Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Small Town Trash w/ Dan Cummins

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Dan Cummins! You know Dan from Timesuck, Scared to Death, This is Not Happening, Bertcast w/ Bert Kreischer, Whiskey Ginger w/ Andrew Santino, and Stand up Comedy, make sure to check out hiss new special "Trying to Get Better". Thanks for watching the Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast! Check out a Live Show! NEW LIVE SHOWS: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Mint Mobile: https://www.MintMobile.com/GARBAGE Ladder Life: https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE Pretty Litter: https://www.prettylitter.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Gang that state trashy tours in high gear, mm-hmm, fucking overtime. Oh, baby, yeah. Do yourself a favor, grab the squad, come out and see the boys. Kippy and I co-headline doing a low stand-up comedy. Then we play a little argue garbage at the crowd. It's a fun, fun time. Yeah, next stop our Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania,

Buffalo, New York, and then we added a third show with Toronto, get those tickets, and we're going to Pontiac, Michigan, fourth show added in Chicago, shout out to it. The Minneapolis, Madison, Milwaukee, Milwaukee Sacramento second show at it there. San Francisco San Jose Washington DC date reschedule. And then fill it off your Pennsylvania out of the second show with the film. Or get those tickets. Gang we love you.

Can't let's talk about that. Mint mobile shout out to mint mobile boys. Listen, let's not fool each other inflation is everywhere. You need a little break and mint mobile has got your covered mint Mint Mobile lets you order from home and save a ton of cash with phone plans starting at $15 a month. Oh baby, if you order today at mintmobile.com slash garbage that's mintmobile.com slash garbage, do it gang. Let's get to the show.

Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to Everybody's New Favorite Podcast.

This is Are You Garbage? Oh yeah. So that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that at the girl to be classy. They're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, Dave slowly coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tuddy's in a new edition. I just saw her dragging in a nitrous tank through the back door. Okay. Gonna be a fun weekend. All right. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. Swing in a mist this week. Sure. He is the CEO of are you garbage He's international business man, and he's my best pal in a whole wide world

And I love him give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan I forgot up gang. Thanks for tuning in as always be sure you rate view subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube I know those numbers are true to roof cooking Then obviously the greatest website of all time Www that patreon dot com I'll show you garbage gang. Check it out. It's a goddamn party over there. Yes, it is.

And having a nice quick shout out to our producer, X-Short and Air. The magic band makes us all look good. Works the ones, the twos, the threes, and the fours. He crosses the tees, and he dots the eyes. Give it up for T-bone McSruffins. Toby McMullen, everybody. What up, dude?

What up, T-bone? I'm stoked. We got a guy in here who talk about my vibe. Hawaiian shirt tattoos This guy's ready for a pontoon boat afternoon It looks like a swinger and Florida. I love it. I can't tell here an X Navy seal or a bartender in Brooklyn Guys all over the mat baby. I love it gang. We could be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guests here with this today for the first time. He is a very funny, very successful, stand-up comedian, podcaster, actor, and producer. And you might have seen him, but not limited to.

You got the late show with Craig Ferguson. You got live at Gotham. He has his own Comedy Central Presents. The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien. The Tonight Show with Jane Leno. This is not happening. The Playboy Morning Show, 199 episodes of that. Cha-ching.

You got the church of what's happening now. The disappearance of Toby Blackwood. Playboy Morning Show, 199 episodes. A laci. Cha-ching. You got the church of what's happening now, the disappearance of Toby Blackwood. He has two amazing podcasts, scared to death and time suck. He also has multiple stand-up specials and albums out. Some of them include it, not limited to, Revenge is near, crazy with the capital F.

Here's this, Chinese affection, don't wake the bear. Maybe on the problem, feel the the heat get out of here devil And he has a brand new special out right now trying to get better on YouTube Which is tearing up the charts give it up for Dan Cummins everybody Man, I almost fucked that up. I'm a damn it. I don't think I've heard all the that stuff with them like oh, yeah I feel like I'm a thousand years He started open mics in 1968. He started out at the Roman Coliseum, everybody. Opened it up for the gladiators.

Buddy, thank you so much for coming into the album. Thanks for having me. We're super excited. Give us the backstory. Give us the origin story of Dan Cummins. The origin story. I born in Riggins, Idaho. So a typical size town, probably for most comics.

Okay. 400 people there now. Oh, shit. Jesus. And isolate, I graduated 23 kids in my graduating class, and our town is an hour from a stoplight. And that's the landmark. Yeah.

There's an oak tree about four clicks away. Yeah, no one's born there unless it's like you're born at home, but it's like there's a town hour away that has a hospital in the stoplights and then another hour gets you, quote, unquote, a mall that has like three or four stores, and it's a seven, 11. Yeah, it's like a strip mall more than a mall. It's like a three hour drive to an actual mall or anything.

So it's like a very rural ice. Were you born in your house or at a hospital? No, we made it, they made it to the hospital. Traffic was like that day. But it is crazy, like my grandpa. It's only one light. Yeah, you're cruising. My mom has one sister and my grandpa delivered her.

So it's like they couldn't make it in time. And then how tough people are, they made it most of the way. And then my grandma, after giving birth, drove them the rest of the way while my grandpa and the pastor held the baby that just came out of her and they made it the rest of the way to the hospital. That's fucking that's pie in here. Yeah, that's all right.

It's a little logging town just in the middle of it. That's what it's a logging town. Yeah, used to be logging town. Somal burn down. Of course. Yeah, I mean, classic. It's like a story. A country song. It's like a story. A country song.

A Bruce Springsteen or something. Yeah, the problem is the firefighters of two hours away. Yeah, exactly. It is a crazy thing where you, I do think about like if I fall down and get hurt here, like my odds of making it, you know, safely to a hot or so much lower.

There's not a local doctor or anything like that. No, like no doctors. There's like no white collar anybody in town. It's all just home. It's like now it's whitewater rafting in the summer. Okay. It's like some rats, it's on this salmon river. And it's just like, you know,

somebody works at the grocery store. There was the post office. And I guess maybe now you could work remote. They only got like high speed as far as like tell it like 5G type. Yeah. A couple of years ago. So only got like high speed as far as like five G-Types, a couple years ago. So it's like everything is way behind. Still doing dial up.

When I was growing up, I mean, no radio stations, no cable, none of that stuff made it, internet was a decade plus late getting there. It's really, I can't do it. What did your parents do? My dad was a logger and then Carpenter. Most of the men of my family worked at the sawmill before it was done.

Okay. And then after that was done, my dad moved to Alaska for construction. We moved up a little bit my mom and I with him. He's just one of their. You are from pop people. Holy shit, damn it. Damn, first guest born on the Oregon trail.

Damn, if Wrigans wasn't hard enough, they moved to Alaska. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is.

It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is.

It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. It is. Third grade my parents split up dad stayed up in Alaska for a while working construction mom came back We moved back here with my grandparents That time my grandpa's doing odd jobs back to where back to the chickens. Yeah, okay, tiny town

Back to the big city back to the big city. Yeah, my grandpa was doing like odd construction jobs And he built little rental properties. Okay, I had that and then my grandma worked at the post office Which is so funny to town like that. That's like the premier my grandma worked at the post office, which is so funny to town like that. That's like the premier job. That's it. You have a government job. And that's good, Ben.

You got Ben. And probably in the know of everybody's business. Oh yeah. He has been one who's getting packages. Yeah. So we live with my grandparents for a little while, then moved my mom, sister and I moved to one of the rentals. Okay.

And then I stayed in Riggins now from, you know, third grade. We moved on to like two or three to Alaska. And then third grade to eighth grade, still in Riggins. And then ninth, so freshmen softening your high school. My dad was now living in Las Vegas. And I moved down to live with him for two years. Okay.

And then randomly, he moved back to the same area, but outside of Riggins. So now my junior junior senior high school, and I had no driver's license, my junior, I was living about 15 miles outside of this little town. Essentially, my wife cracks up when she saw, like I took her place, I lived in. What it really is, my mother-in-law in my head, yeah. My mother-in-law cried when she saw,

she was like, how did you come out of this? Dude, I'm wondering the same thing. Like, you're in the same state. Like, you're in the same state. There's a house where I lived my fresh earth, junior senior high school. It was like a tiny, I don't know, a thousand square foot, one bedroom, one bath,

little house, and then there was this extension. Basically a shed, it was just like no insulation, concrete floor, roofing everything, but no amenities at all, and that was where my bedroom was. So essentially, he's a shed. Yeah, he camped out for a high school. I camped out, junior senior high school. Who was in the main house?

Your mom? Your dad and stepmom. Dad and stepmom. What happened to your sister? Sister stayed living with my mom. Okay. And so then I would kind of like bounce, you know, like weekends or whatever.

I did the same thing. Yeah, yeah. But in this along this kind of rural canyon. And then, yeah, just a. Who had a better house at the time? Where did you like being? Cause that was always big, mom or dad's. Where did you like being?

I was stubborn to have the heat on. I know, Jesus Christ. No, I should have, I should have went with mom. I was a stubborn kid. And I made this decision to go live with my dad. My dad way worse off than my mom. Yeah, sounds it. He's not, he's not even in Reagan.

And then I felt stupid kind of like embarrassed like to admit that like, oh, maybe I should have stayed. And so I kind of gutted it out with that, but like, mom's place was better. And in the term of, which is crazy like the scale of things, my mom lived in a manufacturer like a trailer. Okay. But it was like a nice trailer.

Sure. So like that would have been... That would have been... That's like the RITS compared to where you were. Double wide, what do we talk about? Double wide, nice. Yep. And like on a different foundation,

so there was kind of like a basement, like they put it on a concrete base, so pretty fancy. He's fucking stealing it out there. He's crazy, crazy. They're quickly becoming my favorite person. I'm trying to, was there a main drag in the town, like a main street?

The highway, highway 95. Right by the call box. But it slows down to 25 miles per hour. Sure. And it was so funny, you would do some of the things that like kids in cities would like, you know, like, cruise up and down the street. But literally, there's only the highway is what goes from one end to town together.

There's no side streets. It's a narrow steep canyon on these big mountains down to this river. And so we would just like drive up and down, bump in our stereos. And it's like a one mile, back and forth, rolling for kids. Yeah, you're passing like you know the, you're passing your mom, right? Right, right. There's 10 girls in're passing, like, you know the seven.

You're passing your mom. Right, right. There's 10 girls in your class. Like, you know all of them. You're meeting no one new ever. Sure. You're not impressed in anybody. What was freshman year in Vegas?

Like, that had to be shock. Yeah. My class, I remember it had 600 roughly, 650 people. That's a big, that's a big school. And it was kind of rough. We had like rumors of like, bloods and, you know, like, kids that this bananze a high school at the time.

And I would see like, these crazy brawls and stuff. It was just so foreign. You're walking around in a loincloth and I'm like an ax on it. Oh, shit dude. It was like the classic. It was like a movie like fish out of water. Fish out of water.

It's like, let's put the country boy. In Vegas, in Vegas. In Vegas, crazy. Why don't you try like Toledo or something? Yeah, and ease into it. I became such a delin It's like, let's put the country boy. In Vegas, in Vegas. In Vegas, crazy. Why don't you try Toledo or something? Yeah, and ease into it. I became such a delinquent. I can imagine. I just like, didn't fit in with like the kids in class.

I mean, they, they, I was weird. Like, I, you know, like, didn't know how to dress with the cool clothes. I looked like a country bumpkin. Yeah, where would you go shopping when you were in rigging? Where was like, where were you getting your clothes? Kmart or like, shopco like two hours away. Two hours.

Two hours. Yeah. Or I would call it like, um, truck stop fashion, like gas station. Sure. I had some t-shirts. Yeah. Oh, yeah, I had like, it's cool now, but I, unironically or not cool was wearing like the wools, howling at the moon.

Sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. My coolest, my coolest piece of clothing for years was I had a gene jacket that had a native American chief headdress silk screened onto the back. It could be 105 degrees. You're still rocking that. I was like, walkin' that gene,

tell me nothin' mate. Sounds pretty sweet. Yeah. It was like Wolverines like Red Dawn. Yeah. The smaller. Okay. And any sports growing up With their sports in the town there wasn't all this what we didn't have like a baseball team who would they who would play who we

They would wrestle wolves instead Yeah, what was the other closest school? Half an hour away was a equally small town all right, and then another you know 40 minutes from that was another There's like a bunch of these old little logging towns along the highway. Was there a football team? Eight man football. Eight man football.

What's crazy is one of the members of the Dallas Cowboys right now, Layton Vandorish, came out of Rickens' eye to have played eight man football, walked on to Boise State, and then drafted and has been killing it for the Cowboys. But that's the only story like that. Would you hunt and stuff like that and fish when you were a kid? Yep. Yep. Fish and hunt. Yeah. Like deer. And then actually on the special, I tell it's just because it makes people so sad to hear this hunting story. But I had like a classic like killing

Bambi's father in front of Bambi. Honey story. And to me, it's like you just grow hunting. It's like whatever it is. Yeah. People lose their fucking mind with hunting. They're like, oh, like it cracks me up when there's someone who eats meat. Yeah, I'm like, dude, you eat meat. Yeah, it's where it comes from. Yeah, yeah, if you're not willing to kill it, yeah.

Would you eat a lot of the stuff you killed, I presume? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, so yeah, some, so that meat freezer was stocked. Yeah, my mom has the classic kind of big deep freeze in the shed, where you know, you store up a crazy amount of, you know, whatever venison or whatever.

Would she hunt like your sister? Were they doing it? No, they don't actually like the taste of deer. So more like beef and stuff. Okay. But like my grandpa would, you know, took me hunting and then fishing, I would just like have to make this funny. Nobody really liked that either.

My grandpa and grandma were so poor when they were young, they fished all the time like for part of their food. Sure, huh? And then hated fish, as they got old. Yeah, yeah. But I would do that. And then it's, this sounds pretty barbaric.

And it is kind of, but people would just kill like groundhogs and squirrels just for the fuck of it. You'd like, like, I have, I got cable. What are you supposed to do? I have so many stuff, but someone's got to go. I have so many memories. I can't wash my ass again. What do we do?

We got to do something. I just remember like being out in a field like the woods, and they would just find where like these ground hogs were, and it would just be like that would be the weekend focal point. You would drink beer around the campfire at night, and then during the day, it just dudes drinking keystones, blasting any creature that dares to pop its head out into the open. Didn't it win, eat them or anything like that?

No, just, uh, oh, groundhogs. I know, I know they are so cute, but it was just like, I don't know, I'm with it. I mean, come on. We already drove up and down to town three times. What do you want us to do? Natural predators. I've never, I've never been able to ask you on this.

This is very exciting. Yeah, do you know anyone who's competed on like the ESPN2 like Lumberjack games? Natural predators. I've never, I've never been able to ask you on this. It's very exciting. Yeah. Do you know anyone who's competed on like the ESPN2 like Lumberjack games? No, but like people didn't get, it was more like a function like they did it for their livelihood. Sure. But there wasn't a sport version of it, but I've watched those and I'm like, thought of people that I grew up with and I'm like, oh, Dave Buchanan would have killed this.

Randy. Hey, shout out to Dave. Randy Swift. Randy. Randy Swift is a great childhood name. When you said your dad was a logger, what is that exactly in pale? He was, I mean, there's different, you know, like, I guess what he called it, like, positions within that. He was a faller, I think they tend to call it, which is the guy who goes and actually just

cuts down the tree. And then they have, it's kind of spent so many years, but I think it's called the skitter. It's like this big piece of equipment where they have these cables that they can throw down the dough. I love that, Joe. American locker. Oh, okay.

Yeah, he's doing that kind of shit. Yeah, when he was young, and like now he's done construction for years, but like when he was young, that's what he was doing. And there are like, you know, and it's dangerous. Dangerous, shit. There was a love, we don't widow makers. No fucking hospital anywhere either.

Dude, there was that guy, Randy Swift, I mentioned. There was so many, 30 seconds ago. There are so many tough people. I can imagine, dude. This guy had his face basically crushed by a widow maker. So he's a widow maker. It's like, if you're cutting down one tree and then you don't know that there's some other branches

up top, they're arresting on it. on it that when you fall that they now fall. This is the gist of it Uh-huh and that fell on him and you know messed him up really bad and he's still like bar fights We're like a total thing with my dad's generation Uh-huh, and he was one of the guys like he was fucking terrifying He had this reconstructed face. Oh, just ready to punch ya. Yeah, and you hear all these stories, like, you know, I went to school with his kids about like him beating the shit out of this guy,

and this guy, and he would just give you this, like, there was these guys that had this like thousand yard stare. Like, I've been to bars all the like inner city, like that kind of, I've never been as scared as like around like, where I grew up, it's just a special hard type of people in the generation above me. My generation was much softer. Sure.

But like my dad's generation, they would tell stories like in the 70s, college kids driving from Boise State up to like University of Idaho, South Idaho, North Idaho, come to Riggins, stuff. They would beat him up just for sports. Just like their groundhogs.

Yeah, just like a couple of keys to the lights and beat up these dorks. Grab bullets, get them. Kippies and some guy with like long hair would come in and they would just beat the shit out of him just for funsies. Holy shit. They could have been in a room with their buddy or whatever, so no one ever got a trouble. Yeah, of course. And yeah, there was these guys like Dave Buchanan and Randy were like the two guys where like you just knew like don't ever upset that person.

Damn. Like they are. That's a fucking hard people. Yeah. That is hard fucking core. I love that. Um huh. What was the name of the street that you were on growing up?

Mm hmm. We moved around quite a bit. My wife thinks this is funny. We didn't really like it's so small. You don't really think of terms like street names as far as but there's this one block crazy Hey, just going to dance house totally. It's like you yeah We even it was so small when you dial somebody's number you didn't even have to do seven digits

You just put it was six to eight was the prefix technically you just put the eight in it was just eight and then the four numbers as all You had to dial holy shit But I was how the fuck did you get at it? I know, that's crazy. But North Ricans was the block. They called this one little block North Ricans and so I grew up in North Ricans. Okay.

Wow. And then Pinehurst was the part of the highway where I lived in the shed. Pinehurst sounds nice in here. Pinehurst sounds pretty nice. Yeah. Kid, let's talk about ladder. Shout out to that ladder gang.

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twenty percent off your first order that's pretty litter dot com slash garbage code garbage to save twenty percent off your first order pretty litter dot com slash garbage code garbage terms and conditions apply see the site for details let's go what about the grocery store what was that situation i i my mom worked at the grocery store for a while is called paul's grocery and actually uh... i assume there was a poll yeah there was he was like the owner but we didn't he was like a small like a

chain of little grocery stores around so i never met the the paul guy got you but i um that was part of my delinquent phase to the first year as I, you know, shop lifted constantly from this place. And what they dealing, yeah, I would just still, I feel like I'm again a thousand years old, cassettes, sure.

Or like CDs then, like that, or like, there was like Playboy behind the counter. So you get behind the counter? Like, work there like backroach and then I clean up, you know, it's like whoops Playboy goes in the garbage and you take it out back by the dumpster and then you just take it out later and a playboy in that town Most of it like the whole Gold as well been porn homies

You were the plug. How would have been selling pages? I told the story at the end of my not this trying to to give it up, but the previous special about when I worked at that grocery store, like the most sexually ridiculous thing I've ever done. I'm listening. It was, when I worked there, I worked in the, it did a little bit of everything. It was a small store,

but sometimes I'd help this lady, Rhonda worked to produce. And Rhonda was voluptuous. And she sounds it. And I thought, And I was a horny teenager. And I remember like, I, you know, virgin, I was a very awkward,

didn't lose my virginity until like right after, summer after senior year or at the end, but so. High school, we're talking. Yeah, high school. Yeah, so I was very awkward around girls and very horny. And I was working with rondit. I'm like, and I got this crazy thought

I was looking at the bananas. And I'm like, you know, bananas kind of like, like the dick of the fruit world. And I'm like, so if you this crazy thought I was looking at the bananas. And I'm like, you know, bananas kind of like, like the dick of the fruit world. And I'm like, so if you just took the banana part out, the peel would be like a vagina. That got in my head. Okay.

And I took a banana into the workplace bathroom and fuck the peel. Jesus. And then threw it in the trash and then went back to work. And it was nervous the whole rest of the day. Oh yeah. That someone was gonna somehow put the crime together. There's DNA.

You left yourself vulnerable. He went in horny. He came out not horny. There's a banana peel. And a small town like that, I would imagine one banana would come up missing. Yeah. There's only a handful.

Yeah, exactly. That's in my head like they had a new exactly how many bananas. Holy shit. And how did you, okay, how did you get out of there? What was the move out of there? I was so focused the last two years on college. Not even, I didn't even know what I wanted to study,

but it's like, that was the only way I was getting out. Okay. It was like, get to college. So I applied to a couple schools. Gonzaga gave me some scholarships. What? You want to get a Gonzaga? Yeah, yeah, I got to be shit. Went from there to Gonzaga.

With a scholarship. They like academic I got only shit. Went from there to Gonzaga. With a scholarship. They're like academic stuff. No sports. Yeah. Yeah, so I got to go to Gonzaga and, uh, and that was like a game changer. That like, that'll open up your eyes.

That credit institution. All right. Hello, the basketball team. Hello, my guest. Good ball team. It changed when I was there. I graduated in 99 and that was the year they had that crazy elite eight run out of nowhere.

Previous to that, like nothing at all. We would get, like two years before they became the big Cinderella story. We would get hammered in our dorms, you know, bring like a thing of like vodka, cranberry, whatever, like some kind of like, I can't think of that. Oh my God, not Tumblr, but just whatever. One of these, but like not, it has a, thermos, thermos, thank you, thank you. Man, you are from a small town.

I'm just kidding. What? Put it in my juice. What is with fancy people? He's got one of those moonshine. No, we would just, Hooch, hooch. We would,

Was there moonshine in your hometown that people make their own booze? No, not that I'm aware of. Okay. It was more like, they called it crank. What do guns at crank? But like math, I think. Yeah, that's math.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Any moonshine. No, a lot of fucking, a lot of crank. What are you in the hell's angels? Who's doing crank? That's crazy. But we would go down and just sit to, you know.

It's empty. Empty, yeah. We sit by the floor drunk Heckler own team, like no one gave a shit about them and all of a sudden it became his power. Yeah, they blew up. Man, yeah. Holy cow.

Any injuries as a kid? Weird injuries. This is gonna make me sound like more and more of a bumpkin. But I did have a facial fracture. Don't worry about that. It's already done. It's also like, I don't think you could, how you visually appear now.

And the person I know you as now, I don't see how it's the same guy. You know what I mean? But you do have a rough experience. You can be from a small logging town. But he looks very polished as well at the same Sure, look at the world. We'll put together very well put together.

Yes, I imagine you're pretty good with the hands though. See me get pretty tight. I can like, oh well, I mean, was there a lot of fights growing up? Like little scraps like ground school like that, but never like I was always, um, I didn't have that like killer in seat. Like I remember this neighbor kid, like example of me fighting like there, this neighbor kid was a mess with my sister.

So I did jump defense and I did throw him on the ground and I punched him a few times, but like in the stomach and I thought about punched him in the face and I'm like, this feels excessive. Yeah. And I feel like a lot of times the comic, the comic personality doesn't have that, you know, that color instinct.

Right, I feel like if I could, I didn't feel morally okay with it. Do you guys go to church when you were a kid? Were there ledges? There was a lot of religion, like fundamentalism in town. My neighbor, actually, that kid was the preacher's son. I just talked about, like, I gotta be somebody. I got kicked out. I got kicked out of youth group.

There was a couple things like fundamental stuff, but I would dabble in it, honestly, just for something to do, but I was a very curious kid, and I remember like going to this youth group, and when they would bring up stuff, like, okay, if you don't get saved by Jesus and you don't go to heaven. And I was a kid, like, what about people

who never met Jesus like an Asia? And I remember the lady being like, it's just, I, listen, listen. I just reason out of the book, buddy, come on. What jam in me, young. Come and keep this book and holes in the story over here. They made a new rule for me. They're like, no more questions.

You don't get to ask these questions. And then also, if you get kicked out three times, your band forever, and I got kicked out the next three times for asking questions and then didn't get to go back to youth group. That's awesome. It's a real rabble rouser. And then this is that lady, her June cook

was the youth group leader. Her husband was a teacher at our school that later became like the superintendent for the school district who got in trouble for polygamy because God told him he needed more wives. Like that's the kind of area that we like real backwoods weird shit. Damn.

Huh. Ha ha ha. Whew. This is something. Where did you, where would you lead you? It's a lot. Oh, the injury, sorry the injury. Yes.

I got a Taikwondo, I had to drive an hour to take these fucking lessons from this mad man, Larry Duke, was like something I've tried to keep. What kind of a stat was it in his house? The names are awesome. Strip mall, where was it? No, it was kind of like a Larry Duke. I like it. It was a McCall Idaho and it was just you was all in smoking. You were coming to get in here. Let me kick your head. You would call it a strip mall, but really you would like to beat up kids in the garage. Oh, it was ridiculous looking back.

It was just like little offices, little office space in this, I don't know, five or six units in this two-story building. And that was one of them, maybe there was like a real tour and sort of like a Nest or something. Yeah, exactly. And it was real Lucy, Lucy. Like, he would just throw you in, like, you've been in a month.

I've been in a month and he would just throw me in against, to spar, basically punching bag against people who've been training for years. And this one little guy was really good and he would kick the shit out of me. And and he kicked me in the balls a couple of times in this thing. And I was like, I'm not tired. It was very dirty. I'm not regulated at all. And now I'm soaked in your eyes and now I'm trying to guard my balls.

And he did like some spinning hook kick and caught me in the cheek and knocked me unconscious. And then just probably concussion. And then just like shattered this cheekbone. And then the guy was basically like, well you should've blocked. And it didn't offer to do it. I had to drive myself. Keep your hands up.

Keep your hands up. Keep your hands up. And this vibe of kind of like you're such a pussy. Like when I wind about it, my mom made me wait three days to go to the hospital. I was like on the floor, I'm like, I think I'm really fucked up. And she's like, that just takes some Advil.

Because we didn't have health insurance. Sure. So finally I went and the doctor was basically like, why did you wait? Like yeah, you have multiple breaks. You fucked up. Your face is messed up. But that was an injury and then I think I crushed one of my balls on a monkey bar accident.

Because I fell for the top of the monkey bar. This is like fourth fifth grade. Landed on the bottom wrong, one leg on each side, neither feet touching the ground. Like all my weight on my balls. Sure. And I just remember it's like the worst pain laying there and then I have one ball that's still pretty fucked up. Really?

Really? Yeah, like I've went to the doctor for it. It's fine. It's just not the same shape it was. It's a little, I got a little mashed, they think. Yeah. Bad case, I'm monkey balls. Yeah.

Yes. Like putting a penny on the drain drags. Yeah. That's good luck though. So. I'm a monkey ball now. regular checkups, yearly checkups, you would drive the hour and do that stuff, right? If I did yearly checkups, I don't know if I did. Yeah, but you would, you would drive like the hour.

In a broken face, you didn't take them to the hospital. Not getting a physical. It's kind of a miracle you're alive right now. That's what I'm saying. That's what my sister and I tease her mom. We're like, how the fuck are we alive? Like, how do we make it? Is anyone still there?

Yeah, my mom is still there. Mom and stepdad are still there. And grandma's, my grandpa passed. But basically like my grandma and grandpa were more like parents to me. Gotcha. They were kind of like to glue and stuff. Gotcha.

And my grandma's still there. Okay. The matriarch now. So, swimming in the river, hiking, all that stuff. Dangerous outdoor activities I would assume. Yeah, dangerous. There's like right in your river, hike in all that stuff, danger of outdoor activities. That would assume. Yeah, dangerous. Like riding your bike, you're saying canyons, you assume you were constantly surrounded

by danger. Uh, rattlesnakes, you know, like, there, I never, like, like, rattlers on this program. But um, that was always something you like, just looked out for, I guess bears. No bears. No bears. No bears. I mean, there's black bears around, but they're not gonna come at you. That's bears.

There we go from that's bears. Yeah, I mean, technically there are mountain lions. I never saw any of them growing up. When you walk around the woods, usually you'd have a gun. Even as a kid, you'd like a little 22 or something. What age you start carrying a gun? Was that what it was? This is a, yes, this is a very unrepresented part of this show. We've never had anybody from a 400 person town. Yeah, it's rural

I mean four-year-old walking on the woods with some nickel on it Going out like broken face with a lemon. Yeah, probably like 11 with a rifle. Mm-hmm rifle. Yeah, man That's pretty cool I had a super soaker Sixth grade, but the river two, it's like salmon river, the big salmon river, two rough. And so I was always just, my mom may be paranoid about drowning and stuff.

So he didn't really swim too much. There were some beaches, but you couldn't go out very far. Was there a pool in your town? Like did you swim as a kid? No, some lady owned a pool. Some like, I remember there was like one lady in town that supposedly had a pool. I never saw it.

I never saw it. I never went to her house. I never went to her house. Can you swim? I can swim. I can't swim. Not very well. Summers, I'd go stay with my dad

like as I got a little older. Okay. And this one summer, this lady he was dating was working at like a nursing home or something. And so I'd kind of hang out there during the day. At the nursing home? Yeah. Like he's working to get to the construction. Dude, learning to swim at a nursing home. Some a lady so I'd kinda hang out there during the day. At the nursing home? Yeah. Like he's working to touch us.

Dude, learning to swim at a nursing home. Some a lady taught me how to swim there. That's crazy. I remember her name. Man. Holy shit. Shit. Was there any quads or dirt bikes,

ATV type stuff growing up in the town or not really? Yeah, like there wasn't many trails that they were around, but it's a weird jogger. It's very steep gotcha and so Yes, like my mom like later like got into like four wheelers and stuff So my step that would have four wheelers were your mom later got into four wheelers. Yeah, it's my step dad They got some that's an already garbage first right there Mom got into four wheelers. She was a four wheeler. She did she did for a while. She loved a four wheeler Yeah, what was your bicycle situation? What was your bike? Hmm my bike? I can't I had a a huffy

Okay for a while their dishes. Yeah, and then I had some kind of came art Mountain bike, but you know like a like what if some cheapy model mountain bike, okay? Then I just ride You know around back and forth and you guys drove out to the Kmart, you got that? That was like a special trip. Yeah, I'm sure that was a huge Christmas- No presents. Okay. I was gonna ask you about Christmas.

How was that? I will say, we didn't have a lot of money, but my mom made a really good effort and my grandparents to get us lots. So we actually got spoiled when it came to toys, tons of toys, but it was Christmas Eve, you'd open up your presents, except for like one big present with my mom did.

But you'd go to my grandparents house, then we'd go to my great-grandparents house, like open presents at each place. Okay. And then come back. That sounds nice. Yeah, the Christmas Eve present opened up. But that is, that is a cult.

We've heard that before, where they do it Christmas even then save one big one. You did the reverse maybe. You would open one. We'd open one on Christmas Eve. I think it's more traditional, right? Yeah. You'd be like one on Christmas Eve and the rest on Christmas. Yeah, it was always pajamas. My mom would lay a fresh pair of pajamas on our bed before we went to mass.

That was your, that was your, oh, are you re-raised Catholic? Yeah. Okay, my wife Lindsay was raised Catholic, and there's so many traditions, like what is it, St. Nicholas Day? And with like, she has all these crazies. That's like a guy who just walked out of the woods. I hate Nicholas. He's talking about New Year's Eve.

That's like something like, now I'm in a Patrick's Day. No, it's like St. Easter? No, it's like its own thing. It's like, I thought it was like St. Nicholas. Oh, oh Christmas. She's Polish Catholic. I don't know, I feel like Lindsay is like, now it's like its its own thing. I thought it was like St. Nicholas. Oh, Christmas. She's Polish Catholic. I don't know.

I feel like Lindsay is like now what's going on. But it's like has to do with like, all I know is that the kids get a fucking shoe stuffed with toys on this special same day. Oh, that's that's that's something that kids in Vegas told you. No, that's not that. Clalce or something.

That's. Am I being issued your opinion thing? Yeah, maybe it's a Polish family. I feel like my wife's German, I feel they do something with the shoes the night before. So like that Christmas devil doesn't there? There's something involved. The Kremlin or something.

The Kremlin. Oh, I didn't like that at all. There's something with the shoes and they put pennies in the shoes or something. I got nothing on shoes, but I got a St. Nicholas day. Observed on the fifth or sixth of December in Western Christian countries. It has to do with the, it's the feast day of St. Nicholas.

Your her family celebrates, celebrate that day. Maybe it's a family tradition. Don't fuck. I began to rip off this whole time. I don't miss it. I've been missing a pregame to Christmas. Don't fuck. Exactly.

Oh man. Okay. This one's putting me through the ringer. It's crazy. I did not, I didn't know this going into it. And I've not, I haven Okay, this one's putting me through the ringer. It's crazy. I did not, I didn't know this going into it. And I haven't talked about much of this in standard, be it, it's like more observational.

Really? Yeah, for the longest time, maybe as I've gotten older, I feel better now, but I didn't wanna like, I go fascinating. I go crazy. Yeah. Well, I go back home a lot and I think I was always nervous, like, I didn't wanna,

How do you get there? I feel like I just paid my ass. How want to get there. Like I just pay back. So you have to drive. What airport do you fly into? There's no airport close. There's the closest. The final awardy basically you find a job. You fly into Boise and then drive three hours north.

All right. That's not that bad. Yeah. I assume pretty snowy in the winter. Probably treacherous conditions. It's a weird little banana belt like micro climate Where if you go in hour in either direction from where I grew up? Yes, but where I grew up weirdly warm like one of the warmest parts of Idaho

This place is you'll be on the moon dude you should it's crazy if you look I'm not gonna look at you if you get a Riggen's Idaho you're like what the fuck how is this a? How is it like that? It's beautiful. I'm sure it's gotta be oh my god. Yes, okay So that's that's the town just in the bottom of the right there bending along the river. That's rigans What the fuck is that is a I'll send you these pictures. That is a the tiny historic town Wow That's it rivers beauty. Yeah, that's where you really are in a valley there. That's not there's not a whole lot of

you ever walk up those mountains? Actually, yeah, there's school. It is I do sound more like a weirdo talking, but it's like there wasn't there is a little park downtown. It's not very big, but like, but because it's so steep, it's hard to find areas with a lot of like flat like to throw

football around. Okay. Yeah, a hard to find areas with a lot of like flat, like to throw football around. Yeah. A lot of, there's not a lot of open flat space. And so there was a cemetery above North Riggins. And that's where I put plays of kid. You play in the cemetery. Yeah. The cemetery.

And like my grandma thought it was like weird. Oh, man, there's headstones and touchdown. And there was like a big area that didn't have headstones. It was like no headstones yet. So you just kind of like, I don't know. I see. It's like a potter's ground. Yeah, it's crazy. And then they put all the home legs.

Put you on mark, reese. And the mountain behind that is where you can hike it up. There's no trail really, just like deer trails. But you could make it up in like two, three hours. Well, there was this mountain across the river from where I grew up. There's like the town is on one side of the river and on the other side, they're just mountains. And it always looked about the same size of my brain

as the one about the cemetery. So I made a deal with my son. I'm like, when you get 12, I'll take you up to the top of that mountain. I thought it was going to be like a three hour hike. We brought one bottle of water each and like donuts and like, we're like, you're going to hit. It was, you mean, a nice little day out. Oh, it, it took us like 10 hours and I thought it, I thought I was gonna fucking die. Which dehydration was kicking in. Like, I was trying not to show how scared it was if my son, my legs were cramping up.

And then my daughter insisted on doing the same hike a couple years later and I decided to double up and bring two bottles of water. There you go. Not even close to enough. You're just another death hike. So I've done, I've done one of those mountains twice and never again.

So you take them back there somewhat often? Yeah, because my grandma... Let them know what it was like. Yeah, actually, it was. Okay, sorry. Oh no, there's just one property where my grandma lives that's been in our family for six generations now or something.

So, yellow stone shit. Yeah, so it's like, it's just cool to go. That's awesome. Yeah. That's cool. Yeah. Where are you at now? Cordelene Idaho. So I'm still in Idaho. Yeah, I moved to LA for a while and then with my kids,

my ex is in Spokane, which is right across the border. Gotcha. And it just didn't make I was flying them down like every month and it was too much. And so yeah, actually before time suck took off, that was like a Hail Mary, this podcast that changed. I thought my career was over. You're talking about. Oh, yeah. We're all about Hail Mary. You're my career was over. You're talking about oh, yeah We're all about Hail Mary. You're a baby. You're sitting in a buzzer beater right now pal. I mean I was ready

I was ready to follow her into real estate like she walked away from her production job She worked in film and TV when we met in LA like costume department Okay, and when we went to court Elaine I was able to you know We able to buy a place with at that time like Pandora was spending me a fair amount, I get like royalties. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was what gave us like the down payment money.

Okay. But I thought like, well, I'm getting a little older, I'm gonna be in Cordelein, there's no other comics around, this is probably it. And then did time suck and like thank God it worked because that was the last chance. But yeah, so Cordelein, so we're gonna be there for a few more years to the kids

who are at a high school and then who knows? Fucking love it. That's fucking incredible. I just want to go back a little bit to Reagan's just for a minute. Then we'll start talking about now. Um, I'm scared to ask this. What were the vacations like? Were there vacations? Did you go anywhere? No, we had one vacation one vacation to my family went on growing up my mom saved up for years went to Pollock one time Yeah hilarious Those fancy pants is over in Pollock with their cable TV I'm hurt you make 9,000 jokes. I was like what the fuck is Pollock

I was like, what the fuck is Bollock, dude? We camp a little bit like in this like, but basically you're already kind of camping. You're not a concrete floor. Yeah, and my mom, I mean, it is kind of adorable looking back, but she had this giant, basically like big old jug thing, like some antique thing she found that was huge. She would fill with quarters and stuff. Sure. That's awesome.

Did that for years and then took my sister and I along with my aunt and to the coin star. It was a big big. The coin star. No, we went to Disneyland. You did. Yep. That was our big vacation with Disneyland. That's great.

Yeah. That's awesome. Huh. That must have been an eye opener. Yeah, like I wish I could like almost go back and like what was I thinking? That's great. Yeah. That's awesome. Huh. That must have been an eye opener. Yeah, like I wish I could like almost go back and like what was I thinking? Cause I mean, I remember driving through LA and I'd never been in a city like that before.

Your first time out of a rural setting was Vegas? No, this was before. So before Vegas, a junior high was when my, when I made a casual amount. And then Vegas was the first time I lived lived in a place like that, yeah. So Disney was the first real, Disney was the first, I mean, we lived in Anchorage, in Alaska, which is, it's not that big.

I've never been, but I could, yeah. What's the first time you got cable? Was it at your dad's house in Vegas? Mm, mm, well, yeah, I guess it would have been. What was that like? What we did, well, we did though. Two people. What was that like the first time seeing Nickelodeon or maybe a you know

the cinematics movie or something it was right before that actually where I got to see everything and I don't to this day I don't understand I have to ask my step that I don't understand how they got these things but there we didn't have cable but when I was like seventh eighth grade somewhere there's maybe seventh grade they got this satellite TV, but not like dish satellite. It was like this black markets. I don't understand how it works, but I've talked about it in shows and other people have had it.

Oh yeah, I remember that too. And you would get these fucking massive like NASA satellite, the concrete foundation, it would slowly rotate to point towards things. I remember a couple of people would have those. They looked at the backyard and stuff. Yeah, yeah, huge dish. Couldn't it do with the fucking roofwood collapse if you put it up there?

Oh, yeah, massive. And there was this thing called the black box discrampler, and I don't know who fucking sold these, but you wouldn't pay a subscription, you would just get this discrampler. Sure. And it opened up every single channel. Yeah, it did.

And oh yeah, and that's how my mom actually caught me jerking off. It's a, I, we're all the goddamn banana people. You must have been in there, wailing on yourself. Oh, holy shit.

It was a spice channel and like at that time in penthouse, but we had like, the scrambler was in the living room on top of the TV and I had, I guess you'd call it a mirror TV because we didn't have cable or something traditional, you couldn't just get new auxiliary cables and have your own, but we could somehow mirror that TV to the one in my room.

So I would have to watch whatever's on the living room, wow TV. And if my mom and step that went to bed, I could turn it to HBO whatever watch is show. Or I could turn it to spice channel. Would you have to leave that TV on and a living room on? Yep, volume? No, not volume.

It could be off it actually. You just had to have the discrambler turn to that channel. Gotcha. But it showed a display anyone walking by would know what channel was on. Yeah. And so you had to do this gamble where you have to go to the living room

after my mom instead of going to sleep, turn it to the spice channel. Come back. And I'd have to do a print-on lock. I figured I had to do the print-on lock code. So I hacked it basically. And then I have to like, put. Come back and I have to do a prenellan lock. I figured I had to do the prenellan lock code. So I hacked it basically. And then I have to like, put a code back in to make sure they didn't know I hacked it.

This is the whole thing. It's like, to eat in your cookies. You go to your room, you jerk off, and then you go back and then turn it back to like, under the hallmark channel or something. Sure. My mom came out one night and just saw that it was on the wrong channel.

It's on the right channel. The right channel. And I do think this is a little weird because so now she must know I'm working off or probably because and she just no knock. She opened my door and just goes, I don't think we should be doing that. Should we end to shut the door? Damn. That's a pretty good play though. I'll give you that.

She didn't blow up your spot and die early. That's it. Talk about earning it, holy shit. I'm such a dirt bag, I'm already coming up with ways. I would have, I would have, I would have, you got to put the remote in front of the box. I was already thinking of a tissue box or something. Exactly.

A piece of electrical tape. Yeah, come on, Dan. I would have put that in front of the TV. But when we got that discrampler, it was, probably like, it was,'re smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man.

You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man.

You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. You're smart, man. MTV and just having them be like whoa that's crazy. That's fucking awesome fucking music. What like you knew these things existed

But you just never saw them. Yeah. Yeah, damn that's fucking awesome. What was the taxidermy situation around the house? Was there any oh my step that was anything? No my dad no head hanging on the wall or anything like that No, that would be around it places for sure. Okay, actually my wife's a no a noix. I've just had some antlers show up in the garage. The other day she hates that stuff. We mean show up. I ordered what hunting. Oh, you went out. And then like had the place like, you know,

to do it up, yeah, do it up, whatever. But I don't even know. I'll probably put that in the shed. I'm not even really big into the mounts either. Okay. It meant a lot to my dad. It was like a hunting trip with him. So yeah.

Sure. What was the heat situation in the house? What were you heating the house with when you were a kid? Oh, uh, look for wood, wood stove, wood fireplace. And closed or just an open like a fireplace. Inclosed. Okay. You get these ones.

Yeah, they would close up and have a little chimney stack that went out through the trailer roof or whatever. Couple of my cousins had that. They always make fun of me. We had a coal stove when I was when I was young. Oh, coal stove. Load the colon. I never see like West Coast and especially rural.

I never call was just not a thing. Yeah. What does a coal stove even look like? It just looks like, um, yeah, it looks like a, like a fireplace. Yeah, like a wood burning stove and you just, you throw the coal in the top, like a, like a pellet stove. Now, yeah, yeah. Oh, dingwood cook. Really? And it just like a pellet stove. Now. Yeah, yeah. That's what it was like.

Dingwood cook. Really? And it just cooks it down to nothing. Yeah. You just shovel the ash out? Shuffle that shit out. Yeah. Oh, okay.

Yeah. Fucking it would fuck your sinuses up, man. I see that. Like, my only associate with, now I picture you like living on like a steamboat. Yeah. That's every time he talks. I've seen the house and I still picture it with like hole on his face and stuff. His hands are all black. Look at the black laundry.

Huh. Okay. Alright, man, that is a fucking origin story. Oh. Oh, shh. Do you wear underwear under your bathing suit? No, let's talk about now. Yeah, let's talk about now.

So what's the house like you're in now, single family home, split shed, split level rancher. Level rancher, okay. Yeah, my wife does a great job of making it, has like a mid-century modern kind of look inside, architecturally not really like that. Nice.

She brings all the class and sophistication. Any that we have comes from her. Bigger town, like more. Court of lanes, yeah, like 150,000 in the little and sophistication. Any that we have comes from her. Bigger town, like more. Core lanes, yeah, like 150,000 in the little area. Okay, next, okay, and where there's a, you know, comedy club there, and like people. Gotcha, all right, all right. What kind of car are you whipping around in?

Ford F-150. Love it. Look at you. Nice. What year? 2016. Nice. You got a recent rack on it?

No, but I don't have a gun wreck on it But I I do have guns, but but it is weird again looking back growing up kids would hunt after school Mm-hmm, and so yeah, there was tons of guns in the high school parking lot. Yeah, good racks. Yeah crazy You carry any nickel on you now No No, no, no, but some of my, no, but some of my friends who have the same thing is, two, the same walking, I'm like, this guy might have a gun. No, I don't carry it around, but like,

I don't carry it around, is it? I don't know. Yeah. It's always in arms, like, no. It ain't on me, but it's on me. No, no, I don't have, do you keep anything near the bed? Yes.

You do. A piece or like a, a nine millimeter. All right You're a real man I got a little baseball bat next to my bed. I got a Trenton Thunder bat from the fucking triple lately I have it don't I have a no mr. miss your comics log by no he don't miss Okay, all right Oh, man comments holy shit Man's man, no, I'm slipping off my seat over here Slightly attracted to you.

Slightly, that's kind of wrong. It's so funny to like different areas had it because like, um, I remember when I went to LA, live there for a while, I felt like I was a gigantic dude. But like, you guys want to go beat up some college kids. I'm trying to do that. You see college kids I'm trying to find out come on go fucking punch some college kids, but like where I grew up I'm like average size She's like she's worlds in the park or you can't do that here Or where I grew up like I'm not as into guns. So just so far. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're a milder version of where you come from.

Huh. Huh. Are you, uh, do you drink? Are you a, uh, your booster? What's the go to, uh, go to drink? I'm choice at the moment. Uh, oh man, we were at some piececo. There's a piececo bar in our hotel here in New York.

I love a piececo sour. It's like a random piececo. It's a Peruvian drink. It's like, uh, there are like, like, uh, countries national liquor basically. Huh. Very refined. It's a random piece. It's a Peruvian drink. It's like their like country's national liquor basically. Huh. Very refined. That's very refined answer.

I'm only having that here at home. It's generally like a whiskey ginger or gin and tonic. And we just like, you know, very the gin, very the whiskey. What kind of whiskey is you're not gonna run out with? I like for an easy one like bullet bourbon. Okay. Or like the standards like Makers, Mark. I'm a Makers man myself. You have. Okay, or like the standards like Makers, Mark.

I'm a Makers man myself. You have a bar set up at the house? You do. It's log of woolen is like a Scotch I really like. Oh yeah. And then gin, I like Ampriced Janonlot right now. Monkey 47's another good one. Ah yes.

God damn gentleman over here. Monkey 47 is German I believe. Yes, it is. How often do you have a cocktail at the house? About three or four nights a week, but like one or two. Sure. And then that's a gentleman- Really, man?

Dude, you bump out that, I mean, you got imported gin. So the kids are in high school and they live with you. Yep, son's now in college. Okay. And they split time between our house and their mom's house like 30 minutes away. Okay. So now it's just my daughter Monroe is she's a sophomore.

Okay. So yeah, come more years. So you guys do dinner at night and stuff like that, like traditional family, sit down with the table. Monroe is super busy in sports and stuff like that. So basically it's around her schedule. Gotcha. When she doesn't have a bunch of sports obligations,

then yeah, we'll do dinner at the table together. Okay. Who's cooking, you are the misses. I, it's a, try a store subject because I never cook. I, yeah, it's Lindsay. Yeah, it's by, by wife. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I, uh, it's Lindsay. Yeah, it's by my wife. Yeah, I She's still I don't know that I've she would probably say that I have not made a meal for her. I maybe made spaghetti or something Okay, but like I thought I was gonna be like this great

You haven't touched your rattlesnake go on get that snake chili This is something that we were just talking about at the live show in Denver. Any ever pick up any road kill as the family? No, back in the day. No, we didn't eat. No, no, no. Maybe like not even really poach.

I mean, no, like we do like, you know, get tags or whatever. Okay. And where did you meet your wife and where she from? Just for a little bit of background. Yeah, I met Lindsay at Oh my god, it was this show called it was Nickelodeon was trying to do Briefly stand up comedy and they had that mom's night out show. Yes, okay Yeah, I remember that and then they like they ran out of moms and then it was basically called dang

It got opened up first to like women who obviously have all women have us. It's like, okay, women can talk about their moms. And then it was just like anybody with the mom, so anybody. I vividly remember this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I did a taping in LA for that and had done a few things like that before and I guess Jade did be the word, but I knew this was not going to be a career break like moment. So I was like, I didn't really care about it.

And Lindsay was the wardrobe. Oh my God, I can never remember the terms. She was the person. Coordinator. Coordinator, yeah. Like make sure you're wearing stuff right for camera, all that stuff. And her telling of this is she hated me

because I wouldn't get back to her. In my experience in the past, was they always wanted to- They asked for your sizes and all that stuff. Yeah. And they want to make you wear stuff that you don't normally wear And so I was like, you know what? I'm gonna see to ignore them and I'm just gonna show up with what I'm gonna wear and that's just gonna be it And so I did talk to her like the day before and she was you know kind of annoyed and then I showed up and just thought she was I was single at that time and just like

I don't know slot them up basically and and thought I thought she was super cute and Was trying like peacock around the group just being a douche like no shirts, you know Like is this over here like trying to be weird and and it's guys all His mood just take you should what's up, ladies? And then there was this they wanted these in they wanted these interstitial shot for stuff in between the stand-up segments and their Angela Hoover angel was a comic in LA. And they were like, somehow we got to talk and there's that dirty dancing move

where you pick the girl, like, do that. So I wanted to do that with, basically, to show off to Lindsay. Like, look what I can do. Like, a gorilla guy. And I think I broke my finger doing that. She twisted when I was up there and something popped and it was messed up. He starts crying

Huge yeah huge of yeah failure Well, so that happens and then I also when I left after the set I grabbed Kira Sultanavic was there too And I grabbed her pants by mistake just I don't know and hurry to leave grab my pants her and then now Lindsay is the water Has to track down who has Kira's pants and I I used as an excuse to text her back or email her back. That's a real castanza move. I respect that. Even I just watched them. Yeah.

And I was like, I guess I don't even remember that I said exactly this, but I said something like, do you wanna come, she says, would you wanna come watch some TV on the couch, basically Netflix and chill before that term was there. Okay. She said an email back saying like,

if you wanna ask me out, be a man, get some fucking balls. To him. Pick up the phone and actually call me. She's like, this is not how I do that or whatever. And I was like, ooh, I like her. And so I did call her. And we talked, and it was a great conversation. And then when she came over for that first date, she brought all this like stuff from Walgreens like a splint and all these things. I would, I was, I'm better finally, but I was just, we don't have health insurance. That can't these things. I would, I was, I'm better finally, but I was just, we don't have health insurance.

We can't afford that. I literally would just, oh my God, I have, you're a doctor. There's too many, this is probably not time, but I have the most fucked up stories about trying to do home surgery to avoid going to the doctor, never worked. Always backfired horribly.

Of course. Like had multiple doctors when I would have to come in later because it got worse and I would tell them the story. I've had two, I guess, two doctors not joking, be like, you're an idiot. Like, just like, look at me and be like, like, why would you do that?

Don't ever do that again. So I just thought it was so cool that Lindsey like, thought of that. It meant so much. I was like, ooh, I like, and then I just, yeah, I just went from there. Man, that's fucking sweet. Yeah. She sounds like a real one, man. She is, she's awesome. And they're just, yeah, I just went from there. Man. That's fucking sweet. Yeah.

She sounds like a real one, man. She is. That's all right. And where is she from? Cleveland. Cleveland. Okay. Yeah, her family's like, all a bunch of long time Cleveland people, Polish people in Cleveland.

Okay. What, what do you guys go away now? What are the vacations like now? Do the kids know what you went through as a kid? You know, it's funny. Kids are so into their own stuff. They do. They've been there. but I don't think they'll have perspective till they get older, of course. You know, it's just like with what I do too, like they couldn't care less. You know, you're a dork to them.

Yep, to spend the summer at the Swiss house. Show what it's like. But yeah, we've taken some pretty cool. We did the Machu Picchu and Peru. Nice. It was amazing. And then Greece was a big one. Just got back. Guys, it's classy. Yeah was amazing. And then Greece was a big one.

Just got back. Guys, it's clear. Yeah. Machu Picchu. No. No. No. Oh my god. I could have stayed in Greece. Where'd you go in Greece? We stayed in Athens one night and then Santorini for like four days.

We didn't do Santorini. We went by it on the ferry or whatever. Yeah. But we did. Meek and O's. It was fine, but with the kids, I'm like, now went by it on the ferry or whatever. Yeah. But we did. Meek and O's, it was fine, but with the kids, I'm like, now this is probably not the right vibe. I wish we would have done Santa, and then we did Crete and Athens. And I was like, I love this country.

I could stay here. Yeah, it's all right, man. Yeah. Yeah, we're all traveling this guy. I know. Just recently. Yeah. When did you get your passport?

Well, you know, actually, now I say that. I did get my passport. I did a semester abroad. I got to go to a study in London for a semester in college. There you go. What was your major at Kentucky? In it. And I don't have that.

I'm not. I'm contracting. I'll get to yell that anytime England comes up. What? What was your major? Psychology. Okay. So you have a psychology degree.

Great fucking school too. Yeah, it was it's an educated man right here. Yeah, yeah, the concrete floor is fooling you. It's fucking smart. Huh, what was the first time you had an Attela? Oh, man, I don't think I had an Attela until I think I don't think I found if I didn't find out maybe I found out about it in London, but I can't remember because I don't remember even when I came back. But I know Lindsay either introduced it or reintroduced it. Because she traveled a bunch.

She went on tour with Rihanna as a part of their style, like wardrobe, to dress the dancers and stuff. And so she went to all kinds of crazy countries and brought that back. And man, that stuff is so good. You make me sound like ancient spices. She went to all different kinds of countries and brought back Nutella. Gold incense and Nutella.

Yeah. She's been all over the far away lands. That's amazing. I did. I don't think I had it until my late 20s early 30s. It's everybody's girl introduces it to the other guy. Yeah, every guy you talked to is like my girlfriend had and my wife had it.

Like Craype, Banana Slices to is like, my girlfriend had it, my wife had it. Like, Craype, banana slices and the tell him, like, this is the best. Yeah. You make the bed every morning? Nope. Nope. What is the bed situation at the house?

King size? King size, I think. I think my wife, she'll make it later though. I never, I'm okay with it being messy, but she doesn't like it to be messy. How are you sleeping? You sleep on your side and you're back? Side.

Side, how many pillows? Hmm. One or two, usually just one. One, just behind your head, that's it. Yeah, two is angles my neck too much. Any ceiling fan or fan on you when you sleep? I like a little humidifier and yeah, fan. And I have this app that makes like a white noise.

White noise. No TV when you go to bed. Mm-hmm. Just a lot of white noise. TV in the bedroom? No TV in the bedroom. No TV in the bed. No TV in the bed. But I take an edible most nights to help those sleep too. All right. Yeah. Let me ask you this. Let's say you get a deli sandwich. Yeah. All right. You unwrap the paper. Yeah. And you got chips. Would you put the chips on the paper or leave them in the bag? In the paper, it's like access and faster. All right.

Hmm. Interesting. Will you put chips on a sandwich? If you're at home, you make a sandwich? This feels like, sorry, I know, I love this. It feels like the psychic test that I'm failing. Like at the end, yeah, he's a sociopath. He's a fucking side, I knew it.

I got them all. I saw his eyes. You put them on the paper? Yeah, he eats his peas one by one. Sorry, what was the question? I forget. Will you put chips on the sandwich? Oh, I have done that.

Yes, I'm not just good, but not always. Okay. Hmm. How's the credit score? Pretty good, actually. Nice. Yeah. What kind of plastic you're throwing around?

You got an MX, Vee-Soo, extra card? MX. Do the Delta MX to get all the skymount. We're a Delta MX to get all the skymount. We're a Delta MX family ourselves. Where are you close shopping? You're well put together, guy, I got a good sense of fashion. That's her, my turn.

Oh, that makes sense. She was a stylist. I mean, I definitely gravitate, she doesn't just dress me, but she helps, what do you think of this? What do you think of this? That's a good damn. I think I got this stuff in Missoula, Montana, actually, just like Randall, just saw this shirt. I think it's a stuff in Missoula Montana, actually. Just like Rand, like just saw this shirt.

I think it's a root cup. It is, yeah. I like the way they fit. Do you like truffle fries? No. Okay. I don't like truffles. I don't care about truffles.

I always feel like I supposed to care about truffles. Thanks. Yeah, just a good weird flavor to me. I don't know. You peeing in a shower? Yeah. Brush your teeth in there. Look at it whispered my wife's there. No, I don't in a shower? Yeah. Brush your teeth in there. Look at it whispered my wife's there.

No, I don't brush my teeth in there, but I shave in there. I shave in the shower and I'll pee in the shower. Do you have a mirror in there? Like a little tiny mirror. And you shave with a like a shave shave all the way down? Yeah, just yeah, just with a little razor. Oh, just not the, you keep the beard

all the time. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. It just kind of like grows out until I get back to the top of the floor. So you just clean it up in there. You're not fully shaving in the shower. No, just not the you keep the beard. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it just kind of like grows out until I get back to the So you just cleaning it up in there. You're not fully shaving in the shower. No, uh-uh. That'd be crazy Let's say you get a six pack of beers are at the house Do you take the cans out of the container or like out of the ring or the 12-per-day just put the whole box or the whole thing in there? I put the whole box in there Let's try put the whole box in there. I respect it. You guys whole box in there. But I respect it. You guys have a garage fridge?

Yeah. What's in there? Uh, ice cream, uh, dear, uh, like, large, uh, hearts, uh, a lot of like, um, just random things that the kids like basically. So does juice and stuff like that? Hmm, the freezer, no, just like, um, uh, I don't know, random like, uh, things,

like individual meals and stuff, I guess. Okay. Wantons, or like, trader Joe's stuff. I can't say that. You guys are shopping at Trader Joe's. Yeah, Lindsey's top trader Joe's. Oh, that's bad. Can you park a car in the garage or is it filled with shit?

We could probably get to, I just park out in the driveway. Lindsey parks in the garage though. One car in a garage is all right. Who's cutting the grass? Ah, this is embarrassing. I did cut, okay. I felt embarrassed about this. I did cut the grass myself.

I like cutting the grass. Okay. And I got so busy, this is how I justify it. It's sure. It's so busy with podcast stuff, everything that Lindsay talked me into like, I have a lawn service. Gotcha.

And I will say the older men in my neighborhood, heavily frowned on that. Sure. Whatever man points I'd built up, substantial drop. That's like that. That's that. Even with the F-150 and the nickel, I tell him to fucking eat it. Fuck Annie.

What you doing to go home, take that shirt off, wash the truck and the garage. She's come out like a man. You shot the fuck up! Yeah. Top a couple in the garage. She's come out like a man. You shut the fuck up. Pop a couple in the air. What mower we using? Do you have a, how big, how big is a backyard? Uh, it's like the lot size is standard for the air, like a third of an acre size.

Okay. But a pretty decent backyard, but I like the, uh, I mowed lawns as a kid just for like extra money or whatever. Sure. And I love the self propelled. So it's not a riding lawn mower. Yeah. But, uh, yeah, just a self propelled. Did you have a self propelled. So it's not a riding lawnmower. But yeah, just a self

propelled. Did you have a self propelled when you were a kid? Not at first. I had like some things. Did you ever use one of those? I know which kind you're talking about. There was one lady's lawn. I didn't mow for very long that insisted on that kind of mower like like no engine. Yeah, just the way we know we're talking about Toby. Oh, yeah. Dude, those are homo Simpson ones. Yeah, yeah. It's like a wheel covered into a paper cutter. Yeah. You only see it on like the three stooages. Yeah.

Somebody who's always got their hand caught. So I've used one, but, ah, no thanks. All right, I mean, I'm, I gotta think all the info I need to render a decision. While vexing. Yeah. I mean, yeah, I mean, I, I'm just having fun at this point. This is all I mean, I'm just having fun at this point.

This is all the stuff. You have a drink out of a measuring cup? Yeah, I'm sure I've done that. Okay. You guys have a toast-draven at the house now. No. No toast-draven. I've had a toast-draven in the past,

but I don't, I don't know that I've ever actually used a toast-draven. Okay. I know I've been in homes with toast rubbing. George Foreman grew? Oh my God. I think you're gonna make Thanksgiving dinner. I feel like I did have a George Foreman grill a long time ago.

I didn't use, I think I got tired of cleaning it or something. Okay. Yeah, but I had one of those grills. I had the infomercial George Foreman grill. You're not anymore. You're a coffee drinker? Yeah. I have to coffee.

Are you buying coffee? You making coffee. Both. We'll French press at home sometimes. They're more like French. French press. You're grind coffee drinker? Yeah, I have to coffee. Are you buying coffee, you making coffee? Both. Well, French press at home, sometimes they're more like French press. You're grind to beat yourself. Yeah, really. See, he's very refined.

No. Really coffee and booze. That's where he's refined. But then I get a lot of mocha, too. I'll go to the little drive through whatever coffee shop and get a mocha. Who's cutting the hair? Just whoever's at this place,

Mavericks, I go to in Corde de Laine, and it used to be the owner there, but's at this place, Mavericks I go to in Cordo lane, and it used to be the owner there, but then he moved on, and I just, whoever happens to be there. You do massages, and many petty, and anything like that? No, I have done massages. I would like to do regular massages,

but I haven't done them very often, but they are nice. And then I don't think I've ever done a manicure. No, I don't think so. My wife, I did, just because it's gross. I had what I thought was a toenail fungus for a long time. And my toe was so fucked up. Like the toenail was like kind of coming off of my big toe.

It was all mangled. It's always the big toe. And I would try to, it turns out like, I just had to, in the end I had to have this thing where they just slice part of your toenail off on the sides. Yeah. To make it like lay flat. That's all it wasn't even a fungus.

But for the longest time I just didn't feel comfortable. Like every time I tried to like cut this gross toenail down I would just cut too far and make it worse and limp around. So I started going to have somebody else cut my and I was embarrassing. Like can you cut my fucking nasty monster toe? So I did do pedicures for that. But now like, but now like, he's trash. He's getting medical pedicures.

See over the end. Man, Dan Cummings, I don't know what to tell you. I love you. Fuck your love you to death. You are small down trash. Gang has got a brand new special out on YouTube right now that you got to check out trying to get better. The one the only.

Mr. Dan Cummins everybody. Yeah, man. Thank you so much. Thank you guys. Yeah, so I feel like I feel like a like a part of an auto team museum. You're behind glass. We'll just poke in you. But it is it is interesting for me because you guys grew up a big city, right?

Like yeah, outside the suburbs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, big city. right? Like yeah, outside the suburbs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So a big city bigger than 400. We're playing three man football. Oh, man, anything else you want the folks out there to know? Hit them. Yeah, plug away. So we'll date anything. Yeah, just gonna be doing a big tour, a big theater tour next year in 2024. Datesadankham is.tv and then time suck if you like deep dives and a lot of dark humor about you know true crime or cults or serial killers you know like different things historical figures that's time suck and then scared to death is like campfire

paranormal tales because I like to try and scare myself my wife with stories there. That's awesome the pods are cooking yeah congratulations. Thank you guys congrats on your guys' success. Thank you very, very cool. Thank you. It was so much fun to sit down with. It can't be what he got for him. Guys, we're all over the road as well. For show at in Chicago, Third Show at in Toronto,

get those tickets. The second show in Phileas Selling. So don't snooze or you're going to lose gang. We love you. Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week. Peace. see you next week. Peace.