Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Trashy Inventors w/ Kippy & Foley

Episode Date: December 27, 2021

Go watch the special: https://youtu.be/XYWIeCs_zOg Kippy and Foley are back with a fun one!  Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.BlackBuffalo.com Promo Code: GARBAGE  https://www.DADGRASS.COM/GARBAGE https://www.GetRoman.com/GARBAGE Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Gang, Christmas came early this year because the Are You Garbage Special is on YouTube right now. Yeah guys, go share with your friends, hit them up in the group chat, tell people who aren't familiar with the show, this is a perfect way to introduce them, check it out, it's a good time, a lot of laughs, thanks for watching. Love ya. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage, the show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast, this is Are You Garbage. It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they

grew up to be classy. Yeah. Or just a big, oh, piece of shit. I'm your host H. Foley coming at you on a beautiful day down here at Anthony's basement. She wanted to remind everybody she still has Vax cards and boosters available for sale on her website. Tony.org. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. It's a family episode, just the boys in here, the boys, the bozos, the homies. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. Thus far, he has led us to the promised land. Every basic Napoleon. I'm gonna ruin you on an island when I'm done with you. Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for KJ. Did not like that comment. I can tell. No, no, no. I have no, no, no issue with it. What's up gang? Thanks for tuning in.

As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes, full video available on YouTube. And as you know, those numbers are true to roof. And then obviously patreon.com. Shout out to all the fucking homies on there. You can sign up to get bonus episodes, AYG, hard feelings, the fucking live streams, the whole nine yards, but you know that. Yeah. Check it out over there. That's fucking cooking. What about the, uh, what's it? Well, when you go out to dinner, do you order the special? That's what I was gonna say. Let me hear the special. Run them back. What's for the appetizer? I ain't talking about the Marsala either. I can tell you that. You can save the soup because we got a special. That's right, game. You got the special on the YouTube

page up streaming. Get on there. If you're not subscribed to the YouTube page, subscribe, subscribe, subscribe, share that puppy as much as you can. We appreciate everybody. Someone get it on Reddit. I want that front page of Reddit or something. Yeah. Well, you guys, Redditers out there. Hackers doing their thing. Getting the back. There you go. Mine's some Bitcoin. I don't know what you got to do. Do something. Litecoin. I'm a Litecoin man. Everybody knows that. And speaking of the special, all right, the mastermind of the RU Garbage Special. Give it up for T-Bone, McScruffins, Tobi, McBuggins. What up, dude? What up, T-Bae? Dude, nothing. That thing's out now. I'm a sunglasses inside guy. I'm gonna get a convertible. I can't legally drive. This is like

your opus, this special. A lot of years, a lot of thought. I haven't wanted to make something like this for a long time. No, this is the indie that Tobi does that gets a lot of attention. Before he really lays a stinker on us. A Hollywood big budget stinker. 100%. You're gonna get Transformers 6 and fucking launch it. I will say, I learned a lot in that edit. I can't wait to get back out on the road, run it back. Yeah. There you go. There you go. We love it. Family episode. We're here today as you know. Ham app. You signed up for the old Patreon. You get your questions right on the air. Sure do. I got a piece of business I wanted to. I got a little bit of something I want to get into too. This is late. I wanted to run this by a buddy of mine, buddy of ours, friend of ours.

I don't want to say who it is. I don't know what his relationship status is now. Oh boy. But was telling me a week or two ago. Sure. Something about X's. Something about X's came up. Like, do you talk to your X's and live in Texas? Anything like that. Yes. That's better. No, it didn't. Okay, I see how we're starting. He was saying that they have to keep somewhat of a decent relationship, a friendly relationship, because they share a phone plan. Oh, now is there I know you don't have this. Maybe you do or did or whatever. Did you ever get tired? Sure don't. I didn't mean stop it. Those automatic payments stopped. Yeah, that's insane to me. It's like, you know what, you're too poor to break up. I don't understand

it. Well, if I understand- How much money do you save? What's happening? I understand the comfortability of it. Like, you get into those things. You don't feel like changing that shit. Dude, I was with- Because I had a fucking panic. I've been with this company so long when I started out it was voice stream. Really? I was voice stream that I think somebody got a hold of them. T-Mobes maybe. And then I was a sprint man for odd dude. Sprint's a tough look. Dude, they're passing me around like a loose joint in jail. Sprint's a bad soda. Well, T-Mobile just bought Sprint. I don't know. I got booted. I was with a family. I was with a company plan when I was working for the- When I was working for the outfit. When I was working for the family. Then things

went a little south and I got booted. Too sweet off that thing. Have to change your number? The hangover wasn't even off yet and I was off that fucking plan. The ad build dad didn't even kicked in and I was off the plan. Lippy at the office barbecue. That holiday party ended badly. Did you have to change your number? Had to change my number? Which was nice? If I had to change my number now, I'm going all the way. I'm going new identity. Yeah. Moving to Seattle, bleaching my hair. It was a nice good stuff to take up surfing. It was a nice fresh start of like I'm- I need- I was walking away from a lot of skeletons. Yeah. You only change your number when you get out of rehab. That's the only reason you change your number. You get out. I say that. The reason I'm sympathetic to it.

Is because- You're on your- You're on your parents' plan. I'm out of my- We share a family plan. I mean, that's- What? Whose name is it? It's not in your name. Yeah. I'm a registered user though. Yeah, I have to be to get nights and weekends. He's got to walk around the neighborhood and tell everyone that he just moved in. Hey guys, I'm- Hey guys, I'm on a family plan. Just want to let you know. I got to go legally. I have to go door to door. Tell you guys that I'm a fucking loser. Let you know I'm a bozo. So, if you have any old cell phones or anything around the house, anything in a junk drawer? Dude, you go to my mom's house. It's like a graveyard for flip phones. That's crazy. It's like a radio shack in that place. Like she's moving H. What the fuck? All

burners. You will- Dude, there's like- First of all, my mom's house is turning into like one big drum. It's just like- It's silverware and then the rest are junk drawers and Tupperware. They're multiplying. It's all just old rubber bands and stuff. Thread that'll never get used. I say that with sympathetic ears because I'm involved in a family plan with some associates. When are you going to get out of that? I think I'm doing it- Fucking never, you fucking moron. What are you nuts? It's fucking comforting in there. That's not my family. What do you mean? It's just support- You just have- No, your mom, he's taking care of you. That's how you like it.

Yeah. This guy's fucked up. I assume at some point- He handles the paperwork, i.e. she pays the bill at the end of the month. I assume it's- It's not on your credit cards. I know that much. It's not getting taken out of yours. Capital one wouldn't have it. I assume at some point, or my plan is at some point, that Patty will come- will eventually be working for the organization. Not ours, me, my own entity. She'll be one of my people. She handles shit, man. She gets stains out like dickens, too. She's had a paranoia.

Chief anxiety officer. I'm on the board of crazy, actually. No, I see her taking over like a Kris Jenner role at some point. I'm getting you in a sex tape. You want a black guy? Man, why did you give him your beers? Wine for breakfast? All right. You want an R&B singer? Oh, that's fucking beautiful. No, I eventually, you know, like to bring her into the fold.

What? Down the road? I don't know. Handling some things? Well, yeah, I know. Booking flights, hotels, like a personal assistant. She's good with all that shit. Rappers will like buy their mom a house. Yeah. Foley's version of that is going to be an IG story of like, thanks for all the love. You know, I just got off my mom's family plan.

Yeah. She's working for me now. I'm going to get her a trailer office and some constructions. Get her a gang box. Got my mom in a WeWork, like a piece of shit. You don't let her and your dad unionize. Send in a union buster. She's asking for paid overtime. Oh, man.

You would be horrible to work for. What do you mean? I don't know how else to say it. I was pretty blunt with that. What do you mean, T-Bone? How am I? If you think I work for you, you're nuts. I don't even got the YouTube's password. I'm not even sure you know where you are right now.

Oh, man. That's why I need my mom. Fucking middleman. I tell you, if she knew anything about technology, she'd be all right. That's the only problem. We'd both be fuddling around with the phones in the dark. Yeah, both getting locked out of the counts and stuff. Is it my birthday or your birthday?

Oh, Jesus. I went through that this weekend because my phone was fucking getting cute on me. Thought I was going to have to pull the trigger. I was going to get, though, you can't get these iPhone 13s anymore. These kids are all over them. Okay. Can't get them. But they do have the maxes.

Remember the pluses for a little while? They were the bigger versions of the phones? Yeah. I guess they have a version of that for the 13. Anybody who had those, that was always a bozo move. I forgot. You're walking around with a fucking tablet in your hand. Yeah, how do you dial that thing?

Two, one, two. Who did that? That was a buddy of mine did that. I mean, you remember those, you remember when you- That's a pretty good bit when I cut that. Yeah, when you get got, I showed up to like a hag and caught like high school or something. I had a big, I had a big phone. It was like when big phones like just came out.

If it's not an iPhone, you're- It was, it was big Android. Had a kickstand on it. Do you remember that thing? They gave you that for free. That came with the plan. Yeah, it was a pull start, too. I kind of guessed that thing.

That's too strong. My phone's out. The mix is all fucked up. Anybody got a generator? My juice is dead. I use regular gaze. Can be shoveling coal into the back of the phone. I'm on a stationary bike.

Like the Polar Express. Hold on. I got to text my girl. Oh, shit. Yeah, that thing stung. I told you, I got him up a couple of times. That Android, they got me with the kickstand. Well, you could put it up and you could watch it.

Like, you know what I mean? I'm not bragging. I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know, the functionality of the product. Video, it loads my next Tuesday. It was good. It was good. It was quick.

It was the, when Android came out and was faster than the iPhone at the time. Like, whatever. They had some sort of something. I don't give a fuck what it does. That, and then I never went back. Never. Never went back.

Crazy. Um, that, and then I did, I've said a couple of times, I fell for the zoom instead of the iPod back in the day. So what's a zoom? Exactly. Zoom was my, Sounds like a rare bird. The yellow spotted zoom.

Yeah. This fucking, this fucking jerk off at Best Buy on Delaware Ave. Saw me coming. Really? Real slick talker, huh? Oh, yeah. Get you when you're coming in.

Where you going, buddy? I had a blue zoom or something. It was bad. Crazy. But my phone was fucking shit in the bed and I started to transfer. My, we, we had an old one laying around. So I'm like, I gotta, I want to get this shit off there.

Backed everything up in the cloud. And when you download these fucking apps again from the cloud, you got to, you got to use your password. I don't fucking know what my password was for Instagram fucking 10 years ago or eight years ago. Uh-huh. Fucking jamming me up. Yeah.

It's tough. That's how to get you. That's how to get you. There's too many passwords, man. It's tough to keep fucking tracking. If you don't sign in, I'm now, I have my computer. So you use the same one. That's, that's how to fucking hackers get it.

I know, but they're always like, oh, this one needs a special character. So you put the fucking, you know, you put the exclamation point somewhere else and you forget where you put it. I put it in the beginning, the end, uppercase, lowercase. Yeah, it's bullshit.

In-plant, whatever you want in here. So I'm not gonna remember any passwords. Man, I, well they, my computer has the finger join. Like it just, like all of my things are, so does my girlfriend. It has a beat to it, Patty. Please don't even bet about my wife. Turn it on my girlfriend.

I should have shot, I should have shot under the table. I tried to be a gentleman to raise the gun. Police gun got caught in the holster. Not this time, Bart. Okay. What were you saying? You were about to tell us your passwords. Bighead042.

No, I have my, it saves it on my computer and I just use my fingerprint and that has all my passwords saved. But if you try to log in on something else, I'm used to, it's better when you have to manually enter them because you remember them. Now I'm fucking wall. I don't know anything.

This thing was asking me for like triple verification. They wanted me to remember the password of my girlfriend's old laptop that I guess I hooked my phone up to at one point. What are you, you're fucking fact-checking me over here? It's me. Hit me up. Come on.

Tucklehank. What are we doing here? Yeah. The Bieb's got to deal with this shit. Now he's got a guy. He's my, it's not his mom either. It's that Scooter Braun. Doesn't his mom work for him?

I don't think she's. Scooter? Yeah. Remember you bombed. Have we talked about that on Patreon? Yeah, we talked about on Patreon. For the listener, me and Foley did a show. I believe.

Me and Foley did a show for a Scooter Braun who's like the head of music. He's like CEO of music of entertainment. And Foley bombed so bad in front of him. It was a tough scene. And just kept going. Oh man, you did about 38 minutes of material in a five minute set.

Yeah, didn't fucking, didn't adjust at all. Just kept marching through like a red coat. Hey, stop left or right. You know what I mean? That was something else. Hey, somebody where they're from or something. I do do something. Bring me up.

I don't know if I can. We'll do something together. Kimmy was just standing there. I was standing in the back like, holy shit. Smoking like a Frenchman. I'm going to be hearing about this the next three weeks. Smoking back there like Jean Girard. I got something that's real trashy too.

Before we get into the old Patreon play on. What's that? Is it your John Goodman shirt? What are you talking about? I'm waiting for Roseanne to walk in. You do have neighbor whose job is to move the narrative vibes. Oh yeah. We're going to put up a picture of what you're wearing right now, T-Bone.

He's in a situation. Yeah, that I'm not allowed to say because I'm a nice guy. Yeah. Check out the Patreon. Yeah. You want the inside scoop on his bozo? Check out the Patreon. Check out the Patreon.

Find out why Toby's wearing pajamas right now. And dress shoes. Got a one bedroom with about 1,100 roommates. Oh God. Well, that gave it away. Couple of freeloaders too. They're not paying a rent if you catch my drift. Talk about a family plan.

He's got the queen working for him. That always freaked me out in sign class. Toby's really bugging me by the way. Anybody want to go to bed? That always freaked me out when I was a kid and they would show the queen and she'd be like a normal bug. She's like a nice lady. She'd be a normal bug and then she'd just have a huge like fucking like a wrap.

Oh. Family program. She would have like a wrap sandwich behind her. Remember it was just like her egg sack or whatever it was. Whatever they called it. Excel sandwich. You know what I'm talking about? Like that big thing that was always attached to the queen where she pooped out the other bugs.

I don't think you know how anything works. Where she pooped out the other bug. She had her big egg sack where she pooped out the other bugs. Yeah. She would like she would be huge. She would look like a normal bug but then she would just have like a huge ass. Why would you guys go to public school? What's going on?

A couple of Jesus freaks over here. I love it. We just let you go sometimes and you get mad nervous. To me it's them right. You guys understand. This is ridiculous. You're crazy. You know what I'm talking about.

Sure. I don't know why you're still this way. Yeah. I know what you're talking about. What do you want from me? What's that called? Like Steve Erwin. A little bit.

Yeah you do. Striking. This is a silly one boys and girls. Dude that was like watching a guy hang themselves and then grab more rope and start tying another noose. I need a thousand pound test on this guy. What is wrong with you? What happened? As you know I recently upgraded to a king size bed in my apartment.

Yes. Put it together. I got the new bed frame. Still using a queen size bed frame. It's like laying on a whopper. Jesus Christ. Sleeping in a triple whopper. Holy shit man.

Come on. This one is cookie. Big piece of lettuce for sheets. Trying to get freaky on that thing. I'll be rolling off the side. Oh god. All right. So I'm crying.

Holy shit. I recently got a king size bed. So I had a relatively new fucking Helix mattress. Yes. That's the king. Oh you had. I had. They sent us one when they started advertising.

Maybe about what? Let's call it eight months ago. Something like that. Six, eight months. Something like that. Something like that. They got a last spring. So not too long ago.

So now I just upgraded. I got the king size because I tossed and turned. I got the king size. So now I got this mattress and I got the bed frame. And I'm like a big. She did a fries of the onion rings. What'd you do with it? What?

Are you kidding me? I thought that was going to break the internet. I know. Jesus. That's the kid. The whopper thing. Yeah. I mean that was yeah.

Sure. Kip let's talk about black buffalo. Did you say black buffalo? I said black buffalo. I'll tell you right now. If you're over 21 and you're into the snuff and the dip and the this and the that. The chew, the pouches, the long cuts, whatever. Get out of that shit.

Gotta get out. There's alternatives now. Uh huh. Black buffalo is absolutely fantastic. Yeah guys. Black buffalo is everything you love about dipping including the pharmaceutical, great nicotine just without the actual tobacco leaf or stems. The dip is literally made from edible green leaves,

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Really? Whatever you need, you're fixed. They got you. You're not going to go down to the thing and then. Look I don't have a cash on me. You waste some money getting lottery tickets. You don't then then you're getting a fucking candy bar that is right at the other thing. Beautiful.

Best thing about it? Made in the US of A. Born at, let's get this. Born in the Midwest, raised in the South. These are some good old boys, baby. That's what I'm talking about. That's what it says. Yeah, no, I mean I made that up.

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What are we doing here? Sounds like clean living to me. Yeah. Guys, it's a new year. It's about to be a new year and you are one of the 10 million people. If you are one of the 10 million people who are 21 and over dip tobacco, consider turning over a new leaf. See what we did there and switching. I like it.

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Tent I get all goofy. Yeah. Dadgrass is perfect. Uh-huh. It's the perfect amount of mellow. Perfect amount of chill. Yeah. No paranoia.

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One more time right at downdadgrass.com slash garbage. Links in the description. Do it. Dadgrass. Holy shit. I'm like, oh, this is a wart, everybody. Jesus Christ.

You look like you just got... Dude, I don't even... That's too much for me to process at the moment to be honest with you. What in the fuck is going on with that? Toby, give me my hat. No, no. Toby, don't.

He was saying bad things about you when you went to the bathroom. My real name is Del Mar. Holy shit. What? I'm wearing a fucking hat. I'm letting my hair grow. Oh.

Joe Pesci, how you doing? My hair. That was... Why Joe Pesci? Because your hair was slicked back. You look like you got back from the Lipton's eyes. Yeah. It looked like you did it with shoe polish,

to be honest with you. Little bit of mink oil in there. You ever get in the trouble with shoe polish when you were a kid? I opened my dad at my dad's. I got into that shit. My dad had a green tackle box in the bottom of the closet that I opened up.

Oh, man. I looked like a coal miner after that got... I got it, yeah. Oh, I got that shit everywhere. And still we got into the candy dish. Dude, that stuff doesn't come off. Shit in black for a week. All right.

But so now, my wife's like, it's a shame to just throw away this mattress. She's a nice lady. And she's like, there's people in need. We're in a position of... Like we're fortunate. Let's try to give it to tough times. People out of work, Christmas, the whole thing.

So let's see if anybody needs it. You know what I mean? Like someone that's in a bad situation, might need a new bed or something for their kids or something. So she puts it up online. And now she's got this... She's doing it with everything in the apartment. Like she's getting rid of clothes and stuff.

And there's obviously a lot of people in need. A lot of people out of work. We just made a... I told Jack, clean out my closet. We just did a huge bag for Goodwill. My old winter coats in there. The Lister. I'm saying somebody could use it out there.

Keeps that... That's like a three-bedroom house for somebody. Oh, man, that jacket. It's huge. That thing's stunk to high. That thing's that thing. That was the worst jacket I've ever seen in my life. The Whistler.

I thought you meant smelled. Yeah. I mean, it didn't smell like a peach either. That was the year we were trucking around. I showered maybe once or twice a week. Had that real winter funk on me. She's not to like it after a while. It's weird.

Man, you're another kind of weird dude. Really, truly are. But... Continue, Hypo. Now we got all these... She's giving away the form. We got all these people coming. Like she's getting rid of clothes and dresses and jackets and everything.

Because she's on this gift-giving hot or how I'm helping out the community, which she is. But it's like, I'm like, lady, just fucking take it all to one place and dump it. You know what I mean? Also, it's like the bed frame was like 80 bucks to begin with from... The river's right there. What are we doing? We're going up on a bridge. I'll burn it under there.

It's like a revolving door, people. Nah, I'm here to pick up the flip flops. I'm here to pick up the... I hate the plops. Yeah, it's crazy. Big ticket items, huh? Well, then one guy. I had a school bag, a Jansport.

You wanted a time at this? That's what I'm saying. A school bag. I had a school bag that she posted and it was like ripped. Where's she posting this? There's like a Facebook group or something. Nah, there's like an in-need Facebook group. Pinterest?

No, I keep naming things. I'm not quite sure you know what they are. I'm not positive. So some dude just showed up at your house. People do that to case places. The case to joints. See who lives there. Is that coming in?

Or did you meet him? The drop point. No, in the hallway. I mean, he's not coming in the apartment. Okay. But we gave him a school bag. So he's like, oh, here's a school bag. It's like the thing was ripped.

So you put on this form. I'm not doing anything. Let's be... You put on this form. Hey, if anybody needs a school bag, come and get it. Somebody actually came to get it. The guy needed a school bag? The guy needed a school bag.

Here I found out it's... He's like, oh, he told my wife Jansport has an unlimited... If you send back a damaged product, they'll send you a new product. So does Timberland or LL Bean, somebody does that or used to do it? I think if you create enough stink, they'll...

Sure. Yeah. And you know, any customer service, they'll be like, just fucking here. Yeah. It's costing us eight bucks to get you off the phone, Bozo. Kick fucking rocks. So his whole plan was to take it

to try to get a new school bag. Wow. Or get it fixed when they repair it. No, they're just sending you a new one. I mean, repair it. I don't know. Seems like a lot. It's not a transmission.

Just send you a new one. We're waiting on parts. Hey, Napa know-how. What are we doing? Can't get these left straps anywhere. Pay through the nose. Well, that's nice, man. Good for you.

Mazel. Yeah. I was saying, I feel like it's trashy. I feel like we're doing a fucking garage sale in my apartment. Obviously, you're giving it away. Was there any money exchanged? No. She wants to get some for the mattress, though.

Because it is expensive. She wants to get some for the mattress. Some cash. She put it up for like 200 or something. What? Yeah. And that's, you didn't pay for that. That was given as a promotional gift.

Wasn't that on a game show? I pay for it with my endorsements. Oh, OK. That's your hard work. Also, you get 40% of it. Yes. Keep on with his beak. All right.

Do you want the mattress? Press that mattress. It went up a little bit. No. OK. Give someone else your fucking fart box. Mariner. Oh, I'm sorry.

Yeah. You're going to be sleeping in the refrigerator. This guy. Yeah, is my mattress not good enough for your bed bugs? Yeah. If I could sleep in goggles on because of the smoke bombs going off in there. Yeah, but let's get into what we got some fucking questions.

This is a fucking barn burner wacky one, baby. Guys, so as you know, when you join a Patreon, we will answer your garbage questions. I told them. Did you? Yeah. OK. Let them know what's up.

This is from Dr. Nutfunk. I think she's associated with Mr. H. Foley's. Egger, you have something to say? You just seem a little salty about those fries still. What fries? I don't know. I didn't get either one of the jokes, to be honest with you. I didn't get his, and I definitely didn't get your origin.

I didn't get the source material to begin with. Oh, that was Egger from Men in Black. Yeah. OK. In the suit. Get me water. Yeah. Don't wear that water.

That's going to be Toby in a couple of days. Shout out to the bug man. He was wearing like an Egger suit. A bunch of bed bugs are going to come in here wearing a Toby suit. Typing real fast. They got multiple legs. Disposed out for it. For you kids in the back of the class.

All right. This one's from Dr. Nutfunk. Love it. Any family members refer to themselves as inventors? He goes, one of my uncles invented a computer keyboard attached to a recliner to use. That's bad. I think that's just a wireless, that's just a keyboard and a recliner. That's all that is.

That's just a guy without a job, man. That's all that is. This guy likes to whack it. That's great. That's a guy sitting down looking around the room. Uh-huh. Just yeah. What can I put together here?

What if the TV tray was in the couch? That's actually a really fucking good idea. What's that? Like if you had, you know, on airplanes, you have the tray that pops up in the side sometimes. That's a horrible idea. But then it's in the side. What are you going to put another couch in front of you? No, you're sitting on the couch and then on the armrest, it opens up.

Anything built into a couch is trash. Cup holders, fucking anything. They're great. They're fantastic. Put their trash. They're just, dude, the bottom of that cup holder stays clean for about 42 minutes. And then after that, there's like dumb stick, stipp, dumb, what are they?

Dumb, dumb sticks in there. And dead goldfish. Pennies that are welded to the bottom of that thing. You can't get them Jones out. Yeah, they're disgusting. Disgusting, disgusting. I might have a couple of family members or might know some people that have patents.

Really? But not like. You don't come from patent people. Not like good patents, like little patents. I was the first guy to ever fuck my dog. You owe me 20 bucks if you fuck a Beagle. Fucking hillbillies. You don't come from patent people.

Somebody does. No, you're making this up. Yeah. My sister-in-law's father was an inventor. I know the product. Yes. Can we say it? I believe so.

The dildo. Ha, ha, ha. The janky hammer. The flowby. The flowby. Yeah, he like. Yeah, he's connected the flowby money. Yeah.

I don't know how much. I mean, I think they sold a couple of them in the 80s. What? Your great guy's got to be a billionaire. That's not true. A billionaire? You're nuts. No, that's your nuts.

Those things went like, you went around for this, man. I've never seen one. You went around for this. Have you seen one? Have you seen one? Wait, in person? Yeah. Yeah.

No. No one has, man. There was an infomercial for a weekend. Only in a museum. A museum. A museum. People had them, though. Yeah, I'm sure it.

A lot of people tried to make their own after that. Yeah. Looking up Clippers of the Vacuum Cleaner. Man, try it out on the dog first. I'll get no shit. Fucking border collie with a jacked-up haircut. Border collie with a Mohawks. All right, taking that right now.

Yeah, but he was an inventor in his like. He did something but then later in his life, that's an inventor. Yeah, he was like a proper like. The Flex Seal guys. They're inventors. Yeah. You know?

I think that was just a guy who like puffing. Ronco. Ron Popeal. Ron Popeal is a proper inventor. Yeah. Find an American as well. Like, yeah, dude. Do you know anybody that has a Ron Popeal pasta maker?

No, but. He sold millions of them. Sure. I'm sure I do know somebody. Yes, I'm sure one of my aunts or somebody has Ron Popeal here. So I'm sure somebody out there has a flowbee in their basement or in their attic or crawl space. Crawl space.

Yeah, you know the crawl space? We don't know. We've gone over this. We definitely do. Yeah. It's where the fucking heebie-jeebies live. Daddy Longwood said. Oh, man.

It's clear there. It's where bed bugs go from. It's Toby's apartment. Yeah, but. What do you Google in there, Scratchy? More than 200,000 flowbees have been sold. Yeah, that's not that much. 200,000?

That's all these. That was a, I mean that. But that's from January 7th, 1993. I think that's when they came out in the early 90s. No, it had to be before that. Get worldwide sales. Gross. You are.

Worldwide sales of the flowbee. There's no way only 200,000. I don't know if I've actually. Units removed. I don't know if I've ever actually talked to her about. I could be wrong. I mean, that's in the national zeitgeist. That was, you know.

I think, but like as a, not a joke, but like as a novelty thing. What about the thymaster? You think a lot of people made money off those? Suzanne Somerswetter beat. Cook it. We had one. We had one.

Yeah, I was doing the iron man with that thing. Put it in your butt cheeks. Keep the ass tight at the pool this year. What do you got there, buddy? So far, the first thing I saw in this article as I flip it through is the reaction of the county fair crowd may have been on huntsmine, which is like amazing.

I don't think this is him. I might be making this whole thing up. This isn't the guy. Let me see. That's that. That's like a college kid. That's not her dad. I might have made this whole thing up.

That's a different ice base. Who you talking about? Yeah, he looks like Tom. But brand, brand time. By the year 2000, they sold 2 million of these fucking things. There you go. The more this, the more this is out now, but I think this whole thing is fabricated.

I never talk. I got to talk to her on Christmas. I got wet my beak on this flowby bunny. Oh, shit. At least you get my pubes turn. I want to go to the mud room and clean up real quick. Yeah, this isn't right. Why is there a picture of that guy, a young kid?

That's the guy who invented it, Rick E. Hunts. No, wait. Let me see the picture again. That's him. When? I don't think so unless she's a time traveler. Invented in 86. Wow.

There you go. Shout out to him. Good for him. Look at that. You learned something new. 150 retail. What is that? That's just billions of dollars.

If he sold 2 million, 2 million times 150 is billions of dollars. Is it not? It is 100. It's billions. No. A billion. It's three. If each one sold for $150.

Mm-hmm. And there is, you sold. A million, it would be 150 million. Yeah, so it was 2 million, it would be 300 million. It's still pretty good. Yeah. Packaging alone, research and development, R&D. But with inflation, that's like 9, 10 billion.

That's true. Is it really? I think so, yeah. Oh, you idiot. Yeah. Wow. I gotta get to the bottom of that. That's a home run of a question.

That is a home run of a question. Home run of a question. I can't believe we've never had that one. Beautiful. This one also a real humdinger, Josh, ever fall off a roof. It says ever fall off a roof, question mark. Tough luck. Man, I had a cousin who fell off a roof.

It was, yeah. They tell you. Was he okay? I mean, he was hemmed up for a little bit, but he shouldn't have been poking his nose where it didn't belong. You know what I mean? Who is he peeping? What? Oh, no, no, no.

They were drinking. That's what I thought you meant. They caught him on the neighbors. He should have been on a fucking roof. He was drinking booze and hanging. I don't know. Now, I always put my, that's one good thing. I get that feeling in my belly button in my Peter when I get when I'm on a roof.

So one good thing about the Bureau of Crazy, they really instilled all that stuff into me. Don't go near anything hot. Get off. Don't go near a roof. You're going to fall. You're going to get hurt. You're going to get this.

You're going to go out in the ocean. You're going to get drowned. Keeps me nice and safe. Kent, let's talk about Roman. Roman. Good people. And I mean. Doing a Lord's work over there.

Good people over there, Roman. They're keeping this whole little cycle we call life moving and shaking. Yeah. And what I like about them, people over there, Roman. Yeah. Get to talk to them. Yeah. Get to see what you need.

Mm-hmm. And I just throw in fucking this and that at you. No, not at all. They care. Yeah, with Roman and get a free online evaluation, ongoing care for erectile dysfunction, all from the comfort and privacy of your own home. A U.S. licensed healthcare professional will work with you

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Straight cash that I'm talking about. Off your first month of E.D. treatment, make sure you're ready and have the confidence and control this season. Roman ready. Yeah, now back to the show. If someone sends us a flowbie, we will cut my hair with it on the Patreon.

Okay. That's pretty good. I know the owner. I can get my hands on one. Pubes, though? Keep everything heads. God. All right.

This is from Sweet James. Never had a question, Red. Had you ever separated two-ply toilet paper? No, that shit always drove me crazy. That's crazy. You know, every once in a while, like on Oprah, that was old Oprah, good Oprah, but it was real.

It was a little trashy in the 90s. Yeah, she puts on a good front of being like, I mean, as she was doing like, did you ever fuck your cousin's wife? Oh, yeah. She was fucking... She was a mud slinger. Yeah, dude, a hundred percent.

What do you mean? Great lady, though. She's doing all right. Okay. She's a billionaire. Yeah. Proper billionaire, right? Yeah, of course.

What do you think she's got? I mean, two billion dollars? Two billion. It's pretty good. Three billion? Yeah, but what she got? Ops, what's she rocking? 2.6.

God damn. I was dead on. That's why you handle the books, baby. I know. You? What do I have? Yeah. I can get there.

Oh, you want to know how much money I have? No, I'll say your net worth. What does that mean? I got bills and shit. Yeah, money you have versus money owed on the street. Oh, that's not good. You're in a red.

If you're throwing France in there. You're in the red. Yeah. Yeah. I'm upside down in the bag yet. You kidding me? You want to... You're probably...

Okay, let's just say what I got in the kitty right now. What's in your accounts? Yeah. Minus any lines of credit? Yeah, forget all that. Just cold hard cash. American greenbacks. T-bills.

What do I got? I know what I have and I know what you made. Well, no shit you know what you have. I would say... Is France paid for? No. The flight's paid for. Okay.

The hotel, they took 300. I would say... They paid for the rubber sheets. What? They paid for the rubber sheets. I would say you probably have $6,000. $5,600. Okay, Plinko.

You had the ATM machine with him earlier? Peeking over his shoulder? Ah, that's about right. Plus, I got a G-Hot and a Capital One card. Keeping that thing in the garage until we leave. But there's no tires on that, man. No one touches that. That doesn't leave the apartment until we're on our way to the airport.

Okay, that's good. Yeah. Yeah, but she used to go back just to over. She used to do that stuff. How to save, reuse the fucking whatever for the whatever. She dragged some family on there from the Midwest. They were like, here's the fucking whoever's. And their dad doesn't let them buy them.

Their dad doesn't let them buy this or doesn't buy that. They haven't bought paper towels in three years because they peel them apart and all that stuff. Can you imagine living like that? I can't. I mean, necessity's one thing, but that's not what we're talking about. I'm not talking about a family that has to do it.

They do it to like beach frugal and save money. Yeah. You know, but like, you know, generally everybody's okay. It's not like they're doing it because they really- They have to. Yeah, of course. I've been there. People just get into those zones like the coupon clippers and this and that.

I told you, I had one girlfriend there. Her dad on the weekends would go around to like different Hallmark stores and CVS stores and buy things that were like on discount sale or whatever. Yeah. It didn't matter just whatever time of the year. And he was fucking rich. Yeah.

I don't have time for that. I couldn't do one ply. Not now. Never. Oh, no. No. No. No.

Sometimes. I would need oven mitts to fucking avoid my ass. One ply. What? You've got to- Jesus Christ. You've got to pull the dump and jump. Get right in the shower.

One ply. Not even roll up the window. That's crazy. One ply. Yeah. Go through that, picking my nose. There was a time in the not so distant past when, you know, funds were quite tight. You were one, you were peeling the ply?

No, I wasn't peeling the ply, but you would go- So, hold on. There's no excuse. A single man in living in New York City, a man or woman living in New York City, you can steal toilet paper where you don't got to be peeling the ply. I'm not saying, I'm not peeling the plies, but I'm saying, so a lot of times, especially in New York-

It's not way beyond your ass. Every two, three shits. I'll get you on the next one. I'll be back in a couple of minutes. A couple of hours. You give it a pass. Um, no, I would- Tell him to hop right into the shower.

I don't like that. I did that once. I don't like it. It feels like I'm pooping in the shower. I don't, I can't do it. There you are. Yeah. Sometimes-

You're just going to use your foot and get it down the drain real quick. Sometimes I've been in the shower or like, and just got out, or be in the shower and like, oh, I have to shit. Oh, that's the fucking worst. Do you mean hell? It feels like you're on a water slide. Oh my God. It feels like you're on shotgun fall.

That's dude. You're just slipping all over the place. Yeah, that's it for me, man. The moment has passed. How's all, or the fucking toilet papers all wet? Oh, get the fuck out of here. That is my worst nightmare. Uh-huh.

So I always try to dance around a little bit in the morning, fucking make sure these shakes- Shouts shake out all the- Before I hop in the shower. Yeah, and it was some WD-40, get the rust off. Bagging like a bottle of ketchup. Um, yeah, that's tough. So what'd you do?

You didn't say- Oh, I would go to the bodega and get the want like, that's they, because they- You can buy the one roll out of bodega. At a bodega in New York, you can buy one or anything. I'll sell you one light bulb. Oh, yeah, of course. They don't open up the-

They don't like the whole like, I don't open up, not for individuals- That's my toilet. We prefer those toilets. That's Scott. Yeah, that stuff stinks. No, it doesn't. You're crazy.

It's one ply. Oh, I like it. Oh, no, it stinks. That's got teeth on it for me. Gets a little grip. You start with that quilted shit. I don't give you roids. That stuff, that stuff gets you bad.

Steroids. Yeah. You have roid rage. I think it'll be throbbing down there. That's the last thing I need is roids. Roids in the gout. Keep those two away from me. I don't like it.

Yeah. All right, this one's from our boy Alex Tanello. Have you ever been to a bar on bar rescue? Before or after. Either is a tough one. Does that tell you what? The big guy really cleans the place up nice. Yeah, shout out to Taff.

I used to love that show. Love it. And it's like wildly scripted. The whole stake out. I used to love. He's saying that big job. Not me. It's all real to me, baby.

I love Taff. Love. Big, big fan. He makes you want to eat and drink the way he talks. I don't think that's him. But the way he talks. Kick the fingers. Hey, buddy, stop rocking back and forth.

All right, I'm right here. Tone it down. We're all in the same room. Let's keep it doing. Ain't ballin' episode. Hey, you're fucking screaming at me. It's only appetizers. Hey, buddy, we're at a shot-and-beer kind of place.

All right? Jukeboxes play and relax. Man, some of those bars. That's what I'm trying to online. Some of those bars. And that's places like, imagine if that was the town bar. That's where you had to go in. Dude, if they're cooking, if you go to a restaurant,

they're cooking something on a toaster oven. In a hallway. Dude, get out of there. He would always try to like, it would be like a shot-and-beer-biker-bore place. And he's like, I'm thinkin' family fun. And it's like, dude. I got two words.

Pretzel buns. Yeah. It's like, dude, they're movin' meth out of the back of here. They don't care about the ambience. Cash is fallin' out of the drop ceiling. It's like, dude, what are you doing? Oh, man, I love that show. The love.

They bring in some mixologists from like Fridays. Yeah, it's always like Johnny Cocktails or something. That like does the flair up in it nice. That shit lasts two seconds. Let me get three Kentucky Manhattan whiskey gingers. You're like, what the fuck? I knew a guy who was openin' up a comedy club. And he goes, everything I need to know

about runnin' a business, I saw on Bar Rescue. And then we found out he was half a million dollars in debt one year later. Yeah. It's so. But the poppers in that place are. The lines were clean. The lines were clean.

Look at that. Look at that. Yeah. Screaming at somebody. Yeah. So funny. That was a great show. Great show.

Shout out to the dad. Shout out to him. He's up there with Dog for me. Oh, man, when Dog dropped when I was in college. That was. That's when shit started. That's when A&E was like, fuck it. Oh, yeah.

Fuck it. Let's go. Yeah. And runnin' around with that bear spray. Stuff that mace or whatever. Like, dude, if you ran up on me, we'd shoot a fair one real fucking quick, dog. I would fuck you.

I'd shoot the fade with you. Fuck it. See me out. Reality show Royal Rumble. Bar rescue versus Pawn Stars versus Dog the Bounty Hunter. You can pick whoever else who's coming out on top. Dog, what are you fucking nuts? Dog all day.

He's got one of his Bozo's sons with him. Yeah, those. I'd fucking grab him by the ponytail. Dude, those kids are looking to kill somebody. What do you mean? I'm surprised they haven't. I'm surprised they haven't got jammed up already. Yeah, they're all wearing tactical gear and stuff like that.

It's your day off. What are you doing? We're in a bulletproof vest to go see his mom and shit. He's in the grocery store. He's got his pants tucked into his boots. You gotta get off the ice, bro. I love the dog. Good looking man, too.

Also, this isn't a top of the show, but as you see when he went down there to try to fight, he was like, I'll find Brian Laundry in like two days. He went down there and then like in Miami or wherever. He hit a sizzler. Oh, dude, he was at the brunch every day at like the hot spots. There was like him doing like fucking Bloody Marys and stuff. All he did was go to the parents' house and pay on their front door.

Where's he at? All right, I'm back to Hawaii. Yeah, that guy's all talk. Oh, God. And you hear from him? I'm sleeping in the car, right? I'll be in the towel. They have a nice fleet of rides, though.

I got to give them that. They always kept a nice big black escalade. His wife died, right? He screamed. I'm all hopped up on taff. His wife died, right? He's right there. Jesus Christ.

Tone it down. The fuck? I've never heard you see you act like Jim. His wife died, right? Look at this guy. That COVID's got you, man. Oh, man, I'm all backwards, dude. I don't know what's happening.

I got microchipped or something. How fucking screwball. Kippy had a bad processor in his booster. I'm running on Android. Kippy needs an update. You got a kickstand or what's going on? I got locked. I got locked out of my operating system.

Can't remember the pedal nowhere. I put the exclamation point. Kippy got a Nokia booster. Man. Another home run of a question. I don't even know how that's done. And to answer, no, never been to a bar rescue bar. There was a comedy club that did it in like Arizona or something.

Yeah, never been there. Have you ever been there, though? Have you ever eaten something that Guy Fieri is eating? I've eaten at Guy Fieri's restaurant. Out of the trash, but. This is still warm. Out of the trash at his house. Huge Guy Fieri fan.

Love him. Love him to death. Huge diner drivers and dives, obviously. Let's do the joke for the listener on the road when we're driving somewhere. Going to a new restaurant. I always go, hey. Hey, I'm Guy Fieri. My co-host is a real fimpy shit.

Hey, I'm Guy Fieri. We're riding out to Tolstoy, Oklahoma. My co-host is a fat tub of shit where he's going to eat his body weight and cheeseburger. You believe that, fat fuck? I was doing that. We were laughing so hard in like Indiana or something that we almost died. I was laughing till I blacked out

and I was just trying to hold the wheel straight. He opened up a joint here in New York. We're doing a corner. It's still there. It's near what the action is. I don't know. It's near Broadway, Times Square, all that stuff. I don't know if it's still there.

It was called like American Guy Fieri's American something. American Grill or something like that. All American Grill or something. Eight there one night. I tell you what. Kid knows his way around a fucking burger. Yeah, of course. Service was excellent.

I don't know if I've ever eaten any. I'm sure probably something in Philly. He's Don. I've eaten like one of the sandwich places or fucking Lorenzo's pizza or whatever. We ate at a Ramsey. That is a great question. I love Ramsey. That's a great question.

Now, have you ever celebrated any celebrity chef places? That's a good one. Yeah. Ramsey is like on the fence for me because he's a classical trained chef. Let's be honest here. He knows his way around a fucking egg beater. We were in the fucking lounge of a Tropicana. We were playing Kino two feet away from us and people were smoking inside.

I think it was Caesars. Was it? I don't know. That was a nice restaurant though. It was a nice restaurant. I mean, right? Yeah, that's the biggest chairs I've ever seen. For those fat fucking tubs of shit in Atlantic City.

Atlantic City. Check it out on the special. Atlantic City. Gordon Ramsey, Eight Guy Fieri. But then there's like the Wolfgang Puck. That's not celebrity. That's a nice change. I would argue Ramsey is probably top shit.

I have a Wolfgang Puck pressure cooker in my apartment that I'm too scared to throw out. Why? Because you're a terrorist or something? Yeah, my aunt wanted a casino and like I took one look at it, got it home like we're not using this. Oh, you still got that thing floating around? I remember when that went up.

Yeah, I still got that. Didn't her boat flooded or something, right? Something, right? There was some sort of sort of- She had a boat parked outside of the bargade and it flooded. That wasn't that though. That was just- That was a parking garage, weird thing.

She used to go down there a lot. They go down there on the weekends. And she's a high roller. So they give you stuff. They were like- Must have been a real high roller. Hey, hey, Dutz, take this fucking pressure cooker. This was the low way I got this stuff.

She had nice stuff. She had nice comforter and like all that. It's all that kind of stuff. That's a lot of high end stuff. Whatever they give away to gamblers. I don't- Well, I mean, he said comforter and rice cooker so far. Pressure cooker, there's a difference.

You can do multiple things in it. Yeah. But anyway. Only terrorism. Oh, yeah. I'm just scared to use it. I'm not putting it out much. I'm not doing that to my super.

End up on a list. He's going to have to report you. She got it at the goddamn casino. I'm sorry. Oh, God. Man. All right. Let's get back on track here with a couple of them.

Cues. Cues. Please. This is from Kemper. When was the last time you had to dig through your own trash at the curb? Because you lost something. Yeah.

I had my mom not too long, a couple of years ago. You hit them wet coffee grounds. Oh, man. It's better be something important. It's always that and a banana peel. Oh, nothing skis me out like that. Coffee grounds in the filter. There's coffee grounds in every trash can in America

right now for some reason. Even if you don't drink coffee, there's coffee grounds in there. My mom threw my keys out one time. Not too long ago. Is she Karen Hill? That's all we had, Karen. Why? What were you guys, were you fighting?

No, they were like on a newspaper. It was like on like a fucking something and like, you know. Oh, you're drinking? And a friend. Trying to keep you. You're not going to drive, Kippy. Don't go down there like that, Kippy. Come on.

Cool off first. But it was one of those things where I searched the whole house. I'm like, they were here fucking an hour ago. No one's left. What's happening? Oh, don't you love that where you know somebody touched it? Oh, yeah. It's over there.

Fuck it. Yeah. I'm still on the record. My stepdad stole a hundred dollar bill that I had one time. It was on the kitchen counter and he took it. Um, all right, let's get into another one here. We've recently touched on this a little bit, but this is from Johnny Trash.

Ever worked with a parent at a business that your family doesn't own? Is a tough look. Say that one more time, please. Have you ever worked with a parent at a business that your family doesn't own? Like if you and your mom are coworkers, that's a tough look. You do what you gotta do. But yeah, that's a tough look. Yeah, it's bad.

Unless, you know, you're in like high school and like you work at like where your dad works, like on the loading dock or something. That's a little different. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Anytime families are involved, because it's typically like a, that's a dirtbag thing.

And I've worked in those companies where it's like, they're hiring anyone. They're taking all you need is like a collar shirt in the interview. And they just like, I worked at this law firm that was like a pump and dump scheme. And it was dirtbags from all over Philly. And like, at one point I'm sitting there and I'm like, how does everybody know each other? Like, oh, that's my cousin. That's my aunt.

That's her sister. That's her mother-in-law. I'm like, oh, this thing here. Well, there's a 70-year-old and a 12-year-old working together. That's a tough look. You're working with a Wolfville Street Road. Yeah, Street Road, dude. Oh, man, driving in to work with your parents.

That's, you know, that's a tough look. Picking up your mom for work. Bump into her at happy hour. That's bad. Someone else recently talked about it. Did you ever like drop your parents off at work so you could have the car? Oh, fuck yeah. What are you, nuts?

Summertime's fucking the 90s. I'll get up and drop Patty off at the fucking, at the office. Be back around four to get you, honey. No problem. Zipping around. A blazer or something. What'd you have? She, we rocked.

Through the 90s, pretty solid. Patty rolled in exclusively. Tight blunts. The new Cypress Hill. Nissan Maxima. Always had the freshest one. Every three, every, you know, she leased them. Every three years, the weekends, those things.

That was like a race car when I was a kid. Those things were cool looking back in the 90s. Little bit. I always had very Russian mafia vibes to me. Hey, keep everybody on their toes. Always rocked them. She had a white one that was sick. Right before they changed them over, it was tight.

Looked like a Lexus, that's what I told people anyway. You know, it's the same body, same chassis. Yeah, that's always a real dirtbag. You know, Nissan owns Lexus. You know, it's the same line, same tire. Yeah, whatever. Kick rocks in your mom's car. I was whipping a 96 Chevy Lumina.

Big body. That thing was sweet. Paint falling off and all. All right, let's see here. Let's do a couple more. And we got a wrapper up. This one's from Brent Wall. First time, long time, never had a question read.

Do any of your condiments come in glass bottles or jars? Because that's classy. That's very classy. I don't think. No. Maybe one special salad dressing that she got on sale or something like that. Salad dressing tends to be glass, I feel maybe. Not ours.

I don't know. There's, I feel like there's always one like Thai chili sauce that's been in the fridge for like 19 years. There's some sort of special jam or something. Yeah. A jelly. You know, I started to notice with the kinds of salad dressings that my mom was buying for a while.

This is recently. Got me to Creamy Reach. That was big in my house. Oh, Honey Mustard. It was, dude, last summer. Look at that salad dressing. I think we're getting to the crux of the weight issue. No, that's what I was going to say.

You guys had any ketchup for my salad? All the salad dressings in my mom's house, whatever brand she has, they all say salad dressing and marinade. Oh, yeah. Big marinade. Teddy, good man. No, that's a one stop shop for dirt balls. Yeah.

Salad dressing. Salad dressing, marinade and conditioner. I'm telling you, to real, the Honey Mustard blow your hair back. But she would, because she would soak grilled, she would soak chicken in Honey Mustard and we'd do it on the grill. It comes out awesome. Yeah. Fuck's it, grill off though.

I've been there. Yeah, the grill's dirty after that. Yeah, you gotta wear a welder's mask when you're dropping it. I don't fuck it. That'll take the eyebrows off. Dude, that shit leaves skin on the grill like a motorcycle accident.

That's such an uncle move. Like, oh, little flare up. Yeah. Get back, get back. What'd I tell you? Yeah. Give me a plate. Oh, yeah.

I don't know what it is about a guy with a grill, but he's never got enough clean plates. Oh, no. I've had to pull that trigger. Tell him I had to get a plate. Quick. For some reason, you think you can't. I got a plate.

I got a plate. Out there, no tongs or nothing. Dude. Flipping with your hands. I've done that shit. He got a 40 trying to get to the back. Oh, that heats up real quick on the knuckles. Oh, yeah.

Ouch. I thought this happened to me the other night, and I thought I wanted to ask you guys, how do you get a frozen pizza out of the oven? I have a, I've recently. I get into the oven. Cook it in a shower with me. I have a, I like to eat it.

I like to dine in. I use like a, I have like a big knife that I'll like from the back and slide it out. Well, here's the thing. At my house, nothing can go into the oven. If something like that, if I'm like trying to heat up a piece of Ilios, she always demands that it goes on tin foil.

So it doesn't, the crumbs don't get to the bottom of the pan. Get out of here. And that tin foil, it's like space age. That shit cools off in like 0.2 seconds. I don't understand that. You can grab that right out of the oven. Yeah, but sometimes you get stuck on a bar. You're eating, you're eating some,

you're chewing some metal at the end of the day. Oh, you have to negotiate. Yeah. You do have to negotiate with the corners, especially on an Ilios. Spray it with a little Pam is what you should do. Oh, look at you. But if you use tin foil, you're getting a soggy bottom pizza.

Not super crisp. No, it's not true. It's not as crisp as if it's right on a grate. Everybody says right on the grate. You know what you should do? If you weren't a fucking bozo, you put. Stop eating pizza. Stop eating Ilios at 45 when you're,

when you're 400 pounds. Marinating in a honey mustard. Yeah, you take. The tin foil goes on the bottom of the bottom of the oven. I know that always sits there though. That's a toaster of that because that's because you come from a toaster oven family. We never did that though.

Oh, really? No. Oh, my friend's parents' houses that had toaster ovens. You wouldn't know. Wrapped up. Yeah. It was like you needed fucking an archaeologist to fucking figure out the layers.

It's like, you know, lady, clean this out before I put my fucking bagel bite in there. Were you? Jesus Christ. Sometimes it'll be at the 7-Eleven and fucking the airport. I didn't know where you were going to go with that. The airport wasn't your first choice. But it was the right choice.

Yeah, it was. Very funny. Very funny. Um, hang on a second. Okay. Were you a Pam family growing up? Because we weren't. That shit didn't come into our house until a couple years ago.

I would say maybe. That was rich people shit. Maybe high school. There was being a can floating around. I wasn't allowed to touch it. It was like that. No one, no one, that was like, I never, I never touched that. And then once I figured out what it was, I was like, Banksy.

Oh man. Every pan was getting it. Oh, dude, you cookin' egg. I was puttin', I was puttin' on top of toast. Yeah. Tellin' the shower. I'll dabble do you when it comes to Pam. I used to overuse the shit out of that when we started havin' it,

just to watch the egg slide around. Oh man. It's neat as a cleaning. You just put it right back in the fuckin' cabinet. I know, that's great. I love havin' a nice egg. A nice little pan makin' a single over-easy egg. Get a little flipped.

Yeah. Complicity. You know what? I had down the shore, which I don't know where they came. I think it was down the shore. They had the circle jawns with the little handle that makes the perfect circle fried egg. Yeah, you're in a McDonald's.

Yeah. You just, if you spray the inside of that with Pam, fuckin' crack the egg, cooks it right in there, take it out, flip it over, right on a baggie. Yeah, they started to, I think McDonald's is starting to become a little more honest about that, that they use them, and they're becoming a little more mainstream people who are usin' them.

What? Those little circle things. That's what McDonald's does. What do you mean the little circle things? That's what you're talkin' about, right? The little circle that did perfect egg cooks in the middle of it. Yeah.

It's like a little, it's like a cookie cutter. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what McDonald's uses. Okay. They're starting to become popular now with home use. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I feel like McDonald's is pushing out more that, like, as I've seen McDonald's commercials,

where they show them, where they're crackin' the egg in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I would say it was never real egg before. They're tryin' to get on the real egg. They're tryin' to push it through. They're definitely real eggs now. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't, I haven't had it in a long time.

Me neither. You know what, I don't know what we gotta get out of here. I believe, right, T-Bone? Yeah. Well, we used to use it just when we were talking about marinating the chicken was really trashy. We might've talked about this. Italian dressing.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Are you kiddin' me? What they would do, we had dinner. There was five things you were havin' for dinner. Montreal chicken. Per, oh. Montreal chicken.

T-Bone, hang on a sec. Throw it into neutral, baby. Montreal chicken was the first meal I had, where I was like, what the fuck is this? Dude, blew my fucking hair back. My mom would be like, Jay, who's gonna make the Montreal chicken for you? We used that shit on fuckin' everything

when we discovered it. Talkin' about the perfect combination of spices. I felt like an international traveler. Montreal, that's in Canada. But I give my dad credit. My dad's watchin' us right now. He brought Montreal steak seasoning in our house for the first time.

We used that every fuckin' meal for like two years straight. Steak, chops, mix some in the burger. It's really good. Yeah. Oh, that stuff was tight. You know what we had? This is really trash with the As Seen On TV Ron Popeal thing.

It was like a. He got you a pet. It was like you had to pull a Montreal seasoning on it. It was like a casserole dish, clear, plastic, whatever. You know, like Tupperware type thing. Had a lid with like a valve on it. And you would put the chicken in there with the Italian dressing.

And then like a hose at the top. And it would back. Fuck the fuck. It would pull all the air out. It would go. Yeah. And suck the air out. So like it was created like a vacuum.

So the idea was the Italian dressing got like infused in the chicken. It never worked. It was. Dude, that's the trashiest thing. It sounded like an air compressor. It sounded like you were blowing up your tires. Was it only for chicken and Italian dressing?

No, but I mean that's all we did. You could use something. Yeah, and inflating air mattresses. Yeah. It was a tough look. It was bad. Man. It was one of those things where like they were like,

check this out. You're like, there's nothing going to work. I do. I'll be honest with you. We thought that was good. But I remember me and my brother like, you know, we started to like, you know, like to eat. Like, you know, we got in like middle school

and high school and stuff like that. I'm not saying it was bad. I'm saying it was good. I'm saying the product. It was like, hey, check this out. Like there's no way this thing is going to fucking work. Yeah. Who'd you use?

We talked about this lightly. About the Italian dressing that has the glass bottle. Newman's. The white top. No, not Newman's. That was all Newman's. You mix it yourself. You mix it yourself.

Don't fucking, we went over this. Mix it yourself. Don't talk to me about Ken's. Yeah, the packet. Okay. Can't think of who it is. We used to have it in its own, in a bottle.

You would make it, I guess. That's what I'm talking about. Okay. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. I'm trying to get there with you. Twice-outdressing. It would be in like a vase type thing

with like a white lid with a clicks on. Exactly. Oh my God. I would never. It wasn't 4C, but it was somebody. I know we've mentioned it on the podcast. Real trash shit. Good seasonings.

I think it was there. I mean, that was, I barely, that was like six when that was happening. Yeah. Shit was all right. That little crystal light. Back when the living was easy, baby. On a nice summer night.

Folks, that's where we're going to leave you this week. Out on the porch anytime you want to say. Firework show starts in an hour. Just a little slice of Americana. Dang, we fucking love you. Yeah. Check out the special. Share with a friend.

Posted fucking everywhere. Thank you so much. The support has been so fucking awesome so far. I mean, everybody DMs, unless that's so good. Can't thank you enough. Yeah. Really, thank you so much. Keep sharing it.

New tour coming 2022. We're going everywhere, baby. Everywhere. We're going to be in fucking Denver, Salt Lake, Phoenix. Tampa. Detroit, Tampa, Orlando. Detroit, baby. Buffalo, Pittsburgh, everywhere.

Going back to Chicago. Chicago, Zany's, Rosemont. Go to the Rosemont, see what's going on up there. Let's do it. See how the Portillo's are up there. T-bone. Great job on the special, buddy. Great job, pal.

You guys, too. You guys fucking killed it, man. Fucking love you. All right. Peace.