Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Too Much Bacon!? w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: September 22, 2022

Are You Garbage is back with a Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Ladder Life: https://www.LadderLife.com/GARBAGE Butcher Box: https://www.ButcherBox.com/AYG Promo Code: AYG Better Help: https://www.BetterHelp.com/GARBAGE Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans

Hey gang, let's talk about that middle-class famous tour, baby. Machi Machi. Getting bigger and better, and it just keeps rolling on, gang. It's a live stand-up comedy show, plus we played a little L.A.Y.G. with the crowd. As I always say, great way to introduce new people to the show. So grab the squad and come out and see us. Yeah, guys, in October we're gonna be in Nashville, and then we're headed up there to Indy.

Then November, we're hitting Atlanta. Two shows added there. Then we're headed to Charlotte. We got Philly, two sold-out shows there. I apologize, you snooze, you lose. Then December, we're hitting Providence, and Boston. Those are currently sold-out, but we're adding new shows. Stay tuned.

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage? Oh, yeah. The little show we sit there with your favorite comedians, and we find out that you're to be classy.

Uh-huh. You're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Antutti's basement. I found her sleeping upstairs in the refrigerator. All right. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage.

He is an international businessman. He is the Prince of Park Avenue, but always the king of the boards, baby. Yeah. Give it up for Mr. Neptune, 2005, KJ, Kevin James Ryan. What up, gang? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you're a great review. Subscribe over to Aaron, aren't you?

Full of video available on YouTube. Free water ice. As you know, those numbers are... And then obviously... Sing it, sister. Go ahead. Let him know. Google...

Don't play dumb with me. What is this? The first 48? Patreon.com. Goddamn it. Yeah. Slash Are You Garbage. You're starting to get bonus content.

You get episodes of AYG. You get episodes of fucking hard feelings, which is a completely different thing. You don't even know nothing about unless you're a $10 homie. Shout out. We're doing a lot more behind the scenes action on the Patreon as well. We're bringing new guy Luke out on the road to film everything, a little bit of travel, that whole nine yard green room stuff, hotels, shenanigans, me and you in the gym. What's up, dog?

AYG247. Uh-huh. Live streaming every second of our goddamn lives. And then we also just announced our new goal, the storage ward, which is cooking, it's cooking towards that. Yeah. We're going to be at a fucking public storage. Get us out there.

Yeah. Yeah. We got to go to an expensive place. I want to start by, I want to bid against you. I'm going to lay it all on the line. Oh, me versus you? Yeah. Well, we're spending the same money.

That doesn't make sense. At all highball. Yeah. $28,000. What the fuck? Opening bids $125,000. They can't hold you to that. What?

That fat guy's not going to chase us down the street. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? We don't have the money. What are you going to do? I know. Pick me out of the storage unit. You don't get the thing then.

You don't get the unit. Some people, is that what you're expecting to get out of it? You're expecting to get a personal size? No, I want to find something. I want to find like a World War II bullet or something like that. Something cool. OK. Maybe a tank.

Those old guys. They kept that shit. That's a replica, full size. Somebody said, you got to go to an expensive neighborhood where a little bit of cash. Oh, yeah. So you get there and that's what people put in like, oh, my record collection or oh, my coin collection or oh, my whatever. Yeah.

Nice coin collection would be all right. Yeah, couple. Maybe a couple of Lionel trains. Yeah. We already had people hitting us up that can get rid of it for us too. Like, yeah, I can fuck in. A fence? What do you mean?

A fence. What's a fence? A fence is someone that gets rid of the stuff you stole. Is that a term? Yeah, a fence. I didn't know. How are you going to fence it? OK, but I didn't know the guy was a fence or the lady.

Yeah, they're fences. I thought it was only a verb. You're out here fencing fucking stolen goods. No, you find a fence, right? Yeah. OK, all right. I saw heat. All right.

That guy's waiting on it. So yeah, I'm excited about that. Yeah, it'd be pretty cool, man. That might be the most well received one we've announced to. A lot of people like it. A lot of people like it. People are excited. I'm excited too.

We got to get gear. I might get into it. We got to get gear for that too. Sunglasses, hats, headlamps. I'm getting a big old flashlight. We're going to have to get like a, we're going to have to run a pickup truck. We're going to have to get like a dumpster drop depending on how much fucking trash is it.

Yeah, we are. Also, or we could just search through it. If nothing's fucking good. Plus, we got to fucking leave it. We got to find some Cleveland six to roll around with us. Be real nasty. What do you mean? They always got some bird with some scabots, bleach blonde hair, a big set of cans on

it. Yeah. Distract the narrator or whatever. Yeah. Cheryl or something. How about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire? I'm sorry. We didn't even introduce some.

Speaking of big cans, give it up for T-Bone McMuffin, Toby McMullin, everybody. What's up, dudes? I want to complain about this for what the fuck is this? What? This is this MC Escher bottle of water you gave me. You bought the water. You gave me a limp noodle. This thing was melted down in some warehouse somewhere.

You bought the water. You came in with the water yesterday and today. And it's no name brand. Like I'm doing a late night set. I'm filming a special. Get this guy some riddle. What are you doing? You're all over the map.

I know. This guy's nuts here. You want mine? We'll switch. Yeah, right. You're the only one in the world. Okay. All right.

50 bucks. I got a question for you, fellas. I'm listening. What's that T-Bone? Can you have a raise? No. Next question. Is there any sandwich where you find it appropriate to add ketchup?

I don't think you asked me that yesterday, um, a below a hot bologna sandwich. You'd put ketchup on it. A breakfast sandwich. That was the only one I landed on that I think kind of works, which can I say this? I'm not crazy about ketchup on my bacon, egg, and cheese. I'm not. I'm okay with it. You know.

But you know what? The French, though. The French, we were talking about this, too, because you were trying to find a savory pastry in New York City. And I said they got these joints, these Paris baguette joints that are popping up. They dabble it a little bit. The story is where you want to find that because the Greeks do that shit. And you said you wanted sausage, but they do have those ham and cheese in the croissants.

Now those johns, they do, it's kind of like ketchup. It's like a tomato paste. Those things are banging. Those ham and cheese in the croissants? The last time you had one of them, because it sounds like about two three days ago, the way you're describing this love affair with the ham and cheese croissants. A piece of ham falls out of my mouth. Oh, you're talking charges are bogus and flakes flying everywhere for the croissants.

Oh, that'll kill you. Talk about evidence. It's like cough doll, dude. You get one of those, you get one of those croissants from, from Duncan Donuts, try to eat it in your car. It looks like you've been cutting lumber all god damn day. It's hanging up on a woodchip. I know.

Yeah. I would see a meatloaf sandwich. You put ketchup on. No one's having a meatloaf sandwich. That's insanity. Sure. Yeah. I mean, sure.

I am. I like a meatloaf sandwich. You're, you're, you're the, you're the, you're not the, you're not John Q. fucking taxpayer by the way. I think there's a lot of. There's a lot of meatloaf sandwiches. But that worked out two different ways. You're an extreme eater.

You pull up the buffets of the wing suit on. Yeah. Yeah. You're an extreme eater. What would you put ketchup on? Um, home, breakfast, potatoes exclusively. That's all you put ketchup on? That's the only thing it's friends fries.

No, mayonnaise. I just, that's right. Yeah. He's got that European in them. He lived in Belgium for a little while or something like that. Didn't you? Scotland? Yeah.

Different places. But yeah, I lived in Scotland for a little bit. Where'd you pick up? You know, Scotland, Belgium. Where'd you? Small town. Where'd you pick up the mayonnaise? Trick.

I read it in a book or something as a kid. Man, it sounds like a real cool kid. Hey, trogdor, kick rocks, will you? I was wasting my time with Cherry Magazine. That's where the rubber really hit the road. What's that, a nudie mag? Oh, yeah, it was. No, I read it.

Next level, above penthouse. I thought penthouse was wild. You get a hold of a cherry. You feel like a fucking guy. Yeah. I wanted to say OBGAM, but I was trying to think of the right, the correct word for it. What's the correct word for it?

Gynecologist. Gynecologist. Thank you. Well, let's run that back real quick. I feel like a gynecologist. I just posted it in. I read it. I read it the original way they did the Palm Freight when they invented the French fry

that did mayonnaise. I was like, that's weird. I'm going to try that. And I was like, there's no going back. It's all right. No, no, it's it's better. It's not saying it's. It's good.

I mean, what's what's the ultimate is the fancy sauce is a little bit of ketchup in that. That's that craziest. That's the best. That's the best of both worlds. Easy does it. You'll get your French fries. Jesus Christ.

Take your bag. Take your bag. Have you ever seen fucking? All right. It's a comedy podcast. I was going to say, I know this is a peanut oil in the brain. Shut up. The peanut oil.

Five guys. That's how they do it. I don't like them leaving those sacks of potatoes. I never got that. Yeah. What are you, a storage room? Yeah. Fucking cleanest place.

I was going to have rats. I feel like I'm in the hole of a ship trying to enjoy my 12 burgers. What I was going to say was I know it's frowned upon and it's a trashy thing. However, if you're making a steak at home and no one's around and you have a nice fresh bottle of ketchup that hasn't been in the refrigerator yet, it goes pretty good with the steak. A little dippy. It's not bad, man.

I don't. Listen, I don't. I'm not. Whatever. I'm not a big steak guy, but that's like, come on. I wouldn't even do that and I'm a fucking dirtbag eater. I wouldn't do that. That's like, that's a slap in the face to the steak a little bit.

It'll catch you. We'll catch you on a steaky. Only on ketchup is for children and breakfast potatoes. And that's the end of the story. I don't know. You don't put ketchup on your eggies. No, that's crazy talk. That's nuts.

I don't do it either. Oh, no, because the egg is some dippies and then you chop them all up and you dip your toast over because the egg is such a delicate, lightly fucking fluffy, subtle piece of art and you're coming in with fucking ketchup. Just ruins it. Hey, Emeril, kick rocks. What are you talking about? That's true.

I don't know about that. A little, a little bit of taste is nice. You're talking to a guy with an egg tray. Yes. That's true. And also, which I wanted to bring up, T-bone got in my head. Ever since he bought fucking the Ayesha Tyler frying pans, I went and did the same. I went and did the same.

He's been in my head. My frying pans sucked. Sure they do. So I got new gear. What'd you get? I got new, I'm rolling around with new steel, Daddy-O. Lacroissant? No, I mean, come on.

I mean, we got, I got two pots of those. We don't get frying. They don't do frying pans. Oh, they don't? Their air fryer's really good. You got an air fryer? No. A lot of their microwave.

Was that George Foreman grill? I got T-Folls, T-Fall, if you've seen it, you know it. T-Fall? That sounds like an anti-fungal cream. Put a little T-Fall on it, you'll be all right. If you saw this, you know, you know, yeah, let me get you. But I was, when you were like, oh, I got new, whatever, I was like, I had immediately gotten my head to my shit sucked and it did because that was the first stuff me and my wife bought

years ago. Like when we first moved in together and we didn't have, like, I was living with roommates. I didn't have like cookware. So we went out and bought like, okay, cookware. That was four years ago at this point. And I'm not one for like, I'm cutting stuff on it. I get to get the steak knife. I chop up my little chicken feet or whatever I saw, whatever I'm doing, I'm doing on the

pan. I don't want a dirty another plate or I didn't have a cutting board. That Teflon, that's no good to get in your body or whatever that is. I remember cooking when I was in college, the plate. I had these really shitty pans and the black part was coming off and sticking to the chicken and I was eating it anyway. And I remember I called my mom, like, is this stuff bad for you? She's like, I'm sending you money.

You have to get new pans. I was eating the finish. Good luck having kids, dude. Jesus Christ, your kid's going to be born with a spatula in his head. That's crazy. Um, these, these Jones, come on, you little shit, you little shit box there. Paid the internet bill? I did.

That got shut down. Yikes. It's got the red circle in the middle, like a T. Nah, I don't go for that shit. What do you mean you don't go? I'm not asking you to buy it off you're trying to move a set of fuck, but I did get what I think is very classy. I'm trying to up my game.

I'm trying to make my shit a little better. I know you're getting what you got one of those pieces of wood that goes in the oven that you cook salmon on. It's like a hickory piece of wood or something. How much salmon you think I'm eating? I haven't eaten salmon unless it's wild caught in a long fucking time. He's about to tell you he got his first spoon and you're talking about blocks of salmon wood.

I need a new set of silverware. I lose forks. I don't know what happens to the man probably in your titties. We have 900 spoons, 900 knives, we have three forks. I don't know where they go. They must get thrown out and like to go stuff or something because I never used a plastic stuff. Never at the house.

No, that's the worst. No, I got a square frying pan. It's great for bacon, dude. It's fan. It's, I feel like fucking Emerald Gossie. Couldn't you cook in SpongeBob? What's going on? No, it's great.

The circle, unless you got a big jawn, cuts you off at cut to the pass. You got the flaps up on the side of the wall. It's good for pancakes, though. Oh, with the fucking square jawn. It's great. Nothing's better than making scrambled eggs in a brand new nonstick frying pan. Oh, you don't even need butter. Dude, it's great.

I'm like calling my wife and I'm like, look, the pan's clean. But you can put it right back in the cupboard. But you get a couple of slices in there. That's when you go bad and start swearing off, put it in too much scrubbing. You're not supposed to keep a tight ship in a kitchen. You're not supposed to use a metal spatula on that either. No, it came with, I got a whole, I got the whole set. It came with plastic.

Ah, plastics. We always burnt them. Yeah, but if you do it right. Yeah, true. You leave it on the edge or something. Yeah. Wait, how high are the sides? Those square pans can be shallow and doing that bacon gets dicey.

It's real low. It's real low. But I don't know if you know, I'm currently in a weight loss competition. So I'm only doing two, maybe three pieces of bacon, soda, oil, and an issue. You don't cook all the bacon? You wrap it back up and put it in the fridge? Yeah. I think this describes the 170 pound difference between us.

I thought you cook it and you just put it in a Ziploc bag. I didn't know you were allowed to, can't rewrap that up and put it in the fridge. Are you making all your bacon? Hold on. Hold on. You're making all your bacon, right? Dog, you have the most insane relationship with home cooking. That's what?

No. People aren't making, I don't, I don't think. It's like hot dogs. You cook the whole pack. You cook the whole, no, you're lying about that. You cook the whole pack and you put- First of all, they're already cooked. You don't need to cook.

You just got to heat them to eat. We've never wrapped, we've never rewrapped up bacon. Who's we? The Foley's. Well, it'd be one thing if you're cooking for the family. Oh wait, maybe she has. If you're at home and you're making breakfast in the morning, you're making a whole thing of bacon?

Yeah. You got to talk to a nutritionist. On Sunday? On Sunday? Six pieces is a lot of bacon for one guy to have. Well, that doesn't, it's not a resealable thing. First of all, they do make them resealable, yeah, and also put it in a Ziploc bag. You said you have Ziploc bag.

Touching that shit? No, you do it all. No, you don't. Just keep it in a Ziploc and if you want to have it later on, you just microwave it. No, because you're going to eat it that day. If you have made bacon in the house, you're eating that fucking bacon. Yeah, you are. All right.

Now we're, I mean- You know what's a favorite snack of mine? It took us two years to talk about your weight loss to find out you make slabs of bacon every day. Yeah, you cook all the bacon. No. Really? If you're making it for the group, yeah, I feel like there's four people, five people

eating breakfast. Two, two and up. Two people. Two don't make no. How many pieces of bacon do you eat when you have breakfast? Now two or three. And my wife might do one or two if, if, but doubtful. I'm making two or three, three.

I was doing six, whatever would fit in a pan. Yeah. But that's when then everybody started calling me fat. So I pulled that back and now I'm down to two, maybe three. You know, my move was when I was a kid. Well, all right. So, so, all right, hold on. Let's, man, we're into it.

You make, you're just making for yourself, right? Your girl's out of town. I wouldn't make it for myself. I would only make bacon if there was somebody else with me. Okay. So that's okay. It's you and your girl. Yeah.

You and your lady. Yeah. You make breakfast. Sunday morning. Whatever day you want. We got up. We have the day off, walked to the grocery store. I'm not doing bacon during the week mostly.

I did bacon a day. You did? We don't have nine to fives yet. Your call time was 2 PM. Yeah. But that's a weekend thing. You don't. So what are you doing during the week?

This morning I made a couple of eggies. I had a couple of eggies and some fruit salad and some green beans that were left over from last night. I had them cold, a little bit of balsamic, just to get some greens in me and a sheet cake. Shout out to the sheet cake. It was Billy in 4 C's birthday. I actually wasn't crazy about those.

I like the stacks. I liked a nice cheater. What? So you and your girl, you're making the whole thing of bacon. That's 12. See how many slices of bacon are in a cup? Let's say in a hypothetical here. All right.

If I went to the store in the morning, no weight loss challenge, no nothing, no, not you know. 16 slices. 16 slices of bacon. That's a baker's dozen right there. It's more than a baker's dozen. I know you. That's my kind of baker.

Lumpies. Let's just say go back. Let's go to the pandemic. Okay. Let's go to the last weekend. We don't. I'm not doing that stuff anymore. We don't do that.

There's no bacon in my house. We're not. We're not doing that crap. Okay. You got to suspend a little disbelief. You got to go back when I was on my way up. Now I'm on my way down. When was the last time?

Theoretically. Check it. You're not. Check out the last Fat Court, everybody. You're going to sit there and tell me you had bacon in your house in the last three months. No. I've not had bacon in my house in the last three months.

I can say that honestly. I've ordered breakfast. I got to get over there and dust for hoof prints. I found a snout in my... Yeah. Jesus. Bunch of spider webs. You go in.

There's a bunch of live. It's a pen. Bunch of live pigs winking around. They're pets. What? It was Pig Belly. What do you want from me? Which can kick rocks, by the way.

I have... What? Pork... Pork Belly. That is the... You're an idiot. I am not. Have you...

I wasn't even trying to be funny. You don't like... You are fat. You don't like... It's not that nice. You don't like ramen with pork belly in it? Oh. It's like candies.

Oh. So good. Yeah. No. You can kick rocks. Really? Big pork belly guy. Believe it or not.

No. Really? 18 pieces a day I do. Listen. You got to cook... Four bellies. I did four bellies. You got to cook the whole pig.

What are you doing? Listen. If we... If I'm in a pinch in the morning and I don't do my eggs and fruit and fruit salad, we'll order from... And leftovers. We'll order and I'll get like two or three scrambled eggs and some turkey sausage. But there's no bacon.

How many pieces of turkey sausage? Whatever comes with it. Three, four, whatever they give you. That's okay. It's all protein. Yeah. Okay. There's no bacon in my house.

Okay. You go to my house right now and you're not going to find one... How many... Okay. One piece of bacon. Okay. I ate them all. Okay.

Butcher box, baby. Butcher box, butcher box. Man. We love butcher box. I'll tell you that right now, gang. Do you like getting stuff from the grocery store? That's all flimsy and mealy and gross. Probably chemicals and hormones in there.

Or... What? Do you like having fresh, top quality meat delivered to your door that you slide right into the freezer when you're ready to use it? Boom. It's right there for you. I'm talking about wild caught seafood. Uh-huh.

I'm talking about grass-fed grass-finished beef. I'm talking about free-range chicken. I'm talking about amazing, delicious pork. Yeah, guys. You mainly raise no antibiotics, no added hormones. Get what you want delivered right to your doorstep, free shipping for continental U.S. Oh, yeah. And no surprise fees.

Choose from a variety of box plan options from curated to customized. Take the guesswork out of it. Yeah. Listen, they know what everybody's liking. So they go, ah, here to heavy hitters. This is what you need. Ba-da-bing. Ba-da-boom.

Right in your butt. All things are getting busy. Let ButcherBox take the guesswork out. Uh, guys, like we've said 10 billion times, I got ground beef, I got chicken, I got steaks coming out the wazoo. You want to come over for a ribeye, hit the kid up. Yeah. But listen, if you're out there and you haven't used ButcherBox yet, you'd be like, ah, I

gotta be, uh, what are you going to have tonight? Hey, take chicken breasts off your grocery list, dum-dum, because ButcherBox is offering our listeners an incredible deal that they've never offered before. Guys write it down. Free chicken for a year. Okay? You get two pounds of free range organic chicken breasts for free in every order. When you sign up at ButcherBox.com and use code AYG, claim this deal at ButcherBox.com

slash AYG. Use code AYG. Now do it. Yeah, cut. It's all year. Kim, let's talk about better health, baby. Better health. I do this.

I get caught up on the problem. You know that. I know that. I focus on the problem. Sure. Instead of letting it go and focusing on the solution, that's right. And with a little online therapy, you can start to move your brain from focusing on the problem to focusing on a solution.

And let me tell you something. When that happens, it's a really, really good feeling. So do yourself a favor. Get over to BetterHelp because they can help. Guys, uh, I am now a current client of BetterHelp.com. And do you think I used our promo code? Yeah. You bet your bottom ass I did.

Uh, guys, I've always been a big proponent of talk therapy. I've said that for, for well over a year now. It's helped me in difficult positions in my life. And now I need it again to help me through some stuff, Thaddeo. You're looking at me. What? Cause you're causing it. I got couples therapy for me and a big man.

Uh, no, shout out to Gary. Gary's my therapist. Not taking his first, not telling you his last name. Of course not. Um, by law, I can't. Um, uh, it's easy peasy. It's fantastic. The rates are fantastic.

It's crazy. I'm a deeper than traditional therapy I was paying for to go sit in an office with some bozo. Now online, getting solved, solving my problems, healing, healing from within. I can't recommend it more, uh, guys. So when you want to be a better problem solver therapy can help get you there. Visit betterhelp.com slash garbage a day to get 10% off your first month. That's better help.

H-E-L-P.com slash garbage. Do it. Join me. Uh, all right. So paying that when you are making bacon, let's, all right. Now we're talking. The pandemic is what it's called when he cooks bacon. The fry pandemic.

The frying pandemic. Gave myself swine flu aids. Listen, a typical Sunday breakfast would involve go to the store, dozen eggs, thing of bacon, those Pillsbury, uh, crescent biscuits. What? Yeah. The biscuits, slap those in the oven, some really good, maybe, uh, what's it, Kelly's butter or what's the marigold or carry gold.

Yeah. That's the real deal. You get that. We get it for my mom buys it for like Christmas and stuff as presents stocking suffers the kids love it. It's like a half and a half for your permits and some nice jelly. Okay. That's the end of big thing.

Orange juice, tropicana, which that has been in my house because I was a little sick. Uh, I'll put wise on words. You're 46 years old, sticky, eggy, ketchupy, whatever it is, say the words, eggies, eggies. Listen, scrambies, oh, wow, that's just fun. It doesn't look like a couple of scrambies out to the scramby. You like cheese in your scrambies? Not necessarily. Really?

I'm watching my calories, man, but typically, yeah, I'm not saying now, relax, Jack Rowling. We're talking in perpetuity. That doesn't make any sense in fantasy. What you would prefer. Is that what you think perpetuity is? Something like that, right? No, it's moving forward. All right.

Moving forward. I get all the money in perpetuity. No. Perpetuity is backwards. No, that's retroactive. Anyway, let's get back to the bacon. Here's all I ask you start talking about jam and jelly. Here's the deal.

Those tropicanas kind of stink. You don't get a lot in those things in the, in the trop, in the big boy tropicanas, there's not a lot. You get enough for one breakfast, I would say for two or three people. Yeah, well, you're not three people there. Well, this is what you do. You might have a company. You keep moving the goalposts with odd language of like, you know, ah, two, three, four people,

you know. Either way, be that as it may, that's the breakfast. And yes, I do the whole thing of, uh, uh, Pillsbury rolls and the whole thing of bacon. All right. And then you pick throughout the day, maybe. Yeah, that's not what you should be doing. Um, sure. I understand that.

Well, ask me what did I do in the past? How I got this way? I was, no, I didn't. I was trying to get to how many pieces of bacon you, and you, if I can, you started, you started reading your grocery list. Eight pieces of bacon. At, when you sit. Sure.

But there's a couple. How many put you, hold on. You're obviously, you pull them off, you put them on a paper towel, a paper towel. Hold on. It doesn't all happen at once. You do. You need two or three pans. Listen, I, I just, okay, I get it.

Stop for a second. Yeah. As you're making it. I'm picking. Two, three pieces. Let's say one per batch. At least. All right.

I'm gonna try the goods. I'll give you the benefit now. One per batch. All right. Okay. So now just say three. But your three slices in there. Right.

Poor I even hit the table before. I mean, the OJ. I'm pre-gaming. The OJ even poured yet the eggs aren't even whisked. Oh, the OJ's poured. And the eggs are whisked. They're waiting. They're in the batter's box.

Whatever. Um. Because I got the pan hot. You go. Yes! Right now to sink. That's the next generation of problem. You are.

You gotta, you gotta, you gotta stick something to the Chinese when they take over. Yeah. Take my old plumbing, will ya? Um. So three there, how many do you sit with? You put, you put the eggs on a plate. I don't care about anything else. How many pieces of bacon go on the plate?

You, you try to like romanicize there. This is how I make it. It's how many pieces of bacon go on the plate? It, the plate that has the paper towel on it gets sat on the middle of the table. Oh, you don't even put it on your plate. No. Kind of have a nice Sunday and enjoy my day. Watch my highlights, wait till the football game's on.

But you put, you'll take some off your first serving. Yeah. How much is that? I love how now you don't remember, you just painted a huge masterpiece of Sunday morning for ya. Two, three? You know you start with that? Two.

You tell me eight. I said two. Three. Listen, I'm not saying I don't eat too much bacon. All right. So you're at five there, even if you took two. Let's say six. Sure.

You're at six. First course. We're eating the whole thing of bacon. You said you put it away. No, I said we don't put it away. I see you say it. Oh, sure. What?

No. What are you talking, you started off with, you eat some of it, you put it in a plastic bag, you eat it throughout the day, and now you're going, I eat all the bacon. Can I have a sip of water, please? Oh my God, it's maddening. We don't put it away uncooked. We cook it all. If there's some leftover, we'll put the cooked bacon, a couple of pieces that are left over.

She doesn't eat all that, obviously. So whatever her share, we'll go back into the refrigerator. But to be honest with ya, that's probably not going to make it out of Sunday. That's not getting to work on Monday morning. Sure. That's going to get nibbled on. There's going to be missing persons out for that. Yes.

On Monday morning. Cooked cold bacon in the fridge is not, is pretty good in a nice clean little Ziploc bag. Patty doesn't really know because she cuts it in half. Now you brought up the crescent roll. I did. You know what's an unbelievable move with the crescent roll to make a little breakfast sandwich?

No, that's good too. That's not too shabby. You use the crescent rolls to make your own little pigs in a blanket. Oh yeah. I mean, I don't do that though, but yeah, do them homemade stuff. Yeah, of course. Of course. Hot dog.

These aren't the, not the crescent rolls, the biscuits, the breakfast biscuits. Crescent rolls I would do with. Yeah. No, I'm saying that we don't get the crescent rolls. We get the breakfast biscuits. This guy lying all over the flaky ones. I just, you, that's like a bit saying band-aid. It's the terminology.

The Pillsbury Johns. All right. How do we get on this? I don't know. You said you were cooking bacon. Oh, he asked me how many slices of bacon I make. I said three. That's good.

I'm not doing anything like that anymore. Okay. There's no bacon. Turkey sausage. That's it. Turkey bacon I'll do every once in a while. Okay. That stinks though.

I also hate it. Yeah. All right. I'm not doing any of that anymore. You came in overweight at your last weigh-in. So don't try to give an acolyte girl on your high horse. That was years ago. I don't do it.

It was 14 days ago. I don't do that no more. Meanwhile, I saw you eating pizza rolls about fucking 72 hours ago. They were a gift. Yeah. You got to eat them all too. Shout out to the helium Portland. Portland helium.

Hooking it up. Um, but that being said, we got a goddamn family episode. Yes, we do gang. As you know, when you sign up for the old Patreon there, you'll get a question right on the air. Oh yeah. It's the best way to do it. There's a bit of a backlog.

So be patient with us. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's what the suits tell me I have to read. That's our disclaimer. Okay. Boys upstairs. Backlog we're working through.

Yeah. All right. This one's from Jeremy. Are you garbage? If you tape a leaf over your expired inspection sticker to avoid tickets while you're parked. That's a home fucking run. That's genius. Yeah, man.

No, that's not trash. A leaf. That's trashy. This will be my take on it. I guess it's trashy that you let it last, lapse, and you haven't fixed it, but pretty fucking genius that you're taking care of it your own way and you're sticking it to the man. Amen to you, Jeremy.

I saw a dude not that long ago, it was a pickup truck. I can't remember what he did. He did something. Oh, I know what he did. So in New York you have the lane, then you have like those little, those cones that you can just knock over. Sure. Yeah.

Those things. Yeah. That's like a fucking mall cop. Get out of the fuck out of the way. Yeah. And then you have the bike lane. It was all jammed up getting on the Queensborough Bridge one day. This white Ram truck did the move.

It pulled around. It went through the bike lanes. Sure. Like bike lane and the shoulder type thing. Into the intersection. But you know what he did when he, before he did it, had a little thing that, that, that hit his license plate. Really?

Dude, it was really sweet. Whoa. I saw it close. And then when he pulled through, as he was driving away, I saw it open back up. Man, that's like MacGyver. That's like Knight Rider shit. That's real Knight Rider stuff. I had a buddy do that when Easy Pass came out.

A couple of hippy-dippy pals I had. Uh, they were going on road trips like Mountain Claw, like rock climbing and stuff. Like up through like the Appalachian Trail, like up to East Coast, I guess. You know, up to like fucking Massachusetts or Maine or whatever. Rock climbing. I know what you're talking about. Um, scale on some rock. Sure.

What are you doing? Manana. Free hand. I do it. Free solo. Free solo. Uh-huh. Plenty of tuna fish.

I keep slipping all the bacon grease on my fingers. Tuna fish and salmon salad. I think no, peanut butter. I know you don't like peanut butter. I know you don't like tuna fish. So with salmon, peanut butter and salmon salad. I think so. There we go.

Deep cuts on the Seinfeld. Shout out to Dan Cortez. Uh, step off, Foley. Step off. Um, Tony. So before they would get to the Easy Pass, because they didn't want to pay the money, right? A couple of frugal friends I got, uh, they would pull over and put a t-shirt over their

license plate and then just drive through and make it like a mile, pull over, take it back off. So that way there's no way to send the bucket. Really? This was real primitive, too. This was like early on in Easy Pass days. Yeah. Save, you know, whatever.

50 bucks or something. Me and my boy blew through a toll booth. Yeah. We blew through a toll booth, uh, probably 95, 96 going down to Virginia. Um, we didn't have any money. We just had to fill out some form. Yeah. Say, I'll pay you back later.

Never. I've been in a wallet, whatever, whatever. That means, like, I get, if you do, that's also old school. If you did lose your wallet, I'd be like, I don't have any fucking cash. I have no credit cards, this is like pre... All that? Sure. Pre, technology boom?

That's what you would do. Yeah, I forgot. Whatever. You know, you write down, they pull up, they write your license plate down and fuckin' whatever. I don't know, I don't know how they get you. Yeah, they really pursue in those cases? Fuck any of you.

I don't know. Remember the ones you used to have to throw the coins in? They were big, right? I love that. Always got to do that. If I missed, my dad would freak out. Man, dude, that was, I, that, there was nothing, that's like trying, that's like being at the free throw line in Game 7.

Dude, that's the pressure. That's fucking, two seconds left on the clock and it's on you. Because it usually meant you were close to your destination, your dad was dying to get there. I thought he would have killed me. Yeah. Like, I thought it was like, that's it, we're leaving you here, you know, you're now part of the toll booth people.

I remember them yelling at each other, where's the change, where's the one, they said, I only got a 20 going back and forth. We, yeah, but that's an easy pass. I remember my uncle was a cop and they always said no pennies. They wouldn't take pennies, right? The ones on the Atlantic city expressway in the term, but like the ones in Jersey, when you go down the shore, he's like, yeah, they don't take, he goes, I know they do. So that was like our big, like in the know was they would take pennies.

It's like, it's legal tender. They have to take it. I love that. They just don't want to count them or something like that. When some dirt ball starts talking about legal tender, it's legal. It's legal tender. You got to take it. That's like when you say you can't pay with change.

Yeah. Nobody. Yeah. Nobody. Yeah. Constitution tells me I can. No one's ever trying to break a hundred dollar bill when they're saying legal tender. They're fucking stacking nickels looking for coins or the ridges on the edge.

What a dirt ball. Great question. Yeah. My, my dad always just get a receipt too. What? Get a receipt. $0.38. Yeah.

It was for work. It was a business right off. Wow. So I, I mean, he drove a lot. Oh yeah. I remember, I remember my dad got out of the Navy. He, he, he started his own little insurance business and then started working for all state, but he had his own little, his own little thing.

Running his own shop. Yeah. And dude, his fucking console was filled. Get gas. Gas receipts. Dude receipts. This receipts, receipts. Yeah.

Fucking. Yeah. Use one card. Boom. But before it was cash. Yeah. If you're paying, there was no easy pass. So you're paying like a dollar, two dollars.

And if you're doing that five times, four times a day. And it's up. That's a big right off. 200 days a week. Whatever. Yeah. It's a G hot off at the end of the end of a year. There you go.

Sitting in your pocket. That's legal tender too. That is legal tender. I'll tell you that right now. All right. Let's see. This was from Trogdor, the burninator. Whoa.

Shout out. Shout out to him. $10. What's it called? Bad email? Strong bad emails. Strong bad email. I've never had one read.

Is it garbage to store winter clothes in suitcases during the summer? I mean, John, have you have any summer plans? You guys don't have any fucking trips to Aruba plan. If you can. That's tough. I get it though. It also depends on where. Our last apartment was so fucking small before we moved to this one like two years ago maybe.

Was so fucking small. My wife couldn't keep sweaters. Right? She has like a bunch of. I hate that. That's one of the things that's starting to get to me. I mean, I know I'm older and, you know, been a bit of a loser most of my life. Hey.

It's starting to get to me. The shoes underneath the, underneath the couch, the fucking stuff. Shoes under the couch. She has like a shoe organizer under the couch because she doesn't have enough places for her shoes. That's a tough long. Yeah, dude. You're using living room, pouches, storage.

It's underneath the couch. Oh. You should have kept that one to yourself. She pulls it out. It's all over her shoes. Got a lot of shoes though. It's pretty good. We're going to bigger apartment there, Thubsie.

I think that's a. Hey, come back on the bacon and spring for a three bedroom. We got to get out. Yeah, it's crazy. That's like up there with the beanie baby organizer on the back of the closet door. That's very similar. We have one of those too. I have one of those hanging in the office where all my toiletries are.

My shaving kit, my contacts, all that stuff. I keep some. The office. Yeah. It's on the back of the office. It's not. They're not checking any toll receipts in there. That is where the kitty cat makes her dinkerdos.

I imagine you sitting down with a bunch of Boba Fett's like gentlemen, we have businesses to discuss. Round table. You're walking behind them all sternly and where were you on the night of Boba Fett you fired. That's my Trump. Yeah. Shout out to Boston Trump.

I'm not good with the impressions. What did I try to do not that long ago? I tried to do an Irish accent or something like that and launched it. It was Jamaican. It came out as. Yeah. Yeah. We have.

I have one in the closet, one of those hanging johns. I put some clothes. It's just overflow in there. Kind of couple pair of jeans. I don't wear it slide in there, but we do have a proper dresser. It's just a mess. You know what? It's on top of it.

The traveling kills me. You know what? Proper stinks. They weren't good in college and if you have one in your adult life, it's a real tough look. I feel like I might have one. The plastic. Oh, dude.

Pull out. No, they fucking stink. Man, they're like a house of cards. They'd come falling down. Those things suck. It's the tops never level. So when you put your deodorant up there. You bump it.

Everything falls over. I hate all that shit. It drives me crazy. Kip, let's talk about ladder, baby. L-A-D-D-E-R. Yeah. Let's talk about doing yourself a favor, getting yourself a little term life insurance. Just in case the worst happens, you want to make sure that your family is protected,

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She has her drawer. I have my drawer. We got a drawer for the fucking hand towels, the hairdryer. It's nice. It's good. Yeah. Clean, very crisp. You use a hairdryer?

Yeah. You do? Uh-huh. I do. You'll never see one. I got to dry the Rogaine as sexy as it sounds. Really? Yeah.

I put it on because I put it on and I'm running late, typically, most days. Or like, I get out of the shower. I got to put the Rogaine in. Put the Rogaine in wet? You put it while your hair's wet? Damn. No, dry. Yeah, dry my hair.

I like dry and then put it in. You put the Rogaine in after your hair's dry? Yeah. Okay. Uh-huh. And then if I'm like chilling, it's whatever and then I'll just, but if I got to go, I got to fucking dry it. Also gives a little volume too, a little poof to it.

He'll be hit me. You would never use the spray that fills it in. I mean, we could do that as like a Patreon bit or something, but I don't want to do it. Kippy gets hair. I don't want to do it. Because for a minute, remember when they were advertising that back in the day? Yeah. I think Bert says he's like, I've never done television without it.

That's awesome. He's big on it. Yeah. That's good stuff. Just topics or something. That really fills it in, man. No, I feel like that guy with a bunch of sea monkeys on your head. Yeah.

I feel like the magnetic guy that you would draw the beard and eyebrows on and stuff. It just doesn't. I don't think it would look great. Hey, don't walk by the microwave for a couple of hours. Did you do that on purpose when you were a kid? Put metal in the microwave? No, but you know, I don't know if we have ever talked about this. Oh, 100%.

I had to know what happened and we had these nice China dishes. I had to burn my parents' house down. Can I say that China? You just, you call China, fine China? I think so. Yeah. You not being sure. Yeah.

We used to have these nice plates that had a little bit of silver around them. Sure. And we'd put those and I remember the mom was like, don't not put that in the microwave. I did that. As soon as she went to work, I was like, let's put that in the microwave. I did that on Thanksgiving by accident. I was like, reheat. That's when we were like the plates we were eating had that and I threw it into reheat.

And I do remember the popping now. It's really something. You know, it was awesome as a kid. We used to do fucking marshmallows in the microwave. They would blow up to get like that. Really? Yeah. You put the big, you put like three jumbo jawns in there.

Yeah. It felt like fucking Bill Knight of Science. Wrap one of those in Cobra Commander. Put him in here. I'll tell you what you want to know. You ever throw a CD in there? No. You got to lose some data when the Feds are on your trail.

Jesus. What are you fucking melting down hard drives? Who are you? It's fucking awesome. Fucking Doug McCrae over here. He's cut. It's not what he did, but sure. He did.

He was a smash and grab guy. They put the tapes in the microwave in the break room at the bank. Also, too, maybe like two, three weeks ago, I get in a shower and the water stops. And I'm like, what? I don't like that. And I hear like that, that, that, that, that, that, that. Now, one of the selling points of the apartment was the water pressure is silkwood level. It's powerful.

Okay. Call the super. I'm like, yo, the water stop is like, give me 10 minutes. They're fixing something downstairs. It has not been the same sense. I don't know what they did. That's not good. They probably put a blouse.

Yeah. Tamped it down. I'm going to get a new shower head and make the hole a little bit smaller to build up the pressure. Isn't that what you do? Oh, I don't know. Well, I'm getting a new head anyway. I'm not doing that.

I'm not doing that. I need a lot of pressure. Who's going to put it on? No, you, you're not a man for that job. Teflon tape and stuff. Sure. A little Teflon tape in the house. We'll wrap that up.

Put it in there. I believe you. I'm telling you, I got vice grips the whole nine yards. You got vice grips, monkey wrench, needle nose, whatever you need. I'm not going to stand here and be insulted by that. I got all that stuff. Metal saw, hacksaw, hammer. Yes, I do.

There's no way I believe that assorted screws, flashlights. I got a stud finder. I got a level. I got all that stuff. A bunch of mismatched screws all by. Yeah. I got some mismatch. Um,

All right. This joint can use a touch up too. I'll come in here with the whole kit and get it all please. Give you a good price too. You're charging me. Time and a half though. Make sure I do it on Thanksgiving. Speaking of the shower, this is from TJ.

Is the garbage have multiple different scented bars of soap in the shower so you can pick which smell you want to smell like when you wash your body? That's clans. Love that. That's fucking clans. Love that. Although I did have a bone to pick. Uh, my wife went to like, uh, cause she makes fun of me cause I use, you know, generic,

not generic. I mean like either a Irish spring guy or a dove, like the bar for like a dollar 50. Can I tell you something? The dove bar is good. It's like milk. Yeah. I've been really thinking about taking a step back and going Irish spring again. There's nothing better.

It just dries you out so bad. You can't do it in the fall, man. It's tough. I get you. Um, but so she was like, she went to Lush or whatever. Oh, and she bought, uh, she was there for something else, but ended up buying me like a bar of soap, like one of those blue bars of soap looks like cotton candy. Lush bed, bath and beyond Sephora.

I'm all about smells, faint taste. You walk in, you turn those, you turn it on and vigor it like, it like wakes the bar of soap up. The water, the whole room starts, the whole bathroom starts. I mean, it's not like a technology. It's just like whatever is in it. I don't know what you're looking at me like it was space aged. Really?

What do you got? Is that the thing from on ethernet? What's happening? No, like just the smell, whatever they've used. The soap's very powerful. Yeah. So like when you turn the water on and the moisture gets in the air, like you can smell it before you get in.

I'm like, I fucking loved it. I love that. It was 15 bucks bar. So lasted maybe 10 days. It was just like, I'm like, I got so. You sure it wasn't a bath bomb? Am I a fucking asshole? Sometimes.

Yeah. I'm in charge of this operation. You think I'm showering using a bath bomb? Maybe it was. No, it was a bar and it's like, literally like you would use it. They're like whoppers. Like, dude, I would do my arm and it would be like, you could like just watch it get smaller and smaller.

I think you had a bath bomb. It wasn't a bath bomb. You sure? Yeah. Was there a pumice in it? Pumice. Yeah. Was it a Mediterranean dip?

No, there wasn't pumice in it. It was a fucking bar of soap. Okay. I do not think I know what soap is. I don't think you know what you're doing over at Lush. That's what I think. It was soap. But I was fewer.

I got out every day being, look how small this is. You paid 15 bucks for this. It lasted five, six days, six, seven days. There's still a little piece in the corner. I can't bring myself to throw it out. It's still sitting next to the shampoo bottle. It's legal tender. I can trade that in.

That's about 70 cents worth of soap. Where does your soap go when it was done? In the turlet? Ours went right in the toilet. I don't know. When it got down to like a little tongue. When it looked like a Laffy Taffy, it got right in the toilet. As a kid, I guess my mom just did away with it.

We put it in the toilet. I really remember shoving some down the drain too. Get that out of the way. Someone else's problem. I remember doing that because we didn't have like the holes. We had like the, you pull up and turn it half. It was like a. In your drain?

Yeah. They get the bath, the shower. Oh. It was like a, you pull and turn it and it stopped. Huh. I don't know if I read a stopper. Whoa. Yeah.

The rubber stopper. Did you open the twenties? Yeah, you put that in there. Rubber stopper. Yeah. Yikes. Dead bodies have been drained in that thing. Rubber stopper.

No, but yeah, you know what I'm talking about. You pull it up and you turn and it stops. But of course. Sometimes I say stuff. I know. I know the switch. No, that's old school too. Yeah.

No. This is, that never, that they would break. So you can't use, people start using their feet to put the, too much force will snap that little. You know what blew my mind as a kid? The release valve or whatever it was right underneath that. The emergency valve. So the toilet, so the tub doesn't overflow.

I need to clean out. Yeah. The over, whatever it is, that little thing where if you, if you got it high enough, you'd hear the. Yeah. I used to love that. I don't think that's an overflow drain. I thought that was to prevent the tub from,

from overflowing. No, I'm pretty sure. No. Cause I think I flooded my place with that. And now the, the little that I do know about plumbing, I think that's a clean out. That little shit filled the tub up real high and jumped in there. Like the Kool-Aid man.

I remember my, my, I did, I was, I, that's probably seven or eight. Man, I don't know. I remember my aunt making fun of me because I know what you do up there. You fill up the tub and you start fucking flopping around like free willy. And I was like, ooh, that one stings. She goes in and goes and starts splashing everywhere. She killed. Free willy.

Killed. You fat little bastard. Free willy. Oh man. When an aunt or uncle made fun of you for being fat when you were a kid. Zing it. Those are really stung. It didn't sting.

I always like a good rip. I like a good, a good shellacking. You know what I mean? Free willy. Yeah. I know what you do. You get up there and start flopping around. Does the stopper on your bathroom sink work?

Or do you have to go underneath and pull the little thing? I got to raise mine up a little bit. Yeah. It doesn't come up quite well. I think mine works. We got a, we got a, we got a drain problem though on this, in the sink. My parents sink upstairs was clogged for about 15 years. Really?

Oh yeah. Yeah. We didn't have any. It was filled up instantly. Yeah. I kind of like that now. Like it's bad after like a fucking. You know what works really good?

It's on the sixth floor of these old fucking buildings. It's just like, you know what you want to do? Go get Drano crystals. I've done it all, baby. You can only use cold water. That's how strong they are. You hear them popping in there. Uh-huh.

I've done it all. They, I guess they expand. That'll go through bone like butter. Yeah. We do a, we've tried it all, man. It's just tough. It's all fucking plumbing. You got to deal with it in this.

City stinks. What are you going to do? After the country. After Jersey. Nice house. Little picket fence. Something nice. All right.

This one's from Jose. What up, homies? First time a long time. Is it garbage to buy a plastic flask with the intent of sneaking it past metal detectors? That's pretty good. They used to sell them. That was my move as a booze bag when I moved to New York. I'm like, well, I can't.

Did you have a flask? I have. Somebody did. Somebody rolled around with a flask for a little while. I definitely have. Cotton maybe had a flask? We all kind of did a little bit. Yeah.

Like when we first moved because it was like, we had no money. Darrell Charles, shout out to him. He used to roll around with one in the Raven days with a pinnacle whip cream. Yeah. That was his drink. Yeah. No, but I would do like whiskey or whatever just to get a couple of, you know, because I'm like, I can't spend, I don't have 50 bucks to spend at the bar.

You know what I mean? I can wrap my head around spending 30 or 20 to a couple of nips, you know, take the edge off a little bit when no one's looking. I always hated people to have a pregame or pregame or pregamer. I have something that was so stupid, but the idea behind it is so solid and so genius. Why don't you like pregame? Just the whole like, yeah, do pregaming, man. Is that how everybody says pregaming your head?

In my head they do. Yeah, but pregaming is fantastic. It is. It's part of the fun of the night. It is. It's better to show. It's better when the pregame, and you don't even go out. You're like, let's just fucking get more booze than fucking hang here.

This party's cooking. It's better. Turn from a pregame to a party. It's better to show up to a dinner, dinner or a bar with a couple in you. Yeah, that's the whole. 100%. Of course. That took me a long time to learn.

And it's also like, all right, say you. What do I know? I'm eating on a bacon. I don't know. It's also like, if you're going to a fucking party, right, say, hey, we're having, you know, Toby's having people come over at nine o'clock. I don't want to wait till nine o'clock to start boozing. When was this?

So it's over the weekend. Really? We had a little relapse get together. Did you really? Yeah, it was sick. Dude, I stole a car. What are you talking about? You're joking, right?

Yes, this is an example. He didn't relapse. No, I know he didn't relapse, but he might have had you over. Have you ever been to Toby's new apartment? No. Very upset. I give you a ride. I'm going to get first dibs on the invite.

Couple of games. You think I'm giving you guys any ammo? What are you, nuts? I'm going to break in. It'll be my apartment somehow. Get in on this. Are you the co-signer? No.

I didn't need no co-signer. Yeah. Kids doing all right. I think I may not have faked a few employment letters. Oh, without question. Cut that. What are you doing? That was for previous, previous places.

Yeah. The guy got the landlord got back to me. He was like, I looked up to the LLC. You guys make desk furniture, right? And I was like, yeah, we do a little bit of everything. I've never been honest on a fucking resume or an application or anything like that. It was pretty funny.

You're always juicing up. He called me and he's like, yeah, you know, this was your previous apartment or whatever. And I was like, yeah, I'll give you a fucking, I'll give you a fucking letter of whatever you need. I'll hold a mortgage if you want me to. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, but you know, to qualify by myself,

because in New York you have to make so much money by yourself to qualify. Well, it's being done by the book. You get a landlord out in the story that plays ball. Sure. He's in Santorini after a year. He don't give a shit. And he was like, yeah, you know, I make just, I'm like,

I'll make fake pay stubs. I'll fucking do. I'm like, I'll Venmo me money. I'll put it in the books. Whatever. We can figure this out. There's no way paperwork's getting in the way of you getting the fucking apartment, buddy.

You got a bunch of fake pills and a dryer with some poker chips. Let's go. We'll figure this out, dude. Best job I ever had. Plus Friday's off. Good stuff. Let's see here. All right.

This one's from Shower Shotgunner. $10 home. Hey, go ahead. Had a Q red yet. Have you ever had to light your stove with a grill lighter? I've had the light mined with one for over a year. My stove right now. It clicks.

Nothing happens. Gas builds up. I start panicking. That's when you go to the grill lighter. Really? Fuck yeah. My one thing doesn't work. You got to get that checked out.

Why? Why? I hope you get a close up on that cam. Really? The pilot's lit. Hey, relax. You should just have a working stove. You're 46 years old.

But it's not going to fill up with gas, is it? Maybe. Then the phone rings. And the cat. That was always a foley fear. It's the light. Spark. The phone, yeah.

It's in a fight club, isn't it? I think it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then the phone rings, yeah. Think about all the fat around the house, too. Bacon fat. You know, I think you should just have a working stove. Sure.

How many burners work? Three. But now two. So two. Well. If that is not the age foley spin zone. I can light it. The gas is getting to it.

The one the nozzle just turns forever. Oh, that's not good. Get that checked out. Get a set of ice grips on that. Turn that thing back. You're crazy. Your stove only has two burners working right now? Yeah.

How are you going to make a whole pack of bacon? You're nuts. All right. Good stuff. I'm not done making fun of you about that. What are you? You almost had me. I'm like, all right, let's whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

No. Call the landlord. Get a new stove. Get them in there to fix it. How many burners do you use at a time anyway? I'm not making fucking Sunday dinner where I got four things going. I do one at a time. Maybe two for the water, for the pasta.

That's it. No, we'll get three going. You get three going. You know, yeah, if you're doing some sort of. What are you making? Mash taters? We'll do a tate. Do really?

I've been on a big. You didn't invite me? I've been thinking about mashed potatoes lately. We'll do a sweet pea mash. You'll do by hand or a sweet potato mash. That's really good. She's good. She can throw down.

You know what's really good? I want to say it's Calabasas, I think it's like pumpkin, but it's a little bit. I'm not a fan of a pumpkin squash world. Well, this is, this is like. This is pumpkin, but it's not as sweet and place I used to work at. They used to put garlic in it and make a, make a, like a pumpkin mash. It's all right. It's all right.

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