Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Trashy Boardwalk Experience! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: July 9, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Rocket Money: Let Rocket Money help you reach your financial goals faster. Join at https://www.RocketMoney.com/GARBAGE Promo Code: GARBAGE BetterHelp: Sign up and get 10% off at https://betterhelp.com/garbage Promo Code: garbage DraftKings: https://dkng.co/ayg Promo Code: AYG Bet with DK Sportsbook: Gambling Problem? Call one eight hundred GAMBLER, one eight hundred MY RESET. Connecticut: call eight eight eight seven eight nine seven seven seven seven, visit CCPG dot org. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino in Kansas. Bet tax pass-through may apply in Illinois. Twenty one plus. Void in Canada. Event contract trading with DraftKings Predictions involves risk of loss. Availability varies. Bet to get Bonus bets that expire in seven days. Trade to get fifty dollars in Predictions Dollars that expire in one year, issued every seven days via click to claim for twenty-one days. One non-withdrawable reward redeemable. Predictions offer void in New York. Ends July 19th. Terms at d k n g dot c o slash audio. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is All You Garbage. Oh, yeah. It's our little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that if they grew up to be classy. Yeah. Or, just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. That's right.

I'm your host, A H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition. She just told me that if the new Spider-Man sucks, she's going to kill herself. Is that crazy? Hang out with you a little too much. He got a lot riding on the film, which I hope it don't suck either. I'm excited. I like that Tom Holley.

You go good, good Spider-Man. I don't like him. You don't. Nah. Are you a Jacob Mallorty man? I don't know what that is either, but I, by the sounds of his foo-foo name. That kid stinks. Jacob Ballorty.

Whatever the fucking name is. Pull it back. My cousin's coming from across the table. This is what we call the family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. Just the way we like it. Yeah. He is my best pal on the whole wide world.

He is the denim kid. He is the king of the boards, the king of the burbs, Kevin, James Ryan. Oh, hello. It's a cool kidby. What's up, everybody? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you're right, view, subscribe on iTunes.

Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify and a boys are climbing to freaking charts. And then obviously the greatest website of all time. www. www. Patreon.com slash already garbage. You go over there. You get all that bonus content, gang.

And also don't forget, if you're in the Denver area, which I think it's just Denver. There ain't much around there. Oh, Rocky. They got that shit at the airport. We're coming next week. If you're in the underground base, come out and see the shoe. No, stay there. I don't need whatever you got going on that made you go underground.

No, we want them to come see the show because if they like us and the shit goes down, then we can do a couple of sets down there at the underneath the airport. Yeah, that's the next. For the mutant people. That's the next book and I want. I don't want to eat canned food. Fuck it. Just take me out.

I've been trying. I've been spraying you with a raid every night. Should have killed me when you had the chance, baby. I'm the strongest I ever been. It's a little bumpy. Some would say, like the Rocky Mountains, where we'll be. Whoa, Denver, Denver in July? What are you going to do?

You can do a little fucking skiing in our jeans, shirts off, like a Mountain Dew commercial? It's a very, uh, I think Denver in July is probably like, it's probably when they shine. You know what I mean? That outdoors. Yeah. Lakes, rivers, mountains, cariboo. Cariboo? Yeah.

I mean, caribiner. No. The thing that you hook on your jeans and look at a cool? Caraboo. They have reindeer up there? No the fuck they don't. Caraboo's reindeer. Yes, it is.

Is it? A reindeer is of actual reindeer. Are you talking about that big rat they have in Vietnam that they eat? A car or something? What? I don't know. Nutrient. No, nutrient.

Nutria. Nutria. Rat. That's it you are. I ain't a rat. I'm a bug man. Yeah, right. A whole family full of rats.

Yeah, right. Patty is breaking my balls, though. About what? She wants me, I got to clean out my drawers in my room. What the fuck's going on in your whole universe? I got cleaning out my drawers. What's in your drawers? I got a bunch of clothes and stuff in my closet and in my drawers from like my dad and my uncles and all that stuff.

She wants me to either get rid of it or donate it. What are you going to do? I don't know. I kind of fit into it now. I got that 90s style. Bring it back. Start straight pimping at the Bluebell Inn. Show up on the scene with a pair of khakis and a fucking extra starts straight button down shirt.

dockers Maybe a little fucking penny loafers You'll be pulling them off me Yeah that's great You know what I'm saying? For sure Are you doing that? No

Are you going to go down and get it? No You're going to have her It's going to be when they go to fucking Marties And he's going to have to burn it Probably all his fleas Or moths

Whole fucking inventory Goes up Take it down to Marty Take out a whole salvation army Uh huh Yeah I'll go through it. Shagga, yeah, you do it.

You know what I mean? She's busting my ball. She wants to get rid of this stuff. You get in a new bedroom suit, as I told you? It's not a suit, not a bedroom. Sweet. We went over there. Whatever.

We're fucking reruns today. No, we're not. I think it's a little harsh. Just remind you of a conversation we had 15 minutes ago. I think you took it a little too personal. That rerun struck a cord. And you know it. I got fresh material.

I know a lot of people at that in Hollywood. I got fresh You stink And we're back I got fresh material for you I'm out there boots on the ground I listen as you know King of Burbs

King of Birds King of the Burrwards King of the Kips I'm doing it all baby But We've talked a lot about Wildwood New Jersey A place I love I've never really thought about it

I want to be Buried there Yeah What? Uh-huh. Where? Spread your ashes on the beach? No, I don't think I want to be cremated.

It bury me. Can't bury you on the beach. Why? We can... I'll come up. I can cremate you. First of all, that would be a crazy universal thing. You outlive me and have to take care of me.

My final wishes? Aw. That makes me sad. Then you have a drawerful of my clothes. Your mouth will be calling you. Hey, this is too much denim. Patty's outlived you, too? Well, obviously if I go, I'm going soon.

It's going to be a tragic thing. Jesus Christ, man. What? Can't say that. I got money tied up in this thing. Give me the Instagram password just in case. The best I could do... Yeah, that's what we need you in those DMs.

The best I could do is cremate you. Stiff armed in. Which I respect. I respect it. I respect it. Uh-huh. Heisman. The best I could do for you is creamate you, and I could stick you into one of the Parmesan shakers over at Sam's pizza.

So everybody down the shore's eating a little bit of kippy. That's not bad. Hold on. What the fuck? Jesus Christ. You and he's Mike. Listen, I don't touch the fucking thing. Yeah, you're right.

We come in at night and unscrew it. Why is mine? That's what we got going on. Why does mine always get messed up? I don't know. I think it's the arrow and not the Indian type thing. Yeah, I mean? the Indian and not the arrow.

Who said that? Native American, but go ahead. Please. I respect the bus throw, my guy. Please continue to make your off-color joke for the fine and Native American people for this country. Uh-huh. It's not the arrow, it's the Indian.

Yeah. I like that. I love shit like that these days. Yeah, I want you start listening to it. I do. I'm right. Okay. I do.

Have you ever heard the one if you go to the, If you go a thousand miles into the darkness, it's not a thousand miles back. The light is always right there. You've told me that a thousand times. Hey, it's not the fork. It's the fat guy, huh? Nothing on that! Remember those bumper stickers?

Be a little more specific. Guns kill people, like spoons made Rose O'Donnell fat. That is a political state. People use to drive around with that on the back of the 90s. It was crazy. Why does she take so much heat? Remember when she used to do that music show on VH1? I watched it all the time.

I used to watch it religiously. Oh. Kim, did she introduce videos or maybe it was the Rosie O'Donnell show? The Rosie O'Donnell show, I liked. That was a daytime talk show, maybe 10 o'clock. It came on after Regis. I was a big fan. Yeah.

She came up with the term. I'd not came up with it. She really coined it, Cudy Petutty. Cudy Petit. She did do cutie Pattoe. She did do Cudy Petit. I know. She was very good in the league of their own, too.

Yeah. Reminds me of like a Laverne and Shirley type vibe, her and Madonna. Sure, sure. That's a Madonna was at her. A Madonna is. Shout out to Goldman. Anywho, I was down the shore. And we talk about it a lot.

You know, obviously we have a very, you know, a worldwide program we have, obviously. Shout out to the homies and a bozo. Very popular. So not everybody might not be completely familiar with what Wildwood is, right? It's a southern tip, southern portion of the New Jersey coastline. It's the second to last town. Yeah. Because why would Cape May?

It's one of the last free beaches in South Jersey. So it's not the best clientele. That Cape May is nice. Yes. Cape May is very nice. But you can't swim in a cape. That's how you get day. You don't get that.

That's how they get you. Yeah, you don't go out. That's where the sharks hang out. And that's where the rip-current gets you. Get you a Ripper. Oh, fuck that. Not me. Anywho.

I was down there last week before the Fourth of July. I was walking. Did a lot of walking around. It took the baby. He was going on a long walk. on a boardwalk during a day take naps the whole nine yards the baby not me and um this is the best so obviously there's a lot of t-shirt shops there yeah that's right right a lot of cheap t-shirt yeah like hey you can go you can get you know a picture they'll put your pay anything kind of

you can make your own t-shirts not like the quality of comfort colors you can get at r ugarbors which shout out to everybody who bought the fucking fourth of july shirts that's awesome the not rubbish in the AYG ones. Those are, I mean, those are low quantity at this point. Nice. Move and March. I like it. But I, so I took a couple of pictures.

There's a family boardwalk we're on here. This is 10 o'clock in the morning. This is what's on display. Okay. On the Wildwood boardwalk. About to show me some T-tats? No. I don't know.

This guy's obsessed with pussy. No, it's not a young guy. What are you talking about? You about to show me. some titas. Oh, because that'd be pretty cool if you did. We were doing a podcast yesterday.

Kimby pulled up a pair of knackers. Also, why would that be what I was about to show you? Have you ever seen the show? I don't know what kind of freak shit you're up to. I don't see you that much these days. Sure. Okay. All right, we can do,

this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is, this is a pair, pair of boy short, booty shorts that say, Steve's bitch. That's pretty awesome. That's not bad, right? No, that's great. You're like, that's on the edge. That's, you know, whatever.

We're having a good time. Are they for girls or guys? I, you know, I assume they're made for girls. Mm-hmm. I think if a guy was walking up another boardwalk on these, I think they're, you know. I like that, though, Steve's bitch. That's pretty good.

You're a fucking weird guy. Then there's this one, you know. It ain't going to spank itself written across the back of a pair of, uh... Oh, man, you're going to be hard as a rock after these. You're going to come in with wearing so. Yes, it isn't. I'm paying that right now.

Right? This is like, I don't know who. Well, some fraud of good girls out there, huh? Jesus Christ, dude. You're like, you're like one. I think it's Nicholas Cage. Look like that. In face off when they switch.

Face off. And he's hitting on his dog. or something like that that's you like peaches and like asking weird stuff like that peaches using words you're gonna rise using words like succulent and stuff you fucking creep

I remember the guy that used sexy to describe a showroom it's a real sexy room do I remember yeah we trash him every day you can't say his name publicly um okay Now I don't even remember all of these This is an easy, peasy one

Dunkin D's nuts In the style of Dunkin' Donuts You know, that's a t-shirt you can wear I assume a parolee or something That's just all right right there Dunkin' these nuts Dunkin D's nuts It's a good time

That's fun You know, that's something I like I would show my mom and she'd go Oh, you know, you're, you know You're bad Yeah, you're bad you're bad Kevin's bad

Then this I think this is Another three sets of the shorts The shorts are popular They must move the units out of Yeah they move those chicks like them short Bite me all you can eat Thick fillet Thick fillet

In the Chick-fil-A Whoa All right I mean if I listen I'm glad I don't have a daughter Also That's a tough Have your daughter

Walking around Wildwood's Boardwalk Wearing a fucking All You Can Eat set of shorts That's all That's wild. I know hookers that don't wear this kind of stuff. Would you allow your daughter to wear that? What?

No, that's what I just said. Allow her. I mean, no. Okay. Would you allow your daughter to wear it? I don't have children. Okay, I don't have a daughter. I can use make believe and not make it sad.

I didn't say it's sad. You didn't make it happy. I don't have children. You sound like you lost them in a fire or something like that. I don't have children They're no longer with us They went down to the Titanic I dressed up like a woman

and got on a lifeboat Mm-hmm Um What's this one? This is Tony's booty That's all right That's not bad That's good clean fun

That's good clean fun I mean listen I'm down there to have a good time At the end of the day All of these Are straight garbage Oh you think I don't know if you can see back here

But there's a shirt With a weed leaf on A lot of a marijuana That shit was so scandalous in the 90s. I remember this year, this, we always thought this kid was a cop foreign exchange student. I don't know where to fuck he was from. Had a mustache in fourth grade guy. What's going on here?

Yeah, he might have been from Belgium, to be honest with you. Which obviously, recent beef, et cetera, et cetera. And he had a fucking chain that had a weed leaf on him. We all stayed clear of him. It took him a long time. He had to show up with bags upon bags upon bags for us to not think he was a cop making sure his money's like not marked and non sequential and stuff like that you're looking for like the mark on it um yeah foreign exchanges for an exchange is don't do as well as you would think

with like the you know the ladies yeah it's a tough in your in high school you're not ready for like outsider to use the accent not even that no i'm saying like it's still a little too foreign You're like, you know, that's like college. You're like finding, like in high school, you're so like, who's this fucking weird guy who, you know, that needs a little fucking right guard on him. You know what I mean? Kate Fitts, not though?

Is that the weed or your pits, dog? What? You stink. What do you got? This one is, uh, this is my favorite. It says, I love to finger paint. Mm-hmm. And then this says, I'm paint.

It's a double. You wear it as a couple. Mm. You get it? Yeah, I get it. Okay. That's a little offensive for a Saturday afternoon down the shore when I just got my core brother's frozen custard and I'm walking down the boardwalk with my daughter.

Mm-hmm. Okay? Well, that's like you're going to have to explain that. And listen, I don't know. I don't have, I mean, I have a kid. I don't have a kid that, like, understands what's going on. All right, let's say Little Caparino was like, Daddy, what does that mean? That's what I'm saying.

I'd have to learn how to. Just feel like he likes a finger paint. And his wife's a hoo-in. I don't know. I don't know, but don't shake his hand. His girlfriend's a skank, sweetie. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.

I have never had to cross any of those bridges. But that's, you know. Come on, man. And then there's this one. I believe this would be the last one. These are kitchy, though. You know, fun. Not that last one.

This one says two-seater. It's an arrow point to the face and your Johnson. Right. Johnson. What are you, a drill instructor from the 70s? Johnson. Oh, my, but what do you call it? Shlong?

What do you call it? My weiner. What do you call it when you see it, huh? What do I call it? Huh? Yeah. Call it to find out where the hell it is. Hello.

Put in that go on that. Two-seater. God damn it. That's either... What's funny is more older people would be wearing those. That's like a guy who just got into like the retirement community, two-seater. I got to be honest with you. I don't think you're that far.

If you keep making a couple of the decisions. I don't think you're closer than I am. What? I think you're closer. What? Because I want to get to tattoo and my nose pierced. My prince Albert. My scrotum brain.

I'm just saying if you like me, you would look up. A lot of these shirts would. I never wear anything like that. I can't do two things at once. I'm a one woman guy. I got ADD. I was my train of thought. How am I going to do that and watch Sopranos all the same time?

Uh-huh. I need a daily double for McDonald. Sure. I don't eat those no more. But yet, I had one just last night. Uh-huh. And then, no, there's one more. Let me just find where it is.

Your computer stinks. I unplugged it, so you didn't see it, asshole. What you said, asshole. Asshole. All right. Here, then there's, you know, those were all, you know, they got a little more risque as we went along, obviously. Big filet is all right, you know.

Sorry to crush a cough drop real quick. It's okay. I've had a tickle in the back of my throat for about three weeks. A piece of semen or something? That's what the guy's... Get a shirt made. I've had a tickle in the back of my throat, so feel free to come in my mouth. Jesus.

Again, A-Y-G after dark over here. That's a teacher. My boy, Dely, I used to have one that said, The Man and then the Legend, a dude in, like, 8th grade. I didn't have pubes yet. I was like, this guy's fucking, the hell is he got going on. Delly got a piece on him?

Yeah, I mean, this is, I mean, he's doing well. Yeah, he's doing well. I haven't seen it in a while, but. Legend. Yeah My guy's the fairy tale Right

No I don't know Over exaggerated story What That's my winner More of a vignette A novella if you will Yes

A vignette More of a haiku To be honest with you What Remember how everybody thought they were cool When they could do a haiku real quick No What kind of fucking bozos

Are you rolling with it? You don't remember that? People would always do them. Who? I don't know. I'm asking. He said people always, no.

It's like people do it as a face throw. I just mentioned my friend has a shirt that says the man and the legend. And you think that guy knows what a haiku is? I don't really know what one is either. Hit you what a karate chop. What's a haiku, Luke? It's like four things or something? I think it's like five syllables, seven syllables, five syllables.

It's like some. That's a dumbest shit I ever heard. Pure. Yeah. You don't know you've never tried? No. Five syllables? I don't even, you just rip one out real quick.

I don't even know where I could. How old occasions do it form against me. Yeah, it's a 575 pattern with syllables. 575. I'm more of a 555 man, if you know what I mean? Domingoes. Kip, what do you know about that rocket money? Big rocket money guy over here.

Big fans of rocket money over here. You know, a lot of people don't really give rocket money. money credit for being a time saver. You ain't lying. Get rid of all those subscriptions that you don't want. You make sure everything's organized, neat, clean, organized. It saves you so much time. I remember I used to watch my mom on a Sunday just drive herself crazy.

Bang an hour after hour. You're a little rocket money in your life. You know what I mean? Takes care of things the easy way. Yes. One of my favorite things about rocket money is, I've said it before, but listen, this is what it does. You link all of my accounts.

I got my savings account. I got my checking account. I got my credit card. That way it knows everything. And you get it all in one place. I don't have to go, oh, I got to log into my credit card. What's that?

This is that. Because I'll forget. And then the next thing you know, I get wallet with some charge. It was mine. It wasn't mine. You lose track of your subscriptions, which I've done time and time again.

I had a Dairy Queen charge on my card the other day. Uh-huh. I wasn't at Dairy Queen. I swear to God, I was not at Dairy Queen. You think I would come in here and say that shit. Tell it to it. Tell it to the judge.

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Finale. Crescendo. No, crescendo is when it slows down. Then the finale. First the crescendo, then your finale. finale then you crescendo no you charge a crescendo you run from a finale i was watching stand-up guys the other night with uh al Pacino you are my dad it's great you're my dad after the second i got i only got tubi so i watch what tubi's got i'm watching a bunch of like late year

fucking uh sevestre stalone vehicles i was about to start lansky the other day trying to have like a blue he's showing up like a weird blue suit a little too shiny. I was going to watch Lansky with Harvey Kitelde today. I was going to chance. I'm busy. I love it. We've reached the point where you're telling me what movies you were going to watch.

Oh, no, really? That's cool, dude. What are you talking about? I can write a haiku. Show me a picture. Not with that attitude. Better be some boobs. This one might fucking have you slipping out of your seat.

Uh-oh. Eat healthy. Oh, my God. With stick figures of a man. and a lady he's eating that girl's vagina how crazy is that that's at I'm all I'm standing on the boardwalk that's at the that's the that's to get you inside that's crazy that's wild what the hell that's awful now give me the location of this that store also the lady didn't like that I was taking pictures of her

merchandise yeah what she say nothing he gave me the stank eye though pictures ain't free you got to buy it probably Thinks you're going home to jerk off on it Fucking older bald man We're in denim on a boardwalk Are you dressed like they probably have jeans on don't you? You walk up and down the boardwalking jeans? Yeah, I walk up and down the boardwalk with jeans You really? I bet you do taking pictures of fucking risque t-shirts and going home to fucking pleasure yourself in your mother's bathroom

That's disgusting Yeah Think about that it's fucked up I got something else too I forgot it Just pull out of gunning to blow you away Now that's comedy Fucking murder

Suicide Luke caught it Last word Drive hit me We're having a good time This might not play This probably won't play But we're gonna take a shot at it

In fun of a murder suicide bit It's killed, by the way. You got it come heavy. What do you got? I think it would be this. There was, they do breakfast on the, some restaurant. I got your attention now. Not so stupid, is it?

No, we got breakfast? They play, so like there's some restaurants. They're like pizza places, right? But they do breakfast in the morning. I know. That's always on a paper plate or something. It's not great. Down of shore.

There's this place hot spot. There's like three or four of them. They do. They almost had it was just too hot for a little Kipparino to not to post up. Dude, this place was wide open on the beach. On the beach? It's been there. It's like 19, like on the beach side of the pier.

Okay. It's like $4.99 for like the fucking all-American men, all-American fucking. The scrapple, grapple. Yeah, I'm with you. I recall it. So, like, it's also like a lot of like carnival barking. Like step right up, step right in. And they, this place was advertising their breakfast.

See, the man in a denim shirt taking pictures. Weird t-shirt. The baby's all in denim. I got a denim stroller. But they, my favorite thing is they, they, this place had a recording. I wasn't one person in this fucking restaurant Oh man And the recording was a guy

From Philly Like he's it's the It was the proprietor Going over what they have For breakfast And I got to I thought of you immediately I said the bug man Would be all we would

If we were walking we'd stop and go The place is empty Yeah Is this just on really though Yeah it's just on repeat So if I'm sitting down to eat I hear this guy's voice Like I'm in a fucking

That's on the outside I don't think you'd hear it inside Okay You hear that, you little shits, we got the real stuff. What the fuck with the sausage and the bacon and pancakes, French toast? This guy just keeps saying the same thing over again. Listen, delicious sausage, ham. Step right up, step right, dude.

Eggs and bacon. You could hear them like, not mispronounce, but like stutter on stuff. You know what I mean? Probably in the office doing that. One take. Yeah. Yeah, it was all right. The original.

Now, he was kind of saying they were like the first place to have Taylor. Damn. Mm-mm. He has the, the original pork roll is Taylor pork roll. Yes. So we have the original pork roll. Not this fucking Dietz and Watson trashed the throw. Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Cumberland farms. Talking real shit here. Deets and Watson's all right. Deason Watson's for the working man. You know, not all Boar's head. Who does Boar's head? People do, what? I've said that weird, didn't I?

Who does Boers? Sounds like you're sucking a pig's dick. What? That's, I was one of my... Cut that. This is ridiculous. One of my favorite battle rap. I think it was a Rhone.

Shout out to Rhone. Of course. One of his old original battle raps. I don't think it was him. It was the guy he was going against. Profit with a P. Mm-hmm. Get it.

Like with a P. Rone and I agreed on trash and somebody not too recently. Very nice. Was it me? No. I don't want to say who it was. Key Park. TechD.

Your wraps are like cold. cuts. It boars heads. Ooh. Come on, dogs. Is that a double entendre? Yes, that's exactly what a double entendre is. They're big in the rap game, apparently.

Thought it was a Mexican dish. I'll do the double entendre. With Mollay's song. I like that Moli sauce. I mean, too. I didn't. Holy shit. That rap battle has a genius, like, lyric breakdown.

I don't know what that is. You know, like, genius? they break down the lyrics. It's just like very... What the fuck are you talking about? Line for line. They have like all the different meanings and where it connects to.

Oh shit. Yeah. Is that with the line? It's something like that. Send me the link. It bulls heads. Send me the link. Email to me.

Snapchat. You know Snapchat's still banging? Yeah, we're on Snapchat. We are? Uh-huh. No, we're not. Yes, we are. What are we doing up there?

We're on. I don't have a thing. What do you mean? I could do the little filters. The face. You can do a little chubby face. You need a filter to do a chubby face I'll say what you did there

That was not a double entendre Wait we're on Snapchat That is a double gin We're on Snapchat Come on what That's fucking in there That's in there guy Take it easy Marshall Matters

Marshall Smathers Marshall Scrapple What was that with the Smothers brothers I thought was like a jelly company now No there were two guys They were a comedy team Smothers brothers Dick and somebody else Fat ass

Now the one guy was in a casino. He played the Rickles. No. One of the Smothers Brothers was the the state assemblyman

that wouldn't wasn't, was I at that dinner? Was I at that dinner? He's the one that bangs the blonde hooker in the room upstairs and takes the chips out of the drawer. Remember that?

Chick was hot. I wonder if that was all you could eat. Listen, you got to get your mind out of the gutter. Mine's out of the goddamn gunner. The comedy goddamn podcast, we're doing the job here. We're doing a show. We're broadcasting. Got a guy starring family episode on our hands.

And now for more, Kevin Ryan. That's original. Taylor and pork roll. You get eggs and bacon. Eggs and sausage. Eggs and ham. Eggs and Taylor ham. We also have eggs and bacon.

Eggs and sausage. Your mic's off again. It's it. Listen. We're going to glue. Can we well? Diesel You say hi to you don't say hi to everybody

Oh you ever on camera Have you ever seen the show Diesel You gotta tack weld his fucking His mic so he can't break it Sotter it or something You gotta use So his mouth shut too

I won't stop breaking my cahones It's just Chinese stuff you're buying American You done? Yeah The fuck Someone just came

What the fuck is that? Someone just rolled in He said he's with the garbage company He might think we're also a garbage company Oh See you guys also do trash Are you as connected or no I call in a couple of fucking wise guys

You're on their side Because you want to be a mobster Oh hey Hey I did that John's on 12th Street A couple weeks ago Delicious You want an old school jaint

It's Johns of 12th Street I thought it was John's on 12th Street John's of 12th Street That ain't East Village You're Henry of Hell's Kitchen I am Motherfucker I live in the kitchen

Which I got a new series Coming out about the kitchen About the Westies So I gotta get my apartment Before the fucking prices start skyrocket It's on MGM Yeah I think I'm safe

Ain't done Guys as you know We got a gastron family episode on our hands When you sign up for the old Patreon We will answer your garbage question. On the air. Let's see here. This is a home run.

This one's from Brooks. You ever rip a sandwich in half instead of cutting it. I did that down the shore. If you go to Wildwood, you go to Rousseau's over there on 9th Street. They don't cut their sandwiches. I think you got to ask. That's kind of infuriating. Kind of.

Imagine ripping a hot cheese steak in half. I ain't got time to go look for a knife guy. I was on a beach. You're eating a cheese steak on the beach? I ate a cheesecake on the beach. How do you do that? You rip it in half and eat it. I can't really eat on the beach.

I don't know why. I can eat on a boat. I can eat everywhere. The beach, I feel like sand gets everywhere. I don't like it. I guess if I had to, I could. Yeah, I think you can manage. If I was sitting there with a Rousseau's cheese steak and you're hungry,

you haven't eaten in 10 hours? If you ripped it in half. I ripped it in half and I said, oh, I don't want to wrap this back into my paper bloat. away and say not the only way to do is eat it you could you couldn't you couldn't you couldn't eat it you're gonna eat it yeah i could eat it i need a lot of cheese on it though because i wouldn't be able to put ketchup and stuff on the i'll then we're out yeah i can't add condiments to it on the beach i'll get sandy is that sand just i didn't have condiments on me i didn't bring a i didn't bring a a college boy

fridge you didn't have salt pepper ketchup no no how you're gonna make any money on the beach in you got no condiments huh what did you just eat it where you just raw dog did it Just cheese? Yeah, a cheese. That's how I do my cheesecake. You don't eat cheese steaks with ketchup? No. You don't put mayo on them?

No. Oregano? Let us tomato onion. Hogi-fi it? No, I'd be a cheese steak hoagie then. I would have said, if I meant cheese steak hoagie, I would have said cheese steak hoagie. I used to love when I was a kid. Not really so much anymore.

Cheesestake huggies. Try one on the beach. Chicken cheesecake hoagie. Mayo, oregano, white onion, raw onion. That's nice. Mm-hmm. Um, I prefer when they cut them into quarters, to be honest. Whoa, don't like the double end.

I don't, I don't like a hair. That's why I don't like a hoagie trays. Really? I don't like a, hold on. Most hoagie trays, they don't give you the end. Oh, I'm saying I don't like a double cut. I like an end. I need a heel.

Really? I need an anchor. That's crazy. No. What? It's the bottom. It's the, it's the, it's the, it's the, but on a hoagy tray. There is no bottom.

It just goes around in a circle. I know, but then it fall. I know I get that. But I'm saying the bottom of the sandwich, there's nothing to contain. It pushes, it falls. They get a tomato hanging out. No. Okay.

Not in the hoagie check because it's bite-sized. Don't you get that? They're not bite-size. Yeah, they are. They're at least four, three to four. I've never had a hoagie tray where I bit down and the meat slid out. Okay. A couple places out in Queens where that happens a lot.

I'm not going to say any names, but. Okay, well, I like a heel. For whatever reason you may or may not see an issue, I like a heel. I respect that. Yeah. But they don't have them in hoagie trays. This wasn't that we, you're stuck on hoagie trays. I said, you said you like when they cut a sandwich into quarters.

Mm-hmm. I said, I don't like that because then there's two pieces that don't have heels. I'd rather a longer. Oh, that don't have heels. I'd rather the longer heel. Gotcha. I understand. What I like.

I understand. I ripped a wopper in half one time. to share it with somebody. Didn't really pull right. Yeah, no shit. Yeah, I got to be honest with you, man. Burger King, like, fucking really fucking up. You bite.

Apologies. Who was that? It's an alarm for a call. You got a call. Pushed it. Ooh, nice. Is that the eye doctor? No.

You have another call. It's actually the Snapchat with the Snapchat guys. Nice. We have Snapchat guys? Pretty cool. Yeah. Why you get an AIG filter on there? Denham dork

Mr. International What's it just make the guy 400 pounds? What's it do? A bad hang? What's it do? Makes the guy a real dickhead? Um You take a bite out of a fucking

Any sandwich from Burger King All this stuff comes right out of it. You get it on one bite. It's like a like a hookin a dolphin on a net. everything comes with it okay in the one bite

the pickle pulls the tomato it's bad and they're trying all this shit with the fucking jalapeno wopre a hollow what jalapeno wopar and the fried onions and all that kind of stuff they got to get back to the basics man fuck I feel you don't

we're never going to be 100% back until Burger King gets our shit together I don't know what that idiot's doing over there he needs to get his fucking head out of his ass Okay, yeah, that's straight talk right there I feel you There's any sort of endorsement deal we had I'll know they should call

I care McDonald's don't need the money They're doing great Burger King's got to come back I think they should bring back Starfield cups That may be the first step I think your dolphin may have a problem with that

Chick-fil-A does it Who they pay it all? Who did Greasing? They're wrong with God, dog Sonic does it too That's why they're top of their game right now. What? Chick. Also, if fucking Burger King was one-tenth of as good as Chick-fil-A,

everybody would turn a blind eye to the fucking styrofoam. You know what's really good over at Burger King? That they really don't push enough because I know those people don't really dig it. They're big fish. Their fish sandwich is fucking fantastic. You're living different. Why? You're living different, dude.

You're getting the big fish at Burger King. You don't know. like a big fish it's healthier for you I like a big fish I like a fish sandwich now what I also like you can't like a fish sandwich now is that a big fish of the area is that a local north atlantic cod locally caught north

atlantic cod uh huh or fluke yeah a lot of eyeballs in that fish I feel what you talking about nice piece of cod uh huh I love this saying a piece of fish Nice piece of fish. The very old school saying, piece of fish. You're an old school guy. A friend of mine was saying it.

I'd love to have a piece of fish. Nice piece of fish. It's cute. It's cool. This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Yes. Gang, Better Helps, 2006 State of the Stigma Report. How are we all doing?

How are we really doing? Why is stigma still keeping people from getting help? That stigma about going to therapy. Fuck it. Makes you better. Got to push through that. Push through that. Yeah.

Don't anybody break your balls about talking things out with somebody. Shit. Therapies turn my life for a. Yeah. Have you been listening to the show for a while? You know, we're big advocates of, you know, positive mental health and talk therapy is a huge, easy tool. Easy to do. It's tough to overcome that stigma of what your parents might think.

Your old school dad who don't think that's for me. What are you telling them in there? What do you think you're going in? You badmouth me? Is that what you do? I tried my best. Oh, sorry. I did the best I could with what I had.

Yeah. And you go, that's why I'm here. With your pudding pops and your fucking GI Joe commercials. A little too specific. Better help therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the U.S. Better Help does the initial matchmaking for you so you can focus on your therapy goals. I've always said it's easy to get involved.

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Never have one. Red shout out to you. Is it garbage or do a taco bar at your wedding instead of traditional meal because it's $2,000 cheaper? We're cutting corners at any chance we can get to be easy on the wallet. I don't hate it. No. I love it. Taco bar means you do it yourself.

I'm assuming that you go on. That's it. What the fuck are we doing? Have it there the whole time, too. Yeah. Like so if people get there and want to get eaten, let them get eaten. If people want to go get fucked up and then go, I would be like, Taco bar all night.

I'd be doing one every 30 minutes to take off the fucking, to take the booze off. Let's delete a couple of them, be your, take a couple of the drinks off. Trashy, yes. Fantastic, yes. Yes. But is it even trashy? It's like we've gotten to a point with fucking these weddings where, it's like

Burger King We've gotten to a point where It's just this dumb shit You get a nice wedding And you fucking throw a taco bar at it Damn I love that I do think

You know it depends I don't know how I'd make a taco salad Everybody would be about that Why fuck them Tell them to fucking take it on a heel and toe I just The bricks

I mean you know Who's gonna get a get mad at a who the fuck some aunts uncle going you drug me out here all the way to fucking i i drove two and a half hours i put 200 in the fucking envelope you got me dressed up in a fucking suit and the tie i'm sweat my fucking balls off and i'm here we're all doing my own fucking tequitos yeah well you're not here for the fucking food you're here because you love me all right now shut the fuck up talking to me now shut the fuck up there's only a hundred in the Now, what would anybody in your family say if we got all the way out there and you had fucking, you just had a taco bar?

What are you talking about? My wedding in Hawaii? Yeah, you know what I'm talking about. I know you're talking about. I mean, you had to drive to Tommy Cassidy's wedding in upstate New York. You bitch, you still bitch about how long it took you to get there. If he got there and let's just say they ran out of fucking, you know, a corny assata. You think I'm having corny assata?

That's ground beef, bitch. Are you nuts? Fuck that. You're not getting no carne Asada. No, you're getting ground beef and you're getting beans for the vegetarians. Which I'll be honest with you. I don't mind a fucking black bean taco. Black bean chalupa, they're delicious.

You do have to, you do have to see that some people would be like, what the? You got your fucking nana on a walker trying to carry a paper. I'll make her a goddamn plate. Somebody will, an aunt or something. Shut her up Yeah I did bitch The whole time going to Tommy's wedding

But I tell you what I got there And those goddamn bacon wrap scallops Turned my whole day around They were delicious And so was the The Just for the record

You bitched for about a year and a half Afterwards too Just saying Scalulps were good though And it was a lovely time Sure And I was a different person back then Sure

We had a nice dinner out that weekend as well Yes We did. Oh, yes, we did. Yeah, the four of us. Man. What you do? I like the Taco Bar idea.

I like it as well. Go for it. Definitely if you need the, if you're, you know, no qualms. You're trying to cook. But I give people maybe the heads up. Also, not, you know, people are dancing. You got a belly full of fucking, you know. Who doesn't want a fucking taco when they're all fucked up?

I'm on board. I'm just saying not everybody, you know, might. want to fucking What's that taco bar look like? I'm doing, okay, I'm doing ground beef. First of all, we're going straight up Ortega, like that kind of spice, that kind of season. So we're doing that.

We're doing taco meat. Okay. Chopped up onions, chopped up tomato, chopped up iceberg lettuce. In there? Pre-mixed or like in the bowl? No, no, no. In the things.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some sour cream, some guacamole. Hard shell, soft shell. Got both. Do both. Have some ding-dong standing. And they're doing the fucking tacos, the fajitas, heating them up. A little flame, bang.

Two seconds. Oh, okay. Yeah, nice. You know what would be nice if somebody made them for you? Hey, let me get two chicken, two, whatever. Chipotle style. And then they fucking whip them up real nice. You say, you don't have to fucking, you got a suit in the tile, you got a nice dress.

You don't be dealing with fucking. You know what else, too? I like that. That's nice. You could do it in a bowl. Because you know what I think? I don't like the layers on a taco. Mix it all together, throw it in the fucking in the mitt.

You're going to eat another guy for that. Now you're talking. No, you're doing that in a bowl. What? Take two seconds. It's like a guy that does the salads at a deli. They make those in three seconds. Don't they?

Yeah, but you need a guy then there's more dishes than involved to me with that. All right. So you get two guys. You're still saving money with the fucking taco bar. Where are the bowl is going? You need a fresh bowl every time. No, you don't. You don't need a fresh bowl.

You wipe it out. They're tacos. Okay, you clearly never worked in a kitchen That's gonna sting them I'm just saying I was a hot shot fucking fry guy On the line of Pusser's Landing On the intercoastal waterway

In fucking Wrightsville Beach North Carolina Summer in 96 Bitch Down there working Scallop shrimp We did a fantastic I did a fantastic We did a fantastic fried seafood sampler

So you know you got to wash the You gotta wash them You gotta wash them I mean yeah We used to do fried oysters too Yeah That was so good Beer battered fried oysters

Man got my hands on a couple of them Sick one Took out a whole family reunion Shrimp was under duck I don't how you tell it's sick and wrapped up The Jenkins did not see it coming Three generations of Jenkins is all I usually had one incident

at every job I ever worked at. You've had a couple here, I'll give you. I think it's pretty, if you're on the Patreon, it's probably well documented. Big Man's got a couple of fucking blemishes in the file. A couple of food poisonings. You know. Sure, the nature of the beast.

Nature of the beast. And then when I worked at the Hess Station, I squirted a gas in that lady's face. She owed you $20. Poor lady. I don't think I ever heard that story. 100% I don't,

I'm telling I've never heard. I don't think I've heard that. Really? Yeah. So me and my buddy Kramer one summer had the greatest job ever. We worked at Hess gas station on Germantown Pike

and it was like a pit because it was a two lane highway with a divider in the middle. So you had the come in, you pulled in, get your gas on and stuff. That's when we had that scam going with the fucking,

uh, with the, with the change or no, the, the, the, the, you get a coupon for $10 of premium.

You got whatever. So we would do the, do the floater gallons, save it up, right to fill out the cards, walk out of it with another 30, 40 bucks. Cash. What, just old lady get on your scam, want to fucking, want to skim, and you had a douser?

What happened? How do you fuck if I get a skim from the skim? This lady's bleeding me dry. It's like trying to get blood from a stone. Yeah, I think we can work that out. Did you say premium? Get her with 35 cents of unlead it. I'll shut her.

up. Yeah, she pulled the 35. Probably back then, a gallon of gas was 80 cents. That's like a half a gal you hit her. Dude, I think I actually squirted her with like five cents. It's a lot, man.

It's a lot. Because you could see it on the pump what I hit her with. And no, it wasn't retribution. I have to have told you this. She was a heavyset lady. She pulled in one of those old minivans. I bet you want.

Heavy set lady. heavy she was wearing a stick-it-anywhere t-shirt and all he can eat a pair of shorts yeah she pulled in she was a sweet lady she had the short lady haircut you know curls bigger girl she pulled in one of those little woodies those uh those minivans you might have been described describing denise and her husband who was a juice head was behind her in another car he was in like a white Pontiac I didn't realize that was her husband and she rolled down the window and she's like you know filled it up with whatever and it was this old school pump and I was just happening to be holding it like towards her by accident

and when I went to fucking thing you'd never join the military I went to jam it up and when I did it like a muscle thing I squeezed it and hit it with like five cents a fucking in the car yeah she was sitting in the car and she fucking like fell out of the car and was rolling around on the ground on flames lady stop being you get mad at her it's what you would do I had to fucking I don't remember that now. Yeah. She was so bad. There's nothing I could do.

She was just rolling around screaming. I can't see all I got. I irritated my baby. Then her husband came over and was like, what the fuck? And I was like, I'm sorry. He was an accident. And then Dale, my manager, came out with some kind of shit that they had in the back for when that happened. Like sand or something?

Something like that. Hit her with the Anzel system. Foamer. I hit the whole thing. Shut down the fucking gas station. I had to get I had to use that thing in science class this kid Mike Brown scored in me in the heart bed or something out of the eye wash yeah this kid Mike Brown I like flicked him or something like that and he squirted at me in the eye with hydrochloric acid

he's been a dickhead your whole life having you you really have but it was diluted he could have fucking blinded at me and I remember I tried to get out of wrestling practice that day and fucking Mr. Landis was like no what's a problem I didn't miss lunch did you fed it I've seen you down there. A whole stack of pancake breakfast for lunch, huh? Yeah, and Mr. Oh, fuck, I can't remember his name. Mr. Staller or something like that,

how to, like, drag me into the back and fucking stick my head in this thing. It was actually very refreshing. The water is very bubbly. Oh, nice. Yeah. Yeah, tried to blind me. We had a traumatic experience at a gas station in,

Jersey, I think I might have told. I was either telling Nadine this or telling you. You would go to my... That's where we're at. What? Confusing me with your wife? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I still grab my titties, huh?

Hey, done. Jeez, my wife. I'm saying, don't grab mine. Be respectful. Uh-huh. Did you say creep? I did. My mom was driving me and her.

I think we were in the woods. Van or maybe the Taurus. My aunt lived in Penn Salkin, like Merchantville, Penn Salkin, New Jersey, right over to Brits. We go over there. That might as well have been a hundred miles away. But they always had parties there on the radio out here. We're in Penn Salkin, New Jersey.

Yeah. It was like a night. I just, I imagine just. Down there at the jug handle. Yeah. Something like that. Some sleazy club. Uh-huh.

We're like your owner. That's not where we were going. We're going on. Nice house. Yeah, right. You're sitting in the car. We're at Vader's. You're sitting in the car

where she's in daffod bills. Getting liggered up. You got to sit in the car and do your math homework like a bitch. But it was a, I remember a dark, cold night. Your aunt's getting scooped out in the back seat. I don't know what they were up to. You know her.

I'm telling her you said that. No, I didn't try to say specific aunt. Technicality. Bug me. They, uh, you were getting, it was the last, I think it genuinely might have been the last time my mom ever got gas in New Jersey. Hmm. Because we, dark, like, winter night, fall night.

It's like nine o'clock. Eight, nine o'clock. We're going back home school night, I remember. Why does a school night? Eight o'clock fell so late. It might, dude. Cole. It must.

It was, it was, like, dude. Oh, I fucking hated that shit. It was like an arduous journey. Shut up. like to get home like you know how i'm going to be home at midnight it felt i mean you i was 35 minutes away or whatever and you didn't get up until seven so you got at least fucking seven hours of sleep yeah fat little bastard i knew you you're always say oh my god how am i going to make that's a school day there was the pressure that they put on this school

night shut the fuck up i can see what age you're at in therapy um so uh uh I know this story's going on way longer than needs to um in jersey you don't know they pump your gas in jersey yeah I know and my mom pulled up and rolled the window down there wasn't an attendant there I didn't tell you that there wasn't an attendant I think you might have go ahead and then he was an Indian gentleman

and she like lost he was in the blind spot of the car and he stuck his head all the way in the window I'll never forget his face and I made dead I made dead eye contact with him and my mom turned around and he was right here and he went peel it up and dude like fuck it I'm surprised you didn't put him in the cobra clutch she lost it a purse went everywhere fly do we've highted out never was she sped out oh yeah he freaked he and giving that guy her credit card you might as well no wait single mom you have told me that story but

man that's fucking funny She lost her shit. Peel it up. Out the, yeah, never. That was instilled. You never. I like, we got to get gas before we crossed the bridge. That and my dad did.

My dad would always, this was. I like getting gas in Jersey. I don't get my fat ass out of the car. I'll do it for you. You know what's nice to pumps? I've been bad on the tips with that. Never have cash in a car. I got a thing here.

This was, uh... What I'm talking about? I haven't driven like six months. I got the car back You got it? No, I'm going to get it So you didn't get it back But I got my license back

Did you? I mean, it's according to So no That was a double According to J.B I do It was June 23rd Okay So I'm legal

I figure what I do is I'll get the car Run a couple of red lights Have the NYPD chase me And then say hey Suicide bike off My license is my No, I'm going to ask a cop, make sure. I'm going to go online.

There you go. Take a class. You're not doing any of that. The fuck I'm not. I know you're not. You're at group therapy tonight, too. You keep saying that. You've said it so much, I don't believe you at this point, if I'm being honest with it.

I definitely won't be at the hustler club. That's still open? Yeah. Okay. I don't go. I'm going to strip clubs. All right. Okay.

Um. What the fuck was I said? What were we just talking about? Something about your dad? No, what I don't like is... Gadsden, Jersey. Yeah, oh, my dad would never... Put a button in that.

This was way... I was working with him. I mean, I was in my 20s, and he refused to use a credit card in New Jersey. Because they rob you. Because you give them the card, and then... Oh, they walk away with it. They walk into the hut.

And he goes, you know what the fuck that guy's doing? and then now he's writing my shit down you're always cash i go you're fucking nuts this was in they do sometimes this was in 2000 oh yeah i know but this was in 2012 you know i mean this wasn't that long ago he's like now he'd stop at a wah-wah hit an ATM

40 cash regular and a pack of haters packing a marlite you got there guy that what he pulled marmal right now he's reds wow Mm-hmm. Dick he's still smoking reds?

I haven't talked to him a long time, but if I had to assume, I would assume, yeah. Damn. He was smoking reds the last time he's seen him. He's been smoking reds every time I've ever seen him ever in my life. Yeah. But I got a problem. I got a little bit of little hard feelings or whatever.

But I got a little bit of a beef with people at this point now complaining about the tipping on the screens. You know what I mean? It's like, listen, I'm not. Wait, you have beef with the people that are complaining about? Yeah, it's like, because they always lead up. My problem is they always lead off with, I'm a good tipper. And it's like.

They have it at the airport, though. Where? They do that shit at the airport. Like, do you want to leave a tip? Yeah, where? For whatever. That's a roundup for like charity or whatever. Which don't do that either.

Don't do that because the fucking car the the credit they wet their everybody wets their beak on that but you and then goddamn poor kids But it's always like I fucking I'm a no I'm a good tipper But I'm gonna complain about they're asking me for 18% of a five dollar cup of coffee if you're complaining about the dollar On a cup of coffee hate to break it to you you're not that great of a tipper I'm just so irresponsible that whatever Whatever. Right, just hit it. Keep it moving. Also, say no.

I do think it's aggressive how they go this. And that's all from the card processing companies. Is that who's doing it? Yeah, because they get three and a half to four percent on it. At a tip? Yeah. They do. Because they get a total.

It behooves them to make the total higher because they take a higher. They take a percentage. Man. So it's all the credit card company is doing it. The credit card processing company. like the toast or whatever they wet their beak on all that is that what toast is

I don't know but somebody's wetting their beak on it and it ain't me I thought stop going I'm a great tip where I just get mad when they ask me for 20% of a $5 cup of coffee just give them a dollar or don't give them a dollar

I'll try to tell me you're good time Who are you hanging out with that just to clean it about this who's mainly one kid that it was me was it? This is all about myself Is it you're hanging out with down there

in suburbia bunch of winers complainers. And what are you? I'm fucking on the front line still. You're in the city. Getting it done. Not down there in the rear. None of that means anything. You just say stuff. Also, pull the curtain. You didn't come to work yesterday.

You're not getting it done. I'm sick. I'm here today. Ill. For you. Yeah, thanks. I'd go to the doctor. I'm scared. They're all that. Legionnaires disease. Don't fucking say that. I'm saying.

All right, let's see. This one's from James McCarthy, $10 homie. Ever use pancakes or waffles as a bun for your hamburger? That's a great question. I've never thought of that. I've never been in the position where I needed to do that. I've never made a sandwich with, I've done like, I guess, peanut butter on top of two eggos probably.

But, yeah, I'm assuming you. Well, I mean, I guess that would just be the McGrittle, effectively. Not with a hamburger. or it's sausage. Sure, yeah, yeah. But not that long ago. Uh-huh. I was at my mother's.

You can't say anything that can shock me at this point. There's genuinely nothing. Hmm. I mean, do you think there is? Yeah. There's not. That would shock me.

There's stuff I don't know, for sure. There's nothing that would shock me. What the fuck is that shit? You just alluded to... There's things I don't know. I'm not saying... Well, you just said there's stuff I could tell you that would shock me.

You know everything? Clearly, that would shock me, no? How could something I, you said, you know, there's stuff. I made a ham and cheese sandwich using an eggo waffle. Okay, I don't know why you made it so serious after. And it's delicious. I get that. I still did the Dijon mustard and everything.

It all works. It's like buttermilk bread, effect of it essentially. All works. Well, was there no bread or you decided to get wacky? I'm okay with either way. I decided to get wacky. Fair enough. I'm a weird guy.

You don't know how to do whatever you want. Yeah. Doesn't shock me. Oh, interesting. Mm-hmm. You know I have two penises Doesn't shock me One's on my foot

Can't see that one either Hey Dan This thing on Hey Don't What are you gonna say one's in my butt Yeah there's in my butt He actually has three Keeps him in his mouth too

You call that a three-seater Hey Dan Hey Don Yeah it's really good And anything on You know Fucking what's it called Moni Cristo

which is basically ham cheese and turkey on French toast. Yeah, no syrup, though. You use syrup. Okay. Syrup. That's syrup. Whatever. What does my wife do?

I had a blueberry pancake today that blew my balls back. Uh-huh. Try it to the Galaxy Diner. How's that a Zempik working? Great. I'm just saying, a lot of Burger King talk, a lot of pancake talk, a lot of ham and cheese on waffle talk. Still going down, baby. No, I'm saying.

Treat every once in a while. plus a lot of steps I don't walk in, a lot of working out I don't know. I haven't been taking it. Really? I lost. I left it. I was kidding, by the way.

What? Just teasing you. You look great. I don't want to throw... Why are you getting weird? I don't want to throw stones back at you. After you make insulting comment, I try to kill them with kindness.

What insulting comment did I make? Make fun of my weight. I didn't make funny of your weight. He says I was eating a lot of pancakes and a lot of burger can. You said that. You said all of that stuff. I just asked you, how's it going to see if you were still taking it? Because hold on.

Don't get weird. We have both have lapsed in it. Oh, I didn't take it. I'm the taking. I forgot it. This, that. I got to get re-up. It was mostly that.

It wasn't a shot at everything. It was that. And also, you have mentioned the multiple times you've had Burger King recently. Once. Got Burger King once. Okay. Multiple times. Okay.

I had it once multiple times. Not multiple times during the day. But I have had Burger King. Multiple times. Stop saying once. I mean, it's crazy. It's crazy. You really have to learn how to speak you.

Do you? You stink. Yes, sir. If you stink and you know, clap your hands. You're doing that with the baby? What? If you're a baby and you know, clap your hands. You're doing all the old tunes, the old show tunes.

Old McDonald all that shit. Chicago. Chicago? What do you mean? He said all the old show team. I thought you meant Chicago to band. We're more of a steely Dan family. Does anybody really know what time of it is.

I love Chicago. We do clap your hands till daddy comes home. But what is that? Is it you make that up? No, because Tommy knows it. It must be a Philly Derp. See if you can find out. Clap your hands till Daddy comes home.

Daddy's going to buy me an ice cream cone so big. Because Tommy knows so it might be a Roxburgh thing. Clap your hands still daddy comes home from the bar Clap your daddy comes home from the bar The bar must have been far Because it's really, really late Clap your hand still daddy comes home from the bar I hope he doesn't hit mommy when he gets home

He's probably going to hit mommy when he gets here I hope he didn't spend the rent when he gets home Just a classic It comes from the UK but US It was sodish Classic really Clap hands, clap hands, still daddy comes home for daddy's got money, but mommy's got none. Oh, what the fuck?

Yeah, that's what I say. Really pushing the patriarchy over there. That's crazy. What about moms under breadwinner, huh? Luke? What about that? That was in my household. Really?

Yeah. Hot stuff. All due respect. Of course. They probably hate my guts by now anyway. Yes, yes, they do. I will answer for you. I got to cut my losses at a certain point.

You know what I mean? You got to put a turticking on it. Yeah, you got to, yeah, you got to realize. I've lost some rooms that I'm never going to get back. I'm aware of that. I don't know what the fuck I did. That was that bad. You're like a, I'll have Mark DeShart draw up a list.

You're like a bad air conditioner. Losing rooms, baby. Is that true? My out? The Dempces? Lost the complex. No shit, huh? Can't keep the room.

I'll miss them. Fuck them, who cares Nah, you know I like to let people down Wait, what? Wait, when's that When's that start? I thought that was kind of your thing

I thought that's what we were doing this all the time Oh, boy Listen, we gotta wrap it up though, gang What a fun one What a silly one That right there, if you're new to the program It's a good old-fashioned family episode We love you guys

And we'll see you in three days Peace