Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - The Kreischer's!

Episode Date: March 23, 2023

Kippy and Foley are joined by the lovely Kreischer's for the first time at Tuddy's Addition! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Mint Mobile: https://www.MintMobile.com/GARBAGE Butcher Box: https://www.ButcherBox.com/AYG Promo Code: AYG Box of Awesome: https://www.BoxOfAwesome.com Promo Code: GARBAGE Lucy: https://lucy.co Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Quick tour update gang the state trashy tour is a cook and we're adding shows and we're coming to a city near you Bring the squad out and come see us. Yeah, baby. Plus we got new digs Next week. We're going to be in oklahoma city dallas texas houston texas austin texas texas second show added there Then in april we're hitting new avon kinetic at burlington vermont new second shows added in both those cities What then we're going to tampiv florida second show added there There's dania beach florida riley north carolina louisville cleveland get your tickies now you snooze you lose see you out there Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals?

Or absolute trash Now here are your hosts kevin ryan and h foley Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's new favorite podcast. This is r u garbage Oh, baby It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that after you're to be classy Yeah, just a big old piece of trash On your host state trolley coming at you on a glorious day. We're out back here in the new edition of tooties, baby The boys climbed out of the basement tootie came into a little medical malpractice money

Got the boys some new digs got her a new set of implants and a one-way trip to hedonism My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the ceo of r u garbage He is an international businessman And he's my best pal in the whole wide world and I love him give it up for kj kevin james ryan everybody Hey, what's up everybody? Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes full video available And youtube as you know, his numbers are Cookin and obviously the greatest goddamn website of all time www.patreon.com

Slash r u garbage check it out gang. It's a full-blown party over there Love that money and have a nice quick shout-out to our producer Extraordinaire the magic man makes us all look good works the ones works the twos the threes and the fours now Crosses the t's dots the eyes and you can get a little peek at him on the toby cam give it up pretty bone Mcscruffins It's toby mcmallon everybody. Look at him. Hey, what's up, dude? The addition is fire And what a perfect couple to come christen it man. We got some prime time company, dude Yeah, this is great. I think a kid on the local news right now

Gang but the long hair ain't lyin could not be more excited to have not one but two incredibly special guests here with us today She is a very successful podcaster and producer and she is the engine that drives the machine He of course is one of the funniest most hard-working Highest grossing stand-up comedians working today. Oh, yeah, he is the host of birdcast He is the co-host of two bears one cave. He is the creator and star of something's burning He is currently on a world tour has his own comedy festival Has a brand new netflix special out right now called razzle dazzle And as a movie based on his life that he produced and stars in guys a worker hitting theaters

nationwide May 26 and oh, yeah, he got luke skywalker to play his dad We're talking a hollywood power couple, baby. Do us a favor give it up for bernley and chrisher. It's the chrisher. Let's go Let's go Come on chrisher's in the building baby. Did you forget all that? I do as you say it. I'm like Jesus christ, dude It's wild. Congratulations to both of you. Yeah, thank you. I will say this I will say this is the only moment of sincerity I really genuinely could not have done any of this without her

I think sometimes the reason I don't cheat is because Number one, number one. Don't bumpy start number one. Number one. I'm fast at sex and I don't want to show that to anyone Hey, I'm not afraid at it We'll talk later. See do you I have a joke about her razzle dazzle in razzle dazzle about how fast I am Do you remember the time you laughed at me when I had an orgasm? She laughed out loud and went that was fast That was even for you Efficient he's efficient. Yeah, Billy the kid over here, but uh, but uh, I I often say

I picked the right chick because she got me to where I am sure and I wouldn't be here without her I really honestly wouldn't be here without her One last moment of sincerity now. Let's let's dial it I think you guys I think she's gonna change the scope I think you're gonna I think you guys would be like hold on. What wait, what the fuck is that? Lee and we have that bird on we know he's certified garbage. We do do want a little bit of a background check on you We know you're from rural Georgia. Yeah, all right. Um, give us a little bit of that backstory now How where how close was your closest neighbor?

Oh god Hang on. This is the area they this this is so rural they families live on Like land right so neighbors are all related Right, right. Like you have like a family has an area, right? Like uh, well, I grew up on a road called dot road Okay Oh, they get worse. Hold on nobody's ever said I grew up on a road Dot road dot road was not paved when I was a kid, but it became paved as I grew up We were related to everybody on the whole mile and a half long road

And the end of the road was a community called bug scuffle I told you I told you I brought a fucking baller in here Bert's bringing in fucking ringers dude, that ain't fair. What the fuck man, but I think about bud scuffle. They were all doctors So how long did the how long does the land go back in your family? Well, um, there's a church on the land that's in my family and I think the sign on the front says 1840 Whoa Yeah, we got married in that church. We got married in that church. Really? So one room one room white clapboard one room church. Yeah

Her grandfather went to school in that church my both my grandparents went to school in that church He rode the mule down the street Couple of heart transplants in that place There was a swingers lounge at once tell him that story An 1800 swingers lounge. Yeah, maybe not in that community, but And where did you go? Where'd you go to high school? I went to the local house the high school bowden high school What was the mascot there red devil? All right

The red devil had a Is a picture of larry larry david our first cut in the new studio Oh We're playing the hell burners Yes, okay. Wow. We're in it. And how many brothers and sisters do you have none? None? You're only child No, okay, what's your parents do for a living growing up? Uh, well when I was little my dad's a mechanic still auto mechanic. Okay, and when I was really little my mom Worked in the local factory that made men suits. So she's so

Okay, but she later became a model when they divorced we moved to a really, really beautiful Like whoa, absolutely. He's the highest paid model at Atlanta for about nine years though. Yeah I didn't know that She's from a smaller town than my dad and I are from two guys there Pretty much. Yeah a smaller town than scud buffles. What are you talking about? Pretty small The mayor's a frog And then where did you go to school? Where'd you go to college to college?

I went to west Georgia college for two years and then I transferred and went to Georgia state university But I never graduated. Okay. Never graduated. No, what happened? I moved to new york moved to new york and just gave it up Did you graduate? Come on Yeah, I had to you know, I had to take correspondence classes through the florida state prison system Isn't that interesting this before the end that you two got it together To be successful is nuts I think scrappy is what we have in college. We're fucking scrappies

That's a trashy. That's a trashy girl thing. We're scrappy I love it, baby. She knows a murderer Come on ice pick give me the answer They sent me a box of books And a and a and a and a shiv and a folder of tests and then they were like, there you go That's it before the internet this before the internet. I mean the internet was there, but the work class was online No, yeah, and so yeah, I got I left florida state, but I hadn't graduated. So it's six hours shy so I had to take a

a Something whatever the book I didn't learn much. Uh, whatever the group of writers that wrote like, uh, Like to kill a mockingbird and all those american writers. Okay. Uh, and then uh, harper lee All the whatever that area time and then some other area of viking longships Correspond to scores of viking longships. I had to do fucking. I don't know viking longships I my mom wrote it 25 years

25 years old and I had called my mom. I said, can you just please write this paper for me and she was I go I got a graduate college and I'm fucking done your thesis was on pontoon boats And where did you two meet exactly? At a bowling alley We met in LA at a bowling alley met in LA. So you move. What did you move to new york for originally? I moved to new york just to study acting. Okay. Okay, and I did that and then started writing when I was here And then I thought I got I got You know, I'm from rural georgia. So after being in the city for a while. I was like, I need a little bit of nature

Yeah, it's too much city for me. So I was like, well, I'll try LA and I moved out to LA and dropped acting entirely I was like, I don't think this is for me. Okay. They told her they told her Can I tell some of your stories guy like I'm because he's a better storyteller. No, no, no No, they told her they told her you need to gain weight or lose weight. You either you're the fat chick or the hot chick Right and she was like, I why can't I just be me? And at the same time, um, you edit this out if you don't want to put this in She went to a party and she met a woman who they said the same thing to when she goes. Oh, I'm going big I'm really just laying into it. Yes. And that woman was Melissa McCarthy. Whoa

And it worked out. Yeah, it worked out. I'm doing the same thing, baby. Hey me too How fat do you guys want me? They said 600 I'll do it You want me? I can't shower by myself fat Hey fame comes at a price, baby And that's two mcdoubles All right, so you guys needed a bowling alley Yeah, and how long was the courtship? How long did you guys date?

You don't remember good Just the one thing you guys want to tell you're in a half. Okay. I have I also just heard the very sweet story Where you called her every day at like 9 a.m. Every day Right. Yeah. Yeah. What are you doing this note? Che? Yeah, and the day after they met he called her every day at 9 a.m Every day 9 a.m. Yeah, that is a look at his creeper status Yeah, baby. I'm out front of your house. What are you doing? When you like something you like it

I'm liking shit. I like he's on all or nothing guy. Sure. He's all in He was all in from the beginning. Yeah Although he didn't know it himself. He'd always be like, yeah, this is my friendly and And as I said the point I was like, dude, I'm your girlfriend. You call me every day The fuck stop calling me your boy. This is my buddy Leanne right And where was the honeymoon remind me again? Oh Oh, that's a story. I believe you told us a little bit about this when you were on

It was maybe not I can't I thought so but I can't I don't know it was little palm island in the keys It's a private island that uh Is My dad said I can get a deal on it and so he said great So we booked it and he goes normally it's pretty expensive, but you'll be fine And so we booked it and we went and it was I mean everyone was like millionaires and we were and I You guys aren't swinging at this point. Oh at the time, uh

Our wedding cost us $5,000 because that's all I had Just I mean that's it. So we couldn't afford Like anything sure. So the church that was on your land. No, no, no, no, no, no the food And they're like the the the dj Do you remember where you got the food? No, no, no For our wedding. Yeah, my family made all the food. No way. Yes. I paid for the stuff But my my grandfather made we had like barbecue. So my grandfather made pulled pork My grandmother made coleslaw. My aunt made potato salad

Brunswick stew my yes, my grandmother made brunswick stew my cousins do Oh Wow, it's probably rabbit or something in there. No There's something you shouldn't be eating in there. No, there is you're right There's no veal in it. I can tell you that. Oh, there ain't no veal Just I always said you have to grade the south on a curve, but this is But yeah, what's in it, uh, brunswick stew is a stew that has, um, tomatoes You're leading strong with tomatoes, right?

Corn, okay, and pretty much whatever's left over from the pig Uh, snout, you know, ear whatever's left over and they kind of shred it all grind it all. Is it good? I want to see that wedding invitation choice of snout or tail Whatever you want to have we don't tell anybody that you just say here's some brunswick stew. Hope you like it So you paid you paid for the wedding to get started It did my dad paid for the dj and we paid for everything else. They said they said they said at our wedding You can either dance or drink. You can't do both. That's right We had to get special permission. Uh, so my dad was like, hey, you know

Like footloose. Yeah. Yeah So my dad had to go to the deacons of the church and say, hey, he's catholic So like these catholates are gonna drink like there's nothing we can do about it Hey for the record, my grandma wouldn't go because they were baptists. We're baptists. My grandma was like, why would he be a baptist? Yeah That's old school. The south is other south is different, right? Oh, it's a different level of garbage. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you guys might have might have teed one up perfectly today I ain't doing the macarena with no baptist. All right. Oh, nobody in my family danced at all Nobody her dad had a panic attack

Oh my god, I just thought of something I forgot about this I got ready at my cousin's house and drove myself to my wedding in a pickup truck by myself Because I was just like, well, I guess it's time to go And nobody's here. So I'll just drive myself in my big time Leanne was pregnant at the time And we said as a joke, not a secret anymore Georgia doesn't know Well, I know well, she might know now

The uh, Leanne Leanne was uh, they were like, hey, does anyone have a shotgun? We'd love to take a picture with a shotgun and everyone raised their hands They all had shotguns So we took a shotgun we gonna took a picture with the the two of us my dad and our preacher my dad's holding a shotgun That's one of our wedding pictures. Yeah, they knew they knew. Oh, everybody knew. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I was 30 It was just Georgia that doesn't know I'm picking up on that 32. Yeah, I was I was not like, yeah I was not my first rodeo. And how was the old man when he found that out? Did you guys

Did you guys hit it off right away or was there a little bit of a me and her dad hit it off right away? But but my parents were extremely my dad and I'd already bought the wedding ring The engagement ring with my dad my dad my dad and I said before before we knew I was before she was pregnant Okay, we were already headed that way. Nice. I told my dad I said we were in at the beach and and I said he goes so what's going on with this check? I said I want to marry her and he was like, whoa. Are you serious? I said, yeah She dumped me and it destroyed me and I was like and I I prayed to god If you give me this woman back, I won't fuck it up and I will it'll be I'll be with her forever

This will be the one and then he made a mixtape and put it on my windshield in my car And he said wrote me a note that said, please listen to track number eight Track number eight is everything I feel I really fucked up and track number eight describes exactly what's going on for me Just listen to track eight. Why don't you just make track eight want track one? Why'd you have her fucking scan eight fucking tracks, Bert? Fucking steve Tell a story. He wants you to stay there and stay there and stay there I'll do one. Holy shit creep

What was the breakup about? No, you got me too he was coming too quick Oh back then I was laying it down Oh Let me say this What an american success story. I mean, it's fucking wild man Talk about two people having each other's backs and look what you look what you've both accomplished. It's fucking wild There's a moment in our lives. So like I have to say this

So when I when I was doing the road and featuring and then getting into headlining, but it was like $1,300 a week Yeah, where were you when you guys got married? Where were you at in your career? Oh, I was I was a feature. I was a feature act featuring. Yeah, I was featuring. I was not headlining yet I hadn't had my first headlining date. I didn't get head start headlining. You aren't even Like middling. I actually when we first met are you right? I wasn't in the middle She's a straight shooter. Yeah You barely had 15 You were peppered in crowd work when you had to

I want to be I like that's where he was She lives in the truth. No. Yeah. Yeah, which is interesting. My wife does she's married to me And he wasn't making 500 bucks. He was making 500 bucks a weekend not 15. He didn't ever ran the money He didn't know how much money he makes now. Yeah, you're right. And you control all the finances I don't know about control but because he buys a lot of shit without my knowledge or I didn't even see that Exactly new money trash and I'm here for it. He's bougie Bert. I love it. I feel like they're both wrong

They're probably two different time zones. One of those definitely isn't set to daylight savings Neither of them are right. Wait, how did I not see that you walked in with two watches on? You got two watches you showed up late today What the fuck let's get this guy's third watch, please Peter Why are you wearing two watches? We were in Vegas and we bought with Tom and I bought these I remember you had that. I think the one on your left hand. No, this is for my 50th. This one Tom and I just bought I love that. Yeah, this is a great one and uh, and I um, I'm very OCD about losing stuff And so I'm terrified. I'll lose it. I'll put it somewhere and I'll forget it

And so I just was like, I'll wear them until I get home. Dude, that's new buddy, right? Yeah, that's all right But uh, but there was a moment. There's a couple moments you remember when you're married that are pivotal moments and uh Leanne were worked at uh, at the what did you do? I managed apartment building. Yeah, so we got a free rent So we have free and health insurance and health insurance and a little bit of pay Okay, enough to cover in nanny for when I was gone on monday or on wednesday thursday wednesday sunday or whatever Wednesday thursday he he was literally like daddy on duty Monday tuesday wednesday every week and then hit the road and then he hit the road so and we could only afford

My paycheck paid the nanny for the two days a week. She worked. Damn. So I couldn't really that's how we did it I remember Leanne one time She had Otto was a very frustrating child. Yes to say the least Yes, and uh, and Leanne had broken our toilet in frustration a little mommy moment And we were upstairs and now I will always say I'm the luckiest guy in the world And I'm not even just saying like uh, look where I am. I'm so lucky. I'm lucky on everything. I'm lucky on everything everything I'm always fucking lucky And my whole life. I've been lucky. I went to scott's college for seven years

Never picked up a book and then rolling stone discovered me sends me to new york I'm working the door at the Boston comedy club will smith discovers me I'm the luckiest fucking guy you'll ever meet and we're in our bed And Leanne just breaks down and she goes I feel like I ruined your luck And I go, huh? She goes. I'm bad luck. I'm ruined your luck. And I remember going don't say that out loud You just jigged up. Yeah, yeah, just jigged and I'm like, maybe you are bad luck get the fuck out of here You start pulling out your eyelashes And I said I said my luck is strong enough for the both of us

Oh, and I fucking lucked her into it. And now we're here. It's great Fucking love it. Kip. Let's talk about that mint mobile, baby. Mint mobile, mint mobile, mint mobile I had caught him in the news recently Ryan Reynolds making some serious moves, but here's the turkey. What's that still passing the savings on to you 15 bucks a month over there at mint mobile. Gotta believe it, baby. Why not? Let's go Yeah, no brick and mortar pass the savings right onto you Straight to the source, baby. I know we're talking about it's fantastic I've said it for years. My wife has been using mint mobile for years way before the podcast even existed

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Yeah, you got a freezer full of them right now. Don't you better believe it? Don't you fatty? You like that? You like that ground beef, don't you you like that grass finished Grass fed you like that free range turkey turkey work. I know I do gang butcher box is absolutely fantastic And when you get premium cuts of meat, you don't gotta pay premium prices. Nope When you go to butcher box. Yeah, baby, uh, they've sent us. I don't know about a bajillion pounds of meat I got it coming out my gosh darn ears. I got ribs in there. I'm gonna break them out in a couple of days Yeah, get uncle hank special spices on there. All right. I don't know. Hey, this is a bg show Delivered straight to your door this you mainly raised beef chicken pork seafood is an incredible

value like wild called seafood. Yeah, dickhead free shipping and always exclusive member deals Uh, shake up your meals with butcher box get free chicken nuggets for a year. Wait, what? All right, we'll bring it back free chicken nuggets for a year and 10 off your first box when you sign up today I'm signing up just to get those free chicken nuggies That's a 22 ounce bag of gluten free chicken nuggets and every order for a year when you sign up butcherbox.com slash a yg use code a yg claim this deal at butcherbox.com slash a yg use code a yg do it What'd you break on the toilet?

The lid of the tank like pick the tank what? Yeah, I was really frustrated with isla and so I like put her in her room close the door Went in the bathroom picked the lid off the tank and broke it on the bowl And I was like, I might be having postpartum depression. I may need to go to the doctor That's a weird way to imagine that in the bedroom That shit happens You ever been hit with a toilet seat during sex? She's like a pit bull Oh, yeah, Jesus

And also too we know you guys have a uh have a big life as a couple With that with yes, you guys have a very big tight circle of friends. Yeah, it seems to be on uh instagram at least Yeah, what's that scene like when he rolls in we heard about the uh the events at school with the auctions and stuff like that Yeah, he's just coming in a clearing house Uh, you know what's really awesome about where we Decided to raise our kids There's enough people there Burt at the time when our kids were little wasn't really what he is now wasn't really famous So everybody just thought of him as like another dad who is in hollywood somehow

So we started this group of friends And you know like one's a lawyer one's in the world of vr And one's a really big movie producer and we all just they all just knew each other as just dads Yeah, okay, so he was just regular, you know, and he still is when we get together with them They're just like he's just Burt And now do these guys have two Rolexes just out of curiosity? No One of them has one there you go one of them has one they're all they're all they're all everyone's really successful Very successful, but it's you know a different arena, but like employment law not entertainment law like

Employment law like so it's totally off What's the dynamic if you guys all go out to dinner? So there's like four or five couple or whatever three couples go out to dinner who picks up to check you guys take turns You have to fight for no, we just all split it all split it. Yeah. Yeah, we all split it Okay, right down the middle or do you go like hey? I had the nachos you had no no just down the middle Yeah, they're a good group. We all met because our kids we all went to uh The same school the same school and then all the all the girls were doing girl scouts And then so we all went for a camping trip one time and be and

And we just all clicked and we called it started calling ourselves the campers It's the funnest part about being a dad for me was the group you get involved with At a certain age and then you guys all your kids grow up together and you hang out with them It's been it's the one part that bums me out the most that went with georgia going to college and island going up Yeah, you start seeing them a little less and less a little yeah a lot less and less lately Especially I was busy because you're not home. Yeah, I'm never home. I see them I mean we have big events we do chinese new years with them because one of the one of the moms is chinese We do uh

During hanukkah we do latkes or pancakes and doughnut doughnuts and so it's been it's Dude, i'm telling you if you ever think about having a kid Fucking yeah, you have a kid you watch him grow but the friends you make The other guys you get to drink with No, those have been the fucking funnest those have been the fucking funnest well luckily we found uh three other couples who Can party like he parties nice. Yeah, so yeah, there's at least one member of each family that can can hang That would be bad if you were partying and nobody else

You would have to be like we bird can't come anymore like everybody. Yeah, right? Tuxedo shirt and a speedo on roll Good lord I've been talking right you go heavy on did you go heavy on the girl scout cookies when that was going on? Oh, it's still going on. I was still girl scout real. Oh lian lian liana, what are you dropping on girl scout cookies? Oh between the two couple g's no lian lian's a gangster she She gave our daughters. I mean this is a compliment. She gave our daughters the childhood. She never had So so lian was like i'm gonna be at lian literally got got pregnant said i'm done with any of my

Hollywood career I'm gonna make sure that i'm gonna be a hundred percent of a mom We got offered a show on travel channel one time. I want to say it was like $20,000 an episode it was a lot and it was they would give us coordinates of a place Where a treasure was and me and lian would have to find get our way get our way there Uh, so it would be like off the coast of brazil In a hundred feet of water will be a treasure chest And liana I would have to start and they'd track us there and I said I was like done. Let's do it sounds fun

And lian's like no I go what she goes no i'm a mom. I'm not a fucking tv show. I'm a mom And I was like god dammit would be great money, but she gave the girl trying to do it yourself for 10 g's Hey, why don't we cast lian as a with a young latino chick, huh? All right, my wife won't do it, but my daughter has his friend I want to do a little bit more background on lian here. There's some stuff we missed. What was your first job? Uh, I drove a tow truck Your first job. Yeah, I did. Well, my dad's a mechanic. He had his own shop

Okay, so I drove a family business like 13 Fucking repo man at 13 I ran parts and hey, man. You gotta make your payments Ran parts, okay Yeah, man, that's some rough neck shit lian. This is so very prim and proper. Well put together woman Well, you know, I'd be like I started I started driving truck at 12. I'm not gonna say like you waited tables at the local diner or something Oh truck driver. Yeah, I drove a tow truck. It was pretty fun because I'd show up and these guys would be like Hey, lian, where's your daddy and they go, uh at the shop

Well, who's picking? I mean like you're in the truck. I'm like, I'm putting your truck on. I've been putting I mean, I've been doing everything except driving the truck since I was about seven Darnell Putting it on and they'd be like what they just hear the shotgun click Seven well, I started riding in the wrecker with my dad when I was seven wrecker Up on up on the hopscotch mountain Blackjack Mountain Blackjack Mountain

That sounds like a made-up mountain Okay, here's a redneck thing. So my dad and I lived in a log cabin. It had no heat It was fucking sucked. I had to cut firewood all the time So we decided he decided he was going to put a furnace in it But we had to build a chimney for this furnace So we went to blackjack mountain in his jeep with a trailer on it to pick up rocks These big rocks on the mountain to build this rock It sounds like a story from the 1300s

So Oh, this is not even we went to pick up rocks. We do and a big rock big rocks for this chimney But blackjack is covered in rattlesnakes This is I'm watching this unravel and I and I know how big the yarn gets So Here's what we did daddy said. Here's what we're gonna do You roll over the rock And I'll shoot the snake and then we'll put the rock in the trailer. Sometimes there'll be a snake under a rock

Sometimes they're one. Okay. So just roll it over and move real quick and I'll shoot it I don't remember how many rattlesnakes we shot that day, but it was a lot So we had to do this over and over like every weekend for several weekends to get enough rocks to build the chimney But yeah, that was how we built our chimney When I met when I remember you by the way, this has I was probably about 12 11 or 12 when I when I met her dad Rock and rattlesnake

We also had a snake we went rock kitchen. We had a rat snake that lived in our bathroom and He was paying rent. No, he was eating the rats in our house So he was like instead of having a cat which we also had a cat But we had a snake that lived in our bathroom We coiled around the the toilet and we'd open the door at night. It would go shoo underneath the cabinet It was kind of scary What do you mean dude? It's a hillbilly room, but

When I when I met her dad, he I said uh yambert I think it was it was it when he was living in the convenience store Yeah, he did live in the back of a convenience store in the freezer. It was the best Behind the freezer you live in the freezer. It was the best fucking who did my dad your dad was living in the convenience Was he working there? Well, he was trying to he was planning for his retirement because you know being in mechanics pretty hard So well, he you know nobody at e.f. Hutton answering the phone No, right? Well, he was doing two things for his retirement. He started uh collecting big block engines

Okay to sell later and then he bought a convenience store and sold his house and moved into the back of the convenience store It was fucking awesome. So you were like a city slicker. I will tell you I was I was the You were probably some yuppie that came in and was stealing his daughter. I was a Yankee I was called a Yankee And uh, and he said to me when I met him He said I said yambert. I I'm I absolutely adore your your daughter and he said

No, boy, you got one of the best fraud fraud diggers out there fraud diggers He did say that I forgot you just got yourself one of the best fraud diggers out there. Oh, you're a fraud. You're the fraud digger Yeah, was that a frog catcher? Oh, yeah, yeah, so so we um You know, we didn't have we didn't have a lot of money So when for fun we would camp on the river And put a john boat in the river and go up and down the river. What's a john boat? It's a flat bottomed aluminum boat. Okay. Okay

And gig for frogs. Well, some people have like the like three-pronged fork that they like stab a frog with We didn't have that you just kind of reach in the bank and grab them, but it's at night So you have to like spotlight and you have to you have to this sounds so redneck You have to be able to tell the difference Are you kidding me back to the giggin you have to take your spotlight And you have to be able to tell the difference between frog eyes and snake eyes So you don't grab a snake Jesus, dude

So but so you spend the night just grabbing frogs and you collect enough frogs and then you you've had frog legs You eat frog legs man tough cookie Jesus Christ So I grew up frog giggin And also we did something called set hook and where you put like bamboo cane poles up and down the side of the river to catch catfish. This sounds like another country It sounds like stuff you were doing war. Yeah, isn't it fun though? It's so much fun. It's so fucking fun No, trust me. I I'm a big woods guy. I grew up. I grew up. I like it. I love it. It's wild

It's so fun. We would go down there to the river and uh drink moonshine drink moonshine and and uh And all these old men are the best storytellers in the world. Oh, I'm sure I mean you hear stories And by the way, you want to talk about no political correctness I mean you get it. You'd be I would be like the 20s down there. I would be crying fucking her grandfather Was the best storyteller and he was he was an interesting guy He'd grab you and walk you off into the woods to tell you a story like just to get you and then I mean that guy I really I I I

Fucking loved that. He wore overalls for our wedding. He was pretty. He was pretty real. That's all right Did he have like a shirt and tie under them? He did really? Yeah, he had a shirt and tie he wore his sundae overalls because you start with the sundae overalls And when you wear them enough they turn into work overalls and you buy a new pair sundae Gotcha because a sundae is like, you know dark blue Sure So he wears sundae overalls and a coat and tie. Yeah color turd. I just I just came up with a great business model sidebar You should do these live from those houses for birthday parties

What like if you did these as a live event for for families to go I'll give you 10 grand to come over and do a live event and do it for our friends because this is funny shit This is funny shit. This is funny shit. You are grossly overestimating the income level of our listeners You think they have 10 grand to spend on the wedding? We got a bunch of frog giggers out there We love you Um, what else what else have you had just as far as uh, the cuisine. So you've had frog frog legs. Yeah Yeah, I've eaten snake. What kind of snake?

Um, I don't know not the one in the bathroom. I hope no I we kind of breezed over that I feel for live snake in the bathroom Yeah, he lived there for like a year or so and you when that was cool. You weren't scared. You weren't yeah I've never been really scared of snakes. I used to collect snakes and Lizards and stuff in the woods all the time and keep them for the day and then let them go So no But if you went in to take a shower or go to the bathroom, you could see the snake or you just really was like in a hole somewhere You know how where the toilet meets the floor? He would curl around that

So he would be under your feet as you were going the bathroom. Well, no, no He was scared of me. So as soon as I opened the door, he would go under the vanity Right, he'd go under the vanity and say I'm sweating thinking about that. Here's the thing is that there's so much cabin There's so much wildlife in out there. There's it's you're in the Well, yeah, you would be petrified, right? I was I was terrified I was terrified every step of the way she would sleep we'd go camping She's hanging upside down in the tree and she'd sleep on the ground outside open air Really, dude, we never had a tent

Outside Yeah, and they had a lake house, but there was no house They just had property by a lake where they just sleep on the bank Yeah, on the like on the outside and the first time we did that she goes, let's go sleep outside I go with my mouth with my mouth open You're catching flies. Are you out of your fucking mind like no, I can't sleep outside. Holy shit. I'll tell you It's not a holiday inn around here This is my favorite lian cry lian cries. She's a really lian camp story when we first started dating and you can edit this out

If you're not comfortable with the story We get on the wave runners out of the lake. This is my favorite story. I'm gonna don't hold on just I'll tell it prior Who had the wave runners? We had wave runners now lianna's fucking fearless like like a real jump off a cliff Go as fast as you can Fearless so she takes off the wave runner and says follow me So I follow her and by the time I catch up to her she has gone into this little nook little opening It's a cove and it's it just starts raining

And she takes off her bathing suit and it's just swimming and I'm like now by the way, I'm fucking terrified I'm terrified of alligators of snakes of everything. There's no alligators where I live in torga But and she's just naked. She was come on in and I'm like Stand there crying with a boner I don't know what to do man. I want to get in the water, but I'm afraid of dinosaurs And so that and that that we had the one of the most amazing moments of our fucking life But the whole time I'm looking for something to bite me. I'm like, I don't want to die I don't want to die red necks are gonna walk down boy. You ain't from here. Yeah, but yeah

That is lianna's like lianna's like that's growing up out there. You're fearless. You have like they just it's a different Cut cut approach. Yeah. No, of course. You have to be camp. Here's another fave. Let's talk about bespoke post Oh, I think you're talking about box of awesome. Yeah, I'm talking about doing cool guy shit Hang out with other cool dudes cool guy stuff, baby And the way you start doing that is go over there to have a spoke post get yourself box awesome They send you cool stuff. Here's the best part small businesses from around the world Helping out the little guy startup brands quality products. I know they send them to me every month. I love them It's cool guy shit. You never know. You need it till you get it. You go. Look at this

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That's box of awesome.com a code garbage for 20% off your force your first box box of awesome.com Code garbage do it Okay, let's talk about lucy lucy. Let's talk about lucy getting into the nicotine pouch game. Yeah, all right They're coming correct. I was using the other brand But I'm a lucy man like a bow. You're going to the gas station. I'm buying no name brands with god knows what in them You know what I mean like a dirt ball. Uh-huh shout out to lucy dude changing the nicotine game once again Quit smoking's brutal smoking stuff. You got to get off the burnies out there everybody. I know it's a struggle for me It's a struggle for the big man. Everybody's trying something and lucy can give you like a heater. Yes

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You know it garbage to receive 20 off and always reshipping and here's the fine print, baby What do you got lucy products are only for adults of legal age in every order is age verified this nicotine This product contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical. So you know that so we like it back to the show Wait, so just just so i'm clear. So You's had a lake house, but there was no house But you somehow you had wave runners. There was a boat house Okay, got you and then my dad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, just store your boat. Yeah So if it rained or something we would go in the boat house and get out of the rain

Now we just spent all our time on the water and that's where the jack boat was or no no no no no no no that was We actually had the lake property when I was older Like when I was older the the john boat stuff I started doing actually like When I was born, you know, like we we did that all the time And who got the wave runners you guys you guys Her dad's kind of guy that could find a broken wave runner for like 50 bucks and fix it Okay, now her dad's a her dad is like, I mean Crazy with that shit. Yeah, he is crazy with that pull an engine apart rebuild the whole thing. Oh, yeah

No, that's yeah, that's what he always did Man, that's a real man right there throw it on a record and then imagine she marries me I don't even know how to change it. It was an adjustment. It was an adjustment I had a moment of adjustment where I'd have to go. Are you fucking serious? You're crying about that I had panic attacks. I scared of the crawfish It looked at me It took me a minute to to find some Like understanding of like how he processed the world. It's very different than the

I mean, he's got two Rolexes on that two different times. My dad does not have that At all. So it just took me a minute. Sure. I remember I remember on our wedding day My dad my dad was doing very well financially at the time It was probably the height of my dad making money in his career And he had a 120 thousand dollar Mercedes and he pulled it up to her pop's house His her grandfather's house where the the house They built it by hand that they built that house and Her grandfather had never really seen a car like this and he just it was almost like he stole the catalytic converter

He just was like Can I sit in this? He was like Your dad's like no slams the door And my dad my dad grew up Grew up did not grow up for money. Right. So my dad is more will always be a poor dude in his head So he is embarrassed that he has this car, but his of course grandfather was just like Like I mean open the trunk up like he was like we're looking at this car

Yeah, we're inspecting it you push this and it no key no key And it was like it was funny. Shit. That's awesome. That's awesome. Can you do anything with cars at all? If you guys if you guys if you guys I couldn't even buy one I mean, seriously, I don't know. I mean, I I have a car broker I don't I don't go on a lot. Yeah look at cars not now, but like make me let's say 15 years ago or so if you guys were like running to the grocery store The car breaks down for whatever reason It's her you're sitting in the car

Oh, it's definitely well you get out and will you troubleshoot? Will you like pop the hood and like look at the spark plug or the connection or anything? No, but I usually know what's wrong like I'll go. Oh this it's this Or she'll get on the phone with her dad and go uh and be and I'll just sit in the car Has there ever been an instance where the where you had a flat tire and leanne changed the tire and you were in the car? No, no, would you do that? Yeah, I'd have her walk me through it I'm not I definitely I mean, I don't mind changing the tires. I don't know what to do

If if we gave both of you pickup trucks for to race, who do you think would win? Oh, it's her. Yeah I'm not I don't like well. I did drag race for money in high school I respect that what kind of car are we talking? Well, my dad bought me uh because my dad is very smart and remember He's a mechanic. Sure, huh? He bought me a 1979 Porsche Whoa 924, which is not, you know, it was only four cylinder and not a Super fast. I'm out. I'm out. I don't know what it means. Oh four. I'm a three-man myself cylinders, huh? I like cubes

Right, dude. Who are you? I know right. It's like a hillbilly wonder woman I love you leanne You're all right It was a colorful life It has been a colorful life But my dad bought me that car because nobody in the whole county had a Porsche and it was red So he knew everybody

Everybody knew where I was and what I was doing all the time. It was super smart. It's like a it's a lowjack It was well before lowjack. Yeah. Did he know you were racing? No, well no He did he found out and that he caught me once and then he sold my car and gave me a Volkswagen What is that? What does that look like as far as the racing you're in school? People people drive. Hey, you want to race? Well, yeah, that's okay. At what time we met. Are you ready? You're gonna laugh at this on a hog liver road Hog liver road

So that I'm not even joking you're racing on a hog liver road a hog liver only the expert drivers race on hog liver road The novices are down there on rabbit rabbit Pauline. I listen. I love I love Where I grew up. Of course. It makes who you are. It's so rich in In personality, you know a flavor and there's so many people I knew that are I and and still know that are just so colorful in the best way I I have a I have a theory on this of like when you don't have much and there's not a lot of money or anything

You have only the interpersonal relationships to rely on. Yes. You're not like, hey We're out on this nice boat or in this cool. How you're like you You're laying in the grass sleeping. You have to be Have personality, you know what I mean? I think so. I think it's less so now with social media But growing up, you know 70s and 80s Yeah, it's all about who you hung out with and there's some colorful people So we're pulling up to the line. There's somebody standing there with like a handkerchief or whatever It burnt

Gentlemen start your engines pinkie tuscadero over there You got her leather jacket on over your shoulders. I I look at lianna. I go, I'll be here when you get back Don't forget about me. Don't forget about me. She's smoking. Whatever fat boy drop the flag I live my life a quarter mile at a time the rules are there ain't no rules Back to win me a Toyota She slaps you on the ass There's not much to do there, you know, so you gotta come up with something I said I have it in my in razzle dazzle I said she said one time to me and it fucking blew my way. Shit ain't nothing to do in my hometown, but fuck fighting race

I was like, who did I marry ricky bobby? I was kind of true And drink. Yeah What kind of cars would you be up against? You obviously had the hot ride in town, right? Well Well, sort of I mean a lot of boys Would we're driving hot rods like like one of my friends danesmith had a nova like an older nova that he had rebuilt Had another Chevy. I knew that friend. Yes another friend that had like a camaro super sport But it's an older one like a 60 model 65 model

Okay, so those were hot rod muscle cars. You're racing dudes. Yeah, and my little I did not I didn't say I won I just said I raced a lot. I tried I tried. I wanted in the game, you know It was it was nothing else to fucking do and I was never very girly that way, you know to like I mean I was a cheerleader and girly like that but but I definitely Really got along with my dad My parents divorced when I was seven and my dad had two roommates in this log cabin Okay, so I was with guys a lot doing guy stuff, you know, so and I drove a wrecker, you know drove drove tow truck

So I was always in his shop. Would you go in and see your mom on a regular basis live with my mom for a time? Okay, um, but I spent when I was living with my mom. I spent uh the whole summer with my dad So three months from memorial day to labor day with my dad Um, so it was all day my movie the machine comes out. Yeah It does which looks fucking awesome by the way I remember you telling us about like, you know, when you when you were saying about it and I mean, obviously I knew how big you were but in my head The scope of that thing when I saw the trailer. I was like, what the fuck is so good. I mean, dude that shit's wild

So good. I think people I think I think rogan said the same thing. He was like, he was like, it's like a real movie Yeah, it's like an action action comedy And uh, the number one thing that when they did the testing they'd get done and they go, all right What's the number? What's what what what did you not expect from this movie and everyone's everyone's first thing was Uh, burt can actually act. There you go. It was I because I didn't think I could here's the thing about leon She's brutally honest. I mean To a flaw to a hardcore flaw. It's not a flaw. It is at times at times at times When we left the greek and do you remember go? I don't know why I do it. Okay. That was a flaw. Okay. So, uh

She will tell you exactly what she's thinking And and it can be a great abrasive When she first met me and she saw me do stand up her first words were go ahead and say it You're a lot funnier than that. You're smarter than your comedy and I was like, well, it works like You're smarter than that. So you need to like So I had to put I had to put in skanks for the memories to find out if she had a good sense of humor or not Ah, great album. And so we put in skanks for the memories and she was crying laughing and I go, okay She's right. She's got a good sense of humor. I am a horrible comic

I didn't say you were horrible. I just said you were smarter than what you were talking about at this time But when I did the machine At when I came and she came over to serbia and watched the first few days of filming She was like, you're you're killing it and I was like, wait, I can act and she was like, yeah, you can act And I was like and that's what I was like That's the beauty of having somebody tells you the truth is, you know, they don't fuck around right. Yeah Yeah, it looks fucking That tone of everything looks fucking fantastic. That's a major motion picture. We're talking about here

I mean, dude, it was It's crazy the trailer looks fucking awesome. Mm-hmm And just everything you put into it and I never would have thought like just the way you did it how like It's you you're telling the story and the the kid that you got to play a younger you He's amazing Wasn't he amazing? He's a great cast. That's a perfect casting and I have to say Bert does almost

All his own stunts and all the fights Wait, what? Yeah. Yeah, I fell down. I had to go down a mountain. I remember that and I blew out my tricep That was before we knew you. I think yeah Really? I didn't know that. Yeah. Yeah. I did all this on fight. Yeah, and then I and then I did you have to go to a Serbian hospital I did. Oh, I would have freaked the probably real loose with the pain You're talking about being in some lake in georgia if I ended up in a serbian er I would freak the fuck out this. I have to get me to mount sinai asap

Serbians were extremely protective of talking shit about serbian. Serbia. Sure like they I love them. Toby cut that Yeah, you guys are great. I'm coming this summer. Your healthcare system is awesome. I did not I obviously opted not to get surgery there You're always an insurance issue. That wasn't my primary your arms hanging off Just some guy with a bottle of vodka and a butter knife like I can fix for you You want sip of borscht before we start? I burned my foot. I burned my leg on a on an ice burn I put an ice pack on my calf and it burned it and and the doctor on set put I see hot on top of it and then it bubbled up and I was like

I'm not going to the hospital to get surgery. I think you need a little butter Obviously with joke and shout out to serbia You're a huge insurance. I don't know what side I don't know what side they're leading these days We play right down the middle here Serbia might be working for him in a couple of weeks I mean, dude, it's nuts. Yeah, I'm excited for it. I hope everyone enjoys it and And yeah, I'll be promoting the living fuck. I'll see if I can get mark hamill on here to do our you garbage How great would that be? Yeah, you want to watch me cry for about an hour? He's gonna show what a lightsaber this fucking would be an amazing interview. He has an open book

He literally is one of the funnest dudes to be around because you'll be like, uh, just random like, uh I said something about c3po and he just would tell you everything you wanted to know about the guy that played c3po and And and and when the one time we were on set and it's like just everything. He's the best Yeah, dude, I was at the perfect age when that dropped My whole life just dialed in Mandalorian now All the everything I love it. Yeah, dude. It's crazy Got luke skywalker to play your dad. He's so good as his dad too. He's really really And they're trailing these people come to hear your made-up stories. Yeah, that's my dad

That's my dad. Oh, I want to did you guys didn't film it at your guy's house. Did you no Like it looked like it that was in Serbia was yeah Oh, so that's the house. Yeah Oh interesting, it's uh the uh The first night it looked like such an la house dude. What they scow they did great job You film the whole thing there whole thing in Serbia What?

Yeah, I know Jesus the first night shout out to hollywood. We go to dinner and the the woman played who plays the Villain in the movie the blonde Italy. Yeah, she's great. She's great. She's great She sits me down and she goes, hey, please don't bring up a star wars tonight at dinner I said, why not? She goes, I don't know. I've never seen it And I said, okay, she goes. I know it's like a big thing for mark or something, but I don't know Yeah, and I don't want to talk about it. So I go, okay, sure. So mark sits down right next to eva and I go, uh Mark eva's a huge star And she like freezes and he goes, yeah, I go eva. What did you like so much about star wars?

Like what's your favorite part? She goes, oh, I just died the whole uh good guy versus bad guy thing I love it and mark goes really and I said, okay eva. Who's your favorite character in star wars? And you can't say mark and she's like, um Chewbacca And I go, really? Can you do an impression of Chewbacca? She does a great impression of Chewbacca marky. She goes, oh, oh, yeah Hello Yakov smirnoff wait Chewbacca. She had never heard of D's nuts Oh, we were just that's a great bit. So we I taught her D's nuts and she does D's nuts to mark hamill

Who doesn't know what D's nuts are? Dude, I could just imagine this group of a collect they actors sitting around you're doing D's nuts That was a we had a fucking blast. We had a fucking blast shooting that movie and I I hope it does well And I'm gonna sign on to do machine two three and four and I'm done Yeah, that's it. That's my career. I'll do fucking four mission. I'm gonna be imagine a semester's loan only did rock Be pretty good See you in cliffhanger three Holy shit, yeah, I'm excited. That's awesome. And you got we were talking before you guys got in Shane Torres

Good friend in the show loving the death. I saw the story last night. You were working away the notes the whole night It was so funny. You'd be like, I don't know what's going on. She's over there like toiling away Leanna so Well, that's what I do for him for his specials. Yeah, so when he talked to Shane about Producing a special for Shane. He came to me and said I'll do it only if you do for him What you do for me and I love that. I love it. That's great. It's so fun. So that's what we did It's it's the nuance of a comic all the little eccentricities that we have She has worked with me through all of them on all my specials

And so we talked with Shane was talking about doing a special and asked me if I directed here's how I'm starting I have I've x amount of dollars would you direct my special and I said, yeah I said, well, why don't we Leanne said why don't we just match whatever he has to put in? And then so that we can make sure it's really good. Sure. And so we said great So we have a phone call We talk about the money And I wasn't on the call Leanne was and then Leanne just called and she goes Let's just pay for it and give it to him because I don't want it

It was complicated like a bunch of people were going to chip in money and then ownership got weird and Leanne goes no We'll just pay for it and just give it to him And then and just give him a great special. He's done so much for me. He's the best I mean, he's shot out Shane Torah. Shout out to him. He's toured with me before all my specials He's helped me all my specials like and Shane's good. It's like the nuance of a comic He could be like I'd be like, what's that? What's this bit missing? And he goes, I don't know maybe a like a joke Yeah He's a straight shooter. He's very different than you very slow. He's very like new

Like he's just like very and you're like a bigger thing. Yeah, and so he's dialed it. He's laid back Leanne could pinpoint where the where money spent well pays off So she was first thing she's like, you're not directing this She was like, so you're not going to ruin it. I did fire the director immediately First thing she did is fire the director. I respect that Holy shit, and then hired my director who does all my specials hired my dp who does all my specials

And then hired my editor and then hired him at the same time The editor did that it's all my specials She goes, why don't you just come work for us? And so she hired all the she's a mover and shaker man And then uh, you can't fire dude. Thank god. I his own wife fired. I showed up drunk last night. Yes Thank you. Yeah, so see I was right to fire him. Yeah drunk on the job. I wouldn't have I could have done this I wouldn't know that's a shot you're gonna use. Okay. All right It's uh, but it it looks fucking amazing the venue looked awesome. It was beautiful is fucking awesome in that and He murdered the first show and we were like we got it

And then Leanne went up pulled him aside and said we have it Uh, Leanne Stacy said what did you say to him? We said you we got it Like if you if we we just played start to finish we don't need to edit it We got it. So now go in and say the things you didn't want on the special Really really expand on this joke and really give me more in this place and just have so much fucking fun And know that we have it. So this was just for you. Just really have a good time. Oh, man So he did it was so amazing the second show was amazing. Love that Amazing and he told several jokes. He didn't tell in the first show

So I was like, this is the one that's great He looked awesome. You're my hero, dude. You rule I bet I bet there's people listening to this going. Oh, I I totally get why Burt got her pregnant. Sure It was in trapment. It was in trapment in trapment. Yeah, this is the I bet people are like I bet first actually not talented at all. I wonder if she writes those material I do not I do not I do not write anybody's material. I would never do that That's not what you do. What you do is you say like, hey, you realize you say the word like fuck four times in one Senate, so you say it one time and put a word in the other time when she edits my specials

Meaning like we go in together, but I can't it makes me really uncomfortable socks watching And I and I don't have the the wherewithal to look at it from 3 000 feet up and say And she'll just go like this last special I open with a joke My opening joke edited it out Was I went I was going for a jog the other day and I saw a homeless woman scratching off a lottery ticket And I thought to myself what a fucking waste of time And then I wondered if she saw me jogging and thought what a fucking waste of time And leon goes a joke's good. Do you mean to slow everything down and kind of lose everyone's attention? And I went, huh?

She goes, I mean, it's just Why do we have this? It's too slow. It's too slow. And I went I wasn't my intention. She goes take it out Was your intention to bore everybody for the first 30 seconds of your special? I like it. Did you want that to stink? And so I took it out and then the special starts so much better now But that's what she's she's good at that and and she's I mean I'm brutally honest, I guess and I know what I like and I know when I stop paying attention So if you stop paying attention something's wrong, right? Of course, you should never stop paying attention I'm just running through my set in my head at the moment

I stink. Yeah, you've convinced me that I am a horrible committee I can't say any F word. What are we doing here? I thought I was going over my opener after you said that. I'm like, oh man You can but you can't say it multiple times in one sentence and you're lazy. Yeah, I'm stealing that back. I joking joke I'll tell you that right now Imagine what this brutal honesty is like in bed How is that at the house? One time leon said uh, we should talk let's let's sit

And tell the things that we like and don't like Sexually and I went okay And I said And leon goes, I don't you don't remember in a second you go I don't like licking so much and I went. Oh, I like all the time. She goes. I know And I said what she goes, that's why we're playing this game And I went and you remember what I said I said, what what do I like and I said just my dick just touch my dick anything with my dick and i'm good

And she was like, I know but something else I go just my dick She was like, no like what's something else you like I go Just touching my dick Anything with my dick she went I don't think you understand the game I don't like I like when you touch my wiener You're right, I remember now I didn't mean that I meant like around the house like, you know, uh Wrangling him in

Laundry throwing this around that around as a mess What's the peeing on the floor situation over there the what peeing on the floor does he miss a little bit? No, he doesn't miss but his shits are aggressive And the toilet is a disaster. That's one thing. I'm not super happy about he doesn't really miss with the pee much He also sits to pee a lot. So hard to miss when you're sitting. She is an open book, huh? Was that bad? I'm sorry. No, no, no, no. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to Expose you in that way, but no, no My shits are I I sit pissing and my shits are explosive. Yeah, they're aggressive at one point. She said to me

She lifted up the toilet seat and it was the underneath the toilet seat was splattered with shit And it's the lag tight. It's just because it it goes down and pops back up And I've had Taco Bell before and then she said to me If this has happened to seat, you know, this is happening to your legs and I went what? She goes there's shit all over your legs and asked you you need to be like Cleaning and I went I it was a game changer and I was like, I never even thought of that Would you guys excuse me for a minute? Tell me get the fire. I'm a bad comedian and a bad shitter

And I don't flush What I'll flush what? It's awful. It's awful. Uh, uh, listen Two things one before we got married. I said to myself, you know who this guy is. He's a slob He's disgusting in a lot of ways You got to go in it accepting that there's no changing who he is This is who he is right And so sometimes I regret that Talked to myself because sometimes I go

Surely I can change the toilet part. I mean surely we can change the toilet part But one time earlier in our relationship. He never flushes. He shits and then he walks away. That's crazy It makes me insane right because it's like human nature to fucking flush So I'd said why can't you flush just turn around and flush and he goes you understand when I'm on the toilet I'm thinking about something else. So by the time I'm done, I'm already on to the next thing So I don't have time to flush and I'm like, go get her That doesn't even make No, no, no, man. I've once I've shit. I'm on to the next thing. It's my problem

I forget sometimes I'm going from there to the shower. I'll forget But that's about it. No every day. No all time. I have a hard time remembering even if it's like real rough Oh, when is it not real rough? It's always real. You'll just leave diarrhea in the toilet 100% That's insane. I'll shit in this toilet before I leave and you'll see it. No, you will not I I love the little something for you boys there Little housewarming present from the big guy But I think what it worked to to my advantage that I spent so much time with

Of this bachelor dad. He's a little less jarring. Uh-huh. Yeah, how do you feel about his his booger picking and eating? It's disgusting. It's disgusting and he asks me to kiss that mouth. Yeah, that's crazy Well, dude, you came on the show the first time you did was the first time we had met you You came in well, you're like, oh, yeah, I pick and eat my boogers all the time He then goes out to dinner after you left our studio and pick the booger You're at dinner and sent us a picture of the booger and you're like, I'm gonna eat this I was like, uh, that is the most That was a classy joint you were at too. I go that is the most aggressive thing

Anybody has ever sent me on a fucking phone and I've had a lot of wild shit I've had a lot of people support me on this by the way I got into the comments and a lot of people I think burst totally sane Is there uh, is there his and hers sinks? You guys have two sinks should be his in her house By the way I know. Yeah Yeah, definitely isn't her sinks. Great. Sure. Okay wild and how did you control the uh, the showering in the pool? What do you mean? How'd I control? What did you like? What is it?

How'd you deal with that? Oh, I mean, I don't It's just it's just I don't I'm not a big shower guy Like she put an outdoor shower in our in our new house I'll hit I'll use that more than I will Like our indoor shower and it just gives me anxiety Just an idea that I have to stop down and take a fucking shower I'd rather just jump in the pool. I have shampoo out by the pool. You shampoo in wait a minute. Hold on. No Wait, that's a wait. What I thought you just rinsed off. No. No. I rinse off

He's kidding. I keep shampoo out by the pool. I'll shampoo my in the pool Yeah, my dad's one that taught me it when we go can't mix chlorine with that. Yeah, you can That's how you make mustard gas That's not right, dude. I thought you were just dipping in I go off. Yeah that no chlorine will kill whatever poops No, no, no, no, I take I'll do I'll take I keep uh uh What's the what's the sponsored manscaped I keep the manscaped shout out the manscaped stuff's all right body wash And shampoo out smells good. It smells awesome, right? Yeah, and so I keep it by the pool

And I'll shower I wash my hair and then dunk under wash my pits dunk under and I'm good And there's just soap in the pool. Yeah, it's a pretty big pool. God damn oil spill in there Now that's there's a slick on top of that. That's like chum, dude. No, no, it's it's it's great. It's fucking awesome I don't I would I would I wish they had like big man baths like that where you could just jump in just That uh, jump like a Russian bathhouse. Yeah I sauna polar plunge now sauna polar plunge and then I'll wash it in the back shower I can for whatever reason an outdoor shower is a lot more. It's the best. It's the best. I love it. I love it

the best for the most part my my bathing is uh sauna polar plunge outdoor shower That'll give you that's good. That's cool sauna polar plunge outdoor shower and then are we moving away from the swimming pool showers And the reason is is like I get backed up. I get busy and I just don't have time to shower So I just jump in the pool Lately 100% Jump in the pool and do outdoor and do pool baths

Because I've been like I'll work out and then I'll have a podcast starting in like 15 minutes And I don't have time to take a shower. I just gotta do a pool bath throw on jeans Tell you why that doesn't bother me Why because we grew up having what we call dock baths where you jump in the lake Lather jump back in the lake I've heard all I need to hear to render a verdict on this one. So I think I understand the pool bath I think the lake's better than the pool though. No, no, I don't know. Well, this lake's pretty plain. It seems more natural Lake bath a lake bath a dock bath

When as soon as I thought it's all about dock bath. I was like fuck. I'm in I'm in she's kidding me. She's the one Take a dock bath and then get on a fucking plane fly back to la still have the lake on you. Oh, come on. All right. That's it It's kind of the best I never heard anybody said still got the lake on you It's the best This smells like minnows in here It's a pretty big lake

We got to wrap it up though gang ladies and gentlemen. We fucking love you. Thank you so much Leanne cresher the cresher's here certified trash So Verdict in before, you know an epic level But what a fucking story, man. What a success story. It's crazy Oh my god, it's wild. Can I get out there on hogs liver lane? Hog liver road There's no lanes

It's not they no lanes in hog river lane is two towns over All right, holy shit. Congratulations on a razzle dazzle congratulations. Congratulations on everything. The movie comes out May 26th Memorial Day weekend the machine comes out You can go to the machine dot movie if you want to pre-buy your tickets We're doing a pre-buy option so that we can sell it out before it even gets into the theaters That's the way we sell tickets for comedy and we thought we'd do that and we're going to do a live in studio Event that'll be streaming directly into into the theaters on the screens. Whoa That's awesome my special razzle dazzle streaming right now on netflix. I hope you enjoy it. I hope you like it and uh fully loaded

It's come in the summer Summer we're starting out Look out hills and then ending at the gorge And fully loaded festival calm fully loaded festival calm the cruise uh, we have the cruise. I think that's sold out Yeah I never thought I'd be here I never thought you guys are killing it man. You deserve every single thing you have we love you both Thank you so much for being our first guest here and doing congratulations on your studio. It's amazing. Thank you so much

We appreciate it kippy. What do you got for them guys? We're all over the road tickets are selling out So get those tickets now patreon.com the whole nine yards. We fucking love you. Thank you gang We can't thank you enough for getting here. We love you and we'll see you next week. Peace