Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Steve Rannazzisi!

Episode Date: October 15, 2026

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Steve Rannazzisi! You know Steve Rannazzisi from stand up comedy, Legion of Skanks, FX's The League, Kill Tony, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, The Joe Rogan Experience, You Be Trippin', Take Your Shoes Off, Story Warz, Something's Burning, Stuff Island, TigerBelly, The Church of What's Happening Now, Sagdaddy Da Pod, YKWD Podcast, Conan, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Comedy Central's This Is Not Happening, and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Watch AMERICAN GARBAGE: https://youtu.be/77zGwlLffWk?si=6E9dBr63JY7HgP9t AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: MOD: Visit https://mod.com for a free consultation and get 10% off your first order PLUS free shipping with promo code GARBAGE Helix Sleep: Go to https://helixsleep.com/garbage for 20% Off Sitewide. Ridge Wallet: One thing to pack, five ways to power! Head to https://www.Ridge.com/AYG for Ridge's Friends & Family Sale, where you can buy two Ridge Power Banks and get a third FREE. Promo Code: AYG Brunt Workwear: Get $10 Off at BRUNT with code GARBAGE at https://www.bruntworkwear.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show. where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. It's our little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that it's a group to be classy. Yeah. But it's just a big old piece of trash.

I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tootie's in a new edition. She's upstairs listening to L anthrax. Okay. She's getting down up there. Very nice. Mike Coes is coming out from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage.

He is an international businessman, father of the year, King of the Burbs, King of the Boards. Give it up for my best pal. Kevin, James, Ryan, everybody. Thank you very much, Henry. First of all, thanks for tuning in. As always, please, make sure your rate view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube.

Full video valuable over there on Spotify. The boys are climbing the freaking charts, baby. top 20 or something like that who's canon? I don't know, we're up there. Then obviously the greatest website of all time www. www.patryon.com slash rar your garbage. You go over there and get all that bonus content, gang.

Yes, sir, and gang, we could be more excited of our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest here today for the first time. He is a very funny, very successful stand-up comedian, actor, and podcaster. Of course, you know him as one of the stars from 84 episodes of the league. He has multiple stand-up specials,

including 2013's Manchild, 2015's Breaking Dad. He is on tour right now and he is the new third chair on the legendary podcast. Legion of Skanks. Give it up for the one the only. Mr. Steve.

Rent is easy, everybody. Yeah, baby. Thank you. Thank you. Dude, not bad. Not bad. I work out at a gym called Iron Sanctuary.

Seriously? I swear to God, you're not tough enough to work out of a place. I'm definitely not. They have a pose room. I'm about Elaine Bryant. No shit.

Yeah. Did you ever been one of those gyms? Have I ever what? They have a pose room. Like a room you go in it's lit beautifully and it's got just mirrors everywhere and you just sit there and you could just, you know,

I cry. I just go to take a nap. Is it one of those three-sided things like a tailor? Yeah, it's like you could see yourself from every angle. It's gorgeous, dude. What's that set you back a month? It's 50 for me, 50 for my two and each for my son. That's not bad. And they're the only ones that use it. The two of them.

They go, you ever see my dad? They go, no, we don't even know what he looks like. He thought he died years ago. He's still living. Congratulations. He goes this 50. Oh, my God. Give us the backstory.

I know you're a Long Island guy. Yes. Give us the backstory of the origin story. Grew up on Long Island. My mom was Irish. Well, she still is Irish. My dad was Italian. Sorry to hear that.

50-50 combo. A lot of... Always. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That just breeds trash. It always does, dude. Because everyone's very set in their ways. And both stubborn people.

So we were set for just screaming and yelling. I got a sister that's, I'm the oldest. So my sister is two years younger than me. She's a fifth grade special needs teacher. Very nice. And then I have a younger brother that's about seven years younger than me. And he's a Roman Catholic priest. Get the fuck out of here.

Are you kidding me? Catholic priest. You're raised Catholic. So I was raised very Catholic. Excellent. How's very Catholic? Like went to Catholic. from kindergarten through ninth grade.

Okay. Graduated from eighth grade, went to a Catholic high school, St. Anthony's on the island for... St. Antis? St. Anthony's for one year. Why? You got kicked out.

Well, mutual decision. Sure. Best for both parties. Between the court and the police. Part ways. Yeah, I just like, I was... And also, the public school, the town that I lived in Smithtown,

they had two schools. They had an east and the west, and they were combining that year. So I was like, well, it's a good time for me to go because that way I'm new to everyone. Everyone's going to think I'm on the other side. Yeah, you went to east.

That's it. Exactly. So that's how it was. My last three years I went to public school, um, which was sick. Can you talk about what the indiscretion was to get you kicked out of a Catholic school? I mean, nothing necessarily like I was just like I. Manslaughter. Not technically did anything.

It was just like I, I, I wasn't like trying. I obviously didn't really want to be like I didn't love the jackets. and the uniform anymore. And then, like, you know, guys in robes. Like, Franciscan brothers ran this thing. And they'd lift you up and throw you into a locker and shit like that. And I was like, these fucking guys are assholes. Yeah.

I get that. Yeah. I went to Catholic school up until fourth grade. Oh, really? One nun specifically, like, she was violent. I had all, like, lay, what they call lay people, normal people from. Those were even weirder to me at times. Yeah, what are you doing here?

Just a regular guy in there. Yeah, I mean, they make no money. They hit. They're running for the love of the game. Yeah, for the game of education, I guess, and the game of torturing children. So, yeah, like, you know, I was like, I just want to, I want to get out of here. Plus, I met a girl. Okay. So I was like, I want to go to, I want to go.

She's going to the public school. I want to go to public school, too. Where did you meet her? Do you remember? I met her, she was like best friends with the girl that lived across the street for me. And I was like, oh, damn, I got to get out of here. It's time to break free. Let's go.

Yep. Your brother's a priest, though. He stuck in. He graduated. from St. Anthony's. And then he went to Fordham. Uh-huh. And then what?

You go to... Seminary, right after the fort. Right after the FTA. Go work for the MTA. St. Anis to Ford? Yeah. That's like, you got two choices. He's a sandhog now.

Dude, I love that name. The Sandhog. Oh, it's the best. We dig your tunnels. That's what they call them. That's what the local teams that they call them to the union. Where is he stationed? So now, now he's on long on.

Station. Yeah. Okinawa. They're bringing it back. He's on the DMZ in South Korea. Hoping shit, though, pop off. Where's he stationed? He's in cabal now.

Real low-key stuff. State Department. Yep. No, he's on Long Island. No shit. Yeah, I mean, look, they have like six priests on Long Island. Really? Yeah, like I was at a wedding recently and I got sat next to the priest.

I went by myself. And so, wait, why? Wait, what? The priest did the wedding, so then the guy invited. He came to the reception. So I got sat next to him. Oh. And he, I know, dude.

He was great. I know how to talk to him. My father. You know what I go, look. My brother does, you know, like I talk shop with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I go. I talk shop with him.

You know, I talk shop with him. I talk to preach. I talk shop with him. You're thinking about put a little Nutella on the wafer? Yeah. Spice it up a little bit. Some of that tahine? He's from, I don't know, Ghana or something like that.

Okay. One of the African countries. So we were asking him. I go, how many. he's such a dirtball. He's shit so funny. He's trying to be like, you're not political.

He's just trying to be polite. He's got Ghana or one of them Africa, like the long island. I swear to God. Wait, where'd they feel black cock down? Yeah.

It's only the first half of a sentence he can keep it together. And then, yeah, I don't know. Yeah, he's from. So, uh, yeah. But anyway,

he was telling me in his, in his village, they were like, uh, I don't think you use word village. Sure. Like in his area. Where I come from.

He said where I come from. Yeah, his county or whatever. Diocese, that's it. That's it. Oh, there you go. Yeah. There were like 30 priests ordained this year. And I'm like, there was like one on the entire Long Island.

Oh, shit. Yeah. So I'm like, that's why there's so many foreign priests now. Oh, is that why? Because no one's going in. Nobody's doing it here. You got them hot long island broads out of the seminary. I go.

And my brother's probably the youngest priest that I know. Oh, yeah. Like I don't, you never, you never meet a young priest. No, I mean, C. aspirations to climb up through the ranks? I think so. I mean, yeah, he did. He's very smart. Yeah, Card. I mean, that would be nice. That's a lot of cash. Like, you think about like, as soon as this guy, the new Pope got

got handed, you know, they remember they called his brother in like Chicago and he was like, this guy's going to be great. It was like, I was like, that was, that's me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a good shit. Because that's what people are always like, oh, is he's always been so whole yeah he's always had like like you know you see a gift and someone like he's always been very reverent and like that but he's also an it could be an asshole like he was you know he we were we lived in the same room he's like he's like oh he's great he's great yeah did he chase you with a knife and call you a fucking asshole on Christmas Eve he's been forgiven for it yes exactly yeah but what I'm saying it's like he wasn't perfect sure yeah you go to him

for any sort of never yeah heavenly no never bridge loan everyone Yeah, nothing like that. He did during COVID. Does he shake you down for donations to the church and stuff? Because you got a little cash we were talking. He doesn't shake me down, but I do do the right thing. Like I volunteer on Mondays. I do, I work a day of a thrift shop.

No way. Every Monday? Every Monday I go to the thrift shop, right? You're a good guy. I do a couple hours in the morning on the thrift shop. And that's great. Selling merch. Well, I'm looking at old stuff.

I go, I told the guy that runs it. I go, if you ever get an ashtray in here, cards. I love cars. cards, decks of cards. You're skimming. Yeah, yeah. I go, any, any, uh, what Pesci would do. Yeah, exactly.

Any sticks, any jewelry comes in, you give it to me first. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I go, let me look through it like, war and stuff. You got the loop out. I got my loop out. I'm just like, oh, shit. It's just, it's all trash. I can't work. This is all, yeah.

This is nuts. What are you giving this away for? This is garbage out of here. I want blood diamonds. Oh, but no, during COVID he asked me, he goes, we're not making any money. He's like, you making money? I was like, no, not really. He's like, we should open a gold telephone.

We should open a car wash. I go, we call it Holy Water Car Wash. That's great. You bless the water. We'll charge five extra bucks and everybody else and Catholics will pay. Yeah. My mom would be, my mom be getting her car washed every Tuesday.

That's got to be against. If you knew that the water was blessed by a priest, of course you'd go through that. Right? We could have printed our own money, but we didn't do it. I could also see your brother not being able to bless you. Like, I'll take care. After like two weeks, you're like, I have an name of the father to suck. Run it through.

You get your car detailed. He'll do confession. You know, you got a little extra time. We'll sit in a back seat. Clean your car and your sins. That's not bad. I remember I drank holy water once. My mom.

Oh, my God. Like, slurped it? Yeah, it was like, you know when they'd get them in the bottles? Oh, God. I thought you, like, went to church and you clirped it out of the thing. That was like, Rodney Dangerfield's easy money. Taking a couple of aspirin and shake off a hangover? Damn.

Were you a good student when you were young? Fine. Fine. Like, I was probably, I was better. I was smarter than the guy. grades I got. Did you go to college? Yeah, I went to college. I went to Oneonta. Oh, okay. Is that a SUNY school?

Oh, yeah. Do you get any cash to go or no? No, no, no, no. I got handed my dad. I wanted to go to NYU because I was like at this, by the time I was a senior, I was like, oh, I started doing a couple plays. I'm like, I'm interested in like, you know, theater or whatever. I'm like maybe NYU and he's like, you're not going to NYU. He's like, that's like, that time was like $50,000 a year in like 95. That might have been, he goes, you might as well go to the moon. He's like, You're not going to learn acting for $50,000. He's like, see if you can get on stage in Oneonta,

and then maybe you'll make it up to the whatever you want to make it to. So then they handed me, like it was like when you went to a state school, you got like an application. You wrote one essay and you just pilted out four schools that you wanted to apply to. And it was $100. Like all the state ones. Yeah, like you could like Oswego, Oneonta, Albany and Binghamton. Boom.

There's your four and you just wait to see what you got bad. All prison cities too. Yeah. Great, great upstate. Prison Cities. Zune Oswego is a good lacrosse team. We played them in college. Oh, really?

They kicked the shit out of us. Yeah, lacrosse around here is nuts. Yeah, forget about it. What, uh, okay, so back to that, back to that house, that household. What, how big was the house? How many bedrooms? Was it an apartment condo townhouse? What's your mom and your dad did?

It was a split ranch. My dad at the time, yeah, split ranch. What does that mean split range? So you walk in and you can go up or down. Similar to yours. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

So, uh, you go upstairs, living, room, kitchen, small, formal dining room, all like small. Upstairs. Yeah, so you walk in, you go up to stairs or downstairs to the basement. It's like Karen Hill's mom's house. Yes, exactly. So then you go upstairs. There was a bathroom, my parents' room.

There was three bedrooms. And then me and my brother slept in the back. My sister slept over here. My mom slept over here. But like when we were little, we only had one air conditioner. So we all, like, they would throw us all in one room, you know, in the summer. Keep you alive. And then we had not like when I remember being a kid, we had no air conditioning and no pool.

And then my dad started a limousine business. He worked for a, he worked for the bus company. Christ, dude, a Long Island limousine. So, yeah, he was a bus company guy. And then he was like, oh, did he drive? He drove the bus from like, no, MTA bus from like 76 to like 90 almost. But in 84, he started his own business. So he would do both.

He had like one limo. he would drive the bus during the day and do airport runs at night And the limo was parked in the house The limo parked at the house always Yeah the limo You Billy Joel That's crazy

Yeah I lived in a split ranch But I had a fucking Beautiful black Cadillac limbaugh Yeah yeah yeah Only caddies for my dad Where did he only caddies That is a long That is a long island

Yeah yeah yeah So then like After he did well He bought another Another Stretch and a town car Okay So then he would use the town car

That became his money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, caddy, catty. Oh, the Lincoln Town car, yes, yeah, yeah. But he had like the caddies for the stretches. And so. That's sick. What was his route on the bus?

Where was he driving the bus? He was Miniola into like Roslyn into, I remember eating at a jack in the box in miniola. I never, I love that because I would go with him on Saturdays. Like it was almost like collosional. Yeah, I'd sit on the bus. I'd sit on the bus. I'd sit on the bus.

I was like, you know, I was like, this is amazing. get to go to work, my dad. It was literally like, you know, a Bronx tale, yeah. It was like watching them talk to people and then we would go to Jack in the Box. He's my son, not yours. Yeah, he's the only jazz parliamentary.

It was awesome. And then I guess Jacks I'm gonna drive that bus over down Minneapolis for you kids to have steak every day. Yeah. Have Jack in the Box once a week. Dude, we would eat the Jack in the Box. And then I remember

Love a Jack in the Box. Growing up, moving to California and then seeing a Jack in the Box there and being like, what the fuck happened to the Jack in the Box home only to find out They had like a salmonella outbreak and they killed like four people in the late 80s. Sweet that under the rug, dude.

Yeah, that's when Jack went under, went down into the sandworms. So you joined the sandworms or whatever the fuck they are. That'll shut you down in Nassau County. Yep. They rebranded out west again and was like, hey, forget about what you saw over there. Jack in the box. Phenomenal. The old mini tacos, the tacos.

I don't think I've ever even seen. Good stuff. You've never seen a jack in the box? No, they were never outside of Philly. Oh, okay. I thought they were a California thing. I thought so too, but they had one on Long Island. I had Arby's for the first time, a long time this weekend.

Oh, I just passed one in Hicksville on the way to the train. I was like, should I get it? And I was like, no. Really? Roots. What did you get? I got a fucking rose beef. Double rose beef.

Yeah. It's fucking bread and rose beef. It hit me with a little sauce. Something, man. Somebody's spitting this way. It's dry as shit. Yeah, you got crinkle cut fries, though. Yeah.

And the shake was pretty good. If you can get a shot. Waffles, too? No, they're curly fries. Curlies. Yeah. We went to crinkle cuts, which I respect. Yes.

Crinkle cuts what we grew up on. I like crinkle cut. I like the waffle, too. Oh, forget it. Yeah. I mean, give me a waffle fry. All right. What were the family vacations like growing up?

You go to the shore? I mean, I guess Long Island. I don't really know. The beaches out there? Yeah. So when we were kicking it, like, when we were like, when cash was still king, you know, like late 80s, early 90s. early 90s.

We would roll out to like Florida matching sweatsuits, me, my brother and my sister, like my mom dressed us all. Fly down? Yes. Everyone was like suited up to the hill, go down to Florida, flex our muscles. Where'd you go in Florida? Florida was like Orlando. We went to Disney.

But that was like twice in our lives. Every most years it was fucking Colonial Williamsburg. Sure. You're driving there. Yeah, yeah. Or, you know, and it was like you went to Colonial Williamsburg to watch. fucking people dress up and old-timey outfits. I did it, yeah.

And then shoot rifles and all that stuff. And then like, and then that was like the, that was the cherry. Like if you spend three days watching, you know, people. A blacksmith, yeah. Then you can go to ride the, you know, the great wolf, the great wolf. I always saw.

And I thought that was like 40 years ahead of its time. And we never went down there. The commercial would always come up like that. Yeah. You gotta ride that. Sorry, we did. When we did it, you also forget for the real dirt bag. the Anheiser Bush is there too.

Oh, yes. And they could do the beer tasting. My dad, what I remember my dad was like, this is we'll go one for, it would be like one educational. You go to like the one day was colonial Williamsburg. The next day was the wicked wolf or whatever. And then day three for him, he was fucking sucking back buds.

So you wrote the Wicked Wolf? Yeah. Or whatever it's the Great Wolf or the Wicked, whatever it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, me and my brother, we were like, I remember like reading the magazine and the car ride down being like, This thing's going to be crazy. Just gained a lot of respect for you.

I didn't think that. We saw the Clydesdale's and the Budweiser Dalmatians. That was mid-90s. That's when they were banging. Damn. The worst vacation we ever went on was we went to go see the fucking Amish people. Yeah. That's all.

Lancaster? In Lancaster. Where you were like, I'm like, what is the purpose of this? There isn't one. Dutch Wonderland. Yeah. And I'm like, they don't even want to be seen. They had great pie.

Great pies. Good bake goods. Good bake goods and stuff. They have a good buffet up there, too. Working. You know, if you wanted to buy some. But I was like, these people don't want to be looked at. I felt like, like, they were like, they're working and I'm just like looking at them,

taking pictures even though they hate that and all that stuff. I'm like, what was the point of this? Dude, they used to take us as kids because I mean, it was like, I don't know, two hours from, you know, outside Philly. And we would go maybe once every other year to go, just put this on the books. We'll drive you out there. And I mean, we would go make fun of their haircuts. We would just sit there and go look at that one and just like laugh on their face. And how they talk.

I'm like, this is a historical. They're doing this now. I know. This is like this is present day then. Crazy. Yeah. It's like this is not a throwback. It's not an act.

No. That's crazy. Yeah. All right. Kit, what's telling about Mod. Mod, Mod,

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Helix. Let's get into it. But one more time for the people in the back of the room. Uh-huh. Everybody loves Helix gang. You go over there, you take the quiz. You find out how you sleep, whether you sleep heavy, sleep light, whether you're heavy, whether you're light.

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I've been a bigger guy most of my life, carrying on a lot of couple of spare tires. I've got a couple of good years around the belly, which gives me lower back pain, and I got to be honest with you, whenever I, Helix Sleep has overall helped my back pain, and I figured that out because when I go on the road

and I sleep away or somewhere, my back gets twisted and tight. When I'm at home, and it's easy, easy, easy. I'm limber Larry. Now, when I'm at, it keeps me limber, keeps me centered, keeps me good night rest. Keeps me friggin arrested, guy. So go to helixleep.com slash garbage for 20% off wide.

That's helixleep.com slash garbage for 20% off wide. One more time, helixleep.com slash garbage. Do it. Do it. Did your parents smoke or drink growing up? No. Oh, yeah, they drank. But nobody smoked.

Actually, I think my dad smoked until I was about three years old is what I heard. That's the good respectable dad. You smoke? I did too. And then I remember the first year, we did the pilot for the league and I already had a six-month-old and I still smoked. And I was like, if this show gets picked up for a second season, I'll quit. And then it did. And I remember quitting like the week before.

We started shooting. And I was like, all right. And I haven't had a cigarette since. My dad smoked. I think he quit at when I was like three. My mom had one cigarette in her life. She had a job at the bank, Bank of Smithtown, and she almost blit the bank on fire because she couldn't multitask.

So she was like, had the cigarette at her desk, answering a phone, picked up a paper. The cigarette went out and then a fucking huge fire started at her desk. Smoking at the bank. Literally like in the bank at work. Yeah. Jesus. Yep. So they did, yeah, but they drank.

What was her go-to drink? Dad did a red wine or so? No. My dad would beer would be normal on Christmas's and stuff. It'd be a couple scotch and waters. Okay. Scotch and water. Scotch and water.

Yeah, Scotch and water. My mom drank beer and then also she would drink some wine. Yeah. Who did the cooking? Mom, but I mean, yes, mom did the cooking. Dad did the grilling. The food was not amazing. My mom, yeah.

She loved Italian food. Like she wasn't Italian. She would, so we would, she would make Italian food or we would order out a lot. Like that was, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I know that sounds weird, but, and I've had this arguing my wife because she's like, you grew up rich and I'm like, I did not grow up rich. She's like, we went out to eat like three times in our lives. And I was like, it was just, everybody was busy.

So my dad's like, for 30 extra bucks, I'm going to order a pizza. Okay. We ordered so much pizza that we got gift baskets from two. Two separate pizza places in town. Like we gave each pizza place enough patronage to have them deem us worthy to buy us like a gift basket at Christmas. Two separate places. It was like having two families who did not care that you were double timing either one because you were giving enough love to both of them. What were the two pizza places?

Patio pizza. And hold on. The other one was, oh my God. Not little Vincent's. Not Coliseo. Not Chazepin. Yes. Pattio pizza

Golden Dragon God I wish I could call my sister That was like the other day This kid's like He was asking me This kid from high school He was like James Elmore

What was the other black kid In our high school? And I was like Mike Bo He's like all right It's like you know You get those two names Like fuck I can't remember the other name

But yeah We had two Separate really happy pizza places So we would do pizza every Friday Burger King was like a big thing Respect it Yep We'd go out

And it wasn't a like This was my dad was the shift from like you just ordered your own shit to value meals. I remember when the value meal came around. Sure. Where I was like, oh, easy. I'll take a number one. He's like, the hell you will. He's like I get up, you get a whopper.

And then you get your chick and then everyone gets like two fries to share. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This isn't like everyone gets their own. Like that was a crazy thing to him. He's like, my bill just doubled. Sure. Because you guys have now easier ordering options. Yeah, yeah.

Bullshit. Hmm. What'd you do with the soda? Oh, the soda. We would just get two big cups and then you get cups for water. You steal those side cups and then they just pour us into some, yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah, yeah, dude.

I would have revolted, man. It's a family full of dirt bag. Fuck out, man. Okay, what's the first movie you saw? In the theaters. In the theaters? It's the first movie I saw in the theaters. I don't know if I'd be able to answer that.

I'm trying to think. I know I saw ET at the drive-in. Is that count? The drive-in? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was like 83. You were about the same age. I was looking for E.T. Empire Strikes back.

Something like that in the driving. I remember going to the driving in Rocky Point. Hell of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We used to have the, we had the car that, you know, the backseat flipped backwards and faced out. Station wagon. Does that sneak anybody into the drive-in? Oh, it was Max Capas, I think, you know, like he would just, and he might, and usually it was like volunteer firemen.

My dad was a volunteer fireman. That was like checking the passes and the people on there, too. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's the ultimate trash, dude. Those guys are the best. He'd have the blue light on his car. He'd have the play. Electron at the house that was like, you know, KB-6-09, 4R-7, St. James, we have a signal 16.

You know, we go off at like in 2 o'clock in the morning in my house. Oh shit. Yeah, you just like ignore it or whatever. That was working. Ignore it. I mean, he's got, he's driving a bus. He's got the limos. He's got a fucking violent.

This guy's got a gun to his head. That's why people are like, he did, we did get the crap beat out of us, but I. Jesus Christ. He was a good guy. Yeah. I chalk it up to. They were busy. So, like, they had to get their point across quick.

You know what I'm saying? like I understand why I don't you know I get I don't do it because I have plenty of time I've got extra time volunteering at the thrift store if I'm hidden volunteering at a thrift store then I come home and I beat the shit out of my kid because he's complaining it's like what kind of person am I you know you got the extra 10 minutes to have the conversation exactly I have the luxury of time you don't got a you don't get a JFK to LaGuardia drop off like I got to be in Stony Brook in 15 minutes you con fucking TWA's backed up was screwed oh man that's all right that was Like before you had to, you could check if a flight was on time.

Yeah. He was just like, fuck if my life, he would go in and be like, fuck, I don't even know if my life's going to be good tonight. Who is the most famous person you met growing up? It could have been a, fucking baseball player. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It could have been a local DJ. Mookie Wilson. Yeah, Gary Carter did it signing at the mall.

Get the fuck out of the mall in like 87. Oh, Smith Town Mall? What was the Mall? Smith Haven. Smith Haven. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Smith Haven mall in Lake Grove, which is close to us. I think he did a get Mike Bossy.

That's it. Mike Bossy, the Islander. Right. Yeah. Bossy in like 83 or four, I went to see him and got an autograph from Mike Bossy. Yeah. Gary Harder. That's a fucking big one.

Yeah, those are the big sports guy. I mean, I don't think I ever met anyone like famous for, you know, acting or anything like that before. It was always sports. Anybody on the local news in the family as a kid? Like witnessing something or getting interviewed for watching a house fire? I guess your dad, maybe. Yeah, my dad, but never made it on the news.

Never, I thank God. Thank God. You talk about it fucking. That's rent his easy limo everybody. Yeah, yeah, you talk about useless information. He would just small talk, you. How, yeah, it would not in any information. How was the fire?

Like, you know what? I had the most delicious sandwich this morning. And because of that, I'm really all right right now. No, he was, uh, I just, I'm trying to think no one was in, I mean, look, I was on the news. Uh, that was. was enough for the whole fucking family. So, yeah. Got it, Brandon.

Okay, what was the first car growing up? Oh, I had the caddy brome. You had a catty brough? Yes, well, because it was like an 80, it was an 85, but it was 85 Cadillac brom, four doors. It had about 120,000 miles. Whoa, yeah, yeah, yeah. We called it the Caddo. That's all right.

Is that where you drove Joe Pesci and a whack him? That's a crazy. That's a big body, fuck. fucking, that's a big body car. It was like, it was like a ship. It was like more of like steering a ship. Yeah, it was huge. And I could fit like eight people in it, no problem.

Nice. Bench seat in the front? Yeah, straight across. So you could fit four across in the front. If you're really tight and four across in the back. You could lay down in the back seat and your head and your feet would not touch the doors. It's a big vehicle. Dude, it was humongous.

Yeah. My dad was like, gave me the keys at 17. He's like, have fun with this. No kidding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What was the first job? Um, oh, I worked at Hithabrook nursery, uh, and seventh and eighth grade. Uh-huh.

It was a, you know, like nursery for plants and stuff like that. So basically it was the nursery in town. Everybody went there. And on Saturdays and Sundays, I'd go there from like eight to five or whatever they were open. And I would carry the stuff. Like if you ordered peat moss, an old lady, I would carry it out to the car and, you know, got tips. Good gig. I'd weed and shit like that.

But I worked with all college guys. Nice. And the worst was this guy was so nice that owned it, Mr. Heatherbrook. He would buy everybody lunch. And there was a deli across the street, but it was a pretty busy road to cross. And so he would always, the low man had to go get the lunch. He'd come over to me with a 50 and be like, here's the list. Go order lunch for everyone.

I'd go over, I come back. One day I see my mom talking to him. And then he comes home, he goes, you can't order lunch. You can't go get lunch anymore. Your mom doesn't want you crossing the road. I go, you got to be fucking kidding me. This lady's cutting my balls. It's brutal, dude.

I'm working with college people here. Yeah, I'm like, I can't go get lunch. And then the worst part was... His mom is mommy called. Yes, that's exactly what he goes... Yeah, you're dead in the water, dude. He told one of the college guys, they'd go, what about this fucking kid? Why doesn't he get in the lunch?

He goes, because his mom doesn't want him to. Oh, my God, dude. You got to quit. Oh, dude, I was like, you gotta be... I go, give me a fucking break, lady. Let me live, will you? Like, that was the catalyst of being like, I got to start going branching out of my own here. I gotta get out of this fucking cocoon of love that I'm in here.

That sucks, man. Yeah, dude. Yeah. I know that feeling. It fucking. And everyone just looks at you like. Dude, everything just slows you're like, what the fuck? What a pussy, man. You're like, I guess I'll go in the back and cut more weeds.

Fucking loser. Woo. What supermarket did you guys go to growing up? King Cullen. I work there too. I worked in King Cullen. I remember the feeling of getting my own aisle. to block like what is that blocking and stuff?

To block it and to order. I was like Whoa. Yeah. I had a manager. He's a real wild card. Kelly Mo do. What a name.

Yeah. Guy named Kelly. Yeah, but the last. Kelly Mo do. Doe. He was, he was not his last name. It was like something very long and tie.

And so he would just yell at us. Put down a Gatorade. Get back to work. Right. He would just be like, okay. And then I'd be like, you're like, you got to get an aisle one day. I go, oh, please, dude.

Give me my own. How old are you? I'm like 16, 17 at this point. Probably a junior. To be in high school and have like corporate responsibility is crazy. I remember being in like school and being like, well. John should just be like tasks. Yeah, I'm like, I got a big sure I got enough Kleenex because I got, I got handed the paper towel aisle.

And this was like. I'm on the phone with bounty. And we are fucked. There's a teamster strike. Yeah. I got to get the limo see if I can put the paper towels in there. And Ms. Johnson, what do you think about this Quaker Eppel? Apple cinnamon oatmeal

You're buying out of your brown sugar purchase Yeah I'm gonna pay your test market Dude bounty Mr. fucking clean I'm just making And you'd have to make sure you're And I remember packing it

Like there was no better feeling I was like Where were you ordering this from? I would you got your The book wherever King Cullen ordered from Like I would come in on like a Thursday night And you know I had a four hour shift I'd see what I needed

That's wild I order the stuff and then I'd flatten out And pack in my you know my eye You were just in charge of that aisle. And I was like, I felt so good about my life. Sure. It was almost like, this is all I need.

I got an aisle and a job. For a guy from, a kid from Long Island, you got an aisle to King Cullen? I could walk to work. This is the greatest thing ever. I had some cool jobs like that. I worked at a place. Some cool jobs like that. Yeah, yeah.

That's the cool as fucking show. Oh my God. I worked at a test pilot. I worked in a place called Planet Ice. I was an Italian ice shop. All right. And the guy running it ran a pizzeria too. And some numbers.

But it was nowhere near. So he was like, he left us to our own devices. I like it. And so we would scoop. It was me and my friend Nick. And basically we treated it like cocktail. Like, because all the moms would come in at night. And we were like, we would like flip the ice to each other.

And I put on the show and the kids would get in the ice. And then we just flirt with the moms and stuff like that. I'd order a chicken parmesan from patio pizza every week. I'd eat it up on the roof. I brought a fucking folding chair into the roof, dude you? I'd eat my chicken palm and smoke a couple butts. and then be like, time to make the donuts back downstairs. Flipping icees, dude.

You know what, Nick? Nobody needs more than this right here. Is that Mrs. Carluso? I saw him on Sunday night. I go, Nick, what was, because he goes, I love the Legion of Skacks. I go, it's probably the best job I've had since Planet Ice. He goes, we've never had a greater job since Planet Ice, dude.

I've been happier since Planet Ice. I've been trying to tell you. I'm telling you right now. I've been happier. Dude, Planet Ice was the greatest job I've ever had. That's awesome. Yeah, it really was. Free Ice.

Me and my buddy worked at a Heskash station one summer in college. It was, yeah, it was the best summer ever. Oh, I got yelled at because the guy that owned it, my friend Nick was like, this case really good. I was, you know, one of my best friends. And the guy's like, he had two seconds to interview me. He's like, well, you're a little rough around the edges, but we'll take it, you know.

So then he would send me out one time he sent me with his truck to Manhattan to deliver some ice to a couple piece of places in here. To get like an off site, you got to go here. Yeah. You're supplying places in Manhattan? Manhattan, right? So I'm driving in.

in his truck and all of a sudden the as it goes out I go Oh shit I ran out of gas He comes He goes you ran out of gas He comes meets me

In like Belmore All right I'm like what He goes You didn't flip the fucking tank to the other Other tank I go what

He goes my truck Has two tanks I go how the fuck am I supposed to know that What truck has two tanks He goes You got an auxiliary tank I'm nine years old

I can't even run across You get lunch sir I'm like what are you fucking kidding me Not two tanks I go what is this an airplane How did you have two tanks here? Fucking screamed at me, screamed at me,

belittled me in the car station. Who was your supplier of Italian ice? Oh, he must. He made it. He made his own ice, dude. That the fuck out of it. Angelado, yeah. Yeah, Angelado.

It was so good, too. It was so good. And my friend Nick had. Best job I had. Yeah, it really is. A podcast called Legion is gay. Best thing I ever did. It's planet ice.

Shout out. That's a great, great run, great life. That's fucking awesome. You really have. Oh, I really have. Yes. I always talked about Ari having, he was, he's people like, what is Ari's life like? I'm like, he's the architect of his own happiness.

Sure. That's really what it is. We're a big Ari fans. I love Ari. And so I find I try to do the same thing. He's, he's, he's said it a million times. He's very, he's very much inspired me to, on how I live outside of comedy. Sure.

So, so, so, so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We have fun. Your parents still live in the same house you grew up in? No, they just sold it like six years ago. They bought a condo. Then my dad passed in 21. And now my mom still lives in the condo.

What was the street that you grew up on then? Third Avenue in St. James. Yeah, between 4th and 5th Street. I know where it is. It's just basically, I would live in the grids. And then across the track with like really nice houses and stuff. Yeah. I respected.

Yeah, but it was still great. Great neighborhood. Great place to grow up. Really easy. I mean, that's like, that's like the American dream. Long Island. Like literally go outside. In the 80s.

Saturday. No phones. You just ride around your bike and you come home for lunch maybe. Mm-hmm. Or, you know, just to let someone you know where you go. And then you know, you come home when the fucking the sun goes down. Lunchmeat household. Ham, Terkey.

Oh, Taylor ham. My dad ate liverwurst. Did you ever get that? The liver worst? Later on. Bologna. And I'll tell you right now. Yeah.

And I'll tell you right now, if you threw one now, I could probably still get through it. Yeah. Yeah, and not too easy, not too badly either. Yeah, they're pretty good. Yeah, but liverwurst, smell the whole, Oh my God. You'd open the fridge and go there's liverwurst. And plus you have to take the thing off the end, like the paper.

The paper off the end of the liverwurst. Do you do like paté or foie gras or anything like that? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm American. Very close. No, I'm sure, yeah. I mean, I'll eat like tartar, like, you know, like chopped up tuna tartar or even I'll do meat tartar or like, you know. This is liver.

It's very similar to steak tartar. Yeah, yeah. That's just chopped up meat. He called that meat tartar. You're like a whopper chopped up. Kevin's talking about Ridge wallets, baby. Let's talk about Ridge in general. What a company.

Yeah. Innovative. Yes. Technologically advanced. Stirty. Fantastic. And they look cool. And let's be honest.

You got the holidays creeping up. You know what Ridge is a great grade for? What? Ridge is great for like October and November birthdays. You know what I mean? Uh-huh. The fall. Sure.

Men out there getting it done, hunting, fishing, turkeys, stuffing. Sure. Sides. Throw something out there for somebody. Get something for somebody for the holiday season. Yes. Before the holiday season. Be like, hey, dad, I got you this wallet so you can have a nice wallet throughout the holiday season.

I wouldn't even say, wow, Ridge has a great power bank. Yes, they do. Listen, the Ridge Power Bank. It has building cables, MagSafe wireless charging, Apple Watch Charger, Lightning, and USBC. Everything you need to charge all of your devices with one power bank with no extra cables. Listen here. You're a leatherman for your phone. If you're one of the techies, it's got 20 watts of power and 10,000 millilamp hours of capacity.

Put that in your power bank and bite down. that you've got up to three full phone charges in your pocket. It's going to be the last power bank you're ever going to need. Ridge has always has more than power banks and tracker cards. Wallets in both classic and magsafe options, plus for phone cases, luggage, key cases, and so much more. So if you're shopping for your dad, your brother, your friends, uncle, or even yourself, Ridge has you covered, baby.

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Hachimachi That's good for you, mom, dad Boom, out the door That's ridge. That's Ridge. That's Ridge. Shop smart with this holiday season With Ridge

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A lot of times you've got to sacrifice either durability or looking good. And you're out there in a pair of new balances and everyone's making funny when you go to get the coffees for the guys on the site. I know. Listen, the founder, Eric Gerard, he grew up blue collar and was upset about the workwear companies going fashion. They were becoming fashion companies and not putting the purpose of the original purpose of the workwear first. And he went back to doing that. There's no doubt they're the most comfortable boots you're ever going to wear.

Listen, they sent them to us. And when I go back to my family, very blue collar, I put them on to fit in. I listen, I'm working in a podcast studio now, but I go back, I go, hey guys, I'm doing some work around a hand. I put them on, I go ask to borrow a ladder or something. I borrow your eight footer. I'm doing some work by the house. I need a one and three eights, ventrace. Ventrace?

Yeah, you heard of them. Vice ranch. No, ventrace is a thing. They don't know about it. They don't know about it. I don't have that here. See, I, that's. Give me to Ventrace so I don't mess up my boots in here.

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That's code garbage, and you're good to go. And after you order, they're going to ask you how you heard about Brunt. Tell them the boy sent you doing. Back to the freaking show. Back to the show. What is your favorite fast food? Is it Burger King? Um, you know, it's changed.

I mean, growing up, I literally, Chipotle is like, I know it's all, it's the best for me and it's the one I like the most. That's the first time we got that. a brilliant answer. It's the best for me. It's the one I like to eat. I like, I like everything there. I eat a whole bowl. And plus my sons love that. Like I, I, if, I mean, dude, if I could buy a Chipotle, I would, I would go out of a tripoli. It would be, they eat so much of Chipotle. I was going to go the other way. Because if I could buy a Chipotle, I'd be a millionaire. Yeah, yeah. I'd be out of business. It's the way these kids eat the brown rice and a black

beans. I can't keep it in. Yeah. So yeah. That's probably, but I think on my own, had I never had kids or learned about health, it's Burger King. Give me a whop. One time, I was in Texas with the family. We were doing a cross-country trip. Cross-country. Cross-country. It was right at the end of COVID.

We had a dog, so we couldn't fly with him. So we had to drive him back to California from New York. So we're driving. We're in Texas. It's like 11.30 in the morning. And we didn't have a good breakfast. So I was like, everybody's getting hungry. And I was like, oh, there's a bird king right over there.

And I was like, come on. I have to talk my wife into Bird King. It's like the last option for her. Sure. And my kids are like, because she's all healthy and shit like that. So my kids are like, well, we'll eat Burger King. So I go great. I go inside.

I know what I get. Number one, no cheese. I mean, no onions, a little extra mail. A little, okay? I get the, it gives me the Burger King. I get it and we're driving. We're like 10 miles out. I open up finally my wopper.

Everyone's eating. I open it up this fucking barbecue sauce and bacon on it. And I go, what the fuck is this? This is not a whopper? This is something else. So I literally drove, I pulled off. I drove 10 miles back to the same Burger King. And my son said, I almost drove through the front window with the anger.

Yeah, yeah. I go and I go, what the fuck is this? And they go, what are you talking about? I go, I ordered a number one. What is this? And I look up at the thing. They have like a special Texas Whopper. They move to number one.

Yeah. That's why fucking Burger King is tanking. I go, give me a break. the number one is always the you want to make another whopper that's two three four and five that's nine yeah you're gonna give me one is the whopper i should be able to walk in conichia number one it's the high heat give me the high heat down the middle the stinky cheese so they were like well this is what you are i go i'm not leaving till i get the fucking regular whopper number one at McDonald's big mac number two to double the two cheeseburg yes that's what's going on dude so i lost my mind so yeah i'm a

Whopperman. I'm not all back in Texas anymore. Huh. Okay. I mean... I'm garbage, right? I mean, buddy. We're fucking...

I mean, have you ever seen... You'd have to become a priest by the end of this. I don't know what kind of test results. Your brother ever doing an exorcist or anything like that? No, I always asked them to do something like that, dude. I always... I'm like... Such a fucking meathead.

You ever see anything fucked up? Oh, dude, I tell all the time. I go, tell me, like, you do confessions today? What would you get down with? Like anyone walking in fucking psychos? And he gets all cunties. Like, no, I can't talk about it. I did confession about three weeks ago.

The priest was visibly shaken. Free our father's free hell and Mary's. I was out to fucking door. That's it, dude. Later. They go, I mean, what am I? They're not going to pull your soul out of you. They go, just start working on this.

That's a great point. Yeah, you know. Hey, listen, what you just confessed is a lot. Yeah, yeah. Start with these, right? That's like, hey. That's what he said. You're crazy and overweight.

Why? You know, start with a salad. Yeah, yeah. You're not trying to run the marathon. Walk to the mail box. I didn't mention my weight. I wasn't to you. It's weird that you took it that way.

My sense. It's just saying. That's where my sins. He likes a nerd cluster. This is the next guy. How old are you when you got your passport? Whoa, 18 because I went to Paris when I was 18. What?

Yeah, I was doing theater. So the theater to like teacher. In freshman year or in high school. Wow. Theater senior year, we went to London and Paris and it was awesome. To study or production?

No, to study, but I was I just dating a girl and that was going and I was like, oh, I was just, the only reason I was going was like, oh, I'm going to hang out and have sex with her in London and Paris. Were you allowed to drink on that trip? A little bit, but not really, yeah, yeah. The teacher was a little like, oh, you guys are going to have a little bit,

but I was like, let's get sauced and get fucked up and, you know, and start an orgy. And she's like, no, she was like, you're not, like, she wouldn't even make out. Like, I'm like, come sleep in my room. I'll kick the guy out. And she's like, no, we're here. We're here for culture and stuff like that. I was like, this sucks.

What? Yo, I remember being in Shakespeare's house. Hired. Suck my dick, yeah. We were in strass. Just, just put it in your mouth for a minute. Come here. Just put the tip in.

Come here. And I sat down on this bench. I was, oh, God, it's fucking nowhere to sit in these goddamn little little cottages. I sit down on this bench, it creaks, right? Like I was like, oh shit, I stand up. We're in Strathmore. I go, the guy comes in and he starts off the, you know, the tour. And he's like, oh, before we leave, the oldest thing in this whole house is that bench where Shakespeare has his wife didn't marry right over there.

I was like, whole, I almost cracked the thing in half. You got to put a sign on it says like no seating. Yeah, or like don't. It's a fucking wooden bench in the lobby. What do you think is going to happen? Shit. It was the first time you had Nutella. Not a lot

Not a lot Yeah I think my wife loves Nutella more than I do Yeah yeah I would say 20s Yeah That's so pretty young Yeah Do pretty well

Paris 18 Yeah but I mean that was yes It was not for culture Yeah he represents like kind of Yeah his reasons are trash Yeah yeah yeah but it's like To me it's like even trashier Because it's like

you know, his dad starts doing well and this, but it's like, you know, he gets the Cadillax and he's like, he gets to go, he's in the theater program, he gets to go study almost, and then he's like, he's over there trying to get,

trying to get some pussy, you know what I mean? It's like he's like he gets put in nice things and he just does it the trashiest way, which is like so trashy to me. I like it. You mentioned the misses. Yep.

Where'd you guys get married? We got married in, Long Island on the South Shore at a place called Captain Bryans oh Captain Bill Sorry Is it a seafood restaurant? Yes it's called the Bayview House

But it's seafood restaurant But it had they had like a Event space yeah Called the Bayview house A seafood along John Silver Do you guys get married in a church? Yes we did We got married to church during a hurricane

With September 2nd 2006 Hurricane Ernesto hit Really put a fucking damper on the thing. We were on a water docked on a boasts. The boats behind us are like doing this. That's crazy. All my pictures of my wedding have Ari's bald spot in them. It's amazing. I don't know what this photographer was doing, but every shot you could just see. Put a yarmul on that, Ari. God damn, dude. It was great

though. We had a good time. Do you remember what you pulled in for the wedding? I think of cash wise. Probably 30K. That's good. See, he's the first guy to just rattle that right off. he goes out because he's a scumbag. I don't know. 30K. No, about 30K. I remember the number precisely. Also, he's such a dirtbag.

He never, like, I don't know if the other people were just him and in home because they didn't want to share or they didn't remember. That number is burned in the back of his brain. Do you guys do? I mean, I know. I counted it that night. I know how many people, I know what they gave me.

So I know what to give back to the, to their kids and stuff. You know what I'm saying? Like, that's how you got to quit pro quo me, you know? Yeah, very good. Like I know my aunts and uncles, some of them are very generous. So I got to hit their. their kids when I go to their weddings with heavy, heavy, you know. What's heavy?

What's heavy? So it depends. Heavy to me right now. I'm covering my plate, my, my, my, my, the guest plate, you know, so you got, you're in at least 300. Three hundred. Not two. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't know who I'll take. But I'm a brood or brawere. Yeah. So, so two plates. They're 300. Yeah.

Minimum. 300. And I probably will throw another four. If they're a special person that's a five. That's very nice. Yeah, yeah. Very nice. Yeah.

Very, very nice. You dance at a wedding? Oh, yeah. You getting fucked up? I stopped me down the electric slide. Yeah, dude. Yeah. What is this a fucking joke?

Okay, what are you drinking at the wedding? Scotch. Scotch, Jesus. Yeah. Well, I started with a couple beers, but Scotch is a great sipping drink. You know, it's a great conversation sip or drink, you know? It's such a scumbat. Dude, it's a great sipping drink.

It's a great, you don't want to walk around with a fucking, you know, a pina you collada or something like fucking a big what fuck has that? I don't know maybe a cat and Chuckie's room down there Coonaville you can't maybe a couple six

on the beaches that you're too fuzzy navels it's a celebration tequila sunrise what's the lowest scotch you'll go I mean

what do you got I don't do it was I don't think he cares dude I just got into scotch like a couple years ago like a Cuddy Stark yeah yeah I'll

I like, I even like Norman and Morel stuff. Oh, yeah. The bodega cat. Bodega cat. Yeah, I like that stuff too. Okay. I mean, I like, when I'm treating myself, I like a Japanese whiskey. Okay.

Something nice, like, you know. Big ice cube? Yeah, big fucking ice cube. Nice. Yeah, we're talking to J's. Like, I got a refrigerator mix big ice cubes so I started drinking scotch. I'm like, holy shit. What a bad idea.

That is, yeah. But they are nice, those big ice cubes. Let me ask you this. Here we go. You and the miss is. You and the miss is. you go at the dinner, one of your friends out there in Long Island? Yep.

Is the squad, the non-comedy squad out there? Oh, yeah. Did you look back up with your boys that you grew up with? Oh, we're the only people I hang out with. That's sick. Yeah. That's sick. We're going to a boat on Thursday.

What kind of boat? What kind of boat? What kind of boat? 21 foot, Grady White. Center console. Yep. Not a bad one. He bought it used.

Twin outboard? One. One. You're going out. We're going out. We're going out. Once a week. this summer. Great fishing and stuff. So we're going on Thursday. It's going to be nice. We'll fish

for a couple hours. We're going to go to Connecticut. Black something. My friends go like, I got to get these. Easy. Hold on. Let me whisper that. Sorry. Hurricane Ernesto. You make your own schedule. Yeah. You're doing well. You're hanging out with the boys. Yep. Fucking, man. The kids are great. Everyone. Yeah. Dude, that's what I'm saying. Architect in my own success. If I can. Does the Mrs. work? She, well, didn't, but now she does. Now the kids are in school all the time so she's working out of school as an assistant. That's amazing. Plus it's got, yeah, plus she's my Benny Mama.

She gets the Benny's. She gets the Bennies. The Bennies are, oh my God. Long Island teachers make, you know, they make good money, but then they also get unbelievable benefits. Yeah, it's like a nickel for me to fucking get a heart attack and get fixed. It's crazy. I was my stepdad owned his own construction company.

Yeah, you got to pay for that out of pocket. So my mom worked up until, you know, however old at the hospital. Yeah. For the Benny's. That's it. He's like, yeah, she's the benefits. I fell out of sag. Everyone fell out pretty much after the COVID.

It was like, who made enough money that year to keep benefits? So I was like, fuck, I got to catch up now. But she's like, let's do it. I'll take care of it. And I'm like, great. So she makes no money. But the Bennies are great. There you go.

Yeah. Now, let me ask you this. You got a light day. Let's say, I don't know, it's a Wednesday. kids are getting up. Are you getting up with the kids to go to school? Yes, until this year. This was always my job.

I always woke up in the morning like 6.30. Drive the high school kid to high school at 7. Come back, drive the other one to middle school at 7.20. Because we live like a minute and a half from the school. This year, I got a senior and a freshman. So they're like two businessmen. They leave in the morning. Right.

You know, they have breakfast and they're gone. And my wife leaves at 715. So now I'm sleeping into like 815. Crashing a lot. Yeah, yeah, a little bit. Yeah, 815. Then what are you doing? Then I'm up.

Is it you set an alarm at 815? That's fucking guy. I'm up. I got to, uh... You set an alarm at 815 or is you saying... I set the alarm. If I don't set the alarm now, it's going to be a thing. I could roll.

And I like, I make dinner. When my wife comes home... What's a dinner? What do you throw down? Oh, you want to hear some stuff? Yeah, in the podcast. Yeah. Ready?

Oh, you want to hear some things? No, clam up for it. Yeah. I'm telling you right now. Can't talk about that. I love this stuff. I love getting in like these crock pot recipes. I got a new one steak and potatoes, right?

It's the oldest crock pot recipe. Listen to how I do it, dude. Listen to how I do it. Yeah, yeah, hold on. You get an onion, chop it up, bottom. Listen to what I'm doing, dude. I'm up in the morning. I'm stretching.

I'm crock potting, right? Okay. It's 8.30. You got the place to yourself. You got a dog? I used to. I don't have a dog anymore. We might get a dog again.

That's what's what's in the morning. I get the onion. I get two pounds, two and a half now of the cut up chaw of the stick cubes, yep, in there. A bag of the little potatoes, boom. Sure. I'm back to bed. French. I shut it down.

French soup. French onion soup. Gravy mix, right? Okay. Right. Four little things of butter, pads of butter. Put the top on it, set it six hours high. Boom.

What liquid goes in there? No liquid. It creates the juices. The juices of the meat come out. It's an ecosystem. Oh, dude. It is so good. I get that.

A little jasmine rice. I put it on top. I mean, I'm coming. I know you're knocking out a bowl before everybody gets home. I get a little taste. He's got to pay taxes, you know.

Taxation went out of representation, my friend. Yeah. So I'm like, you know, I get a little taste. The three wise men got a wet their beat. Yeah. So we got to get a, you know, do a little lunch taste. And then,

I mean, like, you come at home, it's beautiful. What times is everybody getting home? What times is the house reinvigorate? Well, everyone's got stuff after school, sports and stuff. Six. Five. Five. Four-thirty-five.

Everyone starts rolling it. Now my son, my oldest son has last period off. So he drives home, takes a dump and eats some food before football. That's awesome. Yeah. You get to hang out with him. So I get him for 25 minutes, you know. That's great.

And then he's back to school for football. And everybody rolls in around five and we eat dinner. And then I go to, you know, go to do work. or whatever the hell I got to do. You know? But what I'm saying the crock pot's great because I can put that up at 815 and I'm on, I'm on hole number two at 930. Yeah, I'll go out golfing.

You said you go out this morning. Yeah, golf this morning. He belonged to a great club, baiting hollow. Yeah, semi-private out. Completely private. You have lunch out there at the club? Oh, yeah. So now that's what I'm talking about, right?

He's got to be this guy's fucking awesome. Yeah, dude. Oh, yeah, he gets so excited. Oh, yeah. I'm done with the round at one. Uh-huh. Okay. What are you playing with?

You got your bowl. I got a couple friends there that, you know, at the club, we play a skins game, you know, a little gambling, like gambling. 10 grand, no big deal. Then you come back, one o'clock. Check to make sure my potatoes are sweating. Yep, yep. Cut the crock pot on the app on my iPhone. I do have an eternal thermometer in there, so I know what the hell's going on with that thing.

Obviously. Then I have a little... Daddy's always watching. Yep. A little light lunch. Me and the boys' fire. fire up the boats. Head out for a little bit.

Head out to the canyon. Where's a light lunch at the club? Yeah, at the club, little light lunch. What's the light lunch? Six IPAs. And you go home. You're doing it. So it's Wednesday. Yeah.

What are you playing? Nine or a whole round. 18. 2.30. Cart or are you walking? A card. Card. A couple of pots on the course, too.

If the girl's out that day, I mean, I don't know. A little bit of swing juice. Yeah. Oil. oil can. Yeah, I get out there and I'm home by 2.30 and I look like a hero at 5 o'clock when everyone comes on in, dinner's ready.

You got to tighten anything up? You got to do a little laundry or anything? But I put it on before and I put it on an after. I got a whole system. He's cooking his steak and the watcher machine. One time I had to call a task rabbit guy to go switch the laundry because I had. You've thought about that though. I've got a big bet going on at 18.

I'm like, I'm not going to make it. David's going to extra hole. It's a key by the oak tree. Yep. Oh, God, dude. That's so fucking fun. Yeah, no, I am. I love my life.

I really do. And you have a bit of a, you know, we were talking beforehand. And, you know, I had heard from other people about how nice your property is. Oh, nice. Yeah. You know, you said two acres. Two acres, yeah. That's a good chunk of property.

It's on the water, too. It's on the water. Long Island Sound. Get the fuck out of. You can't kidding me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I got it, like, in the winter, all the trees around me, they have no leaves so I could see Connecticut. It's great.

You fucking nuts, dude? Yeah, no, it's great. You can't swim in that sound, can you? I mean, you can. Yeah, that's where we go take the boat out. I don't love it because there's in there now. We caught a shark this year. We caught a three-foot shark.

I can show you the video, yeah. Like a little sand shark. They don't have... I never coming to your house. It's great. No, I mean, like on the boat. Do you have water access? Do you have, like, no, no, no, no, no.

It's like you got to walk down and some trees and stuff through the woods and down to the water. Can you fish right off this? Oh, yeah, yeah. Like that's a big thing that everyone does near my neighborhood. Do you own to the water or is it like public property? No, I don't own to the water. Yeah, there's other houses and stuff behind me. But you can see straight to the water.

Gotcha, got you got you. You get down there. You get down there. That's amazing. Yeah, it's awesome. Yeah, it's great. Pool. Yep.

Hot tub. No hot tub. Heated pool. When do you close that up? I just did yesterday. I just did yesterday. Really? And it's because I should have, no one's been in it since August.

But as soon as you call, as soon as you remember to call to close it up, they go, oh yeah, everyone else called. And now we're coming October 5th. And you're like, all right, great. No problem. I always get mad at my mom when she closes it too early. She'll fucking shoot. Because two days ago, you could have gone in it.

Like this, uh, it was hot. She'll kick out of the pool of fucking five o'clock on fucking Labor Day. I got to close the pool. Oh, yeah. That's my brother-in-law. Yeah. He's like the second summer. Summer's over.

It's like, take down the Christmas tree. Summer's over. It's done. Close up the pool. You're nice. I only went in the pool three times. I went in the pool. I drank a drunk swim this year.

July 4th is my birthday. Happy birthday. Thanks. Your birthday is on July 4th? It's the greatest. Oh my God. So we had a big party. This guy's a goddamn American.

Yeah. We had a big party. And then everybody leaves around 11. We had a huge storm. Who's at that party? All the high school friends. High school friends. Everybody.

Yeah. Yeah. The squad. Everybody doing well? Everyone's doing well. You know, I got a, you know, most of them are like getting ready to retire. They all have union jobs. One works for the railroad. One works for

the power company, Long Island Power. Teachers and stuff like that. So, you know, we're all coming down to it. I'm fucked. But the thing is, though, it's like swimming at night's the best, dude. Drunk swimming at night? Sure. Oh, naked. I kept calling my wife drunk. I come downstairs, come into the pool. She's like, I'm sleeping. I'm like, get out of here. You had the lights on. It was very sexy. Yes. She's going to be like, wait, what?

You're naked? Where are the boys? They're sleeping. I got out of the pool, dude, I was so hammered. I fell onto the concrete. Gash my leg open. Fuck my heart on up. Gash my leg open, right? I don't even know what's going on. I walk into the house completely naked, right? Walk through the house, get it, walk up to my room. She's like staring at me. My wife, she goes, what's going on with you? I just got to, I went to put on my underwear, right? It's going on me? Yeah. I went to put on some underwear. I am just tipped over. Boom, to the side. She's like, oh, my God, get out of here. You're sleeping in the guest bedroom.

Yeah, I go right to the guest bedroom, right? I wake up in the morning and I was like, oh, yeah, I open the sheets. It looks like the godfather. This blood everywhere. I go, what the fuck happened? I look at my legs. There's blood all over the sheet. She comes in.

She's so pissed. She goes, what the fuck do you do? I go, this is why I need your help. I needed your help last night. Glades her immediately. What did you do? Yeah. If you want to take care of me, that's what happened.

in the deep bit begging for a handy. That's fucking sick. Yeah, dude. Yep. Who's doing a grocery shopping out there? Mostly her. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Where are you going? What store? We go to stop and shop now. Great. Love a stop and shop. Stop and shop's great. You've really got it figured out. Yeah.

Stop and shop. And I got a good butcher. Do you? You need a good butcher. You do need a good. I don't get meat at fucking stop and shop. I get meat at the butcher. So I got a great butcher, which is, I go there on Mondays.

the chicken, the fish, everything for the week. No shit. Yeah, I got a steak. It's great. It's cheaper. It's better. It's awesome. Yeah.

Fucking crack the motherfuck and you got the grill still going? You do the grill? Oh, yeah. Grill the smoker. We're going to the Giants game two weeks. I'll bring the Blackstone with me. Hey, get that out there. Yeah.

In the back of the car. What kind of cars you got? I got a Tesla. My wife's got a Lexus truck and my son, we gave him. My wife sold Land Rover. So he's got a Land Rover. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know, but it's an old one, 2016. I like that. I think that old. Yeah. Very nice. Shout out. It's not a catty brougham. What is, uh, what does Mr. Ranezizi like in the house?

The, uh, for him, for him to snack. Is there anything that's just yours? Like, don't eat that. Everything. I don't know if you check. Everything is mine. That's 84 episodes of the league. And this is, let me tell you.

I mean, it's like, I don't know how. But is there anything they, the kids can't have? Like, do you have, like, diet root beer that they can't touch her. No, nothing they can't have. Okay. There's nothing, no. What's something that, it'll be a little, a little irked if there was not much left.

Oh, yeah, we had a peanut butter pretzel. The other night we had a great, we went out to a great restaurant, and I had drunken chicken parm, which is chicken parm with vodka sauce. It's so good. And I had left over. Such a dirt bag.

It's great. Give me the fucked up chicken. Give it a chicken. It gets. drunk in a pool judge the fuck his wife that cuts his leg

in a bed give me to run to easy to the most to Rane as easy is coming up I brought the leftovers home

and then they during the Sunday night game they just destroyed it and I was like no no no this was like that's stepping over the line you don't take

another man's left over you got to ask about Hank are you going to have that is yours that's whoever ordered that's the last time I've ever been upset about but yeah

It was the last weekend? This was two days ago. You said it was the last time I was upset. Yeah, yeah, it was 48 hours ago. Yeah, yeah. And before that, it was 72 hours. Well, usually leftovers are the only things that we'll fight over. But they're allowed to have whatever they want.

I mean, I got everything in my house. How many friages you got? Two. Where are the one of the kids? Yeah, I knew it. I knew. You got one outside? I got an upstairs fridge, the downstairs fridge in the basement garage.

And then I got a freezer in the, utility room that's like just I bought a cow a couple years ago but then I got still some meat in there I couldn't eat through the whole fucking cow so so much meat it's a big crock but it's a lot of fucking I said where the fuck we're gonna put all this I mean I had to buy a whole separate freezer for it so I still have to meet it was a whole cow it was a half a cow you get it and they they give you every piece I mean I think they just put it in the garage 300 fucking Kevin K. Mo.

How much was that? I bought the the cow was like $1,200, I think, for half of it. That's not bad. No. I mean, that's meat for what a year? It's like 300 pounds of meat.

Huh. It's something ridiculous. Yeah, yeah. It's a lot of meat, dude. I could have called me when it came over. They chop it. It's in the different codsina. They freeze it all.

It's like 35 pounds of chop meat. It's a lot. You ain't ground, ground beef out of that? Yeah. Yeah. Ground beef. 30 pounds of chop meat, I guess. You call chop meat.

Ground beef, chopped meat. I don't know. What's the chopped meat? Long Island, I guess. I don't know. What's wrong with you? That's wrong. You dick, ask me all these questions.

Bring me over here. I got to ask you about breaking my balls. Split my hairs about chop meat? Can you get chapped so trotty? Chop meat? ground beef my favorite hamburger meat

you do you do or say things that are trashy that you don't let you know I don't know I went to we went to a real

nice place I got the drunken chicken and he goes on to explain what drunken chicken it's just I'm funny to me I eat drunken chicken

I used to do a beer can't chicken oh man and I call that drunken chicken sure that yeah that would be more a chicken with the beer can

sure cooch and standing up straight up Oh, my dad, he still. He keeps it moist inside. Oh, my God, it's so good. My dad thought he discovered fire doing it. See, that stands up, but it beer can.

When the rent-as-eas-eas, we'll go out to dinner. Yeah. Is there ever a place where you all get the same thing? Oh, yeah, Chinese food. We go to Chinese food. Yeah? Yeah, I mean, like, we don't get the same plate, but, like, we will get, we all like the same shit. So, like, we'll order for the table and everybody gets a piece of that.

Yeah. It sounds like when you go, like, you know, everybody gets the chicken paccata. No, no, nothing like that. Everybody shares? Yeah, because my wife mostly eats, you know, vegetables and lettuce and stuff like that. Yeah. What's the ice cream in the house? What's the situation there?

What do you need? Talk to me. No one's ever said that. You got vanilla chocolate, always staples. Pites? Or are you getting half gallons? Briars? Briars.

Yep. And then always a luxury flavor, whether it be a luxury flavor. Whether it be. A luxury flavor. Like a Van Ler. and honeycomb or something of Rocky Road or a little bit of flare to him yeah something with with a little bit of nuts and a little chocolate and a little bit yeah luxury yeah that's what makes some trashy he goes yeah chocolate chip a luxury yeah yeah something that's what makes it perfectly

trashy for yeah yeah something that's nice what's the chocolate syrup in the house oh uh Hershey's okay yeah luxury what let's skip it on chocolate what's the milk situation 2% really yeah but I don't drink milk anymore. Why is that? Because I drank it a lot as a kid and I'm lactose intolerant. Okay. You have lactate in the house? Yeah, but I just got a bidet. Holy shit. Like a proper one? Like a built in one or like the... No, the tushy. The tushy I got. Okay. You like it? Yeah. Just, I mean, it's been 48 hours, but I have a hemorrhoid. Has it been mad since the fucking... And is this thing hit it yesterday. I almost leapt off of the fucking out of the room, dude. This thing, direct contact with the fucking hemroid.

And it's hurt Shot me across the room Dude shot me out of the fucking toilet I go I got the wrong one I go what is the pressure And I got off of it And I checked the pressure with my finger

To see if this thing was like coming out like a fire hose But it really was just coming out normal But this hemorrhoid must be bad Is this your first time having one? I had first hemorrhoid ever had Was a Super Bowl It was a Who says that?

The New Orleans Saints. I was at New Orleans. It was a, no, it was the Harbaugh ball. It was Kaepernick versus the Ravens and the 49ers. I'd gone with the cast of the league. We had eaten fucking Creole and like all this delicious food. And I just, I was like, what is going on?

And I remember Coral telling me, he's like, you got a hemorrhoid, dude. I go, I feel like I'm sitting on a cigarette lighter. He goes, yep, that's exactly what a henny, dude. Yeah, dude. So that was my first hemorrhoids. Preparation H? Yep, I prepped that thing down, got rid of it. but now I got a new one back,

and this thing is back for vengeance. Jesus Christ. Is it hurt right now? Not right now, no. But when I put that bidet thing on, I was like, oh, I can never use this again. I never had one.

I was so scared of one. Oh, you never? No. I used to get them. Like, enough. Oh, yeah. Enough. Yeah.

Moving on. I mean, listen, I got one more. I just, you know, as a, as a, as a fun thing, obviously, we'll have it. you back. This has been fucking boncos. Are you currently in a beef with the neighbor? It doesn't have to be a direct neighbor or someone. You know, is there...

Funny you ask that question. I knew it. I fucking knew. Both my neighbors are over... They're over a thousand years old. They're a thousand fucking years old. Both my neighbors. Young hot chat comes in a neighborhood.

The one guy to my right, because the way works is my driveway goes down and my house is like separated from everybody else is on the block. So his... Sounds like a nice job. bring my fucking pails up like a quarter mile up to the top of the driveway. Trash cans. Yeah, the trash cans. So I bring the trash cans

up. I put them at the top. Called them pails. Yeah. They got wheels on them, right? You're not carrying them with a broomstick. No, no. I farmers carry them up to fucking change the money. Do you the thing in the car where you like drag them up? A hundred percent I do. I'll farm out the window. Dislocated

shoulder because of it. So I get up to the top And then now the thing is I know what's in my garbage And so the next morning The garbage man comes super early I'll go to get him down And there's half of the shit

From my neighbor's garbage Out because he brings his out So early the day before The raccoons and shit get into him So it gets out of it And it blows into my And he never comes picks it up So now I'm out there every day

Picking up his fucking trash But he's a thousand years old I can't be like Hey old man River get your fucking shit together. You know what I'm saying? I just gotta eat that one. That sucks.

So I have no like. There's no recourse for you. No. I can't do anything about it. I can't do. I mean, I want to take it up and bundle it and throw it on his fucking front lawn.

Light it on fire. Yeah. But I can't do that because he's, you know, he's not long for this world. So it's going to be, you know, I just have to take this one.

Can anybody see in your backyard? Like you swim this? No. Okay. No. Really. Back there naked. It's all the time.

Love it. All the time. I'm never, I don't have clothes on in the summer. What about the kids? That's their problem. Are you kidding me? Yeah, I know when they're around.

But if they see something they don't like, that's their problem, not mine. I mean, he's an insane person. Not really, but it's just like I've, like I said, I'm an architect of my own happiness. It's like you play the game with us. You got to adapt to us. Two things I'm surprised. I'm stunned that you don't have. One is a golf cart at the house.

I know. should and we've thought thought about it and we've actually I know not really like you're not a lot of like use them in like those kind of residential area I guess you get the thing trash up there is the big smart yeah and the hot tub the hot tub too I know my kids want a hot tub we had a hot tub in California we moved to this house and they were like no hot tub did you own in California yeah and sold yeah sold how would you bought your first house bought a condo in 2006 five

Money money? Yeah, commercial stuff. And I'd done a sitcom that got picked up from one season called Big Day. Uh-huh. And so, yeah, a little bit of that. Were you like a sprint commercial or something? Yeah, I did a lot of, a lot of, a lot of commercials. I remember the Verizon.

You were very smart with your money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, you never blew it on a jet ski or anything like that? Nothing stupid like that, no. Huh. No. Nothing like that. I just, I always thought I was like, I guess because I grew up blue collar.

It's like, you got to save your, you don't know when, you know, it's going to end. drugs, no drugs? Yeah. We got to wrap it. I knew you were going to answer like that. Yeah. What do you want to do? I'm not an idiot.

Man. Yeah. This is a fucking home run. Dude, I'm glad. Good hang, baby. Steve Rayne is easy. 100% Long Island Garbage. The architect.

Throw and throw. That's right. Success. Yes. So glad to have you here. Check him out every week on Legion of Skanks. Anything else you want the folks aren't that I know?

Steve Randazizi.com for tour dates. I got a lot of dates coming up. Cleveland, Atlanta. Let's go. New Orleans. Uncle Vinnie's wherever the fuck that is in Pleasantville, New Jersey. Yeah, a couple of the dates coming up.

Steve Randis Easy.com. We love you. I love you too, guys. Thank you so much for coming in. Thanks for having. We'll definitely be having you back soon. I want to find out more about this property. Uncle Hank's going to be standing out there for a couple of weeks.

Kipi, what do you got for him? Guys, we're on the road right now. Army Garbage just announced Boston. The Wilbur. Tickets are moving quick for that. We got Philly. We got Tacoma. San Jose, San Diego.

Get those tickets. San Diego. I think the first show sold out. Ari Garbage.com. We love you. Steve, again, we love you. Love you too, guys. We love you.

We'll see in three days. Peace.