Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Trashy Home Security! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Episode Date: October 12, 2026Are You Garbage is back with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley for a family episode to answer your garbage questions from Patreon. It's a fun one! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come t...o a live show! Watch AMERICAN GARBAGE: https://youtu.be/77zGwlLffWk?si=6E9dBr63JY7HgP9t AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: Fabletics: Shop now at https://fabletics.com/garbage to get 70–80% off everything when you sign up as a new VIP. Take a quick style quiz and be sure to select GARBAGE when prompted to unlock this offer. This is a limited-time offer, so do not wait. Promo Code: Garbage Square: Get up to $200 off Square hardware when you sign up at https://square.com/go/garbage! Promo Code: Garbage Factor: Let’s eat real. Head to https://factormeals.com/garbage50off and use code garbage50off to get 50 percent off and 1 free breakfast item per box for 1 year, while supplies last until 10/31/2026. See website for more details. Promo Code: Garbage50off Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Stop the Presses, gang.
The American Garbage Special is out on YouTube right now.
Numbers are cooking.
We thank everybody for their support.
Keep sharing it.
Keep telling everybody about it.
We love you.
Yeah, and if you like what you saw, we are on tour right now,
we're going to be in San Jose, San Diego, Tacoma, Atlanta, Philly.
Hello.
Springfield, Fort Wayne, Connecticut, Phoenix, Arizona,
Timonium, Maryland, Milwaukee, Chicago, Cincinnati, Columbus.
All tickets available at RUGarBage.com.
If you got a garbage question, come out and see the boys.
Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash.
Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley.
Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU. Garbage.
Hey, yeah.
It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that it's a good to be classic.
See?
Yeah.
Or just a big old piece of trash.
Dirt bags.
I'm your host, stagefully coming at you on a beautiful day.
We're out back here at Tootty's in a new edition.
She's up steering a bedroom with Hasseloff.
Okay.
It's a pretty good pull.
David Hasselhoff.
Really rushed to get through it.
You're like a dog with a bone.
Big man liked that one.
Could it could have waited to get to the punchline.
Like, they're more than you.
My coach's coming out from across the table.
I don't know what this character is.
A family episode.
Just the boys, the bozos and the home.
and Luke just the way we like it.
My co-host is coming at you from across the table.
Very dear friend of mine.
CEO of RU Garbage.
Father of the year, King of the Burbs, King of the Boards.
Give it up for the one and the only.
Kenny Ryan, everybody.
Shout out to King.
Big man's gone.
He can fucking razz you and dash you.
Shout to the motherfucking life.
What am I talking?
I'm talking like a goddamn Patreon episode.
I'm sorry.
Shout out.
First of all, please make sure you review,
subscribe on iTunes.
And Spotify, full video available over there on Spotify.
Now boys are climbing the freaking charts.
I like it or love it.
The underdogs in the top 25.
Let's go.
Top 25 comedy, top 100 on all podcasts in the universe.
Yeah, and listen, that's all we need right now.
You don't need nothing more than that.
I don't want to, listen, I don't want to target on our back.
In the charts.
We're in here.
We're hanging.
We're going to work.
We're doing well.
Steve Winwood is in the middle of charts for years.
You know, Valerie.
I'm not going to fucking get demonetized for that copyright infringement.
And then obviously, check out YouTube, too.
Those numbers are cooking.
That the American Garbage Special.
Yeah, closing on, I think close to $700,000, $650,000.
We got the big tour, American garbage.
Yes.
Kicking off.
Kicking off.
Let's go.
All right.
Clubs, weekends, hanging out in the city, sticking our heels in.
Yes.
Coming up, we got San Francisco.
Jose, San Diego.
The first show in San Diego
sold out.
Let's go.
Tickets are limited
for the second show.
That's only one night.
Tickets available for San Jose.
You got Tacoma coming up.
You got Atlanta.
You got Philadelphia.
You got Boston just announced that's going to freaking go.
The Wilma?
In a couple of days.
Coming to the Wilma?
Yeah, get all your tickets.
If you've never been to a live show,
they're a good, good time.
We friggin love you.
Before we get to the episode, I wanted to...
Apologize?
Ask you a question.
You told me not to apologize.
She said to show it through my actions.
Uh-huh.
Well, what do you have?
What do you got for me in that department then?
Nothing.
We'll be right back.
I got you the fucking egg bites in the coffee today.
Yeah, but then you see what you did?
I was the first one here.
You back me into a corner.
No, no, no.
This is how nuts you are.
Let it go.
He gave me, yeah.
Let it go.
Listen, he wants me to let go.
Let it go.
Certain things.
And then he gets me a coffee.
I don't know.
I felt like it was, it was colder than room temperature.
when I got here.
I set it outside,
and he hands it to me.
I take a sip.
I know he's going to get weird,
so I open it up because, you know,
you know, mom and dad,
you know,
we're going to rebuild it.
We're,
mom and dad are in a tough patch at the moment.
But I come in.
That's so great.
I open it.
I go,
this is going to be a thing
if I don't drink this.
So you were,
I think,
which is even weirder.
I waited until I made eye.
This is how we have to operate it.
You're like a,
you're like a dog.
I open it up.
I take a sip.
I go,
ooh,
I go,
Oh, that's cold.
I'm going to make a hot cup of coffee.
And then we sit down and record.
I'm going to put it in the microwave.
We sit down and record our feelings.
He's like, you're not going to drink the coffee I got you?
You're not going to.
You're like a resentful dad.
It's crazy.
Shark, throw that coffee out.
Throw it in Kibby's face.
Now, get it.
Throw it against the wall.
Fine.
I'll throw it out.
Uh, yeah.
Speaking of which, that brings us to today's video segment.
I don't like you producing this show.
It's just porn.
That goddamn Twitter.
Which you're on again.
You're on heavy.
I'm not on anything heavy.
You're on Twitter.
I reshare the thing because I'm not on Instagram.
That'll save us.
Your fucking 2,000 Twitter followers.
And I know you see the hate.
I know you do.
Because you respond to some of it by saying sorry.
Like a fucking creepo, dude.
Suck my dick, pussy.
Hey, sorry about that, man.
Try better next time, real sad replies.
You think.
That PR company, I'll get back to us.
Ew.
I don't know.
We need whoever fucking Gaddafi had.
That's who you need.
Did that a couple days ago.
Got it, Brett.
It was a good joke in the 80s.
It's a good joke now.
Oh, man.
Ooh.
That chick with the fake bloods back in the news.
She's got a movie coming out
Who? Get her turn that around
Yeah, get Nathan Fielder to follow you around
This head'll explode
You wait, you did what?
I don't know who's lying to who
Diff and Fielder
Luke
You want to give me this 10 grand or not ticket
I was told cash in the hand
I was promised a meal as well
You'd like the hassle, huh? That'd be a big pole for her
Sure
The Hoff still got it.
Uh-huh.
You know?
Yeah, I'm not against it.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Now, please, to H. Foley's video segment, let's kick it over to H. Folley's video corner.
Is this where you're hanging out at?
What's going on here?
This is wild.
Welcome to my place.
Now, you're a homeowner.
Sure.
Family man.
Uh-huh.
Handy-ish.
Nah, not really.
Oh, cut it.
Oh, God, burn the tapes.
I mean, no, I can do the average amount.
So this...
I'm not trying to re-but.
I'm not trying to save anything, though.
This is at the birthplace of H. Foley.
No.
I have house we moved into.
He was a little pin on that.
Stuck up.
Yeah.
Fucking...
Trucudge's fucking seal code or something on it.
That fuck, it'll be water climbing up that wall.
I was like the alphabet boys just kicked that door in.
Things got dry rod.
You know, there's an axe on a fucking string, fucking.
A couple of it.
A pink can's waiting to come down.
Take you out.
She's sitting there with a Red Rider BB gun.
Make a move and I'll blow your brain.
I'll blow your dick in.
She's a dead eye.
She's got a heater going.
Don't move.
Just see the cherry light.
I don't get ridder.
You ever see that guy killed a bear?
I don't think so.
In the house?
I don't think so.
Oh, dude, he's got.
Bear was smoking?
Bear was in the house.
Dude came down with a fucking long gun.
fucking lit it up real quick.
I would have shit my pants.
The other night,
I thought my wife put Hans in the crate and she did it
and I was sleeping on the couch because the baby was fucking teething.
It's the dog man!
He's a dog man of Harlem?
You really start lying to yourself
when you hear noises.
You're going to, that's probably the aliens or so.
I don't know.
Dude, I'm like, there's somebody in the fuck.
I'm like, don't fucking.
There's someone laying down.
in the hallway.
What the fuck?
You don't mean, you try to ignore it?
I don't know.
You try to lie to yourself that it's going to go away.
And they're like, ah, that's probably the neighbor.
And then I'm like, that ain't in the house.
You're lying to yourself that it's in the house.
I'm not fully sure.
I hear a noise like, I felt close, but it couldn't be.
Everyone's sleeping.
Wrong.
Hansi's out patrolling.
Fucking scared this.
I said, you dumb bitch, you don't fucking put the dog in the grate.
Scared me half to death.
Oh, man.
Now, what do you think?
Now, for the audio listener,
look, turn the fucking brightness up.
What do you doing?
You're like one of them chicks.
They always keep their screen low.
That's dark as shit.
What, keeping it low?
I do that.
I keep my low.
I save my battery.
I have an whole phone.
That's probably the TV's got to go up.
All right.
Well, I can see it.
It's a setting problem.
Why are you throwing this out now?
Well, I thought you'd have it.
Well, hold on a second.
Pause it, pause it, pause it.
Now, go back.
Right there.
What do you think this is for?
Now, for the audio listener, you have a door.
A nylon rope.
Nylon, very good.
Attached to not one end around the doorknob, the other end with a loop.
Pretty good not work for an old road.
She's good. Patty's good.
Patty taught me how to do that loop.
Change my life.
Long career and S&M, I both use.
BPK killer.
See, you can only fit one pesticle in there.
Jesus Christ.
What do you think that's for?
To close the door or to lock it, but why would you be locking it?
This is my thing.
I don't know.
Like, there's no real indicator of an issue, like, because the door's closed.
Maybe the door blows open, and so she, like, ties that to something else.
Very good, Kevin.
Thank you.
I'm a dirtbag, buddy.
Yeah.
So what does that connect to?
If you play the tape through.
Luke.
There we go.
Right there.
Oh, she hooks it on that.
Yeah.
Because.
She always got fresh flowers.
God love her.
What are those daffodils?
Uraniums.
What are they called?
I don't know.
Yeah.
They look like they're...
You tie it up,
tie the string up around there.
It's windy.
Why not?
Okay.
Get the door fixed?
Yeah, but like...
That's what I said.
But, Tim, I mean, you could fix it.
that, if it's closing that much,
there's Jimmy, it's D-Jimmy.
You gotta read Jimmy it.
That door's always been an issue.
I guess it's watering it like you wouldn't.
Well, look at it.
They're fucking paint's peeling off by the, by the, by the foot.
Take it easy.
Trying to fixed income.
She got damn widow, widower, a widow.
You got cat.
Moving on.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's some audio components to this too.
Oh, okay.
Because the video works so well.
string on the door
I don't know
string on the door
oh my god
it ruined my tape
this is what happened
as a brooder from
they gave to some fucking bozo
in the mail room
and they fucked it up
you just refer to Luke
as a bozo in the mail room
everybody knows
sharks to bring
just me saying
oh look at this
tied to the geraniums
pretty much
yeah
we can use our imaginations
uh yes
very trashy
very but i mean she's an old you gotta take care of for her you're down there get a handyman
over there down there you were dead who's who filmed a video guy i hired a guy uh-huh no i was down
air yeah it's raining you'll take care of it for her i was not there for like two seconds
oh my you're there for the weekend yeah yeah there's always something you always you're fucking
not really the talk of the town down there these days that's contrary to what i hear just not good
talk of the town. Sure.
Sure.
Fucking Times Harold trying to do a hit piece on me.
Rightfully so.
Yeah, I mean, that's trashy, but like we got, I got stuff like that going on.
What's this?
Audio drop.
No.
That said dildos?
No.
I believe it did.
It said diops.
Oh.
Is that like a dildo?
I'm sure you try to put it in your butt.
Not that thing.
Um.
Sorry, Diesel
String on the door
Yeah
That's all I got
Yeah, it's trashy
It's very trashy
Yep
Um
I got something
submitted from
A buddy of ours
You're gonna top me
With another video?
It wasn't
I wasn't gonna top you
This is bullshit
I wasn't gonna top it
You didn't play into that either
I could have guessed
I did
I guessed it right
You could have drug it
Wait, you think I didn't play along with it?
I don't know.
I would screw it.
You saw a letter that began with D and assumed it said dildos and then started talking about putting stuff up your butt.
No, I didn't.
Okay.
Chart cut that.
A bit of a swing and a miss with the video.
No, no, no.
I mean, no, I, you know.
I'm trying.
I'm not there field producing.
I know.
Yeah, you connected.
I'm not so...
Was that corporate funds,
mine, unless,
that all came out of pocket.
What I think happened is you,
it wasn't maybe the home run.
We were playing along with it,
and you pivoted real quick.
It felt it felt you were like,
ah, it's all I got it.
It's wrap it up in the eight trolley video corner.
We'll be back next week with a new video.
I was texting,
I was texting with our,
with our pal, Chris,
who is over there.
in the Luke Combs camp.
Ah, yes, of course.
We chat quite regularly.
Shut out to him.
Good guy.
The best.
Calling this, calling, you know.
Running a hell of an operation over there.
Yes.
Fan of the show.
He's the one of,
he helped facilitate
Luke doing the show and stuff like that.
Shout out to him.
He hit me with a,
he hit me with a text of,
and it's very true because I deal with this
when you're in the burbs.
What do you?
And I think certain people have certain things.
What are your vibes?
And what were the vibes growing up with the bulk trash night?
Like, bulk trash.
Like, if you have a recliner to get to throw out,
you can't just put that out every night.
There's certain things.
So it's like what?
I think what you're willing to put out and how and when says a lot about the domestic household.
Give me a seracquil so we can talk about this.
Holy shit.
It was a war.
Yeah.
It was a war.
Always.
What were they pro?
different opinions and, you know, my dad, put it out there.
Somebody'll take it.
Why?
Why?
I don't know.
People take it.
It was for like trashy, because like we were obviously trashy, but we weren't like the trashiest.
So we, I think it was like to keep up appearances of like, you can't just, I think my mom would go.
We look so poor and trashy with this.
Having a couch.
Yeah, just like getting soggy.
And then God forbid they didn't take it.
I don't think they would.
They go.
They didn't.
They guys got to come back in the house.
I can't sit out there for the next week until next Tuesday.
That's got to come back in.
There's a guy's sleeping.
You out there to get it.
You and your brother fighting.
That's the way we did it.
We were always very fortunate that the family were all of my dad in step that worked in construction.
So if anything could.
I'll take that to the job.
I'll dump that down and fucking, you know, whatever Acme and the Port Richmond were working on.
We've mentioned this.
But when somebody in the family was getting something done or any neighbor,
hood close by in a four mile radius was getting done and there was a fucking dumpster in the
driveway.
Woo-wee.
Empty in the bathroom trash in there.
Fucking tissues and Q-tips falling out.
Me and my wife get, she's like, just put it out.
And I'm like, you can't just.
Oh, in the city?
No.
In the burbs.
Oh, in the city.
Oh, the city.
I mean, well, the city, the building manager does it for the, I'm throwing stuff everywhere.
Yeah.
Like, you know, in different receptacles.
I said even so when I was in the place in hell's kitchen I just
Woothing right in somebody else's trash camp
Sure um but she'll be like just put it I'm like
What she wants and I think because she grew up in an apartment
So there wasn't really
Did she grow up in that apartment?
Department to her parents yeah yeah no shit
I didn't know that yeah I think that's the only place she's ever
I mean she moved out when she got older but that's the
You've seen her childhood bedroom
Uh yeah it's
not a bedroom anymore.
I think it's like her dad's office or whatever, but...
You're kidding.
Yeah.
So she's like, just put it out.
And I'm like, like cardboard boxes and shit, like a lot of cardboard.
Well, yeah, you flatten that out.
I know, but like, she'll just like put it out.
I'm like, if it's pouring rain or whatever, I'm like, I'm not, I'm calculated with how it goes out.
You know what I mean?
Not really.
You flatten it and tape it up.
Yeah, and she'll just go put it out.
But it might be late.
Yes, but and say that's not done.
I go, I'm not doing that tonight.
Oh, we mean say that they're not.
Like it's not, it's not, it's got to be ready to go out.
Oh, yeah.
And if it's not ready.
What time are we talking?
Pass by, well, I ain't doing it, whatever fucking time is.
It ain't that.
It can be fucking two in the afternoon.
You got to get me before supper.
If I go, I ain't, yeah, there's spiders and shit out there.
Fuck that.
It's dark as shit.
I ain't fucking flattening boxes of taping them and wrapping them and putting them in.
It'd be a possum or squirrel or something in.
Them to bring it back soggy.
If they don't take it for whatever.
It smells like dead mouse.
Wet cardboard.
No, it smells like dead mouse to me.
I've never connected them.
Really?
No.
I mean, that death has like such a specific stench to me.
Yeah, it does, doesn't that?
Yeah, it does, doesn't that?
You're throwing seven different kinds of crazy today, boy.
But yeah, I thought that was, because he had sent me a picture of somebody that just put the, like, the table, the pool table out.
It's not taking that.
It was also Red felt, which is the trashiest kind of pool.
You might as well have it be a fucking half a game of nine ball on there.
That's crazy.
Right?
I go, that to me, we would have to like, we would, like, you got to get the soles all out, whack that up two or three times.
I'm like, it just looks like, it looks like you discarded a dead body.
Just like.
Just a regular trash company take something like that?
Oh, they do.
I mean, my town does bulk days.
So if he got something big, I guess they send out extra trucks of like, do people put like anything.
I mean like a pool table and they fucking crunch it up.
I don't know.
That's different from back in the day.
That'd be satisfying to me.
Yeah.
Crunch it up.
You ever see that thing that goes like this?
The wheel?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, I got TikTok.
That thing.
You get your finger in there?
That's suck you right in.
Sure.
That's why you steer clear than things.
That'd probably be a painful way.
I.
You think?
Zip from an empty can.
It's not empty.
Okay.
All right.
Accusations.
The Internet says otherwise.
Anybody can do that?
No, I'm a talented performer, but I couldn't fake that.
Ha ha!
Got you.
Do you take a bow?
Listen, we got a gosh darn family episode on our hands.
Good scorn around with all this stuff.
As you know when you...
That video stunk, by the way.
Bring that crap to me.
Well, yeah.
Yeah, you're, you know, typically you bounce it off of us.
I got something maybe I think.
I thought it was a home run.
I didn't, I didn't, nobody even said it was bad.
I feel you.
I think I had to run past standards and practices out there.
I feel you pulled out pretty quickly.
I feel like I was like, yeah, I did that.
I've never done that.
You went on the attack very fast.
I lost confidence.
Yeah, okay.
You started lashing out.
Yeah.
Classic.
Classic, Henry.
I respect the plight.
I love a lashout.
Sure.
Going, okay, good defense is an okay offense.
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this one this is a great name this is from
Thank holy $10 on Pump 5 here.
That's great.
Is it garbage to leave a $20 bill on the dash when you take your car in for inspection?
Hopefully they'll play ball.
I never knew how you would do that if you didn't know the guy.
I kind of respect.
It's subtle.
Yeah.
That's very subtle.
20.
20 plays, man.
I think.
Does anybody really not pass inspection anymore?
I think Pennsylvania is,
way more vigorous than, I mean, New York.
New York's like...
I'm in there in two minutes.
I got that coming up, by the way.
New York does it in five, literally, like five.
Yeah, it's like, yep, yep, okay, you're good.
They put it on something.
I think they do the emissions and they think they check the brakes and the lights or
something.
I don't know.
Other than that, it was shocking.
What are you driving around like an ethel car or what is it called?
Ethylene.
Ethanol?
Ethanol.
People have those?
That's the stuff inserts, isn't it?
Ethanol.
No, that's Retson.
I would get you, right?
He's got Retson in it.
Right?
I thought it was good for you.
It was good for your breath.
Retson?
Retson.
Right.
I don't know.
You ever have fruity certs?
They're delicious.
Really?
Huh.
I had a whole thing of Rekolas yesterday in therapy.
That's my therapist for if you had any cough drops or candies.
You usually have a little bowl of something.
And he did the whole bag?
Yeah.
But he can't comment on anything?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's like, that's pretty wild.
Hey, do you have one?
And then you eat the whole.
of something of someone else's?
Did you ask at any point?
Do you mind?
I'm sorry, I'm in a moment.
Can I crush these?
No, he knows I'm nuts.
I see, but you just, I know,
but nuts and manners are too separate things.
You're crazy.
Yeah, there should be.
I think that's one of,
I think that's one of the cruxes of our issues.
Get some fucking hard candy in there.
Also, hey, as a guy who's, you know,
on the chunkier side and obsessed with candy,
why don't you roll around with candy?
You know you like a hard candy.
You're a bigger man.
You're sugary sweets.
I do.
Lack of teeth.
Yeah, I still haven't found my lollipop yet.
I believe in you, though.
I don't like blow pops.
Okay.
No one's giving them.
No one's making them.
I mean, I like them, but I want to swallow something.
Got that?
Pause.
Yeah, listen, I think 20 is good.
If you're, you know, say that happens one or two days.
I mean, say you got one a day, 100 bucks a week.
PA does have very relatively thorough and strict annual vehicle safety and emissions inspection.
Really?
I mean, emissions.
Come on, what are we doing?
I think that's really all they check.
Yeah.
Like, it's like, well, what's how much, how much day?
Unless there's no doors on the car or something.
We had a, our gig, our gig growing up was my stepdad and his boy were mechanics.
And they had this, like, race car that they worked.
and the next to them was a actual garage.
So all of our cars,
they would inspect him and his boy.
My stepdad in his boy.
He had a license to inspect cars?
No.
They would just go, hey.
Give me a sticker.
Yeah, but no.
Give it a sticker.
I think they had to run the emissions.
So they'd be like, hey, just do the emissions.
Me and fucking Andy took care of everything.
We put new brakes on it.
It's all good.
And they'd go, all right.
So that was like.
Pull, knock.
Yeah.
Although, remember he gave me the bad brakes, so he...
Wait, those were bad?
Yeah, they ended up going.
Wait, what do you mean?
Those brakes.
They were just old.
Yeah, I had just gotten an inspector.
I just got the car back.
That car could pass the inspection?
Oh, my God.
I mean, not by the state of Pennsylvania, but by the state of my step that in his homey.
Yeah.
Like a wolf granted his teeth.
Yeah, they ended up going.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But that had just passed it.
That was just inspected.
We're talking about playing ball.
Yeah.
We were a big kind of handshakey, this one knows that.
That's how all we got a guy.
That's the way the burbs just operate.
A guy.
Oh, you go see Nikki.
Go see Jimmy and Nikki.
And he was in, he was born and raised in bucks, like a hillbill back when it was like
all farmland, a cowboy guy.
So he knew every, like he had a guy.
It was like he had never left the area.
So it was like he, no, that's so.
so that was like old bucks people ah that's so-and-so's brother i went to school it was very
like picks yeah which i respect long i need more guys now i don't got guys that's that's
fading unless you're really you got roots somewhere i kind of have a guy on queens with that
at the automotive place you know uh-huh but not that's not a guy that's just a guy you've been to
well yeah i don't know i'm just saying it's not
I think your guy's got to know your name.
You don't know your name.
I don't know his.
Hey, Chunky!
Hey, Ricola, there you are.
Rikola.
I don't know his.
I know he's the manager.
Uh-huh.
You got to know, you got to know each other's names.
You got like...
I got the guys at the deli.
Everybody's got them.
I was in there today.
I know.
They know you?
Yeah.
By name?
He knows.
He knows I don't want utensils and I don't want napkins.
They know we know each other?
I try to keep.
it that way. Yeah, I tried. Don't jam me up
over there. Yeah, because yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.
Start spitting in my hands. I go in there, you're fucking working
one day. Hey.
Yeah, trying to avoid that.
Oh, shit. Hey, can I take my break, please, boss?
You ever use the bathroom in there? Yeah. Yeah.
It's like, it's like Rikers. I got to buzz you in.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. You can.
Why, I always go, hey, the bathroom goes, yeah, I got you.
And then you got to just trust them and walk back.
And you got to be.
Never miss.
They never miss.
And by the time you get there, it's buzz,
but it's not when you start going.
They got you.
Nah, I got you.
I have a lot.
I don't think I talked about this.
I wanted to talk about this.
I have a lot of guys that handle stuff.
But they're not my guy.
They're not.
I got a gutters guy.
I got a Christmas lights guy.
Same guy.
No shit.
Do your Christmas lights?
Yeah.
Really?
Uh-huh.
How many years you've been doing that?
I think three years.
You're killing it.
Dude, it's like I'm not even fucking
around for the lights the first year i think it was like for all the lights that are custom
measured to like what i want yeah 400 bucks he keeps them all year comes back and puts them up
and like each year it's 300 like no shit and they're the same lights they go up the timer i don't
have to fucking touch them all the extension cords everything's completely fucking done and then he comes
at some point take wraps them up puts them in stores them for the next year it's thinking about doing
a tree this year fantastic
Oh, let me try with an apartment first.
Hey, done it.
I walked into that one.
What, living under a tree this year?
It's going to be a redwood, big guy.
I got a tree guy, got a long guy, but you know what?
It's very trashy and nice about this, which makes me feel nice.
You go, hey, can you, I remind me, I got to fucking pay the guy for the gutters.
I don't think I paid him for the lights.
How many times you can, we cleaned our gutters once in my life?
I once in my life because it was leaked because I had a cutter.
tree growing. I had fucking
sprouts up there. And it was leaking.
Dude, we could be in the middle of a drought and this was
still like still dripping water.
Really? That's probably bird shit.
Yeah, so I don't know. He went. He's like, I've never
met the guy. You don't meet these guys. You don't have safeguards up there?
I do. The gutter guards? Yeah.
You got those. He came with the house. No shit. I mean, they're all fucked. We've got
trees growing out of them. That's pretty good.
But, um...
It's a genius idea. You know what's great when you go to pay? Like, now everything's
Like, I go, I'm not a Zell guy.
I'm limited in Zell.
My bank through Zell.
I don't like Zell.
I'm a Venmo guy, but Venmo cracked down.
On what?
On how much money you can get in.
So these like blue collar,
not side hustle guys, but not guys who are like processing credit cards and stuff.
They have, they're trying to, a lot of people are trying to limit their Venmo income.
I think anything over 600 bucks now.
So they're trying, I think that used to be a grayish area.
the Venmo.
That's why we switched over.
You start getting got.
So they don't...
Do you excuse me for one second?
They don't like...
Do you have anything on this?
They don't like taking money on the Venmo.
Never see me a good.
Not yet.
The $600 rule.
Let me see.
Let me dive into this.
Thanks a lot, Mondami.
What the fuck, man?
So I had multiple guys go.
I'm like, yo, the Zell's not...
I have a limit on my Zell.
It's like $500 or something like that.
I don't know.
A day, I don't know what it is.
That's crazy.
It's crazy.
They have the $600 rule historically refers to an IRS reporting guideline requiring
businesses or third party payment networks to issue tax forms when the payments exceed $600
in a calendar year.
So they're probably cracking down on it now.
I think that's what it was like two years ago or something.
I sold one time and I had to get approval for it and they asked me what was it for.
Yeah, it always asks.
I'm paying my fucking bills, dickhead.
It's three in the morning, lady.
You have the fucking tickets.
Uh-huh.
Okay
Um
Physical therapy
And green juices
Um
They go
You send it to my wife
I love that though
I go let's go
Guys spread the file
I'll send it to your uncle
Your nephew
Set your daughter up with an account
She's two years old
Get her a Venmo
Well fucking
Where's this all going
What?
I don't know
I don't know
But I like
I go yeah
We gotta bring cash back
It's not
It's gone
I offered somebody cash and they were like, eh.
It was like a headache.
What?
Yeah.
It was like for like a discount.
For like we were getting something done to the house.
I said, you know, it was expensive.
I said, what's cash look like?
He's like, eh.
I mean like, how is you going to deposit these?
Like now I got to like fucking handle this much cash?
Just keep it and your cash.
But no one's taking cage.
What do you mean no one's taking cash?
What is what we're talking about?
You just said cash has to come back.
That means no one's taking cash.
This is off a thesis that you started.
But you, like, I can't walk into, like, urban outfitters and pay with cash?
No, you can, but it's just no one.
I thought I would.
Also, a lot of them are getting rid of the cash register, yeah, situation.
No shit.
Yeah, just did some shopping and soho this weekend.
Yeah, no one, I mean, they don't want it.
They go, no.
No kidding.
Yeah.
It's all through the app and the email and everything.
Huh.
So they say it was 10 grand.
This guy goes, and I got to fucking spend $10,000 in cash.
It's going to take you 100 years.
Fucking mice will be.
and by the time you spend it.
That's what happened to Pablo.
Uh-huh.
The rats.
In the form of the other.
So, yeah, I kind of, I like that.
I said, I'm with my wife right now.
Send it to, send it to this.
I'm with my wife.
I've been dead for 20 years.
I don't care, man.
Keep the plate spinning.
I think the one guy's a fan, the other guy's not.
Because it comes from my personal Vimbo.
Uh-huh.
So, like, he sits like me with a microphone or whatever.
And the one guy, the one guy is?
I don't know what it is.
You stink. Yeah, right.
Let's run the tape, will we?
It's just very funny.
The one guy's like, yeah, yeah, no worries, no worries.
The other guy's like, wants nothing to do.
I feel like I'm bothering him when I'm sending no money.
I guess, man.
I don't know.
I'm bad on paying bills, so I get behind.
But this thing on top of it.
Con Edison.
It's expensive.
It's crazy you're behind on your fucking electric bill.
I don't fucking live there anymore.
Huh?
But this one's just funny.
This is from Roy E. Munson.
You ever bet someone for paychecks?
That's a dirtbag thing of the 80s, I feel.
I would never roll that dice.
Never.
Yeah.
That was a big thing.
Sign your checkover.
Like, I remember my stepdad talking about gambling.
They used to play A.C. Doocy.
I bet they did.
What sexual thing is that?
I don't know.
And he's like, yeah.
I remember he said one guy, I think it was his brother or somebody that were playing.
would have ruined you. He had to sign over the next two paychecks. Oh my God. I'm just
if I can kill myself dude that would be it. I remember yeah. I used to hate waiting the
three weeks when you first got the job. That was the worst. They fuck you on training or something like that.
That's crazy that they do that. I know. There's no way they do that anymore. They're doing shit now
where it's like you get paid the day you work. Really? But like if you're like a caretaker and stuff,
there's those kind of caretaker. Yeah, a lot of people. Yeah. A lot of people.
A lot of people's primary thing is they taking care of a loved one.
Like, I take care of my grandmother and, like, they get paid for that?
You can't.
Oh, God, here we go.
You'll be your own caretaker.
Yeah.
Patty's about to get a drop kick.
This is all just from, like, commercials I've seen or whatever.
I don't really know.
So you got the gutter guards.
I don't know.
I don't have boots on the ground experience with this.
Are you talking about Dave or whatever it is?
I don't know.
Is it happening a lady alone, John?
I think that he used to be.
They used to be an advertising.
Got up to them.
I should start greasing you for that.
Get you hooked up to Dave.
I'm getting my money now.
Buddy, you got your money and a lot more other money already ahead of time.
No, but it's looked that up.
There's a good thing where it's like, I don't know, whatever.
I don't think people, I don't think the lag times a month anymore of what it used to be, you know.
If you started in the, if you started in the middle of the pay payroll, we're going to lump that one into the next.
I said you shit.
Remember when I got my job at David Seafood, I was hurting for a squirton.
Dude, had to wait like three and a half weeks.
I'd be calling your mom.
You're like spending money to get there and shit.
Dude.
They just need 20 bucks of gas money.
They used to put biscuits on the table.
I was eating those every day.
Breakfast luncheon.
I didn't stop once you got that paycheck there, did it be.
Honey butter is all right.
Man, not like a restaurant does fresh.
biscuits.
Mm-hmm.
They were like honey biscuits or something with honey butter.
I got the honey part.
There are honey butter biscuits with honey butter and honey in them.
They were so good.
But yeah, man.
You were lying on fucking demo food to get by.
That's jammed off.
Like stuff that they let you eat so you knew how to sell it to people.
Uh-huh.
This honey butter as a honey butter.
That's what you're pitching to the table.
I like the seafood enchiladas.
That's what Jamie Fox had when I waited on him.
I scarf that down the second he left.
That's where I got the thing where you order a bunch of stuff
and you only eat half.
Celebs do.
You know?
When you're going to start eating half?
I do that now.
Okay.
I get a bunch of things.
Yeah.
I mean, like a smorgasbord.
You know what I mean?
Try it all.
Cabot's talking about Factor.
Factor!
One of our faves.
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We're not just spokesman.
We are clients a factor.
I got them in the fridge right now.
I know.
We're our good friends house.
We got some over here, too.
We got some over here.
I had one for lunch.
They're absolutely delicious.
You throw it in a microwave, two minutes.
It's ready to go.
Or you're going to be fancy like Kippey.
You throw it on a skillet.
Listen, it's the fall.
You're busy.
You're going to start picking.
You're going to start making bad choices.
Next thing you know, at Christmas, you look like a goddamn water buffalo walking around.
I'm like, holy shit, he got big.
He got off the factors.
Do yourself a favor.
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You ain't lying, big man.
Things start adding up.
Uh-huh.
You know what I'm saying?
I wish I could go back and tell my younger self.
If you're going to do a little banking,
make sure you save your money, make sure you do it right,
watch out for bank fees, all that kind of stuff.
I'll tell you what I really wish.
I could go back and say, hey, I wish I had chime.
I know.
Listen, if you're out there, this is where chime comes in.
Chime is changing the way people bank.
It's hard, listen, it's hard enough to keep a buck as it is.
Then you got these big corporate banks coming after you.
Overdraft fees.
Overdraft fee.
A monthly statement.
Yeah.
Oh, $5 for this, $10 for that.
They got their hand in your pocket.
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disclosures for details. Let's see. This one's for Max. Long-term $10 investor here. My wife poured
leftover soup in the toilet instead of the trash. He insists that it's normal. I'm still thinking
about it days later and need a ruling.
I'm on her side here.
I think it's,
I think it's,
we've talked about this.
Yeah.
We just, dude,
because in New York,
there's no garbage disposal.
You can't put that liquid in the trash
because the trash,
because then it's like goes to a trash room.
You got to carry.
It's,
so what we do,
I mean,
we just did a,
we did the slow cooker over the weekend.
Did you?
Yeah.
I bet that made the house smell nice.
It was very nice.
Very nice.
I used to have a home.
And then at the end,
she was like,
what do I do with this?
and I'm like, just fucking plunk it in the toilet.
I put worse down there earlier today.
What was it?
What was it?
What did you make?
Just like some chunk of meat.
I forget what kind of cut it was.
Yeah.
And some juices and potatoes?
Yeah, yeah.
It was exactly what you would put in a slow cooker.
Yeah.
And what are you dumping meat?
No.
Oh, just like, the meat all fell apart or whatever.
And then, you know, we had to saw enough gravy or whatever,
gravy, enough sauce, aju, if you will.
I bet you that was good.
It was really good.
We've been doing a lot of sit-down dinners, the three of us.
Is that right?
Mm-hmm.
I love that, bucks.
I love it.
Face turns right.
What's cute is the baby obviously drops a bunch of food,
and door throws, whatever.
I scarf it down, then take care of him.
Right?
I get him out.
Then he walks over to the dog and goes, go.
And the dog goes over and eats up to stuff.
scraps. Does the dog sit there until then?
I'll make sure the dog holds usually sit under the table. I'll put him under the bed
because we don't beg. Okay, we don't beg. You'll put him under the bed.
No, I'm sorry. He sits under the table. I'll put him in his bed. I'll say go to your
place. And he'll sit there and wait. He'll sit over there. And then the baby gets out, walks
over to him and goes, go. And then I'll run over and eat all the tk-c-tick-tie. Does he get
out of the high chair himself? No, I got to get him out. You know when he wants out.
You know. It's not up for debate either.
He's not a big negotiator.
I like it.
Yeah, you dump that right down to Turlet.
Yeah.
100%.
Bacon grease, stuff like that, that goes in the sink with some hot water.
I'll even toilet.
I just toilet anything.
You can't do bacon grease.
It's the same.
What do you think it's going down the fucking...
It's cold water don't.
It'll clog up.
Like you're wax.
What do you think you're putting hot water down there?
Yeah, hot water to keep it flowing.
That dude, that's the main line.
Once it's in the city, it's fucking my diamond's problem.
Dude, that's not making it to the...
to the floor beneath you.
That's not to make it out of the fucking
P trap. You think?
I think.
That's getting...
That's not getting back up. That's stopping right
there, guy.
Like my arteries.
Also, the water's never hot
as soon as you do it. You got to let
it warm up.
Who's this fucking guy? Yeah, no shit.
I let it heat up right up.
I know.
I do the same thing. It's okay, man.
It's a safe space.
There's no garbage disposal in New York City?
I don't know.
Just, I mean, like, all the buildings.
It's got to be a crazy new building.
Yeah.
Yeah?
That's like a lot of money.
I never understood where that went, to be honest with you.
What?
The garbage in a garbage disposal.
Where does it go?
Chops it up really fine.
And then it just goes down the pipe?
I believe so.
Really?
The fucking the Germans were here.
They asked me, and they ain't ever seen that shit.
No shit.
Yeah.
They don't got fucking garbage disposal in Europe.
Uh-uh.
I mean, maybe, but not.
Let's go.
Not like that.
They were like,
What's it?
I go, I don't fucking know.
You just flip this.
And they don't run,
they didn't know to run the water.
I'm like,
you gotta run the water.
Oh, shit.
Sparks are come flying out of air.
Dude, they're just fucking raw dogs.
And it's heard that.
And I'm like,
yo, guy, fucking you got to lubricate this shit.
You ever put some soap down here and let it run?
No.
What's it do?
I don't know.
Okay.
Man, this guy.
Foams up a little bit.
No, no, never.
There's a thing where you put ice down there.
That was like a TikTok trend.
What do you do down there?
And it like melts and it like cleans it or something.
I don't fucking know.
I think it was all AI.
You got to have something?
He uses a spinning metal plate and a stationary grind ring
to break down food into tiny particles.
Yeah.
Rather than using sharp blades like a blender.
And then it just goes, I think.
Still fuck you up.
You stick your finger down there.
What is that grind wheel?
A spinning metal plate and a stationary grind ring.
Grind ring.
Grind ring.
I like that.
It goddamn grind rings broken.
You blew out your grind ring.
What's that cost you?
Oh, yeah.
The garbage disposal.
When that thing went.
Holy shit, my aunt had one.
I don't think ours ever went.
I think my mom still got...
Yeah, I mean, I got an old...
The one in my...
The house in the burbs is old.
Hmm.
You got a garbage disposal, huh?
Uh-huh.
It's good.
I just told you a whole story about it.
I was talking about...
Oh, yeah.
I wasn't thinking of your house.
for me as I was thinking the apartment
which you just said
I just said doesn't it
and you went
No you don't have a garbage supposed
I don't know
I'm doing well
I'd like to see it
Thanks
Very welcome
I love you very much
What's that
I love you very much
Cut that
Brent that
You never loved me
That's not true
It's crazy talk
I wanted to marry you
I can't afford you
Big guy
I'm sorry
Wasn't good and bad
You?
Who?
Me?
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, the stallion.
More of a pillow, princess.
Fucking bag of skin over here.
What are you talking about?
It's bad, man.
I got to get cut.
I'll be filing out.
But then what happens when you blow back up, which will probably happen?
That's going to be a tight belly.
You got no faith in it.
I'm not blowing back up.
Okay.
Blow myself up.
Cabo.
You take you.
You lift your shirt up.
You got D&T on your stomach.
Ah, yeah.
They did that in Batman.
That one guy they put in there.
Yeah, it's going to be you.
That guy didn't know here.
My stomach hurts.
We're going to be doing a hard feeling.
I mean, that's not eating bad ribs.
I mean, you don't know you got a bomb in you?
My stomach hurts.
You're a fucking idiot.
You got a big, broken to a goddamn police station with a bomb in your belly.
Get the hell out of here.
That's a ticket at least.
It's a citation.
It's crazy.
Crazy.
Fucking moron.
Stomach hurts.
That's crazy.
I mean, but...
I'd have been pissed.
Uh-huh.
Right?
Sure.
Do you have any fear of yo-yoing at all?
Because I do.
I mean, I'm going back up, down and up.
I don't know.
I take it day by day.
One step at a time.
Slow down.
Breathe.
Accepting.
What I'm told.
say.
That's what I'm told to say.
About my tummy hoods.
The Joker's any...
Want to see how I got these stretch marks?
I got diesel out in the lounge.
Kippies hot today.
Woo!
Let's go.
Oh, God.
I like being the butt of the jokes for once.
No.
There's no going back.
I'm not assuming.
The boats.
have been burned.
You're witnessing.
All of you!
Just get real fucking mad at it.
You haven't doubted me?
Huh?
You never bet against the bull?
Who's the bull?
I don't know.
I'm assuming that's one of your corny nicknames you have for yourself with your new group of friends.
Oh, what's up?
I'm H. Foley, the bull.
My good friends call me the bull.
You probably do that.
You're like the new kid.
You're like the...
I don't have any friends.
Friends, dickhead.
I wonder why.
I'm losing friends and finding peace.
What?
Drake.
Steve, you are washed.
Fucking 50-year-old man, down and out.
Just starts quoting Drake lyrics.
I just started to listen to him.
Enjoy's music.
Why do you listen to a fucking Tony Robbins or something?
Fucking learn how to bounce a checkbooker, dude.
A chick that go, hey, you got to get your shit together.
That broad?
Who?
Oh, Mel Robbins.
That's Mel Robbins.
Tony Robbins is the guy with the teeth?
What fuck does he know?
Yeah, if I was fucking...
If I was six, eight and good-looking?
He knows how to keep his teeth.
If I was six-eight and good-looking,
it'd be fucking people of vites too.
Huh?
I'm going to mirror looking at this.
It's the last stand to age fully.
I ain't going back.
That's not a good thing, is it?
Yeah, it is.
Okay.
This is it.
The boats have been burned.
The bridges have been burned.
Yes, they have.
It's a very hard feeling this episode.
Uh-huh.
Ow, I just hurt my pinky.
Yes.
Man, that first video really set us on a path, didn't we?
I thought that was kind of good time.
Could have been a series of pictures.
It could have been.
And then you were yelling about the brightness right away.
That didn't put it off on a good, like, positive nose.
I had a whole thing where she was going to be behind the door and she wouldn't do it.
And I offered her a large amount of money
I was her to borrow a large amount of money offer
You know you're jammed up with your mom's screen
Distance with her
That seems like a U project
She don't have me involved in it
She had some other things going on
What she bombs publicly too?
You got a fucking rep.
Girls at the Mermaid Club will fucking disowner
Mm-hmm
She used to have a penced
God damn it
What are you doing man
Fucking just hit my finger
That's my bad finger
from wrestling. Well, it was from football.
Oh my God. It is.
I fucked it up. Last game and a season.
Yeah, wrestling with your sexuality.
You got it from jerking a dude off.
Oh, man, I'm fucking just taking it.
Just like that gentleman.
That was the point.
That's bad.
I kind of want it.
I stink.
I say he's going to go down like a lead zeppelin.
That's what they said.
I'm aware.
What thing?
The show?
No.
Shark cut that.
Send it to the investors.
We've investors?
Not anymore.
Sell, sell, sell, sell.
That's what they said about Led Zeppelin.
This thing will sing like a Led Zeppelin.
What do you think I just randomly came up with that quote?
I don't fucking know.
I don't even know you know Led Zeppelin.
You weren't a rock and roller.
You were a fucking...
What were you?
I was in a band.
So was I.
Yeah.
I was in the...
You still think you are.
I was in the class...
Mr. Rooster.
I was shout out to him.
Call me back.
Those guys are calling it.
I swear, I'll pay you back.
Venmo cap me at 600.
Shout out to Mr. Rooster.
I was in the classic rock.
Yeah, so was I.
Everybody worth their salt.
When Luke was into classic rock.
Worth their salt.
Now, where'd you hear that?
from me you're using my shit we releasing this
oh thanks
you need one of these every once in a while
what a bad episode
yeah
you can't go up if you don't go down
beaks and valleys baby
ah it's funny
I didn't know you knew that
I literally but you know what's
you don't have to know that I knew it
but I said the quote verbatim and you go
Who said it?
That's what they're like the engineer or something.
Really?
But like I say the quote and you'd be like, that's what they said.
That's like me going four score and seven years ago.
You're like, that's what Abe Lincoln said.
I didn't just stumble upon that.
That wasn't A. Blinken.
Four score.
The fuck does that even mean?
Scores 10 years?
Yeah.
Who said that?
Abe Lincoln?
I think it was A.
Blinken, right?
Four scores and seven years ago.
I don't know.
That was Dean Martin.
I am not a cross.
20 years, so 87 years.
Four score in...
What is it?
Four score?
In seven years.
Yeah, I'm not a big Civil War guy.
No, but it's just like the most famous speech ever.
Is that the Gettysburg Address?
Exactly.
Ah.
I know it as a Gettysburg, man.
The Gettysburg Address.
What did you say?
The Gettysburg Address?
You get it?
It's a P-O-Box here.
You gotta tie the door to the flower pot.
Check the main.
We're the band still playing on the Titanic right now.
I want an attitude.
You guys try to keep up.
There might be a carbon dioxide leak in here.
Somebody poke a hole in a frieze can or something.
Yeah, because that joke stinks.
happening to me.
You stay.
Oh, God.
Losing my superpowers.
Which was what?
Annoying everybody.
Still got it.
Whoa.
That was weird, dude.
Hey.
That was a bit you did weeks ago.
Those are still seltzer in here.
Fuck it. I'm drinking it.
Okay.
Quit screwing around.
Excuse me.
Excuse you.
Excuse me.
You know my nose has been running when I eat a lot?
I think that's a...
I don't know what that means.
I know what it means.
Okay.
The residual side effect.
But it's...
My dad would get that.
Nose would be run away.
He ate.
I get that every time I have spicy food.
Yeah, yeah.
Why not yes-in?
He's agreeing with you.
You're a guy who's abandoned.
I didn't like it.
You're a guy who's abandoned.
by everybody for being a huge dickhead.
He throws you a lifeline, because I ain't
giving you one. I couldn't resist. And he throws you a lifeline
and you fucking, you bite the
hand that feed you. Sorry, buddy. I like
it. It feels wrong not to
be as... It's a return to
normalcy.
You're saltmelt. We're fucking back, baby.
Oh, I know. We're not releasing this.
This is going in the vault.
This is a great... Talk to me. This is a great
name. This is from she crab poop.
$10 delinquent.
Is it garbage or text your girlfriend to call you and fake an emergency
right after you win a big pot at the poker game with your buddies?
I need to scratch.
That's a common courtesy.
You're not allowed to hit and run.
Any scheme like that where people are working together to deceive other people?
I'm down.
Yeah, that's your life.
You just get to deal with a partner.
Yeah.
It's the loneliest game.
And then you finally get a teammate.
And that's what you like.
I don't know if I've said this on air or not, but I had a fantasy of me and Patty going across country, Robin Banks.
Yeah, we talked about that.
We did, right?
Not on air, I don't think.
Yeah.
If I could get her to play along.
Yeah, why not?
The fuck else you got.
We could use the good PR.
I mean, you know, we could do the-
We give the money to poor people.
You?
No, we would throw the money around.
Like, we drive through like a trailer park and throw the money out.
But then they come and get you on that, don't they?
They come and get
They count that money
Who?
The cops or the banks
They know
How much money you steal
No no no they know the serial numbers on it
I don't know if they have all shit
Yeah they got you remember when that guy in Philly dropped the
It was the John Cusack movie
You don't remember that guy
Went nuts
What went nuts?
He was out of the brink truck
Yeah
Yeah Pat's dad knew the guy
No shit
Yeah
Did he kill himself?
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
Pat's dad's from that neighborhood.
Like, yeah, like, they was like the...
Yeah, they said you got to turn the money in or something like that.
If he gave you money.
Didn't he throw it?
Oh, afterwards.
You're saying, like, if you threw it at the trailer park,
the trailer park people got to turn it in.
Yeah, I think that's...
And nobody takes cash.
What if they go in urban outfitters with that?
Sure.
Got big problems.
Yeah.
Big, big, huge problems.
Patty wouldn't do it in.
You'd be a good wheel man.
She's pretty good behind a car.
Can't do it at night, though.
She can't see.
Yeah, that happens.
Denise got the same time.
I better go.
Getting, you know, getting dark out.
I better go.
All right.
Call me when you get home.
Then, bro, don't fucking call me.
Is that her?
That'd be weird.
That was Luke.
You fucking shit?
It wasn't nice.
I'm sure.
This one, this is a big one.
This one might get into the questions that we ask.
I've never.
thought about this. It's classy
and trashy and weird.
This is from Marty. Great name.
Classier trashy. Classy or trashy.
Offering your buddy basketball shorts to
wear when they come over to hang.
I come over your house. I got a pair of jeans
on. We're going to sit on the fucking couch
and watch the game.
Hey, bud, you want a pair of
basketball shorts. Let's lounge
out. Get comfy.
That's not bad.
That's not bad.
And I do it.
I don't do it a lot, but I've done it a handful of times with, like, the sponsored gear we get.
I'll bring that home.
And then if anyone wants it, I'm like, if my buddy's like hanging out, I'm like, oh, yeah, wear these.
I like, I, it's a good time.
And they open it up fresh plastic.
That's nice.
That's nice.
But if they want it to be comfortable, or if they didn't want to wear jeans, why did they wear jeans to your house?
We might have gone out to dinner, get fucked up.
My girls out, and I'm like, oh, stay over, whatever.
or before I was like living alone.
That's normal.
Yeah.
Stay on the couch.
We can smoke weed online and watch movies.
Well, yeah.
Hey, you got a pair of shorts you can sleep in.
I got you on that.
Yeah, I don't know.
Maybe you're, hey, I'm coming.
I got to, I got a, I love it.
Yeah.
I do you wouldn't, if that.
Wear your shorts?
Yeah.
I mean, I'd have to fucking to put them in the dryer on high heat for about three weeks to shrink
them up a bit.
I think they meant to kill the bugs.
That too.
Get that moisture out of it.
Yeah, I would.
I mean, yeah, you got to be the same size, you know.
But it's like...
I mean, I love it.
That's what I'm saying.
I think it's a great idea.
It's trashy to be like...
A lot of rich people have that, though.
Like, remember in wedding crashes?
I just had clothes for those guys to change into.
Sure, that's a little...
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel like that's different, but yeah.
But, I mean, yeah, those weren't N1 basketball shorts for marshals.
Hey, yo.
You've been looking through my luggage?
Oh, this is, yeah.
I think that's
I like that
I like that
It's fun
It's trashy
But it's like
It's like
Kitchy or like cute
I don't know
I like it
Yeah boys hey
Fucking throwing a pair
Of fucking basketballs
That's fucking vibe
I could just see some people
Like what
I'm fucking wearing your fucking shorts
Or like being like
What's you're trying to get me to change
I mean not a grown man
Changing another grown man's house
I mean listen
I'm a fucking nine year old
I'm down
I'll build a fort
I'll fucking do everything
make prank phone calls
go play knock and run
the whole nine yards
doctor
anything I'm down
but I feel like
I mean I don't think
I couldn't see a lot of your cousins
going over to their boys' house
and their boys being like
hey throw in a pair of shorts
and they'd be like what
am I right or wrong about that
yeah you're right I don't know
yeah I mean I'm not you're right
I'm not saying it's for everybody
it's very situationally dependent
yeah like if I was
Pat's house and it's like, you know, oh,
plan something and it's like, let's watch the game.
You're like, you're fucking
sitting on, you're throwing a pair of fucking shorts.
We're going to be posted up here for the night.
Dinner plans cancel. I don't fucking know.
Whatever. I feel like Glassman
would be good for that. I bet Glassman has nice
clean. He's very, you know.
Yeah, I don't see him like lending it out.
No, no, no. Like that's, you know, to like.
But that's like somebody's stuff I'd want to wear.
You know what I mean? But that's where you want to wear
something. Not one to wear, but.
Okay, well, I'm just going off the word you said.
Shouldn't do that.
I've learned.
I would wear.
Probably nice and clean, probably comfy.
Probably just real basketball shorts.
See, but you made this, you took the situation and made it weirder.
Did I?
By wanting, yeah, now you want to.
Stop with the wanting.
I'm just saying that's somebody that you would.
I know, but like, I think the idea of, I guess the weird, what you're saying, I agree with you.
know what you're enjoying a
different part than I was thinking of. I was
going, oh cool, get out of the jeans, we'll sit and fucking
be a lazy Sunday or whatever. You're
going, well, these are cool, they're clean.
You like the vibe and feel
of
I'd go, Luke, I don't care what kind of
shorts are. What it reminds me of is my brother
and his cool friends. You made some weird emotional connection to a
pair of basketball shorts. Yeah.
Like one, like his boy
Keith Cody, I grew up with the coolest guy ever.
What am I fucking chop?
here? He was way cool.
You're nuts.
He was cool. I mean, we got to wrap it up.
Like high school cool.
Like good looking fucking cool.
I mean, I'm sorry.
The name Keith Cody is like the coolest thing.
Thank you.
Listen, you know, we, listen.
I don't have time for this.
I will not be undermined.
Like when you wanted to wear like a cool t-shirt your brother had.
Uh-huh.
Because it smelled good like him.
And it didn't hit me.
We got to wrap it up.
Gang, we love you to death.
you check out that American Garbage Special on YouTube. If you haven't, do a favor. Share a friend.
It's cooking. Let's keep it cooking. Get tickets to see the Army of Garbage Tour. We love you.
Kevin and I love you. Luke, I love you. We'll see in three days. Peace.
