Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Sleeping With Your Eyes Open w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: July 1, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with a fun one! The two talk night terrors, sleep walking and all things trash as we answer your garbage questions.  Thanks for listening. Love youse guys!  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Gang, real quick, before we get this episode started, Summer is going into full swing and so is the R.U. Garbage. Keep it moving. 2021 tour, we're going to be coming to a town near you for a little bit of stand up and we're going to be answering your garbage questions. Kippy, tell them what they need to know. July 14th, Columbus Funny Bone. July 15th, Cleveland Hilarities. August 11th, Rhode Island Comedy Connection.

August 12th, Laugh Boston. Those tickets are cooking. That's going to sell out. Get those tickets. Then August 25th, we're at New Brunswick Stress Factory. And then August 26th, we're at Magooby's Joke House in Timonium, Maryland, right outside of Baltimore. I like it, gang.

Get some tics. Come out and see. It's going to be a fantastic fun time. A mix of stand up comedy in the AYG game. Come out and hang with Uncle Hank and your Aunt Kippy. Dewey. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute

trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Sure is. It's a little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they grew up to be classy.

Yeah. Or if they're just a big old piece of shit. Oh, yeah. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a sweltering day. Down here at Aunt Toody's basement, she doesn't have central air conditioning. It's a pre-war building. She's got the window units in.

Sure. I heard something. What's that? Well, as you know, our recent escapades around the Midwest have produced some costly Uber and Lyft bills. Sure. So from what I understand, you worked at a deal with her where Toody is now taking over the books? I don't think so, no.

Is that what she's running around telling people? She handed me a fucking Greyhound bus ticket to fucking Cleveland. Sure. Well, I mean, the fucking funds are a little low in that bank account, ladies and gentlemen. Thank God we got Toody to watch over us. I got to get two seats for the big man on Delta. You know, she has her associates degree. Sure.

From Montgomery County Community College in, I think, molecular biology. OK, that's good. She knows how to balance. She did that in two years. Wow, that's fucking it. Real overachiever that Toody is. My co-host is coming at you from across the kitchen table here. So it's a family app.

It's just the boys. We know you'll love them. The boys are back in town. That's right. We're back in town. He's the head bozo around here. So show this guy some respect. And we joke a lot, but let me tell you something, kids.

When you're reaching for a best pal, do yourself a favor. Make it a kippy. He's the guy you'd want in the foxhole with you. Kevin James Ryan. Bartholomew Ryan. Hey, gang. Happy to be here. Thanks for tuning in.

And as always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe, over to your own iTunes. Even though that don't mean shit anymore, iTunes is really changing the game. There's no charts or nothing anymore. Really? They're going to screw us somehow. I fucking feel it.

iTunes, subscribe on YouTube. Even if you listen, pull out that YouTube app, click, fucking, subscribe. Because you know why? Those numbers are true to roof. Almost forgot our fucking tagline. And then obviously patreon.com, which, by the way, ladies and gentlemen, talk about cooking.

That's a Michelin star chef in there. Cooking. It's the hardest feelings. You've got to go for that value pack. Value pack, listen, you go for it. And it goes all summer long. $5 level is great. It gets you the bonus AYG every week.

The $10 level, though. You get the video to hard feelings and audio. You get the video to the fucking AYG. You're getting the goods there. Yeah. I got a question. What's that? Is that a plate of fajitas coming to the table?

Or is that the Patreon sizzling? It's cooking over there. It's a good time. We're not just saying that. We're not just saying that. Also, two guys, I got to be honest. The live shows are fucking bonkers, dude. I mean, there's something else.

If you're not familiar, we do stand up. And then we take questions from the audience. You guys submit them. We pull them from the emails and then go over them with you live. It's a fucking hoot. Atlantic City, Chicago, Indianapolis, back to Chicago, fucking lights out every time. If you were at one of those shows, we fucking love you.

And you were fucking amazing. It's so cool. And we meet everybody afterwards. We take pics. We fucking hang out. But grab a little bit of hausia-faja, whatever you need. It's a real thing.

I was almost crowd-surfed on the last show in Chicago. It's nice. Yeah. Nice. It was great. It was a lot of fun. Thanks so much for coming out. Thanks, everybody, for coming out.

And we will be in Cleveland and Columbus next in the middle of July. Yeah, get them, motherfucking chickens. Let's go. Specifically, Columbus. That's it. If you live in the middle of Cleveland and Columbus, pick Columbus, OK?

Doty said, if we don't move any more tickets in Columbus, we're hitching there. She goes old school. Did you ever hitch? Never hitched, no. I mean, what? Was that, I mean? Hitched?

Yeah, I mean, I know what it is, but I grew up in the 90s. Let me ask you this. Do you know our producer extraordinaire, T-Bone McMuffin, Toby McMullen? I forgot about that guy. Because he's the magic man. Now you say him now you don't. Kid worked hard over the last couple of days

running around doing his thing. We appreciate him. We love him. He's also killing on stage. Toby McMullen. What's up, dudes? Hey, pal. T-Bone.

Dude, those shows were fucking sick. Yeah, it's pretty crazy. It's wild for us, you know, that people come out. I mean, we're selling out fucking two shows at fucking Zany Chicago. And let me say this. Polktown, I ain't talking Rosemann. Yeah, not up there in Rosemann, all right?

They don't put pickle on their hot dog up there. We've been doing that accent for the last seven days. Oh, man, it's bad. I got away from it because my girlfriend, my wife didn't get it, nor did my girlfriend. She's like, why are you talking like in it? She doesn't understand the Chicago accent. I feel like her doing like a doosal door facet and me like.

I don't hear it. So I got off it. Then I met back up with you guys at the airport and wanted to put a gun in my mouth. And it hadn't worn on us at all. Being full ear, punching each other out. We're going to hear. Yeah, you can say fucking.

First of all, we can only all say like six words. We got Rosemann. We got Zany. We took the architectural tour on a boat in the river there. It's all terracotta. Everybody using terracotta. I tell them four or five times, use a limestone. They say, no, terracotta, terracotta, terracotta.

Everybody terracotta, terracotta, terracotta, terracotta. Do you got a terracotta guy? Come on. I hate it, dude. I hate it. We had lunch at Pettillo's. We went to George and Jorzettes. I had the steak.

We didn't get the deep dish though. It was tough. Over there at the JW Marriott downtown, first class facility. I'm going to tell you that right now. Whole building. I just want a little Brooklyn too, to be honest. Whole building? Terracotta.

It's what I got. Shout out to Chicago. And Indianapolis is fantastic too. Yeah, Indy was fucking sick. Good old time at Indy. Oh, we love you. Yeah. Thanks so much.

You know what I wanted to ask you? What's up, buddy? And I didn't notice this until, you know, I haven't flown a lot. I haven't noticed this. I didn't notice this until the second time we were flying to Hawaii right before we landed. But what's with the fucking flight attendants going around

with the pump and dump fucking credit card run? That's what they do. They've been doing that for a while. You sign up with Delta today. You get extra 50,000 miles up your ass. Oh, blah, blah, blah. I almost pulled the trigger, to be honest with you. Are you kidding me?

You've signed up for a credit card on an airplane? I almost just did it now. Garbage. Because they were like, right away, you get 60,000 points. Look, I should spike your head. Trash. Listen, well, yeah. It is what it is.

I don't have good credit. I could use the fucking. We could use the points. I mean, we're spending fucking. I mean, a ticket to Cleveland is like fucking 900 beans. I got to, we're flying the three of us out. You know what the fuck? That got me thinking, will there be a point in the near future

where we start doing something with our money? Like, will we start having the money that we're making here work for us somewhere else? Like maybe buy like some laundry match or something like that? In the, like, under AYG. You're going to collect in the quarters and shit? No.

We've got a string of movie theaters. Adult. No, I don't think we're going to get. I don't think we're at that point. J. Wolfer, we're like acquiring other podcasts and stuff. Hey, listen, we're going to come in and buy you out fire. The lowest 10% fucking take 20% off the top. Oh, me, I own 49% of buy guys.

Yeah, rip out all fucking shell out all the assets, fucking farm it out, leave it a, leave it a shelve itself and move on. Hostile takeover. Yeah. No, I don't think we're, I don't think we're going to do that. I lost all my money in a lesionist skanks bump and dump scheme. Good stuff. Also, real quick.

Toby, please. Wall in Chicago, my friend put me onto something I want to share with all of our listeners and YouTube bozos here. If you have coin up. You're ever in a bear's game. And you're trying to smoke. You're not playing right.

You got to walk out of section G to have a SIG. If you have coin operated laundry in your building, you can Google the company that makes the machine and buy the key to the laundry machine for like six bucks and never pay for laundry again. Just pull the quarters out, put them right back in. I mean, what if you want to be a dirt ball? Yeah, dude, I'm not fucking, I'm not setting up a scheme where

I'm stealing my own quarters back. All right, that's insane. I mean, if it was like, well, if only said laundry about poking holes in this business model. You wanted to get, definitely get a prize when you do the claw at the arcade. I'll tell you, you press 1, 1, 2, 2, 9, 9. Shut up.

Yeah. Well, you're talking real scams here we're looking for. We're almost white collar. All right? You're wide collar. Let me know if you find the corrupt government somewhere on the continent of Africa that wants to play ball. Yeah.

All right. We're going to own to Tooties. Tooties is going to own a diamond mine. Yeah, I want blood diamonds, whatever else we can get into over there. All right? Whoever we got a back, weapons, arms, start moving. Yeah, so like, you know, government contracts.

Yeah, that's what we need. That's what we need to do, right? Something like that. Something to move our money. Yeah. Get in with the gang. I always wanted to buy a motel. I've been kicking around the idea of buying a motel down there,

down a shore somewhere. That's a good geesh. Put cameras in all the rooms. Motelier, well, no, a voyeur, that movie. The voyeur hotel? Yeah, no, the voyeur was a movie. Oh, really? It's going to say it's a pretty good idea.

It was a documentary. The guy would do that. He would climb through the ducts. Damn. Yeah. You know, gay paris? No, not that's, uh, tally, gay tallya? Tallya gay?

He's an actor. Or no, he's not. I'm so fucked up. Tallya Shryer? No, he's a rock and writer. He's a writer. All right. Gay tallya.

Tallya gay? Something, whatever. He did a movie on it. OK. He went out and visited the guy and climbed through the vents and watched like, really, he was peeking too? He was doing research for his book. Oh, yeah.

That's what I say. Any time I get caught doing something. Working on a script, man. It's about McDonald's. It's about McDonald's at midnight. The other thing I wanted to ask you, before we get to the Patreon questions, is, um, first of all, the food in Chicago

was absolutely fantastic. Delicious. Sure. Do you think it's garbage to stack the plates for the waiter? Yes, for sure. Like, when you're done, put everything. Well, all right, hold on. Together.

Let me. Because I noticed we were doing that. Yeah, that's bad. That's, that's trashy. Really? Yeah, you might as well be sitting in the sink with all the dishes stacked like that. The fuck out of here?

No, yeah. The only time you stack is if you're making room for other plates. Like, if they're coming over to drop something you take and you're like, oh, I can stack this, or like, whatever. If you're making room to operate, sure. But if you're just, like, partially busing the table, just to kind of get, just to help him out or whatever.

It's like Applebee's stuff to me. Yeah. They don't need you stacking it. You know why it's garbage? Because every person that does that goes, I used to work in a restaurant. I know how it is. It's you been there.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. It's just sitting there with a stack of fucking plates to me is weird. It is, all right. And also, if you're at a classy enough place, they come scoop it quick enough. They're Johnny on the fucking spot.

Johnny on the spot. Yeah. OK. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah. That's what I figured. That's bad.

You're, like, putting, like, the knives and the glasses and stuff. No. You can't be doing that, dude. No, I don't do that. Like, give them a pre-soaked before you get them back there. I will stick a napkin in a cup. Yeah, that's trashy to me.

Garbage. That's so trashy. It's garbage. I used to bust, that was my first, like, four jobs at Boston Tables as, like, a fucking 12-year-old. And even then, I was like, you're an hat. Like, a grown man would do it, but you're an hat. This tip's going to stink.

I didn't have to work for you. I put the napkins in the cup. Good luck digging that out. Yeah, then you're, like, fucking out. Yeah, you don't want to touch it. You don't know what's in a napkin. It's so trash. No, yes.

I've chewed up food and put it in a napkin. Yeah, well, you get a bad piece. You get a fucking piece of fatty chicken or something. You got to fucking put it somewhere. Man, talking about the quickest way to ruin a chicken salad sandwich, fucking biting into a piece of cartilage. I'm out.

Yeah. No, stop doing that. You can clash yourself up a little bit by stopping the chicken salad. I mean, no. The busting of the table is a, you know. Classy people aren't going to nice restaurants and fucking stacking dishes, OK?

Classy move is when you take the fork and the knife, you put it together, bottom right, let them know. That's, like, the signal that you're done. Sure. Yeah, there's a code. What he's referring to is you put the knife in the fork at 4 o'clock. That's the server know that you're finished.

They come over and they clear it from the right-hand side, which they should have served you from the left. Serve from the left, clear from the right. Great. OK? Got that? Yeah. I used to work as a server.

So I know what it's like. Here's a dollar. Go fuck yourself. I stacked here to please you. First of all, you worked at Bear Burger, OK? I've got some credit institutions that I've worked at, my young man. I'm aware.

Devon Seafood in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Fired. Keep going, big man. 20 Manning Grill. Fired. And then there was some sort of unemployment issue, I remember, where there was a court date involved and you were freaking out.

Next. Marathon Grill. Fired as well. Do a pretty good so far. Bear Burger, quit. You quit. That's a burger joint. I mean, that's back to Verna.

You got fired. Or you asked, I think you guys might have came to a mutual decision that it was no longer viable for you to be employed there. Yeah, that's exactly what I remember. All right, so for the listener, all those, right, I don't know if you're aware, Foley is a mess of. He can't make a decision without running up

by 9,000. Do you imagine all the phone calls I've gotten after those firings or those things? Now, whatever state you were in or whatever city, local municipality, what's I, you call me like, I'm the fucking unemployment lawyer. What's the what's the status on if you're in New York County and you get fired, but you're asked to leave?

Are you allowed to collect unemployment? Every time I've been fired from a job, I've fully prepared to go into war. Oh, yeah. To make some kind of move or statement or whatever, which just disintegrated over the next week. And I would get calls like, you believe this fucking lady's pulling this shit?

I worked there for nine months on pills every time. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. You believe she's got the balls to fucking do this to me after I get caught stealing from the registers? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's not true. I never stole from any registers. Um, that's good.

I mean, every time, dude, you think they would pull that shit? Hey, waiting tables on Percocets. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Just talking about getting into your job. A few things better than that. It's like a warm little blanket. Sure. Good times.

Yeah. We both took an awkward sip at that one. Yeah, we both got caught with our pants down. You were drifting off into a fucking Perkland. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. All right, guys, it's a fucking family episode. It is. Where we answer your questions from Patreon.

So as you know, when you sign up for Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the fucking air. But we have a bit of a backlog. We promise we're going to get to all of them. And we love you. Yeah, we love everybody. And also the Patreon, I mean, you guys are fucking, you guys are the fucking shit.

The best. I fucking love everybody. I love anybody that's ever, if you've listened once, if you've watched a clip, I fucking love this shit out of you. The fact that you guys, you know, dig to show so much and allow us to do this. It's fucking so cool. I had forgotten that we had such a,

that we had another controversial episode. We had the one fat court, the emotional episode of fat court. Sure. Then that hard feelings was a, was a thing. The Chicago sit-down, which we can't talk about. Sit-down. That's very, we can't even allude to what that was.

No, no. We couldn't. Can't do that. No, not, not, not, not, no. No, not publicly. Honestly, any, if you've came to a live show, I mean, people are coming to live shows, they're bringing people to the live shows.

And then they're like, I'm a fucking fan now. I can't wait to check out the podcast. Yeah, it's good times. Thank you so much for everything. Y'alls are the shit. We're grateful and we love you. This one home run off the bat, Andrew, did you have sleep apnea as a teenager?

That is even happen. Yeah. Cause I think it's weird. For sure. I mean, that I, I, I associate snoring with fat guy. Yeah. When it's not, when a fat guy doesn't snore, real weird. Yeah.

Sleep like a bat upside down. Don't make any noise. That's where I snored being the kid that snores at sleep. You snore at sleep. Yeah. The thing would be like, and my problem is I fall asleep quick. Like I'm out. Like the second one where it's all fun and games

or doing handstands, we're fucking pulling each other's pud, whatever we're doing. The second the lights go out, the head hits the pillow. Two minutes in the gremlins, you were out. Kippies. Oh, you put a movie. If we're going to lay it out, like everybody's like on the floor on the couch and you put a movie up, dude,

I'm not making it out of the credits. I'm fucking out. And I'm, dude, I'm head back. If I'm on a couch, my head's getting tilted back into the fucking corner, like in the armrest and the cushion, mouth open, and I'm fucking solid work. Really? Yeah.

You don't sleep good. You're not sleeping well. You're not getting a good night's sleep. Yeah, no, for sure. I wouldn't say I am. As a teenager. Who the fuck does that? I mean, you're heavy.

Pea pop. I'm heavy. I smoked. I drank. I mean, you know. Oh, sweetheart of a kid. Mommy's a little angel, huh? Yeah, it's a tough look.

Snoring as a teenager. Everybody else would be like fucking waking me up, like all the other kids would be like, shut the fuck up. I'm like, hey, fucking. Dude, what the fuck? Yeah. Snore as a teenager. Bad look, dude.

I didn't even know that was the thing. Yeah, it is. Damn. How's your prostate? Straight. My prostate. Prostate. I don't know.

I mean, I don't know. You should have had that checked at like 22. You're snoring at 14. You're snoring at 14. You gotta eat your fucking, yeah. First colonoscopy at 21. Graduation. Holy shit.

Do you ever know anybody that sleeps their leg bent, their knees up? No. Toby does. Oh, yeah. You do? Oh, you guys slept together. Oh, did we?

In the same room. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Man. Oh, I do do that. You sleep like a Russian hacker. It's fucking weird. Accessing Pentagon codes. Dude, his knees are up.

That's weird. Yeah. What's that? What's going on there? I don't know, man. I've never been conscious for it. You seeing somebody about that? That's weird.

That's your real fucking, that's your real local news television host, yo. What's going on with that? Toby sleeps with his knees up. What's going on there? I'm all screwed up, man. Today we have local weirdo, Toby McConnen, who sleeps with his, sleeps on his knees.

I had my roommate flip in college would sleep with his eyes open. Shut the fuck up. Everybody knows flip, sleep with his eyes open. And you know, like you're in a dorm, so it's just like two single beds, like, you know, all like facing each other. So like I woke up and he's fucking.

Hey, man, you want to grab some breakfast? Dude, he's six feet away from me. I like that. Oh my god, hey, what's up, man? I'm like flip, and he's just fucking dead. Thousand of dude right through me. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, and I'm like flip.

And he's just fucking nothing. It's like sharing a dorm with Jaws. And dude, he's just fucking. You want to hit the calf in an hour? He's just fucking iced down the vein. So I like, I roll over and fake sleep. I'm like, I don't know what the fuck's going on. Pull the covers up.

Yeah, dude, I got the covers up to my eyes. Just fucking hoping this is a dream or something. Our father won't have an Halloween. Wait a minute. Throwing holy water at him. Hey, father Mahoney, you want to get over here? Hey, get up there, 9.53. Fucking flips out of the game.

He's crawling on the ceiling. I'll suck your dick. Get over here, kippy. Oh, that's a good piece of business. Wait, does he do it all the time? Yeah. So we woke up. The only guy I know that did it was my buddy Brett Schumer's

dad, but he was like Delta Force and Nam. Well, it was not Delta Force. No. It works at a fucking axe throwing bar or something like that. That's what the fuck, man. So I remember. I thought you had to be trained by the Mossad

to know how to do that. Talking about checking your fucking sinks. Hey, buddy, try a cup of decaf, will you? Hey, man, you got to get to a cheesecake factory or something. Let your hair down a little bit. Holy shit. You got a lot in your mind.

What's going on? Hey, our finals going. Oh, you're going to have a hell of a team this year, huh? Dude, I'm telling you, when you start talking to someone and they're just dead. And I'm, dude, so I did you not know it? No. And I'm like, I go, you should have

to put that down on your door. Well, that's what I said. I said, hey, man, you fucking sleep with your eyes open. He goes, oh, I do that sometimes. You got fucking heads up would have been nice. I'm the fucking dumps in the river. To fucking get rid of the evidence. Score a couple straight A's, huh?

I have a roommate died in college. Yeah. Was that real? I don't know. They based a movie on it. I'm sure they were a little more lenient than, you know. I believe you're referring to the film Dead Man on campus. Yeah.

Oh, that's a great title. Yeah, I wonder where they came up with it. Um, that and my buddy's Pat. My buddy, my buddy, my buddy, Pat's great aunt. Sleep with a loaded gun to assemble. Yeah, I got a group of real cool characters I grew up with. I'm snoring flips, got his eyes open,

and Pat's got a revolver to his head. Hey, where the chicks at, huh? Also, Pat's great aunt, Mim, would sleep, would stay at his house sometimes, because he, like, watched. Did night terrors, lady? Oh, I told you, yeah. Good night.

Nope. She had night terrors. Nope. It was like fucking midnight. Everybody's sleeping. I got to get up to go to the bathroom. I go lay back down, and jeez, all you hear from the hall is, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

Dude, I didn't sleep a fucking wink that night, daddy. I'll be in the garage. Get the chainsaw. You kick her open the door, you got the weed whacker? It sounds like a ghost getting blown away by the wind. Yeah. It wasn't even like a screen. It was like an eerie.

Yeah. I'm like, give a guy a heads up. Do you have any sleepwalkers in your family, do you? Straight to the orphanage in my house. I'm seeing it right now. Nah, the Phillies don't like that shit. Real superstitious. I would fall asleep on the couch as a kid.

Like, you know what I mean? Like your neighbors. All the kids would be up watching TV or whatever, and I would pass out on the couch. I was like, I don't know, let's call an eight-year-old or whatever. And then when they were going up, my mom would be like, all right. Or my brother would be like, a lot of times if my brother got the job of, hey, my mom would be like, hey,

wake Kevin up and make sure he gets up, whatever. Like, wake Kevin up. We're going up to bed. Cutting flies ruining the movie. Catching flies. That's what they call it. That's what my family calls it when you sleep with your mouth open. My mom would be like, it looks like you were catching flies.

That's real trashy. But I would fall asleep, and I would wake up not knowing where I am kind of or like a little delirious. And I'm real conv- like, my brother would tell me, you go, Kevin, he's a fucking jerk off too, right? So he takes any opportunity you can to fuck with you, especially me. And he'd be like, Kev, it's time to go to school.

So I'd be like, all right. And I would get, I don't know what the fuck's going on. I'd be on the couch. And he would put my school bag on me and send me out to wait for the bus in the backyard. Is it going to pop down in your hand? No. And I would be standing on the deck in the backyard

at like fucking midnight waiting for the school bus. I vividly remember coming to me like, it's too cold to be waiting for the bus. I thought the weather said I was going to be 80 and sunny. What's going on? Yeah, this is a cold March. So I remember being like, what the fuck, dude? I remember coming to and watching him dying,

laughing in the window. And I like, I remember coming and screaming, like fucking freaking out. How'd it locked you out there? Fat little bastard. Snoring. I wake up like a Vietnam vet. Dude, Toby wakes up.

Dude, he wakes up like the fucking Russians are already in the bunker. It's fucking insane. Jesus, man. Take a fucking chill. Holy shit. Yeah. Toby's not the most graceful one of the group.

No. Yeah. Jesus Christ, that was a home run of a question. Oh, so good. This one's funny. No famous Franco, have you or anyone in your family owned a rock tumbler? What the hell's that?

It's a rock polish. Yeah, and I have. A rock polish. Yeah. You're supposed to buy rocks. And the idea between rocks or stones being polished to become a pretty rock is like, they're ran under water, you know what I mean?

They're like, the rough edges are refined and they become shiny or whatever. It's a real goober thing. When were you doing this? I don't know, college? No, I was like fucking seven. It's maybe the loudest noise you've ever heard. You put water in a fucking water.

You turn yourself like a motor. No, there's like a motor and it just goes, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Imagine turning a fucking bottle full of rocks and water. That's what it sounds like. We set it up down the basement. I did it for like, I thought I was going to have gold or something. And after 20 minutes, my deceptive was like, yeah,

this takes fucking four weeks to do it. I'm like, oh, later. I'm not doing it. Four weeks? A longer time than the instant gratification I wanted. Sure. I thought I was going to be an alchemist making gold in my basement.

Fucking prospector. It looks like a tiny standing cement mixer. Yeah, it's like a little just like tumbles the rocks in there to refine them, I guess. It never, I mean, I gave it like 20 minutes. I was like, yo, fuck. It's like sticking a jet engine in your rumpus room. Rumpus room.

Yeah, what's a rumpus room? The playroom? Rumpus room. That's. Sounds like we're in a place where kids get touched. Yeah. My kids will never be allowed to go over to a rumpus room. It's family room, living room, maybe rec room, TV room.

Rec room is the rumpus room. Playroom. No, rumpus room is where your no-no parts get touched. No, rumpus room is. Who the fucking Betty Boop? What do you do? Rumpus room's bad. Who are your parents from the 20?

He's over there in the rumpus room. Yeah. No, that's no good. Trash. That's, man, you have some fucking really like ancient southern fucking trash roots in you. Oh, yeah. What was the saying your mom said?

Your mom has some weird saying or something like that? I don't know her. I don't know. No, or something you said. So it was something from like the 20s. We'll be back right after this. You have no fucking detail. Didn't somebody say something one time about something?

Rumpus. Take a hike. And you, with the fucking rock time. I know. When I was seven, I got a Snoopy Snow Cone machine. I was up and running in 10 minutes. You're going no ice straight syrup. There's fucking mainline in it.

Don't need this bullshit. I'll be in my room. All right, this one, this was from Why It Be Quiet, new Patreon member here. First question. Ever painted your living room couches? My parents bought a pair of used couches and straight up painted them with house paint.

One was yellow, one was pink, and they were as rough as sand paper. That doesn't even make sense to me. Jesus Christ. That's, if I go somewhere and they got it, I wouldn't have anybody over. No. Also, if you're painting your couch, the people that you're

probably. You throw a nice sheet down for the dog. That's all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, I think if you're a kind of person who paints their couch, the company you're keeping is probably OK with it. You know what I mean?

I don't think you're inviting over like millionaires when you just painted your couch. Yeah, I'd have to guess the couch isn't in the traditional spot either. You can definitely see the refrigerator from wherever that couch is. If you don't live in a house and you can still see your refrigerator from the couch, it's bad.

That's got to get over your clothes and stuff. There's no way it sticks to the couch. Put a coat of lacquer on it. It's like sleeping on a park bench. Yeah, that's insane, dude. That's nuts. I mean, I want to know where you're from. Yeah.

I mean, that's not. I want to know everything. That's not in New York. Where are you from? What do your parents do? How many times do they fall down the stairs? That's a fucking tough one. This is from Chris Scott, everywhere a Davey Crockett

hat. Now, as a child, what was your Davey Crockett standing? Were you a face? I don't know who the fuck he was. Do you now? Yeah. OK, because I remember. OK, I don't.

I think. In theory, you know who Davey Crockett. You know, OK. There's a historical thing. I thought he was an actor. No, I think Davey Crockett. Somebody played Davey Crockett. That's my understanding.

It was like a Western. Like Davey Crockett was like, you know. It was a TV show. And he wore the raccoon, the coonskin cap, the raccoon cap with the tail. Yeah. Yeah. Loserville.

Yeah. And I didn't know what it was. What do you got, T-Boat? It's a real guy. Yeah, no, I know it's a real story. Davey Crockett was an American folk hero, frontiersman, soldier, and politician. He was commonly referred to in popular culture

by the epitaph King of the Wild Frontier. He represented Tennessee in the US House of Representatives and served in the Texas Revolution. Hmm. Wasn't there a TV show in the 50s about it? Yeah, there was. And movies, I think. Where this guy played Davey Crockett.

It wasn't Davey Crockett playing Davey Crockett. I don't think so. OK. Jack of all trades, huh? Not a big fan. You know why? That is fucking 80s kid. He was using a musket.

That didn't do it for me. I was an M16 kind of guy. First of all, I mean. Or laser. We. We I had no idea what it was until this this new family moved in on the street. What?

I didn't know who we were. Oh, OK. And then this new family of these two kids that had these two kids moved in and my mom was like fucking go hang out. Make the kids feel well. You know, like, you know, being like. Go snore at their house for a while. Go see it.

Go wait for the bus in her backyard. She was like, go hang out with them. And we went over. Hell of a little league player, huh? I went over and they were like snoring. Fucking little kid that snores. Yeah, I mean, I don't know what you want from me. You're an old soul, man.

You're an old soul. I'll tell you that. In that bedroom, tumbling rocks. That's why it drowned. It was my that was a white noise machine. Drowned out to snoring. Had a tumbling rocks and kitchen flies. But we went over their house and they were like,

oh, we're going to watch Davey Crockett. That's weird as 90s kids. I know. Throw on fucking dark wing duck like a gentleman. So I go, what? I remember going, I asked the mom in the kitchen, I go, what's, they were all too excited. Hey, dumb bro, two things.

Cut the crust off and who the fuck's Davey Crockett? I remember being like, why are they, how are they so excited about something I don't know? I'm, I know turtles, cartoons. I know everything. They probably don't watch any of that shit. I knew everything was hot. Exactly.

I knew everything was hot. And I go, is there, how the fuck did I, how can these people, these two kids be so excited for something? I don't even know what the fuck they're talking about. Right? Here, I know it was from 1920s. Yeah. And they.

It's just these, I think. They ran out and then came back wearing raccoon skin hats. To watch the show. And gave me one. And I looked, I go, I'm going to, I got to go. I literally went back to my mom and I was like, she's like, oh, what do you do? I'm like, I can't.

I'm not sitting there watching TV and a fucking raccoon skin cow. You must have hurt those kids' feelings, poor little guys. Good thing you got out. Yeah. What the fuck is sitting there? Who gives a fuck about that feeling?

That's the only thing you're wearing. And I'm in a rumpus room. That's how you end up in a fucking rumpus room real quick. I just stand here for the pictures. No thanks. Yikes. That's crazy. Yeah, it was fucking.

But I'm thinking maybe the mom was very careful about what she introduced the kids to. That's fine, but do that on their own time. Don't fucking, don't throw a seven year old, eight year old me into that mix. I'm trying to fuck. I mean, I was like, I was already looking for burnies to smoke at that point.

True. Fucking, but. Are you guys keep weeding here? Yeah, what the fuck? Worried about your fucking, your Davey Crockett binge. When I was a kid, we did a Sundays, we would do mass breakfast at home and the three Stooges. So we'd watch that.

I mean, I watch a lot of old TV. Yeah. Three Stooges are classic comedy. I never got into those old Disney movies. There's something about them that just kind of bugged me out. Like what ones? Like Sound and Music and all that stuff. Even like Mary Poppins.

No offense. I love you Disney, but hit the fucking bricks with that shit. How you think Disney's tuning in? Could be. They didn't make it this far. I'll tell you that much. They got out after the Patreon plug.

Fantastic. Big our minds freely. Yeah. This is from, let's see. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-da. Oh, this is from Michael. Got a few city miles on Mitozi. Which he must have been at the Chicago show

because that's a line from a joke, which is pretty cool. You ever cut the filter in half on a cigarette so it hits harder? Is this a joke? I swear to God. That's his question. Wow. Which I've never seen until you just started doing it.

That's insane to me. Mm-hmm. I agree. It's also, I mean. Here's the thing. You're doing aftermarket mods to your burn. And it's tough luck. An associate of mine, not you, smokes marble lights.

It's me. No, it's not you. Who is it? I can't, I can't, the volts are there. Is it a guy or a girl? It's a female. Okay, how the tits. I'm sure they're pretty nice at one time.

She's an older bird now. Anyway, so she smokes marble lights. Hondos? No. You would think. I now know who we're talking about. Yeah. You want to retract the tits comment?

Yeah. Thank you. I thought, at that point, I still thought you were talking about me. That's why it's- No. And I, you know, I was doing the marble, I do the marble reds, the red label.

Just trying to quit, trying to get out of here. Get this off. So when I'm down there, they don't really, you know, the light, the light's giving me like a headache. So I cut half the filter. It's like the perfect cigarette. Did you figure that out on your own or did you see someone else doing that?

No, I figured it out on my own. That's so trashy. I think he's even more trash. Yeah. If I get rid of this, I can get a little more of this. Yeah, get some fucking, some of the high heat right down the middle, baby. Yeah.

Yeah, that's insane. I've been smoking burnies. I'm aware that I worry about it. I've been smoking burnies since smoking burnies. I ain't never seen anybody do that. That's crazy. And also, you never have your own scissors to do it. Yeah.

You're asking the guy at the lobby for the scissors. To cut my cigarette filter. Yeah, what does he look like? He's got to look at you and be like, you don't judge you. You know what I mean? They do, yes, they do. Do they? Yeah, I pay them to.

That's a couple bucks at Christmas. Yeah. Yeah, man, that's garbage. That's real garbage. That's a fucking tough, very, very helpful. Any type of manipulation when it comes to tobacco products is trash. That's insane, yeah.

From leaving your butt out while you're running to the store and coming back and grabbing it or clipping your cigarette or fucking taking a bunch of old ones out of the ashtray and then rolling up another one, which almost makes you want to vomit. Yeah, you can't be doing that. What about, do you have any friends that smoke black and miles coming up that would freak them?

No, I don't know. Freak them as you take it out and then put it back in. Yeah. What? What are you talking about? Yeah, you empty out the tobacco into the tube. And then just put what's could fit. So it's like less packed, right?

Yeah, and you take the tip off and there's like an extra paper on there and you pull that off too. The cancer paper, they called it. That's what they called it. Often for two and blunts as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the cancer paper. Never smoked a black and mild or knew anybody that smoked a black and mild mild mild.

Really? I think that was a 90s thing. We didn't do that shit in the 80s. We would do it. We were smoking benching hedges, stealing fucking new ports from our parents and stuff like that. Rodney's mom would send us to the store to get her pack of benching hedges.

We'd fucking lift a couple of them. Never with the black and milds. Not a good look. That plastic tip, you got to be a pretty bad motherfucker to pull that off. Yeah, you got to be cool. I know none of the homies are fitting that description. No offense.

You got to be pretty cool. Yeah. Some of the other, some of the brands also had a wooden tip, which was even fancier. You get your hands on one of them, you were pretty fucking cool, like the Cigarolios or whatever. Yeah. Whatever.

I am what I am. Nine-year-old that snores. This is on the same page as Bernie. This is from Matt, brand new patron here. Ever snuck outside for a Bernie at a family party only to find your grandma also sneaking outside for a Bernie? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

That's always the big, that's like a bond. When you sneak out, you see someone else snuck out. Wait, don't you smoke in that here? Or like you see someone going and then like they follow you out or you follow you and you're like, I knew what you were doing. Let's catch one real quick. You got a lighter, you got them on you. That's like, that's like you're teaming up for a bank heist.

Yeah. That's like a game of pickup at the fucking, at the park. That's real garbage. You got a lighter, you got the Bernie's. All right, I made an excuse. Let's go. There's always that point. And it's kind of a sad point where, this might be too dramatic,

where the extended family members, like what you're talking about, your aunts, your cousins, whatever, where when you're a kid, when they start to see you just becoming a regular bozo, you know what I mean? Say that again. Like when you're a little kid and you have older real, you know, they want, hey, it's going to be a ball player. It's going to be this.

He's going to be that. He's going to do this. He's going to do that. And then they realize that he's just a regular schlub. And then there's like an acceptance of that. And I feel like when, you know, like when they first, like, you know, they see you drinking or, you know, are you sm- you know what I mean?

Like that, you sm- I've gotten a you smoke. Yeah. And like they know they're supposed to like- It's like, yeah, my fucking NBA prospects that I'm paying out. Yeah, they know they're supposed to do something, but they just kind of let it roll to hell. Well, they're posers. They're sitting there catching burnies with you.

Exactly. Hey, you're going to burn them. You're going to burn them. Does that make sense what I'm saying? Sure. Yeah. Sure, sure. It's a nice thing, but it's also sad.

I'm like a little bit of a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, I see what you're saying. Just another schlub in line. Yeah. Which you are. Yeah, yeah, 100%. Yeah.

I don't know what I'm doing. All right, this is a fucking home run. This is from Mike Marino. Do all of your outlets work? Because if they don't, that's an issue. That's a bad, bad vibe. Yeah, all our outlets work at the front. Do you ever get someone, you like-

She's got a guy. Who? My mom. She had to, Sharon Electrician is like Johnny on the spot. She's always doing some shit. Assurance games. Getting patty. Yeah.

That Walgreens had it coming. I remember my last apartment was so trashy before I moved this one. I guess it was like an old building. I didn't look, too. This is like, I didn't notice. I never looked how many outlets were in the place when I rented it.

I just like walking on it. Yeah, no shit, you had one outlet. I go, oh, this is cool. I had one in the living room, none in the bedroom. That's so weird. And one in the kitchen. What the fuck? It was like a fucking circuit city in there.

Dude, I was running fucking. Everything was on extension cords. My cell phone would be on a 20-foot industrial extension cord. How do you feel about the outside? I'd be lying in bed with an outdoor extension cord on my lap. How do you feel about the outdoor extension cord?

Indoor. It's a bad look. The orange one? Yeah, you got to go the white. You got to do the dainty one indoors. They only ever made them an orange when I was a kid. And all of a sudden, they started doing green and this and that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The orange was big. Yeah, it's a tough look, especially in a fucking 400 square foot studio apartment. You just see that thing snaking along the wall, like a fucking dirtbag python. I would do like, it would be like sometimes when I had the air conditioner in the bedroom,

the extension cord would run to a power strip that the thing would then go in and the power strip would be hanging because it wasn't long enough to lay on the ground. So dude, you have to step over it to go to the bedroom. Clark Griswold? It was bad. Come on, dude. It was bad.

Come on, dude. You just channeled your inner surfer there. Come on, dude. You know what's almost worse than an outlet that doesn't work? An outlet that's too loose where the shit falls out of it. Hate it. Hate it. Dude, my boy, my boy, Gooch, whose apartment I lived in

for fucking my first five, six years here or whatever, he had an outlet that was, the light was on it. You know, like those, like it's like the combo light and the outlet. That's trash too. Yeah, it was probably left over from the 80s or so. Yeah. But the panel was, it was, first of all,

the light switch for the room was down on the floor. Because we have that. Yeah. No, what? Yeah. It was like down where that one is. It was at regular outlet height, but the light switch was there. And there was no plate and you would touch it

and it would, the whole harness would move. It was just sticking out. And I remember like, sometimes it would spark and stuff. And I remember like, this is bad, dude. We got to get this checked out. Yeah. That's dangerous. But I was living there for free.

So you can't fucking bite the hand to feed you. True. Shout out to Goode. Nothing worse than a whore outlet. This is blown out holes, dude. Oh, yeah, it's tough. It's a tough look. We do have that at my house where

we have to have a certain light switch has to be on for one of the outlets to work. That's normal. Is it? Yeah, that's because that's for like, a lot of living rooms have that or even bedrooms when you go in. So you flick the light and your lamp turns on for the room. OK, yeah, that's right.

Like, your bedroom light, if you don't have an overhead light, your bedroom light, the one outlet will be wired to that switch. So when you walk in, you don't have to walk over to the corner of the bedroom and turn the actual lamp on. All right, gotcha. Then the lamp just stays on the whole time and you operate it with the switch.

Let me ask you this. How do you feel about timers on? I don't get. I mean, like what? Like you're in a jacuzzi? Like the crank timer? They have plugs that go into plugs that have timers on them. So your lamps can turn on.

My mom's house. Your mom with the lights. She's a little cuckoo. She's like MacGyver. There's literally all over the house. Sure. And then in the middle of the night, you don't know what's going on.

Two turn off, one turns on. You're like, what the fuck? Trying to get a fucking roll up over here. Trying to sneak out for a half of a Bernie. Trying to check out my San Bernardino. Also, yeah, that's what we've been calling Bernie's now. Taking trips to San Bernardino. Yep.

New word for the summer. Catching a Bernie, it's a San Bernardino. Only in the summer. Only in the summer. Yeah. Comes with a slice of lemon. This is a very Bernie heavy one. This is from Jeff, also religious.

Have you ever put cigarette ashes on your forehead on Ash Wednesday in order to get out of school or work? Which I don't even, that doesn't even make sense. That's crazy. Yeah, you don't get to go home. Yeah, I know. I guess to be like, oh, I'm going to church. So you just pop out for an hour or two and then come back.

Or like, hey, I'm sorry, I'm late. I was at church and you just got some fucking noopy ash on your head. I don't hate it. It's, it's, you're thinking. And I think JC would appreciate it as well. He'd like, JC liked a nice Bernie. You know what I mean?

Yeah. He likes a nice move. Yeah. You know, he did that for a couple of days, pop back up. It keeps everybody on your fucking toes. Yeah, I don't hate it. Nah, that's good. It's good.

Yeah, I like it. Hmm, let's see here. This is from Paul, ever asked for an advance on your paycheck. Oh yeah. I don't know if I ever really done that. I did it with my, when I worked for my dad and stuff like that. It'd be like, yeah, let me get Nick, you know. Burned a guy on that too.

The guy's still low on him. It was one of the jobs you were asked to leave from. Yes, it was. I asked for a spot. I don't legally owe him that money. That's a phone call I got. If, if I work somewhere and he gave me money in advance and then I left, does that mean I used to owe him

that money? Can you imagine having an employee that you fire and then they owe you money? That's, yeah, I'm going to have one when I fire him ultimately. Like, hey, you're into me for fucking 10 G odds. Let's go. Make good with the ghee. I asked for an advance on my pay.

The butter? So it is working. It's growing. Growing on me. Little ghee, little butter, you know what I mean? I just don't like the way you say it, I don't think. Little ghee. Yeah, you always do a shoulder.

Little butter. Just say, yeah, give me the ghee. Give me the ghee, give me the butter. It's good stuff. Some of the grease. Some of the grease. A couple of clams. We actually used to call the grease what we used to take off

the top. Like it was like your closing pay at a restaurant. We called that the grease. Like if you and the other server were closing together, you got like an extra 20 bucks or something like that. Or you got a certain amount that was left over. It was nice, little grease. Anywho, this particular situation,

I had asked for an advance on for my check. And then he fired me like a couple of days later. But he forgot about it. Yeah. He's on the list, though. I'm going back to drop that off. I thought you did. I took care of the one.

There was two? No, there was one. My boss at Snack Diverne had loaned me 120 bucks just on the side. And I forgot to pay him. How long is that list? There's three people on that list. Everybody else.

And they're all incorporated and with nine other people. No, no, no. They, it's, um, there was more. But I've made all the amends. I got to take care of the boss that fired me, one of my boys that I owe some weed money to for a long time. Never broke my balls about it. And, uh, another kid that I borrowed money off of at Snack

that I owe. That's it. It's under a G. Nothing. In the state of New York, the state of Pennsylvania, Delaware, a couple foreign entities. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Costa Rica will get their money when they get their money. They're doing all right.

Yeah. What am I going to be in Peru again? You know what I mean? Okay. This one's from J.P. Beasley. Hey guys, new Patreon member. Uh, uh, this is the guy from Nashville gave me the IPA. Noice.

Kippy, thank you. It was my pleasure to give you the IPA Nashville. Thanks for the shout-out, Uncle Hank. Sorry I didn't have a rotisserie chicken in the trunk. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Uh, my question is, shout-out to a roto. Man. Because I don't, that never, I think that's more of a southern thing because we don't have it.

No, my buddy Rodney had an aunt that would come and stay with him for a long period of time, which that's something I wanted to make a question. Do you ever have, do you ever have a relative that came and stayed with you for like a long period of time? That's, we've talked about that and that's, we get that probably four times a week. Trash. Yeah, it's a bad look. So my, my boy Rodney had this aunt that used to come and stay with him, like out of nowhere, she would just be there for like, three weeks. On the lam or something. Really jammed up our, our schedule.

Had heat somewhere else. Something. Something, I don't know heat by what, but just something. Yeah, she would really jam up our spot because there was, the Nintendo was in the TV room and she'd be in their fucking, yeah, she'd be in their holding court all day fucking the summer up. Really jamming up. Sure. She was obsessed with Sammy Davis Jr. Obsessed.

She carried a Sammy Davis Jr. doll around with her, her statue. Yikes. Yeah. I mean, great, great entertainer. Fantastic entertainer. I'm a really talented gentleman. Sure. Civil rights activist.

Was he? Yeah. I didn't know. I don't know. Wait before my time. Good man. Great guy. No way I'm fucking going boncos over.

No, I don't think anybody in my family has a weird obsession. Even the whole extended like the fucking hundred of us. I mean, I'm old enough to remember like when I like Elvis was still like he was like Godlike. Yeah, I missed it completely. Like fuck you were born in 86. That's what I'm saying. So it's like those, those 10 years. That's it was real different.

Awesome. I had no even looking back. I just 86. You were coasting. That's when the fucking eight team came out. I was back to the future. You and the god damn 18. That's that's when I mean everything I know was him fat in the fucking, you know, the evil

conneval suits. That's all I know him as. I don't fucking know him as like a good. I just know him like my dad. My dad loved them, but not like in an obsessive way. But all those old school guys, they loved Elvis. We saw an Elvis impersonator in Nashville. Yeah, did we?

He was eating a chicken sandwich. Remember he had the chops in the glasses. Oh, and yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a tough look. Yeah, that like, do you know any impersonators in your family? I'd like to know that if you have any impersonators in your. No, no, in person, anybody in your family, an impersonator in a cover band? No, not.

I mean, I think I think you got an uncle that plays the keyboard in a cover band. I also think my family is such when it comes to breaking balls, such savages, like nobody could ever do that. That you could if somebody was like, I got I can't, hey, I can't make Thanksgiving. I got to do an appearance as Elvis or what, dude, he would get fucking torture. He would be ostracized. So like it's there, I would never get off the ground, let alone like I get one of the kids in the band is in a band and like, oh, hey, you know, we're doing the cover

of like whatever that's different than a proper cover band. Sure. No, I'm talking about cover band like dudes in their 30s, 40s. Yeah. Some floozy on the fucking backup. We got a gig. We got a gig coming up. They call them gigs now. It's not like a bowling alley or something like that. No, none of that.

Because I remember we were that would be beat out of you at our house. We were blowing through Jersey one time. Jersey. Huh? What? Nice guy makes the hell of an omelet blowing through Jersey one time after doing a show at the urban saloon. It was me, my girl and our good buddy, Misha.

And we stopped to get a cheesesteak at Tony Luke Jr. Sure. The one on route one. Okay. And there, I guess that's attached like a bowling alley or something, but there was a fucking cover band in the next room. And like there's like people in their fifties, like, you know, moms in there like dancing, they were doing like shitty Billy Joel.

I was like, I would blow my fucking brains out in the middle of this fucking room. Oh, although there is, that just reminds me, there's an acquaintance of our family, like an old family friend who plays down. Those are two different things. What an acquaintance and a family friend. I would say this is the guy in the do up group. Is it maybe? Yeah.

Wait, I told you, no, this is, this is how he plays down the shore at like the big thing. He's good. He's at Kenan's on Peggy's patio from six to seven. Like, and he's pretty good. It's like Jimmy and the somethings or something. And like, they can rock. I'll give them that. They rock, but like they go to see him.

Yeah, but they've been doing it. They do like weddings and shit, though. It's his perfection. How about it? Yeah, I'm not sure. Just shitting on it. I'm just saying that in case it's come in case one has kids. Listen, there's some comes back and beat my ass.

How about I'm sitting there with a fucking halfway to Margaritaville and this guy comes up from behind me and fucking wallops. You got a problem with Abba? It will prick. Huh? Um, remember Horatio Sands and stepbrothers? He had the Billy Joe. But it was we only do the 80s or something.

They only did the do up stop. So good. That's a tough look. The word gig always fucking grows to me. Wait, before we move on to the next question, fully set one off in my head that I that I want to know if you guys have ever done it. Have you ever not been able to go to a state because you have outstanding tickets, perhaps a bench warrant?

No. But I'm sure you have. There's certain place there's there's certain times I wouldn't park my car in Philadelphia limits, for sure. OK, yeah, I put that puppy in a garage because I owed him a couple of C notes. Uh-huh. That T go that T go had some bodies on her.

It was always I don't know what's cleaned up, what's not cleaned up. And then I would get a ticket. I wouldn't be able to have money to pay for it. I would fucking drive and then go back to New York and it'd be like, Oh, I'll take care of that next week. Never get to it. And then I go then a year went by ago and I'm not getting the mail. The mail is going to my mom's house.

She knows what she's doing all the detailing in the world. They're going to clean that record. So I go like, I don't know fucking I would be like, I'm just putting this a lot. I don't know what I got on it, but there's some open cases, you know, there was definitely open cases on that thing a lot. And they think that guy's looking for it. Yeah, we were planning a trip to Wisconsin and I asked my buddy.

I was like, you want to go? And he goes, Oh, no, I can't go to Wisconsin for the next eight years. That's true. I got a lot of buddies. I got a handful of buddies that can't go to Canada. What's a what's a bench warrant is when you were supposed to appear in court and you didn't and then they issue the warrant from the bench. What bench? The judge's bench?

Yeah, it's it's it's for like nonviolent crimes. That's like a warrant. They're looking for you. They're going to come and arrest you. Yeah. Like if you get pulled over and they run like they run your they have a bench warrant out, you got to go to jail and appear. Really? Yeah.

For what? Could be a traffic ticket. No, it's more like not a ticket. It would be more like you think I have any bench warrants. This is just something you're going to worry about now. Yeah. Oh my God. The cheese is no, you would have gotten a letter being like, hey, you have to appear. Oh, yeah, which I would have.

And if yeah, you can get a bench warrant for a speeding ticket, not a parking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's probably like if it goes unpaid for fucking what about grinding rails? It's a local parking lot. Well, you got to get caught, bro. Come on, you got to learn how to grind them rails. Not going to catch me. That ain't easy.

All right, this one is fucking. Let's let's crush a couple of here. Let's do it. We're already about an hour, right, T-bone? Yep. All right, cool. We'll crush a few. This is from Dave Lewis. Is it trash to add milk to the Hersey squeeze bottle to have one last round

of chocolate milk walking around the place like you're an athlete? I guess he means athlete because you're spraying it like a Gatorade bottle. I think that's what he means. He thinks that's what athletes do, which goes to show he's probably not an athlete. I love those squirt bottles, though. Those Gatorade ones. I hate the big old school green ones. Yeah, but if you buy a water with the squirt bottle, hit the fucker.

I don't do. I feel like I'm fucking putting palm olive in my mouth. Makes my teeth right. Yeah, get out of here with that shit. I feel like a gerbil. The only one that really does it is Poland Springs. The bottle size is perfect, but then you've got to deal with that. I just take it off and drink it.

You like, I want the heavy bike bottle. Yeah. I don't want the fucking sports squeezer. Get out of it. It's so funny when companies are so stupid. You know who's a fucking idiot? I'm sorry. Jesus Christ.

You just swallow a fly or something? What happened? That's just, I like, I like burped them when I hit my, I hit my nose on a microphone. That's what I did. You burped the wrong way. Yeah. You sucked in your burp.

You snored when you were nine. Let's not throw judgment at each other. That's rude. I don't mind. Which one of us has a sleep schedule on the books? What's the sleep schedule? Sleep study. Not me.

They canceled it? I had the fucking lady as it called me back. I have fucking straightness, fucking physician. I can hear you snoring from your apartment. Hahaha. Um, Snapple. Yeah. It has to be intentional.

The plastic? Snapple, if you're hearing me, what the fuck are you doing? Because you just changed the bottles again, and it stinks even more. The only way anybody was drinking that shit, because it was in a glass bottle, it made it colder, it made it worse. It's going to give you kidney stones.

Don't drink too much of it. What? Snapples. Yeah. Be careful. Well, I'm not drinking any of it now. It's a fucking plastic bottle. Also, I want to put this.

Have an Arizona like a gentleman. I want to put this out there. Do we know anybody at Twisted Tea? I would like a fucking, I would like a sponsorship of Twisted Tea. I would like a meeting. I would like a sit down with Mr. and Mrs. Twisted, if you know him. And I would like a six pack of Twisted Teas there that we can invite during the meeting.

Invite? Invite. Yeah. Joel, invite. Hmm. Um. Don't get me started. Wait, hold on.

That question. What was it? The Hershey's. Yes. Yes. You've done it. No, it's not trash. Yeah.

What? Yes. No. All right. Okay. We're going to, we're going to agree to disagree on this. You're, you're undoubtedly, you're undoubtedly wrong. It's, you're not, it's just the same as putting water in the spaghetti sauce

to get it all out of the jar. No, it's not because you don't drink the, you put the sauce into what you're cooking. You don't fucking drink out of the jar. Why would you waste your glass? You're drinking out of a receptacle that's not a receptacle. That's trash. Is it?

You're drinking out of a glass. That's not meant to be drank out of. You're drinking out of a squeeze bottle. That's not meant to be drank out of. But Hershey's syrup is so classy that whatever you do with it is going to be clay. No, that just shows how trashy you are, dude. Hershey's is the best. And the fact that we still run it.

Agree with me on that. This means, I don't think you understand the show. Agree with me on that. Hershey's is the best. Bar none. My mom tries to pass off America's choice from time to time. Tell her to hit the fucking bricks. I'm going to put that bro in the home.

You want to do yourself a favor on a Sunday night? Scoop of vanilla, briars, a little bit of Hershey's syrup on top. Good night. Yeah. That I'm okay with. Hershey's is fantastic. You said that like you were about to lay out something no one's ever heard of. You know what's good?

Ice cream and the thing that it's made for. You ever have pizza on a Friday? Yeah. Little bit of pepperoni. Not too shabby. Am I right kippy or am I right? Nothing like a pizza on a Friday. This is going to blow your head back.

Fourth of July, barbecues. Christmas presents. Thanksgiving, turkey. You got one more? Easter, candied eggs. Ham. What you kind of look like right now? I look like a ham shirt.

I got like a little color. That was mainly going with the shirt. Yeah, your honey bag. Yeah. Pineapple on me. Nothing. I don't think, I think it's smart and I don't think it's trashy. Okay.

And I'll tell you what else. That shows your, that's very trashy. I'll tell you what else. I never thought of it when I was a kid and now I wish I would have. I'll be honest with you. You're upset. I am. That me and my brother never thought of that.

Sure, but also at the same time this goes under the assumption that there's never going to be more chocolate syrup. I've always lived by that code. Which just never came true. There's always more chocolate syrup in your life. That's a fully serious. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yeah.

If you're running a proper household, you don't need to do that. You fucking toss it when it's empty and pull a brand new fresh. Like a fucking jet. You want to talk about classy? That's classy. Drinking out of a fucking mustard bottle ain't classy. Did your mom have two things ready to go? Yeah, typically because.

Really? Yeah, we had one in the fridge and one not. The other one was in the fridge. What about magic shell? No, that was fucking, that's, I mean, that was. That's carny shit. Yeah. However.

You only get that done at a place. Yeah, that was, that was, did you get that? You let the trained professionals handle that stuff. Yeah. Okay. You can't be fucking doing your own hard shells. It took me about 12 years to realize that that chocolate syrup and chocolate fudge were two different things.

Because I used to shit on Hershey's Cerebelly. This doesn't taste as good as the stuff I get on my Sunday at McDonald's. Which their hot fudge is fucking Michelin star rated. It's fantastic. It's got their machines down. You can make your own hard shell, a little coconut oil, chocolate syrup, toss it in the microwave for like 10 seconds, melt it down. No, that's crazy.

Who's doing that? Yeah, we're not doing that. But we, magic shell might as well been plutonium. It was super expensive when I was a kid. We never got any of that shit. The application of that shit at home never worked, I feel. No, it did. Because I got some maybe.

I know some people who know some people who rob some people. Maybe eight years ago in the grocery store, I was like, you know what? Fuck it. I got it. It's fucking unbelievable. And what I did with it. Well, we were, okay.

I meant in the 90s. I'm sure they've made large improvements to the technology. I don't think it worked back then. Yeah, like two, three billion dollars they put in the R&D on that magic shell. Yeah, there's no way. There's no way it's the same formula that we're using back then. And absolutely not. Well, what I do is I just, I just take a little bit and pour it on a plate

and put it in the freezer. And it comes out like a piece of chocolate. Really good chocolate, too. And we're getting to the root of some of the weight issues here. Mm-hmm. Sure. I'm talking about it now. Getting it all out there.

Instead of holding it in. That's good. Feel good. Some things are left unsaid. All right. This one is from Regan. Do you take the safety off your lighters? Home run trash move.

Home run trash move. If you're, as a kid, when you're playing with my shore, I get that. As an adult, you're taking the fucking, the safety off. Crazy. Trash. Crazy. You ever have someone toss you a lighter, not warn you, and then you get hit with the fucking heavy bike flame thrower?

The rigged, yeah. That was bad. Oh, yeah. We would rig them so much that they would blow up. Oh, yeah. Jesus. And they would blow up in your hand. They were sketchy.

It was like a fucking TIG welder. Man, that. Yeah, you can, so when you can hear the lighter, it's a bad sign. Hey, buddy, relax. I'm trying to fucking have a Bernstein over here. The Bernstein Bears. That's the new one. Couple of Bernstein Bears hanging out.

Bernstein. It was either way. It was a big debate. Yeah, yeah. Wasn't there, wasn't there like a Mandela effect with them? Got with the, with the Bears as well? What is it? Mandela effect.

It was Bernstein versus Bernstein, I think. That's what I'm saying. There's this big debate on the name. The Mandela effect is, okay, we're going to blow your mind. And I don't want to answer the rest of the questions for the end of this. So let's just leave it at what I explain.

Okay. There's a large portion of the world, right, of the population who fully believes that Nelson Mandela died in whatever the year was, the 80s, lived that whole truth. They all experienced it. They all watched the funeral. They all, this is what they truly believe. And there's nothing deciding who does it, who didn't.

So there's this, the idea is there's large groups of people that believe certain events happened and lived those events, which they never actually happened. It's called the Mandela effect because his was when he died. Everyone's like, the fuck, I thought he died in the 80s. I remember watching it. I remember doing this. I remember doing that.

I don't know the real explanation behind it. But another Mandela effect was with the Berenstine or Berenstine bears. It was about the name of it. Yeah. So the, everyone thinks that it's Berenstine, B-E-R-E-N Stein, basically, bears versus the actual name, which is the Berenstine bears. Berenstine bears. Or the Berenstine bears, sorry.

Wait, so I have that, I'm a part of the Mandela effect? Fully, you're a time traveler. Fully, you're an awesome Mandela. Freedom for everybody, ladies and gentlemen. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm a part of that. I'm one of the-

That one's like the way lower what it's just- I'm one of the rubes. It's like a word mispronounced rather than fucking something else. I could have swore the announcer said that, but now back to Berenstine bears. This is what we're, this is it. Are you fucking kidding me? You think, you go, I know that's what it is.

So I've been brainwashed. I don't know. Alien parts. Or like this is like an alternate universe where you, that's like that part slipped through. You're living in an alternate universe where that is the idea or whatever. And that, like that fucking synapse got transposed.

I'm making stuff up now. So we go, I'm just trying to freak you out is what I'm doing. And it's working. The Berenstine bear, they were the family, right? Yeah, cats. No, yeah, the Berenstine bears. It was a mom, a dad, a son, and a daughter. And they lived in a tree house.

Yeah, they lived in a tree house. Loved it. My dad would read those to me. Woody? Fantastic. And he always did what I just so trashy and disgusting would lick his finger then turn the page. You think that's trashy?

As a six year old. I'm like, dude, you're fucking spitting on my book here, chief. I gotta take this in for a show and tell. The fuck are we doing? Just gotta be back at the fucking middle school library. Yeah. This is a good, this is a good bandela effect question.

Okay. Does the monopoly guy have a monocle? Yes. He does not. He does not. What? Yeah. Does Curious George have a tail?

No. Fully? Yes, he does. He does not. What? What else? I don't know. That would be fun though.

Is there a hyphen in Kit Kat? No. No. Well, that was a story. Fully checks his tattoo. Look at my pocket. Mr. Peanut has a monocle. Is it Cheez-It or Cheez-It's?

Cheez-It. I don't know. It's Cheez-It. Cheez-It. It's a Cheez-It. That's fucking lame. Come on. That is correct.

The monocle is goofy. Yeah, I mean, we just both looked at the box. It's on set. Oh, fuck. I forgot. God damn it. Um, all right. Let's do one or two more and then let's wrap it up.

Is it Mountain Dew, DEW, or DUE? Mountain Dew. What? Like you'll get your Mountain Dew. It's not a vengeance beverage. Yeah, it is. Your Mountain Dew, whether you have it or not. Spin it out, Q-Ball.

All right. This is from Big Brian from Jersey over there. Big Brian. Shout out to Big Brian. Big Brian, what up, buddy? Mission ACPAL. Have you ever rented a vehicle from a family member? Rented?

Like, hey, I'll give you 20 bucks if I can borrow your car type thing. No, we don't do that. That's a bad look. Yeah, we don't do that. But we just had to do, because I got a little back story. I got denied renting the car in Chicago. Yes, you did. Who'd you call?

Who'd I call? Called me. Sure. Because I got the good credit card. Which I would at my credit card. Your credit card. If it was paid, if you had all of your credit available, it would have been by, like, six bucks you would have got.

Well, here's the thing. It was not. I know it wasn't. When I got this little thing, see, Capital One and Navy Federal, I don't know, they got something going on. But if I go on my app, my credit card app, and I pay my bill, like, if I pay the whole thing,

it instantly gives me credit. Like, the credit's instantly put back on my card. But Navy Federal don't get wise to it for, like, two treat A's. Two treat A's. Yeah. These idiots are looking the other way. Meanwhile, I'm fucking stealing from Peter

and fucking buying a bag off a pool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know? So I was going to have to pull that move. Yeah. Yeah. But then, so we ended up renting, got it on Toro. Shout out to Toro.

Trash. Yeah, but it is what it is. I was petrified. It was a bad car. We'll talk about it on hard feelings, but that's more hard feelings. But we, yeah, that's where we're at. Patreon, no Patreon.

I'm frantin' all cars off a guy in Chicago. And we're drivin' that to fucking Indy. A tough one. Which I just scheduled another one for Cleveland to go to Columbus. So see ya out there. At Toro? Toro.

What kind of whip is it? Chevy Malibu. Not big. Not too cheap. Look at us cruising through the heartland in style. Little fucking John Coogler, Malibu. No. He got to let us have San Bernardino's in a Malibu.

No, no, no. Is it a convertible? No, I don't think so. You should have got a convertible. You can get a Tesla if you want. I mean, we're takin' a bath on these two shows, by the way. So that's fine. That's Columbus and...

Come see us in Columbus, gang. We'd love to see you. It brings some shampoo. Why? Because we're takin' a bath. Rubber Ducky would've hit harder. Rubber Ducky. He's gettin' there now.

Yeah, he's gettin' there. He's keepin' up. All right. Let's wrap it up, guys. Gang, listen. We love you. Great family episode. Great questions.

Keepin' comin'. You got anything for them? No, guys. Just Cleveland and Columbus? Cleveland, Columbus. One day at a time? Yeah. What else is on sale?

We have Rhode Island, Boston, Stress Factor, New Brunswick, Magoobies. We're gonna be announcing Philly dates and New York dates. We're locking down now. Oh, yeah. So, yeah, we can't wait to fucking see if... The shows are fucking hot.

I'm sayin' that unbiasedly. Yeah. Those are fucking cookin'. We're havin' a good time. Me and Foley can throw some heat on stage via stand-up as his T-bone. And then me and you close that show together. That's fuckin'...

It's fun. The questions are great. The questions are great. People open it up. We shoot on you guys. Everybody kind of gets involved. It's a whole fuckin' great time. Great experience.

Come out and see us. We love you guys. And we'll see you next week. Peace!