Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Trashy Art Class w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: June 27, 2024

Are You Garbage is back with Kippy and Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. Its a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live ...show! Are You Garbage Cruise Survey: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/AYGCruise Live Shows: https://punchup.live/areyougarbage/tickets PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sheath: https://www.sheathunderwear.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Pretty Litter: https://www.prettylitter.com/garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Gang, we're thinking about doing an RU Garbage cruise. Oh baby. Would you want to hit the high seas with the boys from AYG? We're talking about mixing it up in international waters. Uh yeah, Tootie might be able to get her hands on a cruise ship, so we're sending out some feelers. Who wants to party with the gang? There's a link in the description of the episode.
Starting point is 00:00:17 Click that and let us know if you're down to cruise with the boys. Uh uh. Tug boats. Let's go. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Starting point is 00:00:42 Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast this is R U Garbage. It's that little show we sit there with your favorite comedians and we find that they're good to be classy. Yeah. Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful sweltering day. Oh we. Out back here at Tooties and in new edition she's upstairs making sweet love to the mailman My co-host is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of RU garbage He is the chicken parm hero the king of the summer. Mr. Neptune 2024 unbeaten give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan everybody. What up gang?
Starting point is 00:01:19 Thanks for tuning in as always Please make sure you rate view subscribe on iTunes on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube, as you know those numbers are. Straight a roof. Cooking. Cooking. Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com, slash RUGarbage.
Starting point is 00:01:33 You go over there, you get all the bonus content, you one up talking videos out the wazoo gang everywhere. Stuff from Ireland, stuff from fucking, three years ago is up there. Episodes of hard feelings every week, bonus episodes every week week all the videos like Down-to-shore stuff. There's so much. There's an instance all jokes aside There's an insane amount of content that if you join now you get all the stuff from the past three four years and also
Starting point is 00:01:55 One of the best group of people you could be involved shout out to the homies Love it the members of the board we call them shout out to them and how about a nice shout out to our producer? just loving the members of the board. We call them shout out to them. And how about a nice shout out to our producer? Extraordinaire, the magic man makes us all look good, works ones, twos, threes, fours. He grinds. He does ollies. He does kickflips.
Starting point is 00:02:13 Dan, he is not a poser. T-bone McMuffin, Toby McMullen, everybody. What's up, boys? You ever been accused of being a poser? Never once in my life. Right. I got the dirty underwear to prove it. Listen, boys, grab your jeans, cut them off into shorts, get a big fat sip of hose water. It's summertime, baby. Summertime in the city. The Livin's Easy Gang. We're
Starting point is 00:02:36 here for what we call a little family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. Kippy has his Domino's Cup. Shout out to Domino's. And I had to match that with my Empire Strikes Back commemorative cup that was given me by one of the homies. Shout out to you. Which I wanted to ask you before we get in. We've lightly touched on this. Real quick. I'm listening. What is your knowledge of science fiction? Zero. Do you know what a Klingon is? Oh, we were talking about doing this. We should do it for this week's Patreon episode, actually.
Starting point is 00:03:07 OK. That's fantastic. That would be fun. What does Kippy know about sci-fi? It's nothing. Yeah. It's not a lot. Man, your childhood.
Starting point is 00:03:16 I don't know what it was. What are you talking about? Getting yelled at in dinner rolls. Dude, you're obsessed over my childhood not watching Star Wars. You're 50 and still watch Star Wars. It's good programming. I'm not saying it's not, but you're obsessed over my childhood not watching Star Wars. You're 50 and still watch Star Wars. It's good programming! I'm not saying it's not, but you're obsessed with it. I would say it's weirder for you to be obsessed with it than me not be a fan of it.
Starting point is 00:03:32 I've been thinking about that lately. I think the numbers would disagree with that. It's a worldwide phenomenon. Worldwide phenomenon, but I do have way too many spaceships laying around my apartment. Yeah, but dude, he goes to bed with action figures. That's weird. I did forget that... We go to dinner first.
Starting point is 00:03:44 Ha ha, I take them out to eat. They don. That's weird. I did forget that. We go to dinner first. I take them out to eat. They don't finish it, so I eat their entrees. Yeah, Bubba Fett's got a hog on him. Yeah, I have seen a TSA agent pull a Jabba the Hutt out of your bag, so that's a little I would never have a Jabba the Hutt. Kidding me? He's not a lot of travel.
Starting point is 00:03:59 He doesn't have a passport, obviously. Duh. Yeah. I did want to ask you guys this. We might have lightly touched on this, but nothing to me says summertime childhood. Hold on before I cut you off. I'm sorry. Nothing says summertime like an AYG live show in Red Bank, New Jersey this August.
Starting point is 00:04:20 Get your tickets at the Count Basie Theater. That's a big one. Everybody showed up for the big ones. The town halls, the Wil theater. That's a big one everybody showed up for the big ones town halls the the Wilbur's This is a monster count basey theater out there in Jersey. I tried to get big I try to get to count Dracula theater, but it was One Tony the tiger theater also the route 66 tour everything available at are you garbage that crime? Yeah, it's gonna be fun
Starting point is 00:04:44 We got a fun fun summer up, fun fall coming up. We're excited. But I don't know if you had this, but some of your lower constituents of lower economic class might have had this on their front door. Toby, hit him. Bow, boom.
Starting point is 00:05:01 Ah, no, we didn't have a storm door like that. Really? No. We have a storm door like that, but really no We had a real door cuz that had a job We might have talked about this, but that is so It everybody had that we had that on our screen door in multiple houses just by coincidence the the the stuff around the screen would slice you open like Oh, yeah, it was like it was like a fucking tuna can and you knew that some the family was really hard up because the screen wouldn't be there Yeah, we were just be that we were of screens did not last and I would argue still do not last in our homes now
Starting point is 00:05:41 Kid run through dog run runs through it gets a hole sure me or my brother cut out a corner to make a little water pipe Yeah, we were fucking I got pinched with that like Mike my parents Could not figure out what I was doing with those because they weren't they weren't up to date. Yeah, they could now they didn't know They grew up. They were smoking passion. What are you talking about? I didn't realize you were talking about the door I thought you were talking about the image on the door. Yeah, the image on the door, the horse and buggy. What kind of hobo calligraphy is this? You've never seen that?
Starting point is 00:06:10 No. Whoa. What? I think to me, that was a very, it's a very like, Northeast suburban thing. I don't know if they have that. That's a lower middle class neighborhood right there. That's like those symbols that the hobos use to be like,
Starting point is 00:06:24 you know, warm beans and safe passage or whatever. Like the Underground Railroad? Keep it moving. Yeah, you stop by. If you have that on the door, you also have two packs of Newports, fresh for anybody who's stopping by. I wonder if that does have a meaning or if that's just a design. Can you give that a goop? That's just a design. You think so? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was... I mean, that company must have made... I don't think it was one company. Really? I don't think you can patent that. Copyright infringement? I don you think so yeah that was I mean that company must have made they don't think it was one company really I don't think you can patent that copyright infringement I don't think so I mean that was on everybody's door urban moms and dads that's what you it doesn't mean this is why you can't have
Starting point is 00:06:56 the TV on when I'm googling you see the problem is you it's not me that's what you that's what you're that's your search engine first one singles in my area can't be said you needed a more professional email and you said I'm not changing my Netflix password not so what emails connected to stop what are we doing why does that matter why is that a big deal everybody says that I remember somebody and if everybody's saying it I feel like people I I would say everybody I'm not listening because in my emails at the bottom it says null for some reason and somebody had told me years ago that I
Starting point is 00:07:32 need to change that because the professional sure yeah look at me now you're wearing dirty basketball shorts now these are polo nice shorts ok 98 degrees outside and count Yeah, that thing was a home run of for sure that house had real sweet ice tea Had something nice in the picture. They'd let you drink because they didn't want you to do it anywhere else Had a pool The dad didn't give a shit. He always had a couple of zingers when he came in,
Starting point is 00:08:05 a good, good time. Yeah, no. But that wasn't in your neighborhood. You were kind of new construction in that house that you had. Yeah, our house was built in the 80s. Look at you. Yeah. Oh, it was a sign to let you know that you had a back patio
Starting point is 00:08:17 where you could pull your horse up. Really? Really? Yeah. You guys had a horse and buggy? Jesus Christ, you ain't gonna get a Model T or something. Upgrade. My aunt Linda was a larger woman. I would bet you the the first house, the house I was born in the Northeast had that for sure. Oh yeah, definitely. For sure. Yeah. Shout out to Somerton. That would
Starting point is 00:08:34 make sense. Uh that would make sense but summer made me think of that. That screen door all ripped up, tattered. Trying to get that screen. Did you have to take your storm windows? I never understood that. I don have to take your storm windows? I never understood that. I don't think we had storm windows. Really? That was like the little thing. I used to, dude, I used to sell windows
Starting point is 00:08:51 and I still didn't, people were like, these storm windows, like yeah, you can storm it. Instead of screen, it was glass. And we had every spring. It was like thin-pane glass, right? Every spring, we had to take them down and put the screen windows in. And me and my brother got to a
Starting point is 00:09:05 certain age, it was like six and eight. They put it they made us do it. Yeah. And it was a fight every year. Go out to the garage. Get those things. Battle the spiders. Bring them in. Clean them. Put them up. She's screaming. My dad's yelling. I'm pinching my fingers. Me and my brother are fighting. Yeah, no, we, that was the same thing with this. I guess you take the screens out in the winter, and I remember them going back in, they'd always get bent.
Starting point is 00:09:32 We would let, you know, we'd be like, me and my brother would be fighting in the garage, he'd push me into them, and like, they would just go, wham, and fucking bend, and then you're trying to. Never bend them back. Or we'd get locked out of the house, and you have to pry them off from the outside,
Starting point is 00:09:44 you break those little fucking flapper locks. Sure. And then, you know, the window ends up being locked anyway. So you're screwed. Every screen door is blown out in the top left or the bottom right. Yeah. Breaking into your own house, man. That was so much of my childhood.
Starting point is 00:09:59 Like I said, we had a garage pad, but it didn't work. They never fixed anything. So that didn't work. So if one for years, it would only close it. So we'd have to find windows to try to get in. And I feel like that was a thing. No one ever called, how many windows I've climbed in? No one ever called the cops on you.
Starting point is 00:10:16 You probably knew you were a fat ass. I know, but still, you fucking. What cat burger is gonna be 300 pounds? Three foot nine. Gonna have to go through the cellar door to get in. Are you talking about the Maine Coon Bandit? My legs are sticking out, I'm kicking.
Starting point is 00:10:34 The portly creeper strikes again. I'm just in there eating your sandwich. He only steals butter. Cops can't get ahold of him. I was a margarine man, everybody knows that. Is that right? Oh yeah. I well up until very recent, margarine man. I didn't know there was a difference. I man. Everybody knows that. Is that right? Oh, yeah. I well up until very recent margin margin man.
Starting point is 00:10:46 I didn't know there was a difference. I just thought it was branding. I always thought something that was crazy that I couldn't believe people did it. It was a bit of a phenomena when I when when I was a kid was the fake rock with the key in it, which you could spot that thing a mile away. That adi Foley would never's that you give one key to the neighbor that you trust in a pinch but you didn't talk to
Starting point is 00:11:09 him that much. There was no association but never hiding keys. Does anybody have your key now to where your apartment? What? No, I mean, you don't have a neighbor that you trust. The super. I don't know anybody in my building.
Starting point is 00:11:22 Your super can get right into your apartment like that. Yeah. Whoa, I don't think that's normal. Yeah, huh? Your super can get into your building too. 100%. They have to have keys. Mine gave, I had to borrow my key from mine. I kept it for like a year and I just recently gave it back. To who? The super? Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:11:37 Wow. Did either of you have the- It's so weird. I feel like I'm living in a dorm. I hate that. They could get, first of all, the mailman could get into any any building He's got anybody's a federal employee. There's so many people. There's so many people that make that sound like it means something I think it is let me pass the background check rooting through your underwear You can get into the building can't get into my fucking apartment
Starting point is 00:11:57 I deliver in the middle of my bedroom most most locksmith places Can get into your apartment in two seconds. Oh, I had locked myself in. That's thousands of people. Not dude. I'm not even joking. I locked myself out of my apartment. He was in in also I've never seen a guy so squirrely in my life. He's like, no one's in there. I'm like, no one's in because you got to think it's like a domestic, you know, dispute and the guy gets locked out
Starting point is 00:12:25 He gets hit with a frying pan or yeah, he's like, yo, no one's in there I'm like no one's in there and I was living in a bad part of town at the tides. Are you sure? I'm like, yeah, man. No one's in there. I just lived there. He's like who all stays there with you I was like my my fiance or my girlfriend or whatever and he's like she's not there. I'm like no you two fighting All right, dude He showed a bulletproof vest a bulletproof shot to Washington Heights at 11 p.m. To fucking break a door It's funny as he's getting the door open you're pulling the ski bass. I got a billy club fucking whack them from me You never saw nothing like the Joker yeah, you guys were growing up
Starting point is 00:12:58 Did you ever have the magnetic hide a key that they put behind under the car? I think my stepdad did or on the AC unit was a big one under the car. I think my step dad did. Or on the AC unit was a big one. Dude, I don't think that was so dumb. Where did you get that? Heckengers didn't sell that. I know. I don't know where you had a order on the line. Of
Starting point is 00:13:15 course I had Heckengers. Yeah, I remember they went out of business by the Occia Valley Mall. It was devastating. Oh, so sad. They were great. I was like, dad, what are we going to do on the weekends now? Had Heckengers, had Clemens, had
Starting point is 00:13:24 Clover. Um. All local Philly spots fantastic. I got a cold like a dickhead Yeah, toy section stinks remember last time you saw my mom. He asked her how much colds cash She had on her and she knew the number. She's I don't know 230 or something like that. You're like. What are you doing? Shut up. He's gonna fucking club you and take it this guy needs the pants Anywho we're here for what we call family episode gang Uh-huh, uh if you sign up for the old patreon you can have your question read on the air by mr. Neptune himself Hey, it is stonewash t-shirt. Yeah, I didn't pick this it. I thought it was black it showed up cool guy team Man, yeah, you I uh, I think you're doing some finger painting later next period Finger in finger paint your mom
Starting point is 00:14:06 Paints always smelled so good. Oh, I walked by there's like this weird art studio. It's for kids, right? Mm-hmm, and like, you know, they have like day It's like daycare you go after school and like, you know I'll get to two-hour paint class or whatever for the kids and like to hang it up It's not like the community type fucking vibe. It's called even something called like that. I walked by yesterday last night around eight o'clock. There's a bunch of adults in there and there's a there's a there's a male model like posing like that.
Starting point is 00:14:36 Really? And they're all drawing them. Was he nude? No, I almost went in nude. Hey, I'll give you a real show. See, the real thing. I've never seen that. It was so weird. They call them si and paints. They drink wine and doodles. No, no. Yeah, but usually sip and paint isn't a model. It's like a picture of flowers and shit.
Starting point is 00:14:52 And like fruit. This was like some guy. These guys are innovative. That's a couple things. The lady that runs those things is usually a bitch. We had one run in with one that you did not like. Now, just paint an entire industry off of one lady. is usually a bitch. We had one run in with one that you did not like. Yeah, now. Just paint an entire industry off of one lady. Mid-thirties, single,
Starting point is 00:15:10 little bit bitter, doing it for the couples. Yeah, blonde, you know how they all are. Ha ha, name Stacy. Never return my calls. Jesus Christ. Buddy, it was six years ago, get over it. I love you! Kip, let's talk about sheath. Shut up the sheath baby sheath underwear been supporting podcasts for a long long time
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Starting point is 00:18:17 Uh huh. All right, let's get to some cues. Yeah. Gang, as you know, when you sign up for the Patreon, you can have your questions right on the air. Wait, hang on real quick. Yeah. Painting a live nude model, trashy or classy. That's clay arts classy It's classy stuff paint and sips even fun and wishy-wop. I'll give you that's a fun
Starting point is 00:18:32 I don't know how it doesn't get sex I'd be rock-hard in there. Oh, did me you just have a stick figure with a giant? Need to look in the butthole to get my definition Hahaha Do me a favor, bend over and spread it Hahaha See what the gooch looks like You're adding fucking text bubbles, ooh you like that Hahaha
Starting point is 00:18:58 Woo Treat me like your bad little Bob Ross Yeah, that was always very... I mean anybody naked in front of me. I signed that with my phone number and my email address. They're saying it's not professional, but I think you can get ahold of me. And also my Instagram,
Starting point is 00:19:11 I'm always giving the guy the thing. Oh yeah. I know it's supposed to be anonymous, but I feel like me and you really hit it off. I feel like you were giving me the vibe being that your wiener was out. He keeps turning his back to me. No, I don't even know where you would I that was never I feel like that'd be more your life not. Yeah, I'm
Starting point is 00:19:31 surprised you didn't major in that. Something from painting. No, I mean the only thing people painted was houses in my family. I can't I have no artistic skill in that way. But I feel like your family is a little more cosmopolitan-esque in that sense. We had one broad on the fringes of our family. She was related to my cousins by, she was not related to us, but she was cousins with a family that we were cousins with. Does that make sense? But it was the husband side of the family.
Starting point is 00:19:57 Gotcha. She was an artist. Air quotes for the audio listener. And for a minute in the early 2000s. Hell of a hand turkey. She would gobble gobble gobble. That shit always sucked. I mean a string of snowflakes, five feet unbroken.
Starting point is 00:20:20 No, she started painting everybody's kitchen with like fake lattice or leaves or something like that around the corner I never bought into it. No, we did it. She did it in our house and she signed her name on the wall Yeah, what the fuck is that dumb bitch? My mother my mother's home soon as she left my mom painted over. Yeah, she's got white help. No, thank you She writes Patty was here. For a good time, call me. Fucking Banksy over here. Uh, we had one guy, he painted a lot of the houses
Starting point is 00:20:56 in our family, whatever. I forget his name. He was from like fish test somewhere for Kensington or something. He was like a family friend of like all of my aunts and uncles growing up. Painter house painter. Yeah. Man, those guys are a different breed, ain't they? He would come in.
Starting point is 00:21:09 I'm an indoor house painters. I was, I was at my aunt's house and he, we were like, what, you know, he's, he would call colors, Kellers and me and my cousins. He said, he must've said Keller 19 times in five seconds. You can paint any Keller you want. You want a white Keller, black Keller, orange color dude. And we left and he was the biggest, he was like a hillbilly from Kensington.
Starting point is 00:21:30 Man, a house painter on a Friday? Oh man, those guys are gone later. If you wanted some good stuff though, damn, they had all the hookups. Did you ever do that? Like the big one was like paint for tuition or whatever. You would hire college kids for paint crews. Did you ever see that? Like the big one was like paint for tuition or whatever. You would hire college kids for paint crews. They were do you ever see those? There were side they were like for
Starting point is 00:21:51 sale yard signs. I got you know, like, you would like sticking in like an intersection or put on like a telephone pole. It was like, you know, just say sending as we buy cars. Those things are similar signs. But this was like, Toby, see if you can find something on a like college painters tuition I tried doing it one year thinking I was gonna get a crew going It was like a pyramid scheme for painters like I think some big company sold the jobs And then hired a bunch of college kids in the summer. Yeah to go paint the house
Starting point is 00:22:20 I've never had the patience for painting I had the only time I did it was when I worked for a very very high-end Contractor when I was at theater school they he did a bunch of the houses in the neighborhood where the theater was which are really Old rich people's houses and you had to do everything you weren't it wasn't just like you were a painter you were this It was you know general contractor kind of stuff. I never had the patience for it Now I don't have the steady hand if I if I do a mistake, then it's over. Then I go, I don't care. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:47 Like I'm like good for the first 35 minutes until I come back sleepy after break or whatever and my hand gets a little wonky. What the second I get the red on the ceiling or whatever, it's a fucking wrap. I was out in the yard cutting lawns. Couldn't do it. The best advice I ever got was from my,
Starting point is 00:23:06 if you got to say, it's probably a scam, right? Big time. Yeah. College Works Painting. Yes. College Works Painting got involved in a lot of lawsuits in regards to the ups. It sounds like my kind of operation.
Starting point is 00:23:16 Unethical working conditions they put interns under. That's what I was vying for. I think you would go door to door and sell, hey, we're in the neighborhood. A lot of canvassing. That was my, that was vying for. I think you would go door to door and sell, hey, we're in the neighborhood. A lot of canvassing. That was my, that was my steez. You were a canvasser. I canvassed for a while, yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:32 Getting thrown out of neighborhoods and stuff. I told you, I told you that I worked in college for the school as a custodian. Yeah. Yeah. Guys would get those jobs, I remember. That was a tough look, man. Everyone else is going to class and I'm raking leaves.
Starting point is 00:23:48 That's so I had wearing like one of those just good will hunting, but you're a dumbass. I was in school. Someone ate all the lunches. Who could do that? Not one man could solve that problem. I would do it for like a half an hour in the morning up from like 730 to 8.
Starting point is 00:24:03 Would you make five bucks? I think it went towards my tuition. It was a part of me. Like a work. What are they work to learn or something like that? It's a work release program man. Hey listen, he doesn't Academically fit the criteria, but he looks like you can move some boxes Classes with sling blade the way my parents pitched it is that I got a grant to play football at School at Widener, but I read I did I think a little bit But I also had huge student loans. Yeah, and I had to work on a chain gang for fucking two semesters Help pay it off. Did either of you take any I was a star athlete. Did you take any art classes? I had a yeah, I had to to graduate. Art history. Love it.
Starting point is 00:24:45 And I'm pretty sure my teacher had a crush on me. Nice guy. Now it was an old broad. She would always touch my shoulders and tell me I had a beautiful name. Well she probably liked it because you were voluptuous and that's the way they liked them. That's the way they liked them back then in the art world. Cut to I'm up there. That Mona Lisa was a porky broad.
Starting point is 00:25:05 I don't know what to tell you. The Mona Gippie. The last art class I was ever in, I was 13 and I was leaving and I was it was at a point in my life where I was doing like Lord of the Rings miniatures, right? And skateboard. Will you pull back on that? Oh, wait, hold on.
Starting point is 00:25:21 Lord of the Ring miniatures? Though like top games workshop type. Oh, yeah, I've told you the ring miniatures? Though, like, games workshop types? Oh yeah, I've told you this before, and it's garnered the same reaction. Oh man, I had to block it out, because otherwise I can't look at it. Did die cast metal things? Yes.
Starting point is 00:25:34 Did you have like the magnifying glass? I didn't have a magnifying glass. Pretty good eyesight, 2020. You still have your Heimann? Jesus Christ. Wow. Turtler. Yeah, but the teacher she was like 23 art school You know blue hair tattoos whatever and I was going to leave and she was like, what are you doing after class?
Starting point is 00:25:51 I was like, oh my they're gonna go play with my my Lord of the Rings mini-chairs Or I'm gonna go skateboarding and she like looked at me and she was like go skateboarding. Yeah, it changed the trajectory of my life Probably saw that big hog the trajectory of my life probably saw that big hog on yeah I probably saved your life dude for real did you have a I always forgot and I hated the smell of them the smocks did you have to wear a smock in elementary school art class? They were old. The first day of school, you had to bring out your dad's big shirt.
Starting point is 00:26:27 I love the smell. It smelled like somebody's dad. I loved it. They were like dead. And then they just sat in a dirty art class. I kind of liked that. Nah, I was fine. I was like, I didn't mind that.
Starting point is 00:26:36 Lady, I got cologne on here. What are you nuts? Yeah, it smells like old cologne and maybe some heaters. Yeah. I used to love wearing those. I might have took one of those in high school and wore it as a shirt because it was a cool button down old, you know. Yeah, I used to love wearing those. I might have took one of those in high school and like wore it as a shirt because it was a cool button down like old, you know.
Starting point is 00:26:48 Yeah, sounds real cool. That thrift store stuff was big when I was a kid. It wasn't true. We had to bring ours in. I know. But, you know, old clothes were popular when I was a kid. Part of the generation X, the grunge generation. Not you materialistic douchebags. All right. We were about the music. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:27:06 What's your beef with me? You just called me a materialistic douchebag. You also found out about all the bands you like on the radio. Yeah, what are you talking about? You and your backstreet boys. Like you were at CBGB discovering fucking... Fucking still sucking your thumbs sleeping in your mom's bed. Nuh-uh, I knew about cool stuff in college from sub pop and stuff like that guys that had like cool CDs that weren't mainstream
Starting point is 00:27:30 like you a Couple people yeah, and the lie hit the dead end the Vaseline's mud honey pearl jam See Dan Haley ACDC. Because I'm back in black. Dan Halen. Not like Toby. I feel like you find cheap music. Someone a band you come up with. I just see you in a dorm being like, I got this new thing.
Starting point is 00:27:57 It's crazy. You've never heard it. It's called the White Album. It's the fucking Beatles. I wasn't a... They don't make it like this no more. I wasn't a Beatles guy. Because I heard Pringles. I can't eat these. Somebody put on the funyuns. He was opening the bugles. I didn't like the Beatles. I was more of a Stones
Starting point is 00:28:22 man. But I didn't listen to that stuff when I was a kid because my parents in Wilkes Bay, they were like five ten years behind They still listen to Motown when they were when they were kids even they would they were they graduated in the mid-60s They were listening to stuff from like the 50s and early 60s. They didn't go for that devil music They didn't go for that long air shit Not at all. Sergeant Pepper? Not in the army, I know. Let me see his credentials.
Starting point is 00:28:49 I like that, but I remember I heard the long and winding road when I was too young and I was like, what the fuck is this guy's deal? Take a walk or something. Do some pushups, man. It ain't that bad. And yesterday just made me really sad. Then you put fucking you know painted black by the stones now. We're talking sure I'm not scared me that song scared me a little was in twisted metal to Any that any of that I get real spooky playing video games by myself. I had to play them down the basement
Starting point is 00:29:20 No way talk about spider city, dude There is a red door and I want to nope I Was ill I'll run up them stairs toot sweet daddy up Yeah, okay, all right well like as the big man said we got a gosh darn fam episode We're having a goofy one, a silly one. This one's a little, a month or so off. This is from Dakota, $10 homie right here. Is it garbage to use a welding mask
Starting point is 00:29:52 to watch a solar eclipse? That's a, dude, that is some blue collar shit right there. Probably worked. I would assume it, I don't know. I'm assuming it did. I thought that was a little hyped up. I don't know if we ever talked about it. I'm sure we did talk about it.
Starting point is 00:30:05 Yeah, it is whatever. Man, I used to love a welding mask. Going to work with my dad, get my hands on. I used to love gear. I was a big gear guy. So I'd go into his shop at his work and I would just fucking, you know, welding gloves or be some sort of fucking harness or something.
Starting point is 00:30:21 I was strapped up riding a forklift or a high reach around. Throwing hockey pucks at you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Aluminum foil, man. Have you ever used a plasma cutter? What? What? It's like a standard thing. Have you?
Starting point is 00:30:35 Yeah. A plasma cutter? Or like a to- like a acetylene torch? No, a plasma cutter. I don't know what that is. It's a standard thing in like metal workshops, but it cuts through metal like a lightsaber. It's unreal now Where's your hands on it? We had in my high school?
Starting point is 00:30:50 Okay We have to take a tour of this place sure well they let us go back definitely We have right over probably gonna end up joining the cold dude. What are you talking about? I'll be signing 50% of my paycheck over these bozos go see that our teachers still around. Oh, no, that wasn't there Yeah, I love the welding mask was great I learned early on the difference between welding and soldering and why you didn't need a mask My dad always played a real loose with the man. He just go like that. What a stick in his mouth Just look away from where he was fucking
Starting point is 00:31:22 That was also a good welder was very revered in our house if you met a guy and like oh, hey This is fucking Jimmy. I know we get back in the car with that great welder What do you make when they make those little waves down the thing the beads? Yeah? Yeah, nobody we didn't know anybody had that shit Wait, my dad's a pickup truck with a welding machine on the back for a while They dropped off at school in that. Real lady killer. Ha ha ha ha ha ha. I get out, I got the helmet on.
Starting point is 00:31:50 What's up ladies? Lunch in a suitcase. Ha ha ha ha ha. That's like driving around with a bomb in the back of your car. That's crazy. Or the generator. I forget, there was one, he had a truck that had it on it and we would scoot around it. Just like, don't shake it.
Starting point is 00:32:04 Did you have a generator at your house? I forget, there was one, he had a truck that had it on it and we would scoot around it. Don't shake it. Did you have a generator at your house? No, everything was at the shop so if we ever needed anything, we lived out of the, whatever supplies or anything, like the trash bags at my house were husky black trash bags. Man, those things were great. You just keep feeding them.
Starting point is 00:32:22 It was, that was like, we were very, the rags were all those like blue shop rags. Like everything was I took a box from the office type shit. You know what I mean? Washing dishes with lava soap. Oh, always, always lop because you come home. Get that pumice. Dude, that smell, man. That shit when I was dry you out.
Starting point is 00:32:41 Dude, when we were scrapping, you'd be covered and you cut and copper out of a fucking warehouse all summer You'd be cut through that wash and that smell and then a hot dog after that it break Like a bunch of Jawas, oh yeah I learned early on my dad was we had the garage door open of like the place we were doing it. My dad's like, fucking close that thing. You don't want nobody knowing our business. Like, good call. All right, let's see here. This is from Big Maddie, never had one read.
Starting point is 00:33:14 Is it garbage or do you have a shot glass collection? Hmm. That's slutty college girl shit to me. And did I have one in freshman year at Temple University? Better believe it, didn't you? A shot glass collection, where'd you put them all? I didn't, not a collection. Like line them up?
Starting point is 00:33:30 I stole them from my sister, now that I say it, when I went to college. It said there was four shots and it spelled out shot. There was like an S, an H, an O, a T. You need, I was big on drinking accessories at that age. Okay. That was my personality, still kind of is. Coasters. Beer bong, I had a bottle beer bong.
Starting point is 00:33:50 Never really worked though. Coasters, cozies. No, not coasters, lot of like beer merch. Like I had like a huge metal Coors light sign that I remember my mom was like, I moved in with it. It was like, it was like the hood of a car. And my mom was like, I cannot believe you're moving in on your freshman. You know, like you go to move in. I'm carrying I'm waiting in line to get in the building with this huge fucking.
Starting point is 00:34:13 Someone didn't stop you fucking North Philly. My parents were a bigger problem. My parents were in and out when they dropped me off at college. I don't know. Yeah, upstairs. My yeah, my mom came upstairs once she came to drop me off. And then she would drop me off if I did get. I always took the if they came upstairs. My mom came upstairs once. She came to drop me off, and then she would drop me off if I did get, I always took the train home or whatever, or somebody drove, but yeah, never came in my house.
Starting point is 00:34:32 It was like, it was a very bad neighborhood at the time. I was also very jealous of the kids that had, you know, maybe she hooked it up a little bit, but two girls, they had the little husband pillows and the lights everywhere. You know, it was like real crazy shit to me. It was like, why would you ever? Because like when money was tight, it was like very bare bones, very like you're getting a computer
Starting point is 00:34:56 because you need one like that was when you got it. At my age, that's when you got your own computer was when you went to college, you need one, all your papers have to be typed, you gotta research, it was 2005, 2006. So you had to have that. But I remember girls would have this, kinda like the breakfast tray that would sit on your lap and you could, like a desk, kind of,
Starting point is 00:35:18 that you would sit in your bed. I'm like, when were you ever gonna fuck? My mom, even if it was 1999, my mom would be like, get the fuck outta here. Yeah, I don't know where they got all that shit. It's gotta go to the MasterCard bill We just fucking blew out an old Navy for back to school. It's got a pillow fat ass Piece of cardboard. Yeah, I'm a very bare-bode. We did a bed in a bot bed in a bag That was the big thing at the time a bed in a bag was called bed in a bag It was like 99 bucks and it was like two sets of sheets, a pillow and a comforter.
Starting point is 00:35:45 Worst, nice sleep of your life. Oh man, those sheets. You like itching? Yikes. It was bad, dude. Springs like rocks. Man, it was real tough. All right, let's see here.
Starting point is 00:35:58 This is this one's from Sweet Gherkin, which I'm not really sure what that is. You don't know what Sweet Gherkin is? Uh-uh. Really? Little Mini Pickle. Yeah, little mini pickle. Ah, I was thinking sexual in my head. Similar. Well, that's what you got. Little Sweet Gherkin. Sure. It's ground. Little bread and butter. A Sweet Gherkin.
Starting point is 00:36:17 I found out what Club Sandwich stands for. Do you know what it stands for? Um, yes, I do. I do. I do. A Club Sandwich. It's an acronym. It's an acronym. See, you know. Um yes, I had to come up with that after the fact yes That's marketing now someone made that because I like the idea. No one would ever say that as a sandwich I like the idea that it's club like it's an inside thing or like it's a country club So I always thought how rich guys do I always thought it was country club
Starting point is 00:36:58 I always go oh rich people are eating that you're getting a club sandwich Yeah, that was turkey club fucking goddamn toothpick in it. The fuck? That's all we need to eat classy fruit salad. Some bouncer not letting you in the Turkey Club. I know the bartender. You shouldn't have shouldn't have delivered that with both of us. Zip it. That's a good one. I paid my dues.
Starting point is 00:37:24 Said the password. Give me three pounds right now. I'll eat it. I'll prove it. I belong here say the password potato salad All right, let's see here So we back to sweet Kirk in this is more of an up What's your opinion on adults wearing a helmet when they ride a bicycle? If I see, no, no, but if I see an adult wearing a helmet, I think they're exercising. If I see an adult without a helmet, I think they're on the way to pick up drugs,
Starting point is 00:37:58 signed sincerely an adult who doesn't wear a helmet. That guy's bike is too small for him. Yeah too small and it's a BMX bike An adult on a BMX bike who's not doing tricks is a tough to no good wearing like jeans Yeah, it's it's no good either that or there It's a mountain bike, but the gears don't work anymore, and they're in too low a gear And there's usually they're going uphill and turning the front tires, so they don't fall over there's usually a plastic bag hanging off one of the handlebars and just dipping down, but I Can't stand the fucking guys that are all dressed up in the bike shit riding around
Starting point is 00:38:37 They're always such dicks. They do take it. I get I mean, but it's like that's what it's like They own the road, but it's they're doing it because of safety, but they are dorks. Yeah. They get mad at you if you pass them, it's like, dude, you're doing fucking 10 miles an hour. I got to go pick up drugs. You're on a bike without a helmet. Out of the way!
Starting point is 00:38:56 I ain't got no brakes! Doing this thing and that thing. I get it. They always just look like the biggest dicks. They're looking to yell at somebody. They got the dicks. They're looking they're looking at yell at somebody They got the shoes on they look like they're doing fun I think the tour de france I think when you're some fucking optometrist on a Saturday doesn't want to fucking spend time with his wife So he's out riding with his fucking buddies. He's right here on a goddamn highway. You're in a real good mood
Starting point is 00:39:20 Dude, I saw a guy walking down the fucking FDR the other day, just walking. No car in sight. That I respect! No, get the fuck out, there's no shoulders, this guy's just chilling. I think he had just picked up drugs and lost his bike, traded his bike for some drugs. But I feel like those guys, I don't really know anybody that does that, but I do know that culture. They go on bike rides for like 40 miles. You can't do that. And you need the gear for that. Yeah, I know.
Starting point is 00:39:47 It's like if you're doing a fat ass, I'm just bitching about it. If you're doing a five hour bike ride, you got to fucking you got to be that. That's you know, it's it's for that. I just feel like they're always like dudes in like their 50s. They're gray and they're balding and they're just like mean. They describe themselves as the guy who's just shit on every idea that's come up so far You should on paint and simply these guys on bikes. I got a couple of beefs Yeah, and then they stopped for lunch. I've had a wait on a couple of those guys
Starting point is 00:40:13 They have their bikes and they come in and they're just fucking real annoying Fuck out of here. You are on one today. Go to a baseball game or something dude hit the gym Yeah, like you Hit Hit the gym at Club Turkey. You just got five pounds. Free blue cheese after eight. Ladies eat free. Yeah, that's tough. That's the bikes. That's a You gotta wear a helmet, man.
Starting point is 00:40:45 Difficult situation. You got to wear a helmet. That reminded me when you see when you did the. The the the turn signals on the bikes, I remember that was a time that hit me when I realized we were in a downslope on money was in my mom's Ford Taurus. The blinkers were out. She was sticking her hand out the window. And I went and I go, what are you,
Starting point is 00:41:07 she's like, that's left and right. And man, once I figured out I could fucking conduct traffic. Get out. That's broken poor. Yeah, that's waiting on a check. And, but dude, I mean, it felt like for months and then it happened again. And like, there was a period of our lives in that Ford Taurus
Starting point is 00:41:27 Fucking doing this and this over the top of the car banging on with the sky hook I don't the cops usually pull you over for that. I Don't know no blinker. No, I think if that's like hey, it's broken and I'm going to get it fixed or um But you weren't who we were not going to the grocery on our way to Burger King Go to the grocery to steal lunch meat Let's see here this is from Kyle are you garbage if you put Lamborghini doors on a Chevy Cavalier That was big dude back in high school There was a guy that had the exact same year and model cavalier as me in black. I had a Navy With Lambo doors Lambo doors listen when they can't put that on a car like that. It's a kid
Starting point is 00:42:15 You just like change the hinges. It was a dude That was when 50 cent said I put Lamborghini doors on an Escalade that way and then in the video They were driving and they were up and he was Wrapping up those side door if you don't think I was googling I was googling it for my Chevy Illuminate. You're fucking nuts. I Was huge that dude that aftermarket car shit when hip-hop like that hit when like Gangster rap or not that the early 90s like early 2000s rap it It was a perfect storm between that shit and fast and the furious. Oh, man
Starting point is 00:42:50 I remember wanting to fucking every dirtbag wanted a civic every and I didn't even know what a civic was I was Honda Civic hatchback not a hatchback the little black one like a Jake a coupe Civic huh because that's what they had there. They had like three of them in fucking. That was like the first heist, I think, in Fast and Furious. They're all in civics fucking going under the cars and shit. It's so dated now. They're what they're stealing is combination TV VCRs. Is that what it is? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:19 There's 40 bucks in the back of this tractor trailer. Wow. Is that what they did in Fast and Furious? They were boosted well they did everything were crime syndicate where there are they out there We're first of all they were family Why really holy do yourself a favor yeah, okay? Here's fun. They're really fun trashy the first one's great this two and three are not very good It's like 15 of them aren't there and then at four it takes a turn where it becomes the greatest franchise ever made Yeah, don't they like become like almost like they're like so it's former They're like superheroes where their power is racing yeah, and they can like jump off bridges and land they can do anything they want
Starting point is 00:44:01 So civics they're pretty pretty advanced So civics, they're pretty advanced vehicles. Alright, let's see. This is from Gnome Northeast. $10 homie, never had one red. Are you garbage if you live in a vacation condo community year round? I don't know where that would be. I guess in Florida, probably like Texas, probably. Anywhere in the south with like good weather has them.
Starting point is 00:44:26 I'm sure Arizona is riddled with those type of like timeshare. Anything on a golf course, probably probably chill in the off season. Yeah, but I think if it's a turn to eat off a constant revolving door of people and you don't have like any sense of community or like neighbors. Yeah. If it's like, if it's, cause I've stayed in those with my family, like when we go to Florida,
Starting point is 00:44:47 cause there's like fucking 15 of us, we get like a big house and stay there cause it's way cheaper. And it's like, if you had just a group of 15 of us rolling in every Saturday, that would fucking suck. Cause you're like, ah, these are all fucking, it's all people on vacation.
Starting point is 00:45:03 We're drinking, we're partying, we're fucking up late. Peter, but in the pool, flicking them over the fence. Yeah, that's like that place we stayed in in Florida. Yeah, neighborhood was like that. That's kind of what it was. The neighborhood I stayed in with my family. That's why I stayed there. Yeah. I thought anything I knew to join.
Starting point is 00:45:20 It probably rules for like six, seven months out of the year. Yeah. But if you're living there, you don't want that shit. I don't. Yeah. Yeah. Like, what do you want? It's like people are like leaving the trash and they're going, I'll fuck this trash. And I thought tomorrow I'm leaving my I'm going to put it out tonight. And you're playing police and bitching and dealing with this and dealing with that. Or you put your shades on and you let it slide. Let it slide.
Starting point is 00:45:41 Yeah. I mean, you're also not hiding. You're you're gonna get it down and you let it slide. Let it slide. Yeah, you got it. I mean, you're also not hiding. You're you're getting one like you're coming out. You're you're living in a house you probably can't afford otherwise outside of this community or something's up.
Starting point is 00:45:55 You're benefiting somehow from staying in there. You know what I mean? Yeah, I got you. You're either got the bike riding people in the sipping paint broadcoating busting your balls. Sure. Um Broadcoating busting your balls sure Get him out of there. You got mildly inconvenienced by some guys in spandex twice
Starting point is 00:46:17 No, why you times a lot of times in the suburbs? They're all over the place on a Sunday Yeah, how hard is it to pass a guy on the street? There's no shoulder takes two seconds. Ah Take that to the track. Should have bike tracks like we have skate parks have bike tracks. Those dorks can ride around. Do that. What a dirt bike like a dirt track for BMX bikes. Too scary. Man, that was big for like two or three summers for us. There was one in Ben Salem right off Street Road. Caught. I think it was called Ben Salem racetrack.
Starting point is 00:46:42 And there was no oversight. No, Mike. There was nobody. It was just a dirt track that they like, let's say they raced on fucking Saturday and Sunday mornings. But if you went at noon, it was just like showing up to a public skate park that I'm sure was private. Like I'm sure that a private company owned that.
Starting point is 00:46:57 And we would just go, my dad would just take us. Some of those jumps are proper reckless. They're pretty gnarly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If it's what I'm picturing in my head of, yeah, no, it'd be like the fucking the bunny hit like what are they like the rhythm section? Yeah, the whoops. The whoo like the whoo.
Starting point is 00:47:12 I can do like two of them and I fucking buck out real quick. So my fucking Schwinn. We had a pretty dirtball kid that had a makeshift BMX track in his backyard. It was like a huge field. I rode a minibike for the first and last time on that thing. Wasn't for me. Really? Yeah. One of those little bangers. I was a big mini bike guy. 50-50 whatever they're called. 50cc. Yeah. I can see you whiskey throttle on that thing right into a fence. Oh, fucking terrifying. First time I did a dumpster. I panicked in an empty parking lot. My dad was yelling, break!
Starting point is 00:47:45 I was like, I'm fucking pinning this thing. Let's see what, let's open her up, see what she's made of. I thought you were telling me to break it. I thought you wanted me to break my shoulder blade. Your big head just dents it. Just from getting wobbling around. Yeah, that was always a big thing.
Starting point is 00:48:00 But then like we would, obviously, I think we've talked about this before, finding a set of dirt jumps, There was something so romantic about that in the woods where like guys 15, it could have been three years or 15 years before, 20 years. Where that it was like, oh, when you find them, we would clean them up. We found one, there's four jumps. There's a double and a tabletop and a berm. Now that I did do. That was great to find one of those in the fucking in like
Starting point is 00:48:27 the end of June and be like, well, my summer set will just fucking meet up here every day, grab a shovel, clean it up, fucking smoking cigs, getting hurt. Yeah, that was it. You were never any sort of extreme. Do you ever do like a bike jump or anything like that? Yeah, we did all that shit when I was a kid. Build a dirt ramp. Dirt ramp in the woods. My bad, Dave Mira.
Starting point is 00:48:49 You did all that shit. Dirt ramp in the woods, jumping over creeks. I'm the guy who did the first no head in 900. Jumping over creeks. Yeah. Huh? How big is this creek? Oh, puddle like a puddle. Maybe double the size of the thickness of this table. OK, like running and jumping. Oh, not on bikes. I don't know. Puddle? Like a puddle? Maybe double the size of the thickness of this table. Okay.
Starting point is 00:49:05 Like running and jumping. Oh, not on bikes. Couple of times, but it's a smaller part. I don't really have the equipment for it. I had a Huffy. Go over to Handlebars on something like that. Break that chassis out on you. You can snap the neck.
Starting point is 00:49:18 Yeah, we did all that stuff. Okay, yeah, yeah, I just never heard you talk about it. Yeah, that's right. I still don't believe you. Skydiving, paintball, laser tag. Yeah, that's right. I still don't believe you skydiving paintball laser tag. Yeah, I would love that. We should do some sort of paintball competition. I would love that.
Starting point is 00:49:33 Me and you versus Toby and Luke, a duel. Ten paces turn around and shoot you in the face. That's right, man. You got it out for me today. I tell you, I tell you, boy. No, I don't. Yeah, you do. Want to shoot you in the face with a paintball. Like, I can pin you down, make you feel it's scary. Get you right to the edge. I've never been shot with a paintball, I could tell you that.
Starting point is 00:49:55 Oh, I have the next Patreon video. I mean, we'll talk about all time dumbest things you can ever say. I got dude, I got shot at seven. I was seven years old from close from my brother and my cousin. Man, I tell you, I felt like I took a fucking 50 count in the back. I cried so fucking bad.
Starting point is 00:50:16 And these were like, these were the pump ones. These weren't even like fucking, like the fucking speed ball they're playing now. Same exact thing. I was at the, I was at the Wilegas in their, in their woods playing paintball. There was an older brother and a younger brother. We were done.
Starting point is 00:50:30 I didn't get hit. And I was like, man, still never been shot by a paintball. And I knew I had fucked up the second I said it. Yeah. And we're standing right there and the older brother had the gun. He's like, oh really? It feels like this.
Starting point is 00:50:39 And then he shot his younger brother in the ankle. Ah, that's pretty good. Fucking misdirect. Yikes. He dropped like a sack of rocks of rocks. We should do it. Some sort of competition. Me and you something. You're an easier target though. Yeah, I was just saying that's who you want on your spot. But I'm quick out there. And I got all the military training. Oh, God, here we go. I'm not a citizen like you.
Starting point is 00:51:03 I've seen Black Hawk down like ten times. I'll fucking smoke you Mm-hmm, and I'll call it an airstrike on you. You won't even see it coming Throw a bag of shit. I still have my original paintball I think was my brother's that then I inherited a weapon that my my stepdad would use To shoot it bird. He would feed the squirrels. He was a big school Like the squirrels. It's usually feed the bird shoot at squirrels. He was a big school like the like the squirrels It's usually feed the bird shoot at squirrels. Yeah, no, he's the other way around Hunter boy talking about the wrong side of history
Starting point is 00:51:32 I mean kippie's good at that stuff. I think he'd be tough, but me and Luke would fuck you up, bro What paintball and have you used the paintball gun? Yeah, okay? I'm not saying I'm a dead eye or anything I just I just kind of what you implied Very Toby thing. Oh, no. No, I'm good at this thing. No, no, that's not what I did I literally bigged you up and said you were gonna be difficult to beat yourself up as well No, no, just a shit on him. I didn't say I was better. I was just saying that he's terrible You think I'm a bad shot? And an easy target.
Starting point is 00:52:06 Sure, I'd be behind something, wouldn't I? Take a human shield? You got a gun to Luke's head? I'll do it, man! No more clips! I want a helicopter and two pepperoni pizzas! Luke's just going to take the shot, this rat fucked him and got him. He elbows me.
Starting point is 00:52:22 It's not loaded. He ate all the paintballs. Shut up! He thought they were gumballs. I said a mouthful of paint. I'll do what I swear. I'll kill us all, man. I'll kill us all.
Starting point is 00:52:38 I do know a guy, I think one of my associates' associate, owned a place in Jersey. An indoor one, which I never liked. I'm a woodsman. See if the gun I had, I bought it, I bought used out of a magazine or something. I wanted one so bad and I broke it, right? It was called an auto-cocker. A WPG award games product. WGP. Auto cocker, man, never worked. I froze it. I needed some sort of regulate.
Starting point is 00:53:09 I didn't understand it. I just wanted it. And I froze like the chamber. Someone's like, yeah, that's ruined. I was like, oh, all right. My buddy, for some reason, maybe these things are these things are going for a lot of money is that they still are they new or they like retro and like people are redoing them?
Starting point is 00:53:25 Because that was like the 2003 WGP Summer Edition Autococker 250 bucks. Yeah, that's probably that's probably the no 2003. No, it had to be before that. Yeah, I was in like seventh or eighth grade. My buddy, for some reason, when everybody was kind of living in other places, it was after college.
Starting point is 00:53:42 It was maybe like, I don don't know maybe 20 years ago it was too late in life for him to be doing this my cousin was jogging like out by one of the elementary schools and there was woods there she's like yeah I saw tober come out of the woods in full paintball gear but he wasn't with anybody he was just by himself Shooting the gun just by himself. I might need the gear this guy's a freak. Oh She's steady look like a stormtrooper Just came walked out. I was just randomly running and I walked out of the woods and he starts yelling my name And I'm like oh my god. I get like the goggles on the helmet all that stuff those masks were pretty tight What's the what was what's the halo is?
Starting point is 00:54:28 Looks like them. Yes. Oh Master Chief Master Chief Chief Keith, but I think he's a Chicago rapper Love Sosa Yeah, those I love the mask I like gear I like to be I like give me some cool badass gear Yeah, you would you would look there in a welding mask you would look awesome in full fatigues You'd look like those dorks online who cosplays it's not that would fit I'd be out there like a winter coat and shit like now they make big boy gears and catchers mask on I Got a football helmet Can't see nothing. Uh huh.
Starting point is 00:55:06 Yeah, let's do it. Alright. I don't know. Us versus the middle schoolers? Just get wrecked. Yeah, I've seen the videos. Those guys are good. I would want to just play people who are also not good. You know what I mean? That or Laser Tag.
Starting point is 00:55:22 Are you an Ultrazone guy? Did you ever play Laser Tag? It's probably phased out. You were probably a little too old. No, it dropped when I was a kid. Laser laser actual proper laser tag came out when I was a kid. That was like a big Christmas item, but didn't work. I mean, like at a place now that hadn't developed yet. I went laser tag at one time. What was the name of it? I can't remember laser zone. One of the laser quest zone. We were ultra something like that. Oh, how a hands yeah And shooting like flashlights at each other, and you know we're like in it Going through neon lights all over and then out of the fog a child comes running with no vest on just a loose child
Starting point is 00:55:58 I was like what the fuck is this and then one second later the fattest most ginger man came through with two guns And then one second later the fattest most ginger man came through with two guns I got the kids vest over. Yeah, so the kid was getting all the points as he was getting hit He's just fucking everybody Master there was if there was a problem with your pack your gun You'd have to run to the bottom of a ramp and yell game master and some the big world's biggest nerd would come out And fix your gear what seems to be the problem? Yeah, that was great, man. They really that was very we talk about how like when you're in Disney World,
Starting point is 00:56:30 you're in Disney World, dude, you went to an ultra zone. See if you can get if that was a local that might that felt like a bigger corporation ultra zone. There was one in the shabby by the shabby mall. I think it came out like actual laser tag. The ones at the house stunk. Yeah they never worked that came out and then there was a couple of copycats And then I think super soakers hit and that was that was it for that And then nerf got big and then I think then there was a reach surgeons when the technology got a little better
Starting point is 00:56:58 And they had those places like you're talking about those places were great. Yeah, ultra zone been Salem PA Yeah, go there. Is that the Salem, PA. Yeah. Still there? Is that the only one? Or is it? It's the only one that's come. Ultra Zone, Baltimore. Ultra Zone, Luden. Is it still there?
Starting point is 00:57:11 It's a goddamn big corporation. Ah, give me one. I'll have my birthday party there this year. Buddy, it opens at 5. Get the car. Get the car and the gear. Those places are always very good use of black lights that dude that's what I wanted you get dude you felt like you were in Batman
Starting point is 00:57:31 forever do you remember uh guts the TV show guts yes remember the aggro the aggro craig yes it was like that it was like the lights were perfect the ramps there was all fucking it was like an indoor maze. Man, but it wasn't too complicated, felt great. There was no running though. I have a fun guts fact. You couldn't run in the laser tag thing? No, I mean I did, I wasn't, I mean this is war. You couldn't run?
Starting point is 00:57:56 I'm not following, I'm not toeing the line. That's the dumbest thing I ever heard. Yeah. You can't run. Was there, I don't know how many times you wanna say it, yeah, you weren't allowed to run. Was there block? Was there shielding around or obstacles? What do you mean? It was all like yeah, it was where you could hide behind Yeah, of course. Yeah, it was like a huge maze
Starting point is 00:58:15 I know I think for legal purposes you can't have 50 kids running in fucking dark fucking Shooting at each other. There's you know some sort of legal precedent I'm sure the game master comes out yeah that real quick there's a fun fact about the aggro crag and guts on the pilot episode of it they when you're climbing the aggro crag that would have that confetti that came down right but it needed to be real thick so it would show up nice on camera so it hurt they hurt people it was cutting the shit out of these kids. Sure. That was the first fear factor, not fear factor.
Starting point is 00:58:48 What's the? Double dare. I guess was agro kind of American gladiator. Yeah, kind of American gladiator. That was the first one climbing up that fucking meant the agro to get a piece. Hosted by Michael Matt, the one and only Michael Mallee. Hosted what?
Starting point is 00:59:05 Global guts. Oh, okay. I thought you meant there was that hot British lady or Australian whatever She was Michael Malley the guy that was in Yes, dear and a bunch of stuff really yeah, huh? He's probably caked up sure a lot of fucking shows were in fucking syndication. He's got that fucking yes dear money that ran forever I love that show wasn't it a spin-off of Mike and Molly No, isn't he in it Billy Gardell? Somebody was flow Billy Gardell was in it, but I don't think it's a spin-off of that. I think it was like he had Maybe it was
Starting point is 00:59:34 Get eyes on that. Sorry Toby. I think it might have been I think he might have moved back to Pittsburgh No, cuz his name was Billy in it. Sorry. I was looking up his net worth Would you like me to find it would there's no way it was because I think his name was Billy in the In the show okay our Dells was Billy in the show um All right, we got time for one more here, and then we got a ramp it up this one's from Luke New guy Luke how long have you slept on a bed frame with broken slats and or a broken leg currently my wife And I are sleeping downhill to one side man Yeah, I
Starting point is 01:00:09 Sorry go I slept on a broken futon for like fucking three years. Yeah that wooden broken that wooden futon That was like the you know was the couch, and then you laid it down It was all cheap wooden slats the this the top part and the bottom part separated And man every night it would just creep apart, and I would just slip down into it and slats, the top part and the bottom part separated. And man, every night it would just creep apart and I would just slip down into it. Brutal. Yeah, I remember when I was staying at my buddy's place,
Starting point is 01:00:33 the bed was so bad, you just, wherever you started, you would roll into the middle. And I thought it was the mattress, I'm like, this mattress sucks, I mean, no, I couldn't afford one, so I'm like, you know, it is what it is. And then I finally was like, let me search something, I lifted it up, I couldn't afford one. So I'm like, you know, it is what it is. And then I finally was like, let me search something. I lifted it up to there was no middle like say like the say it was like three boards.
Starting point is 01:00:52 The middle one was completely gone. They probably use the fucking, you know, do something with cook meth or something. And and I had to go. I didn't have any. I couldn't afford a new bed frame. So I went out and bought plywood I measured it went to the hardware stores. Look at you. I said hey, can you cut this? I need a piece and I remember I've walk I had a walk like fucking 15
Starting point is 01:01:13 I didn't have money money for a cab or uber I walk like 15 blocks with this wood in the summer sweating my fucking balls off down the across town Sucked have you ever broken a slap? I'm sure I don't know I don't think I've ever really had a slap bed please I broke it at a party one time those fucking things when they started making beds like that I knew I was in trouble how to kill the vibe at an orgy 101 crank that wasn't me cheap particle board yeah it was it was in New York
Starting point is 01:01:48 Is some girls apartment that was dating a college buddy of mine and then for some reason like everybody was in her room Like smoking weed or something like that and I went and sat on the bed and fucking crack. It just dropped Were you a bigger guy at the time? I was probably maybe like 300 pounds. Yeah, that's a bigger guy We got a rabbit. Okay, that is a by definition bigger guy. Yeah ruin the party Gang we love you to death uh-huh grab some tickets for the Route 66 tour and Jersey Red Bank and Red Bank, New Jersey. Check out the old Patreon. Probably still a couple of card games left. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:27 There's a handful left while supplies land. Scoop them up. We love you and we'll see you next week. Peace.

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