Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Stoner Thoughts w/ Luis J. Gomez!

Episode Date: April 9, 2026

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Luis J. Gomez! You know Luis Gomez from Stand Up Comedy Legion of Skanks Podcast, The Regz, Story Warz, Kill Tony, The Joe Rogan Experience, The Adam Friedland Show, RAP Podcast, Jim Norton Can't Save You, The Tim Dillon Show and so much more! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: BetterHelp: When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at https://BetterHelp.com/garbage. Promo Code: Garbage Pestie: Keep the bugs away with Pestie. Go to https://pestie.com/AYG for 10% off your order. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Gang, let me really quick tell you what you might not know. The boys want to see you in Los Angeles for the Netflix as a joke festival in May, and we want to see you this week in Chicago. So grab the squad and come hang. Yeah, if you've never been to a live show, it's a good time. We do some stand-up. Then we play A-Y-G with the crowd. You've seen the clips.

You get your garbage question read. We call you trash. We make funny. It's a good time. We celebrate Army of Garbage. We love you. See you there. Hey, everybody out there.

And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Garbage. Oh, yeah. It's that little show. we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy. Yeah. Just a big old piece of trash. Trash, drive, drive.

I'm your host, Aisfully coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here, Ritutis in the new edition. She got double pink eyeed. Okay. I actually pulled that off. All right, whatever. We'll fuck myself, I guess. My co-s is coming out of you from right next to me.

He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for KJ. Kevin, James Ryan. What up, gang. Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always,

make sure you rate, you subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify and the boys are climbing the charts. Not the top of the charts. Nobody wants to be at the top. We don't want to.

We don't want to target on our back. You know what I mean? The meaty part of the curve. Right in the middle. See average. Yes. And we're on tour right now. Get tickets at RUGarbage.com.

I think we got Chicago this week. Nashville sold out. Bloomington, Indiana. It might be a few tickets left. And grab tickets to come see us out at the Netflix as a joke festival in May out there. La La La Land. Back to L.A. Where it all went down.

That's right. We don't talk about that. But, gang, we could be more excited of our incredibly, and I'm an incredibly special guest. Back with us again today. He's obviously family. Of course. A little smoking before you got here. I did.

I am very... You fucking Cheech, Judge. Let me say this. I stop smoking. Talk about double pink guy. I stopped. I stopped smoking on Christmas. It was my last time I smoked.

Uh-huh. And then we went to Mexico last week with the whole gas digital crew. Right. We took all of our producers, all 20 producers to Mexico on a vacation. You got a lot of fucking producers. It was pretty incredible.

Cartel got nervous. You know, and I started smoking with them. Yeah. And then I've smoked every day since. Smog a little duby, huh? But no, I'm going to be sober again, but you're getting, it's rare, but you're getting a very stoned.

I like that. I like that. Although I do have to say, You're obviously, you know, you run a very tight ship with your body. A lot of times you're eating, clean your drink. Oh, not now. I know, I know, but every time I see you, there's always a date. You know what I mean?

It's always like, since I haven't done that since Easter. I haven't done whatever since whatever. There's always a. I have to declare things. If I'm not declaring things publicly, then I can't hold myself accountable. I need the fans and my friends and other comedians to be like, dude, you said you wouldn't be fat by October. And here you are. I stopped doing.

Dude, you said you wouldn't be fat by October. Ladies and gentlemen Not just a comedian No Not just a producer Not just a business owner Of course the gas digital network He is also an author

Of knives and spoons Give it up for the birthday boy Louis J. Gomez I'm celebrating my birthday Happy birthday So how about you don't judge me for being high No Let me just fucking get a little high

Chill out with the boys Find out of from garbage again You're not supposed to judge anybody In that state Yeah Are you using Are you... Are we finding out if I've become more garbage or less garbage since the last time I was here?

How does this work? I haven't really thought that to. I mean, you think we don't really have production meetings? We're like, just get Lewis in here and have a good time. All right, we'll do that. I figure bringing in here you all smoked up and make funny for an hour. Well, I'm very excited to be back. I think I'm...

Can we have Lewis's birthday present? We have a birthday present for me? We do. Bring her out here. It's your girlfriend. Oh, no. It's your true. Crashy girlfriend.

He's very lovely. A little lovely. I say that as a joke. She's, uh, beautiful, front lady. Okay, I don't know why he's.

Tight. Tight. Tight. What an ass that won't quit. I'm sorry. She's a nice lady. No, she's very,

she's very sweet. She's very sweet. She's very, she's a little trash. She's very of the, of a girl I grew up with. She should be cutting hair in Bucks County,

so. That's all we had in stock. Now available in the store. But I will wear this. There you go. A-Y-G. You don't have to put it. No, I want it on you.

That's not bad. Yeah. Are you a hat guy? Oh, yeah. Oh, that looks really good on you. I used to be self-conscious about going bald. Uh-huh. So I used to wear a hat all the time.

And then I just started shaving my head regularly. Would you ever go to the turkey thing and do all that? Uh, no. The turkey thing and do all that. That was the weakest sentence ever said. Would you ever go to the turkey? That was somebody who's peripherally heard the word turkey and hair, like conversations that other people had. But he never locked into really what it was.

He didn't want to commit that turkey was a place. Would you ever do that turkey stuff? He wasn't 100% positive. Not would you go to Turkey? Would you ever do that turkey thing? He heard people talking about it. He's like, I think it's a place. But it's also a food.

Turkey Institute. I can't be bogged. down if they mean if they mean the animals are given hair trans. I'm gonna look like a fucking asshole if they need the animals. He thinks you just get a bunch of feathers put in your head. Gobble, gobble, gang.

The poor said hair transplant Turkey Institute? No. Swinging a miss. I looked like, I looked like shit, dude, with, with hair. It's long and curly and crinkly. You look very good with the shape. Lewis?

Yes, sir. Is it mashed potatoes or mashed potatoes? You just said the same thing. Am I? You just said the same exact thing. No, I said, is it mashed potatoes? Oh, that's a really good one. Mash, hold on.

I'll take some mashed potatoes. All right, so I think casually I would say, I would say mashed potatoes if I was just throwing it out. Who were you talking to? But if I was writing it, I would write mashed potatoes. You're right mashed potatoes. I would write mashed potatoes. I would say mashed potatoes.

Every answer is going to be in that form from now on. Gotcha. How I would say it versus how I would write it. Okay. Correct answer? Mashed potato Of course Are you saying is that

Are you asking me? There was a right answer you're saying Well he says mash No I know but I know If you want me to tell you what the right answer is Who's on first? Hold on I think you were asking me what I say

Uh huh But if I can tell you what the correct answer is every time Or do you want to know what I say What's the correct answer Mashed potatoes And what do you say Mashed potatoes You are right

Three points Is this a new show? My girlfriend is going to give you a hand job. Welcome back to Garbage Wars, everybody. I don't know if we ever did this with you, and I'd be curious to see. What was the name of the high school you went to? North Rockland High School.

North Rockland High School. Let's pull that up and see if you are in the notable alum on Wikipedia. That's infuriating. Why? Because I'm not. And there is one more notable alum, and that is... Probably a lot of fentanyl deaths you got to get through. There's only one, I believe, and that's Flo.

The progressive lady? You ain't got cans like her. Yeah, yeah. Now, Flo's crushed. You did that bitch, that bitch, bro. Look up also Flo's net worth $100 million. Flo's worth more money than any of us will ever be worth. Sure. Well, what do you got?

It's not that. It's North Rockland High School? Yeah. Yeah. It's not even on there? No, I'm getting it now. What's the high school mascot? What was the high school mascot?

We were the North Rockland Red Raiders. The needles. The breaking and entering. Sadly and wrongfully, Lewis J. Gomez is not. Who else do you have on there? It's a lot of soccer players. We got Flo, Stephanie Courtney. It's a hot name, Stephanie Courtney.

That is. That's kind of like a porn star name. Two first names, kind of, you know. All right. We got Richard Human, a neo-conceptualist artist. A neo-Nazi. It's also Lewis. They can only have one neo-Nazi as a notable alarm.

Oh, what the heck? Notable skinheads. Yeah, that's insane. Okay, all right, not bad, not bad. No, yeah, they don't claim me. Okay, fair enough. When you sleep. I feel like Byron that one.

Lewis, when you sleep, is there a nightlight anywhere in the room? A night light, no. Is what, what, are you in complete black? hallway light on the door crack TV on what do you got cooking um if night tears so no what i usually do is i can't fall asleep or i'm sorry i can't watch a movie when i like lie down i can't i will fall asleep in minutes okay so why don't you put a movie on i have to put on a movie that i'm highly

interested in and if i do that i will fall asleep just like that if you're highly interested i got to be highly interested in that movie i got to really want to see it with one you haven't seen yeah one that i have one that i have haven't seen one of them like I really want to watch that one that I'm like here we go predator badlance then I put my head to the pillow and you're out you are monster energy drinking human form

predator badlands it was good movie you mean like robocop predator badlands was actually pretty fucking solid dude I tell you what they're all good that whole fucking the whole alien predator thing all the way through I haven't seen one that's bad yeah I like the new

you know what's a good predator the one with Adrian Brody. It's like they're all in a world, they get transported to a world, they're all fighting each other. You're going to put them to sleep. Yeah, well, that's, I don't want them in a different world though. That's the only problem. You want them here. You want it to feel like the danger. It's like when they

had like Jurassic Park and they like put them on the island of Manhattan, the dinosaurs run around. It's like that's the movie. Yeah, I didn't watch it. My family wasn't afford, I couldn't afford to go to fucking Costa Rica wherever the Jurassic Park Island was. He just wanted to see nice places. Yeah, dude. That's like fucking watching it get burned down. Yeah, no, you got to like

bring the dinosaurs here. For you to feel scared. Jason goes to Manhattan. I wasn't going to sleep away camp. It wasn't happening, dude. No way I was going past Albany. My mom wasn't sending me to sleepway can. I'm not going to make it disconnected this year.

Holy shit, okay. We might ask you, I'm curious. How did you do with sleepovers? Were you good to the parents like you? No. I remember my friend John Hickey's parents. John Hickie's dad just passed away. God bless his soul.

The sweetest guy, you know, police sergeant up in Rockland County. His mom was great. They did like they liked me until they didn't and it was like because we'd like we all like pro wrestling and I was like the biggest kid out of everybody right so we'd have like our own organization, you know, and I we all had our own like characters and had two little brothers Justin and James Hickey and they were had two brothers they were half our size so you could do the coolest shit to these little kids so we were like literally I mean just we'd take these like six year old kids and just choke slam them through doors and fucking just power bomb them onto concrete and um. The amount of times that it hurt the little brothers in the parents were like, that kid can't come over anymore. Yeah, no, that makes sense. Yeah. How old were you? 15?

Not even, dude. 12, summer? 12, yeah, maybe. I remember I drew with crayons on my ex-girlfriend's basement. I was like 16 years old. We were fucking already. And they had crayons because she had a little sister. And I, like, just started drawing on the wall.

And the dad was like, he can never come to my home again. Get this feral boy out of my house. What are you? A toddler? It was crazy. You have flour all over? I think about it. Lewis was here.

If my son brought a friend over that drew with crayons on my basement wall, I would, I would go to their house and I would beat up the father in front of the kid. I would start punching the father in the face and be like, this is what you made me do. That's the lesson that he would have to learn is that I have to fuck his dad up now. Because he drew with crayons on my fucking walls. Do you guys exchange money, the parents? Like, if like if the kid does have somebody to sleep, There's no, because I can't I read something or saw something that parents kind of like each pay for their shit now.

Um, kind of. I don't know. I just. Like if you're having a pizza party or whatever, or just, I don't even something. Are you going, are parents going Venmoing you like 40? But hey, here's for keeping Billy. But I don't ever take money. Of course.

You run a tight ship. That's crazy. I'm not going to, you know, you buy the kids some pizzas. You bring them out. You know. I got a question. Have you ever Venmoed each other? Uh, yeah.

She hasn't, she's never Venmoed me. I'll tell you that much. Okay. She'll say, I need a couple of bucks. Well, I don't Venmo or I, uh, the number, it has to go on Zell because the number's too big for Venmo. I have to get her fucking wiring information. But fuck, it takes 10 days to clear the numbers this bitch wants. Have you ever used Western Union?

Not for her. Not that you meant for her. I have I did use Western Union once Man that's a tough feeling When I was in It's in Amsterdam Okay that's a little

That's your end But I ran out of money because of hookers and weed It wasn't like Dude I didn't think I didn't get my bag I didn't think you spent it at the fucking Anne Frank Museum I spent my money Every time I went through

Every time I went to Amsterdam I'm like I'm going to the Anne Frank Museum I'm going to the Van Gogh museum I'm going to do it I'm doing it and every time I spend all my money on hookers and weed. I never get there. I've only been one

time and I went with my wife. Oh, you guys would kill it there. You should go to do a theater in Amsterdam. They love comedy there. I know, yeah, but we don't do that well overseas. It's a very, we didn't realize it's a very American-based show, yeah. It's all about how he's fucking grew up. It's not like I do crazy well, but I saw a couple shows in

Amsterdam. I don't know. We're having trouble with Chicago. Tonight. Who'd you ask for Western Union? My friend, Katie. We were out in Amsterdam. Just spent all of our money we were staying in utrecht which is like another city like 45 minutes away from amsterdam we're just trying to get near amsterdam we didn't realize how far this didn't have to travel yet i was like 22 years old i still don't my mom died when i was on

that trip actually jesus yeah yeah yeah well that's your war morning yeah just wanted to just want to bum everyone out hey guys just so you know you'd ask for airfare to get back home nope you're trying to re-up on the on the head well i didn't find out until i got home because i had like a little Nokia cell phone. I couldn't get calls overseas. I didn't have whatever you needed to do that. So I found out when I got home. God, damn.

There's a chance I was inside of a prostitute when my mom died. Ooh, that'll give me something to think about. There's a chance that prostitute was female. I was a pretty good chance. I was in Amsterdam one time, and I just went to, I popped my head down, like, the red light district.

I was like, let me just go see what it's like. And there was a guy getting... Oh, let me just go see what it's like. I was two seconds. I was with my wife and there was this guy getting pushed out of a brothel and he's like holding onto the door for him. He goes, just let me get a hand job. And I was just like, never be that guy.

I respect them. It's just pleading. Yeah, no, Amsterdam's a good city. It's a fun town. One question we've been doing as of recent and I feel that you might have a few good answers on this. What do you do to feel classy? It doesn't even have to be classy. But like maybe you use the valet or is there a product or something that you have at the house?

You're like, I like using this. It could be a cut. board, a knife. I like this question. An air fryer, anything. What makes you go, ooh, this is nice. I like that.

Well, I bought a second car for no reason. What a second car. You have the Audi? Well, I had the Accura. All right. I had an Audi. Total the Audi. Right.

Got an Accuror because I didn't deserve an Audi. Okay. I was like, I don't deserve a German engineered car. It was like, I'm too much shitty of a driver. I was like, then I was like, I'm going to buy this Accura, T-LX. This is a Rocha, Nick. Shout out, yeah. Recommend, recommendation.

He's the man. Love Nick Horchorchfort. and I bought this accurate TLX, used, just bought it cash. I was like, that's that. I was like, I'm going to have this car until my son turned 16, he's 13 now. I'll reward myself with a nice luxury car.

Then? Yeah, if I can get it to no accidents between now and then, learn my lesson, be a little bit less distracted, right? And then... Stop drawing on walls. Dude, it's snowed out in Jersey,

where it snowed all over in the Jersey. Snow to my house. That was crazy. There was a crazy snowstorm. You remember, like, the foot of snow we had? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was fucking three weeks ago.

My whole house was fucking buried. The car was buried. This is the Akerra. And I was like, fuck. So I go into the Akerra. I open the door. I turned on the heat full blast. I turn on the defrosters full blast.

Me and my son, we dig out the entire driveway, the whole path. You know, we don't have it. This is like real shovels. This is some fucking old school. I got you. I don't have a fucking snowblower. None of that shit, dude. We shoveled that fucking car out, right?

You know, an hour later, I go to move the car, you know, because the heat's on, the snow just kind of falls off. Right. Right. So I back out as soon as the snow fell off the windshield had a giant crack because you can't go from freezing ice cold to heat blasting on the window. So then I started cursing and I was like, this fucking piece of shit car. And I called it was going to be $1,200 to replace the windshield. And then I was like, I was called Nick Rozier for it. And he had such a funny point because I was like, I was, dude, I'm thinking about getting a car.

And he said this on the real last podcast. He was like when a guy calls you up and says I'm thinking about getting a car, that means he's 36 hours away from buying a new car. Dude, I bought a new car that same week, and I saw that, and I was going to call Nick, and I saw that clip. I went no fucking way, because he's going to talk me out of what I want to get. Well, that's exactly it. So then I was like, fuck this.

I need a different car. I'm sick of driving around a shitty car. I haven't been in any accidents. It's been 13 months, so I got myself the Audi Q8. So now my Audi. But then I brought my car in to get the windshield fixed, and I blacked up the tires and the windows. Very Puerto Rican look. this fucking blackout Accura.

And now they give it back to me and I'm like, that's a fucking hot car right there. I didn't even need the Audi. So now I have a second car. You put black rims on your car? Yeah. So blacking out the car, that makes you feel rich. No, no, having the second car for no reason

was like a move. Spending a lot of money on a gym membership, you know. Oh, boarding before everyone else on a flight. Very nice. Premier 1K, which I'm no longer Premier 1K. I was Premier 1K. United. That's perfect.

United Premier 1K. I was they bumped me because I didn't spend enough money they changed it used to be miles flown now it's money fucking spent yeah which is bullshit okay but here's what I've learned you just walk up when they say Premier 1 Kye this guy's cracking the kids guys I'm telling you right now they don't check they've seen I've seen Delta bump people go not Delta United not United United United I mean United they're flying with animals they don't check I'm telling you right now and I was gonna keep on playing dumb and even if I get caught it's not like I get caught by the same person I'll get caught like cool I All right, I guess I got caught. I'll wait until fucking group one is called now. Then you got to walk through back? No, that's crazy.

You're in group one. I'm in group one. Okay. Okay. Yeah. So that makes me feel good. You got TSA precheck? Oh, yeah.

You got clear? Oh, yeah. You got touchless? What? Touchless is. You got to get touchless, though. You guys are classy. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Yeah. Gang, we know Better Help is fantastic for all the things in your life. They're also fantastic if you're working through some financial stresses that you need to get off your your chest. Talk to somebody, man. No matter what it is, whether it is, whether it's big, whether it's small, you want to talk to somebody. And BetterHelp is a great way to step your foot into talk therapy.

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Sometimes it's just accessing the right kind of support. Money stress from a child all the way, up to when I was adult. You see it. I'm your parents at it. I, it's just, it's, it is a big, big, big point of contention in my life. Uh, it always has been. So having somebody to talk to about that will fucking just shed a little bit of light

and make things a little bit easier. It'll be sleeping a little better at night. And talk therapy has always been a fantastic tool in my life. Uh, when life feels overwhelming therapy can help sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp. com slash garbage. That's better help. H-E-L-P.com slash garbage. Do it.

Do it. Keb much talking about Pesty. Pesty gang. You know Pesty. I do, baby. Use it at the house. Gang, if you got bug problems, you got infestation. What you want to do is you want to go to Pesty and kind of do it yourself.

Listen, right? Let me take over. Am I talking out of my ass here? I just did it. Are you taking control of your life with Pestty? I just did it four days ago. My man. Four days ago.

Listen, they send it to you. Bug man. It's fantastic. They send it. it comes, they send the bag, you mix it with the water, you mix the little, the little potion with the water, you put your little sprayer on top, give you a little set of black gloves, I think it's two foot, you go around the perimeter of the house, it takes minutes, minutes, and you're good with the bug, get them out.

That's great. It's not crazy toxic. We were, it's kid and pet friendly, one, because we got a little cat brino and we got Hansi Ponzi. Sure. The pest of the size they shipped are fully registered and have been used in hospitals and schools all over the country. Pestee offers a 100% bug-free guarantee or your money back. If the bugs don't go away, you'll get a refund. The kit includes a sprayer, a mixing bag, pesticide, gloves, like I said, and instructions. Less than 10 minutes. It's so simple. It makes you feel like you're

accomplishing something, too. It gets rid over 100 types of bugs from spiders to ants, roaches, and scorpions, which, listen, I ain't got scorpions, but with Pestey, we definitely ain't going to get them. Yikes. Keep the bugs away with Pestey. Go to pesty.com slash A-Y-G for an extra 10% off your order. That's P-E-S-T-I-E.com slash A-Y-G for an extra 10% off. Do it. Yeah. Anything that makes you feel trashy,

like you're like, fuck. The feeling that if I were to walk into your home and you had cash on the table, I would think to steal it. I wouldn't steal it. You would go, how would I do that? I would just go like, whatever it is like my, like an urge, like,

The same way if you see like a pussy and you like you want to lick it. What? Like that's the way I would. I'm not seeing pussy that much. If you see a pussy you want to lick it. You're like, I want to lick that pussy. You go to a strip club. Like, oh, I'd love to lick that pussy.

You don't do it because you're at a strip club. You get fucking kicked out and bounced, right? But that same urgency. You got this guy on a short leash, dude. Hey, if you got cash, you want to tell you got pussies. I'm going to lick it. You don't do it because you're my friend. And I'm out of hooters right now.

I thought that was cool on TSA pre-checking. No. I apologize. Hey guys, I'm from me at one case. You know what I'm saying, dog. You go to a stroke by, be like, and if the pussy's right in your face, you're like, oh, I just want to fucking give it a liquearoo. Your mind goes there.

A liquor. A liquor. And your mind goes there. I didn't know you're Asian. If I see your, if I see money on your table and I'm at your house, like, my mind goes, like, oh, I want to take that money. And that, that will always be in me. You'll never get that out of me.

And I don't, I would never steal. Two follow-up questions. Please. What is the- I steal from, you know, big businesses and airports, but not. Okay. What was the last thing you stole from probably an airport then? Yeah, probably an airport.

Okay, fair enough. What was the last strip club you were? I was the name of it. That's called Cottonmouth. I haven't been to a strip club's. That's because I started dating my girlfriend. Babe, how long we've been dating? Prior to that one.

I went to a strip club in at least four months. Do you have a deal with four months? Do you have one from your past that you really liked? No, I went to a pretty good strip club in like just one of these shitty towns, the last one. I don't remember what it was, but it was a straight up, like, black strip club, which is like, that's where you want to go. Look, now I understand that this is going to sound harsh, but I am brown, so I feel like I have a good perspective on this as a brown person. Blurros out of this. White strippers are the best, obviously.

Like, you want to, if you're, if you're, if you're at a bachelor party, if money's not an object. You're not for a guy like you. Right. Let's say money's not an object. You're getting pure white strippers for your party. Beautiful young, hot white. women but those bitches come at a fucking high cost right um you know we but money is an object so you have to consider everything uh-huh go to a black strip club like the ghetto ass strip club okay

I remember after Skangfest we went to a hustler barely legal hustle club okay that's who that's who hosts the after party at SkangFest right the barely legal club I think we were sick that year so uh we all had a sickness that we all had a sickness that we weekend um no and but like it was like high-end hot white bitches and i remember i took my money and i fucking uh came over and i smacked it on her ass right she didn't like that now the security was like whoa you can't touch the strippers it was like can't touch the strippers that's the whole thing what are we doing go down to the king of diamond you can arm wrestle you go to a black strip club doggy i'm straight up you could punch it into her fucking ribs

you put it you put the money on the end of your fist and you just punch her square on the face and she's like thank you baby and they're all they're all kind of fun you you you know, funky and fucked up. And, like, you want a ghetto-ass strip club, though. They'll fucking, you can spit at their mouth for a dollar. Hey, all-class kid. Trust me. Man, two cars.

This guy's changed. How do you feel about Mr. Bean? Switch gears real quick. I never liked Mr. Bean. Give you that. Too pompous. Yeah, whatever it was. Whatever, the comedy didn't hit me.

Sure. But I did like him in the Witches movie when I was a kid. The Witches movie? The Witches. The Witches. Witches of Eastwick? Witches. I don't know what that is.

The witches. They remade it they remade it like maybe three, four years ago. But the original one was a little fat, British kid. And then another little kid. Sarah Jessica Parker and...

No, no, no, no. You just didn't mean movies with witches. It doesn't point in the call. You're not talking about... What was it, Clarissa? No, what was the other one? Sabrina. Sabrina.

Sabrina. It was Clarissa explains it all. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Come on. The Witches, it's with Angelica Houston. Yes. 1990, I'm going to say.

That's the Witches of Eastwick. 1990 family horror picture. Yes. Yeah. It's not the Witches of Eastwick? Rowan Atkinson, yeah. Yeah, just the witches. Huh.

Yeah. Angel Hueson was also in the woods. And they turn into fucking, they turn the kids into rats or mice. That's the thing they're doing is they're turning the kids into mice. You remember this movie? I do not. Did they remake it with Ann Hathaway?

This fucking kid. Did they remake it with Ann Hathaway? No, that might be the one. They might have remade it with Ann Hathaway. They did. Say, yeah. In 2020. Yeah, she was nasty in it.

Great. 30 year anniversary. Yeah. No, no. The original movie was horrifying. Huh. Yeah, they would turn it to like horrible looking fucking witches and never turned you into a mouse.

I'm not. I missed that. Have you ever bought anything off Shark Tank? I mean, I think everyone has a little face scrubber. Scrub daddies. Scrub dyes. We all have a scrub daddy. You're a squatty potty guy too, probably.

No, I tried to. Wadi Pottie once it didn't make me shit any better It just made me feel like a f*** My feet went legs were up in the air Like it was insane dude It feels like someone's changing your diaper Obviously you can believe that But they know what I they know what I said

Sure They know they know they know they put your fucking Yeah dude it feels like somebody's changed your diaper You're a little too exposed My knees up by my fucking tits dude I need someone checking my six with that I had diarrhea at one time it came out like a fucking It was wild

I got fucking tight hips dude I'm 44 years old today My hips are tight as fuck. I would literally need to get a professional stretching before I use a squatty party. And the guy's a pedophile. Yeah. Is he?

Yeah. What the fuck? I assume. Damn it. I mean a guy who's interested in butthole delf? A little creak in your legs up. Speaking of it, this one's from a few weeks ago from a listener. Do you keep the plunger next to the toilet or is it in a closet?

Is it in the garage? I was trying to steal that as my own. In the garage would be psychotic. You have to run to the garage when your shit is overflowing, dude You need it right next to the toilet, doggy Toilip brush Toilip brush as well that if that's in a container that shuts Like when you pull it out

That's classy right there How often do you use that toilet brush? Just when you clean the bathroom Just when my girl's gonna come over Okay The only time I have a cleaning lady that comes Right, right so she cleans pretty good But how often is she coming?

Once a week What's that called you? 200 a week It's not bad you grease her, you're going to You got a tipper? They set the price. That's pretty good. Timper.

Timber. Two hundred. What do you say? Tipper over. Tipper gore. Fuck off. I don't know why that was so funny. Tipper gore gore.

Tipper gore fuck off. I can't believe he made that poll. I didn't tell you to go fuck off. It's super funny. The wife of the vice president from 20 years ago. That's crazy. Dude, a little reading a big guy. Man, when he's still.

He's in flow state. I'm a dude, I'm bucking just like jazz music. Yeah, dude, no, I, if before my girl comes over, I'll clean the shit stains. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, otherwise I'll let the cleaning. Now, when you're, she's not there, right? And say, James isn't, it's just you, maybe, or the toilet you use, the master bed, whatever. Yeah, yeah.

Will you pee? If you pee on the seat a little bit, will you leave it if you know you're not coming back or will you clean it right away? Depending on how, if we are one halfway to my cleaning lady coming. Anything on that half of the week, I'll just piss on the floor. I fucking just wipe my boogers on the mirrors. I'm not paying once a week for nothing. It's insane. You're a scumbent.

Okay. How many bathrooms are in the house? Three bathrooms. Three bathrooms. One, you have a master bedroom? Oh, yeah. And then James, there's one in the hallway by the bedroom? He's got one in his bedroom as well.

He's one. And then where's the third one? Just in the hallway. In the hallway of what? Upstairs. Upstairs. No bathrooms on the first floor? No.

Okay. Let me ask you this. The split level home, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. It's a zigzag. I got you. Rolly paper?

I live in a... My house is made of easy widers. Rawls. Yeah. I live in a back one. I live in a bum. This guy's high. He's good.

Okay. You're having a party. What? Can I get another Laquois? These are the orange ones are my favorite, dude. And I have cotton mouth like a mother brother. Are we recorded this? I took the subway to get here.

That was fucking crazy. You guys take that subway still? No, not really. It's fucking bonkers, dude. It's wild. They still just, it looks the same. They didn't change anything. Some of the cars are, a lot of the cars have been updated.

I take it with my son every now and then. My head's on a fucking swim. Yeah, dude. I don't like it. These people are out of their minds, dude. Thank you, Luke. They need to eat on a must have come and design a subway car, dude. You got it?

Well, like that boring hole? I'm not getting in that thing. That thing. That ceiling's too low. You got stretched that out a little bit. What's the cyber truck? You should connect a bunch of cyber trucks on the tracks. That's not a bad idea.

That's not a bad idea, actually. It's coming. Let me write this down. All right, you're having a party. You're having a Christmas party. Okay? I come up to you. Yeah.

And I say, listen, man, I really got to use the bathroom. I don't want to use the hallway one upstairs because people are around. Yeah. Is there any way I could use you? your bathroom in your room? Depends with the cleaning He's coming. You.

Let's say me. Anybody. No, him specifically. It's a hot chick You're going to let her do it. You got a shit. I'm not combing my hair. You're in there using this toothbrush.

You got a shit. No, I got a floss real bad. Yeah. The crab rangoons are hidden. Yeah, I would tell you to use my son's bathroom. Oh, I can't do that. I would.

I'd be like, Jane. baseball pictures you've been a naughty boy this year the fact I left you lump of gold that's even worse man you probably take some massive shit that's my problem is like you're gonna fuck up my plumbing dude you're gonna septic 10 wrote a rooter dude I did I took a shit one time at my son's mother's sister's place that's like a riddle yeah my son's mother's cousins friends best friends teachers your son's mother's sister my son's mother's sister so yeah she's nothing to me she's dumb bitch you think like she's nothing to me and I went to her place it was

during the holidays dude and I just dude I would like binge I would just is one my son's mother was pregnant and when she was I just I would like 350 pounds 340 maybe when she was pregnant I ballooned up dude and I would just eat so much and then I would take these like I would just eat eat eat and then after like two three days it would all just come out and it was psychologically whenever there'd be a point when I would go I was like this is enough I gotta get back on my diet I would make a psychological connection

and then my body my body would just go okay cool and then like spell it everything out and I remember one time it like it like stuffed in the hole like every bit of the hole was completely closed then it came out of the toilet like in a pile it was like

literally I'm talking like a termite hill breaching it was like the emoji so I mean, it's just so much, it was so much shit. And, yeah, you try to flush it. Nothing, like nothing. Because the water, you create a vacuum. The water came under.

You got two flushes before it's now, the water's now to the top. So now you can't even plunge it. I know. Because then the shit water spills over. Yeah, it's bad. You're like, you're, you got two, the first time you do it, like, fuck. Like, am I going to do it one more time and make it to where it's impossible to be plunged without getting shit water on the floor? I've gotten it right to that ledge and it's going down.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sometimes there's a slow leak in it and you go, thank God. But with that much shit, this is disgusting, but they like it. With that much shit, you can't really plunge. Plunging is just going to fucking, you know, it's going to mash it even deeper into the hole. Mashed.

You have to create a hole so the water can pass through. So I went outside and I got a stick, like a long stick. Lewis, where are you going? Right back. No, I felt bad. I was like, you can't let me go on there, Beatrice. I was like, this is insane. Whatever is that.

Did you just tell Beatrice? Or did you have her tell everyone? Of course, actually came back. No, I told her that I came back, and then everyone was just kind of like not looking at me. And I had to like literally poke a hole all the way deep into the, to create enough.

A suction, yeah. Yeah, suction. You got a rip branch with leaves and chill. Yeah. What'd you do with the stick? It was Christmas. I put it under the tree. I had to give one of the kids.

Uh-huh. Okay. So I'll take that as a no that I couldn't use the bag. I don't even know what the question was. Can I use your bathroom if we were at a party and I needed a guy? That would be my concern with you, but because you're my friend, I would have to stay fine. Thank you.

I appreciate that. That's a point for class. Classy guy. It's classy. Hey, gang, let's talk about chime, chime, chime. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's fee free and smarter banking built for you. I'm talking to you out there.

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See chime.com for details and applicable terms. This episode is brought to you by FedEx. These days, the power move isn't having a big metallic credit card to draw on the check at a corporate launch. The real power move is leveling up your business with FedEx intelligence and accessing one of the biggest data networks powered by one of the biggest delivery networks. Level up your business with FedEx, the new power move. You ever boof anything? Like a drug?

Anything. Contraband, a drug, hampton covered in vodka. Not up my asshole, but I felt like weed in my asses. crack plenty when we used to be illegal in New York Mm-hmm No I got to go to a concert You roll a bunch of joints Put them in a bag

You put them like Down your ass crack up your balls a little bit You taint them Yeah These drugs are tainted Have you ever seriously tried to beatbox Or freestyle rap Um

You're in a band Yeah Does that mean he's beatbox Yeah Anybody who has ever had a microphone In front of them Has tried to beat box Okay, earnestly?

Yeah. Okay. Let me hear your beatboxing. You can do it. Boom-ch-boom. No. I don't really have it, if I'm being honest with you. That wasn't your best beatboxing.

No. That sounds like, boom, da-da-boom-boom-boom. Sounds like someone's soap woofer's out. What fuck was that? You shit in my bathroom? My master bathroom. Somebody get me a stick. That's the best you can do

That's not beatboxing man Do this thing I'm not I'm not Michael Winslow Boom boom You guys beepbox the same way girls make Machine Gun sounds

Poo Poo Pee Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo Poo First you go What is that is That's pretty good Holy shit dude I told me were I told we were taking enemy fire. I thought I was in Iran for him.

That was crazy. That was dude. Yeah, that was good. Oh, wow, he's going to have to fix that in person. They're guns. Guns are loud, dude. That's great. I mean, making gun noise.

Guns are great. Let's hear you bought beatbox. You're really talking a lot of shit over there. What? DJ Limp Dick. What the fuck is that? You give it up for the Cotton Mouth Kings, everybody. You got O-C-P-D?

That stinks, dude. You think your beat machine's off, dude. That was significantly worse than me. But worse than you? No. No. No. That's the volume.

You got to get in there. What's that? What are you got a hair in your throat? A piece of crab claw. No way, dude. It was better than Kevin's. I mean, you might have got there the second. What?

Yeah. You guys are high. I think I might be contact. Oh, shit. Girl slipped me a Mickey, I think. Maybe. Go after the boys are all tied up. We go into your kitchen right now.

We walk in. Where's the trash can? Can I see it or is it not visible? I don't want to talk about it. Why? I bet he's got, it's underneath the sink. Used to be. Oh my last house it was like perfectly under the thing now I have a drawer for it I just don't I don't have the mechanism whatever

lazy Susan but whatever the mechanism is that makes it slide out yeah yeah because you open the thing and then fucking it comes out yeah what's a problem I don't have like I could you open your I have a thing where I have my recycling bins which I'll just fucking oh I don't get I'm gonna recycle anymore it's insane this like Premiere 1k you can just walk they don't they don't just tie up your garbage cans with your bottles it doesn't even go to landfills or it doesn't go to recycling places yeah it goes to landfills i know i saw a youtube video once that stated that so now i believe that recycling is bullshit i've seen them throw it all into the same fucking same thing i try but it's like i'm not going out of my way i try i tell i do it in front of my son that's good like this i like i like i look the same way i wash my hands after i pee like when my son's there i'm like this is what you have to do but my son's not watching i don't even care if other people are there anymore. I've stopped caring at that point. Well, I feel like I do that

in the airport. If I go in and pee, I'm not washing my hands. Yeah, I'm touching my dick with your airport germs. Exactly. And I always just assumed that everybody's assumes, oh, he must have hand sanitized. I also don't touch my dick when I piss at the airport. I flop my dick out. Are you going over the top? You're calling me a fucking liar. What the fuck was that about? Why did your producer so aggressive? Laughing in my face. Not like, oh, I'm laughing with him. This is like, He's laughing at it. He's laughing at his. He's laughing at your tiny dick.

Who, get out of here. Perched up. It's crazy, dude. No, I... Oh, you're in sweatpants? Yeah, I'm in sweatpants. Okay. Traveling, whatever I travel in, you know, track pants.

And I just let my dick flop out. And then I piss. And then, like, a fire hose, it kind of, like, fills up. It's a little motion going. It's a little motion going. Uh-huh. And then I fucking, I flip it back up and leave. Huh.

Yeah. I got a hand on there. You really? Oh, yeah. I'll peel over myself. Really? Yeah. his foreskin grew back

he's gotta be scared to peel it back I pee on my belt a lot like I'll open it up and I'll put my things down and my belt will be flapping right in front of my noodle and I'll pee right on it that sucks yeah they gotta wash your hands you would think

by the way my sister wants to fuck you shut up I swear to God my God I can be in the Gomez family easy I mean like that then you gotta let me shit in your

she's desperate dude My sister, you got to take care of a little bit. What was that conversation? She keeps on calling H. Foley Daddy. Shut up. I swear to God. Very nice. I'll call it right now.

You know, I've always been jealous, not jealous, envious of how nice your family life is. It's nice. You just got to take over a little half Mexican girl. She's 10, so in like five, six years, she'll be ready? What's the, where's the dad? What's that story? He lives on the couch, but that's okay. I swear a guy he does.

He does? Yeah, yeah. I'm not dealing with that. No, no, no. This is what I'm saying. You put your foot down. You're the man of the house now. How big is he?

He's a small guy, small Mexican guy, dude. Oh. Get your shit. Call ice on him. It's fucking up. I told my sister to join ice, take like a $50,000 signing bonus, and then remove her husband from the country.

What a great fucking... How come she doesn't ask him to leave? She does. It's just been a thing. But if she had a nice, strong man in the house... Get the wrong guy. Yeah. You know...

You know who it would fix this guy? You got some fucking cash. Folli's got some cash. That's the guy who's going to clean all this up and not fucking up more somehow. How old are you on the couch with him? 50. No, you're not. Yeah?

No, you're not. Are you 50 years old? 50 years old. You were very youthful. Thank you. How old are you? 39. 30.

50. Yeah. My sister's only 46. A young broad for you. She's 46? 46. Oh, fucking. Young brood for you.

Fucking dad. Robin the cradle. his fucking mom this chubby mom what are we gonna do thanks kid has her cooking her cooking's pretty good actually huh yeah what she'd do for a living she's got a fucking problem thanks so does he yeah tell her to call give him a give her give him his number i will i'll give her your number i'm like fully's interested she's cute dude if you go to her instagram like she's way hotter in those pictures and she's in real life just so you know she's gonna trying to trick you.

Has she ever met him? Doggy, maybe she might have. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we met at... Oh, backstage at... Story Wars. Story Wars. Yeah.

Would you just give... Would you fuck her at least? I'm not just fucker. Have sex. Not because she's not a lovely, beautiful young lady. I've got you looking for me. That's all I want you to do it. I didn't give you five grand probably.

Dude, I'll fucking give you an accurate. You want a TLAX with a fucking crack window. You wouldn't. You wouldn't need me. You know it ties me. She's a lovely girl. He's got blacked out. He's got blacked out rings. He has a little Puerto Rican flag hang out. No, I should get one, though.

Yeah, I really should. He's like an Uber driver. Super fucking, the most Puerto Rican car you're ever going to see. It's a little accurate with blacked out windows and blacked up tires. So she's Puerto Rican and your daughter's half Mexican. Her daughter. Her daughter, half Mexican, half Puerto Rican. Puerto Rican Italian.

That's what I am. You're Puerto Rican Italian. So the kids, Puerto Rican, Italian, and Mexican. Mexican, yeah. That's a lot. And he can have a retarded stepdad. The daughter, I'll tell you now, the daughter, if I were you, I would just be like, you got to get rid of the daughter. Yeah, you crazy.

The daughter's, she's a nightmare. Why? My niece is just a mean girl. No, I always compliment you on how sweet it is when you guys are all out to dinner. No, you just see pictures. You don't, like, you can't really understand what's happening. Like, this is the best photo of, like, just like a series of, like, horror shots. Huh?

This little girl's a nightmare. But you can fucking hit her. I'm not hitting anybody You can hit this little girl At least hit to dad Are you gonna spank your kid? Probably not no Probably not

Yeah I mean I don't intend to You don't spank you And you're one of the I was just talking about this the other day You're one of the The main reasons as to I was just like You're very

You were arguing with somebody on Twitter It's very vocal about Some fucking frog racist Nazi He was like Hit your kids All right I take you guys the bait every time I really do I'm always like I can always tell my god Lewis is at an airport or

something because it's just like fucking a barrage of argument you can't hit your kids would you hit your kids fully no never yeah I got hit not hit and abusively but I hit your 46 year old new girlfriend you smack my sister one give her a fucking crack she likes it dude she's old school you guys would be like the beautiful part about a chubby 46 year old is you're never getting me too you can do whatever you want to her I was talking fuck marry her first quickly marry her I fake art a dick I'd be so lucky she'd lovely thank you'd be so lucky stop saying this thing she will fucking you shall suck your cock you really mean this she's like me with a wig white skin I just thought you were very

attractive you know you ever had a fighter pilot's jacket. I don't mean a bomber jacket, but it's got to have like decals on it. Every jacket I wear is a bomber jacket. These fucking crowds stink. They're all your fans. You stink. Get with the program, you fucking dunnies.

It's worked in Tuscaloosa last week. Just in general, everybody. You never had like a top gun. came out you never had a fighter jacket no i think i wanted one at one point it was sometimes i'd go to bradley's and try on a fucking move bradley's like a fat checker yeah try you know i go to forever 21 and try on the bathing suits uh god jesus christ um all right let's see here do you have you ever had a voicemail that wasn't a normal voice mail were you like hello hello i can't hear you ha ha not here that's god of yeah of course i mean i'm from the generation

fucking that's not a generation no it's a generation thing because you wouldn't have that you wouldn't have that on here you're from the generation of pranksters impractical jokers salmocato yeah dude no no yeah of course for sure we would do fun things on our answering machine my mom would let us just record like dumb things always if we do voices like racist voices and shit we're eating cats right now like really like

just shitty jokes like shitty racist jokes from the 90s that was me and my sister I was very I mean it was she's got a good sense of you know she's funny My sister's a funny gal She got big tets, dude She had a kid She had a kid So it's, you know

You gotta get it Did pay for her Pilates I think she'll be right Get her to the gym Or Pilates Um What Uh

Okay That was always I always wanted to I was very I was very indicative Of the parenting I feel Is if

Oh yeah The kids could leave The kids were on the voice Machine And could do whatever they want It'd be fun Like me and my brother And sister would be like

Hi You've reached the Ryans we and then someone else's like we can't get to the front but to be doing uh miso horny jokes yeah leave a message bitch that's crazy dude yeah we're we're like growing up on set of jackass yeah wow that's yeah just phoned your friend louis's house did you have any ring back tones or anything like if i called you and like you know system of a downward play you ever have that i'm losing my mind no no never had that okay that was always expensive. That was always like $5.99 a month or something. I would never, I could never do.

Let's say you're grocery shopping and you pick something up and I don't know, let's say it's a, I don't know, loaf of Dave's killer bread and you're walking around. Then you realize at some point in the store, you don't want the Dave's killer bread. You're putting that, you're going back to the bread aisle and putting that away or is that going on any show? It's going, I mean. He's probably throwing it at a bagger. It's going so deeply on any show. He's going to pun it. I want to. of the cart guys. I did.

I was a 7-Eleven yesterday. My son's like, he's got braces on, so he's like, buy me like a soft, like treat like things that I could have. So I found like,

they have these little seven-day croissants, like they're packaged, like in professional packaging, but they've been made within the past seven days, right? They're pretty good, right? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

So, 11's really getting their shit together. So then I bring it up to the counter. And then I have it. And the guys checking me out. And I see right there, there's like a, like a cheesecake type of like,

almost like, um, Is it the round ones? No, it's like a loaf. It's like a loaf, you know, like pound cake, but it's pound cake with cheesecake. And I touch it, and it's really spongy and soft. And it's like, oh, that's what he has to have.

Sure. And so I literally, in front of the guy, I just put the chrassad. Also, 7-11, on top of the UNICEF box. I mean, it's right. It's just so not where it goes. He's like, no, no, I'll take that. That's fine. like all right will you and then they gave me a bag they didn't bag it they just gave me the bag

i too they did that to me at wawa this is making me fucking mad what was that all about like what the fuck that's your you got two jobs yeah bring it up and put it into a fucking bag they did that to me at wawa i was like can i get a bag she's like yeah and i think they charge you for the bagg you're charging for the bag she's crazy and then she handed it to me bitch bag it's something that's crazy i well the different states have all different bagging policies now jersey you got to pay for New York. You go to Kentucky. They give you three bags.

Pennsylvania. You're three bags. Like, here's a handful of straws. Thank you very much. Dude, you go to, you go to Pennsylvania. You go to enact me. They still go paper or plastic. Or both.

I love that. Both. That's the way it is. I grew up with both. Both. Paper and plastic. Oh, it's the fucking bad. It's the most wasteful way to transport your groceries.

No, it's the most, you're going from the car. Listen, I bagged groceries for a long time. It fits the best in the car. It fits the best in the trunk. It's the easy. to carry in the house. So good. You always saved them too.

We always saved them. You fold them up with the plastic bags. I mean, well, now you buy the bag. The ideas are reusable. So you come back to the supermarket like a fucking homeless lady with a bunch of bags. Dude. It's crazy. Talk about getting no pussy.

You show them back up. Dude, I have so many fucking reusable cloth bags. I pick up my dog shit with them now. Lewis is doing, though. I'm not even kidding. The other day, I didn't have any shit baggies and I went into the house and I went into the house and I I grattle. I was like, oh, I have all of these giant fucking cloth bags, and I use it to clean up dog shit out of my backyard.

Then I just threw it away. I was bagging groceries. And this is in fucking 2004. So people bringing their own bags in 2004 was like, you were a hippie. On her, and dude, these single guys would roll up in and go, I go paper or plastic. And they go, I brought my own and hand you these musty is dirty bag. Like they had them. And I just remember looking like, you are a.

Regular bags? No. like tote bags but they're like old and dirt I just remember like you are a cock They always have like a pear in it A book The way you should do it The way think about it dude

You should show up with fucking like Roller laundry or roller luggage That's crazy That's the way you bagged your groceries A drag bag Not even just one Just one of the oversized ones

As you would have to check Put it all in there Dude they should be locked out of That is a good You're not wrong That's not a bad way to do it What is the difference And I will use

that whoa walking out of the grocery store with the suitcase also then you got to walk around you got to walk around the grocery store with the suitcase that is true but that's actually great you got a big trip coming up well now they have those supermarkets where you like literally just walk out with the stuff yeah or no I'm sorry no it's in the they have it at my shop right near me the cart scans it when you put it in the car no shit yeah it's pretty features here dude the future is fucking here and then you go and you just Literally, you scan the cart at the checkout and you pay at the checkout. That's pretty good.

I know BJs does something like that, don't they? Yeah, my sister does BJs. I'm telling you know, I'm going to throw that out there, my friend. So double bag you if you know what you mean? I would recommend double bag. Paper and plastic. Paper bag over her head, plastic on your cock. Trust me.

Protect yourself. Oh, boy. How are you with the cart etiquette? Will you return your cart to the proper place? I'm guessing this is a note. It's all with my son. Like if I'm with my son, I just make him do it. It was like, James, we have to.

But if it's just me, I'll just push it off and try to aim it at a nice car and let it roll. You see those guys where they threw the magnet on? It's so funny. I can see Lewis fighting that guy in a parking lot. Don't fucking, don't film me. Don't try to make me look like a jerk off for your YouTube channel.

I'll fuck you up, doggy. I'm going to look so much worse than if I simply just thinking it. Just take it. Yeah. And I'm going to jail, man. Oh, shit. Yeah, I don't want to be your prank show.

I don't want to be fucking. Don't fucking do any of that shit. It'd be perfect. We're already to lose it so quick. I'm fucking filming me. It's illegal. The guy who says, don't film me. Always then tries to film back, too.

Okay. I'll film you. Did you guys do, uh, did you do a digital bazooka before? Digital bazooka. It's a, uh, it's a prank show with, uh, Drew Montana Drew Montana It's really good

Deer Tag Drew and who was it Drew a Drew and Naeem? No no no that's A drew a big tag Shout out to the boys It's a Drew and fucking Who's the other guy on it I know

I know what you're talking about I'm blanking now James Moss James Moss yeah I'm sorry I confuse him with Trish and bowling all the time Prank phone call dude And Josh Potter was on dude

And they prank to me This is a live show that they did Oh they got you They got me Do Josh Potter called me Dude If you want to laugh, like, after this, just go watch Josh Potter, digital music. What was it about?

They told me that my, it was a person from the neighborhood, like community board type thing. And they were like, hey, your hedges are just like kind of like overgrown. And it's like you got to really like keep them under control. That's awesome. And like just enough to make you lose it. Dude, I'm just like, looking at them right now. It's just such a snowball. And then I start getting like a scent on this guy.

I was like, it's not being honest about. something right he didn't have like the name of i was like where these meetings i was like who do i was like i mean let me talk to your boss i was like i need to and i go into a whole thing dude at one point because my i live in that neighborhood my sister lives in the neighborhood my son's mother lives into the neighborhood so you guys all live in the same neighborhood yeah yeah well at the time now i just bought a house like 10 minutes away but um are you bought a house congratulations congratulations but i was like uh he was they were they're josh potter was just like yeah so the neighborhood just really he's like what even the neighborhood i am the neighborhood i'm my mom my god my god

It's so bad But it's really funny But I bought a house in August What's the name of the show again? Digital bazooka Digital bazook Check them out I love that

Shout out to the boys Hey congratulations on the new house Very cool Thank you Do you have to do any improvements to it? Yeah yeah I was kind of freaking out That's cold front for like 16 days

Just fucked everything up There was pipes freezing That is hide the same My hot water heater Was going out The fucking age fact There was all these problems and then I sat back and said,

let me relax, and then I realized that there was a lot of, when it's really cold, it's just, yeah, you lose the room. It can only, it can only work so much. Yeah, but I mean, it's, you get to inspect it and all that stuff? Of course, yeah, yeah.

Roof's good? Oh, yeah, roof's new. Hot water heater? New roof? Yeah, but it needs, I'm getting in, this is boring. Did you lose the pool? You did you give a pool?

No, I got a pool. You got a pool. We're open to the pool right now. I'm converting it into a heated salt water pool as we speak. Whoa. As we speak. It's film.

Why the fuck didn't you say that about being classy? You're talking about your Accura. You got a saltwater pool? Yeah, look, I'll show you. I'm fucking excited. That's great. Above ground, I assume? It's opened.

Very nice. Wow. It's all green, but we're... Yeah, of course. You got a nice shed back there? That's nice green water, too. How many tadpoles are grown in there? Well, I mean, they just opened it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got a shot at, they got to do all that stuff. Very nice. Very nice. Yeah, yeah. It's going to... It's coming together. These are all privacy trees.

They look all browned out now, but they're going to grow together. Invite me out there. 100%. We'll do, maybe I'll do a 4th of July. Invite your sister, too. I will invite my sister.

I'm telling you, she will suck your coffee. Stop it. I'm not even kidding, dude. It's terrible. I think I got one more here. Have you ever moved a mattress on top of your car? My mom used to get mattresses for us.

Like, when somebody in the neighborhood would throw out their mattress, my mom would go new mattress for you. you guys oh my god and that's how I live my life that's from out of the curve out of the curb yeah that's crazy that's another trash thing the same urge that I have for like stealing money reading hooker pussy is if I'm driving down the street and I see like a fucking dresser I'm saying I'll slow down I'm like get eyes on it I'm not gonna take it but I'm gonna go but I'm gonna that's takeable is there is there any value to whatever you're like what is that

what is that but a mattress that's tough all I'm also like, look, you're living a certain life where you just see another mattress on the side. You're already going to go, that's an improvement. That's better than what I've ever had bed bugs? No. Never had bed bugs. Never had bed bugs. You're pulling mattresses.

That's what you got lucky. I feel that it was probably pre-bed bug bug. The bedbugs was like early 2000. Is that when they... What do you? Bedbugs been around for billions of years. Yeah, but the infestation and... Yes, I do.

Billions. Billions. Billions of years. Bedbugs have been around for millions of years. You've changed to millions. At least 15 years. I'm not saying, I know night night don't want to bed bunk, but I thought there was a big spark of them in New York.

Major resurgence in New York City in the early 2000, which a significant rapid surge of infestation starting in 2004. And you were living in New York around 2004. Yes, I was. I was around for the big wave of that. Patience here. Wait a minute. Are you a bed bug?

A bug man. We got to rack it up. Lewis. Congratulations on the new home. Very nice. On the new car. Thank you. On your lovely beautiful girlfriend.

Thank you. Who seems fantastic. On all your success. Coming back from your trip. Yeah. The brand new book, Knives and Spoons. Forty-fourth birthday. Success of every...

Coffee. Body-brain coffee. Grab that body-brain coffee. Support your testosterone naturally. And here's the good news. You are still, without a doubt, 100% garbage. Tray. Lewis J. Gomez, ladies and gentlemen.

The birthday boy. Thank you, boys. Plug away, big guy. Come to me live on the road, Lewis of Skanks.com, the Rattle Me This Tour coming to a city near you. Skang Fest tickets April 20th. Presale sold out in three minutes.

We are going to sell out faster than we've ever sold out before. The boys are coming this year. New Orleans is the absolute fucking best venue for it. It's incredible. I don't see how we could possibly top last year, but it's going to happen. Lots of fun people that have never been there before. YoCratum presents SkangFest.

SkangFest.com. Use that promo code. order there's no promo code. Get the tickets on April 20th at the 2 p.m. You get my book and all that other stuff. Yes, sir. Thank you, Lewis. Kibby, what do you got for him?

If you're listening to this when it comes out, this Thursday and Friday, we're in Chicago in Bloomington, Indiana. Saturday in Nashville is sold out. And then we have L.A. for Netflix's Joke Fest and then a bunch of other dates on the website. Get them at RUGarbage.com. Yeah. See you next weekend.