Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Steph Tolev!

Episode Date: June 5, 2025

Are You Garbage presents comedian and podcast host Steph Tolev! We're talking dance mom's, calling out your high school bullies and crimes! You know Steph Tolev from stand up comedy, Steph Infection, Your Mom's House, Tiger Belly w/ Bobby Lee, Whiskey Ginger, So True with Caleb Hearon, Stavvy's World, Bein Ian. RIP w/ Jordan Jensen, Harland Highway, and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Best of AYG: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZL8bt-D-ZN4&list=PLCJp1IfokN9Cy1Hi79LSGAykCKfRDM_y9 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Rocket Money: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Download the Rocket Money app and enter our show name Are You Garbage? in the survey so they know we sent you! Pestie: For 10% off your order, go to https://pestie.com/ayg Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? #comedypodcasts #comedians #podcastshow #comedypodcasts Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, everybody out there. Back on the block tour, still on sale. Gotcha, bozos. Gang, we're coming everywhere. Grab the squad and come out and see the boys. Talking about stand-up comedy. Then we play a little AYG with the crowd. It's a good time.

Oh, baby, this summer we're going to be Atlantic City. Then second show added in San Francisco, Portland, Oregon, Seattle, Braya, California, Burlington, Vermont, Boston. Tickets, low tickets, low ticket alert. Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond ticket alert, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, Rochester, New York, and Toronto, Canada, all tickets available at RUgarbage.com. Let's get to the show.

Start the show. Welcome to another exciting edition of RUgarbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley Hey Everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage? Oh, yeah, it's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that I figure it to be classy

Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash I'm your host states fully coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with tooties in a new edition She just picked up a brand new auto cycle Three-wheeled John's wait what you're not talking about those three-wheeled cars that they zip around the t-rex thing Yeah, what'd you call it? Auto cycle? That's what it's called. It's called an auto cycle.

She's out there bumping DMX, letting everybody know. OK. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. Confused this week. There you go. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is somewhat of an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world.

Give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan, everybody. Hey, everybody. Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, a little bit of housekeeping. Please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available over there on Spotify, gang.

Part of that creator program, no big deal. Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com slash RU garbage. You go over there, get all that bonus content gang Yes, right gang We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guests here with us today for the first time very Requested guest here on the way lion She is a very funny very successful stand-up comedian actor and podcaster and you might have seen her in but not limited to

You got corporate you got the ringers you got got the movie show, you got old dads, drugstore June, hamster and Gretel, you got Kripopolis, little voiceover work, nothing wrong with it, friends who kill, after midnight, Dr. Phil Live, the AVN Awards, hosted. Hello, she's gonna be in the new season of Tires. You can hear every week on her amazing podcast, Steph Infection, and she's got a brand new special coming out June 24th over there on Netflix

Filth Queen give it up for Steph tolev everybody My god killing it the hansel and grell, you know that is yeah, you do What are you talking actually have no idea my eyes like fell out of my head when you said that? I'm like, what the fuck is he reading? It's on the IMBD. I don't know what to tell you Oh shit, I gotta double check with that I remember in the very beginning when we were doing this I did that for Brendan Sagalow And he's like I don't none of those credits are mine. I like read the wrong thing or something I read Regis Filbin's IMDB page

I apologize Buddy thanks for coming in Yeah, I gotta tell you I this is the one podcast that people kept being like, why are you on it? And I'd be like, fucking tell them every single time. Like so many people tagged me in this. I guess they think I'm trash. Apparently, yeah.

I mean, I think a lot of this is just, you know, for clinical research at this point. I think we know the verdict. I think we all know the verdict. I think it might surprise us. We'll see. We'll see. Thank you for the middle of her nose. I thought she had a bug going for the first couple of minutes. Oh yeah. I was like Jesus Christ. I didn't see that. I was gonna have Luke just

make the camera a little fuzzy. Oh my god. Oh, there's a good AYG question. If someone even like someone you're not that close with, alright, say like you and I bumped into each other at a show And I had a bug would you be like yo you got a good chances. He's got a bug you bump into him What you bump into him would you give somebody the heads? I I do one of these I do that a lot I do like a hopefully you can subconsciously make them do it if my breath was kicking would just tell me no breath I will say something thank you the amount of comedians male comedians. Sorry Unbelievable, I always tell people that no one's flossing. I floss every day

You know my breath your breath can't smell some coolest guy in the world I've lost every day sometimes at a show if you have to lean in like Something like that and it kicks you got to be like, oh you ever go up after someone and the mic is like If you have no idea how bad like this actually smells good no You gotta be like, yo, you need to be safe. Do you ever go up after someone and the mic is like rancid? It's brutal. It's brutal. If you have no idea how bad like this, actually smells good. No smell. We take care of it.

We clean them. Me and him have our own mics even on the road when we do road times. Oh, do you? It's like very much. Well, I got a big honker too, so I'm smelling. You're in there. I got an extra scent.

Oh man, that's rough. I can smell a mile away. It is hell. It's tough. Give us the origin story of Stef Tolov. Lay it on us. Start from the beginning. Start from the beginning.

Please. Grandparents, arranged marriage from Bulgaria. Stop. Okay. That's right. Your grandparents. Were coming in hot. My dad's mother and father.

Arranged marriage. In Bulgaria. Yes. So my dead-o came across to Canada. Uh-huh. Had no idea what the fuck was going on, gets here, can't speak English, gives the wrong last name. My last name is supposed to be T-O-L-E-F-F, but my deado cannot speak English.

He goes, no, no, no, mumbles it, guy goes, Tola. This is a made up name. Wow. Three months later, my baba, 17 years old, gets a photo of my deado. Not a good looking guy. Neither was she. I don't mean to be rude, but my grandparents, hideous people. So.

I don't think anybody's grandparents were attractive. Some, no, sometimes you see. They were very like utilitarian back in the day. They were like in the mines and shit. Nobody was good looking. Every once in a while you come across one like, ah, he looks like a crooner or something like that. Yeah, like other than the old Navy.

I think the Eastern Europeans, hideous people. Yeah. Very large. They look like they need some vitamin C. They need a little more than that. So my mama gets his photo, comes and meets my grandpa. Has three children with him. Not good.

Was it like a proper arranged marriage? Yes, I think goats were traded. I'm not sure of the exact trades. What's Bulgaria? That's not an arranged marriage culture, is it? I think it is. Is that Eastern European? Maybe because they were both so ugly.

They did it on a bet. Brought it back. Hey, here's 50 bucks. Marry my daughter, will ya? Not even 100 bucks. Alright, so your grandparents settle in Canada? Yes. So they... Doesn't work out. Three kids. My father divorces him, which is a perv.

Because he's a psychopath. Very jealous. Used to hide in the bushes and beat up the mailman because he thought he was trying to... I kind of respect that though. It's my property. Again, she ain't a looker so buddy, don't you worry about that. The mailman is a shnuffling neighbor. Exactly. Must be hideous. Hideous.

Okay, so your grandparents get divorced. This is your dad's side of the family. My mom's side has already been here for a while. They're full Canadians. Okay. Where in Canada is this Toronto? That's all right. Oh Toronto. My dad meets my mom in high school big dick hanging out of those running shorts My dad was like the head of the track team He's got a hog. How do you know your dad has a hog? I can show you yeah Let's see a picture of your dad's wiener. These Canadians are weird

Are you sure if your dad's a wiener? These Canadians are weird. He's Bulgarian's party, dude. No, it's not his bare penis. But you see a bulge. I see bulge, but- But my dad had a big sack, or he has a big sack, I would presume. Well, yeah.

He still does. Maybe a good smaller. I will say I did see my dad's penis by accident. He had prostate cancer. I mean, by accident, I was like, let me look at that. Peaky, peaky. No, he had prostate cancer,

and we were about to go walk the dog. I went home to help him. And he goes, oh, fuck! And when someone says that you look over to the what's happening He was putting a catheter And I had to look at it biggest dick I've seen in my entire life really Unbelievable I like my poor mother. I'm talking like like soft huge the catheter was a garden hose You're talking like soft, huge. The catheter was a garden hose? The catheter was a fire hose.

It was just turning, it was just cranking it in. He's got a wrench going. I gotta find this fucking photo, okay? So my dad, we've been taking photos on family trips for years, and I was like, can you send a cute photo? At what age did you realize this? Did you suspect it? That I realized,

I didn't suspect it, he hid it for years. Like, and he pretty much raised me and my sister, I'll get into that, but I had no idea. Wait, are parents not together? They are together. They shouldn't be but they are together Don't walk away from a hog like that My mother is her hard to come by she ain't walking straight. I'll tell you that I can't find this fucking photo. Okay, okay Well, anyway, it's it's I don't know. I have a leader. I will He just like bricked up in these sweatpants. He has anyways, so they meet in high school They meet in high school. Okay swinging his dick around

Moms loving it. He's got a Corvette really reals around. I know my dad was cool big dick How was the idea of the Corvette did his dad make cash? No, no, no No, he walked into the dealership showed him the bulge. They said zero down zero percent financing That's exactly a sign and drive his dick drove it out of the parking lot. They said zero down, zero percent financing. That's exactly it. Sign and drive. His dick drove it out of the parking lot. It wasn't even him. So they that's they get married, whatever. They have me.

My both my parents drop out of high school. What age do they are? They meet in high school. So I think they have kids young. Yeah. My mom had me at 23. OK, but they dropped out of high school. They both got out of high school. My dad went into there.

It's like offering this program called. It's like Toronto Hydro, it's like Power and Water in Canada. And they offered all these young kids, if you drop out of high school now, we'll teach you how to show you all this electricity shit. Okay. So he went and did that. Good pension. He's still doing well, pension-wise, I guess.

And my mom, this is where it gets weird, my mom dropped out to be a Highland dancing teacher. What's Highland? Exactly, yeah. It's Scottish. Like Irish? Yes, it gets weird. My mom dropped out to be a Highland dancing teacher. What's Highland? Exactly, yeah. It's Scottish. Yes, it's Scottish. Really? Like the Highland dancing? Yes, like Riverdance, but it's all turned out.

It's kilts and bagpipes. It's like a huge. Is she Scottish? No, makes no sense. My grandma was weirdly obsessed with it. Bizarre. Google it if you don't know what Highland dancing is. Google it, look it up right now.

So I competitively Highland danced from the age of three to 18 years old. To 18? If anyone's ever seen my body, not a dancer's body. We ain't sitting over here with small feet. Toronto Hydro body. I got, no, I did. Nine and a half hawkers, broad back, same tits as my dad.

It makes no sense why I was highland dancing. Till 18. Did you enjoy it? No, I was so bad. And she dropped out of school for this? And she's still doing it. My mom teaches Highland Dancing, teaches judges and examines.

So me and my sister, our whole life, that was our whole life, every weekend we had a competition, every single week that we had practice, I had no fucking life. I had no life, I had no friends. Damn. That sucks. That's crazy.

Both of them dropped out of high school, they're still doing the same thing that they dropped out of high school for That's pretty good and doing well They're doing they're still doing I mean they still work is their brother and sisters involved just my sister Say mom and dad three years younger than me. Okay friend. She funny than me so fucking annoying You ever have a sibling. It's funnier than you know it sucks my siblings are idiots my brother's pretty funny I brought it is not that guy's got ice water running through his veins I brought it or just for last one year and she came back over with a stack of cards no she did I swear to God she had a bunch of agents and I got no one talked to me the whole fucking time I was so pissed

it's Dave Becky guys I told him we're gonna do lunch tomorrow. Huh, what were vacations like, Rowan? Just dancing, just dancing. Everything revolves around dancing. Every fucking weekend we drive to like Michigan or... I would never guess. I'd go to Scotland every year. That was my one big trip we did. Every year we'd go to the World Championships.

Were you in the World Championships? No, it was dog shit! All my mom's students were. My mom has one of the best dancing students of the planet She's in the Guinness Book of Records for winning the most consecutive and I'm shit Like I was it was so embarrassing picture your mother having like crazy. You're bragging about that. Yeah. Yeah, that's my big break number one draft pick I went dancing Anyways, that was that so that was it my whole life was dancing. So she has a school. Yeah She's own dancing school. Okay, and my dad was so that was it. My whole life was dancing. So she has a school. Yeah, she's own dancing school.

OK, and my dad was her to help out of the competitions. He would announce he'd be like, all right, coming up next, the beginners line up number one in my heart. Number 99 on the call sheet. Number one in my heart. Wow. Yeah. OK.

And that was it. That was it. I get a vibe in life. That would be like if in America, if like your mom was like a cheerleading coach. Yes, like gymnastics. Yeah. And the dance moms are fucking demented. Yes. These people are weird. They would be like if in America if like your mom was like a cheerleading coach. Yes like gymnastics Yeah, and the dance moms are fucking demented. Yes these people are weird They would sit like I had this one these one they would definitely beat their kids

They had like bruises on the inside of their thighs and every day they'd call my mom and quit and then they'd show up the Next day it was bizarre was there Was this like kind of like wrestling look where you had to like keep a certain weight and all that kind of stuff Oh, yeah, well, I was probably the biggest one out there. I was like you in how to dance. I just wanna look like. Everybody was like small and I'm like, that was exactly it.

No, if you were smaller, you were definitely winning. But if you were like a Bulgarian. But it wasn't like, it wasn't a part of it. Like your diet wasn't regimented. No, but you're all, no one's fat dancing because you're jumping nonstop. It's fucking crazy crazy the amount of jumping you do no other vacations you're not going to Disney World you're not going to Lourdes once for a dancing trip and put your every night of your life practicing when you're not good

like every night I would take my sister right from school and we'd walk up to the dance and my mom taught at this church I could have a church. I'm gonna teach in a church. Yeah in the basement No, are you guys religious at all? Both my grandparents were my parents aren't your parents wait not downstairs and like the gymnasium in the church or whatever No, it was like upstairs by my mom right now for something upstairs church room We had to move all the fucking pews for it was a nightmare Jesus Christ. You're doing it in there I was I was I was a Tabernacle sack religious. I know it was hell. I know jumping off the altar

Wow, okay. I was a new eyes. I was baptized Greek Orthodox, okay. Yeah, they got a they dunk your naked body in a tub and then everyone jerks off at what age you're not great team off at what age you're not great teen I'm kidding I was a hot tub at Club Med you're not great I'm Park Creek my grandmother was Greek she's born in Greece your grandma yeah your grandmother on your mom's side no my dad's side your dad's that's how we're Parker really got work for Interpol yeah this doesn't make any disarrange marriage is not adding up she was like Park Creek part half Bulgarian but she was like way international arm

smuggler okay there's that okay great grandparents got her at half price Because she's half Greek I didn't get You'll get used to it I think you missed their big guy Who it might have even been I'm asking because it might have been in the dancing world. Who was like the most famous person you met as a kid? Was it like, holy shit, there's the world champ? Like it didn't have to be like a superstar, but like somebody even local celebrity. Kurt Browning.

He was a famous Canadian ice skater. We saw him at the airport once. And that was a big deal for our family. Kurt Browning. He was like killing receding, bad receding hairline, but still young. Check him out. Oh yeah, people love Kurt Browning. Look at him, there he goes, whipping around.

I feel like I just saw him on the news three days ago. There's another guy that's an American ice skater that looks just like him. I was like, if you tell me Kurt Browning is a bad man, I'm gonna get very upset. No, no, no, no, no, in a good way. Okay, because I was like, please, we've worshiped this man. I know who you're thinking of.

I can't think of the guy's name. No, I think it was five days ago. Oh, rock stars on ice Kurt Browning and Elvis the Jaco share preview I told you Wow Good morning America this guy loves her brownie That's pretty good, especially in the airport. I respect that I like that that was that was the big one I other than that Olympics thing goes in the Olympics this guy been than that, Olympics. Was he in the Olympics? This guy? I have been. Yeah, he might have been. He's a rock star on ice. He's no fucking schlub.

We didn't watch a lot of anything growing up. We did you have cable? Yeah. But we were dancing. I had to go to bed at like 8 p.m. We eat like a pile of spaghetti and go to bed at fucking 8 p.m. What was the house like? Was it like a standalone single family home with a townhouse apartment? Yeah, no, a single family home, like three bedrooms. My they redid it.

My uncle is an architect. He like made some weird fucking shit going on there. And what was the family car growing up? Oh, we had a Dodge caravan for a while. What color was that caravan green with that gray trim on the bottom? I know. Would your mom pick up other kids? Oh, yeah. And drive them or like the other students and other dance. Wow. Young, attractive.

I was I think that's why I'm so self-conscious of my body now. When I look around, I was this big nosed unibrow mustache pig and all these little dancers hopping around. And I was like, oh, why is no one looking at me? I get the vibe. I get the vibe of what you're what what it was like. Now. Yeah. Yeah. Hell Yeah, hell definitely feels that way now No, I just meant of like when like the her mom Would go and pick up the other students and stuff like like she was a part of she was a dance mom

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How were the grades? OK. OK. Great. I was in high school. I got arrested. For? For assault. Oh. Cool. Beating up a judge.

I had a jealousy problem with my first boyfriend, Marlon, shout out, because I know he watches my stuff. What age are we talking about? Grade 10 or 11. So how old am I? 15? 16? Yeah, 15, 16, yes.

So this girl kept checking him out and it was annoying me and I got mad. At school. At school and I got mad. At school. At school and I got pissed so I made a comment to her in the math hallway during our lunch and then she- What was that comment? I said, you know, keep your fucking eyes to yourself bitch, something along those lines. Respect it. And then her friend-

Set of instructions. Her friend shoved me who I've never seen in my entire life and I was like who the fuck is this bitch? Fuck this bitch. So I shoved her back but then my friend, I can't say her name because she gets pissed off when I tell the story, but she comes in and just throws this girl to the ground and just pounds her in the math hallway, like pounds.

And I was like, oh shit. So we run out, a teacher comes off, pulls us apart. Also my friend. Did you get involved in the punching? No, I did the initial show. I started, I did the initial show. Gotcha. So we leave that, we get kicked out of the school.

We're outside at a pizza shop and I'm like, are we gonna be in shit? And my friend the school, we're outside at a pizza shop, and I'm like, are we gonna be in shit? And my friend's like, we're probably gonna get suspended. I love how you get in a fist fight, you're like, let's go grab a slice. No, we had a full slice. I went back to fifth period. We were here all day, what are you talking about?

Hey Mario, if anyone asks, I've been here since opening. I went back to fifth period, and I remember I asked my teacher, Mr. Block, I go, are there cameras in the school? And he goes, why? That's a day in, don't start doing that. You don't go in, hey,, are there cameras in the school? And he goes, why? That's a day. And what are you doing? Don't start doing that. You don't know. Hey, what's the security system like here?

But there was there was cameras. So I was like, I won't get in trouble because they'll see that I didn't do the first push. So I was like, oh, I'm in I'm in Scott Free here. And then we come to school the next day, the both of us. Nothing happens all day long. End of the day, this like teacher, student guy comes up. He goes, you're in a lot of trouble. There's a girl in the hospital.

I'm like, what girl in the hospital? And then we go take down to the office and i'm sitting there and this Like out of clothing police officer starts going through my backpack. She's like you have the right to remain silent I'm like, who the fuck are you? Bitch, you have the right to remain and i'm like I look over and my friend is literally leafing through a people magazine I'm bawling my eyes out. We get we were also we wore school uniforms. What took you so long? So i'm wearing a little kilt A little school kilt And I'm getting handcuffed in the school office this Catholic school. No, we just had a bad game Scottish dancing school

Wait, hold on get a bad gang problem at your school. Yeah East York collegiate and in Toronto There's a lot of gangs were coming in say East York collegiate. Yeah, ey, look at me psycho. I'm up You have your school tattooed on you What was the gang that's why I York? Crash. What was the gang? See, that's why I'm on the podcast. What was the gang? There was a European, I think they called it European Alliance, EA.

They were insane. Sounds like a government. They bring chains to school. It was just people trying to find my grandparents. You had the Russian mob in your high school. What do you got on? Reddit's just calling it a juvenile prison. Really?

Are you serious? Check out the Wikipedia. Let's find out if you're in the notable alum. Oh I am. You are. And a couple of hockey players are as well. Let's get eyes on that. Oh yeah, I'm on there.

Let's see what kind of competition she's in. Probably in the most wanted section. I kept being taken off it. Somebody kept taking me off of the notable alumni. My friend kept putting me back on. Tribe is a chick you knocked out. So you got her proper arrested. Arrested, fingerprinted, handcuffed.

They locked me and my friend in two separate cells. Not like the other cells, like this all white room with a good white little table. Wow, you must have been freaking out. I'm like, my dad's going to beat the fucking pulp out of me. Sure. Because, you know, Bulgarians like to stop around a little bit. Sure. So I'm like, I'm going to be killed.

Old world type shit. Oh, big time. My friend's singing in the room. Mariah Carey top for long So like this bitch is fucking what she's doing now. She seems like a bit of a psycho No, she married actually another comedian friend of mine. I introduced him as they have two kids two beautiful kids I know she really came around okay I on the other hand

Anyways, yeah, we got but in Canada you we went to court like I think 13 we got expelled initially But my parents both went to this high school and my grandparents So they're like you're getting back into school keeping the name alive So my dad went like begged the teachers to let me back and the principal and they did hmm And then I came back and then I was in the student government Can I ask you a sidebar question on the honor roll so suck my dick East York collegiate what for junior and senior year? Make sense notable alumni Okay, I want to ask a sidebar question in the Canadian courts.

They were the wigs. I was thinking the same thing. No, no wigs. They don't? No. I was curious. But also, if you've ever been arrested at that age, you just get thrown in a room with everybody else who's had like a charge. And you're sitting there with some drunk guy at the back and he's like yelling. And they're like, they just call your name up and you walk up and they're like, OK, we'll make another court date. They just keep pushing. Yeah, it's such a waste of fucking time and money

Salt charge. What was the what was the mascot there at East York? Well, it was me and it was the Bulldog The other team's trying to steal her I would go into the classrooms and everyone thought it was a guy and I would grab all the guys asses and they got so pissed off. It stunk in there. You want to talk about a smell. Holy Toledo. That thing's never washed. The tattoo's wild. Give your high school tattooed on your face. Did you do that in high school? I did that one year ago. One year ago? What? Did you go to college? Oh wait, hold on. No, no, I can show you this. I also got a handcuff

tattooed on me, my friend and I. We got little handcuffs. That friend that got arrested? Yeah. It's not like you guys served a nickel. You have a teardrop on your eye? No, on my tit. She's getting hers removed because her mom saw it and her mom hates me because she thinks I'm a bad influence. And like she literally, her mom saw the tattoo recently and she's now getting her tattoo. Really? What age did you get that? Last year, same time I got the EY. We both got the EY. I am trash and we're realizing it now. No, I kind of knew.

Wow. and we're realizing it now. No, I kind of knew. Uh, wow. Did you, let's go back, did you bring your lunch to school or did your mom, or did you buy it at school? No, I'd buy it or we used to go to this place called Harvey's and just ask for free pickles. You were allowed to leave. Yes. Interesting.

In middle school, yeah, or I'd go home. I lived really close to my eight, seven, eight, six, seven, eight school. I lived down the street, so I'd just go home sometimes and eat like a whole can of ravioli and then head back. Oh yeah, not good. I ate a lot of ravioli growing up. Was you Chef Boyardee?

Oh, of course. What are you, crazy? I found a maggot in one time, and I remember I just pushed it aside and I continued to eat the ravioli. What almost made me throw up. What the fuck? Seriously. What's going on with the quality control up in Canada?

No, my mom never like didn't really cook us shit like she was in the frozen No like frozen chicken and put in the oven and then I had to do that once my mom would teach and I would have To come up from high school and if my dad walked in the door and the chicken wasn't ready There'd be a full fucking fight. So you had to have dinner ready when your dad oh, yeah And then as soon as I was in like like a good And said but in like halfway through high school I went full punk and I had like a dog collar and I was like, I don't listen to the man.

And then my dad and I really didn't get along after that. Sure. Jesus Christ. But I look back now. How were you doing that in dancing with the full punk outfit? Oh, it was crazy. I got braids one time.

I got those like, they're not good anymore. Like the, I got like. The braids like that you get when you go down to Jamaica for spring break? No, like the full, like I had full, like woven in bra braids like that. You get when you go down to Jamaica for no full. Like I had full like woven in braids like black women dress pretty much. But braids. And then I had to dance with that. I looked ridiculous.

Yeah, I don't have those photos because I did scrub those off the Internet. Because did you go to college? Well, yeah, here's where it gets even worse. I went to clown college. There's a two year program. Actually. Humber College called the comedy writing and performance program. Humber?

Humber College, look it up. It's a two. See if she's on the notable. I'm deaf. You know what, I am and it's so fucking funny because they fucking hated me. I lived in a house with eight guys. Why, you seem like a delight to be around.

I actually am a nice person. I'm kidding. No, I live with eight guys and we just be stoned all the time and they hated us because we didn't write anything out. And there's only like eight women in the whole program. Anyways, the end of the year, they cut me out of all the sketch shows

and I had to do a standup. That's why I started doing standup. I initially wanted to do like sketch comedy. Why did you, so that's what you were studying. You weren't studying, kind of be a clown. No, there was a clown class though. It actually was a very good class. But I did get into- Did you take a clown name?

No, I thought we would wear the nose and it was so stupid. We didn't, I tried to be an actress. I auditioned for like four acting programs. So this was like a- Performing arts. Performing arts school. Yes, but yeah, but this program is kind of a joke. Yeah. Gotcha.

Yeah, like no one, I don't tell people I have a degree in comedy, it's embarrassing. Did you finish the two years there? I did finish the two years Okay, and then you started doing stand-up. I was I started improv right after that. Okay I was in an improv troupe called the dumb cunts with a K. We thought it was cute. No one put us on the flyers Yeah, very marketable Disney and then we changed it to lady stash and then

During that time I would just do like I actually have a mustache tattoo, that was my first tattoo. We would start doing, I started doing stand up in there because I realized improv pays no money. The guys are creepier in improv. I will tell you, when women complain about male stand ups, I'm like, you've never seen the lower back touching a male improviser will do for no reason in a scene. It's part of my character, just fingering your ass.

Yes, Ed, you have to go along with this what about pets growing up any pet yes golden retrievers big golden retrievers all right the most normal thing I've heard I have a golden retriever now as well love it what's the name Susan good very nice even crazier I have a tattoo it on my asshole I respect that how many tattoos do you think you have? I have about 17. 17. Yeah, and they're so stupid.

They're all worse than the other one. What was the first concert you went to growing up? Oh, it was called Snow Jam. Ouch. That's so Canadian. It was called Snow Jam, and I think Treble Charger, I believe, was headlining. And I body surfed.

It was like rock. I body surfed, and a guy grabbed my ass and my tit and I freaked out Snowjam Toronto. Yeah, there it is. This would be like a local radio station That's it that's the one that's it let's see let's yeah 2002 it should be treble charger who else I think dropkick Murphy's. Oh fuck. That's not bad I didn't see them dinko Jones. I'm missing dinko Jones So you probably went on Saturday. Yes, so all members. Yes, that's where is there swollen member? Oh, yeah Filter like the band like filter filter. Yes, that's pretty good. It's not bad. Yeah, that's that's it What was the last concert you went to?

What the fuck did I see I think it was? no jam oh I don't remember. I haven't been doing a while a while. I think Death from Above, though. It's my favorite band. Okay. Toronto. So you're into the more alternative scene. Yes. Musically.

Yes. But I listen to a lot of like, um, EDM. Okay. EDM. Like Odeza, Flume. Okay. That's not helping. Actually, Flume might have been my last concert I saw at Red Rocks. That was that. It was very good. Okay. I know Flume.

Man. Um... Woo! I love MDMA. That was that, it was very good. I know Flume. Man. I also, I love MDMA. It's not expected all this. I'll tell you that. Might run out of ink on the pen. Oh my God. What was the first job growing up?

Oh, I babysat when I was really young. My parents forced me, this is chemistry, but then I worked at a waiting pool, which is like a kiddie pool. Okay. So it was like the ones that you fill up just a little bit. You worked there? I worked there, there's like, you have a little guard and I worked in this very bad area.

It was right. Maine and damn. Was it like, I'm sorry. It was it was there another pool connected. No, it's like, you know, it's like a playground. There's like that small, like, like cement pool with a little thing in the middle. I know those things. That's it. That's all the pool was. And they have a lifeguard for that. You can drown in three feet of water.

I'm aware that I learned. Yeah. I don't think I've ever seen something. Were you a strong swimmer? I was, but you didn't have to swim for this. You just had to learn like CPR. But this area I worked in, it was fuck as it was like all government housing. So these the parents would assume that we were babysitters. So they would drop off their children who were horrendous.

Yeah. All day long. They'd hit me. They'd fucking chase me. They'd lock me in the pit, they'd throw the keys down the well. They were bad. One time there was a dead pigeon and it had no head and they shoved a stick in it and then chased me around with the end of it all day. How old were you? I was 16. That's good clean fun. Hey, it's good clean Canadian fun.

Yeah. Alright. What was your first car? Ford Escape. My parents gave me their old Ford Escape that I drove across the country from Toronto to LA. Clean Canadian fun. Yeah. All right. What was your first car? Ford Escape. My parents gave me their old Ford Escape that I drove across the country from Toronto to LA and then I got there and the transition died and I had to buy a brand new car. So I didn't.

What's the current car? Subaru 2013 Subaru outback. Look at this lesbian. 2013. Oh yeah, she's fucking. What year is it? It's 2025? Do you, have you been in Los Angeles? Yeah, I'm never gonna fucking get a nice car in the city. Everyone's driving like an ape I'm not fucking buying and there's so many scratches that are not from me on it. I'm not doing it. I

Was I wasn't I was just so mad Fucking right her friend comes in spears me So after After the performing arts school you do an improv and then you kind of get out and head to LA early no Oh, no, no, no, I was in Canada for like 15 years. I came out to LA 10 years ago okay, because to become a Successful comedian in America. You have to have a green card in order to get a green card You have to get a bunch of fucking credits

You have to fill out six out of the ten like Whatever it is things like commercials gotcha like trophies like So you did all that I did a lot of it you did that route up in Toronto and then moved to LA Yes, and then but the process of coming here still help my my you have to do an STD test. And for some- STD? Yep, you have to test your syphilis. And mine came back like something was wrong with it. I didn't know.

You can just say positive. No, it wasn't positive, it was inconclusive. It wasn't negative. So. Hey, I've had HPV, I haven't had syphilis. I'll be honest about it. So I had to like go back in, so they had to hold back my fucking green card

for another like like three four months I kept having these going away parties in Toronto like fuck you, Canada. I'm never mind. I got crabs My pussy's itchy. I can't go to America yet. So I had to keep like They do STD check they do and not even AIDS which I found alarming just STD. Is that crazy? I thought I assumed AIDS I can come yeah, filled to the brim with HIV no one cares No, just a tippity top of AIDS and nobody in America cares But if I have a little burning in my peepee hole not allowed across the border So I went to LA ten years ago, so I did like improv and stuff

I waitress for my whole time I was in Toronto. Okay. Yes a lot of waitressing jobs Were there any family recipes that your mom did make? No, nothing. Nothing. Frozen chicken in the fucking oven. What were the holidays like? What was... Did you do Christmas? Oh yeah, we did Christmas. That was a nightmare. Colored lights on the tree, white lights on the tree? White lights. My mom doesn't like colored lights. Not bad. It irritates her.

Okay, that's good. That's good. My parents are very irritable. You do the house, decorate the outside of the house? Decorate a little bit, yeah. My dad, when we were very young, was very cute. We'd do little reindeer marks and sleigh marks. Ah, see, that's all right. He was a raging psychopath. Not so bad.

He would do little nice things like that. Um, hmm. Huh, indeed. Have you ever washed shoes in a washing machine? Yeah, I do all the time. Really? At home? Not with anything else.

Yeah, but you wash them. Yeah. Huh. Take the laces off. What are you talking about? Hey put outside the drive. I've got to she responded so confidently that I'm backpedaling I've never had any people go. Yeah. Oh that is weird. She's like yeah, you fucking pussy. I always do my L stars That's not great. It's not no in the washing machine not to dishwasher

Washing machine by themselves. That's not that crazy. Only those type of sneakers. I'm also saying it's not that great. But a white All-Star Hightower. The broads are criminal. Give me the goddamn benefit of the doubt. I'm not on fucking trial here, nor is the system, by the way, that has been tried and true for 500 episodes.

Were you allowed to eat in your room as a kid? No. Did you have to make your bed? Yes. You did? I got in trouble a lot. I used to slam my door a lot, and my dad got very mad. And one time, my sister slammed my door,

and then my dad came up and took it off the hinges and took it into the basement. And then every time somebody called, I'd go, hi, my dad's a pervert. Nice to watch me change. So the door was put back on within a couple days What what kind of posters did you have on the wall? Okay now? We're getting into it. I was nothing good Obsessed with blink 182 okay, all right. That's not normal my every there wasn't a piece of wall in my bedroom

Were you a mark Tom or Travis guy? Oh, Tom, my God. I used to look at this photo. Oh, good-looking dudes. In my high school room, I had this little wiggly pen. That was a little wiggly pen. It's like it vibrates. It's like a vibrator for kids. It's a pen. Yeah, and I would do like a handwriting pen.

So when you write it, it goes do-do-do-do-do, and it would do like little swirls. But I one time put it on the little glitty, glitty, bang-bang, and I'll tell you what. Was the door on the hinges at this time? She was probably like, to get you a table. Hey, Dad, make your own chicken. Glitty glittery bang bang. What was the door on the hinges? Hey dad make your own chicken Gonna put that door on that are you lights are blinking yes?

Obsessed fucking upset how many times have you seen them live? I've seen live only three times, okay? That's a real psycho. I like it, but death from above the band. I love the most I've seen about 20 times now are you garbage is brought to you by progressive insurance fiscally responsible financial geniuses monetary magicians these are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to progressive and save hundreds because progressive offers discounts for paying in full owning a home and more plus you can count on their great customer service to help you when you need it. So your dollar goes a long way. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance, progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates potential savings will vary not available

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garbage to save up to $475. Hydro.com. Code garbage. Do it. Did you go to prom? Yes, this is where I get sad so I was supposed to dress up like Jim Carrey and From from Dumb and Dumber we rented this with who my good friend Justin who I was like best friends in high school How come you didn't go with like a significant other? What about the boyfriend? I beat the girl this fucking nose you think high school accepted? I was fucking Toucan Sam from grade 9 to fucking 12.

But you said you were dating the guy that you beat up? Oh, for three months and he jizzed in his pants. I thought he peed. I don't know what was going on. Hey, there's nothing wrong with that. That's still my go-to move. That's my wife. Hey, you had us on your side up until then. No, okay. So I was supposed to dress up and we rented the outfits. We rented the tuxes, the orange and the blue.

Whose idea was this mine Of course, and you're like, hey wasn't Justin Justin. Hey Justin was Justin Was he romantically involved with anybody? Why did he not go with though? Well, here's the thing And is anybody else he did he bailed on me like like literally less than 24 hours before he went with somebody else He got a suit and like with a gal. Yes, so I had nothing so I had to borrow this like weird She's got both suits pink dress from my friend and I wore pink also high tops because I was a psychopath Would you go on though? Just my friends? No, I'm so reason all my friends. We all went with nobody Okay, but then here's the thing so I thought I was gonna win prom queen. Why would you think that I was popular?

Okay, I was I was funny. I was in all the plays. I was like I was an announcement crew I was in the student government. I gotta say those people typically in my the people on the announcement crew You know you did the announcement crew student government and it were in the theater department I was also MVP of the lacrosse team. Okay, and I was in cross country. Oh, so you did do other sports? Yeah, I was very sporty. All right. Yes, I was... Captain of the lacrosse team. MVP. MVP of the lacrosse team.

My lacrosse team. Mr. Zack, who I had a huge crush on. Okay. Gave me the award. Man, this world's all over the place. So I think I'm gonna win. It's called Missy Stork. Missy Stork.

This girl, Virginia Shulist. Whore! I'll never forget it. She was such a fucking loser. You know you were, Virginia. She was such a fucking loser. No one liked her. She was like, a goody-goody two shoes. She counted the ballots. She wins. I think it was inside job She gets booed Everyone is booing her nobody she comes over off the podium hands me the crown and goes I think this should have been yours

No fucking kidding bitch. Who's got a short tattoo on her finger? I was so pissed off. I'm the people's champ I'm the people's champ. I'm the people's champ. Did you go up there and make a speech or anything? I didn't. I didn't. But like even my even Mr. Zaff came she got off. You're going to win that. She got off and handed you the crown because she got booed that fucking badly.

Nobody would have voted for her. Everybody hated her. And his high school sounds awful. I don't know what's going on. Sounds like something out of fucking saved by the bell. Also, look how crazy also okay? I can even get even worse here. I was bullied so badly So bad is everybody on meds in this high school

They might be I was bullied so bad in grade 9 that they took my yearbook, and they were big There's a bunch of guys. There's like 10 Greek guys that fucking hated me because I was like Anyway, Greek guys well thing, I won these, one of the guys who's friends with the bullies comes to one of my comedy shows recently, sits in the front row. I go, let me call my high school bully. Oh, why do I feel like I saw this online?

I think I saw this go viral maybe. It didn't go viral because the guy's name was said and his brother fucking threatened to sue me. So I had to fucking take the clip down and take his name. I didn't even say his name. The bully who I called goes, oh, is this so and so whose phone I was calling from? Not saying the name, so didn't even say his name. The bully who I called goes, oh is this so and so whose phone I was calling from, not saying the name,

so we'll do it again, and then the clip was going so fucking viral, it was like 30K in like 20 minutes. I was like, oh this is a clip, and then I had to take it out. I was so pissed. I'm like, I would have gone back to court in Canada, they would have been like, oh this bitch again. Should have done it, should have made that a clip. Put my dog collar back on, remember me?

Remember me from high school. Alright, so they took your yearbook Detective training trying to get to the bottom of the case They were ugly big nose everywhere And I had this crush on this guy Kevin and they scratched out his face saying you'll he'll never like you you're so ugly And then one of my best friends in high school cut out a typical Stuff and put it in mine is very sweet. Anyways, these guys are losers. Most of them apologize to me. He, I'm, so that phone call, I made him,

I mean, I force him to apologize. He probably didn't really want to, but... This is why I'm like this now, because I was heavily bullied. Also, bullied by men is so bizarre for a woman. Usually it's like, isn't it crazy? That's crazy. It's usually like girls bully girls, guys bully guys. Yeah, I never, um...

Yeah. I don't know why, I don't know what my nose does to men, but they hate it I have a clip right now going viral on Facebook because 500 men are like instead of prosthetic How does she even get it that big you think I want this you think I walk around going? Like I'm trying to make it look like this. It's so crazy Adrian Brody, let's see your fucking DMs. Are they you big nose? Uh-huh. Adrian Brody, let's see your fucking DMs. Are they you big nose Danny DeVito penguin bitch?

Let's see his. Adrian Brody full listening to this. That's so specific. Fulling Brody into it. His is bigger than mine, damn it. Uh-huh. Steph. Do they get stunned like this?

Good Lord. Yeah, last one was Jordan Jensen, so you're in good company. Okay, okay, okay, now I'm feeling. Yeah, hers, she's worse than me, isn't she? Um, so, have you ever written a mechanical bull? Uh, no. Um, I mean, all right, so high school was bumpy. High school was bumpy.

I was touching her. High school was bumpy, then college. College, you know, and then you're, now you're, you know, then you're now you're you know now you're a successful comedian Let's just say to put a button on it somewhat of a tumultuous tumultuous upbringing. Yes Can we leave it there tumultuous think your hair is getting more quaffed as the episode? A good way or a bad way Henry to hair Coming but it's growing back in all right, so let's just say that.

Yes. Let's talk about now a little bit. Okay. Which is unfortunate that we know about the Subaru. Where are you living out now in LA? You got an apartment, you got a house? I have an apartment. You're renting?

I'm renting, it's an $1,800 rent, two bedroom, laundry and unit, parking spot, front yard for my dog. Nice joke. It's not a great neighborhood. Phoenix, Arizona? Where the fuck is it? That's fucking Ian Fiedans. He keeps fucking saying I live in the fucking hell.

It's in East Hollywood. That's a bad neighborhood if he says. I know. Does he ask to stay with you all the time? No, but he did my podcast. He said, what the fuck is this? There's chickens everywhere. I'm like, yeah, there's chickens up the street.

Let them live. It's OK. OK. So you live in a... I've been there for 10 years. I found this place. I'm never leaving. It's so insane. It's so cheap. It's so clean. It's so good. Yes. Okay.

All right. So you got a nice place. Got a nice place. You live by yourself? No, I have a lovely boyfriend. A lovely boyfriend. I just pissed off really badly today. He was so mad at me, but I love him so much. Sorry, big guy. He's very upset with me.

Now, this was your place before. Yes. He moved in with me. He moved in with you? Yes. Okay. And now... Why did that happen?

Where was he living? So he was living in New York. So this is a in with you. Yes. Okay. And now why did that? Where was he living? So he was living in New York. So this is this is a crazy story. All right. So he's make quick. He moved from New York to East LA. Well, he's an actor. Okay. Actor comedian musician. So I met the Laugh Factory one night. Bomb

everyone's bombing their tits off. It's Wednesday night. No one there. Why 14 people? Hell pissed off. Shoot shooter McGavin walks in shooter McGavin from happy Gilmore your date and shooter Can you imagine and that's the Christmas Donald walks in with with my boyfriend who looks exactly like him and I go Oh, it's his son. Why the fuck are they here on a Wednesday night hammered and I'm like fuck shooter gets after oh wait. They're hammered

Oh, they're blackout, so I go up. I'm trying so hard. I'm like I'm obsessed with happy Gilmore's I'm a family. I'm like I have to I'm embarrassed now. I hit bomb for shooting Gavin I asked this question of who takes dick pics and nobody answers me, but I think shooter son He goes I do I put a little tiny etch a sketch on the tip of my dick And I'm like what so I'm like kind of laughing It's such a bizarre thing for someone to say I get off stage. I'm like fuck it. I'm saying hi to shooter I never fangirl over anybody. I go over my hello. Hi Huge fan and then I'm like, oh, is this your son and he's like, oh, I'm his nephew and I'm like, okay

gives me a big hug and I'm like Starstruck he's like so you're gonna come drink with us and I was like what no I'm going home to bed and I left in like a panic because no man ever hits on me after show. I'm like, my fucking pussy's dragging on the ground and every guy's like, disgusted. So by the time I get home, Jefferson, Shooter McGavin's nephew, who is now my boyfriend, DM me being like, hey, can I get your phone number?

And we've talked every day since and let me show you him. He looks exactly like Shooter McGavin. It's fucking crazy. I'm dating Shooter McGavin's, look at him, look at this guy. It looks exactly like him. I'm I'm I'm obsessed with this man. What the fuck is even going on? Who's out getting hammered with their uncle? Oh he Are you are you seeing this this looks exactly like shooting Gavin. It's fucking crazy. That's weird I know and it's weird how excited you are about I love it

I'll tell you like happy Gilmore's my favorite movie, so it's like the third lead. So he's living in New York. You're obsessed with the third lead's nephew? I think it's sooner thought. No, I'm not cheating on anybody. Of course. Yes.

So he's living in New York and then decides, hey, I want to move LA. You say, hey, just move in with me. Yeah, exactly. And he does. Now, you guys splitting the rent? Yeah. OK.

All right. Because we have a thing about that if couples move in together Is it she moved into his place that he move into her? Did he bring any orders they get a place together? No, no furniture. We split the rent, but I pay all the bills Why? Well, cuz he's he's on the road so much. I think I'm there more He's like he does cruise ships and stuff and he tours a lot. So I'm like sometimes he's not in there like a month So my god fucking internet sometimes he's not even there for like a month So I'm like I'm gonna go to the fucking internet when he's not even there

How long have you guys been, how long has he been living there? A year and a half, we met Almost a year and a half ago exactly, April of last How quick did you guys move in together? Quick, we, you know why we started like just talking so much Well I'm disgusting Well I'm a fucking horny pervert, also I've never dated a hot guy I'm like get the fuck in my house asshole you're not going anywhere I'm talking. Well, I'm a fucking horny pervert. Also, I've never dated a hot guy. I'm like, get the fuck in my house, asshole.

You're not going anywhere. I'm tying you to the radiator. Like, I'm like, he's, I've only dated blobs. So, like, this is- She sounds cool to me. I'm like- I'm a great girlfriend. And now he comes with me on the road,

Pavy Features. That's fun. And he hosts. All right, there you go. Yeah, there we go. There you go. When you guys- So, some sort of normalcy is involved, finally.

We're getting to something. Although you are dating Shooter McGavin's nephew, which is like, it's absurd that, you know, at that. It's not that normal. But OK. When you guys are home together, you guys will have dinner together at the house. Yes, I'll cook. You cook. I'm not bad. You cook a lot. I cook a lot when I'm home. You do. It's a go to meal.

Well, we're always on a diet. So I'll cook like zoodles and a fucking like meat sauce. Zoodles, zucchini noodles. Yeah. OK, so I'll cook like zoodles and a fucking like meat sauce zoodle zucchini noodles Yeah, okay, you make them yourself. Yeah with the thing and my eyes are That do you put in and crank or do you have like this small one? No, the small one that you just turn the top on okay when you guys eat are you sitting at the table in? Eden are you sitting at the couch in the table? Talk if we well if we get like takeout will sit at the couch and watch like a Netflix something

Well, you're late to take out you eat it out of the carton? I'll plate it. You'll plate it. Yeah yeah. So you'll bring the bag in, go to the kitchen, plate it up. Yes, it depends on what we get. But if we get like, yes I'm sharing stuff, I'm plating it. I like a knife and fork.

Okay. What's in the fridge currently right now? Absolutely nothing. Nothing. Maybe some almond butter and some pickles. Yeah, a lot of pickles. What's going on? You mentioned pickles before.

What's up with the pickles? I don't know, I love pickles. You do? I've been eating them non-stop-stop says a kid. How do you feel about bread and butter pickles? I like them all really Not as nice guy like a crisp kosher. Okay, bill Gentlemen fix give me that huh pickles that's going down. That's a point in your direction How do you feel about the rotisserie chicken? Oh, I'm slapping that back. Oh, yeah I love a Costco rotiss rote 9 gang. 9.99, you kidding me? Let's step into the bedroom for a second. What's the bed?

Is it king? Is it a queen? It's a queen and we need a king. Okay, it's a queen. It's a nice, you admit that you need a king. It's got a big green like back thing, like a fuzzy back thing. Okay.

Yeah. Is it in the middle of the room? Middle of the room. Okay. Very nice. Is there nightstands on either side? On his side. I have like a bench on my side That's okay. What bench would you mean good the room is set up?

Yeah, it's a nice wooden like long bench thing does it go the length of the bed on my half So how do you get out? I get out? No, no, I get a size. So it's not that big. What's on the bench a couple candles. It's running along the wall Under a big bookshelf every single book.. Okay. The books are all his do you read it all absolutely not look at me Do I look like I read I don't think I? Don't fucking know is there a ceiling fan in there yes there is on all the time on all the time We're both very warm. Okay hot people window units or central air. This is where it's a problem. I don't I'm on the main floor, so I can't have a window unit.

Some scared someone's going to make sense. I'm in there and do the first floor apartment. Yeah. And it's not a great area. So I don't I keep the windows locked at all times. So I have one unit I move around. I we I've been looking for another one. Well, hold on. Wait, I have like an indoor air conditioner. Like the big one that you put in the window if you put the window down just a little bit

But I don't like to keep that On all time so you take it out at night or so no at night well when I'm there It's on when I'm there when you leave you take it out if I'm gone for a weekend or something But I have a dog sitter there, so it's there yeah But I don't trust keeping my windows open ever this area So they're shooting across the street literally yesterday the chickens wait So if you take if you leave for the weekend you take your air Condition and there's not gonna be a dog sitter. Yes, you take your air conditioner out put it on the floor close the window No, no, it's not. It's just a small thing. It's just like the tube ah

She is an indoor you know what yeah, it's a robot. Yes. Yes it does So do you have to bring that from room to room is yes around in the house. I caught it. Yes I do it's demented. That's what they do. That's like what people who cook meth do it is Oh, it is very Matthew because we don't have essential air. It's an old place. So I get it Yeah, we're also we're not home that much in the summer once summer comes We like leave we go back to my parents cottage his families. Oh your parents have a cottage. Yes, where Like a two and a half hours northeast of Toronto. Is it on a lake or something? Yeah, we're gonna like your parents have a nice lake house. Yes, very nice. Okay. Yes

What's clear what it very nice? They went. Cottage. Okay. Cottage, yes. Cottage is close. Very nice. They went crazy on this. I think they're still paying for it. Yeah, there's a lot. Well, that's good. Marble counters, all wood interior, antler, chandelier.

Does your dad hunt and fish and all that stuff? He fishes, but he doesn't do much hunting. All right, that's not bad. You got a little summer place. Do you own any weapons, knife a breast knuckle? No, just a little bat my dad gave me a bat and like a trailer hitch that he said I should swing if someone comes a trailer A trailer hitch. Yeah, you do have weapons. I have a trailer hitch under my bed right now. Yeah, whoa, that's pretty medieval You have a mace basically. That's a mace. That's a first. I do have mace too. You have mace

You carry mace in your purse I would assume. Sometimes yeah, when I remember it. Gotcha. Will you order, have you ever ordered soda with no ice? No, what the fuck am I a mentally ill person? From what I'm picking up, yeah. Jesus Christ. Do you chew your ice?

No. If you're making scrambled eggs, will you crack the egg and put the shell back in the carton? Yes. Yeah you do. And you leave them all in there until the whole dozens done And you throw it out. Yeah, how does shooter feel about that? He eats 12 day eggs a day, so those aren't sitting there long Yeah, you're burning and turn. We're burnt. Oh, yeah, there's Applebee's at happy hour. You're turning table. And where are you two shopping at? It's very hard no I shop at it's a very annoying so lazy acres in LA so fucking expensive it pisses me off

Is it like Erawan expensive yes? It's like close or I go I get my produce was basically John's which is if anyone's in LA They're gonna be laughing because it's embarrassing, but John's has the best liquor and produce same shit liquor and liquor Oh, yeah, they got like a fucking sick Cheap to what's a go-to drink for Steph tola? tequila soda tequila So if I'm out margarita with a teguin rim to him. Yeah, okay. All right, my bad Tehene

To heat it's so much salt otherwise, but I can't get from like I can't do like the mix the premix I'm very picky like a nice fancy bitch when it comes to eating and drinking what's on that? What sorry no I was gonna say this liquor and produce is this got an address for this joint Liquor and chick is this like a nut is this like Brentwood Market kind of nice No, or it's just a trash John's a trashy John's isn't my neighborhood trashy as hell But the lazy acres is like a fancier like a chicken breast like one piece of salmon is like $35 Okay, so it's not like organic fruit at the oh no I'm eating swill my produce is swell, but I'm making sure my meat is already comes with worms Cherries right

Okay, what's up? What's on the rider? Oh? Veggie tray with hummus. That's it and sugar-free Red Bulls Pretty clear. It's pretty classy. It's not bad stop and water obviously Yeah, that's not pretty classy now are there any paper plates or red solo cups in your no right now? No, my my shockingly my part was very nice. Okay, I decorated very well There's nothing wrong with red solo cups. Is there any milk crates in there that using his decoration? No, no So it would look like an adult lives there not like a kid. It was a fancy doll lives there I'm very yeah, I was picked up on the the bench and stuff like that that seems in the bookshelf

That seems very yes. Yes, calculate. What's the very way fair my house? Okay? Yeah, what's the vacuum cleaner Dyson? No, we got like a I had a Dyson stop working got annoyed by it So now we have a good plug-in one, but for pet hair cuz yeah, I don't hate Susan's hair Okay, she's not allowed on the couch. We sounds just like multiple roommate. Yeah, it took me a second Susan You have a Swiffer. Yes, you said you have a washer and dryer in the unit. Uh-huh. What's the laundry detergent? I do like a natural one because I go or something like that. Yes, okay Bad have you ever skied in jeans till can you ski I can ski okay? Can you ice skate no and it's so annoying some Canadian?

But I used to play floor hockey and like field hockey in high school Okay, are you a good swimmer? Yes? You bite your nails hours. Yes, I do bite them. I'm more pick It's like a it's like a thing. I have a very gross you get them done Like will you go and get a manicure Scott these done because I filmed something last week But normally but normal you keep them like that. You don't do the long nails. No, no, I hate that. I can't wipe my ass. I'm always back there. You're always back there?

I got a hemorrhoid. It happened this morning. I'm fucking pissed off. You have a hemorrhoid. Right now, it's killing me. I'm sitting on an angle. Can you not tell? I'm really leaning on my left side here. Pavy this morning is like, don't fucking bleed your hemorrhoid in my house. I'm like, what am I supposed to do with it?

Take it outside? No, as if both of you don't have fucking hemorrhoids. I can see you. Listen, I'm like, what am I supposed to do with it? Take it outside? As if both of you don't have fucking hemorrhoids, I can see you. Listen, I'm gross. I'm not saying I'm not. Just shocked to hear it from you. Any other things like the hemorrhoids that we need to know about?

Athlete's foot. I got a bad case of athlete's foot. I can show you, I was just on a cruise and I'm allergic. Do we want to see this picture? No, it's so fucked up, but I'm gonna show you anyways. I was just on a cruise ship and I'm allergic to the Sun. Were you working or were you vacationing? Working I don't vacation. I haven't vacationing years. I want to kill myself This is all over my body right now. So it's like

It's like that's my back. What is that? It's it's I don't know. No, it's like I think it's an eczema from the Sun in the skin it like it raises and it blisters and then it scars me Okay, did you see a doctor see that? I have they have they have the test they said they have the test the blister and take it out and test that and I Never around a doctor when it happens, so I just have issues. I'm fine. It's gone down now Okay, that's a new one. I love how many new ones I have here. Have you ever? I don't know if that's good or bad.

It's not great. You don't want to be breaking new ground on this show. Have you ever pulled a fire alarm? No. Okay. Have you ever intentionally given someone the wrong directions? No, no, I'm nice. Have you ever driven with headphones in?

Oh yeah. In the Subaru. Does that have a CD player? It does but not super like when I used to drive a parents car super have power windows. Yes Does everything work on this? It's a great Subaru. Yes, great like 30,000 miles. Is it all nothing when I got it? Yes, I got it. Yeah, is it stick or automatic stick you can drive stick? Can you drive? No, no, I try to learn not work. Okay, do you like deviled eggs love deviled eggs? Holy fuck? I'd suck back a whole tray right now When have you been to a home goods a Marshall's or TJ Maxx in the last 30 days? Yes Yeah, I was at a Marshall's very recently. Will you eat over the sink?

No, I sit down after working is in a restaurant for years. I every time I eat I make sure I sit the fuck down I hate standing and eating makes sense You said you big on floss and you floss every day lost twice a day, okay? Are you peeing in the shower every time you brush your teeth in there? No sometimes, but I like that separate when you brush your teeth if you're not doing it in the shower Are you walking around the apartment or brushing your teeth? No, I mean all right there stay right there. Are you a electric toothbrush or manual electric? Okay, you have a toilet brush at the house. Yeah

front of emeralds No, I got my bidet for them right there you go. Is there any milk crates in your in your apartment? I am oh you did I'm sorry. That's okay. I just pictured that I'm upside down right now I'm in the weeds with this upside down Do you ever get dressed in front of the dryer? Or do you take all your stuff out of there and you fold it you put it away? I put it in like I let it sit in my hamper for way too long and clean but folded no But also I have pretty much just jumpsuits

Big jumpsuit gal big my whole closet. I have like 60 right now I could that would be great if I look if it was socially acceptable for me to do jumpsuits What's the deodorant situation a natural one that doesn't fucking work? Okay? Hume it's called okay, Alice if you know him So I don't know what other people what we use the pool at a hotel never in my life I'm not gonna really show what the fuck have it Cool to hotel never in my life. I'm not going to really say what the fuck have it. Will you walk around in your bare feet in the hotel room?

No. EWA hotels are disgusting. That's fair. Got that weird line. Weird line. Perfume. I wear like a coconut body spray. Drink a bottle a day. That's why I have nice breath.

Do you have liquor in the house? Yes, you do. So you guys liquor in the house? Yes. You do. So you guys will make a cocktail in your home? Sometimes we'll make like a dirty vodka martinis. They're our go-to at the house. Very nice. I know. Okay. Uh-huh. She just means in a dirty glass. I mean in a solo cup. In a coffee cup. Do you know how to use chopsticks? Yes. Uh, hmm. Ever take karate classes? No. Do you know what, I'm sorry, do you know anybody that worked at Hooters? No.

Okay. Any turquoise jewelry? Yes, I have a couple rings. Alright, take it easy. If you go to a restaurant, will you ask to change tables? Yeah, I've done that. Why, you know, under what circumstances? Well, I'll tell you what.

Smokehouse in Los Angeles. Have you been to Smokehouse? No. You gotta go to Smokehouse. Is it a barbecue place? No, it's a classic. It's like a steakhouse. Okay.

Right across from W. Warner Brothers Lot. It's like right there. It's like classic. They have a nice huge booth with the big plush backs. Okay. Then they sometimes sloppy the sides. It was our... You wanted a booth.

I wanted a booth. And they put us... It was was like a fucking it was like like dot is it good Is your shit on our chairs you're about to shit on our chair? That's okay No, these were more comfortable than those chairs. They're about their bad chairs I got you and by the corner where the door is opening I'm not sitting like that I was I'm gonna spend weird by bottle wine both of them martini We're gonna spend both eating steaks. I'm not I'm not eating steak and being slopped around and it was empty and you're like hey Yeah, there's a hundred books. Yeah, and Yeah, and I said my sciatica was acting Are flaring miss I need a

Need a donut pillow So you have sciatica you have hemorrhoids yeah, okay, and whatever that skin rash is yes from the Sun yes Will you send food back and under what circumstance no no that unless it's like fucking There's a hair clumped on or something, and then I'll suck it back. How do you get the steak cooked medium rare? Gentlemen okay, she's got some some you know he's got three out of a hundred What the hell uh What about leftovers? Take leftovers. There's not really leftovers around with me.

Really? My boyfriend. Oh, yeah, we're sucking. Finish it. Oh, yeah. Last night, when I was shooting, we have a step. You can't put down a T-bone stick. We went out last night with Olivia Pabby and then we ordered all the stuff. And Olivia is like, oh, we'll we'll take this to go. We'll finish it.

Yeah, you saw the question. One lemon potato left, maybe. Ah! Greek place in Astoria. On Dipmars? Yeah. Keklaitis? Is it on the corner, is it a huge patio?

Yeah. No, that's not, is it Keklaitis? No, it's got a big blue outside awning. Yeah, that's Keklaitis. Small little joint inside. Yes. Little bar up front. Yes, yes, yes.

That's Keklaitis. Delicious, I got recognized, I walked in. The hostess went, oh my God, Steph Tolovan. I used to make fun of yes, that's cake like delicious. I got recognized. I walked in the hostess went Oh my god, Steph Toler. I used to make fun of you That's our spot shout out to Olivia and We're taking you a nice joint so fucking good. I mean like listen. This is this is just for the love of the game I think she could pull out of this I Was gonna I was gonna have I was gonna start doing replacements the dance at a wedding your time

I do dance at a wedding do you have to be drunk to dance at a wedding? No What's in the envelope say Okay, there you go. I'll give at least 500 for great. That's great. That's I'll give you that We'll give a go to karaoke song. Yes, Alanis Morissette you ought to know and I sing the fuck Yes, Alanis Morissette you ought to know and I sing the fuck out of it. Yeah, yeah Man, I bet you she sings with some emotion. Oh, I do I get really nice Have you ever farted in your hand to make someone else smell it? Yep, okay Me my dad used to do blue angels Do you guys know those are you made out my sister at one time with the cottage all bonded?

It's when you light a match on your ass, and it is like a little flame. So cute you gotta try it. I Mean that's prom queen, huh? Well have you ever ordered a shot of fireball yeah, okay? I mean, what are we doing here? I clearly am trash. Do you keep the butter on the counter at the house? No, I'm not rich rich rich rich rich, okay. What kind of air freshener you got in the car none. I hate the smell It's annoying It's like we clean the. Jefferson cleans my car a lot. I have nothing, there's no

shlop around the car. There's no shlop. There's just like the dog thing in the back. Who babysat you when you were a kid? My grandma. My mom's mom. Not bad. Any crystal light in your family history? No, well I was not a pop as a kid. What's that? No pop as a kid.

You were allowed soda? No, yeah, soda, sorry. Do you have it now? Diet Coke sometimes. That's it. But I'm hungover, yeah. What were you drinking at dinner when you were a kid? And if I didn't finish it, my dad would dump it on my head. Waste, really, bizarre.

He would dump it on your head? Yeah, if I didn't finish my skim milk out of a bag. You know how disgusting that is? Yeah, I'm aware. I forgot about the Canadian bag. He would cut the hole so big, the whole, the bag would just smell like the fridge. There's a fridge milk It was disgusting and skim is so gross

I mean, I'm thinking you work. That's enough. You need to stop talking Seriously, it's cut the commercial real quick We'll be right back with the roots everybody. Ladies and gentlemen, 101% pure, unfiltered, imported, imported Canadian garbage. You did not disappoint my friend. No, fantastic. I will tell you that buddy. 100% trash.

What a story. Thank you. What a ride Unbelievable congrats on everything. Thank you. I hope the pills kick Good luck with the hemorrhoid June 24th on Netflix Filth Queen. Yes, look at that Netflix special. Yes. Look at her. Yeah, where'd you film this at Boston at the Paradise Rock Club? Very nice like an old school Yeah, it looks like it was like an old Van Halen set the lights the wheat the trellises. It looks fucking very cool I love it. That's June 24th on Netflix. Make sure you check it out Stefan fiction

Yeah, I can hear that every week her amazing podcast. You're on tour. I'm on tour non-stop fucking add me on Instagram We're doing fantastic. We're so happy for you I love to say we love you. And yeah, I'm gonna go wash my hands Steph Toloff ladies and gentlemen Did not disappoint Jesus kippy, what do you got for the guys were over the road tour dates are on sale? Get them at our you garbage calm also. We have some card games left. Are you garbage calm love yous Steph? We love you Yeah, thanks for having me gang. We love you. We'll see you next week