Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Tom Thakkar Returns!

Episode Date: December 2, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with hall of fame garbage and pal Tom Thakkar! If you haven't heard Tom's first ep - ya gotta go listen. Thanks for the support. Love youse guys.  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.GetRoman.com/GARBAGE https://www.Manscaped.com PROMO CODE: GARBAGE Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Gang, you only got three more chances to see RU Garbage live. Yeah, guys, December 14th, 15th, and 16th. We're going to be in Hartford, Connecticut at the Funny Bone. We're going to be in Albany, New York at the Funny Bone, then we're going to be in Syracuse, New York at the Funny Bone as well. Hey, Richmond. Guys, this is a great way to introduce your friends to the show. If you're coming, bring a couple of pals.

Bring the squad. It's a good time. It's stand up. We're hanging out. We play AYG. You seen the clips. What are you doing? Come out. We'll see you there. Let's go. Welcome to another exciting edition of RU Garbage.

The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is RU Garbage. It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they're good to be classy. Yeah.

Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day down here at Antutti's Basement. Yeah. She's upstairs, sleeping on off. She lost her shirt yesterday at the Eagles game. OK. And I'm not talking about money either, right? My co-host is coming at you from right next to me.

He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He's the only guy that makes Dave Portnoy nervous. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for KJ, Kevin James Ryan. Don't say that. I don't need any public feuds. I'm sure we can't win. He would squash us like a bug. He'd have me and a dog collar.

Yeah, let's, uh, T-bone cut that. We love dog collar. What's up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes, even though it doesn't fucking matter anymore. Full video available on YouTube. And as you know, those numbers are

Through the Roof. Through the fucking Roof, baby. And then patreon.com slash RU Garbage. Mike, I mean, shout out to Al Gore for inventing the internet back in the day. Because patreon.com is the greatest website of all time. You can sign up, get bonus content, episodes of AYG, episodes of hard feelings, which is a whole other podcast. You've never even heard some of our best podcasts, by the way.

Live streams the whole nine yards. Check it out. It's absolutely fantastic. You got Velcro, Get into the Moon, the Salad Bar, patreon.com. The fucking pinnacle right there of human existence. And I've got a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire. The magic man makes us all look good. You can't see it, but he's wearing his shirt that I hate.

New shirt. New shirt, T-Bone. T-Bone, McMuffin, Toby Mcscruffins. Give it up for him. What up, dudes? What up, T-Bone? Yeah, you want to make fun of shirts, bro? That camo ain't working.

We can all see it. I can somehow see you more. Got this from the Air Force base. It was Cover and Hanger 9. Gay, we could not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest back with us again today. He's going to be answering your questions. This man is on the Mount Rushmore of RU Garbage.

He needs no introduction. Give it up for Mr. Tom Takar. Thank you, boys. Let's go. It's good to be back. I love this fucking show, man. Did not show up with a beer this time, but you showed up with a Diethacker pepper.

I have to cool it a little bit. I'm still drinking a lot, but I just have to. The 2 PM I can't do right now. I had a little come to God moment where I was at a Taco Bell cantina. I thought you meant you were shooting heroin. All right. Let's kick this party in the open drive.

I was on the business end of a gordita and a lagenitas. You're not wrong, brother. That's about it. That's about it. They have a happy hour at the Taco Bell cantina. What? Where? It's right next to my gym over on Broadway.

You know, that'll level you out. I got a car blow before I hit the treadmill. You're in there with sweatpants and a kettle bell? This is my gym routine as I go to McDonald's. I get a big iced coffee. He told us this. And then I go to the Taco Bell afterwards. And there's a cantina.

And I started going to the happy hour. And it's $10. And you get a beer and three tacos. And I got into an argument. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You do get that. Jesus, dude. And I got into an argument with the lady at the register

because I was like, hey, I'll take a beer and the thing. And she was like, no, you've got to get alcohol. And she meant like the twisted freeze thing. And I was like, well, the beer is alcohol. And she was like, no, no, no. And I was like arguing with this lady about the definition of alcohol in the Taco Bell. And I was like, I got to chill a little bit.

Yeah, you should have been arguing in the Taco Bell. There's no argument where you don't look like a piece of garbage. Yep, yep, yep. But I got to cool it a little bit. But on the 2 PM drinking. The twisted tea ain't a beer, lady. I'm telling you that right now. Holy shit.

I just want to say real fast. I love your fucking fans, man. It's the only time I've ever read it. Because I don't read comments on videos. But my lady was like, you've got to see these people. It's funny. And they're overwhelmingly nice. So nice.

But it's the way they comment is so fucking funny. Where it's like, this guy's the biggest piece of shit I've ever seen. He's my favorite. You're a friend. I've never been a bigger piece of garbage in my fucking life. When are you coming to my town? I love it.

I mean, I could spit in this guy's mouth. When are you coming to my town? Not even a specific city. You know where their town is. What are you coming for? I love it. Fuck, I love them. And this isn't me paying during.

I feel like we pay under so much. But they're so fucking nice. Literally, 99% of the comments on YouTube are nice. And please don't let this ruin it. And when someone does comment something mean, people go, shut up. But it's over. I love that.

Love that. But yeah, I'm not trying to pay under at all. I just thought I thought I think it's so funny. I'm just curious. When you say that you go there for a half beer, are you having one beer or multiple beers? I'm having one there. That's a starter.

That's your pregame. Yeah. And it's good. They have the beers that fill up from the bottom. I never crossed that, dude. I'm old school. I never know how to use it. I don't trust it.

I don't either. It doesn't make sense to me, dude. It's so weird. I didn't get it. I saw it happen. I was like, how the fuck did that happen? I don't get it. They got new tech over there, man.

Fucking Star Trek. What's going on? Tesla's in the Taco Bell. Elon Musk got involved. That thing blows my mind, too. But it is such a parlor trick. Yeah. It just says how tragedy we are.

Ooh, it fills. The fact that you just nine mouth free. They got the beers to fill up from the bottom. I felt like I was in the future. I was like, I'm not supposed to be seeing shit like this. This is for my grandkids. You're wiping the bottom and stuff. Chris Angel comes out of the kitchen.

Well, then I fucked up because it's a little magnet at the bottom. And then I fucked with it and it started leaking. Mine's leaking. That just means you have to shotgun that beer in my ramen. He's drinking from the bottom. I got it. All right.

We wanted to ask you the Thanksgiving just passed. What did you do this year? What's a standard? What was the standard? So usually, I'm a big Black Friday guy. I love Black Friday. Oh my god. Dude, holy shit.

I love that. That's like my family's shit. It's just pushing people around. Go fight another family. It's like, I love Black Friday. I love the energy. It's like the purge. Yes, it says Thanksgiving, like elbow and an old lady.

Oh, it's where Xbox Three. Everybody was mad when they moved Black Friday up to Thanksgiving Day. And I was like, this is way better. I like this. Wait, they did it on Thanksgiving Day? They do it on Thanksgiving Day. Yeah, they kept moving.

That was maybe like a decade ago or so. Like they kept moving it up more and more. Walmart kept pushing the envelope. It would be like Friday. It'd be like Thursday night. And then it was like Thursday afternoon or whatever. Now it's like, it starts in October. Yeah.

I love it. You get a nice pair of boxers for cheap. I don't even go. Boxers? You go on big ticket items. I don't even want anything anymore. I used to go for like DVDs and video games. And then it's like, I'm not going to fucking have a DVD

in my house. Back this up. When did you actually start doing this? This was when I was probably in high school. My mom loves it too. We love it. I told you the last time. So you guys would go?

I've been with Love's Deals. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, we would go. Would you sleep out? I started doing that on my own. What? Yeah. Wait, you would camp out?

I wouldn't sleep, but I would bring a big thing of coffee with some Baileys in it. And it was like a party. I would hang out outside of Best Buy or Target and then be the first in there to get a TV or something. Were you ever in the front of the line? Never very front. But I was close.

I was close. You had to get there so early. It wasn't worth it, you know? You don't get to have dinner. Fifth in line. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you would talk to the other people on the line. No, I don't.

I don't really get it. You said it was like a party. He's all business. No, I was the people I come with. I have like a group of friends. You got a grill going. Times a Game Start. Those dogs done yet?

What's happening? Quick game of Cornhole. I was waiting. Holy shit. You would roll with a squad. Wait in line for anything is trash. Trash. Unless it's like a heart transplant.

Other than that, you've got to get off the list. Yeah, let's show on the liver list. I waited in line for the COVID shot to get the early one. That felt trashy, too. I mean, you're not waiting for a toaster. It had the same vibe of like, no Baileys either, huh? I brought the Baileys. Wait, so who would actually do this?

This was people. My college roommates, I got into it. I was like, let's do it. And they would be like, why are you guys around each other on Thanksgiving? You didn't go home for Thanksgiving? Some of them were from. I'm from my college town.

So I would have towny people who would go with me. And then I would have some of my college roommates would stay in town. Gotcha. Yeah. You were at the college in the same town you grew up. Where'd you go, Bloomington? Bloomington, baby.

Yeah. Are you? Hoosiers. Do you have a favorite Black Friday deal that you've locked down? Ooh, let's see here. The funny thing is, I would never get anything that good. It would be like, oh, I can get a double jeopardy,

the blu-ray. Great movie, though. For $2. It is good. I don't know why that's what I pulled. I haven't seen that since the year it came out. Dude, that blew my mind when you found out that was a lull. You're like, what?

I know. You're like, man, I can't wait for this to apply to my life. Oh, dude, I was waiting to kill somebody. I was waiting to beat a murder charge just to kill that person. Yep. I can't wait to get V for Vendetta. I would buy a bunch of li- I would be like, I'm going to get one.

H2O or whatever. What is the best thing? I definitely have gotten TVs and laptops and shit in the past. And have you been in situations where like, you were pressed up against a thing and the game was going up? And you like, any hand to hand kind of like, couples?

Definitely some pushing around. The thing that is a real thrill is the old women who will just bust your ass with their cart. They have a cart and they're just fucking your shit up. It's like a mosh pit. It's thick. I think they should cut the lights out. Just put on like, let the bodies hit the floor.

Just a scrub light. Just flashes of Tom swinging. I'm like a pretty peaceful man. Cut the lights out. Just flickering like, yeah. Everyone's got to be blindfolded. Throw a couple of American gladiators in there. You feel like you'd pop out of the aisles?

Railroad, yeah? Dude, what the fuck, man? What about the meal? The meal my mom would always cook because if she didn't, there wouldn't be enough food. We would go, I can't remember if I talked about this last time, but I remember going to somebody else's Thanksgiving in our family.

And their food was all gone by 2 PM. All they had left was tortilla chips. What? That's not Thanksgiving. That's Cinco de Mayo. If you're watching football and eating nacho, I guess it's Thanksgiving. Any more con queso?

Wait a minute. Hold on. What do you mean by that? All the food would be gone at 2 o'clock. When was the dinner served? When people show up, they just start eating. They just start eating. The food is there.

These are Black Friday people. They're not waiting. They're not, you know. What's your family rules? What the fuck when they show up? What do you mean? I don't understand. The turkey was out.

The food is out. The food is out when it comes out. Not when my mom cooks. It comes out when it's cooked. Your cousin's house. Hey, we're having Thanksgiving. Get here at 2. Yeah.

But people just show up when they want. Yeah, yeah. Yep. You don't sit down as a family and then cut to turkey and say grace and stuff like that? No, no. Say grace? There's no time for grace.

These are eating. That's a trick. Somebody would be like, hey, say grace. And while your eyes are closed, the food's gone. It's every man for himself up there. Not for that shit. Somebody hit you in a blackjack. Man, I always wanted a blackjack.

Oh, man. Those things are cool. And it worked 100% of the time. Yeah. According to the A-team. Yeah, nobody was ever just like, ow, what the fuck? Yeah, fuck me, you don't. They always drop.

Fucking hit me with a dildo? You fucking jerk bag? Dude, that's crazy that it's just free for all. There was no like, I mean, when my mom cooks, it's like the food comes out, everybody helps themselves. But everybody just has a plate, and they're walking around. Yeah, kind of wandering about. Like, you're not sitting down?

I mean, people will sit, but there's no formal like, everybody sits in one. There's no like, 20 foot table. So you've got like, people eating Thanksgiving dinner in the living room, in like a chair, on the couch. Yes, I'm watching. I'm doing that. I'm playing.

I'm playing 2K. You're playing video games during Thanksgiving dinner. Oh my god. Play some Mario Golf? What the fuck? Have a little glass of wine. I thought you were a nice kid. I thought you probably went to like, Carnegie Mellon or something

like that. We talked about this in the first one. We had you so big, so wrong. Carnegie Mellon. Is that the brand of textbooks, right? No. Jesus, you're trying. I ate a Carnegie Mellon.

What was the name of the textbooks we used to steal? Someone? Carnegie Mellon. No, Carnegie. You're thinking of Sonic. There we go. Jesus, dude. That's fucking insane.

Oh god, that's great. Well, your mom throws down. Oh, my mom can cook. Yeah, she's great. About how many people are at this affair? This can be anywhere from 20, 40. People will just bring random people. Whoever, yeah.

Yeah. There will be people I've never met, never heard of. Hey, your Thanksgiving dinner, mom. Because we have a big family. It's a lot of random. People will have a new girlfriend who has six kids or whatever. Sounds like Shelly.

You know, but my mom feeds them all. And then they, yeah, I don't want to get too much. I don't want to try to insult some people, but they're all good people. They're all good people. Still got to go home for Christmas. Jesus. But you didn't go home this year.

I didn't go home this year. I went to our buddy Tim McLaughlin's place. And he deep fried turkeys. And multiple turkeys. Yeah, he got two turkeys. And he deep fried them. Nice. No burning down the place.

He did a good job. He did a good job. I tried to make some shit. What'd you try? I woke up the morning of, and I was all tired. I was like, fuck, I got to bring something to this. I can't just bring chips like I was going to. Bring chips to Thanksgiving, dude.

That's a phrase. I got half open. People got, yeah. He's got a big clip on it. I only took a cut. It's a family size bag. And they added 20%. So I only ate that 20%.

I brought some scoops and a quarter of a sleeve of Oreos. There was one guy who did that. Two liter of Dr. Pepper. I looked up. A quarter of a sleeve of Oreos. I looked up easiest recipes. And I made. And it wasn't easy.

I made asparagus that had cheese all over it. I saw that picture, dude. I fucked it up, man. I wish I had a picture. I don't have the picture, but it looked like shit. It was bad. It was asparagus on Thanksgiving, dude. Yeah, I know.

That's pretty normal, though. Well, I needed something healthy. I needed to make something healthy, because my heart was doing weird stuff. So I was like, I should probably bring some greens. Did I've been boozing so much my arms and legs hurt? And I'm not sure why. You ever just have?

They've just been in pain the past three days. I'm so happy to hear you say that. I thought I was weird. I was on stage. I was like, why are all my appendages numb? That's kind of what, mine's more of a burning sensation. Thank God. I thought it was all in my head.

But I'm really dying. That's all you need is one guy to be like, yeah, me too. And you're like, oh, I don't need to see a doctor or anything. It's gone now. The fact that you were like, I got something cooking too. I'm like, oh, I'm good. It's all the beer and fucking sickies. And I'll do it.

I was doing too many cigars. I don't really smoke, but if I'm drinking, so it's all the time. And did you get boozed up on Thanksgiving? Oh, yeah, too boozed up. And I had shows. And I was like, oh, shit. You can get boozed up before shows?

I don't try to, but if I'm having Thanksgiving, if I'm having, and I also, I kept saying, anytime you hear me say, I'm built different, it's going to be a bad night for me. I would say that I was like, I can be drunk on stage. I'm built different. And then I was not built different. I'm built the same.

If you mean flawed, yes, you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was doing that. I think I said that last time I was on the show. I probably thought I was built different. Yeah, it was rough. But yeah, I was. And then I was like the next day, I was like, what the fuck

am I doing? I'm getting too drunk. And then I had shows in Springfield, Missouri. And I just did the same thing again. Wait, the next day? Yeah, next day. So Friday. Friday, yeah.

Won't you get up and you took a flight? I sure did. Springfield, Missouri. I didn't drink on the flight. I was too hungover. But man, Springfield, Missouri, it cost me $640 fucking dollars to fly there. It's crazy, dude.

The flights are bananas. I could have gone to Paris, man. Why did you buy the ticket? I bought it like three weeks out. He bought it at the airport. I bought my luggage there. And he used to go to St. Louis. You guys take cash still?

What's the deal? Yeah, I bought it. I bought it at the airport. I was like, do you guys have like bags and stuff? You just got underwear here? Just holding on. Can I buy like, yeah, I just go to the fucking suit store. I couldn't find any toothpaste in the other room.

So I just bought a watch and some sunglasses. I never understood that. I was leaving JFK Airport when I got home. And I walked by a full sunglass and watch thing. I'm like, who's buying a watch at the airport? I kind of get it. Well, the more we travel, the more I get it. Because you're just in, if you're like,

buy yourself or whatever, you're just there waiting. So you're like, I'm fucking waiting. I'm on vacation. Money isn't real, whatever. I bet it's a high percentage of gifts, too. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. There's a reason they're there.

I forgot to grab something on the islands. Yeah, I'll give them a watch. I think about that all the time. But I don't understand. They have to be there for a reason. Yeah, of course. Dude, there's no way fucking Prada or whoever's opening up a store if they're not moving fucking merchandise.

What I don't understand is, at Times Square, there's that suit store that sells alligator shoes and stuff. You're like, who's buying these underground? And they must be. They must. That is a good point. You have no cell phone service. You're like, I better buy alligator boots.

Yeah, well, it's also like you've limited your market to people that swiped into the turnstile. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. You can only swipe after you can only buy it once you're after the gate. I always assumed they were stores for people who committed

crimes and walked in and completely changed their clothes and walked out another door. All in the same shot. They walked into the polo shop and never came out. That's all people who jump the turnstile. Throw disguise on them. Throw on a Steve Harvey suit. They'll never catch me.

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or your favorite podcast app. Do it. Yeah. Man, that stuff is so poorly made, too. I've bought in close from there. You've bought in them? He's not great with words. This is Henry.

He ain't great with words. More of an idea, man. I'm sorry, idea, man. There you go. Yeah, when I've been back in the day, when I've been hemmed up to go to a wedding, I've bought in soups in those places. Do you remember we did?

Oh, man. So LOL Comedy Club used to be over on 8th or 9th app. It wasn't too far from here, remember? And it was before we had started working anywhere. And someone texted you, hey, get up here. I can get you a check spot on the 9 o'clock show. But the clothes you were wearing was so embarrassingly bad. You're like, I can't wear this on stage.

So you stopped at one of those gift shops and bought an I Love New York feature over here. And it had the Empire State Building. Oh, my god. He's like, this is cool, right? I'm like, yeah, man. Turn it inside out. That's great.

He went up on stage. This is the first club spot ever. Wearing an I Love New York feature. Killed, by the way. I murdered. Probably a good shirt, because all the people in that club are tourists. Oh, yeah.

They were all probably wearing the same shirt. This is our guy. This guy was on the bus with us. He's like me. I also thought I was Bobcat gold weight. No, you're never mind. Yeah, you knew where that was going. Were you going to say Bobcat gold weight?

No, I was going to say Bobcat overweight. You should have worn with it. Because I felt bad, because when I said stunk, you could have saved us, Kippy. Now we've got to cut the whole thing. I'm trying not to make as many fat jokes. What do you mean? What are you, nuts?

I have a theory. There's a patriot on the line here. Every fat joke I make, I put on like a half a pound. There's like some sort of trans fat god out there that's just making me fatter, buddy. I'm like, vet him for fat. Man. The body Pinocchio, the whole thing gets bigger.

I'm like, Mendoza, he was all of a sudden with a cheeseburger in your hand. Well, that was my theory. I was like, I am getting fatter just by being around him. Someone goes, what do you mean? I'm like, I don't know. There's just more appetizers all the time. There's just more fried food when you're with holly.

And I'm like a skinny mini walking next to you. I feel like, you know, I'm strutting around. See if you can get a little room to breathe. I'm like, well, I'm not 400 pounds. I have that four slices. I still got $1.70 to go. Let's take the governor off this thing. All right, let's get into some cues.

Yeah, let's do some question, guys. So as you know, when you sign up for Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the air. And we got some fucking heaters, some heaters. This one's I never thought of. This is from Vinny with the skinny jeans, which is named after my buddy growing up, who's apparently become a character.

That's great. Vinny with the skinny. Everywhere your dad or brother's clean underwear when you're hemmed up on laundry. Have you ever had to put another person's underwear on? Yes, I have done that. And it does not feel good. No, it's a bad feeling.

And I do the thing where you put it inside out. You're like, is that doing something? Now at least our dicks ain't touching. I agree with it, though. Yeah, I don't know why that feels better, but I have had to do that. You put it on backwards, that's worse. Yeah.

I remember I've done it on accident, too. And because my brother growing up, he was like two sizes above me. And then all day, you're just like, oh. Yeah, you're swimming in him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it feels skinny, though. If you see a backwards underwear strapped poking out

of someone's jeans, you're like, oh, that guy's in a bad way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That wasn't his first choice. Yeah, I have a good feeling. I would wear my, when I was obviously thinner and closer to my brother's weight, like when I was younger and he was doing well, he had Brooks Brothers underwear. Oh, I would fucking wear that shit all the time.

And my dad, when he was bigger than me, I would always, when I would go home, I would always wear his underwear to sleep in, because it was almost like wearing shorts. He felt like his girlfriend. You got little t-shirts I could wear, too, Papa. I'd wear one of his button-downs and he'd have nothing else. He comes home, I'm sitting there.

You're in a risky business again. I'm sitting there like Julia Roberts, just his tie on. That was work, dad. Oh, that's great. I'm bad with keeping underwear healthy. Like once a year, I just buy a bunch. Oh, fuck yeah. This year, I ran into the thing where

I showed up at a club. I didn't have any underwear. I forgot to bring it. And so my move is I go to TJ Maxx. It's my move. It's my move. I'm not going to say I asked a host. I think I just got a procedure for when

he forgets his underwear. It's happening now. But wait, hold on, why is that an issue? Not having a, I go to TJ Maxx, what do you mean? No, no, no, why is it an issue? Like on the road, you mean? Oh, yeah, I just forget to bring underwear. No, but I'm saying, why is it an issue

if you show up to a club with no underwear? No underwear, because I got to buy it last minute. No, but I'm saying, wouldn't you just do the show without underwear? No, I can't do that. My ass is all sticking up my pants. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I got to do five shows.

I got to do three days with no one, one pair of underwear? You're showering. I'm not wearing underwear right now. That is very upsetting. I would have put a Bitcoin on that pants. Oh, man. Go ahead, I apologize. No, no, no.

It's why you have your own chair. But the problem is, TJ Maxx, I'm used to it being, having, you know, I got some options. I bought spider brand underwear. What's that? And it does not feel good. It's like silky. The jackets?

It's, what's that? They sell like motorcycle jackets. Yeah, I think so. And it's got a, it's weird looking as hell. And it's like, it's uncomfortable. And now I'm stuck in it. K, with a monster energy drink? Yeah, yeah.

It does not feel like my brand. Really? You think underwear is just underwear until you can't find normal underwear? Just what's weird is that. But it's my size. It's fucking, it's like a minefield out there. You think that everybody just has,

that's going to happen someday? Everybody's going to be more hungry. Wait till you're fat as me. You'll find out then. You laugh now, skinny boy. You'll see one day, yeah, exactly. You laugh now. Enjoy your spider underwear now while you can.

My biggest regret, what is, what is your brand? I like just as simple Haynes or whatever, but I buy whatever they got. Boxer briefs? Boxer? Boxer, tidy whiteies? Boxer briefs. I switch to that. Because it could strike me as a tidy whitey man.

I used to be a tidy whitey man. I believe it. That's when I was wearing my brother's shit. That's when I was copying my brother's shit. He's a tidy whitey man. What about the step dad? What was he? Tidy whitey.

Yeah. If your dad back then was doing boxers, he was doing orgies or something. Exactly. You don't want a dad. You don't want a dad at boxers now. Unless your dad was Jackie Gleason. Better be wearing a pair of tidy whiteies.

And if they wear boxers, they were those white boxers. Yes. You wore a plaid. You could see a plaid. I knew it was my step dad's underwear in the laundry. If it was like, there was a hole in the band, you know? And he's still rocking them. Which I never got.

I got underwear older than you or whatever. And as I get older, I'm like, yeah, some of my underwear has been hanging around a little too. You got to clean. The thing to do once a year, clean it all out, start fresh. I'm about to start doing it once every three months, I think. There you go. Because it's starting to look like, I don't know.

My ass is doing weird stuff now these days. I got an unhealthy ass. And I don't know what it's doing down there all day. Sounds like he's on Rumspringer. That's what happens when you pre-game at a Taco Bell Your body just starts doing weird things. What, a little shartney? You notice a little more?

It's just weird. I don't know. It's like red and brown and shit. Old red ass. Yeah, there's a lot of weird stuff going down there. And I don't like to pay too much mind to it. But I think I'm going to start switching it out every few months. It feels good when you clean out that socket underwear, Jor.

So good. Oh, everything's right up. Fantastic feeling. Yes. Really good. I got to get on that me undie shit. And also, I mean, they don't sponsor anymore, but they're good folks over there at Sheath.

And that's all I literally went through. And I've replaced every pair, all I have at Sheath. You can't go back once you go. And they last way longer. They're more expensive, though, but try promo code garbage. You might save a couple of bucks. Yeah, highly recommend them. But that's like nice underwear as I get older.

I'm like, it is more important. Yes, yeah. Because you're in it all the time. I know. Especially when you're traveling and shit, you're like, it's just, yeah. And the more expensive it is, usually the better it is. Yeah, it'll last longer.

It works, yeah. All right, let's see. This one's from Murdock. On vacation, do you hang your wet clothes off the balcony to dry them off? If you're out like a hotel or like? I don't have wet clothes. What are you talking about?

Do it laundry on the road? I guess it would be like if you were swimming. Yeah, if you were like, oh, where are you going on vacation? I'm not going swimming on the road. I'm not swimming anywhere. What are you talking about? I'll dip my toe in the water. Wait, he's in there in jeans.

Do you ever go on vacation? No, never. No, not really. Even with your lady, she doesn't want you to. You know what? We went upstate for a couple of days, and we would go hiking and stuff. But we're not going to a resort or something.

Really? Yeah, no, no, no. You don't like the beach? I'm not really. No, I'm not a beach guy. Not great. No, I'm not a good swimmer. Really?

I start choking to be a dude. My buddy's bachelor party. He was like, let's go on a boat. And we were playing beer pong on the boat. And I was all drunk and kind of high. And one of the ping pong balls went in the water. And I was like, don't worry, fellas. I got this.

I'll build different. I'll build different. I. But Tom, you can't swim. But I did eat it in Taco Bell. That's right. Watch. Watch.

Oh, I can't swim. Watch this. And then. You're holding the anchor. Doesn't matter. I dove in the water. I don't know how to breathe when I'm in the water. And so I immediately took in all the water

and just threw up everywhere. And I thought nobody saw it. Everybody saw it. And they were like, hey, man. Watch for the bounce. He's still playing the game. Really, are you good? And I was like, ah.

And then I got the ping pong ball, tried to throw it up, and I just threw it to the other side of the boat. But then I was like, how am I going to get back up there? And luckily, I lived, but I can't swim, man. Getting onto a boat from the water is physically impossible. If there's not a ladder, even if there's a ladder, it's tough. Even with the ladder, it's tough. And I, yeah, I'm terrified of the water.

What sort of body of water were you in? This was a lake. OK. Well, the nice lake. Oh, it was great. But I shouldn't have jumped. What time of year? This would have been the summer.

OK, so it was OK. Oh, it was beautiful. But it was great. Great day. But no, I can't really swim that well. My Jeff here barked. He's been about to throw himself off on the boat. And having to fight somebody on the other boat.

The X-Boy is so good. On another, hey, can you help me up here? You'd have to help me up for the fight. So good. Yikes. I can answer that. I put my bathing suit over the shower. Yeah.

I wouldn't put it over the shower. If it doesn't dry as quick, you need that. I was just in the Dominican Republic. And I mean, it looked like people were doing their laundry there. It was fucking chaos. Which like, I would do it on the chair on the balcony. So like, not hanging over. You can't hang it on the rug because it blows away.

I know, but yeah, I mean, it's not a good look either. Fucking dirt balls and 302 or whatever. The resort looks like Hooverville. Do you guys ever do boxers underneath a swimsuit? Oh, yeah. Never. Really? Sometimes.

It depends on the suit. I cut the mesh lining out of inside the bathing suit. Why? Yeah, I do do it. Because I don't like all. Yeah. That's why I just wear basketball shorts when I swim most of the time.

All right. The long ones and ones. A-yo! That's trash. I will, especially with sheets. Yeah, I'll wear sheets. Sheets are different. Because it's like a spandex.

Sheets really get in the fucking head. No, it feels like branded content now. Hold on. It's not. They haven't paid us in. I mean, they haven't been a sponsor. You'll do that with board shorts that don't have a mesh lining in it.

Well, if I do have the mesh lining, I'll cut out the mesh lining. Always. And then I'll do sheets. Yeah. I like my boys. I like my boys together. Yeah, that mesh lining, man.

I fucking, that shit used to tear me up when I was a kid. It turns into a hammock. Oh, dude, fucking, you feel like a fucking tuner in there. Fucking wrapped up. Put my mom's stuff. Wait for the sea shepherd to come and save her. It does feel like the net is like, you're like balls are like crabs and stuff.

Like crazy. Like it's just going to lift up onto a boat. Yeah. It's a tough look, fucking two. That rash you get, too. That red line you get. How about when bathing suits have pockets and they blow up? Oh, yeah.

That happened to me in Hawaii, and the captain of the boat that we were swimming on kept calling me airbags. He was talking about your tits. Oh, man. You know, it's not good to get roasted by the captain. Oh, there you go. You can't go back at him. It was like a Hawaiian Tarzan, too.

Spear fishes. Fucking restless octopus with his bare hands. Fucking call me airbags in front of my girl. Yeah, that's a tough look. All right, this one's just funny. This is from Hunter. Ever ride an old wheelchair for fun? Dude, as a kid, if you could get your hands on a wheelchair,

you're at like a hotel or an airport or something. Grocery store. That was a good time. How is your wheelchair a wheelie game? Oh, too scared to do that. I haven't been in a wheelchair in a long time. How's yours? That is fucking epic.

Just did a three-step. Would you hang out nursing homes as a kid? I just got the moves, dog. I'm built different. I used to work at a hospital, and we would race them. Sure. That's a good time. It's fun.

Yeah, it's fun. Why is it so much fun? I don't know. Like everybody, everybody eyes it up. I was like, I can't wait to get my fucking hands on that thing. Anything. That, a hotel cart, a shopping cart, golf carts. Yeah, carts are a good time.

And just your own wheels? Oh, yeah. Running with the cart and then just letting it coast? Yeah. Fantastic. Well, what we would do a lot of the time was, because my dad had been in a construction company. So there was those like the hand trucks.

So you would like Frank inside? Oh, sure. You would like, they would like zip me around or whatever. Fuck yeah, like Hannibal Lecter. Absolutely. You'd be like, you're like, eh? That's a good fucking time. Yeah, that's top shelf fun.

That's good time. This one's also funny. Jacob, haven't had a question read yet. Ever have a three legged dog? Which I feel bad for the dog, but it typically says something, you know, something went awry at some point. Yeah, I used to walk a three legged dog when I was a dog walker.

Was there a story behind it that you know? I think it was just like a peepect in the dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotting accident. Bar fight. Yeah. The dog, but people would compliment me. They'd be like, you're a good person.

Sure. I'm going to take credit for this. I take the dog seven. You know somebody who's going to get eight. Yeah, where can I get this eight-ballon deal? No, that's true, though. If your dog has three legs, it does feel like you did something. Sure, because most people just haven't put the sleeper,

take him back, you know? Take him back. You got the papers on this thing. It's in my email. I'd like a refund. You sold me a three legged dog. Give me 25% back now. There was an extra leg taped on this dog when I bought it.

I thought the fourth one was going to grow in, but it hasn't. Take him back to a Best Buy. I feel like they've gotten more popular. Like, that's probably because in the 90s, you just put them down. Yeah, so I'm saying people are more tolerant and better peep. They're just in fashion right now. Can you give me a three legged dog? Oh, man.

Poor puppy dog. Yeah, I love a dog. Manscaped? Manscaped? The boys are back? Woo. That's what I'm talking about. Shout out to Manscaped Gang.

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Promo code Garbage. Now back to the show. All right, let's see. This one I don't get. You might understand this being from, this might be a Midwest thing. This is from Eric. Is it garbage if your hometown parks a shitty truck

on the ice of a local lake and places bets on what day it'll fall through the next spring? I think that's a specific town, man. No movie theaters in that town, huh? That's got to be some Wisconsin shit. That's got it right. I feel if it was in the Northeast, we would have heard of that.

Is that bad for the lake? Oh, I'm sure it's not good. Yeah. Just dumping an old F-150 in the fucking full tank of gas. This lake needs a little fuel, yeah. Toughen up the fish. That's fucking good. Full tank of gas and some fertilizer in the back.

Did you ever play on a frozen lake? No. I'm from Indiana. It didn't get quite cold enough. But in Chicago, you would be on frozen lakes, right? You ever do that? Fuck no. Too scary for me, man.

Too scary. I saw it. It's a wonderful life when I was a kid. I would never do that. That's what happens to his brother in the beginning. I know. My mom would never let me. She was so worried about something happening.

She was a nurse, so she was like, yeah, anything dangerous we weren't allowed to do. Does Lake Michigan freeze completely? No. No? No. It's way too big. No, just on the shore, it gets really frozen.

Really? Have you ever done a polar plunge? I have. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah, down in Sea Isle. It's again, it's like I'm a big boozer. My family's a big boozer, so you go down, you start drinking like fucking 10.

You meet at 12 on the beach. Oh, that's when you jump into the water. Yeah, you just like fucking take your car, just run, die. It's shockingly cold. That sounds very fun to be honest. But also every year, someone dies. Because they're too fucked up. And they're like, this is fine.

I'm not cold. It's like, well, that's the Jack Daniels talk. Someone dies? Oh, yeah. Down the Jersey Shore? A lot, yeah. But it's a sacrifice. Hold on.

So you've gone and you've been on the beach when someone's died? No. And you're still taking pictures and doing shots and shit? No. Well, first of all, it's like huge. I mean, there's like thousands of people that go. And they don't die on the beach. They die of like complications.

Right. Like they get out. They're in there for like 20 minutes. They're like, yeah, it's not bad. And then they die. Inside get freezer burned. Yeah. Freezer burned.

Then you got to free like a dog. You got a liver that's got to thaw out. Yeah, just cut that off. It's got to freezer burn. That's what the coroner says. This man's got freezer burned. That bad case of freeze. They didn't use ziploc.

Like a loose bag of oreida for God's sakes. This man is? That was a turn his lungs into dino nuggets. Put that aura out in the sink. You don't need a lot of ketchup to save this boy. I'll tell you that right now. Anybody got an AFriya? Give me a 2CCs of hot sauce.

Was he in a Shoneys freezer? Oh, buddy. We're having fun over here. That's what we're doing. This is the only podcast where I can reference Shoneys. And everybody knows what you're talking about. We've got dissertations on Shoneys. Shout out to Shoneys.

Shout out to Shoneys. Did they even have any of them anymore? We talked about this a couple weeks ago. Oh my god, I'm sorry. No, no, don't be silly. A couple weeks ago, there was one near my college that we would go to in the middle of the night. Oh my god.

That was my birthday spot for a while. Cliff Reagan. You don't say. Shoneys ruled, yeah. My birthday spot. What years have we talked? Not as a kid. Like six, yeah.

What? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that was your parents' birthday spot. That was nothing to do with you, my friend. I liked it. I thought it was cool. But then we upgraded to Outback. We were.

Outback was fan. That's the quality of meal right there. Never. Dude, Applebee's is bad, but I loved it as a kid. I do not. I mean, it was like up until even like into college. My mom would be like, you want to run around to Applebee's? I'm like, yeah.

That was like running around to Applebee's. Did I tell you about this last time? That was like my bar. Applebee's. I think we might have. It was like my cheers for a while. Yeah, I loved it. Oh yeah, yeah, we talked about this.

Well, we have. I'm crossing over. No, it's OK. Because we did just say, and I'll back this up again. This whole podcast is about four things, by the way. Shownies, Applebee's, you know. When those places are done right, they're fucking awesome. Yeah, they're awesome.

There's a reason there's fucking 3,000 of them throughout Applebee's. You got that square bar fucking a million TV. Yes. Oh, I love it. It's underrated. Underrated on how cheap it is. Get a blue Hawaiian.

Those the boneless wings are. Oh, man, and you're cooking. Boneless wings and a big old beer. That's that's that's my country song. Well, I just talked to my mom. It was it was my stepdad's birthday last week. I'm like, oh, what are you doing? She's like, we're going around to out back.

And I'm like, you guys got money. What are you doing? Go live. Get cultured. You know what I mean? Yeah, we've been to an outback. What? Oh, man, I've been once or twice.

It was always the pinnacle of it was always. It's just like Disney World. It's a place that we always wanted to go when the commercials come on. We would feel bad about ourselves. We wanted to get our hands in that blooming onion. And we just never went. We would always get the cheese fries.

Which I found out there was like a study or whatever, like a survey. It's like the least healthy thing. Yeah, a lot of Stanford research. They said, put this virus research on hold. We got to find out to the bottom of the cheese fries. We got to find out about the appetizers that out back. I do remember the most caloric.

It was the most unhealthy thing. Yeah. Yeah, it's like 20,000 calories. Yeah, it's crazy. And I thought it was good for you as a kid. I did. I was like, oh, it's fries, potatoes, and cheese. What could be wrong?

And then. It's a boy getting enough cheese. That's a doctor in Indiana. I think he's got a cheese deficiency. Slash mechanic. This man needs a handful of root bear barrels. I like it the vibe of that character is, now I'm not a big city doc.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to talk about your liberal cholesterol at all. Somebody rotate this boy's tires, stat. This young man's out of Wopper fluid. He needs an oil change. God sakes. I thought you said Wopper fluid. I did.

I did. What do you mean? Yep. When you do the captions, make it say Wopper fluid. I feel like a Pearl Jam song. I don't know what he's saying. There's no curds in his blood. His blood is curbed free.

This boy's got too much water in him. He's not even pre-gout. That's what's been kicking through my head. What's going on in my arms and legs? Do you have to count? Which I won't even Google it. No, same. I'm just cutting out the sigs and the beer for a couple

days, seeing if I can write this. You can write the shit. I don't cure gout. I was smoking so many sigs on Saturday night, I went into the bar. I'm talking to my buddies. I'm like, anybody else's feet sweating right now? They're like, what?

I'm like, I don't know, man. You do that where you're like, everybody else is probably feeling this. I asked my buddy. I was like, is your chest just hurt sometimes? And he was like, no, no, fuck. Mine does. Good.

All right. Yeah, I'm safe. Tommy, you're all right, kid. Don't worry. You have another 270 pounds to go. Don't sweat it. You have as many cheese fries as you want. Oh, you know what else looked good in those commercials?

I remember as a kid being like, I can't wait to have a Fosters, you know? Oh. It looked so good. That red stripe. Yes. Yes, man. That bottle of red stripe was so cool.

Oh, so perspiring on a hot Jamaican beach. On one of those hot Jamaican days, I dreamed about it in India. I'm not going in the water. I always say that I mean, I definitely have like emotional attachments to like food and drink. A lot of that does come from when I was a kid, the commercials.

They fucking got me hook, line, and sinker. Always. The Capri Sun commercials, the kids were having so much fun. Always, man, fucking. Every time I say this is true, every time I take a bite of a Cool Ranch Dorito, my mind goes back to when Jay Leno was the spokesman.

When Cool Ranch Doritos came out, Jay Leno was the spokesman. He must be getting a lot done then. He was the spokesman. And I always think he did the commercials so good. Yeah. They always made me want to eat Cool Ranch Doritos. I'm probably 10 years older than you. Yeah, I was more of a Conan Doritos guy.

I'm a Fallon man myself. 3D Doritos. Those stunk by the way. They brought them back. They brought them back. And I should have remembered. Did they? I think they sold them in a tube so they wouldn't break.

The old ones they did. It was like this big. It looked like a fucking Pringles thing. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That's why it didn't work. That thing was weird. I already got a big goal. What the fuck I want that for?

They brought them back. And I remember having them as a kid and being like, these should be good, but they're not. They're not. And then I was like, maybe I'll give it another try. They still suck. They always suck. They never, the inside had this weird like waxy coating

in them or something. The texture wasn't really good. Yeah, it's no good. And every time they've tried to fuck with the Cheez-It, they've ruined them. The big ones. What are you talking about? What?

The Snap. The Snap. I've never disagreed with anything more in my life. I think every cheese that they put out is dynamite. You're crazy. Not the barbecue ones. OK, not the barbecue. But the Tabasco ones, the ones that, you know what,

the best ones are. Please don't say white cheddar. The extra cheesy ones are incredible. Really? Jeff Asim has got me on that shit. The crispy ones are great. The toasty ones, they're fantastic. But they put too much of everything on them.

It's just like you can't then touch. And it just ruins the experience. It's not a Cheez-It anymore. You can't be touching shit. I know, but I was just like, I would just stop at a fucking gas station at a rest stop. And I was just like, well, I literally can't eat these in dry.

You've got to get them home. And a lot of gas stations don't have the regular ones. Cheese curls will do that to you in the house. You've got to film on your fingers for weeks. I'm a sucker for anything flaming hot. And that will ruin your whole night. I wake up. Rub your eyes or scratch your nose.

Oh, yeah, I got to take my contacts out. But I'll wake up and my pillow will be a little red because I am drooling. Oh my god. Got flaming hot on the brain again. Yep, yep, I'm a flaming hot man. But no, it ruins your fingers and everything forever. Everything, yeah.

But the extra cheesy Cheez-It's, I'm telling you. Really? I don't think I've ever tried them. Extra cheesy. You think it's going to be too much cheese? Do you like the white cheddar? Is it? I don't really fuck with the white cheddar, dude.

Is there a dust on them or is it bothering? There's a dust. There's a dust. The white cheddar's bothering me, especially when somebody tries to put them out to be fancy. It's like, it's in a fucking cereal bowl. All right, get that shit out of here. I used to eat the low-fat ones, and then I was like,

this isn't changing enough. Somebody swears to reduce fat. Casey Smith swears by them from Barstow. She was arguing with that when she was here. I used to eat them all the time. I used to eat anything that said low-fat or low-calorie on it. And it's like, really, it's not doing you that favor. Were you a snack well family?

Remember snack well cookies? Everybody thought they were good for you? No, no, we didn't. That was before. When I was a kid, I wasn't healthy. We would just eat little Debbie's and shit like that. I like how he thinks he's healthy now. He was just talking about getting an argument

at a Taco Bell cantina. I held it on the health freak. Those are the old days. Yep, yep. I only eat the low-fat gordita crunches. I do, when I go to Taco Bell, if I eat something with chicken instead of the beef, I'm like, all right. I just saved 10%.

Because now they show the calories on the menu. So I'll be like, oh, reduced fat sour cream. There's only 1,400. I'll take that. Yep, yep, yep. Oh, man. What's the scene like in that Taco Bell? Not good.

You don't want to be in there. Yeah, I was at the one on 20. Not a lot of talent floating around there, would imagine. I'm going to take a lap. Couple of barflies. I love a guy who's not a lot of talent in here today. Taco Bell. Once a DJ gets here, this place will pick up.

Anybody calling hot women talent? It's the trashiest thing in the world. There's a lot of talent in there. Oh, god. That's something like your old uncle says. Yep, a lot of talent in there. It's always the ugliest piece of shit ever saying that, too. They're like, oh, where's the talent in here?

It's like, you have gout now. Yeah, how's the talent down there? What? Holy shit. It's so trashy. I'll also get New York good. A lot of hot chicks up there. I'm like, yeah, what are you going to get on the bus?

If I say, yeah, you're going to head up right now? Oh, shit. Yeah, I got a book of flight. Like, you were waiting on my confirmation. I got to get up there. Yeah, you don't know what you're missing out on. They've beaten them off with a stick. Yeah, I'm sure they're looking for a guy with a CPAT machine.

I wonder if her ankle swells up on a flight, too. Huh? How you doing? Third bank talent. What's a talent like in there? I was waiting for a guy with a Kansas City Chiefs jersey to show up. That's his main form of attire.

Is that Patrick Mahomes? Holy shit. Dude, Jersey's man, Jersey's I'm a grown man is a real tough look. I hate to tell you. Unless you're at a game. You've got to be at a game. You've got to be at a game.

On your way to a game, at a game, or on your way back from a game. Maybe a bar. I'll allow it. Like a playoff game. Yes, but regular season, you're showing up with a jersey. You look like such an asshole. I'll also say you get a past Thanksgiving day

for like flag football with your family or whatever. Touch football. Sure. Yeah, I'll give you that. I'll give you that. I don't know. But that guy's usually the asshole of the group. The guy that shows up with the jersey

and like a brand new pair of gloves. Yep, yep, two agro. It's two-and-touch. He's like pushing you a little too hard. He's like, oh, it's two-and-touch. You got one hand. That was only one hand. He was out.

He was out. He was out. He only had one foot in. We're playing on it. He's only got one foot. Well, yeah, he's the dog alone. None of these catches count. He only got one foot in bound.

Wow. Oh, man. We're having charades. I miss that, man. I miss playing touch football on Thanksgiving. Just played it on Thanksgiving. It was my best game I've ever had in my life. Really?

I was steady QB. Recorder back? I was locked in. The ball was perfectly deflated. Oh, man. I love that. I was fucking making it rain out there. And my one cousin's boyfriend, he was in high school.

Now he's in college, so he had that growth spurt. Yeah. Kids a fucking athlete can jump like seven feet. All's I got to do is lob one up, fucking touchdown all day. There was a third grader covering him. That is, there are some brutal mismatches. There are some brutal mismatches. And he's going to remember that day.

Oh, we're going to teach him a lesson out here, boys. Yes, I did want to expose you. And yes, you were targeted. You're on Uncle Lenny Island today. And Uncle Lenny Island. Standing over an eight-year-old that's all day. All day. He's crying.

Oh, man. He's got his nice pants on, too. You have not lived. He's fair. He ain't going to save you now, boy. You're adding up your fantasy numbers. I put it on 50 today. Man, I want to have kids and stuff

just so I can get back to that family. The Thanksgiving football game. Because now my family's aged out of it. Like everybody's in a fucking wheelchair. Got to be fine. That's a good time, though. Let me race around in your wheelchair. Come on, now.

If it tackles, you have to dump them out of the wheelchair. Your grandmother's just laying there. She's steady running back. That's what you get. That's what you get. Don't come around here. We're making homemade pies today, boy. What is that noise you're making, dude?

That's freaking me out. I'm trying to hear something out noise. That's great. Look at that music playing over there. It was perfectly on rhythm. I just spit coffee everywhere. That's great. Over to your grandma.

So we call a sack lunch. I thought you liked hard candy. I got a jawbreaker for you, grandma. You're saying bingo, old lady. Oh. She's getting carted off. Go play some canasta. God, good stuff.

All right, let's do a couple more, and then we got a skit to add all. This one's trash. I never thought about it. This is from Steve. Ever use a sump pump anywhere else other than a basement? We have sump pump. A sump pump is like a pump that pumps out the basement

if it's flooding. We have one on our pool cover right now. Yeah, that's yeah. And he said the same thing. We used to have to do it in the backyard because there was like a low level in our backyard. We'd have to just pump it all out onto the street. It was real.

You weren't sump pump people, were you? No, well, we didn't have any. You were let it puddle. Yeah, let it pool. When I lived, my old apartment, it would just be like an inch of water down there sometimes. And it's like, well, you just got to wait this out, I guess. You got to wait for the dry sea.

Maybe this will drown a couple of times. Oh, man. There's nothing grosser than a fucking half flooded basement. Oh, I know. You don't know why. I think sharks are in there. I don't like that at all. I lost so much shit to that.

I had an old landlord who would just let our shit flood. And he would be like, oh, that's because of the neighbor or whatever. I was like, ruined $1,000 of apparel. Well, at least that's what I said. According to all states. What's TGMX charging for underwriters' case? I had $37,000 worth of underwear now.

I had a bunch of TGMX bucks down there. No, it's a. Why would you keep stuff in the basement of your apartment? I lived in the basement. And so it was my room. It was my room. I like how he was like, I used to keep stuff. I lived down there.

I was in that. I was in that basement. I was sleeping down. I keep my stuff down there because I also live. I'm down there. Well, my bed was there. It's easier for me to access it because I am also down there. I don't want to be walking up all these stairs.

So I figured my stuff's down there. I might as well live down there. I apologize. I should have explained myself better. Was it a finished basement? No. Oh, no. No, it was one of the shittiest rooms.

I lived in there for four years. Was it New York or Chicago or New York? Was there a hot water heater down there? There was, yes. There was a room for it, though. It was a better room than my room, honestly. Man, if I can get my act together, I could be a hot water heater someday.

I'm true. Hey, what if we switch rooms? What do you know of the guy who? Are you on the lease or something? What's going on? You moving out any time soon? Are things serious with the dishwasher? That's also real trashy that someone wrote in, I forget,

is we call it a hot water heater. Yeah, it's just a water heater. Yeah, that's true. You're not, yeah. Nobody's got a cold water. I guess you have a water cooler. That's a different thing. It's a water heater.

OK. Why would it be a hot water? It's not a hot water heater. It's redundant. Yeah, it's a water heater. Well, my dad always called it this fucking thing. They say an ATM machine. Oh, god.

All right, let's do one more and get out of here. God damn. That is a good time. This one's just funny. This is from KRG. Never had a question read yet. I went to summer camp in Kippy's hometown. Camp Naka Mixed in Bucks County, PA, which I remember.

And every year, the camp would get robbed by local kids. Kippy, do you know the whereabouts of my Dave Matthews live in Red Rock City? Ha, ha, ha, ha. Man, Bucks County is filled with a bunch of dirt bags. Who goes to summer camp in just a regular town? What the fuck? That's weird.

It was like a camp. It was like, yeah. Where did he grow up? I don't know. How bad was it where he was? It was probably relatively low. But it was like, I remember hearing it. We never went.

It was for goobers. Uh, it was for this guy. Yeah, the Dave Matthews CD gave that away, especially a live version. But it was like a camp that you would see like, remember like Ernest goes to camp or whatever? It was like a camp out of like a 90s fucking movie. Was he there or something?

No, but it was just like you could canoe when that wasn't. Was there canoeing? Yeah, I just said you could canoe. Where's the body of water? What are they canoeing on, the Skookle? No, in a lake. You have lakes in Bucks County? Do you know what a lake is?

Yeah. I don't really know any lakes. It's pretty good. There's got to be a lake. There's got to be a lake. Not where they have a camp or they're advertising. That's what I'm saying. That's why they would have that.

That's why the camp was placed there. It was on a lake. There was trails. You could hike. You could probably, you know, fucking do archery or something. Sounds pretty nice, actually. Yeah, we should go. That's our next Patreon thing.

What's it called? Camp Knuckle Sandwich, maybe? Something like that. Camp Knuckle Mixing. I just googled Bluebell PA Lake. I got like six results. There you go. So Bluebell is like this big.

If you did Montgomery County. Do Montgomery County. See if we have any lakes. Dude, there's for sure. What are you talking about? Fresh water. No, you don't need fresh water? That's what it is.

There's no salt water lake. There's no salt water lake. Fresh water. Between salt water lakes. Yeah, I need salt water lake. Any Dr. Pepper lakes over there? Oh my god. One of the results is Green Lane Reservoir.

I know that. I know that. Yeah, we used to swim in there. Yeah, that's dirty in the reservoir. Yeah, it's dirty. Yeah, there's no camp there, I can tell you that. There's an encampment there. Yeah, a couple of homeless guys.

Just full of three-legged dogs. God, that's great. Tough luck. Let's wrap it up. This has been fucking a home run. Thank you so much. You're the best. Hey, I love you boys.

We love you. What do you got coming up? What's coming down the way? Good question. I got my podcast, Stand By Your Band. I do with Tommy McNamara. I got to get you boys on. Whatever.

Give it time. You defend music that people make fun of. It's very fun. Stand by your band. And I run a show called Good God in New York that's once a month. So check that out. And then road dates.

I don't even know what I'm doing. All the helium runs. Nice. Nice, great clubs. Good nights. I'm coming to Austin. I'm coming to Indiana. I'm going to St. Louis.

So just check my website, tomtacar.com. Boys, I love you guys. I appreciate it. Sorry if I repeated too much shit. Oh, stop. I couldn't remember what I talked about. No, I didn't remember either. I stunk most of the time.

No, you're amazing. Half the time. It is tough, especially when we're really firing. Yes. And you throw on a stinker. I check out. Dude, when it's moving too quick, everybody does. You just, I'm like, I'm just letting them two go.

I got to catch my breath here. Pack me in. Kippy, what do you got for him? At Kevin Ryan Comedy on all social media. Check us out. We're going to be in Hartford, Connecticut, Albany, and Syracuse. Albany and Syracuse, yes. December 15th, 15th, and 16th.

Get those fucking tickets the last live dates of the year, and then we're taking a couple of months off, and we're going to be coming back in 2022. And those ticks are moving, honestly. So get them. Yes. That made it sound like they weren't. They're not.

Well, we're not going to sell at Albany. It's like a 400-person room. It's in Albany. They're moving, though. No. So they got time. I have something to say before we leave. I apologize.

So last week on the show, I opened my mouth and said that I was going to give away my palm t-shirt. I did not expect the overwhelming interest in the shirt, and I appreciate it. So I think the best thing to do, I just want to say, the contest is still fucking open. Keep fucking hitting me up, baby. Let's fucking go.

We'll see you next week. Peace.