Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - We Answer Your Garbage Questions!

Episode Date: December 28, 2020

Kippy and Foley are back with another family episode where they answer your AYG questions. The boys talk proper attire for a wedding, how to pierce your own ear, and what to do when you get a rash. Its a fun one! Thanks for listening! Bonus Episodes: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage T-Shirts: http://www.PodcastMerch.com Follow Kevin: https://www.instagram.com/kevinryancomedy/ Follow Foley: https://www.instagram.com/foleygrams/ Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans?

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Kippy's great, Foley's great. Racism's extravaganza went off without a goddamn hitch. It's the last episode before the big break, guys. Positive vibes, hard energy. Here we go, Foley, on you, buddy.

Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite new podcast. This is Are You Garbage. Yeah, it is. It's the show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and find out if they grew up classy or if they're absolute trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day here. Aunt Tootie's basement down here all cleaned up from the holidays. Ready for 2021, baby?

Here we fucking go. My co-host is coming at you from across the table. So, you know what that means, kids? It's a family episode, a fan question, Patreon question episode, just the family. We read your questions on the air, and we have a fucking good time. These are some of my favorite apps, baby. Always our favorite apps.

Family, time, love, the family. Ladies and gentlemen, the auntie to my uncle, all right? The Mrs. Griswold to my Clark. The Tom to my Jerry. Kippy, Kevin James Ryan, my old pal. Hey, gang, happy to be here. Thanks so much for tuning in. Also, someone brought up, and I forgot.

You haven't been doing ass making a Kippy recently. We got to move some merch. You got to remind them. You need to fall back in love with him. I know. I don't think he's been sour on me. He's been sour. It happens with the big man.

He's very temperamental. Nevertheless, forever, we both know hearts can change. He holds it together for an hour. Hard to hold a candle in the cold December rain. He holds it together for an hour while we're on air, but I'll read some private text messages. This guy's sour as quick. Be nice.

Guys, thanks so much for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, review, subscribe. On iTunes, full video is available. Do us a solid right now. Go do it. Pause the podcast. Make it happen. Full video available on YouTube and also patreon.com

slash rugar, but you can sign up. You can really help support the show. You can get bonus content, bonus episodes, videos we're doing. Foley's head creator of content over there on Patreon. He's cranking out the videos. Oh, yeah. We're doing tubby time with Kippy.

Lookout. We're doing live streams with you guys where you get to ask us questions. We ask you questions. Good times. We did it last week. It was a hot, hot last. I'm not lying.

You fucking know me. Look at my face. It was hot. Get involved with that, baby. Yes. We did do that live stream three weeks ago. Well, whatever. You know what I mean.

We're living in podcast universe here. It's actually, it's March 13th. I'm actually skinny by the time you see this. It takes the light from the planet. I'm from that far away. Guys, thanks so much. It's been a banana's year. This is coming out on New Year's Eve.

It's been a banana's year for us. Thank you so much for all the fucking support. Just dropping New Year's Eve. Just dropping the 31st, baby. Thank you so fucking much. This has been a fucking life-changing year for us. We really appreciate it. The support from all you guys has been fucking awesome.

We're so grateful. Thank you so much. But this is show business. It's what have you done for me lately? Show. Let's up everything up in 2021. Tell a friend. Join a Patreon.

Get a hoodie. Do something. That's right. Yeah. Good stuff. How about a nice shout out to our old pal, Toby McMullen. T. The T-Bone.

Boom. Thank you for all come to know and love. Hey, what's up? It's like to be here. What a crazy Christmas we had, huh? That was nuts. Toby really plays it cool with the timelines. I watch you.

Don't get fucking head. Don't shoot a cop with this guy. Don't tell me who won the World Series. All right? Yeah. I watch Kippy's brain be like, shut the fuck up. Good times. We love you guys.

Thank you so much. We appreciate everything that you guys are doing for us. As we say, go to podcastmerch.com. Pick yourself up a little fucking AYG memorabilia. You know what I mean? A little bit of merch. A little bit of swag. Yeah.

And some of you guys have nice stuff. Nice hoodies. Nice deeds. You guys have been asking. We kind of jumped the gun on the release of the card game that should be out in 2020. If you're hearing this, we are in bankruptcy. We hit a snag with production.

Apparently, they wanted to be paid for this thing. Our European investors are holding us hostage. Yeah. It should be out very soon, so stay tuned for that. Yeah, the card game's coming. It's all coming. We're just getting warmed up. This is a three-man team, baby.

We're doing it. We're fighting and moving, stick and move. You know what I mean? Now, you, Bozo, let's talk a little business. Sure. All right. Where'd you get that t-shirt, first of all? This is from Kona Surf Shop in Wildwood, New Jersey.

Shout out to fucking Wildwood, New Jersey. That's where I've wrapped up. Have you ever been on a surf board? I have. Boogie board? Yeah, I've gone surfing in your mom every now and then. That's what they do a surf board. They call it.

That sounded sexual. Wasn't romantic. You didn't hear? Kippy got sponsored, dude. Yeah. Shout out. Go to Kona out there on Rio in New Jersey. Tell them fucking Toby sent you.

I always thought, I always thought Jersey surfers were wack. Real wack. Yeah. Kids talking about, yeah, we're going to Atlantic City. You surf, like, no, you're not. You're going down to get clam strips like everybody else. Shut up. No, the surf is decent in Jersey.

Same with New York. New York, too? I saw Long Island. Washington Square Park? We're on an island, baby. Get to some fucking Luau. Long Island. Who's got the street cred surf lies in Foleyville?

Nobody. You're fucking surf. I fucking body surfed. Like the fucking big kahuna. That's how we do it down the shore. Yeah, that sounds real cool. Oh, you guys are going. There's no jealousy in that.

You guys are going fucking surfing. That's wack. I'd rather body surf any day of the week than get on a surf board. I'll be boogie boarding if you need me. I'm not getting bit by a shark. I go three feet out and wait for it a little wave. Foley hits the beach.

A bunch of scientists coming in. We've got to get it back. We've got to get it back in. Get a tarp. Spray it with a water gun or something. We've got to keep it wet. It was 100 feet tall. It was a foot, I tell you.

I'd just go with it. Just go with it. Let me get a sandwich over here. Pouring soda on me. Candiceau Deans. Get me a Candiceau Deans. By the way, that fucking triggered my memory. This might be a little while back,

but some animal in the Facebook group posted that picture of mac and cheese with sardines. Mac and cheese with sardines? What the fuck? I know some of you. I don't know if that was a stock picture. I don't know if that was a group. Animals.

Your lunch, your breakfast, your dinner. Some of you in that group are fucking savages, dogs. Somebody posted a sandbie with some fried onions on it. It was all white bread with some Doritos. Look at the deal. Looked a little trash, if you ask me. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum. But that's what we're doing today, folks.

We got a lot of questions from the Patreon, from Facebook. It's going to be me and Bully. It's all you guys today. It's all about you, folks. Bobbin and Weevin. This is a sign of appreciation for all you guys. We really fucking appreciate all the support. I know the activity of you guys.

The Facebook group is bumping. Patreon's fucking bumping. We want to, you know, and you guys ask so many fucking good questions. It's like, you know, some of these questions I've had on my list to ask. I was just waiting for the right guess. And they sneak in with them.

We should be paying you. But we're not. But we're not. That's Patreon.com, such a great guy. Stop the show. Hit me. Let's say, I think we talked about this. I forget your answer.

I know my answer. This is from Eric Border. Water or milk for hot chocolate? It's a winter time, holidays. Great question. Growing up, it was always water. Water. You do water with the smist mix powder.

Never even thought to use fucking milk. Or would, I don't know. Foley's in hot milk. Just, that never happened. We kept it ice cold in a cool west side. Did you ever see anybody boil milk? That was always weird to me. Like in a pot?

Did you ever have somebody drink warm milk before they went to bed? None of my friends. Fucking buffalo bill. Those things are weird. Where are we? Hanging out the entire room at home? Imagine going to, dude, if one of my buddies

came over for a sleepover and asked my dad or mom for a glass of warm milk, not happening. Hey, weirdo, your parents called. They'll be here in 10 minutes. If he asked for a glass of Cuddy Sark in a black eye, he'd probably get that though, wouldn't he? Shout out to a Michelin. They were big at the house.

Always water. Sometimes two, three packs if I was left to my own devices and I would eat the marshmallows like cereal. Yeah. If there was no snacks in the house. I always like putting the fresh marshmallows in. Get the fuck out of here. Why don't you like, how?

The freeze-dried little ones, because they remind you of having lucky charms. They were great. Yeah, but the marshmallow, the real marshmallow, was a better marshmallow. Hands down, you can't debate that. Okay. So why not?

That'll fuck. I don't want to fight on New Year's Eve, all right? Okay. Whatever you want to do. You want to go see your sister? We'll go see your sister. Yeah. This is from Jeff P on Patreon, which what?

Wait a minute. There was a point in my life when I discovered that you could use milk and I've been milk ever since. You still making hot chocolate that frequent? We had hot chocolate a couple of nights ago. We each had a cup for while we were doing the tree or like, you know. But I'm saying before that one was the last time.

I don't know. A couple of days, maybe. Yeah. You act like I'm crazy for asking you these questions. Yeah. I don't know. Last time I talked, I tell you what, I drank that fucking chocolate milk that Adrian got us at the show.

Oh, yeah. Shout out to Mary Made Farms fucking doing it right. You said you weren't going to have that. Well, you were caught up in what I call a lie. And that's just the way it went down. Kibby, he also gave you McDonald's sauce packets and said there was no food order along with it. I'll show you the receipt downstairs.

I didn't fucking buy food. Do you think a one? Okay. I'll believe you. I will produce a paperwork that will clear my name. I bought you a nice present. No, no, I don't. I embarrass myself.

I don't trust the receipt. I want to see a bank statement because I wouldn't put it past you to be like two separate orders, one just sauce, one with sandwiches. Oh, that's not going to happen. Because you'll see he was at Burger King earlier that day, too. To see a friend.

Called a whopper. Okay, let's get back to the show. Back to the show. Um, let's see. This is from Korsh out at the court. Our gal. Love you, Kort. Do you guys in your own house, obviously,

use the same bath towel as other people? Like the person, your, you know, your husband, your wife, your gal, your, you know, do you share a bath towel? A bath towel? No, she has her. No, I do. I wait, I wait my butt with my bath towel. I dry my butthole with my bath.

Sure. Do you do that? I'm not walking around here with a wet butthole. Yeah, I can dry my butthole. Got a fucking asshole question as that. You dry your hair? Of course. You got to have a fucking tight b-hole.

Yeah, my girl's not, she's not a fan of that. So she would never use my towel. I've used my girls. Yeah, you could use your girls. She can't use mine. No, no, no, no. Hers could be a month and a half old and it still smells fresh. I use mine once and it's like a fucking pirate ship.

I am, I am also a bit of a fucking jerk off though. If I need to dry my something, I use hers instead of mine. Oh yeah. You know what I mean? Like if they're both hanging on the back of the door and I just wash my hands, I go hers. She has this. She doesn't know what she's catching.

She's getting a lot of, a lot of incidental uses. Wiping them out. Sure, sure. Blowing my nose, whatever I need to do. My girl has a, a... Toby's never going to look at me the same. My girl has like a terry, a terry, it looks like a terry cloth jumper skirt

where it goes up like above her boobies. Yeah, like a, like a towel lounger type thing. Exactly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a towel and it has like, it has elastic on it to, you know, keep it on and like, you know, that's what she puts on and then she puts her towel, her hair up in the towel.

You're jerking off on it. No, but I wipe my, I've been, I've been wiping my face on that. Yeah. Oh, that's, yeah. Yeah. It's like a sun dress at that point. Oh, 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I'm an, I'm an animal with it. Absolutely. We were just talking about, I was an, I'm an animal with my towel and like, I won't, I very, when I'm doing laundry, I very rarely to remember to wash the towels because they're in the bathroom.

They're on the door. They're not like where the rest of the laundry is. And I'm only thinking about a towel when I turn the shower off is when I'm thinking about a towel. Or do you allow your towel to dry post shower? Um, I, my wife, I go over the door because you get more surface area. If you hang it on the hook,

it stays conched up and it might catch a smell. It stays wet longer. You got to go over the door to really let the air get to it. What the best thing it probably is, but I think it's so trashy is when you hang it over the shower. When you, That's not bad. It's fully open.

I kind of like that. My girl puts the mat over there too to dry the mat out. Ah, no. But conversely though, the over the door can be complete trash. If you just go corner of the door, just like throw it up there. Yeah.

And then it's the worst of both worlds. Sure. Because you're doing. Oh, I corner it. Yeah, of course on the corner. No, but he's saying like it's still folded like it's on the hook. So you got to take a dump and you got to pull it out and make sure the door shuts.

You can't you're doing your business. You can't close a door in my apartment without taking a fucking towel off the door. The same way. Which I was saying, we have a very, I was thinking about this last night. We have a very loose door policy in my apartment.

What does that mean? People are coming and going. Doesn't matter or whatever, you know. Yeah. I think that's weird. If you, if I, I wouldn't,

if I went into one of the rooms in my apartment and shut the door, that would, that door would be open to like, what do you don't, what are you doing in here? No, I'm not saying that I'm saying bathroom,

whatever, like, I just know if it's like- You're shitting with the door open? If it's, no, I'll close, I'll close the door

because it's devastating. I mean, dude, I don't know. I'm laying down some fucking bad stuff in there. I've, it's tough.

Come across it. A timer too. I didn't like it. It's bad. There is not a casual dump in this room. No, no, it's all fucking,

it's micro dirty jobs. We're fucking doing it. There's no PG-13 situation over here. All rated R. Not admit it without parent. Which this, this is, this is a bit of a sidebar.

I, my wife bought me a massage the other day. We go to this girl, shout out to May, May, does massages in our tent. She listened. I left the business card.

I don't know if she fucking- Trying to eat her free lunch? I don't know if she peruses. But like once a month, maybe once every two months, or three months, honestly, my wife will be like,

oh, go get a massage. You know, here I got, I ordered you a book to massage. She gets acupuncture there. So she's like, I ordered you a massage from the gal.

So I go, okay, great. So I go, and I've been eating a lot of spin. I've been eating way better. So I've been eating a lot of spinach and spinach. I don't know about you guys,

but fucking open the floodgates of wide open. It's fucking goes right through me. Minutes. Like, so I should eat all in the fucking toilet. It goes quick. I'm not trying to be gross here, but so I had attractive.

So I'm sorry, Brad Pitt over here. All of a sudden, all of a sudden worried about fucking toilet poop stories. Brad Pitt was good. Talking about wiping your ass on your, on your, on your girlfriend's dress.

And I'm a fucking savage. So I had a big, you know, I'm the, have you been eating healthy? And that, when you're eating healthy and fucking goes, baby,

that's like, you know, natural lubricant in the fucking, in the, in the intestines there. No construction on that high one. No, easy.

All lanes open. Yeah. Sunday afternoon driving. So I'm getting a massage in about 20 minutes into a 60 minute or I'm all loose and relaxed. And I like the fucking bubbles are like, I'm talking a fart or you got a shit. Farts.

I mean, we're, we're an hour past farts. I'm talking water at the gate. Like, you say, Hey excuse me. I have to go.

Evacuate my bowels. But this is like a, this is not a, a conducive place to poop. You're going to hear you. Shit. No trickling water. Meanwhile,

there's people like meditating, get an acupuncture, and I'm fucking clogging the toilet. I can't do that. But I'm talking what, like water at the wall. The dam's about to break. I'm fucking trying to relax.

Me while I'm sweating. She's like, you tense. I'm like, no, I hate that feeling. But then it'll subside. I can convince myself that all,

you know, the water will move elsewhere. You know, title go out. I guess it will for me. Oh, then you could pull it back. So then it was about five minutes left and fucking,

you know, knocking on devil's door again. And I'm like, I'm going to take this bed from me. She wrapped it up pretty quick. And I was like, I don't like fucking a hundo at her later. That's fucking ran inside.

Good night. Yeah. Ever since I shit my pants last year, I don't fuck with it. I don't like it. It's tough. It's tough, man. You got to be right.

You got to be on your toes. I noticed that I have to get up like an hour earlier than I would like to because I need to let things organize. You know what I mean? And then there's usually, you know, got to get your affairs in order. Yeah,

because it doesn't just because you can wait. If you rush out of the house too quick, that's not, I don't have that problem. Oh, I'm like, I can rush out of the house to be like, Oh, I feel,

I don't have to feel great. And then you get halfway to the subway and you're fucking. No, I'm like a, I'm like a, I'm like a plane that dumps it in the middle of the air. It's like, and it's out and I'm good.

There's nothing. When I'm done, there's Joe Dirt finds it. There's nothing. There is absolute. It's bone dry in there. I'm fucking clean. How forest fires.

Oh, but yeah, it's like, it's like a helicopter dumping its load. I'm fucking a diver in there. Couple of trout. Yeah, dude,

I fucking, it's an emergency shoot. There's nothing not coming out. I've never had that problem. Moving on. This is from Jeff P, which I have on the page. What was that question?

About me shitting my pants at a massage. I don't know. Wiping your butt or maybe I think that's how we got into using the girlfriend's towel. Yeah, that's how we got into it. Oh, and then door open door policy.

That's that. You don't close it. You know, yeah. So she's dumping with the door open. No, she does it, but I'm just saying like if she,

if she's in the shower every, it's just very, sure, very open. There's no like a peek. If what if her in the shower? I don't need to sneak one cameras. Cameras are running.

I think the ring light gives it away. I got a sign on the front doors as you are now entering. You would give up all permission on Martin Lawrence special. Close circuit television, baby. I got a deck of monitors in the closet. Old man in there. An old retired cop doing security.

Ham and cheese sandwich and a cup of coffee. Smoking a Bernie. Yeah, she's brushing her teeth. Gotta keep an eye on her. This is from Jeff P, which I feel is just a shot at me. Do you have eczema?

I guess that means. What the fuck? I, because I reached a heart murmur loser. You gotta ask my door. Fucking trash. I, I didn't know you had eczema.

I, we talked to, I recently, I recently got it and I found out first lotion dog. I, it's, I found out first. I can see you're asking this from here.

I got it. I got it. Oh, Jesus. You need the lotion. Listen, you sitting here, criticizing my lotion. I'm not criticizing.

I'm trying to help you. No, you go, Jesus, you, you need a complete. You look dry. You look dry,

but I'm moist boot. I'm moist. This is what you do. You hold on. I'm moist. You hold on to your hairline and your skin. You're dying. You are going buddy.

We're all dying. Act accordingly. Um, I originally had about the inside. I had about, uh, of it on my wee wee to get a little. What?

Yeah. And I didn't know what about panic attack city. Next step. I didn't know what it was. What were those Google searches like? Oh man. You know you're looking. It was,

it was bad. It was so bad that I, I couldn't Google it because I'm like, I don't want the answer. Oh, no,

it's not going to be my whole life right there. Yeah. So some ice on it and hope it goes away tomorrow. So I thought it was like maybe the towel. So I just, just thinking about you looking at your little pee pee. Freaking.

Whoa. Whoa. Who said it was little? I was chopping up. I was playing the guitar down there. Make it look at least four inches. That's what, and that's a tough spot.

Cause like, what are you going to bring your girl into the mix? So I mean, you know, I don't want to hash, you know, so I was like, that was the problem.

Yeah. So right away I go, Oh, it's a fucking, you know, it's a heat. It was in the summer.

It was an August or whatever. So I'm like, Oh, it's a heat rash. So whatever, you know, sweaty, something,

blah, blah, I hit it with a cream, tough act and tenac then something. I don't, that got it. Man, to be honest with you.

She was angry that day, my friend. Make a swarm of bees and a whiff of all that. Buddy. Man, the queen was upset. So,

so he started fighting back a little bit. And he came to, Oh, it hurt. It was a scene. So I, I switched towels. I'm like,

maybe it's an old, maybe I got to switch out the towel, clean towel, do it. Then I'm, It ain't the towel. She's stepping out on you. That's what I thought.

You're fucking moron. So I'm like, Oh, this is that. So then, I'm hitting it with the hair dryer because I'm going if it's completely dropped,

like the moist, cause you know, so you got the GI drip, kid. So putt two, then I get it on my arm here. And that's someone's like, that's eczema.

And I go, Oh, so I start googling eczema on the Johnson. That you can live with. And that they, so how long, how long was the gap between it's showing up on your dick

and your homie identifying it on the arm? It seemed like fucking five years, dude. It seemed like long. It seemed, I don't know. I was cheating. I lived and died a lot of times

in that, in that period of whatever it was. So then, I'm like, I get whatever cream it's like hydro, whatever. I was using the wrong cream originally.

I got the one for eczema. And then like 10 seconds, it's gone, dude. Nice. I put it on it, burn like a sum of a bitch. I'm a big fan of all that stuff.

Cortisone cream. Fucking knocked it right out. Shit. Hasn't been back. Yeah. No, you're not trash. If you have eczema. No.

You got on your dick. You're not running for office. I was fucking my elbow. I believe that was a shot at you. What? That. It might have been. I like it.

Yeah, I'm fine with it. Yeah. This is from Lacey Bradley. Lacey Bradley on the old ad, Patreon.com. I'm like, I'll show you damage. Anyone.

This is trash. Anyone get a piercing at home? My dad pierced my ears with an ice cube and needle. Saved 14 bucks. Your dad. Yeah. Actually, it was just one ear I pushed out for the second one. Only if your dad had an ear piercing and still rocked it

or had it when he was younger, I guess he would know about it. Yeah. If he was in that world, if you're a biker or the in the Hills Angels or something, maybe I can see it. But if your dad's like a, you know,

a fucking IT guy and he's piercing your ear, your trash. Yeah. That's a fucking half a pizza right there. Come on. Go to go to fucking, you know, the piercing pagoda in the mall,

grab a slice of Saboros, call it a fucking day. Go to Claire's. Yeah. Somewhere. I didn't have a piercing for free. You buy the earrings, you get the piercing for free.

I didn't I didn't. Toby's in there getting a dick pierced at Claire's. They're gonna ain't picking up. Oh, I hope it's got a door handle on it. No, I didn't get a piercing, but I did. I did have pierced ears. Shout out.

I had one. Of course you did. Dude, I had one going for a while. And I was walking through the mall and I said, I saw some little tubby kid walking with one earring. And I was like, that's what I fucking look like. And then instead of taking it out,

my dumb ass went and got the other one done. I were kind of respect that you're a rebel. You're a skater kid. You know, I might get my ears pierced. I might get my left ear pierced. That cool? No, no, it's bad.

No, but I, but I got not, not quite gauges, but like a thicker, Oh, come on. a thicker like a 14 or whatever. I don't know.

But I couldn't, I couldn't get it in myself. And my mom tried to, she was like, I can't do it. I've heard you cut to that night. She's all tuned up on Bailey. She's like,

get it in here. Yeah. Yeah. Bailey's is trash. If you're getting drunk on just Bailey's, you are garbage. We're not allowed to have it in the house anymore. Cause my mom won't put it down when she pops.

It's like Pringles, bro. What does she have it over ice? Yeah. It's nice. Dude, you know, it's real nice when I,

when I fly, when I go, when I used to go to my, when we go home with my girl or whatever, we fly a German airline, Lufthansa, which is very nice for some reason. They push heavy,

the Bailey's on you. So I have a bunch of IPAs at the bar at the airport. Get all tuned up. Get on there, order a whiskey or two on the cuff, whack them down and then they come around after dinner. You want some Bailey's.

I got to take a two tree of them. Fucking on the rocks. Take the edge right off. Let me ask you this. My flying experience isn't too keen, but and we've always flown coach. I don't think they've,

you don't say. They've never actually charged us for drinks. There's the menu. Oh, this is this, but then it's okay. The sodas. No,

booze. They should be charging now. We got on the cuff almost every time we've flown. Maybe once or twice. It's weird. Depends what you're flying on. That might be included. Depends what you're flying.

Yeah. Air, each airline's different. You ever flown? You ever flown first class? Give me or get the bump. I have. I've never been bumped up.

I've had somebody pay for my first class ticket. Oh, we talked about this in the Norman episode. Yeah. Exactly. My cousin paid. I have not. If you're,

if you're, if you ever get the bump out there in your listen and you want to do something fun, is a fun game you can play. It's called will they cut me off? Yeah. That happened. The answer is no,

you got cut off. No, we drank them out of vodka on the way to Miami. So it was like a two and a half hour flight. We drank all the vodka on the plane. I had a, I had a whiskey before the plane took off. And then I was pound of whiskies.

And then I was like, wait, wait, wait. If I, if I keep going whiskey, they're going to copy off. So I better switch to wine. Oh, that'll,

as we were landing, I was like, can I get another red? She was like, we're out. I was like, why don't do it? She's like,

trying to like, make sure everyone's. Get off me. Get off me. Sarah, get off me. Why don't do it? I'm an animal on the same way.

Once I get to a certain point, it's like, you can give me fucking bleach and I'll drink. Like, I just need something to keep the ball in the air. You know what I mean? I'm not at it. Yeah.

Whatever it is, I'm doing it. Yeah. I one time pierced my buddy shot at the James. I he was like, I want to pierce my eyebrow and I'm like, all right, dude,

I'll fucking do it. We were like 13 or whatever. So he's like, I'm like, I sit up, man, you know, I'll let's fucking go.

So I got it in with a safety pin, like the big, you know, the hefty safety pin, Jones, and I got it in and under the skin, but then couldn't get it through the skin. So it was just hanging there.

And I'm like, yeah, man, I'm out. Like, I don't have it in me to keep going. Hey, we got stove top delay.

Yeah. So he, he finally did it him. So he got it through him. See, they came, he was shaking. Like,

he was like, Hey, how's it look me? And I'm like, yeah, I was like smoking a Bernie. I was like 13. Like,

yeah, looks good, dude. So yeah, my buddy got my buddy fell and split his dome open and had staples in it. And he was like, yo, I don't want to pay for them to take them out.

Will you pull them out for me? They come out easily though. I had them. I had them. They did not. Oh, really? It got stuck. I got one same thing halfway out.

And I was like, dude, I'm out. I'm out. Check out. You feel like it moving in the skin. I'm like, dude,

nope. That's it. Hey, man, your insurance didn't go through. It's a big buddy. You got the copay on you. I got my ear pierced in college at my fraternity house.

One of my boys did it. Living on a brand. Man, I want to beat you up in college. If we cross paths, I don't think so. I would have worked you. You would have been the big of,

stop, bro. Call Mahoney. It wasn't like that at all. You probably had friends named Mahoney and played cross in college with a kid named Mahoney. Of course you did. Ryan Mahoney.

Shout out to Ryan, wherever you are, big guy. Cool kid. Introduce me to social. This one goes out to you. Introduce me to social distortion. Great band.

Oh, sorry. Who do you like? The Illinois's? I don't know. It's your cop. Sometimes you really phone it in and when you mess,

you give up. He gives up quick. For the list of runner second episode of the day and he's playing coach pitch over here. If it ain't coming across the plate, he ain't got it in him. Winter rules here. Let's get this guy a tee.

Home run derby. We don't have to run this out, do we? I was told this was a meet and greet. It's all, it's all gimme punts with this guy. That's a gimme, right? 17 feet from the hole.

That's a gimme. Come on. Not at all. No, we would have been friends. No. After we made love. No, you, I don't think we would have connected.

I wasn't an asshole like that. I wasn't running around my mouth. Dude, relax. Calm down. You act like I'm like, we're gonna run. Calm. You remember,

I'm saying you were so cool. Jockey that I don't, I would have been like that. I don't like that guy. We just weren't the same people then. That's what I'm saying. As much reverence as you hold

for your high school and college. I was also, hold on. I was also, okay. You know, finish your, finish your point.

Go. I'm sorry. Go ahead. No, you, I was also eating. What? You were going to say that.

You're, I'm also eating. What'd you say? Something. I didn't say eating. I said, I was also emo like I was into poetry and I listen.

Well, then I definitely going to shove you in a locker. What are you talking about? I love how he thinks he's going to get me now. I was writing poetry. I wasn't what you were thinking. I wasn't a typical jock. I'm just saying the way with the reverence you hold now

to those days. Yeah. Had a good time. Yeah. Of course. To each their own. You know, I just don't think we would have seen high to high.

You would have been fucking playing the acoustic guitar at a party or something. I would have been like, yo, get a load of this fucking douche. I'm out. This guy's a Freddie D over here. See you later.

Simply dusty. Yeah. Fucking mess. James. You're like, Oh, is this tuned down? Oh,

that's what it is. Somebody tuned it down saying. I don't have my pick on me. I've done that. And I stunk in public. I got a man. Yeah. It wasn't until I got up here where I was able to actually

play out in public. But one time, man, we invited everybody to come see us play. And it was a Kenny's castaways in the West Village. And we left all of our stuff on stage and we went to get something to eat, you know,

before the show and some other band went up on stage and twisted all of our. I love how you think somebody had it out for you. You didn't just stink. No, some bands, some other cover bands sabotaged us and T tuned tuned me down a half a step.

They did. I was all over the place. Nothing was in tune with each other. And it was all in tune. Yeah, you guys stunk. What are you talking about? I love this band plays their first show and somebody sabotaged

you. Hey, did you hear Foley and the fatsoes are coming down? We got to get them. Foley and the fatsoes. My boss was there. Oh, man. They were all so embarrassed.

I mean, I mean, we've had, you know, I've had bad shows where people come out and you get fucking either, you know, that comedy is one thing.

This was music. This was like this kids. Thanks. Where is it? Originals or covers? Originals. Couple of covers, couple of Pearl Jam covers just to keep them in.

You know what I mean? Got to keep them engaged. Give them the high heat. He can do on it talks. Now a bunch of Pearl Jam covers and smashing pumpkins covers. Bad despite all my rage. I'm still just fat in a cage. All right.

Guys, we're having fun. We're having a good time here. Yeah. All right. This is from below. Shout out to below on the old ad. Patreon below money.

This is a big one. What's your phone charger game like? This is in it. He says this is an excellent gar excellent garbage indicator. I didn't go off trashy, but having three kids has made me a little frugal. I'm the guy bending the cord, wrapping the cord around,

shoving it up your ass or whatever before I replace them. Yeah. It goes on. It goes on too long. Way too long. Goes on way too long. I think in my head,

I feel like I think they're a million dollars. You know what I mean? When you're like, oh, it's like 20 bucks. My cat choose them. She choose the end of them. So mine will do the thing where it's charging. It's not charging.

It's charging. It's charging. I know charging. It's not charging. And then you got it. You got like a little makeshift shim underneath. I have to do that now, but it's not the charger.

It's the phone inputs all fucked up. So I got to like prop it up on the core. You know, you got to like, I got to have some pressure from the bottom to keep the fucking, you know, the connector going. Been there. Yeah.

It's trash. It's real trash. When a charger's like 20 bucks, everybody should have new chargers. And also don't skimp on the fucking buy a real one, dude. I know. The 7-Eleven Johns that,

oh, you infected me with your bullshit slang. Johns. Oh, shit. I didn't realize that. Yeah, just. I can't go down to a fucking old town. Yeah, what is this shit? Tell the calling somebody a jan.

And they're going to think I'm a fucking brat. I got to do the Mike and Murphy's next week. Jesus Christ. Don't throw me out of the building over there. You know, get a good one. It's all I'm saying. Yeah. No, for sure.

For sure. It's like invasion of the body snatchers. All right. This is this is a super fuck. This, I mean, this is trash. We've touched it a couple of times here and there. This is hit me. Richard Gears gerbil.

I don't think that's his government name. It was a rumor for a long time. Yeah, Gerbil up his ass. That was just everybody. That was everybody being jealous of how good looking. Richard Gears. You've never heard that. Girls today still think Richard Gears good looking.

No, I'm just laughing at fully explaining this guy's joke name. Sure. What you have to do is you have to take them. You have to declaw the gerbil first though. Otherwise it hurts too much. I will scratch the shit out of you. Got to rip his little teeth out too. Yeah, I'll probably start biting him.

I had a gerbil. Shout out to peanut and midnight. My mom let him go. It was a dirty one for nighttime. This is a tangent. Let them go. How long do you think those gerbils last in your backyard? They ran back in the house.

They're not stupid. And we found them in the garage. What they get in there? My mom is my mom said they died and she buried them when we were away on vacation with my dad. Yeah. And then my brother came and he's like peanuts in the garage. My mom's like fucking got them.

We had a deal. Yeah, you fucking piece of shit. 20 grand disappear. You leave town tonight. I was one night. I was we were in college and we were I was going out to the bar. Shout out to Tiki Bob's. That was big back in the day.

Were you in Philly for Tiki Bob's days? I didn't really go to bars. I'll be honest with you over there by McFadden's never did it. Never did it. Didn't even like the bars in college or more of a house party guy. More of an emo guy. More of like a coffee place to the poetry open like it's way harder to steal people's beers at the bar more of a house party

guy. Yeah, fully. He's like he's like I'm more of a house party guy. It's way harder to steal. I was in a fraternity. We had fraternity parties every weekend with the put the juice or whatever college is different. I'm saying in your Philly days.

You aren't in college. I really went to bars. I didn't for comedy or a pharmacy kind of guy. Hey, can you remind me to edit myself out of this episode? Control. Don't eat. Hey, can somebody force quit T bone? This kid needs a reboot.

This guy's jamming up my browser. Somebody needs an update over there. I was going out to the bars getting ready and I was a big fan of Scrubs the TV show and all one of the episodes of Scrubs a guy had a light bulb stuck up his ass right and the whole thing of Scrubs was how they're going to get the light. It was intact and they said but if you pull it the pressure what I like it'll crack.

So the whole idea was how you're going to get the light bulb out of this out of this guy's ass. That was like the whole joke whatever and the idea that what they did. I don't know if it works in real life, but I want to the lamp. So somebody said they call the janitor in to be like I could put a lamp in there and screw it out which is really funny.

By the way, the janitor in Scrubs was hilarious. Fantastic. He has my favorite line ever written in a sitcom. They got JD Zach Braff got a got a look at his penis and he goes, Hey man, I saw your penis. I saw a tumor. Let me take a look like he really did. He's like, let me take a look at the tumor and then they cut

to his Zach Braff. They got the janitors pulling his pants up and Zach Braff sticking off of rubber gloves. He goes, good news is it's benign. He goes benign benign and a half fantastic writing but nine but nine and a half dude. So the whole episode of the whole premise of this episode is they were trying to get the light bulb out.

So they the idea was the strongest part is the top right because that's like the cone. Why don't know whatever. So you put a balloon up there blow it up and then push down from the top. It's not going to break. So cut to an hour later. I'm at the bar and there was this douche that's like fucking

outside douche. It was in our circle every now and then he was like trying to hit on this girl that was like way out of his league and he's like, yeah, I'm a pre-med or I'm in med school whatever and he told he goes. Yeah, somebody came in last week with a light bulb. He stole from scrubs. He goes and I'm ordering a drink.

I'm like, this has cannot be happening. That's a scrubs. That's a scrubs. 100% called them out. I was like, dude, get out of it. What do you do? I'm like, that's a fucking scrubs episode. I just watched it episode 232.

Yeah. He was like, no, I swear that happened. I'm like, you, you're going to tell me you weren't putting on your polo tonight and we're watching scrubs and we're like, I'm going to use this at the bar. Geez. For sure. He's like, I got a tumor.

I want to show you. Benign, benign millimeters and a half. Whoo. Okay. This is from Richard Gears-Jervil. Do you or any anyone in your family compete in any non-athletic sport leagues such as darts, bowling, cornhole, horseshoes, basically any sport where someone can

trash, trash, trash, trash, trash. Yeah. Where you can excel being blackout drunk. Darts were big in my extended family for a while. Lawn darts. No, not lawn darts. What do you buy big? Do you mean like, what go places to play or play at home?

My uncle Red played in some series. Red and Uncle Red. Yeah. Uncle Edge. Edge? Old school. Red or Edge? Edward was his name.

He had red hair. They called him Uncle Red, but also had the nickname Uncle Edge. It would have been scarier if he didn't have red hair. Fuck they call you Red, old man. You don't want to know. But he was like a serious star player. And this is an upstate Pennsylvania.

So then the in the 80s and 90s. Yeah, there was a pretty big deal. There was some serious dart leagues going on. Playing cricket. Cornhole, I think is garbage. Like just unbelievable garbage. That name of it is garbage. Cornhole.

Just the whole thing. There you go. The only. Ladder ball, nut ball. But I play with your mom. Hi, Oop. Tether ball. Badminton's really trash too.

Horseshoes is the only gentleman's game, to be honest with you. Go out and you pitch some horseshoes. It's not that gentlemanly, but you know, it's the most socially acceptable. Yeah, that other shit's fucking. I got a buddy. I like darts too though.

I got a buddy in a dart league. Shout out to Pat. He's like, yeah, you know, Steve on my dart league is coming over. I'm like, I'm out to you. He's got his glove on. He's got a jersey on. You're like, hit the fucking bricks.

You know, dart can. Looks like it looks like a soccer goalie. Like, what are you doing in that thing? That's trashy. I make fun of my buddy who's in an intermolar basketball league. Is your age? That's like a men's league, though, at that point.

That's getting out of the house, staying fit. I get that. I feel. Then they go to have. They go to like PJ Willingham's. They have beers and wings afterwards. Yeah, that's big. I got my got my got buddies that play like hockey and men's

league and they just get all like fucked up afterwards. But that, you know, hey, they each their own. Each their own clean living out there. I get drunk on my own terms. I don't have to pay league dues, man. I do throw forks at the wall. I do throw plates at the wall. I fight with them when I fight with my wife.

Hit the window. What's down points? That's too, too good. Let's see. Let's get a let's go over to the old Facebook page. Excellent from here. You know what I mean? Shout out to the Facebook page.

This is a big one, which I just did the other day. This is from Iver Fondon. Iver. Shout out to Iver and the Facebook group. Have you ever intentionally waited for the barista to make eye contact with you before you drop your tip in the jar? Like Costanza. 100% with the calzone.

100%. That's the only time I'll do it. I want an acknowledgment. I want to thank you. I'll even be like, I'll make sure you know I'm tipping you. And if you stiff me with a thank you or something, I'll go back in and get it. No, you don't.

You're lying. I take a little handling fee, too. Take a couple extra nickels out of there. $0.75 for the cigarette. Get a Lucy. I just did it the other night getting fucking slices. Do you really take the money back? No.

But I'm devastated. I've never been in a position. I don't let go, kind of. It's not about the money. I want them to know that I'm a good person. Yeah, that I'm a good person. Which makes you not a good person, because you want them to know you're a good person.

Well, yeah, I mean, I want to know that I know how to take care of my boys at the pizzeria at my pizzeria place. You haven't been there in a while, right? I've not been there in a while. I do not. I always pop in for Christmas and say, what's up to the gang? Get a famous Christmas pepperoni pie.

Okay, on a seamless Grubhub style order, where you have the option for like the 10, 20 custom number. If you're custom tipping, you're a fucking scumbag. What if you're going custom up, though? I think people would go custom up. I know people that go custom up. People with a little bit of gaze. You can go custom up.

With seamless, you can do 10, 15, 20. That's it. You can't do 10. Yes, you can. There's no shame in a 10% tip on seamless. I don't think. I don't think. I think there is.

15 at a minimum. I always go 15, but I'm saying it's better than a dollar or $2, which is what you're going to get if you fucking customize it. I think Toby's a custom job. Yeah, looks like it. I'm not going to lie. I've done some custom jobs about that.

Jesus, come on, man. It's like $0.88 more. It is. The only reason is because you're comparing it to the other numbers. You're going $3.50 or $2.78. Oh, my God. It's fucking a nickel here, a nickel there, you know?

Yeah. Keybone, that's bad. I'm not proud of it. Keybone, no customs. Take the custom button off. Come on, man. It's been a long time. You're representing the podcast now.

They put two and two together. They realized, oh, my God, this is Keybone. I'm off camera. Not anymore. All right, this is from Nikki PPPPPPPPPPPP? Nikki? This is on Patreon. This is a big one, and we kind of touched on before.

When you do laundry, how long will you take your clothes out of the dryer and fold them? I have my own washer and dryer, which don't get me wrong, it's clean living, but I'll just leave them in there and take them out over the next week. We discuss this. Yeah, the dryer's fine.

You leave them in there all week. You can operate. I operate out of the dryer. You operate out of the dryer. You can fluff up every morning with whatever's left in there. Do whatever you want. Live your life.

Throw a fucking dryer sheet in there. Splash a little cold water in there to crisp it up, but you can't leave anything in the fucking washing machine. And that's just the way it goes. I won't even go like, even if I go, even if I forget by like a few hours in the water. Just throw it in again. It's in there.

Just fucking run it. That's a good litmus test for how you're doing in life. If you've got a fresh stack of dryer sheets on top, ready to go. Oh, yeah. Dryer sheets are always a purchase you forget to buy. Yeah, but then when you can get them, no hesitation, no second thought,

that's a great feeling. Yeah. I was just thinking when I was painting. I just don't want to have to ever think about money. Like just stop thinking about like the date, like, ah, this or that, you know what I mean? I'm like, I'm gonna get in a position where I'm like, I got 100 bucks in my bank account.

This is great. You know what I mean? One day, guys. Get yourself some dryer sheets. It's patreon.com. It's a real attainable dream. $100 in the bank account. Hey.

I'll get you there one day. Just take with old Uncle Hank. Yeah. This is from George G. I'm not going to try to butcher your last name. George. And Patreon, have you ever, have you or a family member ever refused to get rid of a piece of furniture or appliance

and just let it sit idly by in the house for way too long years? So just having an old broken TV, table laying around. My parents had an old China cabinet filled with booze and files in quotation. Jesus. We were lucky. We had a big basement, right?

We had a big basement on my mom's house. So that's where just like, because we were the poor mentality, same mentality behind a fridge. You don't throw out a perfectly good table or something. Just recently, she started clearing house. But if we got a new table in the nineties or a couch in the nine, I went down the basement and he just put it against the like, there was no interior decorator down

there. It's just whatever the fuck is old, you know? Yeah, my mom, she was, she was all about to purge. She would throw everything out all the time if she could. Really? Yeah. She keeps it moving. I mean, obviously things that we were using that are like family heirlooms or whatever you want to say.

No, but she'll, she'll throw a fucking coffee table out on the front yard. What a fucking piece of loose leaf that says free on it in a heartbeat. Yeah, that's trash. Drag that out. Yeah. You ever pick anything up out there?

Yeah, well, I've talked about this going fucking trash picking with my stepdad on Sunday nights was like what I wanted to do. I was like, let's fucking go, dude. I just got a bike that may or may not be in the trash, maybe in the front yard, maybe in the trash, you know? I just got a good question. You ever pick anything up off the Craigslist free section?

I've looked a lot. I've, I continue to look. You always think you can find a gem. I'm trash at heart. So like if I can find something, I remember my, there was a bar, remember two street Annie's or something? There was a bar or call it Susie's bar or something in Philly closed and they were getting rid of all

of their, I don't know the sixties. Who are you? They were getting rid of all of their barware. So my buddy went and picked up a bunch of fucking shot glasses. They were not used. They were like, you know, they had ordered a bunch. That's cool. Yeah.

So like, but then we had like 500 chocolate glasses at my buddy's college house. So then like, you just start smashing them. You know what I mean? Like, I mean, whatever a bunch of drunk guys on fuck, they're during it. They're playing quarters with vodka. You know, you're just fucking smashing glasses all over

the place. One of the, one of the smartest, scummiest things I ever did was I posted in the Craigslist free section and who wants this dick? No, no, no, no, no, no was a free hog. Come on down to Roseman. It was a order me a pizza like Craigslist free. I want something free.

Order me a pizza to two separate people. Send me some fucking dominoes and they're going to get a custom tip cause I ain't tipping them. Jesus. That's garbage. Man. What is wrong with you? This guy stinks.

No, you don't understand how far I have come. Dude, I am. I am a new man. I am fucking. Well, you seem like trash on top of the world. Now I'm great, dude. Now we're tipping 20 on the delivery. We got dryer sheets up top paying for all the pizzas.

It's a new life at the McBullet household. Toby's doing very well. He's paying for his own pizzas. Yeah. Um, all right. This is this is this one blew my mind more than trash. This is from Brandon Bolton in the Facebook group. Ever throw your cereal out in the toilet.

There was too much cereal for the sink and too much milk for the trash, which I've never not finished something in a bowl of cereal. I'm drinking the milk. I'm I'm going to one of them's out and then I drink, you know, going. Have you ever not finished a bowl of cereal? Yeah.

Yeah. Dispose of it. I've never not finished the first bowl of cereal, but the third or fourth, I might not be able to get through to the third bowl of fucking special K do it fucking quarantine hit. I went and God, dude, they might as well dropped off a pallet of special K at my house. Good night.

You're crushing it. Fucking you're at like 15,000 carbs by breakfast. Yeah, special Ks. All right. I'm really showing my ass by living in apartment with no kitchen and no heat. And I would dispose of all my shit in the toilet and wash my wash my dishes in the tub.

Oh my God. We have come a long way. Good. Are you are you garbage at gmail.com? If you want to be a producer, this guy is great. I can't trust him around his own camera. There's no kitchen sink in here. So where are you washing your dishes now?

What? Nothing right now. Have another piece of that candy. You got to boost up. I'm good. Cut that out though. Yeah. Make sure you trim that out.

I was saying he's come a long way, but there's no sink in here. Like he hasn't come that far. It's an intellectual joke. All right. Asshole. Call me out. I say something you laugh, Pinhead. Let's go.

Next question. What do you got? I've thought about this a lot. I've never done it. This is from Alex Veerheiler. Have you ever made a dirt bike street legal to use it as transportation? I wouldn't even.

I thought you just put a license plate on it. You got to have turn signals and stuff. Headlight. Dirt bikes don't have that. Well, you know, you don't need a left turn signal. I didn't grow up in the woods. I'm sorry. Well, you got to wait for the deer to cross.

What do you mean? I had a fucking bicycle, like a gentleman. I always thought, like, as a fucking little dirtbag kid, I really, I was always wanting to quad at a dirt bike. Like I said, I had the minibike. I wanted to. Well, in the 80s and 90s movies, they were just driving them on the street like it was nothing.

Yeah, they were ninjas and stuff. They don't care. It's Wallace. Fucking worried about, worried about the DMV. They got to fucking. They got to get down to the fight. Well, that's why that's why you wanted them. Well, I wanted them if there was ever traffic,

I could be like, man, man, man, just like, head into the woods and get to work. Like in my in my brain, I was working somewhere where I could like pull up on a dirt bike. This is something that I just thought of, that I haven't thought of in probably 30 years. But Fisher Price, before I got like Star Wars and GI Joes, I had Fisher Price toys.

They would have like a boating adventure where it'd be like a little boat and like a scuba diver and like a little shark or whatever. One was his stuntman that rode this dirt bike and he would do, he hung on the handles perfectly. Yeah, I know. Do you know I'm talking about that Fisher Price dirt bike guy? Yeah.

Oh, I was like this big or so. Yeah. Yeah. I love that dude. No, no, no. He was like the size of a GI Jo on a little on a little dirt bike. Maybe not that.

That maybe when I was six feet tall. He was a foot. I tell you. He's talking about some guy that was nailing your mom. You mean Frank? I love that guy. Let me look at his dirt bike. Let me ask you that.

Have you ever seen your mom on the back of a motorcycle? No, I wouldn't respect her. I'd go live with my dad if that was the case. Yeah. If my mom pulled up on it. I would fuck and smash the shit out of it. Get in the house, you. Well, I don't think she was that far away in the 90s.

My step. Oh yeah, she could have. My stepdad. She had the big hair. She was smoking some Marbleite sneaking a man. I saw if she would have met a record producer or something like that. Well, my stepdad is a big motor guy.

Right. Like he's big into boats, wave runners. He had race car. He was a race car driver at one point. Like he's like a. He just wasn't into bikes. But if he was into bikes, she'd be on the, you know, saddle bag Susie back there.

She would be on a bike and I would have to go live with my dad tail sticking out. I don't like the way you said that and then looked at me. My mom wore leather pants one time. I almost freaked out. I'm listening. Keep going. How old was she?

Oh, 66. It was my, it was my cousin Joe's wedding. She tried to wear them to the brunt. What? Just listen. Listen. Was she in poison? Who the fuck wears leather pants to a brunch of a wedding

the next day? That's what I'm saying. Puss of sugar. She's dumping a pitcher of water on her chest. Patty, what are you doing? Put your pitcher of decaf coffee. The ice tape. It's always ice tape.

Anyway, Patty, come on. I was 14. It was my cousin. Did they have to lace up the side? Or did it look like a pair of boots all the way up? Leather pants were like big at the time. And it was the winter and they were like thick leather pants. And we woke up the next morning.

She put them on to go to the brunch and I refused to go to the brunch. I freaked the fuck out. I was like 13. I was like, you're not fucking walking around there like that. You're shaking your tail, feather. Yeah, it's like I was born in 58 or something. I don't know what came over me, but I didn't go to my cousin

Joe's brunch because of that. I stayed there. I was furious. How old were you? I was 14. 14, so let's reverse engineer. She was probably in her late 30s. That's a tough look.

Yeah. Hey, where you going? Who's the war paid for, honey? Let's go. Put your hair down. Let's go. Yeah, you got one guy to impress and his name's Tucker T. And he's right there with chili on his shirt.

I ain't no left. So go put on a pair of fucking slacks and let's go before I miss it on the page. He can't even spell Harley Davidson. All right. Oh, that's good. That's a fucking home run. All right, this is from Chelsea Renee.

Have you ever dipped your finger in dipping sauce after you ran out of fries? Big man looking at you on this one. Well, let's say the last of whatever it was. My fingers definitely got mixed in there to get as much as I possibly could out of it. I wouldn't say raw fingers. What are we talking?

Like caramel or chocolate or something here? Dip my head in there. What are you talking about? I don't know. No, not straight fingers. Catch up. Not straight fingers. Never like a pinky, like a little dab will do you?

Like you're testing a bag of hooch. No, but I would do that with peanut butter or like Nutella or jelly. Margarine. Yeah, I used to eat jelly. Maple syrup. Mayo. Used to what?

I used to just eat jelly. Gotta get those fucking three to six servings of fruit in somehow. Smuckers. It's got to be good. What's your preferred dip? I'm sorry? If you had to rate your go-to condiment dip, what would it be?

Are we talking about dips at like a Super Bowl party? No. Like proper dips? Like bean dip salad dip? Buffalo chicken. If we're in that world, Buffalo chicken dip is the criteria. I was thinking more like Honey Mustard Mayo. Sauce.

You're talking sauce. That's a sauce. Speak English. All right. St. Chicago. St. fucking. Well, what kind of a? Down here at Mahoney's in Chicago.

What kind of boomer-sauce do you put on your fries there? OK. You have fries. You guys ever order a chicken, Willie, Sammy? What the fuck? You have fries. You have fries. I'll take a Chicago handshake and a Dr. Pepper please.

You have fries. No ice. Extra mold. You have fucking ketchup on the plate. You put your fry into the ketchup. What do you call in that motion? It's a dip. You dip it.

But you dip it into sauce. Yeah, that would be a sauce. A barbecue sauce. Dip to me. It's a ketchup sauce. It's a honey mustard sauce. Yes, it is. I think it's honey mustard sauce.

Yeah, it's honey mustard sauce. There's sauces. I think you might. I see where you're going. You had me beat Dead to Rights on the ketchup sauce. But it's not mayonnaise sauce. I think it's even condiments, man. It's even ketchup sauce.

A dip is a spinach chip, artichoke dip. Fucking buffalo chicken dip. All right. Fine. What's your go-to sauce? Great question. Tomato. Moving on.

I would have to say, as a portly gentleman, I always come back to the honey mustard. Never did it for me. Oh. Pick a lane, will you? Does it for me. It's the best. Dip in Cape Cod Kettle Cook chips

right in a honey mustard with a ham and cheese sandwich on rye with a little mayo and Swiss. Dude. A good night. Mustard and I'd rather fucking eat axle grease. Get out of here with that stuff. That could be arranged. I got a semi truck, I'd say.

Patreon.com. My dad drives trucks. Yeah. You got to go get barbecue. I mean, barbecue's great. You know, couple of chicky tenders. It was never a big, big barbecue guy. Big ranch guy, Hidden Valley.

This we know. Blue cheese. I love it. I get Marie's. Marie's chunky, or I used to. That's great. Have you ever, this is from Gary. Gary.

Gary. I got a good of Gary's. Gary, we love you, buddy. Have you ever worn sneakers to a wedding? Come on. I haven't, but you wore them to a funeral. And sweatpants. Not too long ago.

I wore a pair of slip-on black vans. Two. And a set of Daisy Dukes. Show off the games. Milkshake brings the boys that he heard. Yeah, that's true. That's tough. I think I owe it no laces.

And so much worse. And black, black, what are they called? Jumpers? Joggers. Joggers. Black joggers, a black, unbuttoned button down, and a black sport coat. I wouldn't say that's a trash thing,

because I think if you were. Physically attractive. I think if you were, it was easier to have clothes in your size, you would have OK. You would have formal attire. I think it's safe to say. You would have a pair of khakis, dress shoes, and a button-up shirt you could put on.

Sure. Yeah. That's what I would think. If I had the keys, the DXL is expensive. Fucking break it down over there, because they know you need it. I know. Otherwise, you were in a 2X.

So sad. You were in the George collection. We were doing. They got you dead to rights. Put sandwiches out and shit. They know what they're doing. We were doing something not too long ago. And they always have some hot girl that works in there.

And some guy that's kind of fat, but not fat, but a good-looking Kevin James. Like a plus-size model to make you feel to be a little competition. You put that tag team of a hot chick and him in there, and he's wearing all the nice clothes from the store. You're fighting to get him off the shelves. I love all these jealous of a guy who's like 285.

He's like a fucking quadruple ex-boy. Then they got Brad Pitt tropes in around here. Skinny mini over here, huh? Oh, Jesus Christ. This is from Jan. Have you ever wiped your ass with something other than toilet paper? Fuck yeah.

I'm a big fan of fucking paper towels. Great. You prefer? To the point that I have an idea to launch a... No, I guess I shouldn't say it. I can guarantee you're never going to follow through with it and announce it. You know, they will get the seed money.

Man tissues, man toilet paper. They have them. Oh, they do? Charlie's one-time wet wipes or butt wipes. Damn. Charlie! One-time Charlie's. And also dude wipes.

Dude wipe. They're called dude wipes. Oh, we do ours cheaper. Why don't you go back to the drawing board on that one? Just your hand. It's just a glove. I've been hand up to the point where I've used the cardboard from the roll.

Oh my God. I got nothing else. But the move is you take off the sock, hand in the sock. All the way down, throw the sock out, have a good night. No, the move is... In a public bathroom. Oh, okay. I would say the move is dump and jump.

Let's jump and jump. Jump and the shower. Oh yeah. No, I'm saying you're hand up, you got nothing going on and you need your socks for later on. Dump and jump is the official move of 2020 for each fold. That's what I do. When I want to feel fresh, I'm getting the shower.

Sure, that's great. Yeah. I mean... That's the second time you said that. It's more sad to me that you got a shower after you poop. I want you to lose weight. I want you to live a healthier lifestyle. I'm trying.

I'm living a healthy life. I'm just saying... What does weight have to do with that? I like to feel... Skinny people aren't shit and then showering right afterwards. All right? Toby just said he doesn't. Yeah, when he's got no TP.

He's calling the John Wick cleanup crew. The dude in the fedora. Nondescript janitorial service on the side. Holy shit and killed my dog. I'm going to get him. He'll never get me. Make nine movies out of it. Cut it, print.

Yeah, it's tough. You get him up sometimes, you know what I mean? Sure, we all do. Let's see. This is from Patrick. We've briefly touched on this. This is from Patrick in the Facebook group. Do you park in the fire lane?

And I wanted to bring this up. I wrote this down the other day. Do you park in the... I got a follow-up question on this. Do you park in the fire lane at the store but put your hazards on so it's okay? No, never to run in. If I'm sitting there, yeah.

Never to run in. To what? Grocery stores. There's too many things to get jammed up in there. Grocery stores are not a convenience store. You did the other day at a gas station at a rest stop, which you were parked in the lane. Like, there wasn't even a fire lane.

You stopped... That was a little different. That was 100%. I didn't say anything because I wanted to save it for the bug. That was different. That's different. No, it's not. Dude, you were stopped at the stop sign.

There was no fire lane. Yeah, so you were just stopped in the lane of the cars. Whatever. I was pulled over to the side. No, you were in the... Plus, I just had the car washed, so they didn't even do shit. There was bird shit all over my window,

but it was yellow bird shit. COVID. You could have used a one-time Charlie, a one-time Foley. Yeah, that was wild that you did that. Or a mission. That's what I would have called it. That was a trash move.

There's a parking lot everywhere. You pull up, there's no fire lane, and you're at the stop sign where traffic is intersection, and you left it there. Hey, next time take the bus, bozo. I will. There's less bird shit on it. Not to mention the sand you left in my car and the...

You're habitual of leaving things in my car. I know. I do it to piss you off, to be honest, but it's working. Do you ever back in... It's not like I brought my own sand. We did a show on a beach. What do you want me to do?

I didn't have my flip flops with me. Do you ever back into the spot? I always thought that was trash. My dad in the winter was... I got to okay. Which is an old-school move. Backs it in the driveway so he can get out of his plow. It's snowing, yeah.

That's an old-timers move. New money ain't doing that. No automatic starter goes out, starts the car, wipes it all up, then comes back inside for a minute. Is it sweatpants? They're all covered in snow with the ankles. I know the deal. Go upstairs, change for work.

All pissed off. Putting it in getaway position. Yeah, in case you got to fucking hit the bricks. Yeah. Another douche move. First couple nights of COVID, I had fucking the car on launch one. I was the same way. Ready to rock it all.

I filled the tank. It was right out front. Filled the tank. I was good. I could get us out of the city if the city was crumbling. I was pointing at the fucking Verrazano Bridge. Yeah. I was right by the jeep.

I had it all fucking count. Case of order. I'm like, if we can get over that, it was like the town. If we can get over to bridge, blow the bridge. If we can get over to bridge to Jersey, I'll get us. We'll go to the Poconos. I'll break into a house in the Poconos. We'll do something.

That's the only problem over here. You got two rivers to get over to safety. I got one, baby. I know. And you're right there. I got six minutes and I'm fucking out of this dump. Makes me want to move to Jersey. Dude, you dropped me off.

I'm only being caught over here. I'm three blocks away from the bridge. Zip it up, zip it out. I'd rather take my chances with the zombies on the highway than fucking be jammed up in the city. Oh, yeah. My girl with the M60 hanging out the window. You got your girl out the sunroof.

Tank girl. Got headsets on, rocking and rolling. So you got to do it in the apocalypse. After you get through, best job I've ever had. It's a deep cut. Sharing a smoke. The real douche trash. Wait, best job I've ever had, Generation Kill?

No. Band and brothers. No. Stop. This was our saying for a long time, dude. I know. Best job. Oh, Fury.

There you go. Three Kings. What? Hey, Spike Jones, take a hike, will you? Yep. You thought it was what, Three Kings? That is correct. Great movie.

Did it show you? Is that with Ice Cube and George Clooney? Yeah. Get out of here. I never mentioned this, but the movie Rules. Rules. In the beginning of this September, I was doing one of those, one of our rooftop shows

on the west side. OK. Spike Jones sitting in the front row with his girlfriend. More of a Spike Lee kind of guy, but that's just me. He too, do the right thing. He got game. Young Rosario Dawson. Foley's trying to slip in references

so he like gets discovered. Yeah. He's like, another wild thing that happened to me. It happened to her. He's just leaning into the Spike Jones references. What's her? Spike Jones flicks. There's one dude in a Subaru in Vermont losing it right now.

He lost me, but he saved it on that. I'll give him that. Toby, you want a cup of coffee or something like that? We need him a cup of coffee. Me and Attitude changing Foley and Apple and we'll all be fucking firing over here. I got every reference. I just didn't give it to you.

That's how crazy he is. Because it's emotional warfare with him all the time. You were burning so bad. I can tell you had no confidence in any of those statements or that any of those movies are going to land. Why do you build milk? I knew fucking meat and potatoes pat over here wasn't going to fucking know the nuances of independent film.

Meat, potato, pat. Yeah. You're a Sandler movie guy. We're art house people. Art house people. We're in the industry. I'll give you a fart house. I farted the other day.

Left my car. Came back about five hours later. Still smells like fart in the sun in the car. The paint was off. Yeah. Battery wouldn't start. I had to go get a dip. That's that's being 40 right there.

Stinky. Like five hours came back right when we left off. Like the song was still playing. We've only just begun. All right. Let's muzzle through a couple more of these here. These are fucking great. Thank you so much.

Then we got to get into here. Then we got to get out of here. We got snow coming. We're about to get dumped in. We got snow coming. Well, whatever you're doing, you better be inside. You're going to get a foot of snow. And the wind is what's going to be bad.

Is that your mom? It's so. I love you. For the listeners, she calls him and gives them all these warnings. He hangs up because I got to tell Kipio these things. So I just get like all this anxiety. We're in the morning. The first five minutes I get the death report.

Who's got what? They're closing the bridge. Did you hear that? Kipio, you got to get home. Whatever that de Blasio and Cuomo are doing. Dude. But they're shutting down the city again. That's what.

Yeah. I got word on good authority. They're shutting the city down. What do you want me to do? Get my gun and go to the mattresses? They close it down. They close it down. I'm screwed.

You got keys to the city. You're a charming guy. Keys to the city. They still do that. That'd be nice. It's more like a garage code, I think. You're looking at me for help. After you've been able to dry on those Spike Jones references, you motherfucker.

He's dumb and mean. He's hoping mean to it. He'll be mean to you. Forget he was mean to you two minutes later and look to you for help. Say a couple more. Go ahead. I'm just smoking a cigar laughing. He's going to text me later.

Man, Toby with those references. What's that guy's doing? That's not true. Yeah. We're having fun. You go too far. Too real. Because you know it's true.

Because it might happen. Yeah. It's too real. Never. Okay. All right. Okay. What was the last question?

I forget. We're having fun. It doesn't matter. A baby. This is from Patrick. Have you ever worn clothing with profane language on it in public? Just like the Dick Johnson shirts or whatever they are. Big Johns.

Yeah. Which those he had to sneak and put on. Kind of like wear a sweatshirt outside. Yeah. Take it off. Yeah. I've mentioned my make seven up yours t-shirt that almost got me. Why was that bad?

Said up yours. Remember make seven and then up yours on the back. Oh you wild man. Oh man. They sent me to the nurses office and tried to make me put a sweatshirt on from the lost and found. None fit. The nurses office.

Yeah. Real tight ship over there. That's what happens if you like shit your pants or whatever. They send you down there for a new set of drawers. Where you get lice. Yeah. Had it twice. Did you?

Yeah. We talked about this. I didn't know that. Yes we had. We talked about this on this podcast this summer. I've had lice twice. See you're over it. They can't use a comb.

Do you put your grocery cart back in the corral now as a long term. Super market employee of ACME slash Albertsons Incorporated. Shout out to the deli counter at any ACME. Yeah. Any one. Then get a half a pound of blazing buffalo chicken or an eight ball. Whatever you need. Buddy if you're in the Philadelphia area do yourself a favor stop by an ACME get some

lunch meat. Boar's head. Or stop at the. Yeah. What am I a fucking Deetson Watson guy got my own podcast here. Deetson Watson ain't terrible. Like there's no Boar's head. If there's Boar's head.

Either way. You've got to get. Do you ever get it sometimes or I'm like who cut it's like so thick and I'm like what's going on here. You need an artist back there. I need somewhere that crumbles to take off. For thin layered folded gently the curdle through the wave you may yeah we're filming a commercial here.

Let's just pretend we're doing the commercial every time. Make it nice. My buddy's mom Vinny was in a first of all shopping bag which trash you ever have shopping bags by you. What's that. Like fuck you. Is the store's called shopping bag. Yeah.

Oh man they were always under construction. I'll wait in the car. What's a lirio. They were always under construction the lights were always flickering I was like going to was like going into a scary movie it was bad but there was one in my home town that we never even. It was like the parking lot was hard to get into everything else in the shopping center was closed.

It was tough. Not only that in a Philly self pretzel factory in there but we would shop and bag the floors were always never done like you know what I mean like the one I was just concrete floor and then tiles the next it was a fucking wonky set up for those floors every night at good grocery stores. I know I used to work that machine now they have a robot going around and doing it yeah at the giant maybe get your job doing that work inside the robot excuse me that robot just fart again it was a burp it was a burp it was a burp this robot will not beat lunch

me insert Turkey here please insert Turkey here please why do they make robots that smoke cigarettes tobs we're yet over here we're killing over here sorry here boss I'm working on the upload right here on speaking up give me can I get your charger my phone your phone all right let's wrap this up you were wrapped this up gang we love you so much this has been so much fun I want to say this you guys are fucking hysterical it's like you honestly you kill me I fucking love it I love the fucking patreon comments I love the fucking Facebook group I love the comments under the fucking YouTube videos I should be in mean okay everybody's genuinely working progress here we really appreciate it guys like I said this is this

is the last episode of the year you're probably listening to this in 2021 but you know honestly from the bottom of our hearts this is this you know this is fucking means so much to us I don't want to sound like I'm fucking you know treading over the ground that we've already covered I just want to express how much it means to us you know this really this is fucking career changing for us and the support has been great thank you for sharing with everybody thank you for you know joining the fucking patreon thank you for listening thank you for buying t-shirts thank you for fucking everything you guys do it means the fucking world to us the little pod the good baby that's right look at us now thank you

for a fantastic year and so I'm gonna get bigger in 2021 and we're glad that you guys are all with us that this was the fucking this was the squad this is it yeah yeah we love you Toby love you buddy kippy love you thanks T bone thanks big man see you soon