Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Shane Torres Returns!

Episode Date: December 18, 2023

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Shane Torres! You Know Shane from Stand Up Comedy, Bertcast w/ Bert Kreischer, Dr. Drew After Dark, No Accounting for Taste w/ Kyle Kinane and so much more! Be sure to watch his new special "The Blue Eyed Mexican" OUT NOW! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NYC TOWNHALL Live Show: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows NEW AYG Card Game: https://areyougarbage.com/products/are-you-garbage-card-game Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Ladder Life: https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE Aura Frames: https://auraframes.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hey gang, the new AYG Car Game is available at rUgarbage.com right now. Do you want to get your love one, the perfect gift this year that might not arrive by Christmas? Because we can guarantee that these probably definitely won't show up on time. We got 50 new questions to prove whether your family or friends are absolute trash. Pick them up at rUgarbage.com. Woo! Do it! New York City baby, we're doing the biggest show we've ever done at the town of

Lotheter, May 9th, grabs and tickets come, see the boys, stand up comedy, play little AYG with the crowd. Yeah tickets are moving fast, everything's available at rUgarbage.com, get them army garbage unite, New York City, Connecticut, New Jersey, Delaware, Wyoming, wherever you are, let's party baby, we love you. Love you. Welcome to another exciting edition of You garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or Absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast.

This is R U Garbage. So at the little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they're good to be classy. They're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tuddy's in the new edition. I cannot get her to stop rooting through the Christmas presents. Okay.

She's looking for the loriza Pan that I got her. Okay. Generic, I presume. See, you got to wait till Christmas, they like everybody else. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He's the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman. What? And he is not to be trifled with in the boardroom or the bedroom.

Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan. What up gang, thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you're right of you subscribe when I tune this full video available. And you too, as you know, those numbers are true to room. Cookin' and obviously the greatest website of all time. W-W-W that patreon.com slash where you go over there. You get all your bajillion hours of bonus content gang. And also, too, let's not be remiss.

Town Hall, New York City tickets are on show right now. The biggest show we ever done. Get them thickies be remiss town hall New York City tickets are all right now the biggest show we ever done get them thickies let's go to your come out and see the boys and have a nice quick shout out to our producer extra and an idiot magic man makes us all look good works the ones the twos the threes and the fours he crosses the these and he dots the eyes give it up for T-bone McScroff and Toby McMullen everybody what a boys excited I'm so excited one of my favorite comedians on planet earth in here. All my people. It's just great dude when I told him I quit drinking and I watched the light leave his eyes. I was so upset.

I was true people. He pulled out his phone and delete your number. Who's going to go to Old Town L house with me for one more? Every night. All right man, take care. He's good knowing you. Yeah, yeah, man. Take care. It's good knowing you. Yeah, yeah.

I'm sure I'll work out for you. Gang along here, Nate Lyon. We couldn't be more excited. There were incredibly, and I mean incredibly special. Yes. Back with us again today, he's been a minute. We're fucking boys. We love him.

He's got a brand new special out right now that you got to check out. The Blue Eyed Mexican available on his YouTube page and it was produced by Leanne Kreischer and Bert Kreischer. It's available on Bert's YouTube page. You got to check it out. Give it up for Mr. Shane Torres everybody. Let's go. You got it. You got it. Here we are. And here's the capper. The last time you were here, it's been a while, which I can't believe it's barely on in the show. Yeah. You're not going to believe it's barely on the show. Yeah, you're not gonna believe the look at him. I got too bad of you guys.

Take care, boys. Yeah, I came here to say, stuff it. Dean classic. You were Dean classic. Yeah. I had to go back a couple of years back, right? Yeah, yeah, very early on in the show, we hadn't had the full, you know, line of questioning down yet.

We were still a little fresh to the game. I was like Kevin Spacey pulling it together. Started limping out of there. And it's funny. It's floss or whatever you can. Whatever it is people don't do on the show. Now I got all my teeth. People ask us, well, who's been classy? And we have a couple of like standard answers. Like, oh, so Goro was classy. This one was clay never Did we ever think yeah Right, I mean, it's because is it because we ate dough wrapped hot dogs We did do that in the middle of

Great, yeah, I love them that wasn't a buckies right? No, that was the check stop. Not the check stop. Slow the check. Slow the check. That's how you know I'm actually trashed because I know there's two rival trucks. Yeah, right. That's the reason I wait. We're a buckie family. We walk in shame. How you doing? Man, I forgot about that car. All right. We went to see the Cowboys game. We drove from Blue Tower in Austin. Yeah, you were going home to Dallas. We drove from Blue Tower in Austin. Yeah, you were going home to Dallas. We were doing a show in Dallas, which is what?

That's like a four hour make three. Three and a half, yeah. With the Kalachi stop. Yeah, let's be honest, the Kalachi stop was the real reason that we were all together and the real reason that we were going up there. 70 minutes in a car with a party stand. Dude, well, we had a-

We could have took the highway. You've been there in an hour. We went halfway around Texas. I know, hardy, man. Do like, we had it. We could have took the highway, you've been there in an hour. We went halfway around Texas, on a local road. It's a touch out of the way, but I think it'll be good. To get a Ukrainian pastry, you know what I mean? That's the worst thing. It's Jack.

We didn't know what they were. He's a Kalachi, Kalachi, Kalachi, we're like, all right, whatever, and we stopped. And it's like a hot pocket, that's the thing. It's like a giant fancy pig in the blank. And you can get pepperoni. You can get sauce and it makes it sweet. It makes your own sausage, which is like probably the best thing

about the little jalapenos and cheese in them. They're like, I mean, they're like a Swiss burrito. Or something. Sure. And I mean, I'm not even fucking around. We ordered about 14 pounds. That's what I say when I un-ro. You're coming to Swiss burrito. You want milder pecan te sauce?

That will make. But that, yeah, that was a lot. Yeah, and then we went to the game. Then we went to the Cowboys game. Yeah. Monday night, Eagles Cowboys at Cowboys and the Eagles law. It was. It was a, I think it wasn't a, it wasn't a rope though. Like, I think it was a bad idea, but they ran away with it. It was, it was a, I think it, it wasn't a, it wasn't a rope though.

Like I think it was, they ran away with it. It was closer than it looked. We were booed out of the stadium. I think we left like halfway through the fourth quarter. Yeah. Um, we did leave early. I also, the thing I also remember is us like going completely around the Cowboy Stadium is massive. So like, we all got our steps in. Oh, yeah. We were like, well, it didn't help when we got to the seats in the three of us. Yeah, that was, but, man, yeah, we're so we walked in at that place and we were walking in easy way, like, look at his joint. Oh my god. I sit next to you. And like, I remember like two quarters into the game. You were like, Jerry Jones is a genius. If you're going to make everybody pay 500 bucks to watch his big ass TV. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have to. But then classy. We got, we got a, we got a big back. There's got to be dirt under the finger now. Yeah.

Yeah. I think I got away with some of it. Because a lot of it was childhood based and you really pulled the wool over our eyes on that. You know what he does that is very classy that we've done a handful of time. It's a very gentleman-esque thing now that I think it just popped in my head. We'll be somewhere, we'll run into each other doing spots somewhere in the city and we'll have like an hour, two to two.

And now each have like an hour, two to two. We're in between times. We're in between times and the whole day. I think that's what they say about Alzheimer's patients. It's got that thing. A grandma's in between times. She thinks I'm a sailor. She thinks it's 1942.

How you going to the parade? Hold do this thing where you bite you out for a drink. He does this, like let's go grab a beer. Then you get there and you sit, yeah, it's very gentlemanly. It's not like, it's not like drinking. It's enjoying each other's soul. Yeah, we're having two. We're having two.

A ketchup cocktail. Yeah, I'm going to. A ketchup cocktail. Not the condiment. Oh. Yeah. Oh. We get a hines on a rocksy.

But it's very like a cocktail. And you see a guy like doing this into a 14-year class, hitting a 50s. He's like, you got to hit it on the 57s. That's a dirt bad thing. So you date anybody now? But it's very adult. It's very like we sit there, we catch up, we don't get wasted, and then we go on about it. Yeah, it's also like fun. It's easier than like, well, there's nine of us here.

So we should all, like somebody wants to do a shot. Sure, yeah. It's very, it's very, it's very metropolitan. Yeah, I'm very. It's very variables. What's other gentlemen, it's very metropolitan. Yeah. I'm very I'm very miserable. I'm here in a rocky three. I wore it for you. You got. Thank you so much. God. Okay. Why? Where are you living now? What do you?

I'm I'm still in. I mean, I can't remember when I was here last or like what time? But like I'm still in Bushwick. Okay. I'm over that shit. On place or you got roommates. I got a roommate. You got a roommate. I got a roommate. This special needs to take off.

Like, yeah. How many roommates? I got one roommate. Okay. I'm Mary tour. No, I got one roommate. Fuck. Hold on, that's somebody's joke.

That's somebody's joke. I'm sure it is. It's kind of hacky. So I know the woman that room in Hold on that's somebody's joke is I'm sure it is it's kind of hacking So I know the woman that lives with me. Oh, yeah, I at least it eats like that The woman that lives my house You're wrong. Why? Somebody has to like how many wives you got have you been let me tell you been married goes four or five

I can never remember that tall one's name That's all right. I love me some rod He's the best man. He's the funniest roommate one roommate, but that's New York. That's yeah It's a yeah, and my thing that like I'm gone as much as you guys sure like I need somebody more You're gone. You're on the road all the time to throw out the tub of lettuce You got you're on the road all the time to throw out the tub of lettuce Never fucking He's a bowl of ramen in my room. You want to get that in here?

It's like liquefying that I've been home for two days What's the what's the bed situation you got a king you got a queen? I got a queen you got a queen temper me to temper piti okay That was the first thing I ever spent money on. Okay, like five grand on the mattress. Five G's only. Oh, you're five thousand dollar. I really was doing well for. I had a great month. Does it go up and down or anything?

No, that's not a hospital. Jesus. Can you just a hogey suspended and I raised myself up for it. But put the guard rails up at night. It's got a Mountain Dew IV. Dude, five G's for a lot of money. But I was like, I don't know why I justified it to myself so much, but I

spent a lot of money on them. And by the way, it is not a 5,000 dollar. You don't get a $5,000 night sleep. Well, it is one of those things they say, you spend, you know, whatever, an eighth or a third of your life in bed. And so when you are home,

you're on the road, your travel so much is like, when I'm home, you want to be comfortable. That's a thing to spend money on. And 18, sleep 20 minutes a night. I mean, I'll strung out. I got some good cheats on me.

Well, then the other half, the other seven hours is eating and being off. Shit. Right. What's okay, so. $5,000 mattress. Yeah. Do you have a fitted sheet?

Yeah. I got a full protocol in it. Fitted sheet. Fitted sheet. You can have a cup of bag of raccoons at your last guess. That's what I'm gonna say. A fitted sheet. Are you bareback in it or what are you doing? I'm assuming that people get on this podcast they have. That's fucking insane. A fidgety- Are you bareback in it or what do you do?

I'm assuming if people get on this podcast, they have like a sheet. They're not paying for everything and Confederate money. Like, who the fuck does it have a fidgety- I didn't for a long time. Well yeah, a long time. We're men of means. Yeah. Spin all this money on ketchup cocktails.

Spin all this money on this mattress. I forgot to say something for the pillow. Oh, shit. Okay. Some towels wrapped around it. All right, fitted sheet, nice comforter. Solid, if Pendleton, nice, like... He dropped it.

He dropped it. No way. That's like a... Western like a shirt brand stuff, but they make blankets and stuff too, but like, okay, pretty good then. You got a brand name, comforter. Does it have both have girls, right? Yeah.

So like, I need a, a comforter that was not all one color, because that's what every guy is always black, white, or, you know, like gray or something. And to find one that is not just one solidified color or like, have a Yankees logo on it. Like, go get this. Really difficult to look, that looks masculine. Sure. So I was like, I spent a lot of time researching,

I was like, I wanted something when a woman walked into my room, they're like, I got a fuck this guy in a race car bed. I never did. I see you're really like Iron Man. Your heads were Tony Stark. I think of these are all the whole gloves on. I in the suit. Hard one. Yeah, I'm reproduction.

I'm not a lighter launcher comes out of my chest. All right. He's very, he's very thoughtful and calculated, which we found in the scaling of things, makes you not garbage. You collect information and you make decisions based upon that. Yeah, but I am garbage in, like, with what we were talking about with food earlier,

I'm garbage in like, certain area. Sure, certain arenas. Yeah, and I'm a Hall of Famer. Well, what's, but like certain arenas. Yeah. And I'm a Hall of Famer. Well, what's the room like if we walked into the room right now? Is it spikenspan? Is it clean? I keep a tidy room.

But it's like, it's also like got a little bit, I want to say like, hoarder energy, but there's like random shit in places. You're like, what is this about? What are you like? Okay. Can you give me an example of what I'm talking about? So one of my, I bought a bucket of dry erase paint. So it's like, you know what this, like.

Yeah, so it turns the wall into a dry erase. Yeah, so. So my whole wall was like a giant to-do list. Gotcha. For work purposes. Or doodling. It's just, it's a list of sandwiches. Yeah, yeah.

One day. I'll get that chicken form. But like, sometimes like, so there'll be like a list of like, you're here this week, you're like, you're doing this, like, and then it'll also be like, you fucking idiot, this person's got this and you have nothing. Like, so really? Yeah, I like that. It's like, there's like one thing, I was dating this guy for a while and I wrote,

I was really mad at somebody we all know. I like that. Yeah, I didn't know yet. I just wrote while and I wrote on the I was really mad at somebody we all know. I like that. Yeah, I didn't know. Yeah, that you got a grudge. Yeah. That's what I'm talking about. I wrote on the wall. People are liars and they will steal from you and she was like, what the fuck is this

about? Man, you're cuckoo. And I like it. But I like I get motivated things to do call the FBI or motivate it that way. So like no, I like that for a for I think Five years on the screensaver on my phone was no one's coming to save you. Yeah, and I was at New York comedy club and some of Their comics all that was like what the fuck is that? Like Steve is shimmy and Billy Manis. Yes. It's a little People are like, I think.

I love it. But like, you know, like some people are like, it's like Ray Finkel's room. Like, he's out, Dan. You know, some people are like tough, like, well, like, right, like tough times never last, tough people do. Like, it's like that, but like,

the reverse of that. With a tinge of, you know, like, like, like, it's not going great. It's not going great. It's not about optimism for me. It's about motivation. Sure. People will lie and stab you in the back.

Hey, great meeting. Your mother never loved you. Your mother never loved you. Okay. All right. That's a thing. Shared bathroom in the apartment. One and a half bath.

One and a half bath. How long will you use your towel for? Let's say you're home for a half bath. One and a half bath. How long will you use your towel for? Let's say you're home for a little while. You're home for a few weeks. How many runs? It's come. And how many do you own? I have four towels, probably.

Wow. But I got, I got, single guy, that's pretty good. I'm a big dude. Yeah. I'm a big dude and I got long hair. So like that's like, but I will use at least two towels every shower

Really because the hair like the hair just stays wet. So I need to like wrap it up like I do the mom You do yeah, and you do the towel around you to yeah, but up here I do it I do it through the top I'm gonna cover the back Got some of them a little they see a little neck. It's a little peak. Wow. Yeah. So how many times will you use both of those tabs before you wash them? Like a week, maybe two weeks. Like that showering every day. Yes, but I also like I get, I dropped my laundry off because I'm gone. So I wouldn't do it that much. It's easy for me to do the job because I just throw it all in and when I come sure

Yeah, so it's like it's a little bit of a cheat. Okay. Yeah, but it's efficient Yeah, it's pretty you don't blow dry the hair no, and are you flossing every day? No, never Was there any floss in your apartment? I got the sticks okay, okay, yeah, but that's as needed Or you know well-passed There's still an open I fucking hate flossing It's grow it hurts the only thing that I do on a regular basis really only good I don't know why it's the only good habit that I have I have to mentally floss before I brush my teeth

Otherwise, I don't feel like I brush my teeth I should like try and implement it in the way where I'm thinking about it Like of course I do it when I'm I should brush my teeth and of course that's when I should do it I'm just so fucking lazy right it on your wall I'm honest I know I need to brush my teeth You dental floss wants to kill you Again, I like but I'll like eat food like all I've eaten food. I'm like I'm tired. I just like sure Oh, yeah, I'm better brushing my teeth at night before I go to bed

Is that fucking so sad? It's crazy. It feels like our mother's tried to install and all Press your teeth before you go to bed. It feels good though. It feels naughty dude to what not not do it I get that way I do that with my contacts, too. I'll sleep in them. I'm a dirty little, dirty little whore. Does that hurt? These, I, I'm legally blind, but, no. I have daily ones now, but for a long time, I had like weeklies and monthlys,

and I would sleep in them and every once in a while, I would cut my cornea, and I would be in agonizing pain for like 48 hours. Brute, I would have to hold my eye to an air conditioner to keep it cold.

Kim, let's talk about Helix. Shut up, Helix. I slept in one last night. Mine is short, shit the bed. Woo, gang, if it cold. Kill, but talk about Helix. Shut up, the Helix. I slept in one last night. Might have shard to shit the bed. Woo, gang, if it is. Ha ha ha. Well, what do you want from it? I'm broadcasted.

It's a great mattress. Gang, if a Helix is not on your Christmas lift, you're a goddamn idiot. Cause it's the best night sleep you ever had. Get some shut eye. Do yourself a favor, reach out to Santa, write him a letter, send him a fax, sendx sent him an email something do whatever you got to know So one of those Chinese space balloons up there to the north pole say hey pops sending he looks to the kid

Uh-huh, they are comfy. Uh, yeah, it's sorry. I got the California King sleeping at every night. Uh-huh. Oh, we I have three of them at this point. I got two at the house and a burbs. I got one at this place and one at my wife's boyfriend's house. I want a comfortable guy. Just take a quick little quiz on there. She was coming back with a bad back. And their experts will let you know what we'll give you.

She's going to be upset about that. We'll give you the best night's sleep. Whether you're a big and tall sleeper, like the big man, you're run high, you'll want helix's cooling technology, whatever you want, they got you covered. So right now, he'll be offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for RU garbage listeners.

Go to helixsleep.com slash garbage, use the code helix partner 20 and that's helixsleep.com slash garbage. Code helix partner 20. This is their best offer yet. And it won't last that's helixleap.com slash garbage code helix partner 20. This is their best offer yet. And it won't last long with helix. Better sleep starts now. Do it. This episode of our you garbage is brought to you

by better health. Gang sometimes life seriously sucks. Yep. We all know that you get jammed up, especially around the holiday. Real taking the dick. It can be start feeling that you know what helps talk therapy, baby. Get on phone get on the text privacy your own home get on better help and talk it out Yeah, if you've never have done talk therapy

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HLB dot com slash garbage. Do it. How often you got to change your sheets? Well, they got the birds. Yeah. So it's interesting. You're a single guy. So anything you do, that's a little bit better than you.

Yeah, like my sheets could have like fold out like a like a tray of freshly made pasta. Like, So you don't wash the sheets. Not as much as I should. It's like, yeah, it's like once a month, I change them. That's a single thing. That's a pretty good. I'm disgusting. Sure, I get thing. You see that's pretty good. You see that's pretty good. I'm disgusting.

Sure. I get it. I mean, I'm against single dude. I don't think I ever washed my sheets when I was fucking when I was living. I would wear, I would use them till they were horrible and then I'd put them on. I'd buy, go buy new ones. And I was like, these are unsalvageable. And not that long ago.

You twice in there. Within the last eight years, I was sleeping on just a mattress. I didn't have a fitted sheet. I actually kind of like it. Or I don't like it. I don't think I had pillowcase like the texture of the roughness. Yeah, I like the feel of it. You're like a bear just scratching yourself.

Now you know what I learned, my wife taught me that I don't know. I didn't know. You're supposed to, I think the common thing is like if you buy bed sheets, you wash them before you put them on. Oh, yeah, I buy bedsheets you wash them before you put them on Oh, yeah, I hate that watch my clothes before I I don't never I've never ever I'll put that with any package thing. No really goes right on the bed. Yeah, at beach towel anything I use I gotta I gotta wash my t-shirts before I put my hamburger meat

Right package to mouth hamburger meat. Oh, you say. Oh, fuck. Burger meat. Trashy version. Scrumbeat. Set a ground. Be. Oh, yeah, that is. Yeah, I want to even argue. Mr. Four

towels over here. I just got in the rope. Burger King. That gives it. Okay. Huh. Is your hamburger. Yeah. Hamburger. Me. Right. It is. It hamburger, eat a shrimp. Hamburger meats,

try it is. It's a fuck. Yeah. It's like, they don't know it comes from a cap. Yeah. We were asking you today, what's the thing that you look in

in the car to see what's behind you? What's the, I'll rear view. Oh, I'd say rear view mirror. You do say mirror. Yeah, when I rear view mirror, I'd say mirror. Here's got the art. Did that work? Yeah, I get, I say rear view mirror. You do say mirror. Yeah, when I rear view mirror, I say mirror. You got the R, I get, I finish the word.

Yeah. Oh, I'm sorry. Yeah, I say rear view mirror. Yeah, mirror, mirror. Meer. But it's an accent thing or is this like a trashy thing? It's a trashy thing. It's a trashy dialect.

Yeah, take a beat and say it naturally. Go ahead. Rear view mirror. He says mirror. No, he's got the say it naturally. Go ahead. River mirror. He says mirror. No, he's got the other R in there. It's really. He doesn't like me. It's M-E-E-R-O-R.

Yeah, mirror. Okay. It's not mirror. Mirror. Review viewing. I don't have my view triangle. It's my. Huh.

Okay. Is your phone screen currently cracked? No, but I had it. That is, oh bless, like that, it has been so many times. It's just not currently. Okay, yeah. Where do you put the towel when you're dumb? Is it you hanging over your bathroom door?

Or do you have a place for it? I got a hook that hangs off the bathroom door, but oftentimes I will like, I'll shower and then I'll just be like, in the towels like laying on my on my bed like I've done that. Yeah, that ain't Clancy feels real fresh though. It feels like a like a good wet blanket. Yeah. All right. Are you biting the nails or do you clip them? Oh, I'm these are just like little anxiety. Sure. You're not on that. Oh, like crazy. Where do the bitten if you're in your house if you're hanging out in the room hanging out living a bite a nail. Where's it going? Fucking is with these questions. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, he's on his own. Yeah, they go wherever I'm at.

I'll fuck it. It's a crime scene. It is sure. It's good. Fucking cares. You're gonna get mad at me about that do you even love me? You can't have me in my words, but that's like a thing you guys have girls So like I think that'd be a bit I get y'all to think I'm also Gross, but it is a bachelory thing sure. I will try to do it I will try to hopefully there's some sort of empty water bottle around me or

So to care something I can put them on. Putting on me into something that should be recycled is fucking disgusting. What do you mean? Like, so you clip them and then you're like, I don't clip them. I'll bite them. You're biting them, or they're coming off. They're coming off. They're coming off. They're hitting them in the like sunflower. Yeah. Yeah.

Helping them. They're taking different. I think it's it's as gross as when something you're leaving them on the floor. Yeah. Behind the couch is the correct answer That's the gentleman. I can't yell that for that because then she'll clean behind the couch and then I can arrest I always get excited about that like I can't wait till we finally pull this couch out in vacuum I kind of think about it that way too. Yeah, and then sometimes like if you were here like it's suck up

And it's like you hear me like that's a lot of me. I also have this weird thing, reeks. I also have this weird thing that if my fingernails somewhere and civilization gets wiped out and aliens come, they might find my fingernail and recreate me, clone me or something. He said that to me one of the first times I met him and I've never looked at him the same. I think they're gonna be gonna chill.

You think they're gonna come back to them, like we're gonna go to this apartment in what used to be Queens and Jurassic Park us in H. Foley. Just annoying everybody. What's up with all your weird spin-leafingers? You guys got fitted sheets? Yeah, what's in there? Got hamburgers meeting their thing.

All right. Are there any milk crates in your apartment for storage record? Yeah, for sure. John, what's in it? Is there records? It's there's records, but the skulls of my enemies sitting down with Praternail. Yeah, there's the records and like some and there's another one with like cleaning shit in it.

Okay. Yeah, and then who records are also we have a bunch of them They're also on a bookshelf that sideways though like Down. Oh, so that's kind of not Can you turn single guy? It's a curve. Can you tell that it's the bottom of it isn't on the ground? You like is it that form like I don't think you would notice honestly it looks It's it looks like like it belongs the way it is. I think, but no woman is, no woman in my apartment

has ever noticed it. Yeah, well, that's like, yeah. All right. Do you have now or have you ever had a foot locker? No, never have you. At the bottom, you mean a chest at the bed. Yeah. I'm a GI.

I was like, well, Grandpa had this in the war looked at all across Europe We had a weird kids the budget Nazi memorabilia Yeah, but you German fingernails Okay fair enough. Oh, will you dance in a wedding? I do now. You do now. Yeah, I do now. What's now? What's the caveat?

What changed? Well, like I think it's like a thing. I didn't do it for so long. And I was like, what are you doing? Have fun. Yes. Yeah. But if I am dancing, I am.

Link. For sure. You're hammered. And I like open bars are a skate, or a bartenders at weddings is a scam It's so it's but I make sure my friends get their money at a like what do you mean my friend told me the dollar amount My buddy told me at his wedding per head for the bar was $66 a person It's what he had to pay like and I was like

There's like there's for I for sure drank a like $300 worth of nice. Yeah. So like, that's trashy. You're counting. Yes. You're up there going well. Michelobon. I was reading. I was taking shots out of wine glasses. Like, I, and this was also this wedding was at the last place Amelia Earhart was ever seen alive. In the air or just like a store. Yeah. Like, you know, like, it was like this was like a speaking like some historical building in LA They're like she spoke here the night before she like flew a no one ever Someone just told us that too. Yeah. Yeah, someone just mentioned that time. We were just right there Someone I got no I was talking about the Amelia Earhart look out in Hawaii. No, I know what happened in LA

I remember someone's like a Amelia Earhart was right Yeah, I can't remember where that yeah, yeah, it was a in car mills What if you know him? I don't know if he wrote I mean I know me. Yeah, but yeah Okay, I I'm a big proponent of that too of it was instilled in me early from a a booze bag family of I've never met an open bar I haven't beat yeah like so I mean I If it do I mean dude even an open bar I haven't beat. Yeah, like so I mean, I if it do, I mean, dude, even an open bar, even have like a resort if they're like, it's $1,000 for the week, but it's open, you know, it's open free food and free beer. I'm like, I'm leaving with something. Yeah, you guys think that's like on the cruises when they do the like the booze,

like how much booze you? Everyone who buys the booze packet, like the Supreme one was like a 700 bucks, but you get drink all you want for for it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm comedy festival you're like, I'm not getting trash and then you get fucking shit face. Sure. And then the next day you're like, I'm chilling. Yeah. Yeah. So they're like, oh, we'll take 700 bucks for your first night. Yeah.

We're gonna drink $30 a second. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's not bad. I think it's a good, a cruise line move. Wow. Could be. I don't know, but cruise people get after it. Yeah. That's why they're there. It's going to superbowl. They've been looking forward to it. I've never been on one, but it looks. I mean, we did we did birds and I mean, I saw the big you guys look to beat. I almost went to his room on the second night

and asked for my check in advance. I was like losing money. We were losing. I mean, the cap time. Bird, make go with that cash. Let's go. Oh, cause you guys are playing blackjack.

Oh, playing let it ride when not nothing either one of us knew what it was Put it all on whatever All the tables were full and I sat it was empty and I sat down and I came in you got to teach me how to play and I didn't really get it Then I was taking your money is gonna teach you First thing give me your watch is taking your money is gonna teach you that way. First thing, give me your watch. Okay. A texture way of getting that freedom.

You stay at hotels a lot. Yeah. Do you leave anything for the cleaning? Yeah. Always. What do you do? It demands like, I am not, it's usually like 10 bucks. If it's three days, I don't get my room service though,

really unless they come in. Like I've gone, I don't, and a lot of times I strip the sheets off the beds for them when I'm done. What? I just like, it's like they work hard, man, like these fucking people. Like I think that's like, you strip these. I would say one out of every four. Throw the towels in a corner.

I, yeah, like I don't, but I also don't like messy shit. So like, if I have the towels, like I put, you I also don't like messy shit so like I like if I have the towels like I put you guys might like just work out of your suitcases when you're in your hotel room like every day with me and I hang my shit. Really? Yeah. Yeah. What's the minimum nights that you have to be there to do that one? I do not want to do it. I'm I Yeah, why'd you put your clothes so fast in the dress and airs? I tell the bag man to come up and bring my foot locker and I Unpacked my dress boards. That's nuts. So tonight you're you're unloading. Yeah, oh I've never been performing. I don't like my shit to be wrinkled like you know like I look I'm it's a fucking

It's a bad enough house to look at in any neighborhood So I Am with you baby You gotta make sure to show the pain like you don't see a shitty home and some guy really takes pride in his lawn Sure, that's that's the logic. I'm with you on that But I never I it's always like 10 if I'm there for like five days. It's like 20, you know like sure Like I go Five bucks a night. Yeah, yeah Take whatever you have

Yeah, but you like you like they work hard man, and that's a thank was fucking job I'm also more Blown away their cards all the time. Oh So yeah, cuz I use like a lot of like soap and conditioner and then I also like Picture of her son. Picture of a bottle of wind. Grabber birth control. But I like to take this stuff and then I bring it home

and I like, like, I donate the shampoos and stuff. You do? Yeah, like I'll take them to a shelter or like, oh, like, because like, you know, like, we use this shit all the time. They just end up in our bags. I'm sure you got your stuff right. I'm like, they're just sitting in your place, right. So I don't take it. I don't take

much of it. Yeah. I mean, I like that. I took it a lot when I was poor. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. And now I just it's a habit and I just like it's like this you go to a shelter or something. Like I just it's easy. I mean, I'm stealing to the I'm doing the worse Robin Hood. And he was crazy. But I use the thing though. If you're in the Lord's, he was British. If you ever walk by those cards and they're out there, hey, can I grab a yeah, go ahead.

Yeah, yeah, they don't give up. You're like, yeah, and I got mostly like, I had this weird thing where like, I'm like, this is all bad for the environment. You know, like, it's so like, I'm like, well, I might as well go to the person who's in the worst environment.

Sure. Yeah, too. You're such a sweet heart. Yeah, that's nice though. I don't know if it's classy. It's like I listen, I ain't never don't have you be nobody I don't think so. He steals from homeless shelter. I played a lottery every now and then that benefit that benefit I was signed to say get a job Holy shit turns of phrases like a bad house in any neighborhood. You say a doreball like you be like a,

oh man that donut don't glaze. You suck the jelly out of your donut. You're drunker to three skunks on a possum bag. What? Man. Oh. Oh, making me laugh like the dickens. Are you do say that I have heard you say the dickens? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You get you in a sales pitch right after a pool. Oh, okay. Man, that's, that's pretty good. When you're on a restaurant, were you stacked a plates for the server? Sometimes, but not if that's pretty good. When you're at a restaurant, when you stack the plates for the server, sometimes, but not if it's cluttered. Like I say, I don't like, like a, I don't like cluttered. Okay. So it needs to,

if the poor bus are at a table and there's like a bunch of, we get three appetizers and everything is like bounding up. We're getting more appetizers. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? We're all looking good. We're doing better. It's the holidays.

Everyone eats and drinks. It's more fun. We're doing it. It's the holidays. Everyone eats and drinks more. Don't fucking Joe. He loses it. But you're gonna be on the wall the room. I can solidate it like I don't like the the mess. I don't like it. I'm really it it it it it irks to me a lot. So I get that's I think that's why the hotel room stuff too like it feels more uniform. Gotcha trips the sheets Huh, do you want any suits?

Like if you had a girl wedding tomorrow, what are you wearing? I? Know I have to One is a was like a funeral suit like you just got a and then the other one I got and I don't know why I have it and it fits So fucking bad like it is like the buttons are screaming I like to give it that I do I do a real like Dude I hate that it's like I'm snapping a football It's the worst especially with the dress pants when they fuck you with the hook on the bus You gotta go that you gotta go that extra half an inch or one a.m. And then yeah that and also just like if it doesn't work

And you have the button only if the hook comes undone it's sitting out there like a little failure Feel it rubbing against you the whole time. I hate that shit. It's amazing how like as big as I am How conscious I have of the littlest thing touching me and like Wearing me out like that like if it's a little tight. I'm like. Yeah, yeah, it's you it's emotional You feel like oh stick in it's whatever. Yeah, I never look like I belong in a suit. I really don't I'm not We it's this has been a long running theme on the show of like fat guys and suits you only look good The best you look is that second, you look in the mirror and you go,

I'm ready. From then on, it's down hill. Stay away. It's down hill. God forbid you got to get into a car. They get where you're going. Everything's fucking wrinkled. Straight to the bathroom for a wait talk.

I feel like every step I take in suit pants is like, maybe like a like a ship's about to get like a bowl shut into it like it's like it's gonna tear any fucking rivets start picking up my pants are as tight as an athlete with a great ass is like fucking show it off of you got it yeah you're just fucking hugging me dude is awful do you not a tie tie not not not without I can do it with like a YouTube video. Yeah, but I know. No. What's the nice shoes situation at the house?

You got nice dress shoes. I got one pair and they're like, they're obviously out of place on other thing. Like they go with the suit that I bought them with. But yeah, yeah, but they're not like I can't. If you guys were like, you know, dress nice. What would you say? You're not you have no suit. What do you dress in nice and we're going to like a nice dinner?

Yeah, go to a nice. What do you what are you throwing on? What did I wear on Conan? I was seven years. I just show up in a great hill jersey. Like, I mean, it's just like it's a button down of some some like a flat but it's like they're like. Uh like Phil you know they're like uh what are the company Duluth or whatever you know they're kind of like it's a fine quality shirt but it is not a nice guy. It's the way a lumberjack looks good. Yeah. Yeah. I got you.

What was the first time you had an Attela? What was the first time you had Nutella? I don't know, but I do remember people talking about it and I'd be like, oh yeah I didn't know what it was. No, I never thought about the live-out. Yeah, it's the best. I do that with so much shit. I recommend books I haven't read. That's great. Oh, I count documentaries as books. I remember. I like it. You know that penguin book?

Yeah, that was cool. So would you say you were an adult the first time you had to tell her? Oh, 100%. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

And I also, I thought it was healthy. Of the way, the people that I was. I know. I'm still convinced it's not, it's not not healthy. Kid, but talk about men mobile, baby. I was I know I'm stuck in Vincent's not it's not not healthy kid but talk about mint mobile baby yeah after that mint mobile we talk about the top of my Christmas lift it's mint mobile you want to know why how much think the plans are I don't know a hundred bucks a month loser 15 bucks a month they start plans out you want to

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that's auraAURAframes.com slash garbage. Use aura a you are a frames dot com slash garbage use promo code garbage To get 30 dollars off their best selling frames get yours now before they sell out because they're probably going to terms of conditions applied to it Could the same be said for orangeina you remember the first name you had an orangeina. I don't even know what that is really I'm not even honestly sure it's like a what sunny deets. It's a busy drink, right? It's a European soda. Hell, it's European. I believe so. Can you give that a good one?

I can't. I can't just sunny deets. You can just throw your laptop against the wall. I think it's European or they market it like it was here. It seemed like a classy or so ago. Oh, it's like the way they're kind of church in it. Exactly. It's like a light sparkling orange drink.

French. It's French. There you go. No, I Fucking frogs And it make good friends my grandfather goes over there bus Bring me his foot locker. Yeah, so I could drink a lightly Alright, when you get your passport. Oh That's good. Uh, 2013. Whoa. Shit for comedy purposes. Yeah, I got it. I got just for a, I got new faces. That's why I got. Oh, shit. Yeah. That's alright. And I, and that best word, my birthday is the

4th of October. And for some some reason my four look like a nine So I had a illegal document that I was traveling with her like no, yeah, cuz the birthday was off for a decade I got it fixed this year so Yeah, yeah Huh, okay, so I don't know if that's clear. I that's bad right? I mean if it's a problem you know It's gonna happen again and again. I think I got it in your 20s. Yeah. Yeah. That's not great.

Yeah. That's not what clays. I had one when I was like nine because my mom was from Ireland. So, but like, oh, that's so like, but then we, you know, we stopped going there, like, after my folks were so I was like, probably 13. Like, I never used it past 11. Gosh, yeah. So I had one before, but, but like, you had a guy doing it.

Also, we never would have had passports if my mom hadn't been from, like in my life. I also, but you traveled internationally as a young kid. That's pretty good. Probably moving guns for the IRA. Yeah.

But it's also, but the devil though you're talking about. I think that I, we've, he had it laps though. That's crazy. That seems more nuts to me than not having it. You had it like 19 if you're 13 and then you're going to see it. I feel like that's something you stay on time. I got my name 45. I was 45 when I got my passport. I can see that. No, I'm on 45. He got a good.

Where did you go? Just bring brakes. Please tell me you like you thought you were going to Puerto Rico and you thought you needed one. Oh, a California, like island Mexico.

I went to France. Oh, I'm more in Gina. I'm thinking of going there next month. Oh, you beat serious? Yeah, because I don't, I have like a break in the schedule and like I'm thinking of going there next month. Oh, bloody. You beat serious? Yeah, because I have like a break in the schedule and like, I'm promoting like crazy right now and I'm like, so I'm like, maybe like, do a little something for you.

Yeah, but I don't want to go alone. Like, you know, like, it's awesome. Paris is awesome. Yeah, I'm sure it's beautiful, but I'm like, I want to be like, great, the American guy who shows up like, alone, like, like, I'm going to meet the love of my life. You know, I don't want to be like, I'm gonna meet the love of my life. You know, I don't wanna be like that. You know, I keep taking all the sheets off the bench. She's keep randomly bumping into people

hoping it's the love of your life. Oh my God, I didn't see it. He's lined up with all these street performers calling him heroes. You know what I'm saying? Just knocking ladies' purses over so you can try and touch her hand where you're helping her put her back together.

Padom. Padom, yeah. So I just go to Montreal and eat. That's gonna be his group love. I didn't pulled them out. So I'll just go to Montreal and eat. I was pretty close. I didn't know I had one day, what was a big deal? All right. Oh, man. Do you know how to use chopsticks?

Fuck it. No. I'm not robbed, man. I'm like bad at it. I'm really bad at it. Like, I can do it, but it's. It's like, it's like the kid you put in right field. Sometimes he's going to catch it sometimes. Is there a go-to karaoke song?

Build me up buttercup That's a fun one That's a drinking like everybody gets involved like that the win is that it's it's he's For ever. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I respect that. What's the whistling with your fingers situation? Can you do it? No, no, I know I get too hungry and I just hurt my Yeah, like hot but it's not good. No, it's like shot like That's classy not being a bit of a do that's classy. You think so what's the way fingers? Can you whistle with your fingers? No.

I think it's great. I can whistle at all. I've always been envy of that. And what does that guy usually do? How does that guy usually end up? Yeah, he's screaming at himself. The kid that you knew drives a boat that's a cab seat. Yeah, the kid that you knew that could go,

when he was a kid, yeah, he had a doctor. He had a tattoo from his uncle. Yes, there you go. kid. Yeah, he had a it's not a doctor. He had a tattoo from his uncle. Yes Are you currently signed up into any free trials? Wait this digital count like if you're like a hulu free trial. Yes, any free trial. Sure I am I have been in my free trials on a million subscription services that I have not Yeah, I'm also part of a class action lawsuit I'm gonna for who's the big one just came out that everybody's doing the AG the travel insurance company That's yeah, oh they got jammed up. Yeah, they car had one go with like rhyme a rhyme a limer reader

Yeah, what did he know limerita he Lymer Reader, something like that. What did he have? No, Lymer Reader. He got like 18 bucks or something, 18 Reader bucks. He was suing a buffalo wild ways. Just, they're equivalent of Marble Wild. He could have to use it on the website. Wait, AGI, what, what, AGI is like a, you know when you check out, you're like, do you want to ensure, and travel,

and sure, and sure your flight. I always do know because I have a stat, but like this is one of those ones, I was like, do you want to ensure and travel? Ensure your flight. I always do know because I have a stat, but like this is one of those ones. I was like, I did it with something, because I think maybe I was renting a car or something like that. That's what it was. It was one of those, when I was renting a car to that,

I do want to ensure and I was like, yeah, because I'm going to have it for like seven days in a way, so it's probably best. And then it was like, so you just check you ask in there at 10 bucks a day to the car. But it's like one of these things are like, they were charging these things called like service fees or something like that. But it's like this thing of like an astronomical rate of like 70% of like,

they were like really, they were like MLM level kind of like checking people on it. So I mean, I think I'm gonna, I'm in one, but it's like a $22. Like these things are not payouts for. This is not gonna happen. How did you get involved in that? Did they reach out to you? Yeah, because I guys, because they use the, but it's like a $22. Like these things are not payouts for this. This is not gonna happen. How did you get involved in that? Did they reach out to you? Yeah, because like,

they use the, Shane, are you sitting there? No. Were you about to say this is not gonna be the one, like you're waiting on a case to change your life? Well, it wide open. And also the pointing does not help. Yeah.

I don't appreciate the accusation. You can sit back there in your ivory tower if you want. Yeah, it's a lot of like, it's going to be like a $25 settlement. If they called you to testify, would you go? A hundred percent. So there I am. I look for any kind of attention. He's up there.

He's up there doing the guy fee area. We're in this hero suit. Oh, huh. Have you ever saved a cigar box for storage? Yes. Ever written your name in what's the meant? It's filled with keys and concert stuff tickets.

Why keys? I don't know. Sometimes you just have a bunch of keys that don't fit it anymore. What? What? They're trophies from big dooms. You really fall in a part here. Man, why?

We got it out. I said it's been a rough few years. Haven't seen my friends in a while. Maybe anyone checked it. Wouldn't have to drag myself across the finish line We really got you out into deep watering yeah, and you start drowning you guys got a three piece I'm playing with thing I'm just shooting free throws alone Ticket stops I get yeah, if I was somebody's house and I saw a cigar box full of keys I'd probably leave I would run I would check my pockets and back out of the door.

It is like, yeah, it's a fair amount. But they all go to something and I'm like, because I only see that shit when I'm like moving or cleaning something like the cleaning my house. So I'm like, well, maybe I'll find the thing that this tiny key goes to. And I'm like, and I'll see like a bike locker. I'm like, now, well, I should probably throw this away.

And I just don't know. If they were door keys, that's one thing, but the tiny lock. I mean, they're don't know if they were door keys. That's one thing with the tiny line. I mean, there are all kinds of keys. I think we finally found this. I've never have been. They're true. Never been. It's like this is normal. It's so funny when a comic a great comic mind whose whose whole life is to defend Points of you and actions and he he literally look could come up with what you guys don't have never had keys And you don't know what they go to I could not a box. Well. I got a couple sure. I didn't sound like a fucking game of thrones Like dungeon master. Yeah, I'm not but it's less than a hundred for sure.

100. It's less than a hundred. It's less than a hundred. Seven, I give you. Seven. I don't think I've ever had a hundred keys. I would give you a couple from your last apartment. Yeah.

That's the leeway. You, dude. What did you have a hundred things with locks on them either postmaster general Yeah, I don't I mean I don't have a hundred things, but I have a hundred keys to go to I find keys to be like a sentimental for some reason and I can't remember what Like jewelry for some reason and I can't remember what they said. They're like jewelry. You're so funny. All right.

All right. Well, you're wear clothes and return them. If you have like, if you got something going on. No, if I buy something, like returning something up the store is like, or sending something back at a restaurant is to me. I'm like, if you guys did it, I would be like, okay, they're like, they're my friends,

but I would be very, I'm usually very embarrassed by it. Oh, I am too. I don't think. And that somebody fucks it up so bad. But they bring you the chicken and you're at the stage. Yeah, that's like, yeah, that, but like, taking things back. I don't like, I also don't want to deal with like,

burgers medium, you want an medium rare, you're not, yeah, you have to do that. These people are working. Sure, you know, but like, it's also, this also might be, I've never done it with food, but like if I bought like, well, hold on. I just remember this. Some keys.

No one can order a boxy key. Like keys, like key, the possibility that they can all be cut and shaped into whatever you want. It's kind of like a metaphor for your life. But some of them don't ever shape out and then no door opens and you have a roommate. I Did go to I was an awesome. I went to best but I had to do a podcast I didn't have my Mike's toy wouldn't bought one. Okay, intention of returning bot one. Okay. Intention of returning. That's okay. That's that's that's that's

the one. That's the one I brought it back. That's playing a game. When I brought it back, though, the girl was like, Oh, why are you returning this? And I was like, what? Like, is she like, that's like, they think that's going to stand up in a quarter of law. Well, I think they're they're they they I got defensive about it. It's like, because I don't want it. And and then she goes, Oh, we have to see if they're defective. Like they can't put them back on the shelf. Well, yeah, no, we have to see if they're defective. Like they can't put them back on the shelf. Well, yeah, no, it's more of like a quality control thing. Like, where are they not working? Yeah, and I'm like, I think that's how I know, like, I'm like,

a piece of shit and some like, like, or have been is because I'm like, they automatically think I'm doing a drift, which I am. But they don't know that. Yeah, it's a beard trimmer in the box. I was on cold bear lady, I don't need this review. Put on your blue shirt and get the fuck out of my face. It was on cold bear. Uh, huh. Have you ever had one of those hoodies with the thumb hole or the thumbs leave? For sure.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Who are you must have? No. You're a fucking liar. I can see it from a mile away on you. Okay, now that I, yeah, I did and I cut him myself. Yeah, a lot of people were cutting him myself.

No, dirt bag. Mine came, mine came uncut. I always thought that was like a hot chick move. That was like a skater punk thing. Yeah, but it was definitely like a thing cute girls did. I think they still do. Like I think hot chicks still have like the oversized. It's coming back. It's coming back. fashion from our youth is coming back a bit so yeah

You breakfast and bed Do you eat in your room? Rarely in my room okay my I Don't want to do it. This is a bit on the special, but I do Get my hotel room. I always get with too beds so I can eat in one of them. All right. And use it as an applicant. Yeah, that's a nice one.

Okay. That's quite a nice one. Hold on, what is an applicant? The bed sheets. Really? Why he's taking them off? Yeah. All right.

That's also the guy that might be how that's done. I had three. Hold on a second. Well, you got a famous day's across the street. What am I gonna do? Wait a minute. Wait a minute, wait a minute. All right, okay. So you're just taking the sheet and wiping and

I'm like, I do the, I do a bit on that. So I don't want to like, I know of course. But like, yeah, a hundred percent I'll be like, and just like really get it. This guy's coming apart at the scene. I know.

What are we all, oh, I've been alone like I said, no one checked in on me. Ha, man, will you buy alone, like I said, no one checked in on me. Ha, man, will you buy stuff at the duty free shop? Just so I'm, I'm just curious right now. I don't know how far into the game. We are. You're not doing great, but am I way behind or to not?

Can I get a last second feel go off? Let's just say that if you were to pull this out, ESPN would make a documentary about an unbelievable, it would be a 30 for 30. I think you would have to dedicate a wing of a hot spot. I'm fine as long as I'm not a Netflix untold. You would need a couple of touchdowns and a couple of on-side kicks. So like my winning percentage on the meter is dropping. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If anybody wants to make crazy money right now, put 20 on tour and pay that. It's $5,000 to $1,000. Yeah.

Put 20 on tour and sell for like, let's see if I get revved of. If you're, but ask me if I read. If you're eating at the house, you do it on the couch watching TV. Yeah, yeah, coffee table. Is there any hot sauce on that coffee table? A lot of the time there is.

Okay, that just stays there. No, not what, no. Trump people have liked that. Yeah, just really. Yeah, the condo catch up might stay out there because it's like you take the dishes to the thing and then that's that. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

it all goes back to a place. Okay. How many, what's the, what's the silverware set in the apartment? Now, there's a curve. Single guy. Mostly matching. Mostly match.

That's pretty good. How many forks would you say you have? I think we have a half dozen of every utensil issue. You know, that's good. Yeah. Four to eights per eights a lot. If you also don't need, who needs eights? Yeah, no, you know, sure. Yeah. Sure. And so let's say you make something. You clean it right away and put everything back. 70, 30, like 73. Before I go to bed most of the time, it gets clean. Okay, all right. Well, if I'm cooking, it gets clean that night for sure.

Okay, yeah. All right, so I don't like, I worry about bugs and shit. Sure. Where, what was the last Uber eats or post-makes? Let's like somebody's making a little comment. Right. You know, they're not quite out of this yet. Al. The past rush. Oh, it's will be. What was the last delivery meal you got?

Oh, man, man, I would never answer that. Are we talking about or just give me the name of the joint Yeah, I like that Pleague to fifth talk here L past or okay, all right you go and did you you don't have to answer did you go tacos burritos? I go giant burrito Lots of chips and salsa and man usually like a An awkward it's your heritage like a an awkward it's your heritage yeah I don't just imagine an Irish themed like like a real Irish fast food or just Wendy's so I don't like this line of questioning to be I was no no I was just I'm a big don't answer that no I asked for the place and

then I just asked for the tight the what you're in what the order is no he's volunteer that I said did you go tacos or burrito? Like I didn't ask. Quantity. But I go a lot. Also, I like what I like. It's the only good Mexican food I have in New York. So like I think most of the Mexican food here is shit.

So I will go. I'll eat myself into pain. Okay. Yeah. I've been to buddy me too. Yeah. I'm right there with you. You know, so he said to me the other day like,

fucking burnt of all people goes. We were talking about my way and goes, you know, like, but you only eat when you're hungry. Does it do you think I'm fat? Cause I only eat when I'm hungry? Yeah, I hide it real well. Like the craziest thing I've ever, like fat people aren't fat

cause they only eat when they're hungry. Yeah, that's bananas. That's like, I'm constantly overfilling like, I'm sure. I remember I heard this girl, I was like, oh, Kevin never eats and I was like, 310 pounds. I was just like, yeah,'s like, oh, Kevin never eats and I was like 310 pounds. I was just like, yeah, I'm doing it at midnight

by myself and I'm like, Donald. Just a light from a fridge open. I'm not doing it at the dinner with everybody. Trying to hold it together a little bit. Keep up appearances. I mean, I got one or two left as a formality at this point. At the formality.

Anybody in the family have an associate's degree? Just an associate's degree. Do you have an associate? I am the closest. I am definitely the closest. I am definitely the closest. I am definitely the closest. I am definitely the closest.

I am definitely the closest. I am definitely the closest. I am definitely the closest. I am definitely the closest. I am definitely the closest. I am definitely the closest. I am definitely the closest. I am definitely the closest.

I am definitely the closest. I am definitely the closest. I am definitely the closest. I am definitely the buddy. I don't know what the talent. Oh God. It's getting rough. Yeah, but you lost a class Action lawsuit with a white do you trash? It also took me five years to graduate Jesus Man, I love you, but you are you fell apart at the seams Come in was there You really got away with it for a long time. You're like whitey bulge You went on the run you went on the run from us for about two years picked up long pick me up in long

We're in a tracksuit with a bike can go ahead and pass on glass Nine Toby's got to the car Man, Mr. Shane Torres. We love you, buddy. The special is the Blue Ride Mexican. It's on your YouTube page. It was produced by Leanne and Burke Christchurch. It's also on virtue to page. One of the funniest guys working. One of the funniest guys out there.

You got to check out the special if you haven't already, Mr. Shane Torres. Thank you guys. Thank you so much. What else you got coming up? Plugged in. Whenever you didn't know. Plugged in.

Whatever you want on website. Okay, yeah. Shadescomian.com, shanestores across all those social media platforms. I have a podcast with the great Kyle Kenaean called No Accounting for Taste, where we defend things that people think are corny or something. Yeah, like Disney adults or something like that.

We try and figure out like people to, and then I'm touring a lot. I got the new special out, Blue Eye Mexican on YouTube, My Nan Burch channels, that's the huge thing. So eyed Mexican on YouTube, my name is Birch channels. That's the huge thing. So if you guys see it, of course, like it. Check it out, gang. He's one of the best.

One of the best, one of the absolute best, one of the greatest hangs of all time as well. We can't thank you enough for being here. I can't congratulate you. I love you, buddy. Kippy, what do you got for him? Guys again, town hall theater, New York City. Let's sell that fucking thing out.

We fucking love you. We appreciate you. It's our biggest show to date. Thank you for all the support. See you next week, gang. Peace. sell that fucking thing out. We fucking love you.

We appreciate it. It's our biggest show to date. Thank you for all the support. See you next week, gang. Peace.