Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Trashy Paparazzi w/ Kelsey Cook

Episode Date: March 2, 2023

Kippy and Foley are joined by the hilarious Kelsey Cook! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/hfoleycomedy/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AreYouGarbage PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Stamps.com: https://www.stamps.com/ Promo Code: Garbage Liquid IV: https://www.liquid-iv.com Promo Code: Garbage True Classic: https://www.trueclassictees.com Code: Garbage Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Game, you got a sellout alert on that Stay Trashy tour. Look out, we're adding shows, we're selling out shows, we're adding city, bring the squad. It's a good time, gang. Mix of stand-up comedy. And of course, you play the little L.A.Y.G with the crowd. Come out and see us. Yeah, the big man Ant-Lion, starting in March,

we're going to be in Baltimore, Virginia Beach, Richmond, Oklahoma City, Dallas, Texas, Houston, Texas, Austin, Texas. Sold out, second show out, and get those tickets. Get those tickets. Then in April, New Haven, Connecticut, Burlington, Vermont, then in May, we're going to Tampa, Florida. That sold out, we added another one. Let's go.

Then we're going to Dania Beach, Florida, then we're going to Raleigh, North Carolina. Then in May, we added Louisville, Kentucky. Get those tickets. Then in June, we have Cleveland and Columbus. Guys, tickets are moving. Don't snooze on it. Let's party.

We'll see you there. See you there. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.

This is Are You Garbage. Hey, yeah. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians, and we find that they're going to be classy. Yeah. But it is the big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day.

We're down here at Aunt Toody's basement. She keeps talking about this money she's got coming in. She doesn't know what she wants to do. She wants to put some on the street. She wants to get in the horse racing, the dog tracks. She's not really sure. Big meeting with her lawyer today. Great.

He's in prison. He's in prison. Yeah. I just bit you in the fist pump through the glass. So we'll see how it all shakes out. Great. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He's the CEO of Are You Garbage.

He's an international businessman. He's wearing an orange shirt for some reason. Give it up for KJ. Kevin James Wright. You're wearing a purple shirt for some reason. We're dressed like two idiots. Not the fall. What's up, everybody?

Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube as you know those numbers are. Truder out. Cook it. And obviously, the greatest gosh darn website of all time, www.patreon.com.

Maybe sign up over there. I think it's maybe 2.5 bajillion hours of content available over there on Patreon. So sign up, gang. A lot going on. Love that money. Having a nice quick shout out to our producer. Jesus.

How about a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire? The magic man makes us all look good. Works to ones. Works to twos. Crosses the T's and dots the I's. Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin. Toby McMullin, everybody. What's up, dudes?

What's up, T-Bone? Dude, great day. Beautiful sunshine. And we got a great guest. But let me tell you something. You walk into a bar. You see some cash on one of the bar games. You walk away if this bar's on the sticks.

For sure. The hustler, baby. The hustler. And the flesh. We got Paul Newman in here. Gang, the long hair ain't lying. Because we couldn't be more excited to have her incredibly. And I mean incredibly special guest.

Back with us again today. She's family at this point. She's on tour right now. You know her. You love her. She has a brand new special available over there on her website that you got to check out entitled Dossler. And it'll be on YouTube March 9.

Do us a favor. Give it up for Kelsey Cook, everybody. Let's go. Let's go. Thanks for having me back. Thank you for coming. This is great. Oh my god.

Broad on the sticks is maybe my favorite introduction ever. That's the next tour. Broad on the sticks. Yes. That's pretty good. Honestly. Yeah. I didn't even hear that.

Let's get the shirts. Let's get the merch going. I do love it. The Broad on the sticks makes me feel so much cooler than I am. I like that. It is cool. I really like that. Wearing all leather, smoking sunglasses at night.

Like the Black Widow. Yeah. By the way, real quick, how do I turn the headphones down a little bit? I do that for you right here. Oh, beautiful. Coming in hot. I've never seen your ankles before, Toby.

Showing a little skin. Yeah, I don't know if I like it. That's a nice ankle. That's a nice ankle. It's a family program. You put those away. Also change my shirt to green in post. I'm a little self-conscious now.

Maybe black. Just put me in a black team. I like it. I like it. Take it easy, pumpkin. Buddy, congratulations on the special. Thank you. Very excited to tour.

You're killing it. You're all over the place. We love it. Thank you for coming. You said before we started, you got a little paparazzi stalking you. Well, and I have to preface this. It is not a me thing.

There should not be paparazzi for me under any circumstances. Did you punch one of them? I'm not doing it. It's kind of legal, actually, to be looking at. You smashed a camera. That's what I would have done. I would have went bald with all of them. I went with my family.

I was at the helium in Philly. And the club manager told me as we pulled up, he's like, just so you know, on Saturdays here at the club, there are a couple paparazzi that show up to get pictures of comics to try and sell the gutty images. What does that mean? How bad is the Philly paparazzi? What's he do?

He's got a day job for sure. That guy ain't living off Philly paparazzi there. That's a Chipotle during the day. Yeah. There's definitely a cold pizza sitting on that front seat that was supposed to be delivered an hour ago. Also, we were there and nobody took pictures of us. No.

No, paparazzi showed up. And I just don't. My mom was there. I'm like, who is buying this? Like the headline being like comic clocks in, like nobody cares. Kelsey Cook confused doing the things she does every weekend. And so they took these pictures of me. I was so startled.

I've never had this happen. And I walked in. Are they out there with the flashes and all that stuff? I mean, like they really like. Kelsey, over here, over here, over here. They like got in my face. It was it was a whole ambush feeling. And then I walked in to the shows.

I looked online the next day and I have to. I wonder if we can like pull it up for you guys to see. What is it? OK, so do Kelsey Cook, Philly, maybe. Yeah, Kelsey Cook. And see what comes up. Kelsey Cook spits on photographer. Come here.

If you do, or like comedian Kelsey Cook in Philly or something, or I think the title was like celebrity science, which you can guess. Wait, it made a website? It's on Getty Images. But you guys have to see the. I used to steal those for college. I always wanted one of those Getty Images.

OK, so you have to see the photos. Click on the link. Comedian Kelsey Cook. Now scroll to the bottom. It's not a horrible picture. No, that one's not bad. But you have to see. Oh, they got you a lot.

Click on that. What the hell? Wow. Look at how dirty they did me. That's Midwest. They took a picture just of your shoes. What's up with that? That's Midwest, their mom running out to smoke a sing

and grab the mail. That's those shoes. The sat. Like these are full janitor. Comedian picks up kids. It's very Kate plus eight meets janitor. Wow. That's not great.

It's really bad. And let me see the other ones. I got one ankle showing. Yeah, that's not great. The one you got bags, though. Where are the bags from? Anywhere fancy? You do look kind of famous in this.

But that just look disheveled. That's a McDonald's bag. That's sweet green. And you got an empty bottle of water in your purse. That ain't all right. I take it back. But you are. There is like a you're getting out of a black car,

a black Uber. Well, it's just that was the comic manager. It was the bus boy. I've got my mom's care. I've got something for everything. You don't get the plates. All right.

My my coat is from Cole's. Oh, man. These boots are from DSW. They're so, so janky. And that's funny, though. I went on Jim and Sam this morning and they saw the picture and they're like, yeah, but that's just what you were to walk in.

And then like you put on like actual. No, you were that on stage. That's what I were on stage. Here's the thing. The way they very confused here. You look like you're learning how to walk. The way they take the pictures, though, they're going to use these photos

when you murder somebody. Yeah, because they have like, you're not like smiling or whatever. You're just you're just doing your thing. But like that one right there, that picture right there. If you murder somebody, that's what they're showing. You look a little angry, a little disheveled,

just like, you know, a little like you're in my face. A little Brittany. Yeah, Chelsea Cook kills again. Brought on the sticks, hot and filling. Yeah. So anyway, that picture of the boots made me laugh so hard and I figured you guys. That's great.

I kind of want, that's why I put my orange shirt on it. I thought I was going to run into some paparazzos. You got to get the image though. I mean, that's pretty sweet. I always wanted one of those. That's when you know you're making it. Oh, thanks. Again, it's for such silly reasons.

It's like just going to work. Yeah, going to work for like a half sold room or whatever. Sunday night. You know what I mean? You're like, yeah. You guys have to be lost. This is not the person that is going to make you munt. No, he's paying $500 for the picture.

That's the price, right? I just sold. That's the price. $499. We should buy one and put it in the studio. That's what Jim and Sam said. They wanted to pick the shoe one. Yeah.

Just the shoe one. That's all right. I thought you were Jonah Hill coming in, man. I get confused for him a lot. Yeah, we look a lot alike. I can see it. Yeah. That's great.

Yeah, that's good stuff. But what else? You said you had a few things that you were here. You had a very, we thought you were going to come in prim and proper, I believe, right? Oh boy. You ended up being a real dirtbag. Miss Reddown.

Which we respect. That's welcome to the party, baby. That's what I'm saying. But then you said you left and things have came back to you that we missed. Which I'm always interested to hear. Now, were you hiding them at the time? No.

Or you just, they popped back into your psyche at some point. Yeah, they didn't come up. And then it's one of those things where once it's brought to your attention how garbage you are. It's everywhere. It's everywhere. You had the animals outside, I believe, right?

My mom would feed raccoons. Yeah. Yeah, raccoon lady. Yeah, anybody needs the cliff notes. Her mom fed raccoons. Basically by hand, yeah. We also, I think, covered that my grandma who had started to not, oh, my great-grandma had not had all her wits about her

toward the animals feeding us like cat food. Right, yeah. She was feeding you cat food. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you eat one? Well, I remember I bit into one and it was like, this is not. Yeah, I would freak out, man.

I get a little bit of that on my finger when I'm feeding the cat, I fucking lose it. It's such an icky texture and just the smell. Yeah. OK, so. That can't surround you with it. That can dog food. Yeah, it's rough.

But dried dog food's not that bad. Have you eaten it? When I was a kid, yeah. Sure. I ate that. There's mom's deodorant. I did. I used to lick her roll on deodorant.

I don't know why it tasted good. It was secret. OK. It was disgusting. I mean, that is so, there's so many things to unpack here. Yeah, to me, it's not just like I liked the way it tastes. I think it was a bit of a, you know, he's a big mom's boy. Yeah, I was going to say.

There's like something. What is he talking about? I don't know. I used to eat dirt, too. There's something for it. You're a fat guy, I don't know. You're a little fat guy. You eat a lot of shit.

You got to wash down the deodorant. How to get that mom taste out of my mouth. You can get that rose puddle back on my tongue, yeah. OK, so this is just like a few random things. Have you guys ever stayed at a double tree hotel? Yeah. OK, so you know that they've got like the magic cookie drawer? The cookies.

They do. In the front, right? In the front. Which is about it with them. It is. It's kind of where it. But double tree's fancy, right? I always thought it was fancy.

No, it's like. Oh, man, I'm all over the place. That's like an Olive Garden thing. Or like a Red Lobster where you're young and you're like, oh, shit, we're going to Red Lobster. And I was like, kid, I think if you stay in a double tree, you're like, oh, we're staying at double tree. And then you get a really nice.

My brother moved next to one, and we used to brag. And that was like the landmark. Where's Danny's new apartment? Right next to the double tree. I thought it was like a 4C at a number in it. I thought it was like the 4C. No. Yeah, I didn't know.

Traveling. I'm learning now that it's trashy. Traveling, salesmen, and divorcees. I don't know if it's trash, but it's not like. It's not a luxury hotel. It's not a courtyard Marriott, let's be honest. Let's be honest, yeah. But they nice?

They're pretty nice. OK. I really don't know. Courtyard's no good? I think they're fine. What about a Hampton Inn? I like a nice Hampton Inn. They're pretty solid.

Nice bowl. Sure, yeah, yeah. You do the continental breakfast? Will you go down there and have a little bit of powdered eggs? I'll do like if they've got like a hard boiled egg or just like a bandana. Really? I feel like that's like the same as that.

But that is not a continental breakfast. That's just a regular breakfast. It's like a safe bet. I just, I've had too many weird food allergies. All that stuff. It's also very true. I wouldn't trust a hard boiled egg unless I saw it made. I can't do it.

But you'll have like powdered scrambled eggs? Yeah, they're pretty good. But you'll like trust that more than a hard boiled egg? I mean, I know it's, I mean, it's deodorant. This guy's all over the road. I know, I can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who are you?

Why am I asking you? There's something about hard boiled, you don't know when they made them. I know they made those eggs that morning or the night before. Maybe. But a hard boiled egg, that could be sitting there forever. That could have been a stray. It could have been.

Sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't know. That's true. Couple of days old. They should put the date on them. Right? Put the date on those things. The guy who's setting up continental,

he just pulls them out of his backpack pocket. They're just smushed and warm. Like, oh, great. Okay, so anyway, I used to stay in double trees. Sometimes as a kid, growing up for like foosball tournaments and stuff like that. Sure, gotcha. Family vacations.

And I'd get so excited over those cookies. The cookies. And then I realized as an adult, that you can still go in, and even if you're not staying there, you can just ask for cookies and they'll just give you free cookies. And you'll do that? Really?

I did do that a couple times. Not in like, super recent years, but probably in my 20s. And I thought about that, I was like, that's a pretty garbage thing to do. That you, like, want a cookie so badly from there that you'll just go in. Like, if you're a near one and get a free cookie. Would they ask you if you're staying here?

No. You just walk up to the thing. Can I have a cookie, please? They probably thought you were crazy first. And then just wanting to get you out of the lobby, they had people to check in. They saw my shoes. Yeah.

That's local comedian, Kelsey Cook. Give her whatever she wants to get her out of here. She's deranged. Comedian Kelsey Cook steals cookies. On the loose. From hard working room. Your next picture's going to be a purple walk. Wait, okay.

Here's my thing of why I wouldn't do, I don't like doing stuff like that. I have bad things. I don't want to get caught and then have the embarrassment of like, sir, what room are you in? And then maybe like, 904. And he's like, this is a six-story building.

I can't deal with the rejection. That would make it, I'd go, I'll go pay $100 for a cookie, even if I don't have $100 on a cookie, to not be shamed and embarrassed. Are they that good? It's usually oatmeal raisin. No, no, no.

Are they chocolate chip? No, no, no. It's a chocolate chip. It's a chocolate chip walnut. She's stretching it all for an oatmeal raisin. Oh my God, listen. You got to roughly take my cats away from me for an oatmeal raisin? No, it's a chocolate chip walnut.

They're like really famous. They're so good. They're so good. Not for you. Nah, can't do. I'd rather have an oatmeal raisin, to be honest with you. You know it's the best, you know.

Oatmeal chocolate chip. Yeah, that is good. That's the best cookie. A little cinnamon in it. I'm a chocolate old spice kind of guy. That's just going to say. A little dabble, do you? Just a touch of athlete's foot spray.

That's the way I like it. There's not much I'll do for free. Yeah. And I think that was a big thing. My parents grew up pretty poor. Yeah. So they were like, it was like a pride thing for them, of like, we don't accept free stuff,

like we don't accept handouts. Oh, I see. It was like a very like, that's not for us. I might have told them. I can't remember if I was trying to be sneaky, or if I just had said, hey, like, I'm not staying here, but I really love your cookies. Like, can I just get a cookie?

That I would respect. I think that's what I did. I will say I only did it a couple times. But I know, I know. I think I only did it a couple times, but I don't know. I just thought I was kind of a genius. Hey, I'm a huge loser. Can I have a cookie, please?

Hey, yes. Hey, I'm really down on my luck here. I love cookies. I love cookies. I love those cookies, man. OK. So that's pretty, I feel like. If you have to buy cookies from the supermarket,

what are you buying? I love Tates. You're Tates. Tates. But that's new. That's new. That's new money. Shit.

That's they weren't like old school. What were you rocking back in the day? Like an Oreo chips ahoy. I'll give it to you. Yeah. Chips ahoy is all right. I love a chip ahoy. Yeah, yeah.

Put that in milk. The chocolate chips get real hard, and the cookie gets real bushy. Now, have you heard of this phenomenon? And I've tried it, and it is. You run Oreos under the sink? Has we ever talked about this? What?

What are you? What? I'm telling you, it's not the milk flavor. It tastes just like you've dipped it in milk. I don't know if we can ever speak again like that. I tried it just to try it, just because we saw it online or something. It's a thing of people running Oreos under the sink,

and it's not so much the milk flavor that you're tasting when you dip it in milk, except like the chemical changes are getting wet. What part of Russia was this video? It was wartime, I must say. This is crazy. I'm not co-signing. I'm just saying it does.

It is a bit of a phenom. I don't like it. You got it, T-Bone? I don't like it. You sure don't. Oh my god. I don't like it. Cut this!

Find out I'm an alien. I remember when I found out that when Sadam Hussein was... Just me and him in a hole? He was a big double-stuff guy. Wow. Hated walnut chocolate chip. No, they said one of his favorite snacks was, he would take Doritos and he would put water on them.

And he liked eating them like that. When I heard that, I was like, hang that motherfucker. Yeah, I just don't understand. Makes him like... Might as well be spitting on the flag. That's like chili killies or something. Yeah, can you dip Oreos in water?

Stuff with a bunch of Oreo cookies and no milk? Don't worry, just dip them in some water. Michelle says it tastes great and not weird. If the hotel that you're not standing at is... Michelle's picture is just Kevin in a wig. I'm like, okay. I got the same answer. He just like is going to all these lengths to not be an alien.

And Michelle, does Michelle have Kevin's eyes? This does feel like you're trying to control the narrative. And it's not weird. It says I'm right. You got hit by a Getty's image guy with an Oreo in the sink? You hired a focus group? Oh my God. I'm telling you, I'm just saying.

Oh, that's pretty classy. Use a fork. I've seen that. You put a fork in and dip them so you can get the whole thing. Right here, Oreos soaked in water. Yeah, I'm telling you, man. Whatever, try it out there. Report back in the comments.

Articles on porousguy.com. Loser.net says it's cool. I'm not cosying for the record. I'm telling you, I've seen it and I experimented. About to walk out of here. We had Toby start our own podcast. Oh man. Okay.

What was it? Do you have another one? I had a couple other ones. So I love it. I didn't try a tamale until two years ago. And I didn't know that you aren't supposed to eat the corn husk. Jesus. I gotta give you that.

I've never had one because I was always unsure if you're supposed to eat them or not. Thank you. Yeah, no. I'm right there with you. So. I almost broke a tooth. They are very tough to try to get through.

I think it's overdone. It's like eating a football. Yeah, I was over the sink just like. They should have put some water on it. Been eating shrimp tails her whole life. I didn't know what to do with them. That's crazy. Shout out to a tamale.

And you just mentioned what was the thing that you mentioned the soggy Doritos? Oh, chili killies. Which we had for the first time. What's that? Oh, one of my favorites. It's such a good dish. It's when the tortilla chip is like soggy

and they put it inside stuff. We had it at the place in LA that we walked to and had breakfast. It is phenomenal. It's they're like cooked in sauce. And so they get a little soggy and they put eggs on it and. Right. Yeah.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Big fan. That's bad. Big fan. Super good. Big fan. I just feel like in my defense, like tacos, burritos,

there's a, you know, a tortilla situation. So I thought that that was just the same. It's the same. Were you by yourself or were you with other people? By myself. Sure. You didn't. You couldn't get it down, right?

No. I couldn't even get through it. And I was just like, what the hell the fuck do I eat? What the hell's wrong with these goddamn tamales? I could like. Mine's got bark on it. I had a Google, like an idiot, like the whitest person on the planet.

How do you eat a tamale? How do you eat Mexican food? That feels so strange to me. It's just like a diaper then. You just open it and eat the inside. Yeah. What's on the inside? I've never opened one up.

Really? It's just kind of like the inside of a burrito. It's cool. Okay. So I figured there was another wrapping in there. No. See, I don't really get it. What?

It's like cornmeal. It's like soft cornmeal and meat mixed together. It's like opening up a burrito. No, it's cornmeal. I'm saying there's nothing. You open it up to the thing that you eat with a fork. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

Okay. You open it up. It's like picture like polenta. It's like a thicker version of polenta. You're getting caught up on the contents of the burrito while I'm getting caught on the structural thing. You're talking about the method. Like you open it up and then the food you eat is in there.

Yeah. Yeah. You like to eat it with a fork. Yeah. He's like, no, it's polenta. Yeah, I understand it's not a burrito. Okay. I'll give you that.

I'm weird on food. I don't understand a lot of food. I was a very picky eater for a long time. And there's just certain things that I've missed forever that I go, I don't mess with that. Stamps.com, Baldi. Stamps.com. Woo!

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I cannot. Poorly. Oh, I'm so bad stabbing it. I'm OK. I hit a certain amount of... It takes me four hours to eat a bowl of rice. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's how you're eating a tamale? How kind of place is this? Sometimes when I'm on, I'm on. And I'm like, you know what I mean? If I have like two beers in me and I'm not thinking about it, I'm in a flow state. I'm just grabbing it. I'll grab a fly if I need to.

But certain nights, man, I'm all thumbs. I've gotten so much better with them. I'm like Miyagi with those things. I could grab a wasp. King. Wow. Kevin's like, same with bowling and chopsticks. That's how I am.

We're like, some nights on bowling, I'm a fucking dying knight. For all rocks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some days it's just gutters and that's the same with chopsticks with me. It's like, some days I got this down. Yeah, yeah.

It's just off. Yes. It's got to be absent some mind. You can't be thinking about it. You just got to be fucking, you know. In there. Yeah. You're right.

Like a quarterback in the Super Bowl, baby. Just execute. Yeah. You do maybe need like a little buzz, like a little alcohol. Yeah, to get out of your head. Yeah, but when you really, if somebody just was like, teach me how.

I'd be like, ugh. I don't even think I'm doing it right. I do it in a version that works. I'll say this. I'm better with, I've seen you operate a fork. It's not much better. Oh no, I'm bad. I'm not good.

I'm better with the wooden ones. I'm not good with anything. I'm better with the wooden ones. The metal ones, forget about it. I feel like I'm doing surgery. Yeah. You ever catch the metal? Why are you looking at me like that?

No, I don't. What do you mean? No, I never use metal chop. I don't think, I don't know where you think I'm eating, that I'm getting metal chopsticks. The Korean barbecue is probably going to use metal chopsticks. I asked for a fork.

This is America. Do you really? No. If someone else does, maybe I'll, I'll, you know, I'm not going to be the first guy to be like, give me a fork. Yeah. If there's a child at the table, I'll say it's for him.

I feel like if you order a cheeseburger, at a Chinese restaurant, or a Mexican restaurant, that's pretty garbage. Sure. But they do some good at the Mexican spots. Really? They, oh man. Yeah.

A little bit of jalapeno, some cheddar cheese. Really? They do them all right. It's like kind of, it's like adopted as their, you know. Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. In Barguesa.

Yeah. Okay. Fantastic. Yeah. Spice to it. The Chinese spots in Philly, shout out to Temple Star, they're chicken fingers and fries. Unbelievable.

Or like, it's, and they're like $1.50. It's crazy. I lived on them the whole time I was in college. It's like, they're so good. I've mentioned this too. This is an underrated thing. I don't know if it's, it might only be in New York, but the Chinese spots here, they make homemade iced tea

and homemade lemonade. Fucking lights out. Pocahola might die. Woo! They come in the big courts. Yeah. Yeah. Top shelf.

What else you got? Okay, this is my last thing. I think you guys have asked people before about if they have ever owned exotic animals. Sure. So I grew up with a chinchilla for like. Oh, you fat Joe. What is a chinchilla?

A chinchilla. I didn't know you had Middle East oil money. Yeah. We got one at a pet store in Spokane when I was eight. Her name was Josie and she lived. Oh, they're kind of cute. They're so cute. They're kind of cute.

I mean, they're not hideous. They're like a fluffy squirrel. It's like a weird rabbit. It's like a weird, yeah. Yeah, like a squirrel rabbit. A rabbit grew up next to a power plant. But those got the amateurs. They're like a stranger thing.

Yeah. But they live for like 16 years. They have a crazy long lifespan. So she lived for a long time, but for a while we would let her just run around a room. Like there was like an extra bedroom and we just kind of let her run around. This makes me sound like I have.

Is there furniture in that room? So there was like a bookshelf. Okay. And. It read? It's revolving. Very. That chinchilla is very well read.

We realized that they chew on wood. And so we came home one day and looked and she had like chewed through the Bible. And we're like, oh, we're all going to hell. God damn devil brought the god damn devil in this house. Yeah. But she like ate through a bookcase. Jesus.

Like it was it was pretty crazy. So yeah, but I just feel. Are they expensive chinchillas? I mean, the Spokane Pestor. I don't think they were. Probably not. Probably. I know they're they're furs.

They got chinchilla. Chinchilla fur. They are 15 grand. I'm looking at one right now. Oh, yeah. For the fur. The coat. No, for the.

Yeah. For the coat. All right. To get one as a pet. It was probably next to nothing. That's probably a lot of chinchillas you got to use. Yeah. Because they're little guys.

I know. That's shame, man. Man. It's really sad. They're such sweet creatures. But yeah, I feel like that was a very. I'm sweet. I ate the god damn Bible.

The holy book. The funny thing is we pulled on a scarf right now. Yeah. What was the name? Josie. Josie. All right. That was her name at the pet store.

And we just kept it. Was that her primary spot was in that room? Would you just literally just. Or did you have a did you have a cage for it? We had a cage for her. But I mean, we I think she lived through like two different moves. And so one house she had some more.

Move the chinchilla. Yeah. But they they can't get their fur wet. So they take dust baths. So we would keep shoeboxes and you pour this special dust in a shoebox and you stick it in their cage and they go and they roll around in it in a bunch of types. Why can't they get their fur wet?

I think it makes them sick. I think it's like some sort of sort of. I just got my herd did some sort of temperature regulation. Maybe I don't know. Really. But yeah, anyway, it just it all feels very like Joe exotic. It's a little garbage.

Yeah. No, it is anything that these they're cute. I'll give you that. But I mean, if you got animals that are eating the Bible and doing dust baths. Oh, I know. That's not classy. Well, my mom is feeding raccoons.

It's like that's not a great combo. That's great. I love getting the tables turn on us a little bit. All trash. 100%. Yeah. I mean, the cookies down the line. Down the line.

Yeah, I think good. The cookies is kind of sweet. I get it. Thank you. I get the cook. No, you go buy a cook. The tamales. I mean, that's just.

I'm with you on the tamales. If they didn't come with a set of instructions, how are you supposed to do that? That's the thing. Who's supposed to teach me? Yeah. You know how to eat pizza, don't you? Oh my god, damn America.

It's Italian. Oh, this guy's breaking my balls. All right. Let's do some cues. We're going to do some cues in a Patreon with Kelsey here. Again, new special out over on our website. Check it out. It's going to be available on YouTube March 9th.

One of the best out there on tour. Go see her. We love her. You love her. Fire away, kid. I don't like when you build it up and then just fucking throw the e-brake on. We're all off today.

So it's the shirt. It is weird sitting next to you with that shirt on. I've worn it next to you before. You guys look fantastic. It's so great for camera. I feel like these colors together. We're like a really nice. Let's get out of here.

We do. We do. We do. We do. Yeah. We do. Yeah. This is the most colorful we've ever been.

Yeah. I just picked these up. We look like a boy band in the 90s where it's like very colorful, you know what I mean? Everybody's yellow on the red. We've got a little pop of everything. I like it. All right.

Let's get into it over there. When you sign up for Patreon, we'll answer your garbage question on the air. It's just the best way to do it. All right. This one's from Jason. $10 homie. Never had one red.

Did you ever have your addresses spray painted on your trash cans? For sure. No. I forgot where you grew up. Was it more rural or suburban? Like what was the? So Spokane for the first like eight years and then Chini,

which is kind of in the boonies. It's like in the wheat fields. I remember that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So no one's, I mean, no one's running up and stealing your

trash cans. No, but I always lived in neighborhoods. Like it was very, I don't know. Residential. Yeah. Very residential. We always had the house number spray painted on there. So nobody got cute.

We had them in Sharpie. Just, yeah, same thing. Just in case. Okay. I don't think I had that. Now, most people now. The trash place, the trash people. They provide them.

Yeah. They give you the trash people. The trash people. No, it's true. The sanitation company. Yeah. Is that what it is? The trash.

Yeah. Yeah. Trash truck. Yeah. So don't we know this? You guys feel like you're having this. You guys feel like you're having this. We look like fakes.

I think there's a gas leak in here to be honest. There is something. Teddy's taking us down. My mom just got a new one. And it's the size of a fucking telephone booth. They're huge. Yeah. The trucks hook them up now and dump them in.

So they don't have to do them by hand anymore. Oh, wow. Yeah. We've not seen those. Um, they're huge. But yeah, I remember writing in Sharpie, real bad. And it's like, who's going to steal though? You'd see them outside.

They would though. They'd steal them back in the day. In the 80s and 90s, they take them. The kids would take them. But for why? I don't know what they do with them. Yeah. Making gravity bongs or something.

Yeah. I don't know. Keep their chinchillas in there. Can't chew through them. We also never had lids. Lids lasted for maybe a week. Sure. And then the lids were gone.

A storm would hit or something. We'd use garbage can lids to sled. Yeah. That was big. Yeah. The metal ones are plastic. Both. Muddle if you wanted to really cook.

Yeah. If you wanted to really get the cruising out. You take the handle off, right? Yeah. Yeah. And it goes, we used to take the handle and put it on the other side and pretend like I was Captain America.

There's a couple weeks ago. All right. Just on some Luke Kang, $5 dirt back here. How trash is it to drive to a nicer neighborhood to use the 24-hour fitness center there? I respect that. I respect that, too. Yeah.

Yeah. You gotta fake it to make it. You know what I mean? Play the part. How do you get in there though? If you belong to it. So he drives past the one in his shitty neighborhood. Yeah.

And goes to the, it's like going trick-or-treating in a rich neighborhood. Oh, I got you. I respect that. So instead of using the planet fitness in his town, he uses it town over. Yeah. I thought it was.

Like the hoity-toities. I thought it was a community that had like a free fitness center. No. That's what I thought. Uh, no. I respect going to the nicer grocery store. I'm going to the nicer gym. For sure.

The nicer pizza place. Whatever it is. Yeah. We had, so my neighborhood where I grew up, our neighborhood was built, I think, in like the 50s. And then in the 70s or 80s, a newer part of the neighborhood was built. And they were nicer homes.

Yeah. So when you come down my, when you come to the street that I live off of, if we had company where we were like bringing somebody to the house for the first time, we take them the nice way. Show off the good. Show off the new neighborhood. Sure, sure.

I wouldn't do that because then in comparison, your place looks shitty. It always backfired. Yeah. You should take them through like the apartment complex. You should get lost on the way. And now make a loud, my bad. You show them the wrong side of the tracks.

I remember bringing a girl home or something like that. When you went through the neighborhood, she's like, oh, these houses are night. What the fuck? Do me a favor. Those blindfold on? Yeah. Why is it dark out all of a sudden?

It's a beautiful sunny day. Oh, it's raining over your house. You're shooting out the street lights on your vlog. God damn city. Oh my God. Yeah, I respect that move too. I think you got to hustle. You got to fuck.

It's also like, yeah, why not if you're paying for it? Well, there's also such a psychology with working out. Like if you're going to a place that looks like shit, that you feel like shit being in. Yeah, sure. You're not going to be as likely, I think, to want to get motivated to do it. It's also a very good point.

Pretty good. Just start going to a gym in Beverly Hills. Be over at the White House working out. Try to get this guy motivated, baby. Yeah, people talk about that with workout clothes. If you wear clothes that fit you well, that are a little higher quality, you feel more, you know. I just did that.

I got a peloton to try to lose some pounds. He wears a suit. Feeling a gentleman. Dry cleaning bills are through the roof. Like, what did you do with that? I got a new one every day. But it's the same thing. And I bought just because I was just working out

in like basketball shorts and whatever. Not even expensive, just like actual workout clothes. What are you wearing? A lululemon? No, I just got it off Amazon. Tight? We're a G-street. Amazon has some good lululemon dupes, I will say.

Oh, really? You were like a third of the price. My little hoodie is one of those. It's a lululemon dupes. Nice. Which is also trash. Dupes is a fire term. I've never heard that.

That's great. Really? For duplicate, that's great. For knockoff, I love it. Oh, wow. I didn't coin it. That's definitely like out there. That's out there.

Yeah. It's your head. I don't think so, Toby. But yeah. Yeah, you do. You do feel better. Yeah, I feel like an athlete. I feel like I look like an athlete, I should say.

It's backer because I think a lot of us. The Gatorade Squirt Pottle. Yeah, I do have a belt on Squirt Pottle. Hey, Kate with the system. I'd be stupid not to use it. When we were kids, we would just, on like a Saturday, my parents, we would just drive around to like nicer neighborhoods and just drive around.

Chase the joint and just look at the nice houses. Yeah. And feel wealthy for a while. Yeah. Yeah. Take your chase out of the neighborhood. Just back down. Kate, let's talk about that true classics.

Ooh, we talk about an instant classic. Yeah, they got the boxer briefs now. They got it all, man. I can squeeze into them. They're comfy. Uh-huh. Call it a sexy underwear. Walking around the house, go get the mail.

I wear the T's in the house and the bird likes to sleep in them. Very top quality, very comfortable. Soft, too. But not that soft where it shows all the nooks and crannies on your body. It's soft to touch, but still sturdy enough to keep you, keep you looking like a unit. It's good stuff.

I can't squeeze into them yet, but that's my goal, is to be able to wear true classics. Sure. Start flexing on people. Yeah. Show to pipes. They got everything. Polos to workout clothes is the big man set boxer brief.

True classic has everything to upgrade your look. Premium clothing without the premium price. They have long options for the tall guys up to triple XL, baby. There you go. Get comfortable and get going and upgrade your wardrobe with true classics. I got one on right now. Check it.

Look at you. Get 25% off at trueclassics.com with code garbage, free shipping included on purchases over $100. That's 25% off at trueclassics.com slash garbage, 100% risk-free guarantee, 30-day return policy. You can't go wrong. I've been a customer since before they were an advertiser. I've been, for years, I've been buying them.

They're fantastic. You like getting laid? Got some true classics. It's look good, feel good season. Get on board. Now, back to that gosh darn show. Back to the show. Yeah, you think with working out that you should wear

like your nastiest, grossest clothes with holes in them because you're like, well, I'm going to get sweaty and gross. But then you feel like shit when you put it on. It's like low self-worth clothing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you want to feel good about yourself. Do you have any expensive clothes or do you have any expensive pieces?

Jackets? Any clothes? Shoes? Said the jacket was from Coles. I mean, my jacket was from Coles. I've seen your getty images. I know you're not. You know my name and Marcus.

No. I really do. I'm not great at like. What about the bag in the picture? Nice. It was a nice green bag. Oh, that was like 100. That's like, but again, like people do designer person

for like five grand. I don't, I could never do that. You know what I did spend? I love it. Money on. I got a litter robot. It's a robot litter box. You're going to say like a fucking Porsche or something.

No. You got a room book. Congratulations. It's a self-scooping litter box. And they're fucking, they're so expensive. What did that set you back? It was like 600 bucks. Jesus, man, you are free cookies.

I'll tell you that. 600. You're making cash. Are you flying up front? Are you thinking that 600 is cheap? That's, yeah. He's also very bad with money. So you got to gauge it.

You seem very fiscally responsible, conservative, level-headed. I'll get three of those right now. I've seen him take a loan to go on vacation. Okay? He called it a small business loan. I'm still paying it off. It's like a student loan.

And I'm like, what? It was not that long ago. Oh my God. This show was successful. It was last year. Oh my God. I still owe seven Gs on it. I'm making the minimum payments.

So yeah, sorry if he stuck his nose up at your $600 kitty litter. Oh my God. I feel like when I came on the first time, I shared my credit score and my credit credit limit. And you guys were like, whoa, that's like the craziest credit. I think my credit score is like eight. That's really tough.

Yeah, she's solid. I'm like 720 now. Okay. But that was, we started the show, I was 535. Okay, that's great. And your credit limit was what? It's up there, right? It's up there.

30? I think it's 25. Damn. But yeah, I mean to me, 600 for a litter box? That's like a lot of money. Sure. No, it is. You're not wrong.

Okay. You're just in a Foleyville for the first time. Welcome to town. His house is in the bed part of the back. I'm going to drive you through the nice houses. The way you set it up, I thought it was going to be like a couple of G's or something like that.

No, I just think it for what it is, like a regular litter box is like $20. But self-scooping, that's so nice. You only have to change the tryout like once a week because it just scoops it and puts it in a little shelf. Yeah, it's, I hate scooping litter. How many cats you got? Two.

And just moved in with my boyfriend. He's got a golden doodle. So no, it's just a, just a circus. Those are great. Where are you based out of now? I just moved to Minneapolis. Minneapolis. Nice.

Love it. It's good for the road. You can be bop and skate. You're in the middle. It's perfect. And he's a touring comic too. So it's weird. Like once you realize that you're on the road

more often than you're not, you're like, oh, where are you? Like the airport situation is so crucial. Shout out to Queens. LaGuardia Airport is three feet away from us. That's huge. We're flying in out of LaGuardia. Terminal D.

Wee. Right, Deebo? Yes, sir. Clean living, baby. Yeah. And Minneapolis is so central. Like flights are pretty short. Time zone changes aren't crazy.

That's why I never understood. Flying back from the west coast to go work the road is that you got to leave a day early. Even when you leave, you're like, I got the early flight. I have a 10. You're like, I landed in New York at 855 p.m. Yeah, that's fucking suck.

I was losing, I mean, by the end of the year, I was on the road for like an extra month if you just totaled up how many weekends I would have to fly in a day early. That's nuts. You flying up front? What are you doing? So I'm Delta.

And I get the upgrades. Shout out to all. Are you guys Delta too? Yeah. Yeah, you gotta be. You gotta be up there. What are you, Diamond? I was right about to hit Diamond

before the end of the year. I was platinum. Whoa. That's pretty good, though. Thanks. What are you guys? I'm gold. Okay.

I'm silver, I think. Okay. But you'll get it. This guy's wood. Fucking jamming me up. I'm just happy to be there. Foil is aluminum foil. I got a gun wrapper back here.

Trying to be, he's trying to sit in first class. Hey, which one of you guys has eight sky miles? Hey, here. Well, the pilot comes. Actually, you lost 3,000 miles, sir. Did you borrow miles to go on a vacation? You've explained this to me, but what had, so you, that all goes away.

They're like sick days, right? You can't roll them over. It's for the, the previous year. What you earn in 2023 establishes your status for 2024. But you're still as close to diamond as you were last year, just it won't go into effect until next year, or do you start back at zero? I don't remember.

I have to look. They really screw you. They do kind of screw you. Let me ask you this. Got a day to play. You guys have the, um, the AMEX? Yeah. Okay.

So all of your things are getting you Delta miles and helping your status? Kind of. My limit's only a thousand bucks, so I can't use it on a lot of stuff. Oh, okay. James me up. Okay.

So the one for the business. Yeah. Can't work for both of us. Oh, okay. That reserve is a nice one. We had, we each have our personal. I just got the, I owed AMEX, I think 800 bucks for about 12 years,

really jammed me up. And they wouldn't then give me a personal card because I owed the money for so long. I think they finally settled for like 180 bucks or something. But I paid off not too long ago. Okay. Look at you talking them down. I know.

Well, they were happy to get rid of me. And then I tried to keep getting one and they wouldn't give me one. And I finally got approved and they gave me like, I went through Delta because they, their approval process is way more lenient than actual AMEX. And I got like a $35,000 credit limit.

I did lie about how much money I make. I did say I make $7 million a year. Oh my God. I don't really need this credit card. I'm doing you guys a favor. Hey, listen, you guys want me as a client. I'm telling you. Hey, you want someone to stiff you at the end of the month?

I'm your guy. That's great. Use the lounge at the airport? Yes. And that's a new thing. That's the litter robot and using the lounge. Are my two, are my two moving on? Hollywood, move over.

Yes. There's a new starlet at town. Off rent, Lulu Lemon. Shedding my coalskin, moving on up. Yeah, man, the Delta lounge. What a difference that makes. So I got the reserve AMEX card and that gets you into the Delta lounges.

Yeah, it's crazy how just having even 30 minutes of time before the flight where you're not in a place where kids are screaming, it's a human thing. You're not out there with the animals. You're in there with the little egg bites. We like to be, you like the exclusivity of it. Just as you go, oh, if there's somewhere a little quiet or a little different

that not everybody can get to, I want to be in there. You're taking a granola bar or two from there? You throw it in your pocket? Yep, yep. Take some fruit. I know, I just keep coming back. Probably a food shop in there, this one. Just in there with an Ikea bag, filling it up.

The big blue double Ikea, just toss it in. And then we get a pound of turkey and back. Salami slices. I will say, I wish they didn't switch breakfast to lunch so early, because sometimes it's like you get there. That's an epidemic around the country. You show off somewhere like 10, 15, they're like, breakfast is done at 10.

Breakfast all day. Here's your whole day. Minimum 11, minimum. Minimum, yeah, it's like, so, but I'll be hungry. And so I'm eating like barbecue chicken and fucking like hummus at 10, 15, and my stomach's all weird for the day.

I don't know. Breakfast is the best free buffet style thing. That should just be all the time. Delta's got a good breakfast. They do, all right. Where are you flying out of here? LaGuardia. There's a great AMX and JFK.

Amazing. Like it's fantastic. Oh, and JFK, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just used it for the first time. Wow. It was very nice. It was great to leave.

I paint my bill gut, damn it. That's a different Kevin Ryan. My name's Painted. I'm building that. Come on. This is in the same vein. This one's from John $10 Boston Homie. Is it garbage if you have to Google,

can I pay one credit card bill with another credit card? Oh my God. Which can you? I think you used to be able to. I don't know. They jam me up with stuff like that. You can. I got a buddy who's upside down

in about three different cards. Yeah, it's like a game of three card Monty. Yeah. Shout out to yams in Chicago. You can pay your capital one bill with your AMX. I think so. Man, just chasing tail. Because I feel like when it asks for you

to add your payment method, I feel like it's always a bank account. Yeah, it's got to be the routed number. Yeah, suppose you have a high interest balance on one or multiple credit cards. You're looking for it to consider to consolidate a lower APR. Can you pay off your credit card?

In short, yes, you can pay a credit card off with another credit card. There's more than one way to do it. You can't pay a rent with a credit card. You found that out the hard way. You can't? No. I guess mine.

Yeah, mine's my bad. Mine's on my bank. Yeah. Okay. Huh. Are you guys paying your credit card off every month? Yeah, I try not to put anything on it. I was so bad with money up until like a year ago.

Yeah. Just because I never had any. So I try not to put anything on them, really. Oh, okay. Like just smaller purchases, and then I'll just use my debit card for... I don't even know what you mean exactly. Okay.

To be honest with you. Okay. I mean, is it zero? You are a new financial advisor, by the way. You mean at the end of the month, it's completely paid off or you made the payment? Every month you completely pay it off. So that way you're not accruing any interest.

Because... Big man, you're not doing that. So... What? So I... Everything, I put on my credit cards. I don't put anything on your debit card. Well, then you just clear it all at the end of the month.

And I clear it all at the end of the month. Because when you put everything on your credit cards, you're getting all of those points. You're making money for yourself with whatever, you know, business partner thing that you're with. So Delta, Miles, all that. But you pay it off every month so that they can't charge you any interest.

Damn. You might be the smartest person I ever met. That's pretty good. It doesn't get out much. Okay. Are you cleaning up on points? Points and sky miles? Yeah, just flatten them, dude.

Yeah. Man. You hit a certain number or a certain spend. You get X amount of points. Is it all AMX? Is that where you use this for everything? Yeah. Just one card.

I have a personal AMX and then a business AMX. So both of those funnel to the Delta. I'm telling you, it's like the quickest way you can get better status. Then you'll get your seats upgraded all the time. And it's all the same money. Whether you're spending it on your debit card or putting it on your credit card and then paying it off.

It's all coming from the same place. I always forget. Okay. Set it up on auto pay. No. I mean, I always forget to use that AMX card. Yeah, use it. Yeah.

All right. I got a capital one. They don't do fucking shit for me except bust my balls. I did capital one for a long time. And then you realize it's not. So that's interest charges at the end of the month. I mean, dude, you're 50 years old. I always wondered what that was.

I thought that was like my dues or something. I didn't spend $220 at interest. You think it's a bar? I never fucking been there, babe. I swear. What the fuck is this interest charge anyway? Oh my God. You're an all time dummy.

Sometimes if I see a charge out there that I don't know, then like you can look it up and it tells you where like the corporate headquarters is. And it's like, I ain't never even fucking been to Wisconsin. This is fucking bullshit. Oh my God. Because I see that on Uber. I see that on Uber when I put it on my credit card

because Uber is based in San Francisco. I'm like some son of a bitch in San Fray. This guy's got my credit card in. I will say though, I couldn't do the whole pain, the credit card thing off every month until, I don't know, a few years ago. But before then I was just like putting things on credit cards with money I didn't have and you know,

that's what really jams you up when you're spending like, hey, I'm gonna go on vacation and I don't have it. Yeah. That's a slippery slope. If you're just spending within your means and putting your monthly weekly purchases on it that you were gonna spend anyway and then just paying it all off,

it's like if you spend $2,000 a month on your credit card that you would have just spent on your debit card, you can just put in your debit card and then have it on auto. My parents- That's how I roll. Yes, yes. My parents said that three card monthly with the credit card is my whole life.

Yeah. I remember my mom breaking out shoe boxes to do, to balance the checkbook and like there'd be and I just remember like there's gonna be a fight and I'm gonna be grounded because she's gonna be upset about that the money in her bank account. Yeah. I spent a lot of time as a kid in money tree lobbies

with my, with my mom. Money tree. Yeah. Do you have some money tree out here? Uh, it's like a loan place. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So I saw that like, I saw how dangerous credit cards can be and that they're not just free money. And so I think my brother and I both have tried really, really hard to not go that route. Our friend, my parents, has a very, I don't want to, a very funny bit. I just thought you yelled at the bank.

Like I just thought you yelled at the teller every time because you got, you grew up and my mom was just always yelling at the teller. So you had to yell at the bank. I wanted to pause at my check, please. Shout out to Maddie. Yeah. Also, I mean, this is a very, this is another one.

This is from Carmen. I haven't had a question, Rhett. Sorry. Current debate in my house is what's the trashiest airline? Wife says spirit. I say Southwest because you, as an airline, you get a seat assigned. Can't be worse than when you line up.

Like it's a city bus. There's most, most of the fights and videos and all that shit is Southwest. Oh, I think it's spirit or frontier. Yeah. Spirit or frontier. But Southwest, they're mostly spirit. Southwest is where they try to do like,

like dinner acts, right? Aren't they like doing bits? They're like the, hey, they tell jokes and shit like that. Yeah. Yeah. When they're doing the pre-flight announcements. Yeah. Spirit does?

Yeah. Yeah. It's real. No. No. No. Southwest. Southwest.

Southwest. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Southwest is definitely a lot of like open mic vibe. Yeah. Yeah. Like trying to do bits or voices or whatever. Zip it and get me a bloody man.

Give me my seatbelt extended. Zip it and get me a bloody man. Oh my God. That's so funny. The only thing I was missing from that was toots. Zip it toots. Wait, yeah, which, you know, give me my bloody memory. Hey, he, there was a 98% chance he was going to say toots after that,

to be honest with you. Yeah. I have flown Frontier a good amount out of Trenton for some fucking stupid reason. Frontier names the planes. They have the animal. It's like the Rainforest Cafe of Aniline. There's like exotic animals for reasons unknown painted on the plane.

I don't like that they have the name on the plane. Yeah. It's the name of the animal. There's like a fox and he's like, this is Willie the Fox. Yeah. That's real fucking. That's confirmation of land, Willie the Fox. That's real World War II bomber to me.

Sure. Yeah. Their hub is Trenton. I'm sorry, you get shot down. And Trenton only has two, only has two gates. And I remember we were delayed. Wait, that's their hub is Trenton? That's what they, the only plane there, I think.

I remember the guy being like, we're next in line for the, I'm like, we fucking should be. There's only two goddamn gates. Who's in front of us? We're next in line for departure. What the fuck are you talking about? I try not to fly any of them because I don't, This is Gary the Cougar takes off.

We'll be on our way. I try not to fly any of those airlines because I don't want to get beat up and end up on the internet is specifically. Oh, sure. Yeah. Because people just get, because the problem is it was explained to me is those smaller airlines, they get delayed. They don't get the gates because like Delta goes,

motherfucker, I have three planes sitting here. Give us gates and Delta. Yeah. Sure. You're Delta. Oh, so they're sitting on the runway. Yeah. That's that they get pushed back all the frontier, the spirits.

So everything gets delayed. So then your flight's been delayed. This has been delayed. That's been delayed. And you're about to have been at the airport for seven hours. Your kids are screaming and people just start swinging. Even without that, and not that I've traveled a lot. Like I didn't travel before we started touring.

I didn't travel. I think the last time I was on a plane was like five years ago, and I'd only been on a plane maybe four times in my life. Yeah. But in that little amount of time we've been traveling, it's just a heated situation for some reason. Dude, it's tense. Everybody's a fucking dick about everything.

Yeah. Even if there is no delay, they're a dick to the counterperson. The counterperson is a dick. When you're getting on the plane, everybody's a dick. When you're getting on, it's just, there's just. It's a pressure cooker. Yeah, it really is. Yeah.

But I get why people lose it, man. I mean, I got anger. Like I get tense at the moment. I'm like, if he bumps into me one more time, I'm going to fight. You know, it's like, that shit, you just get really tense. Oh, well, I'll ask you this. How do you feel about putting a seat back? Oh, that's a great question.

Because I feel like this has been talked about a lot lately, and I didn't even think that there was a debate about it. But I always put my seat back. Whoa. And some people think that that's apparently, like, rude. But I'm like, why wouldn't we all just put our seat back and fly more comfortably? I agree.

It's tough. Do you give them the heads up, or do you just drop it back? Just drop it back. That's what everybody does. Really? Well, that's what I thought everybody did. And then I feel like I've seen other podcast clips or whatever. I don't know if it was on this one.

I think KFC and Finlberg were talking about it. Oh, OK. I think Barstle guys were talking about it. OK. I don't. OK, so how do you guys feel about it first? It's either all or nothing. I no longer like you.

Hey, I accepted you for eating deodorant, you fuck. I was a little kid. Come on. That's why I don't want you to put the seat back. I'm back there eating my deodorant. Like, let me eat the same piece. You're ruining breakfast. You're ruining his third lunch that day.

You don't check to see if they have the tray down or something? Well, I do it, like, right as we, like, as you are up there. So nobody's got, like, drinks or anything yet. I also don't slam it back. I'm not trying to, like, break somebody's nose. I just gently. It's like a three inch. It's it's nothing.

But it's it's more comfortable for the person flying. And we all should do it. I feel like people that don't like it are like, you're in my face. Like, well, then you lean back. You make yourself more comfortable. But then you're the dick to the person. You're make.

This is this is my take on it. I agree. It should it should be an all or nothing thing. And it's not your fault. It's on there. You know what I mean? Like, they do make the seats that go back. There is that there is that argument for it.

My thing is. Yes, they shouldn't. You're making now me ruin someone else's trip. Not really. Can't watch the TV when it comes all the way back. But don't you want to lean back? Not really. Why not?

I don't know. Have you? A little bit. Yeah. I don't don't. I'll even eat it if someone leans back. I won't go back. Okay.

I don't understand. This is so fascinating to me. Sure. But aren't you more comfortable on a plane? I think when we're on a plane, we're all just trying to be the most comfortable we can within reason. So if your seat has the ability.

You're impeding on that. You're impeding on someone else's coming. If so, if the guy behind me is back. Interesting. I'll go back. You got to give a heads up, I think. Hey, you mind if I come back? No.

You need a heads up. Yeah. You just want people to be like, Hey there, big fella. I'm going to bring her in a little bit. I'm about to sit on your lap. If I have my tray down, you'll take out my esophagus.

I almost got into a thing with some old guy on a flight. He fucking slammed it back on me. Wow. When I put the kibosh on it real quick. You act like he called you a pussy while he did it. Yeah. And he just was trying to get the button to work and then it finally worked.

And you were also drunk. Yeah. My boyfriend just talked about this, that he leaned his back and the guy started like kneeing the back of his seat really aggressively. And he was like, are you all right? And he's like, be better if you didn't put your seat back. And but he's like, but that's how I feel.

But you are allowed to. And I feel like everybody should. I do understand that argument. I don't think it's wrong. I think there should be a thing. They should like the bell should go. And it goes, everybody put your seat back. Yeah.

Everybody get comfortable. Okay. I just explained to me why you don't like to lean back. Unless because I know this is the way I feel. It sucks when someone comes back. So you're doing it out of courtesy. Yes. Out of courtesy for the person.

Plus I feel like I'm in a barber's chair when I lean back. But like how like if you've got like a five hour flight, you want to sit like this for five hours when you could sit like this. This is so much fun. If I, I mean, if we're being honest of it, we have a five hour flight. I'm upfront and probably hopefully a lay flat.

If we're going across country. Hammer drunk. Wasting. Full blown drunk. I'm sleeping. By the time we get to like Minneapolis, I'm out. Yeah. Let's say.

I could be laid in the aisle. What about like a three hour flight? Let's say a three hour flight. You're in like comfort plus. You're in coach. I'm sitting up straight and I'm buzzed. Wow. This is so interesting.

Also we fly in the front of the plane now. Okay. Okay. Irresponsibly financially every time. Band with money. Band with money. But I love it. I love it.

You guys. Interest charges. Yeah. Loans to go on vacation. I'm interested in looking like a picture. Yeah. I want to feel cool for 52 minutes to get to Cleveland. God damn it.

I want to spend 80 grand sure. Oh my God. I'm bad with money. I'm not paying MX anyway. If I'm out in front of a comedy club and I'm getting an Uber, if there's other comics out front, I'll get an Uber black just to look cool.

Oh my God. You guys. It's also, I think that's, I think it's a size thing at this point. Sure. A little bit. It's nice. He tried to lie to me last night.

He's like, oh look, we were both getting Ubers out of here. Oh look, they sent a tractor trailer. Look, they sent me a huge escalate. I'm like, he goes, that's for the same price. I go, that was like, he was going like eight blocks. I'm like, they're charging you $48, idiot. I was on Uber Eats. Oh my God.

Yeah. We're bad with up, but back to the, yeah, I'll probably, I just did. I just did. I flew back from Puerto Rico the other day and the guy in front of me went back and I just ate it. Okay. Yeah.

Man, it's such a fascinating debate that I didn't even realize existed until recently. I've always been, I don't do it. I've been on the thing of it should be an all in all or nothing. And the guy in the front shouldn't need to go back. What do you mean? What do you mean? He's got enough.

No one's coming back into him. No one's like. But that, but it's not about feet though. It's the spine stuff. You do a neck pillow. I just don't like to carry it around. I would like to have one with me, but then it's like, you're like going to the bathroom.

It's like rushing up against the toilet seat and shit. It's like. You see people walking around the airport with them just on. It's like, dude. That's, that's rough. Yeah. That feels. It's like we're in a football helmet when you're not in a game.

You can eat food for two red dog. I think the reason it's become such a debate is that they've jammed more people on the plane. Sure. It used to be classy. You're like 15 feet away from everybody. Yeah, but tickets also used to be like, it was like only reserved for, that was like a luxury.

Now it's anybody can fly on spear for 49 bucks. Yeah. Yeah. Get tased. Put the seat back. Man, if I get beat up on a plane, that's the last. Dude, to wait in a terminal or whatever.

It never goes down the way you think you're, you think you're gonna, you think it's gonna, it gets messy. Oh yeah. Everybody starts playing. No one's really traveling alone. You're trying, you got a brother, a cousin, something. Sure.

Yeah. The girl start fight, it's a whole thing. Yeah. I'm out. Well, shit. I mean, I'm on a plane every week, and I'm gonna feel like such a dick if I leave my seat. No, head's up.

Come on, head's up. Sure. That feels weird. I, you have to. Hate it, little guy. It's so aggressive. It completely turned around. Nesh your face, big guy.

Coming back. Coming back, huh. Beep, beep, beep. We gotta wrap it up though, gang. Buddy, we love you to death. Congratulations on the new special, The Hustler. As we said, you can get over there to website kelseycook.com. Also gonna be available March 9th.

Yep, March 9th on YouTube. Over there on a used tube, touring all over the place. Thank you so much for coming. Anything else you want folks that don't know? kelseycook.com for tour dates and the special Kelsey Cook comedy on Instagram and TikTok and self helpless podcast if you want my podcast. Great.

Absolutely fantastic. Kippy, what do you got for him? Guys, we're over the road. Shows are selling out. If you don't snooze on the tickets, get them. We're not gonna be adding shows everywhere, but we are even adding second shows. Tampa, Austin, get those tickets.

Link is in the description. Come see us, gang. We love you and we'll see you next week. Bye.