Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Talent Show Fail w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: October 4, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with a hot one! Its a family ep so they answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Thanks for listening. Love youse guys.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows Merch: https://areyougarbage.bigcartel.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.DadGrass.com/GARBAGE https://www.BuyRaycon.com/GARBAGE  Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Fill it up, you Pennsylvania, get ready because the RU garbage boys are coming home the roost. Oh yeah. October 27th, we're gonna be a helium comedy club. Get your tickets now, I promise you. Have I ever lied to you before? This puppy's gonna sell out and we don't want you to miss it.

Yeah, don't be left out in the cold, guys. It's gonna be a good time. Some live stand up with me, Foley, T-Bone, maybe a special guest, who knows, and then we play live AYG with the crowds. When you get there, you submit your questions. It's a good time. See you there.

Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is RU Garbage. Sure is.

It's a little show. We sit there with your favorite comedians and we find out they grew up to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Oh, baby. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day down here in Tutti's basement. Caught her getting ready for work this morning.

A sight I cannot unsee. Oh, boy. When I got something to tell you, socks first. Socks first. Socks first on Tutti. So she's on the winning team. That's not a good team. Socks first, guys.

That's not a good team to be on if you're on Tutti's team. My co-host is coming at you from right across the table at me. This is a family episode. Yeah. He's looking very European today. I don't get it.

Did you have your foreskin put back on? What's going on? It grew back on its own, actually. Like a skin tag. It's like a newt. You cut its tail off. It keeps coming back. Two of them, bro.

If I could be so lucky. Would you take one big wiener or two little wieners? What if you had two little weenies? I mean, I got one little one now. So I'll take it. I'll double the pleasure if you want it. I mean, what are we talking about here? Kippy, you look very European in that.

Yeah, OK. Sure, I don't understand. Very stylish, very cool, very swaggy. You should be drinking those weird bottles of water they have over there. Sure. And orangeina. I hear that's big in Europe.

I hear you're big everywhere. All right. Kevin, James, Ryan, god damn it. Hey, gang. Happy to be here. Thanks for tuning in, as always. Please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube.

And as you know, those numbers are true the roof. True the fucking roof, baby. Cook and closing on $30,000 over there. Look out. And then, obviously, I would be a fucking jerk off an asshole, a piece of shit, a dummy. Say it. If I don't shout out the greatest website of all time,

patreon.com. Such are you garbage. Good Lord. Hold, give me your hand for one second. Dear Lord and Heaven, please watch over Mr. Jack Conte and Mr. Sam Yam and their families for all that they have done for us. Love that money.

Dear Lord, baby Jesus. Sweet little omnipotent. Praise for everyone at patreon.com. Amen. Even down to the janitors, baby. Shout out to patreon.com. Ooh, it takes a village to support a fat guy. I'll tell you that.

And I've got a nice quick shout out to our producer, Extraordinaire. The Magic Man makes us all look good. Give it up for D-Bone McMuffin. It's our good pal, Toby McMullen. What's up, dudes? D-Bone. I'm so happy to be back, although we do

have an admission to the fans out there. What? We went down to Texas, and we stepped out. We changed it up. We're a Bucky's family now. Bucky's family. Well, listen, when I'm up top of the top shelf of the country, I'm going wow-wow all day long.

If I'm in the Northeast Corridor, wow-wow. You get down there in Tejas. Get down there in Tejas. Get down there in the Bible Belt. You got to mix it a little bit. I got my boots on, my spurs, my jingle jangles, the 10-gallon hat, 50-gallon for me. I'm a Bucky's man through and through.

Shout out to Bucky's. If you don't know Bucky's, it is a convenience store, I guess. But that's not even doing it justice. Now, they sell grills. Everything. Deer urine, grills, 40-odd buck. They got everything. Ammo, whole nine.

Go to the mattresses of Bucky's if you need to. Get some sesame sticks and some shrapnel. Now I know why it was so hard to get those folks out of Waco, you know what I mean? They were all checked up on Deer Corn. Those Texas people are proud people, baby. Got enough beef jerky to hold these feds off for years. Gang, this is a family episode.

We are. We're back here at Tooties. We were on the road for a little while. Down there in Texas, we had a great time. Shout out to Houston. Shout out to Austin. Shout out to San Anton. And shout out to Fort Worth, Texas.

We love you. We had a great time. Also, we'd be, yeah, Texas as well, but then Long Island was last night, baby. Bunkers. Shout out to everybody. If you've ever come out to a live show, if you've supported the pod, if you listened once,

listened a thousand times, whatever, we appreciate all support. You're the fucking shit, baby. We do. It's been amazing so far. We love you. We got a few more dates here coming up for the year. Coming up, couple of big dates.

Come out, school. Yeah. And then we're retired. Packing it in for 2022. We'll see you in 2023. He made $4,000 and walked away. This is all I ever needed. Lived in a basement in his mother's house.

There you go. Good stuff. I'm a little scratchy. Yeah, we've had over a week. It's not covies. That's what you keep saying, which makes me think it's covies. It's always a guy who's not covies. It's my allergies.

Yeah, OK. We'll get off the ventilator, will you? Playing that ventilator like it's a saxophone. I was rocking a Koldy down in Texas, too. That was a tough one. Cold sore, yeah, herpet derp. Herpet derp. Man, it caught me slipping.

To show the listener how big of a dirtball you are, first day we get down there, we get disainting. I was brought here to have a nice time. It was rude. You immediately made fun of my little pee pee in my intro. What are you talking about? I came here for a nice time, too, but you threw that out the window.

And your shitty hoodie. Yeah, it's Nike. Shout out to Nike. I'm getting $50 an episode to wear this thing. Shout out to the great people at Nike. What, why am I a dirtbag? I mean, I know why. What specific reasons are you about the name?

You choose. We get down to San Antonio for a nice Mexican lunch. You got the cold sore fucking gleaming on you. It was hot then, too. That's just when it was coming in. I like it's new shit better. Save the hits. Give me the new stuff.

No, what happens is you start to feel it. And if you don't get on top of it right away, then it's just going to do its own thing. So we're a teenager. We're down there in Tejas figuring it stuff out sexually, too. We're down there in Tejas having a nice lunch. And you're one of the big things that

skieves me out about you. I love you, obviously, but one of the big things that skieves me out about you is your napkin use. It's all over the, and you crumble. A gentleman will fall, you know, you take one, you grud. It's like, then it looks like you got a cold, or you jerked off. It's just a bunch of crumpled up napkins on the table.

It's like, there's no system. They're paper napkins. I don't do that with cloth napkins. I know. Love, you took me to a respectable place. I would have to use paper napkins, Jesus Christ. This is my fault now. It was a restaurant covered in pinatas.

It was. It was a Mexican place. It was a Polish place. But I. You got caught slipping. I don't know what to tell you. We're sitting, I'm sitting, from now on, I want you across from me.

I don't want to be able to, I want to be able to see you at all times. Wild Bill Cody, never sit with your back to the door. Never sit with my back to a foley. I place my napkin down. I place my napkin down. And then I eat. I'm munching on some queso, some saw.

I'm having a good time. I had sloppy stuff too. I was really working that napkin. I think it was putting it over. Both sides against the middle with that thing. And I looked down, I grabbed my napkin to dab my face like a fucking gentleman. How fucking have you know?

I got the corner going, you know, doing that thing. You got a herp staring back at you. I go, that's not how I would have placed my napkin. Like, I just know my, I know how, I know my modus operandi. I know how I operate. And I go, I wouldn't, that's weird, but I pick it up. And against my better judgment, I use it.

I use the napkin. And I'm like, did Foley, in my head I go, did Foley use, I go, no, you're being paranoid. This is your OCD. Just relax, have a good time. He wouldn't just randomly use a napkin that's not his and not realize it. I then look back, I put it down.

I have another bite of my enchilada, my whatever. And I look back over and you grab it and come up to your face, wipe the snot, the herpes, the salsa, the queso. Like a homeless window washer. The whole nine. And put it right back down and I shit blood, dude.

I fucking, I got the big man coming. I lost it. Oh, you just boogered, dude. Did you see that? Holy shit. This is why you're gross. I should be put down. You just shot a gummy bear out of your nose.

Holy shit. We're getting separate tables for now on. I want to sneeze guard between me and you. Moving forward. Oh yeah. Well, dude, I tell you. And then you go and then now you're in fact, I'm like, I'm now forced to live in his world, right?

He then goes, I got my fucking napkin, man. You're using my fucking, I don't know. Maybe I didn't use it. That's yours. I'm like, that's my, I look over. He's got a mound of crumbled ones on his left and he's using mine, all right? Cause it's nice.

Say I'm writing a novel. Yeah, it's the empty waste basket. Can't get it started. So then he goes, oh, I got a cold sore come. What the fuck? Now, then I go, so then we're leaving and you fucking juice up, you know, with the sanitizer on the way out, you know,

just to fucking, and he goes, hey man, I would put some of that on your lip just to kill anything that got on. I'm like, really? Yeah, man. I look over, he's rubbing the fucking sanitizer on his mouth. Now I'm forced to play by his rules.

I'm doing this. You got to nape that shit, bro. Fucking Agent Orange, that motherfucker. Agent Orange rolling thunder. Get that fucking air puff. I mean, what a start to the trip. That was a little more hard feelings, but still. I'm starting to feel, okay,

I'm starting to become aware of eating with other people at this point. Thanks. That I- What the fuck? Now you decide to check in now? That I might be a bit of a turn off. Sure.

Let's put it that way. And I think the more we eat, the more comfortable you get. Like I think if you went out with, say, you know, your girlfriend's parents, you'd be very more reserved. I would presume. As somebody you're not trying to impress. It's not even that.

It's, I don't, I don't know what it is. I don't, I just- You're gross. I don't, I mean, you just had a booger come out of your nose and we're not sure where it landed. May or may not be a booger. Maybe it's an orbit. I don't know.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Osmosis, osmosis Jones coming out of my nose. Listen, I, I'm aware of it. I'm aware of the fact that I might be disgusting to eat in front of you. Well, I also think, I think you stop. You get a- With the beard now too.

But you get enchiladas on, I think it's the food. You get, you know- I'm like a shark. You get case- It's a frenzy. And then you just go, I don't care what I, and you're, you know, the breathing pattern changes. The speed, you're not making eye contact.

The conversation goes to shit. It's like Hannibal Lecter. Ha, ha, ha, ha. You're the loudest person at a dinner table who doesn't talk. Yeah. I see you workin' the food down your throat like an Anaconda. You gotta, you gotta reserve energy and shift gears.

Got two villagers inside of me. Got them open. There's a boot in there. Ate my watch. Yes, I'm aware. I apologize. I mean, it's not even that. It's the, it's the, every,

I feel like everything goes black and you, you're using napkins, you're spay, you're- Eject a rip. It's a lot, yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot. It's a lot. From now on, I want you with my fuckin' 12 o'clock at all times.

Be my fuckin' eyes on you. You started at those long table like rich people. Yeah. Ha, ha, ha, ha. But then the problem is- Ring a bell. If you're in front of me, then I'm fuckin', I'm in, you know, I'm in point blank fuckin' spittin' mode.

Yeah. I can catch some fuckin' shrapnel this way. That's no good either. Also too, I don't think that I treat you with my mouth open, but you can see in there sometimes. It's not a good mouth. All the time.

I mean, every comment on the YouTube is about your mouth open. Tongue's got a mind of its own, nothing. I'm not hungry with my tongue starving. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Slides out. We had a great time though. Great fuckin' trip.

It was awesome. Yeah. We had a good time. Lotta laughs. Every one of my shirts came back ruined. I bought $100 worth of new T-shirts. I got shit on every single one. I don't understand it.

You've been wearing that blue palm tree one in perpetuity. That thing's bullet proof. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Are you kidding me? That's like a fuckin', it's like a New York lawyer right there. Yeah. He had them nothing sticks to that thing.

That's gotten me off a million times. Yeah. I don't know what it's made of. I don't know either. The Mr. Clean Magic stuff or whatever. I don't know, but it ain't goin' anywhere. I'll tell you that right now. I read the, I heard the complaints.

It fits me, it's comfortable, covers my belly. Okay. I don't know, where's the mo, why don't you have more shirts? You keep saying I'm gonna get some when I get some. I do get them, and then I fuckin' every kind of- How many are you buying? Buy 10.

I bought five, and I got stains on every single one. I'm telling you, I'm losing my motor skills here. I don't know what's goin' on. I'll battle with the big man. Jesus Christ. I apologize about the herpes. Still got a couple days ahead of me. Incubation period, I got news.

I got a slow roller. My guys don't move quick, but when they come, they come correct, all right? I got a certain blend of herpes. You better stay on the sun for a couple of days. Holy shit. Tell you that. One of those pop up on you, some questions.

I'm pretty good. I don't think I get, I think I'm like immune to them or what, like it's just genetically, I don't get them. People in my family have them, I don't, you know, I don't get them. Talk about garbage, man. It's a tough look.

You know, that's when, that's when, that's, you have it. You know what I mean? You can feel it. Yeah, feel it. Cause you feel, when they come out, you feel like trash. Yeah. And I never got them until high school.

I got somebody bit me on the hand in a wrestling match, and then they started poppin' up. Yeah. Yeah, it's a bad deal. Could've been out of the $2 horse you were sleepin' with. You feel it in high school? I don't know. It was funny in the middle of it, I guess.

Fuckin' hookers. But you feel them when they come out. They make you like tired. Now you're giving me a panic attack. Let's not fuckin' talkin' about them. I'm gonna give myself, I already got the fuckin' heebie-jeebies in me from you. Man, you're a discrassia, you are.

I am what I am. All right. Very nice. Let's get into some questions. Family app, let's cover some ground here. As you know, when you join a Patreon, we will answer your garbage question. Yes, sir.

We get submitted on fuckin' everywhere, emails, DMs, the whole nine yard, this is just the best way to do it. And we gotta support the crew, the Patreons. Oh, yes, sir. So when you join, we will answer your, the shareholders, that's pretty good. Of course. And also you came up, we should call the listeners,

the bozos. The bozos. That's pretty good, right? There you go. Yeah, the bozos. I have a couple of good ideas. I never said you can be gross and have good ideas. Sure, I can't eat a bowl of soup in public,

but still, I get everything on me. No matter how hard I try, I get stuff on me. I know, I know. You know what I think it is, I gotta figure out, if anybody knows any secret stain solutions. No, let's not, let's, you've already decided to live a life where you're just gonna get, how about we change some of the eating patterns

and stuff like that? No, let's go the other way. We tried that this summer. Let's, let's hit the gas, baby. Which by the way, we got a fucking, a fat court weigh-in coming tomorrow. Yes, 100%. I don't care if you have to fast from now until then

to try to fucking juice the numbers. It's fucking happening, okay? I mean, you're a fat court parole officer. You've been fucking ducking me. You've been missing your calls. You're checking, you're fucking pissed ass. It's happening tomorrow. I got a little glimpse at the pulmonologist yesterday.

It ain't good. All right, well, we'll talk. Save it, save it for the pot. All right, that'll be tomorrow. We'll talk tomorrow. Somebody get me Johnny Cochran on the phone right now. You better cut a leg off or something. You're gonna need it.

If the pants don't fit, you must have quit. All right, let's, let's get into some. Kip, let's talk about those Raycon everyday earbuds. Cause I'm an owner. Yes. Got a pair. Of course. Stay charged for a long time.

Yep. Sound fantastic. They look cool. They fit in your ears nice. They don't slip out. Love, love my Raycons. Raycons have improved your life and my life cause you were walking around like a bozo

without any sort of headphones, nothing. Now I take calls, I can do things right there. I can turn my volume up, I can pause the music, I can do this, I can do that. They're fantastic. Yeah, you're Johnny Cool Guy all of a sudden. That's right. And now you can get three new sound profiles

to make sure everything you're listening to sounds its best, just the right amount of bass. There's Pure Mode for podcast listening, Balance Mode for rock heavy metal, Bass Mode, hit the mega bass. Now I don't even know about this. Now you get your hip hop, your EDM, you're a big EDM kind of guy.

Really, sometimes. When the groove hits, the groove hits. Sure, of course. I gotta check this out. Yeah, they have eight hours of play time and a 32 hour battery life. That's pretty tough. I feel like it's longer.

They're unbelievable, they really are. And Raycons started half the price of other premium audio brands, but sound just as good. Also come with a 45 day happiness guarantee. Who else is doing that? Nobody. Right now, RU Garbage listeners can get 15% off the Raycon order at buyraycon.com slash garbage.

That's buyraycon.com slash garbage to save 15% on Raycons. One more time, write it down. Buyraycon.com slash garbage. Do it. Do it. Kip, let's talk about Dadgrass, baby. Dadgrass?

Dadgrass CBD, absolutely amazing product. You ever get too smoked up back in the day? Back in the day, that's why I stopped hitting the cheetah. Get all paranoid. Paranoid, think the feds are closing in. Don't need it anymore. You can clear your head. You can relax with Dadgrass CBD

and not worry about the stress and the paranoia. Nothing but enjoyment, baby. Oh, baby, best part about it. Dadgrass is legal, organic, smokable hemp. Relax, you'll wind you down. Nice. Easy peasy. All Dadgrass products are federally legal

for ages 21 and over in ships, right to your door, anywhere in the US. Look at that. Whether you're looking for a new buzz or a chill way to enjoy an old favorite pal. Walk down memory lane. Dadgrass will leave you in a euphoric mood. Get the credence out, go into the garage.

Maybe hit a sticks concert. Work on the Camaro, do some bench presses or something like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a twister I was born to walk alone. Doobies without the goobies. All right, I like it. Dadgrass.

All right, now Dadgrass is offering our listeners 20% off your first order when you go to dadgrass.com slash garbage. Go to dadgrass.com slash garbage for 20% off your first order. Want more time? Write it down dadgrass.com slash garbage. Now back to the show.

Let's get into some question. Start business. My eating habits. This is hard feeling. We gotta do a hard feelings after this too. That's just more, hard feelings is more of a your gross kind of podcast. All right, let's get into some question here.

This one I've honestly never thought of. This is from a guy named King. Do you pronounce it 20 or 20? I'm a 20, I'm with a C-H 20. $20. 20, it's 20 bucks. Yeah, what's the opposite? It would be 20 with a T, T-W, 20.

20? 20, 20. I don't hear the difference. How would you say it, T-Bun? I would say 20. 20. 20. Can be 20 bucks.

20, that's a T-W. Okay. I say 20. Like C-H 20. 20? 20? That's what I said. Give me 20.

It's 20 bucks. Let me get 20 on pump two. 20. I do this, I do, I never thought about it. That sounds like a guy who runs a card game. Going over to 20s. Maybe a duo of herpes. C-H-W-E-N-T-Y, 20.

Now, 20, give me 20 bucks. Give me 20 on two. The way I see it in my head is, it's like U-N-E-Y, 20. Sounds like something a weird subway would make. 20. 26 inch 20. We get a 20 inch 20.

Called a fucking day. Trash. Yeah, that's trash. 20, if you're saying 20, it's trash. If you're saying, it's C-H, right? Yeah. All right. So you admit your garbage.

Yeah, I got a career based on it. What do you think of it? Although Nike's not garbage. Check it out, Nike.com. For all your- That's got Marshall's written all over it. No. There was only one of those in the store.

No, I got this at a, I went to Marshall's the other, that place is, I went there to get socks. What are you doing in there? Socks. I went to the gap. Really, Marshall's, why? I went to the gap, got some new socks, and it's right next to-

You get socks at like the fucking drug store now. Pick them up at CVS. Yeah, I mean, I was right next to a fucking- Marshall's. You live near a Marshall's? There's a Marshall's in a gap. Factory outlet, that is. What does that mean, they make it there?

What's going on? I'm right off the press. It's coming down to conveyor belt. Jeans are still warm. I jump in them. I wonder where he's out. All right, did you ever, all right, this is from Tim, Tim Monroe.

Did you, do you or did you ever own anything with a fake autograph on it? Baseball glove. Who signed it? Herbie Hancock, who was it? John Mayer, I was right here. That's all I had on me. Who signed it, or who fake signed it?

Bruce Sutter. Of the Sutter home family? To shout out to Neeson. It's just engraved in there, like when they sell it to you. Oh, that's not a fake, okay. What do you mean fake? I guess if you had like, you know, you got like a fucking Bon Jovi headshot

and it was not signed- You just signed it yourself? Not you, but I assumed, you know, you bought it and realized it wasn't real or something. Any sort of fake autograph. Were you an autograph family? Get the fuck out of here. We weren't even, we weren't even a big memorabilia family.

We had Mark claim to fame as that all-star baseball that signed by like Terry Mahallan, there's somebody. Jim Frank Cohn and Terry Mahallan. I got that and like, it was like the 92 all-star game. The only time that we ever autograph-seeked was we were in Philadelphia airport going somewhere and Michael Spinks, you remember Michael Spinks? He was a heavyweight boxer.

Yeah. Was eating in the food court next to us. Are you gonna finish your macaroni salad? I got four hungry kids over here. And my mom recognized him and went up. Ask him out. But he got tuned up like two days later. He was gearing up for a big fight.

He got laid the fuck out. That was it for the autographs. Maybe the fanatic. The Philly fanatic can't sign an autograph. How's he gonna hold the pen? I don't know, I thought he did. I told the story before we jumped on our car one time. He jumped on your car?

Yeah, we were driving through public square and Wilkesbury was like a festival. Sounds more like you hit him. Sounds a little more like Patty had a couple of spritzers and drove on to a T-ball game and took out the fanatic. Hey, listen, they can't keep your mouth shut, all right? If you know what's good. You don't wanna play this town again.

Now, why? Were you an autograph key? It's shame-cheeky. No, I just said that was the only thing we had We would get shit when my dad owned a company and it was always like, it was always like golf out and like shit like that, where they would like auction something, he would always like getting stuff

that like nobody, he'd be like, do you want it? And he'd be like, I got this at a thing. Auctions are pretty trashy. Well, it would always for like a benefit. It was always like some like, you know, plumber's kid died and it was like the foundation or whatever. And he would go and donate money or whatever, like do the, you know, here, you know, the 50, 50 Ravliers, 100 bucks,

you know, whatever. And he would always get like, they would get people to donate shit. Like, oh, here's a donated fucking Mike Schmidt, hoagie sandwich. Dude, I ever tell you, Mike Schmidt used to have a hoagie shop in my hometown. I ever tell you that, that just came roaring back to me.

My dad despises him. The Schmidt, why? Cause he stinks in the- Hey, fuck your mom. Him and the fanatic. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Patty. No, because he stinks in the booth.

He does. He does. So do you. He stinks on the announcements. Okay. So he hates them now. Back in the day, he was a player. No, that was young. I just remember going there

and getting fucking cheese fries, that fucking Mike Schmidt's hoagie shop. Was he, what? Was he working there? He wasn't behind the fucking grill, you idiot. That's tough. It was in our strip mall in Richborough, Pennsylvania. That was the only one.

I think there was two. I had another one. Okay, probably in like Langhorn or Levittown or something. Talk about blowing your cage. You're gonna make millions of dollars on fucking hoagies, you idiot? Going toe to toe with Wawa? No, he got something.

Yeah. Think again, pretty boy. Tell you that. Yeah. I remember going in there though. Woo. Getting a mean fucking, mean set of fries. I was too, I didn't eat hoagies back then.

I still don't really dapple. Unless it's, you are riding the lightning yet. I wasn't eating hoagies. I was, I've been eating hoagies since I can remember. He didn't even smell them like them. Get them in the crib. Dude, the first result for Mike Schmidt's hoagies on Google is an article from 1995.

Probably closing or something. Dude, two eggs, any style, serve at home, fries, bacon and toast, $199. What are we doing? Oh my God. We'll fucking shout out to the Schmidt family. Toast deals are out of the park. The foul ball special?

Yeah. Hey, you just got your four of the ball. Why don't you walk down to Mike Schmidt's and get yourself some hash browns? Yeah. Charlie Dugout fries. Batter up on these beer battered french fries. Oh man, shout out to the Schmidt family.

Man. He's still cooking, you think? I mean, he's still alive. What do you mean? Is Mike Schmidt alive? I just told you, he's in the booth. Oh, is he? Yeah, he's an announcer for NBC Sports Filly with Tom McCarty.

John Croc, shout out to the Crocster. One not Croc. I was prime age. John Croc lost a testicle. Now, I had no idea about that. I don't know if we ever talked about this. He was the catcher, right? He was the catcher for the Phillies through the out the 90s.

No, he was the first baseman. For the catcher throughout the night, for the Phillies throughout the 90s. And I must have been about eight when it made fucking public news that he lost a testicle. He had to get one removed. Toby, give me a goo gun that, because I don't know if that's even true.

One not Croc. Because there was also a story in Philly about Jerry Pentecholi that he had a gerbil up his ass. That was Richard Geary, idiot. What was the dude's full name? John Croc. It should be K-R-U-C-K. John Croc is?

He was homeschooled when he went from playing kickball by himself. Hey, I got a home run and threw my shelf at him first. John Croc won testicle. He's got it. Yeah. Yeah? Yep.

Was it cancer? No, water skiing accident. Catfish jumped up, yanked around, and was sacked. Yeah, also, I wasn't a big Phillies guy in 1992. My bad. It's a golden year for him. Shout out to the Phillies. So, 92.

Yeah, I was like six or seven when that. And that as a joke, some public figure losing a testicle. Woo. That made for a lot of laughs on the playground. Well, around the same time, Jerry Pentecholi, do you know what Jerry Pentecholi is? No. He's kind of like an entertainment anchor, reporter,

journalist, or whatever you want to call it. But he started out in Philly. And he was one of the Philly anchors. And this rumor went around that he had a gerbil up his butt. That happened to everybody, though. Why was the 90s like that? That was when Richard Gere had that. Dude, the John Croc thing goes way deeper.

Big testicles all over this thing. Dude, no. He was hit in the balls by a teammate and then went to get a check by the doctor. And that's when they found the cancer. Oh. That's a goochier. Look at that.

Thank God. That's fucking cool. I love the Crocster. Shout out to the Croc. All right, let's see. This one's just funny. This is from Toadies Goodies. Has anyone in your family renewed their vows?

Hold on. Pack it up, Toadies Goodies. But that might be some merch coming soon. That's pretty fucking good. We started doing like edible arrangements, Toadies Goodies. Toadies Goodies. Like that. Toadies Goodies.

Just lifesavers? Has anyone in your family renewed their vows? To me, that's TV shit. That's like sitcom shit or movie shit. Or you cheat it. Is that what that is? That's what's never fucking, what? Come on.

I don't know. I've never done it. You have to renew your license. It's not because you're doing great. People in my family cheat they get divorced. It's easy. I don't know. That's weird.

Yeah. I wouldn't, I don't think I would attend. If one of my cousins or someone's like, hey, we're renewing our vows, I'm like, I'll see you at the reception and you ain't getting a gift. Yeah, they get the fuck out of here. Kick rocks with that. It better be, if it's cash bar, you're definitely not getting it.

Chocolate fountain better be flowing when I get there. That's whack. I never understood that. Yeah, I don't get it. I don't get it either. Toby, have you ever experienced anything like that? Why would you ask him a question when you know he's not on the mic?

I didn't realize it. No, no one in my family's ever done that shit. No, that's whack. Yeah. Renewing your vows. It's always like in the backyard. I guess if you wanted to do it for yourself, you know what I mean?

Like, say like, but why? What's the point? I just think it's like, you know, it's like, you know. But why do you got to drag other people too? No, that's what I'm saying. Don't take her on a trip. Yeah, don't do that. Get a fucking cruise.

Yeah. Have a threesome. I don't fucking know. That's what I'm saying. Don't involve me on a Saturday. If you want to do it for your own, like, hey, let's just, you know, kind of check back in after 25 years and do this nice thing or whatever, just for yourselves,

for sure. Fucking keep me out of it. Don't invite me. Lose my address. Yeah, no shit. I'm not fucking going, yeah. Watch you stand under, you know, some fucking, some like gazebo and fucking talk to some whore

that you've been banging for 25 years. She's a crude painting of love. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. I would assume there's some kind of etiquette with that. Like, I don't think, there's no way presents are, that's a fucking cash grab, if you're expecting presents. No, there's no way. I mean, also, but if you're hand up

and you need an influx of cash. Not a bad dirtbag move. Not a bad dirtbag move. I changed my stance on this. Renew your vow. If you need it, renew your vows. Juice up a little bit. Yeah.

And also a lot of, you know. Or throw yourself down the stairs like a gentleman. Gonna go fund me going. Also, too. Be a man about it. I do think there's a lot, you know, myself included. There's a lot of people out there looking for excuses to party.

So if it's like, people are like, hey, we're gonna, you know, we can go here, get all banged up. That's an anniversary party. We're having a big anniversary party. I wouldn't want to go to your anniversary party. Really? Oh, I've been to some fucking bangers. I don't think so.

Oh, yeah. When you were a kid, two things I looked forward to. You were going to pay. You were going to adult's anniversary parties as a kid? Yeah. That seems like swinger shit to me. I don't, that doesn't make sense. Anniversary, I've never heard of anybody

having an anniversary party. I might have played around a little bit. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. So the things I remember, holidays obviously, but all of my aunts, uncles, mom and dad's 40th birthday parties. That's a little different. When they all turned 40.

I remember that. The fucking party trays were flowing. I knew something was up because I didn't get invited to my mom's. It was an adult affair. Oh, man. Yeah. I was with my dad on that one.

Yikes. Yeah. Didn't get invited. Yeah. Wow. I had no kids when. That was the problem with our family so big. I talked about this, you have to draw hard lines in the sand

based on the venue and what you want the thing to be. And if it's like, if you're inviting. Yeah, they don't want your fucking big head there gumming up the work, trying to get loose. Exactly. Well, it's like, well, if you're going to bring the kids, they still do it now like, hey, it's just cousins only, or it's just parent.

It's just the aunts and uncle tiers are going. And that's just all, that's what it was. I guess they probably want to party about some fucking kids. Do some poppers and stuff. There was always like, risque cards being thrown around at those things. You know what I mean? Like, you'd open the card like a huge dick would come out.

Oh, yeah. Or something. Where would you get one of these cards? You know, all the balloons were black, like over the hill and stuff. I didn't know what the fuck there was. There was always like some sexual innuendo jokes going, like, hey, weren't you the guy who, you know,

or whatever, you know, type thing. Yeah. The sexy cards you get at Spencer's gifts. Have you ever been to a family party where a stripper or? What? Or dancers. No. I went to some dirt bags, something.

I was a kid, I didn't even know who we were. I don't know. I don't know this guy. I think it was like a wedding or something. Was that a fucking VFW or a roller skating pal? I forget where it was. You get married, get a ride, a roller skating bike. Shout out to the skating pals on the bully.

Just kill each other now. I can't tell if you can't remember, or you're just trying to cover your tracks. No, I can't remember. I genuinely can't remember. I remember a dancer. I remember a male. I remember a male dancer.

I swear to God. I remember a male dancer at one of my aunts. You never forget your first true love. Wait, a male dancer. Shout out to Randy the cop, huh? Guilty. That's where my love of law enforcement started. Son of a bitch never fixed the cable.

Yeah, I don't know why. A male dancer at a family party? This was the 80s, man. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. It was at, because we lived in town line at the time. I don't think it was at the mayor's house. We lived in town line, which was a rental community.

And they had a pretty tight clubhouse by the pool. You know, there's two stripper poles in there. But I remember they had a party and a dancer came. He didn't strip or anything. It was his day off. But I definitely remember like a cousin or somebody sitting down and him dancing for her. I'm like, he had the radio and everything.

Yeah, why the fuck was I there? I don't know. Let's get this party started. Anybody got any D batteries? He's going to be going around with the tip bucket. Yeah, why the fuck was I there? It looks like we got some lull breakers on our hands tonight. Get better help on the phone, yikes.

I remember one, two. I remember you remember those like dance floors at like a VFW or what it like those halls, low drop ceilings and like the circle table. And then that dance floor was just in the middle of nowhere. It was all of a sudden just hardwood. Yeah. And like a whorewood.

Those things are trash. There was a girl. That's why they had to stop doing that shit, because people were slipping and breaking their ankle. I guess it had to be a wedding. It's like a bowling lane. Yeah. And I remember that I don't know the bride or the guy,

but he was rooting around the dress, looking for the garter or what that whole thing. Oh, that is fucking trash. And I remember being there like eight years old, being like, dude, you're going to let this dude do this to your girl? What the fuck? He just got married.

He's already fucking setting the goods out. I never, I still don't get that as an adult. I don't understand that. No, I think they stay kind of, they're starting to get away from that shit. I don't really do that anymore. My circles, yeah, they wouldn't. I mean, it's, say me and my wife had a big wedding.

It's the best man. And my best man got under her dress in front of my, my uncle, what the fuck, like somebody be tuned up real quick for getting too fucking friddly. That's crazy talk. What is the best man takes? He fucks the bride. Prima Nocte.

What is that, Toby? What is it? He takes the garter. It's the best man. I believe it's the best man. He goes in there, takes it. Doesn't he throw it to the rest of the dirtbags? Because I always remember my older cousins,

shout out to the duck, shout out to Flo. Their squad getting married. What are they, high school mascots? Shout out to the duck. They would, they would hang them. They would hang the garter in their car. Dude, I was just gonna say, I remember being in one of my stepdad's friends' cars,

like pickup trucks, and he had a black one with white lace hanging. I'm being like, I thought it was panties or something. I didn't know what it was. Jumping up a little bit. Yeah, those things are real fucking sleazy. I don't know what's going on at your weddings, but the garter is supposed to be removed by the groom.

Oh, well, we party down there in the Delaware Valley. We play ball a little differently in Wilkesbury, Pennsylvania, I'll tell you that. Yeah, they would hang them from the mirrors. Yeah, and you would keep it. I just smelled the pickup truck I was in. Fucking Winston's and fucking Tendup Penzoil. You know dudes back in the day were in there

fucking diddling around real quick. Boy, they got a hold of that thing. Those mechanic fingers. It goes underneath like an old camera. Yeah. Sniffing around. Oh, god, that's trash. Oh, yeah.

Renew your vows. Yeah, that's a tough one. Man. All right, this is a home. This is from Dakota Brown. No any card tricks. Yeah, if you're pulling the seven of spades out of someone's asshole.

I know one magic trick. That's actually pretty good. How to make a hoagie disappear. Ha ha ha. Come on, people. If I don't say them, who will? Yeah, I could do it for you. But I'd have to write something down.

I don't know how that would play on camera for time. I know a pretty decent. I know a couple pretty decent card tricks. Parlor tricks, if you will. Are you going to do it? I'm going to do it. Keep talking. OK.

Yeah, I know a couple. Couple ones, little razzle. And there's one where you think you're like, oh, I know. And then you're like, I don't know how you did that last fucking part. I did magic tricks at a camp talent show. And it was like the first trick you learned out of the book. Zero applause.

Hey, nerd, why don't you make yourself disappear, will you? Bunksy was not impressed. Here, my next trick, are we going to the ladies? I'll do even worse. I did the devil sticks at a school as I forgot about this. Devil sticks. Yeah, I did the devil.

I did a devil. Oh, those. Yeah. You did them where? At a school or like camp talent show. You fat little bastard. Oh, my god. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. That's loser shit. Yeah. I was pretty decent at them. I remember. But hold on. I didn't account for the light show that they were going to. My eyes.

Set yourself on fire. They hit that strobe light. I don't know what the fuck. Goddamn it. This fat kid just shit himself and had a seizure. I lost it up at the strobe light. It came down and hit me in the head the first big trick. What a fucking thing.

Have you ever launched it on like a school production or anything like that? He does it on here all the time. I had a set fall apart during a school play. Oh, my god. Union jambles. That's why you go I at sea, baby. Man, I'll never forget the panic of looking up

at those strobe lights and the devil, the stick being up there, and just seeing it like, you know, fucking pump fake its way down to me, being like, no way I got this. His father left soon after. It was very lackluster. Man, deli sticks. I had to use it, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

What? Sand source blasting while you're picking it up and trying to get it back going. Jesus. Did you recover? No, I still haven't. That's why I do this. Chained schools.

What are you talking about? His real name's O'Hallohan. I didn't try it with chainsaws that year. I got to get the insurance approval. I'm going to buy us at a devil and we'll put it on the Patreon. I'm pretty good. I remember this lady that babysat us. Oh, Toby's better.

Oh, god. I remember this lady babysat us when we were kids and her boyfriend showed up and started doing that shit on the front lawn. I was like, you take that commie shit next door, bro. These colors don't run. My dad's going to get this shit out of you.

Plus, I'm going to tell him you touched this. Get out of here with that. All right, here's my trick. OK, now I want you to think of a number between 1 and 100. OK, sure. You have it? Yeah. OK, now I'm going to put it on this piece of paper

right here. And I'm going to hand it to you. Don't open it. I'm not going to open it. OK, number between 1 and 100. Tell me what it is. Go. 37.

37? Are you sure it wasn't 40? Yeah, this is you, Hamlet. This is the Hollywood behind it. Oh, my god. Let me see if I can tap into the spirits. Hey, Fatty. Shut it up and let me open this piece of paper.

Mm, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah. Yeah. OK, you said 37. I said 40. Sure. Nah, I fucked it up. You have to do the math. Hey, let's meet in the middle or something probably, right?

Hey, what are you fucking, Johnny, two times? Trying to fucking blow me up? I'm working here, dickhead. This is fucking Christ. Well, what the joke depends on you doing math. I think we're fucked. I'm the mass magician. Open it up, what does it say?

I said, you said 37. I said 40. Call the proctologist. I got a rabbit stuck up my ass. What's it say? I'll be off by three. Pretty good, huh? Sure.

I was off by three. Yeah. You get it? Sure, yeah, yeah, I don't know how you did it. Well, good magician never tells. You're stunned right now, you don't know what to do. Not really, I mean. I'm in your head.

I'm just trying to remember if you said 40 after you said 37. It doesn't matter. He did. No, I didn't. Yeah, you said pick a number between one. I said 37. You go, OK, I'll say 40.

Yeah. Oh my god. So I'm just, whatever you say, I say three more, three less. And I write down on the piece of paper, I'll be off by three. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we got it. There you go, kids. I mean, I didn't really think you were fucking, you know. I didn't think this was a Ouija board.

All right, ready? Look inside your underwear. They've been wet today. I got to be honest. Ew. I'm kidding. You have little pits going, too, underneath the thing. Sure.

Can I take a peek? Oh my god. I like how you thought that was going to get a laugh so you hand it up even. Oh my god. You're sweating and probably have poop in your underwear as we speak. And you know it.

It's like psychology 101, like, oh my god. Look how fat this guy is. You're ruining my next trick. Watch me fill my underwear with a dump. For my next trick, I will shit in my pants. That's terrible. No, I don't know any magic tricks other than that one, which is great.

You guys can use it. Matt Richards actually taught me that. Took me about three weeks to figure it out. Oh, great. Yeah, it's pretty good. I don't know if that's against the magician's code where I just stood there. My life could be in danger.

I think the heart disease is the most. It's the biggest thing we need to worry about. Not a bunch of virgins coming after you. All right, let's see here. This one we've talked about, but this is Kelly. This is the first question. Have you ever taken the bottle of wine you brought to a party home with you

because you've never opened it? That's a fucking no-no. That's a gift to the host. That's a gift to the house. It's crazy. Yeah, it's fucking cuckoo bananas. It's crazy. That's not our kind of garbage around here.

Yeah. Even if you don't drink, show up with something. Of course. Yeah, show up with chocolate, flowers, a dildo, whatever. I don't care, you know? But yeah, you can't be doing that. You never take it back. You can't take it.

It's a gift to them. Unless, yeah. No, there is no unless. Because there's been people who've said that. Kelly Keeg's, I believe, is guilty of this. She'll take the bottle of wine home with her. Yeah, that's no bueno. Yeah.

No good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. You leave it. Stays there. Yeah. Now, I have encountered the flip side of that, where you bring a nice bottle of wine,

where you intend it for the party. But the host sees that it's a nice bottle of wine. Hides it off. And fucking puts it away for later. Sure. That's a dirtbag. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.

Yeah, for sure, for sure. You can't be doing that. It's for the party. It's for that night. It lives and dies that night. All right, this is from Dion Sandals, home run of a name. Long time patron, never had a question read.

Ever put a stereo or a boombox in the backseat of your car to play music because the radio doesn't work? I've done this in the TGO. I would do this with a Bluetooth speaker, with a Bose Bluetooth. I would put it on the dashboard. Within the past year, I've done that. You know, put it on the dashboard, fucking

cooking off that thing. And I remember this, we were at a stoplight, and a guy looked over and saw it. It was just like, it was a level of shame that just ran through my body. It's a little more prevalent now because they got the earbuds. But I used to see people driving around with their headphones on.

Yeah, which I thought was illegal. Has to be. Yeah. Has to be. It can't be. It can't be legal. You got those disc man fucking headphones on, the ones that like stick out and go in your ears.

That's man. Remember the wraparound headphones? The one they dropped? Remember when it was here and then it went behind the head? Yeah. They were like the Sony Walkmer, or Vio, or Vio, or whatever. Those things dropped.

The kids would walk in when they were like red or blue. I just had those bullshit ones with the foam on them. The one didn't work. Those ones with the foam. Good luck getting them in there. Yeah, that fucking. They would always fall out. That fucking stunk.

I had one of the first Walkmans. Because for some reason, my mom worked at the Gap. They were giving them away. And we had them. It was just a radio. Pretty cool though. Yeah, I remember my buddy had one. And then the only disc man I proper owned.

Those yellow disc men, when they hit. The Walkman. No, I'm talking about the disc. Oh, the disc man, yeah, yeah. Those things were like, that was. That was money. That was rich people shit. That was money.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You had to work at Merrill Lynch or something like that to get those. And there was such a disconnect between technology and my parents. That if I was like, hey, I want a new bike or something. You know what I mean? They'd be like, OK, they get that.

Or like, hey, I need a new hockey or something, or a baseball bat. They understood that. But to go to that. Because that was when technology started cooking. To be like, I want a disc man. They would be like, what the fuck? So the only one I want to raffle in sixth grade

at the fucking something. And it came with a disc man. Not a disc man, like a generic CD player disc man. A raffle. Yeah, it was like for school or something. It was like something, I don't know. Guess the jelly beans? Yeah, it was probably something along those.

I won something at school. I don't remember what it was. And it came with that and it was green. And it was like, it just didn't. Sucks. And that was when everybody was cooking with the skip proof, the fucking, you know, the five second delay or whatever.

And I had to walk with my leg. Like it was a fucking full thing, full champagne flute. Just fucking walking with it. So it wouldn't fucking bounce. Yeah, you couldn't listen to it in the car. Go over a speed bump. You got all hemmed up. Bad.

To the parents out there. Either get them, either get them the right thing or don't get them at all. It's a worse. It damages the psychology of the child if you get them the fucking knockoff. The knockoff. Yeah, just go like, oh yeah, do you have an iPad?

No, it's worse to be like, I have a, you know, a B pad or whatever. They're like, get the fuck out of here with this. Because I remember I wanted a skateboard one year and I got a, a Nash. We've talked about this a handful of times. Yeah. Yeah, still think about it.

Told you I went to the whole life could have been different. I went to the skate shop. Hey, Lafty out of there. To get new trucks. Lafty out of there. Yeah. Off look. It's a, it's, it's a level of confidence.

Sucks you out. Sucks you. Whole life that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Man. It's true though. Also one we've touched on, but new patron never had a question read,

did your parents ever bring their own nips on a flight to make their own cocktails versus buying the flight attendants? Never. Parents in booze like that. Now they'd bring a bottle of Kahlua down the shore. Either did mine. My stepdad recently,

they went on a cruise like a couple of years ago and like he had like an elaborate bladder system and like hanging up in his tucks or whatever. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. To get, to get booze on. One, he likes the booze. Well, I thought all that shit was free on cruises.

Not booze. I don't think the food is, but I don't think the booze, that's where they get you. Cause you can only buy the booze there. Do you really want to save a couple hundred bucks for that? I don't get that shit. Yeah.

I used to have a buddy that used to do that. I think we talked about it. He would, he would, he would bring a backpack to bars where they got wise to it. And he'd have like a fucking handle of Captain Morgan in there. Yeah, I never did that.

No. There may or may not be an older gentleman in my family who had the flip flops that you could put booze in. Whoa. That would bring them to baseball games. Wow. The flip flops.

What was it like? Like the reefs. Yeah. Like you could fill up the bottom of the reef. Oh yeah. With booze. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It was like the,

the flip flop itself was a container. That is correct. Ew. What the fuck? How bad were you at Little League? You scared the fucking Jesus Christ. Yeah. Flask sandals, they're called.

Get the fuck out of here. Yeah. That's fucking bad news. None of that shit. Yeah, look. That's fucking so gross. Yeah. Well, whatever.

Little bird shit chaser. What the fuck? Stuff sterile. You know what I mean? It'll fucking sanitize anything. All right. Let's see. This is from Haywood.

Ever put water in condiments? Ranch ketchup because there wasn't enough to squeeze out and you still wanted to get your money's worth to make it stretch. That ruins the condiment for me. Ruins it. Yeah, I've done it. But I use milk.

But like what? Like I would, you would think like a couple of draw. Like it can't be water. Water, you put watery ketchup on something. Ruins the fucking omelet. Not ketchup, but I made blue cheese dressing and ranch dressing.

Disappear. Stretch a little further with a little bit of whole milk. Yeah. Shake it up a little bit. That's not for me. Maybe a little salt, a little pepper, a little olive oil. Just kind of do your thing. That's not for me.

Yeah, man. I can't get away with that. Let's see. Okay, that was Haywood. This one from JT. Never had a question right. Any friends or family currently saving money for new teeth? It's bad when you got a tooth fund.

That's a tough one. It really is. I get it. You're trying to better yourself. You talking about implants? Just says new teeth. I don't know. It says new teeth.

You got molars on layaway. I got a couple incisors. I did have a couple of friends, parents who didn't do well and then started doing well and got the adult braces. Yeah. That's man. Trying to listen to somebody's dad yell at you with fucking rubber bands in his mouth.

Fuck you. Holy shit. Where were we? He was a guy working somewhere. It was a girl. No, it was a kid. And he had the front braces. Scared the shit out of me.

Every time he opened it, he was like our point man somewhere. To be like, hey, there's our waiter or something. No, it was a waitress we had at Twin Peaks in Texas. She had braces on. No, but there was a kid somewhere that I was just, I think it was like a waiter or bartender. And every time I forgot, cause I was boozing.

And he was like, oh fuck. He looked like a Bond villain or something. Chew your cell phone. Yeah. Yeah, it was a fucking tough one. I mean. But I respect that you're better in yourself. 100%.

Especially if to the front teeth and you're like, hey, I want to get my fucking act together. Sure. You know what I mean? Invisalign though. Well, that's different than new teeth. New teeth indicates like rotted or missing or not there. Or like real fucking jacked

or where you're going to get the veneers. Yeah. All right. This one's from Kyle. And I forgot about these. Have you ever rented or owned a Jerry Springer, Jerry Springer triple X taper DVD? Do you remember those?

No, I don't remember him. So Jerry Springer had a set of DVDs. You can see the boobies when they ripped each other's shirt. Yeah. It was like the real fucking sexy stuff. Like the two hot for TV type stuff. But I got caught up in a couple of knockers hanging off. I got caught up in a couple of girls one gone wild videos.

Man, those things. Dude, that fucking infomercial would do it for me. There was a blonde girl in fucking Arizona who had my number. Big set of cans on her. Yeah, man. That was... Those things were scandalous.

Did you ever watch them? I'm telling you, yeah. To fuck what am I gonna do here? Put myself in jail? I'm admitting it. Yeah, there's some lake down in Texas. I don't know. It's like in Horlake or something.

I don't know what it was. But these kids were fucking partying. All the boats go out and they... That's in Arizona, like Havasu and stuff like that. I don't know. I don't know where it was. But we're going. Oh, good Lord.

Yeah, those, you know, God bless. That was also that guy got the shit. I don't know if you ever heard that guy got what was coming to him. A lot of that was like they didn't know whether they were drunk or they can, you know, they didn't really realize that it was gonna go nationwide. Really?

What the fuck? It was dicey. And then a dad, I could have this story wrong, but a dad whose daughter got like exploited on it and like lost her job or kicked out of college, something happened. He went and fucking like... Tuned him up?

But like even, we might have even talked about this. He like tied him down and sodomized him and shit. It was like, yeah. We did not talk about this. He really went after it. I'm pretty sure. Because they made a law and order about it. They make a law and order about it.

It's dead gotta be true. What was that dude's name? Wasn't he, he was... T-Bone's gonna have it. Joe Francis. Three million dollars he had to pay. Joe Francis is the guy, the owner of it, right? Wasn't he like a personality for a little while?

I believe so. Yeah, he was in the videos and stuff. Like, hey, what's up? I'm Joe. I didn't know any of that. Yeah, sure enough. I never saw it. I'm telling you, man.

And then didn't he get like, his home got broken into and he got all jammed up. No pun intended. Yeah, yeah, something like that. He went to jail. Yeah. Damn. I don't know all the, yeah, let's not get into

all the gory details, but that guy got jammed up. Rightfully so, I believe if my recollection of the story is correct. Yeah, that's right. That's what you get. Punk. Yeah, but I never owned any of those. I never, I bought them.

Can you come across those? Yeah. Somebody's dad got a couple in them, fucking got caught slipping. Yeah. He took the heat for it when it showed up and the wife yelled at him. It somehow ended up in the basement.

Sure. And the scavengers came over. Yeah. Clean. All right. This one's from Bryce. Have you or anyone in your family ever put your own hair on a plate at a restaurant to get discount slash meal

for free? No, that's, I mean, that's crazy. I feel like I would be the one that got caught doing that. Yeah. That guy fucking banned from Mickey D's. I ever saw my dad do that. Oh, yeah. We were never like, we were never even like get something.

We're not a complaining family. We're fucking head down, keep your fucking mouth shut. If you don't like it, it's gonna, you know, we'll then about it on the ride home. But we're not. I can tell you about the two, the only two times in the history, my 45 years with the Foley family, great organization.

They've had their problems. Only twice has my family complained in a restaurant. And once is that my father took a big swig of sour milk at a cracker barrel. Two, my brother almost swallowed an industrial staple in a place called Hungry Pilgrim in an apple cobbler. That we took for a ride. All the free dessert you can have.

Oh, I swear to God, they're the only two times we, now we'll fucking trash the place in the car. Yeah, of course. All right. Of course. But now, never. Yeah. Can't do it. The only time.

Don't have the confidence. No, we're not confident people. The only time. Shut up, you'll eat at home. My mom would get a little, the Sullivan's are a fucking kooky bunch. They can fly off the handle from time to time. And she would lose it from time to time.

Not in a, never in like a, in a just way. I remember the one time we were flying fucking East wind airlines now defunct. East wind. I remember we were waiting. This fucking plane pulls up. It's got a bumblebee on it. And my brother's like,

I ain't getting on this fucking plane. No fucking way. Is this a tailspin? So we have to, we have to do an emergency landing. Not because of the gear or anything. They were. Right out of the gas. There was a fuck.

I forgot. We landed in Georgia. We're going to Florida. We landed in Georgia and this guy started complaining. Rightfully so. Cause like we stopped and they're like, Oh, we need to check something. And then they let other passengers on who got strand.

It was like real fucking. It was a low budget airline trying to make it work. And it, you know, cause like there are other. A pool airline. It was, yeah, it was an Uber. So it was like a tough luck. And then this guy started screaming. He's like, yeah, what the fuck's going on here?

You motherfuckers. Like let's fucking go. A lot of people freak out on airplanes. It's stressful. You know, you know, you're fucking tense. What if you don't like flying your tents? And then you're like, dude, we were over Florida and we turned back around to go to Georgia.

Like this guy could be like, I don't know. He could just be going to get fucking high and drunk with his buddies or he could be going to a business meeting. He could be going to fucking, he could be missing a wedding. He could be, you know, his kid could be being born. Something. He's still like an adult.

I mean, I understand if they leave in a tarmac for like five hours and it's fucking 100 degrees or whatever. Sure. Whatever. I don't know. He starts fucking shooting off at the mouth. Then the flight attendants get involved.

Then the cops come on, like the local Georgia police. To when the lip dries up. And he, nah, he's going. It's a thing. He's go, you fucking motherfucker. And then like, he had gotten into it with another passenger and they started like gripping the other passenger up to like get him out of there

and they were leaving the problem guy. And Denise did not like that. What are you doing? Yes, him. He's the one. We're lazy, easy, nice. Easy does it. I'm not fucking getting you out of hawk

and fucking Greensboro, Alabama. Working the chain gang for the weekend. Trying to go to Disney. Hit my fucking Epcot on. Yeah, they'll get a little hairy. Oh, that was the food restaurant for free. Trash. Let's do one tomorrow and we got a buggy.

We got a buggy. This one, I don't even understand, but I got a lot of likes on Patreon. This is from Jake, ever scratching itch with your teeth. I guess, yeah. What the fuck? Oh. Makes sense.

Yes, I have. Ooh. Yeah, I'll go to any length to satisfy an itch. A fork, a hanger, the remote. Yeah. You do it in a hotel. What do you do with that hotel remote? Do you take it out of the sleeve?

Do you take it out of the protective sleeve or you leave it in there? That thing's got fecal matter on it for sure. I used one of the hotels. I had an itch and I couldn't reach it and I was like the middle of the night and I grabbed the thing and it was right on the side of my left thigh in the back.

You know the butt cheek, I scratched it with that. It works in a pinch. Toby, can we cut that? Jesus Christ. That's why you get these little Roku remotes and don't do shit. I need a Toshiba big boy. Remember those?

The big man pajamas? Yeah. Yeah, they were all right. The size of a phone. All right, let's see here. All right, let's do two more. And this is from Joshua. I'm not even sure I understand this

but he's been asking it for a little while. Ever bummed a Bernie off a homeless guy. I don't even, that would never even cross my mind. You're end up if you're borrowing something from a homeless guy. Maybe he might not be talking homely, he might be talking more like a street guy which is a little different.

But I'm thinking like pattern rags, like shopping cart posted up on, like under an overhang or something. Those guys never have smokes on. That's what I'm saying. They're always asking me for burners. Where does this guy live when a homeless guy's got burns? I know, he must be a nice part of town.

You're not in a great spot if you're bumming anything off a homeless guy. All right, then we'll get out of here on this one. This was from Al. And we've talked about this briefly but when making a PB and J do you use separate utensils for the PB and the J? Or the same?

Everybody knows I'm a peanut butter man through and through. I don't do it a J, strictly PB. But if I go over your house and there's jelly in the fucking peanut butter, I'm upset about that. Yeah, I'm upset. I'm really upset. It just goes to show that you're,

it's not sanitary to me. As a child, I believe my mother's move was knife, butter knife for the peanut butter. Spoon. Teaspoon for the jelly. Yeah. She would spread the jelly around. With the back of the spoon.

With the back of the spoon. That's a fucking classy broad right there. Now, learn this trick. Two pieces of bread. You fucking peanut butter up to one, put it down. Then you take the plain one and you're going to put the jelly on and you clean the knife.

Sure. Give it a couple of those. Then scoop your jelly out, spread it on there, close your sandwich, get your chips, your glass of milk, your pickles, sit down, put on the A team and enjoy yourself. Yeah. That's out of laziness.

You should do a spoon though, be a gentleman. Think so? Yeah, you're doing that out of laziness. You could also use a rag, but you're using a bread. I do most things out of laziness. I know. Which has led to some great innovations. Like use my napkins.

Yeah. Well, this was lovely. Yeah. Had a nice time with you. Yeah, it was great. Toby. I feel like you're breaking up with us. Well, listen, we've come to, you know,

I just don't see it anymore. Gang, we fucking love you. Woo, yeah, we do. Do yourself a favor. Do us a favor. If you're in the Philadelphia area, October 27th, grab some tickets, Helium Comedy Club. It is going to sell out.

It's going to sell out for sure. Also, New York City date being announced. New York City date being announced. I didn't even know we were allowed to say that. We might not be able to, but the agents haven't listened this far into this episode for sure. Gang, we're ending the year with a bang.

We love you. Thank you for everything. Thank you for the love, for supporting us. Thank you everybody that came to the Moontarra Comedy Festival. All the love shows. Amazing. We love you.

We'll see you next week. Peace. Peace.