Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Shoplifting w/ Kippy & Foley!

Episode Date: December 5, 2024

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to talk shoplifting, Home Depot and dog bites, Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG & Friends: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Aura Frames: https://auraframes.com Promo Code: garbage This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp Better Help: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Sheath: https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Mando: https://shopmando.com Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage? Oh, yeah It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash trash trash I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition She was out late last night. Okay, flash mob

Good for her flash mob Starting it up bringing it back baby. She shows her tits to the fucking neighborhood kids causing trouble My co's is coming at you from across the tables. We call family episode just the boys the bozos and the homies Perfect for the holiday season. Yes, sir for my good pal KJ Kevin James Ryan everybody. What up gang? Thanks for tuning in as always Please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. And obviously the greatest website of all time.

I ain't gotta tell nobody in this room. www.patreon.com slash RUgarbage. You go over there, you get all your bonus content, gang. About 13,000 strong. Woo! Goddamn legion, the legions of RUgarbage. Uh-huh. How you feeling, Kippy? I'm pretty good, bud. Yeah? Woo! Goddamn legion. The legions of our Ugarte. Uh huh.

How you feeling Kipy? I'm pretty good bud. Yeah? Yeah, you know off a nice little break for the turkey day. Sure. I uh. It's funny you were down somewhere where there's a little sun. Uh huh.

I think you got paler. Sure. What are you wearing? SPF 90? We got rained out. I was going to save it for hard feelings. The kids got rained out. I was gonna save it for hard feelings. The kids got rained out Talk about over cased. It was all right for me my pale Irish skin

I ain't gotta be down there 13 Sullivan's all watching wicked What the hell is this yeah, no, why is that broad green? Well, we'll save that for- Should we get some bad oysters? We'll save that for hard feelings. But, yeah, there was a- You stink. It was a- It could have been sunny in 90. You still could have when it came back pale.

No. You don't color. I've never seen you with tan. I burn. I burn. Listen, I've burned. We've gone over this. I don't know why you claim tanness as like a badge of honor.

Like a piece of sourdough. You think it's like a cool thing. I get a nice, I got a little Italian blood in me. I'm not saying you don't, but like, it's also not, I got other stuff going on in my life I'm proud of. I don't need to- Hey, good color's important. I'm not saying it's not.

But yeah, no, I've learned, this is well documented, I've learned to, I'm under I've learned I'm under the umbrella I'm fucking I'm doused in fucking SPF. I'm I ain't getting God again. I'm melanoma goes through my family It's a hot mold people are getting shit lopped off left and right of my family man, Patty Yeah, you gotta go and you like pat them on their back like ah my my wound I feel like her dermatologist is gonna Give her a fucking razor blade and do it yourself. Listen to us. This is maybe a couple of bucks Yeah, nah man. We got that pale Irish skin. They get you know and in the 80s and 90s we weren't Irish pale ale we were We weren't uh wearing sun sun tan lotion that didn't start until the mid 2000s for us.

Nobody said nothing. I used to, I got burnt some, I used to have blisters on my shoulders and stuff. I was in the winter. I was under heat lamp. I got a little, I got something I want to get your opinion on. And also I guess all the homies and the bozos out there,

what the proper protocol? So yesterday I went to, I went to buy, it's the holiday season. Holiday season, I'll be holiday-sing everybody. It is upon us. I decided to decorate the house this year. Nice. The house and the birds, I didn't do it last year. We were moving, it wasn't really done,

the whole nine yards, blah, blah, blah. Now we're in there. We're gonna, so I went and got a, I went to Home Depot. Home Depot. Home Depot. Went down to the Depot, mad house in there. Mad house, dude. By the way, speaking of Home Depot,

I was actually at Home Depot last week. Had a chance to pop by that Rocco's. Man, it took everything in my power not to turn in there. Woo wee! Shout out to Rocco's in front of the Home Depot's. They know their way around an Italian sausage. Talk about getting a little color. How you doing?

That kid, he knows how to put on a hot dog. Let me tell you. So I bought a fake Christmas tree, lights and all. Comes to the, listen. Fake tree is the way to go. I am what I am. Here's the thing too. It's not all, dude, you pull that thing out.

I had that thing assembled. What'd you drop on it? Because they're not cheap, which is crazy. What's not cheap? That's why I found out that my mom always wanted one, but never got one because they're too expensive. She'd rather drop it. I don't know, 400 bucks?

The highest end one was 400. What's yours? 87. 179.99 out the door. It's got a three year warranty. Just a coat rack. That's got a scarf on it. Yeah. How tall? Seven and a half feet. Whoa. Ceiling's only six feet. Had to take some off the top. Seven and a half, that's an all star right there.

Seven and a half, comes with the lights already on it. Three pieces, boom, boom, boom, pops all in. You got to tussle it up to fill out the things a little bit. Sure. It looks great. There's no fuss, no money. You set it and forget it with these bad boys. But.

Throw the box in the crawl space and you're all set. That's exactly what I did. You have a crawlspace Did we talk about it's scary? I don't like that. Um Yeah, my cousin was just talking to my cousin as a crawlspace in her house and they're thinking about maybe selling the house And no one's been in that crawlspace since the early 80s. I've had guys in there I got one of my units. We're gonna see what's in there. Like, no, we're not. One of my AC units. Fucking Ark and a Covenant in that thing. Yeah, I don't mess with it.

But so I bought it, right? Threw it in the car and on my way out, I get like a... Is the living room you put this in? What? You put it in the living room? Is that a sentence? The living room you put this in? You put the tree in the living room. I put it in the fucking bathroom Yeah, I don't know could be in the foray whatever we do not have a we do not have we're the foyer foyer Yeah for foyer. Yeah, we don't have one. Yeah, we open up and you're in it You open the door you're in the Bix That's what I don't love about that how you open it up

and you're yeah there's no mud room their shoes everywhere to dogs' targets. Thanks. The kids that had a mud room I remember they had to explain that to me before I got in the house. I remember the first time I went in he goes the mud room I go the mud room they built new houses. What are you guys up to in there Where my can again? Yeah mud room a mud room in the walk-in pantry Yeah, those were those were the newer houses built in my area that told brother houses They all had the mud room and the came with that big box of Twizzlers Set one in the pantry or

came with that big box of Twizzlers. Set one in the pantry. Sure. Little indies, like those. So I bought, I throw the box, big box, in a cart, right? I'm not gonna be. So wait, how much was it? 179. 179, okay.

Yeah, three year warranty. It's got different kind of lights. It's got solid warm white. It's got fast fading warm white, slow fading warm white, then multicolor or you could pop it and get it really going It's got a remote when you're all smoked up Sitting there all fucking wet it out Welcome to my opium then Merry Christmas, that's what you want a Christmas for you got to put a wooden spoon in your mouth Hey we party in the bird on a statin are you by any chance this will kill you

Take heart medication you look at that thing so but I bought a they're not it's not called a tree skirt They're calling it something else. It's a little like more like Cardboard II I know what you're talking about Like it's like a tree skirt to me lays around. This doesn't dislike just covers the base and the stand. We used to use newspaper. Talk about it. Would you grow up in the depression? Rug from the bathroom that goes around the toilet smells like piss. Christmas tree collar collar, which I never seen before. Look at you.

How do you you probably got two Christmas trees at your house? Don't you? You got to you have a foyer. I would assume that we got a foyer. We got a mud room, too. You can do it. So you make the help sleep. He's got to help quarters as well. He's got a help quarters as well.

Um, we, uh, I, so like I grabbed the collar too, right? Slipped in that in the cart. I'm not crazy line. I kept bumping the guy in front of me with my box too. I was hanging out the front. You should get the trains up at your place. What trains? I don't know. Get some lionels.

Who am I? Bobby Bach? No way. I don't know get some lionels. Oh my Bobby buck no way Train drive a lion elephant a better ramp up to your hips drive a lion elephant not doing the trains Listen, I got a lot of travel this coming holiday season. I don't know if you know, I'm not I don't have time for trains All right, I'll get that for you for Christmas. Do not buy me a train set No, do not Santa's by Santa's buying the gifts this year. Don't buy me a train set. Hmm I do not buy me a train set. Okay, you're here to your first gang Cool. We had one in here to win around Yeah, like we even get enough going on put beers on it

to to Put beers on it. Toot toot. So I pay, I get out, I take the box out, I realize I didn't pay for the collar because I went through the self checkout line. Kevin. Didn't pay, completely unintentional here, right? What's, I know what I did, but what's the move there? Go back in and you pay for it.

That's crazy, dude No way I mean I would assume you wouldn't go back in a hundred percent you would go back in yeah I'm a listen. I'm a dirt bag. That's not dirt bag. That's hey you made me do your job I got out there. I had all intentions of paying was like nine bucks or something I don't know. I don't know how much it was I didn't pay for it. I'm fine It's like you got away collars in there. He caught me over the for the 179 for the tree. I That's in my dad just hurts the workers there They're probably gonna stiffen one the Christmas bonus because you need your free

I don't think the Home Depot people are getting Christmas bonuses from Johnny Home Depot. No They would have got me or said, oh, sir, I would have been like, oh, shit, my bag complete. But I'm out. I'm in the back of the parking lot, dude. That place was jam-packed. I ain't fucking going all the way back in. I did return my car to the corral. Thank you very much.

And our guy was in there. And I said, oh, here you go, buddy. I got one more for you. He did not like that. I even pushed it in for him. I got him drills. I said I got you bud. But yeah, I would be curious to see. I would go back the army of garbage out there who would go back in I would put it at less than 10% I would go that's just me personally I would go back

but not for the right reasons. I would go back to help my anxiety. Conscious. Yeah, for for other things. You would think they're out to get you. Yeah, I did think this was maybe like when I'm standing at the gates of hell. Yeah, I returned the Christmas Christmas tree. Fellas come on.

I'm an honest man. I had a drug problem. We've all made we've all made some mistakes put the screws to me for this and Peter you ain't perfect Old Testament chapter 12 page 6 never dabbled in the flesh trade you were at that fucking bachelor party too. Let's not fucking bullshit each other. We split that bag. Tell me you were at that dinner. Yeah I don't know. It didn't cross my mind for maybe a half.

How much was it worth? I couldn't tell you. What's a Christmas tree collar from Home Depot costing you? Fifteen bucks. Twenty bucks. That's not Christmas tree collar from Home Depot costing you? 15 bucks. 15 bucks. 20 bucks. That's not even green larceny. Make a donation.

Okay. To the Shriners or... Okay. What's Danny Thomas's outfit? That's Dave Thomas and that's Wendy's. Danny Thomas and St. Jude's. Okay. Yeah.

I always donate to St. Jude's at DXL. Hey. Shout out to DXL for giving back. They ask you, you want to do five, you want 10. I throw five to the kids at St. Jude's. Shout out to DXL for giving back the ASCII. You want to do five, you want ten. I throw five to the kids at St. Jude. Shout out to them. I made a big donation to my local food bank right before Thanksgiving. Want a half-eaten hoagie? I'm not gonna finish these Doritos. Hey, I'm done with this. No, I did make a donation to feed the home. It's the given season, guys. You gotta give back a little bit.

You just stole from Home Depot. What are you talking about? Yeah, I'm Robin Hood. You steal from the... One step above the wet band. You steal from the rich and give to the poor. So I stole a bunch of cans of beans from the shop, right? You made a monetary donation or did you bring food?

I made a monetary donation and then came on my large platform and talked about it publicly Put it in anonymous. Now. What'd you drop? Five hunch. What? Yeah What the fuck hook me up with that? You got five hunge. Starving artist over here. I don't know why you claim poor Did you- and everybody thinks it's true. It's insane. Did you put our names on it? No, it was for my personal account I donated- Luke, get my checkbook, it was for my personal account. I Don't even get my checkbook. It was for turkeys. Give me Danny Thomas Dave Thomas while you're at it Get some of them burgers. I can't donate on an empty stomach

Junior bacon class Get my head on straight Big potato season. I got bad penmanship. I've mentioned this to you before, but doesn't fast food... Do we have to do this? Do we have to? Sure. Yeah, it does.

I remember. What am I gonna ask you? Isn't it better in the holidays? Yeah. Listen here, Chubbs McGilligutty. You're wrapping presents. I just picture you leave here and go to my local food bank. You get all the food I donated.

Ha ha ha. That was a mistake. Ha ha. Listen. Hey what's up I'm Kippysboy, I'm here for my half. Ha ha ha. We're business partners. Son, I'm gonna need you to put that ham down.

Ha ha ha. I know you look hungry and you haven't eaten in a while, but I miss breakfast today. You know, Dave Thomas. Oh, yeah. But it is the given season. Give back a little bit, even a little something. Five bucks, ten bucks. Donate your change.

Something is the given season. I'm trying to I'm trying to do better. You just stole. From fucking Home Depot, whose side are you on here? Oh, they're short 15 bucks. You're pushing my, no, they're not. You're pushing my fucking $500 donation to this side, like that ain't nothing.

That fed probably 15 kids or two foley's. And then you're hung up on me mistakenly stealing from Home Depot. They got it. How much Home Depot? What's Home Depot worth billions? Yeah. What are you doing here?

Breaking my stones over this? Okay, freaking Home Depot. Tree looks nice. Tree looks real nice. What decorations you get? You get something on the outside? You're not doing that. You gotta call a man for that.

I did, there's a service. Shut up. I swear to God. Bunch of poor kids in the neighborhood. That's where my 500 bucks. You kids wanna split a za? Get over my house and hang some lights. Home Depot market cap is $421 billion. Ask my D. What does that mean, market cap?

That's like how much money is like moving through Home Depot 400 billion. That's all Billy with a B. Yeah, that's all pretty good. It's a lot of tree skirts I like the guy that does their voiceovers for their commercials He was that's Gary Depot. Uh, you know, it's the guy that was in Sweet Home, Alabama Good-looking guy blonde hair. He was also in Beautiful Mind. The great John Nash. He's the guy that says that. Josh Lucas.

The blonde headed guy. Uh, Scott McPherson. L. McPherson. The body. Looks, the male lead in Sweet Home Alabama. Yeah. Yeah, he's a looker too. He is.

Love that guy. Great voice. He's a great actor. Yeah. Him and Brian Cox.'t make these commercials sure gets me Uh-huh think anybody can do him you still get got you're a bit of a easy target. They call in the bits Satan himself your John Q American over here I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Dark Prince. By the way, let me tell you about Kippy.

Stealing this kid's band-aids. Kip, let's talk about them Aura frames. Oh, singing from the rooftop. Aura frames. Man, talk about making the holiday shopping list easy. You got a couple of broads in your life? Knock them off the list real quick. Knock them off the list real quick. Gang, do yourself a favor. Get over to that Aura frames and check it out.

We're talking about digital photo frame. Yes. Home run of a gift. Aunt, mom, mother-in-law, girlfriend, wife. Side piece. Side piece. I don't know what she's missing. Listen, especially these older bros.

I don't know why, but these older bros don't know technology. They think you're a goddamn, they think you're Bill Gates when you throw one of these on them. Not to mention it's gonna save you from having your fucking great aunt stick a phone in your face and be like, look at what Jimmy's doing.

Yeah. He's a junkie. Listen, if you're not familiar, we've talked about it a million times. It's a frame. You can send the pictures to it. They open it up. You can have a stock message on there.

So when they open it up, oh my God, it's the baby. It's the whatever. You go here, take this and shut it. Sends you time explaining it fucking Christmas. Yeah, now he's on the travel team. He does this. Here's the photo.

Shut up. All the eggnog. All jokes aside, it's a fantastic gift. I bought them for every woman in my life that has them. They're fantastic. Oh, look at the frames. There you go. Save on the perfect gift this season

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stink. Everybody smells. Smells and it ain't just the pits, man. You gotta get it. How did we just think of this? How is Mando just a thing now? We should have been doing this since the caveman days. Thank God Mando just a thing now? We should have been doing this since the cavemen days. Thank God Mando was smart enough. All over body deodorant. The taint is one of the smelliest things on earth. And Mando's got you.

Got you covered. Hasn't a lord to it almost. Stay away from it. It's something as I've gotten older, I'm not even like, it's not even like after the just day to day it gets a little Sweaty musty down there. I'll run you down real quick on my man. No process. I hit the pits I hit the the underbelly. Uh-huh. Okay, dry that off real good then I go side pocket on each part of the testes and then I go the The runway as I call it sure all products are river bed all products are baking soda free and paraba

Paraben paraben that's bad news whatever whatever if I don't want that you can't pronounce it It don't belong on you and that's right ain't got it They got a solid stick deodorant formulated and powered by a mandelic acid to stop odor before it starts, baby Wipes tell about the wipes. Give me a wipe. wipes, hoo hoo, a little whew whew. I did them the other day, I was K. Putz, I ran out of deodorant, I get here, I was running out to do spots, one wipe, two wipes, out the door. Right now, Mando's Starter Pack

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That equates to over 40 percent off your starter pack. Use the code garbage at shopmando.com. That's S-H-O-P-M-A-N-D-O.com. Please support our show and tell them we sent you a smell fresher, stay drier and boost your confidence from head to toe at Mando. There you go. All right. Yeah. Good shit.

So no, I got a company to do it. A guy, it's a guy who owns a power wash company. He started putting up those signs. My brother-in-law did it. You're gonna be one of those videos. What? Household shit fucked up, they come and hook it up for free.

They're cutting my grass and shit. So the guy that lived there was a real pussy. So I decided to do it for free. Listen, I don't... what do you want, my fat ass up there on the roof? Do you own a ladder? Yeah. It's a step stool, but sure. I own an eight footer.

That's where your wife puts your honey nut Cheerios. No, I own a six footer. You do? Yeah. It's a Warner. Yeah, Warner's good. Warner makes a... Did you steal that? No, I did not steal that.

But yeah, this guy comes super very affordable. He buys them for you, tailors them perfectly to your house. Does it knocks my brother in law said it took like two hours. She's still haven't done this yet. Now he's doing it this week after the holidays. Get that this guy. He's doing it this week. Then you own them, he stores them,

and then comes back next year. Get the fuck out of here. And the price is lower. How you doing? That's what we're doing. I mean, listen, I have no business being on a roof anymore. My young days, I'd be on a roof. Not no more.

My fat ass up there. Kitchener frisbee. Plumbers crack hanging out. Roofers crack hanging out. Catching heaters. Plus it's cold when your finger hits that metal. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm yelling at my wife, it don't look good. Let other people do that shit. Crack hanging out catching heaters plus it's cold when your finger Then I'm yelling at my wife it don't look good. Let other people do that shit I'm like I'm a goddamn comedy and podcast man. My dad just got banned from the roof He's too old to do so so many put her foot down see how many people get her putting up Christmas lights a year

It's got to be in of trillions probably It's gotta be in a trillions probably. Your dad still does it? Of course. Man, he's a man's man. I'm up. Sure.

Yeah. My wife wants it. My wife. My wife was like, I would be nice. I go it would be nice. I'm not the guy to do it. You know what I mean? Would she be involved if you were doing that? Yeah, it don't look good.

It's back one Then I'll be the guy that like ran it and like the plug was on the wrong side So I got an extension cord going a whole way. This guy does it knocks out in fucking two three hours I put the tree up. We got a little baby one. I was a fucking fight even a baby tree I think it's five feet. I know seven and a half. Yeah real or fake real. I always go real I like the smell. Yeah, let what you get a squirrel or two in there? buddy Hey, okay. All right

We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands gang as you know when you join the old patreon over there the app for mention patreon We will you get the chance to ask your garbage question, and we will read it on the air. Yes, sir. All right, let's see. This one's from Astoria Foam Cutters Local 403. Love it. Use Eversteria cocktail with the business end of a grill lighter. Oof. Wow, that's rough.

I would just use my finger, I think, before that. I feel like a butter knife is the lowest you can go. No, I think a butter knife is better. I'm on record to saying a butter knife is better. Than a finger? Than, yeah. Yeah, finger for sure. I think it's better than a spoon, I think a butter knife. I'm on record to saying a butter knife is better. Than a finger? Than, yeah. Yeah, finger for sure. I think it's better than a spoon, I would argue.

You get a better whirlpool going and it doesn't clink and it doesn't splash as much. You get a tighter whirlpool. A little vortex. We somehow, I don't know how we got it into the house, but we have one of those long twizzler sticks. Twizzler spoons. Yeah. And man, you stole it from a bar. What do you mean? You're at Outback Steakhouse one time. Wait, if the dishwasher is if every if there's if I'm

eating cereal with it and then she's like, what are you talking about? She's freaking out. I use this for my cottage cheese. I have my cottage cheese a little bit of honey. Oh gross sir Like the whole expoose still sugar on it from when you're making old-fashioned. He's just a hairbrush You know what I had on the plane water day. I haven't had in a long time hold on I Got a screwdriver I know you told me that

Said I drinking screwdriver I know you told me that I said I'm drinking it was before 10 a.m. about nine o'clock was happened I'm gonna need a duck think duct tape me to the chair in about 12 minutes I get a little lippy when I get vodka me a screwdriver yeah man it took me right back to it. Fresh squeeze OJ. No, it took me right back to, uh, heartburn city to, uh, probably sophomore, junior year in my buddy high school or college high school.

And my buddy Justin's garage, you had a couch in there. We, it was heater central catching heaters and then we had just discovered Billy Joel. Let me tell you, that was a summer my friend. Bottle of Fleischmann's and a half gallon Wawa OJ. Couple of Phillips heads.

Get your head on straight. Take me to the- Talk about lefty loosey righty tighty. Talk about Home Depot dog. I'll be in the screwdriver section if you need me. Hand tool, the hand tool hero. A couple of flatheads are me and the boys. Ah.

Do an Allen wrench, put a little gin in there. A little splash of grand. How many of those you put down? I think two. All right. Not too bad. Sure. I was driving. Yeah. What was that? An off-paste lunch. What's that mean? It means I was. That Yeah. I was at an off-paste, an off-paste lunch.

What's that mean? It means I was... That means you were drunk. I was drinking way faster than everybody else. And I thought we were going into this as a team. And we weren't. We were also off kilter on the appetizers too. We're doing wings.

Chris was like, I'm getting breakfast. Breakfast? I have wings. Screwed me. Breakfast wings. Brutal. All right. Yeah. Grill lighters. Fucking man. That's that's not working either.

Now I want a heater. What do you want a heater right after you make you stir your drink? Uh huh. You got to wait till it dries out. Yeah. Right. Uh huh. Although you're not wrong. Maybe it's all the way up at the top. You gotta wait till it dries out. Yeah. Right? Uh-huh. Although... You're not wrong. Maybe it's all the way up at the top. So it doesn't affect...

You should be good. I don't know. That freak... I don't know how it works. I'm not a physicist. You never used a grill lighter? What are you plucking about? Only zippers.

This is in the same vein. I didn't even put two into the other. This is from Travis. $5 Bozo. Is it garbage you use Sunny D for mimosas and screwdrivers around the holiday Feel like that would I feel like that would be like oil and water would never truly mix You know what I mean like there's turn into that magic sand their way to this. There's two different densities I don't I feel like that wouldn't come together is one man I don't know might be really good though. Sunny D's got a bite to it. It's great

Vodka is awesome. Yeah, that is awesome. I'm with that. It's like dude. You're yeah, you're trash you lean into it It is what it is. Yeah, that's all right. It's also like We all we my family does mimosas. That's thicker though. Yeah, that's all right. It's also like, my family does mimosas. That's thicker though. I like it. That's thick. Maybe a little bit of ice in there too. Sure.

Oh yeah, Sunny D actually made a vodka seltzer too. Oh yeah, that's right. That's right they did recently, like last year. Talk about a pivot. What else do dirtbags like? Oh yeah, hooch. What else did dirtbags like oh yeah hooch Because we only do we do mimosas one day a year

For some reason it's Easter because we go to Sunday mass down the shore and then we all come back and we always have mimosas Easter Sunday, mm-hmm and So like we're not having them as like we squeeze OJ or regular OJ Regular if you're doing to me do you get the fresh? That's what I'm saying But like if you're only doing that if you're only doing around the holidays because it's fancy You're really just a booze bag looking to start drinking earlier, and that's the excuse of I'm having a mimosa So if it's sunny D if it's drop a can if it's from country who cares you're not It's not like you're on the fucking Queen Mary or which will fuck you up What you haven't gotten that pork roll egg and cheese in you and you have the mimosa first

I've never had one of those what pork roll egg and cheese Had one this morning stole it It was in the car. What do you want for me? All right, let's see here This was for Monkey Man Slim. Great name. $10 hoagie. Never had one red. Have you ever pumped up a car tire with a bike pump? Jeez, dude. I saw a dude on the side of the road the other day.

They have like those like small ones now. They look like handguns. They look like what you would they look like a gauge kind of. Yes. Yeah. And this guy was in traffic and this guy was on the side of the road just trying to get home. I always, I always made me feel, I feel like a mechanic when I'm filling up my tires. I always with that gun. I feel like I know what I'm looking for. I pray that I have. And then when you got to get around the car, the whip of that cable, whoo, watch out. Kippys here. That's like something from an aircraft carrier. Yeah.

That's heavy. I'm doing this. Go, go. I'm always scared that thing's gonna blow up. I'm never scared. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. Just waiting for it to blow up. You ever blow up a tire like that?

Pop one like that? Yeah. No. I think it'd kill you. I always err on the side of, let's keep it a little light. I keep my, you know, the cars have like the digital readout. Like it'll be like, you know, like the oil, the this. I keep mine on my tires.

You're you put a lot of stress on the tires, specifically the front left one. Just saying it's always a lot of I spent a lot of time in a car. You a lot of road trips, but that's what I monitor. I keep that on all the time. There's a dirt to that old. My screen's not working right now.

I have some kind of electrical thing in the car. The screen's not coming on like Michael Clayton. Remember when they put the bomb in there and like it was like Fritz and there's something going on. It only comes on every other time I start the car. I don't know what the hell I'm listening to. It's got the heat. It's got the fucking radio. Sitting there, listen, a coffee house on XM like a dickhead

Not the XM. Who are you my mom? I remember my dad one year for Christmas bought me the portable one Do you think that am I and you could take it and bring it somewhere else? I think never got off the ground sweet in the room, though. All right, let's see. This one's from KP. This shocked me. Are you garbage if you grew up thinking heat lightning was a thing?

I just found that this out this year that it's actually just distant storms. Did you know heat lightning? Heat lightning was big. In the summer. Just a little heat lightning. That's not a thing. No, see if you can, apparently this guy's research. No, I thought it was atmospheric. I think it's, he's saying it's just further away and you don't, you see it because the sky's clear at night in the summer a lot of times. Really? I don't know. I mean, we used to

be in the pool and be like, nah, that's just heat lightning. Sure. You know what I mean? That's just a lot of times. Really? I don't know. I mean, we used to be in the pool and be like, nah, that's just heat lightning. Sure. You know what I mean? That's just a little heat lightning. Little of the game here. Rub a little dirt on it. Heat lightning is not a thing? Simply cloud to ground lightning that occurs very far away. Okay. So yeah, so it is it is a real thing. What about thunder? No, but it's that's just real lightning. Cloud to ground lightning is just real lightning. Yeah. Wait, what are

you saying? Is heat lightning a real thing? When it's hot. What is the difference between heat lightning and regular lightning? Do that. And thunder snow. Yeah. So, it's just normal lightning. Just further away. That occurs very far away with thunder that dissipates before it reaches the observer. Yes. What about thunder snow? That's like your new band you're working on. There's also dry thunderstorms, which I guess are a thing. Yeah, well you just hear it and there's no rain.

Yeah. That's what it get out. Everybody get out. I don't get you. Everybody into the showers. What? You like your freak? All right, let's see.

This one's from Pierce Hughes. Ten dollar Canadian shareholder. Shout out to you up there. Is it garbage if you or someone you know thinks they understand light frequencies at the intersection? For example, my book said if you stop five or six feet before the line, you have a better chance of getting the advanced light. That's a real thing.

Well, they're in the ground. They're sensors. Sensors are in the ground. Yeah, that's a real thing. I remember my step that would pull up. And if it was like he would reverse back to like trigger the ground. Their sensors are in the ground. Yeah, that's a real thing. I remember my step that would pull up and if it wasn't like he would reverse back to like trigger the sensor. Yeah, to trip it. Yeah. I ran a red light this weekend because of that because it was on a main highway and I was coming out of a shopping center and it was like 10 minutes. I'll give you 10 minutes. Oh, you sit there and just blew a hard blue a red light? Yeah, man. There was nobody coming. I was sitting there like an asshole. And you're breaking

my- And there was people behind me. You're breaking my stones for forgetting about a tree skirt? That's a victimless crime! Oh, you could have killed somebody! But I didn't. But you could have. You're a bad driver to begin with. Probably in the wrong lane. I had to drive somebody home and I told them that. What? I just see it and I'm a real bad driver. You're getting out in front of it now. I'm getting out in front of it. Because I'm on the brakes. Oh, dude, man. It's like a panic attack. I'm out there breaking ankles.

It's fucking pump fakes. It's crazy. I got to do CTE protocol after I get out of there. You whipping that thing back. I got whiplash. That's, yeah, you ain't great. And they're in the back seat, too. You ain't great behind the wheel.

They're in the back seat, too. That's where they really feel it. Oh, I can't feel them below decks. I can't feel the eye rolls. Do you ever have that, sometimes, when you're in an Uber, and you're like like are you in a different car than me buddy? How do you not feel that you're driving like a fucking maniac? I know it's fucking crazy. Yeah I let's see this one's from Tampa Tampa. This is a history. I he knows page around Tampa Tony off the baloney there you go

History I need shout out to the fucking boys. These are back. Love them. Ten dollar a month. Osempi provider. You ever get an eye exam and glasses from a Costco eye doctor? My in-laws just went and raved about how they got a two for one deal. That stuff's fine to me, right? Patty would go like a lens crafters or something in there.

Yeah, Patty would go. We would go to like or something in there. Yeah, Patty would go We would go to like America's best or something like we'd go to the eye doctor Get my eye exam and she's like just get the prescription Don't go somewhere else to go to Costco and get it go to Costco and get it cheaper You get like an 18 month supply. They're moving units out there Yeah, that's supply and demand or whatever economies of scale or getting the eye exam there though they're doctors it's not like the guys like a cashier and then like they bump them over you don't upgrade the doctors at a Costco they probably have a very stringent rules to become a Costco doctor yeah it's also like dude you gotta think got

shareholders not for you though. They're there Otherwise, they're in the mall. You're not going to Cohen's optics. Oh, that's faint. That's Wait Cohen's that's where I go out on sure. Yeah, you're they fucking or rake rake you over the coals in there It's a set of glasses cost. I don't know. I never I've never been to an eye doctor. I die. I exam when you need it for the year. I exam and I do the three months. Pull up what it cost you at Costco. It's probably about 600 bucks at Costco. No, it's 600 bucks. You got insurance for that. I don't use that. I don't know how to use that. That is a

dentist or therapy. I don't know how to use the insurance for that. Yeah, I'm not know how to use the insurance for that Yeah, I'm not they say if you reach out they'll reimburse you with that and warranties and like about 430 430 Yeah, is that what a supply of contacts? That's for the fucking eye exam Which is I think that's without insurance even that's expensive. I feel like that's cheap No, mine forget about the your supply of pickles it comes with No, mine's cheaper than that. My eye exam. I think is 300

Or you get that America's best you get my mommy's put me in the club at America's best You pay you get three years Contacts and I oh no, it's between 50 and 100 dollars without insurance. That's the eye exam. Yeah, yeah go to Costco. What are you doing? Why it's the same thing I? Mean I get I get it samples. Yeah, what do you make a day out of it? I'll get a couple of them diesels boys got the dog in them Yeah, I mean that's to me that is That's like the same thing as a dentist like there's as long as you can do the job

It doesn't matter where like as long as you go you're proficient at it and you got some pretty good I disagree I guess as disgusting as I am I get creeped out at the dentist real quick It's gotta be I just gotta be top of the line Clay I can't smell weird in there either. I'm not saying yeah. Yeah, it shouldn't be in a yeah I'm just saying but yeah, okay, it shouldn't be in a, yeah, I'm just saying, but like any dentist, if you go, oh, I have a cavity or I need a tooth pulled, they're gonna, you get the same service everywhere. It's like a mechanic.

Yeah, sure, there's some better than others. You know what I mean? But at the same time, it's not heart surgery. Didn't Ari go to a dentist? These guys aren't even real doctors. What are we talking about here? Didn't Ari go to a dentist in like Nicaragua or something like that. Yeah

They got universal health care. So he didn't have to pay anything I think Yeah, it's like super cheap down there because it's like it's it's a it's like a binary Thing I'm obviously people are gonna be like well I don't clean those tools the way they clean them and fucking kohades think they surgical tools are usually is pulled from actual Like they're new newly used every time That makes sense. Also, what do we what sir? What surgical tools you're saying it at that? That stuff's fine. Mr. Sucky and the little poker. That's all scrape my tartar out. No, it's called tartar I mean you tartar sauce again boy. It is tartar. Yeah scrape tartar off your teeth. All right

Okay, we I mean you're see those real bad ones on people Notice That's bad do you notice that's tough that's tough McGee did Scraping I can feel it on my dick of my blood run cold. I hate it. I hate it Have you been flossing shut up? I still think about that That groupon dentist I went to that girl. They see you know all new gums who she was Brazilian They had you coming and going and she was dressed like a woman in my videos, dude She was I mean like a boob. I saw you on a tongue transplant she had like six inch to let us on like it had mad me with a stinger

going I got my happy ending at the dentist off face down ass up ready to go got me in that chair been all that every which way but Tuesday you want to take off all your clothes I'm sorry Did I read this wrong? I'll do the bubblegum fluoride And a shot of rumple Something to set the mood in here and a drink for the lady. I'll do a sunny D screwdriver if you have it Yeah, that was I mean that felt like a Yeah, that was I mean that felt like a

Like a jack-jack, you know what I mean if it felt like a wishy-washy or something jerk cut But I examine Costco perfectly. I think it's fine. It's like that stuff. It's You know, at least you're not wasting your fucking time in there You're gonna have to stay in that goddamn line. You might as well fucking like you said might as well make a day of it make a day Make it a day Give it a sheath underwear shout out to the og she and before you say anything. I know you got him on alright I know you like your sexy underwear Dang it don't matter when you got a big hog or a little hog like some people at the table. It's both of us

Sheath is the best pair underwear you ever gonna put on keeping your first time as his sexy underwear. Yeah, all right I've never they're fantastic at them. They got Patty's where's the old stuff? They got two pouches one for the crayon and one for the berries, you know pouches one for the crayon and one for the berries you know what I mean man holiday season. That ain't ocean spray. Talk about dark meat down here. You can put your balls in one pouch your wiener in the other you can mix and match one and both leave them at home I don't care what you do. And sure it looks good you got a little bulge in there but it also has a function. It don't sweat it's set it's

separation keeps you separated it's like it's like climate control it's like being in an uber black back there. It's like climate control. It's like being in an Uber Black back there. Like a turkey wishbone. Yeah, so elevate your comfort today. Go to sheath.com, get the most comfortable underwear you're ever going to wear. That is a kippy promise right there. If you use the promo code garbage, you'll get 20% off your order, baby. 20%.

That's a lot of pubes. That's sheath.com promo code garbage one. For 20% off your order, Sheathep the underwear of legends and dirt bags. Yeah Gang this episode is brought to you by better help. Yes Holiday season lot going on to be gloomy. There are dark times. We're coming up on could be gloomy There could be a lot of anxiety. There could be some childhood trauma mixed in there Whatever you got to get off your chest do yourself a favor get over to better help They'll match you with a licensed therapist so you can start talking this out as you know

Started my journey in the fucking talk therapy Gotta be honest one of the biggest skeptics of it. It's working. Yes, it is I have to say is as a partner of yours it is working very well. Thank you dumbass You can tell what if you've never done it you can it's like it's just like a little to say is as a partner of yours it is working very well. Thank you, dumbass. I appreciate that. You can tell if you've never done it, you can, it's like, it's just like a little, it's like a pressure relief valve. You just get those things that are swirling in your head and your chest and your heart, get them out to someone else and they go, what are you, it's okay, you'll be fine.

You go, okay, thanks doc. I've learned about the inner critic rumination. Yes. Thinking the worst possible scenarios, emotional eating. Yes. Which I believe is a myth. If you're thinking about starting talk therapy, I am a big proponent of better help. It's easy to get in the water. It can seem daunting. Calling people, doing this, setting up an appointment. Oh, we're not taking patients right now. This, that, all of this. Rip the bandaid off, dog. Just get in. It's an easy,

it's a low barrier to entry. You get in and you can start. You can start feeling better. You can always change your therapist, your licensed therapist if you want at any time for no additional charge. So find comfort this December and this holiday season with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash garbage today

to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash garbage. Do it. All right, let's see here. This one's from Mary, $10 homie, is it garbage to buy name brand food items and organic fruits and vegetables only when you have family over to prove to them

that you're doing just fine? I respect that. That's a pro move. Pro move. Fake it till you make it. Throw those organic lemons in their fucking faces. Yeah. An old bag. Uh-huh. And it's also like, who cares?

Because if you do have some people over, they might be mixed company. You know, and you're, let's just say you're very bag, cereal, generic, kind of whatever. Sure. You're going to get some eye roll. You're going to go, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh gonna go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Just shut them up for this one time. Hey, look, I got all nice shit. Keep it moving. Yeah. Keep it moving. And only buy the organic fruit that has it on the label. Like if they're loose apples and they're organic, fuck that.

Get the regular ones. You can get a bag of lemons that says organic. That's what you want. So they know. Oh yeah. Save all the- So they know. Yeah, save the labels too. That's why I just-

And then you say it, slip it in a cup. Hey, can you hand me one of those organic lemons please? Real subtle, that kind of stuff. I buy the, we bought those pasture raised eggs once. Keep the carton, throw the kemio ones. Throw a couple egg ones best in there. With the nine yolks in them. I know the first time.

I just got one of those today. Really, double yolked it? Yeah. of those today and really double yolk. Yeah You turn away from a double yolk don't you uh no the one time I? Had double double yolks. I was double double I was making three eggs, and I had two of them were doubles I if I can almost burnt the house down and I had to have the priest coming in blood Yeah, that's you're flirting with the day. That's you're playing God then, dude.

Like an alien covenant over here. Yeah, not for me. I remember the first time I saw Eglin's best, that was used to be the big brand. That was the expensive brand. Sure, they're still popping. And I remember- I got the stamp on them. I remember Flip's parents had them

because they ate like hoity toity. Like Flip's house sucked for snacks, sucked. You'd be like, hey flips house sucked for snacks sucked you'd be like hey Can we get some be like at a sleepover or like his parents are down the shore or whatever? And we'd be there like fucking drinker like can we get some D? It's just like half a box of stale wheat thins which are already stale to begin with He's had the unlike Triscuits are real tough also just like weird bread I'm like you ain't got Stromans or fucking wonder you got nothing the fuck is bumper nickel Flax seeded shit

Like dude, we're fucking 16 even flaxseed. What does it look like? resource Fuck get me a bag of oats. Will you yeah a lot of oats and grains And they were an eye burn and they had them there. That's trash now. Yeah, you're not getting the pad You're gonna get in the brown ones, but you took a long time. I still had you to accept that I smell my mom still Bleached white the bleached white. Why why reason cold? Uh-huh Yeah, why why eggs? Yeah, we're at acme sure, but yeah, she's like the

She's still that you know the 299 eggs or whatever sure They're all the same eggs are expensive New York eggs and they're finding out it's insane New York eggs like $15 a dozen of her and that shit's all bullshit They're all lying on the packaging Fucking pasture right you're in a goddamn parking lot Fucking pasture rags you're in a goddamn parking lot Fuck out of here See the problem with the eggs here. I'm an egg beaters man. I

Know they never they never cross your your threshold We had them I just did they were there for like I that was that was the parents that were in shape egg beaters I'm almost making French taste were in shape. They had egg beaters. I'm almost making French taste. With them? No. Oh. Just making French. That's the rich kids that my rich friends had that. They had egg beaters.

I don't... Nice omelet. I... Maybe I'm... Maybe I'm wrong then. I don't think... I never had... I thought...

In my head it was... There was at some... I can't imagine your mom buying egg beaters. Yeah, no. It's commie shit. This is God damn America. Give me a dozen eggs for a nickel all day. All right, let's see here.

This one's from another dangerous username or something. Another dang username, sorry. Never have on read, are you garbage if you lost someone's pet while they were away on vacation Jesus man I was my worst fucking nightmare I was a kid I was asked to watch my parents oh my god my parents friend snake was swing snake it escaped in our house after three days never to be seen again what kind of trash you I could never sleep ever again if it got out in the house.

Dude, I'd never go to bed. That vacation wasn't to Paris or Barcelona. That was definitely for the Sturgis Festival down in Myrtle Beach. That was a timeshare, bitch. Hey, you gotta watch Rocky for a couple of weeks. What kind of parents' friends have snakes, dude? That's crazy.

Also, to take the snake into your house. It's nuts. Go ahead. Hey, I'll go. That's crazy. Also to take the snake into your house. It's nuts go ahead hey I'll go. Oh go that's nuts yeah go I'm checking on that every couple of days throw him a mouse or a hamster or something. At least a couple of egg beaters called a day. That feels a lot because you gotta get the tank into your crib. That's too much well that obviously. Yeah well you're bringing his sleeping bag over and it's pills and shit like that. I never. Fuck that. I never trust that They're always like, yeah, you gotta put like a rock on the lid or whatever to keep it down. I'm like, this motherfucker is trying to get us.

Why do you have them in here? You gotta get out. I never got that. Man, so hold on. So it got lost in the house. Got lost in the house, never to be seen again. I would lose, I found black mamba getting you in the middle of the night.

That's what they got. Get me for my Tori Hanzo sword Bite me right in the snout You watch my pet snake while I'm on vacation dude imagine Just like dumping out a thing of Coco pebbles and it falls in the bowl or something Lose it what do do we got for that? Probably probably charges. What are you talking about? But and watching a pet, you gotta watch a snake like that.

We got to probably say, I mean, you got your feet at once a week or something. I don't know what's naked. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like a pot. Get someone to pop by a drop a mouse, oats, flaxseed, whatever it's eating. Keep it moving, dude. To bring someone else's snake into your house if you're not a snake household is crazy.

That's actually... That's how you get demons. That's asking more than like... They eat like twice or once a week. I hate these people going to jail. That's what it sounds like. That's what it looks like. Doing a three to six month.

Yeah. Carnival cruise at best. like doing a do it a three to six month. Yeah Carnival cruise at best Shut up do it. Uh All right. Let's see. This was some Sean are never had one read Is it garbage to while be out at a restaurant take the lemon out of a coke and squeeze the juice onto your food? I'll answer this one. He says yes this weekend. I was home for Thanksgiving I met up with some old friends for a dinner one of the guys does really well and treat us to a fantastic meal at a Super classy restaurant get turned on over. I'm getting turned on over here that served fish and chips

I don't know what you're putting that lemon on halfway through I look up and one of my friends takes his hands in his coca-cola Removes the lemon and squeezes it onto his chicken. I guess I was in the Coca-Cola on their edge. All right, but you're getting Diet Coke juice on your fucking- It's all going to the same place as a biting sip, man. You're just getting ahead of it. Chicken Marsala? That's crazy. Also, I don't think you put lemon on a chicken Marsala. Squeezes it onto his chicken I guess I was the only one who saw because I was sitting there speechless for so long

I completely lost track of the conversation that was happening It was three. It's been three days, and I think I finally recovered from the trauma my man anyway I gotta go make some new friends. I respect the move yeah, I mean mean a little fresh lemons, Kaleci or whatever. It does. That guy being like I've seen this done in movies or whatever. Now what you gotta do is spray your lemon on it. Listen, I'm a big lemon guy. When it comes to that stuff, it adds. Like when we get to Calamari, when the Calamari hits the table, I'm doing the whole thing. I'm hitting a little salt. You hitting a little little whole thing. I made with a little salt and pepper and I'm doing the lemon all the way around Yeah, you got it. That's calamari. Yeah that comes a lot of times and a very real nice joint

Not even nice joints just some places do it Well, they give it a half cut lemon with the net on it to catch the seeds That's a lot of seafood places will do that at somebody's retirement dinner to catch the seeds. That's a lot of seafood places will do that. At somebody's retirement dinner. Um, but a lot of places down the shore do that. Comes with the lemon half cut in the little. I think they're reusing those little net. Um, my this is insane that this came out. My wife did it yesterday.

Took the took the took the lemon off of my off the rim of my diet. Off the rim. I was having a rim I was having is different I was happy but then she offered it to her parents going anybody want to squeeze I said Dutz I got a rep the off-key beer the hell you're gonna get bouncing his joints anybody want to take a whack puff puff pass my let's go Sharon a lemon Yeah So she ended up putting it on her it was a chick you she had a chicken chicken sandwich a Chicken she took the top bread on the top often throws the lemon in there Yeah, but I was like you that's so funny that somebody just asked that cuz I was like that's I

Respect that's that's fine. I I'm also a weird guy. It's fine. I'm sure it's probably a little uncouth, but I'm sure we've talked here before, but as a fat kid back in the day, did you ever get to the point where you were eating lemons? No, I would I would take the lemon and I would dip it in sugar and eat it.

I remember that happening like an orange. I'd eat it like an orange. Yeah, I remember that happening. an orange. I'd eat it like an orange. Yeah, I remember that happening. So good. Lemon drop shots. Yeah. I eat that one. Shout out to Deke. The basement bar by five was I fell in love with a fuzzy navel. Shout out to the boys at Sigma Pi. What's a fuzzy navel? It's orange juice and peach schnapps, I think. Yeah. And vodka.

I don't know. There's no way it's just peach schnapps. I mean, the ones they were serving were puking everywhere. Peach schnapps and orange juice, baby. God damn. I never felt more of a man than ordering two fuzzy navels for myself. You can add a splash of vodka, depending on the drinker's taste. I stepped on the blow was Get this going quicker

Yeah, that's um, man shout out to the homies that was a list of fucking garbage that's uh But you know and listen and why think what happens at the table if you're not in mixed company the only time I try to Keep up appearances if I'm in mixed company, right? But if you're at this guy's in his hometown with his boys At a nice as what he said a super classy restaurant sure That's not who gives a fuck the waiter don't care the fucking guy at the table across from me looking at you're not causing a Scene it is what it is. I see what he's waiting. What are your boys are gonna? Razz you who gives you your goddamn bullies? I've been anyone else do you want a lemon on the chicken?

Yeah, but I've been I understand what he's saying. I've been going through a Pretty rough phase of being well aware of when I'm eating with other people what they might be thinking You know what I mean? Yeah, I usually tell you. I mean, it's not a whole lot of thinking. You do. But like, you know, I'll take the napkin and do the bite. Like I'm doing it like communion. You know what I mean?

Or I'll bring the plate, you know, a little plate up to Is that bad? Yeah, I mean, that's what the Japanese do. I think. I know. Ramen. It's a big guy doing it. It's a little saucer plate doing it

Otherwise, it's at the forked in it everywhere. You do it in the green room a lot You'll try to like put on a damn show shirt Give you that you get a show shirt on what you still get stains on it, but If you want to really hurt your fucking Your self-esteem go out to dinner with fucking Patty and the bird. They just both sit across the table and fucking stare at me. Judging me. I mean, this is a lot to unpack here, if you want me to be honest with you.

Brutal. I, you know, I'd like 10 meals with them this weekend. Fucking everyone in one day, I was sitting in front of the fucking parole board You don't yeah, I've said this before it's you get in a zone when the food gets dropped that you know Yeah, you shut out the world. I got those. Yeah, it's a very it's very shark-esque and you're Yeah, it's very shark-esque and you're going at it. And then the thing I've realized that you do, we share a lot of meals. I've had more meals with you probably than my frigging wife. Sure.

Boys like to eat like a nice lunch between episodes. We're on a road a lot, have a lot of breakfast together at a hotel. Lot of din-dins. We like to eat. We're an eating crew. Um, this is all true. What you do is the food gets dropped and you go into what I would call your

frenzy mode, right? And you're, you're eating and you're swiping and you're dipping and you're the way you, the way you'll wipe up a sauce with a shrimp cocktail or whatever, right? You're really, you start going, then it hits you. Then you sober up, once you get your dopamine hit, you sober up a little bit and you start looking around. Did I hurt anybody?

Yeah, you come to, three days later. You come to and you go, you realize that you just went Covered in cocktail sauce. You went sicko mode. What happened? Yeah. And then you start, then your shame hits a little bit.

So I can't judge the fucking lemon. In the soda though. That's who gives a fuck. What are we doing here? Live a life. God damn Americans at the end, we ain't the French. Fucking, you want a little lemon? It's also, what are you gonna go ask the waiter?

Hey, can I have a side of lemon? And you're sitting there, you're- Can I have extra, can I have non-drink lemons? Oh listen, I'm not saying it's classy. It is what it is, I have your boys fucking- I'm not saying you look like an asshole asking for non-drink lemons. Yeah, can I get a side of lemons?

I just don't wanna, if I just want a little spritz of lemon, I don't wanna wait for the guy to come up. If he's there, hey, can I grab a side dish of lemons? I just don't want to, if I just want a little spritz of lemon, I don't want to wait for the guy to come up. If he's there, hey, can I grab a side dish of lemons? Sure. Couple of maraschino cherries. You did. Couple of high balls. A couple of fuzzy navels if you got them back there.

Be on straight. All right. Man. I do have to say in this vacation, I fell in fell in love with the strawberry decree. You did. Oh, man. Welcome to the team, kid. Oh, all inclusive. Kippy was in his zone. Yeah. Talking about Jordan in his flu game. It was frozen. A strong frozen drink is very underrated on a well. It's the sugar. Cause like if you're a little,

you're dragging ass after a day or two, you're eating pretty shitty food, you know, you're just, you know, we're just hanging. Get that glucose up. Yeah, right? I got to get something to get a little pep in my step. Hit me with a spike, will you? It's the thing, the sugar, the cold.

Sugar? Great way to tackle anything. All right, this is from Phil A. Are you garbage if your dog bit two different pizza guys I'm a great way to tackle anything. Alright, this is from Phil A. Are you garbage if your dog bit two different pizza guys from the same pizza joint? Jeez dude. They have to that

they should stop taking your orders. That's crazy. Fuck that. They hate you. I would dude if I'd I'd be like I'm not going back. That's why they got the second guy because the first guy I ain't going back. Fucking Morrison's got me. Mm hmm. That's bad, dude.

Man. Yeah, what are you? How are they getting them? What a bite. I know, but like. Yeah, I mean, at that point, if I had ordered food, I'm assuming this might be a front yard dog. Yeah.

At that point, if I had ordered food and he's already bit somebody or is prone to I think he might bite somebody. Like, if we're having somebody come over to house, I'm aware when the person's coming to be like, all right, Hans, go to your bed. I'll put him out back, whatever it is. He ain't getting to, you know, at the door. He ain't getting a one on one. There's nothing more chaotic than a person holding a dog back at a front door. There is no more of a stop it. Stop it. He's fine. He's not gonna fucking lazy I I used to do that when I forbid the pizza drops when I was selling a roof

Door to door roofing siding and windows. You're not gonna be some get some mom who's got like three kids crying they're fighting and I'm like, hi. I'm Kevin. We're in the neighborhood just walking around. And she's like, what do you want? There's this fucking dog eye in my fat ass. She's like, what are you doing again? And I'm like, are both homeowners here? Have you noticed your leaky gutter by any chance? I know it's a couple of spots.

Are you saying that when you don't even look at the gutters? You just saying they're leaky? Yeah, I'm making it up. You see your roof gone? Yeah, you got eyes on that. Even scumbag. No, no, no. Hey, we're in the it was hey, we're in the neighborhood. We're working down the street on the Johnson's usually a liar just like a pop. I like that. One to that we're down there 123 Main Street and as a as a courtesy

offer. We're going around door to door to the neighbors. Kids know to offer a 10% savings if you sign up for your free estimate today They never did course, uh-huh fucking three kids four dogs I know biting people is also like you're like, oh but look at this and like they're like, yes So what the fuck do I care? I'm not made of my money to fix fix this crack in the siding or whatever heart disease You're fat bastard? You'd also get hit with what do you just get out of here, okay? Go fuck myself. You know there's this is no soliciting neighborhood. I'm like yeah, you know I know There's no soliciting. I'm gonna have to get on the horn and go pick up the other canvassers and go guys meet at the van

and ten The fuzz is on us. The jigs up. Used to make like fake name badges and stuff. Oh yeah we're with the, if they go do you have credentials? Yeah right here. And it just said like Kevin, like there was no like, it was not by authority. Best job I ever had. Yeah it'd be tough to get that pizza guy back there. Yeah. If I was the owner, I'd be calling. That's on you, dude. That's on you.

Yeah, that's on you. One time I get things, I'm not saying I get, but things have, it's an accident. Things have, two times. You gotta fucking, you're lucky that they're not calling for that dog's head. Biting two people nowadays? No, thank you.

Must be some good pizza though. All right, let's see here. This one's from Riley B. Never, thank you. Um some good pizza though. Alright, let's see here. This one's from Riley B. Never had one read. Are you garbage if you have to bring a bath towel to wipe yourself down in the bathroom after walking into work in the

morning? I respect it. You ever work at a really sweaty guy? Not out of shape. Real sweaty guy. Not I worked with a guy that smelled so bad one time for a summer. But I mean, I just kept my distance. I had a kid that trained me to restaurant one time. His breath could have fucking killed the dead. It was brutal. Sure. And at the POS machine. Brutal. Get a whiff of it.

Oh, man. Just bro, you got a rotten dude. You gotta you gotta go get that pulled dude. I have one guy when I got a lot harder in there when I worked at that lock and safe company. We were just it was me this guy with one leg. He smelled his just not bad just very strong BO. You know what I mean? Not like not like ooh but just like Musk like Musk. Like, yeah, like he's in the old shirt. Yes, like you're just like I haven't worn deal. You're not wearing deodorant. I like that smell. I get weird way. It's it's very deaf, you know, natural like what I imagine

the cabin of one of the ships on Deadliest Catch would smell like, I don't know about that. Stinky, but comforting in a weird way. Hey, this guy's psycho. I can't really explain. No, but and do we would just say it was me. It was three of us that worked in there and all three of us could catch heaters in there. So you'd be working.

Yeah, see, mix a little smoke in there. Yeah, like it was it was just like it smelled like a dad. You don't ever like you're like, I get that. But I'm really like, dude, no one in your life has told you like at any like a neighbor of a cousin. No one's been like, dude, you're right. Like, you know, take the trial or right guard or something. Kick a little something. And and yeah we the teacher that would just come in and sweat and we

have to shower in the middle of the day at the school what yeah he was just sweaty it's a glandular issue he would also have to shave every once in a while midday it would grow that quick that's's your life. I'm telling you insane, dude No one's shaving midday. I'm telling you. That's not a thing Coach still Muto. I feel bad saying his name It's like a thing Cuts to him in his apartment. He's faces covered in it. Oh fully I

Thought you really liked me. Alright, we gotta wrap it up. Gang, I'm gonna tell you right now, we love you. Uh huh. We'll see you next week. Peace.