Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Stealing from the Mini-Bar: Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: February 11, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with some garbage stories and to answer some of your questions! They talk vacations, shopping, weddings and more! Its a fun one!  Card Game: https://areyougarbage.bigcartel.com Bonus Episodes: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage​ https://stereo.com/kevinryan​​​ https://kushydreams.com T-Shirts: https://www.PodcastMerch.com​​​ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/​​​ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. God damn it, this is Are You Garbage? The show, we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find out if they grew up classy or if they're just a big old piece of shit.

I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a gorgeous day down here in Tony's basement. She's upstairs right now, crushing up and snorting her gout medication. And I got to tell you, not a bad high, all right? It's pretty good. Want to give a quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire real quick, switching it up a little bit. He is the, he's the magic man, okay? And for a limited time right now, you can get him with a cup of coffee and a hash brown.

Ladies and gentlemen, give it the fuck up for Toby T-Bone McMuffin. McMuffin, everybody. Look at that. Dude, your fucking mission in life is to ruin my internet reputation. Yeah. All my DMs are fucking horrific nickname. Buddy, the fucking dude, the Toby McMuffin ain't going anywhere. It's T-Bone McMuffin.

And the t-shirts are going to be a t-shirt on top of a McMuffin. I can already see it now. Coming with a side of slaw. Look at him over there. Gang, it's a fucking family episode today. No company. We're circling the wagons right now. It's just me, you, the boys, the whole fucking squad.

We're here together. So let me introduce to you my co-host extraordinaire. This gentleman drives a late model sedan. And I got to tell you, he looks the part. Yeah. Just got back from a hot weekend at the spa out there in Kingston, PA. That hot bed for fucking couple's relaxation. He's a polka note kid.

Give it up for our good pal, Kippy, Kevin, James, Ryan. Hey, gang. Happy to be here. Thanks for having me, big man. I appreciate it. Buddy, it's just you and me. It's family time right now. Right now.

This is it, huh? Yeah. Be happy loving family. You ever have that where you were supposed to go over to your friend's house or something like that? And his dad's like, you know, nah, it's just family tonight. You ever get that? Do that?

I think they just didn't want you rooting through the pantry. If you ask me, don't let that foley bozo come over. It's all the pretzel rods. This kid goes through the roto. What's up, everybody? Thanks for listening. Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube.

Yes. You know what? Those numbers are true to fucking reeve. But they could be higher. It could be higher. We got contractors. According to notes, I got back from Foley this weekend. Don't go with YouTube.

I don't want to see any slow, slowth and growth. You know what I mean? Come on, gang. And then, obviously, if you want bonus content, you can sign up at patreon.com. Oh, yeah. You can get bonus episodes at AYG every week. You can get episodes of Hard Feelings, which is not for you.

Hold on one second. Hello, Hard Feelings. We got them. You want them. Let's go. Hard Feelings, baby. Come on. Sign up.

It's a look behind the show. It's me and Foley shitting on each other. We do a little HR. You know what I mean? Airing of the grievances. It's a good time. People think we're nuts. People are like, somebody just commented on this episode.

This is the most passive-aggressive episode I've ever heard in my life. We go at each other a lot, you know what I mean? It's a struggle for power. It's a struggle for power down here in the basement. We're not like you see on TV, all right? We're real people. Those numbers are true to roof as well.

Not bad. I got something just came across the wire. I can't believe this. You've asked for it. You've wanted it. It's taken us a while to get this accomplished. I'm so excited. We had to jump through a couple of hoops.

There had to be a couple of payoffs. Couple senators had to resign. We had to fucking get this going. I had to fill out fucking immigration customs paperwork for this stuff. Yikes. Federal docks. Kippy's got a name on it.

But what do you got? Kippy's got a full house right here. Show them, Kippy. Look at that. Toby, zoom in on that. Do some fireworks. Do a little something. Act now while supplies last.

The RU Garbage Home Game is fucking ready to ship. Yeah, it's over 50 of some of the classics. Boom. First one I pulled. Can you guess what it was randomly? Is this your card? Uh-oh. Do you drink milk with dinner?

Good night. Guys, the game is available. Limited supplies is our first run of them. You can go to rugarbage.bigcartale.com. The link is right here. Check it out. Flashing explosions. Act now.

Limited supply. Yep. The RU Garbage Card Game is out. Go to fucking the website and get them and hook it up. Yeah. Give it to a friend. Valentine's Day is coming up. Throw the brood something nice.

Yeah. Yeah, you can play strip RU Garbage. See how that works out. Ooh, that's a fucking great idea. We can play that here in studio. That could be a page on that episode. Got to look at that big old sazeech on the McMuffin. Get the McMuffin on camera, baby.

Let me see the old haul. Toby, is that Hotter's Sweet Sausage? I don't know. But I want to find out the card game is here. Card game is available. Check it out. Supplies list. There's got Tony and Alice who's going to sell out.

This isn't my fucking, you know. This isn't. Who's the guy that died? Billy Ray? No. What's his name? Billy Ray. Who was the famous sales?

The Shamwell got no. No, not the Shamwell. Billy Zane. Billy Zane. No, no, shit. Billy Zane was the actor. It's one of the bad guys. I'm back to the future.

Billy Mays. Billy Mays. That's right. I'm not trying to be Billy Mays here, but there's a limited supply. And once they're there, they're gone. We might do some more in the future, obviously. But.

If you have a leak in your boat, slap one of these babies on there. Yeah. Before the infomercial, we should do something. You got to do something to really move some fucking product. Honestly, I know I get ahead of myself. That was the only reason I wanted the cards. It's because I wanted to make the commercial.

I saw it with a bunch of little kids playing cards, making fun of you. Who's got the budget for this? Little kids playing cards. I get you three kids here right now. No, it's black and white, and it's fully drinking water with dinner all sad. Yeah, it's like spilling on them and stuff.

He can't plug a cord in or something. Regular pack of cards. I don't know how to use them. He's got two gallons of whole milk and a fucking thing of lasagna. Oh, it's good stuff. So happy. Kippy, you're the best, man. Thanks.

This is why this guy fucking runs the operation. He's fucking steam charging ahead. He's like Custer over here, but he wins. Now, with work comes reward. You work hard, and he plays hard, too. Sure. All right. Yeah.

Having this highfalutin German wife. So, all right, hold on. You know, just got back. Yeah, typically, you know, so I've realized I am trash. And it was so, for the listener, I went to, it was my one-year anniversary over the weekend, and I went to a very, a very nice spa. In the Poconos.

Fully. You wouldn't even be allowed on the property. This place, this is the nicest place. It was insane. Crazy. It's the Poconos. It's not. That's what you, that's why people like,

that's how they keep people. There's coal miners leaving a shift in front of the hotel. That's how they keep people like you out. You think it's the Poconos. It's like Wakanda. Hide in plain sight. You know what I mean? So, it was a very expensive place, and so.

I heard the number. It's high. Yeah. It's high. You could go to Europe for two weeks for this price. We need you to buy these cars now. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. So, my wife wanted to do it, so we did it.

And I got to tell you, so, you know, you've seen my, so I pull up, and I don't know how nice this place is, but it's a valet. I made fun of it in the intro. It's a valet kind of place. You don't have a valet car. I do not have a valet car. You look like Ace Ventura.

Yeah. You got any more gum? It's a, I would have never, I would have rented a car for the weekend. I was just going to say that. I didn't know, so we pull up. It's this windy snow, and you pull up to like the first hut. You know what I mean?

Like, you're getting into like a gated community kind of, right? There's like the window, and there's the exit and the entrance. Is there a guy up there? There's a guy in the hut. Really? Mr. Ryan, Mr. Ryan? He goes, hey, what's your name?

And I said, well, first he thought I was fucking case in the joint. He thought I got lost or something. Hey, who ordered pizza? Dude. Right then, I. You lost, buddy? Right then, I kind of knew something was up.

It's not going to be like you're parking a parking lot and carry your own bags in kind of place. And dude, my car is so shitty. Dude, it's so shitty. And it's so trash. It's shittier than you would think. Yeah. And they're going to see it soon on the Patreon

when we do the update. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, dude, so he's like, yeah, just bend around and stay to the right. I'm sorry, my car doesn't turn left. I can only go left. You got a jug handle somewhere around here. Jersey rules.

Oh, dude. Man. And my wife's just so excited because the place is picture at, dude, it's like the winding line. I'm surprised you, honestly, I'm surprised you've gotten this far with her. He's a classy lady. He's a classy girl.

I've met her. She's a classy bra. She drives around with you. Well, you have a bent seat. It's bent seats. It's not a bench. First of all, it's a 2006 Mercury Montego, 2005. I think it was the last year they made them.

So it's a mint condition. It's a collector's item. You know, it's bad when they don't make your car anymore and not for a good reason. That's real bad. It's real bad. So we're like, he's like, yeah, just pull around to the right under the awning.

And I'm like, you don't park. I'm like, this ain't good. So I'm like, maybe he's going to do the, maybe he's going to do, you drop the bags off, then you park your own car. But as I'm getting closer to the front entrance, I'm like, yo, this is bad. This is fucking, I'm going to look like a fucking schmuck. Dude, I got coffee.

I treat the, dude, I treat the back seat like a dumpster. We just like launch fucking McDonald's bags over a show. That's why it's so great to have a car, man. It's the best. So I do, I have, I have empty parking tickets or everywhere. It's well, also too, cause we've been filming. So I'm like, I'm not going to clean it because we're going to film it.

I want to give the, I want to give an honest reputation. So it's a little even trashier. There's literal trash and I'm, I'm trashy as I don't use, I don't use my trunk cause there's like an air conditioner. There's like a log in there. There's a broom. Wait, you have an air conditioner in your trunk. Yeah.

Are you kidding me? No, it's that to keep weight for the snow. Dude, that's, you have an air conditioner in your trunk. It's a window unit. Why don't you put it in the closet in the apartment? Cause when we moved, it was like the last thing. I just left it in there. Oh my.

What? It's a brand new unit. You're my boss. That you've, oh my God. That's dangerous. Why? Because if you have to hit the brakes, it could come through the back seat.

Dude, you are your mom. Yo, Batty, fully relax. That could get you in the back of his skull. God damn it. Oh, shout out to my mom and dad. I was with them for a couple of days. Oh, I know. Cause I get the residual anxiety runoff.

Man, we are a whole nest of crazy down there. Jesus. But I would never change it for the world. I love you. I pull up and I'm still trying to assess the situation and he's fucking back. Please move quick. He was tapping the trunk to pop it.

I'm like, yo, nah, dude, we don't do trunk around here. He's going like this on the back. I must do the reverse to fucking clip them. Who goes snooping around a man's trunk? Fucking Heisenberg over here. Stay away from me. Dude, my car's all dented. It's been hit by like city buses and you keep rolling.

It's bad, man. It's bad. It doesn't look good. It's a city car. So the luggage is in the back seat. I'm a back seat luggage kind of guy. That's weird too. That's weird.

Always have been. Yeah, you open it. It's not like I have like proper luggage. I have an overnight bag of school. I'm aware of that. I wasn't expecting a Louis Vuitton set. I got a couple of fucking shopping bags. So I go, yo, the bags are in the back.

And dude, it's like, it just all happens. So I felt like that when you get hit, you know, when you get whacked by the moffins. Did you have cash on hand? No cash on hand, but I've already looked up. It's a no cash place. No cash, none. It's all in a room.

You put it on a room. You're kind of my kind of place. You put it on a room 305 or 306, whatever. Whatever's clever, daddy. No cash. You find a guy that looks like you. That's what you do when you're first staying. You scope out a couple who could be you.

Is he a choppy guy balding? Yeah, it's him. I'm Mr. Childsworth. This is my wife. Yeah, man. So it was like, I had like a half empty box. So like, I was like, yeah, just these bags in that. And he hangs, he's like, this is it.

And then I felt like a piece of shit. I'm like, yes, is it? What do you mean? Would you like your obbies brought upstairs? Would you like this bag of Burger King, my lord? You don't mind the curly fries. The Benz is in the shop. There he is, the McMuffin coming in.

I had the worst car on the property for sure. And it just really made me. And that's anybody who worked there, too. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They had to be talking about me. Of course. So he goes, there was a half. They're keeping an eye on you at checkout.

I'm telling you that. This broad makes a move for the door tackler. There was a half empty Coke Zero on the floor, rolling around, you know, just because I'm fucking trash. I don't know what you want from me. So he goes, I'm going to bring in the soda, too. And I'm like, now we don't need this. So he goes, they explode.

So he like puts it in a loose boot that was like on the. I was, he's like, we don't know. It'll freeze. It's so cold up there. And I guess it'll explode. He goes, what do you got? Meadows in it? What's going on?

Dude, I was already selling back. I'm like, yeah, man, fucking shove it up your ass. We're like, yeah, let's fucking keep it moving. Take the clothes and take the, take the bags in a room. Hey gang, quick reminder about the stereo app. Me and the big man are on there every Thursday. And I got to tell you, it's a good time. Yeah.

We're having fun over there again. We do a little show every Thursday night at nine o'clock. We're basically, we just take your guys questions. The app's fantastic. You can leave a message. It's all done live right there. We're having a really, really fun time chopping up with you guys. Yeah, guys, it's easy.

You just record a message and some of the questions are home runs. Fantastic. For sure. It's a lot of fun. It's a good time to get involved. Go to www.stereo.com slash Kevin Ryan or slash H Foley. Sure.

Sign up using our link. We get to wet our beak a little bit. It's a good time. Come join us. Now back to the show. Hey gang, quick announcement from our sponsor Cushy Dreams. 2020 was a rough year for a lot of us. And 2021 is starting out to be just as wild.

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I ain't talking 15. I'm talking 20% off your next order. Plus free shipping on orders over $20. Smoke your CBD with promo code Garbage for 20% off today. Now, back to the show. Oh, yeah. It was bad, dude. It made me, it was a moment.

And we'll talk, we'll get into this more in the paper. We'll get to some. We have the Patreon questions we're going to get to in a minute. But. Get those Patreon numbers up. Help the kid get a decent automobile for God's sake. That is the first thing I'm going to buy like a fucking used, you know, camera gear.

You kippy, get a nice car. I don't like cars. Give you a deal on a Montego. Can't use the trunk. Comes with a free air conditioner. That's crazy. So it just made me realize like, I am trapped. Oh, yeah.

To the core. We're garbage. We're garbage. I was so embarrassed. Wait on my head all week. I was so embarrassed. I was going to have to go back down and they were going to have to get my car again.

Like I was like, I wanted to be the same bell boy. So another guy wasn't in my car. It would have been great if it wouldn't have, like it would have broke down right there. I know. I used to have a thing. It used to get stuck in park. And you remember that it would get stuck in park for a long time.

You had to like just like fucking sit there. So I used to have to leave a note like, hey, it's stuck in park sometimes. Yeah. That's the guard. That's trash. That is the definition of garbage. And I think we've discussed this when something breaks and you just,

that you add the extra step to work around it. You don't get it fixed. Oh, yeah. Remote controls, blinds and stuff like that. Yeah. You have to jiggle it, you know, jiggle the handle on the thing. Yeah. Well, I don't think any time it started making the new noise,

I just turned the volume up. Yeah. We self flushed our toilet, I think, most of my high school years. Through the back? Yeah. Lift up the thing and give it a little. Every time? Roughly.

Yeah. I think it's the point where you stop putting the back on. Then you're just a, you're an open tank household. Now we didn't get that far. There was a paper clip holding it for a little while. Oh, man. That's bad. Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry. Mr. Air Conditioner, Trump. That's a logical place to keep the. Keep the spare cold, huh? Keep you on ice. Oh, whatever. Man. Yeah, man, I'm trying.

It really, it really bothered me. I gotta get, I gotta do better. And that's a message to everybody. You don't, you can be trash, but it's a, we're just as lazy. You can do better. You know what I mean? Keep trying. Keep trying.

You'll get there. You know, one day you'll be in a 08 Camry. You'll get there. I, uh, I also realized how trashy I was this weekend. Now I got a nice TV. I got a nice apartment. You know what I mean? My girl does well.

Um, but we got the smart TV, but we didn't get the extra like the Bluetooth and stuff like that. So the way I, the way I watch my shoes, all right, we have our streaming apps. You know what I mean? Our Amazons or whatever, but I figured out that I can download apps onto my TV and then I could use my parents sign in information for their cable, you know, like a 45 year old man, you're, you're breaking my stones about a fucking air conditioner and a trunk. Amazons in the closet.

All right. Get your own Netflix. What are we doing? I have my own Netflix, but I have to use their sign in. So anyway, so I'm trying to watch the big game. You know what I mean? It's Sunday night. First of all, you know, no offense.

I don't want to shoot myself on the foot for any, uh, future acting work, but CBS with the Superbowl. What are we doing here? Come on. I don't get it. Oh, they're trash. Come on. Fox or NBC.

That's it. I'll have it on ESPN. CBS. They're notoriously the worst with football and I had to fucking download the CBS app. Okay. The CBS all, they don't just have like a regular app. And you got to use like your mom's login. I couldn't use it.

That's what was fucking up. Well, they tracked the fucking, they tracked it, what city you're in and they got no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I've been jammed up that way a couple of times. There's a couple of Comcast guys out there looking for me. I'll tell you that. No, no shot. My whole family uses my aunts fucking direct TV.

If they ever crack down on that, there's going to be a Rico case. Fucking nine states. Everybody's getting everybody. The whole McMuffin family's going down. Direct TV is real garbage. Yeah. But I couldn't just sign in with my TV provider. They had me jumping through hoops.

You had to sign up 14.99, but a free trial for a week. So obviously I'm going to watch the game and then put the kibush on that Friday. I got 15 bucks as you don't do. You don't. I already canceled it because it didn't fucking work. Oh, there you go. So I sat there and we had to use the Internet Explorer on our fucking TV. With the HDMI cable.

No, we had it. We just, you know, because there's an Internet Explorer, like, you know. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I just, I watched the fucking game on the Internet Explorer. The Internet Explorer. Yeah. But I couldn't get it to go full screen. So I'm sitting there watching like a fucking jerk off.

Yeah. That's what you're, yeah. And I felt like a loser in front of my lady. You know what I mean? Because it's like, you know, I can't even provide that for. Not to mention I was about 30 seconds away from winning fucking some serious cake. Yeah. In the first quarter.

And then the universe. I almost hit that pool. Oh, almost hit that pool, baby. I almost had my toes wet. I would have been a fucking game changer for you. Oh, man. And I didn't tell her. Okay.

So we had ordered some, we had ordered some tacos. All right. And we're sitting there eating. I didn't tell her. So it gets down to 30 seconds. It's fucking three nothing. I got three zero in the pool. And I'm like, she's like talking to me.

I couldn't even, I couldn't even pay a penny. You can't keep it cool. I was just fucking down. So just waiting for it. Tacos and a thousand bucks. Good night, daddy. Oh, the big man is living. And then the goat fucking put one in the fucking Gronkowski in the end zone.

Fucking sank my whole day. And then she was saying I'm something and I just fucking snapped and I was like, fucking, we almost just want to fucking thousand dollars. I told you to shut up. You got your emotes in the wrong place. So we're both trash, man. Yeah. Let's be honest, buddy.

It was never, it's never more apparent than when you're hanging out with classy people or at a classy place and you're fucking trash. Yeah. And it was just like reassured over this. And I was like, oh, I've made the right career path to bank my whole career path on fucking garbage. 100%. My, my, me and my mom showed how trashy we were screaming at each other during the blizzard trying to get the cause I was there for the blizzard.

And they got this just plow guide. It comes and does it. I bet you sheet. Yeah. What? I forgot you. I forgot you. I thought this is a Patreon episode for me to shut out the party.

But I had to pull my car out so he can come in and plow it. But we already had like a fuck. Come on. You're lobbying. He's on. I'm a hack at heart, dude. Come on. Talking about a guy to come over to plow you.

What do you want me to do here? My hands are tied. Anyway. So the car gets stuck getting out of the driveway and the neighbors are out there. This nice couple is across the street. They're like shoveling their walk and me and her just go fucking going back and forth. I wish I would have never had you treat. So like I'm a little kid.

I'm a 45 year old man. I know how to fucking rock a car out. Put on some skinner and let it go. Got to cut off on. But you know, it's funny. It's a simple things that make us garbage because I had on Sunday. I had stopped at Starbucks drive through in the suburbs. It's worth it.

That's nice. I'm a big app. Got that drive. We don't get drive-throughs in the city. The drive through the suburbs. What are we doing here? This fucking dump. Let's get out, man.

What a fucking grass is green. But I got in a bottle of water from fucking Starbucks and I left it in the car. So it had been in there for two days in like 30 degree temperature and cold and I was in there and I was in the car. Waiting fucking. I found it in there. It was like two weeks vacation. Everything's coming up.

We just need some tacos, cold water and fucking Instagram. And a close one on the internet. Internet Explorer. Good times. All right. Let's get to some questions. This is a pretty good segue. We got a I got to tell you the patron guys when you obviously, you know, if I'm sure

you do, when you sign up for Patreon, read your questions and they did not disappoint this run. There is some fucking eaters in this run. There is some fucking eaters in this thing. Being the fact that I was just away and I don't know if we've ever talked about this to be honest. This was from Tony P on a Patreon. Tony P, the place to be.

Well, call it the place to be. Have you ever taken something from the mini bar and tried to replace it? No, I'd never. That was that's like hot water burn baby for me. Yeah. Because anytime we were kids and we were in a hotel that we were, we were under a Gestapo regime. Not even look at it.

I don't see a death. Yeah. You're a little 10 year old fat kid and you're at some holiday in in Mississippi or whatever we were. What a sweet tooth. What is the cocoa bean and you got a fucking $9 pack of Eminem staring at you. Man, it takes everything you have. It takes everything you got.

Little fat Foley like Indiana Jones. Yeah. Just laying in there like fucking apocalypse now staring at the ceiling. Fucking dying. Knowing those Eminemies are right there. I never that was also a thing. My family didn't fucking touch them. Like that was not even a thing.

First of all, I think I've been in a hotel with my mom maybe once we done. We weren't hotel people. We were down the shore for the sleep in the car. We were down the shore people. And then with my dad, I don't know. We were never really in hotels that often. Okay. But one time we went out to I went out to LA from 18th birthday of my brother and my

cousin. Really? Yeah. And it was like a package trip that like my aunt wanted a silent auction for charity or something. And she was like here. Yeah. Go.

She should very, very class. I'll pack it. I was joking. A package trip. Yeah. Silent auction though. That ain't bad. Yeah.

It was all whatever. I was just hoping to give that back though. My family does a couple of silent auctions for my. We're not talking 5050 raffles. No, they do it nice. I've never been invited. You got to give 25% back to the house to help Amy get a new Jersey. Get out of here.

Tammy needs new veneers. No, there's a foundation in our family. There really is. Okay. I don't get, I don't get to go to those kind of things. Yeah. Who would want you there? They asked me to open up one here.

The Foley Foundation has water damage. It's got a rap problem. Got termites. You have to knock this thing down. But I went out. We went out to LA one time and I don't know what happened, but me and my brother and my cousin, and they're, they're two very street smart guys, the people, my brother and my cousin, right?

I'll give you that. They're very fucking, you know, they're scheming, they're planning. If I was hemmed up, I'd want, I'd want your brother. He's a fucking quick mover, smart and pretty crazy. I imagine at some point he'll be brought into the operation at some point. This? Yeah, maybe. I could see it.

Maybe my brother brought in too. If we get the numbers out. No, we don't need more Foley's. Get them. I'm trying to, I'm trying to. He's the polarizer guy you want, man. Well, then I'll swap them out. I ain't doing you in here.

Fucking Wall Street whiz, kid. You kidding me? You two ain't giving each other noogies every episode. Hey, get over me. He's a sharp kid. Main Street, Wall Street doesn't matter. He moves it. What do you, what do you, CNN, Main Street, Wall Street?

Shut up. Game stop. Yeah. Bitcoin. Whatever that means. Dodge coin. Doge coin. Whatever.

That coin got a Emmy? That coin got a Emmy? Um, I, uh, so we went out and it was like, there was like a 12 pack of Coors Light in the, there was a, it was a bunch of beers in, not like, it was for you. You know what I mean? Which is thick. It was a very nice hotel. What is, what is six or a Coors Light?

No, but it wasn't, you're picturing it wrong. It was like a Cribs one where it was like six Coors Light, six Heineken, six Medellos, six, or then like. Bottles or cans? Bottles, I think. All right. Or maybe, I forget. It was, it was, it was done.

It was like classy. Well, because we were like, we got there and we're like, yeah, we'll just fucking drink these as a pregame and then we'll buy a 12 pack and replace them. That's a great idea. Yeah. They got lasers or something because they were like, and we'll charge you for the 16 beers. We're like, fuck it up like $18 a clip.

Wait, how did they know? I don't, wait, I don't, I just, somebody can write in. I don't know if there's lasers. Wait. There's lasers. Or scale. There's a weight sensor inside the Medibar. Yeah.

It doesn't matter. You can pick up a bottle, look at it. Yeah. Well, they knew we didn't take six out the whole thing. At one point it was empty. There's no weight center in a college boy fucking fridge. I don't, they, they, they had us dead to rights. I don't know if they had surveillance footage or something.

They had us dead to, we couldn't, we were, get the manager, get this guy. And dude, they had, they were like, it was like the boring ultimatum in there. Yeah. Nine times out of 10 if you're asking for the manager, you're in the wrong. Oh yeah. It's the last act of a desperate man right there. Well, let me talk to you, man. Let me talk to you.

Well, you didn't drink that beer, is that? Where were you last night at two 30? Were you in my room? Wow. Toby's got some info. What do you got? I think there's lasers or something. All right.

Check us out. Most consumers know that if you drink anything from the Medibar in their hotel room, they'll be charged. But did you know some hotels now automatically charge your bill if you so much as touch the snack tray, even if you don't eat anything. Damn. You trigger the sensor. There's no putting it back.

There's a sensor. It's like Michigan impossible, dude. I don't know. Fuck yeah. It's just a bunch of lasers and then a six pack on the other end. I got to dive through. That's fucking ridiculous. They got us.

We tried. We fought. But they were like, nah. It's on you. It was like 300 bucks. The Medibar, that whole operation, they're starting to wean away from that a little bit. Now, I can't remember the last hotel that was in with a proper. They might have like a water.

A big bottle of water. Something for like $18. But that really is a fuck. You don't need to charge $15 for fucking a Snickers bar. What are you doing? Why? Why are you coming and going, dude? It's fucked up.

Yeah. What are you going to do? Fantastic question. Tony Pace. Out at the Tony Pace. Amazing. Another fridge related question. This is from David Smith.

Do you store things on top of your fridge? Not at the Foley's. Growing up, yes. We have a couple of things up there. Now. The garage fridge. Forget about it. It's like a fucking game of Jenga.

Yeah. You got paper towels, fucking charcoal. It's that. The other thing. Sure. But now, what do you got? I got on top of the fridge. OK.

I could use some help over at our place. Really? It's not good. You shouldn't have anything, theoretically. However, New York City apartment, guy like you. OK. That's. I can.

I can see. It's got the air conditioner in the trunk and the water heater on top of the fridge. You got things on. I hate. You got things on the top of the fridge face. I'm going to put it that way. I hate when you hit me with a lie when I know it's from. I know what it's from.

Go. Guy like you. What's that from? It's loosely from Seinfeld. Fair enough. People like you. They ask how much would I give you for a thing. Oh, yeah.

Guy like you? Yeah. Don't look like you know what you're doing. It's all from Seinfeld. What do you want? Come on. Get the card game. This is what's acceptable.

Maybe a couple of nice bowls. All right. The trashiest thing is having open boxes of cereal up there, which I know most of our listeners have open boxes of cereal on top of their fridge. And they don't fully close, Dieter. No. You got the one flaps up. Yeah.

Yeah. It's tough to keep those clean. Yeah. I'm always amazed to see people's cereal box etiquette. Mine's horrible. That's different from like because in our family there was two or three boxes. There was a Honey Nut Cheerios and maybe a raisin brand for my dad and something else. And they didn't last long.

But I've been to like friend's houses or like even as an adult and they have like six boxes of cereal, like an old box of like, you know, like frosted flakes that they didn't eat. That was a shelf life. Yeah. And I'm serious. We had a couple just sitting there. Well, I got my mind.

It would be like if somebody came up and we moved merchandise and if they got down to a certain point, always like their carbs. Yeah. If it got down to a certain point, she would start dishing out party mix bowls in the morning. I hated those because it was always, no, because it was always the crumbs too with that. I love the crumbs. What on sugar cereal?

I do the last bowl of sugar cereal is the best because you get like fucking eight grams of sugar in that because the dust is all in the bottom. How'd the cardio? How'd the cardio all just go again today? I don't know. I find out tomorrow. Nuclear stress test tomorrow. Sounds cool.

Yeah. It's going to be an explosion. I got to wear a spacesuit. Dress like Homer got the big got the big aluminum foil thing on with the tongs. I feel like a what do you need me doc? I feel like I'm working SpaceX. Let me let me throw this curveball at you. Go ahead.

T-bone. Where you guys at with using the oven for storage like my girlfriend's mom's get out her fucking Thanksgiving tray in the oven. You got to pull it out anytime you want to make a pizza that that I give you trays are fine. Yeah. Trays are fine. Yeah.

We have like four things, but a Thanksgiving trays. If you're only using all Thanksgiving and you got to take it out, that's fucking stupid. That's weird. But if every, I mean, like, if you were over, yeah, we have like a pan with the tray and then it's like when you need it. Yeah. Especially in New York.

You got it. Forget that. I don't have anything in there. I don't have fucking produce in my oven. Got laundry in there. Fucking animal. Yeah. Now, my girl will put a pizza by an empty pizza box in there and you got to be real

careful. He burned a fucking house. I caught her. What was that? Lorenzo's. That was something I was thinking of too is because my pizza place shout out to fucking taste Italy. Fantastic fucking pizza place, but they don't have their own boxes.

They must be getting surplus from joints that close. I've never gotten any nose and stuff like that. I've never gotten the same pizza box and fucking this place. Everybody's hemmed up in a pandemic stuff. Production's down for a lot of places. Wait, wait, pre-pandemic. Wait. It was back in the 90s.

You'd never get the same box twice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's garbage, man. It's trash. It is trash. What's on top of your refrigerator?

Well, should we keep the, she's got a produce basket up there. Is there a fruit in it? Yeah. That's not bad. No, yeah. It's like, you know. It gets real mealy. It has.

Not regularly, but like, I'd be lying if I said, you know, you never pulled out like a fucking soft, you know, apple or something. You ever forget an avocado somewhere? Holy shit. No, they move. They don't hang out too long in our house. Oh, yeah? No.

Yeah. I'll eat two avocados a day if I can. We're pretty bad with fruit. Oh, really? Well, yeah. We'll go in with it. I was too busy with the bottom of the lucky charms. We'll go in with the best intentions and then like, I'm surprised how long like oranges,

lemons and limes last. Takes a long time to kill them. They're like Denzel. I'm telling you, dude, you really got to work on them. Yeah. But like, yeah. So I like the bag of clementines in there. And then when I do have an empty bag of clementines, I have an empty bottle of whiskey on top of

it as well. Why? I don't know. To me, it's classy whiskey. It's like 50. It's called a writer's tears. It's like 55 bucks. And we have, she built a wine holder a few years ago, like a wooden one, and she put

that in there. So the wine holder's on there. It's like a wine rack and the empty bottles in there. Is there any full bottles of wine in there? No, it's just one. It just holds one. It's like an upside down wooden like little art crafts thing. Oh, right.

Yeah. We're trying. I mean, yeah. I have an empty bottle of whiskey on top of my fucking fridge. Wow. Displayed. You shouldn't really have that. I think she did it as a joke, but now that it's up there, I'm like, well, I'm not taking

that down. And you know what I mean? It's like, it's just there now. Here's the thing. Most classy people. Okay. Now I'm half into this because you don't have the whole top of my refrigerator. There's a cabinet above it, but most classy individuals have the cabinet.

The refrigerator is in. Yeah. Yeah. It's, you know, the cabinet fixtures. You should only be able to see the front of your refrigerator. If you can see, if you can see three sides of your refrigerator, things ain't going great. Somebody posted a picture. Have you ever been to somebody's house where the stove isn't in a line where you can see

the side of the stove? That's bad. Yo, get out. It's got to be in the middle or on the end. It can't just be at like, but like, yeah, you can. I think a friend of ours who's been a recent guest, I believe his parents, the oven is just by itself against the wall. Oh, yeah.

That's a tough one. That's a tough look. No, I can't do it. You can see, dude, if you can see behind the oven, that's no good. No good. No good at all. Oh man. This is, uh, this was from Austin on the Patreon.

Uh, did your parents, this is a fucking home. Or did your parents have a filing cabinet growing up with a bunch of fucking keepers and like, uh, we had one and I'm like, I remember like every few years, like with nothing's in here that we need. It's like a box of envelopes and you know, like, yeah, old taxes or something. Nothing's good in there. My dad has the whole, uh, the roll, the roll top desk. That was big.

The big wooden thing. Oh yeah. When he, when he, when he left the Navy and was doing insurance, he, you know, he worked out at a house for a little while. He had the whole roll top tech look at Norman Rockwell back there. Yeah. You open those drawers. Fucking nothing.

Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. It's three paper clips and a cigar cutter. Yeah, exactly. There's like a yellow paper clip. There's always like the odd one that's stuck in there from the person you bought it from. Some paperweight that we've had since I was a kid.

Yeah. People set up the home office like you're not doing that much that you need your own home off, let alone a fire, like a fireproof locking filing cabinet. Yeah. Let's keep it in a drunk drawer. Let's go. We're a little kid on a board Saturday, looking through all that stuff. Rooting through shit.

I thought I was going to find cash or something. I used to love rooting for shit. I have found cash before snooping around, snooping, yeah, like, enough where I'm like, are you a spy? What's happening here? Periodically, I would go through the, the, the closet. I've set this on the podcast at the, by the front door, you know, in the summer, I'll root to everybody's pockets to see what's up.

I do that when I go home. You'll find something. Now that I'm not home, they're a little looser with the cage. I bet. Yeah. I'm going to get a pocket. Dude, in August, you did. Sticky fingers, kippy.

In August, you dig, you dig through a ski jacket and like come out with a dub or something. Pack a, pack a Kleenex. The filing cabinet and a house fire is just the black box to a sad existence. I only, he didn't even clear 32K last year, poor son of a bitch. Oh man, that's a fucking good one. File cabinets. Fresh. Tough.

Um, we keep our stuff in a bag, hidden bag. Like a bag. Like a bag. What do you mean? Like a bag? You're saying like a bag. A bag. Like a plastic bag.

Like what do they call it? A courier bag. That's where we keep our important documents. Like what's in there? My social security card, birth certificate. Um. What do you need your social security card for? You don't know.

No, I, I flew with it one time. Yeah. Remember, I told you when I was stuck in Atlanta, I got jammed up. I didn't have a fucking, I didn't have a license and I, and I got, I got into the, uh, the Laughing Skull Comedy Festival and I had to fucking make a move. Uh, this is post-9-11 too. They let me fly with just a fucking social security card. You had something else though.

No, I told her. You did. I remember. I have my bank card. Luigi's bank. And one of the old pizza boxes for my guy. Um, all right, this next one, this was from Katie Wolston. She also, she had the, I remember, she had the really funny one about using the re, uh,

the massages at the stops or the mall. She says, have you ever entered your name into one of the free car giveaways at the mall to try to win like the, whatever's in the, over by the strawberries or whatever? Wait, you have to put a business card in there? No, you like sign up like, and you put your name in the bin or whatever and you can win a free car. No, my dad's thrown a couple of business cards in the bowl and a fuck, like a Lee's Hoagie.

Fucking Chee-Chees or whatever. Yeah. I tried to get a six footer. Right? The more times you're in there, the better off your chances are. There's not, dude, let me tell you something for my money, there's nothing better than a fucking six foot Hoagie. I love one of those.

That's great. It's just a Hoagie. The size doesn't matter. You walk into a party and one of those things are fucking there. Man. You pull up a chair. What'd you guys get? Hey, you started on the other end.

I love it. I never did it for me. It was cool. It's like a Super Bowl party or something with one at one time. We're like, Oh, this is crazy. But I'm like, I don't get it. We never went for that Kia shit at the mall. No, maybe there's a dodge, something sitting there.

Yeah. So I'm saying the cars there. You know, they, you sign up, they'll just collect an information or whatever. Those days are over, man. What? Trying to win a car at the mall? What do you mean? Nobody goes in the mall anymore.

Yeah. I went to a mall on the way home from somewhere not too long ago and it was like the saddest fucking thing in the world. Malls were great. It was like, there's like three stores open. Annie Ann's was closed. You know, times are bad if Annie Ann's is closed. And Annie Ann's is closed and forget about it.

I know. The only thing I hope was the H&M. Let the Chinese just take over. Fuck it. Put down our arms. It's over. Fuck it. Annie Ann's is closing.

We used to go, I told you, to Joanne's nut house. I know that's a regional. What? Sounds like a concert venue. Come on down to Joanne's nut house. It was like a candy by the pound kiosk in the mall. Oh yeah. We used to go to your not all nuts.

Yeah. But you are trash. Yeah. Shout out to you. We're not all nuts. We've talked to, my aunt had an in with the lady that worked at this one. Of course. Of course you guys had a candy connect.

We used to walk out of there. Fuck you. We got a duffel bag. Bring your filing cabinet. Non-Priels, chocolate covered cashews. The works. Whatever you want it. Go ahead.

It's all in the house. Joanne's picking it up. It's all in Joanne. Did you ever have an, did your mom or dad ever have an in anywhere where you went to? We're all in. We're all, we're Irish trash. So you've gone to a place like to eat and you got it for free. Never for free.

That would give me anxiety. Yeah. Yeah. No, they wouldn't take, they go to a place where like they're friends with, they've been friends with the owner for like ever that they have a month, well they have like a monthly account at. They're like a monthly. Yeah.

We'll, we'll bill it. Like they just like, they just get a bill at the end of the month. Really? A lot of times. Yeah. Some shit hole bar in your hometown. It's a nicer place. I mean, nicer place.

What happens when the kid comes over with the check? They don't. They know. They either, you know, why is guy never pays for a drink? Really? Yeah. That's pretty class. Yeah.

Hold on a second. What do they leave the kid? They fucking grease him. Grease him. He gets a 20 or whatever. Yeah. All right. Uh-huh.

That's pretty good. Yeah. It's not bad. And they settle up at the end of the month. I don't know. I've been there where no check has showed up. I had a guy that I used to see periodically that I had a, I had a, I had a tab with wasn't food.

Yeah. But, you know, sure. Yeah. It was a topping. Just topping. Yeah. It was an accessory, let's say. But I would just settle up with them at the end of the month.

My, uh, yeah. I'd make him chase me a little bit. Yeah, dude. Throw your phone in the river. Was that you calling? Holy shit. Was that you? Is it the 31st already?

Is it June shit? That's a good feeling. My cousin has always said it. We always had a guy. We had a meat guy. He still have a meat guy. Got a deli guy. We got, you know, we have a guy.

Like, yeah. It's, we, we have a guy for everything. My cousin's at a best. He said, we're like the Kennedys without the money. And I was like, dude, that's pretty fucking good. It's just, you know, we have a guy. Like, yeah. We have a guy for everything.

My cousin's at a best. He said, we're like the Kennedys without the money. And I was like, dude, that's pretty fucking good. It's just a bunch of Irish meatheads and all no people that can fucking move stuff around for it. You know what I mean? Yeah, it's good. It's good.

Shout out to Garrett. This was from Garrett. This, sometimes you read one of the just fucking hits you, dude. This is from Garrett. When you shop online, do you price low to high? Hold on a second. Let me tweak the filters real quick. Clean the filter.

Fuck a best selling, baby. Give me the low. Oh, yeah. Man, that hit me like a ton of bricks. Uh-huh. I'm all low to high. Sure. Big low to high.

Sure. Filter, filter, filter. Yeah. Less than 50 sometimes. Absolutely. Yeah. I remember. Who's got the cash to do that?

People do. People do well out there. They do well. Also, shout out to the guy who tweeted. Toby, you didn't see the guy tweeted today. The Are You Garbage Patreon is the only Patreon I joined because I feel like I make more money than the host. Dude.

I was fucking crying. I was crying. I was like, buddy, you do. Bingo. Yeah. We could have 10,000 more people join. If you make more than 15 Gs a year, you got us cold. Are you on welfare?

Man, I saw that. Yeah, I'm a big low to high guy. So funny. Yeah, always. Looking for apartment. I remember Craigslist looking for apartments. I can set that at zero. Yeah.

But like, what's the minimum? I'm like, fucking freebie, daddy. Yo, let's go. You pay me. Where's that off? Oh, man. Oh, man. Fucking love these.

That was a fucking home run. Couple of home runs this week, Kippy. I know. This is another really good one. I've seen it. This is from Sean growing up. Did you have a puzzle glued together that was a hanging piece of art in your house?

I saw that somewhere. That is so fucking trashy. I don't even know how you do that. I don't know either. But to think that that's art. I mean, maybe if a kid, I don't know. It shouldn't be happening. I know that much.

No. That house definitely has a hand sewn quilt somewhere in the house. Yeah. Well, I never liked quilts. Did you ever go over to sleep over a kid's house? I'm an afghan guy. They gave you the quilt? I'm like, you might as well give me the ring to a sixer.

This ain't gonna fucking work, dude. Wait, hold on. A quilt meaning like an Amish quilt. I like a quilt. I mean, with like, you know. I got it wrong. I like a quilt. I'm not an afghan guy.

The ones that are like yarn. They don't do anything. Get your toe caught in them. That's what I'm saying. It's like a fish in net. That's what I said. It's like a six pack holder. Yeah.

I don't need that thing. No. Yeah. Yeah. Those things are brutal. No. We tried to do the puzzles with my dad this summer. You know what I mean?

Stimulate the brain. Lasts about two seconds. Newie ones? A couple of playboys. Here you go, old man. Just stole the tits. He's up in the bathroom. You got to go in there and get him.

He's waiting. He stole the tits and went to the bathroom. My dad was always real classy with that stuff. There was never any magazines or anything like that. TV guide, maybe. But there was no like magazine laying out. No, but he was like one of those guys that had like a Newie calendar in the garage or anything like that.

No. I used to go to my stepdad's car shop and he had to snap on the big red snap. You know, what are there? Isn't that what they're called? Yeah, snap. Yeah. Snap-ons. Those things are great, by the way.

Dude, a couple of fucking couple of Newies hanging on that. And I used to make up excuses to walk by this thing. Oh, where's the refrigerators? Is it this way? I would have bathed them over here this week. Buddy, catch me lingering. And they had to know. They had to know.

Kippy had a little stinger gun. Oh, man. No kidding. Yeah. If you had, yeah. I mean, people aren't doing that now, right? No. I don't think so.

Because porn, you're not going to like a fucking garage and they have like a naked woman hung out. Who needs porn like that? Yeah, I would have to assume no. It's not the thing. Look over, T-bones got one on the wall. Fucking Jenna Jameson's over there. I don't think so.

I think that would definitely turn off some customers. Yeah. My dad had boxes of playboys growing up. Really? He was that guy? Man, that's why you're weird, dude. Man, no kidding. I always look-

He explains the haircut. I always- I think he's homeschooled for a little while. I remember my brother and his friends stashed one in the creek down the driveway because that's where you keep porn in the 90s. Sure. In the woods. And I came home and they had gotten wet and they were on the driveway trying to reassemble

it like a paper shredder outside of Enron. Put the fucking case back together. Fucking national treasure. I got a labia. What do you got? Wait, hold on. Are these playboys that your dad collected in his youth or were they playboys that he was getting in the mail while you were alive?

Nah, classics. So when he was a kid- I'll give you that a little bit. It was like you would have been like a college-aged kid. And he kept on me. As a collector's type deal. Sure. Did he ever-

He has a creep- Yeah, man. Facts. Did your dad have a beard? Obviously. Yeah, he does, right? I felt like a fortune teller right there. Your dad had a beard and some moccasins?

I bet he has those circle- Do they have circle glasses? Uh, no. Glasses for sure, though. English professor this time. Are they on a string? Uh, no. But he's got a glasses case all day.

Ponytail? No. Ever? Did rock and earring at one point. This guy's got playboys. Jesus. Wow. Wait, were the playboys in a place

where they were readily available? Uh, yeah. So he was still looking at them? No, no, no. I mean, they were readily available to a couple of sneaky bastards like me and my brother. Yeah, I mean, that was probably like, oh, they're in a box in this closet or something.

I couldn't- My dad never had any of that shit. Nothing like that. I couldn't- My mom would have fucking lost it. She would have found a playboy. That's what you're looking at? Harry!

You sicko. Poor dad. You sick beastie. That happened to me, man. I got caught in fourth grade. Shooting doggy style. I got caught in fourth grade by my teacher going like this.

Grabbing my crotch to the class. Or like, yeah, like, you know. Like, yeah, you know, to somebody in class. I'm listening. And, um, she's like, my teacher, Miss Cooper, great teacher. She's not watching. Freaked out.

All right. She, like, brought me outside. You know, like, they bring you out. Like, it's serious. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like, you know, like, I'd done something perverted. Brings me outside.

She's like, I can't believe you did that. If you do anything else the rest of the day, I'm calling your parents. Sure enough, I got fucking pinched like two periods later. Pulling my ass, talking out of my asshole. Doing the thing where you throw the pencils up to the drop ceiling. Ah, that was big.

Busted cold. Had me dead to rights. No where to run. Your name was on the pencil. Yeah. No where to run. So I was like, I was like, please, please don't call my mom. Please, please, please.

Fuck it. Whatever. So sure enough, I get home. You want to grab your wiener? Did it teach you? No. She did it real slick. She did.

It was very, very slick the way she did it. So I come home. She's like, your teacher called. You were throwing pencils at the ceiling, huh? Throwing pencils at the ceiling. Now, do you know you're dead? You know, if she's bringing, are you going to fuck? She knows everything.

There's no way the teacher's calling and just talking about the pencils. Well, I assumed that when I walked in, I was going to walk into a firing squad. All right. But I did. She hands you a cigarette. What a hers.

What would you like on your tubes, though? Cheese and pepperoni. Corners there measuring me out. So I walked in and she's like, you know, throwing pencils at the ceiling. You know, just, you know, because nowadays, the mom would defend the kid. Not all the time, but yeah.

But back then, man, it didn't. There could be, it could be hearsay and conjecture. Conjecture. I'm guilty no matter what. Yeah. They were always going to side with whoever. It was never going to be on my side. So she hits me with that.

I agree with them. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. Then rightly so. I was a fucking dirt ball little kid. I'm stealing change out of her pockets. What do you mean?

I'm a scumbag. What do you want? Yeah. Fucking Ricoh charges. So she hits me with that and you're throwing pencils at the ceiling, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then she lets it go, whatever. You ground it for whatever.

So then I did something later that night. Okay. That like pissed her off. She's sad on it. She's sad on it. Shout out to Patty. Cold blooded. All right.

Fucking cold blood. She's sad on it. So fast forward to it's fucking eight o'clock. I'm getting in the bath. All right. My bath's water is running. I'm naked in my bathroom. Let me see a little prick.

All of a sudden the door kicks open and she goes, and whoever taught you this and she does it to me. Oh, she's wearing it. Oh, She's wearing it. Oh, she's wearing it. She's wearing it. Oh, she's wearing it. I'm sorry, Patty.

I love it. Let me tell you something, man. You want to talk about- Wait, start over. Start with the bigger thing. You want to talk about repressing your sexual desires, being naked in fucking, I don't know, sixth grade, and your mom coming in.

Whoever taught you this- Wait. Your mom was seeing your brawl when you were in sixth grade? She kicked open the door. She snuck a peek. What do you mean? Oh, no. She hit you with D-Lousing powder in her nose.

That guy was Rambo. Dude. Turns into Brian Denny. Yeah, we don't want you kind around this town. She started rolling up her sleeves to fucking cock you on. Who does the joke about that, about Rambo? How they were like really mean to him for no reason. It might be Shane Torres or something,

somebody like that. It's funny. Yeah, she hit me with that. That's tough, man. Scarring. Trying to get an erection after that. Fucking Jesus. I got one now.

Tell it again, slower. This should be on Patreon. Whoever taught you this, I don't ever want to see this house again. And I was just like, ooh. Then I had to get in the tub like a fucking loser. Wait, you were taking Tobi's when you were 12. I was trying to relax. I had a fucking stressful day.

What do you mean? They just fucking busted me. Yeah, I'm fucking unwinding. Is that all right? Oh, my God. I'm having a fucking ecto-cooler in a tub. What am I? Fucking animal?

Say Russia. You got a rubber ducky in a parliament. Yeah, I'm trying to fucking relax before moonlighting comes on. What the fuck, man? Dude. And we were close when I was a kid because my dad would be traveling. So it'd be me and my mom. That house ain't big.

That bedroom is right up. No, this is just when we were in town line. We were fucking on top of one another. It's like a cold water flat, as we said before the air. Wow. Yeah, it scarred me. Do you have pubes yet in sixth grade? I don't know.

Maybe not. I got them now. I'll tell you that. Fucking out of control. I didn't have no sophomore year in college. It's a fucking late bloomer. And those are plugs. Well, I feel like your pubes look like Albert Einstein stuff.

They're Jewish. Pulled on my pants. Pulled on my pants. Hello. Yeah, that's exactly right. My pubes look like Albert Einstein after he fucking after a long night of solving problems. It's fucking just like, dude, it's bad. Oh, God, that's good stuff.

Plus the little guy, I gotta be honest, be told. We don't need it. OK, truth not be told, all right? He's shrinking. I think I said, it's like Benjamin Button's down there. I think we talked, we did this, right? I don't know. We did this, right?

Listen, you're a big guy with a small prick and a lot of hair. What do you want? I don't know what he's doing. He's going the wrong way. Get this kid down to spring training. What? I don't even think you know what you're talking about sometimes. Really?

I don't. There's something. Dude, you're so funny that sometimes I go, I don't think he knows what comedy is. I think you just have been getting really lucky for a decade. Because you'll make some jokes where I'm like, I don't fucking know, what? Dude, you're like, oh man, I was talking, I was talking the other night. Kid's got a hot hand. About what we were making, about me and Ian, we're shit.

And you go, what? It was the 80s. We didn't know what we were doing. The Japanese were all over us. I'm like, that was the funniest thing in the world. And then you do something about spring training. Who knows what the fuck's going on? Yeah.

What was the question? I don't know. There's a good one. Low to high, maybe? Yeah, low to high. Was it low to high? How did we get to fucking? Well, it was playboys.

We started with the R with the playboys. Yeah. Creepy McMuffin over here. Somehow ended up on your wean again. Creepy McMuffin senior. That's a tie. Never. I loved all my friends' dads, but ones that we would find a porno or find a video.

I looked at them differently. I'll say that. I remember one time. None of that shit in my family. None of my uncles. None of that garbage. Okay. Well, I was never touching themselves.

We found online when my buddy's dad, like a stash of online stuff, when you would download pictures and maybe 10, 15-second clips or whatever, mainly pictures. It's a tough look. It was before proper porn sites that you could go to. So he would go and get them. And he hit them in like 10,000 fucking folders. And we started snooping. Shout out to dads out there.

I don't know how you do it. God love you so much. It's all on the phone now. You don't need to keep anything anywhere. Just a tough racket. Holy shit. This is from Joe. We should have talked about this earlier.

If we opened up the lunch meat drawer to your fridge, what do we see? At my mom's? Yeah. You're going to see fucking Shangri-La. Because she does it nice. But there's always some stuff in there that don't belong there, too. There's stuff that's maybe, it's a... I saw some carrots in there when I was home.

What are you doing? Oh, exactly. They were like one of those little Tupperware things. It was a couple... That's what I'm saying. A couple baby carrots. A few slices of cheese or something. Yeah.

Nah, she does it really, really nice. Yeah. She does it really, really good. First of all, I don't know who's entertaining over there, but she now has the cracker barrel logs of cheese on the side. Like they're in their own little compartment. Wait, that's classy. You don't think so?

The cracker barrel cheese, prepackaged cheese squares? No, no, no. The log, the rectangle log. Yeah. That you put out when company's there. Yeah, those are trashy. No, they're not. Extra sharp kippy.

Dude, that's... Or you get shitty cheese. Or you get cabin curiously sharp. Foley, I got you dead to rights on this because it's cracker barrel sharp yellow. It doesn't even say a type of cheese. It's just a color. It's cheddar, man. No.

Look on that packaging, it says sharp yellow. They have the white too, wise ass. It's called sharp white. We don't know. No, they got, you'll find... That's trashy cheese though, just so you know. No, it's not. Yes, it is.

Cracker barrel? What? Think about what you're asking me. That's... What's... Cracker barrel's not a nice place. What's a... That's not the fucking...

I would assume it is. No, it's not. They're completely unassociated. They have the same logo. It's the same company. No, it's not the same company. I gotta get on to this. You two idiots don't know cheese.

Ridiculous. A couple of skinny minis over here. Cracker barrel cheese, right? Yeah, it's not associated with the country store. It has to be. It's not. It's a popular shitty cheese brand and a popular shitty food that's cracker barrel. I mean, excuse me.

All right. I don't know if I'd say cracker barrel is a shitty organization. It has a gift shop connected to every single one. Yeah, it's like a fast pro shop with a food shack. They did almost kill my dad with some expired milk one time. Where? We were eating at a cracker barrel. A barrel.

Your dad's ordering milk at the cracker barrel? He's old school. What do you think I get it from? Yeah, my dad likes a nice glass of milk. You can pull this up. He's the one that turned me on to milk at McDonald's, which they make. I don't know where they get it. There's probably so much sugar in that stuff.

I can put sugar and milk. What? They don't put sugar and milk. I'm sure McDonald's does. No, they don't. Ray Kroc wouldn't do that. God rest his soul. Straight shooter.

Hand shake deal. That's the trashier cheese. I mean, that's crazy that you're dying on this stuff. All right, so what do you got? Give me a finer rectangular cheese log. Three farms? Who's got that much? I don't necessarily.

It depends. I mean, a lot of times we'll go to like the more artisanal thing and it's like hand wrapped or whatever. Sure, sure. They're not doing that. Also, cheese doesn't grow in that cube like that. You know what I mean? Like a perfectly square cube.

Come on. I don't know if cheese is growing or what, but it don't come out like that. You got to get like the misshapen one, the formed one. I know. The pizza slice. Something like that with a rough edge so you know you're getting some good stuff. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Um, no, but you'll find that.

Okay. You'll find those little prepack pepperonis, which I know you like. Oh, dude, I that and she, I could just sit there with a fucking diet ice tea, stand at the fucking at the island, watching the TV with the fucking remote. Dude, my biggest, my biggest treat to myself is some fucking pre slice puppies, some crackers, some sharp Vermont cheese and about a six or IPAs. I'll fucking put down the six and about 300 of them little cracker sammies. I like all that.

I'll do it. I need a little pickle. I need a little acid cut through on that thing. Don't get in the way. Give me the high heat. Okay. I retract my statement. Good.

This is from like hilariously the first link on Google is from the Chicago Tribune. Chicago. But yeah, no, totally different. Fuck yourself. It's craft as cracker barrel foods. Oh, it's craft cheese. Yeah. And then cracker barrels.

It's a boutique operation. It's not in the same conglomerate. No. No. It's like infinity and Toyota. What? Doesn't Toyota own infinity? No, I think it's the other way around.

To be honest with you. Infinity owns Toyota. I think so. It's pretty good. Maybe. I don't know. Anyway, you'll find that couple of polio string cheeses. You'll find some fucking.

You know, like an aristocrat. You'll find some lunch meat from Corpoli. Shout out to Corpoli's best tomato pie in the fucking burbs. Come on. You'll find some Swiss. They started getting into Swiss, which we were never a Swiss family. But now they're all about it. Sounds like some fucking comedy bullshit, if you ask me.

Swiss is great. Swiss ain't too shabby. Yeah. Yeah. It's a real transformer, too, because it's so different when it's cold. Transformers. Cheese in disguise. When it's melted, it's totally something different.

Yeah. Yeah, it's fantastic. Wow. What's in your fridge? What's in there now? The fridge? No. We don't have a drawer.

What? Am I in my New York apartment? You've got to have a crisper. You've got to have the butter cheese and butter drawer. We have two bottom drawers. We have the hook on the side, the little guy. Yeah. I don't think we don't have two middle drawers.

We have the two big ones at the bottom. I think you're going to need to transfer the lease over to my name. But one of the big things is why? Because that's trash. You don't have the lunch meat drawer? I don't think so. Weird. It might be an older fridge.

I don't think it's that old, though. But when you go to my mom, she's always got fucking two things of pork roll in there. That's nice. We were never that big on pork roll. My brother's huge on it. Yeah. We were a Scrapple family. Traige.

Yeah, Scrapples. My dad does it so good. He made cream chip beef this weekend. The old man still got it. Actually, I think my mom made it a little bit. This is from Jesse Ray Wright. Do you believe in lucky socks or lucky underwear? This might be a you thing.

You're a weird guy. I live in superstition. Yeah. So do you have a lucky shirt? A lucky anything? I don't currently have a lucky shirt. I just got a Notre Dame t-shirt from my dad that I would say is my lucky shirt. It fits me perfectly.

Well, luck has it brought you. Well, that's not lucky. You have sentimental value. I'm not lucky. Have you ever like, I put this on for a big audition or I wear, you know, no, you know, I guess if you have to think about it, you probably don't. But pennies, I have a strict code with pennies. And I never miss one.

Oh, yeah. I see a penny on heads. My routine is I pick it up. I have to look at the date. I clean it off a little bit. And then I put it in a pocket that doesn't have other change. You know, like a homeless person. Yeah.

Big on that. That's not. It's brought you horrible luck. I think of something. I have to knock on my, knock on my head. I have a whole little routine. Do you want to see it? Like if I, I've seen it.

Like if I say, Hey, you're going to die. Me, not so much. But if you do it all the time, don't say that. And you knock yourself. It's anything related to my family. My head can't be touching anything. Okay. Like I can't be laying down.

I have to, I have to sit up and I go like this. I have to do that. Sorry for the audio listener. Check it out on YouTube. Yikes. This guy is fucked. Here I am trying to have logical conversations with them. No wonder why we end up yelling at each other.

And if it's something real serious, then I bless myself. I know. But when I used to go to bed at night, I would have my wishes. When I would do my prayers at night, I would say make all my wishes. I wish for a six foot hoagie. I wish for a seven foot hoagie. Oh, I'd be crazy. You're talking nuts.

You're talking goofballs over here. That's never going to happen. What are your wishes? If I tell you they won't come true, Jody. Nice try, asshole. Nice try, devil boy. Yeah. There were just a few things that I, you know, hope didn't happen.

I hope my mom doesn't die. I hope my dad doesn't die. Love you, mommy. Oh, man, this guy's so weird. Yeah, man. What do you want from me? I'm trash. No, you're fucking wacko.

Sure. That's not trash. Certain circles. No, you're, yeah. Certain arenas. You're nuts. Oh, you're normal? I mean, I'm not.

I mean, I'm not. I learned the term OCD from you. I'm not wishing horrible things don't happen to my family every day. That's nuts. Please don't do this. Please don't do this. Like, I mean, I don't even want to say it because you're going to spiral out and the rest of the podcast won't be funny.

So like, I can't even give an example because I know where this is. Start pulling on our eyebrows. And it's not funny town. Start pulling on our eyebrows. No, go ahead. Yeah, I got a little bit of that. But lucky underwear. I mean, in high school, I had a lucky t-shirt that I always wore underneath my jersey.

It was a plain white t-shirt that I drew a Superman symbol and I wore it every game my senior year. We won a couple. I got in one game. Wasn't foolproof, but you know what I mean? All right, this is two. This is from Ryan. Do you know anyone who's been married at Town Hall instead of actually having an actual

wedding? I'm looking at them right now. Yeah, I got married at City Hall. Yes, you did. City Hall in New York is different. It's a little bit different. It's not like, you know, I'm not going to fucking, you know, Doyle's Town, Pennsylvania and getting married at the City Hall next to someone paying a parking ticket.

You know what I mean? Like, I'm at a fucking proper establishment. Congratulations to you and your wife. And good luck with the divorce. You did a City Hall in New York? Yeah. So the witness for your wedding was a guy in a suit that doesn't fit going to drug court? No, so they have a huge wing.

It's nice. I'm telling you, I don't know what you want from me. It's a huge, it's like a hole. It's a bench. It's a hallway. No, it's a big, big place and it was a scene, man. It's a fucking scene down there. Everybody's marrying every, it's like, it's the most New York thing.

It's so cool. There's, it's interracial. Everybody's just making out, having a good time. We had like 40 people there. Foley wasn't invited. Green card weddings, as far as the eye can see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So.

What's your wife's first name? I don't know. Who are you looking? Yeah, it's trashy. It's not the classiest thing. It ain't the classiest thing. No, but you did it nice. We had, yeah, we had to do it.

I saw pictures. Yeah. Yeah. Every wedding in City Hall of New York is in two languages. Yeah, I don't even want to do, I want to tell a story about it. That's so insanely funny, but I mean, we can't. Yeah. Got to protect the innocent here sometimes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then this was also, this is from Tom. Have you ever. Tommy. Tommy, have you ever gone into a photo booth at a wedding? I like to have like the boa and the funny hat and the goggles. It's trash. It's trash.

My cousin Jordan had something similar, but it wasn't a booth. It's like a green, not a green screen, but like a backdrop. Yeah. It was actually really classy. They had the ring light and all that stuff. It was nice. It's trashy. It's trashy.

I thought it was nice. The booth is trashy. They're all trashy. You're dressing up at a wedding. No one's there to put on fucking goofy glasses. I was at a wedding at a dunk tank once. Yeah, it was your parents. No, a dunk tank.

Do you ever see like people get mascots? They'll get like swoop from the Eagles to come or like the Philly fanatics to show up at their wedding. Man, I think I've mentioned this. Maybe on this podcast with definitely hard feelings. My aunt, my, like one of my great aunts had a mummer show up till like her 80th birthday party. And it wasn't like a big party.

It was like a Saturday afternoon. We were somewhere on like Henry Avenue in Philly. That's where all of my dad's side of the family was. So one of those backyards, you know what I'm talking about. Like Monty Capoletti's place. Yeah, I grew up in them. And fucking all of a sudden around the corner came this fucking like 60 year old fucking booze bag dressed like fucking spray painted shoes.

Yeah. Dressed like Elton John fucking at Dodger Stadium. And I was just like, nope, get the fuck away from me. Yeah. We had one. There was so the venue that we had our reception reception. Did you do the entrance? Cause I always thought that was kind of trashy.

No offense to anybody, but I always thought the, the, the, the, what's it called? The bridal party. Yeah. They come in and the guy dances and the girl dances. There's too many videos of like some guy with too many in them, like, you know, hurting somebody. Like grabbing her and like throwing them through his legs. Everybody comes in and does a funny dance move.

Everybody's going to come in and we're going to do, you're going to hike me the ball then you run for a pass and I'll throw it to you. You hand me a gun. I'll shoot myself in the mouth. That's dumb shit. That's like shit from the office. Yeah. I don't even pay him.

It's corny. Yeah. No bueno. But we, we didn't do that. No, but we did have, there was one at the venue. We had like a private room at a restaurant and there was one there. So it was great for the kids. The kids loved it.

Kids loved it. Yeah. Little kids. It can be done. Nice. Yeah. Let's do one or two more and then wrap it up. There we go.

What a fun time. A hat one. I don't think you're not a gambler, but have you ever sat at a slot machine with no intention of playing but only for the free drinks? I've sat at a slot machine. So I'll do the slots. If I got a little bit of cash on me, I'll do the slots. Of course.

You know, that's my speed. Okay. I don't know how to play cards or Kino or roulette or whatever it is. Remember when you were playing that one time? We were down. We were doing a couple of shows. Yeah. I was losing my fucking shirt.

Yeah. And remember how the lady was giving me shit? Because I didn't tip the, tip the lady who brought us the drink, watered down drink by the way. Fuck I'm paying for that. Yeah. Dude, you think this guy plays the cool. Wait till you go to a casino and there's rules he's got to follow.

Dude, he's looking at everybody like, like it's a sting operation. The fucking hammers. I always think they're going to arrest you. Who's that guy? He's just okay if I stand here. Where can I now look? Don't look at the dealer in the eye. Treat him like a German ship.

I don't like it. Yeah. You give fucking. I don't, I don't like being in a casino. There's some on some shrooms or something like that. I got a little picking up. You should be on shrooms all the time because you are high strung. Got to mellow this guy out.

Kid needs a decaf and a hot meal. Ah, shit. All right. Let's wrap it up here, buddy. What a fun time. What a fun episode. New bar, Kippy. I got to tell you, it really came through gang, grab a fucking pack of these.

Okay. Go to the website. Big cartel. No, it's are you garbage at big cartel.com. The link will be in the description. Check it out. Yeah, they're fantastic. You guys wanted them.

We love you. That it? We got nothing. Yeah. Just make sure you write, you subscribe on iTunes. If you haven't already, you know, YouTube, you can subscribe there. Even if you listen to the audio version, just go drop us a fucking sub. You know what I mean?

And it helps the numbers, the algorithm, that whole thing. It makes us look good. Shout out to everybody on Patreon. Shout out to everybody in the Facebook group. We love all of you. And we'll see you next week. Peace. Hold on a second there, gang.

Before you check out. Wait one second. We got to talk about the old stereo app. Kippy and Uncle Hank are on there every Thursday night live at 9 o'clock taking your questions. Yeah, guys. So listen, tune in. It is a good time. I'm telling you, we wouldn't stare you wrong.

We got a couple of Hondo people in there too. It's fun. It's a party. You can get in early. You can record your question. We'll play it live on the stream. Me and Foley chop it up. I'm telling you, I wouldn't stare you wrong.

It's a good time. Get involved. Check it out. Peace.