Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Trashy Home Security! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Episode Date: October 12, 2026

Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come t...o a live show! Watch AMERICAN GARBAGE: https://youtu.be/77zGwlLffWk?si=6E9dBr63JY7HgP9t AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Fabletics: Shop now at https://fabletics.com/garbage to get 70–80% off everything when you sign up as a new VIP. Take a quick style quiz and be sure to select GARBAGE when prompted to unlock this offer. This is a limited-time offer, so do not wait. Promo Code: Garbage Square: Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at https://square.com/go/garbage! Promo Code: Garbage Factor: Let’s eat real. Head to https://factormeals.com/garbage50off and use code garbage50off to get 50 percent off and 1 free breakfast item per box for 1 year, while supplies last until 10/31/2026. See website for more details. Promo Code: Garbage50off Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Stop the Presses, gang. The American Garbage Special is out on YouTube right now. Numbers are cooking. We thank everybody for their support. Keep sharing it. Keep telling everybody about it. We love you. Yeah, and if you like what you saw, we are on tour right now,
Starting point is 00:00:12 we're going to be in San Jose, San Diego, Tacoma, Atlanta, Philly. Hello. Springfield, Fort Wayne, Connecticut, Phoenix, Arizona, Timonium, Maryland, Milwaukee, Chicago, Cincinnati, Columbus. All tickets available at RUGarBage.com. If you got a garbage question, come out and see the boys. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Starting point is 00:00:50 Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU. Garbage. Hey, yeah. It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that it's a good to be classic. See? Yeah. Or just a big old piece of trash. Dirt bags. I'm your host, stagefully coming at you on a beautiful day.
Starting point is 00:01:06 We're out back here at Tootty's in a new edition. She's up steering a bedroom with Hasseloff. Okay. It's a pretty good pull. David Hasselhoff. Really rushed to get through it. You're like a dog with a bone. Big man liked that one.
Starting point is 00:01:19 Could it could have waited to get to the punchline. Like, they're more than you. My coach's coming out from across the table. I don't know what this character is. A family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the home. and Luke just the way we like it. My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
Starting point is 00:01:35 Very dear friend of mine. CEO of RU Garbage. Father of the year, King of the Burbs, King of the Boards. Give it up for the one and the only. Kenny Ryan, everybody. Shout out to King. Big man's gone. He can fucking razz you and dash you.
Starting point is 00:01:51 Shout to the motherfucking life. What am I talking? I'm talking like a goddamn Patreon episode. I'm sorry. Shout out. First of all, please make sure you review, subscribe on iTunes. And Spotify, full video available over there on Spotify.
Starting point is 00:02:03 Now boys are climbing the freaking charts. I like it or love it. The underdogs in the top 25. Let's go. Top 25 comedy, top 100 on all podcasts in the universe. Yeah, and listen, that's all we need right now. You don't need nothing more than that. I don't want to, listen, I don't want to target on our back.
Starting point is 00:02:20 In the charts. We're in here. We're hanging. We're going to work. We're doing well. Steve Winwood is in the middle of charts for years. You know, Valerie. I'm not going to fucking get demonetized for that copyright infringement.
Starting point is 00:02:37 And then obviously, check out YouTube, too. Those numbers are cooking. That the American Garbage Special. Yeah, closing on, I think close to $700,000, $650,000. We got the big tour, American garbage. Yes. Kicking off. Kicking off.
Starting point is 00:02:51 Let's go. All right. Clubs, weekends, hanging out in the city, sticking our heels in. Yes. Coming up, we got San Francisco. Jose, San Diego. The first show in San Diego sold out.
Starting point is 00:03:02 Let's go. Tickets are limited for the second show. That's only one night. Tickets available for San Jose. You got Tacoma coming up. You got Atlanta. You got Philadelphia.
Starting point is 00:03:10 You got Boston just announced that's going to freaking go. The Wilma? In a couple of days. Coming to the Wilma? Yeah, get all your tickets. If you've never been to a live show, they're a good, good time. We friggin love you.
Starting point is 00:03:22 Before we get to the episode, I wanted to... Apologize? Ask you a question. You told me not to apologize. She said to show it through my actions. Uh-huh. Well, what do you have? What do you got for me in that department then?
Starting point is 00:03:35 Nothing. We'll be right back. I got you the fucking egg bites in the coffee today. Yeah, but then you see what you did? I was the first one here. You back me into a corner. No, no, no. This is how nuts you are.
Starting point is 00:03:44 Let it go. He gave me, yeah. Let it go. Listen, he wants me to let go. Let it go. Certain things. And then he gets me a coffee. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:03:54 I felt like it was, it was colder than room temperature. when I got here. I set it outside, and he hands it to me. I take a sip. I know he's going to get weird, so I open it up because, you know, you know, mom and dad,
Starting point is 00:04:09 you know, we're going to rebuild it. We're, mom and dad are in a tough patch at the moment. But I come in. That's so great. I open it. I go,
Starting point is 00:04:16 this is going to be a thing if I don't drink this. So you were, I think, which is even weirder. I waited until I made eye. This is how we have to operate it. You're like a,
Starting point is 00:04:24 you're like a dog. I open it up. I take a sip. I go, ooh, I go, Oh, that's cold. I'm going to make a hot cup of coffee.
Starting point is 00:04:31 And then we sit down and record. I'm going to put it in the microwave. We sit down and record our feelings. He's like, you're not going to drink the coffee I got you? You're not going to. You're like a resentful dad. It's crazy. Shark, throw that coffee out.
Starting point is 00:04:43 Throw it in Kibby's face. Now, get it. Throw it against the wall. Fine. I'll throw it out. Uh, yeah. Speaking of which, that brings us to today's video segment. I don't like you producing this show.
Starting point is 00:04:55 It's just porn. That goddamn Twitter. Which you're on again. You're on heavy. I'm not on anything heavy. You're on Twitter. I reshare the thing because I'm not on Instagram. That'll save us.
Starting point is 00:05:11 Your fucking 2,000 Twitter followers. And I know you see the hate. I know you do. Because you respond to some of it by saying sorry. Like a fucking creepo, dude. Suck my dick, pussy. Hey, sorry about that, man. Try better next time, real sad replies.
Starting point is 00:05:34 You think. That PR company, I'll get back to us. Ew. I don't know. We need whoever fucking Gaddafi had. That's who you need. Did that a couple days ago. Got it, Brett.
Starting point is 00:05:47 It was a good joke in the 80s. It's a good joke now. Oh, man. Ooh. That chick with the fake bloods back in the news. She's got a movie coming out Who? Get her turn that around Yeah, get Nathan Fielder to follow you around
Starting point is 00:06:02 This head'll explode You wait, you did what? I don't know who's lying to who Diff and Fielder Luke You want to give me this 10 grand or not ticket I was told cash in the hand I was promised a meal as well
Starting point is 00:06:22 You'd like the hassle, huh? That'd be a big pole for her Sure The Hoff still got it. Uh-huh. You know? Yeah, I'm not against it. I don't know what you're talking about. Now, please, to H. Foley's video segment, let's kick it over to H. Folley's video corner.
Starting point is 00:06:39 Is this where you're hanging out at? What's going on here? This is wild. Welcome to my place. Now, you're a homeowner. Sure. Family man. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:06:50 Handy-ish. Nah, not really. Oh, cut it. Oh, God, burn the tapes. I mean, no, I can do the average amount. So this... I'm not trying to re-but. I'm not trying to save anything, though.
Starting point is 00:07:04 This is at the birthplace of H. Foley. No. I have house we moved into. He was a little pin on that. Stuck up. Yeah. Fucking... Trucudge's fucking seal code or something on it.
Starting point is 00:07:17 That fuck, it'll be water climbing up that wall. I was like the alphabet boys just kicked that door in. Things got dry rod. You know, there's an axe on a fucking string, fucking. A couple of it. A pink can's waiting to come down. Take you out. She's sitting there with a Red Rider BB gun.
Starting point is 00:07:33 Make a move and I'll blow your brain. I'll blow your dick in. She's a dead eye. She's got a heater going. Don't move. Just see the cherry light. I don't get ridder. You ever see that guy killed a bear?
Starting point is 00:07:48 I don't think so. In the house? I don't think so. Oh, dude, he's got. Bear was smoking? Bear was in the house. Dude came down with a fucking long gun. fucking lit it up real quick.
Starting point is 00:07:58 I would have shit my pants. The other night, I thought my wife put Hans in the crate and she did it and I was sleeping on the couch because the baby was fucking teething. It's the dog man! He's a dog man of Harlem? You really start lying to yourself when you hear noises.
Starting point is 00:08:17 You're going to, that's probably the aliens or so. I don't know. Dude, I'm like, there's somebody in the fuck. I'm like, don't fucking. There's someone laying down. in the hallway. What the fuck? You don't mean, you try to ignore it?
Starting point is 00:08:30 I don't know. You try to lie to yourself that it's going to go away. And they're like, ah, that's probably the neighbor. And then I'm like, that ain't in the house. You're lying to yourself that it's in the house. I'm not fully sure. I hear a noise like, I felt close, but it couldn't be. Everyone's sleeping.
Starting point is 00:08:45 Wrong. Hansi's out patrolling. Fucking scared this. I said, you dumb bitch, you don't fucking put the dog in the grate. Scared me half to death. Oh, man. Now, what do you think? Now, for the audio listener,
Starting point is 00:09:04 look, turn the fucking brightness up. What do you doing? You're like one of them chicks. They always keep their screen low. That's dark as shit. What, keeping it low? I do that. I keep my low.
Starting point is 00:09:20 I save my battery. I have an whole phone. That's probably the TV's got to go up. All right. Well, I can see it. It's a setting problem. Why are you throwing this out now? Well, I thought you'd have it.
Starting point is 00:09:30 Well, hold on a second. Pause it, pause it, pause it. Now, go back. Right there. What do you think this is for? Now, for the audio listener, you have a door. A nylon rope. Nylon, very good.
Starting point is 00:09:44 Attached to not one end around the doorknob, the other end with a loop. Pretty good not work for an old road. She's good. Patty's good. Patty taught me how to do that loop. Change my life. Long career and S&M, I both use. BPK killer. See, you can only fit one pesticle in there.
Starting point is 00:10:04 Jesus Christ. What do you think that's for? To close the door or to lock it, but why would you be locking it? This is my thing. I don't know. Like, there's no real indicator of an issue, like, because the door's closed. Maybe the door blows open, and so she, like, ties that to something else. Very good, Kevin.
Starting point is 00:10:26 Thank you. I'm a dirtbag, buddy. Yeah. So what does that connect to? If you play the tape through. Luke. There we go. Right there.
Starting point is 00:10:36 Oh, she hooks it on that. Yeah. Because. She always got fresh flowers. God love her. What are those daffodils? Uraniums. What are they called?
Starting point is 00:10:44 I don't know. Yeah. They look like they're... You tie it up, tie the string up around there. It's windy. Why not? Okay.
Starting point is 00:10:52 Get the door fixed? Yeah, but like... That's what I said. But, Tim, I mean, you could fix it. that, if it's closing that much, there's Jimmy, it's D-Jimmy. You gotta read Jimmy it. That door's always been an issue.
Starting point is 00:11:03 I guess it's watering it like you wouldn't. Well, look at it. They're fucking paint's peeling off by the, by the, by the foot. Take it easy. Trying to fixed income. She got damn widow, widower, a widow. You got cat. Moving on.
Starting point is 00:11:17 Yeah. Yeah. There's some audio components to this too. Oh, okay. Because the video works so well. string on the door I don't know string on the door
Starting point is 00:11:29 oh my god it ruined my tape this is what happened as a brooder from they gave to some fucking bozo in the mail room and they fucked it up you just refer to Luke
Starting point is 00:11:41 as a bozo in the mail room everybody knows sharks to bring just me saying oh look at this tied to the geraniums pretty much yeah
Starting point is 00:11:52 we can use our imaginations uh yes very trashy very but i mean she's an old you gotta take care of for her you're down there get a handyman over there down there you were dead who's who filmed a video guy i hired a guy uh-huh no i was down air yeah it's raining you'll take care of it for her i was not there for like two seconds oh my you're there for the weekend yeah yeah there's always something you always you're fucking not really the talk of the town down there these days that's contrary to what i hear just not good
Starting point is 00:12:23 talk of the town. Sure. Sure. Fucking Times Harold trying to do a hit piece on me. Rightfully so. Yeah, I mean, that's trashy, but like we got, I got stuff like that going on. What's this? Audio drop. No.
Starting point is 00:12:38 That said dildos? No. I believe it did. It said diops. Oh. Is that like a dildo? I'm sure you try to put it in your butt. Not that thing.
Starting point is 00:12:51 Um. Sorry, Diesel String on the door Yeah That's all I got Yeah, it's trashy It's very trashy Yep
Starting point is 00:13:02 Um I got something submitted from A buddy of ours You're gonna top me With another video? It wasn't I wasn't gonna top you
Starting point is 00:13:13 This is bullshit I wasn't gonna top it You didn't play into that either I could have guessed I did I guessed it right You could have drug it Wait, you think I didn't play along with it?
Starting point is 00:13:26 I don't know. I would screw it. You saw a letter that began with D and assumed it said dildos and then started talking about putting stuff up your butt. No, I didn't. Okay. Chart cut that. A bit of a swing and a miss with the video. No, no, no.
Starting point is 00:13:45 I mean, no, I, you know. I'm trying. I'm not there field producing. I know. Yeah, you connected. I'm not so... Was that corporate funds, mine, unless,
Starting point is 00:13:56 that all came out of pocket. What I think happened is you, it wasn't maybe the home run. We were playing along with it, and you pivoted real quick. It felt it felt you were like, ah, it's all I got it. It's wrap it up in the eight trolley video corner.
Starting point is 00:14:11 We'll be back next week with a new video. I was texting, I was texting with our, with our pal, Chris, who is over there. in the Luke Combs camp. Ah, yes, of course. We chat quite regularly.
Starting point is 00:14:26 Shut out to him. Good guy. The best. Calling this, calling, you know. Running a hell of an operation over there. Yes. Fan of the show. He's the one of,
Starting point is 00:14:34 he helped facilitate Luke doing the show and stuff like that. Shout out to him. He hit me with a, he hit me with a text of, and it's very true because I deal with this when you're in the burbs. What do you?
Starting point is 00:14:47 And I think certain people have certain things. What are your vibes? And what were the vibes growing up with the bulk trash night? Like, bulk trash. Like, if you have a recliner to get to throw out, you can't just put that out every night. There's certain things. So it's like what?
Starting point is 00:15:05 I think what you're willing to put out and how and when says a lot about the domestic household. Give me a seracquil so we can talk about this. Holy shit. It was a war. Yeah. It was a war. Always. What were they pro?
Starting point is 00:15:23 different opinions and, you know, my dad, put it out there. Somebody'll take it. Why? Why? I don't know. People take it. It was for like trashy, because like we were obviously trashy, but we weren't like the trashiest. So we, I think it was like to keep up appearances of like, you can't just, I think my mom would go.
Starting point is 00:15:45 We look so poor and trashy with this. Having a couch. Yeah, just like getting soggy. And then God forbid they didn't take it. I don't think they would. They go. They didn't. They guys got to come back in the house.
Starting point is 00:15:58 I can't sit out there for the next week until next Tuesday. That's got to come back in. There's a guy's sleeping. You out there to get it. You and your brother fighting. That's the way we did it. We were always very fortunate that the family were all of my dad in step that worked in construction. So if anything could.
Starting point is 00:16:14 I'll take that to the job. I'll dump that down and fucking, you know, whatever Acme and the Port Richmond were working on. We've mentioned this. But when somebody in the family was getting something done or any neighbor, hood close by in a four mile radius was getting done and there was a fucking dumpster in the driveway. Woo-wee. Empty in the bathroom trash in there.
Starting point is 00:16:34 Fucking tissues and Q-tips falling out. Me and my wife get, she's like, just put it out. And I'm like, you can't just. Oh, in the city? No. In the burbs. Oh, in the city. Oh, the city.
Starting point is 00:16:45 I mean, well, the city, the building manager does it for the, I'm throwing stuff everywhere. Yeah. Like, you know, in different receptacles. I said even so when I was in the place in hell's kitchen I just Woothing right in somebody else's trash camp Sure um but she'll be like just put it I'm like What she wants and I think because she grew up in an apartment So there wasn't really
Starting point is 00:17:06 Did she grow up in that apartment? Department to her parents yeah yeah no shit I didn't know that yeah I think that's the only place she's ever I mean she moved out when she got older but that's the You've seen her childhood bedroom Uh yeah it's not a bedroom anymore. I think it's like her dad's office or whatever, but...
Starting point is 00:17:25 You're kidding. Yeah. So she's like, just put it out. And I'm like, like cardboard boxes and shit, like a lot of cardboard. Well, yeah, you flatten that out. I know, but like, she'll just like put it out. I'm like, if it's pouring rain or whatever, I'm like, I'm not, I'm calculated with how it goes out. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:17:45 Not really. You flatten it and tape it up. Yeah, and she'll just go put it out. But it might be late. Yes, but and say that's not done. I go, I'm not doing that tonight. Oh, we mean say that they're not. Like it's not, it's not, it's got to be ready to go out.
Starting point is 00:18:00 Oh, yeah. And if it's not ready. What time are we talking? Pass by, well, I ain't doing it, whatever fucking time is. It ain't that. It can be fucking two in the afternoon. You got to get me before supper. If I go, I ain't, yeah, there's spiders and shit out there.
Starting point is 00:18:13 Fuck that. It's dark as shit. I ain't fucking flattening boxes of taping them and wrapping them and putting them in. It'd be a possum or squirrel or something in. Them to bring it back soggy. If they don't take it for whatever. It smells like dead mouse. Wet cardboard.
Starting point is 00:18:27 No, it smells like dead mouse to me. I've never connected them. Really? No. I mean, that death has like such a specific stench to me. Yeah, it does, doesn't that? Yeah, it does, doesn't that? You're throwing seven different kinds of crazy today, boy.
Starting point is 00:18:44 But yeah, I thought that was, because he had sent me a picture of somebody that just put the, like, the table, the pool table out. It's not taking that. It was also Red felt, which is the trashiest kind of pool. You might as well have it be a fucking half a game of nine ball on there. That's crazy. Right? I go, that to me, we would have to like, we would, like, you got to get the soles all out, whack that up two or three times. I'm like, it just looks like, it looks like you discarded a dead body.
Starting point is 00:19:14 Just like. Just a regular trash company take something like that? Oh, they do. I mean, my town does bulk days. So if he got something big, I guess they send out extra trucks of like, do people put like anything. I mean like a pool table and they fucking crunch it up. I don't know. That's different from back in the day.
Starting point is 00:19:34 That'd be satisfying to me. Yeah. Crunch it up. You ever see that thing that goes like this? The wheel? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got TikTok. That thing.
Starting point is 00:19:45 You get your finger in there? That's suck you right in. Sure. That's why you steer clear than things. That'd probably be a painful way. I. You think? Zip from an empty can.
Starting point is 00:19:57 It's not empty. Okay. All right. Accusations. The Internet says otherwise. Anybody can do that? No, I'm a talented performer, but I couldn't fake that. Ha ha!
Starting point is 00:20:10 Got you. Do you take a bow? Listen, we got a gosh darn family episode on our hands. Good scorn around with all this stuff. As you know when you... That video stunk, by the way. Bring that crap to me. Well, yeah.
Starting point is 00:20:24 Yeah, you're, you know, typically you bounce it off of us. I got something maybe I think. I thought it was a home run. I didn't, I didn't, nobody even said it was bad. I feel you. I think I had to run past standards and practices out there. I feel you pulled out pretty quickly. I feel like I was like, yeah, I did that.
Starting point is 00:20:42 I've never done that. You went on the attack very fast. I lost confidence. Yeah, okay. You started lashing out. Yeah. Classic. Classic, Henry.
Starting point is 00:20:51 I respect the plight. I love a lashout. Sure. Going, okay, good defense is an okay offense. Kit, you like that Fabletics? Love that Fabletics. I know you're a runner. I try.
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Starting point is 00:21:21 Say you want to go back out on a, say the spring you want to get back out on the course. Right? You don't want to show up with jeans and Timberlons. Looking like a bozo. Fablotics will get you straightened out. You look good, you feel good, you do good. Fabletics. Yeah.
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Starting point is 00:21:55 I now look like I belong at a gym. Long Jones and shorts. Yeah, that's what it's, it makes me go, and I feel better because I go, oh, I look like I belong. That's all,
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Starting point is 00:22:35 Kim, this is Square. Square, Square, Square. Now I know you know Square because we use Square. Support for today's podcast is brought to you by Square. Parent places that you like to go. You buy something. You're like, man, that checkout process was really quick and easy. What is that?
Starting point is 00:22:48 It's so, you don't even think about it. It's that easy. That's what I would say. You just go, I'm checked out already and I'm all with my day. That's square. We use Square. All right. You're starting out a little business.
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Starting point is 00:24:04 Hopefully they'll play ball. I never knew how you would do that if you didn't know the guy. I kind of respect. It's subtle. Yeah. That's very subtle. 20. 20 plays, man.
Starting point is 00:24:17 I think. Does anybody really not pass inspection anymore? I think Pennsylvania is, way more vigorous than, I mean, New York. New York's like... I'm in there in two minutes. I got that coming up, by the way. New York does it in five, literally, like five.
Starting point is 00:24:31 Yeah, it's like, yep, yep, okay, you're good. They put it on something. I think they do the emissions and they think they check the brakes and the lights or something. I don't know. Other than that, it was shocking. What are you driving around like an ethel car or what is it called? Ethylene.
Starting point is 00:24:44 Ethanol? Ethanol. People have those? That's the stuff inserts, isn't it? Ethanol. No, that's Retson. I would get you, right? He's got Retson in it.
Starting point is 00:24:54 Right? I thought it was good for you. It was good for your breath. Retson? Retson. Right. I don't know. You ever have fruity certs?
Starting point is 00:25:01 They're delicious. Really? Huh. I had a whole thing of Rekolas yesterday in therapy. That's my therapist for if you had any cough drops or candies. You usually have a little bowl of something. And he did the whole bag? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:14 But he can't comment on anything? Yeah. Yeah. That's like, that's pretty wild. Hey, do you have one? And then you eat the whole. of something of someone else's? Did you ask at any point?
Starting point is 00:25:26 Do you mind? I'm sorry, I'm in a moment. Can I crush these? No, he knows I'm nuts. I see, but you just, I know, but nuts and manners are too separate things. You're crazy. Yeah, there should be.
Starting point is 00:25:37 I think that's one of, I think that's one of the cruxes of our issues. Get some fucking hard candy in there. Also, hey, as a guy who's, you know, on the chunkier side and obsessed with candy, why don't you roll around with candy? You know you like a hard candy. You're a bigger man.
Starting point is 00:25:56 You're sugary sweets. I do. Lack of teeth. Yeah, I still haven't found my lollipop yet. I believe in you, though. I don't like blow pops. Okay. No one's giving them.
Starting point is 00:26:06 No one's making them. I mean, I like them, but I want to swallow something. Got that? Pause. Yeah, listen, I think 20 is good. If you're, you know, say that happens one or two days. I mean, say you got one a day, 100 bucks a week. PA does have very relatively thorough and strict annual vehicle safety and emissions inspection.
Starting point is 00:26:30 Really? I mean, emissions. Come on, what are we doing? I think that's really all they check. Yeah. Like, it's like, well, what's how much, how much day? Unless there's no doors on the car or something. We had a, our gig, our gig growing up was my stepdad and his boy were mechanics.
Starting point is 00:26:48 And they had this, like, race car that they worked. and the next to them was a actual garage. So all of our cars, they would inspect him and his boy. My stepdad in his boy. He had a license to inspect cars? No. They would just go, hey.
Starting point is 00:27:06 Give me a sticker. Yeah, but no. Give it a sticker. I think they had to run the emissions. So they'd be like, hey, just do the emissions. Me and fucking Andy took care of everything. We put new brakes on it. It's all good.
Starting point is 00:27:18 And they'd go, all right. So that was like. Pull, knock. Yeah. Although, remember he gave me the bad brakes, so he... Wait, those were bad? Yeah, they ended up going. Wait, what do you mean?
Starting point is 00:27:30 Those brakes. They were just old. Yeah, I had just gotten an inspector. I just got the car back. That car could pass the inspection? Oh, my God. I mean, not by the state of Pennsylvania, but by the state of my step that in his homey. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:43 Like a wolf granted his teeth. Yeah, they ended up going. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that had just passed it. That was just inspected. We're talking about playing ball. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:53 We were a big kind of handshakey, this one knows that. That's how all we got a guy. That's the way the burbs just operate. A guy. Oh, you go see Nikki. Go see Jimmy and Nikki. And he was in, he was born and raised in bucks, like a hillbill back when it was like all farmland, a cowboy guy.
Starting point is 00:28:13 So he knew every, like he had a guy. It was like he had never left the area. So it was like he, no, that's so. so that was like old bucks people ah that's so-and-so's brother i went to school it was very like picks yeah which i respect long i need more guys now i don't got guys that's that's fading unless you're really you got roots somewhere i kind of have a guy on queens with that at the automotive place you know uh-huh but not that's not a guy that's just a guy you've been to well yeah i don't know i'm just saying it's not
Starting point is 00:28:50 I think your guy's got to know your name. You don't know your name. I don't know his. Hey, Chunky! Hey, Ricola, there you are. Rikola. I don't know his. I know he's the manager.
Starting point is 00:29:04 Uh-huh. You got to know, you got to know each other's names. You got like... I got the guys at the deli. Everybody's got them. I was in there today. I know. They know you?
Starting point is 00:29:13 Yeah. By name? He knows. He knows I don't want utensils and I don't want napkins. They know we know each other? I try to keep. it that way. Yeah, I tried. Don't jam me up over there. Yeah, because yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
Starting point is 00:29:26 Start spitting in my hands. I go in there, you're fucking working one day. Hey. Yeah, trying to avoid that. Oh, shit. Hey, can I take my break, please, boss? You ever use the bathroom in there? Yeah. Yeah. It's like, it's like Rikers. I got to buzz you in. Hey, hey, hey, hey. You can. Why, I always go, hey, the bathroom goes, yeah, I got you.
Starting point is 00:29:47 And then you got to just trust them and walk back. And you got to be. Never miss. They never miss. And by the time you get there, it's buzz, but it's not when you start going. They got you. Nah, I got you.
Starting point is 00:29:57 I have a lot. I don't think I talked about this. I wanted to talk about this. I have a lot of guys that handle stuff. But they're not my guy. They're not. I got a gutters guy. I got a Christmas lights guy.
Starting point is 00:30:10 Same guy. No shit. Do your Christmas lights? Yeah. Really? Uh-huh. How many years you've been doing that? I think three years.
Starting point is 00:30:17 You're killing it. Dude, it's like I'm not even fucking around for the lights the first year i think it was like for all the lights that are custom measured to like what i want yeah 400 bucks he keeps them all year comes back and puts them up and like each year it's 300 like no shit and they're the same lights they go up the timer i don't have to fucking touch them all the extension cords everything's completely fucking done and then he comes at some point take wraps them up puts them in stores them for the next year it's thinking about doing a tree this year fantastic
Starting point is 00:30:50 Oh, let me try with an apartment first. Hey, done it. I walked into that one. What, living under a tree this year? It's going to be a redwood, big guy. I got a tree guy, got a long guy, but you know what? It's very trashy and nice about this, which makes me feel nice. You go, hey, can you, I remind me, I got to fucking pay the guy for the gutters.
Starting point is 00:31:15 I don't think I paid him for the lights. How many times you can, we cleaned our gutters once in my life? I once in my life because it was leaked because I had a cutter. tree growing. I had fucking sprouts up there. And it was leaking. Dude, we could be in the middle of a drought and this was still like still dripping water. Really? That's probably bird shit.
Starting point is 00:31:32 Yeah, so I don't know. He went. He's like, I've never met the guy. You don't meet these guys. You don't have safeguards up there? I do. The gutter guards? Yeah. You got those. He came with the house. No shit. I mean, they're all fucked. We've got trees growing out of them. That's pretty good. But, um... It's a genius idea. You know what's great when you go to pay? Like, now everything's Like, I go, I'm not a Zell guy.
Starting point is 00:31:53 I'm limited in Zell. My bank through Zell. I don't like Zell. I'm a Venmo guy, but Venmo cracked down. On what? On how much money you can get in. So these like blue collar, not side hustle guys, but not guys who are like processing credit cards and stuff.
Starting point is 00:32:11 They have, they're trying to, a lot of people are trying to limit their Venmo income. I think anything over 600 bucks now. So they're trying, I think that used to be a grayish area. the Venmo. That's why we switched over. You start getting got. So they don't... Do you excuse me for one second?
Starting point is 00:32:29 They don't like... Do you have anything on this? They don't like taking money on the Venmo. Never see me a good. Not yet. The $600 rule. Let me see. Let me dive into this.
Starting point is 00:32:38 Thanks a lot, Mondami. What the fuck, man? So I had multiple guys go. I'm like, yo, the Zell's not... I have a limit on my Zell. It's like $500 or something like that. I don't know. A day, I don't know what it is.
Starting point is 00:32:52 That's crazy. It's crazy. They have the $600 rule historically refers to an IRS reporting guideline requiring businesses or third party payment networks to issue tax forms when the payments exceed $600 in a calendar year. So they're probably cracking down on it now. I think that's what it was like two years ago or something. I sold one time and I had to get approval for it and they asked me what was it for.
Starting point is 00:33:14 Yeah, it always asks. I'm paying my fucking bills, dickhead. It's three in the morning, lady. You have the fucking tickets. Uh-huh. Okay Um Physical therapy
Starting point is 00:33:24 And green juices Um They go You send it to my wife I love that though I go let's go Guys spread the file I'll send it to your uncle
Starting point is 00:33:37 Your nephew Set your daughter up with an account She's two years old Get her a Venmo Well fucking Where's this all going What? I don't know
Starting point is 00:33:44 I don't know But I like I go yeah We gotta bring cash back It's not It's gone I offered somebody cash and they were like, eh. It was like a headache.
Starting point is 00:33:53 What? Yeah. It was like for like a discount. For like we were getting something done to the house. I said, you know, it was expensive. I said, what's cash look like? He's like, eh. I mean like, how is you going to deposit these?
Starting point is 00:34:05 Like now I got to like fucking handle this much cash? Just keep it and your cash. But no one's taking cage. What do you mean no one's taking cash? What is what we're talking about? You just said cash has to come back. That means no one's taking cash. This is off a thesis that you started.
Starting point is 00:34:19 But you, like, I can't walk into, like, urban outfitters and pay with cash? No, you can, but it's just no one. I thought I would. Also, a lot of them are getting rid of the cash register, yeah, situation. No shit. Yeah, just did some shopping and soho this weekend. Yeah, no one, I mean, they don't want it. They go, no.
Starting point is 00:34:37 No kidding. Yeah. It's all through the app and the email and everything. Huh. So they say it was 10 grand. This guy goes, and I got to fucking spend $10,000 in cash. It's going to take you 100 years. Fucking mice will be.
Starting point is 00:34:49 and by the time you spend it. That's what happened to Pablo. Uh-huh. The rats. In the form of the other. So, yeah, I kind of, I like that. I said, I'm with my wife right now. Send it to, send it to this.
Starting point is 00:35:01 I'm with my wife. I've been dead for 20 years. I don't care, man. Keep the plate spinning. I think the one guy's a fan, the other guy's not. Because it comes from my personal Vimbo. Uh-huh. So, like, he sits like me with a microphone or whatever.
Starting point is 00:35:15 And the one guy, the one guy is? I don't know what it is. You stink. Yeah, right. Let's run the tape, will we? It's just very funny. The one guy's like, yeah, yeah, no worries, no worries. The other guy's like, wants nothing to do. I feel like I'm bothering him when I'm sending no money.
Starting point is 00:35:31 I guess, man. I don't know. I'm bad on paying bills, so I get behind. But this thing on top of it. Con Edison. It's expensive. It's crazy you're behind on your fucking electric bill. I don't fucking live there anymore.
Starting point is 00:35:50 Huh? But this one's just funny. This is from Roy E. Munson. You ever bet someone for paychecks? That's a dirtbag thing of the 80s, I feel. I would never roll that dice. Never. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:06 That was a big thing. Sign your checkover. Like, I remember my stepdad talking about gambling. They used to play A.C. Doocy. I bet they did. What sexual thing is that? I don't know. And he's like, yeah.
Starting point is 00:36:18 I remember he said one guy, I think it was his brother or somebody that were playing. would have ruined you. He had to sign over the next two paychecks. Oh my God. I'm just if I can kill myself dude that would be it. I remember yeah. I used to hate waiting the three weeks when you first got the job. That was the worst. They fuck you on training or something like that. That's crazy that they do that. I know. There's no way they do that anymore. They're doing shit now where it's like you get paid the day you work. Really? But like if you're like a caretaker and stuff, there's those kind of caretaker. Yeah, a lot of people. Yeah. A lot of people. A lot of people's primary thing is they taking care of a loved one.
Starting point is 00:36:55 Like, I take care of my grandmother and, like, they get paid for that? You can't. Oh, God, here we go. You'll be your own caretaker. Yeah. Patty's about to get a drop kick. This is all just from, like, commercials I've seen or whatever. I don't really know.
Starting point is 00:37:10 So you got the gutter guards. I don't know. I don't have boots on the ground experience with this. Are you talking about Dave or whatever it is? I don't know. Is it happening a lady alone, John? I think that he used to be. They used to be an advertising.
Starting point is 00:37:23 Got up to them. I should start greasing you for that. Get you hooked up to Dave. I'm getting my money now. Buddy, you got your money and a lot more other money already ahead of time. No, but it's looked that up. There's a good thing where it's like, I don't know, whatever. I don't think people, I don't think the lag times a month anymore of what it used to be, you know.
Starting point is 00:37:46 If you started in the, if you started in the middle of the pay payroll, we're going to lump that one into the next. I said you shit. Remember when I got my job at David Seafood, I was hurting for a squirton. Dude, had to wait like three and a half weeks. I'd be calling your mom. You're like spending money to get there and shit. Dude. They just need 20 bucks of gas money.
Starting point is 00:38:11 They used to put biscuits on the table. I was eating those every day. Breakfast luncheon. I didn't stop once you got that paycheck there, did it be. Honey butter is all right. Man, not like a restaurant does fresh. biscuits. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:38:23 They were like honey biscuits or something with honey butter. I got the honey part. There are honey butter biscuits with honey butter and honey in them. They were so good. But yeah, man. You were lying on fucking demo food to get by. That's jammed off. Like stuff that they let you eat so you knew how to sell it to people.
Starting point is 00:38:44 Uh-huh. This honey butter as a honey butter. That's what you're pitching to the table. I like the seafood enchiladas. That's what Jamie Fox had when I waited on him. I scarf that down the second he left. That's where I got the thing where you order a bunch of stuff and you only eat half.
Starting point is 00:39:02 Celebs do. You know? When you're going to start eating half? I do that now. Okay. I get a bunch of things. Yeah. I mean, like a smorgasbord.
Starting point is 00:39:12 You know what I mean? Try it all. Cabot's talking about Factor. Factor! One of our faves. Yes. It is. I know.
Starting point is 00:39:19 We're not just spokesman. We are clients a factor. I got them in the fridge right now. I know. We're our good friends house. We got some over here, too. We got some over here. I had one for lunch.
Starting point is 00:39:28 They're absolutely delicious. You throw it in a microwave, two minutes. It's ready to go. Or you're going to be fancy like Kippey. You throw it on a skillet. Listen, it's the fall. You're busy. You're going to start picking.
Starting point is 00:39:38 You're going to start making bad choices. Next thing you know, at Christmas, you look like a goddamn water buffalo walking around. I'm like, holy shit, he got big. He got off the factors. Do yourself a favor. Factor. Are nutritious. They're delicious.
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Starting point is 00:40:24 Hachimachi, while supplies last until 10, 31, 26. That's code garbage 50 off at factor meals.com. Garbage 50 off at factor meals.com. See website for more details. Do it. Do it. Keep what's like about chime. Chime.
Starting point is 00:40:39 As you know, baby, life comes at you pretty quick. You ain't lying, big man. Things start adding up. Uh-huh. You know what I'm saying? I wish I could go back and tell my younger self. If you're going to do a little banking, make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right,
Starting point is 00:40:53 watch out for bank fees, all that kind of stuff. I'll tell you what I really wish. I could go back and say, hey, I wish I had chime. I know. Listen, if you're out there, this is where chime comes in. Chime is changing the way people bank. It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is. Then you got these big corporate banks coming after you.
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Starting point is 00:42:16 about it days later and need a ruling. I'm on her side here. I think it's, I think it's, we've talked about this. Yeah. We just, dude, because in New York,
Starting point is 00:42:25 there's no garbage disposal. You can't put that liquid in the trash because the trash, because then it's like goes to a trash room. You got to carry. It's, so what we do, I mean,
Starting point is 00:42:34 we just did a, we did the slow cooker over the weekend. Did you? Yeah. I bet that made the house smell nice. It was very nice. Very nice. I used to have a home.
Starting point is 00:42:46 And then at the end, she was like, what do I do with this? and I'm like, just fucking plunk it in the toilet. I put worse down there earlier today. What was it? What was it? What did you make?
Starting point is 00:42:57 Just like some chunk of meat. I forget what kind of cut it was. Yeah. And some juices and potatoes? Yeah, yeah. It was exactly what you would put in a slow cooker. Yeah. And what are you dumping meat?
Starting point is 00:43:10 No. Oh, just like, the meat all fell apart or whatever. And then, you know, we had to saw enough gravy or whatever, gravy, enough sauce, aju, if you will. I bet you that was good. It was really good. We've been doing a lot of sit-down dinners, the three of us. Is that right?
Starting point is 00:43:26 Mm-hmm. I love that, bucks. I love it. Face turns right. What's cute is the baby obviously drops a bunch of food, and door throws, whatever. I scarf it down, then take care of him. Right?
Starting point is 00:43:44 I get him out. Then he walks over to the dog and goes, go. And the dog goes over and eats up to stuff. scraps. Does the dog sit there until then? I'll make sure the dog holds usually sit under the table. I'll put him under the bed because we don't beg. Okay, we don't beg. You'll put him under the bed. No, I'm sorry. He sits under the table. I'll put him in his bed. I'll say go to your place. And he'll sit there and wait. He'll sit over there. And then the baby gets out, walks
Starting point is 00:44:06 over to him and goes, go. And then I'll run over and eat all the tk-c-tick-tie. Does he get out of the high chair himself? No, I got to get him out. You know when he wants out. You know. It's not up for debate either. He's not a big negotiator. I like it. Yeah, you dump that right down to Turlet. Yeah. 100%.
Starting point is 00:44:26 Bacon grease, stuff like that, that goes in the sink with some hot water. I'll even toilet. I just toilet anything. You can't do bacon grease. It's the same. What do you think it's going down the fucking... It's cold water don't. It'll clog up.
Starting point is 00:44:40 Like you're wax. What do you think you're putting hot water down there? Yeah, hot water to keep it flowing. That dude, that's the main line. Once it's in the city, it's fucking my diamond's problem. Dude, that's not making it to the... to the floor beneath you. That's not to make it out of the fucking
Starting point is 00:44:54 P trap. You think? I think. That's getting... That's not getting back up. That's stopping right there, guy. Like my arteries. Also, the water's never hot as soon as you do it. You got to let
Starting point is 00:45:08 it warm up. Who's this fucking guy? Yeah, no shit. I let it heat up right up. I know. I do the same thing. It's okay, man. It's a safe space. There's no garbage disposal in New York City? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:45:24 Just, I mean, like, all the buildings. It's got to be a crazy new building. Yeah. Yeah? That's like a lot of money. I never understood where that went, to be honest with you. What? The garbage in a garbage disposal.
Starting point is 00:45:35 Where does it go? Chops it up really fine. And then it just goes down the pipe? I believe so. Really? The fucking the Germans were here. They asked me, and they ain't ever seen that shit. No shit.
Starting point is 00:45:45 Yeah. They don't got fucking garbage disposal in Europe. Uh-uh. I mean, maybe, but not. Let's go. Not like that. They were like, What's it?
Starting point is 00:45:53 I go, I don't fucking know. You just flip this. And they don't run, they didn't know to run the water. I'm like, you gotta run the water. Oh, shit. Sparks are come flying out of air.
Starting point is 00:46:03 Dude, they're just fucking raw dogs. And it's heard that. And I'm like, yo, guy, fucking you got to lubricate this shit. You ever put some soap down here and let it run? No. What's it do? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:46:17 Okay. Man, this guy. Foams up a little bit. No, no, never. There's a thing where you put ice down there. That was like a TikTok trend. What do you do down there? And it like melts and it like cleans it or something.
Starting point is 00:46:26 I don't fucking know. I think it was all AI. You got to have something? He uses a spinning metal plate and a stationary grind ring to break down food into tiny particles. Yeah. Rather than using sharp blades like a blender. And then it just goes, I think.
Starting point is 00:46:41 Still fuck you up. You stick your finger down there. What is that grind wheel? A spinning metal plate and a stationary grind ring. Grind ring. Grind ring. I like that. It goddamn grind rings broken.
Starting point is 00:46:53 You blew out your grind ring. What's that cost you? Oh, yeah. The garbage disposal. When that thing went. Holy shit, my aunt had one. I don't think ours ever went. I think my mom still got...
Starting point is 00:47:05 Yeah, I mean, I got an old... The one in my... The house in the burbs is old. Hmm. You got a garbage disposal, huh? Uh-huh. It's good. I just told you a whole story about it.
Starting point is 00:47:17 I was talking about... Oh, yeah. I wasn't thinking of your house. for me as I was thinking the apartment which you just said I just said doesn't it and you went No you don't have a garbage supposed
Starting point is 00:47:25 I don't know I'm doing well I'd like to see it Thanks Very welcome I love you very much What's that I love you very much
Starting point is 00:47:34 Cut that Brent that You never loved me That's not true It's crazy talk I wanted to marry you I can't afford you Big guy
Starting point is 00:47:49 I'm sorry Wasn't good and bad You? Who? Me? Mm-hmm. Yeah, right. Yeah, the stallion.
Starting point is 00:47:59 More of a pillow, princess. Fucking bag of skin over here. What are you talking about? It's bad, man. I got to get cut. I'll be filing out. But then what happens when you blow back up, which will probably happen? That's going to be a tight belly.
Starting point is 00:48:12 You got no faith in it. I'm not blowing back up. Okay. Blow myself up. Cabo. You take you. You lift your shirt up. You got D&T on your stomach.
Starting point is 00:48:24 Ah, yeah. They did that in Batman. That one guy they put in there. Yeah, it's going to be you. That guy didn't know here. My stomach hurts. We're going to be doing a hard feeling. I mean, that's not eating bad ribs.
Starting point is 00:48:37 I mean, you don't know you got a bomb in you? My stomach hurts. You're a fucking idiot. You got a big, broken to a goddamn police station with a bomb in your belly. Get the hell out of here. That's a ticket at least. It's a citation. It's crazy.
Starting point is 00:48:51 Crazy. Fucking moron. Stomach hurts. That's crazy. I mean, but... I'd have been pissed. Uh-huh. Right?
Starting point is 00:49:04 Sure. Do you have any fear of yo-yoing at all? Because I do. I mean, I'm going back up, down and up. I don't know. I take it day by day. One step at a time. Slow down.
Starting point is 00:49:19 Breathe. Accepting. What I'm told. say. That's what I'm told to say. About my tummy hoods. The Joker's any... Want to see how I got these stretch marks?
Starting point is 00:49:32 I got diesel out in the lounge. Kippies hot today. Woo! Let's go. Oh, God. I like being the butt of the jokes for once. No. There's no going back.
Starting point is 00:49:49 I'm not assuming. The boats. have been burned. You're witnessing. All of you! Just get real fucking mad at it. You haven't doubted me? Huh?
Starting point is 00:50:00 You never bet against the bull? Who's the bull? I don't know. I'm assuming that's one of your corny nicknames you have for yourself with your new group of friends. Oh, what's up? I'm H. Foley, the bull. My good friends call me the bull. You probably do that.
Starting point is 00:50:19 You're like the new kid. You're like the... I don't have any friends. Friends, dickhead. I wonder why. I'm losing friends and finding peace. What? Drake.
Starting point is 00:50:29 Steve, you are washed. Fucking 50-year-old man, down and out. Just starts quoting Drake lyrics. I just started to listen to him. Enjoy's music. Why do you listen to a fucking Tony Robbins or something? Fucking learn how to bounce a checkbooker, dude. A chick that go, hey, you got to get your shit together.
Starting point is 00:50:49 That broad? Who? Oh, Mel Robbins. That's Mel Robbins. Tony Robbins is the guy with the teeth? What fuck does he know? Yeah, if I was fucking... If I was six, eight and good-looking?
Starting point is 00:51:01 He knows how to keep his teeth. If I was six-eight and good-looking, it'd be fucking people of vites too. Huh? I'm going to mirror looking at this. It's the last stand to age fully. I ain't going back. That's not a good thing, is it?
Starting point is 00:51:20 Yeah, it is. Okay. This is it. The boats have been burned. The bridges have been burned. Yes, they have. It's a very hard feeling this episode. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:51:34 Ow, I just hurt my pinky. Yes. Man, that first video really set us on a path, didn't we? I thought that was kind of good time. Could have been a series of pictures. It could have been. And then you were yelling about the brightness right away. That didn't put it off on a good, like, positive nose.
Starting point is 00:51:57 I had a whole thing where she was going to be behind the door and she wouldn't do it. And I offered her a large amount of money I was her to borrow a large amount of money offer You know you're jammed up with your mom's screen Distance with her That seems like a U project She don't have me involved in it She had some other things going on
Starting point is 00:52:17 What she bombs publicly too? You got a fucking rep. Girls at the Mermaid Club will fucking disowner Mm-hmm She used to have a penced God damn it What are you doing man Fucking just hit my finger
Starting point is 00:52:31 That's my bad finger from wrestling. Well, it was from football. Oh my God. It is. I fucked it up. Last game and a season. Yeah, wrestling with your sexuality. You got it from jerking a dude off. Oh, man, I'm fucking just taking it. Just like that gentleman.
Starting point is 00:52:50 That was the point. That's bad. I kind of want it. I stink. I say he's going to go down like a lead zeppelin. That's what they said. I'm aware. What thing?
Starting point is 00:53:12 The show? No. Shark cut that. Send it to the investors. We've investors? Not anymore. Sell, sell, sell, sell. That's what they said about Led Zeppelin.
Starting point is 00:53:27 This thing will sing like a Led Zeppelin. What do you think I just randomly came up with that quote? I don't fucking know. I don't even know you know Led Zeppelin. You weren't a rock and roller. You were a fucking... What were you? I was in a band.
Starting point is 00:53:39 So was I. Yeah. I was in the... You still think you are. I was in the class... Mr. Rooster. I was shout out to him. Call me back.
Starting point is 00:53:47 Those guys are calling it. I swear, I'll pay you back. Venmo cap me at 600. Shout out to Mr. Rooster. I was in the classic rock. Yeah, so was I. Everybody worth their salt. When Luke was into classic rock.
Starting point is 00:54:01 Worth their salt. Now, where'd you hear that? from me you're using my shit we releasing this oh thanks you need one of these every once in a while what a bad episode yeah you can't go up if you don't go down
Starting point is 00:54:27 beaks and valleys baby ah it's funny I didn't know you knew that I literally but you know what's you don't have to know that I knew it but I said the quote verbatim and you go Who said it? That's what they're like the engineer or something.
Starting point is 00:54:43 Really? But like I say the quote and you'd be like, that's what they said. That's like me going four score and seven years ago. You're like, that's what Abe Lincoln said. I didn't just stumble upon that. That wasn't A. Blinken. Four score. The fuck does that even mean?
Starting point is 00:55:00 Scores 10 years? Yeah. Who said that? Abe Lincoln? I think it was A. Blinken, right? Four scores and seven years ago. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:55:09 That was Dean Martin. I am not a cross. 20 years, so 87 years. Four score in... What is it? Four score? In seven years. Yeah, I'm not a big Civil War guy.
Starting point is 00:55:22 No, but it's just like the most famous speech ever. Is that the Gettysburg Address? Exactly. Ah. I know it as a Gettysburg, man. The Gettysburg Address. What did you say? The Gettysburg Address?
Starting point is 00:55:40 You get it? It's a P-O-Box here. You gotta tie the door to the flower pot. Check the main. We're the band still playing on the Titanic right now. I want an attitude. You guys try to keep up. There might be a carbon dioxide leak in here.
Starting point is 00:56:10 Somebody poke a hole in a frieze can or something. Yeah, because that joke stinks. happening to me. You stay. Oh, God. Losing my superpowers. Which was what? Annoying everybody.
Starting point is 00:56:29 Still got it. Whoa. That was weird, dude. Hey. That was a bit you did weeks ago. Those are still seltzer in here. Fuck it. I'm drinking it. Okay.
Starting point is 00:56:48 Quit screwing around. Excuse me. Excuse you. Excuse me. You know my nose has been running when I eat a lot? I think that's a... I don't know what that means. I know what it means.
Starting point is 00:57:04 Okay. The residual side effect. But it's... My dad would get that. Nose would be run away. He ate. I get that every time I have spicy food. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:22 Why not yes-in? He's agreeing with you. You're a guy who's abandoned. I didn't like it. You're a guy who's abandoned. by everybody for being a huge dickhead. He throws you a lifeline, because I ain't giving you one. I couldn't resist. And he throws you a lifeline
Starting point is 00:57:33 and you fucking, you bite the hand that feed you. Sorry, buddy. I like it. It feels wrong not to be as... It's a return to normalcy. You're saltmelt. We're fucking back, baby. Oh, I know. We're not releasing this. This is going in the vault.
Starting point is 00:57:52 This is a great... Talk to me. This is a great name. This is from she crab poop. $10 delinquent. Is it garbage or text your girlfriend to call you and fake an emergency right after you win a big pot at the poker game with your buddies? I need to scratch. That's a common courtesy. You're not allowed to hit and run.
Starting point is 00:58:10 Any scheme like that where people are working together to deceive other people? I'm down. Yeah, that's your life. You just get to deal with a partner. Yeah. It's the loneliest game. And then you finally get a teammate. And that's what you like.
Starting point is 00:58:26 I don't know if I've said this on air or not, but I had a fantasy of me and Patty going across country, Robin Banks. Yeah, we talked about that. We did, right? Not on air, I don't think. Yeah. If I could get her to play along. Yeah, why not? The fuck else you got.
Starting point is 00:58:41 We could use the good PR. I mean, you know, we could do the- We give the money to poor people. You? No, we would throw the money around. Like, we drive through like a trailer park and throw the money out. But then they come and get you on that, don't they? They come and get
Starting point is 00:58:58 They count that money Who? The cops or the banks They know How much money you steal No no no they know the serial numbers on it I don't know if they have all shit Yeah they got you remember when that guy in Philly dropped the
Starting point is 00:59:14 It was the John Cusack movie You don't remember that guy Went nuts What went nuts? He was out of the brink truck Yeah Yeah Pat's dad knew the guy No shit
Starting point is 00:59:25 Yeah Did he kill himself? Uh-huh. Yeah. Pat's dad's from that neighborhood. Like, yeah, like, they was like the... Yeah, they said you got to turn the money in or something like that. If he gave you money.
Starting point is 00:59:37 Didn't he throw it? Oh, afterwards. You're saying, like, if you threw it at the trailer park, the trailer park people got to turn it in. Yeah, I think that's... And nobody takes cash. What if they go in urban outfitters with that? Sure.
Starting point is 00:59:49 Got big problems. Yeah. Big, big, huge problems. Patty wouldn't do it in. You'd be a good wheel man. She's pretty good behind a car. Can't do it at night, though. She can't see.
Starting point is 00:59:59 Yeah, that happens. Denise got the same time. I better go. Getting, you know, getting dark out. I better go. All right. Call me when you get home. Then, bro, don't fucking call me.
Starting point is 01:00:13 Is that her? That'd be weird. That was Luke. You fucking shit? It wasn't nice. I'm sure. This one, this is a big one. This one might get into the questions that we ask.
Starting point is 01:00:27 I've never. thought about this. It's classy and trashy and weird. This is from Marty. Great name. Classier trashy. Classy or trashy. Offering your buddy basketball shorts to wear when they come over to hang. I come over your house. I got a pair of jeans
Starting point is 01:00:43 on. We're going to sit on the fucking couch and watch the game. Hey, bud, you want a pair of basketball shorts. Let's lounge out. Get comfy. That's not bad. That's not bad. And I do it.
Starting point is 01:00:58 I don't do it a lot, but I've done it a handful of times with, like, the sponsored gear we get. I'll bring that home. And then if anyone wants it, I'm like, if my buddy's like hanging out, I'm like, oh, yeah, wear these. I like, I, it's a good time. And they open it up fresh plastic. That's nice. That's nice. But if they want it to be comfortable, or if they didn't want to wear jeans, why did they wear jeans to your house?
Starting point is 01:01:23 We might have gone out to dinner, get fucked up. My girls out, and I'm like, oh, stay over, whatever. or before I was like living alone. That's normal. Yeah. Stay on the couch. We can smoke weed online and watch movies. Well, yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:34 Hey, you got a pair of shorts you can sleep in. I got you on that. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe you're, hey, I'm coming. I got to, I got a, I love it. Yeah. I do you wouldn't, if that. Wear your shorts?
Starting point is 01:01:46 Yeah. I mean, I'd have to fucking to put them in the dryer on high heat for about three weeks to shrink them up a bit. I think they meant to kill the bugs. That too. Get that moisture out of it. Yeah, I would. I mean, yeah, you got to be the same size, you know.
Starting point is 01:02:02 But it's like... I mean, I love it. That's what I'm saying. I think it's a great idea. It's trashy to be like... A lot of rich people have that, though. Like, remember in wedding crashes? I just had clothes for those guys to change into.
Starting point is 01:02:14 Sure, that's a little... Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like that's different, but yeah. But, I mean, yeah, those weren't N1 basketball shorts for marshals. Hey, yo. You've been looking through my luggage? Oh, this is, yeah. I think that's
Starting point is 01:02:30 I like that I like that It's fun It's trashy But it's like It's like Kitchy or like cute I don't know
Starting point is 01:02:38 I like it Yeah boys hey Fucking throwing a pair Of fucking basketballs That's fucking vibe I could just see some people Like what I'm fucking wearing your fucking shorts
Starting point is 01:02:47 Or like being like What's you're trying to get me to change I mean not a grown man Changing another grown man's house I mean listen I'm a fucking nine year old I'm down I'll build a fort
Starting point is 01:02:59 I'll fucking do everything make prank phone calls go play knock and run the whole nine yards doctor anything I'm down but I feel like I mean I don't think
Starting point is 01:03:11 I couldn't see a lot of your cousins going over to their boys' house and their boys being like hey throw in a pair of shorts and they'd be like what am I right or wrong about that yeah you're right I don't know yeah I mean I'm not you're right
Starting point is 01:03:22 I'm not saying it's for everybody it's very situationally dependent yeah like if I was Pat's house and it's like, you know, oh, plan something and it's like, let's watch the game. You're like, you're fucking sitting on, you're throwing a pair of fucking shorts. We're going to be posted up here for the night.
Starting point is 01:03:39 Dinner plans cancel. I don't fucking know. Whatever. I feel like Glassman would be good for that. I bet Glassman has nice clean. He's very, you know. Yeah, I don't see him like lending it out. No, no, no. Like that's, you know, to like. But that's like somebody's stuff I'd want to wear. You know what I mean? But that's where you want to wear
Starting point is 01:03:56 something. Not one to wear, but. Okay, well, I'm just going off the word you said. Shouldn't do that. I've learned. I would wear. Probably nice and clean, probably comfy. Probably just real basketball shorts. See, but you made this, you took the situation and made it weirder.
Starting point is 01:04:14 Did I? By wanting, yeah, now you want to. Stop with the wanting. I'm just saying that's somebody that you would. I know, but like, I think the idea of, I guess the weird, what you're saying, I agree with you. know what you're enjoying a different part than I was thinking of. I was going, oh cool, get out of the jeans, we'll sit and fucking
Starting point is 01:04:33 be a lazy Sunday or whatever. You're going, well, these are cool, they're clean. You like the vibe and feel of I'd go, Luke, I don't care what kind of shorts are. What it reminds me of is my brother and his cool friends. You made some weird emotional connection to a pair of basketball shorts. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:51 Like one, like his boy Keith Cody, I grew up with the coolest guy ever. What am I fucking chop? here? He was way cool. You're nuts. He was cool. I mean, we got to wrap it up. Like high school cool. Like good looking fucking cool.
Starting point is 01:05:05 I mean, I'm sorry. The name Keith Cody is like the coolest thing. Thank you. Listen, you know, we, listen. I don't have time for this. I will not be undermined. Like when you wanted to wear like a cool t-shirt your brother had. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 01:05:20 Because it smelled good like him. And it didn't hit me. We got to wrap it up. Gang, we love you to death. you check out that American Garbage Special on YouTube. If you haven't, do a favor. Share a friend. It's cooking. Let's keep it cooking. Get tickets to see the Army of Garbage Tour. We love you. Kevin and I love you. Luke, I love you. We'll see in three days. Peace.

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