Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Struck by Lightning w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: January 24, 2022

Its a fun one! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage  Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

gang the middle-class famous tour is about to be in full effect come out and see us it's a great way to introduce some new people to the show so grab the homies grab the ladies the birds the bozos everybody and come see us yeah guys we're going to be in Hartford Albany Syracuse Atlanta Tampa Orlando Pittsburgh Buffalo we ain't done yet Detroit Denver Phoenix Salt Lake City check out go then over there to roseman and that's just the first leg of the tour gonna be coming so get the techies we'll see you there welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash now here are your hosts kevin ryan and h foley hey everybody out there

and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast this is are you garbage or is it's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they grew up to be classy yeah or if they're just a big old place of trash i'm your hostage foley coming at you on a beautiful day down here at antony's basement have not seen her in a couple of days since the eagles lost yeah which is usually how it goes they win you don't see her for a couple of weeks they lose you don't see her for three or four weeks i don't know what she's doing anyway my co-host is coming at you from across the table at me it's a family episode we're circling the wagons we're getting into it we're chopping up we're

doing the bills that's what we're doing oh man remember that oh do i shoebox full of keepers nobody say nobody say a word dude it was just a shoebox full of red red slips on the table fucking pants do bills give it up for kj kevin james ryan everybody hey gang thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate the views subscribe on itunes all video available on youtube and as you know those numbers are trying to roof fucking cooking baby and then obviously we have to buy law we have to mention at patreon.com slash r u garbage you can sign up your bonus content episodes of a y g episodes of hard feeling which is the runaway of the i feel that's gonna have had a big 2022 smash hit smash hit beatings doing spider-man numbers over there for your

consideration hard feelings yes sir uh and then live streams with the top tier members check it the fuck out also live shows we're going on the road all over the place middle class famous tour check it the fuck out yes please do and have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good yeah t-bone mcmuffin toby mcmullin what's up dudes toby i was gonna say something i'm off to i don't like that intro and i'll thank the toody stunk i threw it to t-bone that stunk sounds like he got into gestion god damn it sounds like he got some fucking good bossa working overtime i got a big case of the salami burps i feel like i'm in a tums commercial you're just you're one second away from breathing out fire somebody get this

guy some milk a magnesium something stat get him a glass of two percent tell me you need a roll aids what's going on yeah too many onions in my greek salad this morning too many that's what happened too many onions in my cereal you believe that i said frosted flakes you jerk off too many onions in my greek salad they're coming back to haunt me a little bit yeah nice greek salad today that's nice that's good back to the bills though sure that was a dicey sunday that was a sunday afternoon patty would sit down she'd break the book out break she had like a uh yeah we didn't do that like like a like a you what's it called a visor in an old-timey cat machine no no no one of those one of those things that like opens like an accordion like one of those like a volodex oh yeah

an accordion fought yeah yeah she'd break that thing oh really ours were in a fucking re-bock classic box a blue a blue re-bock box what with a fresh out of kensington cruisers that just popped these see look at that and we never probably cut probably some cash in there too a couple of 20s we were my mom used to say were house poor uh you just afford to live in the house and not pay for anything um and she wouldn't do it on the weekends that was a week you don't want to ruin a nice sunday you know what i mean there's no good news coming i went once that box gets out of the closet i feel like patty did it on sunday before dinner i i remember before she started cooking oh man you fucking mind your peas and queues yeah over those two hours he didn't say a fucking word

god forbid your names on one of them things fucking braces you fucking son of a bitch you're doing crooked too small dick motherfucker my who you've been talking to oh man if your mom ever called you a little dick motherfucker you don't recover from that straight straight straight to the bridge you know what i mean t-bone put some rocks in your pocket jump yikes that's a tough one any who any um good to see you buddy you too man mic's not on toby's mic's off man just get snakes we're going through it hahaha t-bones hanging on by it's by a long hair um what what do you got something happened at the house i want to discuss with you i don't

know how gross you're gonna think it is okay why me it's not that gross what house your apartment my apartment yeah you call that the house yeah what do you the fuck do you think i call it i don't know you'll call your apartment the house yeah my house it's my house no it's by definition not a not a house my home at home i would i would say we're going back to the house yeah we're going back to the house after the bar we're gonna have a couple beers back at the house i would say my place back in my place or the crib the crib the crib well you're not bringing anybody back to anyway bozo so it doesn't matter no my my landlord said no parties after 11 now back to my place sure um we'll call it the place to be the house is it that it's not the house the house

is your i thought immediately i thought of your parents out okay if you got an apartment you're calling the house you're a bozo back at the apartment yeah or my place yeah there you go my place all right all right i'm taking my place okay where's your watch by the way i only wear it on special occasions i almost broke out the chain today say that for hard fuel well i know you're not breaking out no chains i have the huge cuban link chain you've seen yeah but that's a joke is it well i'm a comedian folks this guy you better not see me even at a tavern next week this guy see you got watches you're getting fat not no more your hair's growing in i don't know what's going on and you got this going two to five o'clock shadow so you're calling your so let me

get this straight you're this is very hard feelings but you're claiming fucking watches and facial hair now and and obesity well obesity oh someone's gotta be rigged you're right i'll i'm gonna lose 15 pounds but i'm keeping the watch somebody's gotta be rigged somebody's gotta be murta you can't both be murta can't both be up here with moustaches like ghost bit somebody's gotta be somebody's gotta be rigged okay i don't know what you're talking about we're talking about lethal weapon and i am clearly rigged you're what i'm a loose cannon no you're not rigs i'm rigs what you're big you're too old for this shit literally yeah it's true all right i could be murta let me hear your dany glover i just did it where i'd go spit it's pretty good there ain't no cop killers cop killers not a baby cop

killers fucking love dany glover that'll yeah okay you're gonna go my way with me you're just doing cotton no cotton's very dany glover he is they were here he was very dany glover oh man him at the end of the original lethal weapon when he's out there that would just fit in his underwear he's got a little 38 special and a grenade that's it trying to get his daughter back from fucking mercenaries that's what i'm fucking talking about where are those guys i'm no murta i could tell you that i'd have been blowing every one of those dudes like a euro even with the cameras aren't on movie or no movie i'm blowing you they all had sunglasses and uzzies and shit like that uzzies were big in the age dude somebody has that been it might have

been belaney or somebody everybody had an uzi and know what everybody was a terrible shot dude a hero would run into a blood run into a factory for a drug boss there'd be 15 guys in the rafters with uzzies and now one of them would hit that's a good piece of business yeah what was with that way what with the uzzies everybody loved the uzzies back then and those mac nines those were big you know i'm talking about mac 10 mac 10 i'm sorry mac 11's whatever you sounds like something donald's hasn't every fourth of july sure straight out number three all right so you're back at your house yes my place um we're usually uh truth be told what's it called uh sent to die we're a sent to dine toothpaste and really yeah stuff works wonders

wow yeah sent to die really that blows you away that much for you why i don't know i figure you use lava soap or whatever that that go jack soap with the sand in it little cascade um i feel like sense that i comes with that blue liquid you put your tooth yeah it's very medicinal i don't get it to be not sense it i thought he had to have a period honest to fucking prescribe that yeah well my mom we're used to working the field back in the day um work in the field she used to work in dentistry i thought she was a farmer i was like anyway we got the scoop on that stuff anyway point she worked in dentistry she she was an office manager okay of a dental office you made it seem like she was like you

know running out of the room when they were taking the x-ray proctor at gamble she worked in dentistry she invented the ruca now i don't know what to tell you um any who um i was just just made me think there was a time probably about three or four months one winter where we used exclusively baking soda not baking soda toothpaste but there was no toothpaste it was just baking soda for a minute she got on a real hard just that we would do both just that we would do that to light it did boat for a long for a while talk about burning your taste buds off that stuff gets on the tongue it's a wrap you don't have to sit there like a fucking whoo good luck having a gatorade for the next six months yeah she's smelling your detail in a car

something dude that shit was tough i remember looking at the back of it and they were like yeah you can clean your rims with it i'm like what the fuck am i doing with this shit in my mouth then this is a fucking setup set of 22s in your grill set of spinners uh yeah that's i mean that's another 90s real 90s bit but like you can you that shit's everywhere and there was one box that like lasted that was in my oh yeah in my bathroom for it's probably still there dip your toothbrush in there rattled around they had they have to come up with a better box for that shit it's so whack that fucking cardboard yeah jesus christ what are we fucking little orphan annie were you one of the families that had it in the fridge you're goddamn right it keeps the

smell of like fridge and freezer no we know it worked like a charm you gotta run a tighter ship that and she and she wouldn't and she no she ran a tight say what you wanted about patty her fridge her fridge was tight there was never any that bullshit you don't need the baking soda we never had it that's how on point she was that's how on point she was she would add one of the right she forgot to buy toothpaste what are you talking about now she was just big into it telling you but let me ask you this do you ever go to a buddy's house and you open their fridge and it stinks they put there's like old shit in there uh huh well i mean like i'm not yeah i mean before for takeout was always the clear sign if i saw takeout and a friend's refrigerator i knew

things weren't going well if there's a multiple takeout box from like yeah different places or whatever yeah kidney it's a home cooked meal if you got chinese and indian at the same week who's up with you with your homework that's what i want to know young man yeah that's a tough look so listen as i said where are we oh the sense of that we're not even okay sense of dying you were a sense of dying you're a sense of dying we're a sense of family yes mostly because my teeth will start to hurt if i don't use it a little bit uh huh to a little bit of a degree sure all right i floss every day but let's not study this it is what it is sure right um i didn't notice it okay but uh over the last couple of weeks there's been uh crest scope in there

or not crest it's some company that has the scope in it you know i'm talking about who's ever rocking that right okay maybe it's pretty tight because i'm a big scope guy huge scope love scope when i was a kid couldn't do it yeah it's crest with scope that's all that'll get you that's nice that'll get you through with a pinch i like the hard stuff never seen it before though and it's really it's a huge tube never no i've never listen i'm a weird guy but there's nothing better in your hands than a fresh tube a toothpaste unsqueezed good night yes sir it's something it's like a big saucy it's like popping a bottle of champagne i feel like a fucking rich guy um that lasts for about two days by the way and then it's fucking it's terrible it's all over the place so it's kind of a two part question

i wanted to ask him so i've never seen this tube of toothpaste on my life before all right it's a big one too it's a family a family size fucking gone okay it's about three quarters of the way done too oh boy i don't like where this is going man i'm using it and i'm using it wait so you just stumble upon i have the yeah but was it there the day i'm just saying it wasn't i didn't realize it's love to use it for like a week or so that like wait where the fuck did this come from oh boy so we had some we had some family stay with us okay over the holiday sure um i guess they had left it there okay probably can't fly with it can't fly with it unless they're checking whatever and we used it now i'm a pretty big dirt bag as we we evolved we all know that right

it's on the record don't need to stand on airs in here tibum can you read back the report is he a dirt bag it's wild in there but how do you feel about because using you know i'm a weird guy hold on we brush our teeth in the shower we do this we do that how do you feel about using somebody else's toothpaste because i don't know about you when i put that toothpaste on they're they're kissing i'm not air dropping it there's i was scraping it we steve jobs no way you're air dropping it you gotta go so i'm brushing my teeth and i realize i'm like oh fuck i've been using it for fucking two weeks i wouldn't do it unless you're like in a pinch one time i wouldn't i wouldn't do it yeah that would be that would be trashed immediately in my house for sure now let me

ask you this there's just too much it's too intimate the mouth brushing your teeth i'd kiss you gotta have your own tooth say it was my cousin i'd kiss my cousin before i use the toothpaste repeat it like a whole two that's way too much it's way too much i'm listening i'm talking about my cousin leah by the way you're looking good yeah um and do you put the cap on your toothpaste yes you do typically yes capped up but that thing you know i've noticed i'm like a cromey the neighborhood kids come and take them sometime and they don't always last the whole duration yeah but i've noticed the toothpaste is the cap is never on so i'm just grabbing it raw dog in it yeah that's a little too much for me i'm a germ guy that's uh once if you're in a pinch i get it but

to habitually use it uh-uh yeah i threw it out this morning that's what i don't love my relatives that stayed don't get me wrong who would ever no one would ever assume that in the world okay that's your paranoia kicking in i don't i don't want you to get back to one thing i don't love them because i won't mouth kiss them hahahaha that was a joke did you guys remember that it was out for a little while that crest where it would come out two different types yeah we had that i think we had the knock off version of that it was like a rock it looked like a rocket ship yeah like you were mixing sealant yeah it looked like a rocket ship they got real kooky in the in the early 2000s with the tooth the standing toothpaste with it you pressed down on get out of here with dad my buddy

had that i that was like you were in fun i think that was sense of doc next thing you know you're jerking off with it that's crazy nine out of nine out of ten doctors recommend my cousin had the worst version of that where you take the tube of toothpaste and put it in the little holder that has a like a metal rod that goes through it and then your wrapper it wraps around the toothpaste and then you turn that and it goes up and it squeezes it out my friends now have that and really get it's i don't that's get out of here what you do it on the side of the counter like a footless out of the sink like a gentleman what do you mean you take and you fucking slide it down to get the rest out oh i thought you meant normally normally you pick it up and score it on your

tube brush yeah but i'm saying when it gets low yeah take it and fucking yeah of course have you ever cut the have you ever cut the tube we've discussed this yeah we've got i've cut i think i've done it in a jam like on vacation a hotel room or something where i'm like i i need a little bit yeah you ever see the ones that give you at hotels the little little tiny tiny little baby one i don't think i've ever it's for like you get two you get you get like one shot at it yeah no i don't think i ever did that i'm not one of those guys that go down and be like i forgot my deodorant do you have a sewing kit or whatever oh really i'll buy it if they have it in the store and i need it i asked them what do you ask them now really so are you still not going to press your teeth

what if they don't have it at the place at the at the card store downstairs or whatever it's called they typically do that's like they don't they're out well they do then what are you doing i'm knocking on my neighbor's door see if i can yeah no i don't know at a hotel you're knocking on your i'm kidding you fucking idiot well what why is there going to be a store in a hotel and they don't have fucking toothpaste because of the supply chain no you're wrong they're out fouchy you're spilling your tea everywhere by the way i'll spill a little tea i'll tell you a little story yeah all right let's get into some fucking questions here let's get into it gang as you know when you sign up for the old patreon patreon i got a question uh read on the air and it's a good time

rim fun over there yeah uh but but but let's see here what do you want to start off with let's do all right this is from civian civan whatever uh do you constantly finish your dinner dinner in under five minutes it's i as much as i give you for being gross and disgust i eat like i'm in the military it's like i'm doing a job while i'm eating and it's like you're making room for it's going i'm taking a sip to clear the pipe so i can get more in we had dinner together not that long ago we both did a pretty good job of standing on airs of you know we carried a conversation we weren't animals yeah to a degree i'm also drinking too so sure yeah but i know exactly what what they mean i look at people like you when i was waiting tables i would like

watch people like eat and like they're having like nice conversations my life does it they're like sitting back the guy's got his legs folded he's drinking his wine and but it doesn't seem like three hours but it seems like like they're having just a nice time i'm fucking yeah i'm stuffing it in well they should they say like chew every bite like 20 times or something that's fucking old lady crazy shit is it a dude i i guarantee there's not a guy out there's 400 pounds who's counting to 20 every time he's chewing i'm like two bites yeah no it's yeah like a lioness um it's tough but my dude i get self-conscious with it because my wife is so methodic with it of like cut this a little bit of the mashed potatoes throw a half a pea in there

little fuck niblet of corn and i'm like oh while carrying adult conversation yes yeah about about about a wide variety of topics me while i'm on instagram shoving a chicken bone in my ass it's fucking i get after it i think that has to do it i don't know but this is hold on this is and she goes like she'll say like fucking chill and then i'm in my head going what and i'm like this isn't me enjoying this let me enjoy it at the speed i enjoy it why do you care how fast i eat you know what i mean this is how i enjoy it let me enjoy it you're eating dinner with a snow shovel psycho what well seriously i don't i don't sit there and go you eat so slow that's crazy if i was like why are you eating so slow that person would be self-conscious sounds like a real nice date doesn't

you're eating too fast you're eating too slow i'm done she's asking for parmesan cheese still like she she's waiting you're putting a blender on the table i'm at a shock on the steak you can't look with fire steak um who put cookies in his mouth gang let's talk about bumpers bumpers bumpers mission is simple make the most comfortable clothing ever match every item sold with an equal and donate it so when you buy bumpers you're also given to someone in need yes bumpers design their sock shirts underwear to be the the clothes you can't wait to put on every single day everything is made soft seamless tagless and it has a luxurious cozy feel if you know anything about me and a big man like a nice luxurious cozy feel yes we do a pair of bomba socks for everything you do they come

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weeks i've been using that green powder baby absolutely love it i have it every morning on an empty stomach i take i take it with my pills i have my pills i have that if i'm on my way to the gym in the morning yeah i take it with me to the gym because i'm telling you i feel a difference rather than just drinking water and drinking that throughout my workout of course it keeps me keeps me going it keeps me juiced up yeah it's good for gut health for immunity all essential vitamins you can't beat it it's like a carpet bomb for multivitamins fantastic take care of everything you need best thing about it uh whether it's it's lifestyle friendly whether you're keto paleo vegan dairy feed dairy-free gluten-free the whole nine they got you covered this is this this this

threads every needle uh it costs less than $3 a day and if you're investing in your health it's cheaper than your cold brew habit i mean i do a couple cold brews a day i'm off i'm off the cold brew and he's all he's an ag1 man through and through i'm telling you i am um they have over seven thousand five star reviews recommended by professional athletes trusted by leading health experts such as tim ferris and michael jerv jervais take that there you go um right now it's time to reclaim your health and arm your immune system with convenient daily nutrition especially heading into cold and flu season it's one scoop and do a cup of water every day that's it no need for a million different pills supplements this that this they got it all in one shot to make it

easy athletic greens is going to give you a free one-year supply of immune supporting vitamin d and five free travel packs with your first purchase all you have to do is visit athletic greens dot com slash garbage again that's athletic greens dot com slash garbage take ownership over your health and pick up the ultimate daily net nutritional insurance do it yeah i have a theory okay um i mean we were raised by human beings weren't we theoretically did you watch television when you were eating dinner as a kid uh what was the weekly what was the weekly i mean we've gone over this a decent amount for sure uh have we gone over your weekly where you ate yeah well it's yeah so i monday tuesday i was at my mom's wednesday thursday i was at my dad's right so uh depending on

the time of my child like sometimes my mom was working nights or sometimes she get down at like so you weren't sitting down eating dinner usually no i mean i think the i was trying to remember the nights is when i was in like high like older because we did but the tv was always on we always watched if we were that's what i was getting at if we were sitting down like you also got to think single mom so like danny had soccer sarah had fucking field hockey you know i was like seven or whatever so it was like um i was smoking bernie's out back you had jukkitch um but like so between all of that yeah i got you know it's like as you're trying to juggle work cooking and getting the kids everywhere i got homework it wasn't like but like when we were all sitting down at the table that's

where hamburger helper comes into the clutch oh yeah if we were all sitting or apple bees if we were all sitting down at the table it was all for sure but like if i was eating while she was like do it you know yeah i got you the tv would be on i would be at the kitchen table to be on in the family room sometimes i would get turned that off yes but i would you know yeah sat on this side so i can see it listen to it yeah yeah especially if like fresh prince or something that was a hot track yeah it was uh we the tv was always on while we and i remember being a little kid and having like a little tiny kitchen tv that like those i never got like they wheeled that we almost had like wheeled up to the table why we eat you guys are animals or it was like in the

corner of the kitchen the table was close enough very comforting though i guess and there's there's something psychological in that relationship of food tv sure that's why i think i eat like that like an animal yeah i yeah well it's like you don't just enjoy the food that's what it's like you're like a stanza when he gets puts the you know the bestrami and the tv takes everything to bed the food the tv and sex you don't just enjoy the one thing if you just i think if you were like like from a place of consciousness if you were in the moment enjoying the food it would be slower and you would enjoy that process myself included maybe everything's in front of the tv or i got headphones in seems very europe seems very european when people eat like that

oh yeah when they eat real chill yeah what are they talking about and nothing to say i don't know world domination i don't know crazy great question though this is from louis gf baby ever been struck by lightning do you know anybody that's been struck by lightning yeah i have a friend who got struck by lightning twice do you believe that yeah he's got to be lying about what yeah i do you believe both of them yeah well i'm straight struck by lightning i believe so not like in a boat or my house because i knew a family uh friends of ours there chimney got hit i got struck by lightning and like some bricks fell but that was it sure not like yeah you would thought it was war the world they didn't turn into powder they weren't throwing

spoons around the room and no superpowers to speak of what bozo friend of yours is there if there's got to be a thing that if you've been struck once you're probably more likely to get struck again because you're like ionized that's exactly correct it is correct i'm sure it is the fuck that's a what's a one in a trillion chance i know but you're probably you're you're electronically different then if you dude you get zapped by like 60 000 volts up your ass that's crazy turning into a panasonic yeah we can fucking tune in tokyo if i get am fmn hb o go led over here yeah there's there is a thing where you're like visit you're like chemically changed or whatever it's like a door cell i don't think so i'm telling you maybe not t-bone should have had that right away though if

that wasn't true jesus t-bone's been wrong a bunch too in the recent yeah yeah turns out the uk is the 14th continent man dude you got ruined on patreon for that god i'm an idiot oh man literally like everybody was and you also said central america was a continent hmm still a nice place to visit haha so apparently no okay yeah no shit damn but this is pretty funny it's well let's edit this it says no but you'll get it it's not you're more likely but a bit yes because being hit by lightning often happens to people that have occupations that expose them to weather there you go imagine you get hit by lightning deliver in the mail and you get hit again dude what is your but what does your buddy do uh storm chaser bill paxton yeah dorthy i don't even know she it happened to her like i

think she was like it was a girl yeah i i pictured some bozo for sure yeah no i think they were out in a field or something twice i don't know but they definitely got hit by lightning twice which is crazy i remember being my stepdad's ford ranger in like a fucking horrible thunder was before he was my stepdad he was just some dude at this point and i do we were in like the worst storm of all time and i was petrified were you driving he was yeah i mean i was like six i don't know if you were like sitting in a parking lot no i was in the back of i was sitting on those fold out seats in the back remember those little like jump seats that were in the back of that came from the sides yeah oh and let me tell you the bernie's were flying in that he might also be in a fucking chinook

at that point i remember with fucking any aircraft fire coming through yike dude it was those things suck it dude i'm telling that was like one of the no one's ever lived in a crash well also in one of the oh no i probably didn't have to have the seatbelt on he had to like move like the fucking you know the toolbox to get the seat there empty coffee cups and shit there's take a bandsaw and there's also a thing too when you're that young you're like i just want like my mom or you just want your parents you know what i mean they're like superman in your eyes wait why what happened you start freaking out no i'm just saying like i was just sitting in the back of my two this is like the planes going down with this guy i don't even know this fucking dude he was picking

me up from like hockey practice or something hey man what's your last name again you might crack in a window he's winston's are killing me never mind i'll have one that's awesome that's a tough we were petrified alighting the foldies that's what i'm saying and it's from that he's like now you're good the rubber and i'll still use the like the rubber you can't you can't you can't you're telling me a car can't get electrocuted no you're good that's crazy no the rubber saves you that's what they always said yeah that's yeah i don't think that's real i think it is there's too much metal that out there's got a car has to be able to get it you know it just goes through it it's it conducts it and it goes through it's probably how my hairline's going he's right damn it fully

knows his lightning dude you have an obscure paranoia fully's got the facts yeah i was actually thinking that i'm telling you yeah safest place to be is in a car or on a bicycle i think you're pushing it there there's no way or a long steel pole at the top of the empire state building the wood trimmer called the freedom tower gets struck with lightning all the time just goes right through it it does it has like a lightning round it's a book report on lightning recently or something what the fuck dude it was invented by benjamin franklin yeah it discovered not invented whatever you can't invent lightning that's never been proven dude you're dropping lightning facts like you only have the l encyclopedia

let me tell you about loren michaels uh when you were a kid did you ever do the science project where you powered something with the electricity from a potato we did do something the carrot ran through a potato or something i made fries kibbie's over there with a fucking big potato bar who wants shives we need more whiz please i'm in the weeds over here we're supposed to make a clock this fat bastard built his own microwave jim teacher's gonna sing a bacon bits in his hands there you go i'll tell you whatever the judge is i didn't i feel like i didn't make it through any of that stuff what i was supposed to make the

planets one time that was a fight at michael's that was a fucking war you know my times i've been screamed at being like i remember how to make like the adam for like a she wouldn't get me all nine planets i'm like what do you want me to fucking do i know dude i've been i would get i would get yelled at in michael's going you waited till the last fucking second and michael's if i'm sure if i smelled that if i walked into a michael's and smelled a michael's now would just take me back to get and scream that you gotta stop procrastinating you fucking eight years old yeah yeah they were psychos weren't they well imagine dude i'm so selfish i don't even like doing things for me so imagine what they come home fucking from a hard day we don't even i mean like we work

all you know we work hard but imagine if you came from a hard day of fucking podcasting in the content factory you get home and then some fat little kid goes hey mom i got a project doing a planets in the morning time it's gonna cost you a hundred bucks in two hours tonight two at least two yeah because i ain't doing it this is all pre-internet so you're like reading the she got you got your mom reading the textbook or the encyclopedia or whatever i remember my mom just google shit my mom being so frustrated with me and like uh this is this might be a deep cut have you ever seen your mom erase something when she's angry buddy this do you know what i'm talking about my dad when she has the original no you're doing it man she she was dude it would be immaculate

like how you can't even just not even a trace of lead in there you know my now do that your spell of that too and clean the cleaning of the cleaning of the dust man there's a reason that like it comes up in uh it comes up in like all of my siblings therapy sessions my dad want my dad was a you know as a as a known wacko and he used to i guess get caught in like a trance or dude he would put a hole in the paper like out of like anger or whatever and then with you was helping you with homework you know go through to the table and we'd be like wacko through to the yeah and we'd have to go to like office max and make like a photocopy of it or whatever oh like the single sheet i always had to have something underneath i could never write on just a table really like a place mat or

something something yeah i'd like to have a couple sheets of loosely gives it a little cushion for you right with your fists like a gorilla it's bad it ruined the finish on the table i told you i realized i might have mentioned this before but i realized i think my whole family because they were all there to witness like the day they realized oh he's dumb like legit dumb was uh i was like late for some for some and you were i was thinking this the other day dude you really are just dumb i had this exact thought wait because of this what i'm about to say no no just because i own a business with you i mean fuck fuck doing your fucking trigonometry homework try try running a company i was writing out some book report like just copying something out of the encyclopedia

and my paragraph on the paper it kept it like would would go that way so by the by like by the end of the page two words that would only be two words in the sentence and it would be completely slanted and like i remember like my brother my mom or my dad coming in and they were like they were all looking at it like what the fuck they knew that they were just going outside and playing the mud kids got lopsided eyes over here go tend to the hogs or whatever it is yeah that's when they knew they were like jesus but now why do you think i'm done what did i do it's not now it's not uh it's not what you do it sounds like something my mom says yeah well she knows you're dumb as well we've dealt with you for a long time um no i was talking to my wife about something for the business

a lot of conversation about me with you and this bird i don't like it i posted a picture the other day and someone called her the bird so it goes there's the bird the birds are right the birds a good bird where's the bird at bro it's pretty good too but birds are right she doesn't like broad only because i always say this dumb broad like just don't because of it when we're driving or whatever like i'll be bad guys i'm dumb bro bro it's pretty good bro it's all right hey dumb brood kip let's talk about movement movement baby couple of college dropouts got to the sunglass game turned it on its head came through swinging came through swinging we just they just re-upped with us i got it i gotta watch now you gotta watch they send

us me a cool pair of sunglasses i have to watch them last time i love it here's the thing i'm gonna give you a little tip right now yeah for all the bozos out there uh-huh valentine's day is coming up around the corner score yourself some gear on movement it will blow him or her away yeah i'm telling you if you're a guy or a girl they got you covered everybody movement is valentine's day favorite with timeless watches uh 18 car refined jewelry pieces and special edition styles like rare ceramic watches and bracelets my wife's got some your lady's got some it's fantastic stress-free takes all the stress uh and anxiety out of valentine's day by getting the perfect watch and accessory for your special someone uh shop 20 off today with free shipping

and free returns by going to mvmt.com slash garbage go to mvmt.com slash garbage for your most stress-free valentine's day gifting yet mvmt style shouldn't break the bank join the movement baby do it yeah camp let's talk about the good people and hello fresh hello fresh big fans the foley family is yeah as you know we scored a little bit of that uh my sister-in-law recommended we get that for my parents for christmas home run we got them a nice subscription yeah hooked them up my mom loves it yeah i tell you what they do this one shrimp dish and shrimp over salad almost like a cajun shrimp knock your socks i do declare knock your socks it's fantastic you get farm fresh pre-portion ingredient seasonal recipes delivered straight

to your door skip the trips to the grocery store and count on hello fresh to make home cooking easy fun and affordable that's why it's america's number one meal kit number one it does make cooking fun when you have everything laid out in front of you it's fun yeah uh they got everything it cuts back on time spend the kitchen so you can spend it on your other's resolutions you have meals ready in around 30 minutes or less plus quick easy meals including 20 minute meal recipes low prep easy cleanup provide a faster route to putting the food on the table got out the middle man there you go they even got dessert covered satisfy your sweet tooth with seasonal limited time goodies like dunkaroo cookie though what what or vanilla delight cheesecake nice i know you three cheesecake

i like a little cheesecake uh like you said we were big fans of it they sent it to both of us you got uh you got pat p mayo on it so go to hello fresh dot com slash garbage 16 and use code garbage 16 for up to 16 free meals and three free gifts what are we doing that's crazy they're giving away to farm hold on a second one more day you're crazy we're giving that money away what are you nuts hello fresh go to hello fresh dot com slash garbage 16 use code garbage 16 for up to 16 free meals and three free gifts do it now back to the show yeah no we were talking about something i just go yeah he can you can't wrap your head around certain things and i just have to learn to not try to teach you just go they're done the job's done i don't need to incorporate

give me an example of what i can't wrap my head around name one thing i mean we were just going over the ads i don't know what you were saying everything confused this was literally i what what are we like 43 this was literally 43 minutes ago you were like hold on you're confusing me me about toby's disassembling fucking luminex cameras and he's got it yeah all right yeah hey i admit it i'm stupid i don't know they knew from a young age yeah they knew from a young age i remember it was a rainy sunday and it was like they were they were all really mad at me because i had fucked up to sunday because i didn't do this paper or something like that and that's when i didn't even yell who's they all were my mom my dad my brother why was your

brother mad i don't know just get into it like some nice dog pile fumble get in on the little get on the little one eat his boogers like lord of the flies over there i'm telling him that's how he operates to there's always a there's always a good and bad team that you gotta be on no he was mad because i did you know how annoying i was to him i mean he would like yeah i again i can pick up on it he would have like his his grades were always good he would do his own work he used to go to bed at like not like what'd you get on number eight he was like we're not even the same grade just copy and i don't know i just want to hear something they just need something it's a technicality you just gotta show him something uh he would like

you know he would like make sure he was in bed he would eat right he would he would like exercise before he was like he was a grown man before he was when he was a kid sure and then it was me yeah he wouldn't yeah old crooked report old crooked report fully if i could write on paper sideways oh it's good stuff oh man lightning that's bullshit um all right this one's tj ever have to meet one of your grandma's boyfriends that's tough that's tough i've never you know i get it especially you know i i never had to do that ow it would be some guy named how how do you take that guy into the family that's a tough one he drives a Cadillac he drives a Cadillac his wife's he's great at pickleball yeah that's another thing too i want to add to the list if you play

pickleball you're trash it's something all these old broads are doing all my all my aunts and uncles are talking about it it's like it's like tennis and racquetball for old people it's like a big ping pong it's like a ping pong court kind of i like that and there's not a lot of moving around it's are you standing on top of the table no it's so it's on the ground okay well like the things like not even the size of this office yeah it's not even the size of the studio is it outside it's inside or outside and there's like a little net and then you play like doubles so like you don't you're not like moving a whole bunch i mean my 67 year old aunts playing it something you do that in poker she's not playing it with Federer right uh foley picture the rackets you use on the beach those

like solid one paddle ball i hate that fucking what was the point of that to keep it up it's a good game ah 653 try me north wildwood record come see the fucking kid where's this hall of fame down there wildwood dude i love a pure homey stat oh yeah i've been thrown out around for about a decade what 600 i retired after that 600 back and forth 653 1 2 3 4 5 6 who can i i'll relive the glory days we talk about your football enough dude that shit is the best five in my paddle and hanging it on the wall five blocks no hands on the handlebars that's another big one made it all the way from sam's the wild wheels pier it was the dead of winter streets were wide open and i was all over them you do that memorial day you're gonna get out of a hood of a car get t-bone

fair enough okay you really pull the fucking you really pull the heat break i'm thinking about being dumb well sounds about right this one's not gonna hit foley but it should hit t-bone uh this is from jack ever do ddp yoga diamond dallas page was a wrestler and started this like dirtbag yoga it's that's a that's that's a that's a good one i know diamond dallas pages yeah so we did ddp yoga and i feel dumb i can look into that i feel like four is coming right pull out of foleyville we're really descending in there we go and we're back um all right let's see here this is from danie dick salad haven't had one right that's a good piece of business haven't had one right yet

what are some garbage times guests took the term make yourself at home too literal here no in your life i have one that made me think of it we were in like junior high and we had this we had a group of friends over to watch the nc double a championship game was always only a sunday or monday night or whatever and this kid got invited through like someone else and he was a he was like the bad kid now where is this at your mother's yes is at the pieces how old are you four to thirteen is it a super bowl no nc double a champion sorry go ahead man he is in his head he's recording three different podcasts right now it's not lightning out is it good um

and he got invited he was like the bad kid like i would i didn't like associating with this kid so bad kid like he got in trouble or bad kid because it was bad kids who got in trouble a lot and then it was bad kids that you thought were gonna hurt you he was both he was the guy who was like fighting kids dads and stuff you know what i mean like he was like fighting men at this point yeah and like was working construction at like 13 you know just like he was staying at his brother's sister's house he was staying somewhere you know what i mean sick party i'm gonna take a shower and tattoo myself dude he fell asleep on the couch 18 wheeler license at 14 cdl cdl yikes yeah he was the kid where he's like let's go smoke and i'm like yeah we this isn't just like an open

smoking household like we gotta let you know he was one of the kids like well i'm gonna smoke i'll deal with the repercussion i was like all right you're really making this fucking just goes out in your back porch it's out on the back deck cranking bernie's what the piece of i'm trying to play it cool she's like you sent her to bed i said hey listen fucking hit the bricks will you all right this is like the double deuce down here now boot knife this kid played by his own rules and he was you know counting he had like pills he was like counting pills in his pocket or like loose pills it's never a good sign not vitamins no they didn't look like barney rubble the only thing i could think of but he fell asleep on the

couch she's and everybody left and i was doing like that hey you know because i don't want to wake this kid up end up in a fucking chokehold let's give a fucking hand me up too sweet falls asleep on the couch like sitting there he lay he laid down he put his legs up on the couch shoes no i think shoes were all and passed out and now i'm like uh you know this is at all my friends i've he was like a friend of a friend i don't even know this dude really what day the week it's like a sunday night it's every it's a school night i still got potatoes to cut i still got prep work on the potato boy

okay so what'd you do holy shit i was trying to like hey ha ha ho big game you know like hooting and hollering to wake him up and then you kind of finally woke up around 11 30 or so my mom was coming that's the middle of the night when you're 14 what the fuck 11 my mom was coming down i was like is he sleeping here i'm like get out of here he's gonna beat you up you know get out of here he's gonna steal the jewelry i played dead do something you get up and leave already spend the night now he got up and left but i'm like who's coming to get it was i get picked up by his sister's boyfriend or it was it was it was a um it was a thing my sister's my sister's boyfriend's coming to get me yeah well that happened a lot

in our bad for those kids that happened a lot in our area because we had a we went to a really good school district so like uh people would do anything they could like i got you know like go live with your cousin go live with the whoever changed the address so there was not and like you know certain sections weren't uh they were a little not he's not crying but like just you know wonky setups yeah you don't want to end up in some bozo school district yeah so it was like hey you know go stay at your sister's house or whatever right somebody was asking uh i forgot i forgot to mention it was hanging out with him at skankfest did anybody ever die on vacation that's a pretty good one that's pretty good um this one's great this is from paul ever

cancel one subscription to a podcast patreon to reallocate those funds and level up at level up at another sorry schultz we're garbaggio now yikes take that huh yikes fuck you schultz got that what i love you schultz yeah right i'm team schultz we were hanging the other night schultz makes me whack you listen it's gotta be done i would do it too schultz the bald guy's gotta go would you kill me if if we were if we were like proper peeky blinders gangsters you can't we're together we then you can't it's me and you we've painted this story where we're peeky blinders proper fucking gangsters my enemies are your enemies your enemies are my enemies right on the surface till the heroine gets involved um no if if schultz was like the main bad guy

and he was like you gotta go i mean there would obviously be some plans for me in the organization oh you fuck he's probably just gonna whack me as soon as i get done killing you that's why he's got t-bone whacked me t-bones don't now he'd get whacked too that's yeah it's all part of his master Alex Media would whack him or gag non i'm fucking whacked t-bone no that's what you do you make him oh my god have you've never you're you've never watched a movie or anything you make them think like you're playing ball she's gonna fix my teeth meanwhile me and you are playing in the back playing in the background so then we go kill him not working uh yeah we got a fake kippy's death dude yes it's it pinky blinders fake kippy's death and a new commitment i come in and i take him out

in the end take his patron on money just kidding love you schultz no what to do with akash then he's on a vengeful tear no he's coming for us don't play ball you think i go back wish i go back without god really we go back sweet we'll see i don't know nice all right what are we doing this never never never and no of course i would never whack i don't know schultz is pretty convincing though and you are dumb enough if he came to me and said you did something or whatever and it's gotta be i could see him talking in a schultz way real low you're crazy this is making what told me to turn my phone sideways next thing i know i'm standing kippy hey do me a favor kill kippy he's schultz schultz he says push a button on the guy you push the button oh oh we're gonna

talk about i'd be conflicted we're gonna talk about this in hard feelings right after this i'd be conflicted about it okay well whatever you know it is what it is make sure you have an open casket unless i miss whoops this shoot you six times all right now of course um this is from benjamin first time long time uh i come from a big family the family car was an old yellow short school bus 16 passenger we named it the cheese log we would take it out we would take out the sleep seats and have sleepovers in there it was our garbage garbage version of a treehouse we used to get dropped off in school with it it was a tough look a magic

getting dropped off at school on your own school bus that's bad in the backyard well how else are you gonna get those goddamn kids everywhere too how many kids you said big family i don't know i don't yeah eight you don't need a school bus eight kids you know that's ten that's 10 people with the parents and what car puts old ten people you get like a suburban or something at the suburban doesn't hold 10 people well get a regular van then man not a fucking school bus yeah which lane do you pull it you can't pull in with the civics you got to go with the buses yeah at school you got to go in the bus lane sony a little kid's getting i think i left my lunchbox in here get out of here kid this is a private vehicle i do want to say this private property your trespassing

other than the wasps and the bees in the summer which they had to be brutal if you had that parked in your backyard in some bushes that's an eyesore for anybody well if nobody could see it and you turn i'm saying to you gary bucey i'm from black sheep how would i go to your grand your grandmother's house such a small fire in her panties i'm saying did a bus i'm saying from a kid's perspective it would be pretty cool to have one of those in the back sure if you took all the seats out and you did the sleepovers and it was your tree fort i get it but everything else i mean that's just those are just parents just don't want they got to do yeah of course i mean i'm sure if they had the money to buy two escalades in taiwan you know tow the other one behind it they would do it

that dad ever think that he was going to be driving a school bus no at some point that guy was probably cool yeah and now he's driving a fucking cheese log yeah to school and not get paid for it at least pick up all the other bus drivers make fun of them damn it's a tough one here comes gary and his personal fucking school bus uh yeah it's a tough look tough tough tough thanks this one is my go-to this is from uh Maggie shout out to Maggie uh i like that they're doing this now FTLT first time long time love it these patriots these homies got a lingo of their own first time long time never have one read you ever use a wet paper towel instead of a vacuum that's my go-to a wet paper towel yeah i did it

this morning instead of a vacuum uh-huh no we're sweeping or so for what like on like hard water the tile floor or whatever oh yeah yeah i did it today like i what i typically do is i'll like dry my hands with paper towel and then that's like kind of moist but still good i gotta get another thing you throw on the floor and use your foot yeah or not my i mean i've been down i can bend down so i'll bend down and like wipe get the like what's under if it's like under the stove or you know if i see some crumbs or some dust or whatever sure of course yeah i do that with the turtlet what with the turtlet don't say that ever again the turtlet uh-uh the toilet yeah the commode the turtlet um we have those butt wipes and if i dribble while i'm peeing i just drop a couple of

those and use my foot and clean it up and then throw it in the thing sure i got you yeah it's a little different because you're causing the mess true do you ever just use your sock to do what wipe up the pee oh yeah if it's not that bad one little pass with the sock i did that yesterday also the um on the toilet seat there was a there was a dribbler too i just just fucking then walked around the rest of the house yeah i don't care yeah i mean there's dirtier things in that house i use the bath mat i slide the batman the bath mat over it just hold it hold it there for a second it was it's a bacteria trap that's jesus christ you have to turn that thing over to the feds i got busted peeing in the shower yesterday too because my move is sometimes i'm like really

well are you in the shower no i was not oh my god no i was not that's you come on i think she's been tracking me because she she she she knows my movements because and you're hanging upside down from your leg in a rope call you like a quite like a wild animal peanut butter in my mouth um i go in and i turn the faucet on and then knock open the shower curtain wait that's a you you can't quietly open a shower because it's tough you hear it dead giveaway uh-huh she's like what are you doing get out of here yeah paying the bills all right just take the hose and the shower head and that's very very unsanitary is it i think so yeah just every once in a while plus your toothbrush is in there i think it's one thing if you're in there and you're peeing

because the water's flowing it's cooking that whole time you know true i do a pretty we do a pretty good job of cleaning the bathroom though i will say that she does yeah well it sounds like there's pee everywhere you gotta do something before i keep on her toes um all right uh right this is for master rashi first time long time do you cut your fingernails into an old piece of mail so that you don't have to use a napkin an old piece of mail yeah i respect that yeah like i guess the open envelopes you'd like do it anything you just throw it i'm a big notes on the envelope too oh yeah right down the whole mastermind for this plan was drafted on a fucking old parking ticket really yeah everything's only had enough with the city huh everything's on the back of mail

because i don't open my mail now ever i don't know what's going on with knock it off it's like you know i feel like kramer and that just stop my cable company just email everything auto paid the bank well what are we doing yeah it's crazy fucking kick rocks mailman crazy although we have mailmen to listen to this i get that but not for me let me opt out oh yeah if there was no mail what would all the mailmen do there will always be mail but i just saying i don't want it i just leave it until like till my the fucking woman gets so mad at me because it's full she's cramming stuff in there oh that's all it is credit card offers and fucking connet bills yeah we don't i got everything's on autopay i finally deployed my life where i think everything is on autopay

i'm not there yet i mean i'm still that's scary i'm still walking a tight rope but i'm aware i don't like autopay i'll get it when i get it i'll take care of it i make sure i take one day now and i pay all that stuff pay all the bills to water bills sunday just like your mother um i haven't had one right yet is a garbage to the majority of your tupperware is the ones that are pre-packaged sandwich meat that the pre-packaged sandwich meat comes in i don't see the ludwig yeah there's a couple ludwig or budwig is this was the company yeah i mean there's a couple like oscar mayer has that they all have hillshire farms is pretty no sure if that's what you're using for your tupperware i feel like that deli meat why now no no no no you're wrong because the deli meat is it's it's

double pack i know but then you take that off and then put the lid on unless you eat the whole package at one time that's absorbing those chromosomes now through osmosis i think that's good it's good for the planet it's good recycle it's good move dirt bag go buy some fucking time it's like a dollar at ikea for decent tupperware you know where to handle that smell a little baking soda ikea yeah who the fuck's buying their tupperware like i mean you're not going to ikea for tupperware i'm not saying get it i'm just saying we have it from ikea because we were like they have a huge fucking housewares thing have you been to an ikea recently yeah i have i got married in ikea i don't know why you want to fight over this they got everything do they yeah i don't trust them

over there i don't i'll stop ever since they put a horse in her meatballs i'll stop i'll stop in for a meatball or two but that's not about that place i'm a target man i like a target ikea they're never close they're always they're not they're always up on the airport they're always down by the water or something like that i know it's like can you build a little one and they don't deliver either crazy they're bad i got a delivery thing we beat the room i got a delivery thing we got to get into in our feelings it's bananas okay i almost bought a guy really not really i would got my ass get there i was two of them um all right let's do one more name we got a wrapper up um let's see here this one i right matthew um do you let your dog sit on your lap when you drive

which i feel is i wish they would try you wish they would what i would i would love to have that relationship with my doggy but we don't have that kind of relationship she wouldn't sit on my lap it's also a fucking golden retriever you could have a golden retriever on you could it go steering wheel golden retriever your stomach there's no way that's gonna work it has to be like a like a 75 l t d yeah you have to have your c d l but it'd be nice i'm always jealous of that i don't like that it's like just drive let the dog sit in the car that's too much that's like it's dangerous that's what i'm saying it's like hey this i'm so important i want to have my dog here have your dog can have the back the trunk the side the roof i don't care yeah my mom puts him

puts her in the back seat which she has a little seatbelt that she puts on that's pretty classy you know what else was what else was classy is a kid that we never had like you would put the dog in the trunk and then have the gate i feel like people who drove like sumaru's had those memories like oh yeah the dog gate so we couldn't jump into the back seat which i was like that's great he's got his own little place back there yeah in the in the turn the turn like the trunk of a jeep like uh into like a whole i think like a cop car like it had a divider between the the back seat you turn the air on back here all right let's wrap it up ah gang we love you make sure you check out the spash check out the spash get some tickets right now get some tickets to

the shows we're coming we're coming everywhere so don't worry we love you which one am i looking at here i never know what you're doing you giving me this one he finds you let the camera find you that's right i try to go i try to go off you you do well a couple of times i'm looking over here like a bozo and i got this camera i feel like i'm doing the local news here gang we love you we'll see you next week peace