Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - The Fattest Kid in Town w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: November 3, 2025

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come t...o a live show! AYG 2025 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored by: True Classic: Upgrade your wardrobe and save on @trueclassic at https://trueclassic.com/GARBAGE Brunt Workwear: Get $10 Off @BRUNT with code GARBAGE at https://www.bruntworkwear.com/GARBAGE Better Help: Our listeners get 10% off their first month at https://betterhelp.com/GARBAGE Pretty Litter: Right now get 20% off your first bag and get a free cat toy at https://PrettyLitter.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Atlanta, Philadelphia, Philadelphia, Atlanta, Atlanta, Atlanta, Philadelphia, Atlanta. The boys are coming, so grab the squad and come out and see us. Yeah, we do stand up, then we play AYG with the crowd. These have been our best shows yet. Get your tickets, RUGarbage.com. We'll see you there. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage,
Starting point is 00:00:20 the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts. Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R.U. Gurbidge. It's that little show. We sit there with your favorite comedians, and we finally have to be classy.
Starting point is 00:00:44 Yeah. They're just a big old piece of trash. Garbage. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here, a Tootie's in the new edition. She's trying on a new Halloween costume. Okay. Easy dog.
Starting point is 00:00:57 This is a family program. You know what I'm saying? Okay. Two Snickers bars My goes is coming at from across the table. Fun-sized. What you've been talking to? I'm a king-sized man.
Starting point is 00:01:08 You know, they split them up in a tune now. You like him, king-size. A bit of a size king, huh? This is what we call a family episode. I'm getting to you. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. Yeah, weeners on the brain. Kevin James Ryan is with me, everybody.
Starting point is 00:01:27 I was with you. Like, I just stop by. What's up, everybody? Shout out to the... Well, sorry, Kevin. We've got to keep moving on. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes.
Starting point is 00:01:39 Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. Talk about the charts. Meaty part of the curve over there on a charts. The boys are climbing the charts, not showing... You show people out there like, damn, you guys are doing all right. We're doing all right. We're doing all right.
Starting point is 00:01:53 We're on the charts and Spotify. We got a popular program over here. Shout out to it, and obviously the greatest website of all. You pull your little pen, your little pencil, you know, whatever. W.W.w.com slash R. Your garbage, go over there. You join. What do you think?
Starting point is 00:02:05 We got a couple hundred people over there. We got 15,000 strong. 15,000 homie. 15,000. That's a goddamn army where I come from. And then, obviously, Philadelphia and Atlanta, get those tickets to the live shows, AYG Live. We're going to be at the Met.
Starting point is 00:02:20 We're going to be at the Buckhead Theater, November and December. Get those tickets. Philly, let's fucking go. Embarrassing me now there. I've got a couple of Phillies players coming. Luke, what are you doing over there now? We're about to take a walk by the corner office and you get up. You know, Luke has studio sneakers?
Starting point is 00:02:38 Sure. It's like Mr. Rogers. You're a very organized young man. Thank you. You? Not so much. Not so much. I tell you a little bit of talent, some nepotism.
Starting point is 00:02:47 Really go a long way, doesn't it? Goes far in this world. Dad got him his job. We've never met his dad. I met his dad. Well, me too. Lou. Thanks, hey, thanks for you has to end in that.
Starting point is 00:02:57 I've met him. I met him. I met you, dad. I called him Mr. Dempsey, he said to call him Lou. You guys are the same age. What's he? You called him, sir. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:05 Oh, hi, sir. You dude, anybody that you meet, anybody's dad, they could just be a dad. You treat them like they're a colonel in the Army. I love what you did at the Bay of Pigs. You get old. No, that was bad. I know. I'm joking.
Starting point is 00:03:20 Okay. That was the Bay of Pigs? Bay of Pigs on a blanket, huh? You know what I mean? Which is funny, you know, in Wilkesbury. You got a bed of pigs. What? In Wilkesbury, we don't call them.
Starting point is 00:03:32 We don't call cocktail weanies wrapped in pastry. Pigs in a blanket. We call pigs in a blanket stuffed cabbage. With a sweet red sauce. That's what we call pigs in the blanket. Well, it's fully in a blanket. I beg your pardon? Punk.
Starting point is 00:03:50 Anyway, say a nice little hello to Luke Dempsey, everybody. Of the Dempsey group. And all subsidiaries. All subsidiaries. Stop. by to say hi. Can we say this? Sure. I don't know. I listen. Yeah, yeah. We're about three minutes in. I can't get a read on you. You just build your drink. You can say whatever you want. It may or may not make the program. Happy birthday. Happy birthday, Lucas Patukas. Hey, from Ryan in the back. Happy birthday
Starting point is 00:04:16 kid. Appreciate all you. You get a check or anything like that? Not yet. You think that'll be coming? I wouldn't assume that. Really? I don't think birthday bonus is a sort of thing. No, not from us. I know you're not getting on the fourth quarter We're slashing prices Hi, IRS comes Knocking Yeah, I don't know if you're reading the trades All right
Starting point is 00:04:37 That's Philadelphia, Pennsylvania The bubbles popping, you know what I'm saying? I ain't talking about no hubba bubble Do you get a check from your parents? No You don't get a birthday yet It's not a check Do you?
Starting point is 00:04:52 These rich people do it? I'd be looking for a check you always you're looking you just shit every time you go down to patties you're shaking her down going through her a fucking coat pockets in the in the car i remember doing that the one day man because denies the 20 because denise would get flustered at the checkout right so she'd get flustered with the people you're ripping at the fucking dinner rolls like gremlin no whenever i wouldn't be there because people behind her she's got to get the bags in when you wouldn't be there yeah like she would you know i would you were on bagging duty right
Starting point is 00:05:26 do you mean like when you go to the grocery store at your mom she say start bagging yeah but i stopped doing that at a younger age why i don't know she just would go probably when she wasn't when i was at my dad she would go food shopping couldn't bring you with her eat her out of house in him he's are trying to eat me out of house in him that's what she would have it's an extra hundred easy what you're in there they see you stock in the halls like a bad bad leroy brown coming down in the frozen getting the whole day down. Man, catch you over
Starting point is 00:06:03 in the frozen food section. All the doors are all fogged up because you've been looking. Everything's melted. I was always good for an ambrosia roll while I was walking around. Shut your fat ass. And I would rip the top off, put it in my pocket.
Starting point is 00:06:23 and then eat out the middle soft dough first. That's what I would do. Hot stuff. I was only like 14. 14? How late were you sitting in that cart? I'd imagine pretty late. I was a big kid.
Starting point is 00:06:40 He fucking nuts. You're walking in three months. She's just dragging you. I have my one cousin's huge. You've met him. Big kid. He was big as whole life. Biggest whole life.
Starting point is 00:06:53 Big his whole life. his whole i mean he was the size of like an eighth grader when he was three and he my aunt would take him to the playground and everybody thought he was like developmentally challenged because they thought he was like he was they'd be like hey how it's your name and he couldn't talk yet he's got a hog on him he's over in a corner smoking a eater um yeah no i like getting in the i like getting in the big part of the cart that was that's the best she sometimes she would let it slide sometimes she wouldn't sitting on some waffles or something yeah man they put pile it all around you that you thought you were to cool that was like what they did in movies and sitcoms you didn't get to do that in real
Starting point is 00:07:30 life you know what i mean that little basser you're laying in a bunch of buttered i was probably i was thin i was normal till about probably seven i was always big i was like i think i was a big kid like baby uh but then like i remember being thin i might even see pictures of like just a normal sized six year old i was bad fat too i wasn't cute fat You know what I mean? I wasn't like Santa fat. It was like, you know, he's obese. Plus throwing a bad haircut that I did myself or something.
Starting point is 00:07:59 Got gum in here again. Oh, really lunched it. I must have got gum on my hair like every three weeks. I swear to God, I loved gum. It was a big time for gum, bubble-licious, hubba-bubba. Is it me or is that a lot of gum? Orange bubblelicious. That was my favorite.
Starting point is 00:08:15 Man. We'll be right back. You're a big, you're like a blooming onion. I also like painting, sculptor. Anyway. I got a little something for you. What do you got for me? As you may or may not have known,
Starting point is 00:08:29 I just returned back from Deutsche Land, the Motherland. We had taken the baby over there to meet his German ancestors. Is it the motherland? Is that what they called or is it the Fatherland? It's Russia and Germany is one of them. I don't know, man. Because I remember that quote from World War I. It's sweet and dignified to die for the Fatherland.
Starting point is 00:08:46 I think that was Germany or it came over? I think I would say Father. It sounds. Faza? Wait, Fatherland is Germany? I would say German. I don't know, though. I was saying motherland is just in the homeland.
Starting point is 00:08:56 I think that's been adopted as your motherland as your home land. I don't know, though. Do you have anything specific? I was big in World War II Nazi-era property. All right. Easy does it. And we're back. Go birds.
Starting point is 00:09:14 I, uh, so my, you know, this might be a cultural thing. I'm not sure. Uh-huh. The toilet paper in the wastebasket? What? The toilet paper in the waste basket? No, that's not. All right.
Starting point is 00:09:26 They're not doing that over there? No, that's like, that's places with bad plumbing. That's like Brazil. You got to do it when I was there. Yikes. Get that deposit back. That's down the island. Talk about a Caldera.
Starting point is 00:09:41 Huh? Folks. I have plenty of topographical humor. Sure. I'm listening. This is my, my in-laws did this, and I was just shocked. And I mean, this may be a blind spot to me. I don't think I've ever went to a home where I've seen this out.
Starting point is 00:10:01 They had a, you know, a snack of something, you know, out for people just there. Uh-huh. Who was there? No, I mean, just people were coming and going, seeing it coming to see us. Okay. But, like, this was just like, this was like, you want, this was just on the counter. So Luke roll the tape In-shelled
Starting point is 00:10:23 Full-shelled peanuts Who was playing? Double-hatter? It looks classy Right? I mean, I listen Could you throw them on the floor when you were done with them? That's what I'm the only ever doing it like ball games in Texas Roadhouse
Starting point is 00:10:40 You know what I mean? Do it at the double deuce. I'm surprised nobody says anything to me when I do that at baseball game. I make a mess. Yeah. You do. It gets into people's hair in front of you and stuff.
Starting point is 00:10:51 It's bad. It's bad. Actually, you had some real ballgame experience. But I don't know how you're not to, they make a mess by nature. Yeah. They're in messy places, bars, restaurants. I don't hate it. I love it.
Starting point is 00:11:04 I doubt, but then I'm doing it over the trash can and I can't enjoy it. You look like a slime. Oh, man. Cracking them open, looking through the fridge. I was a bad house guest. I was a real, real bad house guest. You can't not look like you're asking for money eating whole peanuts. Yeah, how much he make?
Starting point is 00:11:24 Mm-hmm. You just can't. You look like you're riding trains town to town. It's bad. Oh, peanuts. Like, no one's like, but. Grab a handful of stuff and then you go by. That's, I, because it seemed refined.
Starting point is 00:11:40 You're picking butts out of the ashtray. You stole them on that. Catch your stinger out of it. You got an empty amount. Roll them into one. Yeah. I mean, in... What else is there?
Starting point is 00:11:54 That was, this is my thing. It was very situational where it seemed classy. I just don't know. My history with peanuts in the shell is ballgame, carnival, you know, circus, Texas Roadhouse. Strip club. What the hell are you going? You ever know strip club that had a peanuts?
Starting point is 00:12:12 What? Shell, or like, D-Shit, you know, honey roasted, forget about it. The bar. Patty had them. Something. Patty had them. They're so much better when they came out of that glass jar. Man.
Starting point is 00:12:26 Man, they are dry roasted. So good. They suck all the water out of it. The honey roasted. Crush it. The first time I bought that. I was really losing weight. That was my snack.
Starting point is 00:12:37 Instead of the honey nut chiri over the peanut world. Oh, baby. That in a diet cook. It gets stuck up here. Like a horse, dude That's how they got Mr. Ed to talk Man What else was on the accoutre mall?
Starting point is 00:12:56 That was just all day, every day That wasn't like nobody was coming That was just like we had some peanuts Yeah, just peanuts out which was rare Anybody eat them? My wife was, you know, dabbling Yeah, I'm into it I like it.
Starting point is 00:13:09 I don't hate it You do pistachios That's classier than a peanut though Deoretically, yeah No to date. No, I don't know. I don't know about now, though. The pistachio, I mean, dude, I don't know where to fuck they...
Starting point is 00:13:23 You're crazy. You're crazy. I don't know. Listen. No. Listen. No, I won't. I don't know where the fuck they found all these pistachios.
Starting point is 00:13:31 But back in the day, they were, like, hard to find a little bit. Now they're fucking everywhere. That's with everything, though. That's every... So where they're getting them from now? What do you mean? They're everywhere. It's all they eye.
Starting point is 00:13:42 I mean, they got the 40-pound bags? I know. 40-pound bags. Can I tell you something? I didn't know... I only knew the red ones, and I've told you this. My stepdad would eat them, and his mouth and hands would be all red. And he'd have a bag of them in his cup holder in his truck.
Starting point is 00:14:02 And he'd cranked Winstons, and the Winstons would turn red because he was... And I didn't know. And then I saw plain ones, and I'm like, yeah, dude how he eats plain ones? I don't know why the red ones that got old school guys ate the red ones. They were pink. I didn't get it at all. Yeah. Mm-mm. But yeah, they got a lot, you know, they typically kept, if I'm in town, they'll keep a couple of, they'll get a couple of soft pretzels for me.
Starting point is 00:14:26 Fresh break soft pretzels. Her mom made soft pretzels. Like, they just got better stuff in the. How's their soft pretzel over there? Dude, she did like super pretzels one day. She made 20 super, like, what are super pretz? Like frozen out of a box. Sprinkle them with some water.
Starting point is 00:14:42 I mean, these things. Wait, she made them? Like from scratch? No, I just said they were like frozen in a box. You would have thought you were at a freaking bakery. They were so good. I crossed about three of them. But yeah, they got, I'm typically bread and butter.
Starting point is 00:14:55 I try to keep a low profile. Bread and butter? Yeah. What do you mean? Like, that's just, they just have a huge loaf, like a huge round loaf of brown German bread. Where? Just on the table? What I mean, where in the bathroom?
Starting point is 00:15:06 Is it a snack? No, like in that bag, directly behind it. Okay. Yeah. So just during the day, you're just eating bread and butter? Well, I'm waiting until everybody leaves, and then I'll do my feeding. Well, yeah, I'm not like, I try to keep a low profile, you know. I go over there, kind a big slab of brown bread, water and scurry upstairs to my room, eat it in my bed.
Starting point is 00:15:31 Do my feeding. You get to split it with other rats out in the alleyway? I'll trade you my crust for a peanut. I got an apple core. I'll tell you what the number one peanut on that bowl is, that dark one right now. I don't mess. Those go right out the window. I love those.
Starting point is 00:15:48 Oh. Nice and burnt. Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, Luke. What's that thing? Whoa. There's that a little portal? Whoa. Now, what can you do with that?
Starting point is 00:16:00 All right. He's why me, hey, this is what are you? An MS paint, zip it, will you? Was there a shell bowl? No. Trash. So that's why I don't know where people are. I didn't.
Starting point is 00:16:12 Who else was, you said it was? It was just my wife. I saw my wife cracking a couple. Well, was she cracking him? She caught me taking the picture. She's like, what's that for? You got to call it red hand. This is a Patreon episode, right?
Starting point is 00:16:24 You like having peanuts around, huh? Oh, lo, whoa, whoa, whoa. And I told her, I go, you only see these in a lowly, you know, lowly establishments that I frequent with my whole again. I like it. But, yeah. A nice touch, I felt. Fun move. But what I was saying, pistachios are, they're all blown out at this point.
Starting point is 00:16:45 They're run through, as the kids said. Is that what they say? I don't know what you mean. I mean, sure. They're not as special as they once were. So let the peanut come back. I like that. I'm not putting.
Starting point is 00:16:56 I like it too. I wouldn't mind the walnut, to be honest with you. Well, she said, she goes, we also do walnuts and have the crackers there. Love that. Watch, I don't, I don't think anyone of my family's ever seen a walnut in person. In the wild. In the wild. You'll do a mix nuts right on the table?
Starting point is 00:17:12 Uh, not really. Really? Yeah. I go fuck myself then. We weren't a nut family. My dad, like planters, peanuts. And I, you know, a big handful right out of, like, the little court. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:17:23 A little quarter, John. A little banger. Woo. I'd say one nut at a time, for the most part. Hey, how you done? Hit me. Where are we at? Where's my one?
Starting point is 00:17:35 Hey, I'm one and done. You know what I mean? That's all I'm saying. It's a goddamn family show we got going on it. But listen, gang, this is a, all this, all this nut talks, neither here nor they're going to hear. demonetize. Kip, let's talk about True Classics. Shout out to True Classics, gang. Kip, I'm talking about the best T-shirt company in the world. And you know what? They don't just make D-shirts. They make all kinds of goodies over there.
Starting point is 00:17:56 Best T-shirt you're going to have, though, I think you that right now. See this piece of crap I got on right now? Not a true classic. It stinks. The sleeves aren't tight. The belly's bad. You look like a schlub. I look like a slub. I got it. I grabbed the wrong one. I'm an idiot. I should be wearing a true classic, and so should you. Yeah. The brand isn't just about fabric and fit, it's about confidence, baby, and helping people show up every day feeling put together without trying too hard. And listen, a busy day, that matters
Starting point is 00:18:23 a lot. You go, hey, I know I can just put this on. I'll look decent, I'll feel decent, best foot forward. I've been using True Classic since way before they were a sponsor. You go, I get like the, I started with a three-pack, they get the nine-pack. I'm getting like the hundred packs now. I got, I'm all true classics all the time.
Starting point is 00:18:39 Skip the guesswork and over-priced designer stuff. Give comfort and confidence. Give True Classics. You can find at Amazon, Target, Costco, and Sam's Club, or head to TrueClassics.com slash garbage to grab the perfect gift for everyone on your list. Do it. Kit, but you're talking about Brunt.
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Starting point is 00:19:10 They weren't stylish and they weren't comfortable and they weren't durable. You look like an idiot. looking an idiot, put it front, you get style, you get durability, and you get comfort. That's what you want to be when you're working out. Yeah, they got the Marin, which is lightweight, lightweight, waterproof, slip, and oil-resistant, heat-resistant, electrical hazard-rated. All in all of them features. Mine were, I was, I was, I was getting wedgies in the, in the break room. Brutal.
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Starting point is 00:20:04 With the temps dropping and the holidays coming up, it's time to treat yourself or the hardworking man in your life. It gets some real comfort. Skip the throwaway gifts and give them something that's built the last Brunt work. Workwear. Our listeners get $10 off their entire order with code garbage. I check out. That's bruntworkware.com. Use the code garbage. Order today and let them know you heard it on the show. Do it. Yeah. All this peanut talks, neither here nor there. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands. And as you know, when you join the old Patreon A, one of the benefits over there to become a homie
Starting point is 00:20:35 and joining the Army of Garbage, you get your garbage question answered on the air. Can I say this? I like having the pen on my hand. Yeah, I've had, you know, just knowing you, I've got to push back a little bit on it. You're a very distractable man. That's all I'm saying. I like having my pen and my glasses. Uh-huh. Yeah, it's just more stuff for you to...
Starting point is 00:20:52 I got shit going on. What do you got going on? I don't have anything to write on. Yeah, that's weird. Yeah. Put the pen. Keep my glasses. Turn me into a substitute teacher.
Starting point is 00:21:05 This guy, seriously. You're bold. Also, I do got to push back. Mr. Frankenberry? I'm not bald in Europe. Those Germans, they're crazy. What, they're losing it? Well, they like, I feel like the Europeans are very good at the bald, like pushing forward, kind of spike up.
Starting point is 00:21:26 Like, that's what the soccer players and stuff do. With, uh, Walt and Gugans. Gagins. Walt and Gagins. That's big now. Yeah. The, the, the, uh, receded, uh, hairline. That's big.
Starting point is 00:21:38 This shit starts back here and he makes it look good. Yeah, he's a good. He's got that. Why don't you grow it out and get a foof like that? It looks sick. I'm so much better short. It's so much better short. It's not even close.
Starting point is 00:21:50 But I don't know if you saw a lot of the homies and bozos out there have been tagging me. The Japanese have regrown hair on rats in 20 days. And I got to tell you, this stuff's going to change a game. If it ever gets FDA's rats are closing eggs. Turkey's going to be dried up. Does it have to be rat hair? I'm in the ball. bullet peanut.
Starting point is 00:22:15 So what are they doing? What do you mean? The Japanese. That's all I got. I wasn't at the lab. I just got the reports. Now, you would do that. You'd go back.
Starting point is 00:22:23 I don't think you can. What do you mean? Because your head's like perfect for it. You have like a good Bruce Willis. I always say this. You have a good Bruce Willis head. Uh-huh. And you have the lines.
Starting point is 00:22:35 It's like. It's like. It's like me the biggest backhanded compliment ever. It's like you're bull I don't know how to put it I understand I think I would also just say You're used to super
Starting point is 00:22:47 I'd listen I wouldn't fucking I mean where would it even go Would that would it would it No I wouldn't like bring it I wouldn't like break or so I wouldn't I mean I wouldn't have the box going You would just try to fill that in Fill it out a little bit
Starting point is 00:22:58 I like it like that Oh do you okay never mind Hey guys It's like when a baby Or when a dad shaves and the baby Don't recognize them It freak me out a little bit Yeah I'll start crying
Starting point is 00:23:08 Start losing it Okay. Psycho. All right, let's see here. This one's from Gavin. There's more of a story. Some close friends of me and my lady got married a few weeks ago in the backyard of her house. Okay. Which is also connected to a flea market that they do not own.
Starting point is 00:23:29 Strike one. Her brother was the officiant and showed up in a pope costume. I mean, that's just funny. During the ceremony, he used lyrics from wet-ass pussy, let the bodies hit the floor and a handful of other off-the-wall songs. For the reception, they had a karaoke machine and open bar, and all the staff was from the local town dive bar down the road. Okay.
Starting point is 00:23:58 The peace de resistance of Garbaggio had to be when they asked me and my lady to be the witnesses on the marriage certificate, and when it was time for us to sign, we were led inside to where it was hanging on the fridge with a magnet. That's where I keep all my good documents. P.S., we had to track down the priest who was tripping on mushrooms behind the karaoke stage to get his signature on it as well. Listen.
Starting point is 00:24:20 Sounds like a fun-ass wedding. That's, what are we doing here? All I heard was open bar and karaoke machine and a good time. All the other stuff, you go to most events, someone's going to be on mushrooms. Well, at least one of it. You ever want to win a 200 people? I think Shrooms was always an interesting choice for a wedding. too introspective a lot of people a lot of two you're out of you don't have control but that guy
Starting point is 00:24:41 i feel i feel that the officiant of the wedding is doing mushrooms dress as the pope that's not his first time he can handle himself you know what i mean he's no bubble gummer he's doing that because he can't get his hands on some other stuff you know what i mean so i'm gonna take the edge yeah he's not he's not trying them for the first time that's a good wedding i like the i like the broken down like we did it but ours was a little more fancier and in a sense, suits and tight. You're not trunes? No, but it was not super.
Starting point is 00:25:08 Yours was very wedding-y. I like a very, I would go, if I could go back, I would do it just very, you know, karaoke machine, a couple of boomers. You and me both, kid. All right, let's see. This one's from Toaddy's step-nephew. $10 homie, never had one read.
Starting point is 00:25:27 Are you garbage if you got diarrhea at the company happy hour? It's only my second week. Love you's. Oh, dude, the happy hour is so bad Because that's like a bar That's not even the An office or whatever you got to assume
Starting point is 00:25:45 It's a little bit of a home you're at a bar I'm assuming happy hour, yeah But you got to go in there And also it's like it's probably not the biggest They walk in, they recognize your shoes from the office Hey Gary's in there You guys in there dumping one out That's a tough one
Starting point is 00:26:01 I had that in a situation pretty recently I was okay I was doing a podcast I was around some new people in somewhat of a formal setting and I was on mushrooms
Starting point is 00:26:14 in a wedding by my poop costume on no but I had just taken my my Zepbound shot and sometimes on that first day you get a little you know what I mean and I was sitting there
Starting point is 00:26:26 and I didn't it wasn't just that I had to use the bathroom I got like the cold sweats for a second so I was like in there sweating and dying and if I didn't go he was going to be weird and I didn't know if I could just leave the room so I raised my hand and asked to use the bathroom and they said you don't need to ask to use the bathroom you can just go okay I went and then I was gone for like 20 minutes and came back and it was I had to like sneak in and then I knew people were going to use that bathroom right after we were done and it was embarrassing I just saw I don't know who it was it was like they had
Starting point is 00:27:01 he was like Magic Johnson or somebody It was an ex-athlet on a football field So it had to be an ex-football player He was walking down the sidelines It was like motherfucker walking like he just blew up to banter Why do you feel like everybody knows That's what I don't get And why is it shameful
Starting point is 00:27:19 I don't get that Like I never really had I know why it's shameful to me Sure Because I'm fat and it's worse than other thing Because I did it one time My aunt was in hospice and I remember my cousin Kelly
Starting point is 00:27:32 killed the lady next to her she remembered it like five years later she was like yeah she's like I remember you came out of the bathroom and I had to take Brady and to use the bathroom and we remember how bad that smelled this is my goddamn ants on her deathbed
Starting point is 00:27:48 bringing up fucking old shit she's gonna kill us with the poison mustard personal stuff that's brutal yeah mine's my yeah mine's worse than Sure, I mean, I get you, you do carry a little, but, like, I remember being at school and being like, that would be like, dude, if you got caught pooping at school, that was hard. Oh, that was done under, I mean, that was.
Starting point is 00:28:13 I mean, you go to the nurse, sneak into the teacher's lounge, do something. Yeah, that was a Mossad level activity. You kidding me? Never. I remember. It was always during a class, and you went to the furthest bathroom possible. I remember they stopped In our school
Starting point is 00:28:33 We didn't have doors You had like What kind of like you were at the mall or whatever Or like an airport Oh You go in the bathrooms? Yeah then make a right So like if you
Starting point is 00:28:43 If you catch a If you catch a trombone If you will Someone, you know The hot girl check in her locker Could hear you Hey yeah I didn't need that going I didn't need that making the rounds
Starting point is 00:28:55 I had the card stacked against me enough. Pooping before lunch, too. Ike rumba. Yeah, I didn't, I was. Just the smell. Yeah, I was so scared. Now, look, I mean, you're still a little. I don't know why it's shameful.
Starting point is 00:29:11 As gross as I am, walking into those bathrooms at, like, the airport, it's just, like, it's like, 20 stalls, just do just fucking. Gross. It's always tough waiting for a stall. And you're, like, at, like, a rest stop or something. You're like this. Got to take a shit. Yeah, yeah. There's some trucker who's on his like 7,000th mile that day. He's probably, you know, been with three lot lizards. I got to go. Three boxes of uncrustables. Yeah, yeah. A whole bag of loose peanuts. Yeah. That's a tough one.
Starting point is 00:29:47 That's a tough look, dog. And now we got another segment of janned up by the good folks over there at Cash App. Cash App. Cash App is a financial. financial service platform not a bank banking services provided by cash apps bank partner see cash dot app for details uh cash app is not a sponsor of this giveaway and has no involvement in the prize or its administration what the hell shout out to it uh distance in yourself i like um all right let's see so if you're not familiar um as you know me and big man have been jammed up a lot in our lives from time to time big man is arguably jammed up right now. Cash app.
Starting point is 00:30:29 And we know we have a lot of our listeners are, you know, jammed up due to certain circumstances. And so on Patreon, you broods. You can submit your janned up reason. And we'll, uh, we'll break your little rebel cash up you a couple of bucks from my own pocket. Our own pocket. Sure.
Starting point is 00:30:47 I've still yet to be reimbursed for the previous segment. This is coming from company funds. No, it is not. They get it directly from me. And now people have found out. getting a couple of requests. Sweet. Now I know where to send me.
Starting point is 00:31:00 Gosh, I can't whistle. Kippie. All right, this one's from Bill. Hit me. Just moved to Florida from Rhode Island. I'm starting over again at 40. Okay, respectable.
Starting point is 00:31:12 I'm currently waiting for a tow truck in an Aldi's parking lot because my starter went on my 2010 caddy, feeling all jammed up. Can you hook a brother up? Talk to me. Let's hit him with the standard 100 piece. Let's go.
Starting point is 00:31:25 Hit him with the hundred piece. Listen, go in. Goes a long way down there, Florida. Listen, can do guys starting over? Everybody, listen, everybody in this room, except maybe the Dempsey group is at a bad string of luck. Sure. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:31:40 You think, this is the problem. That's the problem. We get it. We think we wish to get straightened down. We go, just these few things. If these few things can drop, I'll be all right. Next thing you know, the starter goes in your 2010 caddy. Oh, fuck.
Starting point is 00:31:54 Brutal. That's not an essential. No eight either, I don't think. You ever have a bad year? Did you ever have a bad day? You weren't there for 08. What was 08? We probably can't be from legal purposes.
Starting point is 00:32:04 Can't get into it in the middle of the cash app program. You know the big short? All right, we'll hit up. We're going to hit you up, Billy. Yeah, hit him on a hundo. Best of luck starting over, man. Knock him dead down there, Billy. Yeah, just take it as a speed bump.
Starting point is 00:32:18 Not a, not a detour. There you go. You know what I mean? Every problem is really a solution. Okay. That's patent patent pending by the bug man. This one's from Andy Garbaggio. Shout out to you.
Starting point is 00:32:32 Which, okay. This is jammed up big. I lost my job and went on a payment plan to pay my rent. The first payment of $200 is coming up, but I don't have the cash to pay it. Andy? I got that first payment for you, big dog. Coming in, Andy Garbage, Lacing you up.
Starting point is 00:32:48 A little bit of breathing room here. Listen, we ain't saving live. There's not much. We can give you a little bit of wiggle room. You know what I mean? end of the day i got it you got it what do you do i actually got one here you're gonna send me a real cool guy here huge hogs is a real big head uh all right let's see you six grand uh stat what what all right this is uh this is king without a castle uh i'm a jammed up
Starting point is 00:33:25 investor currently taking culinary classes after a separation from my lady. Very nice. I was a stay-at-home dad. Now I'm staying at my sister's house, not asking for the whole divorce to be paid. That's a sales tactic. Listen, I'm not asking for 90 grand, but if you could do a thousand, I would really get the misses off my back. Listen, stay-at-home dad. which he may or may not be lying
Starting point is 00:33:58 to jockey to pull on the heartstrings which I respect hey scam one scammer to another if you're not lying he ain't trying taking culinary classes trying to get back on his feet trying to get a job to provide for his kids staying at his sister's house
Starting point is 00:34:14 still coming up with a way to pay for Patreon I probably have to have someone look at your books now this is the kind of guy where you hear this story See, my dirt bag says take care of this guy Because who knows in a couple years This guy might have like the ultimate Cupcake brand or something like that Because that's the story
Starting point is 00:34:32 Huh? That is the story You know what I mean? Yeah, I was separated from my wife I was taking culinary classes I was living with my sister And Uncle Hank helped me out Picture of me and him Big Cupcake Free cupcakes for life
Starting point is 00:34:47 You know what I mean? He could open up a restaurant or something Sure, I hope he does That Tyler Sheridan he didn't start right until he was 40. Mm-hmm. And look at him now. Cash up, everybody. Killing it.
Starting point is 00:34:59 We'll jammy up. We'll hook you up. We'll hook you up. We'll jam me up even more. Hey, also, looking for a pack of heaters. What was he looking for? A pack of heaters. That's it?
Starting point is 00:35:12 All he wants. All he wants? We'll hook you out with a hundo piece, too, my guy. Shout out the King Without a Castle. Shout out to all the homies that rode in. We appreciate it. Yeah, we love you. Thanks for everything.
Starting point is 00:35:22 Shout out the cash app for helping the boys and the homies out. And distancing yourself from us. Which we respect. Which I could not be more sympathetic to my guy. The legal version of We Don't Know These dudes. They were walking down the street. They bumped into me. All right, let's see here.
Starting point is 00:35:47 This one's pretty nuts. This one's from Jack. $10 intercontinental bozo and then in parentheses never left the country there was a time when I was super broke right been there most of my credit cards
Starting point is 00:36:03 were maxed out been there so in desperation I had a Coles credit card so I went to Coles bought a PlayStation 4 to trade it into GameStop for cash I got extremely screwed
Starting point is 00:36:17 but had it out of cash you know what I mean what's a PlayStation 4 call like a thousand bucks or something I don't know uh now it's like wait 400 300 just say it was a just say it was 500 bucks such a nerd answer
Starting point is 00:36:29 now it's actually like well I was talking about back then when it was hot probably a g-hot jihad okay oh you work at GameStop relax you guys got me the five oh we did
Starting point is 00:36:40 happy birthday get me a card or anything um I'd say it's a thousand bucks he buys it for a thousand on the Coles card right I wonder what Coles is banging out for, APR-wise, that's got to be.
Starting point is 00:36:57 That means you've got to pay that off at the end of the month or they start charging the Vig. Yeah, probably 25, 30%. 30%. 30%? Yes. So that, so that 30%? That $1,000 comes $1,300 at the end of the month.
Starting point is 00:37:12 What? Yeah. That's crazy. Yeah. 30%. Why do you think they're always trying to get you to put it on the credit? Hey, you want to open up a Cole's card? 30%
Starting point is 00:37:23 Yeah That's only if you don't pay it off In the first month, right? Yeah It's not 30 anyway I don't I mean You'd have to I mean I doubt
Starting point is 00:37:31 Listen they're not in the business They're giving you a free Free money for the month That Vig probably starts running That's crazy If you carry a balance You'll be charged interest Based on your average daily balance
Starting point is 00:37:45 That's fucked up And that's how they screw you With the average daily balance Because if it's a thousand and then the last day before it's due you pay it it's only zero for a day so it's a thousand for 29 plus zero divided by 30 oh you know what i mean you got to pay it like right away yeah you're getting it jeaned up man that's fucked up you think they're doing that because they care about their customers not what fucking high who's in the business no no one's in the business
Starting point is 00:38:16 uh helping you out at all you know who is that's right gosh yep giving out free out there gang this episode is brought to you by better help mm-hmm falls here yes the winter's coming days are getting a little shorter loony season less sunlight less vitamin d gets colder you get a little more reclusive etc etc make sure you're staying on top of your mental health so you can roll into the spring a brand new person to feel good and feel great yeah so do yourself a favor get over to better help start talking to people kevin and i both are on mental health journeys as you know and it all started with better help you can talk to a licensed therapist and the privacy you're on all.
Starting point is 00:38:52 Yeah, this November BetterHelp is encouraging everyone to reach out and check in on friends, reconnect with loved ones, and remind the people in your life that you're there for them. It takes a second, and listen, I've been on both ends of that call, that text. It can turn the day around, which can turn a week around, which can turn a month around. It can really help. BetterHelp does the initial matching for you and your therapist so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps you identify your needs and preferences, and they have 12 plus years of experience
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Starting point is 00:39:50 Shout out to Pretty Litter, gang. I'll tell you right now, you know who knows a lot about Pretty Litter? You're an expert. It's my little kitty cat because it is her favorite litter that she uses. And I don't even know what we can do now because if we change it, I think she'll freak out. She'll trash the room. She'll start throwing TVs out the window like an old rock star in the 80s. Take you after her daddy.
Starting point is 00:40:09 And I'll tell you what right now, Pretty Litter is the best litter that you can possibly get. Number one, Cat's health. Yes. Right? Very important. Got a urinary tract infection. If it's got something going on, it could be an early indicator that it might be time to get over and see a medical professional. That's what we're saying.
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Starting point is 00:41:05 Pretty litter cannot detect every feline health issue or prevent or diagnose diseases. A diagnosis can only be made from a licensed veterinarian. Terms and conditions apply. See, to say for details. Now back to the show. Back to the show. Yeah, I mean, no one's in the business of giving you, especially loaning your money. No one's loaning your money because you need it.
Starting point is 00:41:22 We're giving it away. So then you take it over to GameStop. What do you get for, retail probably? I mean, 30%. 30%. Say it's $1,000, you get $300. You think so? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:33 Everyone's screwing this guy. I mean, this guy's kind of doing it to himself if I'm being honest with you. So I trade the PlayStation 4 to GameStop cash getting extremely screwed, but I had enough cash to get to my next check. at the time I had what some would call the bugman blues. Fair enough. So it's garbage and dig yourself into a hole, a deeper hole into debt for a couple of bucks. I've been there, not at that level.
Starting point is 00:42:01 I do understand and respect the, you're making bigger chest moves that I, if I had a Coles card, I probably would have got in that, you know, I would have got, I mean, I had a Macy's card. I was buying clothes that I couldn't afford just to not. do laundry, like an idiot. I'm my kind of guy. You get fresh drawers.
Starting point is 00:42:23 Yeah, that's pretty, that sucks. But, you know, I also, I feel like I'm better with money now. I'm not good with it, but I'm better because I was so bad. Like, I'm waiting to turn that corner. I had the collector's call and I had this. I had my family screaming at me. I had my mom being like, I co-signed on these loans that you're defaulting on. The hell are you doing.
Starting point is 00:42:43 I had all that. So now I'm like, the fact that everything's. cleaned up. I do keep a little. I do like a little. Dirt. I got portfolio recovery calling me every day. I don't know about what and I ain't answering. It can only be a couple hundred bucks. Does Con Ed really turn your power off? Yeah, but it takes a while. Because they keep telling me they're about to. Yeah, you should. I mean, if they're telling you they're about to, they can't just do it. It's not like Time Warner. No. Or spectrum. But if they're telling you, they're going to turn it off, they'll turn that shit off. I like to see what they're up to.
Starting point is 00:43:15 They'll put a 10-day notice on the door. I had them. Oh, no, put a 10-day notice. It's embarrassing. They put it on the front door. They put it down by the elevator. Oh, I can't have that. Someone just had it on my building.
Starting point is 00:43:26 2B or whatever. Yeah. And everybody, it's orange. You can't miss it. And it's on there with, like, gorilla glutenics. That shit ain't coming. Everyone sees it and it hangs out for a college. Fuck, that's fucked up, man.
Starting point is 00:43:39 You know what? What a lot of people get in trouble with is. I can take care of it. I just wanted to see. They might... I don't know if you couldn't take care of it. It was steep. It was a grand.
Starting point is 00:43:51 Not in a month. No, it wasn't a month. So you haven't been taking care of it? I let it go a little bit. You let it go too. No, I don't. Yes, you do. You like letting them go.
Starting point is 00:43:59 Everything's on auto. And then you pay it off. No, everything's on auto pay. Me too. Except my spectrum, which I can't because I had too many accounts linked to my... I had a long story, but they shut it off and I call and turn it on. That's how I operate now. Which I don't like.
Starting point is 00:44:13 All right. But it does make me... I call and I feel like a big, a big guy. Yeah, I want to pay the balance in full. I say that out loud. Like when I'm at the Starbucks or whatever. Yeah, I'll pay in full. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:44:24 I got cash. It's not on a payment plan. You want a payment plan for your, for your energy bill? That's great. What do you got a walk in fridge? That's crazy, dude. You are on a payment plan? I got a lot of ice cream.
Starting point is 00:44:39 It's a lot of colds cash. I mean, you are. I think I'm chasing me a little bit. working the system. Did you find out where portfolio recovery is? I thought that's what we were looking for. No, but the trade in value now for a PlayStation 4 is $44.
Starting point is 00:44:54 Gee. What's it trading for a PlayStation 5 right now? $2.50. Ooh. That is interesting. It's one payment for your payment plan. Do you have a PlayStation 5? You're thinking about pawning it?
Starting point is 00:45:04 I do have a PlayStation 5. I don't play it that much. But there's a new game out right now called Arc Troopers or something like that. Looks pretty sick. Battlefield 6. There's a new game out right now. called real life and you should check the fuck in because from what I'm picking up this episode
Starting point is 00:45:19 you're tanking hey it's a first what is it first player it's a first player shooter game I need a health kit and some new weapons arc troopers or something like that arcs arcs arch soldiers not it's not a wait do you say battlefront what Battlefield 6 is really big right now
Starting point is 00:45:38 I don't play that shit the arc trooper seems to be like a new Star Wars game it's not Star Wars I don't think is it It? Arc Troopers is the Star Wars, the Clone Wars. No, it's something different then. Arc soldiers? Let me do a little digging for you.
Starting point is 00:45:52 A little digging for me. But that's why you, can we continue with the show while that's going on? We're back. All right, let's see here. This one's, this one's from Coco the Monkey. Great name, by the way. $10 C, homie, don't worry about, I have had one red. Um, bragging.
Starting point is 00:46:16 Ever tied a seatbelt around something in your car to keep it in place. Oh, yeah. That's every time I do it, I feel like Albert Einstein. Like, I'll get out of it. First time we ever did it was with a keg in the backseat of my buddy's car. We were underage, so we had to put a blanket over it so we didn't get pulled over. Our buddy's sleeping. He's dead.
Starting point is 00:46:40 But, yeah, strapped that in, you go like, you feel, I don't know why, but. That's like, I'm like, I'm the smartest man alive. I miss when they used to have a, when the middle seatbelt was just this one. Yeah, I don't like that it's now. It's weird. Yeah. I feel like you're in a fucking troop carrier or something like that. I know, yeah, I feel like I'm about to jump out of a plane.
Starting point is 00:47:01 Yeah. I don't like that. I like the middle because then you used to be able to rip that across and click it in the other one. Yes. Yeah, you got a little wiggle room. You can tie it around, you know, you could, it was real loosey-goosey. You know what we're doing. You know.
Starting point is 00:47:13 Hey, you then. Okay. This one's from Corey. $10, homie, never have one read. Is it garbage if I left a bunch of stuff in my old house that was foreclosed on when I moved out? Nah, fuck them. Yeah. That's part of their job.
Starting point is 00:47:27 It included a six foot tall entertainment system. Those things were big and heavy. An old pool table and a torn up couch. Yeah. Yeah, man. Listen. I plan on doing the walkout. Of the app.
Starting point is 00:47:41 Of what? After they shut the power off Yeah There's a lot of stuff I can't see taken I don't know where I'd be going Heading on down the road Heading on down the road a piece Dead tire jean
Starting point is 00:47:55 Yeah I'm not I'm not taking that shit I just give it super like a grand Be like here just Well I think the bank The bank Yeah Bank
Starting point is 00:48:06 No you didn't know When this guy got foreclosed on Which you may or may not be happening to you At the same time I rent I can't foreclose on me. Who knows what documents you signed. Can't foreclose on me?
Starting point is 00:48:17 I foreclosed on myself. I can't. That's what you can't. You can't fire me. I quit. Good look. I think the bank charges you for that because I... Fuck the bank.
Starting point is 00:48:28 You ain't paying nothing anyway. They foreclosed on you. I know, but you still owe that money. When? What do you mean? You file for bankruptcy. Okay. Sure.
Starting point is 00:48:37 Right? Luke? No. So I used to work... I told you. I used to work for a law firm. They represented banks in... I hate it.
Starting point is 00:48:47 I felt like such a wharf. But I worked in the accounting department, and I didn't really care a whole body. I wasn't really... I was fudging the numbers a bit. Were you? Were you giving some people some time? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:59 Really? Uh-huh. Whoa. Because you could just... Like, there was a big data... Working class hero. Kevin Ryan. There was a big database and we'd be like,
Starting point is 00:49:06 you have to call these people, you have to send this letter out. That'd be a good movie. You have to send this letter out to let them know there's, you know, 90 days or whatever. To what? Sheriff comes. Till big Kev Ryan comes in.
Starting point is 00:49:19 No. And then you would just... I'm going to start with the refrigerator. Not me, but people, you could... Those dates could get messed up. Yeah, they could. And just say it happened when it didn't happen or it needs to happen in three more months or whatever.
Starting point is 00:49:30 And it just never gets processed. Nice. So I've told, I don't know, it was all for comedy purposes. Of course. Good for you. But, no, not me. Good man. This is a story I read.
Starting point is 00:49:43 But they bill you for everything. You send a letter out. It's like 300 bucks. You get this. All that stuff you get billed for. Who sends a letter out? The bank? The bank retains an attorney.
Starting point is 00:49:55 Uh-huh. Mm-hmm. Which was awkward because my family members' homes were being four-closed on. I don't want to talk about it. Hey, it's Kev. They're on to us. Get your shit and get the fuck out. I can buy you 90 days.
Starting point is 00:50:10 I got good news, bad news. Nisi's making the hokey dip this year. Bad news, it ain't going to be at your place. You got to get the fuck out. Listen, Mr. Wells Fargo, he going to want his money. He wants his money. I'm thinking San Dan Tare. That's the bank I'm going to go to next.
Starting point is 00:50:27 European bank. That's not European. I think it's isn't a South American? It's either being better. Either way, when I got to slip away into the darkness, we've got to get some cash out. Uh-huh. I thought it was Latin America.
Starting point is 00:50:40 American. Spanish. Yeah. The Spanish. Yeah. I ain't going over there. Santander. Ha-ha!
Starting point is 00:50:48 What? What? Japanese would be HSBC. Not Japanese. What's a good? What's a good Panama bank? Panamanian Bank. Those guys play ball.
Starting point is 00:51:00 No, not Panama. Where do you want to go? Yeah, they do. What's still with Cayman Islands? That's big cash, though. What do you? I'm a cash operation. What's up?
Starting point is 00:51:10 First of all, you can't pay your electric. Why are they so crooked? It's just the banking laws they have there. Pretty crooked. Yeah. Cayman National Bank. How much of a red flag is that, though? You have the Cayman Islands National Bank.
Starting point is 00:51:28 Yeah, it doesn't matter if it's a red. The U.S. government can't do anything. How do all those guys get pinched then? When? I don't know. Miami Vice and shit. They're always catching them with the Cayman Islands banks. Yeah, there's just no jurisdiction over it.
Starting point is 00:51:43 I think if you're using like an American bank to say, I'm sure there's some sort of, you know, a pencil pushing rule that's like, if you're sending it from an intermediary bank directly of whatever to the Caymans, it can be under U.S. jurisdiction or something, I'm assuming, but. Red flag. You flip someone else in the organization.
Starting point is 00:52:02 Ah, that's how they get you. Take Luke could flip. Flip what? I don't know. Would you squeal? If I got tortured 100%. Tortured on us? Do you know what we do here?
Starting point is 00:52:12 I'm just saying. You would. You would roll over like a $2. You would. Hey, boys. Immunity? What are we talking about? Do I still got to do any time?
Starting point is 00:52:26 You got to do 30 days. Fuck that. I got a bad heart. A bad dick, though. I ain't ratting. Yeah, you would. I keep my mouth shut. I'd expect a little something when I get out, though.
Starting point is 00:52:43 Dude, you're spineless, selfish. You're an amoeba. You would. I'd expect something when I got out. Of what? Oh, that time I did. For you to take care of me. Start up money.
Starting point is 00:52:55 I get back in the game. Stop moving money. You know what I'm saying? No, I don't know what you're saying. Nobody ever went to visit my mom, nothing like that. She had plenty of visitors. Betty. No, I wouldn't rat on you
Starting point is 00:53:12 Yeah, you would No, I wouldn't Yes, you would I'd expect something When I got out I could have dropped a dime On you a million times I never did
Starting point is 00:53:19 It dropped a dime on me Listen You're the one not paying your bills What are you talking about? That's not illegal Your tax bills It is Hey don't you say that
Starting point is 00:53:32 The guy to handle all that Which I've heard He's still cleaning up Is that true? What? Yeah, there's still some gray area to that. How much would you expect after doing two years? Yeah, that's right.
Starting point is 00:53:49 From the organization? From the organization. Four million. You got to figure I was violated when I was in there. Yeah, right. You'd be putting Kool-Aid on your lips. Had a good time. Well, I'm an actor.
Starting point is 00:54:05 On a couple, Mill? What the fuck, man? I'm doing hard time. Keep my mouth shut. But at that rate, you want $500 grand a year to do something? Wait. Do I have to shiv anybody? If I got to shiv somebody, that goes up.
Starting point is 00:54:21 I mean, I'll do the business. Plus, I got all jacked in there, get some tats. We don't know how to cook all that cool shit. You went, okay. Where's this money coming from? I don't know. You better figure it out, that is. You want more than you make now for not working?
Starting point is 00:54:40 I'm working. And blowing dudes in jail. That'd be such a good podcast through the phone. Through the wire. Like, Shine. Shine recorded a song on his album. Shine's the one that went to jail for Puffy's Gun during the J-Lo nightclub shooting. Aw.
Starting point is 00:54:57 Oh. I don't know. He didn't have it coming. Right. Predicate felon. What's a predicate? I don't know. That was the name of Tony Ayo's album, Predicate Felon.
Starting point is 00:55:09 Shout out Tony Yeo. You want to, listen, you want to know in the good dude, crew, this is a little early 2000s hip hop history for you. G unit, 50 started popping. Right. Right. Made G unit. Right. They went on the road opening for 50.
Starting point is 00:55:30 Like this is like the height of 50 mania, G unit. So it's like G unit 50 cents shows. I remember all this stuff. Tony Yeo is in jail when he, when he, this pops off. Okay. He was his ride or died. They were right. They used to ride around.
Starting point is 00:55:40 on the minivan, no air conditioning, bulletproof vest, guns, fucking, this is after he got shot up. He didn't have a deal yet. So they were like, he was like, dude, we were riding fucking, he's like, that minivan. He's like, it was 110 degrees in that thing. It'd be August in Brooklyn. Wow, what are they doing? What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:55:57 They're in the fucking drug war. Oh, they were in the middle of a drug war. Yeah, 50 cent got shot nine times. Get Richard died trying. Huh. Pugh, phew. So he's like, they're locked and loaded. Like, it's on site for them, and that's how they're operating.
Starting point is 00:56:10 And so 50 was like he's such a fucking road dog that he's right, he's ride or die for him. He goes to jail for like, I don't know, two years or something like that as 50 pops. Uh-huh. He pays them for every live show as part of G unit. See? He comes out and there's like, I came out. There was over a million dollars in a bank account waiting for him. They picked them up, put him in a fucking, put him in a chinchilla.
Starting point is 00:56:36 They like right out the door, like fucking put chains on it. He came out. something like that's how you want yeah not chinchilla though poor little guys chinchoros well like a chimichunga predicate felon is someone who has had a felony and then was convicted of another felony ah thank you look can you can you can you check the uh the time you would serve for not paying your con ed bill there's no thing shit she got to catch me first motherfucker I'm in a minivan ride now. Safety off, dog.
Starting point is 00:57:14 That's why I vest up. I'm kidding. I paid it. I just didn't really. It was just so, I couldn't believe it was $1,000. Yeah, it happens when you don't pay for 10 months. It was like three months.
Starting point is 00:57:23 They'd leave that AC running. Why aren't you paying it? I just to forget. I forget. I forget. Not to tell the truth. This might hurt you. You actually cannot serve time for simply not paying a civil debt.
Starting point is 00:57:36 Nice. Yeah. Yeah, no shit. There's no such thing as the debtor's prison. I learned that from my dad. Anybody that drops that on you is behind the eight ball. There's no such thing as a debtor's prison. I go, why are you quoting rules from the 1600s?
Starting point is 00:57:51 That's how you know. You are a dirt a bag. Johnny Incock said. Hey, you would have don't, hey, you would have don't tread on me. Taxation without representation. I'm out. Peace. Jeez.
Starting point is 00:58:06 God damn, that's funny. We're having a good time. This is a fun program. Cash up. All right, listen, this one's from John. $10 long time, homie. Is it garbage to pick July 11th as your wedding date hoping to get 7-11 to throw you a couple of bucks your way? I got eight months to figure out how to get them to sponsor this thing before I wind up like the bug man.
Starting point is 00:58:30 Some slurps or something. That's not bad. How many people, what day is, can you look up what day July 11th is? Is that a weekday? I mean, if he chose to get married on, like, a Wednesday in hopes that 7-Eleven would. That's what you got to do. But do you got to think of how many people are getting married on...
Starting point is 00:58:49 It's a Saturday. How many people... Dude, that's prime wedding season, though. Is it? July? Anytime in the summer, yeah. That's fucking... You better have some slurpees there.
Starting point is 00:58:58 You got me showing up on July 7th. That's hot as shit. Hate that. Fucking hot-ass wedding. No ocean breeze or nothing? Mm-hmm. Yeah, you got to have some fucking... slurpees. Think how great that would be. You're leaving
Starting point is 00:59:11 after the wedding? I'd want it like something, you know, between the ceremony and the cocktail hour. A slurpy? Or how about tequitos at the cocktail hour? No. A couple of Buffalo chicken Johns. You do that at the end. A couple tequitos and some little slurpees. This is how much of a dirtbag I was at 7-11. Me and Pat got real heavy. I filled a slurpy thing with a glass of heaven and a half.
Starting point is 00:59:38 We got real into. Tequitos. Uh-huh. His dorm was right next to a 7-Eleven. Really? In West Philly. 39th and whatever it was. You'd go over there and hang out at his dorms at Drexel?
Starting point is 00:59:50 Mm-hmm. Huh. Yeah. Weird to me. Why is that? Because there was no other schools around us, really. Yeah, it's the thing. I was like, the thing about going to school in the city is, you know.
Starting point is 01:00:00 They'd let you in. You didn't have to have a student pass or anything like that? I mean, he would get, like, guest me, whatever. I mean, the city school, that's the only problem. City schools have significantly tighter. there's like cops working the front door because it's like you know Tony Yeo can run in
Starting point is 01:00:13 fucking ransack the fifth floor you know what I mean? Thoughts of a predicate felon I mean yeah we were you know essentially sitting ducks fucking black hawked out I had no fucking hair
Starting point is 01:00:29 That big row operation you had No I'm just saying I remember when you were moving Knicks or whatever it was Well you don't I remember you telling me You can't say I don't remember that. That's what I told the cops.
Starting point is 01:00:41 Whatever. The hell was I thought? Oh. No. You and Pat big a tequitos. Man. But they start, they put them on. And you go, let me get two Buffalo chicken johns and like a, you know, a taco John.
Starting point is 01:00:55 They were like three for whatever, or a $3 or a hamburger. A hamburgers are pretty good. Although they had big chunks of celery in, which I did not care for. What are the tequitos? Yeah. Hamburger tiquitos? What the fuck? Where were you going?
Starting point is 01:01:09 What? That's no 7-Eleven. Yeah. No. Get eyes on a hamburger? Hamburger. No. Back in the day, yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:17 I remember the hamburger hot dogs that they had, the burger logs. What? You don't remember them? They were hamburger shaped like hot dogs. Yeah. They were pretty good. They were great. Yeah, a little rubbery, though, but they got the job done in a pinch.
Starting point is 01:01:30 But I don't remember a hamburger tequito. What do you got? They currently sell hamburger tequitos. Yeah. Do you think they got handburger teatatos? Do you think they got a hamburger. hamburger hot dogs and they come out with a tequito and they're not shoving fucking celery in it it was like chatt was like hamburger or something i don't know i didn't want it
Starting point is 01:01:43 was a mere plop it wasn't my go-toe but they would serve them they'd be they'd only cook them on the roller so they needed to be on that roller because they're coming from like frozen so they needed to be on that roller for like five hours and sometimes you'd get them after like 15 minutes and they'd still sell them to you you get outside and you break your goddamn tooth and you got to go in and say hey just bought this here I think you didn't have your receipt. It wouldn't give you a store credit. You're kidding me.
Starting point is 01:02:10 Yeah, yeah, we could start. And we were drunk, so you'd be yelling at it. Not yelling out. I was just fucking in here. Like, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. I got the tequito in my hand. Another 7-Eleven.
Starting point is 01:02:21 He goes, and then he hit me with. We don't even sell hamburger to quito. All right, we got to wrap it up. Ah, what a fun one. Gang, we love you. Philly Atlanta. Grab the tickets. Come and see the boys.
Starting point is 01:02:32 Mm-hmm. And we'll see you next week. Peace.

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