Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast - We Got The Gout w/ Ian Fidance!

Episode Date: May 28, 2026

Are You Garbage presents stand up comedian and podcast host Ian Fidance! You know Ian Fidance from stand up comedy, Bein' Ian with Jordan, The Joe Rogan Experience, Kill Tony, The Adam Friedland Show,... First Date, Stavvy's World, Your Mom's House, Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast, Harland Highway and so much more! Check out IAN DO: An Odd Guy Doing Odd Jobs! Thanks for watching AYG Comedy Podcast. Love youse guys. Come to a live show! NEW AYG MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ AYG 2026 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows Watch Route 66: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OSkJS1gCDR4 Live Shows: https://areyougarbage.com/pages/live-shows PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/AreYouGarbage MERCH: https://areyougarbage.com/ Sponsored By: MUD/WTR: Start your new morning ritual & get up to 43% off your @MUDWTR with code garbage at https://mudwtr.com/garbage! Promo Code: Garbage Hollow Socks: For a limited time Hollow Socks is having a Buy 2, Get 2 Free Sale. Head to https://Hollowsocks.com today to check it out. Cash App: Download Cash App Today: https://capl.onelink.me/vFut/li0uni5h Promo Code: CASHAPP10. Cash App is a financial services platform, not a bank. Banking services provided by Cash App’s bank partner(s). Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton Bank, Member FDIC. See terms and conditions at https://cash.app/legal/us/en-us/card-agreement. Cash App Green, overdraft coverage, borrow, cash back offers and promotions provided by Cash App, a Block, Inc. brand. Visit http://cash.app/legal/podcast for full disclosures. Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan are self proclaimed GARBAGE. Each week a new stand up comedian gets put to the test. Steal shampoo from hotels? Own a George Foreman Grill? Ever worn JNCO Jeans? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
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Starting point is 00:00:00 It's a summertime gang and the boys are coming to your hometown. We're talking about Portland, Maine, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, Cleveland, Ohio. Grab the squad. Let's all hang out. Play little AIG. Some stand-up comedy. It's going to be a fun, fun time. Yeah, then the boys are headed to Atlantic City, baby.
Starting point is 00:00:18 Down there on a boardwalk, King of Boards returns the South Jersey. Philadelphia people, Jersey people get your tickets to Atlantic City. Also, Denver, Colorado. Those tickets are selling very fast. Those will sell out. Get them. We'll be there in July. Love you.
Starting point is 00:00:30 mean it. Bye. Let's go. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if we grew up to be classy. Just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash. I'm your host, Kevin Ryan, coming at you on a beautiful day. We got a wacky one. We're out back here in Ant Toonis. She is upstairs getting ready for the big yard sale this weekend. Mostly my trophies and stuff. A little bit of agefully memorabilia. Working world to get his man. That's a big trophy.
Starting point is 00:01:05 Remembering trophies used to be huge? Oh, remember getting your hands on one of that? Mike Coast is coming at you right next to me. He is the CEO of, are you garbage? Fancy's himself as a bit of an international businessman. Okay, so you're upset with me. Coffers are a little low these days. God damn tariffs are killing us.
Starting point is 00:01:21 Kevin James Ryan, everybody. What's up, gang? Shout out to you. As always, thanks for tuning in. Please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available. YouTube full video available over there and Spotify and the boys are climbing the frigging charts. Yes, sir.
Starting point is 00:01:34 We could be more excited to have our incredibly. I mean, is that it? Check out patreon.com. Oh, geez, great. Sorry. Fucking complaining about the call for us being loved. At www. www.
Starting point is 00:01:43 Patreon.com slash all you garbage. At an all-time high, by the way, creeping in on 16,000. Let's go. People, that is. Nice. Yes. That's what I'm talking about. Gang, we could be more excited ever incredibly.
Starting point is 00:01:54 And I'm an incredibly special guest back with us again today. As you know him, he's family. He was recently run on. over by a handsome cab. The horse's recovery. He is the co-host, the host and creator of an odd guy doing odd
Starting point is 00:02:11 jobs from YMH Studios. Ian do. Ian does? Ian did. Ian did? Ian Lee. I thought it was odd. I thought it was odd. It's called Ian do. An odd guy doing odd jobs. That annoys everybody.
Starting point is 00:02:27 Yeah. Just read the trade has got canceled. This past episode, yes. And of course, he's the co-host of being eaten, being Ian with Jordan. Give it up for our good pal. The frail.
Starting point is 00:02:40 You're a little frail. He's got a lot of uric acid in them. Is this public? Yeah. Is it? Are we the scoop here? You're getting the first hot scoop. You got it.
Starting point is 00:02:51 Ian has two weeks to live, everybody. Coming to you live. I've got gout. They're straight to hell tour. I saw him two nights ago with the cell. I come out, I turned the corner and I'm, you know, looking for a familiar face. And I see him, I go, hey, shmean fight it. It's everybody he turns around.
Starting point is 00:03:10 I got gout. Fucking, all right, Uncle Dave, what the fuck? It's not good. They're going to take my postman's route away from me. My uric acid levels are true to roof. And then he goes, I go, is there like, what do you do? Like exercise, diet, is there pills you can take? It goes.
Starting point is 00:03:29 They said if I come on all your garbage and plug my travel show, it'll go away. And Kev Goes, I hope you got good insurance. How the fuck do you have? I know why you have it. Why? Because all that fucking tie ice tea you're drinking with that evaporated milk. That's a get you. I've never had.
Starting point is 00:03:48 It's also, a lot of the guys sit at the table, you have gout is insane. It's nuts. The fact that I beat you in the gout race is crazy. You don't drink. You're allergic to shellfish. No, I'm not. Oh, that's what it is. Eat them crabs by a bushel out of that Chester River down there.
Starting point is 00:04:05 What are they saying? What do they attribute it to? Dude. You're in good shape, so I'm assuming it's the diet or is it genetic? Great shape. You can't. You can get it. You can get it.
Starting point is 00:04:16 A leopard print cane that he puts stickers on, by the way. Hello. Man, do you have to bedazzle everything? Soul blind. You're like Jojo Sweila. He's dancing. The kid like that. Ian Spideancecom.com for all my dates.
Starting point is 00:04:33 That's like a baton. Where do you get that? Walgreens. He sure telling you get that no men section. There were a lot of options. I thought the leopard print was fun. I do have an assortment of canes. I have a cane with an eagle on it.
Starting point is 00:04:47 I have a cane with a snake on it. Are you required to now send back soup at the diner? He ain't been pimping since been pimping since been pimping. Not on a nearer not. I got that pimplimp. Have you had to go upside anybody's head lately? It's nice to have the cane on these streets. Yeah?
Starting point is 00:05:06 You always say that, like you're going to make a move. Like when you walked around with your knife, you're not going to wet anybody. You don't got the stones for that. Are you kidding? That's messy business. You know who I am? I'm a dirty Delaware doozy.
Starting point is 00:05:18 I'm a coffee slugging, all day smoking, late night joking. Wow, motherfucker. You're a middle-aged man with gout who may or may not be paying his rent. No gout of bed. I found it. That's just funny. We'll be right back with Ian Finan. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:05:34 Ask me where I'm from. Delaware. Ask. Where are you from? Gaudi Arabia. I got to go. Quit when I was ahead. Speaking of, Luke hit me with a good one earlier.
Starting point is 00:05:46 Oh, my God. And then he followed it up with the worst joke I've ever heard. Kevin, when do you have to go back to direct the other episodes, Entourage, by the way? Oh, my God. Yeah, really. You look like a D.P waiting for a D.P. That's double penetration for you nerds out there.
Starting point is 00:06:04 That's right. DVDA. Whiz up? Airtight, as the kids say. You ever been airtight? No. That's how I got the gale. Blew you up.
Starting point is 00:06:14 You can get it from drinking too much beer. I don't. Too much high fructose corn syrup. I'm not. Too much shellfish. Too much red meat. No. My diet's been good.
Starting point is 00:06:25 You can also get it randomly. Which I believe. You're not a random kind of guy, though. You're not some guy that get. I'm so random. Probably used a weird public toilet. Looky, wookey, wookey. Random.
Starting point is 00:06:38 What? I was being random. Look, man. I believe that's anonymous? Look, things aren't good. What's in the, what is that? Prune juice? Tart cherry juice.
Starting point is 00:06:50 It helps galp. Really? I've been chugging it. It's been helping. Nothing else said it. I took two shots at tart cherry juice. The, the. out is the most painful thing
Starting point is 00:06:59 I've ever gone through. It's in your toe? Except for a heart break. I don't like this. I don't like the cane. Yeah, put the cane away. What do you mean why? Who's that? That's pretty good. Who is that? We freak out. I fucking hate you. Yeah. So, you know.
Starting point is 00:07:19 It's on your toe. The toe joint. Uric acid builds up. So the knuckle. It crystallizes and it shoots out. It's like, not like crystal daggers. That just fucking sounds painful. My foot swelled up.
Starting point is 00:07:32 It was awful. My doctor was like, look, I was an ER doctor for years. Number one pain. My doctor was like, look, I'm not a doctor. If your doctor has to convince you that he's a doctor, he's not a doctor. Look, I went to medical school. I swear to God, you can ask anybody. He said everybody, you ask him the most painful thing they've been through with gout.
Starting point is 00:07:48 And he was an ER doctor. I've heard so. I feel like a gunshot might trump that. Gout, worse. I'm telling you. My doctor said. Dr. Pepper. I can FaceTime him right now.
Starting point is 00:08:01 You can FaceTime your doctor. Then he's not a doctor. Well, one of my doctors. Then he's not a doctor. No, he is a doctor. No. My lifelong best friend is my doctor. Your lifelong best friend.
Starting point is 00:08:12 You go to a doctor that you grew up with? Yeah. It's great. Free. That's, what are you going to see him at his house? No, we face time. He lives in Miami. And his brother is my criminal defense attorney.
Starting point is 00:08:24 Yes. Yes. Yes. You know. Man, you don't pay for anything. anything, do you? I, well, I, my doctor at urgent care is the one that's been, dude, that's not your doctor. That's not, that's not, that's a homeless person. Every time I go to urgent care, he's in the back and he goes, hey, come on back.
Starting point is 00:08:41 This guy thinks I'm a doctor. You guys get a little of this. I'm going to have this guy in a cane in 20 minutes. You'll, you'll like this. Wait, don't you? I went, I went Sunday. I went, I went Sunday, and it's Memorial Day weekend, pharmacies are closed. I needed steroids. and he just gave me loose steroids and then gave me more for the next day and then I got my prescription today.
Starting point is 00:09:02 Why do you need steroids? To make the swelling go down. I thought you wanted to just get your arms bigger. I'm trying to get jacked out. You're off your feet. But I, dude, I'm on steroids. I feel like I'm getting gout. Gout medicine.
Starting point is 00:09:16 I didn't know gout made you boring. He's not feeling well. I know, please. He's no sympathy. It's another medicine. I'm on boring. Dude dabbled's in the morning My doctor said boring
Starting point is 00:09:31 He was going to give you a message He was trying to get you out of the office Yeah, yeah, yeah You've been diagnosed with boring That sucks, man My cousin Pat had that shit What boring? Nice
Starting point is 00:09:43 I see it's contagious Yeah, I think it runs in the family No, you'd doubt And I remember him telling me He couldn't even put his heat on his dough Yeah And when he said that it scared the fuck Bro, I still kept eating though
Starting point is 00:09:54 Middle Middle of the night I would turn wake up screaming awful terrible yeah you put a sheet on it anything that touches hurts you couldn't wear a shoe i'm walking barefoot i'm not moving in with you then why i think i listen this the fun we'll have this was just this idea out all the time oh can i say honestly when we were in l.a you guys had the nice air and b b b and air b and b and b bs in the trap be bs in the trap Yeah, I don't think so.
Starting point is 00:10:29 Man, this cane turned you into an old man. I know. Uncle Randy over it. Isn't it crazy you just can't find thin corn beef anymore? It's horrible. I've been right in my congressman. My assemblymen started hearing from me. I want thin corn beef.
Starting point is 00:10:43 I want a nice phosphate. It's not happening. That's not brown mustard. No, but when we were in L.A. You guys should move in together. Hanging out. Are you fucking kidding me? Let me.
Starting point is 00:10:53 And this is why. I want it you don't. Perfect Foil TV. show coming this fall. Let's move to L.A. We all live in the house. Content house. Are you garbage with the gout man? This sounds expensive for me. I got to move in with two psychopats. Leave my family behind and pay for it. That is the perfect log line for the show. They can cut the elevator pitch. Are you kidding me? Yeah, it's great. As Ian holds the door to the elevator open. No, you're going to listen. It's closing. We've got more.
Starting point is 00:11:22 They pull the alarm. Mr. Romano, just a one more minute. Please. It's called Everybody Loves Gout. Okay. What the fuck? Hanging Gout with Folleen Ian. That's pretty good. I feel a spin-off podcast.
Starting point is 00:11:41 I feel like that could affect our relationship. First of all, I don't have to pay rent, right? No. I got you. That's how that was. No. No. No. I got you.
Starting point is 00:11:51 But the cable bills is $8,000. I have all the packages. Just give me cash. You'll never see a bill. You got the cats running around in there Oh, they're the best Do I have my separate bathroom? We share a bathroom upstairs
Starting point is 00:12:05 No, no, no, no. You have a bathroom downstairs We share a shower on the chair. I got Jensen running out of there And then the producer and shit You got a lot. I mean, we need the studio For a certain amount of time Then you'll be asking
Starting point is 00:12:16 Wait, is that the bedroom the studio There's another bedroom No, there's a studio If I was sleeping on the set of V&E and Jordan I'd blow my brains out. That's perfect. Dude, amazing. Don't mind Henry.
Starting point is 00:12:29 Your brains will be a nice set design. I mean, really, I think that would be a great show. Listeners at home, let us know what you think. Pop off. This is how you lose me. What? He'll suck me in. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:41 I'll be the co-host over there. That's all my plane. Kippie. I'm calling you to pick me up. I got Stavros on the line. It's been trying to get rid of this tumor for years. Call me chemo. A little bore him.
Starting point is 00:12:56 They'll be taking you to the doctor at urgent. This is my friend Henry. Check them out. Henry, come with me. I got meals on wheels coming. You're joking. Yeah, you'd be, you guys. You'd be shopping at Salvation Army and shit.
Starting point is 00:13:09 Let me tell you, I'm getting sponsored by Factor for the travel show and the podcast, free meals, whatever you want. Got a whole fridge full of them. Shout out to Factor. Shout out to Factor. Yeah. And you and me. Pre-breakfast for Life. He's selling you on Factor Promotion to move in with them.
Starting point is 00:13:25 Like, we also don't have Factor Promotion. We love Factor. Yeah, factor's great. Promote Scott. Is that what you're a promo code? Stink. Promote cane. Look, when you move in, we save an extra 10%.
Starting point is 00:13:39 When you move in, we will spitball promo codes. How big? How big of a room? If I had a separate bathroom and a separate entrance and it wasn't your place, I'd think about it. It was in Manhattan. You do have a separate entrance. You have a separate bathroom. So this is below ground, right?
Starting point is 00:13:54 Yeah, it's a two-bedroom duplex. I'm not living downstairs, asshole. That's where you belong. No, fuck that. I'm not moving into your place and live it down in the basement. You're a bottom dweller. You ship it out down there. If you'll live with me, I'll do it.
Starting point is 00:14:06 That's a guy looking for a friend. If you live with me, I'll do anything. I'll move out. I thought there was two or three bedrooms upstairs. Can I tell you something seriously? I do not have the free breakfast for life from factors. I will make you breakfast for life. Okay?
Starting point is 00:14:22 Those I have to pay for it. You got a film crew following you? All right. I got a little bit over my skis with that. whole free breakfast for life. Okay, a couple of... I just had to get my cane in the door. Man.
Starting point is 00:14:47 You squads stinks, dude. I have to be honest with you, I don't have a lease. This is your team, buddy. You picked them unwell. I know, I picked it. I got a kooky squat. I had tracked. It's the true dirtbag in me.
Starting point is 00:15:04 It's your pheromones. Doritos. I interact. Fucking derelicks. Addicts, losers. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Bottom of the barrel.
Starting point is 00:15:15 I'm not a loser. Tiny dicks. I don't know a tiny dick either. I got a nice piece. Yeah. What are you talking about? L.A. was great. Amazing.
Starting point is 00:15:27 L.A. wasn't great? It was great. Shut up. We had so much fun. swimming, hanging out. You missed a date, but you. Those hot dogs are great. The column was making, you know.
Starting point is 00:15:38 We got a good team. I'd say we capitalize. Let's move out there. We are not a team. You are a guest on the program, which we are regretting. And I had my feelings. These jokes are a little too tart for me.
Starting point is 00:16:00 You know, it's not tart. Factor meals. If you could throw me free breakfast for life, I'd appreciate it. Can you stop throwing me under the bus? Me? Yeah. That's where you're going to live if you move in with me. We got to do scams every day.
Starting point is 00:16:14 You guys are hanging on the back of the bus. It's free. Henry and you're turning it hit by the livery cab. Dude, I'm telling you, you and me, if we lived together, filmed it. Top of the Pops, number one show in town. That's a small town. What? Bend, Oregon.
Starting point is 00:16:33 That's where we're living. We're huge in bend. Yeah. I think that's great. I think it's great for both of you. You can help each other. Mm-hmm. You know.
Starting point is 00:16:41 We have been helping each other. We've been great for each other. I think getting that any closer could cause some problems. Well, the best thing about problems is you solve. What if we end up? Dude, that's a guy who's caused a bunch of. What if we end up sleeping together and I got to get married to you? Don't flatter yourself.
Starting point is 00:16:57 Please. Please don't act like you've been throwing it at. Me of my type. Well, you know, why do you think I'm trying to help you? So he's over at the house swimming in his underwear. Oh, yeah, that's right. When the peace hang out. Now, let me tell you this.
Starting point is 00:17:10 When we were in L.A., and we were hanging out, early mornings, and then breakfast hanging, that could be our life. Just eating nice foods. He really wants to move out to L.A. I would only do it if I had people with me. Do you see what you're sitting in? This is in New York. We're here.
Starting point is 00:17:28 Are you garbage? Yeah. Moving out to L.A. You're nuts? Me and him are hanging out. We're driving around. We should move out here. This is a real good town.
Starting point is 00:17:36 That was in another life. Another life. It was three weeks ago, fat ass. No, I meant in another life. Oh, I apologize for the bad ass. I'm sorry. And we had just made love. No, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:17:52 It was fun. It was great. I was going to say three weeks is a lifetime ago for a fat guy. Ooh, happy to be here. We're sitting on a gold mine. Or a guy trying to shake away. a couple of months and he said as weeks ago
Starting point is 00:18:06 so Ian so Ian you have gap we should do the whole thing like fucking comics unleashed Ian I got that crazy ass cane with you Kip you know mudwater Oh I know mud water
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Starting point is 00:18:38 You feel a little more tuned in, a little dialed in. Yes. You know what I mean? Do yourself a favor of you. You're trying to lay up the caffeine a little bit. You know what I mean? You want a little alternative. Keep your focus.
Starting point is 00:18:47 Get you woke it up in the morning. Try that mud water. Yeah, mud water is a coffee alternative made with mushrooms and adapt the gins with about one seventh of the caffeine of a cup of coffee. So you get the focus and the energy without the jitters, the crash, the anxiety. The cups's looking for you. I was introduced to this. I think during the pandemic, my wife got a hold of it.
Starting point is 00:19:09 We started trying it. She's big on it. I take when I'm having too much cough, I want to feel a little more sad. I'll dabble with it. It also comes with the frother that's real nice. It's a real nice froth going. There are actually four flavors. They have the OG original chai chocolate blend, coffee, macha, and turmeric.
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Starting point is 00:19:59 Hey don't. Man, I love hollow socks. Hollow socks, hollow socks, hollow socks. Yeah, that baby alpaca ultra soft fiber. Where was that my whole? I don't know. That thermo-regulating that they do, they're cool when it's hot outside, they're warm when it's cold outside, your feet stay dry.
Starting point is 00:20:16 It's just like a daily wear sock that, man, it's like some things are just, you're like, oh, this is so much better than a regular socks. If you haven't tried hollow socks, do yourself a favor. Yes, there's synthetic fibers, cotton, and even wool. regular socks never seem to hold up to the promises. Whether you're on the job doing yard work, tailgates, hiking, camping, travel days, which we got a lot of, if you got a cold office, early morning dog walks,
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Starting point is 00:21:41 You can support our show and tell them the boy sent you doing. How long does it take to heal? We've got to also get to some questions at some point. How long is, what's the prognosis negative on this? It takes, it can last anywhere from a week to two weeks. Thankfully, I've had it for a week. Dude, initially, I thought it was a sprained toe because we ran the 5K. I wore my vans.
Starting point is 00:22:05 The next weekend I went wrestling with AEW or the vans again, getting slammed, taking bumps, running the ropes. So I'm thinking I agitated it. And have a lawsuit against vans. And then I actually, it'd be nice to get sponsored. And I ended up. That was your fucking gout feet. Well, are you kidding me? I stopped wearing the vans and that's how I got the gout.
Starting point is 00:22:25 That's a lie. And I thought I sprained my toe in the middle of the night. Free vans for life. I got that. I refused to get help. I called my doctor, and he was like, yeah, I've gout. I go, no, I'm not. No, I'm not.
Starting point is 00:22:37 I don't have, I don't have gout. And then. No manners either. Sorry, it's tart cherry juice. It's getting me. And I said, no, I don't have gout. The next day I was in such bad pain. He's like, I told you, you had gout, send me medicine, didn't get it until the next day.
Starting point is 00:22:54 If I got the medicine the first day, it would have stopped the flare up. Because I was in. out denial. Did he mail it to you? No, he got it. Send me a prescription in Albany. And I didn't get the medicine until Saturday. Oh, you were in Albany. Were you in Albany? Or that's where
Starting point is 00:23:12 you're in Albany this weekend. I feel like you're in Albany a lot. What are you talking about? I don't know, but he got defensive like a guy who's spent too much time in Albany. I play it every year and I stay there. I could have swore you were just there. And I live there every night. Shout out Albany,
Starting point is 00:23:28 Funny Bone. Shout out. But, dude, if I had gotten the medicine the first day, it would have stopped the flare up, but I was stubborn. I didn't get the medicine until Saturday. I got hit with it Wednesday and the Thursday. I did cancel my spots. I was in such bad pain. I was supposed to shoot a man on the street TV show Sunday. We're going to shoot a guy?
Starting point is 00:23:47 I was going to shoot a guy. Did you cancel those spots on Sunday? No, I went. Good. But I was supposed to shoot a man on the street. I was angling for him. Walk around the city show, had to cancel, couldn't walk. And then I was supposed to go to a wrestling event.
Starting point is 00:24:00 with AEW is going to be a guest. Could not go a nightmare. Are you talking to us this whole time? Long story short, Ian's still annoying. I told you. I'm on board of them. And thank God Foley, he and I talked. And he goes, are you at the cellar tonight?
Starting point is 00:24:17 I go, oh, fuck. I forgot. I had two cellar spots. Thank God I got him. Killed those thing. Killed him. Killed him. He didn't have him.
Starting point is 00:24:25 I just wanted to see him hobble on a subway. Get over there. Yeah. And then I see this guy. He's fucking. and, you know, I'm hobbles. He's head wobbles. Bumblehead, Ryan?
Starting point is 00:24:34 Why is everything got to rhyme with you? I don't know. When I feel good, I speak in limericks. I told you to do the fucking Willie Wonka thing where you do to flip. I can't. I got the gal. They can't get back up. He did a whole thing on the phone.
Starting point is 00:24:48 It was funny. It was funny on the phone five days ago. Let's get to some cues. Okay, yeah. Okay, funny. What the fuck? What step in recovery do you pull the e-break? All right, but that was, I mean, that was a gear shift of all gear shifts.
Starting point is 00:25:08 Yeah, really. Thanks, Byron. All right. Is there anything else about the gout? And I want you going on their podcast. This is an exclusive. This is an exclusive. So you can't talk about it on the podcast.
Starting point is 00:25:22 Well, I shot the travel show this weekend with Equal Vision records on Friday and then Prism Glassworks Saturday. I did talk about gout, but those episodes are not coming out until later. Do you like anything anybody knows? What? My favorite band's Metallica. What do you talk? I've stayed to black. Now wait, what are you talking about?
Starting point is 00:25:43 The travel shows I go and I do an interesting job. Everything's so obscure with you. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Oh, man. You're getting mean, you know. Like today's episode that just came out, YouTube.com slash Ian Finance Comedy. I was an oyster farmer
Starting point is 00:26:04 That's good Whisper the name of the page Oh I thought I heard someone go Shish I think it was one of my voices I think it was every listener I Nothing on that
Starting point is 00:26:15 Oh oysters Yeah Did you eat them? So many That's what it is This was back in February I was an oyster farmer In Pemiquid Maine
Starting point is 00:26:25 Shout out John's River oysters It was great But could I have gotten The Gout for me And too many oysters Yeah Maybe. Right, Luke, is that a thing?
Starting point is 00:26:34 Will I do it again? Yeah. Did you have any cocktail sauce or anything? I love, dude. We were taking them right out of the river. Ugh, fuck. The river? The delicious. You're eating river oysters?
Starting point is 00:26:42 I mean, where else are you going to get them? You get them from the ocean? So the briny flavor. I don't like fresh water. These were good brime. Brime. Right. Look at that.
Starting point is 00:26:51 We're all out of brimes. Trying to give me a brine. Keep me around for a little while. What do you got, Luke? Stretch. I mean, there are river oysters. Yeah. Do they cause gout?
Starting point is 00:27:04 Yeah, I mean, I don't think it would cause gout two months later. Yeah. No. But, dude, I'm telling you, John's River oysters, I mean, these were, I mean, well. You guys know my doctor, Dr. Luke? What? Dr. Luke, shout out two live crew. That was Uncle Luke.
Starting point is 00:27:21 Was it? Yeah. I've been calling my doctor wrong whole time. He ends becoming an old lady. Dr. Luke, can you help me out? I thought you were looking for workers' comp from the paintball video. Oh, dude. Oh, this is your first time?
Starting point is 00:27:33 It's too. You've, yes. Oh, yeah. You guys lit me up and I didn't like it. I mean, that was an all, I mean, an actual embarrassment showing by you. I don't care. I'm not good in war. If I'm in a street fight, I win by throwing the first punch.
Starting point is 00:27:48 You hit one in one in on me first. I'm done. Wait, what? I'm just trying to. I thought you had your knife. You stab everybody. No, I got arrested for it. I can't carry it around anymore.
Starting point is 00:27:59 Oh, really? I thought having two paintball guns. would help. Turns out it's just more things for me to drop and crawl up to a ball. I mean, you guys were great. I folded under pressure. I would not be good in war. You got me fucked up that last round. Yeah, well, somebody shot me in the fucking
Starting point is 00:28:14 nut sack and then the top of the head and then I thought you shot me. I stuck up on him one time and he had no clue where I was. I shot him and he yelled at you who was on his team for shooting him. Oh, yeah. I'm still shot. I slunk back in the night. Did you shoot him once? Yeah, I shot one.
Starting point is 00:28:29 Dude, war is hell. It aged me. Why do you I think I got the gal. Nobody shot anybody once that day. Oh, no. No, I remember he's screaming. I'm out. You got me back. You shot me 35 times.
Starting point is 00:28:38 After the second round, I was like, I'm done. I'm done. I don't want to play. This isn't fun. I mean, you guys are S-tier operators, and I'm just, you know, like a field. St. You know, like a field. Huh?
Starting point is 00:28:51 Jesus. Your hearing is going to. Great band. Great band. Yeah. Now, I'll tell you this. I don't ever want to do ping-ball ever again. Are you getting paid by the word?
Starting point is 00:29:00 What? Ian. You're getting paid by the word. Ian. Kevin and I are you going to run out. You keep talking. We're going to grab some lunch. We'll be back.
Starting point is 00:29:08 By that time, you might be finished whatever the story is. Well, don't get me shellfish. I have the gout. No cheese. For God's sakes, I have the gout. It says you could get it for meat and too much red meat and more than anything. I've just wanted a steak. But all I've been doing is.
Starting point is 00:29:24 When life gives you lemon. Lentils. How long have you been Nathan Lane? Oh, my whole life. More like Nathan lame Why? No!
Starting point is 00:29:36 Skullion Fucking crush is saying Sorry, it's the side of effect It's the side effects of Borum Just going to an whole outrage Oh God Just a rat in a cage Stop doing that
Starting point is 00:29:53 Doing what? Fucking your little limericks Whatever the fuck they are Sorry I'm in a good mood You're free You sell me beans in a minute Well, lentils actually. I was just going to say, the lentils, they're making me mental.
Starting point is 00:30:06 Oh, my God, I'm going to kill myself. Is that a promise? I like to feel. Oh, the cane gives me power. I think we're at an hour. Oh, I was just going to say. Oh, that rhyme, too. That was the joke.
Starting point is 00:30:24 Oh, my God. Oh, really? This guy's pretty good. What are you putting your hands in your head for? Yeah. Moving in with Ian. I think that would be very good for everybody involved. I do, too. Mm-hmm.
Starting point is 00:30:37 What's, what, tell me, pros and cons right now. You're crazy? Give me a con. So are you. Too jay. Yeah. That I have to say. Come on.
Starting point is 00:30:49 Give me more. We can share meds. I don't love the place. Give me whatever you got. Swapping mecks. I'm having a head. Every day. He just takes whatever you're prescribed to.
Starting point is 00:31:04 I'm having a folly weekend. He's up in Alden. He's screaming at people. He's dressed in your clothes. Doing your bits. I got the couch. You're just yelling at people. You're just at home petting a cat maniacally.
Starting point is 00:31:19 I love you. What do you take? You take a fexor? Take a fecks, sir. He needs to take a breath. Is that it? I didn't know you had so much depth. man the mustache wrote that joke
Starting point is 00:31:34 did you shave or something too yeah I had my beard yeah the beard's when I when I wrestled I put on the costume and I shaved into a Hulk Hogan mustache you know how to play the part can't wait for that episode to come out it's going to be great he's dead when do you play that part a little tart
Starting point is 00:31:54 is that organic cherry juice it's going to make me short Organic tar chary juice, yes It's really, really helped It shrinks up the crystals If you drink that every day Like weekly, will that help preventative? That doesn't do shit
Starting point is 00:32:09 You need the hard stuff That stuff on the commercial Where the guy's carrying the uric acid bottle around That's what you need TV shows are I don't know what it's called Crazy I don't know what it's called
Starting point is 00:32:18 It's some medicine He carries the uric acid around What paid programming are you watching? It's a fucking drug commercial I've never seen it The guy has a huge thing of uric acid and he can't carry it. And then all of a sudden he takes his medicine and it's down. Luke's going to hit you with it right now.
Starting point is 00:32:35 What's it called, Luke? Alope urinal. Oh, yeah, I got to be on that. Give me a name brand. That's not out of that. Yeah. That's don't go in a little song. No, no, that's what I got to.
Starting point is 00:32:44 That's what I got to. Sky Rizzi. Sky Rizzi, maybe that's it. No, I'm not on Sky Rizzi. I'm on the Rizzler. I put the Riz. I don't want to be on Sky Riz. I put the Riz and Sky Rizzyz.
Starting point is 00:32:56 Luke. Fibbuxostat? No, come on. Name brand. I was full of his nickname in high school. Name brand Gout medicine. Name brand gout medicine. It's abupurnal. There's no way.
Starting point is 00:33:07 What was the thing you just said? I got to take that. I'm getting a prescription on Thursday. Are you only allowed to pick up prescriptions on Thursday? In Albany? Thursday's a big day for me. I got to go. So I got to take that to stop flare-ups in the future.
Starting point is 00:33:20 Why is Thursday a big day, you know what's going? It can't be. He's got to do all this stuff on Thursday. Well, the gal to be cleared up. I got to get my tests. I got to get my medicine, you know. Old age, what can I say?
Starting point is 00:33:35 My abuprenol. Abuprenol. That's what I'm going to take. A buprenol. God bless you. There's some dude wipes in the bathroom. For that abuporal. I'm going to take abupinol, my chloroquine, my chloroquine.
Starting point is 00:33:50 You get that grilled or fried, huh? So it got me here in the first place. Too much fried. Luke. The Albuperol is the... I'll be sure. That's the generic. Zyloprim or Aloprim.
Starting point is 00:34:07 Same thing. It's like Sertilene and Zoloff. Same thing. Sertiline. Yeah. I'm sirtlein about it. It's certainly crazy. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:34:18 Well, everything seems like it's going great. Yeah. Professionally, yes. Is it? Yeah. What? Foley, I sold out two or three in Albany. Shout out.
Starting point is 00:34:28 Why do you think I keep going on? I sold out two of three in Albany. Man, what a brag. Woo! That goddamn big showroom's up there. Yeah. I don't think we sold that joint out. 350 Cedar.
Starting point is 00:34:39 Come on now. What do you want for me? Why are you looking at me like that? I got nowhere else a look at. You're snorling. Looking for something. Got Cleveland hilarities coming up. Shout out to it.
Starting point is 00:34:53 Hey, us too. Yeah, when? When are you there? You want to bring me? June 5 to 6. We're there right now. We're there right after you, I think. Are you?
Starting point is 00:35:02 I'll leave you a note in the green room. I was just going to say that. Yeah? Yeah. That's why we're living together. We're on the same wavelength. It's a prescription for albrufinal. It's a four-year lease.
Starting point is 00:35:17 Sign right here. It's pretty much your standard lease renewal agreement. No, I would not make you sign the lease. I would ask for first month last month. How much is rent? How much would the room? I thought you said you weren't going to charge me, you son of a bit. No, I'm not.
Starting point is 00:35:33 I'm not. But I got to buy all the cat food. I'm not. He will charge Tudia LLC. You do have to change a litter. No. You got to contribute. What is this, a free ride?
Starting point is 00:35:46 Why are you screaming? It gets so bad. It's also his face gets so serious. I just want to get everything out there. in the open so there's no questions later you know we have so there's no disputes when I hamstring you later we have house meetings Monday night
Starting point is 00:36:02 we go over chores he's he's he's the boss and you're not allowed to speak no more you raise your hand no questions at this time you clean kitchen and bathroom Tuesdays Thursdays it's him and the cat staring at you you're sitting that hey Ian I'll be working over you'll be working under Bucky
Starting point is 00:36:19 what's your cat's name Glenn and Samson yeah He just farted. Oh, my God. Just the cherry juice. I don't know to tell you. It's the guy pooping all.
Starting point is 00:36:33 I pooped in all your bathrooms. No, but it'll be nice. It's not happening. Why? Okay, hold on. How much would rent be? I wouldn't charge you. If you were going to charge a random person.
Starting point is 00:36:45 I would never have anyone live there ever again. You see what I'm doing. Why are you putting up roadblocks? I would give him. What is the market? What is, okay? I would give him a deal. Okay.
Starting point is 00:36:54 What is the market rate for that room? I mean, if we're talking free markets and with the way the war is in Iraq. We're talking prime time location, though. Is this pre-your post straight-o-h moves? I don't know. What's Bitcoin currently trade at? It is a famous podcast studio. I'll tell you, I would not charge you full price, but I don't want to discuss finances.
Starting point is 00:37:18 I could get a lot for down there, okay? I'm not living in the basement. $1,500. Sold. Yeah. You can't be. You're screwed. What are you paying for your kitchen,
Starting point is 00:37:29 bedroom, bathroom one space right now? That's a nice studio. Yeah? So was this. Now, what are you paying? It's actually the studio of where a guy is about to shoot himself. That's pretty good. That's not true.
Starting point is 00:37:42 The best I've ever been, believe it or not. Well, he ain't just falling. I got Chipotle stuck in my teeth. Oh, poor Chipotle. What a... Chipotle barbecue chicken, right? What's it called? Chipotle honey chicken.
Starting point is 00:37:55 Isn't it weird Chipotle is Chipotle? Like they call it Chipotle, but then there's a spice called Chipotle. Thanks, Seinfeld. Now, how much is your room for rent? That is pretty good. What, his or mine? Mine. You thought I was going to co-sign the Chipotle did?
Starting point is 00:38:13 Like, we were going to ask it stuff, dude. Yeah, what? I said something before you said it was really funny. That I should make it into a bit. Oh, yeah, well, it was it? I'm not saying it on air. No, what was it? No, you don't steal it.
Starting point is 00:38:23 No, I won't. Why do you? I'll say you're looking at a sad horse. I keep doing that because he gets so bad. No, I won't. There are any directors out there? I'm ready to act. Unhand me.
Starting point is 00:38:40 A lovely meal. A succulent Chinese meal? That's you. Get your hand back on my penis. That's shitty car. But those guys' cops? Democracy manifest. He was like a bank robber or something, right?
Starting point is 00:38:59 Oh, he had like five identities. Yeah, he was a bad ombre. Depends what you ask. Cool story, though. All right, let's get to some questions. We rarely get to questions when Mr. Fydance is here. I know. I know.
Starting point is 00:39:12 I'm going to try to derail it as much as I can. Sure, that's fair enough. That's your prerogative. It's also a medicine on derail a thing. Derail a pod. I'm on two. Scoops to derail a pot. Two scoops.
Starting point is 00:39:26 I get the powder form. They need that much. It's like the raisin brand scoops. I put mine in my milk. He's crazy. How about that, dick, Ed? Step back from that ledge, my friend. If you moved in.
Starting point is 00:39:46 No. If you moved in, you know what it would be cool. Cutting a hole in the floor, putting a fire pole in. Put my dick in there and having you. Suck it. What? That is crazy. We just do glory old
Starting point is 00:39:55 Fagin' boys. We're the only two in there. Hey, set some guy coming to suck my thing. Hold on. Your bacon phone calls to go to the other roof. Hold on.
Starting point is 00:40:07 I think I hear the cat. It's just the tool and blowing each other. Also just a scream door. You can see each other. Good idea. I like it. Buddy, I'm all for it.
Starting point is 00:40:32 Buddy, I appreciate it. I love you so much. We'll talk about it. He's already got the room set up. He's got balloons that are slowly starting to fall. Welcome home, holy. I have to go on the record. I do not have that breakfast yet, but they have mentioned it's a possibility.
Starting point is 00:40:58 I'll go to the store on Sunday. Start cooking Mondays. I am meal prepping. Just a three musketeers for. Got up into a bunch of little pieces, one a day. Oh, shit. My want to do you. Can I what's talking about Cash App.
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Starting point is 00:44:42 Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms. What do you think, Luke? Should I move in there with him? That's a no. If we filmed it and made it a show, it would ruin our friendship. But it would be. No, that never happened.
Starting point is 00:44:59 Who the hell would want to? I like that. I'm not paying rent then. I'd be the talent. You got to pay me to be over there. I do very well. Who's going to fund this? You?
Starting point is 00:45:10 Yeah. Patreon, the best website around. Come on. Not with that attitude. Patreon.com slash beanie and pod. You really got to sign up. It's losing a lot of people. I don't know how.
Starting point is 00:45:25 I'm putting out quality stuff. Uh-huh. That clucking hen over there. She's the rocker. What's that deal? What do you do one a week? A bonus episode early episode. We were doing, you know, adventure.
Starting point is 00:45:38 I also love that glory home. You're up there. It's too, man. I got to say, this is probably your, what, 10th time doing the show? Oh, more than that. Can't get rid of me. Gout's not going to keep me away.
Starting point is 00:45:55 Nothing will. How did you get you? Did you take the subway? I did take a call. Or did you float over in a house with balloons on top of it are you kidding me fuck you guys what references that from up you're like the old down I I took a car I hate doing it but I can't why are you saying that like you're Brad Pitt and you're embarrassing you got all right I did you got me I did
Starting point is 00:46:22 take everybody knows I'm a I'm a public transportation bike rider guy not today not today this is taking me out I'm hating it I'm just laid up I can't move I have I haven't left my apartment's a mess because I just can't move things around. I keep getting stuff ordered in. I can't wait for this to get better. Clean up. Oh, yeah, I'll definitely move in now. Well, let me y'all fix up by the time you get in.
Starting point is 00:46:44 Tonight at midnight? Close to the end of the month. So. Oh, that doesn't matter if you're not charging them, though, right? No, getting them in there. What do you have? Do you have other suitors? There is a line.
Starting point is 00:46:57 What's that due for our personal lines? Help each other out. What do you mean? We're waking you up in the morning. Let's go. Come on, Henry. We're going to start the day. He's under your covers.
Starting point is 00:47:09 He's climbing up from the bottom. I meant if we have company. Am I allowed to have guests over? Yes. There is a sound issue, but... Oh, God. I hear you, you hear me. You know, dueling fox.
Starting point is 00:47:23 Bing. Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. You can sleep happening with each other out. Do you have sleep apnea? Yes, untreated. Undiagnosed, untreated. My doctor at pep boys said I have a bit of a problem. You got a machine, right?
Starting point is 00:47:42 And I needed an air filter. I don't have a machine. He's going to be cutting your hose open while you're sleeping and fucking jumping into it. Like, he's stealing power. You're going to be siphoning your apnea machine. I got a whole tube going up the stairs into my room. It'll be good. He's just blowing it on his face and stuff wasting it.
Starting point is 00:48:04 Now, I will be honest. Oh, thanks. Recently, the AC has broken. I do have a unit in there. It's fine, but it gets a little hot in the basement. I will give you my box fan. Okay. Buddy, you're telling me.
Starting point is 00:48:23 You're throwing some of that kid you letter. You got a deal. Yeah. I can really change the cats. The cats will love you. The cats will break. What's the do point in the basement? The do point.
Starting point is 00:48:35 What are you talking about? Ian do? Available. The point of it is, you know, go to different towns. People teach you how to your job. Yeah, a Brooklyn basement, the humidity down there with the heat. Come on. You're nuts.
Starting point is 00:48:47 By the time you get over here, the AC will be fixed. It's a thermostat issue. It's fine. That's totally. You're like a bad landlord. Now I should tell you. It's really your fault. I should tell you there's about 4 to 5,000 roaches.
Starting point is 00:49:01 You shouldn't have tinkered around, but it's fine. Do you have roaches in your house? No, ants. You have ants. It's a season. No, it's not. Yeah, it is. I got traps around there.
Starting point is 00:49:10 They're dying out. It's not Coachella. What are you talking about? You have ants? You don't get ants? No, ants. They show up. Why are you?
Starting point is 00:49:18 What is it? They show up. They look like a goat. They want coffee. What can you do? I got traps. They're fine. Ant traps?
Starting point is 00:49:28 Yes. Yes. You've never been to a hard? It's a matter with you. You get ant traps, they die out, they kill the colony, and you move on. I don't have to do that. Is there an ant season?
Starting point is 00:49:40 Somebody who has ants, I think, would know that. The ant season is upon us and asks the queen, Aunt Tutty. Stop. Pretty good though. Luke, you're next. Stop hitting me with that cane. That one who came in so slow.
Starting point is 00:50:00 It bothered. the shit out of me. You should be Mr. Gadget. You could be Mr. Gadget. I love that show. Oh, it was great. I'm going to kill everyone in class. I got a bad case of ants I do you.
Starting point is 00:50:17 Go, go freak out. Go, go, Ian Crush out. Go, go, Ian Gout. This is the show, folks. Yeah. Stop wearing that outfit. You're freaking me out. You look like Tony Soprano when he left.
Starting point is 00:50:44 Is that what's about it? A little bit. I don't like it. He's going to wear that outfit because he's a documentarian documenting us living together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a Werner Herzog of Antony's. The two men will fight their homosexual tendencies. I'm like that guy as long as they can.
Starting point is 00:51:04 And then they will keep patching. I'm growing on top. of the couch that stay out of your way. I'm like that guy that lived with the bears who eventually the guys just mauled me. I make one too many jokes and you guys just fucking look at each other and mold me.
Starting point is 00:51:20 Except you're going to be living with a bear and a twink. You got one of those big parkers on the long lenses. Even though it's a tiny apartment. Hey man, we can see it. He's got a gilly suit on in my kitchen. Slash a living room. We're just watching TV.
Starting point is 00:51:41 The large one and the small one, scooting closer together. Is it because there's a divot in the couch, or are they finally giving in to their cornered desires? That's pretty good. I can do it. That's tank a pod. I can do a Vernor-Hurtzog voice. I just wasn't doing it.
Starting point is 00:51:57 Let's hear. Bounty hunting is it? I can only do what he... What the fuck was that? I'm old. I got a... Let him rip. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:52:08 No, you don't. I've been at a diner all day. What do you want? What are you doing at a diner all day? I was a joke. I don't think it was. He told the truth, realize how crazy it sounded and got nervous. Did you get kicked out of the evening?
Starting point is 00:52:23 Me to get them back on the lease? They are shutting down a diner on 23rd and 10th, and it's a shame. All the diners are dying in the city. That's why I like L.A. Diner's everywhere. I love swingers. I love canters. I'm there every night.
Starting point is 00:52:37 That's why LA's great. Well, you eat all that fucking salted meat. I haven't been there since L.A. But you eat there every night? This, yes. But I get either breakfast. Oh, I did get sausage. But then at Swingers, I get a chicken breast.
Starting point is 00:52:53 Yes. Think people go with me? No. Do you think people don't want to hang out with me? What's the matter with you? I ask people. I don't, sometimes they go, but they don't sit. What can you do?
Starting point is 00:53:07 sometimes they say they're going to come and they don't show up wait there a while it's 24 hours thank god Jesus Christ No but I I the the diner situation in New York is terrible That's why LA's great Nice weather You would move city you would move coast for the diner I wouldn't move I would stay there for like a three or four
Starting point is 00:53:26 A dramatic decision But I'd move there if I had some friends with me Was that the little guy making a sand castle there Are you talking to me? Yeah Probably I thought I saw I'm a cute little kid All right let's get to a couple of kid All right, let's get to a couple of questions here.
Starting point is 00:53:38 Let's talk some business here. Hold on, hold on. As you know, what the tart? Why couldn't you sip that? I got to take more derail a pod. That's pretty good. I mean, it did derail the pod, but it was pretty good. That's the point of the med.
Starting point is 00:53:52 Do you have a hanky? Yeah, we have a handkerchief for a guest. I have one. I'm surprised it wasn't one of those really long ones. He just keeps pulling it out. Ghost of Popop's Pass come out of that thing. When's the last time you washed that? Be honest.
Starting point is 00:54:09 Last time I did longer. When was that? October. I don't care who you are. That was funny. Someone took his ripsapod today. All right, let's see here. This one's pretty funny.
Starting point is 00:54:27 This is from Cody. $10 homie here, never have one read. Are you garbjiff? The most famous person you ever met was Buddy the Cake Boss. Whoa. That's really good. Fondant. That's not bad.
Starting point is 00:54:39 I've got to be honest with you. I've said it once. I said it in me. million times. I've been over to that Carlos bakery and it's fucking the one in Hoboken? I've been to the one in Hoboken. One on 42nd Street. I've been there too and I tell you what. They're
Starting point is 00:54:51 banging. He's got the best canolies I ever had. So why would it be garbage to meet the guy? Well, I mean, I think it did. Multi-seasons of the show. Hey. That's not like it's not like he was meeting bagel boss. He didn't buddy the cake guy. Are you on literal off? No.
Starting point is 00:55:11 Really? I didn't get it. Literal off. Dude, can I tell you, honestly? Why off? Because I wanted to change the name because it's getting hack. Okay, never mind. I had one lined up.
Starting point is 00:55:22 Okay, I'm sorry. Yeah, but ebuterol, the video roll, a potter ball. You know, you do it off like a Zoloft. So literal loft. Literal loft. It's Zoloft, like in the place you live. A Zoloft. What?
Starting point is 00:55:37 I'm feeling like I'm at the end of a pharmaceutical. Dad. I'm getting something that doesn't work I can see I'd be Trashing me buddy He's saying the most not he's like First of all I think both of you forgot the idea of the show It's not today
Starting point is 00:55:54 All right That's all like Let's all relax And have a good old laugh at this I got a tag for that Don't you don't? Yeah I do ready Uh huh
Starting point is 00:56:05 All right I have not been far I have a clicker in my pocket that does the noise. That's in your asshole. Sorry, I was taking liar off.
Starting point is 00:56:18 Oh my God. Liarful. Liarful. I wish I would have taken the day off. Didn't hit you. Can't sue me. Didn't touch it. It's that kind of stuff that makes me
Starting point is 00:56:32 fucking go crazy. What? That. Whatever you're doing. You should take a pill called take a load off. if you're experiencing bombing on a podcast or loneliness. Nothing?
Starting point is 00:56:45 Nothing. Man, kill yourself off. Oh, my God. Cut his mic off. Bang and we're back. Question, buddy the elf. Yeah, it's trash.
Starting point is 00:56:54 Keep a move. Buddy the elf! Buddy the elf! You think we're talking about Buddy the elf. I've been in an orpull. That guy's an asshole. Oh, my God. Not an elf at all.
Starting point is 00:57:04 Six foot two. You grow man. Okay. Shout out to the cake boss. I wouldn't mind having them on here. Yeah, for sure. Is he still around? I'm kidding.
Starting point is 00:57:17 I don't know. Would you wake up and take your pills jerk off? I'm not going to be shooting pain on my left arm. Fingers crossed. Save money on rent. You need someone to live with you to check on your health. See, I'm worried you're the kind of person. You would, like, put Lysol in my soup.
Starting point is 00:57:39 To keep me sick Yeah, munch house and cinder by proxy Yeah, like the chicken fucking six cents You know it's so fucked up My mom always told me She loved me more when I was sick Because then I would let her like Love on me and touch me and stuff
Starting point is 00:57:51 This one's from Ashley Is it from Ashley? What? The question. Ashley, for real? I love the name Ashley. Ashley Furniture I'm more of a Bob's guy
Starting point is 00:58:07 But yeah Was there really a Bob? I think there wasn't. Anyway, Bob Evans Let's go to Ashley Thank God for Ashley Hello, Helly
Starting point is 00:58:25 He'll get in Teddy's like I'll save it No, never mind, let's jump to Ashley Real quick Ashley in Shamokishamook Ashley, I was just going to do that Give a pound of the cane Get out of here That thing eskieves me I washed the hanky in October
Starting point is 00:58:42 this never Ashley and Sheboygan Isn't this the second time you've needed a cane? Yeah so many times I'm banged up man I got hit by a car in 2020 I slipped my L4L5 Separated my sacrum from my pelvis
Starting point is 00:58:58 I've had chronic back pain I got hit by a car Two summers ago Car rolled three times I get it The big man's got it out for me I'm like a cat Who would you move into with him
Starting point is 00:59:11 Who would you Who would shoot the car? A guy in 2020 And then another guy in 2024 I was in a car in 2024 It rolled three times, laying on the roof Yeah, it was terrible But what can you do?
Starting point is 00:59:26 You know, I fall down, I keep going. I'm a cat, I got nine lives. Ashley, everybody. His legs go in a mile a minute. I'm aware. It's a new metamon. Milderlin. At a roll.
Starting point is 00:59:44 A little bit. I am going to start taking Dexatrim for my weight. I hope you're kidding. Why? You're going to take 80s diet pills? Dexatrim that mustache. Hey, Dexatrim the fat on that one. It was a good one.
Starting point is 01:00:01 Come on. What's so bad about Dexatry? Yeah, I was trying to think of what. That was lean as veal. What's so bad about Texart? He soured so quick on. What's so bad about Dextatrim? What do you think so bad about Dextatrim?
Starting point is 01:00:17 Degroism, dumbass. I don't know. I don't know. I don't get it. But it sounds bad. How am I going to shed my little belly? I can't get rid of it. What are you talking about?
Starting point is 01:00:24 I think I bodied dysmorphia. All the wresters told me out a hot little bod. That felt good. Yeah? Mm-hmm. That's Ian due. An odd guy doing on jobs. The episode doesn't come out yet.
Starting point is 01:00:36 We have to get approval from Hague W. Oh. Is that the one Billy Corganones? Hey, guys. Be a little lenient on me. Huh? Is that the one Billy Corganon's a wrestler. It's Corrigan.
Starting point is 01:00:47 Billy Corgan. Billy Corgi. Billy Corrigan. It's not Corrigan, it's Corrigan. Billy Corrigan. Okay. You know he had like a weird birthmark on like his whole entire right arm that made his arm red? He has it, yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:00 Isn't that weird? Why is that weird? Because I learned about it recently. I don't remember. It's weird. To me. What did you say you are? Cool.
Starting point is 01:01:08 I, uh, what were you saying? Trying to do a question. I think I just overdosed on finance. I think I just overdosed on finance. It's like fentanyl, a little bit, a little dabble do you? We're all slop over. It's not bad. Is it?
Starting point is 01:01:21 I haven't started taking it yet. It's over the counter. It's going to help me shed my little belly. Dude, it's fucking speed. Yeah. Is it? Yes. As a drug addict, you shouldn't do it.
Starting point is 01:01:32 Yes. Unless I'm... See, if you guys were living together, you would catch this. Yeah. And we'd be... I need you. And you would be freegazing. I need it.
Starting point is 01:01:40 And I'd be taken picture. You don't need it. Stop. Just stop. Dude, I've changed my diet. I work out. I just can't. get rid of this little belly, man.
Starting point is 01:01:48 You're 40-something years old. Just shut up. Yeah. You're not taking drugs. I won't let you as your roommate. Say it again. That's a legal contract right there. That's a verbal handshake.
Starting point is 01:02:02 Verbal hand shake. Shake the cane, if you will. Honestly, if you don't move in, I'll do drugs. Jesus Christ. I like your style. That is very good. I haven't thought of everybody I want to kill my. Oh, my gout.
Starting point is 01:02:21 Oh, my gout. Oh, my. Oh, my God. Yeah, I got you. You know what? Galt bless. You know a little bit of a too. I do.
Starting point is 01:02:30 Yeah. And it's in the middle of the summer. You're wearing a jacket, by the way. Back to the outfit. Love the hat, though. Yeah, what is up with that? How are you wearing so much clothes right now? It's like 90 degrees out.
Starting point is 01:02:42 It's crazy. I don't think it's 90 degrees. Are you trying to lose weight? Seventy. It's high 70s. Are you worried about ticks? Is that what it is? I got my pants tucked into my socks.
Starting point is 01:02:55 I remember, dude, somebody at school, they were like, this is how you got to tuck your pants into your socks. I said, you can't get no pussy walking around. I've gotten pussy in my pants. In the woods or otherwise. Yeah, don't like. Hang you on at the bar looking like a fucking shmendric. How are you?
Starting point is 01:03:13 You're not hot, man? No, man. Dude, first of all, there's no... Are you trying to shed some LBs using the Lord's Dex of Tram? I wish you could shed a couple of minutes off this conversation. Dude, the radio wave, you checked the fucking... What's the matter with you, Fabio? Why you fucking doing your hair so much?
Starting point is 01:03:34 Flabio. Somebody did that. Did what? I think he did it, but... Me? There's a good chance. You should have made that joke before. I'm checked in.
Starting point is 01:03:46 I was a just a judge. Your hair's fine. It's good. I know. Yeah. Doesn't it feel good to hear that? You can hear it every day at my house. At our house.
Starting point is 01:03:57 At our house. In the middle of the street. Our house. I'll make sure we always eat. Our house. Keep going till you hit funny. I had a good one there. What was it?
Starting point is 01:04:11 So you're not much of a two-way street guy. Dude, you have to stop farting. Guys, I'm sorry. Can I be honest? They're not smelling. They're just noise. I will give you that. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:04:22 But I don't want to give you that to encourage it. Well, dude, I'm on, you know, different yogurts and the tarts. You're not supposed to be eating yogurt. Why? Because that's what gives you gout. No, the yogurts are the probiotics. No, dude. It's all cremogh.
Starting point is 01:04:35 Yogurt doesn't give you gout? Yes, it does. Look it up. Luke? What happened? Hey, I, don't boss Luke around. Please. Please, Luke.
Starting point is 01:04:45 Yogurt does not give you gout. Yogurt seems good. Thank you. What do you think I don't know? Do you think I don't know what's going on? I've researched it's top to bottom. Uh-huh. How you doing?
Starting point is 01:05:01 Done some research with some tops and bottoms. He's good. Ashley says, is it garbage if as a teenager your blanket was an unzipped sleeping bag? That's a tough look that is Yeah Although That's great We were at Cassidy's house
Starting point is 01:05:19 And their Their couch cover was an unzipped Jaws sleeping bag Well he's got a kid That's like different That's not his family's house That's pretty bad Was their short house
Starting point is 01:05:34 Oh that's been all remodel I heard's beautiful genie Yeah let's go down there Sambegging son of a bitch Hey anytime you want uncle I have to come down and do a couple minutes. I'd be happy to come down.
Starting point is 01:05:45 Take you out, show you to town. What? A couple of minutes. Are you hit on his mom? No, not in that way. You're going to do stand-up at Cassidy's Beach House? What are you talking about? Doing a couple of minutes?
Starting point is 01:05:55 I'm sorry, Albany. Whoa. Listen. This is a roommate slash loving Albany. Lovers Squirrel. Yes. Shout out Albany. Shout out Troy.
Starting point is 01:06:10 Shout out Rotterdam. Shout out Rochester. Rochester, great, awful town, good people. Love Rochester. Do you? I'll move up there in a heartbeat. Instead of L.A. Really?
Starting point is 01:06:22 Why Rochester? I don't know. I like it up there. I like the... His face. Why? I like the architecture. He got fucked up at a bar one night and it was a really good...
Starting point is 01:06:32 That's not true. We always have great shows up there. It's a great place. It's a good town. You're right. You're just telling me you just, in all these things you're listening, you didn't list the bar that you won't shut the fuck up about? I got fucked up in this one.
Starting point is 01:06:43 Yeah, see. At the Rochester Hotel, whatever the hotel is. They got a bar up there. Ian, I painted my masterpiece. How'd you paint your mat? What? He's like all fucked up. A bunch of different liquors.
Starting point is 01:06:54 So why do you want to go back there? You guys stay away from that. Just move in. Take Texark. Rochester, the people there are like human zombies. That's not true at all. He's funny again. Human zombies.
Starting point is 01:07:08 You look, and you just walked off fucking Kensington and whatever. Allegheny. Yeah. A and A. Yeah Rochester's good Oh okay thanks Stay away
Starting point is 01:07:18 Is their pants Oh wait don't they Isn't there like a really good wing place up in Rochester That's Buffalo Yeah Buffalo's all right too What's Ashley thank you for the question
Starting point is 01:07:29 Are you really just move anywhere By the way Anywhere Anywhere fully you'll go with it I'm going to be a JFL Montreal In July Check me out there I keep
Starting point is 01:07:37 New faces No I'm doing this Nothing What's a day Horse faces. He was just laughing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got a horse face.
Starting point is 01:07:49 Dude, you became six different people in the last one. Try to figure out who I am. I'm doing horse faces up at JFL. Yeah, I'm doing the nasty show in a couple showcases. Check it out. Nice. I am supposed to keep promoting it. I keep forgetting.
Starting point is 01:08:05 So you're in Montreal. Head on out there. There you go. Let's check out of Ian. Take that to the bank. You could take that to the wall. green just to get a weird cane. Yeah, it was a good cane.
Starting point is 01:08:17 Does your mother know you're on a cane? Yeah. She's on a cane too. She just got her knee done. I mean, her and I, she wanted to give me her walker. She and I are just, you know, two peas and a fucking pot. She'd be ready for preseason? A blue boy.
Starting point is 01:08:32 Oh, football. Got her knee done. Yeah, like she got it done for this season. Oh. Oh. What the hell of what you think? I'm not much of a sports guy. I like baseball.
Starting point is 01:08:44 You said Tommy John, I know what you mean. Tommy John again, great guy. Shout out of Tom. Guy. Very funny comic. Very funny. Tommy John's surgery. Not so funny.
Starting point is 01:08:52 A lot of times pictures come back stronger. They do. It's on your elbow, not your knee. I know. But we were talking sports. You know, I ate a seat it. You ate a seated? Yeah, it's something you do.
Starting point is 01:09:03 It's another pill he's on. A seated? A to C to me. A to C to me. Yeah. Gail's gotten Bernie's on. I got to wrap it up.
Starting point is 01:09:16 This is Prairie Humboldened, man. Well, it's been a quiet week in crazy town. The rain comes from the ground. He forgets we can talk. So he'll start slowing down and go, I can't not talk.
Starting point is 01:09:29 Yeah, Gail. Well, you know what they say? Finish it. What's wrong with her? Is she all right? Not what she got a dessert. Somebody, some cable some power company's fucking her up.
Starting point is 01:09:40 Well, you know, everything hasn't been the since Aspland came into town. Shout out to her. Shout out, Gail. We love you. We love you, we love you,
Starting point is 01:09:49 we love you guys. Thank you. Kippie, what do you got for him? Guys, we're all over the road. Get your tickets. We're going to be in Maine,
Starting point is 01:09:56 Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Atlantic City, down ashore. And Denver. And Denver, there were being announcing a fall tour, I believe,
Starting point is 01:10:03 pretty soon. Whoa. No shit. I don't know. Just fucking roll with it. What the fuck? Full tour. Ian,
Starting point is 01:10:08 what do you got? There we go. Oh, boy. June 56, Cleveland, Ohio. Then I'm in Detroit, Miss again, Syracuse, New York, Appleton, Wisconsin, Greenville, South Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Grand Rapids, Winnipeg, Brookfield, Saratoga, Charlotte, Dallas. I'm going everywhere. December 31st of January 2nd, Pittsburgh Improv.
Starting point is 01:10:27 Let's sell it out. New Year's Eve, my birthday, come hang out with your old pal, Uncle Ian. And I'm also playing Philly Helium November 5th to 7th. Ian Fidance.com for all my tickets and dates. Ian do an odd guy, doing odd jobs, YouTube.com, slash Ian Finanfinance. comedy, new episodes, every other Tuesday with YMH, B&E and with Jordan, is the podcast. I Animal 6-9 on Instagram. And shout out to the army of, I'm talking.
Starting point is 01:10:52 Shout out to the army of garbage for always coming out. Yes. Showing up and showing out. You guys are the best. And thank you guys too. I appreciate the love. You guys are two of my best pals. All right.
Starting point is 01:11:02 Shut up. And, uh, just at the end of a fucking pharmaceutical lab. Well, I don't know if I'm going to live through this, you know. I don't know. The gal might get me. We love me to death, and we'll see you next week. Bye-bye.

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