see it from the front? What do you mean, my noodle? Yeah. A little bit. Okay. You see the tip of it. What do you mean? Him or just anyone?

No, his. All right. No, I mean, could an onlooker see his penis? No, onlooker. No, yeah. Can any, no, I don't think he can. No, no. God, no.

No, yes. Someone, if he's standing over there. Somebody see his penis. Yes. That's fucked up. It does not that crazy. I've seen his stomach. You can see the area.

It doesn't. It doesn't hang over. I can't see it. It could be on my knee for all I fucking know. Somewhere down there. What about the deodorant? Are you putting the deodorant on first and then the shirt? Yeah.

Every time. Look at that. I'm sure first. What color deodorant are you using? White. There you go. Ladies deodorant? Old spice.

White. Oh, that white. That's like too creamy. Oh, really? It's like cream cheese for me. I respect it. What's in the house right now as far as food? Snack wise.

Is there anything in there? Zero. Zero. Nothing's in my house. Nothing. Yeah. Any beers in the fridge? No beers.

No beers. I don't drink at home. I have the same rule. Yeah. That's why I know it's a problem. That's how I know I have. Well, it's not really a rule either. Like, I don't like just sitting up.

I'm not going to sit by myself. Although, I've done it and it's really great. Just getting fucked up by yourself. Fucking rules. Dude, the pandemic, I would get just my wife would go to bed at like 11 and I would just sit up and get, I'd bottle a wine, beer, whatever was there. Yeah. That was all right.

Have you ever shotgunned a beer alone? Oh, fuck. I would say definitely. Ha ha. I have no doubt. What was the last time you did a beer bong? Rogan. I did it.

Oh, that's right. I bonged like 20 beers this year. Ha ha. I forgot about that. What about sleeping? How many pillows are you using? As many as I can get. Okay.

Are you sleeping on your side? I try not to, but yeah. Trying to sleep on your back? Yeah. Got a pillow between your legs when you sleep on your side? I like to, yeah, if I can. Are you hugging? I can reach one.

Are you hugging a pillow? Yeah. You got to hug one. Yeah. It's so nice. You got a fan cooking while you're going? Come on. Come on.

Man. Sleeping silently is insane. That's how the thoughts get you. You got to drill those things out. Do you have a TV in there? Yeah. You do. Do you fall asleep with a TV there?

I don't watch it. No. Really? Yeah, I never use it. You just go in and go to bed? Yeah. I listened to a book, audio book. Really?

What kind of book are we talking? Hitler. Okay. It's pretty good. Is it his book or what? Let's see where I left off. Okay. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Let's see where I left off. Oh, that's the name of the book is Hitler. You know, you could have got an American guy to read it.

And all of Germany. You're the toughest nerd I know. You guys got to learn about stuff. I got to get back to being a nerd. I used to be, I used to read a lot. Yeah. You're a smart guy. You're a very smart guy.

You're a very smart guy. You're very, you are well read. You know a lot about history. Yeah. What was the SAT scores? Remind us. It was 1170, I think. It's pretty solid.

That's fine. What did you get? Where are you dumb as fuck? You mean the guy who can't see his dick? No. You told me this. You told me this. What was your SAT score?

His. I was 1140. I think his is like astonishing. It's three digits. 1350. No. You fucking liar. I got an 870.

I still got in the college. It's pretty good. And then failed out. Did you? Oh yeah. Where'd you go? Widener University. Yeah.

I know Widener. Yeah. That's a boys play there. Yeah. Yeah. It's all right. It's a good time. It was a good time.

What was graduation like? Wasn't there. Got an 870. That's crazy. Everybody does that. We have people on. We ask them and they don't want to reveal. And I go, no, he got an 870.

What the hell? Loosen it up a little bit. You're among the good people. Yeah. Have you ever washed shoes in the washing machine or the dishwasher? Washing machine. Yeah. I didn't know you could do that.

Yeah. They never come out just as well. No. They get fucking destroyed. Yeah. They come out all wonky. Yeah. Then they smell worse.

They get like water logged into it. Yeah. It's not good. You keeping the customer receipt? No. Never. Never. Okay.

I don't return things. Never. I don't mean the customer receipt for like a restaurant. Or you're closing on a tab at a bar. Let's put it in somebody's nose. No. Why do you keep that? I take it.

Why? Because they can fill it out. You have no proof. Somebody put $500 tip down. What? And it closed my bag. Yeah. Yeah.

Financially ruined me for about three years. Dude, I was driving. I remember driving. I'd be like, dude, if I get a flat tire. I'm bankrupt. Yeah. It's over. Yeah.

Have you ever had breakfast in bed? I don't think. Okay. Have you ever bought a pair of Skechers? No. It's coming. It's coming. It's coming.

Yeah. What are those sneakers that Sam Talant's always pushing? Yolkas? Matt wears them. McCusker. Yeah. Rokas? Hocus.

Hocus. Oh, yeah. Swears by him. Yeah. All like the dad shoes. He was. But he found this brand and he loves them. He was on the Nike Monarchs.

The Monarchs. That's what it was. The Nike Monarchs. Yeah. It was good. These are like shoes for a guy who's one leg is shorter than the other leg. They got the platform on it. Yeah.

Can you play chess? No. Really? Yeah, I can't. I have no idea. Surprised. Never tried. I would have pegged you.

100%. Really? Thanks. What's your favorite flavor or Gatorade? Light blue. He said the color. It's trash. Glacier.

Glacier freeze. Freeze. That's my go-to. Hungover, I'll go dark blue. I feel it has more nutrients. Yeah, it does. You're exactly right. It's just 900 grams of sugar.

You need it. You need it. Anybody in the family with an associates degree? Is that after bachelor's? No, that's before. But it was two years. It was two years. Community college.

No, I don't think so. Anyone in your family get married at the courthouse? Yeah. Yeah. Did your pop go to school? Did he go to college? Yeah. He went to Clarion.

Really? Yeah. Nice. Not great. That's a good school. Clarion in the fucking 70s? Fair enough. I didn't think of that.

Yeah. Anyone in your family ever represent themselves in court? No. But my dad... Somebody had tried or thought about it. No, I was getting... My friend got arrested for... I was driving.

We were driving past the cop and he screamed. He was like, fucking pig. Yeah, they don't like that. And he caught us. And he tried to... He pulled me out of the car. He didn't pull me out. He made me come out of the car.

And he was like, what'd you say? And I was like, I didn't say it. He was like, who did? I was like, I'm not going to tell. I was like, I can't snitch on my friends. I ain't no rat. He was like, well, it came from your side of the car. And I was like, yeah.

And it wasn't me. He didn't do the math there. Come on, dude. I wasn't telling you, but it wasn't me. And then we went to court. And... He brought you in for that? Court, dude.

What? What was the charge? I'm obstructing. He was pulling someone over. It was bullshit. But in the middle... These are trumped up charges. It was crazy.

Yeah. And then in the middle of it, my dad stood up, said something, and I guess he knew the judge somehow. I don't know. It was bullshit, Larry. And he said something. And the judge jokingly was like, are you his attorney? And my dad goes, no, but I did stay at a holiday in Express last night.

Shut the fuck up. The place went wild, dude. No fucking way. It's unbelievable. All right, you guys get out of here. What? That's fucking a homerun. Convicted?

It wasn't me. We were like his witnesses. Your character witnesses. Did he say bacon or whatever? Did he get convicted? I think so. Just had to pay a fine or something. Yeah.

Was a cop there to testify? Yeah. Slow day, huh? Dork. You're always banking on the cop not to show up. Yeah. My brother represented himself in court for a public drinking down in the shore. And he was just like, I got nothing better to do.

I'm fucking going. And he was like, prove what's in my soul. Prove what was in my solo come. You don't have any evidence. Like, he was watching law and order for weeks. Your honor, my client. That's you. What are you talking about?

Just like, hey, man. Like it was like, I'm making this up a $1,000 ticket or whatever. He's like, dude, just pay 250 bucks and we can all leave. He's like, all right. Deal. Yeah, deal. Yeah. Got out of it though.

Nice. What are you thinking, Kip? I don't know. Let's see. You ever have any subscribed to Max on Magazine, FHM? No, but I think I was, I don't know why, but I was bedridden. You see, like wisdom teeth or something. And my aunt gave me a Max on Magazine.

Oh, shit. And I fucking, I plastered that. I was coming on it. I made it a little sweeter. You started pulling out more teeth to stay in bed? Dude. Whatever. I whacked off onto it and would just tear the page out and tear it up and throw it in

the toilet. Throw it in the toilet? What? I don't know what's going on. I'm jizzing on a magazine. Shane, get out of here. Someone, dude, you had to call a plumber at some point and he was like, yeah, there's half a Max on Magazine in here.

Confetti. Max, I'm seeing this all the time, man. Your son has his wisdom teeth taken out. Been beating off for three days up there. This is pipes full of terrarium. Terrarium. Oh, man. Dude, I had the Desperate Housewives one.

I fucking cut them out, put it on the wall the whole night. My mom walked in and she's like, get these whores off the wall. Terri Hatcher, shout out to her. Can't put it on the wall. Hold on. Poor mother. You were jerking off to network television? What do you mean?

Easily. No, at that point, I had DVDs for sure, a DVD or two. But you had pictures of the, that was an ABC show. That was on like eight o'clock. I mean, I wasn't jerking off to the TV show. It was their Maxim spread. They were hot. Calliope.

Yeah, I'd like to see that. Yeah. It was pretty good, man. Eva Longoria. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. Huh. All right.

Let's see. We went to your house right now and asked for a water. What are we getting? We got a Britta on the counter. Not in the fridge. Not in the fridge. Why that? Why is that?

I left it out for the last month. He's there, boy. I thought I was just like, I'll hydrate you better. Yeah, have it touched it. It's good, though. Okay. Real temp's not bad. I don't disagree.

Hydrate you quicker, they say. Yeah. Is how new is the filter in that Britta, Shane? It's moving slow. I don't know what's going on. Okay. Yeah, it's old. Yeah, it's old.

Yeah, but I need to go buy it. You probably never replaced it. Probably not. But that's all right. New York City Tabloids is good. Still better than you. Yeah, exactly. Any magnets on the fridge?

No. Pop tarts or toaster strudels? Pop tarts. Not even close. Did you get them as a kid? Occasionally, yeah. Just plow through them right away. Just crush them.

Sure. Smaller pop tarts, it was over. Yeah. That was candy. That wasn't even breakfast. Yeah, that was crazy. Ever write anything on the wall of a bathroom or porta potty? No.

Okay. Any trophies currently displayed in your apartment? I don't think. Okay. I see. I'll see if there's any out there. If there's not, you're hitting the garage at your mom's house. I think in 2010, I won a comedy competition.

Okay. I get that. In New York PA, it's like a golden mic. I think it's actually down in. You got a golden mic? Yeah, I mean it's. Put that on display though. I think it's in Tommy and Chris's room.

That's pretty sweet. Yeah. I think it's in their apartment still. That's pretty sweet. Yeah. I only got a couple more here. Have you ever worn shoes to the beach? No.

Have you done a Jello shot in the last 365 days? Yes. Oh, God. You have. What are you, 19? Certainly have. I tailgate a lot. Go to a lot of games.

All right. I'll give you that. That's fun. Shoes at the beach though. I like it. That's a good time. My cousin, he's trash. You're not too classy yourself here, Shane.

Shoes and socks and shoes to the beach. Holy shit. Beezer. Beezer's a sneakers on the beach guy. No shit. Beezer went to the beach with us. He wore like jean shorts or like. Yeah.

Like he was going to the mall. Jean shorts, a t-shirt, hat, sunglasses, socks and shoes. He was just fully. That's wild. It's all black. It was crazy, dude. Wild. Anybody in your family ever claim to have seen a UFO?

No. Okay. Hmm. Hmm. Pretty cool. Will you buzz the flight attendant? Never. Good man.

Will you send food back at a restaurant? Never. Have we asked to change a table? Uh, I try not to. No. Never. Almost never. Change hotel rooms?

No. Are you leaving something for the cleaning lady and the hotel? Yes. If I have cash, yes. What are we talking? The 20. Class. Classy.

Good man. Are you banned from any bars? No. Ever been thrown out of a restaurant? Not since, like, college. Okay. Fair enough. Fair enough.

Um, you open your eyes under water in the pool? Yes. In the hot tub. You should see me. In the hot tub. I do. In the hot tub. No.

What do you mean? You're a little peeking. Why do you do that? See what's around. You know what I mean? You can't do that. I don't know what I'm fond of. Let's destroy your eyes.

I've been doing it since I was a kid, man. It must be dark red coming out of that, dude. You must look crazy. Wait, what do you mean? Why are you doing this? There's nothing to see. It's for the rush, man. I like to live on the edge, Gillie.

Yeah, you like to paint. Fuck. Aw, man. I mean, I'm pretty good. Do you wear any cologne? No. Never. Never.

Fuck. Yeah. The cologne with my Notre Dame coaches polo. That'd go nice. Yeah, is that game over? Little English leather. What do you think, Kim? You know how to use chopsticks.

Yeah. Kind of. There you go. Yeah, I can. Like that. What's the luggage situation? I've won. I gotta fix it, though.

It's fucked up. I gotta buy a new one. It's broken. The zipper ripped off. What's the carry on? Is that what it is? No, I check. Little roller?

No, I check. You check. You check. I check, yeah. Really? What do you get on the plane with nothing? You're wrong with the big boy? Yeah.

I try. I have a book bag. Okay. Hold on. Is it bad to call them book bags? Book bag or school bag? I say school bag. I say school bag.

Oh, a school bag. Yeah. I grew up saying book bag. My cousin said school bag. Everybody says backpack. Yeah, that's new. That's correct. That's the fucking TikTok kids.

Yeah, I don't like that. People make fun of you. They go, what are you fucking eighth grade? It's like, what else do you want me to call? My satchel? It is what it is. You currently have any $2 bills? No, but I would like them.

Okay. Any coin collections at the house or anything? No. Okay. I don't do anything. Apparently you just sit around and do jello shopping. I sit down. I mean.

Yeah, I mean, I'm good at kid's trash. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah. Through and through. Through and through. But a lot of surprises, I would say. Yeah, Spain, but that's only going to get you so far. Yeah, that was 10 years ago.

He got drunk at a dot bar in Spain for a month. I was actually stunned about the oysters and the sushi. I'll be honest with you. I like sushi. I don't like oysters. I don't like oysters. I hate oysters. The sushi, yeah.

Oysters are disgusting. I don't fuck with them. Great, man. You like them? Love them. Little cocktail sauce and lemon. Next time we're out to dinner, I'll get you to try one. All right.

Try it out. It's good. You like white wine? I like wine. You like white wine? Yeah. Any wine. Do you know anything about wine?

No. Yeah, you'll just drink it. No idea. Yeah. Do you ever order an expensive bottle when you're out to dinner? I think I have, but I don't know. I can't tell the difference. Give me this one?

Yeah. Your point? I go, what's the best one? Best wine? Well, yeah. I mean, which one of these is good? Okay. I don't know.

I don't know wine. I don't know steak. I don't know wine. I don't know food. Yeah. Man. Yeah. They're trying to take Bud Lights from us right now.

That's a big, it's a big to do. I'm not worried about it. No, I'm chilling. Yeah. I'm going to still drink Bud Lights. Hey, everybody stop drinking Bud Lights, more for me. Yeah. That's what I say.

True. All right. Let's wrap it up. Hey, guys. That was great. Yeah. Thanks for coming. Was it?

Yeah. What are you talking about? I'll do that. Don't be like that. Everybody wanted to, that was beautiful. Yeah, it was great. The young bull. When are we getting fucked up again?

Soon, I hope. Yeah. The machine. I do have nothing to do today. I'm done for the day. Stack of quarters. You guys ever drive a Tesla? I've been in one.

I've never driven one. I just tried one. Do you drive? Are you looking at? No, I'm not going to buy one of those. You don't even have a car, do you? No, I don't. You got rid of that one car?

Yeah, I gave it to my sister, yeah. That was like a Corolla. It was a Chevy Cruze, dude. Oh, I did have the Corolla. That thing is, that was fucked up, dude. Do you want to get a car? You want to get a new car? I don't need it.

If I live in New York, I don't need one. You don't really need one. I have one my life. How will you get to your parents? What? How do you get to your parents? I'll take the train. Really?

Yeah. Okay. There's a Harrisburg stop. That's true. To that room out there. What's the, what is it? The comedy zone or the second street? No, the comedy zone.

We did that comedy zone on Labor Day. Comedy zone's great. No, no, we did another room. Yeah. No, I featured for someone at the comedy zone like five years ago. Not bragging. We did the, we did the other room on Labor Day with Shaynor. Yeah.

What's the other one? HMAC? It was like, I used to have HMAC. There's a bar on the left and then like a stage to the right. Yeah. I used to book shows there. Yeah, Shaynor. I probably booked you guys on that.

Maybe. We had to just do cotton. Oh, that's right. Shaynor murder. I think we've had this conversation. We all fucked. Yeah. That was back to center city days.

You ain't lying. How's that? What happened there? This. Yeah. Was there a drama with that? No. What are you talking about, guys?

Thanks for tuning in. Didn't fully get kicked out. I was asked to leave the Raven a few times. Ladies and gentlemen, Shane Gillis on tour right now. Yeah. Matt and Shane secret podcast. Gillian Keyes. Check it out.

Amazon. Best sketch show out there. Thanks, man. Right? It's up on Amazon. It's on Amazon. Very nice. I love you, buddy.

Yeah, buddy. I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you guys. It is place. It's nicer than my house. Well, from what I hear, your house isn't that nice. What do you mean you were in it playing fucking triple doubles? I wasn't mentally involved.

Dude, did you know I took O'Connor up there the next day? Yeah. You took him upstairs and saw him play with him again. Yeah. Because I was with him later that night. We came back over to the house that night and he was awesome. He passed out while we were playing again. I can't get a problem.

All right, buddy. We love you, gang. We love you. We'll see you next week. Peace.