Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!
Episode Date: February 3, 2025Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley to talk Supermarkets! And will be answering your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. C...ome to a live show! AYG 2025 Tour Tickets: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Hello Fresh: Get up to 10 FREE meals and a free high protein item for life at https://HelloFresh.com/garbage10fm Adam & Eve: Go to https://adamandeve.com/garbage and pick any 4 sex toys for just $20! Draft Kings: Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app NOW and use code AYG If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA). Â 21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA(select parishes)/MI/NH/NJ/ NY/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. New customer offer void in NH/OR/ONT-CA. $200 in Free bets: New customers only. Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 wager. $200 issued as eight (8) $25 free bets. Ends 9/19/22 @ 8pm. Early Win: 1 Early Win Token issued per eligible game. Opt in req. Token expires at start of eligible game. Min moneyline bet $1. Wagering limits apply. Wagers placed on both sides of moneyline will void bet. Ends 1/8/23 @ 8pm ET. See terms at sportsbook dot draftkings dot com slash football terms. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Hey gang, if you haven't gotten your tickets for the Back on the Block Tour, do yourself a favor and grab them now, because they're going fast.
Yeah, we've already added a second show in Pontiac, Michigan. We got a low ticket alert in Indy, Madison, Minneapolis, Pittsburgh, Cleveland. Get them tickets now, we'll see you out there.
RUgarbage.com
Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals
or absolute trash.
Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley.
Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast.
This is R U Garbage.
It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that's a good to be classy
They're just a big old piece of trash trash trash. I'm your host a fully coming at you on a beautiful day
We're out back here with tooties in the new edition. She's upstairs digging out an ingrown toenail. Okay
She's got a hot date tonight. I can't you a lucky guy. That's a Foley right there
My co's is coming at you across the table. He is the CEO of are you garbage?
He's an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world give it up for KJ
Kevin James Ryan everybody what up gang shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in as always
Please make sure you rate view subscribe on iTunes
Full video available on YouTube and also now Spotify get over there rate review comment do the whole nine
Spotify and Spotify video to boys are locked in. But obviously the greatest website of all
time pull out your phone your desktop your tablet you go over to www.patreon.com
slash are you garbage you get all that bonus content gang I'm talking to up to
two bonus episodes a week hard feelings ayg all the you get episodes from four years ago till now. That's like 10 family game night
Which has been a big that's been a very divisive divisive
Follow the directions
Very good. No, you know, sure good times. Also. Hey, wait, we follow the rules
That's all I'm saying we'd some of us decide to follow the rules some of us don't that's all I'm saying
The council was poked.
Also, what?
The boys are back on the road.
Woo!
Tickets? Listen, this isn't a marketing ploy.
A little bit.
Well, not really.
I'm in the business of selling tickets.
Maybe a marketer too.
Act now. Act now. While supplies last. Act now. Act now.
No, tickets are going moving tickets are moving shows
a Pontiac Michigan sold out second show added dare
ice a everything else is is slim picking so get the one I last and it
a summer some these roads some these markets were the cities were doing
door to week so we can add a second show so we're sticking a moving so get a lot
of work in
The morning whoo doggy all tickets available at are you garbage dot?
Yeah, the website everything
All right, we got a nine dollar a month website cooking shout out to it. We know what we're doing I get in there
Start cootin. What is the server fee on that? I don't know is it nine bucks
I don't know cuz I still have a my site account
I don't even know what the my site my site is that where it's like email me at Henry at Foley dot me or whatever that
I never I that's like Mac does that I've never trusted that anybody would I never even met anybody with a Mac address
trusted that anybody would. I never met anybody with a Mac address.
When I first got my my when I got my first desk, my first
and only computer back in 2000, your first and only computer
you've ever owned was that bit that one that at one point
ran the company that one early stages of of the brain trust
of Foley and Ryan Enterprise 2006 Mac OS X. Bought it in 2018. 17 inch.
My dad bought it for me.
Wait, okay.
You were pushing 30 at that point.
Sure.
That's like.
That was over 30.
That was you're going to get your feet.
You're this is him helping you start your artistic.
Yeah, your artistic venture.
And he was the worst with computers and for him to be like you gotta have a
Computer, what are you? How are we going to email you guy?
You don't this is the guy who used to send emails all in caps because that was his style
That's who I was taking now you do all lower you do all lower case
Which is somehow even more the more of a bitch move. I don't die
It's all in cursive no punctuation or too much punctuation
I'm all voice to text voice to email voice the rudest. I mean this as well. This is well
It's the rudest thing I've ever seen in my life that you gotta get to get to the guy pair headphones and a dialing
Wand because you're all over the map just intrusive in people's I got rid of my fucking my ear pods
Because you said they were causing brain cancer and I got the buddy you could use a little bit of it
Maybe get the synapses fire on the right pages this guy do this guy's thing. They need a shot of radiation over here
How's it a car with him yesterday? Oh, man?
We've been away too much time together
I totally had a nice time guy asked if he could watch a 30-minute video on his phone yesterday while we were driving together
No headphones. He goes you mind if I watch this now. I said yeah, I mind if he could watch a 30 minute video on his phone yesterday while we were driving together no headphones
He goes you mind if I watch this now. I said yeah, I mind if you watch it now
Meanwhile he's doom-scrubbed you've big conversation look over. He's just just playing like plane crash videos. You're like dude come on
I'm trying to stay engaged. I'm hungover. I went ahead to talk about my personality deficiency. Have you seen this show?
It's precise.
All right, you fit one to your physical one.
Sure.
Does this shirt fit?
Not in the traditional sense that you're thinking.
You know where this shirt's from?
If I had to guess, a really fat Italian guy
who may or may not be with us any longer.
You don't remember this shirt?
Why would I remember that shirt? I got married in this shirt? Uh damn
It don't fit anymore. That was two weeks ago. It fits it didn't know I mean, okay
It's just what I said it didn't it
What yeah, I mean
Dude, that's a lot you're wearing the shirt you wore to your wedding just casually throughout, New York City
I was thinking about that when I put it on this morning
What am I supposed to just wear it once and like what am I still like just hang it up?
And that was it why not get some some use out of it. Why is that crazy? I it's not like I'm wearing
I don't know anybody else that's ever done it. That's all I'm saying most people get married in suits and
Sizes and all I wouldn't be walking around in a tuxedo
Because most people get married in suits and tuxes and all that. I wouldn't be walking around in a tuxedo
Hey, if I bought a tuxedo, there's a good chance I'd be sleeping in it. Yeah, I could untie that
Don't do that bow tie every day. That cummerbunds are pain in the ass
That'd be cool to bring those back just daily cummerbunds. Buddy, it's it's how we got hard enough keeping you in jeans Let alone let alone fucking tuxedos. Man, you ever have a cummerbund on and your belly's just sticking. I've never. You. You ever have a cummerbund on in your belly
I've never you never had to wear a cummerbund who do you think where you didn't go to prom
We did those are a black tie affair those tuxes were out
Humber bun yeah, nah, that's I mean that's like the 50s
We were doing ours are just tuxes now are just like cummerbund and fuck maybe a vest we did vests vests are all right
I could do that man. I did some mean vest to school dances and weddings
Get the Mumford and Sons on the line here
Did never tell you my one buddy got married and I had to wear uh
So we did this thing where it was like I don't know if it was like through men's warehouse or whatever
But you like I think it was through men's warehouse
So like because people were all over the country like the groomsmen were like
didn't all live locally typically I think you're like oh if y'all live in
Philadelphia hey we're gonna meet up here Saturday morning all get fitted for
the suits then go pick them up and you're good yeah I was up here I'm like
you know I didn't have the time and or resources to get down that to get to
Philadelphia for a tux fitting I didn't have the
I assume you were nervous in the men's warehouse I didn't when's this bill coming I didn't do the
men's warehouse I did something else so they were like just send your measurements in so I did my
own measurements I bought it I bought like a tape met like I think I had my wife do it who was I was my two was my
It was my broad at the time. We weren't married. We were just dating so this is your nine feet tall
Dude, those measurements came back wack the fuck
Look like Tracy McGrady on ESPN, dude. It was bad. I was rolling them listen
I was well, mr. Planet's gone off its access and we've lost half our gravity
These numbers cannot be right a high-end scene battle
One of them was pie what?
3.333 repeating
Yeah, it was I mean I I look I had to like roll the I had to roll the
The top down I was and I didn't pants. I didn't I and I pants? At the wedding?
Yeah, I picked it up in Philly.
You sweat panted them?
Rolled them down?
It was either that or T-Macket.
I had my brother pick it up because I couldn't even get down there to pick it up.
So I had my brother pick it up.
You're out there like white chocolate breaking ankles.
Hey, yo!
That's my nephew hot sizzle. I'm out there doing skip to my loo moves
I had my brother pick it up and try it on for me what?
Might as well had Cindy Crawford do it now
We were about this I was skinny at the skinny at the okay
Skinny earth at the time sure sure and I had him try it on. He was like,
it's... I mean, but this is... He's picking up Friday, the wedding Saturday morning. Men's
warehouse. And he's like, it's not... There's nothing you can do, but it's not great. It's
bad. It's like... Probably closed a lot of ass at that wedding, huh? I think my parents
were there. They were. You're peeing with your pants all the way Can't get any fucking chicks out here
Shout out to Ryan done all-time great line
Yeah, tough tough look tough life. I mean, I don't I don't do well in those type of things
Yeah, the last time I do my own measurements anyway. It's a nice shirt. I like a very nice means a lot to me
I'm gonna wear it. I
Did say all right hold on they You're going to push back on
this. You didn't put that on thinking this means a lot to
me. You put this on going, this is all I got. If we're being
completely honest, I know you. Don't lie to the good people
out there. You're saying this now. It means a lot to me. You
put it on because you thought it fit and it's probably all
you got. Yes or no?
Oh, you mean today or for the wedding?
Today. Because both would be true. Sure. Exactly or no? Oh, you mean today or for the wedding? Today.
Because both would be true.
Sure, exactly, exactly.
This don't mean a lot to you.
I bought this the day before I left.
Also, you just put Ian's t-shirt under it.
Try not to be an Ian with Jordan.
Let me have that sign on the door, no more Ian's allowed.
That's pretty good.
Nice shirt, but don't spin me this. Beautiful spit me this, don't spit me this sentimental bullshit.
Well, it means a lot to me now. It means a lot to you. You're still fitting it. All right,
tough guy. I can't remember what happened to the one that I was going to wear. Didn't
fit. No, it did. I don't know why it didn't work or the pants didn't work. Oh, it didn't
work with the pants. I couldn't wear the tan pants. I had to wear the dark pants. I had to get this. Anyway, don't fit.
That looks like the lining of a rich guy suit, if I'm being honest with you. That's like
a rich guy would have on his jacket. You're rocking it as his shirt.
The inside?
That's nice. Nice. You know what I mean? Maybe the pocket square that ties that, that, that
fleevr.
For the inside of like a nice leather jacket. Yeah, like you open it up and it's that. that, that, that fleevr. For the inside of like a nice leather jacket.
Yeah, like you open it up and it's that, you go, Ooh, that's, that's nice.
Ah, that's when you know it's classy.
Meanwhile, you're rocking it out.
And nice.
It looks nice.
Do you remember some nice-
A little dark for a wedding though.
Sure.
It looks like you're-
I blend it in though.
It looks like you're selling blow.
I mean, you bump into a guy wearing that shirt at a club.
He's got yak
You know where I can you fart your friends are Ronnie, right?
You remember every once in a while
When like your dad or somebody would get like a nice new coat
It would have like an extra lining in it that kind of zipped out sure like a London fog It would be like for like when it was a little bit colder
Yeah, like and then it was like a vest typically didn't have the sleeves on I used to try to pull that off
I used to try to pull the vest. I mean he's young but I would put a vest on it. This looks nice
Yeah, was the end it was like the other lining of it that my dad's London fogger
Alfani jacket or something like that. I told you big Dan used to rock a leather trench coat
that. I told you, Big Dan used to rock a leather trench coat with warm up pants and white Nikes. Like just that would be his kids, his, you know, food shopping thing. He'd be
at the Super Fresh.
So he was living with the ultimate warrior.
Sting. It comes down from the rafters of a Super Fresh. These are supposed to be ten
for 10. Which speaking of SuperFresh, that's what we're here to talk about.
SuperMac-its kid.
SuperMac-its.
Which is very, supermarkets have been very definitive of this show.
We each have very strong opinions on supermarkets.
Supermarkets are very, I mean it's one of the questions we ask every guest.
Where did you food shop growing up? Where
do you where do you shop now? I
think it's a great uh decider of
trash and class and economic
landscape and uh it's just
certain it tells a lot by where
you food shop. At the heart of
America. Everybody's got a food
shop. It really is. Mm hmm. A
lot a lot of nostalgia which
we've talked about many times
before. Very much so.
Very important, the supermarket.
And this is what I wanted to, this is what, you know, it sounds corny,
I mean, obviously very corny, but like they are, I mean, I worked at a supermarket for,
I don't know, four years, something like that, started out as a bagger.
You talk about it like you were a nom it was a timing this was
This is this was doing the ten for ten mate made that may like
Things are getting things get hacked you try to work at it act me on freaking you know Black Friday. I
mean
Thanksgiving what?
I've been drinking a shirt's disorient me
What? I've been drinking.
A shirt's disorienting me.
Don't look directly into it. I've had flashbacks from Studio 54.
Any epileptics out there?
Shade your eyes.
You got to look at this shirt through one of those fucking.
Some clips.
What? What? What?
Undertaker would wear to a wedding.
It's kind of dangerous and dark, but like he's trying to be festive.
It's a little mystery to it. Sure. Plus it was around Christmas. It was very Christmasy.
No it's not. Yes it is. Christmasy? Christmas colors are kind of our wedding colors.
That's kind of a lot. You're really trying to see. You're really trying to say it's kind of
Christmas, kind of our wedding colors. Design like this is a lot of different things.
Kind of our wedding colors. Design like this is a lot of different things.
Walks in a lot of worlds is design.
Anywho, I'm here to talk about my fashion.
Again, have you seen the show?
This one. So we reached out to the shout out to the Patreon.
We were with supermarket themed, right?
And we this, I think, sums up what supermarkets are, right?
Okay.
So this is from Beard Man Tooth,
$10 debit benefits recipient, love it.
Is it garbage if the main hangout spots
for all kids and teens in our town
was the Safeway Shopping Center?
Experience a lot of first up there. I love up there, that's a real dirt bag thing. hangout spots for all kids and teens in our town was the Safeway shopping center. Mm-hmm.
Experienced a lot of firsts up there.
I love up there.
That's a real dirt bag thing.
Yeah, he's going up there.
Saw my first pair of tits behind the market, drank my first beer up there, swiped my first
bottle of Robo-Dustin and Robo-Tripped up there, called my first teeter up there, smooched
my first bird, saw my first fist fight, smoked weed for the
first time, hell I even got a job at the Safeway and ended up getting my first hernia while
working there.
That's full circle.
That's goddamn what?
That's the whole series of the wonder years right there.
That's everything.
Damn.
This guy sold tits before he kissed a girl.
That's pretty good.
That's what he ordered. That's like, they are very, you know,
for a lot of kids, if you grew up in the suburbs,
hanging out at a shopping center, skating,
it's like, that was kind of the anchor to.
That's where you were hanging.
Spent a lot of time around there, you know what I mean?
Yeah, especially the back, out in the back.
Man, I told, we used to.
About 10 feet of asphalt, like a little driveway.
I love driving behind a shopping center like that.
Cutting across.
It feels dangerous when you're doing it.
But then it's got to have about ten feet of that.
Then the woods.
There's got to be some sort of tractor trailer or something back there.
Yeah. A set of train tracks that don't run anymore.
Man, we used to. That's where life goes down.
Skateboarding. We weren't that good as skaters, but we, you know, we'd end up at a shopping center of some...
We were good at dumpster diving, though.
We were.
And just, dude, I mean, finding those big, long fluorescent light bulbs
wailing on each other with them, because that's what's in supermarkets.
So there'd be like a box of 15.
And man, as like a 12-year-old kid finding that shit, we...
We never really got harassed back behind the little strip mall behind
DL Ohio and and Joe's pizza and all that stuff. There was never there was never that way
We were cool. We were skating. So that was like very yeah, yeah, it's Katie. Yeah, you know all the signs were saying no skateboard
I'm around anti skateboarding. They were in the in the mid 90s and they hated it dude
It was like it was like what you guys doing?
Smoking sakes and weed were you causing trouble? Were you breaking shit?
Visually, you look you don't look great. You got the G at the long hair. You're hanging out with guys a long hair
You're smoking a cig your hat your loitering. Yeah, you're not you're not
Contributing to the shopping center.
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I wasn't a skateboarder by no means. I
don't pretend to be but I'll tell you what. I always had
respect for those kids and it really took a long time for
society to appreciate that like yeah, sure look like dirt bags.
You got a fat kid wearing fucking tuxedo pants. What is
arm in a cast? But you know like Seinfeld. You buy me a lot
of trial and error. You gotta you got to get back up to get
success by repetitive failure crazy
Which may not a heat which mean you know a lot about
So you were more of a misunderstood kid? That's what it is sure. I was cruising times a good cruiser
I wasn't gonna tricks I could I could cruise with the best of them now also as a good
I was a good hang guy. I had a lot of laughs, somebody fell, you know?
Hey, whatever. You know what I mean? It's a good vibes guy.
But uh, alright, let's see here. This one, this one's up for debate and as a previous cashier, I have uh,
I have some input on it. What is the minimum, this is from John,
What is the minimum dollar amount you're willing to save in order to jam up the checkout line
so the manager can get the coupon or go check a price
or there's gotta be a number.
A little bit of cash, no cash, oh, okay.
Like your number, is it like, hey,
this was supposed to ring up for five,
it's ringing up for 10?
To me, I would say if it's $5, I'd go,
I would make a comment of like, this was ringing
up as whatever. Also depends on how long the line is. If the kid's in the weeds.
Yeah.
You know what I mean? He's like, he's got 50 people, the line's halfway down the aisle.
It's like the last thing he needs is someone running back to the meat section to find something.
So this is hypothetical as an adult adult now like this is now.
Yeah, you're food shopping and something rings up. What is
the dollar amount where you're like? Buddy, that ain't right.
I think anything I think about $5. I'd go guy. I think if
that's wrong, I'm willing to roll over, but that ain't
right. If the normal order of what we get, which we kind of
get somewhat of the same **** was like let's say a hundred bucks and it came
out and it was 400 then I would maybe say something. 200 you're so we are nuts.
Otherwise it's real tough for a fat guy to start arguing balls and strikes.
You're not wrong. You know what I mean? My jujubees are marked
out. Yeah. I don't want somebody price checking. I can't be fat and cheap. You know what I
mean? I don't want someone price checking my cottage cheese or something like that.
Are you working a cafeteria, sir? You got to fill the time with small talk as they're
running back to check the price. How do you need this many olives for? But I respect it.
I respect it. I respect it.
But yeah, I would say, yeah, 50 bucks, 100 bucks.
Listen, I think the pro move from being on both sides of this, the pro move.
In my head, I'd have to be like, what?
I'd have to have that react.
What?
Sure.
I think the pro move is pay it, whether you think it's right.
People have done this with me, and this is where I learned it.
They go, all right, let's just say it's right people have done this with me, and this is where I learned it You'll they go alright. Let's just say it's ringing up. It's supposed to be a hundred dollars
It the whole order comes out to 120 and you go now the fucking meatballs were supposed to be
Twan you know whatever 20 instead of 40. I don't have kids. I'm not a responsible just in I'm terrible with money
I never really think about that shit or look at that stuff I'm not a responsible adult. This just in. I'm terrible with money.
I never really think about that shit or look at that stuff.
I know, but I'm just saying say you do.
Say you're like, oh, I'm going to buy, it's one item.
You're there to buy a fucking grill or something.
A grill?
I don't know, something.
I'm getting a grill at the supermarket?
Yeah.
Huh.
It's out the seasonal section.
What am I getting?
What? What am I getting? I'll probably something cheaper.
Weber?
No, I don't think there's a Weber's there.
I'm just saying you're buying something where you're like,
oh, I'll buy this here, it's $99.
Okay.
And then you get up there and it's $120.
And you're like, that ain't right.
That's not tax?
No, it just rings up as $120.
All right.
It's $20 off.
Why are you breaking my stones on this?
What the fuck?
I wanna talk to your manager.
Hey, guy's a comedian. You got a real tight imagination going here. Why do you smell like cigarettes when you're working by the way?
I just took my 15 minute, which I don't have to clock out for shh. Don't say not you have Snickers bar to curry
That's not new get
You must have sucked
Were the same that same green khy pants that were my dad's.
Man, those things were bro-ro-shy.
If it was, I'd push you out of the way and fucking take my goods home with me.
What are you going to do? Chase me down?
What are you going to do? Run away?
I'll walk. Casually.
I want the cameras going off.
Take, just pay it.
In the short term.
Double back.
Keep the receipt. Double back. Go the receipt, double back, go check was
I right or wrong. Okay, this is $100. It rung up as $120. Take a picture of it on your phone
or whatever. You're going over to the customer service.
Then you go over to the customer service. You go, hey, listen, this was wrong. And they
go, here you go, there you go. I have bad memories of that customer service
counter. My mom only went there for-
You're not going, you're going there only went there. You're not going.
You're going there for bad news.
Three reasons my mom went there for.
Rain checks.
She a rain check gal?
No, but she went there for heaters.
They sell heaters behind that customer service thing.
Pro tip, you could get them at the cashier.
You go this and a pack of Marlboro lights and then they call over.
I used to do that all the time.
They would call over and then bring you your Marlboro lights, which is a you feel you
feel like royalty. Someone's walking over and delivering your
heaters. Let's take care of this in the back. What do you say?
Get some champagne for you. I'm using it now. Getting heaters.
Somebody was about to get screamed at or the worst. I
remember her cashing a couple of checks there.
Cashed all?
I mean, when I worked there, you pick up your check.
Yeah, she didn't work there.
He cashed it right away.
She wrote a check to herself and then cashed it there.
Does that make sense?
Yeah, they used to do that.
I think they stopped in like the late night
because a lot of people flipping hangers and stuff.
Send them bad checks. Fucking catch me if you can out this mofo. Yeah, Carl head ratty
So then they only then I think they named Patty Foley. She
She's an old bag
She not she's not so mastermind
Let me ask you something daddy. How did you pass the bar exam? I studied boy
She's catching a heater on a spirit flight back from Europe. Some French prison? I studied for it.
Yeah, so I never, I always, now, I've never, I don't think as an adult walked up to that.
Listen, and I get it, I'm not telling- Trauma and fear.
I'm not telling you to. I'm telling the listener.
If you if that guy, the kid don't he's not setting the prices.
The cashier has zero.
They they might be able when I was doing it, I think it was if it was under 99 cents,
you could void it yourself.
Anything over that you got to have like they don't have any power to do anything.
So the person's got to come from the counter anyway and do it there.
So just go, hey, I'm
gonna get out of this kid's hair and go up there. It was
bleached green hair. Sure. I did have some bleached hair at
the time. You know what I, you know what I've seen the other
day? They're really cutting back on the self-checkout.
Just starting to get rid of that. Didn't work. I don't like
it. Well, a lot of people are stealing. A lot of people
stealing but they know that and they save that money on paying the the worker
I you know, I don't know. Uh
Something goes wrong. You need somebody to come over anyway. What's the fucking point? I know but if you're buying two things what's going wrong?
I'm pro. I check out why the other guy why the guys sit there and watch me
with empty line
No, like they're just waiting for their regular cash. Yeah, and I just walk right by them
Oh really? Yeah, I don't what's I like to say hi
I don't think get the bag if I'm buying like two things
Hmm, you know what I mean typically cheese. It's in a diet coke
I don't need this guy all up in my business. You know what I mean the grocery store
Where else am I gonna buy it? Are you snagging a 20 ounce Pepsi?
What?
The impulse cooler in the front?
They don't carry bottles at my joint.
Yeah they don't.
You're hard pressed to find a cold drink in a supermarket sometimes.
No.
I double up on the cans.
Stay real frosty.
Maybe some diet Dr. P if I'm feeling myself.
There's always something weird about the soda aisle when it's not refrigerated it takes me a minute it's
like going back to the 40s dude it's weird everything is darker than it
should be your pepper's gonna go bad the hell's the date on this this in the
cooler no I agree with that all right, let's see here. This one's from
Benny beat cups also shockingly lot of our patrons have worked at supermarkets. Yeah throughout their lifetime
Which is like the it really is like the lower class like
Stomping ground you landscaped you worked at a restaurant you worked at a grocery store
That's like what it we weren't working at a bank,
you weren't, you know, they were the easiest
to get the jobs, and typically one person got the job,
hey, I got all their boys jobs.
Yeah, there was one or two, we had a place like that
called Folkways, which was a retirement home
that I guess they must've had a huge dining hall,
because everybody I knew worked there.
I got shot down for some reason.
Lady didn't like the cut of my gib.
Everybody I know worked there as a fucking bus boy.
Yeah. And everybody got jobs. Sure.
All the hot chicks, all the fucking everybody worked there.
Yeah. Walkways.
Um, there was one of those in my neighborhood, too.
I never worked there because I worked at the grocery store,
but my boys did.
And other people, man, they would talk about it
because girls from other schools would be there,
working there, and they talked about it
like it was fucking hedonism, you know what I mean?
I'm out there smoking a cig with Cheryl,
and you're like, damn, Cheryl, yeah, we're talking.
Catholic school broad from a couple towns over.
Yeah, you're like, me while I'm bagging groceries.
Might as well be Tony Katane.
I'm like, what the hell?
I got no action over here.
I'm catching heaters with Cart Master Bob.
Shout out to Cart Master Bob, by the way.
He still lived with his mom.
He did.
Cart Master Bob did live with his mom.
He took the card game way too serious.
They offered him cashier a handful of times
He turned it down. He wasn't good with people, but he could talk to the car. Yeah
He was the cart whisperer this guy he made his own tool the claw wouldn't let me he didn't never let me use it
Which I was quite upset about
But man fucking with that guy was all not fucking with but just talking to him. He'd be talking to him for like three hours.
And he would just tell you that he's, you know what I mean?
He had a claw, it was like a piece of string with like a hook that he made with like a
hanger so he could put that and run a rope to this piece of wood so he could control,
like typically you could drive like five carts yourself without someone steering the front.
Oh yeah? You could drive like five carts yourself without someone steering the front. Oh, yeah.
So but he would hook.
He had like a hook and ladder type thing he had working where he could do it himself.
And he would tell you, I don't recommend you doing this by your side.
That sounds like a fascinating summer you had there, buddy.
Summer.
Most of high school.
They got fired.
Which I think was a setup.
But I can't.
I think it was an inside job.
They accused him of doing some stuff.
There's no way court master Bob would ever have done.
It was all to get the patent on the clock.
But to answer that question, Patty's, you know.
What question?
The one about how off does it have to be.
Sure.
Patty Foley, 15 cents should be going over the war. I get that. the one about the what what how off does it have to be? Sure.
Patty Foley, 15 cents should be
going. It's off. I get that.
And that's as a kid, that's who
I went to the grocery store
with. It'd be weird to go with
someone else. I used to go with
father Bill. What are you
talking about? He wanted to
know what I like for breakfast
in the morning. He a Wheaties man? Yeah. What?
No, but you know, that influences
how you look at groceries.
100%.
100%.
Did you ever go to the grocery store with your father?
Did your father ever handle that?
Yeah, super.
He loved going to the super.
Oh, he had lived by himself.
I mean, he was a single parent.
He had to.
A lot of pickles and canned tuna.
A lot of kosher pickles.
We'd get it per rance, deli. Yeah, no, he loved going to the super. He didn of pickles in can tuna. A lot of kosher pickles we'd get at Perron's Deli.
Uh, you know he loved going to super. He didn't like stocking up or he liked. Hey we were
at the Superfresh a lot. He picked me up after school at my mom's. We got to stop by Super.
We're always stopping by Superfresh to the bane of my existence. And then me and my brother
would hang out in the car, end up fist fighting in the car. Sure, sure. Hey if I come back
and you two are fucking fighting,
I swear to, I'll put your head through the window.
Which you did a couple of times.
That's a good time, man.
A nice fight with your brother in the back seat of a car.
Just fist fighting.
In a hot car in a fucking supermarket parking lot.
The worst was rainy.
It was dark and rainy.
You might as well, you might as well have been in NAMM, dude.
Dampen the screams a little bit.
No one's gonna to hear you.
I probably want to.
Cars just shaking from the other, you know, zoom out.
Not as an adult, obviously, because my dad got older.
And like, if I would go to the, you know, like,
could go with them just to whatever, you know,
and mill around.
But as a kid, I was maybe in the grocery store
once with my father.
He never went.
It was always my mom. I had never gone with my father he never went it was always my mom I had
never gone with my stepdad I don't think my stepdad's ever been in a
grocery store sure but then every once in a while my dad would go by himself
and show up with the craziest shit you've ever seen yeah got a one-leg turkey like that. What the hell is like a firehouse?
No, I get that can sandwiches like what yeah, they're good wet what
It's a lot of juice. I was real sea ration shit uh-huh um this one's from Benny B cups
My first job was at a local supermarket bagging groceries and retrieving shopping carts. I was 17 and briefly dated my 21 year old coworker.
How you done?
He said that.
She later dumped me for a guy in the meat department, but she bought me a bottle of Malibu.
So shout out to her though.
Listen.
That was the summer of his life right there.
I don't get any better than that. 17, 21 year old. Probably played a fifth. She's working
at the grocery store. She's playing a fifth. Fucking the meat guy, the deli guy. Listen,
the meat guy, meat and deli guys were always, and a lot of my friends worked as the meat
and deli guy. Shout out to my boy Deli, we call him. Shout out to Deli.
He's a meat guy.
They're bad, they're at a rough point in their life.
They're like the cooks in a restaurant.
Those are the bad boys.
Not the chefs.
They're not the head cook.
They're like, yes, they're the cooks.
The Bourdains, the fucking, yeah.
They're the...
The guy working the fryer.
Because there was always a butcher.
There was a butcher who was 42, and he had trained to be a butcher and that was his job
And it was a full-time gig for him, and he had Benny's the outer get the deli guy cuz they had to be 21
Had to have a little personality too. I know they had to be 21 and be able to work nights, so it was like
Yeah, right so it was like yeah
You had to be over 18 or 21 to work that with to work with knives or the deli slicer so we could never do it
As kids getting jobs there, but my boys started working there probably 20
And I mean yeah, you're
You're not in mints if that you know what I mean if you're working and shout out to you
But those dudes were bad dudes those dudes were like the cops coming and questioning people and always felt the deli guys could beat me up
I don't know why bad kid they were bad dudes
I go to the guys the guys that worked at deli at the grocery we go to now
I'm fucking they're probably 15 years younger than me. I'm yes, sir. No, sir
Sure, they fucking smash your head open sure you guys when and for some reason you liked when they when they like you when they know you all of the earth people
They're giving you their your approval. I just got the one guy to be like hey man good to see you again
Good to see me again
What time do you get home you want a bottle of Malibu?
That's a great. That's a great tale right there. That's good my buddy
He used to get there if he was working like a longer shift, get there had a crock pot would take like
the day old stuff, get a stew going work all day. And then at
night, he'd have you know, him and like the fucking seafood
guys would get back there and you probably all smoked up in a
pork a lot in his galan and then go back in and chow down on you know what I mean?
A little French dip or something they had going on. Man they always had that white jacket on and
like two pairs of pants because they're working they're working in the cold. You know what I mean?
They're back there in that cold meat room. That smell of uncooked meat too. You know what I don't like? It's like you're in a
morgue. One of the ones I go to the wood I go to in a burbs nice joint the meat guy he's back there
you see him in his little window and you do the hey you know just like waiting you're waiting
they have a phone that you pick up and it rings back there. You call them? You don't have to call
you just pick it up and that phone rings in there and And then it's, I feel like I'm like calling in the new codes.
I'm like, buddy, I'm just looking
for a couple of beef patties.
You gotta pick the phone up.
Gotta lift the phone, then it rings back there.
And I'm like, he's closer to me and Luke.
There's just like a window between us.
Oh, that phone's disgusting.
I'm like, no, it's only, it's not like, he's not.
But you have it like a wall, like a a landline you have to you have to pick it up like that phone
It's that it's that red phone
That's crazy. I know
That seems out of time. I know at first. I'm like this is pretty cool
Now I'm like I'm calling the fucking meat guy for fucking to get me two fucking hamburger patties
Then I'm gonna burn and they're not gonna be good. I'm gonna get in a fight with my wife. Hi John home
Kevin I get three pounds of Chuck
Yeah
Yeah, that's a shout out to the meat guys they're doing the Lord's work the Indian deli guys you are transients
Your mom had three kids in the house, two boys, two growing boys.
Sure.
What was the usual highest amount of deli meat that you would get?
It would be a pound, right?
It would be a pound of turkey.
Pound of turkey.
Pound of turkey, pound of cheese, half pound of cheese.
No, pound of cheese don't last.
Pound of turkey, pound of cheese, probably half pound of ham.
And then my stepdad would get his weird smelling shits that I didn't, I wasn't messing with.
Stuff with eyeballs and stuff in it.
Would fucking cook the, dude it would cook the fridge for like two weeks.
Come home from a week down the shore, open up the fridge, and it's like smoked something in there.
Yikes. The eggs were bad. It would
get through the shells.
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Yeah.
I just remember as a kid holding a pound of turkey,
how big that was.
It's a lot.
It's crazy.
In my thinner days, I would go and get a pound
of the buffalo blazing chicken and a pound of cheese and just sit in my kitchen and crush roll up.
I'd eat it all in the same day.
What a shit for four or five days, but man, I was trim low carb kippy they called me.
I am nitrates though.
With Carl Cartman. I let's see this one's from Roy Munson
You ever have a parent go grab something while you're in line by yourself
Whoo, baby that anxiety that you're gonna be on the hook for everything gets
Man you I don't know what they said they'd be right back like you're like they're gonna send you to jail
We have that now that literally just happened to me and the and the bird the other day.
And when it's me, she'll fucking disappear for 45 minutes.
I was gone three seconds.
She's fucking popping out like she's almost done.
God forbid.
Same goddamn credit card.
But then you gotta then you fuck it up.
You gotta go then you close that out. you gotta go back for one more thing.
I hate it. It's just like we'll get it next time. If we're not eating it tonight,
we'll get it next time. And you've, I'm a big, I'm also nuts, OCD, high strung, whatever, whatever you want to call me.
That was your opportunity. You've lost your opportunity. You didn't get everything you needed on the belt.
You gotta double back or you don't get it. You don't get to jam everybody up.
No, there was no. Yeah, obviously I'm like a Saturday or
something. Yeah, yeah. No, of course. You got to sneak through.
Sorry. I'm actually I'm with him.
You ain't sneaking nowhere. Those those New York City lines
are tight.
But when your mom would disappear, I remember being like,
is she ever coming back?
Like, is this how it is?
This one guy, Xavier, said,
ever actually have to pay for the groceries
while your mom went to grab another item?
She forgot.
I was about eight and had to tell the cashier the pin
because I was too short to type it in.
That's tall.
She leaves you with the card.
That's pretty good.
I'll give you that.
Maddie would never do that.
That's a dirt bag, but I respect that. Give your little kid. Don't tell anybody to code. One, two, three,
four. Fake them out. It's four, three, two, one. One, one, one, one, one. Damn. Don't
ever get it. That checkout line though as a kid was a, you know, like you said it now
shaped how you handle it now. They were high, strong, high, intense.
I remember my mom writing the checkout, telling them to post it, don't cash until Friday
type thing.
Man, watching my mom write out a check.
There was seven, I remember as you had to go through, I remember going through cashier
training.
Like I was training to be, they were training like I was training to be in the CIA,
like what are the seven things you need to check on a check to make sure it's like a
but I guess I don't know.
There's seven things you have to go through, though.
The line that this different car.
You're like, buddy, why am I the why am I the front line against check fraud here?
Can we get a guy from the bank to come here? Take a look at at this with a magnifying glass. Oh shit about that. Okay. Wow. Yeah
They were like you cannot accept a fucking I couldn't tell you if a check was real or fake now
I worked in a lot of checks afterwards. I had a right. I worked in paying a lot of people's bills
So it's like I know the and like accounts would get hit were for fraud and you would see like the
But that's after years of like writing 50 checks a day or whatever and like accounts would get hit were for fraud and you would see like the But that's after years of like writing 50 checks a day or whatever and like managing bank accounts
but
16 I'm living in my fucking I'm tugging my route in my fucking mom's house
And you know they don't like I got a big case big fraud case going on down at the Acme handled wire front
Yeah, it's like what are we doing run it through that run it through the machine it prints on the back
I like the pen check the bill the You did a, huh? Live around here? No, we would get a, yeah.
We would get, you know, you get people coming in with the EBT.
Roll it up and do a line with it, see if it feels right.
Nah, this is fake.
Bad luck, dude.
What was ours were, the Pennsylvania was WIC cards,
was the food stamps.
I think it was called Women and Children in Need or something.
Was WIC.
Jammed Up Broad.
Jammed Up Broad. But that went to everybody. WIC, I think, was ended up for Children in Need or something? It was WIC. Jammed Up Broad. Jammed Up Broad.
But that went to everybody.
WIC I think ended up for everybody.
It started Women and...
Women, Infants and Children.
Women, Infants and Children.
Oh, that's cute.
Yeah.
And they would come through and I'd tell you,
they'd be trying to buy something that wasn't fucking on it.
And now I'm like, I'm too young to be telling this broad she can't get black olives or whatever.
You know what
I mean because they go notice they go this should be on I'm sorry but it's not what
there was only certain items certain items are qualify for for yeah I mean you can't
just get food stamps and then just buy whatever the fuck there's like it's certain things
like I don't think prepared foods are or something like I forget I don't have all the rules but not everything in the supermarket qualifies to be bought
with food stamps.
Gotcha.
There's certain I'm sure each state's different.
I'm sure like you know.
You'd be fucking handling that.
Well then it because the computer it would all be in the computer system so I would ring
up let's say rice was but. The orders rice shredded cheese shredded cheese fruit punch
fruit punch is it? Or maybe soda's wearing or something like that because it's like it's
not like a necessity type thing so let's I'm making this up let's say soda's wearing I'd
bring it through and they go hey well you've run the wick card and they go all right well
you now have a dollar balance of fourteen dollars and they're like how and I'm like here's the receipt now I'm
negotiating like I'm like this is can we get a caseworker in here to go over this? I don't have to tell you lady. Yeah lady I don't give a fuck. Sleepy from the pizza you had for lunch.
Yeah meanwhile I just crossed the chicken barn down at Pic was big. Crushing heaters, man. That 15
minute break. They'd get a half
hour break. And if you worked
eight hours, you get a half
hour and I think two 15s or one
15. I would take that 15 strung
out over the day though. Popping
out for one. Cover me popping
out. Who would man your post?
What do you mean? Because
wouldn't they be, would you have to call somebody to the front?
You have to tell them, hey, can I, so say it's like.
You close your lane. Yeah, close your lane. Or somebody might come tag out.
And you check out and they check in. But if you're closing for 15, maybe the
maybe the manager would cover for you. But if not, they'd open someone else up.
Be real dick about it too. Sure. Yeah. All right, but hurry up.
What age did you go out for heater breaks?
Like 16.
16?
Yeah.
How foreign is this to you?
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
I remember this.
Man, I remember this as a young kid.
And it was a woman, single parent, working there with us.
Debbie or something.
I mean, she would sleep in her cavalier every chance
She got out in the parking lot and we'd be like now I get it you're fucking jimmed up you fuck
But I was a 16 year old kid. You know what I mean? I'm like I'm like this poor brah
I'm like go home call all of get get get go get some eight hours. Probably your second job
She'd come in at like sure you know what I mean like talk about fucking hustling to make it work
But I'm not dealing with your fat ass
yeah maybe like can I take my break before you you know what I mean like I
got a party yeah me my boys are like you know you I'll get a sixer you get a
sixer roll me to you know meanwhile this broads fucking home you know keep
me keeping up keeping the lights on in the plate spin them sure all right this one's from slipping Jimmy y'all ever bought a
lobster from that tank which they stopped right do to like PETA stuff like
I think it's like animal cruelty they stopped those tanks but that made me
think that question as a cashier I I ain't never seen nobody ever bought a lobster That was like adopting a teenager
Those things are in there forever
Yeah, I never knew anybody I never saw anybody by them. Thanks. They're still around
They're still around lobster tanks at the grocery store. Yeah, yeah, they are. I think I've seen one
I know that see I think they got rid of a lot of them though the diner that near me used to have one for
A long time. Remember that be restaurants just how you go in and go I want that I'm going to like a fuck a restaurants different
That's that's nice seafood joint. That's nice
Anything like that my dad was always shifty about so he'd go to fucking
Like a captain Chucky's type you go to like sure you go to a sped more specialty place to get that if you were getting
I stop at the seafood story Like oh they did that I remember full of candy going here that place smells like low tide
Yeah, we would go to that Rick's American seafood or something was down on route one in the bull or
Street road in the Boulevard
American seafood maybe real busy around the holidays a bushel of crabs being crab in September like a fucking bozo
Getting sick and shit You look over the top, goes down real quick. They're plotting something. What's popping on that?
Psst.
It's like Toy Story, they're all plotting behind you.
You're the first one to get it.
I didn't like that at all.
I used to judge the people on the, I used to, this is, this is like, obviously like never really having money. Yeah, we know
people come through. Somebody is rich. It was in more of an affluent town for sure.
Newtown, Pennsylvania. What you talking about the seafood joint? No, the ACME that I work
at. Okay. It was that you know, there is a higher end clientele. I was seeing how like
my friends with parents money shopped.
It was nuts.
When I come through and I'd be like three hundred and eight and like they would three
hundred and eighty bucks and they wouldn't even bat here hon.
Here's the card.
You're like and I used to judge people if they did debit or credit.
If they did debit, I go, whoa, you got two hundred and eighty bucks just sitting in there
like just just sitting in there like that.
You don't need 30 days to figure this out?
I go debit or credit. Are you selling this? Or something?
And I still I've stolen the line now when they ask you
But I remember one guy hit me and I go debit or credit he goes it don't matter and I went whoo
This guy don't even freaking care. You got a helicopter outside mister?
It don't matter I'm like it don't matter. Yeah just like whatever.
Just coming through you just buying like cases of soda and you're like man you probably got
some fat ass kids I'd like to hang out with. You're probably gonna you're gonna go home
you're gonna drop off all this food and then order pizza probably. It's gonna, those Sanders are going right into the garage fridge.
Uh huh, just like, just like a hot older woman, right? Not, oh I mean she's probably my age at
this point, you know. Yeah. Late 30s or whatever, 40. Sure. And uh, you know, just like, you know,
just nice clothes, good tan, she just came from the tanning salon or whatever, and just like,
she's got like the fuck. She ain't a rush like she's got like the fuck she ain't a rush
She's got like a navigator key when the keys are always like around the finger. I'm like yeah
smells real good
Probably
Not like the chip beef
beef cologne you're wearing
Hop in my dad's old
I'm in my dad's old pants. Or like hot girls parents would come in.
Hi Mrs. So and So, you know.
How you doing?
Kathy still not want to talk to me?
I don't know why you never come over.
She thinks I'm gross.
You still see her around?
Dude, also talking about the give it their pay hold on you're asking the mom
I got a lie
You're asking the ever since you started hanging out with the cool kids
Wait that's what you would say
fucking dork
Also, just as like as big of a dirtbag as my crew was, one of us got a job at a supermarket
and we were all like, that's the best thing I've ever heard.
Dude, me and my two boys, Justin and Justin, worked at the Acme.
Then 10 feet away there was a Gennardis and Pat and Flip and my boy James all worked there.
So it was like, dude, we had the neighborhood on lock we thought we were the fucking
I control black olives in this down
You get what yeah, we argue like I get I get 925 an hour
But you don't get two breaks which I'm not in a union. I would assume as a teamster for a minute
You're not a black olive guy, right? I'm not an olive guy, huh?
You get him at the night a nice place a table with the little olive touch them really now
And you weren't eating black olives out of a can as a kid. I'm not doing that now. I used to crush them
My dad would eat them like chips. Let's go just crack open a thing of that and put them in a bowl
We'll just be popping them. I'll watch it TV. All right, let's see here. This one
This is this is from Taylor.
Ten dollar home. You never have one read.
I strongly feel that when it comes to the cookie
cracker and chip aisles.
Hold on. Cookie cracker and chip.
I'll put yourself there. I'm with you.
That every supermarket should have taste testers for each one
instead of buying a whole box and you end up eating it.
I get that with the crackers chips.
You should know. What do you mean? I don't like what
you don't understand. You got your toll house. You got your
ritz. You got your wheat things. But there's now 10
different versions of each one of those. Oh, yeah. You listen.
You want to start getting in the **** garden tomato or
**** salsa. This that's your dad. You're on your own. No,
you should have a tester where you could just pull it out.
You got testers for everything else. all fragrance or whatever. Well, in
the tester box where you go, I
just pull this. To their credit,
if they're launching one of
those things, say Wheat Thins
has, you know, ranch wheat
thins, low fat ranch wheat
thins, they'll have them in a
little thing up front and some
broad town yet are over in the
cookie cracker aisle. It's a
new flavor.
I know but I'm just saying you should, I mean we're, this is we're grown humans in a society.
You should be able to walk by, pull one Triscuit and go, nah that's not for me. I want to do
this one. You're getting cheeses and meats. What, you know, what's the best goes with
what? You can, you can, you can sample the deli meat sliced in.
A slice.
Yeah, I'm taking a cracker. I'm not there setting up a charcuterie board.
I'm just taking it, you know.
What if, okay, if what if I've had it before I'm not testing.
What if they had an open box there?
Nah, it's gotta be some sort of regulation on it.
You know what I mean?
Some sort of oversight.
Somebody there, an old woman there.
Just an open box?
Hey hon, we just got these in, you might like it.
You think they're paying for that?
Who? They're taking away to
register people. They're not fucking
putting greeters in there. I'm, hey,
buddy, we don't own a grocery store that
we're trying to meet ends meet. I'm
saying in a fantasy land, we should have
that. I think maybe Wheat Thin should
also. Now you're worried about the payroll
and the overhead expenses on that? Sure.
Keep an eye on it. Um,
hmm. I think Wheat Thin should supply that.
They should have somebody from corporate.
I don't give a fuck who pays for it.
Somebody I trust.
That's a good idea. There's no cooking involved.
And there's a thousand friggin' things.
Just go give me one of them.
Let me pop in there.
Wet my whistle a little bit.
Also, you're there with the broad, you haven't eaten in a while.
You got a slice of cheese in the middle of it.
I'm running back and forth between the deli and there.
This is a dumb question. You've made a cracker sandwich before, right?
What's that?
Like a cracker with cheese and a piece of meat in between two crackers? You've done
this.
I love it. I love it. I mean, I would would exclusively I feel so fancy when I stand in my kitchen
counter and I do that I feel fancy when I do with peanut butter I still do that and
I top it. Oh you gotta top it. You gotta put a lid on it. I assume this wasn't you but
as a kid a peanut butter and jelly in between two
like
Ritz or something like that
I would I mean I would just do pure peanut butter and I would take the gallon of milk out to the TV
I take every all all of the raw materials come out to the coffee table. I pull it into me real close
He's set up and I'd probably make about five to start and I get excited while I'm
making the five and I put a lid on them each one. I'm a goddamn job. Because if you're
doing just peanut butter and you don't put a lid on it, it sticks to the roof of your
mouth. I need a barrier so I can get a good chew going. And then the amount of milk I
crush with that. They're up in the peanut butter is getting on my fingers. It forms
a film on the glass. There's floaters going and I'm all over the,
it's, I'd never do that in front of company.
I would've done it in front of my wife.
Dumb bro.
But if you got like a little piece of sausage,
like that like summer sausage,
or would I go like a piece of cold kielbasa,
and like some fucking sharp cheddar cheese,
a couple of wheat thins. Maybe a dab of these on
There's a great company like Delmonico Adele. So something I could not wait that does the
Ready-made board now that's that's wack shit. I'm gonna rip that I don't get to control my
Cheese thickness and stuff like that. I don't like that, but I don't mind it trust me sometimes
It's wild when those things don't go crack under one. It's nuts. I have four crackers left over the fuck
Am I doing that's it trust me. Don't get me so I got it. Don't don't get me so I got a whole
As a guy as a guy who loves cured meat carbs and has OCD that things my nightmare board, dude
Um throwing some craisins in there's they make perfectly cut I'm not going to do that. That thing's my nightmare board, dude. Um. They throw in some
craisins in there. There's they
they make perfectly cut little
things and they're like it's
like higher end it feels.
They're like they're just
sausages or little pieces of
salami or whatever slightly
size of a nickel like a quarter
maybe. Man, you crack that bag
open. You you you govern your
cheese as you like and your crackers
Maybe top it with a piece of Hormel pepperoni
Ain't telling me not for a little spice salami and cheese. It's go great together. Wow I don't like doing that Wow one. I'm surprised. You're a salami guy
Big so about was a big salami and cheese kid as a sandwich growing up
And I would press it down and like it like like I don't like that
I never liked that roll it out never seen a kid. I remember seeing a kid's baloney sandwich
You couldn't even see the bread in the middle
It was like it went bread salon or bread baloney, and I just like, there's no bread. It's completely dissolved in the middle.
It's crazy.
I'm like, you're just going to eat that
and like not go home and yell at your mom. That's wild.
I like that.
I was there. I respect that.
Jesus and salami.
Uh, all right, let's see.
Let's go through a few more here.
This was from Jenna. $10 hoagie.
Is it garbage to watch your buddy
have two cans of whipped cream at a stop and shop and then immediately pants out in the aisle?
That's the guy who ain't worried about tasting crackers.
That's from abroad by the way. That girl's name was Jenna.
Listen.
You think there would be more of that?
You, as somebody who worked at a girl you would you would find and people would people would
Whack them they cut you find them in a bathroom in the bathroom
Trash can and stuff you would find them
I'm surprised there's not a like you know like people storming the CVS
They steal stuff people storming a liquor store still liquor that is the if you're an addict that is immediate
Get fucked up on the spot. Just run in there.
It's gonna take a couple of,
as long as there's nobody stocking in there,
they're putting the eggs away or something like that.
If you got a clear dairy aisle,
you could probably get down like five cans of that
before someone comes in.
I don't think you're shopping
in bad enough neighborhoods.
Those bad, those rough.
You think they're locked up?
I know that we used to have locking up the ready way not locked up
But listen, so you want I used to we used to work at the shop right on Aramingo Avenue
And Port Richmond Kensington, whatever it's right on the fucking line there
And that was dude their security in that place people would rip that they come in
They try to rip the toilets off the wall and shit and scrap them do the security in that place is like
Whitehouse level security they clock everybody coming in they got like facial recognition. So I think
In a neighbor if there's enough people who are need to walk in and do whippets
They got eyes on you. Okay, they're clocking you. Sure you go to a nice go to a nice suburb
you go in there and start cooking meth in the in the in the cold and flu section, you go to a nice suburb, you can go in there and start cooking meth
in the cold and flu section if you want to. But at those dicier ones, I think they got
muscle on you. Fair enough. This one's the same, right? This is from Bogard. $10 bird
fan, never had one read. Ever been arrested from the grocery store you worked at for public intoxication
Buddy had left me some moonshine in the walk-in freezer and said help yourself
Let's just say I was blacked out in an hour and was found in the back sleep and mind you I was 16
But he was like 25. That's fucked up. They called the cops on you get arrested there
It's probably if they probably called the they probably called 9-1-1 to get an ambulance
This kid's cops are showing up. Well wake up, you know what I mean?
Cops, yeah, you know I get that I was always when shit got real
I
Remember a couple of kids being yanked out of high school for being drunk or fucking doing dust-off or something sure
One kid I've had about killing the vibe kid took ten uppers and ten downers to see if they'd cancel out
Never heard from them again got a 14 hundred
CDs that afternoon
Could name every president forward and backward
That's what it's from screaming cold
Ten dollar coals cash you've ever put food from the hot bar in a clear produce bag and weighed as something else at the self
Checkout Buffalo wings look a lot like clementines, but for a fraction of the price
That's fucking nasty. That is dirt bag level. That's
Crazy dude hot bag of wings. I don't think I could eat that's thin plastic that had to stretch from the heat
He said you got a double bag. He did say you have to double bag
But I mean listen
I don't use those a lot and I get a look when I don't use them what like I'll just put the three
Avocados on the on the belt or the three limes on the belt or whatever my way to me
It's a your to me. It's like a European thing
I think that they they don't use them and I think they look at is it wasteful Americans like you don't need they feel we use too
Many bags I feel we don't use enough bags to me. I like a good bad being honest with I like a good
I like the shopping bag would that you get when you leave big fan of all bags
Not those so I've gotten accustomed to just throwing it in the car and I drives me
Then you've then you you put it in the car in a sitcom. You're going to a market
I know you put it in the car you take a hard left out of the parking
I think so, you know all your apples all over the back seat. I'm a I'm just sitting there like a J. Oh
Wild move with the wings. Yeah, that's not. I mean, hey, hats off to you.
Do what you got to do.
Sure.
Um, oh, it's not Spanish onions.
I'm sorry.
This one's from Tom.
Are you garbage if you eat lunch in the dining area of the supermarket without shopping for
groceries?
My local store is Killer Wings for cheap and I'll go to dine in.
I also respect that.
I don't hate it, man.
I've done that.
I see people.
We have we have a little eating section next to the hot bar at the place we go to.
I tell you what, it looks like in the afternoon on a nice sunny day, someone's just sitting
out there having lunch.
I love it.
I'm like, man, I'd like to sit and join you guys.
It's some weird toys scattered around.
As in New York, with Whole Foods.
Oh, that's, yeah.
You're trying to stay relatively healthy and not go get pizza.
Oh, and cheap too.
Relative cheap, you go hit that hot bar and then you just pull it.
But it can't be, that's too nice, Whole Foods.
Nah, they're not nice anymore.
Dude, that's like a truck stop.
Yeah.
Oh, it's homeless people are set up, it's like they're peeing in newspaper you're you're fighting for
your life in there sometimes and it ain't great it ain't great some guy
peeing at a high top this was just funny this is from Stu this one's from Stu
going that's pretty good broke my foot in a food line doing the Thriller dance and flip-flops and some broad jumped on my back
Dude that's a good time. It was a summer night. I get that you're having fun. You're a little zany
It's cool in there that comes on cuz that's what they're playing and you said you're going down that cracker
I'll go one too many rits in you
That's all right
It's a jizz of some Joey the lips is it garbage if the butcher at the grocery store used to hit on your mom I told you those meat guys, dude
You better you got to keep them on his short leash. They're gonna get you. They gonna get you over the meat
them on his short leash. They're gonna get you. They gonna get you. Serving the meat.
How you doing buddy?
We gotta wrap it up though gang.
Gang we love you. What a fun one.
That's great.
Can I say that?
I'm loving that. And as a lot of the feedback, the first one we did was the cops.
This one's super margaret. We're doing a little more. Comment whatever theme you want us to focus on.
Gang we love you. Grab tickets to the live shows. Check us out on Spotify. Check out the Patreon.
And we will see you next week.
Peace.