Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Tommy Pope: Blue Collar Trash

Episode Date: July 9, 2020

Comedian and podcaster Tommy Pope joins us for our first episode in the studio! Tommy talks being Irish Italian trash from Pennsylvania, above ground pools, and sleeping with his brother. You know Tommy Pope from Delco Proper and Comedy Central Join GAS Digital at www.GasDigitalNetwork.com - use promo code AYG for a discount! Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Forman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Hey, what's up, everybody? Welcome to the R.U. Garbage Comedy Podcast. Yes, gang. Hit that subscribe button to make sure that you get the episodes as they come out. Welcome to another exciting edition of R.U. Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is R.U. Garbage, the show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they grew up classy or if they're a complete piece of shit. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on an

absolutely beautiful day here at Gash Digital Studios in the East Village of New York City. My co-host coming at you from right next to me. The brain's behind the operation. He put the whole theme together. Ladies and gentlemen, let me remind you, the next time you're reaching for a best pal, make it a kippy, all right? Because this kid's all right. Give it up for Mr. Kevin James Orion, everybody. Hey, gang. Happy to be here. This is very weird to do this in person with everybody. I don't know where to look. I'm not very close. We were very fucking close. This is a lot. The closest I've done this with Foley in the past three months has been like 120 miles. Let me tell you, that's the distance. I like my Foley. Guys, thanks so much for listening.

This is fucking awesome. First show guest in Gash Digital Studios. We are fucking excited. If you haven't already, please go make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. The full video will be available on YouTube. You can subscribe there as well. Also, sign up for Gash Digital Network. Use code AYG. Save a couple of bucks and let us what are be. You know what I mean? Also, we're currently in the fucking charts right now, buddy. Yes, sir. Top 103. 103 with a bullet, my friends. I'll bring that back to 120. I think settle down a little bit. It's not show off here, boys. Keep a low profile. Give it one more hour. I fucked that up. I love it. Gang, that voice you're here, we cannot be more excited to have our incredibly special guest

here with us today. First one in the studio. We've been friends since fucking Jump Street off the streets of fucking Philly. As an actor, this gentleman has appeared in Sex, Drugs and Rock and Roll. Wait, what are you doing? Law and Order Special Victims Unit. Of course, still called proper. You've seen him on Comedy Central just for laughs, new faces, his podcast, a fair one you can check out. He is absolutely fantastic. He's a complete piece of shit. He's wearing fucking, he's wearing painter shorts in the studio. Like he's just fucking got the shed done. No joke. These are homemade jean shorts. It's the only shirt I wear in the summer. I didn't think they were Calvin Klein. I got swamp ass so I can't wear khakis.

Ladies and gentlemen, the pride of Delaware County. Give it the fuck up for Mr. Tommy Pope. Thanks for having me, boys. I'm excited for you. Happy to be here, buddy. You were on the shortlist when we first started this thing. Yeah. And we asked this, this guy tries to fucking big time us. This is Tommy. Anybody, can you do it? Oh, yeah. No, it was like the episode two or three. And I'll tell you what started it before I answer this fucking question. I saw you post a video talking about how an above ground pool is garbage and it lit me up. I was furious for fuck. I'm like, that is fucking royalty. Who is shitting on an above ground pool? My best friend growing up, his parents had an above ground pool and I thought his dad was like an oil type. I'm like,

what kind of fucking dad? What do you want to text him down there? Yeah, like he's a Saudi prince, right? Who can afford a fucking above ground pool? We got wet by the- Where's the private jet hidden, huh? Jesus. My mom sent me these photos home to my queen's apartment. And I have a Polaroid of us getting, we used to get wet by the hose in the backyard. Yeah. Cause she wouldn't take us to the pool and just squirt. And I'm newt. So it's me and my two brothers a couple of weeks ago. It's fucking unbelievable. Above ground pool. The fucking balls of you. No, we're, so they're, I get it. They're great. They're fantastic. But they're trash. It's like we need no one, there's nobody with the money for in ground pool that gets an above ground pool. They're trash.

If you like the cool water, you do. Those fucking in ground pools, they get too hot by July. It's like a bathtub. Well, I thought he was, the quarantine was going to be like two weeks. Sure. I'd rather do it in person because I like, you know, the zoom call kind of shit really fucks up the time. Although we did thrive in it. So shout out to zoom.com everybody. Gotta love them, huh? Well, we're glad you're here, man. It's important and we're excited to have you as our first guest here in studio because my whole journey with Cash Digital started fucking when I came in here to do real-est podcast with Tommy. Yeah. Invite you to Gomez and then you just took all the fucking purse. I got nothing. Let the big man down at the table is eating the steak.

Every time I show up for real-est podcast, I show up at like 10 of 11. He's like, oh, we're going to get started at 12.35. You might want to call your wife and tell her, sorry. Call your mother, tell her you're not going to be home for supper. Yeah. You want to water why you disappoint your parents? It's a mince in there if you want one. All right. Let's get into it, Tommy. We know, I know a good amount of your backstory of how you grew up just from hearing it through conversation and through stand-up. None of it is really good as far as... Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean? You weren't going to be a senator. Let me put it to you that way. No, it was... But tell us about how... You're lucky you can vote for him. That's why I put on these

shorts. Tell us about where you grew up, how you grew up, the whole situation. Well, I grew up in Delaware County, just like 20 minutes outside of Philadelphia, and Blue Collar Town, lower class, I would imagine. I used to say middle class. He says it, you know, Tommy, he says it with such defense. And he's looking at me like, yeah, Blue Collar, fucking working town, big deal. When you meet someone who's truly garbage, they defend that. It's like pride. It's like, yeah, garbage, thank you so much. I like how Blue Collar, we've all latched onto that Blue Collar. You're fucking trash. It's another way to say trash. Yeah. I've been spending a lot of time with my family. I'm like, in Wildwood, New Jersey. Shout out to North Wildwood, Kenan, stand up.

And I'm just like, oh, you guys are very Blue Collar. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm punching people on the beach. I didn't know being a receptionist at an orthodontist made you a Blue Collar worker. I thought I just made you a fucking skank who's stealing dental floss for your scumbag kids. Grew up in a row home. So... Oh, did ya? Yeah. Okay. Two bedrooms, three brothers, so I'd stay in the same... That's the story. Same bedroom with my one brother, slept in the same bed till he went to college. And how far apart are you two? You guys couldn't get your hands on a set of bunk beds? My mother got a bunk bed when he was like a junior in college or junior in high school. Like, we got upgraded to a bunk bed when we were like, I was like 16. And then, you know, you have

to like... Were you jerking off? Quietly jerking off. Quietly jerking off. That's gotta be the... Yeah. Did you guys still make the fork when you got to finally get to bunk beds? We're still gonna swing from this thing, right? Yeah. He went to Texas A&M and I finally got my own room. Holy shit. Damn, that's pretty good. Yeah. Well, he got kicked out after the first semester. See, this is the level of... But he got in. He got in. This is the level of... I think you guys, like, you're fat. You come from. Is it like your trash? Clear trash? But like, you're also... You're very good looking. You're very good at talking. Like, I feel like you can bullshit your way into certain... Like, you can achieve things. And then once you get to the party,

you're like, you're not allowed at this party. Yeah. And then you fucking up somehow. Yeah. Like, I was making six figures and I decided to start this comedy bullshit. Yeah, exactly. Like, you can con your way into something. You've had to scheme the whole time. Every job I've ever gotten came from my charm at the interview and then I didn't know what the fuck I was doing. So then I'd just be lying my way through the first three months talking about fire. He was a good softball player. Yeah. Tom, it says here, you know Code? I'm like, do I know Code? He's at the front of the class. If you open up your syllabus, everybody. Code Red, what are you talking about here? I just cheered off everyone in college at Drexel

and then I got positions and I couldn't really... Still getting to Drexel? That's pretty good. Drexel's a good school, Pennsylvania. But yeah, we could definitely take Tommy out to a fucking party at the Hamptons, fucking roll up the pants a little bit, you know, get a little khaki thing going, a little Capri vibe, you know, put a mojito in his hand and you wouldn't even know it. Yeah. You acclimate very well. And you're also, you're the kind of trash that like, fancy people want to be around because you're not like, by the looks of it, you're not very dangerous. You know what I mean? You have like face tattoos and like, you're not like screaming. But like, so people let you in, you know what I mean? Like Tommy's from the wrong side of

the tracks and then you end up like stealing the silverware. I feel like once classy people recognize that you're trash and you're entertaining, they want to pet you. That's what I'm saying. You're anomaly. You're safe. We'll let you in because you're not going to bite us. Entertain us. Yes. You're fucking banging his daughter. He's doing some real asking some cocktail, because he knows where to get anything. He blow in the area. Teeth are already grinding. Holy shit. All right. So what did like, what did your pop do? What did your mom do? My dad ran a union warehouse in South Philly. Okay.

Heard a few stories. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. And I actually experienced a really interesting story where I was like, Oh, he's definitely, he was somewhat, he had to deal with them. I mean, you're supplying all the unions at some point. So I come by looking for an envelope. Well, I slept with this girl in college and I parked, I parked my car on, on Walnut. And in the morning it got towed. So I called my dad. He worked at 18th and Cherry. And I was like, Dad, can you come, can you come get me? I need help. And he's like, What? And he wigged the fuck out. He's like, Where are you? And I was like, I'm on the corner of 18. He's like, Where the fuck are you? And I was like,

he never talked to me like this before. He's like, Listen to me, stay there. I'll call you back in two minutes. Don't fucking move. And I was like, Wow, this dude is pissed. Jesus. I get a call. He's like, again, where are you? I'm like, Dad, I can't say it again. 18th and Cherry is like, Listen to me right now. A man's going to come pick you up. You sit in the back. You shut your fucking mouth. And don't say a word. About 25 minutes later, this Lincoln town car rolls up. And it was like so stereotypical. Do you see the window come down? He's like, Are you Tommy? You fucking moron, get in the car. But my dad's got me so stiff because he never talked to me

like that. So I'm like sat in the car and I tried to open the front door. He goes, What the fuck are you doing? Get in the back. And I was like, Okay. The whole way. He's like adjusting the rear view mirror. Why are you getting watched? No, he was super nice. And he was like, I hope she was worth it. And I was like, No, I was just with friends and he's like, Okay, okay, okay. He takes me to Lou Blum. Lou Blum. I get out and I'm like, Thank you so much for everything. And he's like, What are you doing? I'm going to wait for you. And he waited for three fucking hours, handed me an envelope to pay for it. He says, Don't tell your father gave me like 250 bucks to pay for it and waited till I got towed. And it

took me like 20 years to ask my dad about this story. And now as he's getting older and he gets drunk in the basement of Carl over, I'll see he'll just start telling me like all these fucking stories. I'm like, What about that one guy, Aaron? That guy was weird, right? He's a doctor. He was one of nine kids. His dad left him when he was like 11. Your dad. Yeah, my mom was one of them. I thought you were talking about the guy in the Lincoln. Yeah, his family was trash. All his, you know, all my uncles and aunts have like missing teeth and drug addicts. They all delco? Where were they?

No, Jaden. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Not much better. Yeah, I can't say what that place looks like now. Cancel myself. Jesus. Mother's Whole Foods, I'll tell you that. Mother was one of 12 Irish Catholics from Uprody. And your dad's Italian. My dad's Italian. One of 12. One of nine. What the fuck? Yeah, I got hundreds of cousins. I don't fucking know. I met my one cousin at McDonald's when I was in high school. She's like, Are you Tom Papa? And I was like, Yeah, she's like, I'm your cousin. She was catching me out. I was like, Oh, it's great. Give me that genie, son. A good looking boy. That's him.

So I recognize you. Now get my fucking apple pie. It was on Thanksgiving. All right. That's fucking very good. And you went to Drexel. Were you a good student in high school? Yeah. I was ranked 12th. Really? Yeah. At what? That's how I... Slaming dorks in the lockers. I gave it no gays. Finger back in juniors. You were number 12 at your high school. What school did you go to? It's not a good school. I've not seen your Bonner High School, Catholic School in Drexel Hill. Wow. That's still pretty good, man. I was only like 250, 300 people.

That's not too bad. He's got a good head on your shoulder. He does have a good head. I've never been close to your nose. You've got a big fucking nose. Do I? Yeah. I've never been this close. I've always had a small nose. It's Roman. It's nice. Tommy's edibles are kicking in now. Jesus Christ. I didn't sign up for this gas digital. But no, Tommy's... His movements are classy. Like, you know, when you posted during the beginning of the quarantine, his girl, first of all, beautiful, smart, chiming. Absolutely fantastic. He showed a video of what they were making for dinner. He's got the good knives.

He's making like fucking asabuco. He's making polenta. Well, this all came through quarantine because I get whiskey blacked out, and I just go on Amazon and buy... I bought two couches during quarantine. Coach Gillis doesn't even have my mic. That's fucking upgrade everything. I got two couches. I spent like six grand in quarantine. Got one in the kitchen. That's where I play PlayStation. Let's get some fucking questions here and find out if or how garbage Tommy is. Now, just a routine question. Inside, we know where you came from,

but do you think you're garbage? Yeah. Yeah, I absolutely. Yeah, there's no, I mean, no way around. Well, like you said, I take you guys nailed it. I think there's a way to be classy garbage. Like you can... Sure, but we also find out... It's an upper echelon. Sure, we also find out too that regardless of how much you want to change and be better, it's still in you. You know what I mean? You're the kind of guy who'll get into the party and then start a fight or whatever. Yeah. Yeah, it's like you can't. You just can't totally... You can't shake it. It's getting your DNA.

But he's got nice shoes on because... You can reduce it to HIV, but you're always that age. Yeah, you're always positive, baby. Still got to work the prep a little bit, you know what I mean? Holy shit. All right, a couple of basic questions we're going to start off with. Number one, what was the name of the street that you grew up on? Cheswald. Cheswald Road. I never even heard that combination of letters ever in my life. What about a four-street, a main street? Cheswald. Sounds like a bad guy in an Eddie Murphy movie. I don't know why.

Got to get the money to Cheswald. Holy shit. That's pretty trashy. Okay. What grocery store did your mom shop at growing up? Passmark. Passmarks are bad, dude. Or Shoprite. Shoprite can be all right. Shoprite can be all right. God, he's fucking garbage. No, Shoprite can be okay. Really? Yes. You put Passmark below Shoprite. You might have caught a bad bag at Shoprite. You might have got a bad Shoprite, but Shoprite's overall. Passmarks are like fucking...

I'm going to learn something today. You can pay bills at Passmark. If you can get your check, pass your check and pay the bills out of fucking Passmark. Okay. Go. Let me see here. You already said the thing about the teeth. I was going to ask you if you could say with confidence, if anybody is missing teeth. You're not missing any teeth, right? I had a root canal during quarantine. For back teeth that I have both halved, and I try and tell my doctor I'm like,

I think it's from getting hit in football from cracking my teeth. Because I don't want to tell him it's from alcohol and drug use for fucking 30 years. My teeth are falling out of my head. I'm on the junk dock. What am I going to tell you, okay? There was no car accident. I took a blindside hit when I was 13. That's why my teeth are falling out. I played with Ray Lewis. Dude, a real garbage thing for white trash dudes when they get into their 20s is they have like just the front like four.

Yeah, there's one right here. And then they got a missed, dude. They're missing like a whole row. A whole chain gang, all right. I'm missing two back here. The story that I go with. Here we go. Is that in college I got hit with a little cross ball in the field? Good. Always go sports. Which is true, but fucking it was on my ass, you know what I mean?

What happened was I had some dental work done, and just over time, those root canals don't last forever. There's no life kind guarantee on that. And all of a sudden my fucking tooth started killing me. And this was right when I started comedy in Philly, so I had no money. But my mom is friends with this oral surgeon. I like how you say that when you start a comedy, you had no money. You also still have no money.

This is back when I didn't have any cash. But now, you know, things are a little different. I got the legal pat, I'm doing all right. My mom was good friends with this oral surgeon, who kept his motorcycle in our garage. Oh, trash. So, wait a minute. So, she was fucking him. Yeah.

You don't park your motor. Or how good an oral surgeon is he that he can't spring for the 25 bucks a month? Yeah. He's got a drop in a year. They were friends. See, listen to what you just said. He's an oral surgeon parking his motorcycle in your mom's garage. That's pretty classy.

It wasn't a fucking dirt bike. It was a Harley. Nice. What van did he work out of? But he pulled them for me. I just go in there and pull them for free. Cotton dropped me off one time. He pulled them, it's not the problem.

He's getting the fucking tooth back in there. He's not doing anything. He's not stealing it up. Galking the joints. Yeah, I'll pull your tooth. He has to put one in. Jesus. That's another thing, too.

Was any of your dentist or orthodontist or anything at any point was there ever an office in their house? There was one guy that just let go to his crib. He made his house. The guy who gave me my orthodontist gave me my braces. He had a corner house. They looked kind of like a rancher and he made it into an office. And he had like a one bedroom up top.

Yeah, that's always the only dentist an orthodontist can pull that off. You can't go to like a fucking hair stylist. You can't go to a pediatrician in his fucking basement. You can smell dinner cooking. Yeah, I used to get my haircut. My buddy, Jeff Rooney, his mom, Tootsie, had a basement. And that's where her hair salon was. I did.

I got a lot of hair salon slash rec room. Yeah, I just had one wall mirror. I'm like, this place is nice. It's a long, it's like a fucking four foot mirror. What is that? Vidal Sassoon? Holy shit. That's fucking funny.

All right, so this is what I wanted to ask you. When was the last time you ate a meal outside under an awning? Probably when I was 25. Wow, that's pretty good. Yeah, it's really good. Wow. And it's only because I go back home to my buddy's parents' house. And only a few of my trash bag friends still associate with their old parents' house.

Most of the parents move out eventually when they go to college. So like his parents still have like the same. The housing they grew up in. Yeah. And you get that nostalgic eating some bullshit hot dog. Yeah, on a charcoal grill. You're still using laterflip. Where's the gas burnies?

Growing up, did your mom make Crescent dinner rolls? Of course. I actually ju- Why would he even get Crescent out? What the fuck? First of all, I had them last month. They're fucking incredible. They're so fucking good.

They're incredible. They're so good. They come like pre-buttered or something. I don't know what's going on. That's all it is. Yeah, it's like- Big fan. Big fan.

Dude, here in that pop, the feel. Fucking go time. Dude, it's the endorphin release when that thing pops. Holy shit. Cinnamon twist tonight. Come on. Yeah, you're going to shit for a week, but it's going to be worth it. My mom would try to class.

You put them in like a basket with like a fucking basket in it. My god, these are nuts. They're like, these are trash, but I'm going to eat them. Yeah. I hate when they bake with that one. Like somebody's mom will use like that for baking. And you'll be like, oh my god, these desserts are unbelievable. And they're like, yeah, you just take some Pillsbury rolls

and a little stovetop stuffing, and you put it down with a little cinnamon and sugar and some slice apples. I hate to say it, but like the only pigs in a blanket I enjoyed is wrapped around a Crescent roll. Dude, 100 fucking percent. But that next... You don't get crazy and put a full hot dog in there.

Oh Jesus Christ. This guy's nuts. A little glitzy. You don't have to fully show me that crap. The blanket or the fucking napkin looks like an oil slick. Oh, dude, it's, yeah, it's a nap. God, go ahead, Kip. Anyone in your family ever order a Shamwell?

No. Thank god. No, it's not. What about the chopper? Never had a chopper. We were always a hands-on kind of family. Did you guys, would they order anything off TV? Because that's like, that might as well be like playing

with the devil in my... I felt like that was a classy thing to do. I, now I get older. I, I realized that it was, that is garbage because I do it. But uh... You don't know right from the living room. Come on. I mean, ordering, like you're talking about like QVC

and all that kind of shit. I thought that like my parents couldn't afford that. Like getting jewelry and fucking... We're so trashy that my mom was like, you never trusted if you can't give a guy your money. You're not giving over your phone. You know who you're talking to. Like, they're not real pearls.

Yeah. Do you guys, do you guys have any pets growing up? Were you a pet family? Yeah, we had a pug. Yeah. That's pretty good. Lived for like fucking 37 years till like one eye was wonky like Bill Cosby.

Yeah, those things, those things fall apart quick when they get old. Oh my God. They busted the seams and things. Once they start losing the joints, you're like, cool, Buffy's only gonna have like three more months. So we can finally like go in the backyard when it's not full with shit.

Yeah. She lasted like 10 more years, dude. I got a question. Where did you bury the dog? Backyard. 100% dude. Arlington Cemetery. Who fucking foregun salute?

The flyby was beautiful. Ah, dude. Dude, if you don't think there's a couple of rusties in my mom's backyard. The problem was my mother like got in a fight with my father about it because my dad had, when we grew like peppers and tomatoes and stuff, but the yard was as big as his.

You're gonna ruin the eggplant. The backyard was as big as his studio. It was tiny. The eggplant grows, his eyes are all fucked up. Half the yard was planted and then one, we had one corner for like Buffy's remains. So we had to go down like five feet. Dude, you just said that.

So try to get your day on like five feet to bury my dead dog Buffy. We hit the main. We're gonna hang around with fucking dude. Delco retards with Billy. Immediately, I'm like, yeah, let's fucking. Dude, the second I crossed street road in Butts County, I'm like, hey, what are you doing?

Like you got a patty wax? $2 you call it. Barring and dog in your backyard. Barring the dog is deep as you bury human. He ain't never getting out, huh? She could have stood on her back paws and still had three feet. Do you guys do the thing?

If he in there, he ain't happy. I'll tell you that much. Did you guys like cut his fingernails off and shit like that so he couldn't identify? Barry has had somewhere to two houses down. No, so what I wanted to know is growing up, did you have any blankets that had dogs on them? Oh my God, of course.

That's trash. You have any plates with dogs on them. It was either sports or dogs. Sports blankets and I had those too. You see the sports blankets with dog hair or dogs? They were never washed. The sports blankets were never washed. That's a number one indicator for garbage people.

You just look and see how much pet hair's on the back of their coat. Dude, I can't, oh, I can't. That's a dead, it's gross. Have a little bit of pride. This is true because garbage people, like my parents, work so hard to fake everybody out. Like you were saying earlier.

Of course. Like my mom was like pristine about that shit if you had like any kind of dog hair on you. You look poor. You can't go, you look poor. Poor people will fight tooth and nail to not look as poor as they are. Of course.

And one of those things is fucking, a roll in the back of your fucking winter coat. Get the lid, bro. Yeah, get the lid. After you, I got the door. Oh boy, go ahead, Gibby. Have you ever jumped off a trampoline into a pool? Of course, of course.

Of course, that's real. That's like a white trash water park right there. That was the big thing for my buddy's pool. Yeah. He had a big trampoline he'd put in between the deck and the pool and you can go right over because he didn't have a railing at the time. They upgraded.

I got railing money. It was because of us. Wasn't exactly up to code, if you know what I mean. Dude, how many times I drug a fucking trampoline to the side of a pool? You're like, isn't it going to be fucking awesome? Just like there's like no padding anywhere. And then after the first time, it gets wet.

And like you lose your traction, dude. Kids are losing teeth, fucking breaking orbitals. It ain't a good look. Oh man, I don't know why I keep saying oh man, but I do. Have you ever eaten at a bar that was connected to a motel? Yes. I mean, a wedding. A wedding.

Does that count? There's like a spring field. At a motel? Well, like a country club type situation. Nah, I'm not talking about fucking having crowds. He's talking about like... Austin Ninety. I'm talking about fucking going to the buffet

at the fucking Shady Stabby Motel that is a bar connected to it. I'm going to say no to that. And there's just one neon beer sign for paps out front. No windows. I'm going to say no to that, but I don't know. I feel like when you go to Shady... I'm certain you have.

How about the Red Roof Inn on Route 1? That's tough. Yeah. You've eaten at a Red Roof Inn? That has a restaurant next to it. And I did it in a Siegfried and Roy Halloween costume. How are the oysters? But no, I'm going to say no to that.

I don't think I have. Have you ever swam in the pool of a motel? Of course. Yeah. Come on. I know. Where else are you going to piss? Dude, a pool of a motel.

We just did one last summer in Delaware. A motel pool where it's like the L-shaped motel and the pool in the middle. That's all Wildwood, North Wildwood was. I love it. Seashell motel. Growing up... Until somebody else shows up, you feel like a rich guy.

Yeah. You're like, this is mine. You're back stroking. There's fucking weird kids on the second floor looking out at you. All the rich kids had houses down the shore. We would just rent like one week at a motel and the pool. Man, you felt like you were wealthy. You were right.

Yeah. And you... Do we live here now? The top lip would smell like chlorine for like three days. God, because they didn't burn all the fuck. But I got to give you a after a day on the beach in one of those motels. That AC gets fucking...

Nothing better, dude. The shittier the motel, the better the AC. Absolutely. The first thing I do when I walk in a... There's no filters in that thing. Well, because trash people will go fucking bananas if their AC's not working. Don't pound the paint 2999 at night to sweat my dick off.

That's the first thing I do when I walk in a hotel. I get right over fucking... All the way to 50. Right here. Throw the remote out the window because I ain't changing that thing yet. If that first fucking number can go to three, I'm going all the way out.

I do that and I constantly leave the TV on just so people think that there's always somebody in the room. Also, I say fucking... Poor person trash. I got nothing to steal, but I don't want them coming in looking around. You ever get pissed off? Like, if someone's a dick when you check in,

I'll run the fucking water. I'll just be like, you know what? Fuck this guy. I put the shower on, TV on. I'll leave it all on for like 20 minutes. That's because in your fucking poor trash head, you're like, that's a dollar. That's 50 cents.

Like, because you weren't allowed to do that. You weren't allowed to fucking let the TV on when you left. And that the front desk guy is going to pay for it. You can't take that shit and fuck you. It's coming out of your 725 an hour. I didn't want to get to bike ride home. It's summertime gang. It's hot and sweaty out there.

That's why you need sheath. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Get it. The fabric has a silky feel to it, and it keeps everything comfortable and in place. Let me explain something to you. All right.

I, I'm a bigger guy. All right. I go to Walmart. I get my underwear. They only last fucking a couple of days. Don't even make it out of the store. Get yourself some sheath. I'm eating them before I walk out.

But they're terrible. All right. And here's what makes sheath unique. All right. Here's what makes sheath unique. It's got a pouch. Okay. Keep it thick.

And your balls separated. Especially in the summertime, because that creates heat. Heat creates moisture. Moisture creates rash. Rash creates scratch. Then your fucking fingers are stinking. And everybody's fucking looking at you at the pool.

So keep it tight. Listen. Now, some of you might not want your dick and ball separated. And listen, if that's the case, I don't know if I want to be a better man than us. I don't know if I want to be friends with you, but I got to tell you, he sent me a pair of these bad boys and I'm fucking swimming in them.

I got room for Foley if he wants to join. Park the car in there. Let's get some little guy sizes. It's more of a genetic disorder, I think. For the folks in the middle of the bell curve. You know what I mean? Yeah. I recommend you to go to the gym.

Yeah, I highly recommend it. They sent us some and they're fucking great. You can wear it like any other boxer. It doesn't matter. It's just fucking crazy comfortable. And one more thing. These look good. If you're looking for someone to take a sexy picture,

maybe send it to a lucky lady in your life. Big man, put on your sexy drawers and get to snapping. I literally called them my wife. I call them my sexy underwear because I got one pair of them and I got to wash them every day because I stayed. The socks keep falling out of them. I got to roll a quarters in there. So listen, so go to sheathunderwear.com to get a pair

of smart underwear. And if you use code Garbage, that's G-A-R-B-A-G-E. Just like you, Garbage, you'll get 20% off your order. Damn, 20%? 20%? Holy shit. Can we get in on that, too? What's the fuck?

You guys, you guys do a military discount? Let the big man wet his beak. Come on. 20%, come on. That's awesome, man. 20%, that's like, hey, who's running the numbers over there? Gee, you're going to be belly up, but hey, they said it. Who was that?

Puffy? What the fuck? Sheath Underwear. Given the shit away. That's sheathunderwear.com. Use promo code Garbage. Today. Hey, Tommy, have you ever been involved

in a belly flop contest? Yeah, I mean, as a kid, you'd have to be. The question would be like, what age? Is it a 13? Probably stop there. Yeah, stop around 13. That's good. We used to do it off a trestle.

That's real garbage. We had a trestle, too. We had a trolley tracks in the backyard. Like the backyard went like here, and then there was trolley tracks behind it. And if you went down like a mile, it had like a 20, 30-foot trestle that you jump off, and it would be a little pit that you would have to hit.

You had to hit like a six-by-six circle. And then there would be like a fucking car tire, license plate, bike parts. And if you didn't hit that little end, dude, I'm dead. We used to jump into a quarry growing up. So I'm looking back on it. I was like, what the fuck were you thinking? Crazy.

But I have a follow-up question to that. What are the two proper ways to jump into an above-ground pool? I'm looking for two moves, either this or this. I go wild and then cannonball in. Okay. Full extension. Correct answer is either a cannonball

or the European cousin, the cannonball. Also known as the jail bomb. Yes. The older kids did it. The athletic kids went with the sailor's dive. The balls he beat. No way, I'm not a sailor dive kind of guy. Yeah, it takes guts.

The first one, it's like, you're adrenaline's up there. It takes guts to dive into a fucking above-ground pool. They're only two feet deep. And then put your hands behind your back. I would become best friends with my dentist if this goes wrong. It's got a nice house. This is the thing we did.

Some people had tweeted at me because no guest has answered this correctly or has agreed with me. Did you guys ever grease a watermelon and try to get it took? Okay, now I know that look. Who the fuck? Yeah.

What are you, fucking? This is how trash it was. We used to go to the fucking swim club and they would get like 20 people on each team. Oh, I know what you're saying. And you'd grease a watermelon, throw it in the middle, and it was like football. It's like the egg toss kind of thing.

No, this was, you had to swim, you had to get it across. It was like rugby, but with a juice full of grease. Oh, it's watermelon. Yeah, that's the egg toss. You don't eat the eggs. This fucking dirtbag was fucking eating. They were eating a greased up watermelon.

Well, you don't eat the rind. You're not an animal. You're still holding it. It's been in chlorine. I've been in chlorine. That's some hillbilly shit. I'll tell you right now, a pedophile came up with that game.

And you guys all accepted it. Some guy with a whistle just watching. He was sitting down, hiding that bone in. Oh, these kids are greased this up. Yeah, they're all oiled. Kevin, wore Vaseline on your chest and now eat it. Who wants to place it on the watermelon? That is trash.

Now, did you guys have a... Did you have two entranceways to the house? Of course. Were you a front door person or a side door? We never locked the doors, typically. And then at one point, we just started climbing in the side when my mom decided she started locking the door

because the neighbor got bad. So we'd have to stack the wood on the side of the house and rake the window up and climb through the old wooden window. Fucking Joe Pesci and all alone. The fucking wet bandits coming in. You didn't have a side door that you walked in? No, front, back, straight through.

Robs don't have side doors. Yeah, that's the alley at the back. It's like a long, skinny alley. And I wanted to ask you, did the train actually run on those tally tracks? Yeah, it was super active. I can't sleep without a fan on because... If I go somewhere quiet, I can't fall asleep

because I'm used to that ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. My fucking... I have three different sound machines. I wonder what that's going for on Zillow right now. Jesus. I love it. What? I had two questions.

Did anyone, did it currently or at any point, any family members, uncles or anybody ever own a convertible? My dad had a El Camino for a while. Did you ride in the back of that to school? No, he says he had it or he wanted one. I think he said he had one in college and that's the... You fucking came along. Yeah, I wrote his dreams.

God damn Tommy. He had three El Caminos taken from him, but yeah, that's the one car. That's like the trash car I always wanted because my dad loved it. El Camino, they're cool too. It's like a novelty. It's old school.

But I think like, convertibles can be nice, right? Depending on the car. Like, we had a... I grew up with a car. I learned how to drive it. It was a Sebring convertible, which is like just dead giveaway. You're fucking trash.

Yeah, none has one. Because it's like, oh, I want to be a fan. My mom's like, I want to have a convertible. Let my hair down. I only got 19 grand. The majority of this country is dog shit because the most popular rental cars are like a convertible or like a Mustang.

Yeah, Mustang convertible. That's the big one. Anytime you go on vacation, like I went to like Florida for like spring break. I was like, you want to have a Mustang? Yeah. It's fucking... I want to yell a Mustang.

It's always some real shitty color like that too. We're getting a Mustang and an imported beer, like a Kors. My dad's buddy had an El Camino growing up. And it was weird because he had a family of four. And that was there. I swear to God. That was their main mode of transportation. I remember the softball game.

I saw them all jumping in. I was like, where are the kids going? They jumped in the fucking back. My dad's a real piece of shit. Yeah, like two SPCA dogs. Well, that El Camino, you don't have to feel like the pressure of utilizing the trunk. Sure.

If you get like a big fucking SUV or a big pickup truck, you got to be like, oh, I need this. I got to need this for something. El Camino, you're like, yeah, that's a six pack of beer or something. A hoagie? Who gives you that? Who gives you that? Who gives you that?

Who gives you that? Who gives you that? Who gives you that? My infant son. Just bouncing around like fucking bowling balls. Did any of your cars growing up have wood paneling? Yes, of course. We had a Chrysler Lebaron.

Oh, Lebaron. We'd had a pop out a little bit of money talking about. Lebaron, that's French, I think. Championship game for our Drexel Raiders. We had to put like, you know, Go Raiders and all that shit on the side. And my brother, he's a permanent marker. So it was a blue Chrysler Lebaron with wood paneling that had permanent,

permanently Go Raiders all over. Couldn't get all. No, what's going to get? Pain it? Fuck you. What are you, nuts? Yeah. I mean, he was a coach, so I guess it fit in.

Hey, team pride. You know what I mean, fellas? We'll get them next year. You know what I mean? We're preparing ourselves for the next season. Yeah, really, it starts at the bottom, the morale. Just to stay on cars here a little bit, when you guys would go on vacation or something like that

and you guys were taking the car, would you do multiple cars for the whole family, like with the cousins and shit, where you all would follow each other to some trash bag place? We didn't fuck with cousins too much. Really? No, when we went on vacation, it was me and my two brothers and my parents and I would sit bitch

and ride it up to like the Poconos. We'd go, we'd go. Well, you can't all fit in the motel. We'd rent a house in Lake Walpole Park. Oh, Lake Walpole Park. Nice, big. Now that I thought was like, I was like, my parents are saving up this year.

I went to the cabin like three years ago. Holy shit, it's a dump. Yeah, dude. It's so small. It's like natural wood. Like it was made by somebody's hands, a real actual cabin. And I was like, man, this is, it's so close to a lake. My dad is fucking raking it in this year at the warehouse.

He's collected a lot of these Dango envelopes. Must be a lot of guys getting their car stolen, huh? Dude, it came with like a little motorboat to go fishing. Oh, dude. It would go three miles an hour like against the wind and you're like, this is, we have a boat for like a week. Yeah, you feel like you're on Miami Vice. You're an angler.

I like it. Huh. What is the, who is your current cell phone provider? ATT. That's pretty good. Not bad. Yeah. What do you think the, I mean, obviously Cricket

is the lowest fucking thing? He's got Sprint. I got Sprint. Oh, that's two. I would go Cricket, Sprint, Verizon, ATT. T-Mobile's shitty too, isn't it? T-Mobile's right after Sprint. Sprint, T-Mobile, Verizon, ATT.

Yeah, so fuck you. I know, buddy. I'm trapped. I'm trapped. People, people that, like, watch this. Let's talk about this. They're like, you're, they're like, no, I don't have, I got my grandfather in because I signed a bunch of contracts

when I was 15. Oh, so you got unlimited. I would give you like 30 bucks. Yeah, so I'm just in there. Yeah. Don't they start slowing down your speed? They're like, hey, it's Tuesday. We're cranking you down.

You're starting to get your porn like the old school days, like one line at a time. They play with you a little bit. They know who's in, they know who's in control. Just keep these speed. As soon as you get on Pornhub, they start fucking putting the screws there. Someone slow kippies.

Hey, if we threw beaten off, you got to go to your own memory bank. I don't mind that. Playing the classics, you know? All right, what do you got, big guy? What do I got? When was the last time you used a corn star machine? Coin star.

Yes. Jesus Christ. This, I would say TD bank days before they got rid of them. Fair enough. Very classy. And what about, do you get cash back when you make a purchase? Always.

20 bucks, at least 20 bucks. My C-Town is up to 20. You had me for a second. Most places only, yeah, most places only have 10. They give you 20. Always. God, dude. Always.

No fee. I know, that's the trash move. That's why you're garbage. Well, my TD bank is like a mile walk, so I accumulate through the C-Town. 20 here, 20 here. Put it under mattress. 200 bucks.

Dude, what the fuck? That's real bad, man. Getting the cash back, that's trash. Dude, I almost used coin star. I went down to them. They don't exist anymore, right? There's some coin stars. Dude, I, yeah.

They're not in the city, though. There's like two in the city, and you go to those supermarkets, and they ain't good. Yeah, that's probably it. I had to go to the Bronx to cash in, like, 60 bucks a couple of years ago. It was not fun.

Easy 40-minute line rate. To get 250 in pennies. I almost took a thing of change down to bucks this weekend, because it's just like in my cabinet. And like, I knew, I'm like, pardon me. I was lying to myself because I'm like, well, there's not a coin star up here. I'll take it down there and do it.

I'm like, I'm about to move fucking 40 bucks over state lines to get a couple of bucks. I individually rapped about, yeah. Recently? 40 bucks and change, like, because the TD bank was like, listen, this machine doesn't work anymore. I'm like, well, I got this big barrel thing of change.

What do I do? And she's like, well, we can give you free raps. Get your shit together. Go get a day job. Do something. Go apologize to your dad first. And I rapped like 35 bucks in those things just to give it to the bank.

I was like, what the fuck am I going to do with it? Keep collecting the shit so I can't carry it? Dude, if I saw you in a TD bank, I would ignore you, dude. I'd do it in public. I would 100% ignore you. I rented a motel. You go to one of the private desks on the side. Just doing blow and rolling coins.

Can you show me your coin counting room, please? Had you paid anything with a money order recently? No, it's been years. But I paid, I used to. I just paid my rent with a money order. I don't have checks. What? I just don't have checks.

Why don't you have checks? It takes fucking 20 minutes. No, because I opened up my, I have TD, that's just a big thing. TD bank, shout out touchdown bank. I got, I started my account in Pennsylvania and now I live in New York. So what?

They've, New York says you have to go to Pennsylvania branch to order checks. You don't go home anymore? Yeah, but then when I do, I'm like drunk with my fucking knucklehead friends, you know what I mean? I'm not going to go to the bank to order checks, Tommy. Jesus Christ, a money order. What do you got?

What do you got to go for that? Post office, it's $1.95. Oh, shit. That's ridiculous. I'm a man of the people, what do you want from me? And when you have to do like the whole explanation about your banking situation, I got to go down here. Yeah, I'm trying.

First of all, PITD banks are one every corner, like they're liquor stores. I'm trash, man. I'm a credit union man. Oh. Shout out to Navy Federal. That's a garbage thing too. Really?

There's an even more, way more garbage reason that we're not going to get into for legal purposes. That's why he's at Navy Federal. White trash people think they're getting more at a credit union, 1% more over 10 years. I'll tell you what though, a couple of years ago, I took out a pretty sizable loan with zero collateral. They're like a drunken in Christmas.

They'll fucking just cut you a chip. They are glorified mattress to put money on. Oh, great. Yeah, they don't give a shit. If they know you from a dart league, you're like, he's worth it. I see him, he's a good guy. That's Tommy, Billy, son.

He's good, good looking kid. And I've been a member for 26 years because my dad started the account when I was a little kid. There's been like three bucks in there in my whole life. But they treat me like I'm wealthy. I would love to see the Mountie Rapper down the stairs. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Damn. Man, it was ATM withdrawals at the wrong time at night. All the years that I've known you just go, oh, yeah, I remember, oh, wait, oh, wait, was it big one? Call, call, call. Those are the Raven days, man.

Calling them at 3 AM, trying to get my, how much money you can take out, extend it. Well, technically, it is the next day. Direct deposit ain't there yet. They said they sent it Thursday night. I don't know what's going on. He was laughing at me the whole time. Remember when I had something hitting my account?

And I asked, I was on the phone with like whoever it was, kind of edit whatever. And I had so little money in my account, but a check was going to clear at some point. That day. That I had to ask them, do you know what time? Yeah, of course. I said, if you're spending the plates to get a couple of minutes

on a direct deposit, you're fucking trapped. Give me a couple hours to get a hot shower and a coffee. I mean, fucking before you make this transaction. Dude, one time with what he was all, you know, you were all boozed up or whatever. And you were like, he had like 400 bucks or something. And he goes, hold this. He like just picked up his tiff when he first was in New York.

And now we're not partying. And he's like, he gave me, he had 400 bucks. He kept 200. He's like, this will be a cab. It's a couple of beers. Breakfast in the morning. You hold the 200 under no circumstance. Do you give it back to me?

Not one circumstance. Do you ever give me this? He was my credit union back then. Kippy Federal. So I'm not fucking around within, like out of a bad movie. Yeah, yeah. He like gets a beer and turns and says, come and get that money.

I'm headed out of here. I'm like, I'm not giving you the money, man. He goes, no, no, come on. Dude, it ended up with him. Give me my fucking money, man. I'm not fucking around. Give me my fucking money. Because you already called the dealer.

Yeah, yeah. Pablo was on his way. I don't want to make a fucking asshole. He's going to embarrass me in front of my people here. I got a show face on the street. He's Christ. Oh, so funny. Those IPAs, man.

I'm telling you, you get a couple of O's in here. Woo! Yeah, you start with one. You're like, never again. I'm not doing drugs for another year. You get two beers and you're like, well, I still got Jeff's number. Yeah, three beers. You're like, ugh.

Technically the calendar year. Let's start for another couple of weeks. I followed the Mayan calendar. Kevin, what do you got? Let's see. What do you got for this dirtbag? Growing up, I'm assuming this is a no. But did you have HBO or any other premium channels?

No, we did not. We got Prism right before I went to college. That's because your dad wanted to watch some fight. No, for hockey. Just for the Flyers. Ah, yeah. Play on hockey, I think. Prism had it.

Prism had it at a point. It was like, yeah, I'm going to get a pocket for this. Was there any hope? Like, was there a scramble situation? Were there's a switch in the back? Spice was big. Yeah, that was all we had. Was the box up top.

You go to, what was it, 98 or something? 99 or something like that. Would it come in clear for you or scramble? No, scramble. You just have to wait for that 30-second tick. Catch that slow boob on the sign. It's still work. It's all took.

That's why I can beat off with the 30-second stick. Oh, yeah. It's a spice workout. Now, my dad was, we always wanted HBO. We asked for HBO every year. That's all you wanted as a kid, man. That was like a big deal back then. I think it was like 25 bucks a month.

Back then, it was huge. Which is paper. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like 90s, 25 bucks a lot. I want to say Prism was like the sprint of the show. It was right out of the pre-paid channel. I feel like Prism was like a local operation. Wasn't it like a local Pennsylvania?

I don't know. I mean, it definitely wasn't fucking national. No way. No way. No way. But it was considered premium. They had movies that you, you had to go to Blockbuster, you could just go right to Prism and just wait

until Back to the Future comes on seven times. I remember that summer. I watched 48 hours like 500 times when I was a little kid, way too young. They used to only play like, each channel would get like three movies for three months and they would just back the back fucking Roger Rabbit.

You're like, I guess I'll do it again. Fuck it, my mom's paying all this money. You gotta watch it, you gotta get the reps in. Dude, we, at one point, we never had it ever. And then at one point in college, or not even college, in high school, I was walking by my parents' bedroom and I heard like Star Wars or something.

I'm like, that's weird. So I go downstairs and I'm like, oh, it's on TV. So I start flicking here, these fucking scumbags. Only on TV? Only on one TV. I'm like, it's free in the whole house. I love it. It's to the house.

I love it. They're not divvying it up on the screen. You must have did some shit that week. I said, what the fuck? It was my stepdad. He's like fucking Dennis Leary from the Sandlot, my stepdad. I mean, he's a fucking cold as ice.

Don't touch that guy. That's awesome. Don't touch my root beer. That's fucking a guy. Yeah, that's some bullshit. Tommy, how do you feel about imitation crab? I'm okay with it. I hate to say this, Tommy.

If done in like a cake. He ended a red roof in a cake. Yeah, you got to hide it. You can't put it like. Wait, what? In a cake. No, go crab cake, you fuck. Dude, if you're making, if you're eating, that's what I thought.

I'm like, what the fuck? This guy's got a cookie puss in crab meat. What the fuck? Kind of fucked up birthdays are you guys having. No, I think you can like, you know, it's obviously garbage food, but you can hide it well if you do it right. Sure, but if you're eating imitation crab meat cakes, that ain't a good look, Tommy.

You just eat it out of the bag. Yeah. If you're trying to church it up with a crab cake. Little tartar sauce will make this right. What were your birthdays like growing up? Do you remember anyone specifically? Yeah, another few pictures I posted the last couple of years, like they're just all.

What do you think? Your home going through Polaroids during the pandemic? Yeah, I had a very emotional breakdown. Yeah, you were touching go there for a while. No, they were just like, you know, my mother put out bowls with like chips and pretzels. All the attention was on the cake, not the dinner itself. Chips and pretzels at a kid party.

That's when you know you stink. All the uncles are smoking. There's like, you can barely see the kids. You can barely make out their faces. You're just smoking. There's like babies on laps. Oh, babies on laps is a big. I don't give a fuck.

We used to not care at all, dude. And all the uncles are just smoking beers as Miller Highlifes all over the counter. That's never about the kid. That was the drink Miller Highlifes? Yeah. That's my pops. Shit beer, man.

Yeah, it tastes like a fruit roll on it. You remember your uncles or dads, like when you were close on that beer breath when you were a kid? It's also a little bit of smoke in there. Astalgia, dude. Maybe a mint. Maybe a valiment or something. Before popping it, getting in a car.

Let me still rub a bit. Dude, drinking and driving in the 90s was wide open. That's all you did. That's all you did. Because you knew the cops somehow. There was softball, like, or some shit. But no, even the parents. A lot of warnings.

If a kid had a birthday, it was just an excuse to get all the uncles and aunts together to get hammered. I mean, if I go to a birthday now for somebody, I'm not going for the kid. Yeah, right. Going for my fucking sister's beers. Would your mom make the cake, or would it be a purchase?

All homemade. It's for never. Never purchased. Never got the cookie one from the mall? Nope. She would get the boxes, you know, that vanilla or chocolate spread. If she wanted to get fancy, she would put it in a long form pan, like the 13 and a half by nine.

And then she would put both mixes, and then do that toothpick swirl. The marble cake. That's how my mom showed off to, like, all the aunts. She would make this iceing where it was cool with, but then she put in a pudding mix. So it was like a light chocolate. Kind of like a mousse or something.

And all the fucking aunts would go wild. It was like a mousse. It was like a homemade mousse. My mom fucking broke out cool with fucking frosting. I'd lose it. Fucking Betty Crocker, I'm out. Buttercream. Were you guys a bagel bites or pizza rolls family?

Bagel bites. 100%. That's class, because pizza rolls are trash. Dude, I think I had pizza rolls once. I got a fucking aristocrat over here. Yeah, they're good. No, they're good. Bagel bites, 100%.

Bagel bites, dude. A good, a nice, now what did you cook them in? Toaster oven, microwave, or oven? We go oven. I know that's classy. Because the toast. This guy sitting over here breaking my bowl says I'm going to be garbage.

He's making his fucking bagel bites in an oven. We didn't have a toaster oven. I thought toaster ovens were classy. I thought they were trash. He thinks they're trash. Because we didn't have one. They're classy. For sure.

I love them. First of all, you need the counter space, because you have a microwave. Think about that. I need the counter space. It's jokes. You need the real estate. You have a good piece of property.

A sink. You got a sink, a microwave. Now you're looking at what? Like a foot and a half? You got the coffee pot. Coffee pot? Yeah, microwave. Now it's a foot.

Now you're looking. If you just squeeze edged in there, you got to have the perfect. Wait, wait, wait. How about you growing out? Where was your microwave? Yours was sitting on the counter. Was your hung?

Hung? Jesus. Yeah. That's a fucking houseplant. What do you mean? No, mine was in the wall, not on the counter. Counter. Oh, I was a counter.

Ours was on the table. What do you mean? It's like sticking out on the counter. That was TV dinner? Yeah. That was a centerpiece at dinner. Well, the first microwave that we got, it was like fucking Christmas 1986.

All right, we were living in a townhouse. Did you bury it in the backyard when it died? Before that microwave, it was 125 pounds. Oh, sparky. Now you got to get a v-neck to get over that fat head. He's going to start wearing new necks later. Yeah, for three years, his t-shirt had zippers. My dad must have got a big bonus or something that year.

But just like you, we didn't have the counter space for it, but he got a fucking monster. Yeah. It used to be the size of like Washington machines. Dude, forget about it. It was huge. And dude. Did your microwave have a rack?

That. Accessible. That. Yeah, like a second, second layer? No. No, my buddy's mom had a rack. A big one that had a middle rack, where you could put like a lasagna top.

Generational welter. Yeah. Do the chicken and the vegetable salad. Let's do it with Tycoon's house. But ours. Meanwhile, he's an accountant. Who'd make a 35 grand a year? Tommy's like, woo-wee!

I'm going over to the rich kid's house. Mom, I'll see you in three days. But ours was hanging off the counter so much that you had to like slide by it to get into the rest of it. It's funny. The front little pegs on it, they were hanging off. It could have went at any second. What do you got, big man?

What do I got here? We talked about the pets, the money orders. Did you have a bug zapper? You guys are a family bug zapper? Outback. In the house? No. Outback.

No. Once my dad got a, he made it, he built his own deck. Our own back deck. And that's, he had to like protect. So once we could hang out there and sit on something, we got the zapper. And we loved it. Is that deck still there?

I don't know. I haven't been back to the house in like 10 years. What do you mean? Did they move? They moved. Oh, they moved when I went to college. Ah. Where'd they go?

I'm going to creep around the backside of the fucking town house. Hey, it's Lou here. You mind if I stay on your deck? I used to live here. I grew up here. Can I stay on your deck and cry for a little while? You guys got spice?

I can't jerk off in the basement. Just like all this. Have a shovel. I want to dig the dog up real quick. Take the bones with me. Oh, let's see. Let's see. Let's see.

Have you ever taken one of those old timey photos on the boardwalk? No. No, that again, I thought was pretty. I thought that was wealthy. Like you needed money to save up. And plus my friends were just too embarrassed. Yeah.

Who are we talking about? You mean with the family or friends? Florentine, maybe. We were talking with Florentine about that. With anybody. Just doing it. I was always embarrassed. Oh, yeah.

Because people waited and watched you. And I was like, no, I can't. I can't get in a costume. I was, you know. You never looked the way you thought. You thought you were going to look cool. You look like a fucking idiot. Yeah.

Well, you're wearing a one size fits all fucking tuxedo. You look like a jerk off. Also, you grow up with people busting your balls if you feel any kind of confidence and stand still. It's like, look at this dickhead. I know. I was just afraid to just wait around in front of strangers, holding some fucking fake Tommy gun.

I'm like, look at this pussy. It's yellow. You're like, it's black and white photo. It don't matter. It'll look good. Hurry up and click the picture. Say, hey. I got a funnel cake to get to.

Anyone in your family ever play semi pro football? No. No, no. Really trash. It is. Also, it's not real. When you hear semi pro, like semi pro baseball was another thing.

I had a bunch of friends that were in that like, all this is like fast pitch wood league. It's like such bullshit. It's like not semi pro. My dad would talk about a semi pro. The back when I was playing semi pro broke my nose. I'm like, dude, no. And then I thought, as your kid, I'm like, oh my god.

Yeah, I know. That's pro. Sounds great. That's close to pro. Meanwhile, it's dudes that just wouldn't close the yearbook and they're like, I'm going to keep this fucking train rolling. Dude, that he wrote. And hurt somebody after work.

I'm going to hurt somebody in front of the chick. I'm banging behind my wife's back. Dude, we were driving through like that's when I'm going to tell Mike Dennis next time I got a crack. Two. So like I played semi pro football. There you go. Dude, we were driving to rock bottom.

Let him in jacket. My dad's like, this is where I played semi pro football. I'm like, that's a fucking team ball. Fuck you. Talk to yours. I'm fine. So true, dude. So true.

Parking. You got to run through a baseball diamond. And the league still getting the financing together. Oh my god. Seven pro football. The baseball diamond on a football field. It sucks garbage. That was our home field.

Oh, that's right. Oh, don't you remember watching the Raiders? The Raiders. I was like, what the fuck are these bozos? Dude, you get smoked into the fucking dirt and you just have like, you know, just get opened up. The bases are still there. Tripping.

Just broken Heineken bottles everywhere. Any campaign signs on the lawn? No. Fuck no. No, my dad, they were, they kept that shit real quiet. I guess maybe because of his job. Sure. Yeah, I got to play close to the best.

I never knew who we was like voting for. We weren't a very political, loud family. So we were just loud. We didn't talk about politics. What about the lawn decorations? What was the story there? My mother didn't do that either. She thought that was garbage.

Yeah. Like people put up like Happy Valentine's Day and just like peg it into the fucking grass. Dude, those like for sale sign decorations. Yeah. She always shit on people that would like decorate the inside of windows for like the holidays, like writing happy holidays on the front glass of your door.

She's like, never. Well, what would she do for Christmas? What was the? Everything was decorated inside. We would put lights up. Colored lights. We were colored like family. Oh, color like people are bad people.

Yeah. Color lights are tough, dude. If I went to a walk by your house. If I saw a Christmas tree with all white tree, all white lights, I'm like, that's fucking, that's a wealthy motherfucker. That's elegant. That's elegant.

All white lights look elegant. We had like a pound of tinsel. Oh, Jesus. Tins of rice, crash. Colored lights everywhere. What color was it? Was it a real tree or fake tree? Real tree.

My dad was intense about that. We used to cut it down every year. That was like one of our big family things. We'd take Buffy the Puck and then we'd go. You could walk through the neighbor's house. See, this side is a trolley truck. Walk through the Johnson's backyard. I got a couple back there.

My dad's like, I got a tip. Walt's got a big tree in the back. Are you guys still knocking on the front door? I'll run around back and cut the fuck down. Yeah, talk about some politician for a half hour. Go see your aunt there singing Christmas carols. You hear the chainsaw in the back? Hit the high notes.

Cut off mid song. All right, thanks. Take care. No, you could just go like, you know, there's open farms where you could just cut down your tree. Wait, so you're telling me I walked by your house Christmas Eve. I can't tell who lives there. I don't know.

It's not no Christmas at all on the outside. Oh, outside. Yeah, my dad would spend. Yeah, that was like a big thing. We put lights along the railing. But all colored. All colored. Wow, it's bad.

Yeah, it's solid. Well, now I feel like when I see colored lights, I'm like, oh, that's a nice family. Sure. Yeah. It's kind of, it's still lodging. You want to have a warm beer and a cigarette and not get what you wanted for Christmas.

Yeah, and now my tree, when I get a tree, every year and I put up white lights, because that's who I always wanted to be. Yeah. Well, a lot of times Italians do Christmas real bad. Yeah, they're gaudiest fuck. Yeah, it's like the red tree and the fucking, you're like. They're so gaudy.

They're seven fishes though. Did you do the seven fishes on Christmas Eve? No, we never went full Dego. Yeah. We would have. Your dad doesn't seem like Italian. He seems like bricklayer Italians. His grandma was first generation.

She had a wooden leg. They found out. She did. She had a wooden leg. Big skier. I don't know what the fuck I was just about to say, but no, we never, we weren't like super into Christmas. You guys can really miss on fucking Christmas.

We would have, the most Italian thing is we always had a ham and lasagna, that kind of thing. At Christmas? Yeah, there was always a lasagna or like a rigatoni or something with every fucking meal. Dude, we're big ham people. I would have never had that. Ham is garbage.

It's coming out of your pores, dude. Yo, you get a fucking. You are butterfly. You get a honey big spiral cut? I don't care who you are. I'll fucking see you later. And then use the bone to make soup. That was always the move.

Oh, yeah. Get a nice ham bone to make a soup. For sure. I only got one more question. Fightin' over the pineapple and the cherry. All right, I only got one more. Do you, I don't know if you do, I don't know this question at all about you.

Do you or anybody in your family have a calf tattoo? My brother had a calf tattoo that was so racially insensitive. Get out of my neighborhood. No longer exists. Thank God. Jesus. Yeah, he was, I don't know if I should talk about this, but. Is this the brother you lived with in the room?

No, it's my other brother. But he was recruited by very a bad group. Jesus. What? From Delaware. Yeah. And he had like a business card on his dresser. It said racial purity is America's security.

And I never forgot that with my buddy Kutcher. Because my brother's room was where you would go to like find like knives and porn bags and shit. And he was fucking off the rails. And certain literature. Apparently. So for like three years, he was like fucking crazy. Did they straighten him out that he got,

did he realize the error of his way? He was just a fucking punk that was like, you know, hanging out with the wrong group of hammers. And he had a tattoo on the, on his back of his calf that was a skull with a motorcycle hat. Meanwhile, he was driving like a mongoose. And he had a, an underneath the skull was a confederate flag tied like a fucking behind the neck.

So it wasn't the Duponts that recruited him. Yes. We had to get it like lays it off. Like, you know, when he was an adult, as soon as that technology came out, he went through like four or five sessions of that shit because he was disgusting. Jesus Christ.

I want to cut my calf off. Yeah. Anyways, this comedy guys. That would show that you are garbage. No, but it's perfect. I think I got one more question. Actually, I got two more questions for you. Some, some couple more staples just to finish it off.

And this will be able to get a little sense of what you're like now. One, do you ever as an adult drink milk with dinner? No, that's disgusting. Thank you. Yeah. If I see, I actually unfriended a duke who used to drink like an old roommate that would come around.

Well, then we ain't talking after this. With pasta, he would. Yeah. Dude, that's the most disgusting fucking thing. And it's, it's, it doesn't even mix well. That's the go-to. All the ass. People say pasta and milk right away.

Fantastic. How? It's just good. Fucking trash. No. Acid and fat doesn't, it's, you shouldn't do that to your belly. Acid and fat.

Oh, you jack-o'-lantern. What are you talking about? Acid and fat. God damn, dude. That's, that's a, that's a serious sickness you have. Yeah. It's called fatness. Tell you what, I still got my ice cold home milk that I

shake up before I pour it. No, I don't buy, I don't buy milk and I'll fuck with milk too. Yeah. You keep the ketchup in the fridge? Yeah. Keep the syrup in the cupboard? We don't do syrup. Oh.

I don't do ketchup too often. Excuse me, Mr. Fancy Pants with your clan brother. I apologize. Get on your fucking aisle. Literally, yeah. Up here in the north, all right? In the diverse part of this country, we keep the syrup in the fucking cabinet like a gentleman.

No, I would fuck with an, with an ego though. I haven't had one of those in a while. Big fan, dude. Let me tell you something. A lot of an ego. I kept those guys afloat during the pandemic. I should get stuck in that fucking thing. Homestyle didn't matter.

Keepin' comin'. Oh, that's great. Holy shit. Tommy Pope. Kippy. Trash. I mean, no, no two ways about it. From beginning to end fucking trash.

I'm different now. If I, if I didn't have the, if I was on the fence, the brother, man, holy shit. I shouldn't have, I shouldn't have brought that up. American, American history, why over here? He's a good kid. You're a good kid, Tommy. Thank you, buddy.

I love you very much. Thank you. Absolute garbage, but the best kind of garbage there is. I don't care who you are. Tommy Pope went to your high school. He's the coolest fucking guy in the school off the fucking jump. I'll tell you that right now.

And the 12th smartest, probably. Anything you want the gang out there to know before we get out of here? No. Consiment professional, Tommy. My real name isn't Tommy. Always stay in the fucking shadows, guys. That's what you do.

Kippy, what do you got for the folks out there? Just that camera and comedy on all social media. And if you're new to Gas Digital, please, and you're looking to sign up, you get HD livestream, the chat, and access to the whole network's library of shows. You can sign up and use code AYG and get $1.50 off a month. And that's for as long as you keep your subscription. And we went our beak a little bit, you know what I mean?

So what's the show? And we want to shout out to everybody that's watching on the livestream right now. Everybody that's in the chat, we'll keep adapting and get everybody involved. We couldn't be more happier here at Gas Digital. We want to thank our producer, Dylan. Of course, Bobby The Hutch, Lewis, Ralph, everybody here

at the Gas Digital family, Shannon. We really appreciate it, and we will see you guys next time right here on Are You Garbage? Peace, peace. Later. Thank you, Tommy. Nice, buddy.