Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - The Redemption of Ari Shaffir

Episode Date: November 3, 2022

Kippy and Foley are joined by old pal Ari Shaffir and he's got a problem. It's a fun one! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. FINAL RUN! Buy the Are You Garbage Card Game: https://areyougarbage.bigcartel.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Box of Awesome: https://www.BoxOfAwesome.com Promo Code: GARBAGE Established Titles: https://www.establishedtitles.com/garbage Better Help: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Adam & Eve: https://www.adamandeve.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans

Attention attention bozos and homies. We got the card game for sale, which is running out And we also got some live dates that just keep on trucking gang. The card game is running out We're running out of supplies do yourself a favor act now pick up the card never making it again It's the last time we're making this edition. So do yourself a favor pick up a pack. Let's go. Yeah guys We also This month in November We have two shows in Atlanta one sold out early tickets to left for the early show and then we're going to Charlotte North Carolina get those tickets Philadelphia two shows are sold out

We got some tickets left in Providence on the second show get those tickets and Boston's about to sell out if you're in If you're in bean town, let's go. Let's party do it gang We love you gang this episode is sponsored by our good friends and established titles as you know the established titles You can buy as little as one square foot of dedicated Land over there in Scotland and you call yourself a lord or a lady. It's a fun way to preserve the Scottish Woodlands Yeah, guys, it's fantastic a title pack gives you at least one square foot as the big man said if dedicated land on a private Estate in Edelston, Scotland an official certificate with a crest will be sent to you check here. I got it in my hand It's fantastic. I got one big man got one

T-Bone got one new guy Luke out there not a landowner yet Maybe one day he'll get his act together become a landowner. I've been throwing out my my family's face charging you rent over there Established titles actually run in an early black Friday sale It makes a great last-minute gift plus if you use the code garbage you'll get an additional 10% off Go to establish titles comm slash garbage to get your gifts now and help support the channel, baby Support the people who support the channel. It's true Establish titles comm slash garbage to get your gifts now do it do it welcome to another exciting edition of Are you garbage the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or

Absolute trash now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley Hey Everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is our you garbage Little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out the good to be classy Mm-hmm. They're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day We're down here at Antutti's basement. She's upstairs making a nice fresh batch of coogle Okay, she's just good. Okay, and honor of our guests that we have today My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of our you garbage

He is an international business man. He's not to be trifled with in the board room or the bedroom Give it up for KJ. How about that Kevin James Ryan everybody? Come on. Hey, what's up guys? Thanks for tuning in as always please make sure you rate you subscribe on iTunes full video available on YouTube As you know those numbers are Closing in on a hundred K. Let's go. Let's get there. Get that plaque Yeah, and then obviously the greatest goddamn website of all time Patreon.com slash are you garbage baby a lot of that money check it the fuck out Yes, we do have a nice quick shout-out to our producer extraordinaire had his nose wide open at a couple of casino tables

Upside down with draft Kings give it up for Deebo McMuffin. Tell me McBowling everybody. What's up, dude? Don't bet on Aaron Rodgers or against him. That's all I have to say I had a real nice time down there and it likes the over. What are you gonna do gang? We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly and I mean incredibly special guests back with us again today We're gonna do something real fun with them You know him. You love him. He has a brand new special out on YouTube right now that you got to check out entitled you His title not my It's probably a lot of crosses there

Ladies and gentlemen, sorry she fear come on. Thank you. Thank you for having me back Now you're all dressed up. You came in you wanted to look nice because First time that you appeared on the show you were deemed garbage. You did not like that rule I didn't like it. You Fought it for since we since that happens not only that he will comment himself in new our new YouTube episodes that Ari Shafir is not dry. Yeah, I didn't like it at all. It stuck with me It burned me more than most of my Defeats in life. Okay, so what we're gonna do today is we're gonna go over some of your answers from your first appearance

Okay, which you say you are not garbage. I think I'm classy. Okay. All right. He did show up in the suit Yeah, it's fucking awesome. That thing's mean by the way a little three-piece Clip on tie though. Don't you lie that that suit was more than $50. All right handmade in Hong Kong by a guy who's a tailor for Mao You look you should be getting yelled at by James Corden right now The black shirts brutal anyway He's here. He's all dressed up. You claim that you're not garbage You're gonna go over the answers of your of your first appearance. We're gonna answer some new questions and we're gonna go

From there. We're gonna give you one more shot. Thank you redemption only you would we give a redemption I appreciate the only guy that asked by the way, I appreciate the opportunity of squires but before But before that you got a brand new special out congratulations. I remember when you were filming it I know how much work you put into it Congrats. Thanks, buddy. I'm really excited. I did the roulette in Brooklyn home of the Jews Oh when the landlords Yeah, if you get a victim the paperwork goes right through that neighborhood Yeah, yeah, it's great. I'm really excited about it. I saw it. You showed me

You know just like a little bit of it on the phone. It looks fucking. Yeah, it looks crazy We got like we got thousands of candles I put them up there to make it to make it go with the with the sort of the theme of the thing But it's just a stand-up hour and you guys gonna love I'm really excited about it's fucking hilarious best special you've seen since I Don't know All right, so here we go you got the new special out you're a new man. Let's see if you are no longer garbage Mm-hmm. All right, so we're gonna go over some of your answers from your first appearance as we said, okay Kippy you want to take it away? Sure. Do we want to allow him to you?

You said you have a few things that you feel are class Yeah, I do have some things that I analyze some of your things that you do that you think make you a classy individual Yeah, well, I think the court will hear your case Okay, when you're ready. I know how to do a place setting What does that mean? I know where forks and spoons go and what order I'd see you've been to an outback state Okay, so how does it go Toby up to how many forks and spoons yeah to each Ain't doing a chopsticks in there All right, so you have the plate in the center of the table

What side does the the knife go on the knife goes on the right side? That's very good. I think he struggled on that one Right I just so happen to have extensive experience in the fine dining industry Does the butter knife face into the plate or out to the plate out from the plate faces in the sharp side faces in because you wouldn't Want to cut yourself reaching for anything. That's very good This has Wikipedia written all over it dude He was just walking around the dining room at Del Frisco, so we're not open yet Although you have we're not hiring you have eaten at very nice restaurants around the world I have a nice restaurant, and I've been to a lot of Shabbos meals over at family's houses. Okay. Yeah

so this way I grew up along monk class and I don't know if a Shabbos meal would count as fine dining. No, I think it's just a fork and a knife Right. Yeah, but you want to impress the other families coming over like look at us. Okay, you don't just throw it I thought a dick's last resort new reference Over there on Fremont Street Chuck silverware at you. What is the? What fork goes first the salad for cause guys isn't easy to remember it if you're classy if you want to pretend Easy way to remember is you go outside in what you eat. I hate them

Soup spoon on the outside dessert spoon on the inside Salad fork in the outside meat fork on the inside I don't like this new Ari Just for the record he forgot the cocktail fork and the steak knife is not on the table until the second quarter steak knife Now you clear from the left or do you clear from the right? That's a little out of the next thing I Get caught up during the witness your honor One detail what makes me classy

Pretty good. You kind of know how to eat at a restaurant. I'll give you that Listen, I I don't I'm not typically on a side I got a cold balls and strikes here most people probably wouldn't know that that we have in sure You're in the you're in the you're in the right hand right right hand for the bell curve I'll give you that thank you when you get your salad for you you want you ask them to heat it up for you No, I would never do that. Okay. Also, you don't eat until the woman is at the table as well Until the broad gets back from the bathroom However one exception to that soup go ahead don't let it get cold

Okay, I'll give you that is that is that an Irish if you're freestyle or I might be just my family I'm not really sure just my Jewish family what you'll hear about an Irish if you're Jew on YouTube now All I want you to do is watch it. There you go Okay, so here's another thing that makes me classy. I've been to London, England You are well-traveled. Yeah, he probably stayed in the hospital though. It's not fair But but but not Cambodia like you have whatever you bought in that box Tony what's going on here? What are you ordering from those kids came around their own volition? You have you are you are well-traveled. You've been to London, but it's not clear. It's backpacking and shit

It's not classy travel. It's a bunch of toothless guys eating beans. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah, I Still class I still give them I still give them the Enrichment of travel and even when the enrichment. Yes, he's a very enlightened fellow. Yes, you've been to Asia I've been to Asia by any coaches in Asia, right? You've been this summer. You went to France. Oh, yeah, France He went there to take a writing class. Yeah, I went there to take a right as I picked up a hand-rolled cigarette smoking Huh people like you smoke my bacon it Yeah, I do look classy when you either look very trashy or very classy I had trouble rolling I forgot about this and I just couldn't tell what am I getting wrong and my friend was getting it right?

And then we looked at my pouch. It was Cigar tobacco, huh? No pipe pipe tobacco. I want to go on record. I'm sure it's a nice suit. I'm sure you don't look good in the suit You don't look I disagree. You're about to screw me on a sonata. All right. I don't like that He's turned us against each other. Just get in the car. Just try it. You'll see it smell it smell yourself on the inside Where's the where's the suit from? Did you get it made in China? I made it got made in Hong Kong China Recommendation from Tom Rhodes. What did that set you back? Well, how much 300? I was like, yeah, it's not like 40 bucks He was like, dude, it's a classy suit. Yeah, I mean handmade suit 300 bucks. Yeah, does it say something on the inside?

Rocky Come down get your suits monograms Ari Shafir. That's pretty good. Ah Hong Kong Taylor named Rocky. What are we doing here? Get out of here Rockies guys. If you want your own suit dial plus off a five two three six eight oh three eight five That's a lot of numbers All right, you gotta have a pretty big phone to make that go. Yep What's your phone go up to? Can't be scrolling around on one of those breaking arms so the place settings in the silverware, uh-huh, and then you got London What else I've been to a museum

In fact, I know who Frida Kahlo is Mexico's preeminent artist a bird with a mustache. That's right I've been a museum. What else did I have and I went to college? Okay, you did go to college. You're pretty classy. You went to University of Maryland That's right. And I Delmarva's finest and I said this as we were digging your grave here You did go to seminary for a couple of years in Israel, which is pretty classy. Yeah, I studied become a rabbi There you go, but dropped out and became a pothead I want the bacon round

Pot is not illegal in Judaism. Okay, really? Yeah, so it's it's not even as bad as drinking are there a bunch of young Orthodox Jews smoking weed now there are really yeah, they've looked into the law. I've talked to them frontier Jews I call them the ones you see show up at the they're blazing the trial. Look come to a show or whatever The shows the boys come in have a good time seems we're like what are you doing here? Like this isn't wrong. It's just not right. Yeah Yeah, it's all right. Oh, you find out all about this and more in my special So anything else you're opening He knows a salad fork. Uh-huh. He's got he's been to England. Uh-huh. You know how to tie a tie I did it myself in the elevator

Well, you got to wait also last time you came here You had your shirt off and security called me to come pick you up out front Did you not wear that here? Or did you just tie the tie? No, I wore it. I drove in a city bike You drove here on a city bike. Yeah suit made by Rocky in Hong Kong You must look like a lunatic, you know the electric city bikes. Yeah, the middle thing that's on there the battery popped off and on 33rd I didn't even stop. I was late I got to get to court. Yeah, I just skated the whole way the rest of the way Yeah, they're gonna be hitting you up for that. You know that I hit the you're not disturbed. What do you mean?

I hit the problem with the bike. Oh, yeah Yeah, it's like a issue. Yeah, but we'll see if the way you get more use of that suit. Yeah, they might charge me Yeah, okay Travel to London went to college Dean's list two semesters into a museum at least into a museum which museum the tape modern in London, England Here I went to the Met What's the opening of an exhibit by an opening is pretty good Icelandic He wasn't invited. He just showed up that I got free tickets with agent Icelandic artist Rocknark, Jarlson. That's not

I like his new stuff What are you gonna say Toby? I was gonna ask if you got to free tickets. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, so by the way It's suggested donation everybody should know that it's suggested. What do you suggest a donation? What are you donating in said suggestions? Nothing my presence? Oh God? I'm a public figure and they're It's a higher-priced ticket because of me. Oh, I heard Ari Shafir was at Rick George new grand opening He's grew up on a schnorgensen Very puked on a schnorgensen. Holy shit. Okay. All right, so now

So I can't hear every one monogram Not his initial Whatever BLS Thanks for the shirt take it Okay, so Kim name of the street he grew up on name of the street you grew up on This is bad dating back to your first episode in 2020 probably it was probably late 2020 It was July 27th 2020 yes in pandemic. Yeah, during the pandemic the studios just started open

Mm-hmm We didn't even have our own Oh, I think I'm the reason you left gas digital. No. Yeah, I was like, what do you mean? You can't have a patreon I just listened to the episode that was a staunch staunch point you had at the moment Nothing to blame we're all friends here It really is the great it's crazy They fucked around and created the greatest festival in the country around it. It's why it's really fucked

But that's neither here nor there mr. Shafir you grew up on Pebble Street, and that's trash I look back into it. There was a posture view over the eats public So I was uninformed because it was such an old memory, but I grew up on Pebble Street these Jews are shifting He's quick. I'll give you that Carolina of the North Now a point in your favor. You did not have a Garage fridge you had to garage fridge garage. Yes Garage which is big yeah

In the laundry room you said still there However, you said the reason you had the fridges was one for religious police because you can't keep meat and dairy And also when you guys hit a quick score at at Sam's Club You didn't want to miss the action so you'd bring it all back and put it in the way to bring it all back The freezer is it's a full freezer, and it is always full. I don't know if I told you this but during the pandemic you couldn't get flour I don't think I knew that yeah, it was just one of those impossible finds We're okay, and I was in my parents bedroom basement, and I was like oh you guys got like 50 things of flits Did you guys just get this and store like oh we it was on sale like a year ago?

So it has nothing to do with the pandemic So your parents are one of the causes of the pandemic. Yeah, they're hoarding. They're hoarding people are the ones who researched it and Designed it God those are the Indians Never get caught on one of those where it's like 14 bucks like it says 299 in the bottle like then go away Yeah, yeah, I like I like somebody who calls their own price. Yeah, they know supplied the thing is cracked and like it's watered Oh, you want it or not? Oh, yeah, everybody was We asked you what you got in your SATs do you remember the score you told us that day 1250

1250 is correct. He's pretty good. That's a good score. That is Again, that was the old SATs before they gave these loser Gen Zers a fucking free hundred However, yeah, we asked if you had any pets growing up and you said you vaguely remember a dog in the beginning of your life That is not a classy story. I can't imagine the end of that dog's life was a happy one It's probably in the freezer. That's more research that dog was a hunting dog where we hunted Well, that's it quail and Fox You should see him just howling on Black Friday. He was just howl non-stop Yeah, he's got a good nose if you know what I'm talking about our shit you on YouTube right now come back with four Kirtling shirts

You guys been to love us by the way not to break in the truck stop. Yeah, they're fucking Competitor, yeah, yeah, we get them in there in the south and stuff like that I think we just hit one of Missouri if I remember correctly pretty good. They got some good merch Yeah, they're always like you're like sitting there peeing and they're like, you know, love our 92s open You know, huh? Showering at the place. You're getting gas and nibs. There's those truckers Nibs what's nibs like little licorice swizzlers without the bumps Give you a point for that

You know how to get to his horse start dropping name dropping candy. I love it Guy candy consumers. Let's get those payday bite size What are we doing? What like the big John's? Yeah, but they don't have the bite size a little. Oh, you want the bite size? Yeah, there's bite size paydays Halloween only, huh? Yeah, it's a real it's a real lack for America They say this is the greatest country in the world, but not seeing it I'll bring it up at the next meeting Then we got What'd you say?

Thank you, buddy We asked you if you've ever been to the gas station and use the squeegee to clean anything other than the windshield or Windows you said Yes, that will clean the car with not real clean. Okay. That was in the past Okay, and just like the great Gatsby lifted himself out of his bootstraps and and made some of himself. So do did I And I will no longer do that Drive through, you know one of those sitting there and get the fucking enjoyment out of a fucking wash you stay in there Oh, yeah, okay, it's fun. So we want a $300 suit for God's sake

That's how he washes the suit. I have not washed my car with a squeegee in many many years when I was a poor comedian, okay But I have done it. So I'll own up to it. There's nothing better than a dumb guy trying to sound smart You said lifted out of his bootstraps. Yep. Yep here to four I rest my case Pull myself up on my horse straps. Just keep talking and hope that I Represented a guy in court once Yeah, when yeah a long time ago Rogan called me one day and I was at home I lived like a few blocks from the comedy story and goes, hey, all right. You're my lawyer I'm like what he goes if anybody calls you my love like I know you don't wait

I'm getting a phone call and call way goes. You're my lawyer and he hangs up And then I picked up he goes are you the lawyer for Joe Rogan? I was like, that's correct What can I do for you? This guy would just talk about suing everybody suing though. I've represented for about a year He wanted to sue everybody was a crazy person. He was a full crazy person eventually wanted to sue me for Either 88 million dollars or all the riches in the world Hey jokes on you. He's squeegeeing his car. Yeah, he would constantly use words. I hear to four Henceforth and I want to be like no, no, dude. I'm the fake lawyer The fake client the fake client doesn't have to use these words

Dang this episode is brought to you by our very good very confidential friends over there at Adam and Eve Callie and stick something up your butt or stick your pee pee in something. Let's get the party started Yeah, it takes batteries and it tells no tales. Uh-huh. I'll tell you that right now You know what it's how to keep a secret one of them and dildo. I just got Madam in e.com, baby. What are we talking about? Let's go. Have a good time. It's 2022 get a little bit adventurous With what you're spending on dinner and taking some broad to the movies You could be in there treating yourself like a goddamn amusement park having a good time by yourself Yeah, or with a partner. Mm-hmm. I don't wonder you're like, hey if I order a dildo

Well, they said in a dildo shape box. No, they won't do that cuz they're not insults. They know to keep everything on a hush-hush Yeah, I'm gonna keep a secret. Uh, yeah guys, it's fantastic. Listen. What are we doing here? It's 2023 Go to Adam and Eve comm select any one item use code garbage is an exclusive offer So support the people who support the show use code garbage you get 50% off and free shipping go to Adam and Eve comm right now 50% off plus we do it gang the show is sponsored by better help Listen life don't come with an owner's manual. Nope. It's a slippery slope out there. It's not all moonlight and canoes Sometimes you're gonna have up choppy waters choppy waters and low tides Talking about Kate puts so do yourself a favorite get over to better help and talk to a therapist that can help you

That can give you the tools to move forward and have a happier healthier life Yeah, guys, whether if you're unsure about a career change a new relationship become an apparent whatever it is some broad rip your heart out They have therapists trained to figure out what's causing The challenging emotions and learn productive coping skills with them Which makes therapy the closest thing to a guided tour of the complex engine you call you baby Better help is connected with over three million people with licensed therapists It's convenient and accessible anywhere 100% online. I've been saying it. I've always been a big Proponent of talk therapy. I currently do it. It's fantastic. You can send messages emails

You can FaceTime whatever you want to do It's easy peasy as the world's largest therapy service better help is match three million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists around Available 100% online plus it's affordable Just felt a brief questionnaire to match with the therapist if things aren't clicking you can easily switch to a new therapist anytime It couldn't be simpler. No waiting rooms. No traffic. No endless searching for the right therapist Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash garbage. That's better help Hlp.com slash garbage do it However, you use the squeegee you do not get cash back when making a purchase which is

The gentleman's move classy behavior It's trashy behavior to go to a cvs cash back. Why don't you have cash? That's where you're getting cash from making a purchase people do a lot of people do get the cash back but unfortunately You could have used that cash back when you were vacationing in tropical colonial williamsburg Which you even admitted in previous statements is very trash is trashy colonial always because that's still open I believe my parents took me on vacation and told me to go churn some butter I would fucking take a shit in the middle of the fucking park sure

It's not a thing I do now It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if you killed someone in your 20s you still killed someone Yeah, okay fair fair still got dirt on those fingernails also big strike against you. Mr. Shafir is no stranger To the devil's stick and I ain't talking about doobies either The devil's lettuce. What are you talking about the devil's stick? You say oh, yeah thunder thunder sticks Yeah What the jews had to call Then get it up. Oh, yeah, dude. Oh, yeah, right outside grotto's pizza and uh, do we beach?

Hold on a second Wait, you just purged yourself I put the fifth on that five second rule the fifth is five second rule But you say whatever you want about murder and you get five seconds I'm pretty sure that's the fifth you got points to me shut out the do we beach and shut out the grotto pizza All right, gotta get it right out of the oven Gotta get it out quick delicious Avoid taco tuesday the taco toss is not to be had or missed

Wait at grotto pizza. No. No, I do a beach. It's friday So they have a taco toss at one of the places a do we what do we trash? It's just Hard shell It's pretty much Throw them up afterwards. I'm gonna talk to you about a date in the time Let's all play do we beach There is Joan Joan jet was there once and if she was there we could play there. We did it, uh

The same night the bacon brothers were there. We did it the same night. I think we were a better draw We did it before any before any success. We did it the starboard and it's like you're not to the starboard Yeah starboard lap half of it's inside. Have it's outside it and on paper you're going as a performer going This is going to be real fucking tough ended up being fantastic. You did it. It's a good time. Wow Yeah, we did it. That was a big payday back in the day. I think we each got like 150 bucks. It's not bad in a free room. Um Let's see. I gotta I plead the fifth ahead of time. I got a public urination ticket at do we beach With a man who is now you can't plead the fifth and admit to it an admiral in the navy

An admiral in the navy is the command of a second A vessel Huh? Yeah, that's pretty high level. We gotta we gotta split the coppers that you guys can chop it however you want it I'll give you one. It's up to you an admiral in the navy. Yeah, he wasn't that he was just in the navy Okay, and you took the ticket in the name and then you split the pay. Yeah, we split it Yeah, he's like finish up what you're doing. Yeah, we're pissing on a dumpster That is not classy stuff. No, it's not nor is something you admitted to on the podcast Was cooking multiple leftovers together at the same time to comprise a meal

Wait, that's the question. Yeah, I thought it was the question. Have you ever microwaved? We're not there yet. We'll get there. This guy's hanging himself. You got a real tough road out. I haven't warmed up multiple Leftovers in the same like a like a stew. I don't remember this one. Not a stew, but you said you've combined. Yeah. Yeah Can we have the stenographer read that back? Just make something up All I know is you're the first guy to appeal something and then get a worse sentence Also, I don't know if the camera can see it or foley. He's got knee-up camera. I knew it was off camera They look like construction signs. Look at his socks. Jesus Christ

Oh my god I knew it'd be off camera when I put them on. I thought about it. I was like this let me go He's also wearing mime shoes He has been to france I don't think it was a writing class Holy shit, Ari You warm up stuff in separate parts of a big skillet and you have a multiple What do you do separate pans and you're gonna wash two pans? No, that's not classy stuff

He's just bachelor life. It's just poor bachelor You don't combine different leftovers in the same skillet to make some stuff like stuffing and chicken If it's right, is it from the same meal? No, that's not what you said Same meal, of course. He was high at the time because he was actively smoking weed in the studio. Oh, yeah, that's right I said I got permission It is stuffing season Oh, yeah, it's gonna be good. Okay, however, I guess I've ever had a chant

Chant it's a jewish stew. I'm gonna make you guys a chant one day. You especially would like it. Okay. You'll also enjoy it It's a it's a crock pot. I'll also enjoy it. It's a slow cook crock pot thing and it's just as good Eastern european jewish stew. All right, big wife's in european jew. Really shout out shout out wifey Check republic if you had someone you're right now, it might help your case But you know, but you know, but you don't keep batteries in the refrigerator, which is pretty class I have never kept batteries in the refrigerator. Okay, that's classy or in the product. They're used sometimes. You're so classy You know that times you're so trashy. It's crazy. You keep like something not classy Well, how would that help?

The battery it's not it's not people claim it does it's shitty, you know, it's trash bank science Yeah, let's save it for I don't know why One of those leaks you never see a battery leak that that that that's salty shit That's gonna be in your fridge or whatever we were told with that touch as you you died instantly. Hmm. Yeah You ever lick a battery put a nine-volt on your tongue. That's a good time. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you have done that to try it There you go. Okay. Yeah another garbage move right there. I've never done it Suckered in the next one. We referenced just you brought up just briefly trying to get out in front of Was you cooked eggs in the microwave you actively cook eggs in the microwave not only that you bought

A poaching device That's a double that's a triple that's a triple stamp a double stamp the device the target And the action and the action of microwaving eggs in an apparatus you're poaching eggs Which should be the classiest version a poached egg is the classiest egg If you did it right, but you didn't and you laughed at me when I told you the procedure to cook the poached egg What is it you pulled out with one of those like One of those nets at the end, but you heat up You heat up about three inches of boiling water. You let it boil you turn it off

You drop the egg in there from a separate cylinder you spin the water before you put it in there So it collects together and you put a dash of vinegar in there. That's class. Yeah, but you don't do that You microwave plastic. Yeah, it's been a You bought the bill you bought the billy maze egg microwave safe from target It's been a long time. This is something I did in my poor days. Although I there was no I was a target It's an impulse buy Damn it. You guys got me fucking this is the question. I know who wasn't at target making impulse buys the fucking kennedys, okay? Yeah

Jesus Christ, I hate him. I hate him. It is a brown egg though. It's an organic There isn't a more fun guy He's disgusting. All right breaking the fourth wall. He walked in a suit and I fucking chubbed up I like this guy's fucking came to play Jesus. Well, I can cross you ever eaten a hardball thing and pump it off the list On camera. We should have good god Oh, you stink. I have no finger eggs in a long long time And in fact my mom recently said my sister she said Uh, uh corn in the microwave is actually as good as on the grill and I said I said no

It's not and I won't eat it corn on the grill or nothing Corn in the microwave was okay I'm gonna throw up. Jesus Christ. He ate that like a fucking Komodo dragon. He ate it like a snake, dude Like a bald Jewish snake. Oh god. Oh, that smells like a fucking 1992 Honda Civic brutal What's worse than a smell you don't Stinks man Oh We gotta move

I'm throwing that computer away God I'm gonna start doing that when I fart when we're gonna whip out a hardball egg You shake your pants. No, no, no, it's the eggs Disgusting Oh my god, mr. Shafir Mari also likes the chili cheese machine at 7 11 Big fan of it if I oh, yeah, I did like it. It's been a while

It's been a while Damn that chili cheese was good. I haven't had so long now. I'm starting to think maybe I am You are trash, dude. I don't You're for sure John's all over my screens It looks like someone egged me It was a hard boiled egg Take that you fucker. That's great. Sorry. No, it's good. You're good. Oh my god Oh, so funny Ari. Yes, sir. You've heard about peanut butter and jelly in the same jar

I could answer that for you. Yes, you have. Yeah, I have when it came out It was such a gigantic leap in in the peanut butter and jelly Tradition and and technology that you had to try it and your parents bought this for you, which I'm a little surprised at You didn't buy it yourself. He said he bought it. He said he bought it. You did. Yeah, I bought it I remember it was the rock and roll Ralph's on sunset. I saw it. I'm like what in the same jar Now I tried it and I realized this is not right. You can't choose your own ratios Sorry, no, it's okay. I put I wet it and then I just had to restart it You can't you can't you choose your ratios in theory. Yeah

It's fantastic in theory It's horrible. If it was out of a tube, but you could just squeeze it onto a onto a sandwich Great. How about ketchup and mustard for a hot dog on a tube? It's not bad together. Just go It's not bad even amounts. It's not bad. That makes sense. Maybe a device on the back to choose ratio Some people like more mustard some people like dial Yeah, two to ones and then squeeze it out. You have to bring you on. Yeah, I know a guy who knows him I know a guy who knows a guy who knows him. That's right Played his fake lawyer once

I'm actually representing them Um, you got to go next never been To a timeshare pitch very classy. No going for the free. Does that still hold up? It still holds up Why would you go have you ever stayed in a timeshare? Yeah, someone who owned one Okay, and then I was like No No, it's just a bunch of family members who like let's split a place. Okay, that's different. That's different. That's different. Yeah

I would argue that's Wait, that's like an in-house timeshare. Yeah, we'll eat you mean you in a group of family members bought a place. No, no Um, uh, yeah, somebody it was like let's go in that their family work into this guy's house They went in like eight of them and that's like let's all now we have a draft on which weeks you get Okay, she's one through eight eight through one every year and then you move up in the draft But it's all people, you know, it's as if we all did my family That's pretty my family did that in the 80s or 90s with the house and the polka nose with like all their friends

There's like, you know, eight families or something. It's great. You leave some stuff there You can leave your ski stuff there was in Tahoe the rule was you in Tahoe. Yeah, you set the fire outside Tahoe You set the fire Yo, Mexico, you know, you and 12 other people on the condo and Reno I went to french Polynesia last year for christmas. That's pretty nice. That's all right It's pretty nice Um, um, um, um Mr. Saphir. Yeah

Does keep his catch up in the fridge Which is classic that is classic. That's the way to do it. Yes. Yeah, however. Yeah He also keeps his butter in the refrigerator. We keep it out just to melt garbage It is not to melt. There's a butter thing in there It says butter not spreadable. Yeah, I'm on the fence. I What is right out of the toaster In a dish on the counter that that is the classic salted butter. That's classic. That's not classy That's that's that's americana from before they had fridges. No

Yeah, that's when you had an ice box and you don't have you don't have any room Yeah, that was pretty What's the ice guy coming? We don't have room for this butter I also believe that we decided that the classy way to do it was summon the fridge one on the counter Yeah, so you have both if you're if you're just if you need spreadable butter right away you have it You're not keeping the whole fucking the theory is you cook with unsalted butter and you and you Dying with salted butter, which is preserved Now we're gonna answer you some newer questions to see how you hold up

We're trying to give you the benefit of the doubt right now. I you are down in the count. There was one question from didn't help you There was one question from the first episode we asked you if We asked you that when you pick your nose, which everybody does What is the where does the the booger usually get discarded? Your number one answer was survey says your mouth You are a booger eater some of the questions There the question I do remember that I've told everybody like when they were like, what's this podcast when it was new

I was like they asked you question save your trash like if you ever microwaved eggs That was the one question that it was like purely what this podcast is all about I forgot this one. Yeah, yes I have and still do eat my boogers. When was the last when would you say the last booger you ate was? Definitely the sometime this week It wasn't in the deep past like a lot of these questions This is who I am now a lot of these questions Do you come from garbage and that's not what the podcast is it's not

Were you garbage? Have you been garbage? Are you garbage and this is the first question that I go? Yeah, yeah in that way garbage current garbage Even I don't eat my boogers. I tell you my dad. I was picking my nose once and my dad was like My dad was like, uh, hey on the plane Save some of that for me because other people are gonna other people are gonna want to They'll get jealous and I as a kid I was like four or five. I was like, oh really? Okay. They're jealous Yeah, that's what he said to get me to not pick my nose and eat it

And so I was a nice kid and I went to somebody across the aisle. I was like you want some I got plenty to go around never flew United again Okay, if you get a nice in Vegas where it's all dry, you get those nice bugs Listen, I'm a big I'm a big fan of digging for airplane bugs too, but you don't eat them after a night of coke And then you know That's got that acid. That's just a little reboot. That's like a battery So you can enjoy your last cigarette For you beat off again. Um

All right, so let's get into some of the stuff now. All right All right, I really thought this would be going better. Your vibe is like Zuckerberg in front of congress Kind of hotter than these lights. I'll shaffer. Oh my god All right, do you keep magazines in your bathroom? I do not care, but let's talk about established titles again, baby Good lord. Good lady. Let's do it. Yes. Hello everybody. Stand and welcome lord kippy and lord that so Gang for just as little as one square foot a land you could become a lord or lady It helps the reforestation of the planet. It's a good good time Do yourself a favor get over there to establish titles and become a lord or lady with a little piece of Scottish land

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Uh, establish title is actually running an early black friday sale plus if you use the code garbage You get an additional 10% off go to establish titles dot com slash garbage to get your gifts now and help support the channel Do it do it. Kim. How about that bespoke post baby box of awesome? I love these mothers Yeah, it should be called the looking cool box because that's what it is with that box of awesome gang It's the fall a lot of cool things to do outside a lot of grilling going on a lot of nice cocktails being made You want to smell nice? You want to look nice do yourself a favor? Sign up at bespoke post and get yourself a box of awesome and be cool Yeah, guys, it's easy to get started to take the quiz at boxofawesome.com your answers help them pick the right box for you

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When you sign up at boxofawesome.com enter the code garbage at check out that's boxofawesome.com Code garbage for 20% off your first box box of awesome.com going guards are doing a back to the show back to the show Okay, have you ever taken a bath at a hotel? I have Will you blow your nose into a cloth napkin at a restaurant? Yes, will you take them home sometimes the the the nose blown just a nice napkin Have you stolen cloth napkins from a restaurant? Mr. Shaffer, I'll repeat the question. Let me check that handkerchief in your pocket. I don't think I have silverware. Yes

It'll still take silverware. Yeah, and also I saw your guys's live show It's getting pressed and you were like I was in the back just walking through looking at the room Where they filmed J special and it was like And you go have you ever stolen anything from a From a doctor's office while a doctor's not there and I was in the back What do you take from a doctor? The tongue depressors, obviously, even though you don't need them for anything for what is the great arts and crafts? I never needed one. Yeah, you put in the ice cube tray. You put that with some some orange juice. Okay

And that band-aids Anything you're in for get more of that. This guy's bonkers. Yeah, I did a chair one time. I took a chair Have I ever taken yeah, I don't think I've ever taken a cloth napkin. Okay. Um I take the uh, but I'm getting the car wash, you know, they come out with the chamois at the end and dry them off Right before I leave. I'll be like, I'll say I'll say yeah I mean, let me use that for a second and I'll wipe something down real quick and I'll put that in the back Grab it a nice schmata. Oh, it's nice. What's a schmata a brag? Yeah, hey, you knew that? Of course. I mean I flipped two and two together. Um, I said rag

The schmata was also what they referred to the uh, the jewish tailors in uh, in the garment district. There were schmatas schmatas Oh, there were rag rag makers ragman ragman couple of habit dashers. I like that. Um, will you open your eyes under water? Yeah Recently I used to chlorine and salt water or you gotta we take the scuba tip. Oh, I'm accredited to Uh, what's that 30 meters? I've got my uh deep dive patty That's classy Deep dive water. I'm guessing patty was your instructor for scuba. No pa di. It stands for something. Okay. What's scuba stand for? state country, uh under under bridges, uh

Answer ward, um Yeah, you got to take your thing off. Let it go your mass. Let it go and then go get it 30 feet down 30 meters. It's like 90 feet. Yeah. That's deep and I'm accredited to do that. That's a high level fucking sport Yeah, I'm out of snorkel I'm a scuba And yeah, you got to take it off on the salt probably do it so you go treasure hunting. Yeah They can't get me to do it. They couldn't get me to do it and they're like there's quarters down there. I'm like I didn't even mean the jewish joke. I just meant that's trashy

Nothing better than wet boogers Also, it's scuba diving. I'm wishing well. We were walking home We were walking home the other night. I'm heavy. I'll just die here. I'm not leaving this booty You're walking home the other night. You were walking home and some guys like, yo, what's up barry and the one getting through a quarter And then he was like, yeah, what's up, dude? That's real fucked up and then like kind of slowly bent down as he was Dude, that's crazy. I know man. It's so good to see you guys That's not really funny not really funny if you're if you're if you're at a restaurant You're eating and a little piece of food falls on the table. Will you pick it up and will you eat that?

No, you won't I have okay, so you do. Yeah, I so I do If I'm alone, yes, if I'm with others less likely, okay Will you will you of course I will yeah, it's gonna be a game time a clock game time decision Both I will cloth of course. I won't because you're like, I don't know what was there was on it Yeah, it's an outdoory thing. No way. I feel like that stuff is good for your immune system Maybe Yeah, maybe To fight these things in the future when they come these diseases. Yeah, the future diseases. Um

If you go, uh, say, you know, the three of us growing back to your place today tonight, you know, what we just You stop or like let's get some beers you invite us over you come over you get a six pack Yeah, you put the six pack in the fridge or do you take the beers out? What's the process? Six pack Well, you mean with that with that with the turtle killers on the end either that or like I was thinking like a bottle of a six pack But either way Oh, put the whole thing in there. You put the whole thing in there damn it And he referred to it as turtle turtle

It's guaranteed trash and we were here 24 pack you put the whole thing sometimes what I'll do is let's just say this was like The 24 pack, you know, imagine it's bigger you put the whole thing in tilt up sure and slide it out Yeah, oh, that's the only shit you see on tiktok and stuff. I I can't do that. Well, that's a frat move I pulled a muscle doing that. Uh, do you have any baking soda in your fridge your refrigerator freezer? You do? Yep, okay. It helps keep things fresh. Yes, it does. Your circle nine is a classy move. Yeah, that's a classy move Yeah, I mean you're taking your you're running a tight ship. Interesting. I'll tell you one further. I go name brand arm And hammer and door hammer got them both. Yeah, I definitely don't want to make some Yeah, they really I've never seen all brand baking soda. I don't like I make a fortune on just like stuff that soaks up shitty smells. He killed it

um Let's say in your This might be tricky. Yeah on pebble street or pebble a street What was the name of the local pizza place and what was the name of the local chinese spot? Can you tell us do you remember? No, I left the third third grade. Okay. So In maryland world, what was it maryland? It was the jaffa gate and then uh, which is the pizza the nice pizza place Okay, kosher. I was only kosher kosher nut house. It's still there. Harry's nut house. Harry was a local drunk Uh at our center. Wait, that's the pizza. That's the

Harry's nut house. We didn't have a chinese for a while. He told us that he didn't talk about this. Yeah, sounds real familiar There's something the chinese had a jewish name too. It was um Damn, what was it soy vey? That's fabulous That is fabulous. No, no, that's an actual brand of uh, uh, soy sauce. Oh my god. That's fabulous That's a good piece of business There's something jewish related but jaffa gate closed because harry's could beat the prices. It's all salt Were you allowed to gate jaffa gate closed?

Nut house was the one that survived. It's a real similar to pizza gate. I feel Jaffa gate is in yafa Jerusalem got you named it after that Well, you let it eat in your room as a kid. No, but I would you would yeah All my mom made checks mix for a party once homemade fresh checks mix. That's the best That's the last so good never had it since then the one in the bag. It's it doesn't do in any justice They sprinkled the oil all over it or whatever stole two bags kept under my trundle bed Oh trundle beds are trash. Why did you have a trundle bed in case guests came over in case uh friends came over

I remember the first time I saw one a kid on my block makes the molestin easier Slide away the evidence I should have blew my mind There was always a man sleeping in there. Just slide him out. Hello, harry. And when you pissed your bed, you could just Just jump down a level Were you a bed wetter? I was heavy Still in till when uh 16 16 norman too. Yeah, I know norman. I was probably like

No, eight seven later, but it was a lot I had a family friend religious orthodox jew and they I was like and their their kid was a bed wetter And it was like hey, I saw you do an episode on bed wedding me and norman on skeptic tech And uh, and they're like, yeah, I'm like, maybe the kid gets I'm out of it. They're like, is it like clean? I'm like, oh, no, no, it's orthodox jewish kid. Can't I just tell I don't I can't don't have to think about it. No way Do you eat cottage cheese? No I hate it to eat over the sink often often

Yeah, okay. I'm fucking I'm now so deeply There's this thing when you're skiing and you when you're out of control and you get towards the last like, you know 100 meters or so and you're just like screw it. I'll just straight line it because I know I'm gonna bottom out At this point. That's how I feel like on this fucking podcast Yeah, it's so bad that I'm like fuck it. Yes. I eat over the sink. I over the fucking sink, dude Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it does kind of it is kind of uh Set up for that a little bit. There's no there's no kitchen But just like I'm just saying it's leanable. It's it's open concepty. It's uh, I get it. It's trash

I would also say that you ski not snowboard, which is the classier one Classier is punk kids, but does make you a fucking nerd. Yeah You fucking punk. What are you snowboarder? Of course fucking dirtbag Piece of shit ruining the slopes. Do you have uh named brand luggage? I think you're both nerds. How about that? Yeah, I have uh american tourist there Okay, but I don't use it because you use my osprey backpack. I'm not a fucking wheel guy We just saw you in the airport. Actually, let me ask you this Do you have one of those backpacks that have the straw that comes out one of those

Things to look at them back separate attachment. You buy the camel back for backpacking. Yeah That's not trash. That's fucking corny as shit. I don't I don't use it all the time number for my phone I don't use I don't use it when I'm bushcrafting or something. Do you eat your do you eat pizza crust eat your pizza crust? Okay, good man Um, yeah, absolutely. What are you gonna leave it there? I'll leave it for a minute. What I'll do Oh, here's a move you can do You leave it you act like you're not eating the pizza crust make everyone else follow their lead and then you eat them all They put their pizza crust down. You sriracha all of it. You're eating other people's pizza crust

That's what you said Is that what you just said for the record? Yeah, okay, listen to this. Okay. That's a big strike again You're listening to this kid on twitter hit me up and said that when him and his wife will get a pizza His wife doesn't finish the crust He'll save the crust for like maybe the next day or later on that night I'll coat it with a little butter and put it in the oven and heat it up That's a fucking genius. No, that's the trash. You're saving genius. You're saving garbage. You're saving rep. You just trash

Yeah, genius trash. That's that's someone who owns a lake house Sure. Hey, like houses are nice. They're trash. Did you ever go to deep creek maryland? It's western western maryland and it's the trashiest rich people i've ever met lake people Yeah, like new money people probably tune boats. Oh dude. I'm saving my money for a partner. Yeah, you're gonna be a tuner guy Oh, for sure. Fantastic. I saw I was driving down the street with my wife and I looked at him I was on the highway and someone was pulling. I'm like, that's what you can get gone It and someone can walk along with you on the car. Sure. It's a party boat, baby It's main thing that serves no other function, but drink. Yeah

It's a float. You're like, uh, and what's the top speed like one and uh, what's the coolest situation? Seven of those it's got a bathroom on it too. Uh-huh. All right. You have hand towels in your bathroom I have one one Classic dude one to your apartment one Yeah, so you can't replace it. I can replace it. I have one with the replacement ready to go Oh, so you have two. No, I have six but one hanging one hanging. Oh, okay. So you have six hand towels Yeah, you sure about that? I have at least four

We all knew I was making up the number six, but I know I have four I was giving you the benefit of that because we all know I was lying. You called me on it. I'll give you that I don't know reason to lie. I don't even think the four was said with confidence either I definitely have two. I know there's another one up there Do you have any of the following items in your kitchen right now? Do you have a pizza cutter? Yes, do you own a juicer? Like a Breville a juicer like Yeah, yes, do you have a not one that you put like the whole orange in

That's okay like a neutral bullet. That's perfect. Yeah. Do you own one of those KitchenAid mixers or any KitchenAid products? Not my department. Yeah, I think maybe we do. Okay. I'll give you the benefit of that You will need to send photographic evidence in fair fair at some point of a week Okay, I'll tell you what I'll send a picture and and you can stick up. Toby can stick up. This was a lie on the youtube youtube.com slash all you garbage. Um, I know she got one was the last time you had lobster Uh, not too long ago. I'm trying to think Sometime this year Did you pay for it or were you taking after dinner? Who's gonna pay for a lobster? It's me. That's all me. I do well

I have a special I fucking spent half my money on I hear it's killing it though. It's killing it I was loving it making fucking leave a comment. Uh, have you ever been ghost hunting? No, okay. No, but I have sat over a dead body once Judaism we have to watch the body all night, but no, not sit ship. That's when you visit the dead Dead relatives you watch a body all night. So it's not alone until you bury it I like that. So as kids are like go do this good deed and so you sit there with a dead body I like that. No, I would have lost my religion then. Yeah, I hear you

Um, blow jobs not allowed in Judaism. Really converting. No blow jobs. No bacon. Can you give them? Um, no, I'm out. Damn less than a second to give them than to get them. You're wasting seed Uh, do you know anyone? That owns adult braces We bust right that owns adult braces that has adult braces like buys and sells adult braces has a plasm in the pocket Do you know anybody that has a massive collection of adult braces? I'm what you call a nazi. I feel like a comedian did Somebody has to right Okay

I would say yes, but No, someone come on I'm no trashy not by association. I'm trashed by association my friend. You are with the company you keep. Yeah Uh, if you're going to a big fancy meal, yeah at night, will you not eat all day in preparation? Uh No, but I did go get those tickets to the Yankee game And it was like, hey, you have access to a suite and I did fast the whole day

Really? Was it the legends or was it you were in a box? No, it was a draft king's box And it wasn't nearly as good, but it is sweet spicy sausage hot dogs chicken tenders chicken sandwich fries Peanuts and a man. You went after me one of each I was with ck and he was like he was going down. He didn't know I fasted all day But he goes, you're about to see you're about to be disgusted with how much I pig out and I'm like, I'm right with you, bro Yeah, well also the real garbage thing I think because when you fast all day you your stomach shrinks So you get full quicker a little so you should eat small throughout the day

Little workout. Yeah Get that that's a poor man's fucking science right there poor poor fat man Yeah, when you know, you got a free meal coming you want to like juice it. Yeah, dude Speaking of the baseball games. Yeah How would you handle this situation if you caught a foul ball or caught a home run ball of no significance Uh-huh, would you keep that ball or would you give it to the closest little kid? Fuck that kid fucking right in the ass. I might give a little psych Hey there little fellow run ball. You're out of your mind a foul ball. You're also out of your mind

Uh, I'll feel the toss it to me Yeah, you would actually have one of those at uh at wriggly in the stadium. Mm-hmm Somebody tossed one the outfielder. I caught it only time ever Pour the beer on someone's face in front of me whatever And uh some little kids some little girl comes up and just hands hand out just Disexpected. Yeah, did you give it to her? Yeah, good. But you know what got a free beer from the dead Okay, still complaining about it, too Yeah, I need to be over it. I mean, you don't just come out there. Give it to me. Let leave me to choose

She's goddamn little kids. I got no respect. Fuck it free ball. Let your dad. He's richer than I am Let him buy you a ball. Do you know how to dance the electric slide of the marcarina? You got to know the marcarina I don't know for sure, but but you you can you can if you saw it once or twice you could I could join in But not the electric slide. Have you ever been to circus day? So lay circus circus day. So lay. Yeah It's not circus day. So lay whatever No, I've never been to the circus the soleil

I think so loud moon fry gets up and uh, she does the trapeze and shit Ah, shut up the soleil moon fry Uh, what was your first concert crush on her the urythmics? Really? Yeah, okay ever taking an old-timey photo Like a western or anything like that have the tommy gun and it's like in black colonial williamsburg Who did you play who did who played jew? He was the banker. Yeah

Yeah, I'm sure that was the bank I remember in harry potter. They just made the jews the bankers and like they got big, um ears Have they just killed them all for no reason because fucking harry couldn't get a loan I've never seen the program Um, have you ever been to a renaissance fair? Yeah, I love renaissance fair never dressed up for it A lot of fucking going on in the renaissance fair from the employees and the people dressing up real lot of fucking A couple of a couple of bar maids. Yeah, I do that also went to octoberfest with those juicy

That's pretty classy It is we're gonna do an episode of uh, I got a new podcast you'd be tripping. I just did it It's not out yet. Not out yet. We did one about germany new place every episode. We saved octoberfest specifically for another episode Because it's a full episode. There you go. Do you have a go-to karaoke song? Yeah, what is it? My name is luka. It's my voice is not good It's all about spousal abuse and I spin it to when the women Hit the men. Okay during the interludes of mic man guys. It's not just about women. It's also men men are hurting Men women are hitting them and we can't fight back. Please reach out to people who are hitting men

Tell them it's not okay Sounds like a real showstopper I live on the second floor. I live upstairs for you. Uh, I know that you've seen before They were crashing golf cart No, but I did wheelies whether I worked at woodmaw country club and we had to like pick up the In the morning we had to pick up with a range ball finder And we would just go out there and fucking hit the fucking break and spin it. We do Donuts and shit. It was great. Private club or public course very private club jewish club only non-jew was uh

Herschel walker. No some chick married to One of the abroad. Yeah, but she was a broadcaster But she was married to the guy who one of the early like daytime talk shows Not more conny chung conny chung. Who's she married to more poor povich. Yeah. Yeah shout out the county back stole golf clubs Like yeah, they left it out one conny chung did no me. Oh Stole a driver from one of the members

Dola putter. I was giving you points for it. Jesus Christ. Stop talking Oh, rob a bank with this guy. I killed a greenskeeper buried him with a 19. Hey, age kevin. Let's get out of this bank And go back to our house on pible a street Uh, the credit score is good. I assume. Yeah, very high. What kind of steal you're running around with what kind of credit cards We got a platinum a heavy one the from amix. Yeah, okay, heavy one. It like oh, it's great Wow, it's for my crowning achievement points and then you get something Little known fact they say you get free uh when you get a rental car. They say you get free, um insurance insurance That's a lie. It is gotten a crash. They're like, no, we don't cover that. Wow. What the fuck is I know

I always say no, wave it. I got the amix kick rock. Look into it a little more Really? Yikes Yeah, so I got that and then I got a venture card And I got a atm card You've been making money for a while. So all that stuff's cleaned up. That's that's clean. Yeah What what like prepaid what would be a

A classless move will be a trashy if you have a discover card capital one card Would you do have a venture card which is capital one? Yeah, but it's a little bit of ventures on the higher end I have a proper just capital one car with a 200 credit limit 200 they won't raise it. I gotta I gotta have it. What are you gonna buy for 200? I just just system I there's something on it for like you get hemmed up you reach her for that thing There is there is something uh, there's I have some sort of automatic payment on for like $14 Yeah, you got a gun to the back of your head or something like that. That's I need 80 bucks I'm not living a life out here with suits custom-made suits. That's a one shot from the corner

Get you out of a jam Um, I'm pretty much Good here. Just got a couple more things if you if you Use the luggage cart at a hotel. Will you leave it in your room the whole time that you stay? Oh, fuck would use a luggage cart at a hotel. What are you going with an entourage? What are you Jennifer love? Hewitt Well, how many bags do you have you're going in with a luggage cart? We would get married We went to Cassidy's wedding. I kept the luggage cart in my room the whole time. What yeah trashy, but I agree

You should what why take it that there's no incentives. Yeah, fuck them. Yeah. Well, you know I'm gonna go look at it in the room. Will you do that with the uh with a laundry cart if you have laundry at the basement of your Apartment, we don't have basically take it to the fluff and fold joint across the street Wait, you take the car to your apartment. No, but I've seen it. I saw it left in my elevator once that's great Are you nuts who the fuck that lives and dies in the in the room? Yeah, that doesn't get on the elevator It doesn't have just to take it from one uh washing machine to the dryer. That's it. Yeah. Yeah And then the last thing I would want to know, uh, do you scratch your back with a fork? I've never scratched my back with a fork. I did have a colonial Williamsburg back scratcher. All right, that's it

Wrap this guy up here. Damn it. I mean, you could have just said no I've never scratched my back with a fork and we would have ended with a scratch is the highest level of scratching your back Not for colonial Williamsburg. No Yeah, not if you had a make up be a pitchfork Yeah, I whittled it. I whittled it I will live by playing my harmonica Gang the special out right now is entitled you you can find that on his youtube page ladies and gentlemen the one the only Mr. Ari Shafir youtube.com slash arishafir guys. I just want you to watch it. Just go out there. I work so fucking hard on it

It's so fucking funny. Just go out and just watch it and do whatever you want if you hate it You hate it, but you're not gonna should be called arishafir trash. Yeah Because let me tell you something double jeopardy does not exist in the court of garbage my friend. You are 100% Undoubtedly In perpetuity and retroactively from here to the end of the universe garbage Fuck Damn it I brought a cigar to smoke for when I was classy. You really thought you were gonna pull this off

You gotta be kidding me spit egg on my computer and ruined it for five minutes. Ah, that's a good point Damn it Damn it. Now they can't even say like, uh, some of the questions were off The only one that got a second shot. There'll be no parole. There'll be no retrial. There'll be no nothing We're burying you under the goddamn jail. First redemption. I even get redeemed Now damn it You're welcome back anytime you want though my friend and we love you. All right brand new special Title jew make sure you check it out. It's absolutely fantastic

Kippy, what do you got for him guys? We're all over the road. Uh, we have a few tickets left. I think in boston and rhoda island Get tickets to those shows. We'll see you out there, baby. Yeah, come see us gang. We love you. I'm gonna kill myself You'll see some of us. I got a hot special We love you gang. Peace