Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - The Death of Garbage Island

Episode Date: March 7, 2024

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedians and podcast hosts Tommy Pope & Chris O'Connor from Stuff Island! You know Stuff Island from Matt & Shanes Secret Podcast, This is Not Happening, Whiskey Ginger w/ Andrew Santino, Look at Dish, stand up comedy and so much more. Thanks for watching Are You Garbage Comedy Podcast! Through the Roof Tour Tickets: https://areyougarbage.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/ PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ This Show is sponsored by BetterHelp Better Help: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Get 50% off your 1st box by going to https://factormeals.com/Garbage50 and use code GARBAGE50 Blue Chew: https://bluechew.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Tushy: https://hellotushy.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans

Hachi Machi, the 2024 through the roof tour is about to launch. Come out and see the boys is the stand up comedy show. And then we answer your garbage questions. You seen the clips, you know, it's a good time. Grab the squad and come see the boys, baby. Yeah, it starts April 17th in Charlotte, North Carolina. Then April 18th, we're going to Nashville, Tennessee. April 19th in Tampa, Florida at the Tampa Theater.

April 20th at the Center Stage Theater in Atlanta, Georgia. Get all those tickets and tickets for all the other cities on the Through the Roof Tour at rugarpage.com. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Garbage Island.

Oh yeah. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She's upstairs playing with her new bug zapper in her bedroom. He likes what I heard. Michael is coming at you from right next to me. He's the CEO of our new garbage. He's seven crabs.

International businessman. He's my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for Gay Jake. I'm in Jane Drion, everybody. What up, gang? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you're right, view, subscribe, and I too on itunes full video valve on YouTube as

those numbers are through the route cooking then obviously the greatest website of all time ain't got to tell nobody in this room www.patreon.com.com. Check it the fuck out and have a nice quick shout out to our producer X short and air the old magic man works the ones and twos the threes and the fours he crosses them teas and he dots them I give it up for'm stuck we got the boys in here fucking boys here. This is like the closest. I'll ever gets a two real life bash bros coming in you guys Rock a toy for it It means not welcome. Oh, it's like you guys are always ready to do your normal filter.

It's an insult. Gang, we couldn't be more excited ever incredibly. And I mean incredibly special guests back with us again. They're family. You know them. You love them. They're the host of Stuff I'll Leave. That's exactly what we are doing.

God damn it. I'm working here. They're the host of the Stuff I'll Leave podcast. And there are also two stars of the brand new net Netflix series tires Which debuts May 23rd make sure you check that out give it up for mr. Tommy Pope and missus Chris O'Connor everybody They both got nervous and took a sip of whiskey immediately. We've done nothing Fellas we're both embarrassed of ourselves please rerun that whole thing it's my favorite part of the show thank you pal yeah yeah you act like you've never heard it every time we do it just pull me get a load of this he's guys

are doing it faster try over here pull in the fucking quarter of a recliner It's so exciting! It's one thing to hear it out by then when you see it in person. Lord, it's fire. It's nuts dude, anythings it's cool. It's not cool. Dude, it's a bubble bogey. It's not cool, what are we talking about? It says ATM and ice and soda on it.

Oh my god. It's all the bogey signs Oh my god. It's truly, it's all the Bo-Degasines and fucking Queens. It's Japanese. We got chop cheese. Yeah, we know, stupid. It's Japanese. Yeah. From Tokyo.

You're the palest Newport box I've ever seen. It's actually from Burlington Coke Factory. That's a subset of Japan, actually. It's inside of a tiny Coke. Well, they're really up their game. Yeah. They are. That's them up in their game.

Oh, Connie thinks it's cool. Dude, in two weeks, Tommy's gonna be wearing that shirt because you don't know fucking culture You know always two weeks ahead. Yeah Yeah, that backwards that's Yeah, dude, I'll cut that shirt up in the seven bathing suit Cover the boat with this thing. Boys, congratulations. You're making a move down to Austin, Texas. We're going to miss you. Yeah. Well, we'll probably see you more. That's what he keeps saying. You'll be too busy. I would just so very

happy to see you. I've had ex-girlfriend say that to me. Yeah, we'll break it up, but I'll probably see more of you. Let's hang out. You're always in a different city. You're fucking destroying. You guys too're fucking destroying you guys to man. Don't do that Big time I was just over their house, and I didn't even see O'Connor We watch Yeah, where was I was at your house for five hours? I didn't see you once I was on the road probably in your room hanging upside down somewhere. He's got his hand over a candle.

Like crazy Joe Devolt. Just with a knife. Real chill guy. I was over at the house a couple weeks ago. We were doing a look at dish. Tommy made a beautiful meal. O'Connor was really on one that night, man. I tell you. We've been on one for like seven weeks. It's like the few guys. You guys was really on one that night man I tell you

we've been on one for like seven weeks. It's like the president all in for about eight years. I mean like complete depressive. But holes bucking buckering telling me the move the move is hard. It's a lot. The move is hard. But you're you're so hard because you know, kind of has a low-flow shower with that hair This guy's got no water pressure at the crib. You gotta That's what I meant that's a funny joke Let the salt flow. It's like, would you get one of those Play-Doh hair growth things? The pump's not working. I never came out, right? That thing sucked. Just trying to make a bowl of nays with it.

Yeah. That was the first flesh life, right? I fucked that thing. Poor thing. Didn't know it was hitting him. Now, moving by yourself is tough. Moving with women is, I've never been more sure that women can't serve in the military. Okay. And we're back. Things seem to be going well over in Queens. 100%.

They can't pack dishes to save our lives. No, no, no. It's not going to work. A Patriot Missile System. The way that they question things. You think dishes stuff, wait till they start to nag it. What are you going do then? Dude, you're waterboarding her. Dude, don't pull the pin on that. He's her live rounds, god damn it. Don't run, what are you doing? There is nothing worse for morale than a woman in any combat situation.

Yes, it's 100% true, because they ask questions about things that are clearly in the fog of war that just add anxiety. Like you know, like the beginning of Saving Private Ryan when they're all on the boat, it's a bunch of men and they're sitting quietly once. Tosses of 40s. Yeah. Once throwing up, once kissing across, they would be standing there going like, okay,

so we did bomb the beach, right? We bombed it, did we bomb it? Okay, and the artillery went off. And the 101st Airborne, they landed, they landed in the right sound, like you'd be like, shut the fuck up! This is where you sit, puke if you need to! We're going to hell!

Shvenderman just lost his head! We got bigger, hugger problems! After all your friends died, they're just like, this beach is nice! Just showing off for the big beach. Should do our engagement photos here. This is good. No, but best thing that ever happened to me, After all your friends died they're just like this beach is nice Just showing up for the door engagement photos here. This is now the best thing that ever happened to me I love them and death. Yeah, it's truly like it sounds like you're a real good time I'm sure she has some thought I've spent four days with you. You're a tough

Screaming about D-Day outside of a U-Haul I'm sitting in the corner smoking a cigarette just in the dark. I'm not even smoking. Are you okay? Sergeant Kliklowski over there. No, it is true. Like every, like, simple... Alright, Tommy's trying to make it. Every simple task is like getting a horse into a mea.

Hey, leave me at it. It's like, salt me. Why is everything got to be so tough? Just trying to get a utility bill. So you're, the birds kind of just jammed up when you're trying to get a utility bill. So do it. The paper work.

Whose name's the power? Oh man. Oh, we never changed that. Somebody's going to get in your mail at that apartment for the next five years. Man,, these guys are real. It's fucking liquid death and she's Not over here. Yeah, enjoy Man your girls the good ladies kind of just moved in with you. It's not that long I was I was just yeah

I was just over there Tommy's going over all the decorating plans That's I hear from and they already have a place in Austin. We just had to play Tommy's going over all the decorating plans next I hear from and they already have a place in Austin. We just had to play Dude, he's like oh dude. We're going. He's got a new stove. I just got like wallpaper and shit I had a whole new like podcast environment. Mm-hmm. Chris brings me to the bar. He goes we're going all I was like what? Okay, I don't everyone's everyone's got a backstory. We're going to war When that gate drops when they gate drops I shut the fuck up He's got a Scotch he's dressed like a sniper The real estate agent showing in the apartment you come up out of the pond in the middle

No, it is funny you also forget the neighbors All right, I got first and last month's rent in the dog tags of my fallen brothers. You also forget everything. Never throw your gun in the mud. You forget everything they did, like finding the apartment. Oh, yeah. Doing all the work. Yeah.

Yeah, I got to sign up for a bill. I'm like, this place fucking sucks. Stop busting my balls. I'm chasing my dream here. We don't have sex anymore. Yeah, no shit. We ain off my head. I'm chasing my dream here. He don't have sex anymore. Yeah, no shit. We ain't got lights. I'm busy.

I got a mountain of shit over here. I'm busy signing up for spectrum. Was all this stuff shipped down there? Was all the furniture's gone? That's a hole. The furniture's gone. Jesus Christ. These two are losing their minds and you keep falling in.

No, he knows what he's doing. Back in the daytime TV host. He knows what he's doing. He's having fun over there. Four feet away. So you're going to connect the home phone or what are you? their minds and you keep following him back into daytime TV. No, he's doing it. I'm following him. Four feet away. So you're going to connect to home phone? Did you get the Comcast Triple Play? Is that your voicemail yet?

You can't do the phone. You'd better take the phone. They want to bundle it. They want you to have the phone. I've had a phone number. I don't even have a phone. I haven't had phone in 10 years. You guys got petting shorts?

I literally had that conversation with AT&T today. I was like, I was just connecting the internet I was like I just need internet when we get in there and the lady was like so how do you watch TV? And I was like I gotta tell you something I'm not thinking about switching shelves there this right now calling an airstrike here lady Trying to take this beach. Tell me about bundles. It's just nonstop.

Being an adult is tough. It's not fun, dude. It's not fun. This is my first house since leaving 18 years old my parents' house. Yeah, yeah. So like you have a property. Yeah.

You got a yard? I got a yard. I got a driveway. Got a park garage. Who's going to cut the grass? You're going to get somebody. You're doing it? Five years landscape experience.

Oh, my bitch. You going to do blow on my show Just sleeping the truck you gotta be suit the smash cut of him on this podcast to the actual footage of him I'm the grass him being like there's nothing I love more than Fucker, I'm cutting the grass again. I'm gonna cut fucking- Just do it! Motherfucker, I'm cutting the grass again! I'm gonna cut a- Fucking bitch doesn't do anything to scream at your neighbor! The fuck you looking at, John? The fuck- fuck you, John? 100% dude.

I got Italians down here! I'm not made of Italians! Imagine shirtless just chunking away one chip at a time with a three iron? One of those old school mowers that doesn't have any- any power? The fuck are you looking at, Charlie? Tommy also doesn't have a driver's license no He's got to take it. I can take the test and the driving test and the written sure Imagine him getting pulled over with a Texas license

pretending like he's not like He's not He's not like He's not mulling Like you didn't rat somebody out this guy's got I'm up in a pan handle Hold on I got questions What else? Um?

Tommy I was thinking you're gonna have the house you're gonna be able to grow some vegetables and stuff Yeah, you can be able to do a private little back all year round. Yeah How many bedrooms three bedroom three bedroom two bedroom? Where do you see the kitchen kitchen is the size of this fucking room? No, okay? Look at this. Go There you go. Yeah, it's the perfect house. Just look at this is gonna go all stove All kitchen and couch tow I'll remember that you have a basement And how they don't do a nice man down there. No, no ranchers. Yeah, but about a like a hurricane or which we'll call tornado

They got them down there. I don't think so. It's too inland for hurricanes and There's enough mountains for Turned on real quick. He's got a worry. The brain ain't low flow. I'll tell you that much Turned into hurricane Yeah I'll be thrown out of a couple because you said you had you had a going away party tonight I'm like who's gonna be there your hair your hairdresser your butcher Your fish my hairdresser. I'm my butcher. So yeah, it'll just be me drinking by myself It's gonna get you just one balloon like fucking lieutenant Dan you at a bar with a set of clippers and a cleaver

Have you gone to your because you just folks out there? No, you're too like the cock. I don't even think you're gonna make it to Austin. You're gonna get lost Are you flying or driving? I gotta bring a cat on the flight. Oh my god. Why don't you get a cat? She's a very cute came in the merger That thing ain't that thing's not gonna last D-day I tell you. I love this gap but I don't think it's gonna make the flight I gotta do. The merger sounds like I love this relationship. Well when we were acquired. Real sparks flying over there. Come with mergers. She's gonna watch us like can we talk? Like not now. It is so crazy how is your

interrelationship and you go from the most progressive dude to a 1930s man Can I get a little peace and quiet Everything is do Tommy Did you say goodbye to all your did you go to all your bartenders and all that say goodbye to one tonight? Oh, that's what you're doing tonight Who's all gone who's all gonna be I didn't get invited to that either. Just somebody that I didn't love. It's just it's just my love. Tommy has a whole other life out there in Astoria. Yeah. He does his thing. They all know him out there. He's like the mayor. He really probably owes him all money to him. I'm guessing Tommy has.

That's not fair. That's not the whole story Instead of saying that's not true though, well, that's not fair that's not a fair representation Anyway, yes fully thanks for the questions it's gonna be a wonderful time he has his coffee shop He has his bar. Yes this he has is that I'm gonna buy my Chris has the Greek guys he yells at the park because he goes to the people doing Tai Chi in the park that's my going away party is I walked all the places I've been that just squinted wrong you that you think I know I know you gave me the wrong change you think I know you gave me the wrong change six years ago he kicks a couple of I gave him a 20 I know it what you

don't even carry 10s it's impossible what you should do is rent a vest but dress up like a seamless driver and then stop by all the restaurants you get seamless when we go thank you thank you they all tip their cap I'm gonna miss you boys yeah yeah Thank you. Thank you. They all tip their cap Gonna miss you boys. Yeah. Yeah, it's gonna be see it more often

Man, you're really spinning that area I bet you guys are like anytime you see a comment. It's like I never see these guys anymore. They're always on the road You're like at home eating mac and cheese. Yeah, what do you want? Yeah? You think we're gonna that time you texted me I came and hung out when you text me. I text you want to go we want to run through the yeah Oh, please run through the group. I've texted multiple times Joe any you guys out getting beers right? Oh, cuz you're out already and you want and I'm an alcoholic I know what you I've already had to and we don't want to go home three days open. Would you like to do something? That's gone. I'm already already out I got no troops behind me. Would you like to come meet me because I already made a mistake? I got it. That's not fair. That's not fair

Gauge for God's sake hundred percent sure though. It's a casual you get you get a you up in the middle of the night You're a nice piece of his Tommy. Guys, come, I take my other lady out on dates. Come stay with me in Austin. I like that. And what do you got? O'Connor, you're in an apartment. Yeah, yeah.

How many bedrooms is that? Hostel for a couple of weeks. Two. Seven cats, all shit themselves. I wanted to make sure I had a balcony. I could jump off. Case things go south. Yeah. 26 floors. That can kill shit themselves. I wanted to make sure I had a balcony. I could jump off. Case things go south. 26 floors.

That can kill a man. Have you already scouted out a local dry cleaner to yell at? You get down there and just make a list of people immediately. They're a weak this neighborhood. I got to wash it. I got to wash it. Look, can I go away? You're upgrading to a better quality of lights.

For sure. Anything outside of New York is a better quality of lights. Are you going to pick up a, does the bird have a car or are you going to buy a car? You're going to buy a car. You're going to buy a car? Yeah. What do you think? You're something Guido. Yeah.

A white Audi or something. I was going to get an Audi. I have cars you were. Yeah, yeah. Hold on, not white though. Like. I'm going to get a black Audi A5, A6. Really?

New, pre-owned? brand new I think I feel like you're more of a Mazda me out I can't wait to let me get in repoed out of the front jolly's parking it in the back I know you have 17 cameras here but we're doing all right ourselves man you're gonna make this guy's got a complex about the number of cameras a bokeh digger shirt we're not doing white out he good at

his split and he's not thinking he's skimming do white out he uh first guy was a white accurate TL s type gang this episode is brought to you by better help mm-hmm if you don't set time aside to achieve your goals, it's gonna be really hard to accomplish them. Yep. BetterHelp Online Therapy helps you learn to set boundaries, work towards the best version of yourself. You hear that, Fatty?

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Oh, Connie? They don't care. Oh. They also don't care. They're sad you're taking off? I think so, yeah. You saw your parents twice the last year. They don't fucking care.

They'll probably see them more. Yeah. Yeah. See, he gets it. There you go. Get him to come to you. Well, they come down and visit. Well, your parents come down and No, no your parents come up here

Wait right now they my mom's my mom's been in New York twice Here it's after I've been married shit the parents don't give a shit They want their own fucking peace and you want your own peace and start your own life Why do you why do you care if your parents they're gonna show up for one hour, you're like, I missed you. Two hours, how long you here? Yeah. Three hours, get the fuck off my lawn. I gotta cut it. Who's gonna cut the grass?

Who's gonna cut the grass? We talk about that all the time. I always try to like, you know, I'm always the one going down there, I'm always the one doing it. Nobody comes up to see you. No, and all the friends are like, yeah, you changed, you ain't coming around no more

It's like pussy. You know exactly where to find me. You never once reached out I mean, they're the same like they're like us who you are in your head is not who you actually are You know what I mean exactly so they they sit around and they go I miss you mom Not gonna see me even though we haven't seen each other they're gonna go I'm not gonna see him that much and then they're like he they might want to go down to Texas But they're not gonna do anything in Texas They just turn on the TV and sit in front of yeah, my dad watches Yeah, people cut wood with a table fucking zoom. Yeah now that's a night zoom

I'm here meeting parents. Yeah, why not? I mean I've never Like it's the same fucking thing it's like if you want to see my face. I'll zoom you don't take the trip Yeah, see me. No take the trip Grandin the heading the pick you up put it you in my myata Gonna fit in the back seat of a me out. I like how you buy your parents five hundred on tickets to Texas Row 58 be Shut up. I like how your buying parents filing $500 tickets to Texas. Rho 58B. Back to this. Again, money ball over here.

You set a thousand. This kid's got fucking balls. I like it. Tommy's mad at me. Now we can start this show. I've been upset for a long fucking time. About me? No. Now about 44 years. It's a different level. The whole fucking angst and anxiety with this move

I'm gonna I'm a wreck I seem to be taking it well Dude, I've been on air mattress for fucking 10 days. We sent our shit in boxes. Well, that's stupid No, that's a smart way to go. What an air mattress for 10 days. That ain't the smart way to go You could have waited a little bit, but yeah If you're sleeping on an air mattress for 10 days, you fucked up somewhere. No, you got a 10-day lag in one direction or the other. Yeah, that's what I figured. Now it just takes 10 days.

Is that how long it takes? Is 10 days in the game? I wouldn't solve that problem that way at all. Well, we're trying to see a few shekels here. Yeah, what's it cost to ship a fucking mattress down? What's it cost to ship a huge mattress? You gotta do the whole move at once. No, the mattresses are in.

No, but they don't fly it down they drive it yeah yeah I'm sure you can sell the fucking mattress in Queens and buy a new fucking mattress Helix comm promo code garbage I mean maybe like she's a mattress you pack all your shit that you want you guys have never left these Either of you. Yeah, we're dealing with it. It's not coach over. It's something. Take fucking notes on your laptop. You don't know what this is like. You're right. You guys have the energy like a game

dragged in a penalty box. Well, you understand this game. We're not doing OK. Hey, both of us have been more or less off the grid. It's crazy. For our entire dog. That's what it is. You're like putting down your address on things.

Yeah. Why do you putting that in your address on things. Why do you need my name and address to hook the internet up, sir? I'm good for it. That's what I want to know. You don't take cash? That's what it is. Now we're getting to the bottom of it. It ain't about the mattresses.

It's pay for work as we got. All of a sudden people doing credit checks. It's like, who's looking at that stuff? I thought that was for play! You guys are playing for keeps? Oh yeah. That's what it is, you guys are finally forced to be adults. I'm kind of trying to do a handshake deal with AT&T. How about just a couple of guys sitting down looking at each other in the eye, huh?

He's going, where are you at right now? Where are you at right now? Where are you located? Plus one cat. No, it's a fucking nightmare. Sure. Oh, the cat needs shots. You all let him on the plane?

Cat didn't have shots. I got to get highbacks. Chris calls me, can I say this? Chris calls me two days ago and he goes, he calls me at the coffee shop and we're all like, we're just trying to figure out like how the business gonna work throughout the two weeks of transition and all that shit.

He got to do smartest guys on it too. Ha ha ha ha. Shut up. Fucking Mensa over here. So he calls me, I'm in the coffee shop and he goes, hey, and I think it's important, you know? And he goes, how you doing? I'm like, I'm a fucking wreck, I'm in hell.

And he goes, same. And then we just start laughing really too straight It's and then he unloaded and then we start talking. I was like so anyway, what's up? And he goes nothing man. I just want to talk to you. I just want to hear your sweet Sweet sweet boy. I just want to talk to you. I'm like dude, thank you so much We we literally we drove the cat from oh this apartment to my parents house Which is 30 minutes a cat shit itself? Like I'm like I'm thinking Delta I would have thrown that thing in the back of garbage if your cat shit

In first class I imagine that smelled pretty bad in the car. I wasn't in the car. Oh, that's an Uber driver. Yeah, no, you were to buy yourself a white shit. No, no, my parents came and picked us up. We had so much shit left in the house. They drove us in separate cars back to the house. So I get out of the car at my parents' house and I'm like, how do you do?

And Bob's got a shit. My girl gets out and she she's like he's covered shit and the cats like oh my god dude I flew with my cat and it shit itself yeah oh I fly with full he should do it we I didn't but I will also say don't let it look out the window, I think it'd fuck it up for life. I won't look out the window. Yeah. Cats, you wanna see this? Cats are supposed to see further than 100 yards. Come here, lean on.

I took too much, dude. I took too much. Come here, candlelight. You wanna see the Alps? It's like, shut the fuck up. Really blew his mind. He put that rat in the cage, kicking it under your seat. Dude, and cats have panic attacks.

The way that it slowly comes on on it's like a tea kettle boiling Man that flight's gonna be alright On the same flight. No, I don't think no, I'm leaving on Saturday He's leaving on Monday. Are you gonna give it to some CBD or something like that to chill it out You're supposed to give it gabapentin or something something something like that yeah supposed to get action but they obviously they're not they're not for Tommy They're not dogs they're like picky eaters so apparently you have to shove it down its throat and like and fucking yeah I'm gonna have to kill a cat Sounds like a real good time.

Put that thing in a bucket of oil. But once you get down and get situated, you'll be all set. Yeah, I'll be your first little fish. Yeah, I'm sure that'll turn everything around. I'm sure they're back to our positive base. I'm sure they're not just going to be themselves in a hotter environment. But I'll be 10. There you go.

I'll finally get that skin tone back. A little color. Yeah. I hate it. I can't do it. I don't like going for long get that skin tone back little color. Yeah. Yeah, I hate it I can't do it. I don't like I don't like going for long periods. Whatever looks same Kill me earlier Anyway, we're excited. Yeah, it seems it. Yeah, I mean I Am a I'm a little hurt as a friend. I am you know, it sucks to lose into my best pals true This is very fitting though. This is the last cast we're gonna do here last cast we're gonna do here We're gonna be back. Of course

Yeah, yeah, what do you mean? I'm leaving on Saturday. It's the last cast. Yeah. I'm saying yeah, no, we're gonna we're gonna come back We know that but it's the last one before you leave. leave and did you take some Gabba glippin or whatever? Great saber for the flight Lee is walking yeek on Gabba girl. My girl keeps doing this. She's using the last walk We're gonna take that's all I don't need to hear that shit. Look, this is last sun we'll see here. Dude.

I hate the idea that killing people. Being sweet about it but it fucking freaks you out. Yeah. Oh is it? It's like walking the green mile. Yeah. Christ, lady. I mean people like that, then you gotta go.

It's the first sunset we've ever seen in a while. up but that's something that will be nice that he does like this I know my Chrissy like fucking head fucking long-sleeved shirt I like it through a couple layers but I still like you can't like that man so last time we're gonna go to the grocery you just did the thing like I yeah that every like you were the last time we're gonna go to the grocery. You just did the thing like you were like, we're not, no, we'll be back, we'll be back. I was like, man, what the fuck's Chris's problem? We get it, we're just saying, yeah,

you're fighting with your girl. We all have his girl's heads on our shoulders right now. It was so funny to see your sincere fate, but we'll be back. Stop stressing about it. It's gonna be just like it was. Remember the phrase, you can never go home, boys. That's it for us.

We all can't drink at the same time. We all just panicked. So what's the theme of the show? I don't know, calling YouTube crazy for 58 minutes. True, every time. Well, you guys come in like banshees. There's always, that is very, there's very few times I ever see both of you to get,

typically individual, of where together you're each calm, but you each bring the crate, hence why your shows so good, you each bring, I've always said, most shows have, most duos have somebody, the good guy in the bad guy You guys just have zero regime redeemable But that intro is like catnip for us. Yeah, what we just your intro that's why I get excited

Yeah, fully running that dude because I could just see him in his bathroom It's so potting that nice years ago see him in his bathroom it's so potty nice years ago gives us a hairbrush and you were fucking video if we're going Kev you think this is tight this is right Kev giving you notes you going all right how about this one no he has full he has full autonomy over the intro every now and then I'll ask for advice and I'll give him a note sure and every now and then he plans to go read ever hear the Tony Hawk story? No.

Didn't get that magazine. Dude, he fucking, he's like, we had Tony Hawk coming in. He's like, I'm going a little different. I go, uh, he always gets real squirrelly before like a real big guy. This is what I want. This is a cat on the plane situation. We got to get him some cram at all.

Holy shit, Newver. It's the Tony Hawk episode. That's my norman. I got news. I'm in a cat bag, covered in shit. Shit all over him. Hey, Kippy, I'm gonna go rogue. Can you ask Big Don to wait a minute?

No, so, you know, he's such an icon. Usually, you know, we do the, you see them in this, you see him in that, we give people a nice big intro. But for him, I wanted to go something a little more poetic, a little bigger. Did you wear that shirt? He wasn't ready for it. Couldn't eat you while Mr. Huff. No, it didn't fit.

That is a kickflip of a shirt. It didn't fit me at the time. That's why I'm wearing it. I'm wearing all the old clothes. It didn't fit me a few months ago. That wasn't cool five years ago, dude. Polyester shirt all the way to the kitchen. It's so funny.

That's your weight loss journey is fitting into that shirt. Get back to my communion clothes. He's shrinking and becoming a bigger nerd at the same time. All your Spencer's gifts are finally coming to fruition. Have the apron with the wear on. Chicken. But no, and the way I perceived him wasn't just skateboarding, I wasn't a big skateboarder, but he's such an icon and such a like a reminder

of like my childhood and when the way things were back then. Dude, you're 50. I do, but it was very much what you talked about. I don't know. In the intro for Tony Hawk, he wanted to to say back when summers were summers and we were alive Because Chris is in the poetry as a blade She's been reading poetry. That's why that's good. I mentioned like Reagan and like South America Overthrowing government He's all the worst things. He's like, I'm talking about overthrowing governments. Trickle down economics.

I like the guy. Hey, Skopor! It's morning in America again. We got Tony Hawk. Jesus Christ. That's good. I like that. It's morning in America again.

Let's go, baby. Dude, it was like, and I was like, Tony Hawk was going to be here in like seven seconds. And I was like, don't do that. I wouldn't do that, man. And he's like, what do you mean? I go you mentioned Reaganomics and overthrowing South American government Guys gonna look at this man. What the fuck we had balls right coke and Nicaragua the CIA knocking off government Nice to have him in the Bay of Bigs

It was a little much. I told the down. It was also very cute. I want to take you back to the time. It was very good and very poetic. He did say I want to take you back to a time. It was very good and very poetic, but it was just so like not the show.

And I'm like, we're sitting here with an icon. He's going to be like, what the fuck are these two and he's talking about? Yeah. And I'm like, talking about ergonomics and we have some kind of mayo eats. Talking about OD at the Viper room it's not really fucking

hand-in-hand you in the sour cream and onion yes all your transitions are like I want to gnaw Lee over to a different topic now we're gonna hit the backside I want a dark slide in something deeper haha fair enough yeah it was he does get squirrelly like that. He is he is my captain for a flight. He's very loving He is what poetry have you been reading lately? What do you do? Oh Jesus cat in the hat. No, I just I was reading

Mostly homework cards I was I was just diving into a Walt Whitman again. There you go. Yeah, there you go leaves of grass Yeah leaves of grass Tommy will cut it songs to the open road sure Austin Brooklyn fairy when the lilacs last on my door yard bloom Do you like that one? I will I sounds good. I got a blowjob over the Walt Whitman bridge when I was a Software in high school. Did you write a poem? I love here the Walt Whitman Bridge when I was a sophomore in high school. Did you write a poem about it? That's the best thing I've ever heard of. That's the poem.

I love hear, hear, Walt Whitman. And he's like, you're talking about poems? You're talking about the, I remember when that used to be two dollars to grow. I get my dick sucked on the film. My dick sucked over the Walt Whitman was a huge. The Coney Pumper. Dude.

That's the trashiest bridge at Philly. It is. That are the Commodore Barry's. Commodore Barry's all there. Ticoney. Tic-taconey Pumper. I got a bad hand job at Philly. It is. That are the Commodore Barry. Commodore Barry is up there. Ticoni. Ticoni, Pylmari. I got a bad hand job at the Emily Dickinson house. Yeah. That's what people like.

You like Walt Whitman and I was like, yeah. Get a little. I like him. I like the bridge he made. Been there. Great wingman. Oh, my captain's also a big one miss yeah yeah Lincoln about Lincoln yeah why'd you get it why why you dipping your toe back

into poetry here not just yeah what I'm trying to kill him so I've been trying to read more he got through taxidermying birds I Was finished playing my donor and yeah Yeah, trying to read more I feel like you read by a lamp with no shade just And it was great and then I got a Kindle I Don't like it. Can I like a real book. A Kindle?

I'm trying to read more too. Mom, who has a Kindle? That's crazy dude. The new Daniel Steele novel? Yeah, read an Angel as ashes again. If you learn nothing from this, if there's a temporary lapse in your fucking mayhem, you don't talk about it.

You don't just go, I've been reading more. You read for a week and you're't talk about it. You don't just go I've been reading more you read for a week And you're not gonna read again. You don't pretend that it's like a new personality trait Just come from a guy who can't read Stay the course this guy who's never grown ever in his life. I grew taller than you You hear the pause between crew and the rest of the sense I grew You're very smart Chris. You grew on that wall. You went to school for I'm trying to read business and played lacrosse You're very bright. Tell us about poetry. Oh, they're turning on each other. My favorite part of the show.

I just can't stand like the fucking that's like me like Drawing like I'm in the drawing now. It's like wait I didn't bring it up you brought up wait a while until you're like truly reading Also, no Ellen drawing What happened with baseball When did you quit baseball I quit how often do you tell people how long did you play baseball and how long you played football? Yeah, but that's like when did you quit sports? Hold on. That's like me throwing a football. I'm like, I'm back in the football That's literally what you do every podcast. I talk about football. Yes. Yes. You talk about throwing a football is every podcast

Why you need a little Connor? What are you talking about? You know sports is gonna be a sensitive subject. Don't be the kid at a bad knee. What do you want? First of all my head coach didn't see my It's all policy serious it's like dude you're the one who got serious. I'm not serious I'm not serious. You're reading books. I'm excited for you to read books. Don't just don't act like you're in a poll. Stop acting like your personality is changing, dude. You fucking don't read books, dude. You know what this is?

You know what this is? She's better at this, but. You know what I do do that though. I'm on Tommy's side with this. Yeah. That bothered me. He's like, yeah, you know, I've been reading poetry. Because that's what he does.

Yeah, I, like, dude. You brought up the poetry thing. All I said was I read two poems. I'm Team Tommy. Come on, O'Connor I read I'm team Tommy come on. Okay. Oh Also, guys guys, why don't you go blow wall itman? Let's go down to the strand bookstore That's like like all right. Well pick another thing. It's whatever you do with the bookstore I'm not gonna say I'm back in the golfing You've been saying you've been getting back into golfing I have not touched a club in four years you're gonna buy a car you're gonna buy a vest

I'm back in the drive buying best about about the drive for two years no I would love yeah yeah what are you gonna do with a vespas down there I think I can't I wanted to get a vest but a pop around story that'd be pretty sick locking that up you know it's still on the bar right you know what this is you're on the sidewalk I know what this is. It's still on the right. You know what this is. You're on the sidewalk I know what this is you two are in love with each other are gonna miss each other in the house That's I miss him tremendous. No, of course, but that's you think it's nice. I'm looking forward to going over and having dinners at your house I'm gonna show up

Removing all of my poetry I'm gonna walk in. I'm gonna be outside with the speakers holding out my Walt Whitman books. How did you guys... Go back to the room. I'm just opening the window, the bedroom window. How did you guys split up your artwork? Because you did have quite a collection of artwork in the house. There's a lot of O'Connor's. No, it was all O'Connor's. I learned that when I went over recently and saw the redecorations. So there was no you taking this and taking that?

What? There was no you take this, you take that, I get this, I get that. No. We don't fight about that kind of stuff. No. Yeah. No, we all had couches and.

It's everything else. It's literally everything else. That wouldn't be personal at all. I can't hurt him over a pain person. God forbid. Digging into a sports career, that over a pain person. God forbid. Take it into a sports career. That's a low blow. Hey, also respect the moon.

I was Steve Tommy. I can't pound you. I'm not even gonna stand by my brand. I'm not even. I can't. You don't even fuck these two. I'm not even offended by that. It's like, fuck them.

Get off of me. I'm playing. I hope you're playing Christ. My only regret. Hey! Stop it. Why would you wish that upon a cat? That's sweet cat. That's sweet cat. I hope that cat survives and then shits on your dead body.

You think I give a fuck? I get made to when my friends abandon me. Only the cat survives because the shit on its fur protects it from the heat. No, my only regret with sports to be honest was was not playing baseball in college. Man, you two are the same with this shit. That's the only regret with sports to be honest was was not man You two are the same with this not playing baseball in college. There you go That's the only regret I have and I pursued engineering because my parents were like you have to I regret not playing football in high school You'd be fucking dying in my house. Nice. I was nice in youth league. I was gonna get a helmet for that hair is

Let us coming out of the bag Is that cornrows are you excited? Yeah, I'm so excited to get down there. I think that's the It goes waves. It's like anxiety. There's always something. I mean, it's all done now, right? Get down there unpack. I don't pack those boxes now. It's yeah three weeks of unpacking three months of filling a house. That's a lot man So I say three bedrooms. Yeah, you're gonna get like a lawn furniture and all that stuff You gotta sell that shit ain't cheap. No, it's a lot of money patio furniture And here's the thing once you get that shit then you start hearing well

We can't move in anything smaller because we got we have what are you gonna do it all the long for? Yeah, then you then it just keeps going well. That's why you gotta subscribe To our patreon trying to reduce our anxiety No, there's a lot of shit you gotta do but it's all that's exciting too. It's like there's a comedy club There's multiple comedy clubs. Of course a community. Yes, Chris brought this up the other day And I really like enlightened me remember Philly you actually had a community. Yes, Chris brought this up the other day and it really like enlightened me Remember and Philly you actually had a community where in New York. I feel like there's nothing There's like shit

It's like There it'll be a bunch of our boys will have a feeling of like home in a way And then you fuck off and go home sure you got more time to yourself less hustle bustle I want to see a fucking stranger. Have you done it? I locked the door and you guys are working the road out of there Yeah, and maybe middle of country. Have you done anything about a do you know what grocery store you're gonna be going to? I haven't looked into the grocery stores fall man. Yeah, GB, baby. Kip. This is blue chew, baby Who's there boner alert?

Man talking about rock hard gang sometimes kippy ain't doing it for me You know, I mean? He's let himself slide a little bit. I need a little extra help with the booed wards. Showing skills. Is that what you think about? You think about me? You sick fuck.

Think about me when you're tugging your lower. You probably take blue shoes that tug on your root. You little creep. Practice. Practice makes perfect. I mean, you can't love yourself. Call it out of dress rehearsal. Gang, do yourself a favor. Get over there to blue chew. Listen, you're getting older. You might, you can't love yourself. Call it out of dress rehearsal. Greg, do yourself a favor.

Get over there to Blue Chew. Listen, you're getting older. You might be a little out of shape. You need to spark it up a little bit. We all need a little help every once in a while. Everyone's got to change the oil. Cars don't run forever. Get off my back.

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to receive your first month free. Visit bluetchew.com for more details and important safety information, and thank you, Bluetchew, for sponsoring a pod. Yeah. Yeah, but let's talk about Tushy. Ooh. Let me ask you this a little personally.

You ever wait the hemorrhoid off with a dryer? Whoa, what are you talking about? Hey, it's a furnace. I don't know who they've been talking to over there with this copy. Those files are sealed. Sure. But you know that I'm jammed up with the tur talking to over there with this copy. Those files are sealed. Sure. But you know that I'm jammed up with the turtling over there at the apartment. I'm using the wipes. I'm using the toilet paper. Hey, they had to come in and snake the goddamn thing for six hours.

But if you have to she, well water do to work. Yeah. It gives you a fresh stream of water, the same water that's in your sink or or shower to clean your butt after you go and let me tell you it's a game changer baby walking around you can polish your nickel in that big a glass of champagne for your asshole not only will you feel way cleaner throughout the day but Tushy is gonna save you some serious money the typical Tushy user goes through 75% less toilet paper on average yeah forget the paper. Plus all the calls to the plumber. Every Tushy Midday comes with 30 day hassle free return and a 12 month warranty, so here is the turkey.

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When you use the code GARBAGE at checkout, that's 10% off your order at hellotushy, H-E-L-L-O-T-U-S-H-Y.com with the promo code GARBAGE, do it. Yeah. Back to the license. When are you getting the license? Is that the end point? I don't know.

Send them in a appointment. It's the lesson you want to talk about. No, it was. Cut out the poetry. Cut out the football. And we're back. Chris, I heard you have a cat. No, driving test.

What does that entail exactly? No, but I asked him to do that for me. Tommy, I love how I'm busted, Chris, because I'm not reading poetry. I'm reading like a driver's license test for now. You're a 13-year-old right now. You're busted, Texas. How long do I stop

Imagine that I got a rent a car to take my driver's license get the alley They're not gonna they have to pass you're in an alley test drive for the alley You with the guy in there come on Buddy play ball Really, hey man if anybody asked for my older brother You're my licensed driver. All right, so you have are you studying actually no not yet It's gonna take a month. You're gonna be a month without a car. Yeah, it's gonna take you a few weeks You have to have your license get the fucking you don't think it a perm No, you do I believe you do

No, I just got to do a driver's test park. So you had a license. You just got to get it renewed. No, my license It's been expired for like 10 years suspended Never suspended. There's no legal issues. He asked me to give it back. I gotta update my license I gotta pass the test. Wait, so you have have an on it you have an expired license right now yes Toby can you get eyes on that yeah which I assume we already you know what you might be better off doing doesn't exist in America is that what we can't handshake on a driver's license I thought this was America look at me does it look like I can't drive I've been driving since I was six years it's gonna

be hell what and you have a Pennsylvania license I would assume it's expired. I know but it might expire it might be No, what you should do is go go the fucking commercial Get it renewed in Pennsylvania then go there with a renewed life about it and I say to myself Texas is the place to go and that a free they won't fuck with you. Oh no you don't got to do shit. What you're chilling. What if you're over 25 if you're over 25 years old in Texas all you got to do is just go take the test to give you that shit. Nice. Take the driver's test. I'm 23. Oh fuck with that

hair. That's not true. I look this shit up. He's looking at it right now. Toby's never wrong with this. Toby's wrong. I love Toby. Toby can be Toby's research. I read the first thing confidently. Come on. We're talking about here No, what if your license is previously expired from a different state? Yes previously expired out of state That's what really James you up because I know a lot of people that moved from New York or moved I had to do that. I think I got mine, mine was expired in Pennsylvania. I went back, got it activated in Pennsylvania. Yeah. And then switched over to New York.

But I- Because the switch when it's expired is, Yeah. Fuck, crazy. I don't know why would they require more than someone who's never had a license. Yeah. I think all you would have to do is go to the DMV, say, hey, I want to set up a driving test, get my license. I don't think you're going to have to like-

I love that. Just being like, how do we knock this out? But I'm saying, but I'm saying if he goes and gets, I'm getting back in the golf. I used to play football. You guys got a 230 slot. Oh, but if he, hold on, let me think. If he has an active Pennsylvania license that's been expired for a while you got to reactivate that in Pennsylvania No, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's not true Okay Or retake the test yes I gotta do everything over but I'm saying you don't if you go activated in Pennsylvania

You don't have to take the and you if you go to Texas with an active 72 hours fucking get it done you're eating up my time hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah He doesn't have a license. You've never had a license. No, never done that a draw. I want not once I drove the other day Yeah, I know what's up. Hey, hey, tell me drove illegally what the rental car. Oh, easy does it. Hello raising Chicago North Carolina, but then I moved I live in Chicago for 11 years for you I just never had a car. He went to sleep away school for high school. It was home school And then went to home school and then we went to boarding school. Oh, and then move right They had like work like monks. They had like chop wood all day. You can ride a bike like the wind though Backwards no hands whatever you want. You see him juggle Crazy. He's great at the devil sticks. All producers are like sea creatures

Toby is probably the weirdest one of the weirdest guys Normal in the sense you can put him in any situation. I'll talk to anybody. We'll talk to your parents I'll talk to your niece. You know why everything is chilling. But the more you talk to him You're like you're fucking what I didn't go to ski dropped out of school in eighth grade I say interest six grade. He just stopped going to school. What a panel of normal regular guys telling you you're fucking weird I say interesting home school What are you? Regular guys telling you you're fucking weird. I say interesting home school When did you quit football? What's your quick baseball? Poachers gay

Tell us about your weird life. Hope that was pretty cool It sounds nice. That was Joe. It was a good time. Probably learned something. Not really. No. No. I'm good at like three things. We did an we did an SAT. Yeah. He's outside of editing and getting the timing. He had great news. We did an SAT. We did like a 10 SAT questions and Toby did worse than that. So fully beat him years. He got an 870 SAT is tough. What's that. that SAT questions years later very difficult. Yeah, I don't even remember what they were. It would be weird if you did it was three years ago. Fucking

ring man you would have got them ready to remember them. No, I mean, I remember what they were when I got when I took it in high school. I don't know what an SAT question even looks like. It's a lot of like analogies of the feeling. It's like are you garbage? I don't think that's true. The analogies is a section on the SATs. Did you eat your room? Eating in your room is like.

I don't think there are analogies. Yeah. There's analogies on there. What did you get in the SATs? I think you probably told us. I think I got a 14-40. See, that's scary. But that's out of 21.

No, 16. Yeah, see, that's scary. Oh, really? Yeah. It's all that cutting up poetry. No, I did. But I did my GPA was like a 2-1. That doesn't matter.

That's even weirder and worse. I don't trust people like you that have high G. S. A. T. scores. Why? I didn't understand school. I didn't know that we were supposed to be there getting better. It just makes you nuts. Well, that's how my brother was. Yeah. Yeah. Makes you crazy. I think I only had like a 12 80. That's like that's really good. I was 11 40. Okay. 12 80. That makes sense. You were probably pretty good in school. 12 80. Very good. He went to Drexel. 1280 is very good.

He's got a.3 all high school and then gets a 1,500 on the edge. Drexel's hard to get into. I know. I didn't get in. You did? Did you try? I don't even think. I think I didn't even apply.

I think my mom was like, I'm not paying that. Yeah. I didn't get in. Oh, it's so expensive. It was just crazy. We looked it up on our pot. It's like top 40. Now it's... It's got to be like 80 grand a year now 40 now. It's gonna be like 80 grand a year now

Yeah, it's 48 or 50,000 a year. It's more engineering. No a year. It's gotta be more than that I think it a kutztown gotta be 80 It's gonna be more than it's forty a year. Let's take it to the comments. It was like forty a year when I went there What are you live streaming? I don't care anymore. Let's go to the comments I want to go to the comments. I wanna go to my going away party. Kill my cell. You go in and just blow your brains out.

I've been so miserable. I've been awoken from construction in Chris's apartment the last three days. 7 a.m. They're doing construction? Yeah, yeah. They're going to town. They're going to fucking place together.

They're going to town. They're redoing it while you're still there. Oh, they're doing the apartment down Yeah, I'm like going out to dinners with people. You know, it's our last week So let's have a dinner getting up on an air mattress at fucking seven the fucking so the four yachi bands up there was like Couldn't start construction before like nine. I thought it was eight or eight or nine And I thought this for 20 years. I'm on a razor's edge It's the best part. That's where comedy comes. So the four years are upstairs in the apartment together right now No, or where I'm in Connecticut. I'm with my parents. Oh, okay

Shane moved out five months ago. Chris went upstairs right me and my girl him and his girl right I've been there for five months We're moving to a house Chris is moving to yeah I know but you you had to stay up in his place for for a couple nights because they already started working on your place no no he's in his he Tommy's downstairs in the apartment in the unit we're working on Chris Chris is Chris is out so I'm at all my bowl of sweet green before fucking Sugar crash, I know I'm like We think sweet

The headliners eating a full meal before they go on stage it just slows all your synapse Energy's going elsewhere. Yeah, I just in food now. I do my best comedy on chicken Three but heavies yeah, but that's me The comedian version of Popeye is literally just I'm gonna need a lot of them, but that'll do Some olive oil annoying bitch comes in the green like Jesus Christ What he wasn't saying olive oil in the rock, that's her name is olive oil Fucking olive oil bitch The Rock, that's her name, is Olive Oil. Olive Oil is the fucking girl. So fucking Olive Oil bitch come in. I thought you were being... You know, it's the Rock tour against Italians.

Some Olive Oil bitch comes in the green room. You're bothering your friends. What is Olive Oil, boys? That ain't no band leader. That part was perfect for him. I would have been a big star. He's my favorite character in the Godfather You'll find piece of it. I've had him all over the world. Thank you for the dinner

He's gonna we hear the bad news immediately. Ah Hops on a plane. It's like 11 hours to get home You guys you got any tram at home? Yeah. We made a decision to go to hang out with my parents and like. So that's in the bridge the gap after moving out the lease. You're going, you went home for a couple days. Yeah, it was like sleeping in a bed.

You know, it'll be nice, home cooked meals, all that stuff. It's probably hell. Dude, dude. Dude, parents, when you go home now. They just ask what are you doing? You're gonna have a sandwich now Why don't you think I'm a dope for the best My own lady. Let me have a goddamn sandwich the other day I we were just gonna go get like a fucking cat toy and my dad was like take my dad we were gonna go get a

what's that go your sit around you're going are you hungry now you're gonna go get a cat you want to go walk around talking about looking for not not having anything to say to your parents Jesus just can we get a rug a cat can scratch? I picture you up at like seven o'clock with a suit on a briefcase Where the leaves

Carrot cake ready. I'll be home late always be closing. That's what I said. All right. See how to get a cat toys You gotta get a cat toy Does it have any toys we ship the toys he shit all over haven't you been what what short sighted this is that you shipped all the cats toys he's got a little one he's got big toys I Got a desk our Lego set I can't keep a power wheels with me Picture you It's all all the like your machines airport you're laying in bed all the lights off. I gotta do something about this god I gotta get any I gotta strike this cat cat to me the cat would love you could imagine

All right, say you're leaving the house. You attempt to go get it. My dad goes. Now do you go, hey guys, we're going to go into town and get a cat toy. My dad goes, you can take my car. You can do, take it for the day. You can do whatever. And my mom goes, oh, he can't drive your car. It's too complicated.

And then they get in the fight re-poetry you bitch that's how it starts I gotta I bring it my brain won't flow you gotta push the breakdown there was a there was a there was a Wolt Whitman poetry there was a panzer tank what do you mean

that's what I'm saying there was a 20 minute fight about whether I could possibly possibly have to figure out a Honda CRV There's a 20 minute fight about whether I could possibly Honda CRV Good drive that She's going like the reverse is in a crazy place. It's just like it's like a switch Dude, it was it's so funny how like smart women decompose you become decomposed

decompose into cats I also love how your mom just insults he can't figure that out they're talking about you no but it's oh yeah dude it was this whole thing about the cat toys probably for him your mom just got a feather on a stick

you're chasing it mom what am I fucking eating? I know how to drive. He's trying to get the keys from her. They both have shit all over their forehead. Like, ooh, ooh, ooh. Oh, God. Oh, Christ.

So could you figure out the car? No, he drove into the garage. He couldn't figure out where we were. He could drive and out where we were. He could drive and reverse the whole way. Dude, dude, I had to take my mom's car. What's your girl saying through all of this? She goes, dude, we get to the pet store and I open the door to get out and my girl goes is the car even off?

It's not is it? It's not is it? It's like a push button store. Dude, I'm sorry I couldn't get out of the garage because my mom's garage door opener was too close. I hit one button and it didn't open I went this thing's fucked Jesus we're not moving I can't wait for you to be in your nice high-rise apartment in Austin looking out over the beautiful city at night drinking whiskey alone looking at yourself with a reflection in the glass going who do I

think we're gonna have to net that balcony a bunch of fishing line up there like to keep the seagulls out like fucking top golf like an apple factory but yeah I'll pay for it dude won't come out of the company dollar boys we love you I wish you guys the best we hope to see you soon yeah you're gonna see us more All right, fuck you. I'm gonna man. I'm gonna go out of my way to be out of town now I think you want the folks are gonna know what you got me with a good time Thank God, I've been ducking you for three years Filin pod.com we got a whole tour coming up. Yeah, April May June July. We're gonna be everywhere

Patreon.com stuff filing yes, we're all not a bunch a bunch of the fucking look at dishes the cooking show they do is fantastic We're on a couple of them. I think yeah Always on the latest I actually I think both of us did too you weren't in town you were in Germany I believe when fully yeah, yeah Yeah, we did staco plop. Yes, we did Tommy Yeah, I had to see you guys planning that why it was fucking I know I purposely kept going you're like oh, it'll be so much fun. We'll hang out Sorry, I can't I'm pissed I'm in Germany or whatever and we just kept going like

Steak a paw So good I got a side text going you know these cock suckers are moving to Austin, Texas Yeah, and you told me on the air it was like it was like a sledgehammer Yeah, I still got the steak in me I'm not in the camera. I'm in my chest. I still got the steak in me. It was over cussed. KB, what do you got for me?

Guys, we're all over the road as well. The Through the Roof Tour is starting in April and that first leg is Charlotte, Nashville, Atlanta, and Tampa. A couple of theaters in there, so get those tickets. Come out strong. We need you. We love you. We appreciate everything.

Thank you. Gang, we love you, and we'll see you next week. Peace. Later.