Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Supermarket Edition w/ Kippy & Foley!

Episode Date: February 3, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley to talk Supermarkets! And will be answering your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. C...ome to a live show! AYG 2025 Tour Tickets: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Hello Fresh: Get up to 10 FREE meals and a free high protein item for life at https://HelloFresh.com/garbage10fm Adam & Eve: Go to https://adamandeve.com/garbage and pick any 4 sex toys for just $20! Draft Kings: Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app NOW and use code AYG If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling 1-800-GAMBLER (1-800-426-2537) (IL/IN/LA/MI/NJ/PA/WV/WY), 1-800-NEXT STEP (AZ), 1-800-522-4700 (CO/NH), 888-789-7777/visit http://ccpg.org/chat (CT), 1-800-BETS OFF (IA), 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY), visit OPGR.org (OR), call/text TN REDLINE 1-800-889-9789 (TN), or 1-888-532-3500 (VA).   21+ (18+ NH/WY). Physically present in AZ/CO/CT/IL/IN/IA/LA(select parishes)/MI/NH/NJ/ NY/OR/PA/TN/VA/WV/WY only. New customer offer void in NH/OR/ONT-CA. $200 in Free bets: New customers only. Valid 1 per new customer. Min. $5 deposit. Min $5 wager. $200 issued as eight (8) $25 free bets. Ends 9/19/22 @ 8pm. Early Win: 1 Early Win Token issued per eligible game. Opt in req. Token expires at start of eligible game. Min moneyline bet $1. Wagering limits apply. Wagers placed on both sides of moneyline will void bet. Ends 1/8/23 @ 8pm ET. See terms at sportsbook dot draftkings dot com slash football terms. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey gang, if you haven't gotten your tickets for the Back on the Block Tour, do yourself a favor and grab them now, because they're going fast. Yeah, we've already added a second show in Pontiac, Michigan. We got a low ticket alert in Indy, Madison, Minneapolis, Pittsburgh, Cleveland. Get them tickets now, we'll see you out there. RUgarbage.com Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage.
Starting point is 00:00:41 It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that's a good to be classy They're just a big old piece of trash trash trash. I'm your host a fully coming at you on a beautiful day We're out back here with tooties in the new edition. She's upstairs digging out an ingrown toenail. Okay She's got a hot date tonight. I can't you a lucky guy. That's a Foley right there My co's is coming at you across the table. He is the CEO of are you garbage? He's an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan everybody what up gang shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in as always Please make sure you rate view subscribe on iTunes
Starting point is 00:01:18 Full video available on YouTube and also now Spotify get over there rate review comment do the whole nine Spotify and Spotify video to boys are locked in. But obviously the greatest website of all time pull out your phone your desktop your tablet you go over to www.patreon.com slash are you garbage you get all that bonus content gang I'm talking to up to two bonus episodes a week hard feelings ayg all the you get episodes from four years ago till now. That's like 10 family game night Which has been a big that's been a very divisive divisive Follow the directions Very good. No, you know, sure good times. Also. Hey, wait, we follow the rules
Starting point is 00:01:59 That's all I'm saying we'd some of us decide to follow the rules some of us don't that's all I'm saying The council was poked. Also, what? The boys are back on the road. Woo! Tickets? Listen, this isn't a marketing ploy. A little bit. Well, not really.
Starting point is 00:02:14 I'm in the business of selling tickets. Maybe a marketer too. Act now. Act now. While supplies last. Act now. Act now. No, tickets are going moving tickets are moving shows a Pontiac Michigan sold out second show added dare ice a everything else is is slim picking so get the one I last and it a summer some these roads some these markets were the cities were doing door to week so we can add a second show so we're sticking a moving so get a lot
Starting point is 00:02:44 of work in The morning whoo doggy all tickets available at are you garbage dot? Yeah, the website everything All right, we got a nine dollar a month website cooking shout out to it. We know what we're doing I get in there Start cootin. What is the server fee on that? I don't know is it nine bucks I don't know cuz I still have a my site account I don't even know what the my site my site is that where it's like email me at Henry at Foley dot me or whatever that I never I that's like Mac does that I've never trusted that anybody would I never even met anybody with a Mac address
Starting point is 00:03:21 trusted that anybody would. I never met anybody with a Mac address. When I first got my my when I got my first desk, my first and only computer back in 2000, your first and only computer you've ever owned was that bit that one that at one point ran the company that one early stages of of the brain trust of Foley and Ryan Enterprise 2006 Mac OS X. Bought it in 2018. 17 inch. My dad bought it for me. Wait, okay.
Starting point is 00:03:52 You were pushing 30 at that point. Sure. That's like. That was over 30. That was you're going to get your feet. You're this is him helping you start your artistic. Yeah, your artistic venture. And he was the worst with computers and for him to be like you gotta have a
Starting point is 00:04:06 Computer, what are you? How are we going to email you guy? You don't this is the guy who used to send emails all in caps because that was his style That's who I was taking now you do all lower you do all lower case Which is somehow even more the more of a bitch move. I don't die It's all in cursive no punctuation or too much punctuation I'm all voice to text voice to email voice the rudest. I mean this as well. This is well It's the rudest thing I've ever seen in my life that you gotta get to get to the guy pair headphones and a dialing Wand because you're all over the map just intrusive in people's I got rid of my fucking my ear pods
Starting point is 00:04:42 Because you said they were causing brain cancer and I got the buddy you could use a little bit of it Maybe get the synapses fire on the right pages this guy do this guy's thing. They need a shot of radiation over here How's it a car with him yesterday? Oh, man? We've been away too much time together I totally had a nice time guy asked if he could watch a 30-minute video on his phone yesterday while we were driving together No headphones. He goes you mind if I watch this now. I said yeah, I mind if he could watch a 30 minute video on his phone yesterday while we were driving together no headphones He goes you mind if I watch this now. I said yeah, I mind if you watch it now Meanwhile he's doom-scrubbed you've big conversation look over. He's just just playing like plane crash videos. You're like dude come on
Starting point is 00:05:18 I'm trying to stay engaged. I'm hungover. I went ahead to talk about my personality deficiency. Have you seen this show? It's precise. All right, you fit one to your physical one. Sure. Does this shirt fit? Not in the traditional sense that you're thinking. You know where this shirt's from? If I had to guess, a really fat Italian guy
Starting point is 00:05:41 who may or may not be with us any longer. You don't remember this shirt? Why would I remember that shirt? I got married in this shirt? Uh damn It don't fit anymore. That was two weeks ago. It fits it didn't know I mean, okay It's just what I said it didn't it What yeah, I mean Dude, that's a lot you're wearing the shirt you wore to your wedding just casually throughout, New York City I was thinking about that when I put it on this morning
Starting point is 00:06:08 What am I supposed to just wear it once and like what am I still like just hang it up? And that was it why not get some some use out of it. Why is that crazy? I it's not like I'm wearing I don't know anybody else that's ever done it. That's all I'm saying most people get married in suits and Sizes and all I wouldn't be walking around in a tuxedo Because most people get married in suits and tuxes and all that. I wouldn't be walking around in a tuxedo Hey, if I bought a tuxedo, there's a good chance I'd be sleeping in it. Yeah, I could untie that Don't do that bow tie every day. That cummerbunds are pain in the ass That'd be cool to bring those back just daily cummerbunds. Buddy, it's it's how we got hard enough keeping you in jeans Let alone let alone fucking tuxedos. Man, you ever have a cummerbund on and your belly's just sticking. I've never. You. You ever have a cummerbund on in your belly
Starting point is 00:06:45 I've never you never had to wear a cummerbund who do you think where you didn't go to prom We did those are a black tie affair those tuxes were out Humber bun yeah, nah, that's I mean that's like the 50s We were doing ours are just tuxes now are just like cummerbund and fuck maybe a vest we did vests vests are all right I could do that man. I did some mean vest to school dances and weddings Get the Mumford and Sons on the line here Did never tell you my one buddy got married and I had to wear uh So we did this thing where it was like I don't know if it was like through men's warehouse or whatever
Starting point is 00:07:21 But you like I think it was through men's warehouse So like because people were all over the country like the groomsmen were like didn't all live locally typically I think you're like oh if y'all live in Philadelphia hey we're gonna meet up here Saturday morning all get fitted for the suits then go pick them up and you're good yeah I was up here I'm like you know I didn't have the time and or resources to get down that to get to Philadelphia for a tux fitting I didn't have the I assume you were nervous in the men's warehouse I didn't when's this bill coming I didn't do the
Starting point is 00:07:52 men's warehouse I did something else so they were like just send your measurements in so I did my own measurements I bought it I bought like a tape met like I think I had my wife do it who was I was my two was my It was my broad at the time. We weren't married. We were just dating so this is your nine feet tall Dude, those measurements came back wack the fuck Look like Tracy McGrady on ESPN, dude. It was bad. I was rolling them listen I was well, mr. Planet's gone off its access and we've lost half our gravity These numbers cannot be right a high-end scene battle One of them was pie what?
Starting point is 00:08:34 3.333 repeating Yeah, it was I mean I I look I had to like roll the I had to roll the The top down I was and I didn't pants. I didn't I and I pants? At the wedding? Yeah, I picked it up in Philly. You sweat panted them? Rolled them down? It was either that or T-Macket. I had my brother pick it up because I couldn't even get down there to pick it up.
Starting point is 00:08:58 So I had my brother pick it up. You're out there like white chocolate breaking ankles. Hey, yo! That's my nephew hot sizzle. I'm out there doing skip to my loo moves I had my brother pick it up and try it on for me what? Might as well had Cindy Crawford do it now We were about this I was skinny at the skinny at the okay Skinny earth at the time sure sure and I had him try it on. He was like,
Starting point is 00:09:25 it's... I mean, but this is... He's picking up Friday, the wedding Saturday morning. Men's warehouse. And he's like, it's not... There's nothing you can do, but it's not great. It's bad. It's like... Probably closed a lot of ass at that wedding, huh? I think my parents were there. They were. You're peeing with your pants all the way Can't get any fucking chicks out here Shout out to Ryan done all-time great line Yeah, tough tough look tough life. I mean, I don't I don't do well in those type of things Yeah, the last time I do my own measurements anyway. It's a nice shirt. I like a very nice means a lot to me I'm gonna wear it. I
Starting point is 00:10:04 Did say all right hold on they You're going to push back on this. You didn't put that on thinking this means a lot to me. You put this on going, this is all I got. If we're being completely honest, I know you. Don't lie to the good people out there. You're saying this now. It means a lot to me. You put it on because you thought it fit and it's probably all you got. Yes or no? Oh, you mean today or for the wedding?
Starting point is 00:10:24 Today. Because both would be true. Sure. Exactly or no? Oh, you mean today or for the wedding? Today. Because both would be true. Sure, exactly, exactly. This don't mean a lot to you. I bought this the day before I left. Also, you just put Ian's t-shirt under it. Try not to be an Ian with Jordan. Let me have that sign on the door, no more Ian's allowed.
Starting point is 00:10:39 That's pretty good. Nice shirt, but don't spin me this. Beautiful spit me this, don't spit me this sentimental bullshit. Well, it means a lot to me now. It means a lot to you. You're still fitting it. All right, tough guy. I can't remember what happened to the one that I was going to wear. Didn't fit. No, it did. I don't know why it didn't work or the pants didn't work. Oh, it didn't work with the pants. I couldn't wear the tan pants. I had to wear the dark pants. I had to get this. Anyway, don't fit. That looks like the lining of a rich guy suit, if I'm being honest with you. That's like a rich guy would have on his jacket. You're rocking it as his shirt.
Starting point is 00:11:16 The inside? That's nice. Nice. You know what I mean? Maybe the pocket square that ties that, that, that fleevr. For the inside of like a nice leather jacket. Yeah, like you open it up and it's that. that, that, that fleevr. For the inside of like a nice leather jacket. Yeah, like you open it up and it's that, you go, Ooh, that's, that's nice. Ah, that's when you know it's classy. Meanwhile, you're rocking it out. And nice.
Starting point is 00:11:33 It looks nice. Do you remember some nice- A little dark for a wedding though. Sure. It looks like you're- I blend it in though. It looks like you're selling blow. I mean, you bump into a guy wearing that shirt at a club.
Starting point is 00:11:44 He's got yak You know where I can you fart your friends are Ronnie, right? You remember every once in a while When like your dad or somebody would get like a nice new coat It would have like an extra lining in it that kind of zipped out sure like a London fog It would be like for like when it was a little bit colder Yeah, like and then it was like a vest typically didn't have the sleeves on I used to try to pull that off I used to try to pull the vest. I mean he's young but I would put a vest on it. This looks nice Yeah, was the end it was like the other lining of it that my dad's London fogger
Starting point is 00:12:18 Alfani jacket or something like that. I told you big Dan used to rock a leather trench coat that. I told you, Big Dan used to rock a leather trench coat with warm up pants and white Nikes. Like just that would be his kids, his, you know, food shopping thing. He'd be at the Super Fresh. So he was living with the ultimate warrior. Sting. It comes down from the rafters of a Super Fresh. These are supposed to be ten for 10. Which speaking of SuperFresh, that's what we're here to talk about. SuperMac-its kid. SuperMac-its.
Starting point is 00:12:51 Which is very, supermarkets have been very definitive of this show. We each have very strong opinions on supermarkets. Supermarkets are very, I mean it's one of the questions we ask every guest. Where did you food shop growing up? Where do you where do you shop now? I think it's a great uh decider of trash and class and economic landscape and uh it's just
Starting point is 00:13:12 certain it tells a lot by where you food shop. At the heart of America. Everybody's got a food shop. It really is. Mm hmm. A lot a lot of nostalgia which we've talked about many times before. Very much so. Very important, the supermarket.
Starting point is 00:13:27 And this is what I wanted to, this is what, you know, it sounds corny, I mean, obviously very corny, but like they are, I mean, I worked at a supermarket for, I don't know, four years, something like that, started out as a bagger. You talk about it like you were a nom it was a timing this was This is this was doing the ten for ten mate made that may like Things are getting things get hacked you try to work at it act me on freaking you know Black Friday. I mean Thanksgiving what?
Starting point is 00:14:01 I've been drinking a shirt's disorient me What? I've been drinking. A shirt's disorienting me. Don't look directly into it. I've had flashbacks from Studio 54. Any epileptics out there? Shade your eyes. You got to look at this shirt through one of those fucking. Some clips.
Starting point is 00:14:18 What? What? What? Undertaker would wear to a wedding. It's kind of dangerous and dark, but like he's trying to be festive. It's a little mystery to it. Sure. Plus it was around Christmas. It was very Christmasy. No it's not. Yes it is. Christmasy? Christmas colors are kind of our wedding colors. That's kind of a lot. You're really trying to see. You're really trying to say it's kind of Christmas, kind of our wedding colors. Design like this is a lot of different things. Kind of our wedding colors. Design like this is a lot of different things.
Starting point is 00:14:44 Walks in a lot of worlds is design. Anywho, I'm here to talk about my fashion. Again, have you seen the show? This one. So we reached out to the shout out to the Patreon. We were with supermarket themed, right? And we this, I think, sums up what supermarkets are, right? Okay. So this is from Beard Man Tooth,
Starting point is 00:15:13 $10 debit benefits recipient, love it. Is it garbage if the main hangout spots for all kids and teens in our town was the Safeway Shopping Center? Experience a lot of first up there. I love up there, that's a real dirt bag thing. hangout spots for all kids and teens in our town was the Safeway shopping center. Mm-hmm. Experienced a lot of firsts up there. I love up there. That's a real dirt bag thing.
Starting point is 00:15:28 Yeah, he's going up there. Saw my first pair of tits behind the market, drank my first beer up there, swiped my first bottle of Robo-Dustin and Robo-Tripped up there, called my first teeter up there, smooched my first bird, saw my first fist fight, smoked weed for the first time, hell I even got a job at the Safeway and ended up getting my first hernia while working there. That's full circle. That's goddamn what?
Starting point is 00:15:55 That's the whole series of the wonder years right there. That's everything. Damn. This guy sold tits before he kissed a girl. That's pretty good. That's what he ordered. That's like, they are very, you know, for a lot of kids, if you grew up in the suburbs, hanging out at a shopping center, skating,
Starting point is 00:16:10 it's like, that was kind of the anchor to. That's where you were hanging. Spent a lot of time around there, you know what I mean? Yeah, especially the back, out in the back. Man, I told, we used to. About 10 feet of asphalt, like a little driveway. I love driving behind a shopping center like that. Cutting across.
Starting point is 00:16:28 It feels dangerous when you're doing it. But then it's got to have about ten feet of that. Then the woods. There's got to be some sort of tractor trailer or something back there. Yeah. A set of train tracks that don't run anymore. Man, we used to. That's where life goes down. Skateboarding. We weren't that good as skaters, but we, you know, we'd end up at a shopping center of some... We were good at dumpster diving, though.
Starting point is 00:16:48 We were. And just, dude, I mean, finding those big, long fluorescent light bulbs wailing on each other with them, because that's what's in supermarkets. So there'd be like a box of 15. And man, as like a 12-year-old kid finding that shit, we... We never really got harassed back behind the little strip mall behind DL Ohio and and Joe's pizza and all that stuff. There was never there was never that way We were cool. We were skating. So that was like very yeah, yeah, it's Katie. Yeah, you know all the signs were saying no skateboard
Starting point is 00:17:21 I'm around anti skateboarding. They were in the in the mid 90s and they hated it dude It was like it was like what you guys doing? Smoking sakes and weed were you causing trouble? Were you breaking shit? Visually, you look you don't look great. You got the G at the long hair. You're hanging out with guys a long hair You're smoking a cig your hat your loitering. Yeah, you're not you're not Contributing to the shopping center. Kip, let's talk about DraftKings, baby. Go, birds.
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Starting point is 00:20:38 Just go to hellofresh.com slash garbage 10 FM. Do it. I wasn't a skateboarder by no means. I don't pretend to be but I'll tell you what. I always had respect for those kids and it really took a long time for society to appreciate that like yeah, sure look like dirt bags. You got a fat kid wearing fucking tuxedo pants. What is arm in a cast? But you know like Seinfeld. You buy me a lot
Starting point is 00:21:03 of trial and error. You gotta you got to get back up to get success by repetitive failure crazy Which may not a heat which mean you know a lot about So you were more of a misunderstood kid? That's what it is sure. I was cruising times a good cruiser I wasn't gonna tricks I could I could cruise with the best of them now also as a good I was a good hang guy. I had a lot of laughs, somebody fell, you know? Hey, whatever. You know what I mean? It's a good vibes guy. But uh, alright, let's see here. This one, this one's up for debate and as a previous cashier, I have uh,
Starting point is 00:21:39 I have some input on it. What is the minimum, this is from John, What is the minimum dollar amount you're willing to save in order to jam up the checkout line so the manager can get the coupon or go check a price or there's gotta be a number. A little bit of cash, no cash, oh, okay. Like your number, is it like, hey, this was supposed to ring up for five, it's ringing up for 10?
Starting point is 00:22:00 To me, I would say if it's $5, I'd go, I would make a comment of like, this was ringing up as whatever. Also depends on how long the line is. If the kid's in the weeds. Yeah. You know what I mean? He's like, he's got 50 people, the line's halfway down the aisle. It's like the last thing he needs is someone running back to the meat section to find something. So this is hypothetical as an adult adult now like this is now. Yeah, you're food shopping and something rings up. What is
Starting point is 00:22:30 the dollar amount where you're like? Buddy, that ain't right. I think anything I think about $5. I'd go guy. I think if that's wrong, I'm willing to roll over, but that ain't right. If the normal order of what we get, which we kind of get somewhat of the same **** was like let's say a hundred bucks and it came out and it was 400 then I would maybe say something. 200 you're so we are nuts. Otherwise it's real tough for a fat guy to start arguing balls and strikes. You're not wrong. You know what I mean? My jujubees are marked
Starting point is 00:23:05 out. Yeah. I don't want somebody price checking. I can't be fat and cheap. You know what I mean? I don't want someone price checking my cottage cheese or something like that. Are you working a cafeteria, sir? You got to fill the time with small talk as they're running back to check the price. How do you need this many olives for? But I respect it. I respect it. I respect it. But yeah, I would say, yeah, 50 bucks, 100 bucks. Listen, I think the pro move from being on both sides of this, the pro move. In my head, I'd have to be like, what?
Starting point is 00:23:34 I'd have to have that react. What? Sure. I think the pro move is pay it, whether you think it's right. People have done this with me, and this is where I learned it. They go, all right, let's just say it's right people have done this with me, and this is where I learned it You'll they go alright. Let's just say it's ringing up. It's supposed to be a hundred dollars It the whole order comes out to 120 and you go now the fucking meatballs were supposed to be Twan you know whatever 20 instead of 40. I don't have kids. I'm not a responsible just in I'm terrible with money
Starting point is 00:24:04 I never really think about that shit or look at that stuff I'm not a responsible adult. This just in. I'm terrible with money. I never really think about that shit or look at that stuff. I know, but I'm just saying say you do. Say you're like, oh, I'm going to buy, it's one item. You're there to buy a fucking grill or something. A grill? I don't know, something. I'm getting a grill at the supermarket?
Starting point is 00:24:20 Yeah. Huh. It's out the seasonal section. What am I getting? What? What am I getting? I'll probably something cheaper. Weber? No, I don't think there's a Weber's there. I'm just saying you're buying something where you're like,
Starting point is 00:24:30 oh, I'll buy this here, it's $99. Okay. And then you get up there and it's $120. And you're like, that ain't right. That's not tax? No, it just rings up as $120. All right. It's $20 off.
Starting point is 00:24:41 Why are you breaking my stones on this? What the fuck? I wanna talk to your manager. Hey, guy's a comedian. You got a real tight imagination going here. Why do you smell like cigarettes when you're working by the way? I just took my 15 minute, which I don't have to clock out for shh. Don't say not you have Snickers bar to curry That's not new get You must have sucked Were the same that same green khy pants that were my dad's.
Starting point is 00:25:06 Man, those things were bro-ro-shy. If it was, I'd push you out of the way and fucking take my goods home with me. What are you going to do? Chase me down? What are you going to do? Run away? I'll walk. Casually. I want the cameras going off. Take, just pay it. In the short term.
Starting point is 00:25:22 Double back. Keep the receipt. Double back. Go the receipt, double back, go check was I right or wrong. Okay, this is $100. It rung up as $120. Take a picture of it on your phone or whatever. You're going over to the customer service. Then you go over to the customer service. You go, hey, listen, this was wrong. And they go, here you go, there you go. I have bad memories of that customer service counter. My mom only went there for- You're not going, you're going there only went there. You're not going.
Starting point is 00:25:45 You're going there for bad news. Three reasons my mom went there for. Rain checks. She a rain check gal? No, but she went there for heaters. They sell heaters behind that customer service thing. Pro tip, you could get them at the cashier. You go this and a pack of Marlboro lights and then they call over.
Starting point is 00:26:00 I used to do that all the time. They would call over and then bring you your Marlboro lights, which is a you feel you feel like royalty. Someone's walking over and delivering your heaters. Let's take care of this in the back. What do you say? Get some champagne for you. I'm using it now. Getting heaters. Somebody was about to get screamed at or the worst. I remember her cashing a couple of checks there. Cashed all?
Starting point is 00:26:28 I mean, when I worked there, you pick up your check. Yeah, she didn't work there. He cashed it right away. She wrote a check to herself and then cashed it there. Does that make sense? Yeah, they used to do that. I think they stopped in like the late night because a lot of people flipping hangers and stuff.
Starting point is 00:26:44 Send them bad checks. Fucking catch me if you can out this mofo. Yeah, Carl head ratty So then they only then I think they named Patty Foley. She She's an old bag She not she's not so mastermind Let me ask you something daddy. How did you pass the bar exam? I studied boy She's catching a heater on a spirit flight back from Europe. Some French prison? I studied for it. Yeah, so I never, I always, now, I've never, I don't think as an adult walked up to that. Listen, and I get it, I'm not telling- Trauma and fear.
Starting point is 00:27:23 I'm not telling you to. I'm telling the listener. If you if that guy, the kid don't he's not setting the prices. The cashier has zero. They they might be able when I was doing it, I think it was if it was under 99 cents, you could void it yourself. Anything over that you got to have like they don't have any power to do anything. So the person's got to come from the counter anyway and do it there. So just go, hey, I'm
Starting point is 00:27:46 gonna get out of this kid's hair and go up there. It was bleached green hair. Sure. I did have some bleached hair at the time. You know what I, you know what I've seen the other day? They're really cutting back on the self-checkout. Just starting to get rid of that. Didn't work. I don't like it. Well, a lot of people are stealing. A lot of people stealing but they know that and they save that money on paying the the worker I you know, I don't know. Uh
Starting point is 00:28:09 Something goes wrong. You need somebody to come over anyway. What's the fucking point? I know but if you're buying two things what's going wrong? I'm pro. I check out why the other guy why the guys sit there and watch me with empty line No, like they're just waiting for their regular cash. Yeah, and I just walk right by them Oh really? Yeah, I don't what's I like to say hi I don't think get the bag if I'm buying like two things Hmm, you know what I mean typically cheese. It's in a diet coke I don't need this guy all up in my business. You know what I mean the grocery store
Starting point is 00:28:42 Where else am I gonna buy it? Are you snagging a 20 ounce Pepsi? What? The impulse cooler in the front? They don't carry bottles at my joint. Yeah they don't. You're hard pressed to find a cold drink in a supermarket sometimes. No. I double up on the cans.
Starting point is 00:28:59 Stay real frosty. Maybe some diet Dr. P if I'm feeling myself. There's always something weird about the soda aisle when it's not refrigerated it takes me a minute it's like going back to the 40s dude it's weird everything is darker than it should be your pepper's gonna go bad the hell's the date on this this in the cooler no I agree with that all right, let's see here. This one's from Benny beat cups also shockingly lot of our patrons have worked at supermarkets. Yeah throughout their lifetime Which is like the it really is like the lower class like
Starting point is 00:29:39 Stomping ground you landscaped you worked at a restaurant you worked at a grocery store That's like what it we weren't working at a bank, you weren't, you know, they were the easiest to get the jobs, and typically one person got the job, hey, I got all their boys jobs. Yeah, there was one or two, we had a place like that called Folkways, which was a retirement home that I guess they must've had a huge dining hall,
Starting point is 00:30:04 because everybody I knew worked there. I got shot down for some reason. Lady didn't like the cut of my gib. Everybody I know worked there as a fucking bus boy. Yeah. And everybody got jobs. Sure. All the hot chicks, all the fucking everybody worked there. Yeah. Walkways. Um, there was one of those in my neighborhood, too.
Starting point is 00:30:23 I never worked there because I worked at the grocery store, but my boys did. And other people, man, they would talk about it because girls from other schools would be there, working there, and they talked about it like it was fucking hedonism, you know what I mean? I'm out there smoking a cig with Cheryl, and you're like, damn, Cheryl, yeah, we're talking.
Starting point is 00:30:42 Catholic school broad from a couple towns over. Yeah, you're like, me while I'm bagging groceries. Might as well be Tony Katane. I'm like, what the hell? I got no action over here. I'm catching heaters with Cart Master Bob. Shout out to Cart Master Bob, by the way. He still lived with his mom.
Starting point is 00:30:56 He did. Cart Master Bob did live with his mom. He took the card game way too serious. They offered him cashier a handful of times He turned it down. He wasn't good with people, but he could talk to the car. Yeah He was the cart whisperer this guy he made his own tool the claw wouldn't let me he didn't never let me use it Which I was quite upset about But man fucking with that guy was all not fucking with but just talking to him. He'd be talking to him for like three hours.
Starting point is 00:31:26 And he would just tell you that he's, you know what I mean? He had a claw, it was like a piece of string with like a hook that he made with like a hanger so he could put that and run a rope to this piece of wood so he could control, like typically you could drive like five carts yourself without someone steering the front. Oh yeah? You could drive like five carts yourself without someone steering the front. Oh, yeah. So but he would hook. He had like a hook and ladder type thing he had working where he could do it himself. And he would tell you, I don't recommend you doing this by your side.
Starting point is 00:31:54 That sounds like a fascinating summer you had there, buddy. Summer. Most of high school. They got fired. Which I think was a setup. But I can't. I think it was an inside job. They accused him of doing some stuff.
Starting point is 00:32:09 There's no way court master Bob would ever have done. It was all to get the patent on the clock. But to answer that question, Patty's, you know. What question? The one about how off does it have to be. Sure. Patty Foley, 15 cents should be going over the war. I get that. the one about the what what how off does it have to be? Sure. Patty Foley, 15 cents should be
Starting point is 00:32:29 going. It's off. I get that. And that's as a kid, that's who I went to the grocery store with. It'd be weird to go with someone else. I used to go with father Bill. What are you talking about? He wanted to know what I like for breakfast
Starting point is 00:32:44 in the morning. He a Wheaties man? Yeah. What? No, but you know, that influences how you look at groceries. 100%. 100%. Did you ever go to the grocery store with your father? Did your father ever handle that? Yeah, super.
Starting point is 00:32:56 He loved going to the super. Oh, he had lived by himself. I mean, he was a single parent. He had to. A lot of pickles and canned tuna. A lot of kosher pickles. We'd get it per rance, deli. Yeah, no, he loved going to the super. He didn of pickles in can tuna. A lot of kosher pickles we'd get at Perron's Deli. Uh, you know he loved going to super. He didn't like stocking up or he liked. Hey we were
Starting point is 00:33:11 at the Superfresh a lot. He picked me up after school at my mom's. We got to stop by Super. We're always stopping by Superfresh to the bane of my existence. And then me and my brother would hang out in the car, end up fist fighting in the car. Sure, sure. Hey if I come back and you two are fucking fighting, I swear to, I'll put your head through the window. Which you did a couple of times. That's a good time, man. A nice fight with your brother in the back seat of a car.
Starting point is 00:33:33 Just fist fighting. In a hot car in a fucking supermarket parking lot. The worst was rainy. It was dark and rainy. You might as well, you might as well have been in NAMM, dude. Dampen the screams a little bit. No one's gonna to hear you. I probably want to.
Starting point is 00:33:46 Cars just shaking from the other, you know, zoom out. Not as an adult, obviously, because my dad got older. And like, if I would go to the, you know, like, could go with them just to whatever, you know, and mill around. But as a kid, I was maybe in the grocery store once with my father. He never went.
Starting point is 00:34:04 It was always my mom. I had never gone with my father he never went it was always my mom I had never gone with my stepdad I don't think my stepdad's ever been in a grocery store sure but then every once in a while my dad would go by himself and show up with the craziest shit you've ever seen yeah got a one-leg turkey like that. What the hell is like a firehouse? No, I get that can sandwiches like what yeah, they're good wet what It's a lot of juice. I was real sea ration shit uh-huh um this one's from Benny B cups My first job was at a local supermarket bagging groceries and retrieving shopping carts. I was 17 and briefly dated my 21 year old coworker. How you done?
Starting point is 00:34:54 He said that. She later dumped me for a guy in the meat department, but she bought me a bottle of Malibu. So shout out to her though. Listen. That was the summer of his life right there. I don't get any better than that. 17, 21 year old. Probably played a fifth. She's working at the grocery store. She's playing a fifth. Fucking the meat guy, the deli guy. Listen, the meat guy, meat and deli guys were always, and a lot of my friends worked as the meat
Starting point is 00:35:21 and deli guy. Shout out to my boy Deli, we call him. Shout out to Deli. He's a meat guy. They're bad, they're at a rough point in their life. They're like the cooks in a restaurant. Those are the bad boys. Not the chefs. They're not the head cook. They're like, yes, they're the cooks.
Starting point is 00:35:38 The Bourdains, the fucking, yeah. They're the... The guy working the fryer. Because there was always a butcher. There was a butcher who was 42, and he had trained to be a butcher and that was his job And it was a full-time gig for him, and he had Benny's the outer get the deli guy cuz they had to be 21 Had to have a little personality too. I know they had to be 21 and be able to work nights, so it was like Yeah, right so it was like yeah
Starting point is 00:36:05 You had to be over 18 or 21 to work that with to work with knives or the deli slicer so we could never do it As kids getting jobs there, but my boys started working there probably 20 And I mean yeah, you're You're not in mints if that you know what I mean if you're working and shout out to you But those dudes were bad dudes those dudes were like the cops coming and questioning people and always felt the deli guys could beat me up I don't know why bad kid they were bad dudes I go to the guys the guys that worked at deli at the grocery we go to now I'm fucking they're probably 15 years younger than me. I'm yes, sir. No, sir
Starting point is 00:36:41 Sure, they fucking smash your head open sure you guys when and for some reason you liked when they when they like you when they know you all of the earth people They're giving you their your approval. I just got the one guy to be like hey man good to see you again Good to see me again What time do you get home you want a bottle of Malibu? That's a great. That's a great tale right there. That's good my buddy He used to get there if he was working like a longer shift, get there had a crock pot would take like the day old stuff, get a stew going work all day. And then at night, he'd have you know, him and like the fucking seafood
Starting point is 00:37:17 guys would get back there and you probably all smoked up in a pork a lot in his galan and then go back in and chow down on you know what I mean? A little French dip or something they had going on. Man they always had that white jacket on and like two pairs of pants because they're working they're working in the cold. You know what I mean? They're back there in that cold meat room. That smell of uncooked meat too. You know what I don't like? It's like you're in a morgue. One of the ones I go to the wood I go to in a burbs nice joint the meat guy he's back there you see him in his little window and you do the hey you know just like waiting you're waiting they have a phone that you pick up and it rings back there. You call them? You don't have to call
Starting point is 00:38:02 you just pick it up and that phone rings in there and And then it's, I feel like I'm like calling in the new codes. I'm like, buddy, I'm just looking for a couple of beef patties. You gotta pick the phone up. Gotta lift the phone, then it rings back there. And I'm like, he's closer to me and Luke. There's just like a window between us. Oh, that phone's disgusting.
Starting point is 00:38:19 I'm like, no, it's only, it's not like, he's not. But you have it like a wall, like a a landline you have to you have to pick it up like that phone It's that it's that red phone That's crazy. I know That seems out of time. I know at first. I'm like this is pretty cool Now I'm like I'm calling the fucking meat guy for fucking to get me two fucking hamburger patties Then I'm gonna burn and they're not gonna be good. I'm gonna get in a fight with my wife. Hi John home Kevin I get three pounds of Chuck
Starting point is 00:38:54 Yeah Yeah, that's a shout out to the meat guys they're doing the Lord's work the Indian deli guys you are transients Your mom had three kids in the house, two boys, two growing boys. Sure. What was the usual highest amount of deli meat that you would get? It would be a pound, right? It would be a pound of turkey. Pound of turkey.
Starting point is 00:39:18 Pound of turkey, pound of cheese, half pound of cheese. No, pound of cheese don't last. Pound of turkey, pound of cheese, probably half pound of ham. And then my stepdad would get his weird smelling shits that I didn't, I wasn't messing with. Stuff with eyeballs and stuff in it. Would fucking cook the, dude it would cook the fridge for like two weeks. Come home from a week down the shore, open up the fridge, and it's like smoked something in there. Yikes. The eggs were bad. It would
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Starting point is 00:42:14 I just remember as a kid holding a pound of turkey, how big that was. It's a lot. It's crazy. In my thinner days, I would go and get a pound of the buffalo blazing chicken and a pound of cheese and just sit in my kitchen and crush roll up. I'd eat it all in the same day. What a shit for four or five days, but man, I was trim low carb kippy they called me.
Starting point is 00:42:40 I am nitrates though. With Carl Cartman. I let's see this one's from Roy Munson You ever have a parent go grab something while you're in line by yourself Whoo, baby that anxiety that you're gonna be on the hook for everything gets Man you I don't know what they said they'd be right back like you're like they're gonna send you to jail We have that now that literally just happened to me and the and the bird the other day. And when it's me, she'll fucking disappear for 45 minutes. I was gone three seconds.
Starting point is 00:43:14 She's fucking popping out like she's almost done. God forbid. Same goddamn credit card. But then you gotta then you fuck it up. You gotta go then you close that out. you gotta go back for one more thing. I hate it. It's just like we'll get it next time. If we're not eating it tonight, we'll get it next time. And you've, I'm a big, I'm also nuts, OCD, high strung, whatever, whatever you want to call me. That was your opportunity. You've lost your opportunity. You didn't get everything you needed on the belt.
Starting point is 00:43:46 You gotta double back or you don't get it. You don't get to jam everybody up. No, there was no. Yeah, obviously I'm like a Saturday or something. Yeah, yeah. No, of course. You got to sneak through. Sorry. I'm actually I'm with him. You ain't sneaking nowhere. Those those New York City lines are tight. But when your mom would disappear, I remember being like, is she ever coming back?
Starting point is 00:44:06 Like, is this how it is? This one guy, Xavier, said, ever actually have to pay for the groceries while your mom went to grab another item? She forgot. I was about eight and had to tell the cashier the pin because I was too short to type it in. That's tall.
Starting point is 00:44:19 She leaves you with the card. That's pretty good. I'll give you that. Maddie would never do that. That's a dirt bag, but I respect that. Give your little kid. Don't tell anybody to code. One, two, three, four. Fake them out. It's four, three, two, one. One, one, one, one, one. Damn. Don't ever get it. That checkout line though as a kid was a, you know, like you said it now shaped how you handle it now. They were high, strong, high, intense.
Starting point is 00:44:46 I remember my mom writing the checkout, telling them to post it, don't cash until Friday type thing. Man, watching my mom write out a check. There was seven, I remember as you had to go through, I remember going through cashier training. Like I was training to be, they were training like I was training to be in the CIA, like what are the seven things you need to check on a check to make sure it's like a but I guess I don't know.
Starting point is 00:45:13 There's seven things you have to go through, though. The line that this different car. You're like, buddy, why am I the why am I the front line against check fraud here? Can we get a guy from the bank to come here? Take a look at at this with a magnifying glass. Oh shit about that. Okay. Wow. Yeah They were like you cannot accept a fucking I couldn't tell you if a check was real or fake now I worked in a lot of checks afterwards. I had a right. I worked in paying a lot of people's bills So it's like I know the and like accounts would get hit were for fraud and you would see like the But that's after years of like writing 50 checks a day or whatever and like accounts would get hit were for fraud and you would see like the But that's after years of like writing 50 checks a day or whatever and like managing bank accounts
Starting point is 00:45:50 but 16 I'm living in my fucking I'm tugging my route in my fucking mom's house And you know they don't like I got a big case big fraud case going on down at the Acme handled wire front Yeah, it's like what are we doing run it through that run it through the machine it prints on the back I like the pen check the bill the You did a, huh? Live around here? No, we would get a, yeah. We would get, you know, you get people coming in with the EBT. Roll it up and do a line with it, see if it feels right. Nah, this is fake.
Starting point is 00:46:34 Bad luck, dude. What was ours were, the Pennsylvania was WIC cards, was the food stamps. I think it was called Women and Children in Need or something. Was WIC. Jammed Up Broad. Jammed Up Broad. But that went to everybody. WIC, I think, was ended up for Children in Need or something? It was WIC. Jammed Up Broad. Jammed Up Broad. But that went to everybody.
Starting point is 00:46:46 WIC I think ended up for everybody. It started Women and... Women, Infants and Children. Women, Infants and Children. Oh, that's cute. Yeah. And they would come through and I'd tell you, they'd be trying to buy something that wasn't fucking on it.
Starting point is 00:46:58 And now I'm like, I'm too young to be telling this broad she can't get black olives or whatever. You know what I mean because they go notice they go this should be on I'm sorry but it's not what there was only certain items certain items are qualify for for yeah I mean you can't just get food stamps and then just buy whatever the fuck there's like it's certain things like I don't think prepared foods are or something like I forget I don't have all the rules but not everything in the supermarket qualifies to be bought with food stamps. Gotcha.
Starting point is 00:47:31 There's certain I'm sure each state's different. I'm sure like you know. You'd be fucking handling that. Well then it because the computer it would all be in the computer system so I would ring up let's say rice was but. The orders rice shredded cheese shredded cheese fruit punch fruit punch is it? Or maybe soda's wearing or something like that because it's like it's not like a necessity type thing so let's I'm making this up let's say soda's wearing I'd bring it through and they go hey well you've run the wick card and they go all right well
Starting point is 00:48:00 you now have a dollar balance of fourteen dollars and they're like how and I'm like here's the receipt now I'm negotiating like I'm like this is can we get a caseworker in here to go over this? I don't have to tell you lady. Yeah lady I don't give a fuck. Sleepy from the pizza you had for lunch. Yeah meanwhile I just crossed the chicken barn down at Pic was big. Crushing heaters, man. That 15 minute break. They'd get a half hour break. And if you worked eight hours, you get a half hour and I think two 15s or one 15. I would take that 15 strung
Starting point is 00:48:34 out over the day though. Popping out for one. Cover me popping out. Who would man your post? What do you mean? Because wouldn't they be, would you have to call somebody to the front? You have to tell them, hey, can I, so say it's like. You close your lane. Yeah, close your lane. Or somebody might come tag out. And you check out and they check in. But if you're closing for 15, maybe the
Starting point is 00:48:57 maybe the manager would cover for you. But if not, they'd open someone else up. Be real dick about it too. Sure. Yeah. All right, but hurry up. What age did you go out for heater breaks? Like 16. 16? Yeah. How foreign is this to you? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Starting point is 00:49:14 I remember this. Man, I remember this as a young kid. And it was a woman, single parent, working there with us. Debbie or something. I mean, she would sleep in her cavalier every chance She got out in the parking lot and we'd be like now I get it you're fucking jimmed up you fuck But I was a 16 year old kid. You know what I mean? I'm like I'm like this poor brah I'm like go home call all of get get get go get some eight hours. Probably your second job
Starting point is 00:49:40 She'd come in at like sure you know what I mean like talk about fucking hustling to make it work But I'm not dealing with your fat ass yeah maybe like can I take my break before you you know what I mean like I got a party yeah me my boys are like you know you I'll get a sixer you get a sixer roll me to you know meanwhile this broads fucking home you know keep me keeping up keeping the lights on in the plate spin them sure all right this one's from slipping Jimmy y'all ever bought a lobster from that tank which they stopped right do to like PETA stuff like I think it's like animal cruelty they stopped those tanks but that made me
Starting point is 00:50:20 think that question as a cashier I I ain't never seen nobody ever bought a lobster That was like adopting a teenager Those things are in there forever Yeah, I never knew anybody I never saw anybody by them. Thanks. They're still around They're still around lobster tanks at the grocery store. Yeah, yeah, they are. I think I've seen one I know that see I think they got rid of a lot of them though the diner that near me used to have one for A long time. Remember that be restaurants just how you go in and go I want that I'm going to like a fuck a restaurants different That's that's nice seafood joint. That's nice Anything like that my dad was always shifty about so he'd go to fucking
Starting point is 00:50:57 Like a captain Chucky's type you go to like sure you go to a sped more specialty place to get that if you were getting I stop at the seafood story Like oh they did that I remember full of candy going here that place smells like low tide Yeah, we would go to that Rick's American seafood or something was down on route one in the bull or Street road in the Boulevard American seafood maybe real busy around the holidays a bushel of crabs being crab in September like a fucking bozo Getting sick and shit You look over the top, goes down real quick. They're plotting something. What's popping on that? Psst. It's like Toy Story, they're all plotting behind you.
Starting point is 00:51:52 You're the first one to get it. I didn't like that at all. I used to judge the people on the, I used to, this is, this is like, obviously like never really having money. Yeah, we know people come through. Somebody is rich. It was in more of an affluent town for sure. Newtown, Pennsylvania. What you talking about the seafood joint? No, the ACME that I work at. Okay. It was that you know, there is a higher end clientele. I was seeing how like my friends with parents money shopped. It was nuts.
Starting point is 00:52:26 When I come through and I'd be like three hundred and eight and like they would three hundred and eighty bucks and they wouldn't even bat here hon. Here's the card. You're like and I used to judge people if they did debit or credit. If they did debit, I go, whoa, you got two hundred and eighty bucks just sitting in there like just just sitting in there like that. You don't need 30 days to figure this out? I go debit or credit. Are you selling this? Or something?
Starting point is 00:52:49 And I still I've stolen the line now when they ask you But I remember one guy hit me and I go debit or credit he goes it don't matter and I went whoo This guy don't even freaking care. You got a helicopter outside mister? It don't matter I'm like it don't matter. Yeah just like whatever. Just coming through you just buying like cases of soda and you're like man you probably got some fat ass kids I'd like to hang out with. You're probably gonna you're gonna go home you're gonna drop off all this food and then order pizza probably. It's gonna, those Sanders are going right into the garage fridge. Uh huh, just like, just like a hot older woman, right? Not, oh I mean she's probably my age at
Starting point is 00:53:31 this point, you know. Yeah. Late 30s or whatever, 40. Sure. And uh, you know, just like, you know, just nice clothes, good tan, she just came from the tanning salon or whatever, and just like, she's got like the fuck. She ain't a rush like she's got like the fuck she ain't a rush She's got like a navigator key when the keys are always like around the finger. I'm like yeah smells real good Probably Not like the chip beef beef cologne you're wearing
Starting point is 00:54:01 Hop in my dad's old I'm in my dad's old pants. Or like hot girls parents would come in. Hi Mrs. So and So, you know. How you doing? Kathy still not want to talk to me? I don't know why you never come over. She thinks I'm gross. You still see her around?
Starting point is 00:54:24 Dude, also talking about the give it their pay hold on you're asking the mom I got a lie You're asking the ever since you started hanging out with the cool kids Wait that's what you would say fucking dork Also, just as like as big of a dirtbag as my crew was, one of us got a job at a supermarket and we were all like, that's the best thing I've ever heard. Dude, me and my two boys, Justin and Justin, worked at the Acme.
Starting point is 00:54:57 Then 10 feet away there was a Gennardis and Pat and Flip and my boy James all worked there. So it was like, dude, we had the neighborhood on lock we thought we were the fucking I control black olives in this down You get what yeah, we argue like I get I get 925 an hour But you don't get two breaks which I'm not in a union. I would assume as a teamster for a minute You're not a black olive guy, right? I'm not an olive guy, huh? You get him at the night a nice place a table with the little olive touch them really now And you weren't eating black olives out of a can as a kid. I'm not doing that now. I used to crush them
Starting point is 00:55:36 My dad would eat them like chips. Let's go just crack open a thing of that and put them in a bowl We'll just be popping them. I'll watch it TV. All right, let's see here. This one This is this is from Taylor. Ten dollar home. You never have one read. I strongly feel that when it comes to the cookie cracker and chip aisles. Hold on. Cookie cracker and chip. I'll put yourself there. I'm with you.
Starting point is 00:55:55 That every supermarket should have taste testers for each one instead of buying a whole box and you end up eating it. I get that with the crackers chips. You should know. What do you mean? I don't like what you don't understand. You got your toll house. You got your ritz. You got your wheat things. But there's now 10 different versions of each one of those. Oh, yeah. You listen. You want to start getting in the **** garden tomato or
Starting point is 00:56:18 **** salsa. This that's your dad. You're on your own. No, you should have a tester where you could just pull it out. You got testers for everything else. all fragrance or whatever. Well, in the tester box where you go, I just pull this. To their credit, if they're launching one of those things, say Wheat Thins has, you know, ranch wheat
Starting point is 00:56:35 thins, low fat ranch wheat thins, they'll have them in a little thing up front and some broad town yet are over in the cookie cracker aisle. It's a new flavor. I know but I'm just saying you should, I mean we're, this is we're grown humans in a society. You should be able to walk by, pull one Triscuit and go, nah that's not for me. I want to do
Starting point is 00:56:52 this one. You're getting cheeses and meats. What, you know, what's the best goes with what? You can, you can, you can sample the deli meat sliced in. A slice. Yeah, I'm taking a cracker. I'm not there setting up a charcuterie board. I'm just taking it, you know. What if, okay, if what if I've had it before I'm not testing. What if they had an open box there? Nah, it's gotta be some sort of regulation on it.
Starting point is 00:57:13 You know what I mean? Some sort of oversight. Somebody there, an old woman there. Just an open box? Hey hon, we just got these in, you might like it. You think they're paying for that? Who? They're taking away to register people. They're not fucking
Starting point is 00:57:28 putting greeters in there. I'm, hey, buddy, we don't own a grocery store that we're trying to meet ends meet. I'm saying in a fantasy land, we should have that. I think maybe Wheat Thin should also. Now you're worried about the payroll and the overhead expenses on that? Sure. Keep an eye on it. Um,
Starting point is 00:57:44 hmm. I think Wheat Thin should supply that. They should have somebody from corporate. I don't give a fuck who pays for it. Somebody I trust. That's a good idea. There's no cooking involved. And there's a thousand friggin' things. Just go give me one of them. Let me pop in there.
Starting point is 00:58:00 Wet my whistle a little bit. Also, you're there with the broad, you haven't eaten in a while. You got a slice of cheese in the middle of it. I'm running back and forth between the deli and there. This is a dumb question. You've made a cracker sandwich before, right? What's that? Like a cracker with cheese and a piece of meat in between two crackers? You've done this.
Starting point is 00:58:18 I love it. I love it. I mean, I would would exclusively I feel so fancy when I stand in my kitchen counter and I do that I feel fancy when I do with peanut butter I still do that and I top it. Oh you gotta top it. You gotta put a lid on it. I assume this wasn't you but as a kid a peanut butter and jelly in between two like Ritz or something like that I would I mean I would just do pure peanut butter and I would take the gallon of milk out to the TV I take every all all of the raw materials come out to the coffee table. I pull it into me real close
Starting point is 00:59:00 He's set up and I'd probably make about five to start and I get excited while I'm making the five and I put a lid on them each one. I'm a goddamn job. Because if you're doing just peanut butter and you don't put a lid on it, it sticks to the roof of your mouth. I need a barrier so I can get a good chew going. And then the amount of milk I crush with that. They're up in the peanut butter is getting on my fingers. It forms a film on the glass. There's floaters going and I'm all over the, it's, I'd never do that in front of company. I would've done it in front of my wife.
Starting point is 00:59:32 Dumb bro. But if you got like a little piece of sausage, like that like summer sausage, or would I go like a piece of cold kielbasa, and like some fucking sharp cheddar cheese, a couple of wheat thins. Maybe a dab of these on There's a great company like Delmonico Adele. So something I could not wait that does the Ready-made board now that's that's wack shit. I'm gonna rip that I don't get to control my
Starting point is 00:59:59 Cheese thickness and stuff like that. I don't like that, but I don't mind it trust me sometimes It's wild when those things don't go crack under one. It's nuts. I have four crackers left over the fuck Am I doing that's it trust me. Don't get me so I got it. Don't don't get me so I got a whole As a guy as a guy who loves cured meat carbs and has OCD that things my nightmare board, dude Um throwing some craisins in there's they make perfectly cut I'm not going to do that. That thing's my nightmare board, dude. Um. They throw in some craisins in there. There's they they make perfectly cut little things and they're like it's
Starting point is 01:00:31 like higher end it feels. They're like they're just sausages or little pieces of salami or whatever slightly size of a nickel like a quarter maybe. Man, you crack that bag open. You you you govern your cheese as you like and your crackers
Starting point is 01:00:48 Maybe top it with a piece of Hormel pepperoni Ain't telling me not for a little spice salami and cheese. It's go great together. Wow I don't like doing that Wow one. I'm surprised. You're a salami guy Big so about was a big salami and cheese kid as a sandwich growing up And I would press it down and like it like like I don't like that I never liked that roll it out never seen a kid. I remember seeing a kid's baloney sandwich You couldn't even see the bread in the middle It was like it went bread salon or bread baloney, and I just like, there's no bread. It's completely dissolved in the middle. It's crazy.
Starting point is 01:01:28 I'm like, you're just going to eat that and like not go home and yell at your mom. That's wild. I like that. I was there. I respect that. Jesus and salami. Uh, all right, let's see. Let's go through a few more here. This was from Jenna. $10 hoagie.
Starting point is 01:01:42 Is it garbage to watch your buddy have two cans of whipped cream at a stop and shop and then immediately pants out in the aisle? That's the guy who ain't worried about tasting crackers. That's from abroad by the way. That girl's name was Jenna. Listen. You think there would be more of that? You, as somebody who worked at a girl you would you would find and people would people would Whack them they cut you find them in a bathroom in the bathroom
Starting point is 01:02:10 Trash can and stuff you would find them I'm surprised there's not a like you know like people storming the CVS They steal stuff people storming a liquor store still liquor that is the if you're an addict that is immediate Get fucked up on the spot. Just run in there. It's gonna take a couple of, as long as there's nobody stocking in there, they're putting the eggs away or something like that. If you got a clear dairy aisle,
Starting point is 01:02:33 you could probably get down like five cans of that before someone comes in. I don't think you're shopping in bad enough neighborhoods. Those bad, those rough. You think they're locked up? I know that we used to have locking up the ready way not locked up But listen, so you want I used to we used to work at the shop right on Aramingo Avenue
Starting point is 01:02:51 And Port Richmond Kensington, whatever it's right on the fucking line there And that was dude their security in that place people would rip that they come in They try to rip the toilets off the wall and shit and scrap them do the security in that place is like Whitehouse level security they clock everybody coming in they got like facial recognition. So I think In a neighbor if there's enough people who are need to walk in and do whippets They got eyes on you. Okay, they're clocking you. Sure you go to a nice go to a nice suburb you go in there and start cooking meth in the in the in the cold and flu section, you go to a nice suburb, you can go in there and start cooking meth in the cold and flu section if you want to. But at those dicier ones, I think they got
Starting point is 01:03:33 muscle on you. Fair enough. This one's the same, right? This is from Bogard. $10 bird fan, never had one read. Ever been arrested from the grocery store you worked at for public intoxication Buddy had left me some moonshine in the walk-in freezer and said help yourself Let's just say I was blacked out in an hour and was found in the back sleep and mind you I was 16 But he was like 25. That's fucked up. They called the cops on you get arrested there It's probably if they probably called the they probably called 9-1-1 to get an ambulance This kid's cops are showing up. Well wake up, you know what I mean? Cops, yeah, you know I get that I was always when shit got real
Starting point is 01:04:14 I Remember a couple of kids being yanked out of high school for being drunk or fucking doing dust-off or something sure One kid I've had about killing the vibe kid took ten uppers and ten downers to see if they'd cancel out Never heard from them again got a 14 hundred CDs that afternoon Could name every president forward and backward That's what it's from screaming cold Ten dollar coals cash you've ever put food from the hot bar in a clear produce bag and weighed as something else at the self
Starting point is 01:04:49 Checkout Buffalo wings look a lot like clementines, but for a fraction of the price That's fucking nasty. That is dirt bag level. That's Crazy dude hot bag of wings. I don't think I could eat that's thin plastic that had to stretch from the heat He said you got a double bag. He did say you have to double bag But I mean listen I don't use those a lot and I get a look when I don't use them what like I'll just put the three Avocados on the on the belt or the three limes on the belt or whatever my way to me It's a your to me. It's like a European thing
Starting point is 01:05:24 I think that they they don't use them and I think they look at is it wasteful Americans like you don't need they feel we use too Many bags I feel we don't use enough bags to me. I like a good bad being honest with I like a good I like the shopping bag would that you get when you leave big fan of all bags Not those so I've gotten accustomed to just throwing it in the car and I drives me Then you've then you you put it in the car in a sitcom. You're going to a market I know you put it in the car you take a hard left out of the parking I think so, you know all your apples all over the back seat. I'm a I'm just sitting there like a J. Oh Wild move with the wings. Yeah, that's not. I mean, hey, hats off to you.
Starting point is 01:06:06 Do what you got to do. Sure. Um, oh, it's not Spanish onions. I'm sorry. This one's from Tom. Are you garbage if you eat lunch in the dining area of the supermarket without shopping for groceries? My local store is Killer Wings for cheap and I'll go to dine in.
Starting point is 01:06:20 I also respect that. I don't hate it, man. I've done that. I see people. We have we have a little eating section next to the hot bar at the place we go to. I tell you what, it looks like in the afternoon on a nice sunny day, someone's just sitting out there having lunch. I love it.
Starting point is 01:06:36 I'm like, man, I'd like to sit and join you guys. It's some weird toys scattered around. As in New York, with Whole Foods. Oh, that's, yeah. You're trying to stay relatively healthy and not go get pizza. Oh, and cheap too. Relative cheap, you go hit that hot bar and then you just pull it. But it can't be, that's too nice, Whole Foods.
Starting point is 01:06:58 Nah, they're not nice anymore. Dude, that's like a truck stop. Yeah. Oh, it's homeless people are set up, it's like they're peeing in newspaper you're you're fighting for your life in there sometimes and it ain't great it ain't great some guy peeing at a high top this was just funny this is from Stu this one's from Stu going that's pretty good broke my foot in a food line doing the Thriller dance and flip-flops and some broad jumped on my back Dude that's a good time. It was a summer night. I get that you're having fun. You're a little zany
Starting point is 01:07:37 It's cool in there that comes on cuz that's what they're playing and you said you're going down that cracker I'll go one too many rits in you That's all right It's a jizz of some Joey the lips is it garbage if the butcher at the grocery store used to hit on your mom I told you those meat guys, dude You better you got to keep them on his short leash. They're gonna get you. They gonna get you over the meat them on his short leash. They're gonna get you. They gonna get you. Serving the meat. How you doing buddy? We gotta wrap it up though gang.
Starting point is 01:08:08 Gang we love you. What a fun one. That's great. Can I say that? I'm loving that. And as a lot of the feedback, the first one we did was the cops. This one's super margaret. We're doing a little more. Comment whatever theme you want us to focus on. Gang we love you. Grab tickets to the live shows. Check us out on Spotify. Check out the Patreon. And we will see you next week. Peace.

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