Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Smoking at Disney w/ Kippy & Foley!

Episode Date: February 13, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley who return to Foleyville to talk about the dark ages, DTC products and smoking at Disney, it's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love yous...e guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Tour Tickets: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: Shopify: Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at https://shopify.com/garbage Aura Frames: Exclusive $20-off Carver Mat at https://AuraFrames.com. Use code GARBAGE at checkout to save Truewerk: Check out the full lineup and get 15 percent off your first order at https://truewerk.com/garbage Helix: Go to https://helixsleep.com/garbage for 27% Off Sitewide + 2 Free Dream Pillows with Mattress Purchase + Free Bedding Bundle (2 Dream Pillows, Sheet Set, and Mattress Protector) with any Luxe or Elite Mattress Order Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Gang breaking news from here at Aunt Tooties, we are about to drop the RU Garbage Comedy Special. Yeah, it's a special we shot on the Route 66 Tour. It includes comedy from each city, a bunch of behind the scenes on the bus, I'm talking beers, heaters, someone shits their pants, it's a whole thing. RU Garbage YouTube page, sign up, subscribe now, live from here, February 25th, let's go. Yeah. Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Starting point is 00:00:41 Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage. It's that little show we sit down your favorite comedians and we find that it's a group to be classy Yeah, just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host Tate's Foley coming at y'all on a beautiful day We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She's upstairs. Just got her brand new dress Okay for the big route 66 premier. I Told this dumb broad. We're not doing a premiere like that. Okay. She's trying to get John Hammers or plus one She's dressing up as the you for the YouTube premier. It's virtual honey Red carpet. It's the internet thoughts
Starting point is 00:01:20 It's ain't on Netflix. Say the Golden Globes, baby It's no brick and mortar. It's ain't the Golden Globes, baby. There's no brick and mortar. We're online passing savings on to you. My co-host is coming at you from across the tables. What we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and the executive producer of the feature documentary
Starting point is 00:01:43 Route 66. Sure. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What up? and the executive producer of the feature documentary, Route 66. Sure. Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What up, gang? Get my scarf and lower the lights. What up, gang? Shout out to you.
Starting point is 00:01:51 First of all, thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, you subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available on Spotify. And the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. Woo! Slash RU Garbage.
Starting point is 00:02:03 You go over there, you get all that bonus content but that's not why. That's not what we're here to talk about. There's been rumblings you may or may not have heard. You may or may not have seen a post. The Route 66 special. It's big, man. Coming out. The boys are doing an RU Garbage special. Uh it encompasses two weeks of us on the road. Uh all the cities we've hit on the Route 66 tour. A tour special. Yeah, it's a tour special. So there's a lot of stuff from the stage from Chicago, St. Louis, Tulsa,
Starting point is 00:02:29 Oklahoma City, Albuquerque, Flagstamp, Las Vegas, Los Angeles. A lot of behind the scenes stuff. A lot of fucking on the bus, at the hotels. The boys hit a state fair in Oklahoma. It's a real slice of Americana. Go to a couple of dive bars, meet with the locals, really rubbing elbows with the salt of America, with the salt of the earth people. The biggest thing we've ever done. Yeah. Biggest production.
Starting point is 00:02:55 All this time. A lot of money. A lot of money, but we're not, we don't, this is, this is why we fuck, listen, oh, let's pull the curtain back. We're an honest pot over here. We're not spinning yarns. You know what I mean? Uh We this was an idea we had and we wanted to do it wanted to make it look really cool and the best way to Do it and the best way to do it was very expensive and decided to do it and pass the savings on to you No could have gotten to a bidding war, sure.
Starting point is 00:03:26 Gone to different streamers and this and that. Forget all that. We're going right to the swords, right to the people. YouTube, baby. Nintendo is all over us. Sony said no. No, listen, we obviously kicked around some ideas of sending it to and and and stuff like that and what people want But like that's genuinely not what
Starting point is 00:03:49 We make content for we make stuff that we think school and and you know For the fucking army of garbage, and we really think you guys are gonna like this like we said It's a lot of fucking just on stage good goddamn time. It's a good goddamn time. It's me and the big man fucking you know God damn time. It's a good goddamn time. It's me and the big man fucking, you know Bickering laughing fucking doing the whole not catching a lot of heaters This is we were stolen the heaters at this time. I was smoking a lot of heaters a lot of basketball shorts Not as many as I should have brought with me a lot of top Someone may or may not have shit themselves just throwing that out there and we may or may not have all that on camera You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:04:31 No, it's a good time. We really we really made it hoping you guys with you guys in mind thinking you guys would really enjoy it So it's on the youth. This is the biggest thing we've ever done to date We need you guys to kind of rally behind it. Yeah, absolutely. It's on February 25th on our YouTube page There'll be a link for the premiere We're gonna be in the live chat the whole nine yards share with a friend the whole just fucking let's fucking ground grass roots this thing up swell. Yeah, toady on there with a nice tight cocktail. She's wearing that dress JLo wore back in the day that green one man I used to tug my little root at that. I don't know they might as well
Starting point is 00:04:59 that was like the Kardashian sex tape before that happened. Sure showed up in that thing. We all went to seventh grade going, did you see? Todey's got hers in a double XL, so don't get too excited. You'll be falling out of that. I didn't ask you about that. What is the below the line situation? Am I an executive producer?
Starting point is 00:05:21 What's the bad one? What's is producer? What's the better producer? I want line producer. You got to put the cash up. That's the bad one? What's, what's, is producer, what's the better producer? I want line producer. You gotta put the cash up. That's the bad one. Is it? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:31 Son of a bitch. Give me, give me rank of uh, rank of producers on a- Executives the best. Okay, well I'm executive producer. Okay. I'm sexuative producer. I don't know. Uh, yeah you would be executive producer.
Starting point is 00:05:45 I got points on the back end? What? I don't know what you're doing. I mean, we're taking a bath on this thing. Our kids aren't going to be able to go to college. How about a couple of snacks in the green room for the boys? Sure, I'll get you a small bag of goldfish. What do you got?
Starting point is 00:06:02 Executive producer. Uh-huh. Is the what? What's executive producer? Line producerhuh. He's the water. What's exactly producer best? Executive producer is the best. Yes So we're executive producers nice Luke is a producer. I'm a producer and a line producer Why would you do cut up it chopped up your coke I eat a lot? I take any drugs line producer handles the day to day of the filming the short deadline stuff like that Executive producers the one responsible for financing the film that was me by the way that let's all get on this
Starting point is 00:06:32 We talking about okay? 5050 what's yours is mine what I debit don't make sense my well the debt's yours, too Then my debit cards not working by the way. What's my thing? Someone tell me my pit. Oh Yeah, all jokes aside gang check it the fuck out. We're really proud of it very proud I think it encompasses it shows a good a good version of what we do on the road and our live shows and One of the cool things too is the fans are definitely very profiled in this the army of garbage is very Is very much a part of as much a part of it as we are.
Starting point is 00:07:06 But you can see yourself on TV there. Yeah, a lot of yous made the cut. I'm telling you. YouTube. YouTube. I put you in a cast, you can fucking cast right on the TV there. Your chicks don't know the difference. Your parents don't know the difference. Tell them you're on the news. Tell them you're a movie star, baby. Let's go. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:21 Can't wait. Yes. So check it out, gang. February 25th. Mm hmm. But all that's neither here nor there, folks. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands. As you know, when you sign up for the Patreon over there, www.patreon.com don't use the app. I don't want to get in that app, but don't sign up on the on the iTunes app.
Starting point is 00:07:41 They're taking 30 percent of everything. Don't do that. You got a caveats in this one, don't you? Oh is don't do that. Well listen sure it is don't share that I Got to tell you this business has ever changed We're just a couple of couple idiots who call each other fat and bald and the next thing you know apples trying to wet their Beak what a fucking winner so far. I gotta say I've been jammed up man. Yeah, man I was a our pets heads are falling. I was at a fucking CVS a. Yeah, man. Where's it? Our pets' heads are falling off. I was at a fucking CVS Minute Clinic this morning. That's where I'm at.
Starting point is 00:08:09 That's where they tie me when you jerk off. Ha ha ha ha. Got the record. Eight seconds, your pants were still on. And go. Got a free case of Prime for that. Sure. Out the door.
Starting point is 00:08:23 Yeah, it's been a- They got that everywhere, by the way. They, it's they got that everywhere by the way. They got that in powder form now. I know everything's in powder form. It is line producer. I saw they had Narcan at CVS. I didn't know
Starting point is 00:08:36 they had that really. Yeah. That's what a gummy bears that should be free right now. You know what? It's like 2899. I don't know if you've ever seen the ads where it's like it's on you to carry Narcan and learn how to use it I'm like it's on them not to do the bad drugs I don't think it's on me to revive them right get mad you do that if you knock them up
Starting point is 00:08:54 It's just fucking ruin the game. Yeah, yeah, that's 17 bucks. I gotta go out and fucking pay the handle for again Uh-huh bad news. Yeah that milk. I always see them pouring pouring milk down down guys throats and are all fucked up I think that's just that one video that was a challenge Challenge it was an internet challenge to like milk like people like bent out. Yeah, he's is really not all freakouts That's a new team in Kensington in Kensington, Philadelphia. That's fucked up. It's an amateur hockey team my skin's dry Kensington Philadelphia that's fucked up today. It's an amateur hockey team. Well my skin's dry Fuckin I had the flu. Yeah, the boys are down there fucking brutal. Mm-hmm crazy Rome has fallen Goddamn stinks Wait to get to the spring summer. That's what that's when a year really I had a little glimpse of it today
Starting point is 00:09:40 I was walking my wife and the dog in the park for a nice little morning walk Are you saw me down the beach what I don't you said you a little glimpse Said you a little glimpse of it this this morning Thought you meant the summer. No root 66. Ladies and gentlemen that comedy like that's not gonna be a root See, I'm talking heavy-hitting punch line. I thought that was funny. I didn't get it. It was over your head comedically I'm pretty sure we're going to cut it. I got to do puppet shows for you. You're really slipping.
Starting point is 00:10:10 What are you talking about? Try to keep up. My comedy is growing. It's becoming more and more intellectual. OK? So try to keep up. It's not the same fat guy stuff anymore. What is it?
Starting point is 00:10:21 What's what? Who's on first? I just did the summer bit. Which confused most of the room. All of the room theoretically. He got it. He's done say anything. He doesn't want to piss off daddy. I got a little glimpse of summer in the park and you said, what'd you catch me on the beach today? Yeah, like, you know, would you see me on the beach? Yeah, like you know what you see me on the beach Like that'd be a little glimpse of summer because I'm gonna be like I envisioned you and yeah Down to shore you're really playing with the different meta worlds. We got going on here sure more of a This is like inception of a bad joke You're bombing and multiple realities over here. Wake me up. So much someone throw him in a tub quick. I just think it's some timeline I'm killing If universes are infinite cut to a room full of people
Starting point is 00:11:14 You going down to short a summer what I'm going down. What the hell are you talking about? Cuz we're gonna be off the road first of all we're doing a showdown a short of summer yeah well I have to borgata yeah don't think I'm not hitting those fucking tables either I'm on a heater the buffet table put a couple of these together I want a couple I'm gonna have a lot of plates I want a couple of rooms down there okay cuz I got my cousin why are you talking to me like I'm your goddamn fucking travel agent executive producer you can get whatever rooms you want to get I gotta get it myself I'm commute don't probably give it to get. I gotta get it myself?
Starting point is 00:11:45 I'm commuting. They'll probably give it to me when I get down there. Once they hear what happened at parks, I'm gonna clean those fuckers out. 2500, how you doing? You weren't there. How are they gonna recover? How are they ever gonna bounce back?
Starting point is 00:12:02 I got my cousin trying to push me to fucking stay there. That, that, their place in fucking Margate or whatever. How are they ever gonna bounce back? I got my cousin trying to push me to fucking stay there that That they're placing fucking Margate or whatever AC July 19th tickets on sale now. They're moving quick We're gonna be at the Borgata down a short me down a short down a short a summer Couple a couple of local boys make good fuck this. Let's go to the shore. I need some dry air I need a humidifier. I need some new sinuses. So I didn't need dry air and a humidifier. Look at my wife. She's got more contraption.
Starting point is 00:12:29 I feel like I work in a fucking boiler room. She's got humidifiers, dehumidifiers, fucking infusers, diffusers. That shit's no good for you, they found out, those infusers. Hey. The oils. Seed oils too are bad. I don't know if you guys knew that. Watch out.
Starting point is 00:12:44 You're the king of the I heard one thing That's bad for you So I'm gonna throw it in your face And it'll make me seem like I'm more healthy you get off on go now watch out for the seed oils meanwhile You're you're you cut them out your booth and cheese steaks. No, I'm not chicken cheese steak Let's quit screwing around this is you your family. Yeah, you're screwing around trying to tell you a little bit about me my skin's dry I keep bringing that back. It's dry get some lotion. It don't it don't work
Starting point is 00:13:15 Get more lotion. I got the oils. I got all that. You should not use those oils. I hear it or bit It's not seed oil. It's coconut oil How do you think of coconut grows?? So dogs are chasing me around a goddamn neighbor I do want to switch over to tallow. I just don't know where to score it Beef tallow, aren't you a tallow guy not on my skin make your eggies with it. Yeah, wait am I a tallow guy? I thought you said you were now my wife will dabble with it. You're a bone marrow guy I like a nice bone. I like I like getting drunk at one restaurant and eating their bone marrow cuz I feel fancy
Starting point is 00:13:54 Sipping your beer out of a straw I get a lid for this Can I get a becks and a coffee cup, please All right, let's quit screwing you quit screwing. I keep bringing up your dry. It's like that's like breaking news or something Shut it need to some you got me got me thinking about the summer I need a summer to get here quick you brought it up not me if I make it through the winter It'll be a goddamn miracle Feel like I'm on the Oregon Trail Ever lose anybody on it
Starting point is 00:14:22 I lost everybody My guys were getting lice left and right. Before we left the general store I had like three nine year olds fucking missing. Comanche's took them. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Tell me about my dry skin scalping themselves these kids don't get my humor Speaking of which is a good movie on that. This is gonna be brutal What a good movie on what now never mind? I'm gonna save it now. This is guys want to know hit me up No, good slide in the deer call me and beat up go. What was the movie running out of chat buddies? I got no chap. I called this dickhead the other night fucking didn't pick up What his girl or something like that
Starting point is 00:15:06 Yeah, man I want to tell you you stink You call a lot. I do you're my friend. I love it. That's not what he was that's not he was saying this morning I know he talks I get an attitude also when I hang up Sure, what are you doing? Nothing, what are you doing? No, you're asking me. What the fuck are you doing nothing what are you doing no you're asking me what the fuck are you doing I can't pick up my call that's what you do you call and if it rings too long you answer with oh hey what's up what
Starting point is 00:15:35 what are you doing can't answer I called you twice that's what you do you like your mother it's brutal brutal. Patty? Patty? Mama. All right, whatever. This, man, yeah, dude, this one, this one never, this one never got into real real. We started in Foleyville, we're gonna end in Foleyville. Oh, God. All right, let's get into it.
Starting point is 00:16:00 This one, as you guys know, when you saw, I mean, this guy's got me off. I'm deep in Foleyville. I'm covered in cobwebs. I had a dream where a hamburger was eating me. Should go to the diner. Diner in Foleyville. Delicious. You're just everybody. You're the guy at the counter. You're the waitress. Mozzarella. Damn it.
Starting point is 00:16:19 Haha, you stink. Even in Foleyville, you stink. I need some nootropics. I need some neurol links. That's what I want to get that narrow link you get multiple neuro links They start fighting each other Cabot's talk about Shopify baby. Yeah to shop up by nobody and I mean nobody in this solar system Does selling better than Shopify, baby. If you got an online business, do yourself a favor, get Shopify, home of the number one checkout on the planet and the one not so secret with Shopify that boosts conversations to 50%, baby.
Starting point is 00:16:59 Conversions up to 50%. Conversions. People are talking about it though. That means way less, that's up. That's that's dude a room That means way less carts go and abandon away more sales going through baby Listen, we got a lot of guy a lot of lot of hustlers out there a lot of side work I like people doing is trying to make keep the plates been and do something else on the side Spot shop easy for yourself Shopify is where it's at We're a Shopify company if you've ever bought merch through my family you Shopify baby. That's it's at. We're a Shopify company. If you've ever bought merch through AYG, we use Shopify, baby.
Starting point is 00:17:25 That's, it's the easiest. It's businesses that sell more, sell on Shopify. I don't know what you're doing. If you're growing your business, your commerce platform, be ready to sell whenever and wherever your customers are going on the web, in your store, in their feed, and everywhere in between, baby. Upgrade your business and get the same checkout
Starting point is 00:17:41 as the AYG uses. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at Shopify.com slash garbage. All lowercase by the way, go to Shopify.com slash garbage to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash garbage, do it. Yeah. Kevin got time about Aura Frames, baby. Aura, aura, aura.
Starting point is 00:18:00 Big hit this holiday season was Aura Frames. Now you got St. Patrick's Day. You can get ready to go You might have missed Valentine's Day, but wow or come to come st Patrick's Day with a nice or a frame you want your loved ones to think you love them when you really don't or a Frames daddy. Oh, my mom thinks I like her and listen They are the best number one digital photo booth right there Uh-huh or a frames you throw it up on the mantle you upload the pictures Everybody gets to know what Billy Timmy Tommy Bobby everybody's doing keep up on the soccer games
Starting point is 00:18:30 Keep up on their recitals Or if you just added a bar getting hammered and you want to send something to your grandma spice it up a little bit Or if you're a bit of a freak you know send one to your gal Then you know said spread Eagle pin whatever you whatever you want to do you can do it's the frame for you daddy oh whatever you decide to upload is on you yeah it's unlimited storage all you need is the free or app and a Wi-Fi connection you can upload as many photos and videos as you want year-round right now you can save on the perfect gift
Starting point is 00:18:57 that keeps on giving by visiting or frames.com for a limited time listeners get up to $20 off their best-selling Carver Matt frame with the code garbage. That's Aura, A-U-R-A, frames.com, promo code garbage. Don't forget to mention that the boy sent you so you can support the show. Terms and conditions apply. $20 off use code garbage.
Starting point is 00:19:15 Save on the gift that keeps on giving. Exclusive $20 offer Carver Mat, auraframes.com. Use code garbage to save a check out to it. I was saying you need, I was talking today before you got in here You need some sort of psychiatrist and I have one. I'm in therapy. I understand You going well, you need one in a perfect world. I would have been a psychiatrist who? Got embedded with you like those journalists for like and like live with a tribe for like what like Shutter Island Yeah, and I just live with you and learn you and you don't know because there's no way you're completely honest
Starting point is 00:19:50 I can't watch that movie. Yeah, I am I tell him everything that's that is a complete lie Listen the fact note first of all not what listener believes that I tell him what a dickhead you are How I'm the coolest He's got no hair. I busted my chops I Didn't like Shutter Island the way they turn that on him. Hey pinhead. This isn't your movie podcast shut up Talk about movies from fucking 18 years ago. I thought he was a real FBI agent same The pajamas should have thrown me off
Starting point is 00:20:25 It's a good film. I've never seen it really. I don't like sequels Thought it was the one that came after departed though See that's comedy everyone got that alright, I can hear them laughing at home. Not your what you see. I told you that last week. Not your beach bullshit. You were pushing at the top of the program. Top of the hour. This just in, Pauly saw a movie. I did see a movie. It put you to sleep like this is putting me to sleep. That's Route 66 gang. movie we need this Ted Turner said Tina Turner said no she passed everyone pissed on this what's kippy gotta do with it? nothing on that It's a movie Song I'm sure they made a movie what's love got to do with it. That's what it was called
Starting point is 00:21:32 What her biopic was what's love got to do with it biopic biopic? That's what biopic? Got you nor a link I am back vaginal mesh Is that an actual net I Think it is it's mesh. It's like a mesh lining like a wall. Yeah, let's play. We got a pivot This is that's route 66 gang zero mention of vaginal message 66 Big man Imaginal 66 Yeah, all right and also a little bit of news update the boys are circling the wagon on a on a conversion van Yes, just trying to get that's a foregone conclusion. We're pulling the trigger. We're pulling the trigger
Starting point is 00:22:20 I'm just trying to get the loan to make sense and The accountant is giving me big pushback. Can I ask what bank we talking to? He's talking to someone for us. Touchdown Bank? TD Bank? No, he's going credit union, but then the credit... Talk to my guy over at Navy Federal, get us in there.
Starting point is 00:22:40 Getting a pontoon boat. One of those PBR jugs. From NAMM. We ended up with an old aircraft carrier. I'd be sick What did he do it all them ships down at the Philadelphia Navy Yard anyway like museums and shit, and then they sink them Do they I don't know I used I remember in the 80s driving by that be like man Even as a little kid that was the ones we weren't using You don't know don't read the Philadelphia Navy, our arms are still there. But back in the day, they had a lineup of fucking frigates
Starting point is 00:23:10 and fucking destroyers and all this kind of stuff that we weren't even using. I think some of it's still there. Get the fire, you throw a coat of paint on those things, start kicking ass. I remember this little kid being like, man. I'll be the size of one of those ones. Gibby's back.
Starting point is 00:23:31 You think? Damn. What's the what's the Newman line? That whatever? No, the one though, and they're I'm sorry, they're on the set of the Merv Griffin show. That stuff stinks worse than that suit. No, that story's done worse than that suit or whatever Look at a laugh track All right, are we can we get into the friggin questions here, guy? It's a family episode. Yeah, we got to cut me off.
Starting point is 00:24:05 I'm not cutting you off. Me off. That's not broadcast. That's not what a good executive producer should do. Not an executive producer of the program of this show. Yeah. What would you call your do? You're the host. Yeah. That's about it. I get lunch. When are Luke gets the yeah, Luke gets a lunch on my phone.
Starting point is 00:24:24 I do the coffees. I get the Starbucks order in in the way that's just cuz you like your eggies and when you get them you don't tell anybody you're getting them yeah I oh I what do you want from Starbucks yeah but you don't say I'm getting egg bites well just assume you go I'm good to coffee anybody want anything and then 58 orders of egg bites roll in no wonder there's a goddamn egg shortage He's eating them all I Looked over it looks like you want a prize it looks like you want a contest over there I like my egg bites. I can't just have coffee straight. I gotta have a little food with it. It's like an ibuprofen That's like just what that's just that's just being fat. No. Yeah, I can't have water. I get to with it I get
Starting point is 00:25:02 Being fat. No. Yeah, I can't have water. I get pizza with it. I get pizza and water. Never. Oh, man. That's a production assistant role. What is it? Coffee. Getting coffees. Nice. Yeah, production assistant and host. You're really working up the ladder. This guy's playing both sides of the ball over here. Script supervisor. You get a script? I had some my uncle asked me how much is scripted. I go we would have to be what this show I go we'd have to be the greatest actors of all time to make it seem like that nor that normal natural and bad and good at the same time like what do you think I'm doing you
Starting point is 00:25:40 we studied Shakespeare I studied Shakespeare yeah it shows Thank you do bomb or not the bomb Yeah, what a good time over there asshole, I'm having fun that good me too Love you, buddy as a producer. That's pretty good. Call me tonight. What are you doing tonight? By the way? I'm actually I'm working on an episode really yeah of what this show Could you we stink no can I help you I'm trying to get to the fucking program let's go what a fun one all right what do you got me first question yeah I got nothing ah you got the laptop the laptop I thought I we've I thought it was laptop because scientists used it.
Starting point is 00:26:29 That's what I thought. A laptop. I still say laptop, but no, I say it quick enough that no one. Desktop. Laptop. That's a laptop. When they get rid of those towers, that blew my mind. Where's the computer? I do. I thought just the screen. I ordered one at a Best Buy catalog. It came in the mail
Starting point is 00:26:45 And I was it was on there. It was on our coffee table at that house at that apartment. I lived it in the Heights Yeah, I was flipping through like a hard like a this isn't that long ago Oh, no, you bought a computer out of a magazine uh-huh, and I was like it was 199 I went online, but it did the magnitude of the catalog the little pamphlet sold me you know what I mean Desktop or laptop it was a desktop, but the tower was like this bit You know what I mean a little banger, and I was like I might as well be Bill Gates with this thing all you other idiots that around have a lot I got high speed power
Starting point is 00:27:22 And I didn't have internet so I had to get a wireless router for the desktop and that Never worked. It couldn't make it do those hard priests those pre-war walls. It's all lead-paint And I had a horrible signal I couldn't I'll gotta get a booster for that stuff This was this was I mean, I got a booster at my house Because the signal wasn't going through your only thing that ever worked out with technology where I handled it Which I the broad kind of handled it, but so you didn't do it I didn't hook it up They didn't do anything I bought it and we brought it to the house and I'm like there's no way this shit's gonna work
Starting point is 00:27:59 fucking Yeah, little relay a little daisy chain cooking. Uh-huh. I had to throw one of my videos on to test it out. You got the coffles on, bitch. Babe, let me see if it gets, sure, it'll play your stupid YouTube videos, but can it handle the ultimate 8K 3D ultra suck down? A little trip to Anelville. The goddamn family program we're doing here. I apologize. You're all of a sudden talking about Peepees and WooWoo's.
Starting point is 00:28:32 You know what I mean? Keep the WooWoo's. Goddamn. Peepees for me. Can I help you? I do sometimes think that like, you know, early, even in like the 80s, right? Or 70s, whatever. Now you only have to go back to like the 1400s. But like, think about a guy in the 1200s, whatever, 1600s, he's probably seen nine wangs his whole life.
Starting point is 00:29:05 Probably saw his dad's, his brother's, the neighbor's, somebody at like the doctor or something like that. Think about how many hogs you've seen. It's gotta be in the bajillions. Millions. Yeah. So it's like, isn't that insane? Like our brains were never conditioned to see that many hogs bigger than ours should have blinders on you know, they keep my eye on my own paper
Starting point is 00:29:29 Everybody's got their own test. Like a big man All right, you're taking us down into you know Dirty talk all of a sudden you start talking about dark ages wieners Which I didn't realize they were that long what the dark age are you by the way the dark ages I thought it was like a couple of years hundreds hundreds yeah what this is nuts and I know I'm wrong I thought it was like 200 years.
Starting point is 00:30:05 It's a thousand years. A thousand? So what? 500 to 1500. But apart from the long time now that I'm thinking about this and I'm about to say it out loud, I know it's wrong. But the sun was out, right? Why is it the dark age?
Starting point is 00:30:18 I don't really know. It was cold. Cold? It was cold. Is that true? No, it was just when... No, it was cold. It that true? No, it's just when. No, it was cold. It was also the coldest period of app.
Starting point is 00:30:28 It was the coldest period after the last ice age. It was freezing. Couldn't get a bowl of soup. Talk about hunkering. Talk about shutting it down. It's dark. I picture like Alaska. That's a lot of DVDs. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:46 Yeah, that's right. I picture like Alaska in the summer. Must have had a lot of DVDs. Yeah. I picture everybody went to sleep. But I thought it was like 200 years. Wait, 500 AD? Uh, yeah. So you're telling me 500 years after the birth of Christ, Europe just shut down? Yeah. Nobody knows what was going on.
Starting point is 00:31:02 Give me a rundown of what the Dark Ages are, please. Well, it's marked by economic, intellectual, and cultural decline. What's that? So they got worse. Yes, because everyone was just warring at the time. Warring, like fighting wars. Yeah. What do you mean, general?
Starting point is 00:31:15 Who says that? Hey, Bozo, I'll try to church it up. Hey, Fortnite, shut up. This is pre the Renaissance, right? Yeah, the Renaissance came after. Before the Medici got on the scene. Yeah. With all that cash. Big banks.
Starting point is 00:31:30 Woo-wee! You know the Medici? I pronounce Medici, but yeah. I don't know what the proper pronunciation is. I believe it's the Medici family. Is it? Yeah. Yeah, Medici. That makes scooters, right?
Starting point is 00:31:41 That's something you get at the Minute Clinic. Hello. All right, let's quick just quit jerk jerking around here I was ready for more dark ages talk to be honest with you. I for sure thought it was like another Thousand years I thought it was like a big eclipse or something the Renaissance starts around 1300 so there's a little overlap between so that's them coming out of the redness is them coming out of the dark ages Yes, what was up for what was. Yeah. What was going on? What was everybody doing during the dark ages? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:08 Fighting fighting. Yeah. But I thought we lost a bunch of records and stuff like that. Oh, yeah. Because everyone was fighting and burn everything. Where's my Pearl Jam album? That's crazy. That's not that long ago.
Starting point is 00:32:24 I mean, it ain't last week. But in the grand scheme of things that ain't that long ago. I mean, how big are we going grand scheme of things? As long as the planet's been spinning. Okay, sure. Millions of years. Universe been around 6 billion, something like that. Okay, maybe more It's a lot That's an in quantifiable in anybody's head. So it doesn't really mean anything Yes, it does mean something to me. What's it mean to you the intelligentsia of the day? Carl Sagan and the likes really fucking metadici or would you miss pronounced it a little metadici on my lip And a little neospore for a little herpes
Starting point is 00:33:04 simplex to or whatever That's we gotta get a big big we gotta get into big pharma That's what you really gotta sell out getting a big party get a bell trick get me they probably cut us like fucking Crazy check a month. We just like every episode we start dabbing it on your herpes I got a bag in a log. I got a long finger just fucking hey you have a buddy who has herpes Help them out help a brother out. I'll be gross Use Valtryek All right, that's not paid. That'd be great if that was paid. We just seamlessly slipped it in that was paid advertising pretty good
Starting point is 00:33:41 All right listen a big tobacco is out there. Give me a call. Can you do that on YouTube? Probably I don't think I don't think they're allowed to they're allowed. They're not a lot of guys at all. No kidding. Yeah, huh? They're not print ads any like that. No, that stops in the late 90s. I that's all word of mouth boards. Everything's pretty good You got a product that speaks for itself I think of the millions Pepsi's dumping in advertising every year Newport ain't spending a dime And they keep you coming back All right, let's try again
Starting point is 00:34:24 This one's just funny. This is from loggerhead o tool ever call shotgun while being taken into police custody I call shot a Man, that's that's a good time. I'm making a cop laugh is pretty cops gotta laugh at that There's I mean if your cop ain't laughing at that. She just killed three people They're throwing the even in a little leaven. He changes every situation They're thought if they if that's if they don't laugh that cops testifying and he's throwing though They're throwing the book at you that you're going to a paint. He's making jokes your honor when I was booking them Yeah, that's a good time that isn isn't all right. All right. This one's from Jesse. This is
Starting point is 00:35:07 a $10 hoagie. Never had one read. Is it garbage if you refer to something that is transparent as see-through? That's the dumbest way to say that. And I for sure say see-through for everything. I don't I think I've only said transparent in science class when I learned what transparent was transparent and translucent Translucents kind of right. Yeah, you feel like a smart guy. Yeah, like like a worm would be translucent a worm like insects I believe gummy worm. No like insects. I believe are described like wax paper would be translucent I'm not saying that's not a possibility I believe the term is just translucent or not only for jellyfish or translucent
Starting point is 00:35:44 There you go. You got on board with me instead of fucking shutting me down. Well, she family loved him. What? Give me the difference between translucent and trans gender. You know how I know the Medici? It's from one of my favorite poems by Edwin Rames, DG Medici. Miniver Chivi is the name of the poem. Edwin Rommers DG Medici Miniver Chivi, it's the name of the poem Edwin Robinson
Starting point is 00:36:07 Transparent objects allow light to pass through completely while translucent objects allow some light to pass through But objects on the other side are not as clear a little cloudy. That's yeah. Yeah, that's I dude also known as a beat bag the hell is That in class Also known as a beat bag the hell is in class Speaking uh, I that reminds me the first time I don't know if you remember this is the I remember the first two-way mirror I ever saw Was it the rich barrel wah-wah and it because then the office had the two-way mirror out to the floor
Starting point is 00:36:41 It blew my hey Carl fat out to the floor. It blew my car. Oh, fat. Oh, Carl. He's doing it again. No, fat ass. I'm just mustard. Oh, Carl, that kid's back. And I remember I remember the way the light you could look and kind of see through, obviously.
Starting point is 00:37:03 And I had the money. Yeah. And I'd be fucking I'd like kind of slowly walk by like this to see if anybody would get real cool I do this and get real close fucking chibi. I'd be what you got back there. Oh little fucking Hooters Hooters calendar This is the 90s got a calculator Yeah, I was that was that was like and whenever I walked in it was like I was playing a game of I don't know. Can you see me? Can you not say am I looking at you? Are you looking at me? I'm a cat and mouse. Mine was in drug stores in in pharmacies in the front where the manager's office is. It was like a tower. Where the manager's office is it was like a tower and it had the see-through the double mirror
Starting point is 00:37:48 And then it also had that big Like concave convex sure check your six. Yeah I I was like they were watching me I don't know why uh-huh fucking creeps. Yeah, I used to have a little i'm a child the one at the supermarket had Uh a little like they had the front desk and then the little office right behind that and that had the door that was always locked. That's where they kept the safe and the money or whatever. Cash always locked and the heaters too. Probably now they were floating around floating.
Starting point is 00:38:17 Okay. Um and they had that little two-way and you guys whatever 16 hormones were cooking and the hot manager was like you have to go in there to count your till. Yeah. She'd go in there alone and she'd get locked the door. I'd be in there fucking fighting off this. It's like every one of my fantasies.
Starting point is 00:38:41 The doors locked someone might be peeping at the two-way mirror. I can see out they can't see in You know a cash line around avocados are going up Is the can can sale still going on can't but talk about true work Oh, you mean the truest work and true work is hell-bent on creating the most technical high-performance Workwear in the world and they have done it true work story begins in the Colorado mountains where a trade worker knew that there had to be a better solution than a wet heavy gear That was weighing them down at work. So we came up with true work, baby. Let's go true work Send us some great gear high quality shout out to him
Starting point is 00:39:22 I mean they sent us this like overcoat like this, you know, all weather all everything, buddy. I mean, the Hudson River I bounce right back and be ready to record a podcast. You wouldn't even know you want to show up on the job site looking fresh. And work every true work product is engineered for maximum comfort protection efficiency with minimum bulk or extra weight. I put it on your phone, you stick move, right? You can read if you're a construction
Starting point is 00:39:49 worker. High performance. Yes. Denim and cotton canvas haven't changed much over 200 years. TruWork upgrades traditional classics by using the same fabrics worn by the outdoor athletes, baby. Soft, stretchy, sweat wicking, soft shell work pants are major upgrade over wet, heavy jeans or thongeries.. windproof waterproof shells. I'm talking high quality stuff over here. true work has over 50,000 five star reviews and countless stories from trade pros in every state every job site across the country. Upgrade with true work major change in the way you work.
Starting point is 00:40:19 Check out the full the full lineup and get 15% off your first order at true work.com slash garbage at truework.com slash garbage at 50% off at truework t-r-u-e-w-e-r-k dot com slash garbage doing. Yeah. Kev, let's talk about Helix mattresses. Shout out to Helix. Let's talk about just the best in the biz and an OG podcast sponsor. Sleep Like a King.
Starting point is 00:40:40 Sponsor, I got the California King over there. I just flipped it around, put some fresh sheets on it. Man, you sleep like an angel and those things and I'm no angel I'll tell you that and I'll tell you what you don't gotta waste time at some mattress store with helix You go on the website there. You take a quiz takes about two three minutes They find out how you sleep whether you sleep heavy sleep light whether you sleep on your side on your back hot cool Whatever it is They got you covered and they will match you with the absolute perfect mattress and The last mattress you're ever gonna own cuz once you go helix you never go fleelix
Starting point is 00:41:10 I gotta be honest with you. You might never get me out of a helix. I mean obviously No, that's the mattress here on now. Obviously we got the promo code So, you know you save a couple of bucks at but it's like I Mean I've never had an adult grown up mattress that made me, that gave me, I haven't slept like that, I've slept like a baby. So I, you know, sleeping like a pauper on a used mattress that you found off the G train.
Starting point is 00:41:34 Might as well be on a wet sack, you know, shopping Helix. Go to helixsleep.com slash garbage for 20% off site wide plus two free dream pillows with mattress purchase plus free bedding bundle, which is two dream pillows, a sheet set and a mattress protector with any Lux or elite mattress order. Daddy, I might have to go get a new one for 27% off. That's heelofsleep.com slash garbage for 20% off state wide plus two free dream pillows with mattress purchase plus free bedding bundle, two dream pillows,
Starting point is 00:42:02 sheet set and mattress protector with any Lux or Elite mattress order. You'll see if that comes as garbage doing back to the show back to the show. Have I asked you this have you I don't know hit me. Have you ever taken us? Have you ever asked a girl out and got shot down like straight up? Have I asked you this? No, that was never. You never put yourself out there like that technology had changed so like you didn't have to like ask out
Starting point is 00:42:28 in person like there was like text like you there was other ways to build a relationship and rapport rather than just going like like you're bumpy or you're at you're at I bumped into her at the CVS you wanna go out Tuesday night? It was more like hanging and
Starting point is 00:42:44 what are you doing? So and so like we're having people over it was more communal. Yeah, gotcha I mean were you going out on dates at the top like In like seventh and eighth grade I had I had to do that a couple of times Yeah, I would step I seven and eighth grade there was already cell phone ish or there was no well instant mess like that's where the Relationships were breeding these you dish you had a walk-in chat rooms You had a walk-in take a shot and man's swinging a man You and your boys would talk about it for like a month. It's a three two pitch boom. He's hitting ahead Yeah, let's get a get a get a get a plan together. Hey you want to go to the mall on Saturday
Starting point is 00:43:23 No, I don't think so. Okay, cool Yeah me either heard a burn down anyway, bitch Yeah, now we never yeah, we would ask to like skate would like that the roller skating thing that would be like Oh, you want to skate? I don't think I ever got shut down but like Only you ever skated with like maybe one or two girls I never got shot down at a dance As in some broader she wanted to take a turn on the rug At the Catholic school dance CYO dances we used to do yeah, we didn't they were they were phased out
Starting point is 00:43:53 I'm at my brother going to them and me being like you're a fucking porn star That was for like that was like boogie nights to me Fuck 13 year old, but they were putting cologne on and going to go into the cologne chains sweaters and a pay to get it was like three dollars to get a lot of a lot of this might as well be studio 54 it was dark and darker shit in there you were either making a move or you were fighting the Italian kids out front it was crazy I can kids at mustaches and shit. Hey Luigi, it's like I'm watch Golden Girls All right, let's see Charlie's is still open. Are you garbage if growing up?
Starting point is 00:44:33 You had a small unsuspecting kitchen knife in your home and a parent constantly tells you be careful with that one That's the sharpest knife in the house. That's dead on dude That is so good. That's the real one right there. Uh huh. Big cat one will get you. You gotta be aware. It's not the big one. It's that one. It was one sharp knife. Yeah, a little paring knife or something. Everything else you'd slice your finger off. Sure. Dull as **** Uh huh. Woo! Yeah, that's a good, that's like a very dirt bag paranoid anxiety, anxiety-ridden warning there. For sure.
Starting point is 00:45:06 Be careful with that one. That's the sharp one. Uh-huh. Get out of there. That'll get you. What are you doing in the steak knife drawer? Mm-hmm. Which, by the way, my mom's got the same set of steak knives and cutlery.
Starting point is 00:45:19 Kitchen knives, steak knives and kitchen knives, I mean, they gotta be older than me. They're wooden-handled. The finish is off. These things are getting waterlogged. I love those though. They're great. They're cutco. I mean, they might be a pyramid scheme, but they put together, they used to put together a hell of a product. That's just, you put them in the dishwasher
Starting point is 00:45:38 for all those years, it takes the fucking lacquer out of it. Oh, dude, it looks like 2x4 wood. That's how weathered it is. It looks like it's been submerged. It looks like they pulled it out, they fished it out of it. Oh, dude, it looks like two by four wood. That's how that's how weathered it. It looks like it's been submerged. It looks like they pulled it out. They fished it out of these river. It's old stuff.
Starting point is 00:45:52 The little knots have like the little like rivets have a little bit of rust on them, run into the wood. Yeah, those things are I didn't know when I was a kid. I didn't know what I was doing. I remember cutting shit with the fucking bread knife. Like, you know, the serrated edge. Oh, that's all I used exclusively till I got to be honest with you as you know I'm not I was never very cultured
Starting point is 00:46:09 I mean I was I was I just used my fork for most of the stuff to just you know Get some torque on that thing and say no you get good meat Yeah, but I would have never before I never we never had meals where you would get us that I remember I'd be like Oh, here's a steak. Oh, we did nice Sunday dinner London broil Big potato wrapped in a fucking tin foil Never I mean, I think I just always used a fucking Butter knife told Patty that's what I want for my birthday. I don't know if I mentioned this to you a London broil
Starting point is 00:46:42 No, I want to make I wanted, I wanted to cook a fucking nice dinner with like fucking baked potato wrapped in tin foil in the oven. Doesn't sound that nice. I mean, if that's the first thing you're listening to. That's one of the sides. Coleslaw. What kind? So what's the entree?
Starting point is 00:46:59 Meatloaf. I want a meatloaf. And who's all at this dinner? Just you? Now get out Now get your stupid is out of my face. Don't come back for three hours No me herskin this you to me her DeBroad and And and you know my brother and the kids or whatever and you know the rest of the family if they want to come over
Starting point is 00:47:21 That's just I mean that was like such a loose list of people man It's just me him and whoever else wants to go to the immediate squad. I'm asking don't get no the immediate My family my name wasn't on that list. That's I feel like I'm pretty fucking it I should be at least he's like I'm gonna produce the dinner some and I want her to make one of those Buttercream cakes that she used to make back in a day. You're trying to get her back in action Yeah, everybody involved. And green beans with a chocolate sauce. No, green beans with, do you ever do this?
Starting point is 00:47:52 Green beans with bread crumbs with Italian seasoning on them. No. They used to be popping back in the day. My brother just made them. That's what made me think of it. That makes sense. Oh, so good. We used to do, man, I love that. I guess they
Starting point is 00:48:06 were green giant that can green beans that are like waterlogged. I love those. And you didn't like them. Oh, I loved them to the point where like, that was the only vegetable for a solid seven. What about wax beans? Did you wax beans? My mom? My mom didn't like beans. So we never I didn't have no there's green there green beans, but they're white. I don't know why they're in a train loose in no way. It looks like a worm Jellyfish no I uh no fight man. I love love loved a waterlogged friggin green bean I'm with you. Yeah, they're good as shit a little pat of butter on them
Starting point is 00:48:41 In a cereal bowl and on the table good night that my my grandma Babs rest in peace made some sort of hooch in the tub no she made some sort of creamy the corn she put out I don't know if there was sugar in corn I don't know what I can't imagine you eating cream let me get I don't think it was cream I don't even know what cream corn is. Let me get eyes on cream corn. It's old school No, not cream corn not not cream corn though is something and it was in a little bit of something Man going over there That was all right
Starting point is 00:49:24 Hit me with a crescent roll and I'm out. Mm hmm. This one's from Mid Atlantic Dirt Bag. Great name. I took me so long to learn what the Mid Atlantic was too. It's East Coast. The Mid Atlantic. Yeah, the. Boston to Baltimore. I don't think Mid Atlantic's
Starting point is 00:49:38 Boston, is it? No. I think it's like Jersey to North Carolina. I think it's Mid Atlantic. Like it's the middle of the country. Right? Shout out to it. What do you got there, Larkus Patarkus? I'm putting a kid to work this episode.
Starting point is 00:49:53 Wi-Fi is so slow. Sorry. I like to see it. Yeah, now you want faster Wi-Fi. New Jersey, Maryland. That what your friend said? New Jersey, Maryland, Delaware, West Virginia, District of Columbia, and Pennsylvania.
Starting point is 00:50:05 Yeah. Ah, very nice. The Mid-Atlantic accent. It's a good group of states. Not bad. Whatever. Mid-Atlantic dirt bag, $10, homie. Couple months in, never had one red.
Starting point is 00:50:17 Is it garbage if you pour your salsa into the jar's lid and scoop out the salsa with chips from the lid? Whoa. That's pretty good. Saving the kn lid. Whoa. That's pretty good. Saving the knuckles. Yeah, right? Can you get a better, you can come in from the side rather than the top and try to hook it up
Starting point is 00:50:34 like you're moving a couch down a flight of stairs. I respect the move. But I feel, I feel that a pour would be better then. You take it out and you put a little on the lid, put the jar down get your chip load it up I Don't hate it keep your thingies clean But at that point I go just grab a bowl or a plate or something
Starting point is 00:50:53 You know if you're doing that if you're having the forethought sure just roll with they gotta wash that shit Lid you just put that back on throw it right in the back of the fridge Yeah, but I mean I sure younger me would have done that. I'm at the point now where I'm like, I'll I have a wife who will do the dishes. I'm kidding. I I'll I'll get a bowl out. They enjoy it like a gentleman.
Starting point is 00:51:15 Did you have a timeline on your salsa? No, so it could have been in there for a while like the half jar in the back where the tomatoes crusted around the rim. You're still going in on that. I know I'm not going in. It's it's in there. I'm probably not going in on it. Okay. I
Starting point is 00:51:33 would just go. I don't know how long that's been. I'm going to grab a new one. Okay. There's also like because I have that with relish that goes. Sure. I mean if I lose focus on relish I'm out. relish in your fridge that off. We eat chips or something. It's too nice Cold brew Yeah, I got relish like that. I you don't have relish. You don't relish in your refrigerator. No
Starting point is 00:52:02 American you don't have a thing around in your refrigerator? No. American. You don't have a thing of relish. What have I eaten? Hot dogs. How many hot dogs? I would argue, buddy, I would argue. The last time you went and got out, you bought hot dogs at the store. I'm not making hot dogs at the house. Really? Not every night. Enough to have relish on hand. No kidding. You just went, oh, when you make hot dogs, obviously. That one time you bought hot dogs, you get a thing of relish, a fresh thing of relish. I don't know when the last time you think I bought, I am having in-house hot dogs.
Starting point is 00:52:33 No kidding. That's also like insane because then it's, you're like, I'm gonna buy it for two, I'm gonna buy a jar for two spoonfuls. You just go with whatever else you got. Oh, hot sauce or something, Sriracha. That's one thing I wanted to ask you. That was on my list of questions I had recently.
Starting point is 00:52:47 Oh yeah? Do you think, has there ever been a bottle of Sriracha in Patty's refrigerator? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha bottle of sriracha. I don't think I would bet my mom don't even know what it is. Yeah, Patty wouldn't know what sriracha was. She don't go down the international aisle, you know what I mean? Not going down the ethnic food aisle. La Choy? Hey, shoot it in the looks of me. No way.
Starting point is 00:53:19 My dad, they actually did. They loved it. Sriracha? No, but they would do like a stir-fry every once in a while That shit got big in the 80s. Yeah, I remember my was big I was I remember my dad buying a walk and I remember I There goes the country here goddamn veteran Fucking bending the knee What we fought for free fucking you know by a walk buy a lock? Nah, he loved it, man.
Starting point is 00:53:45 And he used way too much oil. It was, and I don't know what kind of oil he used. He's in like a bocce ship. Oh! Smoke alarms going off and shit. Yeah, he loved that shit. He would love a stir fry. He loved the water chestnuts, the La Choy water chestnuts.
Starting point is 00:54:01 I think that's the company's name, La Choy. I think, yeah, L.A. Choy. Oh, they always look so good. It was so 80, it was like 80 single lady that worked at our office. Trying to be, yeah. You know, look at me. Loved it. I just learned about this.
Starting point is 00:54:15 So good, that and the crispy noodles, the La Choy crispy noodles. The only hot sauce that ever really cracked was Tabasco, that was it, and that was strictly forco. That was it. That was strictly for my stepdad's eggs. Was Tabasco. That was, and I mean-
Starting point is 00:54:30 That's real stepdad. It must have been in there for 15, same bottle, 15 years. Yeah, there was no hot sauce, I don't think, in our house. My stepdad, I guess one of his boys introduced them to Franks. And that hit probably when I was in early college Late high school there a bottle of Frank's came in yeah We got it now, and I was like I does a first hot sauce I like really had and trials and us this great, and then they started that Frank's I put that shit on everything that hit
Starting point is 00:54:58 So I then was in college. I became a big Frank's guide sriracha then as well moseyed in but in college I became a big Frank's guy. Sriracha then as well, moseyed in but... Sriracha was way too much for me to handle at first. That shit was a spicy. I remember someone... Sineke Ketchup. I remember we did a show... Fuck that. This is so uncouth. I did a show where they fed you it was that a it was at a I like a ray It was like dinner in a show and the chef was pretty good It was good load him up on pasta before you bring out the comedic stylings of Kevin Ryan Did they gave you the best baby gave me they gave me twice baked sriracha potatoes?
Starting point is 00:55:48 Dude, I had never had sriracha. This is I'm probably 20 22 23 24 Oh I'm up there. I remember I was wearing a sweater as we're in a polo sweater I ate these sriracha potatoes and then went right on stage I was wet. I remember my neck got itchy everything I broke out in hives my American bloodstream couldn't handle the foreign sriracha anybody else's throat closing up? Hot in here is it? Are you sure I wasn't at that show?
Starting point is 00:56:46 You might have popped by. You might have came and watched me. I was pretty big in the scene back then. You remember that? Remember it was our buddy's show. Yeah, it was great show, fun show. And the chef, it was like a small little restaurant and they would do dinner in a show.
Starting point is 00:57:02 And he was like a prefix. You would just go and get whatever they were making I think it was meatloaf and fucking twice baked sriracha potatoes man, I Remember had a pair of new Chuck Taylors on too It was cold as shit. My feet were freezing. I couldn't find barking close to Close to the venue. Hey the parent Chuck's in the winter Close to the venue. Take a pair of chucks in the winter.
Starting point is 00:57:24 You're losing a tongue. I may or may not have had socks on too and I had to walk like six blocks. This is in Contra, Hawken. I had to walk like six blocks up a hill. Icy conditions. Saturday night show. Saturday night paid gig. Plus a pretty good sriracha.
Starting point is 00:57:40 Introduce you to sriracha. I might as well be in the tonight show. Was that chick cold again? No, Patty, you know, there's in a bottle of sriracha in that Patty's household. No What what's it called? Also, look up how long sriracha will last because I'm Sometimes mine's been in there a minute. I buy a big bottle and I go through phases where I'm crushing it, I'm doing it on everything. And other times I'll go six, eight months not using it.
Starting point is 00:58:08 And that thing gets real thin and watery at the bottom. I got one now that's like, it might as well be, looks like fucking, looks like Kool-Aid. Two years in the fridge after opening. I think I'm probably- How about out of the fridge? Six months. No shit on that heat, on that peppers.
Starting point is 00:58:25 Oh God, alright here, let's see. This one's from Robert. $10 homey never had one read. Is it garbage to eat Tums in the first grade thinking you're doing drugs with your friends? What the fuck? Turns out later in life some of them had serious drug issues. That's just like that's. I thought they were candy. Your parents are bad when I had it.
Starting point is 00:58:49 We're like there's too much. You're you're learning about drugs and drinking at too young of an age. If you're going, let's do drugs in first grade. Sure. Same with drinking, where we were like, let's steal a beer. We were too young. It was too commonplace. Mm hmm. My family don't do shit without drinking.
Starting point is 00:59:11 There's not like it's all we get. What time is this? What time are you going? Do you want to stop and get beers before? It's just it's all drinking. Sure. And it's permeated my life. But mid-Atlantic lifestyle.
Starting point is 00:59:24 Sure. But that means that kids seeing that. Drinking sure and it's permeated my life mid-atlantic lifestyle But that that means that kids seeing that so are watching the wrong movies or something You're trying to do drugs in first grade not even trying you're doing you think you're doing them On some fucking tropical breeze Tums You ain't lying. I'm at the age and of the health where I have Tom's everywhere Yeah, I got him in the travel bag. I got one at the house. I got one in the burbs I make sure there's one down the shore. I make sure there's one at my mount like wherever I might be crashing that night. Mm-hmm I get my hands all Tumski's I surprisingly don't you should very open burping as you said that yeah But not heartburn II
Starting point is 01:00:08 I've not hurt burn a while But really haven't I really ever done to control great. Just a good thing Sure, my gastro guy Watch that get Barrett's esophagus. It's no good. Have a little tiny bit of that. So it's not good So it's not good. So it's not good. I gotta keep it under control. Okay.
Starting point is 01:00:27 Alright. Alright, spin zone. Woo, and we're out. I think that was a spin zone. You just said I'm doing good. I mean, before I get Barrett's esophagus, then I have Barrett's esophagus. You gotta keep an eye on it. It went from, I'm super healthy, I don't want to get this very bad thing, to I have the bad thing. I have a little piece of it, a little bit. Which I gotta really watch. It's not a bit of bitcoin. Oh, you got a little taste thing too. I have the bad thing. I have a little piece of it, a little bit. Which I gotta really watch. It's not if it's not Bitcoin.
Starting point is 01:00:46 Oh, you got a little taste on it. Alex Arpe? Sure. All right, let's see here. This one, what do you got? Also called GERD. Oh, it's- I have GERD. No, Barrett's esophagus is-
Starting point is 01:01:01 So the GI tract doesn't sound great. Oh, Barrett's esophagus is. So, the GI tract doesn't sound great. Oh, Barrett's esophagus is caused by Gerd. Yes. Yeah. I have Gerd. And a little Barrett's esophagus. How do you have a little of it? Cuz he's lying, dude. He's got
Starting point is 01:01:17 it. I'm not. It's spin. That's what I'm talking about. The spin. You keep saying a little bit. A little bit. I have a little bit. We've talked about this on the on the on the Patreon when I got my colonoscopy and my endoscopy. And so I really I really have to be careful that I don't get heartburn.
Starting point is 01:01:29 OK, so I've been on top of it. So I haven't needed any Tums. OK, sounds good. Thank you. So that relish you're eating old relish. Well, my point with that was if I lose sight of the relish, I got to get a new one. Yeah, there's certain condiments that if you lose, if you go, I don't remember, was this last year, six months, was it months was it a week ago you try you just got to start over mayonnaise You just got to start fresh Mayonnaise salsa queso you got to start fresh sure because those are those are those things that you only eat when the other
Starting point is 01:01:56 They're only applicable at certain times. Yes, the salsa the con queso the fucking the relish You're only eating that when you have a bag of chips when you have the hot dogs crazy That's crazy. Maybe why you have that's why you have Barrett's you're doing homegrown hot The hot dogs are meant to be at a barbecue at a ballgame from a fucking cart vendor You shouldn't be doing hot dog. I get that. They're good. I Then this you know I can't take the blame here as a kid. I ate too love hot dogs. I ate, I ate, then this, you know, I can't take the blame here. I was a kid, I ate too many hot dogs when I was a kid.
Starting point is 01:02:27 I've eaten too many hot dogs as an adult. I get that, you shouldn't be, that's not a meal you should be eating in-house. You don't like making dogs at the house? That's crazy. I do, Trent, there's nothing more. You and the wife have never gone your way to the grocery store.
Starting point is 01:02:40 What do you wanna have tonight? Let's do hot dogs. Let's do hot dogs. Get a thing of Bush's beans. Get a pack of buns. Some relish. I understand what hot dogs are. You don't have to. No, no one's ever met my wife. No. Some chips and hot dogs.
Starting point is 01:02:55 Chips and hot dogs? Crack heads? That's what homeless people have for dinner. Chips and hot dogs. homeless people have for dinner. What are you talking about? Chips and hot dogs. Potato chips. Kettle cooked. You don't like chips and hot dogs? Listen, stop saying you don't.
Starting point is 01:03:12 I like chips and hot dog. I do like chips and I do like hot dog. That is not up for debate. I like a big bacon cheese dog. I like hot dogs. I'm saying, I think at 50, you shouldn't be making them for dinner. I'm saying I think at 50, you shouldn't be making
Starting point is 01:03:27 them for dinner. I think in the house. This hasn't been recently. Still got the relish. You still got the relish. We're fucked. We are all over Foleyville. You don't know when you're getting a straight answer, what you're getting, what
Starting point is 01:03:40 you're not. I'm shooting you straight. I like hot dogs. I'm I'm not saying to not like hot dogs. I'm saying hot dogs in the house with your wife when you live in New York City. I just got an official ruling. You think that's crazy making hot dogs for dinner. I think it's very trashy. Yes in Manhattan.
Starting point is 01:03:54 Yes, I don't live in Manhattan. Okay, Queens in an apartment building. It is Queens. That's like Christmas dinner. I think if listen, I think if you're I think if you're single there's less people not eating hot dogs than I do. I think if you're single, fantastic bachelor meal
Starting point is 01:04:13 of like, hey, I can get these. I can have a meal for four or five, six bucks, whatever it is stuff up on them. Well, I'm not saying don't eat hot dog. Eat all the dogs you want. I feel yeah, I don't know. it's it's a trashy meal to eat in-house those that's an outside food right okay so I'm saying I
Starting point is 01:04:34 think that's I think it's a fair assessment okay I mean you're making me feel like I'm fucking like a John D Rockefeller over here by saying I'm not frying fucking hot dogs in my studio apartment with my wife and eating a small bag of potato chips. You got a studio? Doing pretty good. You got a railroad shared. Alright, let's see here.
Starting point is 01:04:58 We got time for one more. This one, this is, uh, Has ever spent the whole day at Disney World come back to your hotel room with a note that says remember Mickey says no smoking inside the hotel room PS my grandpa crumbled up the letter and said I'll be damned if some mouse tells me where I can't smoke That's an old-school kind of guy Disney man. They don't they don't they're always selling it sure Mickey say Forget it's what Mickey says He's gonna break your fucking legs. I listen here old-timer. He keeps smoking heaters in here, and you have to balcony
Starting point is 01:05:33 Yeah, that's uh that's great, but dad he says is late not late 90s is a little late for that That's right on the cuff. That's when a grandfather late night of you know, I'm smoking wherever I grew up. I've been smoking wherever I've been smoking for 35 years. Yeah, I'm smoking in this hotel room. Late 90s, you were still
Starting point is 01:05:52 smoking in restaurants. Yeah, borderline where? I'm just saying, yeah, it's like a lot of places we're changing at that time. Yeah. Late 90s, early 2000s when everything started at least in this area started changing. New York was no smoking in California was no smoke.
Starting point is 01:06:06 I believe you can't smoke inside anymore. There's kids in there. Sure smoking or not catching. It's a candy store. Sir catching skitties, but we gotta wrap it up. What a fun one gang. We love you to death. Make sure you check out the Route 66 special when it comes
Starting point is 01:06:22 out February 25th. Yes, and we're all over the road. The back on the block tour tickets are moving. Shows are selling out and as we're doing one run. So we're gonna can't add shows everywhere. So get your tickets now. Don't snooze cuz you're gonna lose. We love you. See you next week. Peace.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.