Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Trashiest Limo w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: November 7, 2022

Are You Garbage is back with a Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! FINAL RUN! Buy the Are You Garbage Card Game: https://areyougarbage.b...igcartel.com/ Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Established Titles: https://www.establishedtitles.com/garbage Promo Code: Garbage Mint Mobile: https://www.MintMobile.com/GARBAGE MVMT: https://www.MVMT.com/Garbage Promo Code: BF25 Helix Sleep: https://www.helixsleep.com/Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Stop the show gang. Let's talk about that middle-class famous store, baby. Oh, baby coming up to the fourth quarter on that Down to the finish on only a few times to see us Gang it's a good time come on out and see the live show to mix the stand-up comedy Plus we played a little a yg with the crowd It's a great way to introduce new people to the show. So bring this squad with ya. Yeah gang this week We're going to be we have one show left on sale in Atlanta on November 12th, and we're going over there to Charlotte, North Carolina Philadelphia sold out you snooze you lose we got some tickets left for the second show in Providence, Rhode Island in December
Starting point is 00:00:34 And we got some a few tickets left for our second show in Boston in December get those tickets Let's party gang this episode is brought to you by our good friends and established titles with established titles You can buy as little as one square foot of dedicated land and you could start calling yourself our lord or a lady I'm a lady kind of guy Nothing wrong with it get me with every order established titles plants a tree and works with global charities as we're global Reforestation efforts. Look at that. Let's go. Why not? Title packs give you at least one square foot of dedicated land on a private estate in Edelston, Scotland. Good lord And you get a certificate with the crest on boom right there hit it. It's an amazing last-minute gift
Starting point is 00:01:19 It's not a gag gift. It's cool. It's fun. Don't be giving people stars. Give them this This is make somebody a landowner baby established titles is running a black Friday sale right now Plus if you use the code garbage will get an additional 10% off that off the top go to established title comm slash garbage To get your gifts now and help support the show baby established titles comm such garbage do it right mate Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or Absolute trash Now here are your hosts Kevin Ryan and H Foley
Starting point is 00:02:01 Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is our you garbage Yeah, it's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that they go to be clay you see Just a big I'm your hostage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Antutti's basement. She is around here somewhere My co-host is coming at you man. What is our writer strike or something? Listen, I go for a laugh doesn't matter I get on base my co-host coming at you from across the table He is the CEO of are you garbage forget about all that though
Starting point is 00:02:42 He's my best pal in the whole wide world, and I love them give it up for KJ Kevin J Get a goofy one off out out the gates today daddy. Oh, thanks for tuning in as always I gotta give it a spiel make sure you rate review subscribe over there on I do do that for us Full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are Check that shit out subscribe over there do us a solid and then obviously Patreon.com the greatest goddamn website of all mother mother f in time You sign up you get bonus episodes a yg every week if you're on a ten dollar level get the hard feelings You get the hard feelings which I gotta be honest with it is the moneymaker to run away hit. That's what the people want
Starting point is 00:03:24 That's what the people love. It's a good time. It's a good show. It's a behind-the-scenes as the HR Screaming at each other people like it. We're having to listen. We're not selling it We're having a good time over there. Do yourself. No, we're selling it Don't listen to the fatty we're selling this thing, right? We're having a good time over there is the point get over there and check it out It's a good time on that beach check it the fuck out. We got a whole shit ton of content We got for the 20 dollar level. We're doing a bunch of vlog stuff We're on the road with Berkreicher that one's dropping soon also the road me and you and the gym
Starting point is 00:03:54 They got a whole lot of stuff we got coming out there check it the fuck out gang And how about a nice quick shout out to our producer x short and air the magic man makes us all look good He works the ones and twos and he crosses the T's and he dots the eyes. Oh, he's got a reboot you Maybe doing some defibrillating in a couple of seconds here because I think I'm having amalgamations Give it up for Tebow McMuffin Toby McMullen. What's up, dude? What's up? Oh, man? This is gonna ruin the episode because fully is gonna spiral but last I had dinner my mom goes He thought I am tody jokes, huh? Oh Oh
Starting point is 00:04:27 Like that Cindy you ain't lying if you got any hit me up My DMs are open For professional purposes and weeners. I'll take a wiener I don't think amalgamation was the word right for sure wasn't Appetition is what I wanted to say okay now machin was what I was gonna say. I don't like Dalmatians Yeah, that I don't like them. I'd they stared a little snippy. They look like they are inherently Nasty, yeah nasty is the word. Yeah real. Yeah snappy. Don't listen to that that dog on Paw Patrol
Starting point is 00:05:07 They ain't all sweet like yeah Paw Patrol Paw Patrol not a bad show listen. I was just singing the theme song Probably was rudely interrupted So we hit the lights we put it off for the cat when we leave we put on like a kid's Yeah, that's what you want to scare the shit out of it. Don't take catch idiot Ox eat squirrels I got one for you cuz I know What do you got kid the other day went out to a nice little town Outside of New York City
Starting point is 00:05:40 Rye, New York, I know it well couple of bucks up there couple of dollars couple of doll hairs I know the guy that used to own the whole thing right bread. I mean Made a shitload and pumpernickel Now we toured a farmer not really a plantation but They weren't paying minimum wage They weren't union yeah, I don't know what you would call it But he the guy that owned that owned all of that all that it's almost all of all of Westchester on some point Why Johnny Westchester and he was still working
Starting point is 00:06:19 Wasn't all moonlight and canoes back then what are you talking? I don't know hey how you met him I didn't meet him. I we went and toured the the facility his house Your case in the joint to be honest Where were you the night of October 12th is what I wanted that was a sleepy hollow. I didn't what my kid had the headless horseman Ask him. Oh, he'll back me up if you can find them Shout out the icky sticky Kid knew when to get out of town Get what it getting's good. I never liked that shit when I was a kid
Starting point is 00:06:58 I don't know. I ever told you that I don't care who was playing at Scooby fucking goofy Mickey I don't care. We did a rock we did he was the headless horseman, right? Oh, okay, icky. No it about crane was the head look about crane was the school teacher. I Was waiting it come out crane was like the guy that was scared the guy that that the headless horseman Tormented it was his story. Gotcha. He worked in the city and got set up to sleepy hollow to work up there Gotcha. Well, but I think in the Tim Burton movie. He's a detective Johnny Depp dude The detect the headless horseman's name is Abraham Van Brunt. Yeah, he was a Hessian soldier He was a Hessian soldier
Starting point is 00:07:39 We did it Fucking hate haunted hayride as a kid and I don't know how they did it or who it was The neighborhood organized it like my neighbor did that's not like he had like a big fucking Not like a tow truck like a big construction like Truck and we all got in the back of it and he drove us over scary shit the headless horse and drove a bobcat dude Get the big rat out front Now use can't leave So they had I don't know I still can't do the math of where the fuck he took us because it was again the neighborhood
Starting point is 00:08:18 I don't know how they did it, but you looked up on a hill and a guy ran up on a horse with no like he I guess he Had a shirt Like over his head, you know, he had like a big shirt over his head He was like looking for you and he did as a good six-year-old there was a for sure headless, dude I remember looking at my mom like let's call an Uber. Let's get me the Shit is dicey I don't like that. Oh, it's just a mechanical football heads Yeah, well, you can do it kind of he had like the you can always as a kid
Starting point is 00:08:50 I would always go like oh, I can see this smell the Miller light coming down the hill Anybody got a light Jesus Christ think about if you smell Coors light and breath mints and cigarettes run Jammed up at a check point Sir, let me see your license registration and Yeah Boss cars when I Shout out the boss. I haven't seen each other in a couple of days shout out the boss They used to put on a show
Starting point is 00:09:29 They would bring it down there in Halloween after you did all your candy and all that stuff and you go down there and Just right in the middle of the street from one building to another They would do like this little little shitty production But they would have some brought up on the roof with wearing a witch's costume And then they would send a dummy across a wire You didn't know that when you were a kid that was big in the 80 a dummy a scarecrow on a zipline will fuck you up And then they'd have another broad on the other side Nope, uh-huh. Well, I don't care how many kick cats you got
Starting point is 00:10:02 I didn't like that. She's a wing and Cadbury eggs. I used to wait in the car with it running I didn't like that shit at all dude. So we're up there. I don't like witches No, cuz they're I'll fight a ghost. I don't like witches now. You can't punch a ghost Witches are scary though So we're we go to this thing and they have like we just go We're like walking to go to stroll through town and it happens to be up and right up and right We're back to present day present day. Got everybody's got their head on them. Mm-hmm. So we get up there nice up there Took the dog. There's a beach. You can take the dogs on turns to a dog park in the winter
Starting point is 00:10:38 Uh-huh. I'm runs around a little Hansie Ponzi in the water. It's a scene. You know send your picks So we're like, oh, let's go get lunch or whatever so we get over there and like the main You know how all those towns have main streets. Yeah, I mean so we get over there to the main street and it's blocked off They're doing they're like Holiday, you know Halloween thing for the kids or whatever Mm-hmm They paint there's like, you know a little bake sale like I'll just you know nice little street blocked off and they bake sales are All right, they have
Starting point is 00:11:08 Lemon square they have a they have a band there, you know as entertainment and it's a call They have a cover band of like local dads Not like cool spooky songs. You would think they were they were really reliving the glory days Dude, they were playing like smoke on the water What dude they I mean these guys were These guys I know I know you don't like cover bands It's and like I do like a nice cover band but this was if they can get if they're killing it This was depressing dude. It was they were fucking. I mean they had the pedal set up the guy had like the
Starting point is 00:11:55 for the Bon Jovi Wow out the voice spot the talk box or whatever living on a prayer get back to work. Will you know Your break ended an hour ago, Steve. It was It was tough man, and then there was two guys. I don't know if there were roadies or whatever But they're the only ones in the audience there were a rock on yeah Couple of air guitars. It was a sad sad Yeah, it's pretty kids That's what I that's what I was these guys were treating like it was fucking woodstock these kids don't want to see sticks
Starting point is 00:12:29 What are we doing here? It was bad, dude. It was somebody up there playing like uh, it was trashy trashy for sure Spooky songs they're all in cargo shore. It's like real real dad Monster mash that's what they should be up there playing play play monster mash get a dj get a dj Paul patrol song the whole night for the kids. There you go These guys are over there fucking smoking chiba before they go on it was It was I was so embarrassed, dude. Yeah, it was a tough one. That's a tough look. That's a nice time though in the fall there It's nice. Yeah, sure go up there. I like it up there. Yeah, too bad
Starting point is 00:13:09 I was thinking about this. Did somebody looking about moving up there? I was no, I was you were talking about it Yeah, that day or just in general just in general Really needed about a cool three mil to get anything dude. That is a price you tree on that you forget that I mean like, you know, we grew up in the suburbs of of of philly. So it's like That those are the you know, these are the richest people in the you know Some of the richest people in the world live there Sure, you know what I mean because you have like all these investment bankers and shit and it's like Where like I grew up with like construction workers like people who are like roofing companies and stuff like that
Starting point is 00:13:46 That was like the the land was cheap back then it was getting developed and stuff like that It was starting to push out from the city a little bit get a decent mortgage, you know, you put 20 30 down whatever Make some payments each month people have that my eyes and whatever. I don't know We go over this a lot. I don't understand how people say I know how my mom and dad did it smoking mirrors If I could refinance refinance A couple of forged pay stubs. You don't know what was going on working for abc contracting and stuff like that Always refinancing a little bit of this a little bit of that little credit card here a little bit of this
Starting point is 00:14:20 She really made they really made it work. They know what they're doing. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but all right Let's get into it. This is a goddamn family episode gang Yes, it is gang as you know when you sign up for the old patreon there you get a question read on a air on a air You choose you choose a bit of a backlog shout out to paul versey a bit of a backlog But it's the best way to do it and kevin will do that for you Right now, I don't like what you do with that All right, let's go this one's from backstage jimmy. What up james Are you garbage if your family rents a limo to ride to your grandpa's funeral bonus points?
Starting point is 00:14:54 It's of a hummer limo because that's all they That's a tough look. Do you're showing up in a yellow hummer with spinners? To bury pop pop hot tub in the back We we we we we exonate that for my dad's funeral what we don't want to do the limo What'd you guys do you typically get the nice limo not the I mean, that's wild. Yeah. No, but they have a diff. There's a there's a I assume they were there's a funeral. There's a funeral limo Right. It's a little bit classy. It's a little bit classier. It's not like prom Hookers and coke. Yeah, I just didn't I mean that would have been cool, but uh, I just didn't I don't know
Starting point is 00:15:33 I didn't feel right about it plus coincidentally me and my brother reach have black cars It's a cheap. I mean, yeah, well, you know what I mean It's it's still black so it all it all kind of meshed in Matched in I don't know. I'll save the couple of bucks though. You want what I got a car Is that for the driver so I'll drive it would have been pissed if it wasn't a hummer Plus, and I thought about my fat ass getting in and out of that. That's what it was. That's why you ex they suck Climbing out of that thing I feel like farley I can dig in my way out of the window. Um
Starting point is 00:16:06 Yeah, that's a tough look. That's tough. Um, this one's from anthony monaco ten dollar homie shout out haven't had one read Is it garbage if you consider your security deposit part of your net worth? Yes, and you should you should and your savings account essentially I consider that the last month's rent as well That's that's trash. That's on that's that's place to place really No, it shouldn't be that sure it should I'm not waiting six weeks after I get my I think it's 30 days, isn't it get out of here 30 day schmurty days Listen, that's the rent. I'll see you later. I'll drop the keys off in 29 days and I'll be out of your hair I've always done that
Starting point is 00:16:48 To the to the unhappiness of my landlord sure. Yeah, no one's thrilled about that The place is fine come in come in and look at the place But I get there's got to be some sort of thing because I think a lot of times I don't know if I don't think new york does but I think that money's got to go in escrow And some I don't know what that means. Uh makes me hungry every time somebody says it escrow go Um, I I don't know. I'm sure there's it creates a little bit of a headache and paperwork for them of They can't just take that money on the first of the last month
Starting point is 00:17:18 Right, they own the building. They got it. Whenever they know that they got to make fucking mortgage But you don't know whenever they pull it out Then then they have it. That's not my listen. They're banking isn't my business I'm out of the contract. You're not sure. I am. No, you stiffed them on a month's rent. No, I didn't Yeah, you did. I'm not getting the deposit back It all evens out what the security deposit is for you can you come in and take a look at the place and make sure it's okay But the rent's doing the first of the month sure So you're living there without paying rent for 31 days and then you move out so come in and go
Starting point is 00:17:51 Hey, you can take the money. I owed you 30 days ago and another 30 days Hey, man, it's price of doing business Are you blood suckers? You gotta spend money to make money. You know, I'm talking about t-bone. I heard that. Yeah Come in and take a look at the place That's if I know I didn't do anything to it. I uh Otherwise slip the check out of the door Uh
Starting point is 00:18:16 And we I I'd have some spackling to do I'll tell you that my uh, I've I've said before my but they redo the place Anyway, it doesn't matter most of the time when you go out they come in and they spackle and they paint and they clean Yeah, they have to yeah, so Sayonara This is this is this is you're going a real long way just to say you're a dirtbag You're stiffening the landlord the last month which I hey, you know, it is what it is. I'm not judging you for sure Don't try to fucking don't try to church it up. You're stiffening them burn the bridge in your way out the door What are you doing?
Starting point is 00:18:46 I did that. My uh, I I I used to rent I rented it to me my friend rented a condo off my step dad had a rental property And against his better judgment. He rented it to us and uh, for rightfully so we Fucked it up pretty bad. Really you're 22 24 loco. I just hit Shout out to shout out to pat. It's a glorious time. Man a red four loco Fd it was like it it was like somebody shot it with a 50 cal bullet dude This thing exploded all over the wall whatever after a night of drinking So he kept my security deposit my step dad did let's talk about playing hardball But never issued anything of like hey like and I thought I think the security buzzers 1200 bucks or whatever the rent was
Starting point is 00:19:28 A thousand bucks And I thought I was like hey, it's gonna be 500 to fix the carpets, but like you still owe me 500 So he was just yeah, he was like dude. Fuck you. I'm just keeping the whole thing And I remember yelling I'm like you owe me with the guys like I like googled the wall or whatever and like I quoted like you know section three of the of the penal code on asking versus robbins 1893 I'm like you have 30 days to provide me a written detail talking of all things And horses are not to be tied up on mainstream exactly a couple of horse thieves goodwill baldy over here sent me to my room
Starting point is 00:20:05 I Kip how about that movement love that movement, baby Talk about starting a movement movement is starting a movement gang since day one movement is always shaking things up If you want to get a top quality watch at a fucking discount price Do yourself a favor get over the movement from day one. They've been shaking up the industry Yeah, guys, uh, you can stand out with movement watches I wear and more during their black friday seasonal sale, baby with the discount you can't miss You don't want to miss this and you don't have to wait in line like a bozo
Starting point is 00:20:35 They were nice enough. They sent us the the blue the the the blue blocking lens glasses They sent me a watch and now I've got got me into the watch game. I love it. I got a tight watch I flex on people. I went out and bought an expensive watch. My wife don't even like that one. She likes the movement that looks good It's good quality. There you go. I don't love that, baby um Timeless timekeeping with an with a fresh look movements designs come in countless styles for every occasion Shop with confidence and jewelry 24 month warranty free shipping and free returns on orders over $50 Uh, here we go, baby. Here's the turkey
Starting point is 00:21:10 Be a good gifter with movement during black friday sale get a special 25 off site wide with code bf 25 Just in time for the holidays join the movement today at mvmt.com. That's mvmt.com do it Okay, let's talk about helix mattress, baby. You mean helix mattress the best than a goddamn biz Let's talk about helix. You don't got to wait in line over there at the mattress store You take the quiz on the website there. They let you know how you like to sleep. Sure Then they give you a mattress perfectly designed for you. Yeah, take two minutes sleep quiz I took it me and a bird got teamed up with the twilight Model edition and baby. Let me tell you that I jerk off in it today
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Starting point is 00:22:24 Helix has been awarded the number one mattress picked by gq and wired magazine, baby Now here is the turkey helix is offering up to 200 dollars off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners Go to helixsleep.com slash garbage with helix better sleep starts now. Do it took my four loco Oh, man who the cherry ones they'd get you Yeah, those things came in that was worse than the fucking I like a red bull and vodka and a percadine See your eyes roll back in your head look like a vegas slot machine Couple of those it was always christmas
Starting point is 00:23:06 Holy's eyes just been a pinpoint pinpoint pinpoint Um, all right this one's from bozo bozer some bozer bozo bozer person. Um, I like that Have you ever played air guitar in a pool stick? Yeah, it's some of my best work Love the pool stick at least a little playing with the pool stick taking apart. I was terrible those were big Taking apart not everybody had to take apart her the rake too playing with the rake too. I had no idea It's not a rake. It's a bridge. I believe is the name of whatever rake. It's not a craps table you idiot Oh stay guys that in the chalk
Starting point is 00:23:41 Put your finger in there. Man. It makes my blood run cold. The chalk was a good time. Yeah um Yeah, we never had a pool table couple of bodies did yeah needed a way it was always at a friend's house Yeah, a couple of bodies something was always missing too. You were either missing a ball the fucking triangle was broke Yeah, all you had was the little stick It was always a little stick. Yeah, there's a little they the little stick comes with the set for when you're in a corner That's what you use the bridge with No, the bridge you use with a regular
Starting point is 00:24:12 I think toby give that a google. I I think I think a full the bridge is also known as the lady's stick or something No, yeah, you're like a real true true players not supposed to use it unless you're a you know Bit of a pansy. I think the word is I think I thought a full Uh q stick set came with a little one. That's what that's from Seinfeld you idiot the maestro's fucking no that was the thing That there is an actual small q a small stick that you use when you're in a tight corner now When you're in a tight corner you go up we're gonna pop them down anything. I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to Small pool stick, okay q pool stick set
Starting point is 00:24:53 Okay, okay not pool noodles I was like, is this about the bridge or the little stick? I missed the whole pool noodles thing That was that was after my time Yeah, you just get regular ones. You'd have to like special order a little guy. Oh really? You're for sure thinking of that scene in Seinfeld. No, no, no, I remember my friend had one I've seen them at bars where there's little ones. Yeah, it's generally for a poorly placed table Yeah, but they do make them. Well, why can't he find them? I don't know this whole thing's fishy. No, maybe maybe maybe you think you know better than google possibly
Starting point is 00:25:27 Okay, but I do like a little air guitar one of those things they were a broom was the best Yeah, we had a good bass a broom. You were stopping the show Yeah, short queues for every room size see there you go. Thank you. Thank you. That's fuck get out of here You want me an apology never and 300 dollars Um fully versus ryan All right, this one's from thomas, uh, $50 homie here is a garbage to lie about the tier of your patreon That's just a good time right there 800 homie here That is that's what I laughed at earlier. I was like, oh, that's a fun one because I had the same
Starting point is 00:26:12 I'm like $50 are you got me. That's a good time. Yeah, I'll tell it Um, I this room wizard is a garbage to bring a first date to a gun range It depends where you live. I mean that kind of could be like a thing I guess yeah, if you're like right more country folk, you know your shooters A lot of camo involved in that relationship. I presume let's let let's her know you're a man If you got your own piece a hunting rifle or whatever it is I've got to be tough if she takes you and you and you're not uh, you're not a you're not a marksman And you're like, yeah, I gotta get the rental gun or whatever that's you're in the rental skates
Starting point is 00:26:50 That's a tough one. It was a terrible shot. Yeah Uncle hank you're bad. Oh man We never give me the uzi You're every bad guy in the 80s. Oh man, give me the uzi or the shotgun. I'm a shotgun man. Uh terrible I don't know if I've ever really Shot at anything You know, we were just like shooting into like the wall the woods and he didn't shoot a cans or anything like that I wasn't the fucking wild wild west. No BB gun. I'm okay. We used to
Starting point is 00:27:23 Yeah, you can't really gauge that though. We used to hang out of my boy Mike Dalvecchio's in college over to his place He was he was boys at my my one boy They go over and we'd spend hours over there Just booze and smoking doobies and just shooting the cans in his backyard. I just taken turns. It was awesome my boy, uh All my my my boys. I went to Drexel. Uh, they had like a mouse or rat There's a there's a lot of a lot of live creatures like squirrels and stuff
Starting point is 00:27:52 In their house squirrels in their house. It was a bad property. Oh my god Keep that security deposit. Oh man You should have do that basement was like they they shut it one time. It was like, all right. Just locked away Really whatever was going on. There's a whole ecosystem down there. It was bad Yeah, but they would shoot they had BB guns. They would shoot the mice the mice Now mice no mice ease I really carry disease. They started the fucking bubonic plague. No, they proved that wasn't them It was guinea pigs. He has guinea pigs. Yeah
Starting point is 00:28:26 I blow it off the mice blowing it away. It wasn't dogs. All right No, I couldn't hurt a guinea pig I only have one body on me. You say that like I have been hurting guinea pigs Uh, I only have one body on me. I just want fucking wing one a bunny. We shot a bunny In the backyard with a with a BB gun We say this like as a family you did this. No, it was me my brother We shot him. We went outside. It was showed up with dark chocolate. It was in the cage, but you know
Starting point is 00:28:56 The easter bunny healthy sex. That's pretty good. Uh, no it was me 90% cacao Yeah, you remember those dog lives remember those hollow bunnies at easter back in the day Those things Oh, I like those Fighting an ear on that Solid or nothing. No, but they were big. That was the thing. Yeah, they were real shitty chocolate. That was like eating wax I ate that right after I ate the peeps and if I was eating peeps, you know, I was in a bad way Everybody's well been vegetables
Starting point is 00:29:26 peeps Fucking kick socks, dude I had one once and I looked I remember looking at my mom go these never end up in a basket ever again Don't even bring them in the house. I don't care where you got them taking away get them out of here Give her a slap. She She ends up hanging in a meat truck with fucking Tommy carbone that one Like it bringing peeps around now my cousin had gotten a BB gun and we thought we were tough guys and we went out And we were like, you know, just shooting at whatever and then there's a rabbit
Starting point is 00:29:53 We shot it and we kept missing and I hit it but didn't didn't kill it And then we had to go up fucking put her out of its misery. We were such Uh little little girls about it. Yeah, we ended up burying it We stood around we said a prayer and stuff like that never touched a rifle again. That was it I was done killing file off the file off the serial number throw it in the water It's haunted me ever since Toby. We hit up. We lit up a snake one time We got a semi-automatic handgun where you just had a like a real one. No BB gun
Starting point is 00:30:28 And you just had a like it had a trigger on the back handle like a button where like you had to like squeeze hard enough And then you could just and they had like a clip you would put like 16 or whatever, you know 20 BBs in pellets or BBs BBs pellet guns were like trikes They they were like a lore of the 80s. You couldn't get your hands on pellet guns or trikes I knew a kid that had one I remember it was my brother's friends and he got underneath the car And it was a kid riding a 10 speed down our street and you lit him up by he was driving They would get like in your skin, dude. Fuck no pellets were bad. Yeah, get up right in the ankle
Starting point is 00:31:04 Scott is still being him Yeah, that was a big thing. Everybody knew somebody with a BB in them. I feel that yanni still has a bullet in them Jesus. Yeah, yanni P. Mm-hmm. Got lit up. God was back when he was banging in the clubs. Shout out to yanni P I think it grew out Actually, and he had to go in and get it comes out. Yeah, like your body will ultimately reject A piece of pencil on my pinky. Mm-hmm So I'm all scarred up too. I know how it is Uh
Starting point is 00:31:32 But Fuck what was I gonna say? You were murdering an innocent snake First of all, there's no such thing as an innocent snake They're devil's creatures that I'll give you Get out of here, baby. No way the new testament. Have you read the bible? What are we doing? The new testament does not look at them favorably No, um
Starting point is 00:31:55 And we were walking by and uh, I don't know. It was my brother. I forget. I just remember fucking this snake We were walking by we had this pond by my dad's house and uh It like right that's all it took. Yeah, and I think it's my brother. Maybe just Like and just hit him on like laced this thing with like six BBs. Yeah, buried it had a funeral Did you really? No, we got a friend at a Hummer limo too Now we buried the rabbit every time I walked by I had a lot of look at and think about that poor rabid Yeah, it sucks, but
Starting point is 00:32:29 You know, they're gonna do what are you gonna do your kids made some mistakes But then we went to an actual shooting range when I was I don't know probably with your family I don't know you keep saying we I don't know. I wasn't I don't know many friends you had growing up So I just assume it's your family Me and my aunt No, my buddy who was in the army took us to an outdoor shooting range. He had the AR-15 and a handgun. I was terrible shooting that little that little, um One of the little red the little red things little clay Jones whatever they're called
Starting point is 00:33:03 Oh, like ski shooting. He didn't throw them up. We just set them up against the hill Yeah, we should go ski shooting that should be uh, what a shotgun. Yeah, gotta have cash to do that, don't you? Think we're doing all right. Yeah Pretty cool. I feel like it's easy though. Everybody I know goes like I shot nine out of ten So it's gotta be not that hard You're spraying what you're shooting a buck shot. You're not shooting 20 twos. No, right? That spreads out Yeah Spread on it's like fucking 10 feet or they could be lying
Starting point is 00:33:34 I don't know. That's what I'll be. I know a couple of people are like, yeah, I fucking killed. I'm like This seems like it would be the hardest thing in the world and you're just walking in and 100 lighten it up That doesn't make sense. Yeah, it's like frisbee golf Um, tell the birkreicher big frisbee golf. Is he? Yeah, I didn't know that There we had them on the tour bus. Oh, we did. Yeah, they were like sitting on the I didn't say them um All right here. Let's see here. This one's from set. Uh, have you or anyone in your family ever ran yourself over with a four-wheeler?
Starting point is 00:34:07 Like gone over the handlebars and had it run over you That was one of the original questions that did you know anybody that was injured in an atv? Oh, really? Yeah uh Man, I was I I I uh, I fell off one pretty bad scared the fucking shit out of me My boys had these 125 cc quad runners. They were called. They were like Honda's or something. We rode a lot like as kids Um, where? In your mom's neighborhood. Oh, no, no, no. He lived he lived in like one of those like toll brother developments
Starting point is 00:34:44 So when it backed up to like the woods rail like yeah, like, you know railroad or whatever It was like small. It was like and you would just take him right out in the backyard. Yeah Jesus cops come you fucking gotta hide out somewhere your fat ass I'm gunning it He can open me man I flipped my cousin my dad's a lawyer. I flipped my cousin's atv sideways or backwards sideways I went backwards learned a harsh lesson about leaning. Oh, yeah, you got lean into it Even when you feel like you shouldn't
Starting point is 00:35:19 Uh, we were doing these things they call like I guess they're called hill climbs where like you It's like a steep hill and you like fucking got it and go up. Yeah I've seen the videos So they all did it And like they it was him and his brother and they had their quads like that they were their quads And I was just on like their their other one. I assume they weren't a little fat pieces of shit Nah, not really But they knew what they were doing and they're like, yeah just fucking
Starting point is 00:35:46 You know when you get there's like a system because it was like a quick like scooper like right up Um, oh, I never would have done that. It was like a spine. You know what I mean? Like a spine ramp and he was like you got to punch it if you punch it in the wrong spot you're gonna fucking Dude It was one of those things you're like everything got quiet And I'm in the air like I fucking I punched at the wrong time and I could have killed yourself Oh, dude, I am for I am full blown in the air just like All right, you see a little bowl cut. Oh, dude, probably have like a milk mustache
Starting point is 00:36:23 I got a fruit punch Hey Dude and I start slowly Fuck dude like this sucks, man, and I fucking dude and it fell I Because you can't you don't have like momentum to get away from it. You know what I mean? So I'm on it and they're like let go So I let go
Starting point is 00:36:47 And I lay and it lands and thank god it landed on it. They had the what are they what are they called like, uh Fender rat like it had a rack on it which kind of prevented it from like it fell like the quad fell upwards You know what I mean? You're pressing your large pubescent skull Pressing my little wee wit Yeah, I did and I remember I was like one of those things where you like immediately want to call your mom Maybe like I'm so sorry for everything I've ever done I promise I won't eat in bed anymore Oh
Starting point is 00:37:20 Man now I got the it was the perfect timing For the fear of those things to be put into us where we wouldn't even go near them because it was In the 80s Like one and two kids were getting killed on those things Yeah, because they had just kind of come out and they were dangerous as shit They hadn't worked out the balance of them and to this and to that and they they still are still and worked out the kinks And some poor kid got really really hurt in our neighborhood on one. Nope never went near them. I was always uh Afraid of like shit like I was never like the crazy one of like let's fucking you know try to do wheelies or whatever
Starting point is 00:37:59 I was just like Good at cruising with like the snow we'd be like all right Let's fucking take the quads and we'll go like build a snowboard ramp on the hill low and slow, baby Yeah cruise. You know what I mean? Take a look. Oh, thanks. That was the best part of it. Um Home run of a fucking question. Yeah, kippy. You know about mint mobile love mint mobile, baby. I'm a client That's right mint mobile shout out to him gang. What are you doing paying high prices for phone service? 15 bucks a month with mint mobile. No contracts. No fees. No hidden this no hidden that a lot of people say to me They come up to the industry to say hey fatty, but what's the catch?
Starting point is 00:38:33 I say there is no catch They pass the savings right on to you because it's all done online over there mint mobile Yeah guys, uh like I've like I've said a million times at this point It's been a long time supporter of us and my wife has been using mint mobile since before this podcast even started That's how much that's how big of a fan we are over there at the ryan residence There you go for anyone who hates their phone build mint mobile offers premium wireless for just 15 bucks a month Mint mobile gives you the best rate whether you're buying one one or a family and mint mint the family started two lines They know what they're doing all plans come with unlimited talking text high speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5g network
Starting point is 00:39:07 Use your own phone with any mint mobile plan and keep the same number along with your existing contacts Switch to mint mobile to get premium wireless service started just 15 dollars a month. Here's the turkey get premium wireless 15 bucks a month with no unexpected plot twist at mintmobile.com slash garbage. That's mintmobile.com slash garbage Sheer see you'll make your wallet very happy mintmobile.com slash garbage do it Yeah, but let's talk about that established titles one more time, baby You mean the best in the biz? Yeah talking to a couple lords of garbage right here gang When you buy just as little as one square foot of scottis woodlands over there Everyone's got to call you a lord or a lady. They send you a certificate. It's a good time
Starting point is 00:39:43 You can tell your boss to go fuck himself. Call me a lord. What'll be doing here? Yeah, don't matter if you work at target burger king anywhere. You are a Mf and lord daddio how great would it be the next time you get pulled over by the cheese on the highway? Yeah, hey, do you know how fast I was going? I don't know talk to my lady That's what I would say guys the first 200 people purchase a title pack using our link will effectively be next To our plots with a few walking within a few minutes of walking. Let's be names. Yeah, great a land to trash I borrow my cannon sometimes our own little kingdom out there, baby Here's the cheese established titles running a black friday sale
Starting point is 00:40:19 Plus if you use the code garbage you'll get an additional 10 go to establish titles.com slash garbage get your gifts now and help support the channel Baby one more time established titles.com slash garbage do it Now back to the show. I have a quick one for you fellas I'm listening when you put your deodorant on after getting out of the shower Okay, do you put your shirt on first or after? That's weird. What do you do? I've put the my deodorant on first never you put your shirt on first Yeah, because it gets on your shirt Why do you want it on your shirt? I don't want it on my shirt
Starting point is 00:40:51 What are you talking about if you put it on first and then you put it gets on it can get on the sides of on the exterior of your shirt Oh, I use clear deodorant. Yeah, sometimes it still shows. I just don't want to do it now Never I also use white deodorant. That's crazy. That's crazy too. Well, I also use a Alarming amount of really yeah to the point where I did it one time the fact to use antiperspirants crazy That's what you use. You use deodorant antiperspirant. What's that antiperspirant is different. You don't know this I do antiperspirant. No, I just use it from sweat. Yeah, I use dove. I don't think it's antiperspirant It wouldn't be white and it wouldn't just be it wouldn't be white if it was if it was just deodorant I'm pretty sure no because it's the girls deodorant. I don't think it's any I don't think it's antiperspirant
Starting point is 00:41:34 I know you mean most girls deodorant is antiperspirant antiperspirant deodorant that's what It's a combo it has them both in there Not supposed to use that shit either It's no good for you Yeah deodorant mask odor while an antiperspirant reduces how much sweat the antiperspirant contains the aluminium the aluminum. Yeah
Starting point is 00:41:55 I'm cool with it then. I don't care Well, that's why you smoke cigs for fucking 20 years. That's why you're putting the shirts. I don't know out of the shower Get towed off dry Use the blow dryer and we know in every part every crevice every valley Then deodorant So so so nothing starts up. I don't want nothing cooking do my spray my gold barn spray Then start getting dressed. No, I go shirt and then what do you do? I just switched What were you? I was I was in a shirt on guy
Starting point is 00:42:27 And then you'd reach under and yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, but then I but then I kept catching the sides of the shirt you get the weird I was like, where's all this chalk coming from or whatever Sure Because I had to got jammed up bought some white deodorant never do it Never never always it was all over the shirt. So now I'm a what brand or what brand are you using? I use old spice I also use old spice. Yeah, but sometimes you catch a bad batch of that I used it for a long time too where it's like super alcoholic. It's because it's that's alcohol based or something
Starting point is 00:42:56 Yeah, no wonder. I like it Two more old spice, please old spice and soda I'll catch a bad fuck. It feels like someone hit me with a blowtorch under there. I had like react I react poorly. Oh, you're sensitive skin a little burn body this mary Flip it atv's Can't handle at least I was man enough to get on the horse. All right. Hey, I'll give you that I was smart
Starting point is 00:43:23 You ever use the gel remember when the gel was popped here that stuff Speedstick. Oh, I might as well have been using fucking glue. Yeah, that's shit. Yes, dude That was nasty, but I remember putting on deodorant. My boy pat goes What are you doing? and I think how much well how and I was like I'm putting you he goes that's he goes that's crazy like I go I Think I get to eight one two three four five six seven eight. It's okay. Maybe that that seemed too short
Starting point is 00:43:58 I go a little bit longer a lot. I go a little bit ruin shirts I go longer too because I have more surface area to cover sure. I gotta make sure I get out here I can't you gotta get down here. There was a bigger guy Yeah, I'm aware. I'm a fat piece of shit. You don't want to be stinking No, it's I used to have dude. I used to have a stick in my car. So like if I never get jammed up, you know what I mean I never got that bo smell Okay, now it takes now. It takes a long time Like I'll get like a I'll get like a funky smell before I get like the hoagie smell. Yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:44:30 Never I've never really gotten that I knew kids in high school that man Now high school your your body's changing your figure and stuff out. I'm not smelling like a greek salad brutal Never got it Never got it Not much of a man though
Starting point is 00:44:49 Did I I think I was I think I just told the story where I wore the The hoodie that had been in the wash too long and it took me to like third period, you know, so it smells like mold or whatever You know Kicking like a fish tank, so I'm like I'm like I smelled it on the boss or the call like you know what I mean But like I was like, oh, it's clearly not me. Whatever it is. I was sitting in fucking social studies or something And I was like I the kid behind the kid in front of me AJ like don't fucking. I'm like, uh, this is big And you're doing that thing
Starting point is 00:45:22 And then you're like, no, it's not bad. You're like, uh, this is um, and it's a whole thing It's like even spilled something or it's in the pits a whole thing's fucking ingratiated. It's who's been eating turtle I Needless to say around down to the gym and got somebody who's fucking axe body spray out of the locker Talk about a life saver. I was walking back man static that stuff had its place in time, didn't it? Yeah, after blunts multi use a week Shout out to it. Man, that stuff would be cold on your underarms too Machi that was mostly free
Starting point is 00:45:57 I know any purse burn and fucking freon spray Glisser all putting that down on your nuts. I don't fucking sting We used to do a thing in high school where you take the bottle of axe body spray Put like a bead or some type of ball on top and then tape it so it was like spraying like a And then roll it down into a room and hold it closed Damn, that's fucking awesome. Shit. I wish I would have done that. I don't ruin the day We did that with stink bombs back in the day the little glass stink bombs They were a good time throw those in the hallway, you know the hallways and in the schools that like, you know
Starting point is 00:46:32 They were like column hallways Stairs stairs. Yeah, not a hallway, but sure. Oh, yeah stairs. Sorry You know the things that aren't hallways. You just forgot stairs. Yeah, man I don't know what they're called guys in quicksand Throw one of those down there. Hmm. Yeah get everybody Be halfway on the bus smoke bombs were a good time too As a kid when were you doing not in school? Because back in the day they did do those they do cherry bombs and all that stuff cherry bombs cherry bombs are like, uh
Starting point is 00:47:08 Give a cherry bomb at google. I'm not it's a kind of like an m80 They would blow up the toilets in the 50s and shit with them. Yeah, I mean, I don't they flush cherry They flush cherry bombs down the toilet. Yeah, I mean You're getting proper trouble if you blew up a toilet. I think that'd be a felony at this point. Yeah Yeah, right t-bone. Yeah, they're illegal now But what's the water? Oh a cherry bomb Like a firecracker. Yeah, like an m80. I know what they are m80s the wattage every m80s are heavy We used to go down to my dad would go down to south carolina every year and come back with
Starting point is 00:47:40 I mean, we went we would just fucking then the one year he came back with ones that had waterproof wicks Dang it was a good time. What are you a frogman? No, man. We were just throwing them in the water Back in the harbor. I was great, dude. Dude m80s. I saw time. I know exactly what you're about I've lit about 10,000 of them in my life. Yeah, we had our college dorms were quads And there was uh, there was three floors and there was trouble in one of the things Struggle the well and they sent the security guards were walking through the quad And somebody threw a couple m80s like out their third floor window at the Security guys dude like right next to this dude's head just boom boom boom
Starting point is 00:48:20 Everybody hit the ground especially in a quad dude like that echo. Yeah Yikes, no bueno dicey, but those smoke bombs were a good time the different colors a little round You got a flea market shot the rice's flea market Tuesdays and Saturdays we were puffing smoke and um looking for an extraction playing war in the woods I knew I was going to be smoking burnies for a long time. I was gonna have a love affair with heaters Uh, because we used to fake those smoke you smoke those fake sig Not even the candy cigarettes. They used to sell actual Fake cigarettes with like a red tin foil on the end. They used to been in high school plays and shit
Starting point is 00:48:57 You blow out looks like smoke. Yeah some sort of Chemical for sure. It wasn't organic and you would we would get them at party city And just we would take our bikes we ride off to party city get like a they were like two packs or three packs Just fucking cruise around smoking fake heaters I got my hands on the real thing A couple guys on the pegs a side cart could tell me nothing Pack of stingers. That's great candy cigarettes is one thing with the bubble gum
Starting point is 00:49:28 It was the 90s, dude. My dad was a heater man. My step dad was the his dad before him was a heater, man I fucking heard my keep out there Man not smoking one of those hanging in your mouth as you flip the ATV All right, this one's from uh Chaoompi, uh, $38 homie here. There you go. Don't understand that. It's got to be a withdrawal Yeah, 30. He's probably a $5 homie with the $35 overdraft me That's all right. There's $33 overdraft me Um
Starting point is 00:50:04 You don't get that at navy federal What I don't think there's overdraft fees. That's god. I would assume. Yeah, that's that's how banks Live and die by the overdraft. That's where they make like a large chunk of their money in retail banking. Yeah I ever get your rocks off as a kid and tug your route to national geographic. Sure. Yeah, I don't know I don't know what we would only ever see those at school or the doctors We had a we had a collection of them. I don't know where my parents got them, but that was hot Are you an encyclopedia family? Sure Cyclopedia. Yep. Whoa. Yeah, we had them
Starting point is 00:50:39 They had them the Britannicas or whatever. We didn't have Britannica. It was some off brand Yeah, it was something it was like earls Earl's But yeah, we had we had a whole set of news maybe missing a couple You guys were a a b and c. Yeah at the rest on layaway. I remember I remember plagiarizing those things down to the commas and periods for Uh, what are they called book reports? Yeah Um big time
Starting point is 00:51:10 Yeah, I don't think we ever uh catch a boob or two in there too. One of them an encyclopedia. Yeah, very clinical Yeah Big set of cans Under cave for knockers Let's go But no national geographic 100% Yeah, no, we just that was something that was like we never got our fucking hands on that. I never saw that shit Yeah, I mean like you would see like, you know
Starting point is 00:51:38 Uh, we also I also had a bunch of female girl cousins who all they had all the cosmos like I mean All of the I remember reading on how to give a good blow job at 11 Let me tell you boys man pulling your route to those I mean some of those photo shoots were pretty risque Also at the time because now you can see whatever whenever I've seen the 80s You'd have like a little silk covering a little nip something like that. It was there You know it was there but you need it But that way you could you could get charged up off way less because you were there was no exposure to anything else
Starting point is 00:52:09 You know what I mean? So it was like a girl in a bathing suit. That's why like maxa maga. That was all pre internet Yeah, like maximum magazine. You're like Yeah, now I gotta hit this thing with a hammer Come on It's gotta be real dirty. I need the neighbor. I know everybody's got a yeah, but a candle opened something Yeah, the party don't start till the buttholes thoughts open it up. Yeah I need to see a prolapse, you know, I'm talking about This one's in the same world as from jack van dole. Have you ever used cliff notes as an adult?
Starting point is 00:52:41 I could never I was always fascinated by cliff notes. My sister had a one You would hear it. It would be like jokes on like save by the bell or step. I never understood what it was I go, I why is anybody then reading anything if you got that my sister had I remember seeing it It was black and yellow. Yeah, I always saw the cliff hanger every time I heard a cliff's notes Yeah, I didn't get it. I still don't fully get it It just gives you a synopsis of the book that and mad libs. I never really quite understood I mean, I remember laughing at mad libs. My buddy matt had a book and I was like this is The I am the funny it like because it goes give me a noun and you're like doritos
Starting point is 00:53:17 Give me a doc. Give me a verb die, you know, whatever And then you read that thing man as an eight year old with no phone. No internet note to you. That's a good time I didn't know where you got cliff notes Either I think I asked my mom a couple of times to get him, but no, you're not cheating Terry you get out of here She just ended up doing the book report at nine o'clock that night. Anyway, while I was watching airwolf. Yeah So should have just got me the cliff notes, lady. Don't brought us for you Save yourself six hours
Starting point is 00:53:50 Today jr. Let's hang out night court coming out in 20 minutes. I mean, what are we doing here? Let's go What are you gonna? Now? Let me do it. Get out of here. Yeah. I was uh, no never have my mom would not My mom would be like go face your consequences Like I guess you knew like the the grades didn't necessarily You know fifth grade It did though. Oh, it didn't matter I mean where you get placed your fourth grade if you're You lose what 10 points. They're not gonna give you a fucking zero for it. Sure, you know, yeah
Starting point is 00:54:25 I always kind of knew that to be honest with you. Yeah, so my mom's like go face the consequences and tell him you don't have it Like that's more of a life lesson of like Being accountable. Hmm. You could still use Um, we swept that on the rug. Yeah We're like the kennedys back Um This one's from jordan, uh Are you garbage you ever fist fought a clown because he scared your little brother?
Starting point is 00:54:50 I like that. That's real dirtbag shit. I like that. I like that. Yeah, why don't you pick on someone your own size bussy? Yeah, really go after enough with the pranks and the clowns and it isn't that I do like a haunted house though Like what we know where the actors are. Oh, I love that. It's a good time. Love halloween. Hey, it's the best We went we went to one. It's called, uh, it was like a civil war Uh, old civil war base and like Dover, Delaware or something we drove down to in like six or seventh grade And I had, you know, it was scared. There was like it was like, you know, theater school kids or, you know, college kids You didn't know that though, man This guy was painted white and he had dreadlocks and he was walking around and he he was scaring you in the line
Starting point is 00:55:36 Before you even got into the fucking event. You lay that one of your fake cigarettes I'm gonna see here, buddy I need a sig to calm my nerves get my head on straight before I go in But man, that's the idea now that I'm a big jumper. I get I get jolted. I don't like it I'm a jumpy man. Yeah, that's that's the way though. That's scary. I love being scared though I hate it. I'll fall. I'll get into like an instagram hole and like looking at like what's scaring you on instagram They have like, you know videos of like ufo's and like, you know paranormal activity and haunted things I don't know if I can trust anything on instagram
Starting point is 00:56:20 You know what they get you is the fake audio It's it's different audio than what's in the thing You know enough about audio to be like, yeah, of course. Yeah, you're like this this is this surveillance camera Didn't have dobies around sound or whatever. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. You can tell it doesn't match up Uh, although I do believe in that stuff. What? That those kind of like ghost videos the one that sal and christ just posted looked pretty scary It's a lady walking by. I know it's the biggest video I've ever seen. They said nobody was there That's what people would say
Starting point is 00:56:54 It listen if it was just posted online That's one thing sal said that a friend of those two girls whose he's friends They also said there was weapons of mass destruction in iraq people want to get what they want Sal didn't he had nothing to do with that? I don't could have been a big break Sal and the boys are in colon pals here They'll tell them there's weapons Hold up the little jar hold up the little jar Shout out to hey, baby
Starting point is 00:57:25 Shout out to that sal volcano Chrissy day that uh the whole no-presh network home was pumped into homeless pimp the other day Me too. He's a good man. He's a good man. He's a good man that pimpy. All right. Um, let's see here This is from david smith Do you say else instead of else? Anyone else? I think I might throw a tee in there anyone else Anyone else else else. I don't it's not else. I don't say that Else
Starting point is 00:57:55 Uh, maybe I dropped the e anyone else else. Yeah, it's pretty good. That's pretty trash or else What else is pretty trash else is trash Or do you say all's in place of all that as in all's i'm trying to say All's i'm trying to say. Yeah, all's i'm trying to say. Yeah, I think it's all what are you supposed to say all that I'm trying to say All that i'm trying to say is all's i'm trying to say is yeah It sounds right now. I feel like a glove that dude, huh? All's i'm trying all's i'm saying is all's i'm saying. Yeah, I I've said it before about my buddy
Starting point is 00:58:34 His family used to say every wears any wears I can't find my glove any wears. I assume this is the family that have the ATVs No, no different family her different family. I had more than one friend. I'm like you um Yeah, I just remember that was like I was like what in the I remember going home I would go home and like dish to my mom But you see what these like you get a load of these this I thought we were fucked up these people are nuts Come and give her a big hug
Starting point is 00:59:10 Sorry to do my book report I think I told you that on the beach my cousins it was like the first time I stated that I was with my cousins What cousins cousins is bad cousins cousins My cousins are real trash my cousins can't find my cousins any wears Cousin yeah Cousin I say cousin my cousin two of my cousins two of my cousins. There was z in there, too Cousins
Starting point is 00:59:46 What are we I don't know but you talk like alphabet soup My cousins I get mush mouths over here going on my cousins for christmas Man he can't find his perks anywares You gotta go help my cousins look for his perks He don't know he stole him two weeks ago Blood twist i'm never gonna find them Hey, buddy. Yeah, you believe that Oh
Starting point is 01:00:19 I've done that I've joined a search party for drugs that I had taken. Oh really? That you stole What a dirtbag you got the lantern out Hey, whatever you do don't check my bloodstream. Oh boys Oh man you dirtbag That's fucked up and somebody would take that man. I don't think I've ever done that but I definitely Uh, I definitely will take I'm looking I'm taking a peek at your medicine cabinet
Starting point is 01:00:51 Even now I probably will if I'm using your bedroom. I'm taking a peek I don't uh Pharmaceuticals that really did it for me sure it's like I don't even I don't even have that uh that impulse But I would take a peek just to see what's allergic to the the painkillers Yikes Kids at home, it's never in the medicine cabinet. You want to check under the sink Of course, maybe a broken ankle 18 months ago. Sure, but then again, yeah, I'm gonna have kids don't do Drug-seeking behavior. It's bad. Look at the you know, you want to be like these two idiots
Starting point is 01:01:25 Is anyone had a root canal recently? No, of course, of course Stay away for my den is that, huh? But yeah, then you can't you can't you start looking under the sink and in the closet I mean you're one step away from going through the drawers Sure, you take a gentleman takes a peek at the medicine. No, he doesn't if something comes up Same guy who doesn't pay the last month rent If something comes up in your favor, well, that's just the way the universe went
Starting point is 01:01:51 He can't start rooting around. What do you call going through the medicine cabinet? I'm peek. I'm looking for dental flaws I got chicken stuck in my tooth. I don't know you didn't have dinner yet I had a sandwich before I came I didn't want to eat too much be that as it may. I'll lock the door and run the water like a gentleman No, no, no, don't do that Of course, don't do that. That's in poor taste. Of course. Of course. Um, all right. You really want to check the nightstand I mean you want to yeah Okay, that got a little too real too sad
Starting point is 01:02:30 You want to you want to check the nightstand But you'd I remember it and I think I remember Just yeah, that was that was every day we were like we were like we worked at scotland yard That's all we did was root through each of our friends houses. Yeah, we did From top to bottom Elva 13 or whatever you're looking for porn or every anything something something to take back to the bosses Something to kick up Something to kick up to kick up to the big man. You know what I mean, dude, it didn't matter
Starting point is 01:02:59 It was it was just so interesting whatever you just got this your mom does this And it didn't matter anything. We we went through the whole entire house We found I mean, why won't bodies have found it? Every shit you don't want to see. Yeah Drugs money whips change handguns. It's crazy. Yeah, that's just my mom's bedroom Kidding mom Um, all right, let's see. This is from mv
Starting point is 01:03:30 Whatever a bunch of letters First time long time I ever put dryer sheets in your shoes while wearing them to prevent the smell when going to someone's house where you can't wear shoes That's a great idea. I wish I would have thought of that. It doesn't I've done it a bunch. It doesn't work I've used cologne. That's the worst that creates a Must that you can't shake now as a modern person as an adult I Like wearing I like no socks
Starting point is 01:03:59 In a fresh pair of sneakers. I know I think that's it's bad I think I think it's nice because you know, you're being naughty. You shouldn't be doing it. No, I do it And I'm like, this is bad, but I don't care. It feels so good. I'm gonna be a little naughty kippy today My sophomore year of lacrosse in college. I played every year I played every game with no socks. I never wore socks. It's different. That's sports. A lot of athletes don't wear socks Oh, really? I didn't know that. It makes you feel faster and I've loved no socks, but It's this that you get like I'm not walking through the drive-thru now. You get like a couple of weeks out of them Yeah, yeah, I mean the first time you do it is absolutely no longer the same shoe
Starting point is 01:04:37 I don't care if it's the first thing the You've before you even try them on it's they're no longer the same shoe the second you do that 100% Um, I did it. It's not good My boy flip used to we lived together for like whatever eight years or something like that. He used to put them in the freezer His sneakers. Yeah Would you wear them with no shoes with no socks? No, but I also think back in college just kicked In college socks were a problem. Sure. You know what I mean? Like at they wearing You couldn't just amazon new sock like and then if you're living with a room full of dudes or like a house full of dudes
Starting point is 01:05:14 She's stealing everybody's socks. I remember fucking shout out to my boy Eddie who came to the Orlando show You were like the really good looking kid. Okay? Uh shout out to eddie spaghetti. He fucking I was doing my laundry We were living at temple. I did my laundry and it was on the couch like because I guess the laundry was down the Bear wherever the fuck it was my stuff was on the couch like I folded it on the couch It was sitting there and I had one pair of socks that I'm like, all right I'm gonna put I'm gonna go shower put these on then go to class is all I had
Starting point is 01:05:44 I watched my only pair of socks and this fucking third peg had come home or whatever Saw my pair of socks and took the like put them on and then went to class I chased them down the fucking street. I'm like you fucking piece of shit. Let me see your fucking. Are they adidas? Let me see. I'm fine, dude. He's like, no, man. I don't they were fine. I'm like, oh man It was like that was a part of my net worth fucking security deposit your socks were like currency in in your 20s Ah, that's a good time. Things weren't going great. That's a good time, but I've gotten into that habit of Wearing them with no
Starting point is 01:06:24 Running out of the running out of the apartment to grab something or take the trash and I would Walk the dog. I do a lot dude slip them in. It's no good. I just had to when we left here on Friday We were doing something in the city And my feet would kick in dude I just went and bought a new pair of shoes and gave them to the house. I just throw these out They were like what and then the guy having the guy at the counter throw the shoes out. Yeah, I wore them out All right, but you take the old shoes out. No, I gave them the box
Starting point is 01:06:57 I put you go throw that out. That's not their job to throw out your dirty. I said here. Can you throw this out? Can you get rid of this? Yeah, no, that's really that's that's a that's in poor taste. How many people you think did that that day? None You shouldn't be the only guy asking him to throw up dude To be at a point where you got to throw out your carrying there's no trash can in there Where in the store? Yeah, you take them out with you and you that's your response. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Your responsibility back this up What so what happens if you wear the shoes out? I've done this
Starting point is 01:07:30 What do you mean? You you go in and buy a pair of sneakers. You wear the shoes out Yeah, what do you do with the other sneakers? You put them in the new box put them in the new box Take them with you and take them. What if you're gonna throw them out throw them out in the street? That's your responsibility. You're giving someone your shoes. You don't even want anymore because they smell so bad That's just to me. That's not oh really? Yeah. No, that's your responsibility I thought it was a nice tip. Yeah You can smell them if you want All the whiff you need keep the laces if you'd like
Starting point is 01:08:01 I wouldn't get near anything else Yeah, no Really? That's just how I feel how I operate as a person of like that's your mess. Take Take your mess with you. So i'm a dirt ball I mean, yeah, I've stayed a bit pretty vocal about that over the past couple of years Uh, yeah, I would say next time you're jammed up. That's a youth. That's your Hmm, that's your mess. Okay. All right. Let's see your point. Mm-hmm. Let's see your point
Starting point is 01:08:29 Um, all right, let's do one more then we got a wrapper up here. This is from trash compactor ever use your pet as a napkin I guess you got like Dorito dust on it. You give him a shimmy. I get it. I get it I don't I just I mean I just got a pup But I don't think so. I don't think I have now I like that dog that dog smell. Yeah, it's like whatever's on there is food I don't want to trade then you have food. You have like Dorito dust and My clothes of course my pants my shirt Yeah, my shirt does everything a lot of people do jeans that inside put like your pockets or your jeans
Starting point is 01:09:06 Oh, yeah, your legs sure back of my knees. I'll put I'll put if I sneeze and like a You know You also 90 flim some egg white hits the hits the my hand and you also go right that'll go right back behind my hand And I'll I'll squeeze my leg and then give it a You also sneeze like an old man Just full open palm right into your hand. Yeah. Yeah, you also sneeze like you swallowed a cherry bomb by the way Those things are violent. I know They feel so good like you're doing karate
Starting point is 01:09:48 Yeah We gotta wrap it up gang. We love you to death. Thank you for everything Hey, do yourself a favor as we said make sure you pick up your set of cards there because they're going away They're going bye-bye. They might be gone by the time this comes out So don't get your hopes up if there are some pick some up act now gang jump on a patreon subscribe on youtube Go over there to the itunes subscribe over there. Give us a review to whole nine yards You know what to do you the army of garbage? We love you and we'll see you next week Peace

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