Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - Trevor Wallace: Cali Kid

Episode Date: November 11, 2021

Kippy and Foley are back with comedian, podcast host and actor Trevor Wallace! Its a hot one! Thanks for listening. Love youse guys.  MERCH: https://www.bonfire.com/store/are-you-garbage/ Live Shows: https://linktr.ee/AYGLiveShows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage https://www.HelixSleep.com/Garbage https://www.GetRoman.com/GARBAGE https://www.Stamps.com PROMO CODE: GARBAGE https://www.expressvpn.com/Garbage Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Folks, this just in over the wire. We got a hot new merch drop. merch drop, baby. From November 8th to the November 18th, you can get your limited edition Tooties Goodies, baby. We're asking everyone to remain calm. Ha ha ha ha ha. We're gonna have a real Black Friday situation on our hands.

We got Bernie's teas and hoodies. We got Tooties teas. We got Tooties teas and hoodies. And we got Boncos. We got Boncos teas and hoodies. Guys, the link will be in the description. Go to bonfire.com slash sort slash r u garbage. Limited edition only available for 10 or 11 days.

Get them while they're available. Get the holiday orders in now. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast.

This is Are You Garbage. Sure is. It's a little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out they grew up to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host H Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're down here at Antootie's basement. She's up set upstairs.

Why? Squirrels. Okay. She's got squirrels. Okay. My co-host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are You Garbage. He's an international businessman.

We all know him as KJ, but his mama named him Kevin James Ryan. Hey gang, KJ is really sticking by the way. What's up? Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, and you subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube.

And as you know, those numbers are fucking cooking. And then I would be an asshole if I didn't mention the greatest website of all time, patreon.com slash Are You Garbage. Sing it, brother. Shout out to the YAM family, Jack Conti for creating the world's best website. You can sign up, get all bonus content, live streams,

the whole nine yards, check it out. Conti, YAM, 2024. I'm calling it right fucking late. I'm in. And have a nice quick shout out to our producer extraordinaire. The magic man makes us all look good. Bustin' his ass, the kid's the fucking best.

Give it up for T-Bone McMuffin, Toby McMullen. What's up, dudes? We've been having a real good time, about to have an even better time. We got the homie in the crib. It's gonna be fun, dude. We do, T-Bone. Bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow, bow.

We couldn't not be more excited to have our incredibly special guest. And I mean, incredibly special guest. We got a little fucking star power. Kid does some numbers over there. Here with us today for the first fucking time. He is a very funny, very successful, stand-up comedian, actor, podcaster,

YouTube and social media fucking sensation. He is the co-host of the Stifsox podcast. He's got 573 followers on the Twitter there. Two million on the ground. And are you ready for this? Put your seatbelts and your headgear on. Two million, 260 subscribers on YouTube. The kid is a fucking network unto himself.

It's cooking. Big question for everybody's mind today, is he garbage? Not with that hairline, baby. I'm telling you that right now. That jacket says different, though. Yeah, I'll throw you off. I'm like a four-locer, you know, I'm classy,

but the inside things up. Classy going in. Yeah, yeah. Trashy coming out. Is that blue camouflage? And you crack, and you're like, oh, no, another Phil and they fly. Yeah, give it up for Trevor Wallace.

God damn it. Hey, hey, hey, thanks for having me, man. This is great, dude. Buddy, that's gotta be an expensive jacket, though. This is a thrift fine, for sure. Really? I don't think this was 24 bucks. Wow.

It looks cool. Yeah, I don't know what it is. But you got that vibe where you can pull stuff off that's not cool, you can make cool. Awesome Pete Davidson shit where you just throw things on. You can a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. People are like, because at a certain level,

people just go, am I missing a trend here? Is this the new thing? Yeah. I saw Pete Davidson like three weeks ago, and I was wearing a fanny pack for the first time. He's like, oh, you got a fanny pack? I'm like, hey, he's like, I got a purse. I'm like, OK, we're wearing a shower curtain.

You got it? Dude, literally. Yeah. He can do whatever the fuck he wants. Yeah, I'd be so nervous if I saw Pete. I'd probably just go naked and be like, this is the new trend. Oh, dude, I was so self-conscious the whole time.

You had a fanny pack? I had a fanny pack on. And somebody was like, no, proper regs, fanny pack. And they were like, Kevin, is that a fanny pack? I'm like, yeah, it's the first time wearing it. I'm not quite sure. He's like, ah, dude, fanny packs are cool. All right.

That's great, because I think had you done over the chest, then he would have been like, all right, man. I can't do that. I'm not that cool. Yeah, I can't do it. It's the first workout he ever had. Can you pull that off? Is that cool now?

Because you're right there. There was a split second where that was like the move. And I still think a little bit is, I also don't carry enough shit on me to put anything in there. Sure. You know, if it's just empty and it's like flying off in the wind and just like fluttering. There's no weight to keep it to your body.

It looks like the blinds are a breeze in the autumn. So if there's nothing in it, or there's like one weird thing like an iPhone cordon there, you're like, you could just put that in your back pocket. That's a back pocket right there. Yeah, I'd rather go backpack or in Williamsburg. A lot of people out here, they just got the tote bags. Tote bags are big.

I like a nice tote. It's a, it's a style. I do not. I want to go on a route. But I can't pull it off in the cool. You hold it for like five minutes and you're like, I wish I had a backpack. Yeah, exactly.

This is so annoying. I think the non-backpacks are physical thing for you. But the question is, are they cool now? I think they definitely are. Probably in a certain zip code in Brooklyn. Yeah, they also look like you're saving the environment somehow, somewhere, another. And I don't want to be represented as that.

I'm a plastic bag man through and through. There we go. There we go. Get a Wegmans bag, you bitch. Wegmans, very classy. I'll tell you what, those bags are awesome too. I travel with those bags from the grocery store, the reusable bags.

Oh, really? You know what I heard? That's how trashy he is. He gets on the airplane with like a shopping bag. They don't like question it as a carry-on. You hold it like it's groceries. Meanwhile, it's a fucking cardigan in a fanny pack. You're holding like an old school like that.

Yeah, but they think it's just like food. I didn't know you could even, you can bring food on a flight. I know. That's a question we do a lot. What do you do? Do you do that? Dude, my dad did the most rogue thing ever. See, I feel like my trashiness comes from a background

of like it has nice intuitions, but it comes off bad. Sure. I was flying back from Hawaii. Intuitions is not the right word, but I know what you mean. I'm not going to. Strike number one is we call it over here. I'm not going to think this. It comes from like a, I don't know,

it's coming back from Hawaii with my dad, which is just a genuine piece of shit statement. But my dad, midway through the flight, pulls out a Ziploc bag and he had a chicken tender from the restaurant. I was like, you brought a tender through TSA? Is that even legal? One tender.

And he taps on his shoulder because he's sitting behind me in fucking main cabin like a bitch just getting. Wait, you were flying first. No, we're in the same. That's like Richie, Richie, right? No, I don't know. But he tapped me on the shoulder. He's like, you want to bite?

I was like, did you bring that in your pocket? And we're both doing well enough. We don't need to split a tender. But it was weird. And he goes, the pocket kept it kind of warm. And you need my father on the show immediately. So now we got to go back since you said that. Give us the origin story of Trevor Wallace.

Where are you from? What's the school? Cali boy, right? Cali kid. Essentially, I was born in Naperville, Illinois, but was there for two years. OK. Where's Naperville?

Oh, Bears. Should have fucking known. Wow. Chasing that huge bear's flag. I just didn't know if you guys were trying to cover a hole in the wall or something. For the listener, I'm sitting next to an eight-foot bear. Bears flag.

Go Bears. No, so I was born in Illinois because my parents brought them for work. My mom's from California. She's like, fuck this. It's cold. They moved back when I was two. So I spent all my life in Southern California.

Nice. It's fine. Yeah. It's like town of 60,000. I think it's a. Suburban, Suburban upbringing. Yeah. Suburban.

So how close to LA? About an hour. Near the beach? About 20 from the beach. It was like a little inland hour from LA. But you could get to either of those. Like on the weekends, we would drive down to Venice Beach and go by like a pipe.

Yeah, fucking nice one hitter or something. Yeah, one hitter, dude. A bubbler if you're fucking getting crazy. Dude, I haven't heard bubbler in fucking 20 years. But that was like. Yo, get the bubbler. But when one, like my buddy CJ would bust out the bubbler. Dude, it was like.

That was always a CJ that had the bubbler, too. Oh, yeah. Because he was the one that had the Chiller parents. Like they still would get mad, but they walked in. They'd be like, hey, come on, hide it a little better. Every bubbler was in a sock, too. Yeah. Pulled out of a sock.

Yeah. A dirty tube sock. Yeah. Dude, what the fuck? And the water. I think you came in this recently. Yeah. It's like, it hides the smell.

It's disgusting. But the water would barely do anything. But mentally, we're all in like ninth grade, and we're like, this is fucking sick. Yeah. Filtration. Just that noise. That noise alone.

Just the noise. If you feel like you're in a site for this ill music video. We used to do something, and I don't know if the term is the best now, but it's called a ghetto where you smoke out of it. It would be a water bottle, and you take a pen cap, and you'd find like a socket. Socket wrench, yeah.

And you'd burn it on the pen. You put it in there, and that was your bonk. That would create like a tight enough seal a little bit to pen. And then you'd put like a hole in it. There's like a car. Yeah. Like, you know, talk about the fucking, the sound.

Dude, you put one of those in a Gatorade bottle. Dude, you were cooking ribs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That boy's cooking ribs. Yeah, dude. Yeah. That big gator, that big mouth on the Gatorade bottle get cooking, dude.

We felt like we were doing an interlude for a Sublime song. We were fucking, like, we were. No, that was, so yeah, grew up out there. Brother's sisters? Got an older sister. She lives in the city, actually. Nice. The city.

Sorry, yesterday came to the show. How much older? She's two years older. Two years older, so you guys are growing up together. Yeah, growing up together pretty close. We were never like close, like, but like, I don't know. Like, we were cool, but we were like cool, or cordial. You weren't like hanging out.

Right. You know, you see that comic in the club. What's up? We're boys, but like, like that level, you know. Did you guys, did, would she associate you? I'm not at the hallway. You went to the bathroom. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Would she associate you with you in high school? Like, she was older? Not really, but like, we'd be at the same high school for like two years. We'd be like freshmen, sophomore year, then she'd be a junior, senior. But she was just like a really good straight A student. But senior years, she started partying a little bit.

And that's when we'd be kind of like mesh. Because that was a piece of shit off the bat. Check out him. Yo, hit this bubbler. Dude, the first time I smoked weed was out of a light bulb. So that, yeah, all my Thomas Edison shit. Yeah. OK, the mailman just walked in.

What's up? Light bulb. And he's like, what are y'all doing in here? What the fuck? Y'all need light bulbs? Dude, no one's ever opened that door ever. I thought it was a hit. And what did your mom and dad do?

That's crazy. Mom, dad's retired right now. He was in sales, worked in the bicycle industry. Random. He worked for like diamond-backed bicycles. Oh, no shit. Yeah. Oh, they were pretty good rigs.

Yeah. He's doing that. My mom's always been marketing and journalism. My mom worked for a food magazine. She would do articles and shit. So your dad was working for diamond-backed in the 90s. In the height of diamond-backed. Height of diamond-backed.

They were big back then. Oh, yeah. My dad was hitting key bumps off bikes. He's the same fucking. He had front and back tanks as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. But he was super into that. And he retired right before the pandemic, which fucking sucks.

Because he's like, I just want to go for my boys. Yeah, all right. Here's to the rest of my life. Shut it down. He did well in diamond-backed. I want to sue. I don't know if my parents made. I have no idea how much money my parents brought in.

I asked one time, and my mom was like, that's a rude question. I was like, so not much. She would hate our show, by the way. That's all we want to know. I had no idea. But I think he was somewhere high up in diamond-backed. And then they were like, all right,

we're moving to Washington. And my mom was like, no, we ain't. Oh, the company was. The company was. So they stayed. And then my dad did some odd sales jobs around. Sold fruit at one point. Sold LED lights for another.

Just whatever. Just on some cheap. Higher gun, yeah. But did that. And then when I was 17, that was the first time I ever did stand up when I was 17. No sham. Yeah, it was one of those kids.

Yeah. There was a comedy club. I don't know if you guys have ever heard of it or played it. But it's called the Ventura Harbor Comedy Club. No, yeah. It's like a B-Rome. But they would get somebody who was popping out in like Def Jam in the 90s on like a Tuesday

and it'd be like a big deal. And then I would go there and I would kind of do the cliche like seat people or like bus tables and like host the off nights. Yeah, no shit. But when I was 17, they had a comedy club. Is this pre-videos? Like when did you start making the videos?

Videos were in college when I was like 20. OK, that's when you started doing it. Yeah, when Vine kind of popped up. So I started to stand up. And I've always loved comedy. All I'd ever watch was just comedy movies and all that. It's always just super into like anything Jim Carrey, Robin Williams, all those guys.

And the first time I did stand up was 17 because my mom very cliche Disney Channel-esque bullshit. She cut out like an ad from the paper and it was like local comedy club workshop. And the guy who owned the club had been a road guy and done cruise ships for like 50 years. And he's one of those guys. So he like led a class.

And then it's just like you literally like you do like workshops. He'd like cut out a newspaper article and like make a joke about this or something. And I just like did some of that. And then I found some. Nine dead in Israel. Riff. Yeah.

And I did. Should have been eight for the menorah. Come on. So your mom was the one that encouraged you. That's really fucking cool. Because you would express interest in you said I want to be a comic. Yeah, because I didn't really have a path.

And they knew I was kind of like dabbling in like not a great lane by just smoking super early. And they caught me drinking early on too. No sports in high school? No. Tried. Yeah. Yeah, I played basketball my junior year.

I don't like like a men's league, but you're not really a manager in high school. A men's league in high school. Yeah. I don't know what do you call that? It's a preteen league. I don't know. But I was first.

In a mural. Yeah. I was the first guy to get a felony. Not a felony, a technical foul. No. I'll take it. Yeah. I was playing defense and I pushed him.

And I said. So I'm 55 year old accountant. Yeah. But that's fucking great. So yeah, I did that stand up thing. And then I really liked that. And I started to just hang around the club. And then when I went to college in San Jose,

San Jose State University. It's close to where you grew up. Like six hours. It's closer to San Francisco. It's like a Bay Area. So you're going north. All right. Yeah, it's like on the outskirts of the Bay Area.

It's technically the same shit. But no one else there. I spent two of my first years there just brattin' it up. Just college piece of shit, slappin' the bags, pissin' my bed. You're rollin' it up heavy. Yeah. You gotta do it.

You gotta get it. You gotta do it. The end of sophomore year Vine came out. My buddy was like, did you got to make some of these videos? You got to hop on there. And then I just fell in love with the creating process. And I was going to the film school at the time in San Jose, which was like a joke of a film school,

where they just matched like four things. It was like journalism, radio, TV, film. And there was like three teachers. Like, hey, we do it all. But yeah, I did that. Taking home, back in college. Man, that's a tough look. If you got the same teacher for multiple classes in college,

that's fucking real shit. You're just teaching women studies. I got recess later. Yeah. But then I was starting to do Vine stuff. And then I started doing open mics in college again. And I was just holding myself accountable. I was like, I'm not going to drink this weekend

unless I do an open mic. And then I just held myself accountable. Because there was a scene in San Jose. And there still is. There's some people out there. So you could get up a couple times in a week. That's great. And then I had what I thought was a tight 10.

Moved out late. Went to one mic. I was like, oh, trash. All this goodbye. Did you finish school? Did you finish college? I finished college. So how big did you get on Vine from?

I had like 15,000 people. OK. And I had like one video that I popped off. But that was enough for me to see how a video can kind of work. Sure. Right? With the snowball. It's like, you post it, it gets a little traction.

And then from there, you just catch this bug. I got to fucking do that every time. You're chasing the dragon. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I'm addicted to heroin. So I, you know. But it all worked out.

Hey, but I got verified. So we're good, you know? But yeah, it's like, you know, I was like, I got, I was like, I got a tight 10. And I know how to go viral. And both of those, I was very far from knowing. And then I kind of just moved to LA. And then that's when Vine died out.

And then for the first, like, two and a half, three years of LA, I just did open mics, open mics, open mics. And then I started posting videos again in, like, 2017. And just really doubled down. I was like, video every week. Let's fucking go. Let's run it. Instagram and on YouTube.

Instagram, YouTube, and Facebook. That's the first place I had a video pop was Facebook. Really? Yeah, I mean, there's no competition. It's you and fucking Fauci posts. So it's just like whatever you. So it's just like, yeah. So I had a video post on there when that got a little steam.

And then I was like, fucking double down. That was the first big one in after Vine. Yeah. I was making fun of the, because of the store Zoomies. Yeah. So it was Zoomies. That was the Zoomies character. That was the first thing that popped for me in like 2017.

And then I just did a couple of character videos with that. And then I was like, I don't want to be known as a Zoomies guy. Let me try to get away from this. Yeah. And then I tried a bunch of other shit that flopped. And then I had some other things hit. I did something about AirPods. And then I was a new like, oh, then

I transferred like the Zoomies guy to the AirPod guy. I was like, fuck yeah, we got out of the first one. Now let's just, it's doable. So now let's just keep creating shit that way. It's not like you're that one guy. Yeah. I just want to be that one guy. Is it still just you at this point?

Yeah. Is there somebody helping you film or anything? I got a film or yeah, I got a guy. But so you and your boy, why don't you start seeing a little case from this? Little bit of a little bit of like the end of 2018. I was able to quit my day job and just do comedy. OK, is that from YouTube or?

Yeah. So YouTube and then you got the audience. YouTube and Facebook. So they're coming out to see you and all that stuff. Yeah. And I started having people, you know, and at this point in stand-up, I was like, I was probably just like featuring at best.

Yeah. Or doing some hosting. And I would like post like I was going to be at shows and like people, more people would come out to see, this sounds really cocky. I'm sorry. But like more people would come out to see me. As the feature of the host.

Yeah. Than the headliner. Yeah. You're probably opening for some guy who. Yeah. And they'd be like, why don't you do more? You're like, fucking, that's how this works. I don't know, because they're giving me 25 bucks.

I'm only allowed to wait minutes. Yeah, exactly. So and then I talked to somebody like, dude, just set up your own one-nighters. Yeah, no shit. You don't feature no more, kid. You move with techies. Yeah, I didn't know you could just do that.

Yeah, that's great. And then I called up. The first place I ever did was in San Diego. I was like, what's it called? Comedy Palace. And I was like, hey, can I do a one-nighter? And then I was, they were like, yeah, we got you on the calendar.

And then I had like a month to be like, OK, what's the 45 I have? First 45 had, like I said, I did. I mean, all over the place. I mean, there was parts where I was like, hey, make some noise if you like birds. You know, like, hey. It's always tough when you're like 35 minutes and you're like, I was talking about bikes 14 minutes ago.

You remember that? You're just looking for the light. You're close to the audience. It doesn't matter. Yeah, but I was just sewing my head. And I probably had a light 25 at the point. But you kind of just were like, all right, we're going to fucking see what happens.

Yeah, that's great, dude. You've got a light 20. But I threw myself in the deep end. And you kind of just repetition, repetition. Yeah, of course. Now you got a light 27. You're fucking out here. Two years later, 28.

So how old are we talking? When I was doing this. Yeah, when this just happened. Probably like 25. Jesus, that's young. Yeah, oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. But this is like a, you know, a Tuesday at like 9 PM

or some shit. OK, how about those good people over there, Helix Mattress? Helix Mattress is my favorite people in the whole wide world. Yes, they are, gang. Take the quiz. Go over there. Take the quiz. Helix Mattress.

You don't want to be walking on a mattress throwing like a bozo. I don't know about you, Clint. I don't know about that one. You do Helix. You take the quiz. You find out how you sleep. Sleep heavy.

Sleep light. Sleep hot. Sleep cold. You could sleep big. Who knows? They got plus size mattresses for you big boys out there. And gals. Yeah, guys, to me and my wife, they were, you know,

the good folks at Helix were nice enough to send me and my wife a mattress jumped on, took the two minute quiz. We're a twilight mattress, man. That's what I am. It's fantastic. Best night's seen in my life. First time I had an adult mattress.

If you're in the market for a mattress, check them out right away. Helix is awesome, but don't take my word for it. As we've said a bunch of times, they were pick number one best overall mattress of 2020 by GQ and Wired Magazine. Just to name a few. Go to helixsleep.com slash garbage.

Take the two minute quiz and they'll match you to a customized mattress that'll give you the best sleep of your life, 10 year warranty. And if you get to try it out for a hundred nights, risk-free, they'll even pick it up for you. If you don't love it, but I'm telling you, you will. You're gonna love it.

Helix is offering up to $200, up to all to $200 off all mattresses and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash garbage. One more time, that's helixsleep.com slash garbage for up to $200 off. Do it, yeah. Get roman.com, Kippy.

Get roman.com. Get roman.com. As the rule goes, something breaks in your house. What do you do? You're gonna get a fix? I fix it. What if you twist an ankle? You're gonna go to the hospital,

and the cats are gonna booze out. I go to the doctor. Hey doc, look at this. If you're having some ED problems, talk to the people at roman. They're gonna be able to help you. They don't just throw pills at you. They talk to you.

Fantastic. Yeah, you'll get a free online evaluation. Free online evaluation. And ongoing care for ED from all, from the comfort and privacy of your home. A US licensed healthcare official will work with you to find if treatment is the best, if medication is appropriate.

It ships right to you free with two-day shipping. Whole process, straightforward, discreet. Getting started is simple. Just go to getroman.com slash garbage and complete the online visit. Yes. Go to getroman.com slash garbage now, and you'll get $15 off your first month.

It's really time to take care of your ED. And remember, get started today, and you'll save $15 off your first month of your ED treatment at getroman.com slash garbage. Do it. Yes. Was there a huge, stupid purchase when you really started cooking?

When you really started getting some money? No, because I mean, I feel like I've always been. You strike me as somebody that's pretty conservative or smart with his shit. I mean, I, Jewish lad myself grew up, you know, fuckin' aheeb, you know, gettin' the bar mitz. Jewish lad. Yeah, so I like never, like, I feel like I know

the value of a dollar pretty well. Sure, what'd you get for the bar mitzvah? Yeah, there you go. Dude, I think I got like $3,000, but at the time. That's not Jewish. What are you talking about? You're half Jewish. Oh, no, my dad's Christian.

Okay, there we go, there we go. Papa Georgio's Christian, you know. Fuckin' thank you. But in the Jewish community, if the mom's Jewish, it just overrides. Yeah, yeah, of course. Which is hilarious. You're just like, I have a zero say?

Zero say, gotcha. I had friends that if they didn't make over 30 grim, they left the fucking bar mitzvah. I had kids made like a lot of cash. I mean, I don't know. I would have to ask. I think my dad was laundering the money anyway. Diamondbacks tank.

They need cash, quick. Baptize the kid again or whatever. Mongoose is nippin' at her heels. You went up Owen Money at the bar mitzvah? Yeah, Harrow bikes too. But I think $3,000 would be a 13. You're like, I could buy an island. Dude, I got a...

Did you get first dibs on cool bikes when you were a kid from Diamondback? I did, yeah. You got free bikes. But they're all like massive ones. They're like cycling bikes. He's like, it's got six gears on my dad. I just wanna try and grind on curbs and shit.

Yeah, what's up with that? Trying to do a bunny hop over here. You couldn't get a BMX out of him? Yeah, now he like, well, he was the type of guy, he was like a bike nerd. So he'd be like, you don't need this, you need that. Your bike's too short and this and that, but... Couple of pegs, let's go, bro.

Yeah, the first... I would spend money on like camera gear. I think the first dumb purchase I did, and this is probably a Schultz vibes to it, was the watch. Oh, what'd you get? Saw the clip. What'd you get?

I had to do it! Is that it? I had to get the rollie on the wrist. Love it, wrap it up. Hard work and kid makes a little bit of cash. Why'd you scoop that up? That was, maybe like four months ago, it was over the summer. Oh, so very recent.

Yeah. Really? Come on, that's great. Yeah, it's responsible. Up until then, I haven't, but the car declined, just want to let you guys know that. My girlfriend had to put it on her American. Did it really?

Well, because my credit card has a limit on it. What is it? We get into that a lot. What is it? 10,000 is the limit. I thought you'd be doing better than that. This guy stinks over here. Thank you, Graham.

I got that on me. I still have a Chase College account. I have the same account I've had since like 2014. My parents, we still see my bank account. It's just not good. I'm sweating. Do you still go to a pediatrician? You're sitting on a fire truck.

Only if my mom books me the appointment. Yeah, see? Oh, thank you. Yeah, so a purchase like that, and I remember when I was getting the watch, so how do people do the payment? They do like monthly. That's trash. Yeah.

And the guy goes, I just just swiped, and I go like one, just a single. And then my card declined, and I'm calling Chase Bank, and I keep mine in Hawaii for this point. This is a lot of Hawaii. We're going to have to speak to your mother. Why are we in Hawaii? What's with the Hawaii back and forth? Coincidence?

Yeah, coincidence. So, me and my girlfriend planned a trip, and then COVID hit, and then we just pushed it to a random month. Right. And then I was supposed to go for my dad's retirement. We're supposed to go to Hawaii. Okay. They just panned out.

For me, I got the watch in Hawaii because Hawaii has 4% sales tax, and California is like 40. I don't even know what it is. Just a gun to the back of your head. So, Hawaii is like 4%, and then I did a college gig, a virtual college gig that day, and I was like, I'm taking this college check, and I'm going to the Rolly Store. I don't even want to think about, like, I don't want to see like this on like the debit report.

I wish the college just paid me in the watch. Sure. Yeah. Hey, can you guys just get me the watch? A Zoom college show. Zoom? I did it. I did it.

It was a Zoom talent show to make things even better. Oh. It was like a bunch of people were saying their heart out. I'm in a fucking, just Hilton in Hawaii, like, yes, this is great. Yeah. Good job. Let me go get a Rolly already. Yeah.

None of this is good. Round this up. The store closes in five. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, though, and what do you write that? I'm like, it's not an oyster perpetual, but it's good. I love that.

You're a watch guy. Are you going to do a Rolly sometime when we start making real cash? That's pretty sharp, man. Foley with the Rolly. Foley with the Rolly. I would like to. I believe that's the gentleman's move. Right?

Yeah. That's a nice Rolly. But that's probably my, like, big, that's definitely the biggest purchase. Okay. I like that. And you waited on it. That's smart. Yeah.

Yeah. See, usually you can't be an idiot and get a Rolly. That's always the guy who knows what they're doing with their finances. Yeah. I don't know if I'll ever get there, but I'm going to be in Hawaii in two weeks. Hey, what island? Oahu. Nice.

Great one. 4%. It's the worst one I hear. Oh, you're going to wait. Is your thing about pulling the trigger now? You're going to do it. I know you don't have the money. I just saw your bank statement two seconds ago.

You were looking at the app. Maybe I'll get a Rolex key chain or something. You can get a couple of links. Just pick things off. Just pick things off. Dude, and also... Like a couple of links. Also, dude, I feel like I'm fit for this show a certain moment in my life.

I think about it because the links, they take off the links to fit your shit and I go, oh, is it cheaper now? Do you per link? Yeah, it'd be. No, they just give you the links. Yeah. So now I just have three Rolly links and I'm like, what do I fucking do with this? I got a guy in the market right here.

Yeah. I'm a third of the way there. Buy a child's link and then I'll give you three and we might be able to fit an adult male over here. That's pretty sharp kid so far. Yeah. Pretty sharp kid. Let's go back.

Your parents don't still live in the same house in Southern California, do they? They do. They just remodel it every like eight years and they're like, this is good. This is good. Yeah. Yeah. Because I wanted to ask you what the name of the street was. But what can you say?

It was like a court, a place, street, avenue, don't say the street. It's just a street. Street. Yeah. No, no, no, no, you're, what are you asking? If it was a numbered street. Yeah. Like 112th Street.

Yeah. It's a numbered street. Okay. All right. What was the name of the grocery store your mom went to growing up? Vons. Vons. Do you guys familiar with Vons?

That's pretty, that's pretty up the middle for now. It's Vons. It's like a Safeway type feel. But she would prefer a Trader Joe. She would always come home from Vons and be like, they didn't fucking have just whole grain, pomegranates. I'm like, what does that even mean? Yeah.

These are classy people. Well, my mom like wrote for like food journalism. Sure. So that's, she's going to lean classy in that. Yeah. She would lean classy. My dad is, he would just make breakfast for three meals out of the day. He got out to breakfast for dinner, man.

Just making a. Single, the single dad's Thanksgiving. Oh yeah. Love it. Omelet at 5 p.m. Why not? Did your parents split up or are they still together? No, they're still together.

They're still together. Yeah. We've had a few West Coast people talk about Vons. Yeah. And the review's been kind of mixed. Someone said it was like a Wegmans. You said Wegmans earlier. Yeah, I can see that.

It's like Safeway. Safeway and Wegmans. Yeah. I don't have a Safeway barrier here, but it's like up the middle. Do you guys have Ralph's Kroger? Kroger. Yeah, Kroger. Kroger is to Ralph's as, Ralph's to Safeway is to Vons.

Ralph's is, yes. Yeah. There we go. And Vons is above Ralph's. Buy it. Buy a smidge. Buy a fingertip. Okay.

Fresh bread. Yeah. Yeah. Deli counter. They got a deli counter. Can I get sushi if I want? Yeah. You can get sushi there.

Yeah. The fish just has a question mark next to it, but they got. Fish with two H's. Yeah. Just felt like the ban fish. Shhh. There it is. That's a joke.

Yeah. But great corn dogs. We used to, we would do this. We would go to the deli. But your grocery store sells corn dogs? Yeah. I'm back to this place. No, no, no.

This thing stinks. This is our Ferris wheel. What are we doing here? What's the funnel cake in the dunk tank situation? Dude, that was our move. You got $5 in what we would do. And this is technically, how do I say stealing? We would take, we would get chicken tenders and a corn dog.

And they're two separate bags, but they both had a different receipt on the bag. And you'd take out the corn dog, put it in the chicken tenders bag, put the receipt on the one. So you pay for the price of the chicken nugs with a free corn dog in there. I'm all right with that. It'd be the heaviest bag of chicken tenders ever. You had a rotisserie chicken in there. This is $2.99.

Who's pulling the scam? This isn't your family. No, no, no. This is me and friends. Me and friends. We were just riding. I bet your CJ was there for sure. 100%.

100%. He was up back smoking weed out of an apple or something, but yeah, we would ride our fucking diamondback bikes to the store and we'd finesse a poor deli lady and just kind of go from there. Love it. Yeah. Now do you own a home? Renting.

Renting a place. You rent. Yeah. That's it. No vacation property anywhere? No, no, no, no. What kind of whip are we scooching around there? We got that 2017 four series BMW.

All right. See, again. German precisely. He's a sharp kid. I bought it used. I'm too much of a dare I say Jew like I can't like I need to get a nice thing. You need to feel like a deal. You got to get a deal.

Exactly. I need to feel like I'm getting a deal. Not paying retails for suckers. Yeah. But this is why he's successful. Yeah. He's a smart kid. Yeah.

But I fucked up. I bought a car two months before the pandemic hit. Uh-huh. So I could have just been in there. I could have finagled them middle of the pandemic and be like, and we're all going to die in 13 days. Oh, man. You might as well just flip me in that thing.

But yeah. So I did that. Went for a Mazda 3. Mazda 3? Had a Mazda 3 beforehand. Just a little sedan. Did you have a car in high school? I did.

Honda Civic. 2007. Parents can't afford you working in high school. It was my sister's. And then she went to school in San Francisco. She didn't need a car. So then I got her car. It's pretty good.

But I had two 12 inch shovels in the back. Oh. What were they? JLB or JLB? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Man, the kid with the system in the car.

Anything else trashier in the car? What are the type of aftermarket effects? I mean, it's pretty trashy to put a car that tops out of 83 miles per hour. Just have subs in it. Yes. You got like $3,000 worth of equipment. Yeah. I would just be blasting, walk a flock of flame, going to school.

Yeah. And just two 12s. And I just really thought I was like, people will want to fuck me. And that was a genuine thought. Anything else trash with a car? No, I couldn't fit anything else in the car. It took me a whole trunk space. You could fit in a basketball on the side and that was about it.

That shit was fucking cool. Nothing else. That was big in high school. If you had a set of subs, it was big. Braces, headgear when you were a kid? Both. Yeah. Really?

Yeah. I had braces in middle school. I got them off freshman year. Headgear. Yeah. I had a headgear. What a weird. You wore a knight, right?

Yeah. There's always one kid at school. There's always one kid who pushes it. It's like, buddy, what are you doing? There'd be one guy who wears it in broad daylight. They're like, are you trying to cut lines or something? What are we doing here? I've never seen that.

Really? No. What? Nobody in my high school was dare walk. People wouldn't wear fucking button-down shirts. They'd get made fun of. Yeah. I remember one kid wore a button-down shirt in eighth grade.

We were like, what are you, going to a wedding or something? What are you doing, dude? I did it with sweatpants. It's like career day, and they're like, what? We're all going to work at a frozen yogurt store. What'd you get on your SATs? Not good. I bombed the SATs, did better on the ACTs.

OK. ACT, do you think I got a 24 or 21? I don't think that's that good, though, is it? No, it's fine. I don't know much about the ACTs, but it's out of 34 or something? Yeah, I was stoked I got in the 20s, though. OK. What was the SAT number?

It wasn't good. What is it out of? They changed it again. They changed it, so you might have been. I was in the, when you could get like a 21, I was like flawless. Yeah, 2400, I think. I got a 1300. Holy shit, that's not good.

That's bad. That's bad. I got that when it was out of 1600. No, my parents looked at it. My mom just shed a single tear drop. It was not good. What about in college? What was the GPA?

College started off slow. That's a great way to play. So the foot traffic wasn't what we thought it was. I think anything under a 2.0 year on academic probation. Sure. And I had that young 2.1. I was right around there. I graduated at 254 or something.

I felt like a fuck. I felt like Goodwill Huntington. Yeah. I was like, yep. But I picked it up towards the end and got my shit together. Because this was all GE classes, shit that was actually tough. And then as I progressed, I got into the film classes. And I was like, oh, this is easy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think I finished with like a 3, 3, 2. That's great. Did you walk in graduation? I did. I walked. But I took a summer class after. So I like walked, but I wasn't done yet.

Yeah. It was a little pre-crum graduation. What was your high school and college mascot? High school was the Scorpions. Pretty sick. That's all right. Not bad. Not bad.

Little tramp stamp university. That's also a little weird. Yeah. It's a little sexual or something. Scorpions. I've never heard of the Scorpion. Yeah. Yeah.

Not many Scorpions out there. No. Give it four years. We'll be like, this is not OK. Yeah, that's weird. Scorpion's a little weird. Yeah. My elementary school rival was the butterflies.

That's a funny. What? No. Elementary school rivals. Oh, elementary school. Well, the elementary schools can't be like the predators or something. You know what I mean? It's got to be.

It depends on who's the predator, but you could. Yeah. It's got to be something sweet. But the hand slicers. Oh, college was Spartans. San Jose State Spartans. Classic. They just, that's a, they phoned that one in.

Yeah. Yeah. Big sports school. They were D1, but they were trash. One year we were rated 24 in football, and that was big for us. We beat Hawaii on like ESPN2. And we were, we were, yeah, we found one kid with a TV on campus and we're like, this is big.

Yeah. You ever run in the field, college? No. I didn't. But one of our favorite things to do is the away team, their tunnel was right by the student section. So we'd stay, we'd pregame the game, fucking sick for that guy. Whoa.

And then we would stay the first two quarters. And then we, as they were running out the away team, we would go to their tunnel like right there. And it's a small field. You know what's that? Like 13,000 total. Yeah. And we would just yell at the player, you fucking bitch, you pussy.

That's like a, just a guy who can hit you. Yeah. And it'd be funny because everybody would ignore it, but there'd always be like one guy on the team who maybe dropped one too many pick sixes or something. And that really got under his skin and be like, man, fuck you'll beat you. And then we, that'd be a, that'd be a win for us. We were just live internet trolls. I feel like you get off stage at Gotham and somebody be like, you fucking suck, Trevor.

Oh yeah. No, I, we're good. Everything I did. College fried Trevor, just a piece of shit. Sure. I mean, college is tough. There's a lot of booze. You're looking for reasons to drink.

You know, you're all charged up on test. It's all ego. Yeah. Yeah. You're like a fuck. You don't, you don't know how to act as a person. High school favorite band, favorite movie, favorite band. See, I was going through a lot of phases in high school.

I like it freshman year. I think I listened. What year was this freshman year? Uh, 20. Oh, 2007. Okay. I was a freshman because I graduated high school in 2011. Uh, 2007.

I was in a weird phase. This was the bubbler phase. Okay. I was listening to like, I was listening to like stoner music, which is just like cotton mouth kinks. We're listening to the cotton mouth kinks in 2007. Yeah. No, you are.

I do. That's a, yeah. Tangerine sky. There's a one song. Tangerine. We had put that on and listen to it. Pull the plug. This is over.

I will not stand here. No, it was the trashest thing we've ever done. That's crazy. We Googled what the lead singer looked like and we're like, we should probably listen to this. Dude, they dropped when I was in seventh grade. Dude, they probably dropped in like 2000. Yeah.

That was probably when they, when they came around. But this was the time where it's like, we would wear a Bob Marley shirt at high school so somebody would be like, Oh, you smoke. You smoke weed. We needed that validation. Sure. You needed an identity. So I think it was a lot of that.

But then also like randomly, I listened to like metal, like like like death metal, like really weird. Like what bands? Like suicide silence. I don't even know. As blood runs black. Oh my God. You got the hair for it.

Yeah. This guy's punkos. Punk rock nerd. I don't listen to that shit. Okay. Okay. Okay. We just lost shit, Toby.

Yeah. Damn. Whatever. We just lost something like step brothers. Core. Super bad. What are we doing here? You know, kind of a lot of that stuff.

My favorite movie to watch. Hi. Super troopers. Fantastic. Great movie. But that was, you were probably young when that hit. I think we probably watched it when, I don't know if we saw it in, like it, it wasn't a theater thing, but I think we'd just watch it like on like whatever rental or whatever.

Sure. Sure. I honestly don't remember. I was two off smoking out of an apple or some shit. Do you ever steal the screens from a sink? That was always big. No. You just unscrew like your kitchen sink or your sink in the bathroom.

Oh. Cut a screen. And there's a bunch of screens in there. Oh, to smoke them. You just pull one out. You put it in the ratchet head and it doesn't get sucked through. Yeah. We didn't use that.

We just used a straight up ratchet head. My dad would be like, hey, what is my quarter inch ratchet? Oh, yeah. It smells like a good fucking time, dad. Or we used to, in the biking days, we would steal people's hubcaps on their car. The chrome ones. The chrome ones. The chrome ones were big.

Dude, every once in a while you'd see somebody that had like a dice or like a. A skull and crossbow. A skull. And you'd get like the badass guy who had a bullet. Oh, yeah. And that was like big points because you're like, not only is this going to look sick on my bike, but we might die doing this. Yeah.

This could be, this is dangerous. He might give us another bullet. Yeah. But that was big. We were big on that. We go to like car shows and we're like. Steal chrome. Yeah.

We like pretend like tire shoe and get in. Yeah. Put them on our bike. Steal chromies at car shows? Yeah. Go, you fucking go over the fucking sources. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Perfect. And as an adult now, I would look back and if somebody sold the chromies, I'd be pissed. But that was like, that was like a thing. Like, yeah, you stole. When they were big, everybody stole chrome. When I was a kid, it was the ornaments on top of the car. That's crooked. And break them off.

Rip off a fucking. That's actually a misdemeanor right there. That's actually jail time. I always do that. That's people would wear them as chains. Yeah. No, the Cadillac one, right? Yeah.

Yeah. The Cadillac one. Yeah. Chromies were, uh, those are sick. Put them on a bike. Chromies were great. And not one girl would ever look. And we'd be like, please.

Pull up. Validate me. Validate me. I'm getting up somewhere. You feel real cool. True. True. Getting on to talking about stamps.com.

Stamps.com? Stamps.com. You don't want to be rating around in the line at the post office when you got stuff to do. Stamps.com. You can mail, ship, print everything from your home office or your office. I don't know if you got a lease, whatever you're doing. I'm pretty sure you said rating around.

But, uh, guys, you don't want to be at the post office while I had hectic holiday shopping traffic. You know what I mean? Stamps.com. Access exclusive discounts for UPS and USPS service all year long. It makes sense. It makes sense. Especially if your business says more max.

It makes sense. Hey, let's keep it. Let's keep it PG, will you? Especially if you're sending more stuff packages and mail during the holiday. Holiday stuff. You got to get it out. Um, like we always say, save time and money this holiday season with stamps.com. Sign up with the promo code garbage for a special offer that includes a four week trial, free

postage, free postage and a digital scale. No long term commitments or contracts required. Let's go to stamps.com, click the microphone at the top of the homepage, enter code garbage. We do it. That's how we send out the March. It's fantastic. Stamps.com, microphone at the top of the homepage. Garbage.

Do it now. Kippy, let's talk about ExpressVPN. ExpressVPN? Yeah. Love them. I'm just learning out about VPN. Learning out about it. I'm learning out about it.

I'm figuring it out. Uh-huh. Because I like to do, you know, I like to, I like to keep my privacy online. Sure. Let's just say that. Yeah. If you're going to get a VPN, and if you're going to get a VPN, you got to go express. Yeah.

These big companies are all stealing our info. That's what they're doing. You're leaving a footprint everywhere you go and you're online. What you got, it turns out even incognito mode. Do you have only Google Chrome or whatever? They're still peaking. Yeah, they're peaking. They're lucky you lose these big corporations.

Yeah. Stealing all of our info. Real news. Selling it off to each other. Um, the IP address, the whole nine yards, but best of all ExpressVPN is super easy to use. The random IP address shared by many other ExpressVPN customers makes it harder for third parties to identify and harvest your data.

They're not. They're protecting you. They harvest your organs. These companies are harvesting our data, baby. Yeah. Selling it. Uh, so if you really want to go incognito and protect your privacy, secure yourself with the number one rated VPN, visit expressvpn.com slash garbage and get an extra three months

for free. Expressexprssvpn.com slash garbage. Go to expressvpn.com slash garbage now to learn more. Do it now. Back to the show. Um, was your belly button ever an, uh, an innie? No Audi. Innie.

Audi. Yeah. Audi. No, no, no, no. It's just a normal belly button. Also, do they change? They do. Really?

I don't think so. What do y'all got? I'm an innie. Yeah. I'm a goddamn American. I think babies had outies. Babies is becoming out and just fucking rocked up. Yeah.

It's all screwballs when they get out of there. Yeah. Is this your way of telling us that you had an Audi and then your stomach ate it? No, I was always an innie. Anybody who started out as an Audi, weird. That kid was always weird. Yeah. Kids with outies.

I didn't like it. Have you ever had an email address that had the number 69 or 420 in it? Definitely. Uh, or a screen name. I definitely have. I don't think what it was like fucking Cottonmouth King 69. Yeah. Oh, there had to be.

There had to be. Um, yeah, dude, I, I'm trying to think what it was or I remember one of them. I forget what the, the front part was, but I know the last three number slash digits was M80 because I really thought fireworks were cool. Oh my God. Yeah. M80 fireworks, the ones that could go with the waterproof wicks. You throw those bitches in the water and blow up.

Did you have a stash? Good time for a 12 year old. Yeah. Cause we also, we were pretty close to, we're not close, but you could drive to Chinatown and they just don't, they would sell fireworks to a third grader. So sure. So sure. We would buy a bunch of those firecrackers like a dollar and then we just blow up random

shit. They were a good time. Did you get your hands on some M80s as a kid? That's crazy. Yeah. I remember I put one in, or AOL name was M80. I don't know what. I don't know why.

That's tough. Yeah. Anything on aim. What else? BB gun, num chucks, Chinese stars. I was super into airsofting and paintball guns growing up. Really? Any questions that have you ever owned a paintball gun?

What are we talking here? I know a little bit about them. Oh really? Do we have the gear? Yeah, we had all of that. You got a gear up. That's part of it. What are you going to, you're acting like you're going to combat, you know, you got

to strap up. Yeah. There was a local like indoor paintball field near in my hometown. So we would like help out there just like play for free. Yeah. So we got super into it. They would be like tournaments on the weekends. We'd play and shit.

Like we got all into it. And then I was like eighth grade. Yeah. That's exact. I think that's the year you get, I was into it in eighth grade. Yeah. I was obsessed with it. I would like go on like forums and look at all these guns and like all this crazy shit,

different paintball guns. And yeah. And then I, I don't know what happened. I was just like a sophomore. You realize chicks were cool. That's what happened. Yeah. It was all, all just dude dominated.

And then girls like, are we going to go to the movies? And I'm like, what if we took a night off from paintball? But then you get shot with a paintball gun in the neck and it kind of looked like a hickey. Dude, I got shot on the neck. You shoot me. I'll shoot you. All right. We'll never tell anybody.

Right? Yeah. I was like, how is your weekend? It's like nuts. Pretty crazy dude. Yeah. I forgot her name. Yeah.

Who gave you a hickey on your forehead? Yeah. That's the cool thing. Yeah. I was super into that. We were just outdoor shit. I remember I had a Zippo lighter growing up. That was on it.

That's killing me here. That's pretty popular. What color? What was on it? It was, there was nothing on it, but it was like a royal blue, almost the same tin as a royal, royal dance. The dump. Yeah.

It was like the royal blue. I kind of like had a shine to it. And I was fucking. How else are you going to light the M80s? I mean, what are we doing here? I was stoked. Dude, I was waiting for people to ask if I could light their cigarette. I would do like to light it on your jeans.

Oh, of course you will. Yeah. Dude, I was obsessed with like, like I was not on a good trajectory. It's just like Zippos, knives, a ninja star. I'd be terrified if I was a parent. But there was a 13 on my house with ninja stars and M80s. Yeah. What would you have ended up working at like a record store and Venice Beach or something

like that? I don't even know. Paintball guns. Yeah. Like a store for paintball guns. Like Diamondback but for paintball guns. You never worked at a smoke shop, did you? No.

I worked at a Frosier. Pretty classy. Good kids. Yeah. Hmm. Okay. Yeah. What was the vacation situation for the while this was growing up?

We got like Palm Springs because they had like a time share there. Time share. Time share. Big shares are trash. You're fucking falling apart. I know man. We weren't having a nice time. We were talking about business.

Hardworking kids. Waiting for the Rolex. Does good. The Rolex. Use BMW. I'm excited. Jesus. Time share.

Whose was that? Mom and Dad's. Yeah. But they, yeah this is the stuff the internet needs to know. Dude, he's been into paintball. That's crazy. What's that? Were they about to time share life?

They weren't continually going to time share pictures and stuff, right? No. I think they just had the one in Palm Springs. Do you know who the other family was that had it? I have no idea. It's not. It's no. It's not that.

It's not just like one family. There's a bunch of different people that say. Yeah. It's like an Airbnb. It's really outdated. You get like one, you go ahead. It's owned by a company who owns like a bunch of them and then you buy, they go, hey, you give us X amount of money and you own this where you have to rent it out.

Like you get it two weeks a year or whatever. Yeah. Or three weeks a year. It doesn't, you're like forcing yourself to go on a vacation. Yeah. So then you're like, you got to take it by the end of the year. Otherwise you forfeit the money. Yeah.

I don't know the benefits. It's like if Airbnb was a subscription service. Yeah. It's a subscription Airbnb where you're like, I got to use this every, you know. Yeah. I don't know how that plays off. You probably saved some money, I would imagine, but. I don't think so.

I mean, they, I think they're known to prey on. Yeah. Not super smart people. Any extended family? Not a shot at your parents. I'm just saying. They prey. They prey on low income.

They do. I watch a documentary on it. No. It makes sense. A guy who will bring a chicken finger on an airplane. That's a great way to put it. They're just waiting at the terminal being like, there's one. Excuse me, sir.

Is that a chicken finger in your hand? The guy asking, do you get any barbecue sauce on the flight? That's our guy. No. I mean, the more you explain it, the more I'm like, well, I don't know why my parents would do that. Yeah. They were, they, dude, they hit huge in the 80s and night or like early 90s for some

reason. And like, I had family and friends that did it. And I never understood. I remember like, you partially own a place in Mexico. What the fuck's going on here? Yeah. It's really weird. But they sit you down.

They, it's like a high pressure sales pitch. And then they go, Hey, for like 500 bucks today, you can get this in a year. This in two years. Oh yeah. So I don't want to say at the top of a hotel in Las Vegas type thing. Yeah, I gotcha. I gotcha. Yeah.

Those Wallace's are boncos. No. Any lottery winners in the family? No, no lottery winners. Any extended family members ever stayed with you for a long period of time? Not really. Anybody sleep on the couch a lot. No.

Growing up. No, no, no. Somebody falls asleep on the couch. Mom or Dad, did you have a garage? We did have a garage. Was there a refrigerator in there? Yeah. Yeah.

The classic white fridge. Yeah. Shout out to the garage fridge. Yeah. Yeah. I had that step in the right direction. I don't know what the texture was, but it almost felt like a leathery football. Sure.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, but it's got that like fake texture. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know what. Unnecessary.

Yeah. Juice, sodas, ice pops, that kind of thing in there. Meat. Meat was in the freezer. The fridge was just like water bottles and like a healthy, like a, like a, what was that shit? Haines soda? It's not Haines.

What was it? Jones, maybe? Jones? What? Maybe Jones soda? Damn. That's like my Doc Browns, are you? Hanson.

Is that a soda? That's classy. I think I know what you're talking about. It can. You get it from like Trader Joe's. I'll pull it out. I don't know. Haines, Hanson soda.

Hanson soda. Hanson? Sounds nice. Mmm, Bob. I don't know. It's, I thought it. Hanson soda. Hanson beverage.

Here you go. Hanson beverage. Here this. Is this it? That's like bacon soda? I mean. What? I don't think it is.

Like this. Have you ever seen this? Ooh. No, but it looks real. No, I've seen that. I have a cartoon. I've seen that at the organic store. That's good stuff.

That's like the soda they would drink on friends. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's like my mom's like, you're soda. Like my mom would be the girl that would be like, she'd buy like Lucky Charms, Trader Joe's version, you know. Sure. Sure.

Yeah. Okay. Like Lucky Farms or something. You're like, I don't know about that. Yeah. It's in a bag. What was her best dish that she would make? Oh man.

She was actually a really good chef. Good cook? She would make like. Chef, he said. Yeah. Well, no, she was doing the reviews for the restaurant. Yeah. But anything against my dad's omelettes was, you know, unbeatable.

She made really good. She would do like a sweet and sour chicken, but she like bread it and fry it there with some sauce. Own sweet and sour chicken is pretty good. It's pretty classy. She did. I would have thought a woman who would make homemade sauce. I think they got wrapped up in a high pressure sales.

They didn't know what was going on with the timeshare. They made a bad mistake. Yeah. Is that all you guys would do was go to the timeshare? I'm sure you ever step out to Disney World, Disneyland, Europe? Sometimes, but not very much. We didn't travel too much to the family. We had done the Hawaii thing like two or three times just to bring it up again.

OK. How old were you when you got your passport? I did go to London when I was 16. OK. I went to Canada. I went to Canada. No, just as like some family shit. But I remember I went to Canada when I was 16 and they, I think he was 18 there.

Yeah. And I was 16 and they didn't card me. I might be the new Dan B. I might be Bill Zarian out here. This was big. This was big news for me. So yeah, I think other than that, we went to London one time and Canada was like the only two big ones.

OK. I had a passport for that then. Did you guys have a pool grown up? No. They brought a pool though. Above or in-ground? In-ground. OK.

Classy. Above is, hey, come on. Yikes. Anybody have a standalone hot tub? Any aunts, uncles, just a hot tub? My cousins did. It was on a wooden deck. They always are.

Yeah. Yeah. It's never in the guest house, OK? A wooden deck painted red. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Brutal.

Man, that's a tough one. Yeah. And it was always out of commission, you know? Sure. Waitin' on a part. There's nothing even in it. It's just storage for them, you idiots. Anyone in your family want a PT cruiser?

Oh boy. No, they didn't. They didn't, but I think there were some weird ones. No, I don't think so. OK. Anyone own a jet ski? No, no jet skis. You don't own a jet ski?

No, I do not. Now, with a little bit of cash, have you gone back and got a bunch of BB guns or paintball guns or anything? No, I should have. Nothing like that? No, I should. OK. That should be next to me.

You're moving on? You're maturing? That's good. Maturing? Anyone in your family refer to the bathroom as the John? No. The commode, the loo, anything? None of that.

OK. Yeah, no, I don't think so. Does anyone in your family have a black toilet? No. Is that good or bad? Which we found out only people with money, they're only in rich people. It's like super new money. I was going to say that's money.

That sounds wealthy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's real new money shit. Yeah, no. No, no, we have toilets that were like, my dad goes, you got to jiggle the handle a little bit. Or else it'll run all day. So like this makes us like, hey dad, all my parents, they have a, there's a leak in

their roof in the kitchen. And they cut out the patch to fix it. And it's just been a block of drywall. It's not even a patch. It's just a block of drywall that's measured kind of close to what the hole is. And they're remodeling the countertops. They just got marble countertops where they still have a hole in the ceiling. Still the patch.

Like, when are we going to fix this? Man. My dad's very like, I don't know if it's like a garbage move or a cheap move, but he would like, he's the king of all that shit. Instead of having the dog running around in the office, he built, like he put like a suitcase with like a skateboard in front of it to block the dog out instead of spending $29 on a gate to keep the dog out. He has a makeshift.

Contraptions and all these. So to keep the dog out of his office, he's got luggage and a skateboard. So the skateboard. Who's your dad? Kevin McAllister? What the fuck is that? It would be like a skateboard that goes against the wall and then you put a suitcase on the side to back it up for the, so it doesn't fall over.

Jesus Christ. He's a great engineer. You could have just done two Campbell soup cans to hold it up. I know, yeah, yeah. But that's the type of guy he is. He's like very like makeshift, like handy kind of guy. Okay, okay. Your family ever been thrown out of a restaurant?

No. Hmm. Can't say. Hmm. Did your parents ever buy the products off, products off TV such as a sham wow or a slap chop? Any clappers at the house? No.

Shia pets. None of those. Ronco? I don't know what that is. Rotisserie chicken. He could be too young. No. My mom had a bowl she bought where you like put the salad in it and you tap a thing on

top and spins all the water off. Yeah, that'll work. That was big. Thank you. I had one of those. They never worked. But it was also like, I feel like you just rinsed it under water. I don't know.

I'm sure. It was more so fun. It would just spin. Just get the water off and you could also tie dye t-shirts in there. Yeah, exactly. That'll work. Salad spinner. I'll give you that.

That's garbage. That's up there. Have you ever worn X body spray? Oh, yeah. Today. Shut up. No, no. I remember one time my mom found X body spray in my backpack in like eighth grade.

And she goes, are you using this to cover up the scent of weed? It's like, yeah, for sure. Yeah, yeah. I was like, no, mom. That's the fucking eye drops before. But no, she thought that was for the weed. But yeah, that was big. Dude, I was in high school when that dropped and the fucking locker room.

Geez. Everybody had their own. It's like a hookah lounge up in that bitch. Did you not strike a match? Yeah. That thing would have went up. Yeah. It was serious.

Yeah, I used tag and then old spice. Tag was even worse. Oh my god. Old spice, body spray or regular clove. There was a silver can. I don't know who it was by. If you're doing old spice, that's pretty cool. I don't think it was old spice.

Young kids like you, that's great. It might have been tags. Silver, body spray. Tag was trash. Tag was real trash. Silver, body spray. Silver. There's no way that's going to come up.

Silver, body spray. I don't know, but he is pretty good at the internet. He's proven. So maybe he does know what he's talking about. Silver body spray for pubescent teens. Who like to smoke weed. Dude, I gotta know what it is. This is not going to show up.

Oh, well, it's like body spray. People painting themselves silver. What's the shower routine now? Will you brush your teeth in the shower? I do brush my teeth in the shower. Good man. Full family do that? You learned that when you were a kid?

You learned it from your mom and dad? I think I'm the only one that would be doing that. Do you leave the toothbrush in there? Yeah. But here's the thing. This is that money, baby. I got one in the shower, one by the fucking sink. Come on.

Shout out to youtube.com. 24th every month. Electrics? They're old school. No electrics. It's old school. Okay. You pee in the shower.

Oh, yeah. Okay. I like it. You guys pee in the shower? 100%. I'll pee in the shower even if I'm not in the shower. 100%. You think I give a five?

I did it this morning. You just get drunk and pee in the sink? You ever do that? Yeah. It's a good one. It's like a urinal. It goes the same place. I know.

It's not that great, though. You're actually saving water, though. Yeah. Fair enough. Okay. But do you give it a quick little courtesy, like one rinse? Oh, yeah. Give it a splash.

Yeah, yeah. A little splash. Do you live with your lady? Don't let me ask you about that. I do. We just moved in a month ago. Really? All right.

Okay. That's nice. She brush her teeth in the shower? I don't think so. She's like more of a normal. Yeah. King-sized bed? King-sized bed.

How many pillows are we talking? Four. Four? Do you sleep with all of them? I do. Do you sleep with all of them? I got all the fuck out of those pillows. I need that security, baby.

What about one between the legs? Nah. All right. All right. Fan on you. Fan, yeah, yeah, yeah. See, I like a good ceiling fan. I like a good ceiling fan.

Who does it, Trevor? She said that the ceiling fan is trashy. I was like, I don't give a fuck. It feels good. It's a neutral tone on the body. It covers everything. He's good. This guy gets it.

Ceiling fan is classy. Now he's trashy. What's trashy is not. Ceiling fan is classy. What's trashy is having a regular fan right next to your face when you're asleep. That's what I think. That's garbage. They can both be trashy.

So what do you do? Just sleep in the heat and you're fucking taking it like a man? Like stagnant air? Like it's numb, baby. Yeah. No, I love a good fan. I miss the ceiling fan. All right.

A little tiebreaker then. What's the dust situation on that ceiling fan? Not great. I want to shoot you straight here, guys. I saw a trick online. You take a pillowcase. Yes. You put it over the, and then you just fucking choke it and you just rip it off like a condi.

Yeah. And it comes right off. Really? Yeah. Dude. You put it in. Yeah. It doesn't get in the air.

It traps the fan blade. And then you pull it back. It's pretty good. You just have a dusty pillowcase. It's really good. Cleaning lady? We don't have one, but like we just moved in. Yeah.

Will you be getting one? I don't know. Probably. Okay. Hopefully. Parking spot with the unit? One spot. One street.

Okay. But I gave her the garage. Yeah. She's an old man. Well, there's a homeless guy in front of our door one day. And I was like, she gets up for working like 5 a.m. Yeah. So I was like, yeah, you should probably just go to the garage.

Yeah. For sure. It's the right move. For the first time I thought you were telling the homeless guy that. Yeah. Oh yeah. He gets up and work around 5 a.m. for stuff. Yeah.

See those bushes over there? Great place to pop out. Great place. It always has a lot of cash on it. Oh yeah. And that angle, you're hitting on the ring camera so you're good. You got the ring? Got the ring camera.

Hey. Going back and forth. Are we talking just the front doorbell or we got full house coverage? Yeah, just the front doorbell. Okay. Yeah. But that's like an off. I feel like.

Yeah. You just got to, you know, some eyes on check your six. Yeah. You know, that's all. Too much security and you get a little like. That's a little long. Yeah. Check it in.

The cat sets off an alarm and shit. Yeah. Would you happen to know your dad's favorite singer or actor? My dad's favorite band is Grateful Dead. Don't know his favorite actor. My dad loves Grateful Dead. Wow. And Christmas has never been easier.

Every year I just type in like Grateful Dead golf balls and he's like, these are fucking magnificent. Holy shit, Trevor. You're the greatest son in the world. Yeah. He plays golf though. Oh yeah, big golf. Member of a country club?

Nah, he just goes like the local place. Okay. All right. We'll pack his own sandwich though. We'll pack his own sandwich. To the take, to the club. And chicken tender. And one single chicken tender.

I like it. Back to that. Where did he get the chicken tender previous? Where did he, where did the tender originate? We went to like a brunch spot and then they had like a chicken waffle type thing. And I think. This wasn't at the airport? No, no, no.

He left the hotel. It had great trajectory, dude. It was running spots that night. We went fucking restaurant, hotel, airport through TSA waiting. This is all in the pocket, by the way. And then about. All in the pocket. About 30 minutes in the air.

I get the tab on the shoulder. You want to take a nugget? The people next to him probably thought he was going to try to take this thing right into the Atlantic. Just, I don't know what ocean is near Hawaii, but. And this is recent. Air Marshall. Sir, put the nuggets down.

Yeah. This was over the summer. Oh shit. Maybe four months ago. Are we in first class when this happens? Yeah. Do you fly first class when you go to gigs? Only if I'm like doing like a vacation with the lady.

Okay. Yeah. Other than that, it's like, I don't, I don't mind the, I'll do like business plus for like the extra 80 bucks. Sure. And you're like, this is nice. Because you got to be getting recognized a decent amount. Yeah.

So like you do. It is. I'm sure it's probably nice to kind of, because I, I was in the elevator with you in moon tower. Yeah. And we got off and there was literally, it was like a fucking, it was like off YouTube. There's a kid sitting there with a thing of white claws over his shoulder. Oh my God.

Yeah. Didn't know you were going to be there. And the door opened up. And he's like, holy shit, dude. I'm the biggest fan. You're like, yeah, it's pretty on brand. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I got tours with me. No, but yeah, it's like, in my head, if you see some kid like me in first class, like oh, this kid thinks he got it. We used to be a business, business plus like closer. He got three extra inches for that kneecap. Okay. I do.

What are the cards? You have an amix. Chase Sapphire. Chase Sapphire. But I also, yeah. So I got like a business one, but then I also have the chase college account. Yeah. I got this Sapphire, but the metal, I don't even know if they use metal.

I don't know what it is. Yeah. It's like a flimsy metal. I don't know. Yeah. We got, we just got, we just got one. Which one? Oh, the amix.

The amix is something nice. I mean, it's only got like a $2,000 credit limit, but. But metal? Yeah. Oh, let me hear that bad boy. It's like, you feel it more than you feel it. It's got a little ting. It's got a little ting.

Oh yeah. Yeah. The lady. Oh yeah. Yeah. You feel it more than you feel it. Oh yeah. The girlfriend's got the same one.

Yeah. Can't buy a rollie with it though. No. Can't even buy a swatch with this thing. This is taxed out. We have the taxes, dude. We are tanking. That's patreon.com.

All right. What else you got? Oh, let's see. You got a couple. One I have, but I have a, would you consider yourself good at laser tag? Probably. Yeah. Yeah.

I was all into the paintball realm. So I would say I'm decent at it. Have you ever watched the implosion of a building? Online. Oh. Yikes. That's even worse somehow, I feel. But that's one of the things you're just scrolling.

You're scrolling through. I thought you were like watching the live stream. They're about to blow. You get up at like 5 a.m. What's the diet situation? You cooking at the house? I cook breakfast. I'm like my dad.

I do a good breakfast in the morning and then whatever the fuck else enters my body. I don't really care about it. So yeah, I can be better with that, but I just cook, I just cook really basic shit. Like just like ground beef and rice, microwavable rice. And I'm like, there we go. Yeah. Microwavable rice. That's all you need.

Growing up, or do they currently, or do you now, did your parents keep the batteries in the refrigerator? They did. They did. Yikes. Yeah. It's not a great look. They ever keep cash in the freezer or jewelry.

Cash in the freezer? Yeah. It's a real dirtbag thing. I love it. No. Nothing. Are you a cash guy? I guess I put, yeah.

You like always have a couple of bucks on you because I'm like not a cash guy ever. It's like hit or miss. I'll either have like. I guess from spots sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Spots around town and you get like 20 bucks and keep it on you. But yeah, I keep it on me for like valet type shit.

Yeah. What about the pet situation growing up? Pet situation. I had two cats and then the dog was like a later thing. What were their names? That's pretty cute, man. Hugs and kisses for the cats. Oh my God.

I haven't said that out publicly before. Wow. I could have just lied. Wow. I could have just lied. Dude. It's not great. That's bad.

It's not great. Yeah. Hugs and kisses. These are for short time share people. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. The cats had their own time share, you know. The dog's name, and this is just my sister being on some nut shit.

She named the dog Charlie, but it's a girl. So I just. That's okay. Charlie girl. Well, Charlie's angel. Yeah. I think she was influenced by that. What kind of dog was Charlie?

Puggle. Pug beagle. They're nice. Those are good dogs. Just not bad. Straight pug, little trash. Pug mix, not bad. I'll give you that.

No fish. No hermit crab. I didn't have a fish. Guinea pig, hamsters. Oh, okay. You guys are going to love this. A sight. So my sister growing up had a pet rat.

Oh my God. And when it died, they had a funeral in the backyard. Oh my God. Did they bury it in the backyard? Oh yeah. Did she work in a lab at this time or something? That a pet was a white? Yeah.

Oh. Those are the creepiest ones, dude. I don't know why she wanted a rat growing up. I don't. Oh, man. I forget its name. A fucking pet rat. Or some stupid turkey beaster or some shit.

I don't know what the fuck its name was. I forget. That's the fucking nail on the corner right there. I had a goldfish. I wanted the fair that lived for way too long. I thought it was going to die in like two weeks to live for three years. A goldfish? Yeah.

Goddamn. What was his name? I have no idea. I think he's looking at it like a fish. I guess. I don't know. Goddamn. That's...

I got one more from the Patreon just in because we're in the same realm. So as you guys know when you join the Patreon, we'll answer your question on the air. And this one's just funny. This is from Caitlyn. Ever tried to train a pet to retrieve a beverage for you? But you see those videos. That's too much time on your hand and real dirtbag shit. No, I haven't.

But that would be something I would aspire to do. You're dead. Charlie, get me a beer. Give me a tender. Do something. I saw a guy turn off a light switch with a laser pointer. There was a cat. You shot it at the light switch and the cat goes a bat at it.

That's pretty good. That's just smart. That's really smart. Yeah. That's just good. But no. Would she let the rat out with the rat be running around the house? Hold it.

It didn't smell good. I don't know why. I don't know. She lives in Williamsburg. She's one of those people. She might still own a rat, you know. I got news for her. She just sank the whole Wallace family.

Oh, yeah. This kid's trash. Yeah. Oh, validated. Yeah. I could turn my head. I could turn my head on the timeshare. But you guys got jammed up.

Yeah. You guys were drinking. You know, your parents were drinking one night, but a rat was loose. Cottonmouth Kings. Cottonmouth Kings is off the bat. That's not good. Damn trash right there. Right.

Knocking it out of the trailer park right there. Real trash, ma'am. Well, buddy, we love you. What a fucking fantastic episode. Thank you so much for coming in with us. Thanks for having me. This was great. What do you got coming up?

You want the folks out there to know? I got a tour coming up. It's announcing on the 15th. I don't know. When is this here? Probably before the 15th. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Next Monday. I got a tour coming up. It's a big theater tour. It's my first theater tour. Very excited for this. It's like the internet guys who were fitting. It's like nobody fucking knows my name.

They're just like, you're the internet guys. Are you that guy? It's kind of like, it's playing on that. It's just kind of like it just felt and fit the tone. It's just life about people knowing who you are, but not knowing who you are. They know the videos. This is just a stand-up. It's no characters.

It's just me just fucking yelling about random shit and tickets on TrevorWallsComedy.com. Other than that, you can find them on TrevorWalls. And I got a podcast called stiff socks. And I'd love to have you guys on. For sure. I think you have my boy on tomorrow. You got Blastinko? Yeah.

It's my co-host. That boy, I don't know if he's trash. He's got a big foot fetish though. Go looking kid, too. Go looking kid. Love's feet. Love's feet. So bring that up.

Yeah. He's a weird sexual deviant kind of guy. Love's feet used to think his mom was hot. He's a character. Don't tell me Totas will ambush him with it. Yeah. First question. I hear you're a real pervert.

Yeah, go, are you a tits or a foot guy? And just throw him off. And he's like, oh, this is my kind of podcast. Jim, the lights. I heard you like your mom's feet, you little pervert. That'll get him riled up. Give him a hard time. Or I can give you guys some good info to ask him.

But yeah, man, it's called stiff socks. Everyone's there. We'll get you guys on whenever you're in LA. Or if we have any time in New York, dude. Love it, man. Thank you so much. Gang, the great TrevorWallis. Thanks for having me on.

Thanks for having me on. Guys, next couple of weeks in the middle of December, we're going to be in Albany, Syracuse, and Hartford, Connecticut. Get those tickets. Come see us. On the last shows for the year. And then 2022, we're lining shit up all over the fucking country.

Merch drop. There's merch currently available. Get it. Going to be available till November 18. The link will be in the description. Go and click. Get it while it lasts. Gang, we love you.

And we'll see you next week. Peace.